A Non-Brony's Tale

by HybridSoldier

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 3200

You all know the popular "Human in Equestria" genre, right? Well, just see what happens when someone who isn't a brony ends up in Equestria!

Jerry Washington has always led a rather boring life, doing his daily routine and being more like what you and I would be. But when he is tricked into being sent into Equestria by a witch, he must learn how to survive in that world.

Published 2018-04-24 14:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-17 03:42:50 UTC

Tricked!

RING!
RING!
RING!

Jerry Washington woke up with a start, startled by the sudden ring of the alarm clock. It was 6:34, and it was the start of his routine. Getting out of bed, he saw that the sun was just coming up over the horizon. Yawning as he was walking over to the door, he went to brush his teeth.

As you can see, Jerry wasn't one to deviate from his routine, and it showed in his schedule. First, he would brush his teeth, then he would eat breakfast. During the noon hours, he would go outside and take a walk through the city of Sheltered Shrubs, then he would go into the pharmacy store and buy whatever he needed. Then, during the afternoon, he would visit his mother. And through the evening and the night, he would either eat whatever he bought, or eat what was already in the fridge. And finally, he would go to bed.

So Jerry brushed his teeth, and then ate a bowl of Kapnek Crunch, and he then went outside.

As Jerry walked through the city, he said "Hi" to many people he met on the way, but just as he reached the pharmacy store, someone approached him.

Upon closer examination, he saw that that someone was a woman, and she held a purse in her arms.

"Who are you?" Jerry asked, confused by what just happened.

"Hello, young man," the woman said, articulating her words carefully. "would you be interested in a look into your future?"

Jerry stood and sighed. "Not another one of those fortune-tellers", Jerry thought as he rolled his eyes. People like her always had something to pester him about, and frankly, he was getting sick of it.

"No thanks, I'm good", Jerry said.

But the woman pushed further on to him.

"C'mon, try it!" the woman pestered, "Don't you want to see your future?"

"No!" Jerry yelled. Because of this, many people's eyes and bodies turned to face him.

"If you don't try it", the woman said, obviously looking irritated. "your family will be cursed tenfold!"

Jerry really didn't want to believe this woman, but he felt like he had no choice.

"Fine." said Jerry. The woman gave an excited smile as soon as he said it. "But make it quick, I have to visit my mother soon, and you already wasted time that could be well-spent on buying something at the pharmacy." said Jerry.

"Don't worry, I'll be quick", said the lady.

She then reached into her purse and pulled out a crystal ball. Jerry then watched as she rubbed a hand around the ball. However, Jerry noticed a blue glow that the ball was emitting.

"Hey, what's that glow?" Jerry asked, growing worried.

Before he could ask more out of the woman, she then crackled.

"Hehehehehehe!" the woman laughed. "You fool! You've been tricked..."

The woman's entire appearance then changed. She now looked like a traditional witch, with the hat and everything, and her purse turned into a sack with some glowing balls inside.

".....by a witch!"

Shocked at this development, Jerry tried to run away, but before long, the ball's glow reached out and engulfed Jerry, and eventually, in a blast of light, he vanished.

Meeting

As Jerry's sight went from black to double-sighted and finally focused, he noticed that he was still on the floor, but this time, along with "Granny Smith", the orange pony, "Big Mac", there was also a bright yellow foal with a bow on her head. Unlike the others, she had no "hip tattoo", instead looking like a normal pony.

But the strangest part is, there were five more ponies in the room. One of them was purple, the other was light blue, another one was yellow, just like the foal, and another one was white.

However, the pony next to her was strangely enough, pink. Not only that, but she was bouncing, something that a pony would never normally do.

"What are those freaks?" Jerry thought.

Then, he realized that he accidentally said that out loud. Almost immediately, the ponies grew angry, with rather strange looking eyes that he only saw in cartoons.

Then, Jerry realized something.

Everything was rather....brightly-coloured, and it hurt Jerry's eyes as he rubbed them.

"Ugh....what are those colours?" Jerry thought. Then, another thought struck him.

"Where am I?", said Jerry.

The purple coloured pony, and thus all the other ponies grew less angry and began to exchange banter among themselves.

====================================================================================================
It was the most confusing time in Twilight Sparkle's life. What was possibly an Everfree monster was laying right in front of them, and yet, it wasn't hostile. It never even tried to attack her when she came, and Applejack's account made it sound like it was scared of them or something.

"Applejack, are you sure that that's the monster Granny Smith saw?" Twilight Sparkle asked. In response Applejack shook her head "yes".

"I'm sure that that's who it is!" Applejack replied, "I would've gave it a hoof beatin' for scaring Granny Smith had it not been so peaceful!"

"That's strange, to say the least." Twilight Sparkle said. "It's also strange that a monster would teleport like that. It must've been sent in by some sort of teleportation spell."

"Yeah, but I've never seen such a disgusting-looking creature before." Rarity chimed in.

"Do you think that it could be shy?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Yeah, I think." said Twilight Sparkle.

"Maybe it's scared of all of us." said Fluttershy.

"Then we could throw it a wonderful and fun welcoming party!" Pinkie Pie bounced as she said those words. "Don't you think?"

"Yeah, I don't know," said a wary Twilight Sparkle. "It might not be the kind to be enlightened by parties."

"Maybe so...." said a disappointed Pinkie Pie.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie had an idea.

"Maybe we could bring it a welcoming gift!" said Pinkie Pie.

"Maybe it's just trying to get close to us, to get into the right position to attack!" said Rainbow Dash, not liking Pinkie Pie's optimism.

"Of course, being a rather...disgusting creature, it could be like that," said Rarity, also sharing Rainbow Dash's suspicions.

"How do you know that?" asked Applejack.

"Yeah, this old creature isn't hostile one bit!" said Granny Smith.

Big Mac could let nothing out but three words: "It's definitely not."

Rainbow Dash then pointed towards Big Mac. "You don't know!" said Rainbow Dash, "For all I know, it might be a rather cunning creature, looking for a chance to attack!"

Just as the tension was about to get worse, a magic aura surrounded the bickering ponies, breaking them up.

"Calm down!" screamed Twilight Sparkle, "It's definitely not hostile! Do you see it?" Twilight Sparkle pointed towards the monster, and then noticed something.

It was standing up on all twos. Then, it spoke again.

"What's happening?"

====================================================================================================
For a while, Jerry had listened to the banter, and while there were some things that he didn't understand, he could hear a few things like "Applejack", "monster", "hoof", "teleportation spell", and "creature". He could also hear arguing near the end of the banter, and then the purple pony yelled, like it was angry.

At that point, Jerry had enough and decided to ask the ponies about their world and what they were talking about, starting with:

"Who are you?"

"Who are we?" asked the purple pony. "Well, I am Twilight Sparkle."

Then it pointed at the pink pony, "This is Pinkie Pie."

Then, the blue pony with a rainbow mane. "This is Rainbow Dash."

And she went on and on about the other ponies. The white pony was "Rarity", the yellow pony was "Fluttershy", and the orange pony was "Applejack".

Then, Jerry felt like something was familiar about the names. Then, it clicked.

"Hey....do you know a show called 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'?" Jerry asked.

Yes, Jerry did watch Friendship is Magic, but it wasn't his cup of tea. To him, it was a little too girly. However, he was familiar enough to at least know the names and premise of the show.

Once he asked the question, though, the ponies looked at him as if he was crazy or something.

"My Little Pony: Friendship is-what?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Then Jerry facepalmed himself. He made a mistake asking that question, as the ponies wouldn't know what that was, so he asked them another question.

"Okay, nevermind. So, do you know the 'Elements of Harmony'?, asked Jerry.

"Yeah, of course!" said Pinkie Pie. "We have them!"

"Pinkie's right" said Rainbow Dash. "We do have them!"

"Okay," said Jerry. "but do you know Princess Celestia?"

"Yeah, I'm her student." said Twilight Sparkle.

Jerry realized that the information was spot on, then decided to ask them another question.

"Okay then," said Jerry. "do you live in a place called Ponyland?"

Then, like his first question, they met him with the same look.

Before Jerry could ask, he was interupted by Pinkie Pie.

"Of course not, silly!" said Pinkie Pie. "You're in Ponyvile!"

Jerry, of course, facepalmed himself again.

"Of course, how could I be so blind?" said Jerry.

"Anyway," continued Jerry. "I have one more question."

"What?" said Rainbow Dash, who was getting slightly impatient.

"What are those hip tattoos?" asked Jerry.

Tour

Author's Note

Sorry for the long wait! Anyway, this chapter is now up!

Tour

"Hip tattoos?" asked Pinkie Pie.

She was confused, as were the other ponies. The question that the creature asked them sounded weird. Then, it hit them.

It was talking about their cutie marks.

Twilight Sparkle stepped forward, and then asked the creature. "Hip tattoos? Don't you mean cutie marks?"

The creature let out a sound, then said: "Cutie marks? That's what they're called?"

Then it burst out laughing as it dropped to the floor.

The ponies couldn't help but look confused. Then, before they could speak, it continued.

"T-that's the most girly thing ever! Pfffft! Cutie Marks! That sounds like some sort of girl's tattoo line!"

Then, it laughed some more, whooping, yolking, guffawing, everything under Celestia's sun. Just when the ponies didn't know when it was going to quit, it stood up and stopped laughing.

"Okay, so they're called cutie marks, right?" the creature inquired.

"Yeah, they define what we are and what our talents are." explained Twilight Sparkle.

"Anyway," said the creature. "my name's Jerry Martha Washington. I'm from Sheltered Shrubs, Connecticut. Nice to meet you."

It then reached out it's hand and grabbed Twilight's hoof. In response, she used her hoof to separate itself from it's hands.

"Nice to meet you to-" Twilight said, but was interrupted.

"Can we show it around Ponyville, Twilight?" Pinkie Pie interrupted. "Can we, can we?"

"Count me out!" said Rainbow Dash.

"Sorry Twilight, but I need to tend to my farm and make sure that Granny Smith's okay." said Applejack.

"I don't know, it still kind of freaks me out," said Fluttershy.

"Well, this ruffian is dirty, but at least it's not hostile like I thought he was....." Rarity said.

"Well, I guess that leaves us, then." said Twilight Sparkle. "Come on, Pinkie, we need to show it around. You too, Rarity."

"No thanks," said Rarity. "I need to keep my Carousel Boutique in tip-top shape."

"Okay then," said Twilight Sparkle. "Time to go, Pinkie."

"YAY!" screamed Pinkie Pie.

====================================================================================================

Jerry had honestly not expected the pink pony to explode in happiness and ask if he would be shown around Ponyville. But he hadn't said anything opposing the proposition, and now he was stuck being shown around town.

Before he could think more, he was out of the door, and as he walked around, he was suprised that the town almost seemed different. While Sheltered Shrubs was your "traditional suburb built in the 1950s", this town looked like it was from the 1450s to him. And not the nostalgic 15th century town, either.

Everyone seemed stuck in the same time period as this town, carrying baskets with their mouths, carrying grocery baskets with their mouths, trading. It almost made the setting of Lord of the Rings look modern.

Then, he spotted Pinkie Pie pointing at a caurosel-like structure in the middle of a large space where the roads met.

"Is this the town hall, or..." said Jerry.

"Yeah, silly, it is!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie. Then, Pinkie Pie had an idea.

"HEY!" shouted Pinkie Pie. "Let's go to the Sugarcube Corner!"

Jerry was rather wary about the proposition. "Hold up, the Sugarcube Corner? Is it like-WOAH!"

Before he knew it, Pinkie Pie had interrupted him. "WHEE! It can be fun, showing such a friendly creature around!"

"Human, I'm a human!" clarified Jerry.

"Hu-man?" asked Twilight Sparkle, confused. "I have to study more about that back at my library."

"You're a librarian?" questioned Jerry, surprised. "No way, can I check out a book?"

Twilight was now confused at this fallacy. "No, you cannot check out a book because I live there!"

"Hold up, you live there? Like, with no one visiting to even buy your books?" Jerry began to crack up.

"What's so funny?" Twilight asked.

"With all those books?" Jerry began to laugh.

"Hey, that isn't funny at all!" said Twilight, who was now starting to get insulted.

"How isn't that funny when you have all those books, and yet you don't let people check them out?" Now Jerry was completely laughing to the point of tears, and it sure was starting to get on Twilight's nerves.

"As you will see here," said Twilight Sparkle. "you have yet to even know the reason why I live at the library."

"What, because you read way too much?" Jerry asked.

"HEY!" Twilight yelled. She had been called a "bookworm" and a "shut-in" before, but she was clearly not as insulted as what Jerry just said.

Just as she was reaching a boiling point, Pinkie Pie alerted them to the Sugarcube Corner.

"Hey look, there's the Sugarcube Corner!" said Pinkie, as she pointed her hoof at something that looked like a large gingerbread house.

"Let me guess, you live there, too." said Jerry, sarcastically.

"Actually, yes, I do."

Jerry broke out in laughter.

"Come on, let's go." said Pinkie, clearly tired of the insulting comments.

Inside of the Sugarcube Corner, Ms. and Mr. Cake was serving costumers when Pinkie, Twilight, and a strange-looking creature walking in all twos came in.

As Mr. and Ms. Cake were about to hide, he noticed that the creature wasn't at all hostile and went back to their normal positions.

"Oh, sorry for our...little outburst here" said Mr. Cake. "Who is this....newcomer?"

"Oh, this guy?" said Pinkie. "He's a hoo-man, though I clearly don't know what that means.

As Pinkie and the Cakes were introducing Jerry, Twilight was showing him around.

"So this is Ponyville's idea of a 'candy store', right?" Jerry asked.

Twilight was confused. Candy store? What was that?

"What's a 'candy store'?" asked Twilight. "I know what candy is, but a store that contains candy and nothing else? That sounded absurd!

"Hey Jerry," asked Twilight. "what's a candy store?"

Jerry began to explain.

"Well, a candy store is where candy is sold and bought." explained Jerry.

"Wait, but aren't candy technically sweets?" asked Twilight.

"Yeah, but in my world-" Jerry explained, but didn't say it for long, because he was afraid that he would give the fact that he was from another dimension away.

"What was that?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, right. Where I come from, candy stores exist." That was a better way to explain, and Jerry certainly thought that.

"Okay then." Twilight said.

Then, Pinkie Pie rushed over to them, or rather, bounced.

"Hey, hoo-man," Pinkie said in an excited voice.

Jerry sighed, grimacing at the pronunciation. "What?"

"Do you wanna live here?"

Jerry was taken aback by that sudden statement, as he has never expected the pink pony to ask him that.

But what was even stranger was that she had asked him to live here, in this bakery, as he knew what it was now.

"Hold up, you're expecting me to live in something that's clearly not a house?" Once again, Jerry broke out in laughter, as he fell down to the bakery floor again, catching the attention of many ponies, including the yellow filly, who was accompanied by two other foals of the same gender.

Jerry then got back up, and then, as he stood back up, he said one word.

"No."

Introduction

In Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack was tending to the farm. Bucking trees, harvesting crops, all that shebang. Feeling a bit tired, she started to trot back into the farm to take a break.

"Granny Smith, me and Big Mac bucked the apple trees!" yelled Applejack, who was soon joined by Big Macintosh, her big brother as they trotted back into the house.

Before they could reach the house, though, they saw a flash come from the inside of the barn and a scream from Granny Smith. In a panic, they ran to the source of the scream.

====================================================================================================
Jerry opened his eyes and immediately noticed that he was facing a hardwood floor. After blinking a few times to see if he was in the right place, he got up.

"Man, where am I?" Jerry asked to himself. "Last time I remember, that witch..."

Then, someone burst in, or rather, somepony.

The pony was lime green and had a mane that looked like it was styled after the witch's hair. It also had a white tail and had an apron.

However, the strangest part wasn't the apron, nor the general appearance of the pony. it was what was on it's hip.

It was a strange tattoo of an apple pie that made Jerry think. "What sort of horrible person could do this to an innocent Shetland pony?"

Then, before Jerry knew it, the pony screamed, and Jerry screamed as well.

Then, he heard the sound of hooves run up the stairs and trot into the room, which Jerry now identified as a bedroom. Then, two more ponies rushed in, one had a similar look to the green pony while the other one was larger and more built than the other two.

The smaller pony was orange with a hat and had a yellow mane and tail the bigger one was red with an orange mane and tail as well as a strange thing on his neck that Jerry had never seen before. Both of them also had a strange "hip tattoo", as Jerry had come to not-so-fondly call them.

Then, the strangest thing that ever happened in Jerry's life occurred.

The orange pony spoke in perfect English, and her words were simple: "What's going on, Granny Smith?"

Jerry looked around the room and backed away as the ponies were beginning to talk.

"I dunno, youngster." Granny Smith said "but something appeared and it looked rather, strange. It was standin' strangely, too."

The orange pony and the red pony looked at what Jerry now knew as Granny Smith and then at him.

"That's strange, don't you think so, Big Mac?" the orange pony asked.

"Eyep" said Big Mac, the red pony.

Jerry looked around, and then he promptly fainted.