The Oldest Crusader

by Fedoraman

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Dinky Hooves, Cheerilee, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Main 6, Romance, Original Character
Length: 81560

A wanderer arrives at Ponyville. He has absolutely no idea what he's in for.

It was a sunny day when Ivan Hooves found himself in Ponyville. Then it all went downhill.

Now stuck there while on the mend, courtesy of a trio of fillies infamous for disaster, Ivan finds himself hard pressed to survive day to day life in such an innocent looking settlement. What's worse, said fillies now follow him around at every opportunity. Painful hijinks ensue.

A story of making friends, healing wounds, and keeping three fillies with a death wish out of trouble.

(Image by the talented Castalyne of Deviantart)

Published 2012-08-22 19:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-23 04:41:14 UTC

The First Of Many

Chapter Two: The First Of Many
or
Really, It's Like She's Got A Taser.

The next day, Ivan left the hospital awkwardly, but no poorer. While walking on three legs was going to get old pretty quick, he was glad national healthcare had seen him through.

With his money situation averted, he at least had enough bits to keep him fed for a little while. Next order of business would be his normal morning ritual, followed by finding a job he could do with a broken limb…

“…I’m sorry, Rarity, but Spike has a cold. I’m afraid that you’ll have to find somepony else to hunt gems with.”

“I see… well do let him know I hope he gets well soon. I’ll send a basket of rubies along la- Oh, Ivan!”

“Ivan? Who…” Rarity had caught sight of him rounding the corner. As he was quite enjoying the feel of his improved coat and bags, walking over to say hello seemed appropriate. With her was a purple unicorn he was unacquainted with.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning to you too! How are you enjoying my work?” Ivan opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off. “Of course you’re enjoying it! Everything that passes through my boutique becomes a masterpiece of fabric!”

“Rarity, who is this?”

“Oh, forgive me darling, this is Ivan Hooves. He arrived in town yesterday and was the center of that accident I told you about.”

“That would explain the leg… I’m Twilight Sparkle, I run the town library. Where are you off to today?”

“Finding odd jobs.” Rarity turned to him with an appraising eye.

“Looking for work? I might have something for you, if you like.”

“Rarity, what’s he going to do with a broken leg?”

“Don’t let that hat of his fool you, he’s got a perfectly good horn under there. Speaking of… I couldn’t help but notice how, erm… sharp it was… did you have it done that way?” Ivan politely lifted his hat with his horn and displayed it for the two mares.

“Mother from Prance. Born this way.”

“Ah…” Rarity replied, put off by his curt manner of speech.

“Oh, I read about that once! Is it true that horn fencing is a school subject up there?” Twilight piped up, studying his horn with a piqued interest.

“Wouldn’t know. Never been.”

“Why not? You look like a traveller…”

“Overseas. Expensive.”

“Fair enough… well I really should be getting back to Spike. I’ll have him healthy again in no time at all!”

“Farewell Twilight.” Rarity said as her friend took her leave. Ivan nodded his goodbye as he replaced his hat, and turned to the remaining unicorn.

“…Job?”

“Oh, yes, of course. Normally Twilight’s dragon friend assists me with stocking my gem stores. I’m running low, and a large order’s come in. I don’t suppose I could ask your help in gathering more? I’m willing to pay for your trouble.” Ivan nodded.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders Prospectors!” Three fillies yelled, jumping out from behind a nearby bush.

“Oh, my beautiful ears… am I to understand that you want to accompany us?” Rarity asked, recovering from the sheer volume of the cheer and looking over the assembled crusaders.

“You bet ma’am!” Applebloom answered back. “We definitely haven’t tried this yet!”

“’Cause digging for rocks is boring…”

“Hush you!” Sweetie Belle hissed to Scootaloo. “We need to be there for Ivan!” Rarity was perplexed, but decided in the end that she didn’t want to know.

“I don’t suppose you mind the little ones accompanying us?” Ivan, deciding that refusing was infinitely more trouble than it was worth, shook his head no and braced his ears.

“Yay!”

“Er… right, well then if you’ll follow me Ivan, I’ve got a wagon and tools ready at my boutique.” Ivan said nothing, and fell into step behind the artist. The crusaders, in turn, fell into step behind him.

--

“Hey, how come you hide your eyes like that? They’re not evil or anything. We made sure.” Said Scootaloo as they walked up the trail to Rarity’s normal hunting grounds. Ivan shrugged.

“Just do.”

“…is it your horn? Are ya ashamed of it?” Applebloom asked.

“Is that also why you wear your coat?” Sweetie Belle added, looking at the concealed flank in question.

“What on earth would he hide with a coat?” Rarity asked, looking back at the fillies that were now crowding Ivan. Concluding that his lack of cutie mark was probably a secret at this point, Applebloom thought up a quick lie.

“Erm… a scar! He’s got this huge scar down his back! Ugly too!”

“That sounds too awesome though…” Scootaloo pouted, wondering secretly what Rainbow Dash would look like with an obscenely cool scar. Or maybe an eye patch…

“Oh, how dreadful…” Rarity said with a slight shudder. Ivan raised his eyebrow, but didn’t comment. He did however nod his thanks to a beaming Applebloom.

“So why do you hide your horn? It’s pretty awesome.” Scootaloo asked, craning her neck to get a look under Ivan’s brim.

Ivan met her gaze (or at least, she thought he did, the hat hid his eyes entirely, how did he see through that?) and stated;
“Some don’t know. Assume the worst.”

The crusaders were rather quiet for the rest of the walk.

--

“Alright then, we’ve arrived.” Rarity announced. “Now, I’ve developed a way to douse for gems. How strong are you with your horn dear?”

Ivan responded by lifting the entire cart.

“Oh… my. Well this shouldn’t be much trouble for you at all then. There’s a shovel in the back. Simply dig up the gems, and I’ll put them in the cart.” The shovel lifted out of the back of the cart, and balanced itself quite nicely between Ivan’s saddlebags. He nodded at the unicorn, as if to say ‘after you’.

Rarity turned on the magic and got to work.

“Right then, let’s see what we can’t find…”

“Hey, Rarity?”

“Yes Sweetie?”

“Can you teach me that spell?” Rarity smiled.

“I don’t see why not. We can make it a family secret.”

“…But Twilight knows.”

“Yes, well, we couldn’t keep magical secrets from her if we tried.” Unbeknownst to the ladies present, Ivan stiffened ever so lightly. He made a mental note to avoid Twilight.

“…So Twilight doesn’t count?”

“She’s almost family anyway dearie. This’ll just be between the three of us.”

“Okay Rarity!”

“Alright, now do as I do… No peeking now Ivan.” Ivan turned his head away from the unicorn siblings respectfully, and studied the landscape as the filly practised.

“…hey, Ivan?” He turned his gaze down to an inquisitive Applebloom.

“Does your leg hurt at all?” She asked, poking the cast with a tentative hoof. He shook his head no as Scootaloo trotted over.

“…you know, it’s awfully boring looking.” The pegasus wondered if she was getting used to the silent stallion. She could practically tell when that eyebrow of his was lifted.

“Can we sign it? When we get back to town I mean. Make it look a little cooler?” Ivan didn’t see the harm, though he felt that as long as they were waiting on the sisters, there was no time like the present to get it out of the way.

One of his saddlebags opened, and out floated a well-used pen. He offered it to the two fillies as he slid the cast out of its sling.

“Right now? Ya mean it?” Applebloom asked, looking excited at the prospect. The pen shook a little in the air, perhaps a little impatiently.

“Alright! I’m going first!” Scootaloo declared, taking the pen in her mouth and attacking a portion near his knee.

“…You’re doing well Swee-… what on earth are you two doing to poor Ivan?”

“Schinin ‘ish casht!” Scootaloo struggled to say around the pen in her mouth.

“Oh, I see.” The tailor said, smirking a little. Perhaps the traveler wasn’t as standoffish as he pretended to be…

“Hey, I wanna sign it too!”

“You can after Applebloom dear. Now come on, you’ve almost got the spell. Try again.”

The little filly turned away from the giggling of her two best friends and tried her very hardest to concentrate on the spell Rarity just finished explaining.

She didn’t use her horn for much except writing, since she couldn’t lift much without fumbling it. It was why Rarity often didn’t let her help whenever she was working. Besides her tendency to make huge messes.

…maybe if she impressed her this once…

“…I think… I feel some…”

“Where?” Rarity asked, grinning wide.

“…under my hoof?” Sweetie Belle said, backing off of the plot of land she was standing on. Looking closer, the magic allowed her to see something gleaming under the dirt.

“Hey! Hey Ivan, over here! Dig here!” Sweetie yelled excitedly, fidgeting at the thought of her first treasure.

The stallion’s head snapped up at the sound of the cry as Applebloom was finishing her signature. Nodding at the little earth pony, he took back his pen and moved to where the sisters were.

The shovel bit deep into the dirt, and it wasn’t long before the find was uncovered.

“…just one?” Sweetie Belle whined, slumping in disappointment. Sure enough, in the small hole was a single opal. A somewhat large one, but still just one.

The precious stone floated out of the ground at Rarity’s whim, and she gave it an appraising eye.

“This isn’t just any gem, Sweetie.”

“It’s not?”

“No. It’s the first gem.” She said with a warm smile. “The first one you’ve ever found. Look how it sparkles!”

Sweetie Belle looked at her gem with new eyes, gently taking it from Rarity and looking it over.

“Hey, Rarity, can I keep it?”

“Of course you can dear. This one’s special.” Sweetie giggled before going to place it in her saddlebags…

Before she realized that she wasn’t wearing any.

Upon inspection, neither was her sister or her two friends.

Putting it in the cart might get it mixed up with the other gems they would find…

“…hey, Ivan?” She asked shyly, approaching the quiet stallion. “Could you hold this for me? Until we get back to town?” She offered the gem, and tried to make herself as adorable as possible.

Whether the added cuteness made the difference or not, Ivan didn’t seem to mind, agreeing without taking any time to think it over. He took the opal and slipped it into one of his bags for safe keeping.

“Now Sweetie, see if you can find any more.” Rarity said, looking somewhat proud of her sister. “You’ve caught on to the spell rather quickly. See what else we can dig up.” Nodding exuberantly, Sweetie Belle cast the spell again, putting all the effort she could muster into it.

“…I can’t find anything… was that the only gem here?”

“Oh no, don’t be silly.” Rarity said, casting the spell herself. “It seems your range doesn’t extend too far. Keep practicing and you’ll match my talent in no time at all. Ivan, over here dearie…”

“…That was pretty cool Sweetie Belle.” Scootaloo said as the adults moved on.

“Yeah! Let’s see if ya can find anythin’ else! Ah want a gem too!”

“Sure!” Sweetie Belle agreed, turning on the gem detector again and pacing off in a random direction.

If they followed the adults, Rarity would just find all the gems first.

“Follow me!”

--

“You see?! You see?! The little one can find the gems too!”

“…but the last time we tried thi-“

“I know, it was horrible! But this one is young. We can train it.”

“…alright, alright, we’ll do it. Let’s go.”

“At least it can’t be any worse then last time…”

--

“…Hey, I think there’s some gems right here!”

“Great, let’s dig for ‘em!”

“…kinda hard to dig with hooves… think we should go get Ivan?”

“Depends… how deep are they Sweetie?”

“Not real deep… we could just dig these up ourselves.”

“…but then what would we carry ‘em in?”

“…let’s go get Ivan and Rarity then.” Scootaloo sighed, turning around to locate the adults before bumping roughly into a rather tall figure…

While her other two friends were clueless, Sweetie Belle wasn’t. Her sister told her about the diamond dogs, and her last run in with them.

…she neglected to tell her how scary they looked though… large jaws, huge claws… she and her friends were frozen to the spot in fear.

“You’re coming with us.” The beast stated, pointing right at her. Two other dogs stomped out of whatever hiding place they had concealed themselves in, grinning at the now trapped fillies.

“Rarity!” Sweetie Belle just barely had time to scream before the earth swallowed them.

--

At the sound of her sister’s desperate cry for help, Rarity’s heart stopped. She wasted no time taking off at top speed to where she heard the scream.

She arrived to a familiar looking mound of upturned dirt.

“…Ivan. Will you help me save my sister?” She asked, not tearing her eyes away from the closed tunnel. She heard the cart stop moving behind her, and a few clumsy steps forward.

The shovel whipped by her head and buried itself in the earth. The speed at which he started digging surprised her.

“…My thanks, Ivan. Now let me tell you what we’re dealing with…”

--

“W-where are we?”

“Underground.” The diamond dog answered, twisted grin never faltering.

“Why d-did you bring us h-here…?” Sweetie Belle was the only one who could ask questions, as she was the only one who could still talk. She had no idea why they had looked so proud of themselves when they bound and gagged her friends.

“You’re going to dig up gems for us. Now find them!”

“B-but I’m not very good a-“

“Then you’d better get good.” The dog growled, pointing at her defenseless friends.

“No! No don’t do anything I’ll find all the gems you want please!”

“Then start looking!” The dog roared. And as the terrified Sweetie Belle scampered off, horn aglow, he turned back to the other dogs and smirked in a way that plainly said ‘I told you so’.

“You know, I can’t get over how good you are with the pups…” One said, chuckling.

“You know how it is. Firm hand. Give ‘em the back of it if they complain. Now throw those two in a cell. A few days in there’ll quiet ‘em up.” And as another dog threw the two crying fillies over his shoulder, he turned back to where Sweetie Belle was frantically searching for gems.

This batch of slaves was turning out much better then the last.

--

“It might be a bit late to ask, but how well can you defend yourself with your leg the way it is?” Rarity asked as they walked down the catacombs. Ivan lifted his hat, revealing his horn.

“Manage.”

“Ah, yes, of course.” Rarity remembered he lifted a cart with little effort. Granted the cart was empty, but still...

“Where?”

“Oh, I’ve worked up a spell for just such an occasion, actually. My sister and her little friends are… active. I make sure I know where she is whenever I can.” Rarity’s horn lit up with a different kind of dousing spell, and followed its pull down the chosen tunnel.

“She was always such a rambunctious little thing growing up. Still is in fact. Perfecting this spell was necessary to looking after her.” What little exposure to the crusaders Ivan had made this easy to believe.

“Calm down.” Said the stallion.

“I’m perfectly calm.”

“Shaking.” Ivan stated. Rarity fell silent. For a time, the tunnels were silent, except for their hooffalls.

“…I’m worried.” She confessed.

“Natural.” He allowed with a nod. “Breathe. Slow.”

She did. As evenly as she could manage.

The dark tunnels seemed to stretch on endlessly…

--

Sweetie Belle collapsed, dirty, sweaty, and completely exhausted. A cart nearly full of gems gleamed silently beside her.

“Is… that… enough?”

“Not enough.” The dog replied. “Get up. Not time for you to sleep yet.”

“I can’t move…”

“It’s either you do it, or your friends do.”

“B-but they don’t have horns! They can’t cast the spell!”

“That just means more digging until they do find them.” The dog said flippantly. “If you rest, they work.”

Sweetie Belle choked back a sob and shakily got to her hooves.

Her horn was starting to throb in the worst way. She recalled hearing that using too much magic was bad for you.

…she hoped that her friends were alright. Rarity and Ivan too. She hoped that they weren’t too worried…

--

While on the trail of Sweetie Belle, they came across a wall of unguarded cells. One of them was occupied.

“Oh, Applebloom, Scootaloo! You’re safe!” Rarity cried, pressed up against the bars. Her horn made quick work of the ropes and gags binding them.

“Rarity, Ivan, Sweetie got taken down one of the tunnels! They’re making her dig for gems!”

“…yes, they would be doing that, wouldn’t they?” Rarity said, voice oddly chilled. She turned to the drifter.

“Ivan, can I trust you to look after them? I’m going to get Sweetie. I’ll come back here when I’ve found her.” At his agreement, she fired up the dousing spell again, and took off down one of the nearby tunnels.

Ivan turned to the two fillies, watching him expectantly.

“Stand back.” He ordered as his horn’s glow showed even under his hat.

--

Rarity didn’t know what to expect when she finally found her missing sister. Truthfully, she was trying not to focus on what Sweetie’s condition might be, since she found she had a tendency to envision the worst.

While what she found wasn’t quite approaching the worst, it wasn’t far off.

The little unicorn was bruised, bloody, dirty, crying, and trying desperately to get up from the ground. The dog with her was yelling at the poor thing, ordering her to find more gems while threatening the other two crusaders.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously as ice crept into her blood.

“This simply will not do.” The surprised dog whirled around and regarded her with something approaching alarm, before settling into something fitting of a self satisfied thug.

“Got your sister.” He taunted smugly. “You’ll be digging too if you want her to stay safe and fed.”

“…I remember being told bedtime stories of dragons and monsters that kidnapped little fillies and colts that didn’t listen to their parents when I was young. I remember not believing a single word. I couldn’t fathom the existence of something so vile as to spirit away the young.”

“Do you think I’m afraid of the pretty pony? Get to work, or you’ll get much worse then the pup here.”

“And now, that same fictional breed of monster shows itself, steals my sister, and presumes to make demands of me?” The glow in her horn grew brighter as the air around her became charged with something the dog tried desperately not to be intimidated by.

“I think not.” And when Sweetie Belle looked up, realized her sister had come to save her, and tried to call out to her, the words died in her throat.

Nothing could have prepared her for the sight of her sister firing lasers from her horn.

The bright burst of light lanced forth and nailed the dog clean between the eyes, blowing him off his feet and leaving a badly burned patch on his forehead.

The enraged dog leapt to its feet and stomped forward, intent on making the unicorn pay for the sudden pain.

A second shot was fired over the dog’s shoulder, bouncing off of several gems embedded in the wall, before striking the dog in the lower back. The dog lost his balance, stumbling forward into Rarity’s hooves. The sudden kick easily knocked the dog out cold, sending him into a wall.

“…I might not be as… robust as our Applejack… but I believe that blow would’ve emptied an apple tree quite handily, don’t you think?” Rarity asked Sweetie as the glow from her horn died.

“…can you teach me to do that?”

“Not until you’re much older, I think. When you’re the same age I was when mother taught me.” Rarity replied, lifting the filly onto her back and starting the walk back to where she had left Ivan.

“Aww c’mon! I’ll be good I promise!”

“Certainly not. There’s another spell I have in mind for you…”

“…hey, Rarity?”

“Yes dear?”

“…why didn’t you tell me you were the coolest pony in the world?” Sweetie Belle’s little forelegs hugged her sister’s neck, and Rarity laughed quietly.

“Darling, I don’t believe I’ve ever had to tell you.”

“…Hey! She’s getting away!” They both heard behind them. Looking back, Rarity spied a mob of dogs. Expert markspony though she was, the odds were heavily stacked against her.

“Hold on precious.” The older unicorn ordered under her breath as she turned to gallop off, firing beams into the gems on the walls.

The ricocheted lasers were definitely hitting dogs, she could hear, but they were losing ground rapidly…

“Cutie Mark Crusaders: Getaway Drivers!” From a nearby tunnel, a cart full of gems and ponies barrelled out, propelled by the force of Ivan’s horn alone.

“Get in!” Scootaloo shouted, while for some reason wearing Ivan’s hat. Rarity barely made the running leap inside, turning back to begin firing on the advancing crowd again.

“Alright Ivan, they’re in! Go go go!” Applebloom shouted from the front of the cart. Ivan, seated next to her, forced the cart to move faster.

“Sweetie Belle, are you alr-… is Rarity shooting lasers at the monsters?!” Scootaloo asked, mouth hanging open.

“You bet she is!”

“Holy moon, your sister’s almost as cool as Rainbow Dash!”

“What the hay do you mean almost?”

“Hey, hey, problem!” Applebloom interrupted, pointing a shaking hoof forward. Fallen rocks blocked the tunnel ahead.

“We’re gonna crash!”

“I’m too young to die!”

“No.” Ivan stated quietly, lowering his horn.

And after a brief moment of concentration, he fired.

--

Local wildlife scattered and took flight when the sound of a huge explosion rocked the countryside. Rocks of every size flew out of their path as they launched out of the tunnel and into the open air.

The cart landed hard as they coasted downhill, slowly coming to a stop some distance away from the catacombs.

“…are we safe?” Applebloom asked just above a whisper.

Almost as if answering her, one of the dogs exploded from the ground next to the cart, roaring angrily.

Rarity whipped around and shot it, causing it to run off whimpering.

“…alright, now I think we’re good.” Scootaloo said, hopping out of the cart. “So was that awesome, or was that awesome?!”

“That was pretty boss, yeah.” Applebloom agreed while trying to help Ivan hobble out of the cart himself.

“By the sun, Ivan, did you open the way for us? While driving the cart?” The hat on Scootaloo’s head immediately whipped back over to Ivan’s.

“Yes.” He answered, eyes now safely hidden. If Rarity thought the behaviour was odd, she didn’t get the chance to comment on it. The next voice came from the little filly still on her back.

“Hey, Ivan?” He turned to face the sisters, waiting to hear what Sweetie Belle had to say. Her voice was quieter then his own, tired as she was.

“Thanks for helping my sister save us. Can I sign your cast now?”

Ivan thought for a moment, wondering if he should let her use any more magic in the state she was in. He looked to Rarity in question, and she pondered it.

“Would you like me to sign for you dearie?”

“No! I wanna do it!”

“…Alright, but after this, no using your horn until after we see Nurse Redheart.”

“’Kay Rarity…” Sweetie agreed, lifting her head to watch Ivan. The pen floated over to her, and she grasped it with the trickle of magic she had left. Just enough to sign her name and a small message. Afterward, she slumped into her sister’s back, muttering something about a nap.”

“I think I’ll sign it as well, if you don’t mind.” Rarity said, catching the pen as it fell. Ivan offered her the cast too, and she signed it with a flourish.

“…Well then, I do believe this is quite enough gems for one day. The sun’s nearly set, so we should be heading back. Ivan, do you remember where we left the other cart?”

Ivan said nothing, instead taking back his pen and starting off, magically tugging the jewel filled cart behind him.

--

I’ll make it all up to you, I swear!!!

-Scootaloo

We’ll be there for you until all your problems are solved!

-Applebloom

You’re a true crusader.

-Sweetie Belle

Thank you for being such a kind hearted stallion. You’ll always be welcome at the boutique.

-Rarity

Three Become Four

Chapter Three: Three Become Four
or
Don't Worry, The Bird Is Alright

“Good morning Rarity!” Sweetie Belle called as she walked into the kitchen. “Hey, can you please teach me how to shoot laser beams? What if it’s my cutie mark? What if it’s the most fantastic cutie mark in th-“

“For the last time, no. If I had to wait until I was ready, then you certainly do. Though, if you want me to teach you magic, there’s another spell I could have you learn…”

“Is it awesome!?”

“It’s what allowed me to find you so quickly. A spell for familiar unicorns to find each other. You’d be able to come and find me whenever you found yourself in trouble.”

“Oh. Well, that sounds pretty neat.” Sweetie said, as a daisy and potato pancake found it’s way onto her plate. And honestly, she thought as she dug in, she could see how that spell would be useful. Even if she couldn’t fire laser beams, Rarity could. Really well.

“It’ll have to wait, though. Nurse Redheart cautioned me to keep your magic usage to a minimum for a few days. Nothing more then light levitation until I tell you otherwise. Though, it’s not like you really used your horn much before now anyway…” Even if that was true, the very knowledge that she wasn’t allowed made her feel restricted. Sweetie groaned.

“None of that now. Be lucky I’m allowing you levitation. Otherwise, you’d have to use your mouth to carry this back up to your room.” Rarity said with a slight smirk. And the opal that Sweetie had found yesterday floated it’s way over and rested on the table.

“Oh hey, I forgot to get that back from Ivan!”

“He didn’t forget though. He gave it to me as he was helping to unload the gems yesterday evening. I’m actually surprised he didn’t accept the extra bits I offered for the added services he provided. I’m beginning to think that under that gruff rocky exterior beats the heart of a-“

“A totally awesome superpony? I mean yeah, he’s not as cool as Rainbow Dash, or you…” Rarity didn’t bother quashing that radiant pride that welled in her chest. “…but he’s still pretty amazing. I mean, I didn’t see that explosion he made, but it sounded huge.”

“Applebloom said the tunnel was blocked. The blast Ivan fired was enough to clear what I assume was the aftermath of a rockslide. It appears that horn of his isn’t just for show…”

“Hey, Rarity? I’m feeling a lot better, so could I go out and play?”

“Oh? Yes, of course, just remember to take it easy dear. You’re still on the mend.”

“Yes mom.”

“Be safe Sweetie Belle.” And the little unicorn ran up the stairs, opal floating behind her. Moments later after, Rarity supposed, she had hidden the gem she ran back down and out the door.

“Ah, to be young again…”

--

“Hey!” Sweetie Belle yelled as she found her friends.

“How are ya doin’ Sweetie?” Applebloom asked, looking the bandages on her body over.

“I’m fine. Just gotta take it easy on the magic. Where’s Ivan?”

“We’re looking for him now.” Scootaloo said. “Times like this make me wish I could fly for more then five seconds…”

“Good morning my little ponies!” interrupted a familiar voice, and the crusaders turned to see their schoolteacher trotting up to them.

“Good morning miss Cheerilee!” they chorused, smiling their ‘we’re not up to anything you’d frown upon’ smiles, more out of reflex then anything else.

“And what are you up to on such a beautiful day?”

“Lookin’ for our new friend.” Applebloom said. “Have you seen him?”

“Seen who?”

“His name’s Ivan. He’s green, wears this black coat and hat…”

“Well I don’t mind helping you look!” She said, eagerly anticipating meeting a new little colt.

--

“…this is Ivan?” She certainly wasn’t expecting the crusaders to lead her to a grown stallion.

“Yup! Hey, wake up Ivan!” Scootaloo shouted, jolting the stallion out of his slumber.

The evil eye he gave them was somehow completely visible from behind the hat’s brim.

“This is Ivan Hooves. Ivan, this is our schoolteacher Miss Cheerilee!” Sweetie Belle introduced, stepping back so the two could size each other up.

Ivan got to his hooves, and nodded politely at the schoolteacher. She found herself wondering why he hid his eyes, and wondering what in the world he was doing spending time with three little fillies when he probably hadn’t been in town long.

She took note of the broken leg he had in a sling and wondered if there was a story there. He couldn’t have come into town with it…

“How long have you known the girls?”

“Brief.” He said while stretching the kinks out of his back. He shook the remaining sleep out of his head and regarded the fillies silently.

“Hey, Ivan, what’re we gonna do today?”

“Probably won’t be as awesome as yesterday.”

“What happe-“ Cheerilee was cut off, as Sweetie Belle shuddered.

“Yesterday was not awesome.”

“Oh… sorry Sweetie…”

“Well Ivan? What’s the plan?” The three looked expectantly at him, and he looked back for a moment wondering what he had done to convince them that hanging around him would guarantee good times…

He remembered Rarity telling him what the crusaders were over an evening cup of tea when they had returned to the boutique. He supposed that whether he liked it or not, he was one of them.

That didn’t mean he didn’t have more important things to do though. If they wanted to tag along, so be it.

“Work.”

“…really?”

“Need.”

“…well Ah guess ya do… so we’ll help!”

“Applebloom, he’s going to work!”

“Cutie marks come to point ponies toward their best suited jobs!” Sweetie Belle stated. “So if we help Ivan out with his work, we might get ours!” Scootaloo pouted, but didn’t argue further.

“So we need to find a job to do then?”

“Sure do!”

“So we’re…” The three locked in a huddle for a few moments, whispering things that the bewildered adults couldn’t quite make out.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders: Career Councillors! Yaaay!” they crowed when the huddle broke.

“…you don’t mind watching after three overactive fillies?” Cheerilee asked skeptically of Ivan when her ears stopped ringing. Ivan shrugged.

“Don’t care.” Cheerilee had trouble believing that.

“So where should we take him? He probably doesn’t know where anything is, so he’ll have trouble finding work…”

“…maybe Fluttershy?” Applebloom suggested. “She’s gotta need a hand once in a while takin’ care of all them animals.”

“Then it’s settled! Come on Ivan, she lives over this way!”

Ivan watched the three fillies go, before sliding on his bags and following at his own pace.

Cheerilee stood there, thinking hard.

A grown stallion drifter spending extended amounts of time alone with three fillies he just met. He could be a bad influence or worse…

For the sake of her students, Cheerilee would evaluate his character to determine whether or not him watching the crusaders would end in disaster. She galloped to catch up with the group and started up a conversation. For starters, what had allegedly happened yesterday piqued her curiosity like nothing else…

--

“An’ then Ivan blew up the rocks in our way, and it’s like ‘what the moon was that’, cause he just fired off that blast like it weren’t no thang,-“

“He was still driving the cart too! I know I’ve never gone that fast before!”

“And Rarity was still shooting lasers, didn’t care there was a huge explosion or anything, and those dogs finally backed off when we ended up outside-“

“Well there was that one that tried to get the drop on us after.”

“Rarity got that one good though…”

From there, the crusaders’ attempt at storytelling devolved into general reliving of the thrills of the encounter and escape. Despite the hardship, and her attitude earlier, Sweetie Belle seemed just as eager as the other two.

“Rarity told me that he didn’t let her pay him more for the help underground too! He’s a crusader to his bones!”

That last statement from the little unicorn blew whatever mercenary image she was building of Ivan out of the water.

“Is that true?”

“Yes.” He said evenly, betraying nothing of what he was thinking. She wondered, still somewhat paranoid of the stallion, if he covered his eyes to help keep his thoughts a secret. It was easier to lie if your expression couldn’t be seen.

“You, with a broken leg, just ran to the rescue of three unrelated fillies because you were asked to?”

“Would’ve anyway. Common courtesy.” Well he honestly had her there. If their positions had been reversed, she would’ve run to Rarity’s aid in a heartbeat.

“Yeah! That’s what crusaders do!” Scootaloo cheered, gesturing for a high hoof. Ivan very pointedly looked at the cast, and then at the one hoof remaining that was holding the front of his body upright.

“Oh… right.”

“How did you break your leg Ivan? If you don’t mind my asking?” Ivan could tell the schoolteacher was after something, and the tone of her constant questions was starting to piss him off. General self control kept the assembled ladies from becoming aware of his steadily darkening mood.

He noticed Scootaloo though was quite expressive compared to him. She had immediately gotten a look like she was staring down an oncoming train. Cheerilee’s attention was on him, so she hadn’t noticed.

“Fell.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. He did fall.

“…you fell?”

“Accident. Clumsy.”

“Seems a little small to cause such an injury.”

“Unexpected.” he conceded, and Cheerilee seemed to accept it. It wasn’t as if it were unbelievable. Since she seemed to be taking everything he said with a grain of salt though, it was the best he could expect.

Scootaloo smiled her thanks, and he grunted his acceptance.

Cheerilee meanwhile was considering letting go of her skepticism. The vision of a villainous vagabond who swept into a community to harm its children was starting to feel a little ridiculous when measured against somebody who could be considered a hero given the circumstances.

She considered the stranger in a new light. A good pony who’d help others in need without expecting compensation…

Regardless, she would still have to learn more. First impressions in her experience weren’t the most accurate. He didn’t seem like the sort that would raise a fuss if she wanted to talk either. Though… he didn’t seem like the sort to raise a fuss over much of anything.

Might require him to say more then two words at a time, she thought with a stifled giggle.

“Hey, we’re here Ivan!” Applebloom called back to the drifter and pointing a hoof at a rather large cottage on the edge of a forest, at the bottom of the hill they were standing on.

“This is where Fluttershy lives. There’s probably some kinda job she’s got for a big strong unicorn like you.” Sweetie Belle said. Cheerilee, despite the story of Ivan’s feats of magical strength, had almost forgotten what he was. She wondered why he didn’t just alter the hat so the horn would show. It would probably make using spells easier as well, since he wouldn’t have to move it out of the way before aiming.

…come to think of it, she owned a hat like that at one time. At least he had good taste in concealing clothing.

The crusaders descended the hill first, Scootaloo arriving at the gate in great leaping bounds thanks to her wings. Ivan spied a yellow pegasus coming around from the back of the cottage, dragging a large basket in her teeth. When she noticed the fillies at her gate, she left the basket where it sat to greet them, smiling kindly down at them.

“Hey, Fluttershy, havin’ trouble with that?”

“Oh, it’s no trouble, really. How are you today? Coming for a visit?”

“Not quite! We’ve come to make you an offer you can’t refuse!” Scootaloo said, stepping aside with the other crusaders and pointing up the hill.

And Fluttershy followed that gesturing hoof to…

Clouds drifted on a sudden strong breeze, dampening the sun’s light and causing his long coat to flap and flow dramatically as he descended the hill with a slow, purposeful gait.

She couldn’t see his eyes through the brim and shadows of his hat, but she knew they were looking her over. Judging her.

Large saddlebags that could hold anything.

A plainly injured leg that he might’ve received from his last victim.

…

“…meep…” the now cowering Fluttershy meeped as Ivan reached the gate and looked down at her, head slightly cocked to the side in general confusion.

“…always?” He muttered to Cheerilee, who had been just behind him.

“Pretty much. She’s the best of mares though.” She assured, wondering what exactly about Ivan was that intimidating.

“Ivan, this is Fluttershy. Fluttershy, this is Ivan Hooves, your new best friend!” Ivan severely doubted that. In fact, he doubted he was going to find a job at all here if his boss was going to be this quivering slip of a mare.

“…meep…” His point proven, he considered turning and leaving right there, but the fillies were looking at him expectantly, and maybe playing nice with the pegasus would make the schoolteacher lay off of him for a while.

So he stepped forward, cleared his throat, and opened his mouth to attempt to make his case.

“Ahck!?” Then a bunny sprinted forward, put itself between him and the paralyzed Fluttershy, and whipped a half eaten carrot clear down Ivan’s throat.

Any further attempts at conversation were impossible as he was now choking to death.

“Ohmygosh, don’t worry Ivan! Ah’ll save ya!” Applebloom did just this by bucking him in the stomach hard enough to nearly crack his ribs, launching the carrot out his mouth and into a nearby tree, obliterating a birds nest and dropping the bird inside to the ground, unmoving.

The only noise for the next few seconds was Ivan’s violent coughing.

“Oh my goodness!” Fluttershy exclaimed, fears forgotten as she flew to the fallen bird’s side. “Are you alright?!”

She scooped the stunned bird into her hooves and started examining it for injuries.

“Hey, Ivan’s kind of-“

“Oh, you too sir, I’m so sorry for what just happened, Angel bunny apologize right now to this stallion!” The bunny responded by pantomiming a cowering Fluttershy and a glowering Ivan, and stomping it’s foot repeatedly.

“He wasn’t going to hurt me Angel! At least… I think he wasn’t… maybe… No, that’s not the point, you must apologize to him! He could’ve been seriously hurt!” The bunny turned his back on the pegasus and folded it’s little arms as petulantly as it could manage.

“Angel, right this instant or…” She trailed off awkwardly as she noticed the five assembled ponies in front of her staring at the scene unfolding.

“…would… you all like to come in for tea… erm, please…?”

--

After about thirty more stuttered apologies from the flustered Fluttershy and a hastily served round of tea, Ivan was feeling a little better about his life on the whole. Despite being brought low by a little bunny rabbit with an attitude problem.

…he told himself over and over again that given another second or two, he could’ve reached the carrot with his magic and extracted it that way. He was not nearly killed by a bunny.

That did not happen in front of the pretty but judgmental schoolteacher or the set of fillies that would probably tell that story to everypony.

…another sip of tea did little to soothe his wounded ego, despite how delicious it was. Though he was more then satisfied the furry demon was standing and facing the corner where he belonged.

“A-and you’re sure you’re-“ A loud and telling clink of the teacup returning to the saucer cut the still fussing Fluttershy off before she could make sure he wasn’t going to suddenly keel over again.

…this day was turning out to be almost as bad as the one that broke his leg.

“Alright Fluttershy, focus!” Sweetie Belle said, deciding that the ball needed to start rolling post haste. “You don’t even know why we even came here in the first place!”

“Oh, s-sorry-“

“Anyway.” Applebloom interrupted. “Ivan here’s a stallion for hire! And with the way you were draggin’ that basket, you sure look like you could use him!”

“…for hire?”

“Yeah! Don’t let that fantastic hat of his fool you, he’s a unicorn that can magic like whoa.”

“I saw him lift a whole cart! Full of gems! It took like, zero effort. I bet he could clear up any heavy lifting in ten seconds flat!” Scootaloo said, attempting to climb Ivan’s chair to take off his hat as if somehow showing off his horn would seal the deal instantly.

“Oh, I couldn’t impos-“

“Well you’d be hiring him, so it wouldn’t be imposing at all, would it?”

Cheerilee watched the exchange, wondering idly if it was bad that the only reason she was still there was that Fluttershy served the best tea imaginable.

Her contemplation was interrupted by a knock at the cottage door.

“Please excuse me.” The pegasus said as she went to answer.

“Hiya Fluttershy! Delivery!” Ivan heard as the door opened, revealing a gray pegasus flapping in place and presenting a package.

“Good afternoon Ditzy. I think I have a muffin for you somewhere…”

“I can wait!” Ditzy replied eagerly. The following moment was a tad awkward for the guests as Fluttershy put the package aside and hunted through her kitchen for the baked good in question.

“Thanks!” Ditzy explaimed, eating the whole thing in a single bite when Fluttershy returned. “Oh, blueberry…” Ivan swore she was almost moaning as one of her eyes seemed to drift toward the ceiling.

…were he a lesser stallion, he might have laughed at the effects of what had to be the greatest muffin in the universe.

“Thanks for that. So how are the rabbits?”

“Oh, they’re due any day now.” Fluttershy said.

“Great! Can I bring Dinky by to see them when they’re born?”

“Oh of course you can. I think she’ll love that.”

“I know she will. I’ve gotta go now, see ya later!” Ditzy saluted, eyes still doing whatever they felt like, and zipped off into the air, presumably to deliver more packages.

“…hey, what was that about rabbits?” Applebloom asked as Fluttershy returned to them.

“Oh, the new bunnies are going to be born soon. There’s going to be so many this year…” She drifted off, no doubt fantasizing about the fuzzy little bundles of joy.

“Hey, can Ivan help? That sounds like it might be a lot of work! Sounds like you could use a helping horn!”

“Oh… well, it might, um… maybe…?”

“Come on! Ivan could be a huge help!” Scootaloo turned to the stallion who was just finishing his tea. “Quick, Ivan, do something impressive!”

Ivan set his teacup down, looking around at the ponies now training their attention all on him.

He sighed, and gathered his magic.

The teapot, sugar bowl, cream, and his teacup and saucer all started floating and spinning wildly in a tornado that made Fluttershy fear for the state of her tea set.

And after a few moments, they finished, and set down in the exact positions they had started in. Ivan took an experimental sip of his now full cup, and nodded in approval.

“…well?” Sweetie Belle asked, turning back to Fluttershy.

“…I, um… okay?”

“Mission accomplished!” The crusaders chorused, before craning their necks to check their flanks.

They were, predictably, unchanged. The fillies slumped in disappointment.

After that, Cheerliee decided it would be best to take the fillies home so Fluttershy could explain the job to her new employee. Ivan thanked them as they left, making them beam with pride in a way that made him feel that all the trouble might’ve been worth it.

The pegasus treated him to a satisfying lunch as she explained to him what exactly he would be required to do to assist in the arrival of the newborn bunnies. After that, Ivan busied himself with moving the basket from earlier, as well as anything else that needed lifting but the pegasus lacked the muscle to do anything about (which was quite a bit, actually).

After moving the last full bag of birdseed into place, Ivan was informed that he’d need to check in regularly to see if he was needed, since birth was often an unpredictable thing.

Fortunately, at about noon the next day, Ivan came to call and was immediately put to work attending to the newborns. By the end of it, Fluttershy could even talk to him without stuttering (mostly).

--

“Hey Ivan, where’ve you be-“ The unicorn shushed them as he gestured to the large basket of sleeping bunnies floating behind him. He lowered it so they could get a closer look when they walked over to see.

“They’re all so… little…” Applebloom whispered, looking at the impossibly cute critters. The other two didn’t say anything, and after a few more seconds, Ivan lifted the basket again and took it into the cottage where several others were sitting.

Row upon row upon row of basket filled the sitting room, bunnies of every color slumbering under little blankets and on tiny pillows.

Ivan set the basket down with the others and settled into a chair to supervise the crusaders as they tip-hoofed from one basket to another.

Fluttershy entered a little while later, and smiled at the fillies.

“Make sure you’re quiet. Being born is hard work. They need their rest.” They agreed eagerly, and Fluttershy left them to it.

“Ivan, you’ll look after them, won’t you? I wanted to go get Ditzy now that they’re here.” Ivan nodded, and the pegasus left.

The next half hour or so passed in blissful, calming silence, and Ivan found himself almost nodding off. He might have if he wasn’t convinced that one of the fillies was going to buck it all up somehow.

Then Fluttershy returned with two other ponies. Beside Ditzy was a little unicorn with similar coloring. Dinky, he presumed.

The little filly took one look at the baskets of peacefully snoozing baby bunnies and said;

“Oh my Celestia they’re so cute I could die!” …Well, really, it was more like she screamed it at the top of her little lungs.

Ivan facehoofed.

Every last one of the bunnies woke up, and made for the open door in a panic, swarming over all in their path, but leaving it completely unharmed.

Ivan couldn’t shut the door because it would’ve crushed Fluttershy. The demure pegasus was begging the bunnies not to run away and trying to assure them that everything was alright. It didn’t work.

Since he couldn’t shut the door, he busied himself with stopping what individual bunnies he could, levitating what few he could catch into the air and keeping them there.

Within seconds, the cottage was nearly devoid of bunny. Ivan managed to stop and trap two baskets worth, but the other twenty or so were gone.

After Fluttershy had at least managed to calm the bunnies that Ivan managed to catch, she took a deep breath to banish her anxiety, and tried to outline a plan for possibly catching the rest.

“Um, excuse me, where’s Dinky?” Ditzy asked, flitting about the room, eyes roving somewhat wildly.

“…the crusaders are missing too…” Fluttershy noted, going to the door.

The millions of tracks the fleeing bunnies left behind veered into Everfree Forest.

Ivan sighed, predicting that they had probably tried to help by chasing the bunnies down, and slipped into his saddlebags while offering healthy curses in the name of the sun and moon.

“Ivan, wait!” Fluttershy called as Ivan was passing the gate. “You can’t go in alone, Everfree Forest is incredibly dangerous! Terrorizing beasts are everywhere in there!”

“My little Dinky went in there?! Oh sun, no!”

Ivan paused for a moment, staring at the pegasi, before turning and headbutting the fence post next to him with an exasperated thwack.

Hadn’t he suffered enough? Did things like this happen every day at Ponyville? Or was it just him?

Buck it all.

“Prepare.” he said, and Fluttershy wasted no time bolting back inside to put together a set of supplies for venturing into the forest.

Ditzy had slumped to the floor, clutching her head in her hooves on the verge of tears.

And Ivan worked on compiling a list of why he shouldn’t murder the fillies himself when he found them.

“Ivan? What’s going on?” He looked up to see Cheerilee walking towards him, probably wondering why there was a mailpony in the doorway having a nervous breakdown.

Ivan very pointedly gestured to the evidence of the stampede.

“Guess.”

“…oh no…”

--

“Alright.” Fluttershy said, very not used to being the one in charge. “Cheerilee, you go back to town to get help. Ditzy, you come with me into the forest, and we’ll see if we can find the missing fillies… Ivan, will you come too?” He grunted an affirmative and started towards the forest’s edge. He heard Cheerilee wish them luck, and Ditzy and Fluttershy caught up with him quickly.

“Ivan, you’ve never been here before, right?” He figured that was obvious by this point, but nodded anyway.

“F-Fluttershy, my daughter will be alright, won’t she?”

“She’ll be just fine Ditzy. They haven’t been in the forest long, and if the crusaders are with her, they’ll look after her… they know this place is dangerous.”

“Oh Celestia… I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her…”

It was as if existence itself was telling him not to screw up. Despite having to protect two mares, find four hyperactive fillies, something like a hundred missing bunnies, and then get them all out of the killer forest unharmed.

All the cards were coming up Ivan lately. Fantastic. He hung his head in defeat, but noticed the ground as he did.

“Look.” He said, gesturing to the tracks. The bunnies didn’t scatter when they entered the forest, or at least they hadn’t yet. The trail was easy to see.

“Oh… I suppose they went this way then…” Fluttershy said, taking the lead and following the trail.

And they did that, sidestepping harmful flowers, avoiding bottomless cliffs, and dealing with an oddly affectionate manticore, until the sun was setting over the horizon.

The trail seemed to lead in random directions. Ivan conjectured that it was due to the crusaders perhaps trying to herd the blighted bunnies they had run in after.

“Oh… oh my moon, no.” Then they came upon the clearing, and Ivan witnessed a sight that would be burned into his memories forever.

They found the bunnies and the crusaders.

They were littered throughout the clearing, and they had obviously tried hard to escape whatever had caused their current state.

Little statues of terrified bunnies and panicked fillies.

“Fluttershy.” Ivan said, grabbing the pegasus’ attention before she could break down and cry. “Explain.”

“A, a c-cockatrice… they live in the woods, and… and looking into their eyes…” She didn’t need to finish. The nightmare in front of them was telling enough.

“Saved?”

“Y-yes… if we can find the cockatrice that turned them…”

“…close…” Ivan mused. It was likely that the herd of bunnies had encroached on the beast’s territory. It was probably still close by…

As if in answer, the cry of a beast that Ivan had never heard before echoed through the clearing. Followed by a filly’s scream. The three ponies realized in a moment of horror that there were only three pony statues in the clearing.

Dinky was still unaccounted for.

Ditzy was off like a shot, shrieking her daughter’s name like a mare possessed. Fluttershy and Ivan weren’t far behind.

They burst into a second clearing, and found a cowering Dinky pinned by the foot of what Ivan correctly guessed was a cockatrice.

A body shaped sort of like a chicken’s, but apart from the head, covered in green scales and sporting a long tail. On top of that, it was huge. Thrice the size of him, easily.

Dinky was already slowly turning to stone. An enraged Ditzy flew into action.

The cockatrice had just noticed them, and turned its gaze away from the struggling unicorn. It staggered backwards off of Dinky as the roaring mother kicked it in the face with the force of a speeding train.

The advancing stone on Dinky’s body vanished when the cockatrice was knocked aside, and Ivan pulled the confused filly onto his back with his horn and covered her eyes with his hat.

Horn now exposed, the glow of magic gathering on it lit up the whole clearing as Ivan got ready for a fight. Ditzy flew backwards, hammered by the cockatrice’s tail, and was caught by magic as she passed the stallion. If the blow injured her, it didn’t show, and she moved to stand beside him, plumage ruffled and stance promising pain.

Ivan didn’t fire right away, not knowing how agile the beast actually was, and waiting to see what Ditzy would do. If she shot forward without warning, she would get caught in the crossfire, and whatever Ivan used on a monster that size would do more then singe the pegasus’ feathers.

None of them moved for a few moments, as the cockatrice locked them with her gaze, and Ivan suspected that the feeling creeping up his back hooves was the petrifaction at work. All he had to do was break the gaze to make it stop, so he leveled his horn and-

…almost killed Fluttershy when she shot in front of them and flew right up to the cockatrice’s face.

“Did you do that?” She demanded, and Ivan’s jaw dropped at the absurdity of the situation. Did she think talking to it would really work?

…though the beast in question froze up entirely, seeming to shrink away from the pegasus’ glare.

“Did you?! Did you petrify three little fillies and countless newborn baby bunnies?!”

“…No...” Ivan said in disbelief. Ditzy seemed to be reacting much the same way. Dinky too, now that he could feel her looking over his head.

“How could you?! How could you, a mother, do something so unthinkable?! How dare you take happy lives with full futures ahead of them and condemn them to an eternity of stone while time leaves them behind?! Bunnies and fillies that haven’t harmed you at all! What excuses this?! What did you tell yourself to make this a good idea?! Answer me!”

The light cast by Ivan’s horn faded as he observed the huge cockatrice that had been reduced to a quivering mess by a mare he previously thought was spineless.

“Change them back. Right now.” Fluttershy ordered with authority that probably rivaled the princess of the sun’s. Against his better judgement, Ivan looked back at the other clearing and away from the cockatrice.

The statues were turning back to living creatures.

He turned back to see Fluttershy was starting to ease off.

“You never need to petrify. Least of all to anypony or anything that isn’t trying to hurt you. Never do anything like this again.” The cockatrice took this opportunity to hastily agree, and hurriedly stomp away, tail between its legs.

“…Oh Celestia, Dinky!” Ditzy cried, lunging toward Ivan and scooping the surprised unicorn off his back, hugging her to her chest in tears.

“Hey mommy! I found the bunnies, see?”

“Dinky, what you did was bad. I thought you would get hurt, or… or worse…”

“But I’m fine! You and that dude and Fluttershy saved me! Please stop crying mommy…”

Ivan turned away from the mother and child (who was still wearing his hat) cuddling in mid air, and walked back to where the crusaders were shaking off whatever sensations being stone had left with them.

“Oh, hey Ivan, thanks for pullin’ our flanks outta the… fire… um…” Applebloom trailed off when she saw the furious look in his eye. It was their first time seeing angry Ivan and it was scary.

All three decided they preferred his glares when there was a hat in the way.

“…uh… I guess… Cutie Mark Crusaders Search and Rescue didn’t work out, huh…?” Scootaloo said, smiling sheepishly.

“No.” He said. The fillies flinched.

“You’re… not going to tell my sister, are you?” Sweetie asked, almost trembling.

“No.” He said.

“Aw, yeah, Ivan I knew you were cool!” Scootaloo cheered, pumping a hoof in the air.

“She will.” Ivan said, gesturing to Fluttershy, who was now trying to gather the bunnies into one group.

“Oh moon, that’s worse…” Any cheer the fillies had was now obliterated.

Fluttershy had finished gathering the bunnies, and they were all now obediently following her as she made her way back to the forest entrance. Ditzy, still holding her daughter, started following.

Ivan glanced at the three crusaders, still angry and brooking no argument. And they didn’t give any when they fell into step behind him.

Not one of them said a word until they were out of the forest.

--

They had met up with the assembled search party as they exited the forest, and Applebloom and Sweetie Belle were immediately smothered by their sisters, and taken home.

Dinky and Scootaloo got to help Fluttershy put the bunnies to bed, while Ditzy thanked him over and over for helping them. When he tried to say that he didn’t really end up doing much in the end, she pointed out that he was right there beside her, with a broken leg, ready to blast the monster with some spell or another while keeping her daughter safe on his back.

With nothing else to say, he coughed awkwardly and accepted the thanks. Dinky walked up to them after that.

“Hey, mommy, Scootaloo said they’d let me join their club! She said Ivan’s in it too!” Ivan somehow, without his hat, managed to not look like this information troubled him. It was his greatest victory yet.

“That’s great!” the pegasus answered, grinning just as wide as Dinky was.

“Oh, here, this is your hat right?” Dinky said, trotting up to him and offering it off of her head.

“…hey… what are these scribbles? Mommy?”

“Oh, when a pony has a cast, that pony’s friends sign it to help it get better faster!” Ditzy said, moving to get a better look.

“Can I sign it too?” Dinky asked excitedly, enthralled by the idea of helping Ivan heal.

“Well? Can we?”

Not really having much in the way of options (the way Dinky looked at him had nothing to do with it), Ivan floated his pen out of his bags and offered it to the filly.

“Um…” he heard Fluttershy start, and Ivan sighed, offering her the pen too after Ditzy finished.

“Oh… and if it’s not too much trouble…” She began while she wrote, “…would you mind taking Scootaloo home?”

“Sure.”

“Oh, thank you very much… and, um… if you come by tomorrow, we can discuss your… payment…” She trailed off as she finished, turning back to go get Scootaloo.

She probably thought Ivan was going to charge an arm and a leg for that episode in the forest. He almost wished his conscience would let him.

…he paused, wondering why there was still a scratching of pen against cast, and looked down.

That bunny, (Angel, Ivan recalled) from earlier was handling the pen awkwardly, writing in something barely better then chicken scratch. When it had finished, it glared up at him, gestured at it’s eyes, and then jabbed a paw at him menacingly. Then escaped as Fluttershy returned.

“Goodnight Scootaloo, Ivan. Have a safe walk home.” And she trotted back to her cottage, leaving Ivan alone with the smaller pegasus.

Scootaloo seemed to be avoiding his gaze. Probably thought he was still mad.

He couldn’t deny that he was.

“Lead.” He said, and Scootaloo started back on the path to Ponyville. The moon was high overhead, and the walk was as quiet as could be. Ivan found himself looking forward to bedding down for the night.

The whole day had been tiring.

--

“Well… here we are…” Scootaloo said lamely as they arrived at the place where she lived. Ivan looked the building over, and noticed a sign.

Ponyville Orphanage

Whatever questions he had about why Scootaloo hadn’t been picked up by anypony were answered. He looked back at the pegasus, standing there awkwardly as if wondering what to say next.

“I’m sorry.” Seemed to be what she settled on. The first apology of the day that actually meant something.

“Why?” He asked. He knew why she should be sorry, he really did, but he wanted to keep the pegasus talking. Something seemed wrong about just letting her go to bed with the mood she was in.

“I… We messed up. Just… we saw Dinky run after the rabbits, and we ran in after her because we wanted to keep her from getting hurt, and we wanted to herd the bunnies back, Applebloom said she could, so…”

“…Not like yesterday.” Ivan said. Scootaloo looked back at him, and noticed that he had settled onto the lawn so they were eye to eye. His hat was out of his eyes too.

“Huh?”

“Kidnapped. Nothing wrong.”

“Well, yeah, of course.”

“Everfree’s dangerous. You knew.”

“Y-yeah…”

“We were there. Should’ve talked. Would’ve helped.”

“.I-I’m sorry…” Scootaloo said again, now on the verge of tears.

“Next time…?” Ivan asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Next time… I’ll ask you for help.”

“Or somepony older.” Ivan stressed. He wasn’t going to be around forever.

“Yeah… yeah, I’ll do that.”

“Don’t forget.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise.”

“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

“…what.”

“It’s uh… Pinkie promise. Um… yeah…” She trailed off sheepishly.

“…Feel better?” He asked, deciding not to touch the other question he wanted to ask. He got a feeling he didn’t want to know.

Scootaloo didn’t say anything at first, instead trotting forward and putting her front legs around Ivan’s neck. He let her, not knowing what else to do.

You’ve known me for three days. I’m still a stranger to you. Why are you hugging me?

…don’t you have anypony else to hug?

“I’m… sorry.”

“Fine.” He assured.

“Um… yeah, I feel better. So… goodnight.” Scootaloo said, backing off, looking completely lost. Ivan nodded and got to his hooves. He noticed her staring at his cast, guilty. He lowered his hat’s brim again.

“Goodnight.” He said before she could apologize again. And he stood there until she had climbed the few stairs to the door and went inside.

Ivan left before somepony saw him and started asking questions. It had been a full day, and he was willing to skip dinner to get some rest. He’d eat in the morning.

“Sweet dreams.” He said, wondering why he bothered saying it out loud. She couldn’t have heard him.

…Ponyville was probably driving him crazy.

--

Thanks for bringing me all these friends! I’ll be there for you too!

-Dinky Doo

Celestia watch over you.

-Ditzy Doo

Thank you so much for findinnot leavbeing so ni everything.

-Fluttershy

I’m watching you.

-Angel

A Taste Of Farm Life

Chapter Four: A Taste Of Farm Life
or
A Character The Author Has Too Much Fun Writing Later

“So what does the club do?” Dinky asked, cocking her head to the side with a hoof to her chin. “I wanna make sure I do it right.”

“We’re glad you asked!” Ivan looked on from the relaxing shade of a nearby tree, wondering when they had the chance to plan this. Considering that Dinky only ‘joined up’ yesterday night when they were split up by angry siblings, and had only just met up ten minutes ago, this defied possibility.

…unless they had somehow planned this on the chance they got a ‘new recruit’.

Applebloom had somehow whipped up a stage out of nowhere, and they managed to wiggle into costumes and put on a song and dance number on what they were and how awesome that was. Dinky watched in amazement, and burst into raucous applause when it had finished.

“Wow, that answered every question I had!”

“We hoped it would! Now we don’t have to waste valuable time recapping information that everypony should know!”

Ivan didn’t feel like pointing out that such an explanation would’ve taken five minutes tops, compared to the half hour or so of setting up and executing the impromptu concert. No matter how impressive that ingenuity was.

“So yeah, right now we’re doin’ all that by helpin’ Ivan find work.”

“How does that help?”

“When Ivan takes an odd job, we help out to see if it gets us our cutie marks! It didn’t go so well last time since he was already finished when we got there, but… Ivan gets paid and we get to cross another thing off the list!” Sweetie Belle brandished a rather long roll of paper, and it hit the ground and rolled it’s way quite a ways before stopping at Ivan’s hooves.

“Yeah, Ivan hasn’t been a crusader much longer then you. So we’re also helping him find his!”

“He doesn’t have a cutie mark?” Dinky asked, trotting up to Ivan and looking him in the (covered) eyes, studying him carefully as if it would somehow reveal every secret he had. Soon after she shrugged, not seeming to care much.

While Ivan was a little miffed at having such a thing casually handed out to the little grey unicorn, he wondered if it was naivete or a more mature way of thinking that made her react as if Scootaloo had remarked on the weather. Could’ve been both.

Dinky gave up trying to pick Ivan apart with her gaze alone and looked at the list still laid out. Ivan did as well out of idle curiosity.

“…hey.” He said, the rough sound of his voice throwing all attention on him. He poked an entry near the bottom of the list, and Dinky read it out loud.

“…farmhoof?”

“But that would be like so boring!”

“Need work. Lots on farms.” Ivan spoke from experience. Farm hands would come and go like clockwork, normally. He got to his hooves.

“Which way?”

“Oh, Ah live on that farm! I bet Applejack’d let ya help out easy! C’mon!”

Ivan slipped on his saddlebags and was just finishing pulling the strap when he noticed that Dinky had clambered onto his back.

…quite stealthily since he didn’t notice until he looked back to fasten the bags…

“You don’t mind, do you? Please?” She didn’t pout, didn’t try to coerce him with large eyes… just smiled at him bright as the sun.

Given that he barely noticed her weight, and that she wasn’t trying to manipulate him in the slightest, Ivan decided that a ride wasn’t any trouble.

“Thanks Ivan!” She said when he shrugged, and his longer strides quickly caught up with the other crusaders.

“Hey, how come she gets a ride?” Scootaloo asked, looking accusingly at the younger filly nestled between Ivan’s saddlebags.

“Asked. Polite.”

“Well can I ride too?”

“One seat. Next time.” Even with the promise, Scootaloo huffed in irritation. He wondered if she took it personally that the new recruit got the first ride.

“We’re not even that far off. Just over that hill is Sweet Apple Acres!” And sure enough, over it were more apple trees then Ivan had ever seen in his life.

Multiple varieties sectioned off in the orchard all looked as delicious as the last. He wondered idly if the hired help were allowed to take one or two on the side…

Applebloom’s older sister was already out in the fields with a large red stallion Ivan didn’t recognise.

…he silently gave Applejack a few points to her intelligence, when he caught the slight ‘hoo boy’ in her expression upon sighting the crusaders marching in her direction with a purpose. It was nice to see he wasn’t the only one to put up with their trouble on what was quickly becoming a regular basis.

“Well howdy little sister. What can I do ya for?”

“You can hire the resident superhero for starters!” Ivan shook his head in a way that plainly communicated ‘I did not tell her to say that’ Thankfully, either Applejack understood, or just assumed it was obvious.

“...Superhero?”

“Ivan here needs a job, and you totally need a farmhoof!”

“Well Ah guess an extra helpin’ hoof wouldn’t hurt much. ‘Cept his is broken.”

“Unicorn.” Ivan replied flatly.

“Oh, right. Forgot, what with the hat ‘n all.”

“Rarity didn’t tell you he’s a magical dynamo?” Sweetie Belle said sceptically. Last she heard, Rarity was talking about that ‘dashing stranger’ with any customers that came in for extended periods of time.

“Ah’ve been busy lately. Applebucking season and all. Well, how good are ya with that horn?”

“Ah bet he could grab every apple in that tree!”

“I bet he could grab every apple in three.” Scootaloo countered, turning to Applebloom. This continued for a bit while Ivan trotted over to a nearby tree and removed every apple in it with practised ease, depositing them in softly in the gathered baskets.

“Huh, not bad. Well ya can hold your own, and you’ve been lookin’ after Applebloom, so Ah guess ya can come aboard. Don’t fall behind now. We’ve got a lot of applebuckin’ ahead of us.”

“Ooh! I remember you!” Ivan almost bucked Dinky clear off his back in surprise. Directly behind him, stealthy as a ghost, Pinkie Pie had seemed to teleport right behind him. He could say teleport with real authority since the other crusaders looked as surprised as he did. And Pinkie Pie had snuck behind him undetected while the fillies were watching his back.

“Can you teach me how to do that?!” Of course Dinky thought this was just awesome, probably unaware Ivan nearly sent her right into a tree.

“Do what? Say hello? That’s like the first thing you learn! Right up there with ‘mama’ and ‘dada’! Did you forget?”

“Um…” Dinky put a hoof to her chin in deep thought about something.

“Such a silly filly, yes you are!” She cooed, poking a now giggling Dinky in the tummy with a hoof. She turned to Ivan. “So, how’s your busted leg?”

“Healing.”

“Super! I felt really bad when it got broken at my party. Really, I think the author is trying to stop you from looking too much like a Mary Sue by having horrible things happen to you all the time. Kind of mean if you ask me.” Ivan had no idea who Pinky was talking about, but he immediately hated the entity in question.

“Pinky Pie, for the last time, there is no author. Really, where did you get an idea like that?”

“Oh come on Applejack! The evidence is everywhere! If you know where to look…” She trailed off for a moment.

“Hey, do you think that me breaking the fourth wall like that is getting old? It’s pretty much in every fic ever. I don’t know what I’d do if one of my favourite things became, like, routine. Stale jokes are the worst!”

“…Tell ya what Pinky, Ah’ll give you an apple. In exchange, don’t mention ‘the author’ in front of me anymore.”

“Ooh! Healthy yummies!” Pinkie, successfully bribed, took off prancing toward the nearby hills.

“…Ah have no idea where she gets those ideas of hers… Welp, Ivan, you’d better get to work. Those apples ain’t gonna pick themselves.”

Paycheque secured, Ivan obeyed.

--

The work wasn’t that strenuous on him. To be safe, Ivan didn’t unload more the one or two trees at a time for fear he would bruise the apples in his magical grip.

The crusaders didn’t do a lot to help. Dinky never had a reason to get off his back, and at some point, decided to take a nap there. The others generally followed him around and gabbed on whatever first entered their heads. Ivan honestly didn’t pay a lot of attention unless they spoke to him.

“Alright, that’s enough for today.” Applejack said once she noticed the sun starting to dip into the horizon. “Feel like stayin’ for supper?” Ivan always felt like a free meal. He nodded.

“Right. Send the fillies home and come inside.” Applejack started back towards the house as Ivan turned back to the other crusaders.

“Well Ah live here, so I ain’t goin’ nowhere.” Applebloom said. Ivan rolled his eyes and looked to the other two.

“Yeah, we’ll go.” Said Sweetie Belle, as she turned to leave.

“Wait.” Ivan called, turning to the side to display the still snoozing Dinky.

“What about her?” Scootaloo asked.

“Take her?”

“Home you mean? Yeah sure. Just remember I get the next ride.” The pegasus replied, smirking. Ivan sighed, and nudged the sleeping unicorn.

“…mommy…?” Dinky slurred, rousing. “…huh. Where am I?”

“At the farm. Come on, it’s time to go home.” Sweetie Belle replied.

“Oh… alright.” Dinky said, jumping down. “Goo-ooaaahh…” She cut herself off with a yawn. Ivan tried not to note how adorable this was.

“…goodnight.” And she followed the other two crusaders back into town.

--

“So. This is that Ivan Hooves character you’ve been goin’ on about?” Ivan heard as he crossed the threshold.

The speaker was an aged green pony in a rocking chair.

“Sure is grams!”

“…looks a little depressin’ if ya ask me.” She said, trying to get a good look at him. “Honestly, that frown of his looks welded there. Ah bet the wind changed and it got stuck that way.”

“Grams! He saved our lives!”

“Ah don’t recall bein’ in any danger.”

“No, Ah mean me and my friends! Ah told ya about the diamond dogs!”

“Ahh, that ya did… it was nice to hear about somethin’ nice for a change. All Ah hear about is this flu goin’ round… Much obliged, colt.”

“Thanks a lot for that. Sorry Ah didn’t tell ya earlier.” Applejack chimed in as she set the table.

“Eeyup.” A large red stallion agreed. He was carrying a few dishes over to the table. “Ah’m Big Macintosh by the way.” He walked over to Ivan, offering a hoof, before retracting it awkwardly when he caught sight of the cast.

“Yer always welcome, bein’ that ya risked life and broken limb and all that.” Applejack said, seating herself next to Applebloom.

“Maybe yer not as depressin’ as ya look.” The ancient pony mused as she lumbered over. “Granny Smith, by the by. Pleased to meet ya.” Ivan nodded, removing his hat and seating himself beside Applebloom, using magic to shovel himself a slice of daisy and onion lasagne.

“…ya don’t talk much, do ya?” Applejack noted after a good while of silence. Ivan shrugged, face betraying neither annoyance or anything else at a question he probably got a lot.

“Ivan’s just like that. Nothin’ wrong with that!” Applebloom said in his defense.

“Ah never said there was. Just wonderin’ if he was skittish around strangers is all. We’re all friends here.” Ivan raised his eyebrows at that, wondering just what he’d done to earn anything like that.

“Well of course ya are.” Applebloom said, smiling up at him. “Takes a… a real gentlepony to save a bunch of little fillies in danger!”

“Probably won’t be too long ‘fore word gets round the town, and ya’ll be a local hero.” Ivan wasn’t really sure if he liked the sound of that. While it might make finding work easier while his leg healed, he wasn’t sure if he liked the idea of getting stopped on the street while people told him how awesome he was.

He also wasn’t sure how he felt about making ‘friends’ if he was planning on leaving not too far in the future. Sending more mail would detract from funds that he had to live rather tightly by.

…though, those problems didn’t seem very big right now. He was sitting at the dinner table of a family of ponies that were radiating acceptance. Acknowledgement he had earned for doing what he viewed as common courtesy.

…did that mean he deserved it? It didn’t really feel like he had gone above and beyond at all…

A minute passed as Ivan felt overwhelmed for reasons he wasn’t entirely sure of. He just wished he was wearing his hat for this.

--

You didn’t get to be as old as Granny Smith without learning how to read the young folk. Ivan though, even among her grandchildren, was an open book.

He had removed his hat before sitting at the table, a sign of good manners. Probably didn’t want to look bad in front of his employers. She was now starting to form theories as to why he wore it over his eyes. They were a lot more talkative then the pony himself.

At Applejack’s admission of friendship, and Applebloom’s praise, he seemed to retreat into himself a little. His eyes widened ever so slightly, not really in panic. More like surprise, Smith guessed. What her grandchildren had said was unexpected.

He was a drifter, she recalled hearing. She wasn’t ashamed to admit that alone had made her concerned when she had heard Applebloom and her friends were spending a lot of time recently in his company. She had crafted an image of a selfish stallion, wandering because he lacked the will to stay in one place, or lacked the personality to be welcome for very long. She expected to hear about how he had waltzed into town, used up some nice mare, and moved on. It wasn’t what she took as Celestia’s truth, but she wouldn’t have been surprised if this is what she had heard.

Instead she heard he had run to her granddaughter’s rescue, and refused any form of monetary compensation. She decided that for this at least, the mysterious Ivan deserved the benefit of the doubt, and she resolved to greet him as unbiased as she could if they crossed paths.

The stallion in front of her now was silent, and she could tell it was because he just didn’t know what else to do. He was as awkward as a foal learning how to walk. Really, he was just plain acting like a foal here. Bashful and maybe a little lost.

That was fine. Preferred really. Grandparents were good at reading foals.

“…thank you.” She barely heard the stallion say. And she chuckled. Such a silly colt that had found his way into her home…

--

“Well howdy Miss Cheerilee!” Applejack greeted as the purple mare walked up to the gate.

“Good afternoon Applejack. How are things?”

“Pretty good. We’re makin’ good time with the harvest. Hirin’ that Ivan fellow on was probably a good idea. Does what he’s told, doesn’t complain. Wish we got more farm hooves like that.”

“I had heard Ivan was here… tell me, what do you think of him exactly?”

“Well, he’s a rather silent character. Seems good for Applebloom, actually. She latched onto him right quick, her and her friends. Recently heard that he went right into Everfree to yank ‘em outta the fire. Somethin’ about an adult cockatrice.”

“…really?”

“Ya seem awful worried. Is it about the fillies hangin’ off of him?”

“Well yes… he hasn’t been here very long, and it seems like the fillies just can’t stay away from him. I was concerned at first, but now I’m wondering why exactly that is. He’s not a very social sort from what I’ve seen. Standoffish. I’d say it was the heroics, but they were apparently hanging around him before that.”

“Might be they felt guilty about the leg.”

“Ivan’s broken leg? He said it was an accident.” Applejack laughed.

“Sure as shootin’ it was. The crusaders caught sight of him before he entered town and thought he might’ave been a bad sort. Wanted to see what he was hidin’ under that hat of his. Cooked up a buncha’ schemes, but none of ‘em worked until Scootaloo decided to try and tackle it off his head and play it off as an accident. Turns out he was keeping a grip on it with magic, so when she grabbed it, it ended real messy.”

“Well I hope they apologised.”

“Oh, they did alright. Rarity even did up his clothes and saddlebags to sweeten the deal. It was after that they started hangin’ around him Ah think. So, got yer eye on him?”

“Please.” Said Cheerilee as she rolled her eyes. Why did everypony assume she was desperate for a lover? “He’s a drifter. I’m just watching after the children.”

“Understandable. Ah guess that Ah’d be investigatin’ too if he didn’t start doing hero things right out of the gates. He seems like an upstandin’ guy though. Ah guess ya could talk to him ta be sure?”

“I think I’ve interrogated him enough.”

“Come on, Ah was just headin’ over ta where him and Big Mac are takin’ a break. Ah’d welcome the company if ya’d back me up. Ah’m outnumbered by the male presence, and ya’d get a free glass of cider.”

“…couldn’t hurt.” Cheerilee conceded. If nothing else, she’d at least get a drink of the best cider around out of it. Not that she needed such a reason to indulge Applejack’s company.

The two stallions were holed up in the shade of the barn, taking long drags from a bottle of cider. Ivan had his hat off, and Cheerilee was treated to the sight of his blue eyes and sharp horn.

“So, that hat does come off.” She quipped as she and Applejack approached.

“Howdy ma’am.” Big Mac called as she approached. “What brings ya up to this neck of the woods?”

“I was in the neighbourhood. The fillies are normally either with Ivan, or at their clubhouse, so I figured I’d see how they were. Rumour has it that poor Dinky’s their newest recruit.”

“She didn’t seem so ‘poor’ when Ivan was givin’ her rides ‘round the orchard yesterday.”

“Really? He did that?”

“…Asked.” Ivan clarified, looking off to the side.

“You could’ve said no.” Cheerilee said, leaning forward to try and catch his gaze. A little teasing to loosen him up, she thought. Harmless enough.

In a moment, his hat had snapped from where it was sitting over to his head. She could see only half of his face now.

“Pressing. Why?” Alright, evidently a little teasing wasn’t so harmless.

“Calm down pard. She’s just doin’ that thing the lady folk do when a stallion does somethin’ that can be viewed as ‘adorable’. Take it in stride or they’ll have ammo to fire at ya later.”

“…Hm.” Ivan said, thinking to himself. He then reached his good hoof over to the cider bottle and took a pull from it.

“There ya go. First thing to do when ya find yourself in a hole is to stop digging.”

“…Big Mac, I’m not sure if I appreciate the way you’re slanderin’ my gender.”

“It ain’t slander if it’s true sister.” Big Mac said, chuckling. “Welp, Ah think that’s about it for us.” The red stallion drained what was left in the bottle and lumbered toward the barn entrance. Ivan followed.

“…What just happened?” Applejack asked, watching them go.

“I… I tried a bit of teasing and Big Mac might have made him completely immune. Like… in seconds.”

“…Well that’s no fun. See what I mean though? He’s harmless. Ah mean yeah, he’s pretty good with that horn of his, but if that’s grounds to suspect he’s got untoward goals, ya’d have to be wary of every unicorn in town.”

“…Alright. Fine. I accept that he’s not a bad influence on the children. Nopony who reacts like a little foal when teased is going to be a threat.”

“Well Ah’m glad ya think so. Wouldn’t do for him to sic the crusaders on ya.”

“Oh they woul-“

“Applejack.” Big Mac interrupted, having returned from wherever. “We got trouble.”

“What’s goin’ on?”

“Crop thieves.”

--

Cheerilee had followed, wanting to offer help if she could give it. They arrived at a tree with empty branches, and notably empty buckets underneath. Ivan appeared to be looking for clues.

“Find anythin’?”

“No.”

“…just one tree?” Cheerilee asked. “There’s hundreds here.”

“This is our livelihood. If somepony’s takin’ from us, and keeps doin’ it, bad things happen.”

“…are you in any financial trouble?” Cheerilee asked in concern.”

“Pfft, no. We’ve got the best apples in the whole dang world. Everypony knows it too. Really though, somepony’s stealin’ from us. Somepony’s gettin’ bucked upside the head.”

“Eeyup.” Big Mac agreed.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders Crime Scene Investigation yaaay!”

“Holy-!” From out of nowhere, four fillies had appeared wearing Sherlock Pones hats and were now turning the area upside down for leads.

“Report Ivan.” Scootaloo ordered, flipping open a notebook and waiting expectantly.

Ivan heaved a sigh and ignored her.

“Applebloom, what in tarna-“

“You’re contaminating the crime scene sis-“

“Alright, what in the moon’s goin’ on here?” Big Mac asked, effectively stopping Applebloom from shoving her sister out of the small area Sweetie Belle had just finished putting black and yellow tape around.

“We’re getting our CSI cutie marks! We’ll solve this case and make all of Ponyville a better and safer place for the public!”

“Ooh! Can I join in?”

“By Luna’s beard!” the farmmare yelled in surprise.

“Applejack, silly, Luna doesn’t have a beard!”

“Pinkie Pie, what are you doing in the tree.”

“Aha! It was you!” Dinky declared, levelling a hoof at the incriminatingly placed pink mare. Her little pipe spouted bubbles as menacingly as she could manage.

“What did I do this time?”

“Stole a tree full of apples!”

“…why can’t I remember any of this? Normally I don’t move when I sugar coma…”

“Alright, that’s about enough.” Applejack said. “Pinkie Pie wouldn’t steal from us. She just wouldn’t.”

“Well if I didn’t do it… who did?”

“Somepony who’s made a big mistake, that’s who.”

“Why can’t I find any tracks?” Scootaloo asked, scanning the ground with a magnifying glass.

“Why would the perp make tracks if nopony else here is?” Applebloom responded

“Good point…”

“Pinkie, what are ya even doin’ here?” Applejack asked, fearing the answer.

“Oh, I was on my way to visit the local OC. Not you Ivan, a different one.”

“…This is that author stuff again, isn’t it?”

“I can’t tell you. You bribed me.”

“…Right then. Next time you’re in town, could ya ask Twilight to give us a hand with this? There’s probably some spell she could find for this. Luna knows she’s got a spell for every other occasion.”

“Of course she’d know. They tell each other everything.”

“…how would ya know that?”

“I can’t tell you. You bribed me.” Applejack’s eye twitched. Everypony in the vicinity (except Pinky) took a cautious step away from her.

“…anyway, this looks like it might take a while, and I’ll be late if I stay much longer. I’ll tell Twilight you need her help next time I’m in town! Bye bye everypony!”

“Bye bye!” Dinky called, waving her hoof for all it was worth. Everypony else just stared as she pranced off.

“…well that accomplished nothin’. Right, Ah think we should get back to work. We’ll deal with this when Twilight’s available. Keep an eye out for anythin’ suspicious. We’ll talk about a night watch later.” Big Mac didn’t offer any arguments, and lumbered off. Ivan levitated the empty buckets around the robbed tree and moved on to one that hadn’t been harvested. As he was about to get back to work, something filly shaped landed on his back. He turned back to see a grinning Scootaloo.

“My turn now, right?”

“…Sure.”

“We’ll help ya keep an eye out for dirty thieves!” Applebloom said. “The nerve, stealin’ from my farm. Who’d do such a thing?”

“Somepony who’s hungry?” Dinky wondered, studying one of the apples Ivan lowered into the buckets.

“If they were hungry, wouldn’t they just buy the apples? Unless they have no money?” Sweetie Belle mused. “Does that mean you were hit by a bunch of hobo thieves?”

“Could be. But the only hobo around here is Ivan.” Applebloom answered, bucking a nearby tree. Not a single apple budged. The earth pony pouted.

“Maybe it’s only one pony?” Sweetie Belle asked. “I mean, there was only one tree hit, right? If there were more then one pony, why would they hit one tree?” Ivan stopped for a moment, raising an eyebrow at this uncommon show of common sense.

“You might be onto something Sweetie!”

“Really?! Quick, check my flank!” Well, Ivan mused, it was nice while it lasted.

“Nothin’.”

“Aw ponyfeathers.”

“Helping Ivan?” Cheerilee asked as she wandered onto the scene.

“Where’d ya go Miss Cheerilee?”

“Applejack promised me some cider when I came over in the first place. I felt like getting that before she forgot. How’s the farm hand work?”

“Simple.” Ivan said, focusing on the task at hand.

“…that leg of yours giving you any trouble?”

“No.”

“…Do you not like me?” That got Ivan’s attention. He turned, waiting for an explanation.

“Well, you don’t really say much. It feels like you’re waiting for me to go away.”

“Aw shucks Miss Cheerilee, that’s just the way Ivan is! Don’t mean he doesn’t care.” Applebloom answered.

“He talks to everypony that way. If he didn’t care about us though, he probably wouldn’t have charged into that forest after us.” Sweetie Belle added. “Really helped save our butts. And that was like, the second time!” Ivan couldn’t help but wonder how many times they were going to mention that.

Shouldn’t foals be repressing traumatic memories?

“Started giving us rides too.” Scootaloo said from his back. “This sure beats walking.”

“Fly then.” Ivan deadpanned as he unloaded another tree.

“That’d require effort. Dinky had the right idea, I could nap up here and get to where I’m going.”

Ivan sighed. Cheerilee stifled a laugh.

“So you’re just going to do this all day until the harvest is done?”

“Eeyup.” Ivan answered, working another tree. Cheerilee couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Made a friend, have you?”

“Sure.”

“He’s a good stallion.”

“Mm.”

…this was going nowhere, Cheerilee decided.

“…I want to apologise.”

“Mm?”

“I think I attacked you a little when I first met you. Verbally. Passive aggressively. You get it.”

“Yes.” Ivan agreed.

“You attacked him?!”

“No, Dinky, that’s not what I meant. I treated him… a little rudely. Pressed, as Ivan mentioned to me earlier.”

“Why’d you do that?” The grey unicorn asked, tilting her head in confusion.

“Because several little fillies were hanging around a strange stallion dressed in a long coat that nopony had ever seen before. You’ll understand when you’re older, but those things don’t typically end well.”

“Ooooh…”

Ivan raised an eyebrow at her explanation, and supposed that yes, a stranger hanging around with a bunch of kids all day, against his will or not, was probably quite suspicious looking.

The sort of thing that would have Colt Hansen trot in and tell him to have a seat over there.

…Perhaps establishing himself with general acts of unselfish heroism was a good thing.

“Accepted.” Ivan said.

“Oh, that’s good.”

“Clean slate?”

“That’s also good.” Ivan nodded. Then returned to work.

“So why are a set of fillies hanging around you?”

“Beats me.” Ivan answered. “Interesting?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” The teacher answered with a slight giggle. She smiled mischievously, and said; “Might it have anything to do with that cast of yours?”

“We’re gonna help him get better!” Applebloom cut in quickly. “There might be a cutie mark in there somewhere…”

“…Hm.” Cheerilee pretended to accept, but Ivan could see she was amused by something.

She probably talked to Applejack. She probably knew why his leg was broken. Since she wasn’t making a huge deal about it though, it was probably fine.

…good thing too. Three of the crusaders would probably make a lot of noise if she decided to attack them about it.

“…Don’t care.” Ivan said.

“Oh?”

“Will heal.”

“I know a lot of ponies that would be much angrier then this about a broken limb.”

“Different then.”

“Yes… I suppose you are.” Cheerilee agreed. Most of the conversation from that point onward was Cheerliee making small talk with the fillies while Ivan worked.

It was a happy atmosphere, and time seemed to pass quickly.

--

“…looks like Scootaloo did decide to take a nap. Is your back really that comfortable?”

“Never tried.”

“Oh, I’m glad you didn’t say that in front of Pinkie Pie. The tangent she would’ve went off on… Wonderful mare though.”

The sun was setting, and Ivan’s horn was starting to ache a bit from the constant use it had seen that day. Looking out over the trees he had harvested, he couldn’t help but feel good about how much he had managed to get done, despite the constant distraction from his entourage.

Not that he was complaining. Cheerilee had managed to keep the crusaders occupied for the most part, so they hadn’t stuck their hooves in anything life threatening. Or dangerous in any way. Really that’s all he could ask for.

…he wondered idly if keeping them safe was a full time job. Did that make today a day off?

“I think it’s about time for everypony to go home.” Cheerilee said in her ‘teacher’ tone.

“Ah am home though.”

“There are still three fillies who aren’t. Ivan, do you know where Scootaloo lives?”

“Yes.”

“Oh good. I had better come with you anyway though. Playpen gets a bit protective of his charges. He’s the stallion who runs the orphanage.”

“Let’s go.” Ivan said. The other two fillies followed him without an argument, and Cheerilee found herself wishing she could do that as easily.

“Rarity’s boutique is closest. We’ll start there.”

--

Ivan managed to find out where Dinky lived, and filed the information away for later. Celestia knew that he’d probably have to stop by to ask Ditzy to kick another monster in the face.

…he was somewhat glad the mailmare was on their side.

When he and the teacher arrived at the orphanage, he tried to nudge Scootaloo awake, only for her to mumble in her sleep and snuggle into his neck.

…and by the smirk on Cheerilee’s face, she was resisting the urge to say all sorts of things.

“If you lift her onto my back, I’ll take her in.” She offered instead. Thankfully, the pegasus didn’t have a strong grip around his throat, so the transition was easy.

The green glow of his magic hadn’t even faded before Cheerliee found herself the same victim of Scootaloo’s unknowing affection.

“I almost wish she was like this when she was awake. Such a rambunctious little thing…” She said fondly as she walked up to the door.

She was a little surprised to note that Ivan had waited for her.

“Are you going to escort me home?”

Ivan shrugged. “Sure.”

Cheerilee smiled. “This way.”

The moon had risen by that point. Ivan found himself liking the feeling of walking through a world where everypony was sleeping. Normally he hadn’t had much of a reason to walk around at night before this.

“You’ll be leaving after that leg heals?”

“Yes.”

“That’s too bad. The fillies seem to really like you.” Ivan didn’t respond to that.

“Where are you staying Ivan?” Cheerilee asked when they had reached her house.

“Barn.”

“…really?”

“Big Mac offered.”

“Where were you before that?”

“Under tree.”

“You’ve been sleeping outside this whole time?”

“Yes.”

“Well what if it rains?” Ivan shrugged.

“…If it starts to rain, you can come here.” She found herself offering. “I have a spare bedroom for visitors.”

Ivan’s head tilted a bit, and Cheerilee wondered if his eyes had widened under his brim. He definitely hadn’t expected that.

“You’re taking care of Ponyville’s children, whether you want to or not. You should get some thanks for it.”

“…Thank you.” He said, turning his gaze away from her. She found herself wishing she could take that hat off so she could see what he was trying to hide, but she supposed that would be like taking the security blanket from a foal.

How long have you been hiding like this? What are you scared of?

“Well, goodnight then. You’ve got a lot of work ahead of you, so I shouldn’t keep you up.”

Ivan shrugged. “Nightwatch.” He said, but turned to leave anyway. All that meant was that his work just wasn’t over.

“Goodnight.” He said, nodding politely at the schoolteacher before starting back to Sweet Apple Acres.

--

When he had returned, he volunteered for first watch. He was also informed that he would get a few extra bits for the service, which he gratefully accepted.

Walking amongst the appletrees, he wished he could cast a sensory spell. He didn’t like the possibility of letting the thief pass under his radar.

He found himself, not for the first time, cursing his special talent.

His musings were interrupted by the sound of a snapping twig nearby, and he stopped, glad he was wearing black. Chances were he could sneak up on the thief himself. He slowly removed his hat and uncovered his horn, trying to place where he had heard the noise.

“Augh! Blast it…” Whoever it was, wasn’t a very good thief. All the better.

He crept closer, coming upon a pony trying to climb into a full apple tree with little success. He ran through his limited repertoire of spells for something that wouldn’t outright kill the intruder, and settled on projection. A spectral green club formed out of nothing near his horn, and he threw it forward to bludgeon the hapless pony.

Sadly, the pony avoided the attack by accidentally tumbling out of the tree at the precise moment.

By the light cast from Ivan’s magic, he could see the thief quite clearly. An adult earth pony, stark white in body and extremely unkempt mane. He wore a long coat as white as he was, covering his cutie mark. He looked up into the light and froze at the sight of Ivan.

“…I can explain.” He said, red eyes wide behind a pair of thick spectacles. Being a reasonable sort, Ivan waited.

Then the mystery pony turned tail and ran. Ivan said several unflattering things about the thief’s parentage under his breath as he gave chase.

The broken leg slowed him up quite a bit, though on the bright side, the thief seemed incredibly unfit. Ivan couldn’t fire anything harmful for fear of hurting the trees they were weaving through, and the pony kept stumbling out of the path of Ivan’s club.

Finally, they cleared the trees, but the thief had gained a lot of ground. And parked on the nearby road was a patchwork vehicle of some kind loaded down with apples. Since the pony hopped in and started fiddling with it, he probably expected it to move.

So Ivan did what he did best, and aimed his horn.

The explosion was deafening, but the pony’s unnatural luck held, and the vehicle lurched forward out of harm’s way. Worse, the pony was driving like he was drunk off his flanks, and the other shots Ivan fired missed.

At the speed the thief was going, Ivan simply didn’t stand a chance at catching him at this rate. He sighed, at least knowing that the thief wouldn’t be back for a while.

…he then mentally kicked himself wondering why he didn’t just attempt to lift the vehicle altogether.

“Ivan, what the hay?!” Applejack said, galloping full tilt towards him. Big Macintosh wasn’t far behind. “Ah heard that clear from the house! Scared my socks clear off!”

“Socks?”

“…nevermind that. What happened?”

“Thief.” Ivan said, gesturing to the distant vehicle.

“…that’s awfully fast…”

“Another tree?” Big Mac asked.

“Mm.”

“Shoot. Well Ah hope ya at least scared him good.”

“Yes.” Ivan replied, resisting the urge to smirk. He remembered the way the thief was praying to the heavenly princesses as he ran. That thief was terrified.

“He won’t be back tonight then. Let’s head back for some shuteye. We’ll talk about this in the mornin’.”

“Well on the bright side, yer watch was cut short, and we can just sleep clear to the next day.”

“Applebloom, what are ya doin’ up? Ah told ya to go back to sleep!” Applejack scolded, rounding on the filly that had apparently snuck out.

“It’s my farm too! Why can’t Ah protect the homestead?”

“Yer too little. If we’re dealin’ with a hardened criminal, yer likely to get hurt.”

“Ah can take care of myself!”

“Yer recent track record suggests otherwise.”

“But this is a pony! Not some kinda crazy dangerous monster!”

“Ponies can be plenty dangerous. Especially to little colts and fillies that think they know better. Now, back to the house. This conversation is over.”

Applebloom was obviously holding back some incredible outburst. Eyes watering, face red, she turned and dashed back toward the house.

“…she’ll be sore ‘bout that for a while.” Big Mac mused.

“Will she ever. Ah’m surprised she didn’t try and get Ivan on her side.”

“She might’ve if ya didn’t ‘end the conversation’ there. Ya alright there Ivan?”

“Fine.”

“Right. Let’s head back then.”

--

“Well, at least the criminal left us a convenient set of tracks to follow. Mighty nice of ‘em.” Applejack said the next morning.

Whatever the criminal had driven off in left tracks in it’s wake, now very visible in the daylight.

Ivan, glad that he didn’t have to follow a set of tracks into a forest that would apparently try and kill him for a change, set off down the trail, Applejack and Big Mac in tow.

“Oh, Ivan, ‘fore I forget, did ya see Applebloom at all this mornin’?”

“No.” Ivan answered, already seeing where this was going.

“Well it’s possible that she just went somewhere to blow off some steam from last night. Sleepin’ on that can’t have been good.” Big Mac considered for a moment. Then he said what everypony was thinking.

“Course, it’s also possible that she’s gone to try and catch the thief on her own.”

“Most likely, yeah.”

“Buck.” Spat Ivan.

“We appreciate ya comin’ along Ivan. We really do.” Applejack said in a somewhat placating manner. Big Mac chuckled.

“Gotta wonder though. All this stuff apparently started happenin’ when ya rolled into town. Gotta wonder if yer cursed or somethin’.”

“Pinkie Pie’d blame that author thing.”

“Might do to blame somethin’. If this is somepony’s idea of a joke…”

“Well, don’t you worry Ivan. If we do find Applebloom out here, ya can bet yer flank she’ll be grounded for the rest of the buckin’ season. With her indoors and you out in the fields, and the fillies probably on ya like Spike on Rarity, trouble won’t find ya unless it comes lookin’.”

“Jinxed.” Ivan deadpanned, hanging his head.

“…now ya might be right there…”

--

Applejack laying into her the way she did, Big Mac and Ivan not saying a word…

Did nopony remember the Zecora incident? She could take care of herself Luna darn it!

Oh she’d show them. She’d show them all.

And get some kind of crazy wicked awesome cutie mark out of it to boot!

Her apologies went out to her comrades, but this was a matter of family. This would be a solo mission.

The thief probably expected her to follow the tracks, but she was two or maybe four and a half steps ahead of him! She went off the road and snuck up by way of the bushes. Nopony would see her coming until it was too late.

“Hello!”

Applebloom screamed.

--

…and her siblings and Ivan heard it from quite far off. Applebloom had one heck of a set of lungs in her.

“Motherbucker.” Applejack growled. Ivan agreed. The three took off at a run down the road, soon coming to a small plot of trees.

The orange pony ran in first, tripped a wire, and was slammed in the face with a swinging log.

She landed in an undignified heap at the feet of the two stallions.

“Applejack, ya alright?” Big Mac asked, tugging her sister to her hooves.

“Awww, Rarity, c’mere an’ give ush shome sugar…” Big Mac and Ivan exchanged glances, decided there were much more important things to worry about, and the red stallion gave her a slap across the face.

“Hooo, good glory Ah needed that. Much obliged brother.”

“No problem.”

“Trapped.” Ivan stated, examining the log.

“…so it is. Any ideas?” Big Mac asked.

“Yes.” Ivan said as he removed his hat. A large green shape appeared in front of them, resembling the cowcatcher of a train.

“…Ah like yer style Ivan.” Applejack said. “Now let’s run!”

To Ivan’s credit, it worked for a good minute or so. Then the ground gave way and they fell into a well dug pit. Thankfully, Ivan landed on Big Mac and avoided breaking anything else.

“…well this is a fine kettle of fish. Ivan, got a magical solution for this?”

“Yes.” A green platform began to elevate them out.

“…huh. Didn’t expect that. Alright, do that wall thing again. Applebloom needs us.” Tripping another wire caused a tennis ball launcher to shoot up from somewhere unseen behind them. Well, it didn’t look like any tennis ball launcher that Ivan had ever seen, but it shot tennis balls. Hard. Ivan crafted another shield before they got too many bruises.

“Alright. This is startin’ to tick me off.”

“Keep runnin’!”

--

“Hey, professor, what is this even gonna be?”

“…You know, I haven’t the foggiest. What do yo-“

The door exploded inwards to reveal a bruised, beaten, somewhat singed, and immensely pissed trio of ponies.

“…Oh by the sun, now I have to set all those traps agai- …oh dear…” The thief trailed off as he recognised Ivan, and remembered the explosive death he was flinging at him just the other night. The other two ponies didn’t look too happy either.

“If ya don’t give me back my sister Ah will take yer head and buck it clear t-“

“Hiya Applejack!”

“Not now Pinkie Pie, I really need to-…” Her head slowly turned to face Pinkie Pie, standing there grinning as if nothing was wrong.

Applebloom was there too, looking at her livid sister with wide eyed shock.

“…What the buck.”

“…Ah think everypony has some explainin’ to do.” Big Mac said, turning a toppled chair back on it’s legs and settling down on it.

“…One thing. Ivan, this is the thief, right?” Applejack asked.

“Yes.”

“Good. We’ll start here. Explain yerself ‘fore I get angry.”

“Ah, right, I-I-I’m P-Professor Jerryrig. A-and you a-a-are?”

“Not in the mood. Why did ya steal two trees of apples, why is my sister here, and why is Pinkie Pie.”

“Why… is Pinkie pie what?”

“No, just… Why. Is. She.”

“Oh, Professor Jerryrig is a good friend of mine Applejack! He’s the one who made me my copter-bike!”

“…ya know, Ah always wondered ‘bout that…”

“The apples?” Big Mac pressed, narrowing his eyes at the trembling pony.

“I… was hungry, and your apples were just right there and I didn’t think you would miss so few!”

“If yer hungry, ya take a snack. Ya took two trees worth.”

“Putting some aside for a rainy day? I don’t really leave very of-DON’T TOUCH-“ He suddenly shouted at the sound of a rather large buzzer and the flash of a bright red light. He bounded to where Applebloom was fiddling with something on a work-bench.

“…the sides…” He finished, exhaling in relief.

“…How many are left?” Applejack asked, driving the conversation back on topic.

“Nearly all of them…”

“Cart ‘em back. And yer gonna work off the ones ya ate.”

“B-b-but-“

“Either that, or my friend Ivan gets to show ya just how much he liked yer traps.” Ivan, personally, looked geared to blow the whole house sky high.

“Er… right…”

“Then we’re gonna talk about how ya can pay off any more ya want.”

“…what?”

“If ya need food, we’ve got some to spare. Gotta work for it though. What’s yer special talent?”

“Oh!” The professor pulled up his coat revealing a set of mis-matched gears on his flank. “As you can see, I’m quite good at building things. I’m an inventor you see, and quite a brilliant one!”

“He totally made my copter-bike! He’s also got this bus in the back of the place, and-“

“Wait, busses have already been invented.”

“This bus is like, five busses though! A super bus!”

“…hang on, Pinkie, why didn’t ya tell me ‘bout this guy when the apples went missing?”

“I didn’t suspect him! We’re friends after all! Also I’m very disapoint.”

“I p-p-p-promise not to d-do it again…” Pinkie’s eyes narrowed, and Jerryrig feared for his life.

“…Pinkie promise.”

“C-c-cross my heart, hope to fly, stick… it was ‘cupcake’, wasn’t it?”

As the professor stumbled through the unorthodox verbal contract, Ivan turned to Big Mac with a raised eyebrow. The other stallion, still seated comfortably, raised both hooves in the universal ‘I have no idea’ gesture.

“Well now that’s over with. Ya can fix stuff, right?” Applejack asked. The timid ‘professor’ (there was no degree that anypony could see displayed anywhere) puffed himself up.

“Certainly. You’ll find nopony better with a toolbox in all of Equestria!”

“Good. We could use a handypony to tune up a few things ‘round the farm. The barn’s roof’s got a bit of a leak for starters…”

--

“Oh, Applebloom.” Applejack said offhoofedly as they all walked back. “Yer grounded ‘till the end of the harvest.”

“But why?!”

“Because ya went off on yer own to track down a thief that nopony knew anythin’ about. Ya coulda been hurt, or worse. I’m just thankful that it turned out to be that… odd stallion who was the culprit.”

“But nothin’ bad happened! And now we got cheap labour for the farm!”

“The path here was trapped, and we had to rush it because we thought ya were hurt. We had to deal with swinging logs, pitfalls, tennisball launchers, catapults, arrows, and a flamethrower. If Ivan didn’t have shields to throw up, we would’ve been in bad shape.”

“How was Ah supposed to know there were traps everywhere?!”

“Ya didn’t!” Applejack yelled, temper finally snapping. Big Mac stealthily lead Ivan away from the blast radius as the orange mare let her sister have it.

“Ya didn’t know a blighted thing! Ya didn’t know if it was dangerous, what we were lookin’ for, who or what we were dealin’ with, nothin’! If ya didn’t skip out on the main path, you woulda hit all those traps on yer own, and we woulda found ya at the bottom of a pit, or worse!”

“Bu-“

“And what if the thief was dangerous!? What if it was some strong mean pony that saw a little filly out in the middle of nowhere and decided somepony’d be willin’ to pay to have her back!? Bad things happen when foals go out on their own! Did ya forget what happened in Everfree Forest already?! It was three days ago!”

“Ah…”

“Ah’d walk through fire for ya Applebloom, never think Ah wouldn’t. But ya should have more sense then to start the fire Ah have to walk through. Yer smarter then this Applebloom. Ah know ya are.”

“…Ah’m… sorry sis…”

“So yer grounded. Ya can still hang around Ivan while he’s workin’ since it’s on the farm, but ya can’t leave the property, or go to yer clubhouse. Not until the harvest’s over. Understand?”

“…yeah…”

“Good. Now come on. Ah feel like a cider. Ah just want ta forget today happened.” Applejack turned and cantered to where Big Mac and Ivan were waiting farther up the road.

Applebloom took a moment to dry her tears before running up after them. She didn’t want Ivan to see her cry.

--

Dinner eventually came, and Granny Smith surprised everypony by hobbling over and giving Ivan a quick hug when she heard that he had done his best to keep her grandchildren safe.

Applebloom promptly got her ears boxed. Strangely, she didn’t raise much of a fuss afterwards.

Soon after, Applejack noticed the scribbles on Ivan’s cast and it didn’t take long for the unicorn’s pen to get passed around again.

The meal after that was a quiet affair, save for Applebloom talking about all the weird gadgets and machines that Jerryrig had all over his workshop. Applejack started taking note of all the things they could put the tinker up to for the next day, and the two stallions talked about nothing until Ivan decided to turn in early.

He sighed in relief as he settled into a comfortable pile of hay, looking forward to the quiet days ahead, and making a note to visit Rarity for repairs to his coat. On the Apple family’s coin, to be paid back by Jerryrig later, of course.

--

Swing by the farm whenever you’re in the area. We’ll have a space open at the table for you.

-Applejack

I owe you one. Good luck, friend.

-Big Macintosh

Look happier colt. You deserve that much.

-Granny Smith

A Much Needed Break

Chapter Five: A Much Needed Break
or
Back In My Day, We Shot Them

“Hey, Ivan, can I have a ride?” Sweetie Belle asked one day while Ivan was working the orchard.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Sick.” Ivan replied. And when Sweetie Belle took another look at Ivan, she agreed. He was rather pale, and sweating… he was also moving sluggishly.

“Then why are ya workin’?” Applebloom asked. “Sis’d understand if ya needed a rest…”

“No pay.”

“So yer just gonna work through it?”

“Yes.”

“Mommy told me that if I don’t tell her when I’m sick, she can’t help me get better.” Dinky said in a way that Ivan suspected was scolding.

“…tell who?” Ivan offered, hoping to derail the little unicorn’s train of thought. He didn’t like the attempted guilt. He liked it less that it was working somehow.

“…where’s your mom?” Ivan stopped to think a moment.

“… Fillydelphia.”

“Really?” Ivan nodded.

“…your dad?”

“With mom.”

“…Hey, who should he tell?” Dinky asked, turning to the other three crusaders.

“Beats me.” Scootaloo said flippantly. “If it were actually serious, he probably would’ve told somebody already.”

“Maybe Ah should tell Applejack?” Applebloom suggested. “If yer sick, workin’ through it’ll make it worse. That’s what she said, at least.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Pay.”

“…Ah guess if yer not workin’ yer not getting’ paid…”

“Wonder how often grownups have to do that?” Sweetie Belle asked. “It’d really suck to work when I could throw up at any time…”

“At least you could magic a bucket around…” Scootaloo started, and Ivan decided to stop paying attention after that.

--
Cheerliee had taken to visiting often, and Ivan suspected it was to soften the blows to his sanity that the crusaders caused.

The fact that he enjoyed the teacher’s company was a bonus.

“Hello Ivan. How’s the weather treating you?”

“Fine.” He said, making a note to limit any tells pointing toward his current illness.

“I heard that there’s going to be a storm coming in a couple days.” She said, something meaningful in her tone. Ivan flinched a little, and he knew she noticed.

“Oh?”

“A big one.”

“Hey, Miss Cheerilee?” Applebloom piped up with a raised hoof, “Why do we have storms?”

“Mm?”

“Well, Ah get that the lands need water, but why not just have some rain then? Why do the pegasi need to set up a huge storm and muck everythin’ up?”

“Hmmm… say, Applebloom, have you ever shook up a soda can before?” Cheerilee asked, settling down into the grass, Ivan momentarily forgotten in favour of an impromptu lesson.

“Well sure! Applejack falls for that one all the time!”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Anyway, the weather is similar.” As Ivan finished with another tree, he looked back at the teacher and noticed that the four crusaders had all seated themselves in front of her in a row. Cheerilee was gesturing with a hoof the same way that she probably did while in the classroom, sweeping it to indicate the surrounding area.

“There’s more magic then what you find in ponies. While unicorns are attuned to the magic of their own bodies through their horns, pegasi and earth ponies are attuned to the forces outside, in nature. It’s the reason pegasai can fly as well as they do, and the reason earth ponies are so strong. They take from their surroundings, and then give back through their actions. It’s a process so natural, they often don’t realise they’re doing it. The theory’s only taught normally to pegasai who have to make special use of their powers.

“The magic of nature is an old thing. Malleable-“

“What’s that word mean?” Scootaloo asked with a raised hoof.

“Malleable means that it’s easy to shape and manipulate. The magic of nature is normally simple for pegasai to change and mould, but every time they do, it’s like giving a soda can a few shakes. Pressure builds up, and opening it will cause a bigger burst each time.

“Now, can anypony tell me why we have storms? Sweetie Belle?” The unicorn in question lowered her hoof, thought for a moment on how to phrase her answer, and spoke.

“Do storms get rid of pressure?”

“Very good. We can have a lot more sunny days and light showers then we could if we were to let nature do as it normally would. Every now and again though, we need to schedule a storm to calm nature down before the magic becomes too turbulent to control. Remember how a while back, there was word of several disasters occurring in Neighpon?” There was a slow ‘oooohhh’ from the assembled fillies as the lesson sunk in.

“Nature is normally a friendly force. The pegasi can flex it how we want, and nothing bad happens as long as we let it vent the resulting ‘pressure’ on a regular basis. A storm or two a month is the regular amount, though there are deviations depending on the time of year and other factors. Are there any questions?”

“…is… there going to be a test?” Dinky asked hesitantly.

“There will be eventually, for these three.” Cheerilee answered with a smile as she gestured to the other three crusaders. “I was planning on teaching this lesson later on to the rest of the class. You won’t have to worry about it until next year Dinky.”

“Oh.”

“Class dismissed.” And she turned her head just in time to catch Ivan pretending not to pay attention.

“What are ya smilin’ about Miss Cheerilee? Somethin’ funny?”

“No, it’s just a wonderful day, isn’t it?”

“Ah guess so…”

--

The sun was setting a few days later when Cheerilee tried to get Ivan’s attention.

“Ivan!” She said, voice raised, causing him to start and drop a bucket of apples.

“…that was the fourth time I called you. Something on your mind?”

“Tired.” It wasn’t a lie. His illness had gotten worse, and it took a lot of concentration to keep it under wraps.

He was glad his clothes, for the most part, hid how pale he was becoming…

“Oh, well that’s good. I’m pretty sure my guest room is better then any bale of hay, so you shou-“

“What?” Ivan asked, dropping the bucket again as he tried hard to remember when the conversation had turned to this.

“There’s a storm tonight. I told you about it a couple days ago.”

“…barn?”

“It would be quite a cold night. I heard the barn leaks too. Especially after that.” Cheerilee pointed at a rather large hole in the barn’s roof after Jerryrig had tripped during the repairs. He really was quite clumsy for a self proclaimed genius…

“Impose.”

“You wouldn’t be. I offered, in case you forgot.”

“U-um…” Ivan, despite himself, took a step back. Cheerilee responded by taking a step forward.

“So you’re staying over? Wonderful! I’ve been wanting to ask you about the places you’ve been for a while now, but you’ve always been working…” Ivan, left with no escape route, took the one option left open to him.

He sighed.

“Bags.” He said, placing the bucket correctly this time, and turning to make a quick retreat.

Cheerilee watched him go for his things, and wondered why he was so nervous.

She also wondered how hard Applejack was working him, given how sluggish he was moving. Surely he wasn’t that tired when his horn was doing most of the work?

“Alright, time to go!” Cheerilee called to the crusaders, who started saying their goodbyes to Applebloom.

Ivan walked back, saddlebags in place and face set forward, as if he were trying to pretend Cheerilee wasn’t there.

And as the crusaders were escorted to their homes, the teacher noticed Ivan beginning to stumble. His breathing was also labored and slow.

“Ivan, are you alr- oh goodness!” She cried as Ivan lost consciousness and fell forward into the road. And she noticed with alarm as she tried to revive him that the rain and wind were beginning to pick up.

Somehow she managed to get the larger pony onto her back, saddlebags and all, and the problem became obvious as she felt how hot Ivan’s body was against hers.

Given the sweat he was shedding on top of that, the fever must have been severe.

She took a moment to run through her few options. Nurse Redheart’s clinic would be closed at this time, and her home was rather far off.

Cheerilee’s own house though was close, and she knew she had a spare bed and the means to take care of him. At least until the fever broke. By then she could see about getting help…

“Thank Celestia I’m not a pegasus…” She muttered as she hefted Ivan’s weight and started home. Earth pony strength would see her through.

--

A few hours had passed, and Cheerilee was passing the time at Ivan’s bedside between the needed bouts of care with a book.

She might not have bothered if she knew how hard it was to read when there was a horribly ill pony next to her.

“S-Sally?” Her eyes shot up from a page she had read at least three times by accident to see Ivan’s eyes barely open and trying to focus on her.

He struggled, trying to sit up.

“Ivan, just… just rest for now, you shouldn’t be trying to-“

“Sally.” He said again, reaching out a shaking hoof, and Cheerilee found herself at an absolute loss as to what she should be doing about a delirious stallion mistaking her for… somepony. A friend? Lover? Not his mother, she doubted he’d call her by name.

“…yes?” She answered hesitantly, trying to think of anything but that one time Nurse Redheart had cried on her shoulder as she recounted an occasion she pretended to be some poor mare’s mother in her final moments.

At Cheerilee’s acknowledgement, Ivan made a choking noise in the back of his throat that the teacher didn’t think she would ever hear from the grown and grumpy pony she had been getting to know.

“I-I’m… sorry…” Ivan barely got out as he began to cry.

“What…?”

“So s-sorry…”

“I forgive you.” She tried, but then he had cried harder. And for what felt like hours, she had sat there at his bedside, holding his good hoof and listening to repeated apologies for some incident or fever dream that she had no way to see.

And when he had sobbed, groaned and whimpered himself back to sleep, she let his hoof go and leaned back in her chair, unsure of what to think and…

…what did she do about this?

--

She was incredibly thankful that he hadn’t had any episodes like whatever nightmare he had before. She drained her coffee mug, and reached over for the nearby pot to fill it again.

The last time she had polished off three pots of coffee were her college days… She laughed to herself humourlessly.

The earlier incident had left her extremely cautious of leaving him unattended. If he did wake up and called for ‘Sally’ again, she didn’t want to find out what would happen of nopony answered him. Her book lay on the bedside table, forgotten, and she noted with a touch of depression that the sun was rising.

She swore her heart stopped when she heard him stir again.

His eyes opened, and she saw him take a moment to work through the haze that sleep often left behind.

And she sighed with relief when she noticed him, now quite lucid, try to work out how he had got himself into a bed.

He locked eyes with her, and he was plainly trying to figure out which question he should be asking first.

“This is… my house.” She began lamely. “You ah… collapsed in the street on the way here. Ran a high fever.”

Ivan nodded to himself, probably piecing together the events in his head.

Who’s Sally, she almost asked but thought better of it.

“Do you remember anything after that?” Ivan frowned, probably wondering why she would ask something like that. He shook his head no, and Cheerilee didn’t know what to say next.

Ivan’s eyes fell on the empty coffee pot on the bedside, and he raised a telling eyebrow.

“I didn’t get any sleep last night. Really, I’m not even sure when your fever broke… it seemed pretty bad for a little while.”

“…thank you.” He said averting his gaze. She suspected he was looking for his hat, the way his gaze darted about after. She decided not to tell him it was hung up at the front door just yet.

“So how are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“I doubt that. You can’t be all better yet.” She tried not to laugh when he pouted. All stiff back and wounded pride…

Typical stallion.

“I do know you were sweating like a pig. You’re probably at least well enough to get up and shower that off while I change the sheets.”

He seemed to accept that, shifting the covers aside before noticing his bare front legs with something approaching alarm.

“…what’s wrong? Is it your coat? Of course I didn’t put you to bed in it. It’s in the wash.”

“Mm.” He nodded, looking somewhat like a deer in the headlights. Was the coat a security blanket too?

“…are you getting up?”

“…fine.” He said, settling back under the covers.

“…You’re getting up.” She said, eyes narrowed. Ivan shook his head.

…The foalish contrast to his usual personality was amusing at first. Now it was just plain foalish.

Before he had the chance to use his horn, she had already grabbed the covers in her teeth, and pulled.

“You’re getting up, and we’re going to get all that swea-…” She wondered why she didn’t notice sooner, when she removed his coat. It might have been because at the time she had more important things to worry about then what Ivan’s mysterious cutie mark looked like.

Still though, she couldn’t help but wonder how she had missed it’s absence entirely.

“…I… suppose this explains why the crusaders are so hung up on you.”

“…yeah.”

“Did you… just… lose it?” She knew it was a stupid question to ask, but the only other possibility that came to mind was something she had never even heard of.

“Never got.” Yes, that. Unheard of.

“…I… honestly, I never thought that was possible.” Ivan huffed, probably angered at the entire situation.

He was making eye contact now, probably the first time he had ever done so without his hat in the way. She couldn’t help but feel he was daring her to insult him. It was a reaction he was probably used to getting whenever he was found out.

She sat back down, wondering how to handle this.

Somehow, between Ivan’s collapse and now, she had gotten a startling amount of questions she was itching to have answered. None of which she felt like asking, since… they were all places she didn’t want to go, really.

“Do you care?” She found herself asking instead.

“…No.” Ivan answered cautiously.

“Then I don’t see why I should.” In the end, she supposed it didn’t matter too much. Curiosity was almost burning her with its intensity, but the fact that Ivan was without a cutie mark was, while incredibly unusual, unimportant.

“So… was that your big secret? You’ll go shower now?”

“…yes?”

“Good. I really should be changing these sheets. I’ll see about getting some breakfast for you too… how do you feel about muffins?”

“…I…”

“I’ll take that as an ‘I love muffins!’. Well, off you get.” He rolled off the bed, walked toward the door with his head down… turned back looking unsure.

“Room at the end of the hall. The shower, I mean.”

“…payment?” She actually laughed at this, and she was glad she could. Curiosity died down as she started seeing new sides of the normally taciturn pony. Stripped bare and big secret on the table, he was suddenly so awkward it was adorable.

Honestly, if he were any more coltish, she’d probably enroll him in her class.

“I don’t remember you accepting any payment when you went and helped save a bunch of little fillies. So I won’t accept any payment now that I’m saving you. Sound fair?” He stuttered a moment before offering a quick ‘thank you’ and running right into the door in his haste to leave the room. Cheeks burning in embarrassment, he magicked open the door in a way Cheerilee suspected almost ripped it off the hinges and bolted down the hall.

“Careful you don’t get that cast wet!” She called after him, laughing herself to tears.

--

“So, I take it the crusaders latched onto you after finding out about your lack of cutie mark?”

“Yup.” Ivan replied sipping his tea. Cheerilee had confined him back to a fresh bed as soon as his shower was over, stating that he was to stay there until he got better.

“I suppose that makes you the oldest crusader?” Cheerilee jabbed playfully. “This does explain why they’ve been calli-“

“Title droooooooooooop!” Somepony yelled at the top of their lungs, easily heard through the open window.

“…Probably Pinkie Pie.” Cheerilee said. “I’m pretty sure she’s been doing things like that a lot lately…”

“…farm?” Ivan asked, switching the subject to a problem that had just come to mind.

“Oh, I haven’t spoken to them yet. I’ll do that later on, I’m sure they won’t be too angry at you for collapsing in a sudden fever.”

“Thank you.”

“Not a problem. Either way though, I think you’re good for those fillies. It’ll be nice for somepony to be an example that cutie marks aren’t everything.”

“Mm?”

“Yes, you’ve probably already found out they’re a bit obsessed.”

“Understatement.”

“True. So, you get some rest. I’ll see about talking to Applejack and the nurse and we’ll see about getting you out and about again.” Cheerilee gave him a parting smile, and left him alone.

Ivan rolled over, careful not to rip the pillow with his horn, and decided that a bit of extra sleep was exactly what he felt like.

…he wondered if the fillies would survive a couple days without him around.

Afternoon Snack

Chapter Six: Afternoon Snack
or
To Date, The Coolest Thing She's Ever Done

“…Ivan, would you stop looking at me like that?”

…

“Seriously Ivan. I’m not angry at you.”

…

“Alright, I’m disapointed.”

“Why?”

“Because that sudden bout of illness was all your fault. And I would have never known that if you didn’t tell the nurse. Meaning that if I wasn’t there to carry you to a safe and warm bed, you would’ve collapsed on the way back to the farm before the storm after walking the fillies home, and you would have died in the street.”

“…thank you.”

“Well yea-“

“Saved me. Thank you.”

“…you’re welcome Ivan. Just don’t do something that stupid again.”

…

“Promise me Ivan.”

“…Promise.”

“Pinkie promise.”

“No.”

“Alright fine. If I hear you tried for a Darwhinny Award again though, don’t expect me to pull your flanks out of the fire.”

“Noted.”

“Not just for me. I know a set of fillies pretty attached to you. You’d make them cry.”

“…Promise.”

“And I promise not to tell anybody that big bad Ivan loves his fellow crusaders.”

…

“Ivan, stop looking at me like that.”

“Not angry. Disapointed.”

“…who taught you how to tell jokes?”

--

“Feelin’ any better Ivan?” Applejack asked as Ivan and Cheerliee reached the farm. Ivan nodded.

“Well that’s good. Sorry to say the season ended without ya. Ah’ve got no more work at the moment. Might call on ya later.”

“…Ah.”

“If ya come back tomorrow, Ah’ll have yer bits for the work ya did ready. We’ll just call those sick days the vacation ya never took. In the meantime, take another day off. Might do ya good to relax while yer healthy for a change.”

…come to think of it, that did sound nice. Maybe another nap before the crusaders tracked him down.

“Hiya Ivan!”

Nevermind.

“We heard you were really sick, so we made you a lot of food!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed, dragging an oversized basket.

“Well, it was more like we tried to get our culinary cutie marks.” Scootaloo added.

“…it didn’t go well.” Dinky chimed in. “Then Applejack came in and helped, and we learned that the stove is not a fast track to delicious things.”

“Should we write a letter to Princess Celestia? Twilight always does whenever she learns anything.”

“This had nothing to do with friendship Sweetie.”

“So now we got all this food!” Applebloom said, “…wanna help us eat it? It was for you and all…”

“…lots.” Ivan stated, looking over the oversized basket.

“…Wanna have a picnic?” Cheerilee suggested.

--

Twenty minutes of Ivan lugging around the one picnic basket to rule them all later, they were seated on the top of a hill in the shade of a nearby tree.

“Well first up is… an apple pie!” Cheerilee said, reaching into the mystery basket. “We can save that for dessert…”

Ivan reached in next, pulling out…

“…another apple pie? Well, I guess… lots of dessert?” Cheerilee then noticed a set of very sheepish crusaders.

“…it’s all pie isn’t it?”

“Nope!” Dinky answered.

“Cobbler.” Ivan confirmed, pulling another treat out of the basket.

“…so they’re all sugary desserts?”

“They always make us feel better when we’re sick! We figured if we made a bunch, Ivan’d feel awesome!”

“Sweets don’t make a pony better.” Cheerilee said, pulling out a tub of vanilla icecream that was somehow not melted at all despite being in a basket with several hot treats. A unicorn probably did it.

“We’re not dumb Miss Cheerilee!” Sweetie Belle said. “We couldn’t just make him better, so we just wanted to make him feel better. Eating a slice of pie does that!”

“…and you made all this?” the teacher asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well… we’re sorta the reason that… his leg’s broken.” Sweetie Belle confessed. “And we hadn’t done a good job of making it up to him yet. So…”

“…and you?” Cheerilee asked Dinky. The grey filly hadn’t had anything to do with the leg.

“I just like him.” The unicorn replied.

“…good.” Ivan spoke up, and the other ponies looked over to where he was sitting, and now working his way through a slice of pie.

“…ya mean it?” Applebloom asked. The other three fillies leaned forward in anticipation.

“Yes.” Ivan said, lifting the brim of his hat. “Thank you.”

Most of the company’s attention was off Ivan as the assorted fillies exchanged victory cries and high-hooves. And flank checks that uncovered nothing.

Cheerilee was still watching though when Ivan took another bite. And he smiled. It was a small thing, barely there, and it didn’t last long before his hat’s brim came down and his mouth straightened, but it was genuine and warm.

“Well, I suppose a day of treats once in a while wouldn’t hurt anypony.” Cheerilee conceded, opening the tub of ice cream and passing around more plates. “Best to eat them while they’re hot anyway.”

“’Course a day of treats is alright! If it wasn’t, think about Pinkie Pie.”

“Rainbow Dash!” Three of the crusaders chorused as they all looked up to find the pegasus lounging in the tree above them.

“You look like you’ve got a lot of pie there. It just wouldn’t be right if I left you to tackle it all alone. There’s room for one more, right?”

“Sure there is!” Scootaloo replied excitedly, nudging over to make room for the pegasus and scrambling for another plate.

“Awesome. So you made all this?”

“Well… my friends helped…”

“And you made it all for this guy? Does somepony have a crush?”

“No-“

“Oh, sorry, I’m supposed to introduce myself, right?” The pegasus said, turning to Ivan. His hat was down again, and he regarded the intruder silently. “Rainbow Dash. I also go by ‘Painbow’, ‘that mare we all want or want to be’, and ‘what the moon was that it was moving too fast to see so it was probably Rainbow Dash’. You may have heard of me.”

“No.”

“Well no wonder you look so mean. Your life is not complete unless there’s a bit of Dash in it. If that author dude Pinkie’s going on about wrote a book? Hero, right here.”

“Sure.”

“…so what’s your name?”

“This is Ivan! He drove a mine cart and blew up half a mountain and went into Everfree and went through a huge gauntlet of traps, spikes, flamethrowers, tennis ball launchers, and he did it all with that broken leg. Also my sister shot lasers!”

“Huh, that’s not bad for a- wait. Rarity did what?!”

“Shot lasers! She said something about self defense, and she won’t teach me how b-“

“Rarity. Miss prissy frou-frou ‘Rainbow Dash stop being a rock star on my roof’ Rarity. Shot lasers. Like, in real life.”

“Yeah!”

“…Welp. That redeems her for hating metal and awesome right there. And makes her like, ten percent cooler on top of that.”

“Coolest pony ever!”

“Besides me.”

“She shot lasers and beat up a bunch of diamond dogs because I was in trouble. My sister’s amazing.”

“She was cool once. I’m cool all the time. After we’re done with the picnic here, I’ll prove it. Who wants a show from a future Wonderbolt?”

“Hey, Dash, could you teach me a few tricks?” Scootaloo asked, inching a little closer. “I always thought you were the coolest.”

“Sure, why not? Lesson from the Dash. I figure it’s the least I can do after this pie here. Sun this is good.”

“Woo! Cutie Mark Crusader Solo Mission: Stunt Flier!”

“Solo mission?!” Sweetie Belle complained, narrowing her eyes at the orange pegasus.

“Hey, I gotta agree with Scoots here.” Dash said, “Even I can’t teach somepony to fly if they don’t have wings.”

“Awwww!”

--

Sure enough, Ivan was sitting off a full stomach (the crusaders insisted he have at least one slice of everything) with Cheerilee as Rainbow Dash grandstanded before the supposed lesson was to begin.

“…you should smile more often.” Cheerilee said, once she was sure Ivan was committed to the bottle of cider he was drinking from. She giggled as he started coughing and sputtering.

“What?”

“You smiled earlier. It looks good on you.”

“…did I?”

“Mm. Do you just like being this… fridge?”

“…No.”

“Well, why are you always hiding behind that hat then? Looking like you’ve got some kind of tragic past that made it impossible for you to feel. I stopped reading those books when I started going to highschool.”

“…Private.”

“What, your emotions? Really?”

“Dislike showing.”

“…is it my business to know why?”

“No.”

“We are friends. Aren’t we?” She expected an affirmative, but instead he seemed to be thinking it over.

“…I hope you don’t think my saving your life didn’t mean anything.”

“…few friends.”

“Really? So I guess you met some while travelling?”

“One.”

“So the others are at your hometown?”

“…homeless.”

“…so where are your friends?”

“Here.”

“In Ponyville? You mean that when you first came here, you had only one friend in the entire world?”

“…yes.”

“So I take it that suddenly having… several friends just feels weird?”

“…Mm.”

“…It’s alright to make a lot of friends. If anypony here calls you friend, it’s because we think you’re worth it, even with all the hiding you do.”

“Oh…”

“I call you friend. Do you call me friend?”

“…yes.”

“Well good. So you don’t have to hide from me. Or the crusaders. Or Big Mac, or any of the other ponies around here who like you. Not saying you have to throw off the hat and coat and start being Pinkie Pie levels of happy at everypony, but… baby steps, right?”

“…foalish.”

“Yes, you are. A little bit at least. Good thing you’re being foalish in front of a friend though, right?”

“Mm…”

Ivan felt Cheerilee’s side press against his when she inched a little closer. Something reassuring as he began to think his way through personal revelations.

…having friends sounded nice. Even if the thought was intimidating for reasons he was still trying to piece together. It felt like his life was changing entirely too fast.

He didn’t really miss the times when things were simple though. Cheerilee alone was proof that these times were better.

--

“…and that’s how you do a buccaneer blaze!” Dash finished, looking over the awed fillies with pride.

“…now, could I have a volunteer from the audience to try some tricks? How about the orange pegasus?”

“Yeah!” Scootaloo cheered, getting up and trotting toward the mare.

“Alright, so. Just like I said.”

“…wait, you want me to try the buccaneer blaze?!”

“Well I don’t expect you to get it on the first try. You’re not me. But seeing you try might give me an idea where you’re at.”

“…um…”

“Well? You gonna try, or what?” Scootaloo paused, and gestured for Rainbow Dash to come closer. And when the mare bent down her head, the filly whispered something in her ear. Dash’s eyes widened.

“Wait. You can’t fly?”

“Not so loud!” She hissed, looking over at the conversing Cheerilee and Ivan and hoping to Celestia that they hadn’t heard.

“…wait, you’re serious? You can’t? At all?”

“I can! Like… a little. I did it for six seconds once!”

“…Wow, how are you even in flight school? I did my first rainboom at your age!”

“I’m… not. In flight school.”

“…hasn’t anypony taught you anything? Are your parents that lazy?” Dash noticed too late that the other three crusaders were looking at her with something approaching horror. Her attention was focused more on how Scootaloo was growing rapidly more and more embarassed. She had planned to keep lowering the bar until she found the root of the problem, and then encourage the filly to laugh it off.

“I mean, my dad taught me how to fly before I went to flight school for the harder stuff. Had to get up there somehow!”

“.M-my…”

“What, is only one of ‘em a pegasus? Ooooh, I get it, you got your wings from some great great grandparent. Why didn’t your parents get a tutor then?” Scootaloo didn’t reply. Her head had dipped down, but Dash could see that her face was reddening. She heard the filly sniffing back tears.

“Hey, did I say something wrong? Come on, can’t be that bad, can it?”

“My parents are dead!” Dash’s eyes opened in shock as the area grew incredibly quiet. Cheerilee and Ivan’s heads whirled over at the sound of the outburst.

“Yeah, I guess my dad is lazy! Since the only excuse he’s got for why he didn’t teach me is because he’s dead! Do you think that’s funny? Do you think I haven’t already heard it all?!”

“Scoots, I didn-“

“Buck you Dash! I don’t know why I ever wanted to be you! I-!” She trailed off as she slowly began to take notice of the other ponies staring at her, flabbergasted.

Her mouth opened and closed a few times, the most coming from it being wordless squeaks and sobs. A few seconds of this passed before she took off in a random direction, running as hard as she could.

“Scoots, wait!” Dash shouted, about to take off after her when a purple hoof landed on her shoulder.

“…I think you should let her go.”

“But I-“

“I know fillies. She needs to let off some steam. That means you too Ivan!” She called, causing the green stallion to freeze in his tracks.

“…I… I didn’t know, really…”

“…She lives at the ponyville orphanage. And the funds are… pretty tight there, so Playpen doesn’t have the means to hire tutors for the pegasi colts and fillies.”

“Oh.” Dash said, slumping to the ground.

“Give her some time by herself. She’ll calm down and come back on her own. Then you can apologise.”

“Y-yeah…”

--

“Stupid Dash, stupid useless wings, stupid flight school…

“…stupid dead parents…”

Running was good enough. She didn’t need to fly when she could run. Unicorns and earth ponies did it all the time, so it was good enough for her too. Running made it easy not to think about bad things and how her life probably wasn’t going to get any better, and how she wouldn’t find a cutie mark that could tell her that she was good for something, she’d grow up like Ivan, angry and blank for the rest of her life-

Run harder. Stop thinking.

Run harder. Stop thinki-

Her thoughts were brought to a sudden halt when she ran into something solid.

She saw wings first through her blurry vision and shook the tears out of her eyes.

“Watch where you’re going you moron!” She yelled as she turned and bucked the pony she had run into. She heard a grunt of pain and that felt good for a second before she remembered that whatever she just kicked was bigger then her, and didn’t move when she ran into it full tilt.

“Kid, I don’t know if you’re inbred or what…” Scootaloo, now paying full attention, looked up at the eyes of a very irate griffin.

“…but you just made a big mistake.”

--

“Ivaaaaaan!” They had only barely heard before Ivan was off like a shot in the direction Scootaloo had run, moving faster then any pony with a broken leg had any right to be.

Into a clearing next to a lake, Ivan saw a griffin flexing sharp talons and advancing on a terrified filly.

His hat was off.

--

Scootaloo only knew that one minute she was about to be gutted by an angry beast, and the next, she was safe, and the griffin had been ploughed in the side by a giant green spectral hoof, throwing her violently into the water.

She was glowing green a second later, and flying over to Ivan, landing on his back.

For good measure, his hat fell onto her head. Tipping up the brim, she peered around Ivan’s neck to see the griffin climb out of the lake and stomp towards them.

“You think landing a sucker punch means anything?! I’m gonna rip you in half!” Ivan dug in his hooves, horn glowing, ready to launch something more convincing then a hoof, when a rainbow blur landed in front of him.

“Gilda?! What the buck are you doing here?!”

“Well I was minding my own business before some filly kicks me in the side. Then she calls her guard dog and I get blown into a lake. If you think I’m gonna love and tolerate instead of shredding ‘em you can think again Dash.”

“She’s a filly Gilda. You’d really sink that low?”

“Why not? Least I won’t sink any lower then you.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Don’t act like you don’t know Dash! Don’t even act like you care! Either get outta my way so I can relieve some stress, or stay here so I can make this the best day ever. You’ve all got it coming.”

“…You’ve changed, Gilda.”

“You too.”

They both paused, digging hooves and talons into the ground, ready to take off at any moment.

“…we gonna scrap Dash?”

“Looks like it.”

“Remember the last time you tried that?”

“I really needed to get bucked in the head that day. Think I’ll return the favor. What do you say?”

“If you think you can.” Gilda taunted, before leaping forward.

Her talon came with a hair of Dash’s throat before the pegasus suddenly wasn’t there. Next thing she felt was a hoof connecting with the back of her head. Hard.

“When did you get so slow Gilda?!” She laughed as she ascended into the sky. Gilda roared and flew after her.

“Ivan! Aren’t you gonna help Rainbow Dash?!”

“No.” Ivan replied, turning his head back to the worried filly behind him.

“Why not?!”

“Their business.”

“Well you helped me!” Scootaloo argued.

“My business.” He said, to which Scootaloo had no answer.

“Ivan, what’s going on?!” Cheerilee yelled as she followed three galloping fillies. Probably ran off when she told them not to, Ivan mused.

“Their business.”

“…Scootaloo, are you alright?” Cheerilee asked, switching gears.

“…m’fine.” She answered, not taking her eyes off of the fight taking place above them.

--

“Wow Gilda, you’ve really let yourself go! Good thing we don’t race anymore, or you’d be riding the shame train all the way to loserville.”

“Least I don’t hit like that spineless wimp Fluttershy! Try hitting me a little lower next time! Work the knots out of my back!”

“Don’t talk about Fluttershy like that you bucki- Argh!” Dash cried as she took a backfist to the face and spun out of control.

“Is that it? Really? I thought you were gonna teach me a lesson Dash! All I’m learning is that you probably take a hit like that coward too!”

The pegasus shook the cobwebs out of her vision and glared up at the gloating griffon. A griffon who hit like a train filled with several smaller trains. Each one driven by Applejack.

“Not letting her do that again…”

“Oh look at that. More fillies! What’s the matter, you had to find friends as smart as you?”

“Least I have friends Gilda!”

“Course you do! Loads! So many you don’t even care if you drop one here or there!”

“What the moon are you talking about?!”

“I’m talking about you Element of Loyalty! The day you tell me about that, you show me how much it means, and you have the balls to flap there and tell me that I changed?! Did you get that title out of a cereal box?!” the griffon yelled as she lunged.

“Keep talking Gilda! It might mean something if you weren’t such a jerk!” Dash dipped and scored a punishing uppercut, darting out of Gilda’s reach,

“You know, I was wrong. Maybe you haven’t changed a bit.”

“If you don’t start making sense, the next one’s going right into your beak!”

“I shouldn’t be surprised. Hanging out with that pink idiot’s probably sapping your IQ.”

“If you don’t stop insulting my friends I’ll-“

“You’ll what? Hit me with your best shot Rainbow Crash!” The pegasus saw red. That was the last straw.

Gilda’s next swipe missed by a mile when Rainbow dodged wide, circling around and connecting both back hooves with the griffin’s face with incredible force.

Dash then pushed off Gilda, rocketing into the sky and roughly shoving the griffin into a spinning falling mess.

She righted herself just in time to see Dash diving toward her and picking up way too much speed.

“Oh flock.”

Her vision exploded into colors and stars as Dash hit her like a meteor, spinning wildly as they both rocketed toward the lake.

--

The sonic rainboom when Dash made contact, combined with the erupting spray of water when the pegasus let go of Gilda at the last moment painted the sky the most beautiful combination of colors Ivan had ever seen.

“…was that a rainboom powered spinning piledriver?” Scootaloo asked, voice just barely above a whisper. Ivan didn’t answer. If he told her yes, the filly might have just imploded on the spot.

Rainbow Dash landed in front of a sopping wet Gilda pitifully crawling back onto dry land.

“That was a rainbow crash! Say it again if you want more!”

“What the moon Dash! You could’ve killed both of us with that stunt!”

“Hey, you asked for it. Talking about my friends that way.”

“I’ll remember this when you leave them too.”

“…what?”

“Don’t you remember? When I got mad at that bubblegum piece of trash and you just told me to get out of your life? Didn’t want to talk it out or anything! I didn’t mesh well with the new friends, so you got rid of your old one! By the sun, why did you think I was so angry?!”

“Well you were about to beat up a filly! Don’t act li-“

“The filly ran into me and bucked me in the side when I was in a bad mood, so I decided to scare her off! Then she called in the cavalry and suddenly everyone wanted a piece of me! Then you come in and almost kill me. And it’ll probably happen again when you make a new batch of friends that don’t like your old ones, and you’ll just act like it’s all their fault and have a huge flocking party about it all.”

“I… why were you even here?! If you hate me so much th-“

“I was mad, alright?! I got myself all worked up and came out here to do something stupid! Then you came along and I figured I’d finally get to punch you in the face, and started pushing your buttons, and…”

“...I thought it was over Gilda. I really did. I saw you again after… I don’t even remember how long, and then you open it up by crossing the prank line with my friends, and… I thought you changed. And then just a little while ago I got here and found you threatening Scootaloo, and Ivan protecting her from you and…”

“…what happens now?”

“…we’re gonna have that talk.”

“Well what if I don’t want t-“

“Then I rainbow crash you again, and if we both don’t die, then we talk.”

“…I hate you…”

Ivan turned to leave, deciding that he didn’t want to be around for special sharing time. Cheerilee agreed, shooing the crusaders along.

“…Applebloom? Are you alright?” the teacher asked, noticing the earth filly’s hanging head.

“…that thing that the griffin said. ‘Bout throwin’ away old friends…”

“Sometimes friends grow apart, or they have misunderstandings… What’s important is that if you do somepony wrong, you apologise.”

“…Yeah…”

--

Peppermint Twist was cleaning up the kitchen after a candy making session when she heard a knock at her door.

Opening the door, she found somepony she wasn’t expecting.

“…hiya Twist…”

“Hey Applebloom. What’s up?”

“…are we still friends?” Twist almost answered yes on the spot.

…then she stopped to think about it.

“…I don’t know. One day, I think you just stopped talking to me. Started hanging out with those new friends you made…”

“Ah’m sorry. Really, Ah still wanna be friends with you!”

“Hey, it’s no big deal. If you still wanna hang out, yeah, we could do that now.”

“…Ah’d like that.”

“So, what made this happen?”

“…Ya might not believe me if Ah told ya.”

“Try me.”

--

“Hey, whats-your-name!” Ivan heard some time later after everypony had parted ways. Rainbow Dash landed in front of him, cutting off his escape route. Ivan sighed.

“Sorry, forgot who you were.”

“Ivan.”

“Right! Hey, so, anyway, wanted to say sorry for being such a mule before. So, you’re not mad?”

“…mad?”

“Well, Cheerilee told me when I ran into her after that whole… thing… that you’re looking after the fillies while you’re in town.” Ivan supposed that was accurate enough…

…shouldn’t he be getting paid though?

“…and you were pretty protective of Scoots, Gilda said you hit her like whoa. Not as hard as I hit her of course, but you still hit her pretty hard. So just wanted to say sorry for cheesing her off like that. Forgive me?”

“Sure.” He thought that if she was going to apologise to anybody, it should’ve been Scootaloo. He was past caring at that point though.

Just a bit longer and he could get to his sleeping tree…

“So yeah, I talked with Gilda, and then talked with Twilight, had to write a letter… thought some more about things… I’m gonna make it up to Scoots.”

“How?”

“I’m gonna volunteer at the orphanage. Since Scoots said that the guy in charge couldn’t hire a tutor, there’s probably a bunch of other pegasi in the same boat. I figure teaching them how to fly is a pretty bangin’ way to say sorry. Think so?”

“Yes.” Scootaloo’d probably be delighted. He decided not to tell Dash that she wasn’t holding any grudges though.

“So… how’d you get that cast?” She asked, giving it a closer look. “I heard you broke it the day you came into town.”

“Accident.” Her eyes suddenly lit up in understanding.

“Wait, I remember now! That one Pinkie party a while back. She said something about a pony getting horribly maimed, and she locked herself in her room for the rest of the day. That was you?”

“Yes.”

“…looks like the crusaders did a number on it. Hey, Rarity too. Lotta ponies… You got a pen on you?”

“Mm?”

“Well there’s this exclusive ‘sign Ivan’s cast’ club, and I think I want in. Come on, my autograph makes anything twenty percent cooler. That and future wonderbolt. Better get it before I’m crowded by a bunch of fanmares trying to get me to sign their-“

“Here.” Ivan interupted, offering his pen.

“Sweet! So, you gonna be in town long? That leg has to be healed up a lot by now.”

“…Unsure.” He answered. It was something he didn’t want to think about at the moment.

“Huh. Well I’m done, here.” Ivan took back his pen from the grinning pegasus. “That cast is worth like, a thousand bits now. At least.”

“Sure.”

“Anyway, I’ve gotta go. Gilda doesn’t have a place to crash, and I’ve gotta unlock my door for her. See ya!”

“Bye.” He watched the pegasus go, leaving a rainbow in her wake, wondering if those flying lessons she was going to give would lead to less crusader time.

…then something cold seized him when he realised that it would lead to a flying Scootaloo.

“…oh moon.”

--

Keep looking after the fillies Ivan! Somepony has to!

-Rainbow Dash

--

Dear Princess Celestia.

I swear this wasn’t my idea, but Twilight won’t stop glaring at me so I should probably shut up and get to the point.

No no, Spike, leave that, it’s funnier this way.

Alright so, I guess I learned that sometimes friends can make mistakes, think they’re both right when they make those mistakes, and then horrible things happen and have to be resolved with a sonic rainboom powered spinning piledriver.

Yeah I know what you’re thinking. I totally did that. Even if it did lead to a huge emotional discussion during which nopony cried and now there’s this huge awkward… thing between me and a friend I’m getting to know again, sort of.

It’s complicated.

End result though, I think it’s worth it. Next time I’m going to make sure to get the whole story from all sides before I try throwing anypony out of my life.

Keep it real.
Your faithful student’s most awesome friend, Rainbow Dash.

P.S. Tell Twilight to loosen up, will you? If she doesn’t then how is she going to seduce that sister of youQUICK SPIKE SEND IT SEND IT SEND IT SEN

Trauma

Chapter Seven: Trauma
or
Innocence Is Adorable, Isn't It?

The bed was comfortable. He didn’t know when he decided to lie down, or where he had found a bed handy, but it was a good idea. He was nice and warm and toasty and the bed smelled like mare, which was always a plus. Mares smelled nice.

Maybe it was Cheerilee’s bed? When he stopped to really think about it though, he could remember Cheerilee smelling different then this. More like grapes.

This was probably another mare’s bed then, which didn’t make any sense since he wouldn’t just hop into any bed without a good reason.

…where was he and who's bed was this?!

Ivan opened his eyes.

The room was of a decent size. A few bookshelves by the wall, writing desk with disorganized papers strewn over it, telescope by the window…

When he tried to sit up, he felt dizzy. When he lay back down he felt dizzy too.

…to be safe, he checked for new casts.

…just one, still in it’s sling. Good.

Also he was still in his coat. This was also good.

Where were his bags?

Hat was missing. Where was his hat?

“Waaah!” yelled a foalish voice from far away, followed by the distinct sound of several books hitting the floor. Repeated apologies in a feminine voice came after. Possibly belonging to the same mare this bed did.

On that note, lying in unfamiliar beds made him uncomfortable. Time to get up.

His balance was a little off, but he had felt worse. Even if he was walking on three legs.

...The door was locked. Ivan took a deep breath.

…If he were actually taken against his will, it would explain his dazed state. He might’ve been struck in the head. A short trot to the window revealed he was on the second floor. His magic wasn’t safe to use while his head was so muddled though. Control would be difficult.

Ivan losing control of his magic would result in bad things.

Thinking further, he doubted that he would be tucked into a bed high up with an operable window if he were kidnapped. There was also little reason to kidnap him in the first place.

..so ho-

His sense of balance began to sway, and black blots swam in front of his eyes, growing and shifting as his sight began to fail him.

He slumped against a wall, sliding to the ground, fighting the encroaching shadows to stay conscious.

The shuffling and bumping he had done attracted attention. He heard hooffalls ascending stairs.

“Ohmigosh, are you alright?”

“N-no.” He tried to say in the most ‘well duh’ way he could muster. Talking was hard though, and it came out as a whisper. He saw purple, barely. Then he went blind.

He was still conscious, and it looked like he would stay that way.

“Ohsunohsun what do I do?! Spiiiiiike! Get a book on head injuries!”

So he had been struck. Or some accident had happened.

Come to think of it, his head was throbbing. Why hadn’t he noticed that sooner?

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” His sight was coming back, and he could see her face was way too close for comfort. He reached up his good hoof and made to move her back, but his motor skills weren’t the best. He ended up shoving her back, causing her to tumble backwards.

…he didn’t intend to do that, but at least he had his personal space back.

He could think straight again, and he could see. Lifting his head, he saw a unicorn that looked a bit familiar. He had probably seen her around town once or twice.

She also seemed to be at a complete loss as to what to do. Perhaps his pushing her roughly away had something to do with it.

“Twilight, I can’t find that book! I don’t think we have one!”

…Ah, yes, Twilight. He recalled that one unicorn that he had wanted to avoid for some reason.

Spectacular.

“…What happened?” Ivan asked, probably a bit harsher then he had meant to. He found the entire situation unpleasant and wanted to set his affairs in order and leave as soon as possible.

“Oh, um… I’m sorry?” Ivan facehoofed. Then winced because slapping his forehead was a very bad idea.

“Wait don’t do that!”

“…hurt. How?”

“You… hit your head.”

“How.”

“I… might have…” …He wondered if he would’ve had an easier time with Fluttershy. Fine. He was done.

“…leaving. Hat. Bags. Where?”

“Y-your stuff is downstairs, but you sh-“

“Bye.”

“No, stop!” Ivan felt foreign magic try to seize him. Oddly enough, despite anypony being able to easily resist levitation cast on them by another pony, Twilight seemed to be getting a good grip on him.

Hurting her in response would look bad. And she was probably trying to help or something. He should probably play nice.

A green baton of sorts projected itself, and sharply rapped Twilight on the horn, breaking her concentration and stopping the attempted magic quite handily.

“Don’t.” He warned, glaring at the surprised mare.

“Y-you’ve got a concussion!” She blurted, eying him the way a foal would a barking dog.

“…What.”

“Well… I think you do. You took a pretty hard hit.” A concussion would probably explain what he had been going through earlier. And the missing memories from earlier today.

“…Kay.” He said, turning to leave. He would stop in with the nurse to make sure it wasn’t anything serious, though since he could still walk alright, it probably wasn’t.

Either way, he had already learned his lesson about neglecting himself when something was wrong.

“No wait you need to-“

“Clinic.” He interrupted.

“Well yeah, I guess you could go there bu-“

“Going.”

“But I need to apologize!”

“Did.”

“Do you even know what I’m saying sorry for?”

“Don’t care.”

“Are you angry at me, or-“

“Don’t. Care.”

“How can you not care?!”

“Hey, Twilight?” Said what appeared to be a young dragon as they passed, which was incredibly unusual, but the stallion was so far past caring about anything. “Is he gonna let you make him a lab rat or not?”

…

Ivan spied his hat and bags over by the door, and they were on him in milliseconds. He was getting out of this place now.

“Don’t follow.”

“Spike! Why would you-“

“But you said he was doing things you’ve never seen before! And what about all those schedules you made me draw up?”

“I never said I was- hey, wait!”

“Don’t follow.”

“No, I need you to liste-“

“Leaving.”

“But Celestia needs to know!”

“Don’t care.”

“I need you!”

“Flattered. No.” The door slammed behind Ivan under the force of his magic.

…for a few minutes, neither Twilight or Spike said a word.

Twilight seemed to be on the verge of tears though.

“I… I had like… a whole week of experiments planned…”

“…do you… do you want me to make you come hot cocoa?”

“…extra marshmallows.”

--

As Ivan walked towards the clinic, his memory started to piece itself back together.

He was doing his morning magic practice when something had happened to make him lose his concentration.

The resulting explosion blew him backwards. He probably hit a rock or something.

“Hey, Ah found him!” That was Applebloom. He didn’t know whether the crusaders showing up comforted him or made things worse.

Possibly some bizarre combination of the two.

“Hey, Ivan, what’s all that red stuff in your mane?” Scootaloo asked, hovering near his head. Her wings were getting stronger it seemed, though she probably couldn’t hold it that long.

“Blood.” He didn’t know it was there before now, but blood was probably a safe guess.

…he wondered if he got any on Twilight’s bed.

“Oh moon, what happened?!” Sweetie Belle was panicking.

“Got hurt.”

“How?!”

“Accident.”

“…you’re alright, aren’t you?” Ivan almost answered her, when he felt his hat shift, and a muzzle press itself against his head for a moment.

“What…?” Ivan asked, already knowing what it was, but needing to know why.

Dinky grinned back at him from his back, having climbed without him knowing somehow.

“Kissed it better.” …suddenly, the day didn’t seem so bad anymore.

“…thank you.” Ivan muttered, unable to stop himself from giving a small smile.

“…so where are ya off to?” Applebloom asked as they walked down the street.

“Clinic.”

“Need to get that checked? My sister said that when anypony hits their head, they should get it looked at.” Sweetie Belle said, as if she was lecturing him. Ivan took it in stride, nodding back at the little unicorn.

“Right.”

“Maybe she’ll be able to get all that out of your mane too. That’s gotta feel awful.” Said Scootaloo as she was obviously trying quite hard to keep hovering.

She suddenly dropped, only to be caught by Ivan’s horn. Scootaloo let herself be gently set on the ground, stretching her wings out.

“Thanks Ivan.” She said sheepishly, receiving a grunt in response.

“So ya fell down?”

“Sure.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Sure.”

“…Is it like when ya ‘fell down’ and broke yer leg?”

“Sure.”

“Ivaaaaan, c’mon!” Scootaloo whined. “How can we get revenge if you won’t tell us what happened?”

“Accident.” Ivan said after a brief pause of consideration. He realised that at this moment, he was perhaps the most powerful pony in Equestria, barring the heavenly sisters.

He could direct the Cutie Mark Crusaders to ruin the life of any pony he deemed deserving.

Such power should be used wisely. Also Cheerilee would probably get mad at him if he sic’d her students on Twilight Sparkle.

…having friends was a bit of a buzz kill sometimes…

“That’s what you said when we got you! Are you protecting somepony?” Sweetie Belle accused.

“If you’re protecting somepony else, will you have time to protect us?” Dinky mused.

“He’d find a way. Not that we need protecting.” Answered Scootaloo. Ivan raised an eyebrow.

“Gilda.”

“I had that under control.”

“Called.”

“Well yeah, because if I beat her up, she’d be totally embarrassed to show her face anywhere. You’re a local hero, so it’s alright.”

“Cast.” Ivan pointed out, shaking the limb in it’s sling. “Not hero.” He added for good measure. “Nopony. Still embarrassing.”

“You’re not a nopony. You’re Ivan!” Dinky chirped.

“Yup. Griffins everywhere run in fear of your magical might.” Added Sweetie.

“He’s kinda like the Twilight of blowing stuff up.” Scootaloo agreed.

“…Twilight?”

“Yeah!” the pegasus continued. “Twilight Sparkle. She’s this purpl-“

“Lavender.”

“Purple, Sweetie Belle, she’s this purple unicorn who’s special talent is magic.”

“Which?”

“No, just magic. Like, all of it.”

“…possible?”

“Sure is! Hey, wait, if Ivan’s using magic too, then is calling him the Twilight of explody magic right?”

“Who do you think would win in a fight?”

“Probably Ivan. Ah don’t think Ah’ve ever seen Twilight do anythin’ violent like.”

“Why are Ivan and Twilight fighting?”

“No, Dinky, we’re just wondering. It’s hypothermal.”

“…is that right?”

“It’s some kind of H word.”

--

“Hello, how can I hel- wait, you again?”

“Concussion.”

“How the hay did you manage that?”

“Accident.”

“Well I hope you didn’t do it on purpose. Come on, follow me. Fillies, you stay here.”

“But Nurse Redhea-“

“No buts. You probably don’t want to see Ivan get stitches.”

“Eeeeeeewwwww!”

“So, what actually caused this?” Nurse Redheart asked as soon as the fillies were out of earshot.

“Accident.”

“…Do I have to call Cheerilee?” …did the nurse just imply he was whipped?

…maybe he’d set the crusaders on her later for that…

“Accident.” He said again.

“Well alright. This might sting a bit.” She warned, removing his hat.

“Mm.”

“…Normally I don’t see ponies this often. Except for Rainbow Dash.”

“Mm?”

“She’s constantly trying something dangerous, or inventing a stunt… honestly it’s a wonder she hasn’t snapped her wings clean o- hold still!” She scolded when Ivan flinched.

“Sorry.” He said quickly. From behind him, the nurse arched an eyebrow, wondering if it was the pain that made him react that way. She chuckled, realizing the stallion was probably just squeamish. Most ponies didn’t want to imagine a pegasus without wings.

“…so Cheerilee talks about you a lot.” She said, smoothly switching to a subject that would put him on the defensive.

“Kay.” He replied. The nurse frowned.

“Oh don’t give me that nonchalant act. Most stallions would be flattered. She’s pretty, smart, such attractive coloring… though I doubt you noticed with that hat over your eyes. Which you shouldn’t be rolling at me, by the by.” The way Ivan tensed up told her she had been right on the money.

“So what’s stopping you from taking her out to dinner?”

“Money.”

“I believe I heard applebucking season gave you quite the windfall.”

“Nomadic.”

“Well then stay here. Open a day care or something, Celestia knows you look after the fillies often enough anyway. Might as well get paid for it. You haven’t left yet anyway. What’s stopping you?” If Ivan spoke more then one or two words at a time, Redheart was sure she would’ve gotten several sentences of sarcasm.

As it stood, Ivan was content wiggling his cast a bit, to remind her it was there.

“That’ll be healed up before long. Then what’ll your excuse be?”

“…Done?”

“Just about… there. Well?” she prodded, cutting the thread.

“Thank you. Bye.” Ivan replied in clipped tones, hat firmly in place as he moved to the door. Any protest Nurse Redheart had was drowned out when Ivan opened the door, causing four fillies to tumble into the room. Ivan calmly sidestepped them as they fell, and walked around them out the door.

“Ivan, we’re sorry please don’t be angry…!” Sweetie Belle trailed off as the crusaders gave chase.

Nurse Redheart sighed, put away her tools, and wondered what she was going to tell Cheerilee later if Ivan brought this up. Though he probably wouldn’t.

--

“…hey, Ivan, ya alright?” Applebloom asked after a while. “Ya seem a bit off.”

He was feeling more then a bit off. He didn’t regret leaving the library for a second, but all the moving around he had been doing was starting to take its toll. He felt tired, cold, and a little sick to his stomach.

Was this normal? Would Redheart have told him he’d be feeling this way if he hadn’t left?

Was it alright to sleep? He remembered hearing something about going to sleep with a bad concussion being harmful, even fatal.

“Ivan?”

“Fine.” He said gruffly, trying not to sway.

“…Hey, Ah’ve got something Ah need to do back home. Ah’ll be back real quick.”

“Alright Applebloom. We’ll be hanging out under that tree we picnic’d under that one time.”

“See ya soon!”

“Come on Ivan.” Scootaloo directed, taking the lead. Ivan followed, not in an arguing mood and thinking that relaxing under a tree was just what the metaphorical doctor ordered.

--

Ivan soon found himself settled underneath the tree as the remaining three crusaders bickered about this and that, glad their attention wasn’t on him. He didn’t like what he was feeling now.

It felt like there wasn’t enough blood in his body, and for whatever reason he was starting to shiver, feeling colder then he had ever felt in his life. The nausea was still there, churning his stomach just enough to be uncomfortable and making him thankful that he hadn’t eaten yet today.

How could one little blow to the head cause all this?

“Ivan? Are you alright?” He looked up to see Cheerilee walking towards them, led by a worried Applebloom.

“Don’t know.”

“Poor thing…” she said, sitting herself next to him and pressing up against his side. “I talked to Nurse Redheart on the way here. She says it’s alright for you to sleep. She also apologized, but she wouldn’t say for what.”

“Kay.”

“You’re feeling cold now, yes? My dad went through the same thing once. It should pass soon. I didn’t think to bring a blanket with me, sorry.”

“Fine. Helping.” Or at least she was helping one side of him. The rest of him was still freezing.

“Can you do a warming spell?”

“No.” He managed to get out through his chattering teeth.

“Poor thing.” She said again, nuzzling him. Though Ivan appreciated the gesture, he wondered why she was suddenly so affectionate.

Probably the same reason the crusaders made him all those treats, he thought, and he almost smiled again.

His thoughts were interrupted by Scootaloo climbing onto his back.

“It’s my turn anyway. Feel warmer yet?” Ivan barely had time to nod before he was buried in crusaders. Sweetie Belle joined Scootaloo on Ivan’s back, just barely managing to fit. Dinky and Applebloom pressed themselves up against his other side.

He was still cold. Though it was much more manageable now. With the worst of his problems out of the way, his eyelids started to feel heavy again.

“You think there’s a pony warmer cutie mark?” Dinky asked. “I think we’re pretty good at this.”

“…nah, flanks still blank.” Applebloom answered, sighing.

“Think there’s a cutie mark for snuggling? We’re pretty good at that too. Maybe Ivan got that one.”

“Dinky! Shhh!” Sweetie Belle hissed, looking horrified.

“What? Ivan spent the night at Miss Cheerilee’s when he got sick. She probably knows.”

“I do. But you shouldn’t just throw out a pony’s secrets like that. You’d make Ivan mad if you told just anypony.”

“Sorry Ivan.”

“F-iiine…” Ivan said in the middle of a yawn.

“Sleep Ivan.” Cheerilee said quietly. “I’ll stay until you wake up. You won’t be cold then.”

“Mm…?”

“It’s fine.” He didn’t really want to fall asleep like this. Something about the whole thing made him feel defensive. He didn’t want anypony else to happen on him like this.

…being buried in cuddly ponies though made a very convincing counter-argument, and he found himself starting to indulge without really thinking about it.

He only noticed after he was starting to doze off that he had rested his head over Cheerilee’s neck, and he probably should’ve done something about that.

But it was comfortable, and she probably wouldn’t mind if he kept it there for a few seconds longer…

--

“…Thanks for getting me Applebloom.” Cheerilee whispered after she was sure Ivan was asleep.

“No problem Miss Cheerilee!”

“Ssshhh!” Scootaloo hissed.

“…sorry.”

“So, what did Ivan do this time?” the teacher asked, expecting some form of great epic story where Ivan jumped in front of an angry octorock or something.

Honestly, they were such troublesome beasts…

“He wouldn’t say. Called it an accident.” Sweetie Belle informed her helpfully.

Cheerilee felt sceptical, but decided that she really should’ve expected that. “…did he? So you just found him like this?”

“He was on his way to the clinic. Had red stuff in his mane. He said it was blood.”

“…typical stallion.”

“I kissed it better!” Dinky whispered as if it were a secret.

“I’m sure he appreciated that Dinky.”

“He smiled!” Cheerilee allowed herself a small giggle at the sleeping stallion’s expense. At some point, Cheerilee thought to herself, it looked like the crusaders started taking care of him instead.

“Heeeeeeey!” Shouted a pony from far away. Cheerilee squinted, and saw a purple (or perhaps lavender) blur approaching quickly.

“…Twilight…?”

The unicorn in question slowed to a stop, panting heavily.

“Oh… oh Luna, I thought-“

“Sssshhhh!”

Twilight finally took note of Ivan’s current state and whispered “Sorry Scootaloo.”

“…so how is he?”

“Nine stitches!” Dinky reported, unshakeable grin in place.

“Sorrysorrysorry-“

“What are you saying sorry for Twilight?” Cheerilee asked, eyebrow quirked. “Surely you didn’t have anything to do with this, did you?”

“…maybe…?”

“What did you do to hi-!”

“Ssshh!” Applebloom hissed.

“…Sorry.” Scootaloo muttered, still glaring at the unicorn.

“…Twilight I think you should explain. And everypony should use their inside voice.” Cheerilee said evenly, hoping she calmed every pony on the scene.

“Alright, well… I was on my way to Fluttershy’s cottage when I saw some light in the trees. When I investigated, I saw him doing magic I hadn’t ever seen before.”

“Was it awesome?”

“It sure was Sweetie. It was hard to tell, but I’m pretty sure Ivan was containing an explosion inside a sphere.”

“…wait, what?”

“He made an explosion, and then trapped it in a sphere. And then fueled it while keeping it contained. The sheer force required to keep it contained that long in such a small container…”

“So he lost control?” Cheerilee asked, plainly seeing where this was going. “But you said you were responsible.”

“Well… I might’ve run up to him and started begging him to help me run a gauntlet of experiments. I also might’ve been extremely loud and surprising while I did that. At that point Ivan might’ve had his concentration broken and the released force might’ve blown him backwards head first with enough force to break a boulder in half on impact. Maybe.”

“…Twilight, yo-“

“And then I might’ve panicked a bit and maybe I levitated him back to the library and put him in my bed while waiting for him to regain consciousness, and I might’ve locked the door to my room to make sure he didn’t run away before I could tell him about the week of experimentation on magical applications of intense force and how they could benefit ponykind that I was planning and drafting to Spike.”

“…wait, reall-“

“And then I might’ve crowded him when he woke up and gave him not even a second to breathe while he was suffering from short term memory loss and didn’t explain why I had locked him in a totally unfamiliar room instead of bombarding him with several apologies that he couldn’t possibly understand. Spike also told me that I might’ve sounded, ah… ‘hysterical enough to scare Pinkie Pie’ at the time. Maybe I drank nine mugs of cocoa and went through two bags of marshmallows before I stopped crying and went out to apologise properly.”

“…nine mugs and two bags?” Applebloom deadpanned. “Is that why your hooves won’t stop shakin’?”

“…maybe.”

“I, uh… wow Twilight, I’m sorry, but…”

“Yes, I, um… did some thinking and what I did was probably wrong. Upon retrospect, it was also probably really creepy.”

“Tell me about it.” Scootaloo said.

“But! But think about the possibilities! Just off the top of my head, a pony with that kind of magical force could make diamonds. Diamonds shaped any way he wanted! He could craft diamond armor for Celestia’s castle guard!”

“Holy sun, Rarity’d lock him in her room if he could make diamonds…”

“Sweetie Belle!” Cheerilee scolded, “that’s highly inappropri-“

“Well where else would she put him so he couldn’t get away? Rarity wouldn’t put a diamond machine in the basement. That’d be uncomfortable.”

“…so you didn’t mean…”

“Didn’t mean what?” Sweetie asked, head cocked ever so slightly to the side in sweet confused innocence.

“Nevermind, so Twilight, we’ll tell him you want to talk when he wakes up. I’m sure he’ll hear you out. In the meantime though, he’s been through a lot, so we probably shouldn’t wake him.”

“Oh, heavens no. By all means, let him sleep. Just as long as nopony thinks I’m some kind of insidious perverse kidnapper who wanted to make him some kind of love slave.”

“What’s a-“ Dinky began before she was cut off.

“Yes, nopony thinks that, it’s fine, so you can go back to the library and wait for Ivan to wake up instead of saying questionable things in front of very impressionable fillies.”

“Alright, just as long as that’s clear.” Twilight said uneasily, before getting up and cantering off. “Good day.”

“…how is Ivan still asleep?” Scootaloo asked, looking at the stallion who hadn’t even stirred.

“By the sounds of it, he’s been through a lot today. Ponies who need rest sleep sounder then ones that don’t.” She paused a moment, and ‘hmm’d’ to herself. “Though Ivan himself seems to be quite good at sleeping to begin with.”

“Quick, chec-“

“Applebloom, dear, if Ivan’s cutie mark had to do with sleep, I’m sure he would’ve gotten it by now.”

“Aw…”

--

“…So that’s about everything.” Cheerilee finished, and waited expectantly as Ivan appeared to be considering something deeply.

He had awakened feeling much better (according to him anyway) and had tried to ask the crusaders to get off of him only to be refused in favour of ‘making sure he wouldn’t get cold again’.

Apparently the teacher had explained his sudden chills and they thought it was something nightmarish that had mercilessly gripped him and was forcing him to suffer.

“…so you gonna go?” Dinky asked. “’Cause I wanna get a library card while we’re there.”

“Hm…”

“Oh of course he is, aren’t you?” Said Cheerilee, looking at him in a way that she probably looked at unruly students. “After all, she wanted to apologise properly to you.”

Normally, Ivan would have said no and closed the whole matter right there. But then his friend and the fillies might be disapointed in him.

…also he was feeling incredibly indulgent towards the schoolteacher given that she had served as his pillow for the past hour or so.

So he nodded, deciding that in exchange for his sacrifice, he was going to sit there and put it off for as long as possible.

Take that friendship! Kill his joy, would you?

“And he’ll probably help with those experiments too. Since I know you’re all going to ask to watch, remember to do so politely and do not yell at the top of your lungs for any reason.”

“No.” Ivan said. That was something that wouldn't stand.

“No what?”

“Experiments.”

“Why not? You might not know Twilight, but she’s the student of Princess Celestia herself. Anything she proposed wouldn’t be a waste of time.”

“No.”

“Oh come now. What, was it something she said to you?”

“Lab rat.”

“She did not say that.”

“Dragon did.” The crusaders decided not to say anything, watching the exchange go back and forth with avid interest.

“Who, Spike? He’s a colt himself, and I’m sure Twilight denied that ri-“

“Nope.”

“…she didn’t?”

“Schedule. Week. Unconscious.” Ivan reminded, sensing victory and closing in

“Alright, that probably put you off a lot, I probably would’ve been put off too, but-“

“Locked.”

“…alright so she locked you in a room alone after causing you to suffer a concussion instead of finding you medical attention and started planning a week of experiments without consulting you before you were even conscious again, but that’s… no reason to… um…”

“No.”

“…you’re still going to hear the apology though?”

“Yes.”

“Well that’s…. something.”

“…but Rarity told me stallions weren’t supposed to win arguments with mares.” Sweetie Belle mused to herself.

“Sweetie Belle, not only is that unfair gender discrimination, but nobody won anything.” Cheerilee scolded.

“But everything about that argument went exactly how Ivan wanted, and you backed off in the end. That sounds like a winner to me!” Dinky said.

“This was a discussio-“

“Hey, high hoof Ivan!” Scootaloo said, holding it up for him. Ivan slapped it without missing a beat.

And Cheerilee almost got angry at him for undermining her in front of fillies that she was supposed to be an authority figure for, but as the crusaders laughed and started talking about something else, she noticed Ivan’s brim was lifted to show his eyes.

And the way he smirked at her, and implied that he was joking…

Well after coming to that conclusion, she was too shocked to really consider anything except the long term effects that blow to the head might’ve had on Ivan’s personality.

…and discarding plans to possibly arrange another accident later.

“You’d probably have lots to talk to her about.” Cheerilee said, hoping that this playful Ivan would last. Secretly, she was a little thrilled that he wasn’t making any motion to lower his hat’s brim again.

“Oh?”

“Well, her talent is magic, or so I hear. She studies it passionately. She said you were doing something she had never seen before, and that’s probably what got her so fired up, please believe me when I say she’s got more sense then that normally.”

Ivan said nothing, but she could tell he was mulling it over. She continued.

“I’m not saying that you should jump into those experiments, you already said you wouldn’t-“

“Ivan won.” Scootaloo said again, perhaps for the sake of just saying anything at all.

“-but if you took a bit of time and compared notes with her, it would probably make her happy. It’d be the friendly thing to do.” The crusaders missed it, but Ivan heard the underlying message.

You should make more friends. You’d be happier.

“Consider.” He said noncommittally, but she could tell that was pretty much an agreement.

“I’ll even come with you. You might need somepony to lean on after all.” He blinked, before remembering that he was, in fact, recovering from a head injury.

“Just a precaution.” She assured, even as he nodded.

“Mm.”

“So shall we go?”

“Cutie Mark Cru-“

“Of course, it’ll just be the two of us.” Cheerilee said, effectively cutting off the cheering fillies. Predictably they complained.

“Twilight is going to apologise for something she feels deeply ashamed of.” The teacher replied patiently. “Applejack told me that three of you were in a very similar position not too long ago. And you asked to do it in privacy. Twilight deserves the same courtesy, don’t you think?”

“…you’re a real downer Miss Cheerilee.” Applebloom replied, fidgeting.

--

The crusaders had followed them to the library, but went off to do sun knew what else after that. Cheerilee helpfully knocked on the library door for Ivan, thinking of his leg.

When Twilight reached the door, her eyes locked with Ivan’s (as well as they could, considering his brim came back down as they entered the town), and whatever welcome she was about to offer disintegrated from her mind.

“Oh my Celestia I am so sorry.” Ivan scowled, but said nothing. Cheerilee coughed into her hoof.

“I think he knows by now Twilight. Could we continue this inside?”

“Oh, certainly!” She stepped aside to let them in. “Spike, could you put the kettle on?”

“Sure thing Twilight!” The dragon replied from somewhere unseen.

Not long after, the three ponies were seated at a table, and the librarian seemed to be awkwardly trying to figure out where to start.

“…erm, Twilight, would you rather I not be present for this?”

“Oh no, it’s fine. You already sort of know most of it after all…”

“Ah…”

A pregnant pause followed, before Twilight took a deep breath, looked Ivan dead at where is eyes probably were, and said;

“I’m so-“

Ivan snorted, beginning to get irritated.

“No, really, I’m serious this time. Well I was serious all the other times but you get what I’m trying to-“

“Today.” The stallion almost growled.

“Right, right… When I saw what you were doing, I should’ve known that jumping out at you and surprising you was a stupid thing to do. And I put us both at risk for my foolishness. Then I forced a very uncomfortable situation on you, and attempted to monopolise you without your consent, and didn’t take you to the clinic to receive proper care. I am sorry, and I hope you’ll forgive me and maybe let me make it up to you.”

Ivan, for a moment didn’t say anything, his jaw tight as he considered the mare in front of him. And Twilight sweat for that moment before he relaxed, and slowly nodded.

“And I know I have no right to ask you for anything, but I wanted to talk to you about your magic.”

“…Continue.”

“…well I thought about it, and just sitting out there doing it didn’t really make much sense. Were you practising at all?” Ivan nodded as Twilight’s horn started glowing, and a quill and roll of parchment floated out from somewhere behind her.

“So, how did you create that situation?” the lavender mare asked as she started to take notes.

Ivan paused for a moment, before putting his own horn to use, creating a floating green light above the table.

“Bomb.” He said, presenting it to Twilight.

“I take it you can detonate it at will?”

“Yes.”

“And you just made one of these and threw up a shield around it before setting it off?” Ivan nodded, before making the spell vanish.

“Erm, if you don’t mind my asking…” Cheerilee began, relaxing a bit when the magical explosive ceased to be two feet from her head. “Why were you doing that Ivan?”

“Mm?”

“Well, what you were doing sounds dangerous. I’m just wondering what you got out of doing it.”

“Practice.” Ivan said, “Daily. Morning.”

“Every morning?”

“Most.”

“So what are you practising for?”

“Control.” The stallion supplied, to which Twilight looked confused.

“Control? But there are several other methods to practice magical control. Methods that aren’t dangerous. Why would you pick that?”

Ivan went silent. And he realised too late that remaining silent that long clued both mares in to the fact that they had accidentally stumbled upon something secret.

“…were you never taught?” Twilight asked tentatively, setting down the notes and quill.

“Was. Tried. Can’t.”

“You’re referring to traditional unicorn control exercises?”

“Mm.”

“… and you ‘can’t’? It’s a common thing for a lot of unicorns to be unable to use magic not attributed to their talent, but I’ve never heard of a unicorn that can’t do any of the training methods…” Twilight put a hoof to her chin in thought.

“Power obviously isn’t the issue, you’ve got a lot of that. And if you’ve got the ingenuity to create a magical mine, then you’ve got some talent… huh, hey, Ivan, what is your talent?”

“…why?”

“Well if you’ve got a problem casting simpler magic, I’d like to know why so I can possibly help.” Twilight said, smiling. “I’d also present a method to help anypony else who pops up with the same problems you have.”

“…no solution.”

“Why is that?”

“…confidential.” He said, taking a breath. “Stays here.”

“If it’s something private, then I won’t tell anypony.” Twilight said. “But why would you tell me any secrets? I, um… don’t think you like me very much.”

“Help.”

“But you said there’s no solution.” Ivan shook his head.

“Different help. Repayment.”

“I guess I do owe you one… how could I help then?”

“Learn.”

“From me?”

“Researcher. Knowledgeable?”

“I, um… like to think so.” Ivan gave a small nod, but said nothing else.

“So, um… what did you want to learn?”

“New magic.”

“You can’t learn that anywhere else?”

“Hard.”

“And you know why that is?”

“Special talent.” Ivan stated, and Cheerilee’s eyes snapped to him, knowing that she might be about to learn something important.

Ivan knew what his talent was, but he was still without a cutie mark. And it was plain to see that divulging this information to somepony he didn’t know was something that made him massively uncomfortable.

…was she even privy to this?

“Ivan, do you want me to leave?”

“No. Stay.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Trust.” He said with a touch of conviction, and the teacher wondered for a moment just how deep his respect for her went.

“…so what is your talent?” Twilight asked, setting the conversation back on track.

Ivan hesitated, but answered. “Violence.” And both mares’ eyes widened at the admission as they found themselves unable to respond.

A pin dropping would’ve been easy to hear. So the silence was shattered when a kettle started to whistle.

The dragon from before walked out from another room.

“You want me to get that Twilight?”

“Y-yes please, Spike.”

And after he’d left, Twilight took a breath.

“…I suppose that explains how you blew apart those rocks Rarity told me about. So… I’m sorry Ivan, but I’m not really seeing where the problem is.”

“Overspecialized.”

“Your magic?”

“Yes. Few spells.” Twilight took a moment to think.

“So the problem is that you can only do magic if the spell can harm?” Ivan nodded. “So what do you know how to do presently?”

“Levitation, projection, explosions.”

“Huh. And you just want to learn if there’s anything else you can put past that loophole?”

“Loophole?” Cheerilee asked.

“Well, projection and levitation are versatile spells, but Ivan can still use them just fine. Probably because they have the potential to cause harm. Though, really, I haven’t heard of a unicorn that can’t levitate…”

“That sounds like it would give him a lot of possible spells.”

“Maybe. Since Ivan’s repertoire is so small, we don’t really know how picky his talent is… I’ll have to dig into a few books and make a list of things to try.”

“Thanks.” Ivan replied.

“Oh, don’t mention it. I still get my week of experiments after all, just… they’ll be completely different. You know, I never really did think about potential loopholes to special talents and how magical spells apply to them. I may write an essay…”

“…leave?”

“Oh, yes Ivan, thanks for coming, I’ve got a lot of work to do now though! Spiiiike! I’m making a new schedule!”

“We’ll just see ourselves out then.” Cheerilee said, getting up from the table.

“Thanks for coming. Ivan, if you wouldn’t mind coming in tomorrow at about noon?”

“Sure.”

“Super! See you then!” The door closed behind the two as Twilight came to a realisation.

“I… I have a student.” Her mind was blown. She squealed and clapped her hooves as she considered the long-term ramifications.

Celestia would be so proud!

--

“…So.” Cheerilee started as she and Ivan walked to nowhere in particular.

“Mm?”

“…alright, I’m trying to figure out how to ask you about your special talent without seeming invasive. Since, you know, something’s bothering you and I want to help.” Ivan at the least didn’t seem offended, though he was obviously unsure of what to do with such bluntness.

He didn’t say anything, which Cheerilee took as a go-ahead. It would’ve been easy for him to just say ‘no’ and clam up.

To be honest, she was wondering why he hadn’t. Maybe it was the head injury.

“…so your special talent is… hurting?” For his benefit, she spoke in a hushed tone as they walked. She started leading them to her house, having a private conversation in mind. The stallion was in a talking mood (imagine that), and it looked like she was going to be the one to hear it.

Ivan hesitated, but nodded.

“So… how long did it take you to figure that out?”

“…Colt. Scootaloo’s age.”

“Did something bad happen?”

“Yes.” Normally when he spoke, it was a toneless thing. Communicating only words and not emotions behind them. One or two words to get it over with as quickly as possible.

But Ivan sounded tired, now. Tired, hurt, and in desperate need of a hug. And she would’ve given it to him had they not been walking through a busy street. If he didn’t like showing his face in public, she doubted he’d appreciate public displays of affection.

So she made a mental note to hug him later, and didn’t ask anything more until she had ushered him through her door.

He followed her into her living room. He set down his bags, opening one and lifting a book out of it. She quickly recognized it as a photo album. What was undoubtedly his entire past was sitting on her coffee table, and she half expected the wood to splinter under the weight.

“I-Ivan, you don’t have-“

“Want to.” And she wondered if he had told anyone before this. Then he lifted the cover, and hoofed through the pages slowly, so she could see a happy green colt frolicking under the watchful gaze of a lighter green unicorn mare and a red pegasus stallion.

Then she saw the family grow. A picture of his mother holding a bundle, and a small pink face peeking out of it.

The next turn of the page revealed what was probably Ivan’s sister. A surly little pegasus that always seemed to scowl at the camera.

“Salad Shooter.” Ivan said.

“Her name?” He ‘hmm’d’, and lingered. A picture of him hugging her tightly as she tried to escape. A picture of him giving her a birthday gift. The first picture Cheerilee saw where she was smiling, leaning against her big brother as they both slept on a couch.

‘Sally’ she remembered. It couldn’t be anypony else.

Ivan turned the page.

The next picture showed Salad Shooter with only one wing.

“Oh… oh Ivan, no.”

“School. Bully. Fighting.” She could almost see the scene happening in front of her, with her fillies and colts.

“Tried to help.” She could see a unicorn try to help his friend or relative, using magic he hadn’t been taught to properly use.

“Missed.” She knew that magic was shaped to the unicorn’s will. She knew that Ivan, then, was unpractised, undisciplined, and in a panicked state of mind. If the earlier pictures were any indication, she knew Ivan cherished his sister. And if he was anything then like he was now, he would’ve moved to protect her by any means necessary.

“…young.” He said, voice starting to crack. “Never flew.”

She reached a hoof over, and turned his gaze away from the page. Then she hugged him as tightly as she could.

He didn’t cry like he did when he was sick. He didn’t fall apart under the weight of his crimes and beg some phantom for forgiveness.

His tears were as quiet as he normally was. The occasional sniff and quake of his shoulders, a shuddering breath once in a while, as he slowly bled out his pent up emotion.

He might’ve been skittish of making friends because he was afraid of hurting or scaring them. He might’ve seen himself as some sort of villain once upon a time. One who hammered and shaped himself into a stallion who could face the world despite taking the sky away from somepony he dearly loved.

Worse still, all signs did indeed point to violence as his talent. Even worse still, that meant what he did was something he was born to do.

And every time he wielded his horn to attack, he would think back to that first time and…

You did something terrible Ivan. Something everypony views as unforgivable. Something that can never be taken back, no matter how pure your intentions were.

Even if you’re forgiven, you’ll be guilty for the rest of your life.

She started rubbing his back, nuzzling him, trying to remind him that the pony he was hugging was friendly, that there was somepony here with him who cared.

It isn’t enough, but this is all I can give you. I’ll give you as much as you need.

You’ll get even more as you keep making friends. And with Celestia as my witness you will never swallow your tears again.

An Important Lesson

Chapter Eight: An Important Lesson
or
SO I HEARD YOU LIKE MEEEEEE?!

“Ivan, why did you tell me this?”

“Mm?”

“I’m… I’m really happy you’re trusting me like this, but why? You haven’t known me that long. And you just told me… well if you’ve got a secret bigger then well, this, then… No, I don’t even believe you do.”

“…want… understood.”

“You want to be… really? Did you say you had a friend already? Doesn’t that pony?”

“No.”

“So… so I’m the only pony you’ve told?”

“Yes.”

“I’m… speechless Ivan. What about me makes you…”

“Trust you.”

“…Thank you Ivan. You won’t regret it. I promise.”

--

“Miss Cheerilee, why is Ivan so bad at this?” Sweetie Belle asked as Ivan accidentally created another crater. “I mean, he’s really strong, so shouldn’t this all be easy?”

“A lot of unicorns have trouble using different types of magic depending on their talents. It looks like Ivan’s not very compatible with the spells Twilight’s attempting to teach him. Course, it also might be that Ivan’s not a very quick study…”

“But my sister can shoot lasers! That’s not very good at making pretty things, is it?”

“Well, have you noticed that shining light through gemstones can sometimes make for a very pretty show of lights and colors?”

“…so?”

“A unicorn laser is just a lot of very concentrated light. So Rarity’s essentially taking a spell she can normally do and cranking up the power a whole lot.”

“Ooooh….”

--

“…well there goes conjuring water…” Twilight said, crossing another spell off the list. “You weren’t kidding when you said you were overspecialized.”

Ivan snorted, and waited to be taught something else.

“Alright, well let’s try fire…”

--

“…So you think Ivan’ll be able to figure out his special talent by learning a bunch of magic?”

“Possibly.” Cheerilee said. “Though it’s also possible his talent has nothing to do with magic. It would explain why he can use so few spells.”

“Hm… I can use a couple spells.” Sweetie continued. “So maybe I’m supposed to be a mage?”

“Anything’s possible Sweetie.”

“Hey, uh… Miss Cheerilee?” Applebloom asked. “Have ya ever heard of any other ponies with Ivan’s, um… problem?”

The way the filly nodded to her unmarked flank made it plain what she was talking about.

“Never. Ivan’s quite unique in that regard.”

“Huh…” With that out of the way, the fillies all turned their attention back to Ivan, who was starting to have his first success. Cheerilee though had just been presented with a pair of very confusing reminders to Ivan’s condition.

Ivan knew his special talent. But his side was still blank.

Cheerilee wasn’t about to suggest that Ivan was some sort of special case (well, more special then he already was), so that could only mean that Ivan was wrong.

No matter how much he was in denial, at the root Ivan believed that he was born to be some violent destroyer. But his side was blank. Ivan was wrong.

Ivan was wrong and Cheerilee could prove it to him. Give him hope.

“What are you smiling about Miss Cheerilee?”

“Haven’t you noticed? Ivan’s learned a new trick.” Sure enough the green stallion was manipulating a plume of fire he created. The crusaders cheered.

--

“Well at least I managed to give you something… And fire’s a pretty good spell to have if you’re a wanderer, right?” Ivan nodded.

Honestly, he wished he knew this spell sooner. Trying to start fires with explosions was harder then one would think.

“Next?”

“Well I th-“

“Twilight!” Ivan turned to see Spike running towards them from the library waving a scroll over his head.

“What is it Spike?”

“Letter from the Princess!”

“Oh. Well let’s see here… To my faithful… regarding your intentions towards my-“ Twilight’s head snapped up from the scroll, which was hastily rolled up and stuffed into her bags.

“Ivan! Something’s just come up and I’ll need to cut our session short for today, you understand right?”

“Er-“

“Splendid, come back tomorrow, same time, we’ll work through more of the list, I really have to go now goodbye!”

They were quite a distance away from the library, but all the ponies (and dragon) present could hear the door slam from where they were.

“…welp, I need to get to work getting the door unlocked from this side.” Spike said, leaving for the library.

“Hey, Ivan, that fire spell was awesome!” Scootaloo exclaimed as she hopped over with great flapping bounds.

“So maybe his cutie mark has something to do with fire?” Applebloom wondered.

“Arson?” Dinky suggested with a hoof on her chin.

“Cutie Mark Crusaders Insurance Fraud yaa-“

“Alright, no. Never.” Cheerilee said.

“Awwwww.”

“Anyway, Ivan, sorry to leave you with the crusaders,” the teacher said when their attention diverted to other possibilities Ivan’s new spell opened up, “but I’ve got work to do. There’s a field trip I have to plan.”

“Good day.” Ivan returned, nodding as she left.

“Hey, Ivan, it’s mah birthday next week!” Applebloom declared. “Are ya gonna come to mah party?”

Ivan made a show of thinking it over. If he did come, most of his time would probably be with Big Mac, which actually sounded like not a half bad way to spend an afternoon. It would also make Applebloom happy, and that was worthwhile in and of itself.

Ivan nodded, making Applebloom cheer.

“Hey, Ivan, when’s your birthday?” Scootaloo asked, and Ivan was about to answer when he heard a shuffling behind him. When he turned to investigate, there was a cardboard box sitting next to a tree, and he was positive it wasn’t there before.

“Ivan?” the pegasus prompted, and while keeping one eye on the mysterious box, he answered;

“Last month.” Then he heard the unmistakable noise of a fuse burning down. Coming from the box.

“Hey, what’s that noi-“

“Down!” Ivan yelled, throwing up the thickest shield he could manage. The fuse stopped and the box exploded.

“Excelsior!“ Shouted a pink blur, flying out of the detonation and towards them at a speed Ivan had only ever seen duplicated by Rainbow Dash. He braced himself for impact.

Pinkie Pie flattened herself against the shield with an audible ‘SPLAT’ noise, and slowly slid down until she was sitting on her haunches trying to shake the stars out of her vision and get her snout back to it’s original shape.

Ivan lowered the shield, and stepped forward intent on finding out just what exactly the buck, when Pinkie got to her hooves and pointed at Ivan rather accusingly.

“When was your last birthday party?!”

“Don’t remember.” Ivan answered without missing a beat. “Years.” He guessed.

Pinkie made an odd noise, much like Ivan once daydreamed that sunless rabbit from Fluttershy’s cottage would make if he strangled it.

“Why didn’t you tell anypony?! You were here for your birthday!”

Ivan shrugged.

“…this calls for a par-“

“No.” Ivan said, silencing her. Pinkie gaped at him in disbelief, and the crusaders gaped as well, considering that not only did Ivan commit Pinkie blasphemy, but they had never seen her without a smile for this long.

“Why not?”

“Don’t want.”

“Why not?” Ivan, quite fed up with the way Pinkie was invading his personal space every time she spoke, put up a green wall between them, causing her to get shoved backwards.

“Don’t like.”

“B-but… this is a birthday party… they’re special!”

“Don’t want.” Ivan repeated.

“I… I…” The pink pony sputtered, before pulling out a small sphere from her curls and hurling it at the ground.

White smoke and coloured confetti burst from it blinding everypony in the vicinity, and when it cleared, Pinkie was gone.

“…Ivan, ya don’t like parties?” Applebloom asked quietly. “’C-cause ya don’t have to-“

“Like you.” Ivan said. “Will attend.” And the little earth filly noticed with a bit of surprise that Ivan’s brim had lifted from his eyes when Pinkie had left. He looked sincere.

“…oh. Thanks Ivan.”

“…but why don’t you like parties?” Dinky asked. “All your friends get together for a good time. You’d get presents too!”

“Pinkie.” Ivan started. “Invite everypony.”

“Well yeah, she’d make it a-“

“Not friends.”

“Well I think she’s the only one who’s friends with everypony, but that-“ Scootaloo was cut off when Ivan continued.

“Loud. Crowded. Attention center.” The last point made Ivan scowl. Scootaloo winced ever so slightly.

“…that’s bad?”

“For me.”

“…huh.”

Ivan nodded, point made. Parties weren’t for him, and he didn’t need a bunch of strangers pretending to care for a slice of cake.

Also accepting the odd gift from somepony he didn’t know wouldn’t have felt right.

“Ya sure ya wann-“

“Uninvited?” Ivan asked, raising an eyebrow at Applebloom.

“N-no! Yer still welcome, bu-“

“Settled.” He said, looking her in the eye.

And just like that, the matter was indeed settled.

“…so what now Ivan?”

“Work.” He said. He nodded in parting to the crusaders, and started back to town.

“…well now what do we do?” Sweetie Belle asked.

Unbeknownst to the four fillies, a figure clad in a black catsuit lowered itself from the nearby tree.

And slowly crept up behind them…

--

“So what made you decide to be a mailpony?” Ditzy asked as she walked him through the route.

When Ivan had approached her asking if she knew anyplace hiring, she had been delighted to help. As it turned out, the post office she worked at was quite short-staffed.

Ivan was pleased to hear this, since it meant he had a steady job while he remained in Ponyville.

“Money.”

“…ah.” She trailed off, probably expecting something a bit more grandiose. Being a mailpony was a noble position!

“…so how’s Dinky?” She asked after a pause.

“Behaved.” Ivan answered, and the pegasus swore she heard a touch of fondness hiding in his monotone.

“She would be. She really likes you!” Ivan shrugged. He already knew the crusaders liked him.

If they didn’t, they wouldn’t spend all that time around him. Or keep him warm when he was cold, or kiss his wounds better, or make him pie when he was sick, or pretty much anything they did at all.

Ditzy didn’t see the small smile that wrestled free of Ivan’s control.

“So I haven’t seen you since that thing in the forest. How’ve you been?”

“Well.”

“…nothing bad happen?”

“Yes.”

“Anypony else sign your cast?”

“Yes.”

“… have you been doing anything lately?”

“Here you go!” Shouted Pinkie Pie when she burst out of a random mailbox. Clutched in a curled hoof (how did she even do that with a hoof?) were a pair of cards.

Ivan took one and looked it over. It was an invitation to a party. His eye twitched.

“No.”

“But you have to! It’s tonight!” Pinkie cried.

“It’s true. It is tonight. Cancelling on short notice is rude.” Ditzy said, nodding sagely.

“No.” Ivan repeated.

“Bu-“ Whatever logic Pinkie was about to assault him with was cut off when the card was stuffed into her mouth with magic.

Ivan started walking off again as Ditzy followed, asking why he would do such a thing.

Pinkie took the invitation out of her mouth, and started stroking her chin in thought.

“Hmm… I wonder if this is what Dashie means by ‘the thrill of challenge’?”

--

“Hey, Ivan, I saw this cupcake-“

“No.”

“-and it made me think of you since it’s all green and brings joy to foals and-“

“No.”

“-it would probably really like a party if it had-“

“No.”

“-a soul and body that wasn’t yummy delish and the cognitive potential to perceive feelings of joy and happiness!”

“…um-“

“Is that a-“

“Still no.”

“Aw mittins.”

--

“Hey, Ivan, ya find a job?” Applebloom asked as Ivan climbed the hill to what had been unofficially dubbed ‘his tree’.

“Yes.”

“Great! Is it something you’ve done before? Did you get your cu-“

“Hey everypony!” Pinkie Pie yelled, appearing as if she had been there the whole time.

“-tie mark… handbook… for us?” Sweetie Belle finished, switching gears in a way that made Ivan nod his thanks.

“Hey Ivan, know what this is?” Pinkie Pie asked, holding up a cupcake.

“…cupcake.” Ivan answered in an even deader pan then normal. Looking closer, it appeared to be the same cupcake from her last attempt.

“Wrong! Even better! This is just one fraction of twenty batches of cupcakes that can be available at your party!”

“No.”

“There’s cupcakes of every variety. I have your favorite. I guarantee your favorite is there.”

“No.”

“Well then what is your favorite?”

“Don’t know.”

“…how… how can you not-“

“Years.”

“…I’m gonna go reboot my brain. I’ll try again later Ivan.”

“Later.”

--

“Alright, this time.”

“No.”

“But Ivan, don’t you wanna know what this is?”

“…cannon.”

“Wrong! Even better! This is the party cannon.”

“…kay.”

“You know you want it. It levels up a party just by being present.”

“No.”

“And if it’s at your party, I’ll fire this thing and you won’t even know.”

“No.”

“…but it’s a party cannon!”

“Bye.”

--

“Alright Cheerilee, when Ivan comes around that corner, I need you to read the card when it’s time for your lines.”

“…Pinkie, you still haven’t told me why you ne-“

“Here he comes!”

“…wha-“

“Ivan! I, the masked villain, have kidnapped this schoolteacher best friend of yours and if you don’t come to a pa- wait wait wait no sto-“

“Ivan don’t oh moon-“

--

“Ivan I don’t care if I was tied up on a set of railroad tracks, that was not a good enough reason to blast Pinkie Pie half way to Canterlot.”

“Pinkie Pie?”

“Alright, so I admit that she put together a great costume and she actually managed to disguise her voice to sound like somepony completely different, but even then you almost blew a random pony up.”

“Kidnapped.”

“Ivan that’s not a good enough reason to try to kill somepony.”

“Yes. It is.”

“…I’m not even sure if I should be incredibly flattered or concerned.”

“Hi everypony!”

“Oh, hello Pinki- wait no you should be half dead that’s imposs-“

“Stunt double.”

“But it was you-“

“So Ivan! I heard you saved a princess from a masked villain who totally wasn’t me or my stunt double!”

“Ugh-“

“Know what this calls for? A party.”

“No.”

“Aw Ivan come on! Parties solve everything! You’ll get character development!”

“…please?”

“No Ivan you cannot blast Pinkie Pie.” Said the teacher.

“Little?”

“Not even a little.”

“…tch.” Cheerilee was treated to the rare sight of Ivan pouting. She really wished she had a camera.

“So since nopony’s getting blasted halfway to Canterlot again, how about tha-“

“No. Leaving.”

“If you follow me, I can lead you t-“

“No.”

--

“…Pinkie, would you mind telling me what this is about?” Cheerilee asked after Ivan had left.

“Ivan can’t remember the last birthday party he had. And his birthday was last month!”

“Huh. Why didn’t he tell me?”

“I don’t know. But now he won’t go to his own party!”

“Wait, you’re doing it anyway?”

“I already sent out the invitations. I hid in a tree after throwing a party smoke bomb and heard Ivan didn’t like noisy parties with a bunch of strangers, so I made this a small party.”

“…you can do small parties?”

“I know, right? So I invited Big Mac, Ditzy, the other elements… oh, here’s yours.”

“Thanks.”

“And I told the crusaders they could come too! Nopony Ivan doesn’t like would be there, so…”

“It might be best if we don-“

“No, this is a birthday party. It’s special and he needs it.”

“Pinkie, I… is there something I’m not getting here?”

“Nope. You should know what a birthday party is. But I think Ivan forgot.”

“…Look, I’ll see what I can do. The place and time is on the invitation?”

“Course it is silly filly! Oh thank you thank you thank you, this is going to be amazing! See you tonight!”

“…sigh.”

--

“Alright, just… try to have fun. Please?”

“Forced.”

“Well yes, but she already had it set up apparently and all your other friends are going to be there. I’m just saying that if they’re going to a party for you, then you should at least show up.”

“…makes sense.” Ivan grudgingly admitted.

“So cheer up. Pinkie even said that nopony you didn’t know was going to be there. It really won’t be that bad.”

“Mm.”

The two walked into Sugarcube Corner, and found all the lights off.

“…alright, Pinkie Pie, he knows there’s a party happening. It’s not going to be a surpi- wait…“ She stopped when she flicked on the light switch and found the corner completely bare.

“…but she… the invitation said… wait what’s that noise?”

For the second time that day, Ivan heard the sound of what was unmistakably a lit fuse. He whirled around to find that somehow a giant cannon had been wheeled in and was pointed through the door right at them.

As Cheerilee gasped in surprise, Ivan quickly ran through his options, picked one, and followed through.

He rammed Cheerilee and took them both to the floor before covering her and raising a shield around them for the explosion and shrapnel.

A tense second passed, and the cannon fired.

…silence for a few moments, before Ivan looked up from Cheerilee’s mane to see that somehow in the space of a few seconds, the entire room had been decorated with streamers and balloons, and a snack and punch table had been set up on the opposite wall.

There was also a fully operational jukebox in the corner nearby.

“…um-“

“Surprise!” Several ponies called as they jumped out from random hiding places. Hiding places that hadn’t even existed before the cannon blast.

“Hey, Ivan, what did you think of my party cannon?!” Pinkie Pie said, prancing over and popping a party hat onto the hat he was already wearing.

“…wai-“

“Yeah! Why else would I call it a party cannon? Because I can fire parties out of it. Genius!”

“…Jerryrig?”

“Yeah! How’d you know?”

“…lucky guess.” Ivan muttered getting up from the floor. “Sorry.” He said as the teacher picked herself up.

“Oh no trouble. Nice to know you care Ivan.”

“…so happy multiple belated birthdays Ivan!” Pinkie shouted as the crusaders wheeled out a large multi-layered cake with a large number of candles stuck into it.

“…uh-“

“Yeah, I didn’t know how old you are exactly so I used every candle I had. Make a wish!”

Ivan sighed as he approached the cake, wondering how exactly he was supposed to get a wish when the cake was set up like this.

He tried anyway, and managed to blow out a good third of them. Applause sounded before the cake was cut, and Ivan received the first slice.

…sweeter then he normally liked, but it was quite good…

“So, happy you’re here? I was right about the cannon, wasn’t I?” Pinkie said, wearing a lampshade similar to the way Ivan was wearing his hat.

“Forced.” Ivan reminded.

“I don’t know why you feel that way. It’s a birthday party.”

“Matters?” He asked as he took another bite of cake. Pinkie frowned.

“So you did forget.”

“What?”

“…Ivan, I’m going to tell you something super sad now. Promise you won’t cry.”

“Promise.” Ivan said, deciding that for this at least, the party pony deserved his attention. He silenced the irritation that struck him whenever Pinkie did anything (a reasonable response after all of that day), and waited.

“I didn’t know what birthday parties were before I came to Ponyville.” A record scratched somewhere in the backround as the music stopped and everypony in the room looked at her in shock.

Except for Ivan, who had no idea why this was unusual.

“My first party was when I got my cutie mark. When I learned my purpose was to spread happiness. But because of the way I grew up, I didn’t know that birthdays were anything special.

“After I came to Ponyville, and started living with the Cakes, they asked me when my birthday was and I didn’t know why they’d ask me a thing like that. Then later on, they threw me a party. And I learned that birthday parties were the most special parties of all.”

Pinkie took off the lampshade, reached out a hoof to Ivan’s brim, and looked him dead in the eye.

“The party’s about you Ivan. But it’s not just for you. It’s for everypony here. A birthday party is when a pony is surrounded by all their friends, and everypony celebrates that the pony was born. You came into Ponyville and at some point helped all of us somehow. Except me. And Twilight. But maybe those’ll happen later.

“I don’t think I’m lying when I say that we’re all happy you exist Ivan. Even if you haven’t been here very long, and you’re a scowling mister angry stoic pants, you would help anypony here, and you’re super nice to the fillies, and…

“…my first birthday party was the happiest day of my life. And I don’t think somepony who’s as nice as you are should go without being reminded that you have a place in the world, and there are ponies that love you for having it.”

When she finished, Pinkie took back her hoof causing the brim to fall back over Ivan’s eyes. And she waited.

They all waited as Ivan mulled this over. Then a ghostly green hoof appeared by the jukebox and gave it a whack. The music started up again.

“Another?” Ivan asked, holding up his empty cake plate.

--

The party ran for a while after that, and before long Ivan walked out of Sugar Cube Corner and settled on a nearby bench for a bit of air.

The night was warm, quiet, and exactly what he wanted after a few hours of loud music, sweets, and repeated explaining that his cast made dancing unpleasant and impossible.

Also he was horrible at it, but the cast was a happy way to not explain his shortcomings.

He decided not to start trying to decipher how having several ponies celebrating his existence made him feel. He got the feeling that opening that can of worms would have him reflecting on himself all night.

“Just couldn’t tough it out, could you?” Cheerilee taunted as she walked out and sat down beside him.

“Torture.” Ivan countered. “Cake. Music. Games. Conga line. Evil.”

“You’ll have to get used to it as long as you’re around here Ivan. We’re all a little evil in this neck of the woods.”

“Hm.” Ivan also didn’t want to think about leaving Ponyville. Or settling. That’d also keep him up all night.

“…hey, I’m surprised you haven’t asked about any gifts yet.”

“Hm?”

“Well it is a birthday party. That normally means you get free stuff.”

Ivan didn’t reply. He honestly didn’t expect to receive anything, given that he’d only been around a month. And the party itself had been quite short notice.

“Well I got you something.” Cheerilee continued, holding up a wrapped present. Ivan just stared at it for a moment, completely at a loss.

“You’re supposed to say thanks, and then open it.” The teacher teased, holding it up. Ivan took it in his magic, muttered an embarrassed thanks, and started unwrapping it.

It took him a moment to realise he was holding another photo album.

“Open it.” She said.

The first picture he saw was of the Apple family, smiling at the camera. The next was Rarity and Sweetie Belle working on a dress together.

Another of a smiling Scootaloo. Another of Ditzy giving her daughter a flying ride over Ponyville. Another of Rainbow Dash showing off.

There was at least one picture for every pony he’d met. And soon he turned a page and found the next set of photo sleeves empty.

The book was only about a tenth full.

“You should be happy Ivan.” Cheerilee said. “You made a bunch of friends in no time at all, and they all like you. They’d all still like you if they knew everything.”

Ivan said nothing, staring down at the empty pages.

“Each of those spaces there are just like your flank Ivan. Empty now, but before long you’ll have put a happy memory away.”

“…talent.”

“You’re unmarked Ivan. If your talent was violence, and you knew it, then you wouldn’t be. So you’re missing something.”

“I…”

“Thanks for being born you silly colt.” Cheerilee said, smiling as wide as her mouth would allow.

Later on, after she signed Ivan’s cast, Pinkie Pie would admit to having caught that moment on film. It was later added to the album, and Ivan would look at it and remember the first time he had initiated a hug in over a decade.

--

Never forget your birthday again Ivan! It’s for everypony who loves you!

-Pinkie Pie

--

Dear Princess Celestia;

Today I learned that things you take for granted can be appreciated differently by your friends.

I think that it’s important to learn how each of your friends appreciates life in their own ways, in order to better understand them. You might also discover new ways to appreciate the things in your own life along the way.

By the way, would you mind telling me when Luna’s birthday is?

Your faithful student;

Twilight Sparkle.

Surfacing Feelings

Chapter Nine: Surfacing Feelings
or
Rarity Is NOT A Creeper. Hopefully.

“Warder!” the little unicorn shouted at his father.

“Mm? And why would you want to be one of those?”

“Like Daddy!”

“You sure Ivan? You know the job’s why I’m away so often. All you really get out of it is a nifty bracer.”

“Hero!”

“Well there is that. Let me tell you, you don’t know it yet, but walking into a bar and flashing around the bracer is the best way to pick up the mares.”

“Eeewwwww!”

“Don’t make that face. If it wasn’t for that bracer, you wouldn’t exist.”

“Well you ‘ad to make up for your, how you say… ‘ lack of charm’ somehow.” A voice said from the kitchen.

“…mares are cruel Ivan. Especially the Prench ones. Warders must use their studly power wisely.”

“Mm!”

“Gale Force, what are you teaching zat boy?”

“Lesson two. When they call you by your whole name, it means they’re mad at you. No matter what they say, you’ve slighted them somehow. They’ll be on edge until they forget.”

“Gale…”

“Lesson three. They forget faster if you give them flowers.”

“Zey won’t if they’re sunflowers. Zey’ll pick zeir teeth for an ‘alf ‘our and zink about you ze whole time.”

“Honey, I said I was sorry!”

“Well you don’t like eating zem, so why do you zink I would!?”

“Because you can magic off the bad bits?”

There was a pause.

“Lesson four. Don’t act smug when they forget the totally obvious. They’ll make a big deal when it’s your turn to be foalish.”

“I zink you want to switch places. I zink you want to feed Salad instead of bonding with our son.”

A loud crash sounded from the kitchen.

“Do not run from mommy Salad! You are ‘ungry, aren’t you?”

Another louder crash.

“Oh you will work up an appetite sooner or later Salad… but by zen you’ll be daddy’s problem! Muhahahaha!”

“…Mares. Scary.”

“You learn quick, Ivan.”

--

The smirking face of Gale Force faded as Ivan found himself returning to consciousness. He didn’t open his eyes though.

He hadn’t awakened on his own in quite some time. Normally his after-practice sleeping was interrupted by a gaggle of fillies trying to wrangle him for some reason or another.

Unexpectedly, he found himself alone, waking up peacefully, and shaking off the echoes of a pleasant (though bittersweet) memory.

When had he forgotten about being a warder?

…Ah. He had realized that earning the bracer would make it very easy for his father to find him.

Too bad. Getting paid to travel would’ve made his life a lot easier.

…although if he had got the job, chances were slim he’d be sent to Ponyville, where six unofficial warders already lived. His services wouldn’t have been required.

He heard hooffalls and familiar voices, and he lifted his brim. The crusaders had come for him.

It was better that he had ended up here. He didn’t know if he wanted to be anywhere else.

…did he?

--

They managed to find Ivan quickly enough under his usual tree, and Scootaloo noticed that as soon as he discovered they were coming, he lifted his brim, and he smiled and Ivan was happy to see them-

Having fun being part of the greatest team ever assembled could wait. They had a crisis.

“Ivan I need help!” He was probably remembering the last time she called for his help, getting to his hooves and looking serious.

He waited patiently, as Scootaloo dug through her bags and presented a slip of paper.

…he read it over, and looked up with a raised eyebrow.

“Playpen can’t since he’s got an orphanage to look after.” Scootaloo explained.

“Dash?”

“She’s got work she said.

“Fluttershy?”

“Something about nursing a bear back to health.”

“Cheerilee?”

“She said she can’t. Against the rules.”

“Pinkie?”

“Foalsitting.”

“Applejack? Rarity?”

“Applejack’s workin’ the farm.” Applebloom spoke up, “And Rarity’s takin’ Sweetie Belle. Big Mac’s takin’ me.”

“…Twilight?”

“We asked, but she said somethin’ about world changin’ science. Was talkin’ to this other unicorn… forgot his name.”

“…me?”

“You’re all we got left.” Scootaloo said. “Not that we didn’t want you or nothin’, just… it’d be hard, right?”

Ivan nodded as he looked the permission slip over again. He was hardly Scootaloo’s guardian, but if he could get Playpen’s permission, it’d be possible.

…a three day trip to Whimsyvale for storytelling and exploring a set of nearby catacombs.

Several visions of the crusaders getting lost or causing cave-ins filled his mind.

“…alright.” He agreed unsteadily.

Predictably, they cheered, and Ivan was left with a nagging feeling that he was about to sign his soul away.

“So we gotta ask Playpen, but he’s heard about you, so it shouldn’t be any trouble!”

“Joy…”

--

“…so why are you doing this?” Cheerilee asked, having met them on the way. The other crusaders had gone of to do Celestia only knew what while Scootaloo accompanied them to the orphanage. The pegasus skipped ahead and was out of earshot.

“Catacombs. Brony’s Law.” Ivan replied.

Brony’s Law was an expression that originated a few decades back in Canterlot where the general population of fraternity stallions got roaring drunk at any opportunity and essentially caused the ruined plans of the city’s entire population through several rowdy coincidences.

Impossible to plan for, or defend against.

Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

“Well the paths we’d follow are roped off, and there are signs to make sure we don’t go off course and… and you’re talking about the crusaders.” She finished, voice falling flat.

“Yes.”

“You’re afraid they’ll do something crusader-ish, and you’ll have to step in to clean up the mess.”

“Yes.”

“…while I might remind you that you’re not the only pony in the world responsible for their well being… your concern is noted, justified, and your presence might make them more inclined to behave since, well, you’re sort of kind of one of them.”

“Mm.”

“That, and I don’t want to see Scootaloo left behind while her friends go have fun… and I suppose I’d enjoy your company as well.”

“Me too.” Ivan said, with nothing of the ever so slight embarrassment Cheerilee felt at the admission.

Cheerilee raised her hoof to knock on the door when they arrived, only for it to swing open at the last moment.

Ivan watched a banana yellow earth pony get rapped firmly on the face, just barely missing his glasses.

“Oh, Playpen! Sorry, I was just about to visit.”

“Cheerilee? I was expecting somepony…” He leaned around Cheerilee to see Ivan, who was waiting his turn patiently.

“…else.” He finished, tone something Ivan recognized.

Playpen didn’t like him very much, it seemed.

Cheerilee stepped aside, gesturing to the unicorn.

“Ah, Playpen, this is-“

“I know.” He interrupted, trotting past her.

“So you’re Ivan?” Playpen asked. Ivan sized him up.

He was an earth pony, meaning he could probably throw a mean kick if pressed. Everything about his appearance, including curly brown mane and soda bottles over his eyes, screamed ‘not good in a fight’ though. His cutie mark appeared to be a couch fort. Cool, Ivan admitted, but not intimidating.

Hypothesis: Ivan could take him with one hoof tied behind his back. Which it essentially was, so he was in luck.

Now he just hoped he wouldn’t have to beat up a caretaker in front of a house of foals.

He caught Playpen looking him over in the same way, the yellow pony’s eyes settling on his cast.

…he wondered what impressions Playpen had drawn about his personality. Did he think Ivan would throw the first hoof?

“Scootaloo talks about you all the time.” He continued, trying to make eye contact through Ivan’s brim.

“Oh?” Ivan asked, wondering how extreme the little pegasus had made him out to be.

“Something about helping beat down a legion of diamond dogs, winning a staring contest with an elder cockatrice, navigating an obstacle course of deathtraps, knocking a griffin into next year- stop me when I say something that isn’t true.”

“Accurate. Mostly.” Ivan shrugged. “Exaggerated.”

“…and you did all of that with a broken leg.”

“Not alone.”

“Pretty much everything Scootaloo said was true. If exaggerated.” Cheerilee clarified, taking a place on their side, ready to move in between if necessary.

“Well excuse me for being sceptical.” Playpen huffed. “For a while I wasn’t even sure this guy existed. It was pretty much exactly like that Buck Norris thing that happened last year.”

Now that Ivan stopped to think about it, he was pretty sure winning a staring contest with a cockatrice actually was a Buck Norris line.

…but then Fluttershy did it better then him, so…

“So you’re about to ask me to let him take Scootaloo on that trip?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Ivan, why would you want to take Scootaloo on this trip?”

“Catacombs. Brony’s law.” Scootaloo looked confused, but Playpen seemed to understand.

He raised a hoof as if to counter the point, but found himself completely unable to.

“…and… the other two crusaders are going too?” he asked instead, suddenly switching moods.

“There’s four of us now!” the pegasus declared proudly.

“Oh Luna, they’re multiplying. Uh… so, you’re going along because…”

“Yes.”

“And you’re afraid they’ll-”

“Yes.”

“I’ll be keeping the closest eye I can on them.” Cheerilee said. “But they respect Ivan, and so far he’s unusually capable of keeping them out of trouble. And keeping them safe when trouble’s unavoidable. Though… it is happening often, even for them.”

“…you swear by him?”

“I’m not the only one either.” Cheerilee replied, smiling. “Rarity and Applejack know where their sisters are. Ditzy really trusts him after that one episode in Everfree. Ever since Ivan arrived, the fillies have been in good hooves.”

“…Ah, I see…” hostility gone, the stallion scratched the back of his head awkwardly. After a pause, he offered a hoof to the quiet unicorn.

“I think we got off on the wrong hoof. I’m Playpen. I’ve known Scootaloo for most of her life.” When Ivan didn’t respond, he realized it was probably because of the lack of free hoof to offer.

He nearly took back the hoof to apologize, when the familiar hum of unicorn magic reached his ears.

A green hoof, looking almost like it belonged to a ghost, floated there. Playpen laughed and took it with his own.

“Ivan Hooves.” The green stallion offered back as they shook on it.

--

Ivan found his bags packed a little heavier then normal, since Cheerilee insisted he pack a spare blanket she offered.

Though he said he’d be alright considering the weather would be warm the entire trip, she forced it on him. And Ivan was so unused to concern about his well being that he was entirely unwilling to argue.

Not that it was really such a big deal anyway.

He gave a glance at the orange pegasus at his side, all cheer and smiles at the thought of finally getting to go on a school trip. She confessed earlier that this would be her first.

He found himself looking forward to the trip himself. Big Mac and Cheerilee were pleasant company, he liked being around the crusaders, and he would probably get the chance to know Rarity a little better…

…he wondered if this was what life would be like if he settled.

If he settled though, he might be found.

I wouldn’t be alone though. I don’t want to give this up again.

Dangerous thinking.

Is it worth it?

Cheerilee was looking over the assembled ponies in front of the schoolhouse, probably trying to pick out which ones weren’t present.

She noticed Ivan and Scootaloo approaching, and waved excitedly.

…it might be.

--

“And what are you doing here?” Scootaloo heard when Ivan went to talk to Cheerilee. She didn’t have to turn to see who was coming.

“Same as you Diamond Tiara. I’m going on a school trip.” The filly in question, mirrored by the also present Silver Spoon, grinned maliciously.

“Yeah right. You need parents to go. Where do you live again?” And she was already seeking out the biggest button Scootaloo had, and mashing the moon out of it. She had woken up this morning feeling that this was going to be the best day ever, and here was Diamond Tiara reminding her that it was also going to be three whole days with her close by.

Even with her friends around to dull the blows, the pegasus ground her teeth at the thought of her first trip being soured like this.

She glanced aside at Ivan, whose attention was still off of her. He wouldn’t be rescuing her from these monsters.

So the trolls wouldn’t be getting blasted. Shame.

…what else would Ivan do?

“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t going. Don’t you have anything better to do?” Ivan would brush them off. Treat them like anypony else who got up in his business and started making a lot of noise.

Pretty much the same way he treated Pinkie Pie, but this was different since Pinkie had good traits. There was nothing wrong with treating these two like flies.

“Why wouldn’t I want to see what kind of big idea the orphaned blank flank’s got to try and follow us to Whimsyvale?”

Just like Ivan. She wouldn’t give a single buck.

“…moon you’re sad.” And since staying would let them keep talking to her, Scootaloo turned her back on the now sputtering earth ponies, and started the hunt for her friends.

Dinky wasn’t around since she was younger then them, but she still had Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. And maybe that other filly Applebloom was spending time with lately. If her friend liked her, she was probably solid.

She couldn’t wait to tell them how mad she made the two snobs. Who knew Playpen’s half-baked advice of just walking away would work?

--

Diamond Tiara quietly seethed, and Silver Spoon sighed. She liked her friend, but Tiara was hard to deal with in a state like this.

“Impudence!”

And now she was using words like she was some queen. Or something. Silver hoped this phase wouldn’t last long.

“Silver.” Tiara said, shockingly calm. That had lasted a lot shorter then expected. “Do you think Scootaloo was adopted?”

“Probably not.” Silver replied. “I think she would’ve said so right away if she had.”

“…Well the teacher can’t take her. So who is?” Now more curious then anything, the two started scanning the assembled ponies for somepony unfamiliar.

It didn’t take long. With the hat, coat, and cast, he stuck out a bit.

“…Could that be him?” Silver asked, looking him over.

“Celestia, I hope not. Why would a dreamboat like him associate himself with an uncouth blank flank like Scootaloo?” Silver raised an eyebrow and looked again.

The mysterious pony tossed his head, causing his blonde mane to billow quite attractively. A slight peek of icy blue eyes, expressive and intense.

…he was hot.

“What I wouldn’t give to see his cutie mark…”

Silver idly humm’d agreement.

“Should we go say hi?” the grey filly asked. Tiara turned and glared.

“No. We need to scope him out first. Find out what makes him tick. Only a fool would just go and talk to him without knowing anything about him first.”

“Well, we could ask him what we want to know. Maybe he’d show us his cutie mark.”

“Well you can go and ask him if you can look at his butt if you want.” Come to think of it, that did sound kind of… yeah, not doing that.

“You say that like you don’t want to.” Silver countered.

“Silver Spoon, we are proper ladies. In order to look at a stallion’s butt, we need to make him want us to look at his butt. Then we need to take proper and discrete steps to-”

“Alright Tiara, I agree and all, but this conversation’s getting kind of weird…”

“…agreed. Let’s talk about something else. Are those new frames?”

Nothing interesting happened from there on.

--

It turned out that Scootaloo was with the new stallion. And this vexed Tiara to no end, watching the pegasus prance around him in what was probably a accurate rendition of that ‘yes dance’ she had heard so much about.

Worse still he didn’t seem to mind at all. Who did she think she was, doing silly things in public and not getting socially hammered by everypony around her? She would’ve done the job, but Cheerilee didn’t seem to stray far from the newcomer.

Getting in trouble and embarrassing her father just wouldn’t do.

The teacher couldn’t have her eye on the pegasus forever though. And she would pay for ignoring her like some common insect.

Scootaloo was beneath her. Before the trip was through, she would know this.

--

The journey to Whimsyvale was uneventful. Stopping about an hour away from the town, they bedded down for the night, and soon Ivan was listening to how novel his long mane and tail were on him, courtesy of Rarity, under the magical flames he had conjured and maintained above for light.

She spoke quietly though, so as not to wake the crusaders. Big Mac sat near by with a slumbering Applebloom, while Sweetie Belle snoozed with her sister, under the same blanket.

After seeing Sweetie Belle snuggle up to Rarity, Scootaloo had unpacked Ivan’s larger blanket and thrown it over the two of them. Then pressed up against his side, nuzzled him goodnight, and quickly conked out. She hadn’t hesitated, asked, explained, anything.

Ivan, not knowing where this behavior had come from, looked to Cheerilee for help. Sadly though, the school teacher was wearing an expression that said she was plainly consumed by how ‘precious’ it must have looked, and would be no help.

It was about twenty minutes into the rant Rarity started about how more stallions should wear their manes long that he realised he was trying to make sense of a crusader’s behavior. Deciding that trying such a thing so close to his bedtime was something that would lead to nightmares, he gave it up for later.

“Is it a bad thing?” Cheerilee asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Ivan didn’t answer, though the teacher could see his unsure expression. He had taken to lifting his brim whenever she approached, something she tried not to read too much into.

“I’m sorry, the whole thing was so… I just didn’t consider you might be uncomfortable.”

“What’s there to be uncomfortable about?” Rarity asked, smiling down at the sleeping pegasus. “I think it’s simply darling the dear’s so attached to you.”

Ivan hmmm’d, but remained silent.

“Might be he’s never been a big brother before.” Big Mac mused.

Rarity prided herself on being able to recognise body language. She often had to invade the personal space of ponies many a time while fitting them for clothes, magic could only do so much after all. She quickly learned to distinguish which ponies were alright, uncomfortable, or far too interested in her proximity. (and while she couldn’t blame them for being so, she was gorgeous after all, fitting was business and she frowned upon those who couldn’t respect that.)

She noticed right away that Ivan had lifted his hat when Cheerilee had joined them, something akin to his lowering a shield, and her inner gossip demanded she put the screws to the grape coloured mare at the next available opportunity to make sense of what it meant. (dusty jaded wanderer rolls into town and finds himself desperately in love with a mare who slowly begins to heal him, it was just like the book she was in the middle of!)

While she was drawing her own conclusions about the meaning of how he wore his hat though, Big Mac had taken a shot in the dark and hit a nerve of some sort. His jaw set, his brow wrinkled, his eyes by themselves practically gave a seminar. How To Bodily Heave Ivan Hooves Out Of His Comfort Zone 101.

The lesson name was long though, perhaps she could shorten it to-

Now was not the time to be thinking like Pinkie Pie.

“…Ivan, did we dredge up something best left alone?” Rarity tentatively asked, stuffing that screaming curiosity someplace harmless. Ivan was a friend, and while the developing relationship between him and another friend was fair game, something that prompted a reaction like this was not.

The only thing she saw on Cheerilee’s face was naked concern, and that meant she knew exactly what the farm pony had accidentally stumbled upon. Big Mac himself had grown serious and was awaiting an answer, probably to see if he should apologise or not.

Tense seconds passed before Ivan replied.

“…Long time.” He glanced down at the slumbering Scootaloo. “…forgotten.”

“How long?” Rarity asked before she could stop herself.

“Ten years.” Ivan answered. Cheerilee herself wore barely repressed shock, and Rarity found herself more and more interested by the second.

…she was ashamed that such a thing would thrill her so.

“Ivan I apologize. Even if you answered me, I had no business asking.”

“Forgiven.” Said Ivan, as he looked at nothing. “Friends.”

Silence followed again, with nopony sure of how to continue. Ivan eventually spoke again.

“Alive.”

“I had wondered.” Rarity said, sighing relief.

“Accident. My fault.” He said. “Ran away.”

“Ten years you say? Then you would’ve been…”

“Young.” Ivan said, effectively closing that line of questioning.

Again, they paused. And Ivan made no effort to continue.

Big Mac, without warning, lifted a hoof and presented it to Ivan.

“Ya said it yerself. We’re all friends here.”

The stallion studied the offered hoof for a moment, and Rarity could almost see the thoughts swimming in his eyes.

He took a deep breath, and nodded, producing a muted clop when he lightly bumped it with his own hoof.

Ivan didn’t seem to be in a smiling mood, but after the hoof bump, Big Mac was.

“Well, Ah think that’s enough bonding for one night. Some shuteye sounds like just the thing.” He muttered a ‘G’night’ as he tried to wrestle his blanket out of his bags.

“I agree. Sweet dreams everypony.” Rarity followed, laying down her head and closing her eyes just enough to not look like she was still watching. Ivan snuffed the flame, and it became hard to see.

Cheerilee didn’t say anything for a moment, and when she was sure Big Mac wasn’t watching, she got to her hooves and moved to the prone stallion.

She nuzzled him, pressing her face into his neck, and she heard Ivan whisper something Rarity couldn’t make out.

They talked something over for about a minute, before Cheerilee nuzzled him again.

“I care, Ivan.” Rarity heard as she strained her ears.

“I know.”

“I wanted to make sure.” She saw Ivan snake his foreleg around her neck and pull her a little closer.

“Thank you.” She heard Ivan say as if Cheerilee had just told him she was giving him the sun.

“Sweet dreams.” Cheerilee said, returning the embrace, before she got up and moved back to wherever she was sleeping for the night.

To her credit, Rarity didn’t squeal her delight. One thing was for certain though, a certain teacher would be telling her everything she wanted to hear tomorrow.

She fell to rest, endlessly speculating.

Folklore

Chapter Ten: Folklore
or
Ivan Finds A New Hobby

Cheerilee wondered if she was running away. Technically she was avoiding, making sure there were several other ponies between her and the threat at all times. She was safe as long as she wasn’t alone.

Though it had been quiet for a little while. Breakfast was wrapping up, and soon they’d be on the move. Then all she had to do was hope everything would be forgotten after Whimsyvale.

Sighing in relief, she allowed herself to look over to where Scootaloo was practicing her flying under Ivan’s watchful eye. While she was by no means a fast flier yet, she was starting to get quite comfortable for the brief periods she could spend in the air. Rainbow Dash had apparently taught her how to properly glide a little before the trip had started, and not having to flap her wings all the time to move allowed her much more time before she had to touch down.

Big Mac and the other two crusaders watched, and the latter would cheer every time Scootaloo tried a trick.

“Lovely to see them having so much fun, isn’t it?” The teacher nodded. Then the blood in her veins froze when she realized just who was talking to her.

Rarity’s smile was as sharp as one of her needles. Cheerilee had seen it first thing in the morning and managing to keep the rabid gossip at bay for this long was a miracle in and of itself.

She supposed it was time to face the music.

“Hello Rarity. Did you sleep well?”

“Certainly darling. Ah, but if it’s not too much trouble, I wanted to make an inquiry of sorts…”

“If you think it’d be too much trouble, I suppose there’s no chance this question would be intrusive at all?” Cheerilee wouldn’t be going down without a fight. Rarity was a sophisticated type. She wouldn’t ask if she thought she’d be invading her privacy… hopefully.

“Certainly not. A common question asked between friends.” Curses.

“I don’t suppose you could ask Ivan?” As a last ditch effort, Cheerilee decided to use misdirection. It would be throwing Ivan to the timberwolves, but the fashionista would probably take hours trying to come up with an approach that the stallion wouldn’t shut down right out of the gates.

“I might, but this is a delicate subject. Never doubt I respect him, but he can be a little… rough.”

“That he can… Fine. I give up. Let’s mare talk.”

Oh Celestia help her, Rarity squealed.

“Right then, so tell me, would you say you-“

“Sorry to interrupt ladies, but Cheerilee, we’re all packed up from breakfast now. Are we going to head out soon?”

“Oh, my, look at the time, it seems our talk will have to wait Rarity. Whimsyvale awaits!” Cheerilee took her chance to escape, leaving her poor savior stallion at the mercy of a no doubt livid Rarity.

--

“…uh… Tough Nails, you alri- whoa!”

“Oh Celestia, it was horrible… she said I ruined everything… she… I can’t… I… don’t…”

“…oh my… what form of sunless monster could have done this to you!?”

“It was…”

“Yes?!”

“…Rarity…”

“Nooooooooooooooo!”

--

“…um… Ivan, why aren’t you weirded out?”

“Been here. Before Ponyville.”

“…were you weirded out the first time?”

“Yes.” Scootaloo let the matter drop as she took in the sights of Whimsyvale. It seemed like a nice place, but…

It was just so… colorful.

She herself was a bright orange, but any orange she saw made her look grey.

And the entire town was covered in color. Everything on the spectrum. It was like a sonic rainboom all the time.

Of course, that was nothing compared to the local flavor.

“Forsooth! What do mine eyes see but a group of new faces! I cry welcome to our humble town!”

“…nothing humble about it…” Scootaloo muttered.

“Ah… yes, thank you. I wonder if you might point us toward the theatre?” Cheerilee asked, sporting a shaky smile and trying not to back away from the most flamboyant thing since… she couldn’t even think up a good comparison they were left so far in the dust.

The pony was dressed like a jester. With the most colorful costume any of the group had ever seen.

“There are no less then thirty-seven theatres in our fair Whimsyvale!” The jester declared proudly.

“…I believe it was called the, er… the Twinhorned Stage?”

“Just down yon road gentle lady. I do hope I’ve been of service!”

“You have, thank you. Good day.” All but one of them attempted to leave in a hurry.

On one hoof, Scootaloo was quite sure she was scarred for life. On another even worse hoof, Rarity appeared to now be asking him how in Equestria’s name he had managed to combine the colours he was wearing without having any of them clash.

…meaning that this would be following them back to Ponyville. Or anywhere Rarity sold dresses.

Whimsyvale had infected the rest of the world at that very moment.

“Will be alright.” Ivan whispered as she shivered.

She hoped so. Ivan couldn’t protect her from clothes without serving jail time.

At least he was a comforting presence. His hat and coat were the least colorful things in probably a few miles radius.

“Hey, Ivan, can I have a ride?” The stallion nodded and made to stoop down for her before she simply flitted up and perched herself on his back.

“Forgot I could do that?” She asked smugly as she made herself comfortable.

“Mm.”

As Ivan started walking again, she caught sight of Diamond Tiara looking her way and grinding her teeth for some reason.

…while Scootaloo had no idea what she’d done to put her in that state, she definitely wasn’t complaining. And while the surrounding area was burning her eyes a little, it was certainly interesting to see.

Throw in how good she was getting at flying, and today was turning out much better then even she expected.

They were even going to be exploring a bunch of caves later! Dare she say…

Today was going to be the best day ever.

--

“Hellooooo everypony! My name is Flabbergast!” Exclaimed a white unicorn, spreading his forelegs like some form of show star. His cutie mark was a laughing black mask.

“And I’m Lambaste, the only reason this place exists.” A black unicorn deadpanned, spreading his forelegs in much the same manner. His cutie mark was a crying white mask.

“And we’re the storyteller twi- Lambaste, why must you not co-operate? We rehearsed this!” Flabbergast paused in what was undeniably going to be something dangerous to berate his brother.

“You rehearsed this. You rehearsed this for weeks, despite the fact that we do it every bloody time that somepony comes through those doors, and every time we did I say I’m not doing it and you act surprised when I don’t. I’ve known you for your entire life, so why, oh why, don’t you take me seriously when I tell you something?”

“But the pose just isn’t the same without you!”

“You wouldn’t know. I’ve never done it.”

“You would like it if you tried!”

“I can’t support your weight without magic. And you told me that using magic would take away from the magic. Moreover, you can’t do a triple flip. You’d die if I let you try.”

“But Lambaaaaaaste, they came all this way from…” Flabbergast paused in his antics to look expectantly at the crowd of colts and fillies, and was answered with a resounding ‘Ponyville!’

“From Ponyville! That’s like, one whole half of two days away!”

“Oh come on, that’s not far at all. You think the bakery a block down the street is ten miles away.”

“You’re such a downer Lambaste!”

“Incorrect. I’m the only sane pony in this whole town.”

“What do I pay you for?!”

“We’re partners. You don’t pay me. Although if I had to guess, it would be because I help you tell stories. You know, those things that are the reason ponies even come to see us in the first place?” Lambaste turned to the crowd.

“I’m sure they’ve waited long enough. Can we show them we’re money well spent before they get tired of your posturing?”

“But we’re doing this for charity!”

“Maybe you are, but I like to eat sometimes. At that bakery that’s ten miles away occasionally.”

“Now who’s posturi- …oh my, do my eyes deceive me?” Flabbergast did a double take at the audience and rubbed his eyes in an exaggerated gesture, before looking again straight at one pony in particular.

“…it is! Lambaste, our friend Ivan has returned!”

“He wasn’t our friend. We paid him to manage the stage, and to help prevent you from burning the building down. It was business. Also he was sane and I liked that. If he was friends with you I wouldn’t have liked him.” Lambaste paused, before turning and nodding at the green stallion.

“Hello Ivan.”

“Lambaste.” Ivan replied, nodding back.

“What brings you to this neck of the woods?”

“Escorting friend.”

“Oooooh? And who would this be?” Flabbergast leaned in, as if about to learn a juicy secret. Ivan looked to Scootaloo and before the orange pegasus knew it, all the attention was suddenly on her.

“Ah, what an adorable friend you’ve made Ivan! What’s your name?”

“Erm… Scootaloo.”

“Well any friend of Ivan’s deserves the best! Now without any further ado, let’s get this show started! Eyegor!”

An earth pony with an extremely large set of eyes stuck his head out from the curtains.

“Yesssss master?”

“Hit the lights!”

“At once master!” And with a heave of effort, the stage hand threw a large rock into the rafters.

The lights went out, but it was unlikely they’d come back on.

“You hired him.” Lambaste said, totally invisible in the dark.

“But he seemed so promising!”

“He brought in muffins an- no. No we’re not doing this now. We’re on the job.”

“Quite right dear brother.” A deep violet glow from both horns lit up from either side of the stage, and the space of the stage seemed to shift.

“We’ll tell you a story today, colts and fillies.” Lambaste stated.

“Or fillies and colts, whichever you prefer.” Flabbergast offered, in a way that made his smile audible to the audience.

“Does it matter?” Lambaste asked.

“Not in the slightest. Now what should we tell them? Valkyrie, the first mare to tame the wind?” The stage warped and Scootaloo gasped as she was now looking into the open sky. An ethereal image of clouds being tossed around and a shadowy figure frolicking with a playful breeze.

“Seth, the soul of the harsh and lethal desert?” The scene shifted again to rolling hills of sand, a scorching unforgiving sun, a cold and silent moon, and fierce sandstorms.

“Oh, I know what we should tell them.”

“I suppose we agree once in a while.” And the scene burst into all consuming flames.

“Prometheus, The Conflagration.” Flabbergast stated, in a tone that had none of the nonsense from before. A tone that implied the utmost respect, as if he were speaking of the princesses themselves.

“His origins were unclear, but all who met him knew that he was gifted.” Lambaste continued, as the scene showed a field of grass and a large black earth pony with red and orange flames painted up his hind legs and halfway across his barrel. Soft music began playing to compliment the tale.

It took a moment before Scootaloo realised that the flames were his cutie mark.

“Every now and again, a pony is born with something different about them. Prometheus was one of these. A pony with all the fury of the angry violent earth.” The black stallion stomped his mighty hooves, and the scene went black as he was surrounded by fire.

“He was gifted by nature herself. One who had the power to burn the world to ashes. Prometheus quickly became arrogant, burning all he saw that didn’t please him.” The flames died to reveal a barren wasteland. And the stallion kept walking as if nothing had happened.

“He demanded tribute from every settlement he passed. Crops. Money. Possessions. Refusal was met with fire. Never to the pony who slighted him, only to the things that weren’t given freely.” He walked through a crippled village, razed crops and ruined houses, not heeding the cries of the ponies he left in poverty.

“Eventually he happened on Castle Canterlot, and he saw a home worthy of his majesty. And so he journeyed to make it his, uncaring of the pony who resided there.”

“The gates were closed to him. The castle’s master was having breakfast, and court would not be for a few hours. Prometheus smashed the gates with his mighty hooves and walked on.” The grand wood and iron of the gates splintered and shattered under the force of a single blow, and Prometheus entered the castle demanding to speak to it’s master.”

Light spilled out of an open doorway when his voice was answered.

“It was the first time Prometheus had met a pony taller then he.” Scootaloo heard as she watched the villain stare down the princess of the sun.

“Our fair Celestia requested to know what matter was so urgent that her gates needed to be bashed in. Her doorman was reasonable she said. The matter would’ve been brought to her attention if it was dire.” The music reached a crescendo as Prometheus took the first attack, throwing the alicorn through a wall.

“All Prometheus saw was a pony who thought she was the mightier presence, which was an insult in and of itself. He struck Princess Celestia a blow that would’ve broken the body of a lesser pony. And before she could retaliate, Prometheus brought down the castle around them.”

Shields of light protected the castle guards and servants, as Celestia herself stood up from the rubble of her home.

“She bade her subjects to run to safety as she defended her people and country. And she leapt into battle, prepared to destroy the threat that would trespass against all she loved.”

Scootaloo had seen princess Celestia before, once or twice. She visited Ponyville on occasion after all.

Every time, the pegasus would be amazed at her beauty, grace, and occasionally, her magical power whenever she felt like showing it.

Even if it was a conjured image, it was the first time Scootaloo had considered the princess of the sun as somebody formidable. Before this, she couldn’t even imagine her in a fight. The idea of a pony raising their hoof to her in aggression seemed impossible.

Whether this story was true or not, she would be imagining her sovereign in battle for quite some time.

And as the flames of the earth battled the light of the sun, she wondered how it was possible for anypony who wasn’t an alicorn to even be this strong. Supposedly he was born gifted.

…she wondered if a gift like this was where alicorns came from in the first place.

“Though Prometheus was strong, his power could not outshine the sun. And as his body lay prone before Princess Celestia, she asked him; ‘How many of my countryponies have you harmed?’”

“His answer surprised her. ‘Not once would I kill one of the earth’s children with her flames. You are the first to feel them.’”

“She told him ‘You have yielded to me. You will obey.’, and he agreed. And thus she ordered him. ‘You will walk Equestria to every place you have burned. And you will make amends until you are forgiven by every last one of my countryponies that you have wronged.’ And left with no alternative, Prometheus agreed. ‘When you have done so, you will return to me and tell me what you have learned.’ And she sent him out again, knowing he would not discard her words.”

“He wandered again, submitting himself to the whims of those he owed their dues. And so his lessons began.”

“As he worked to till the fields, and replace the crops he had taken, he learned honesty. The values of a living sustained by hard work, blood, sweat, and tears.”

“As he played with the children who had refused to serve him, he learned laughter. The joys of enjoying all that life has to offer.”

“As he endured the assaults of those whose loved ones he had threatened, he learned loyalty. The motivation that drives heroes to defend that which they love from those who would bring it harm, no matter the threat it presents.”

“As he rebuilt the homes of the ponies he had demanded tribute from, he learned kindness. A warm home, and the family within that shared their lives with each other.”

“As he sewed clothes for those who would freeze, and served the elderly in tasks that they were no longer capable of, he learned generosity. Giving to those in need, and receiving naught but gratitude and happy satisfaction in return.”

“And he approached the lone cottage where he had started his march, long since rebuilt from his foolish actions. His lessons thus far weighed heavily on his shoulders, and he bowed his head to the family and begged forgiveness. And with no compensation needed, he received it. The family smiled, and invited him to their table. They asked to hear the stories of his travels, and treated him with respect and dignity. At that moment, he learned true friendship.”

“When he finally returned to Princess Celestia, the castle had been rebuilt to be even more radiant then before. At the sight of him, the gates opened, and the princess received him in her court where he told her everything he had experienced. And so he apologised for the last of his transgressions, and asked what she wanted of him next.”

“’What do you want to do now?’ Celestia had asked. And Prometheus answered. ‘I want to continue to learn.’”

“’And so you shall.’ She replied. Prometheus was given a bracer of iron and leather, engraved with the mark of Princess Celestia’s honour guard. And he was told to wander the land and right the wrongs he found. To use the mother earth’s flames to help her children.”

“Prometheus wanders Equestria to this day, serving our princess in protecting the land as penance for his sins. Others witnessed his exploits, and made bracers exactly like his, pledging themselves to preserve justice and law. They would eventually be known as warders, those who protect the world from that which would harm it.”

A pair of red curtains closed over the scene, with a large set of letters saying ‘THE END’ appearing. And the images faded as the music ended. The audience broke into applause.

…though the lights didn’t come on.

“…Ah, Ivan, don’t suppose you could help us out here?” Flabbergast asked when the hoofbeats stopped.

Scootaloo heard Ivan sigh next to her, before his hat fell onto her head.

His horn glowed, and flames appeared on the end, casting light throughout the room.

“Ah, much better. I say, Lambaste, what do you say to getting some torches set up? It’d save on electricity, and you can’t argue that the ambience is something special.”

“…I might just look into that…” The black unicorn mused, examining the way Ivan’s flames cast shadows over the theatre. “Something like this would be good for when we break out the scary stories.”

“You’ve got scary stories?” Applebloom asked. Flabbergast grinned.

“Well of course we do! Would you like to hear one?” The foals roared their affirmative, and the twins exchanged glances.

“Well we would acquiesce, but…”

“We just told a story and we’re tired. We will be for a little while yet.” Lambaste finished. The foals groaned.

“Well wait a moment dear brother, what if we took a break while somepony else told them a story?”

“Like who?”

“Well, we have in our midst a wanderer like Prometheus himself! Though perhaps not as powerful. Or so conceited as to take a swing at the heavenly empress.” Flabbergast nodded to Ivan, who was now the center of attention.

“How about it? I’ll give you a muffin? I’ve always wanted to hear something from you, but you were always so tight-lipped about anything that wasn’t work…” Ivan sighed again as he heard the foals start begging him to agree. A small pair of hooves pressed against his foreleg and he looked down to see Scootaloo giving him the best pair of puppy dog eyes he had seen yet.

“Please?”

Ivan put a hoof to his chin, making a show of thinking it over.

“Muffin… what kind?”

“Blueberry!” Ivan shook his head.

“Double chocolate.” Flabbergast hissed through his teeth.

“You drive a hard bargain…”

“Oh just give it to him. Be thankful he doesn’t want a cut of our pay.” Lambaste said and Flabbergast hung his head.

“Oh fine…” Ivan nodded, and took his hat back as he walked to the stage. The brothers took seats in the audience, Flabbergast on the edge of his seat. He looked like Hearth’s Warming had come early.

When Ivan stood on the stage, he thought about what story would be scary enough for the foals. He decided on one his father used to scare him with when he was young.

“Pale Scythe, The Reaper.” He announced, as the fire dimmed, making him barely visible on the stage with his black clothes. Whispy green shapes, improvised versions of his projection skill, danced and took form as he began.

“As old as death, with a name for every pony who fears it.” A skeletal figure, somehow seeming to belong to none of the three tribes, jumped from hiding place to hiding place, from shadow to tree to roof.

Ivan couldn’t make music with his magic, but the atmosphere seemed to make up for it.

“It watches, never resting. There is no escaping.” A unicorn stumbled, and the reaper’s scythe whipped out of nowhere to harvest. The pony was no more.

“A gifted can starve. A princess can wound. Pale Scythe waits and watches. Patient as a shadow. Irresistible as smoke. Unbreakable as water. It’s ally is time. It’s weapon, the inevitable. It does not give sickness or twist fate, merely takes the opportunity as it comes.”

“On occasion, a pony will thwart it. Escape their fate momentarily, and are rewarded with a glimpse of it, and their screaming eyes reflected on the scythe poised above them. This rare occurrence is the only reason we know it exists.” A pegasus walked, terrified, looking over his shoulder as the reaper followed.

“It is ‘it’, because gender has no sway in death. It is named because we named it. Nopony knows anything of it. Whether it has a true name, or a history. Nopony survived long enough to find out.”

“It watches us even now.” Ivan whispered, and everypony heard. Suddenly, the floating fire exploded into a roaring blaze, and chilling laughter filled the room. A pony’s shadow and a spinning scythe appeared and swooped down toward the audience.

Everypony screamed. The foals fled, tripping over themselves to get out of the room.

And as the light faded to the level it had been before Ivan started the story, he ignored the shocked gazes of those left in the audience, and turned to the stunned twin unicorns.

“Muffin.”

--

Ivan stepped out of the theater followed by Cheerilee and the rest of the adults munching idly on one of a pair of chocolate muffins. Flabbergast had been so impressed he had given him two. Had he more, he would’ve given the rest, he claimed.

“That was so cool!” Scootaloo squealed as she pranced over. Ivan smirked. The second muffin floating behind him split itself in half, and presented itself to the pegasus.

“Thanks!” She said, digging into it. The second half was offered to Cheerilee, who took it gladly.

“So why don’t you talk at length all the time?” She asked. “You did it just fine a second ago.”

“Storytelling. Different.”

“So I see… where did you hear that one?”

“Dad.”

“I bet you tell it better.”

Ivan lifted his hat. “Cheated.” He said as his horn twinkled.

“Can’t argue with the results though. You know I should be mad at you.”

“Oh?”

“Half of them might have nightmares for weeks.”

“Bribed.” Ivan reminded as Cheerilee popped the last portion of muffin into her mouth.

“Yes, yes, I know. I said ‘should’, didn’t I?”

“What now?” Ivan asked, lowering his brim to protect his eyes. They stepped out of the theatre, and the brightness of the sun forced everypony without the proper headgear to squint.

“Well, I’d say we’re through with the storytelling. It was supposed to last about this long anyway. We’ll head to the caves now.” She turned back to the assembled ponies, half of them making sure their foals weren’t traumatised.

“Who’s ready for some cave exploring?” The children shouted their approval, fear forgotten. Cheerilee smiled.

“Shall we then?”

--

The catacombs weren’t far from the town, and before long the entrance loomed over them. Tiara studied the map posted out front, and noted that they stretched for quite a distance.

“Daddy, could me and Silver Spoon go off on our own?” She asked, looking up at Filthy Rich.

“Of course, just don’t go too far…” He answered, before turning back to Silver’s father. Tiara forgot his name.

“Think there’s anything cool in there?” Silver asked as they approached the cave’s mouth. Everypony was pretty much allowed to do whatever they wanted provided they stayed in the roped area. Getting lost would be difficult since they were told maps were posted all over the place.

“It’s a tourist attraction, there’s probably nothing. I just want a quiet place to plan.”

“Plan what?”

“Revenge.”

“…wait, you’re still mad?” Silver asked with a raised eyebrow.

“You were there! She brushed me off like I was nothing!”

“Look, we’ve been calling her the same thing for… pretty much as long as we’ve had our marks and she hasn’t. Which is a while. Maybe it’s just gotten old?”

“Probably yeah, but she still needs to learn her place.”

“So, what, you’re going to plan some elaborate prank to humiliate her in front of everypony?”

“Especially that stallion in the hat.”

“…Alright, I’m with you. Just… calm down, alright? I’m all for pranking that idiot, but you need to calm down.”

“How can I calm down when she’s been flaunting that awesome new stallion like she owns him, acting like-“

“Actually…” Silver Spoon mused as they entered the caves. “Do you remember all those stories about a pony who’s been pulling them out of trouble over and over again?”

“Great, he’s a hero too. One more reason why that blank flank doesn’t deserve him.”

“Well, what are we gonna do about it?”

“…Alright, I’ve got an idea. We’ll need a bag of feathers, some glue…”

“Maybe we shouldn’t be talking about this where the adults can hear us.”

“…yeah, you’re right. Come on.” Tiara lifted one of the ropes barring a side path.

“You sure we should be doing that?”

“Nopony’s watching, and we won’t go far. Just far enough to get the plan ready.”

“…alright.”

--

The spelunking tour ended up being uneventful, though the foals enjoyed themselves, with a few mineral displays and animal habitat factoids being the only real things of interest.

They walked out a few hours later, and Cheerilee took a head count. And on a sudden burst of paranoia, Ivan checked on Applebloom and Sweetie Belle to make sure they were there.

They were. And Scootaloo was still on his back.

He sighed obvious relief. Nothing went wrong.

“…Tiara?” A stallion called, and Ivan seized up.

“Silver, where are you?”

“No. Please.” Ivan muttered, wishing with everything he had that the foals in question would just speak up, and they could eat and start home and everything would be good. Good and not him going back into the caves to find a pair of lost foals.

“…Can’t find them.”

“Probably still inside.”

“Go talk to the staff.”

It was a good thing there was nothing solid nearby. Ivan had the sudden urge to smash his head against something until he no longer minded that his overactive conscience was urging him to run back in there and get two possibly lost and scared foals back to safety.

“It’s alright.” Cheerilee said, trotting up. “They’re probably prepared for something like this.” Yes, they probably were.

“So who’s going in after ‘em?” one of the staff asked. “I’m part time. I don’t know which way is up in there.”

“Huh, me too.”

“Hey, where’s the supervisor?”

“…I think he went back into town. Something about being ‘in desperate need of ale and wenches’.”

“Well the drink I can understand, but why would he want wrenches?”

“Well… um…” the schoolteacher floundered. And for her sake, Ivan didn’t expand the vocabulary of every foal in the vicinity.

“…Going.” He said, cursing Brony’s Law with everything he had.

“…I’ll go too. A pair of fillies breaking the rules is my responsibility first.”

“I don’t suppose there’s room for one more in this little search party?” They turned to see Rarity approaching.

“…I suppose. Sweetie’s here, though, so why are you concerned?” Cheerilee asked.

“Since she’s here, I can use my dousing spell to help us find our way out. Wouldn’t do for us to get lost once we find the little troublemakers, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Fair enough. Let’s see if we can at least get a map from the-“

“Right here.” Said a stallion Ivan only recognized in passing. One of the group. He passed Cheerilee a folded piece of paper.

“Ah, Filthy, I guess you’ll be coming for Tiara.”

“Certainly. I’m sure Silver’s father would too but… he doesn’t handle anxiety well.” The stallion pointed a hoof at another pony off to the side curled up in the fetal position and nursing an inhaler like he was in a desert and the little device had the only water in the world in it.

“…Alright then. Um… hey!” Cheerilee shouted at the squabbling teenagers.

“We are trying-“

“Yeah, I just wanted to know if there’s anything we should be on the look out for in there.”

“Wait, you’re going in there? Score! No responsibilities!”

“Yeah, nothing to worry about in there! You’ve got a map, you’ll be fine!”

“So, lunch break?”

“We had lunch.”

“We haven’t had second lunch. Ale and wenches!” The part timers nodded in agreement and galloped off into the nearby town.

“…Ivan?”

“Mm?”

“If they don’t get fired for this, would you please blow them up?”

“Sure.” The unicorn replied, wondering how long this violent streak of hers would last. He found he rather liked this side of her.

And so the rescue party entered the cave as Cheerilee growled under her breath about sunless idiots abandoning foals in need.

--

Checking the allowed tunnels yielded nothing, so the search party lifted a rope and, lighted by a floating flame, trekked into the darkness.

“So, you’re Ivan?” Filthy Rich spoke up after a while of silence.

“Yes.”

“Huh. From the stories I heard, I half expected you to breathe that fire.”

“Oh?”

“A lot of ponies are talking about you. Those fillies pretty much tell anypony they can. I’m guessing it’s… exaggerated?”

“Mm.” Filthy chuckled.

“Heard you helped out the Apple family a little while back. Any friend of the Apple family is a friend of mine.”

Again, Ivan had to do the projection thing to shake a pony’s hoof.

“Filthy Rich.”

“Ivan Hooves.”

“Now that introductions are out of the way, I don’t suppose either of you have a spell to better find my daughter?”

“Just because we’re unicorns, doesn’t mean we can do everything with them.” Rarity said, lighting up her own horn like a flashlight.

“Fair enough. You know, no offense, but I more expected this out of…”

“Me too.” Rarity replied. “In fact, that’s half the reason Ivan’s here.”

“Huh. Official caretaker?”

“No paycheque.” Ivan grumbled. The others laughed.

“Let’s have a look at that map.” Rarity said. “I’d like to know how big these caves are. Cheerilee, you remember which turns we took, yes?”

“I do… we should be right aroun-“

“Daaaaaaaaddy!”

“Heeellllllp!”

“…Found them.” Ivan deadpanned, as the sound of clopping hooves drawing closer.

“Daaaaaaddy there’s a monster!”

“Huh. Wonder what it was that they saw?”

“Knowing them, we’ll have to find it and light it up before they stop insisting that they-… what’s that noise?” Filthy said, straining his eyes to see in the darkness.

A pair of scared fillies darted out of the darkness and hid behind the assorted adults. Then something else slunk out of the shadows.

The light didn’t reveal much. It was black, it’s eyes were bright red, and it grinned, revealing huge fangs. The rest of it was hard to make out.

“…Ivan.” Cheerilee said.

“What?”

“…is that a cave monster?”

“…Brony’s Law…” Ivan growled, stepping forward, flames going out as his horn glinted threateningly at the creature.

Hopefully the fact that they were in a large group would make it leav-

The creature lunged, and a green hammer materialised out of nothing and ‘redirected’ it into a wall.

It hissed, righting itself. Ivan didn’t hear footfalls as it got up, and he wondered if it had legs at all.

“Rarity! Light!” He yelled, and the unicorn complied, illuminating the passage.

The creature’s grin widened for reasons Ivan really didn’t want to know. At the least, he could see it clearly now.

Scales covered the entire body, or at least that which wasn’t hidden by the clothes it wore. It’s entire lower body was a tail, and there was a cobra hood around it’s head.

It had arms, and hands. Hands that were outstretched at it lunged again.

The hammer returned, aiming overhead, but the creature twisted out of the way.

A hand closed around his throat, and another around his good foreleg. And Ivan discovered how strong the creature was when it flung him hard into another wall.

Ivan landed painfully, but just managed to roll out of the way before the tail crushed him. And instincts he didn’t know he had took over as he did the one thing he wouldn’t do under any right mindset.

Threw his horn down and charged.

--

It was the first time Cheerilee had ever seen Ivan in any sort of dangerous situation. She had heard about the cockatrice, the diamond dogs, the death traps, but she had assumed every time that whatever she heard wasn’t altogether true.

Ivan seemed capable enough, she admitted, but he had a broken leg. There wasn’t much chance he could hero the way the crusaders said with a hindrance like that.

At least that’s what she thought before Ivan dodged out of the way of the creature’s tail, darted forward, and whipped his horn up. A green shape moving too fast to accurately make out landed a crushing blow into the side of the monster’s head and toppled it over.

Ivan was literally locked in mortal combat with something out of her worst nightmares, and was holding his own. Broken leg and all.

“Rarity, can you help him at all?” the teacher asked, not taking her eyes off of the fight.

“I’d like to, but I can’t cast two spells at once. And I’m quite sure that thing can see in the dark.”

“…Then we sh-“

“Dear, excuse me for saying so, but I don’t think either you or Filthy here would be of much help.”

“Well that’s tru-“

“And we need to be here in case we need to protect the foals.”

“…how in Equestria are you so calm?”

“Slow breathing, dear. Getting riled up would make it harder to maintain the light Ivan needs.”

“…what do I do?”

“Wait.” Filthy said. “We can’t find our way back without Rarity, and taking her light with us is leaving Ivan for dead.”

“But… Ivan can keep a flame lit an-“

“I don’t think he could do that while in a fight.” Filthy said as Ivan flew backwards into a stalagmite, shattering through it.

“…I feel helpless.”

“You’re not the only one dear. Breathe. Stay calm.”

--

Ivan dodged the tail again, cursing that he couldn’t make the thing explode. Given the stalactites he saw hanging, causing any tremors would possibly kill them all.

So explosions were out. …wait.

An axe appeared above the monster’s head, slicing through rock and sending a stalactite falling towards his enemy’s head.

He barely reacted in time for when the monster caught it and hurled it at him. A spectral halberd spun out of nothing and cut it in half as he rushed the beast.

A shield, not a wall like the others, but an actual shield he could float and manoeuvre appeared and batted aside a grasping hand as he thrust with the halberd.

Before he knew it, they were going back and forth in the middle of the passage, throwing an attack, blocking, rallying like they were playing an extremely deadly game of tennis.

Ivan marveled at how naturally this came to him. He had been in fights before, but they were different. Minor scraps with idiots who had something to prove, and decided the quiet pony in the corner was an easy mark.

But here he was fighting to the death with something (he didn’t even know what it was, only that it was probably strong enough to rip him in half if he failed to block) and it came to him as naturally as breathing.

It felt like something he was born to-

Ivan moved as if he had four hooves instead of three and faltered. That single second was all it took for the tail to coil around his body and throat, squeezing painfully.

He was dead.

“You’re dead!”

Wait, what?

“I killed you!”

“…um-“

“See, the way I’m wrapped around you, I can crush your body or snap your neck! So I win!”

“…you… win?” Cheerilee asked.

“So we’re friends now, right? Defeat means friendship!”

“…I think…” Filthy said slowly. “…that we’re missing something here.”

--

“Alright, so I’m going to go over this again.” Cheerilee said.

“Sure!” The monster replied.

“So you live in these caves, scouting them and making maps for the ponies who run the attraction.”

“Yup!”

“When you lunged at Ivan, you were trying to hug him…”

“I like meeting new friends!”

“Aaaand when he bludgeoned you in the side of the head, you took it as a challenge…”

“Fighting is my favorite thing!”

“…and ended up fighting to the death.”

“I killed him! You all saw it!”

“She did.” Ivan said.

“You’re not helping.” Cheerilee replied.

“The little ones screamed and ran away! I wanted to make sure they didn’t run into a wall, or fall into a hole.” The monster said. “I’m like, the only one who can see in the dark around here. I’m kinda surprised they didn’t.” She leaned down towards the fillies who obviously didn’t know what the hay to think.

“Don’t play tag in the dark.” She scolded. Tiara and Silver nodded dumbly.

“Now that that’s out of the way… my name is Memry!” She said, thrusting out a hand to Ivan. “You fight good!”

“…Ivan.” He replied, shaking her hand with the magic hoof. “You too.”

“We should do it again sometime!”

“…sure.” Ivan said. And he meant it. That brawl, in retrospect, was the most exhilarating thing he had experienced in quite some time. Could be fun if he knew he wasn’t fighting for his life.

Maybe he could get a house halfway between Ponyville and Whimsyvale, and-

…and he had put that issue off for long enough. He was going to give it thought later.

“…so… now that we know you’re not some crazy beast out to kill us, we can go, right?” Cheerilee said.

“Sure! Exit’s this way!” And Memry slithered off.

“…I guess we follow her?” Rarity suggested. Everypony else shrugged, and did so.

--

“So, if I have this right…” The pony in charge said. By massive coincidence, he also happened to be the same pony who had given them directions to the theatre earlier that day. “Mine coworkers abandoned you in your hour of need, left two fillies lost in the caves, and didn’t tell you we employed a terrifying lamia you could meet up with and end up mistaking for a threat to your lives?”

“All in all, yes. That about sums it up.” Cheerilee said, grinding her teeth at the thought of those jerks.

“Unacceptable! I shake mine hoof in righteous aaaaaangeeeeerrrrrr!” He did, for a few moments. Either he didn’t notice everypony staring, or he didn’t care.

“…so they’re totally fired, right?” Cheerilee asked hopefully.

“Indeed.”

“Oh good.” She said as Ivan huffed in disappointment. She wondered if he would’ve actually blown them up if she asked.

“Mine most humble apologies for the state of affairs.”

“It’s alright. It all turned out in the end, and nopony got hurt.” Ivan coughed. “…well nopony got hurt too badly.”

“Then I must away! Firings are afoot! Farewell!” He galloped full tilt back into town. Cheerilee sighed in relief, and turned back.

“Are we leaving now?” Asked the lamia.

“…We are. I don’t know about you.” Cheerilee replied. Memry was busy letting foals climb all over her. In the light of the day, she looked far different from the vicious monster they encountered in the cave.

Her body was covered in black scales, and she wore a black robe with blue and green designs on it in a style that nopony had ever seen before. Without the toothy grin she wore when she was fighting Ivan, the lamia (note to self, Cheerilee thought, visit library and find out what the hay a lamia is) looked almost tame. Friendly even.

“I’m coming too!”

“…why.”

“Days off! And Ivan promised a rematch!”

“I did.” Ivan said.

“…you… want to fight her again?” the teacher asked in disbelief. Ivan shrugged.

“Fun.”

“…I… whatever. Are we all packed up?” Affirmative murmurs went through the assembled crowd. “Great. Let’s move out.”

--

Soon they had stopped for dinner and sleep a fair distance from Ponyville.

Memry turned out to be somewhat ditzy (she’d probably get along well with Ditzy, now that she thought about it), but watching her chat with Rarity about her robe, which she apparently made herself, she could almost forget the fight altogether.

…on that note, where had Ivan gone?

She eventually found him a ways off, watching the sun set.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked as she approached.

“Stuff.” He replied quietly.

“Like?”

Ivan replied by lifting the tail end of his coat. A crossed sword and wand was branded on his flank.

“…during fight.” He replied. “Talent.”

“…so your talent is violence?” She asked. Ivan shook his head.

“Violence, impartial. Battles, chosen.”

“And that means?”

“Got protecting them. And you.” He paused as Cheerilee’s chest tightened. And then he removed his hat. Before she could reply, he spoke again.

“Want to stay.”

“…really?” He nodded, eyes locked on hers. He wasn’t lying.

“Ponyville…is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He said.

“It must be, if you’re saying it with more then two words.” She said, inching closer to press her side against his.

“Serious.”

“I know.” She said as she leaned into him. “So you got your cutie mark protecting me?”

“Not just you.”

“Shh, don’t ruin the fantasy.” She said, giggling. “Not only that, but going by what Memry said, you sort of died for it.”

“I-“

“Shh.” She shushed again. “…do you have your pen on you?” Ivan nodded, looking over to his bags, sitting nearby.

“Well, get it out. I’m the only one who hasn’t signed this it feels like.” The pen floated over, and some awkward positioning later (since there was barely any room left on it) Cheerilee gave the pen back and settled back against him.

She sighed in contentment as he tentatively put a hoof around her withers. And she giggled again.

“I just realized we’re watching the sun set. I don’t think this could be any more romantic if we tried.”
Ivan hmm’d idly, and drew her a little closer.

Thankfully, since Rarity was otherwise occupied with Memry, they went undisturbed.

--

I love you.

-Cheerilee

Ponysue

Chapter Brick: Ivan Is The Medicine For A World Infected With Madness
or
What Happens When The Author Gets Bored And Has Ten Free Minutes

Ivan was standing on a hilltop, coat billowing dramatically in the wind but somehow not uncovering his blank flank.

He considered life, feelings, clopfics, and other incredibly deep philosophical things that made him a much deeper pony then he seemed to be on the surface. Because hidden depths make characters more awesome.

“Ivan!” shouted a voice that he recognized immediately. It was Cheerilee, and he could analyze the tone of her cry to tell that she was distressed about something. By the pitch of the second syllable of his name, he could tell that there was a parasprite invasion and that she needed his help.

“There’s a parasprite invasion and I need your help!”

Pinkie Pie was on the moon at that time throwing a moon party, and everypony else had forgotten that music could make them stop doing what they were doing and follow in a straight line in what might’ve been a shout out to The Pied Piper of Hamilin. The author is smart for knowing that. If you don’t think so, GET DA FUK OUTTA HERE.

Ivan sighed in a way that wasn’t emo at all, wondering why he seemed to be the only intelligent pony in the world who hadn’t forgotten that music was the way to defeat them despite them destroying the town recently and eating all the food.

He ran at full tilt, with the aid of his considerable magical ability that might or might not have been better then Twilight Sparkle’s, and since it’s ambiguous and not said straight out, he’s not a pony sue.

The end result is that he almost did a sonic rainboom despite having a broken leg and not having wings and it being the exclusive thing that another pony who was only eighty percent as cool as Ivan did. And since he didn't actually do it, he's not a pony sue.

“Instruments.” Ivan commanded when he arrived. Cheerilee shuddered in carnal pleasure at the sound of his voice, but managed to keep herself composed.

“They learned from the last time and ate them all! They’re also the exact ones that Twilight magically reprogrammed and they’re out for revenge, despite not being malicious beings at all and not having any real motivation for revenge!”

“Bastards.” Ivan spat. He hated parasprites. All they did was lurk comment sections of fics, and nitpic minor details talking about how they ruined the whole thing or call the author sick for writing something they didn’t care for despite them reading it by choice.

One time Ivan had made a fic about a pony named Ryan trotting into a village where six Elements of Togetherness lived and learned to love and tolerate despite his emotionally crippling past of his kitten getting eaten by parasprites.

“Mr. Meowmers!” Ivan screamed his battlecry as he charged into battle. There, battle ensued until the battle ended and Ivan stood with a conjured scythe on a pile of bisected parasprites.

Everypony in the area was covered in blood and broke into applause. A festival was thrown in Ivan’s honor, thrown by Pinkie Pie who had arrived at precisely that moment.

Ivan Day had become a thing. It happened once a week after Caturday.

“MAN is it ever a good thing the fillies aren’t traumatized by this.” Cheerilee said, watching her schoolchildren play in a swimming pool that was filled with the parasprite remains. It was essentially an extremely metal ball pit. Like McDonnalds with less urine and needles.

“Word.” Ivan agreed.

“You know…” the teacher began staring off to the side. “We’ve known eachother for about a month now… and we’re sorta kind of bonded and I’ve been meaning to get rid of that pesky virginity that it’s statistically unlikely I would have…”

“Shhh.” Ivan shhh’d. “I’m here now. And coat just opened?”

“Ooooh, Ivan,” Cheerilee swooned. “Take me now.”

“Sure.” Ivan answered, leaning close. “Hat stays on.”

Meanwhile within a twenty mile radius of that event, several stallions turned gay, and six elements of harmony got extremely pissed off at not getting the first piece of Ivan steak. Despite ponies not eating meat, so that metaphor kind of falls flat. Ivan… tree? Do ponies eat trees? They eat trees right? Those are plants.

Also it didn’t happen in the middle of the party, they went back to Ivan’s tree and did it romantically under the stars. That meant that Luna was watching and planned to get her some in the sequal to the fic.

Celestia too since she knows everything, and probably sent the parasprites in the first place in order to manipulate Ivan’s character development because she’s a total manipulative bitch who might or might not join the imminent harem depending on whether or not the author feels like boinking her.

Just kidding, Celestia’s a total bro. Now shower me with comments and stroke my ego. I'm lying on my bed right now in a suggestive pose. You like that, don't you? You can imagine doing anything to me you want if you JUST FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE ME FEEL LIKE MY EXISTENCE IS VALIDATED AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA kthx

Penance

Chapter Eleven: Penance
or
We Now Resume Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

“Now let’s have it. What made you get lost like that? I know you’re smarter then that.” Try as she might, Diamond Tiara couldn’t lie to her daddy.

“I… wanted to get away from everypony else so I could plan a prank on Scootaloo.”

“Well, if you wanted to do it away from prying eyes and ears, can I guess that it was going to be mean spirited?”

“She started it! She brushed me off like some fly when I was talking to her! And she’s got that super cool stallion to hang around and she was rubbing it in like it was the best thing ever. She’s beneath me, and I-“

“And what in Equestria gave you that idea? Beneath you?”

“Well, my talent. Leadership. That means I’m better then everypony else, right?”

“…Does that mean you’re better then your friend Silver Spoon?”

“Well no! She’s my friend an-“

“Then are you better then me?”

“S-stop that, I’m-“

“I guess you’re better then Princess Celestia too. If you’re the best, that means that every last pony in the world is just second place.”

“…”

“Tiara, I can’t trust my company to a pony who thinks that way. That’s not what leadership is. You aren’t better then anypony, it just means that you’re better at leading. You can direct a team of ponies into achieving great things. But at the end of the day, you’re just another cog in the machine. One that gets the machine started, but that’s useless unless there’s more cogs to operate the rest of it. Do you understand?”

“…yes daddy.”

“And if you were being mean to Scootaloo, then her not rising to the bait was the best thing she could’ve done. It was mature, and I expect that same maturity from you. You shouldn’t be antagonising other ponies anyway. If you do, then nopony will want to follow you. The machine will fall apart if a cog is acting incorrectly.”

“…”

“Look at me. Pride before arrogance. You’re part of a strong family, and you have an incredible future ahead of you. But you’ll eventually have to rise to that challenge, and a leader can’t do things alone. Do you understand?”

“Yes daddy.”

“Good. Now, that Ivan fellow. You saw yourself the trouble he went to when he heard a pair of fillies got lost. So I want you to go apologise and thank him for what he did for you. Everypony makes mistakes, but part of being a leader is cleaning up the mess you make so nopony else falls into it.”

“Yes daddy.”

“We’ll discuss your punishment when your mother gets home. Off with you now.”

--

“Wow, all that?”

“Yeah. So now I’ve gotta find that Ivan and say sorry.”

“Well I have to too, so it’s not all bad. We’ll do it together, right?”

“…yeah.”

“So where do you think he is?”

“I dunno. Maybe we could ask Miss Cheerilee? She seemed to know him pretty well. They’re probably friends.”

“Sweetie Belle and Applebloom’s sister and brother too.”

“Ugh, let’s not ask them. I don’t want to run into any blank flanks today.”

“Eh. If a hero like Ivan likes them, maybe they’re not all bad? I mean, your dad likes the Apple family, right?”

“Well yeah, they go way back.”

“Then you can’t hate Applebloom forever, right? Being friends with the Apples is like… some kind of tradition!”

“…you need to stop making sense, and you need to stop it right now.”

“Everypony important has an adviser, right? If you’re gonna be some fancy CEO, you’ll need somepony to see things you can’t. My dad always told me that two eyes see more then one.”

“We’ve both got two eyes. Well you’ve got four.” Tiara teased, tapping Silver’s glasses.

“Then we’ll see six times as much!”

“…fine… but I don’t have to like Applebloom until we’re adults.”

“Obviously.”

--

They eventually found Ivan, sitting under a tree. That would’ve been well and good, except between them and him were four crusaders all playing with a ball.

“Well. Darn, guess we’ll have to try again lat-“

“Oh, hello Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon.” Said Cheerilee behind them. “What are you up to today?”

“Erm… we were looking for Ivan.” Tiara mentioned.

“Oh, well so was I! I’ve got some very good news for him you see. Come on, let’s go see him.”

“Um, wai-“ But the teacher was already trotting up to the tree.

“Come on, let’s go. We’ll do it quick, like tearing off a bandaid.”

“…fine…” Tiara droned, approaching Ivan, who was being nuzzled hello by their teacher.

“I just saw Nurse Redheart.” They heard her say. “And she says you can come in to get that cast off today!” The crusaders cheered. All Tiara and Silver could think about was if Ivan would’ve won that fight if he had four good legs.

“Good. Itchy.” He said as he got to his hooves.

“Oh, you’re going right now?”

“Sure.”

“Well that’s good. I don’t think she’s busy at all, so we could do that. First though, do you remember these two?” Tiara froze up as Ivan’s eyes locked with hers. Silver Spoon didn’t seem to fare much better.

Ivan nodded, but didn’t say anything. They had his attention though, so that seemed like a good thing. The crusaders were shutting up too, so that was also a good thing. This was going good. Good.

“Good.”

“Mm?” Ivan grunted, not hearing.

“Uh…” Tiara stammered. “I, uh… just wanted to say thanks for going to get us like that. And… fighting a horrible cave demon and nearly getting killed. I’m… sorry about that.”

“You fought a what?!” Scootaloo yelled. “You told me nothing awesome happened!”

“Nope. Lost.” Ivan said.

“You… did?”

“Mm. Lucky. Nice monster.”

“I still want to hear all about it.” The pegasus said. The other crusaders murmured their agreement.

“I bet it was amazing.” Sweetie Belle said.

“It was. I was there.” Tiara said. “Even if he did lose, he was so cool.”

“You were the reason he was even there in the first place.” Scootaloo shot back, obviously jealous. Tiara smirked.

“Well how many times were you saved by Ivan?”

“Three.”

“Yeah I thou- wait what? Three?”

“Yeah. You were only saved once. That means that I-“

“Needed saving more.” Ivan deadpanned.

“Yeah, exact- Ivan you’re supposed to be on my side!”

“He saved me three times too. If ya count that one thang with Jerryrig.” Applebloom said.

“He saved me twice.” Sweetie Belle chimed in. Dinky looked dejected as she said;

“He only saved me once… does that mean Ivan doesn’t like me?”

“Well he saved us just once too.” Silver said. “And he likes us, right?”

“Don’t know. Just met.” Ivan said idly, cracking his neck and stretching out after a long while of relaxing.

“I’m sure he does.” Cheerilee said with a slight glare at the stallion. “Don’t you?” Ivan shrugged.

“Sure.” The teacher rolled her eyes.

“Well the point is, Ivan did those things because they were the right thing to do. But he likes you all anyway.”

“Sure.”

“Ivan you’re not helping.”

“Hey, Ivan?” Silver asked. “You’re really good at saving fillies. Is that your special talent? What does that even look like as a cutie mark?”

“Um, hey, Ivan why do-“ Sweetie Belle began, but she was cut off by Ivan lifting his coat without hesitation. There on his flank was the crossed sword and wand he had gotten yesterday, though the two new foals didn’t need to know that. All the fillies present gasped. Ivan bled smug. Cheerilee rolled her eyes again, but couldn’t keep the smile off her face as Ivan showboated for the enthralled children.

“Oh my Celestia that’s awesome.” Applebloom said, staring at the mark.

“You haven’t seen it before?” Tiara asked.

“Course not! He’s always wearing that coat, right?” Dinky said. “Hey, Ivan, tell us how you got it!”

“Later.”

“Why?”

“Bedtime story.” He replied, lifting his hat to show his horn. “Dark better.”

“Woooooooo!~”

“Alright, Ivan, if you’re done showing off to a bunch of little fillies…” Cheerilee said, plainly amused. “…we should go get that cast off, right? You never know when Rainbow Dash’ll try something crazy and land herself in her care again.”

“Aw come on, the chances of that are like, stupid low!” Scootaloo protested.

“Maybe, but a lot of unlikely things are happening lately. Like say, Ivan fighting to the death with a horrible cave demon.”

“…yeah, that’s true.” The pegasus admitted.

“To the hospital!” Tiara announced, raising a hoof.

“…who died and made you princess?” Applebloom asked.

“Hey, I’ve never seen a cast get taken off before. Maybe Nurse Redheart has some huge power saw or something.”

“…alright. Temporary truce on account of cool use of power tools.”

“Agreed.” The two earth fillies shook hooves, cementing the verbal treaty.

“Now to the hospital!”

--

“Alright, I don’t want to crush your hopes or anything.” Cheerilee started while they were waiting for Nurse Redheart. “But I don’t think she’s got a huge power saw fo-“

“So I heard somepony’s getting a cast off?!” the nurse shouted, kicking in the door and revving the biggest circular saw any of them had ever seen.

“Freaking awesome!” Dinky yelled, just barely audible over the roaring machine. It died down when Nurse Redheart released the trigger, laughing at the expressions of shock on Ivan and Cheerilee.

“Hah, I’m sorry… that reaction never gets old. Seriously though hold still.” She started up the saw again and lowered it toward the cast when Ivan jerked it out of the way.

“Ivan what are you-“

“Intact?” he asked as the saw stopped again.

“Oh come on, nopony ever lets me use this!” The nurse complained. “I mean it’s just plaster! What kind of sentimental value could you ha-“

All the signatures were important to Ivan in some way. One in particular, when he twisted his foreleg to show, convinced her immediately though.

“…ah. Well… go see a unicorn or something. And you.” She pointed threateningly at Cheerilee. “You and I are going to have a chat later about withholding information during mare talk.”

“Redheart, I-“

“Either you tell me, or I tell Rarity.”

“…fine. You win.” The schoolteacher grumbled.

--

“Ivan, how could you show her that? That’s…”

“Your friend. Told soon.”

“Well yes, I would have, but now she’s going to try and rip it out of me like some kind of… Rarity. Aren’t you embarassed?”

“Nope. Proud.”

“…stop flattering me so I can be mad at you.”

“No.”

“Then don’t show anypony else.”

“No promises.” He said as he knocked on the library door. And as he heard stumbling hooves on the other side, he looked back and wondered why the six fillies were still following him around now that the power tools were out of the picture.

…more crusaders?

…probably not. They had to truce in order to go to the hospital with him. Also they had cutie marks.

Was he still a crusader?

...Did he care?

“Oh, Ivan! What can I do for you?” Twilight asked, before noticing that Ivan was standing on four hooves.

“…is your leg all better now?” She asked. Ivan shook his head.

“Mended. Still weak.” After several weeks off of it, he’d have to work it back into shape. The nurse had handed him a slip of paper with a few exercises written on it.

“Oh, well what can I help you with?”

“Remove?” Ivan asked, holding out the cast.

“Oh sure, hold still.” The tip of her horn sparked, and now resembled a welding torch.

“No, intact.”

“…huh? Why?”

“…sentimental.” Ivan said, nodding towards the signatures. He didn’t turn it to show Cheerilee’s though. She was right there and probably ready to buck him in the side.

“Oh, sure.” Her horn glowed, and with a 'pop', the cast was on the ground next to him. He nodded his thanks and stuffed it into one of his bags.

“…wait, that’s it?” Tiara complained. “Isn’t magic supposed to look cool?

“Something small like moving a cast probably wouldn’t look ‘cool’ to a gaggle of foals, to be sure.” Twilight stepped aside to reveal the speaker, a dark blue unicorn that nopony recognized. He smiled amiably, making his way to the door.

His turquoise mane, slight mustache and goatee were impeccably groomed. Ivan caught a glimpse of his cutie mark, an atom diagram like one he spied in a high grade textbook when he was a foal.

“Ah, Twilight mentioned you I believe. Ivan Hooves, her student?”

“Sort of.” Ivan said, extending his now free hoof. It spoke positively of the new stallion’s character that he wasn’t put off by the somewhat atrophied limb.

“Cold Fusion’s my name. Twilight and I have been working to create a new form of energy.” He said as he grasped it and shook it firmly.

“He’s the reason I haven’t had any time lately. He read my latest research essay on magical ley lines and contacted me about a week back. We could be on the verge of changing Equestria forever!”

“Another day I’m afraid.” Fusion said, causing the nearly vibrating with excitement Twilight to deflate somewhat. “There are matters that require my attention, so this is all the time we have for today. I’ll send word when my schedule allows another visit.”

As if on cue, a chariot landed in front of the library pulled by a pair of solar guards.

“Ah, right on time. I must say, if I knew working with Princess Celestia’s protégé had benefits like this, I would’ve contacted you sooner. Until next time Twilight.”

“Bye!” Twilight said, waving her hoof as Fusion was flown off to Canterlot.

“…Twilight?” Ivan asked, getting the researcher’s attention. “Question.”

“Erm… shoot?”

“Lamia. Information?”

“Huh. While I wholeheartedly support the pursuit of knowledge, why would you want to know about lamia of all things?” Ivan answered by pointing off down the street, where Memry was coincidentally spending the first of her days off hoofwrestling with Rainbow Dash.

Twilight gasped. Ivan raised an eyebrow. Rainbow got flipped clear off her seat when Memry started trying.

“Celestia’s grace, what is a lamia doing this far from Spurta?! Nevermind, must research! Spiiiiike! Prepare emergency interview kit B!”

“Got it!” the dragon said, reaching into what appeared to be a secret compartment in a globe. A basket containing several rolls of parchment, a few quills, and a bowl of eggs were all the kit was made up of.

The crusaders had already pranced over and were talking animatedly with the snake creature. Twilight and Spike (the latter not believing that the emergency lamia kit actually had purpose) soon joined them.

Memry seemed delighted by the eggs, swallowing a few whole and hugging the unicorn in thanks.

Ivan shook his head and walked forward to greet the lamia, leaving Cheerilee, Tiara, and Silver to watch the scene unfold.

“Are you still scared of her?” Cheerilee asked. And held back her amused smile when they sputtered rapid denial.

“Well it’s only natural. You didn’t meet on the best of terms.” The teacher mused. “You know what fear is, right?”

“Well yeah. It’s when you’re scared of something” Silver said.

“Fear is what you get when your head tries to tell you that there’s a risk in front of you not worth taking. But when another pony takes that same risk and comes out of it on top, the one that’s afraid might feel like fear is something to be ashamed of.”

“Well it is, isn’t it?” Tiara said, watching Memry. All she and Silver could think of while looking at the snake were those fangs, eyes, and the loud crashing of her tail and the impact Ivan’s body made when he was smashed against a wall or the ground.

“If a pony doesn’t know fear, chances are they won’t know a long life either.” Cheerilee replied as Memry pouted. She was probably just told Ivan was going to have to take it easy on his leg for a little while.

“…Ivan wasn’t afraid.” Silver said. “But he lost. Does that mean…”

“It means.” Cheerilee said, “that Ivan saw a risk, and decided it was worth taking. There are things he’s afraid of too. Do you think he has any right to be ashamed of that?”

“Well… if he wasn’t afraid of Memry…” Tiara began, looking at the stallion in a new light. “…then whatever he is scared off is probably pretty… scary?”

“No matter what anypony says, they know fear. And laughing at another pony for feeling it is hypocritical.” Tiara and Silver scrunched their noses at the unfamiliar word, deciding to look it up later. Whatever it was, it didn’t sound flattering. “Instead, respect the pony who faces their fears and acts despite them.”

“Is there some kind of fancy word for that too?” Silver asked, to which Cheerilee smiled kindly.

“Courage.”

Satisfied she’d passed on a life lesson, she decided to see if she could learn a few things about lamia. If Ivan and her were going to be brawling on a regular basis, she might as well get to know her.

A few minutes passed as the two fillies watched on. And that was about as long as Tiara could stand.

Trying hard to forget the nightmares she had the previous night, she slowly made her way to see Memry, Silver following close behind.

--

“Hey, you. Red.” Big Mac turned to find somepony who was technically trespassing, but the Apples were more laid back then to get too defensive over such a thing.

A pegasus colored a pale shade of pink stood there giving him a bit of a stink eye. Her steel grey mane (shined almost like actual steel, really) was cropped short and something about the way she held herself gave Big Mac the idea she had a major chip on her shoulder.

There was also the fact that one of her wings was something of a heavily scarred stump, but he wasn’t going to be rude and stare.

“How can Ah help Miss?”

“I’m looking for somepony. You seen a green unicorn? I heard he’s wearing some black coat and hat. Probably didn’t stay for lo-“

“Ah, ya’re lookin’ fer Ivan?”

“Yeah, that’s him. Which way did he go?”

“Don’t rightly know. ‘Round this hour though…” Big Mac looked up to check the time. “…Ah’d say ya might find him somewhere around town. If ya stop by the schoolhouse, the teacher might know. They’re real close I hear.”

“…say what?”

“Somethin’ weird Miss?”

“…alright, don’t call me Miss. My name’s Salad Shooter. I’m just wondering why he didn’t move on.”

“Might be that he broke his leg a while back. He told me yesterday though he decided to settle in.” Big Mac shook his head, smiling. “Ah’m Big Macintosh by the way. Are ya a friend of Ivan’s too?”

“Something like that.” Salad replied, but she didn’t elaborate. “Listen, I just got here and I don’t know where anything is. Are you working?”

“Eeyup.”

“…well could you stop for a bit? I need somepony to help me find him.”

“Is there a rush? He ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

“I don’t believe you. He’s been ‘goin’ somewhere’ for years now.”

“…is there a problem Miss Salad?”

“Oh hay yes there is.” She muttered.

“Not sure Ah wanna help ya if that’s the case.” Big Mac said, frowning.

“I’ve waited ten years Red. Maybe I don’t feel like waiting much longer. You can understand that, right?”

“…ten years ya say?”

“What about it?”

“…are ya Ivan’s sister?”

“And how the buck would you know that?” The stallion frowned a bit more. He really didn’t care much for the mare’s tone, but there was something ahoof and he felt like seeing it through.

“He told me and a couple other friends he ran away from home ten years ago. Couple ‘a nights ago in fact. We were talkin’ about sisters at the time.”

“And he’s telling you this stuff? Everypony else I met who knew him didn’t know the first thing about him. ‘Cept this one pony, but still…”

“He also mentioned an ‘accident’.” Big Mac said, watching her carefully. And he was rewarded with an involuntary twitch of the wingstump.

“Oh is that what he’s calling it.”

“…alright, you win. Let’s go find Ivan.” Big Mac sighed. Something in him said it was better to resolve this sooner then later.

Salad didn’t say anything as they walked, though Big Mac did get a look at her cutie mark. A bowl of salad and a sharp knife.

Their first stop was the schoolhouse, but Cheerilee wasn’t there. So he took Salad to the tree Ivan normally napped under. The farm pony wondered if he technically lived under that tree now.

He almost chuckled at the thought.

Salad didn’t seem to care about the looks she was getting. A flightless pegasus was a tragedy in and of itself, but she very plainly lost her ability through something gruesome. Whispers followed them all the way through town.

One earth pony looked like he wanted to say something, but a glare from the prickly mare quickly shut him up.

Sure enough, Ivan was under his tree. Leaning against Cheerilee to boot. Big Mac wondered if they were interrupting anything, but Salad didn’t seem to care. When they got close, Ivan appeared to be sleeping.

She looked like she was about to say hi, but when she caught sight of Salad’s wing, she blanched.

“You know who I am.” Salad said, and Cheerilee could only nod.

“Wake him up.”

“I…”

“If you don’t, I will.” The teacher hesitated, but gave Ivan a nudge. Another when the first didn’t work, and he groaned and buried his muzzle into the teacher’s neck.

“Ivan, you have to wake up right now.” He obviously caught the stress in her voice and stirred, looking up. Then by the look on his face, Big Mac was pretty sure his mind was banished to the moon.

“…’sup bro?”

“…Sally?” The pegasus bared her teeth.

“Don’t you ‘Sally’ me!” The hoof caught him clean in the face and sent him tumbling down the hill. He didn’t get far before Sally was on top of him, eyes an inch from his.

“Ten bucking years Ivan!” She yelled. “Ten. Bucking. Years!” Another hoof across his face, and Ivan wasn’t sure if the moisture on his cheek was blood from a cut, or Salad’s tears.

“What were you even thinking?! Did you think at all?!” Hooves twisted up in his coat, she shook him for all she was worth. “Did you think mom and dad wouldn’t care?! Blowing up my wing wasn’t enough, you had to blow up the family too?!”

“S-Sally-“

“You’ve got this coming to you.” She said, slamming him on the ground. “I know why you ran away.”

“No. No.”

“Not your choice. Never was.”

“Please.”

“I forgive you.” Sally said, and Ivan choked back a sob as any pitiful resistance he put up fell flat.

“Didn’t want that, right? Wanted me to hate you? Wanted to be guilty since you were a bad pony and deserved it? That’s why you ran right? You were afraid I’d forgive you.”

“You can’t.” Ivan pleaded.

“I am.” Salad countered. “Because I want to. I wanted to so bad I’ve been following you as soon as mom and dad let me out of the house.” Sally seemed to lose her thunder, pressing her forehead into Ivan’s chest and sobbing.

“I just want my brother back. I want dad to stop looking at the new warder rosters to see if your name pops up. I want mom to stop looking at my back and remember when everything went down the tubes. Ivan you wrecked everything. But I forgive you. And now that I’ve got you, you’re going to fix everything or so help me…”

“…buck it all, I just want my brother back. Why did you run this long Ivan? You’re stupid. You were always stupid. You weren’t there when dad got promoted, or when mom became fencing champion, or when I got my cutie mark…”

“I just want my brother back.” She whimpered again as Ivan’s forelegs embraced her. “Why are you so stupid?”

--

Big Mac watched silently, mulling the information over.

Ivan had taken his sister’s wing. On purpose or not, nothing could make that alright.

…he wondered if all the stuff he had done up to this point had atoned for it. Salad had forgiven him, but…

He had suspected something along these lines ever since Salad had arrived with one wing, but he had hoped there was something he was missing. Salad’s outburst though had been quite clear.

Then he ran away from home, lived in relative solitude for ten years…

…Ivan was alright by him though. A friend. Big Mac refused to throw out a friend, no matter what the circumstances.

Cheerilee was as silent as he was, from where she stood. Probably waiting for her turn to hug Ivan, he mused. He wondered how long she had known about this.

Big Mac heaved a silent sigh and turned his back on the two siblings. It wasn’t right for him to look.

He settled into the grass. It didn’t feel right for him to just leave either.

Time passed at a crawl.

Acceptance

Chapter 12: Acceptance
or
YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

--

“So you live here now?” Salad asked after they had all calmed down. Ivan nodded.

“Bangin’. So do I. Where are you crashing? I’ll bunk with you.” Everypony awkwardly looked away as Ivan slowly patted the tree they were all seated under.

“…you’re serious. He’s serious?” The others nodded. “But you’ve got a marefriend. Aren’t you living with her?”

“Well, I do have a spare bedroom bu-“

“Great, I’ll take that. I’ll pay rent, and I can cook. Just don’t keep me up whenever you take this idiot home and we’re golden.”

“Bu-“

“Hey, Red. Show me a good place to get a bite to eat. It’ll be a while before Ivan picks his jaw out of the dirt.” She got to her hooves, stretched, and slipped on her saddlebags (which everypony noticed were the same color and shade as Ivan).

“…Eeyup.” He sighed, not really in much of an arguing mood after seeing Salad switch from ‘buck off’ to ‘soul wrenching grief’ to ‘you’re alright, but buck off’.

And Ivan really did look like he needed a minute after watching his kid sister essentially move in with his marefriend before him within twenty minutes of meeting her. The fact that all the skeletons in his closet had very recently jumped out and beat the green off of him might’ve had something to do with it too.

Big Mac lumbered down the hill at an easy pace, Salad following close behind.

“…Ivan, are you alright?”

“…what.” Poor Ivan looked positively shellshocked.

--

“So how long has he been here?”

“’bout a month and a half.”

“And when did he hook up with the hot teacher?”

“…Ah think they got together yesterday.”

“Well that explains why he’s sleeping under a tree I guess. So what kept him in one place for this long? I met his last ‘special friend’, so it probably wasn’t the ‘power of love’.”

“More like the power of not travelling on a broken leg.” Salad hmm’d to her self.

“You did say something about a broken leg, didn’t you?”

“Eeyup.”

“How’d that happen?”

“Mah sister and her friends played a prank and it ended messy.” Salad, unpredictably, burst out laughing.

“Oh… oh my Celestia, you’re telling me big bro was owned by a bunch of fillies?!”

“Eeyup.”

“Priceless!” she wheezed, rolling on the ground. Big Mac patiently waited until she was done.

“Oh moon. I needed that.” She said as she caught her breath. “You need to loosen up Red. That was hilarious. I’m never letting him hear the end of that.”

“Might interest ya to know they’ve been followin’ him around since day one.”

“…seriously? Ivan’s got a fan club?”

“Up ta six now Ah hear.”

“What did he do, slay a dragon?”

“Lamia, actually. Well he lost, but they gave eachother a hay of a beatin’ while the fight was on.”

“…aren’t lamia those huge reptillian killing machines that are like, the last thing you ever want to meet in a dark alleyway?”

“Eeyup.” He said, smiling.

“…Big bro was not only in one piece, but he wasn’t breathing out his rear, inside out, or wearing a coat made of his own organs. And… he lost a fight with a lamia?”

“That one.” Big Mac clarified, pointing down the road to where a lamia was talking to a bunch of excited fillies. And a grown mare. And… was that a mini dragon?

“Is tha-“

“Eeyup.”

“…doesn’t look that threatening.” She said, referring to the lamia. Probably.

“She is.” He said. “She is.” And Salad decided to take his word for it.

“Howdy brother!” they heard, and Salad saw a yellow earth filly trotting up to them.

“Howdy A.B.” Big Mac returned.

“Who’s this?” the filly asked, looking the new pony over, before staring open mouthed at the wing.

“Don’t be rude now.” Big Mac warned.

“Ah’m, sorry. Ah just… don’t see things like that much.” Salad sighed, irritated.

“Fine, I guess. Salad Shooter. I’m Ivan’s sister.”

“Ivan’s got a sister?!”

“A what?!” Another filly said, and within seconds, Salad was crowded by several fillies firing questions at her in a way that she couldn’t make a single one out.

…Her brother put up with this on a daily basis?

“Buck this.” She muttered, and spread her wing. With a mighty flap, she leapt out of the ring of eager fillies and landed light as a feather on a nearby rooftop.

“Hey, no fair!” one of them shouted.

“I didn’t come here to get mobbed by a bunch of strangers, whether my brother likes them or not.” Salad replied, sitting down. “I’m not coming down until you all go away. Except you Red, I’m not done with you yet.”

“Well why did you come here?” He heard behind her, and she turned to discover that one of her brother’s fans was a pegasus.

And by the sour look on her face, the pegasus didn’t like her very much. Not that the feeling wasn’t mutual.

“And why is that your business?”

“Ivan’s my business.” The orange filly said. Salad could only start laughing again.

“Oh wow. Keep it coming. I haven’t seen him in years, I need all the dirt I can get. Gotta make up for lost time.”

“…what the hay are you talking about?”

“…Alright, look foal. I’m not nice. If you’re looki-“

“Why not?”

“…come again?”

“Ivan’s real nice. To all of us. Even Crownie and Spoony down there.” There were a pair of indignant ‘hey!’s, but they were ignored. “So why are you such a jerk?”

“Was Ivan nice the second he met you?”

“Well… not really…” Scootaloo said, thinking back to the first nap they interrupted.

“Then why do I have to be?” Salad spat. “I’m up on a roof to get away from a bunch of grabby fillies and getting interrogated by some little chicken wing-“

“I’m not a chicken why does everypony keep saying tha-“

“Don’t care. Point is, you’re harshing my mellow, and I don’t have a lot of it to go around.” Salad got to her hooves and leapt off the roof, landing softly next to Big Mac.

“Go bother Ivan if you like him so much. I left him under some tree over there. C’mon Red.”

Scootaloo touched down as she was leaving, glaring at the mare’s back.

“Geeze… it’s like Diamond Tiara got older and grew a wing.”

“Hey-“

“So what, do we go see Ivan?” Silver Spoon asked. And while Dinky didn’t really care, the other crusaders had to wonder why they were still there.

“…why the hay are ya still hangin’ out with us?”

“We’re not hanging out with you.” Tiara said with a scowl. “We were hanging out with Ivan. Then Memry. Now we’re going to find Ivan again and find out where that mare came from.”

“…New truce.” Sweetie Belle said. “…until we find out what the hay crawled up her butt.”

“Sounds good enough.” Applebloom said. “Let’s mosey.”

--

“Ya seem pretty good with that wing.” Big Mac said. Salad’s sour look faded a bit, probably glad they were talking about something that wasn’t a bunch of fillies.

“Still a pegasus. So I’ve still got the magic. Can walk on clouds and stuff. Just, getting up there in the first place is a problem.” The feathers ruffled a bit as she stretched her wing idly.

“Handy-capable?” the stallion tried, having overheard the word a couple times whenever he ran errands in town. Salad smirked.

“Kinda like that. I always thought of myself as an earth pony with benefits.”

“Ya don’t say.”

“I do say. This the place?”

“Eeyup.” They took a table outdoors, a waitress came to take their orders, and only stared at Salad’s not-wing for ten seconds before she realized she had to be somewhere else.

“…Could’ve been a bit nicer to the fillies.”

“They could’ve been a bit more polite to an angry looking stranger.” Big Mac shrugged as he bit into his sandwich.

“Ah’m just sayin’. Ivan’s awful protective of ‘em.”

“He is, is he?” Salad scowled. “Got a bunch of little sisters to replace me?”

“To be honest.” The stallion said, “when the conversation turned to sisters a couple nights back, he looked like the thoughts hadn’t crossed his mind.”

“…Huh.” She said, chomping some lettuce from her own dish. A salad. Big Mac wondered how many puns she had to put up with when somepony tried to talk to her while she was eating.

“So, that orange one. She seemed pretty protective herself.”

“That’d be Scootaloo. Might like Ivan the most, that one.”

“Any idea why?”

“Might be because she’s an orphan. Might also be because I hear he saved her life a few times.” Big Mac shrugged and took another bite. “Could be both.”

“…so is that what he’s been up to? Saving fillies?”

“Also an odd job here and there, between all the times he stuck his neck out. Worked mah farm a while back too.” He smiled. “He’s pretty much a local hero. Lots of ponies say hi whenever he goes through town.”

“Sounds like something out of a cheap fairy tale.”

“He earned it.”

“I guess.” The late lunch finished, and Salad had a bag of bits out before Big Mac could reach his.

“I got this Red.”

“Much obliged.”

“Eh. I figure you get something for being my personal tour guide. And errand pony.”

“Ee-what?”

“Hey.” She said, flagging down the waitress from before. “Go get your manager.”

“…Of course.” She said, glad to get away from the rude pony.

“Alright, Red. Do me a favor and take the bag.” She nudged forward her wallet on the table. “There should be more then enough in there. Go get me some almonds, feta cheese, sunflower seeds, and a couple oranges. Then come back here and ask one of the staff to help you find me. Make it snappy.”

“…beg pardon?”

“I know you’re still hungry. Do it and you won’t regret it.”

“…fine.” Big Mac sighed, swiping the wallet off the table and deciding that Ivan owed him a favor for this.

--

When the crusaders (plus two) found Ivan, he looked shook up, and his face was bruised. Even if he called it an accident, none of the fillies were dumb enough to believe that the new pony in town wasn’t responsible.

When they had all, at the same time, excused themselves because they had ‘things to do’, Ivan wasn’t in much of a state to say no and Cheerilee didn’t want to leave him. So she affixed them with her best ‘teacher’ look and told them under no uncertain terms to stay out of trouble.

When they were out of earshot, Tiara spoke first.

“Alright. So I’ve got a plan to avenge Ivan. Temporary truce until that one winged mule gets what’s coming to her.”

“…actually since we don’t know what her deal is, the other truce is still on.” Dinky said.

“…are you fillies in or out?”

“I’m in.” Scootaloo said. “She deserves the worst and I don’t know anypony worse then you.”

“Hey no you don’t.” Tiara said smugly. “Anypony else?” The other three nodded, never more serious in their entire lives then they were now.

“Good. Alright, Applebloom, I need you to get some…”

--

The market was close-by, and it didn’t take more then a few minutes to fill Salad’s shopping list. The waitress was mumbling under her breath, and he wondered if the pegasus had struck again while he was gone.

“Hey, the mare I was with. Could ya take me to her please?”

“No problem.” She said as if she were asked to walk into a volcano. The stallion winced.

It turned out Salad had invaded the kitchen, and when Big Mac walked through the swinging doors, she was set up in front of a cutting board. Oh her wing was some kind of knife, which she was using to chop lettuce with brutal efficiency.

Cucumbers and tomatoes were cut up neatly nearby. And Big Mac noticed a large bowl at the ready.

Looked like Salad was about to live up to her name.

“Hey, Red, put that down over here.” Wanting to see where this was going to end up, Big Mac complied, setting the bag down within her reach, and joined the audience that had assembled on the side of the room.

Given the way she peeled an orange and shaved the cheese, she was well in practice with the wing blade. Very well in practice, the stallion mused, as she somehow managed to finely and evenly slice almonds in barely a few seconds.

Before long, a salad was tossed and ready.

“Somepony get some bowls. Red, you get first taste.” And when he took the first bite, Big Mac had to admit, he’d be willing to pay good money for food like this.

And as the salad was shared by the staff present, one of them spoke up between bites.

“…you start Wednesday. Noon.”

“Sweet. Also I say this now, first pony to make a pun about my name gets to be my knife block. Same with anypony who asks where my other wing is.” The ponies present nodded in agreement. Half of them put up with the puns at least on a daily basis. Got old quick.

“Fair enough.” The pony said, Big Mac assumed he was the manager. “Now get out. We’ve got orders coming in.”

“Fair enough.” Salad echoed, wiping down her wing blade in a nearby sink and stashing it in one of her bags. “Come on Red. Figure I should tell my new landlady I’ve got income.” She said as she gathered the leftover supplies from what Big Mac purchased. She held out a hoof as she passed and caught her wallet when the stallion dropped it for her.

She squinted as she walked out into the bright sunlight and smirked to herself.

“Well now that I’m done winning at life, I want you to be my witness when we tell Big Bro that it didn’t even take me half a day to set up shop. Also you can tell my landlady what kind of meal she’s in for later. Maybe I’ll be able to get low rent fo-whatthebuck.” Salad stepped into a rope trap that retracted and suspended her above the ground from a tree. Before she could process this, she was suddenly soaked in what she tasted was honey.

Then she heard a twang and the world was feathers.

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was that orange pegasus (upside-down) from earlier wearing the exact smirk she herself was wearing just a second ago. Before Salad could say anything, the filly had trotted forward and put some cardboard thing on her muzzle.

Scootaloo pulled a pair of shades from out of nowhere and slipped them on.

“Who’s the chicken now?”

Salad heard the raucous laughter of several other fillies, occupying other battlestations. She raised an eyebrow as she saw Big Mac’s sister and a grey unicorn packing up what appeared to be a miniature catapult. And two other earth fillies next to a large bucket.

They picked up the catapult and bucket and ran, laughing like hyenas the whole way.

Salad turned her head to see Big Mac failing to repress amusement.

“Don’t tell Big Bro.”

“Ah don’t have to.” Salad sighed, knowing he was right.

Slipping her wing into her bag, she pulled out her blade. A backflip later and she was upright, on the ground, and still feathered.

“The only reasons I’m not chasing them down to gut them is because Ivan likes them for some reason, and because that was admittedly pretty boss.” She said. The stallion nodded, first question answered rather handily.

“Ah take it ya want some place to get cleaned up?” Big Mac guessed out loud.

“Make it so.” Salad said. The farmpony chuckled and lead the way. Carousel Boutique was only a couple minutes off.

--

Rarity answered the door quickly, so she probably wasn’t busy. Good, Big Mac thought. He’d hate to interrupt her in the middle of a ‘tsunami of creative wonder’, whatever the hay that was.

“Ah! Good afternoon Big Macintosh, what a pleasant su-…” She paused, spying the pony behind him.

“…Big Mac, dear, you are of course aware that there’s a giant chicken following you around?”

“Eeyup.”

“…since it hasn’t broken out into song, I’ll assume that isn’t Pinkie Pie under that plumage?”

“Eenope.”

“…I’ll show you to the bathroom.”

“To the point. I like that.” Salad quipped as she followed the unicorn into the boutique.

“Ah, Big Mac, make yourself at home. We’ll have this mare good as new in no time at all.” After the two mares were out of earshot, Big Mac chuckled. The pegasus had no idea what she was in for.

He wandered into the kitchen for a glass of water, and saw Ditzy seated at the table sipping at a cup of hot tea.

“Howdy.” He said. Ditzy grinned.

“Howdy!”

“Just visitin’?”

“Rarity’s the last stop on my route.” Ditzy said. “So we’re having tea.”

“How’s that workin’?”

“Never had tea before.” She said, smiling. “I like it.”

“So.” The stallion started, seating himself at the table. “You’ll never guess what yer daughter did.”

“Whatever it is.” Ditzy said. “Can’t be any more interesting then seeing a giant chicken.”

“Ya might be surprised.”

--

A few minutes later, Ditzy was banging her hoof on the table, laughing harder then… well Salad, Big Mac mused.

“So… so what do you think they did that for?” She asked as she calmed down. Big Mac shrugged.

“Ah don’t know. Ah remember she told ‘em to go bother Ivan an… huh.”

“What’s ‘huh’?”

“When Ivan and his sister met up, they had a bit of a scuffle.” Said the stallion. “If they saw him in the state she left him in, that might just explain it.”

“Wait.” A perfectly clean Salad said as she entered the room, an unusually silent Rarity following behind. Big Mac concluded it probably had something to do with Salad’s ‘condition’.

“So… you’re telling me that those fillies tarred, feathered, and stuck a beak on me to defend my brother’s honor?”

“Eeyup.”

“…oh my Celestia that’s hilarious.” Salad said. “Totally worth the experience since I now get to hit him with it.”

“Why would you do a thing like that?” Rarity said. “Even if I disagree with the method, I think their intentions were darling.”

“I haven’t seen big bro in a while. Gotta make up for lost time.” Salad smirked. “And come on, he’s resident hero I heard. Getting protected from the resident bully by a group of fillies. Tell me that isn’t funny.”

“…well I do suppose there is some humor in it…” Rarity admitted.

“The only way it could’ve been funnier is if his marefriend got in on it.”

“…his what?” the unicorn asked, face falling into a blank state.

“His marefriend. This pink and purple teacher lady. Didn’t get her name.” Salad put a hoof to her chin in thought. “…probably should have. I kind of live with her now.”

“How long have they been together?” Rarity asked, an odd twitch in her eye. Salad ignored it since the fashionista struck her as a bit of a loon. Probably normal.

“Red said yesterday.”

“Eeyup.” He nodded. Ditzy giggled.

“Cheerilee told me this morning when I delivered her mail. She seemed really happy!”

“Oh, that’s her name…” Salad mused.

“…was she now?” Rarity deadpanned.

“Oh, yes! She also told me how it happened. So romantic! While watching the sunset…”

“Yes?!”

“…wait, didn’t she tell you?” Ditzy asked. “This seems really personal. I probably shouldn’t be talking about it. If you don’t know, I mean.”

“She was going to tell me! I swear, but then something happened, and I had to take a-“

“Well why don’t you just ask her?” Ditzy said. “She probably tells it better then I do.”

“…the boutique is closed.” Rarity said, ushering them all outside. Once there, she took off in a random direction.

“…Welp. I’m officially the lesser of the two evils.” Salad said.

An awkward minute passed as the ponies tried to figure out what to do next.

“Which way?!” Rarity all but yelled when she came running back. The three pointed hooves toward Ivan’s tree and she was gone again.

“…Alright, we’re gonna watch this happen.” The pink pony said, trotting after her.

“’Lesser’, ya say.” Big Mac muttered as he followed.

“…So Ivan has a sister?” Ditzy asked.

“He does. It’s me.” Salad answered.

“Huh. Well I’m Ditzy!”

“You sure are.” Salad shaking her outstretched hoof. The jab seemed to fly right over Ditzy’s head.

“So, what happened to your wing?” Salad said nothing, Big Mac could see the anger start boiling off of her.

“…You’re Ivan’s friend, right?” She asked a moment later, oddly calm. “That crazy unicorn and Red knew who I was. Did he tell you?”

“Nope!” Said Ditzy. “But I don’t see him as often as they do. Wonder why?”

“Well, Red knows where my wing went. Probably won’t be long before that white loon knows.”

“Rarity.” The stallion corrected.

“I call ‘em like I see ‘em.” Salad dismissed. “So, Ditzy. You’re free now, right?”

“Sure! Tea time is over I guess.”

“If you’re Ivan’s friend, you could probably find out if you asked him.”

“…but it’s your wing I’m asking about.” Ditzy said, frowning.

“Believe me. I know. So ask Ivan if you really want to know.”

“Salad.” Big Mac whispered. “what are ya doin’!?”

“He tells it better then I do.” Salad said, ignoring the stallion.

“Alright!” Ditzy said, flying off.

“…What do you think yer playin’ with?” Asked the farm pony, eyes narrowed.

“I wanna see what she’ll do.” Salad said.

“This ain’t right.”

“Sure it isn’t.” she said, waving a hoof. “I don’t care.”

Big Mac growled, shoving her into the side of a building and pinning her there with a massive hoof.

Despite the small grunt of surprise, she seemed alright with this.

“Are ya tryin’ ta ruin him?” He asked slowly.

“Nope.” She said, looking at him curiously. Maybe she was wondering why the stallion had gotten rough with her. “Might happen though. Can’t help it if it does.”

“The buck you can’t!” Salad should’ve known better then anypony, taking off a pegasus’s wing or a unicorn’s horn was not all right.

If it got out, hero or not, it was a possibility Ivan could get run out of town.

“He’s settled here.” Salad said. “He wandered, hiding from his parents and me, for ten years. And a month here changed all that?”

“Eeyup.”

“Ten years of walking Equestria, making no friends, telling nopony about what B.U.B.A.R.’d his entire life. And one month here made everything all right?” Salad pushed him back, jabbing his chest with a hoof. “That just doesn’t add up.”

“…What are ya doin’?”

“I’m seeing if this place is worth it. If his friends can forgive this,” She said, gesturing to her side, “…then I won’t have to take him home where I know he’ll be welcomed.”

“…Ditzy might react badly.”

“You didn’t.”

“Ah don’t have wings.” Salad shrugged.

“We’ll see, I guess. Coming?” The pegasus walked off. A seething Big Mac followed.

--

They arrived at the tree, and up the hill was what looked like a very tense scene.

Ditzy looked… extremely uncomfortable. Big Mac noticed her fidgeting with her wings. Rarity looked similarly distressed.

And Cheerilee glared at Salad once she was within view. Ivan, at her side, appeared to be awaiting judgement.

“…An accident indeed.” Rarity said. “But in the end, an accident.”

Ditzy nodded in agreement, slowly and silently.

“…how long have you known, Cheerilee?” the unicorn mare continued. “I’m only curious at this point. Ivan has done no wrong by me.”

“Did Sweetie Belle tell you about when Ivan hit his head?”

“Yes.”

“A bit after that.”

“Ah.”

“…I-it’s…” Ditzy stuttered, “…I’m… alright.”

“…you are?” Ivan asked.

“You helped save Dinky.” She answered. “And she’s my everything.”

“Sweetie Belle as well.” Said Rarity with a smile. “Without your help, I’m unsure if I would’ve found her in time. And without your help, I’m sure we would not have escaped.” The unicorn shuddered.

“…with the state we found her in… had that continued, she could’ve sustained permanent damage to her horn. Not unlike a pegasus losing a wing, I imagine.”

When Rarity finished, Ditzy finally started to relax. A few seconds of silence later, and Ivan lifted the brim of his hat.

“…You can stay.” Salad decided, seating herself on Ivan’s other side. The eyebrow he raised was telling. “I’ll explain later. To you too, I guess.” She said, nodding to an upset Cheerilee.

“Oh yes. You will.”

“I’ll make dinner then. Ivan, you’re invited.”

“Cool.” Ivan said as if that didn’t matter.

“Salad, don’t invite ponies to my hou-“

“Ivan, Cheerilee says you’re not welcome. Sorry bro.”

“Lame.” Ivan said as if that also didn’t matter.

“Salad, don’t tell my-“

“Ivan, dinner’s happening and you’re invited again.”

“Cool.”

“…Ivan.” Cheerilee asked with a hoof pressed between her eyes. “Is this how you feel all the time?” Ivan shook his head.

“Feel alright now.” He said with a smile.

Icarus

Final Chapter
Icarus

“Hey, Ivan, you didn’t get hurt anywhere else?” Scootaloo asked as Ivan reclined in his hospital bed. He shook his head no.

“Huh. How are we gonna get our first aid cutie marks now?” Applebloom wondered, ignoring Tiara and Silver groaning in the corner at the mention of pretty much the only thing they talked about. Sweetie Belle shrugged.

“I bet if we wait a little while, he’ll get hurt again on his own. He isn’t very lucky.” She pursed her lips as the obvious thought came to mind. “…neither are we…”

“We could just practice on him anyway.” Scootaloo said. “Where does Nurse Redheart keep the bandages?”

“Hey, am I still allowed to play too?” Dinky asked, fidgeting with the bedsheets. The poor thing looked worried, Ivan noted.

“Well yeah. Why wouldn’t you be?” Applebloom answered as she checked in a nearby cupboard.

“Because I have my cutie mark.” Said Dinky. The other three crusaders whipped their heads around, but were too stunned to really say anything. Why hadn’t they noticed sooner?

Ivan leaned forward, setting his hat on the grey filly’s head with his horn.

“Let’s see.” He said, smiling.

The little unicorn giggled and leapt onto the bed, turning to the side to display a standing archery target with an arrow in the bullseye.

Ivan made a show of inspecting it, stroking his chin with a hoof. “Meaning?” he asked, genuinely curious as to how she could’ve got such a thing. Given she was blank the last time he saw her, the only time she could’ve gotten it was during the ogre incident.

“I was aiming the weapons on the Megapony. And every time I did, I hit the ogre wherever I meant to. Even though he was moving! I didn’t notice I had it until I got the suit off.” She paused. “I don’t think mommy knows I got it.”

“…so your special talent is improbable aiming skills?” Salad said from her chair, setting down her book. “Why is everypony getting cooler talents then me? I’d kill for that one. I’d kill with that one.”

“Well what’s your talent?” Scootaloo asked.

“Cooking.”

“What’s wrong with cooking?” Silver Spoon asked, actually looking a little hurt. “That’s my talent.”

“…well… it’s a good talent to have and all, but… well come on, ninty-five base accuracy is a pretty cool talent no matter what way you slice it.”

“I guess so…”

“Hey, now that you mention it, what’s a rich little thing like you doing with cooking?” Salad tried changing the subject, not really wanting to upset the filly any further. Besides the guilt she didn’t want to admit to having, Ivan’s eyebrow raised at her was something she wanted stopped. It reminded her so much of their mother’s that she was actually getting a little creeped out.

“My daddy owns a chain of restaurants. One day he brought me to work to show me what he did and I bugged one of the ponies in the kitchen a bunch until she went on break early. The orders kept coming in, so I tried making them. The reference guide was right there and stuff so…”

She turned to the side to display her namesake cutie mark.

“I remember one of the things the cook used was a shiny little spoon for measuring things like sauce and stuff. I liked using it because… well, it was my name, right?”

“Ah guess that makes sense…” Applebloom said. “Scootaloo’s always zippin’ around on that scooter o’ hers…”

“Yeah, and you just can’t get enough apples.”

“It mah family’s legacy!”

“So yeah.” Silver said, “I wasn’t as good as the other mare, so Daddy came back to see what the holdup was and saw me working that mare’s station. And somewhere in there I had gotten my cutie mark…” She smiled, a small embarrassed one as she traced a design on the pillow she sat on with her hoof.

“Daddy picked me up on his back and paraded me around the tables saying how proud of me he was. Then one pony said ‘yeah that’s great but I’m still hungry!’, so Daddy took me back into the kitchen and after he fired that other mare for just up and leaving for not telling anypony, we worked the rest of her shift together. He even gave me extra allowance, cause he said I worked so hard.”

“How much?” Sweetie Belle asked, having plopped herself down on Ivan’s bed to listen.

“Fifty bits!” Ivan remembered when he was that young. Fifty bits all at once probably felt like she had just won the lottery. He imagined it was the pay that one mare would’ve received for the hours Silver worked.

“What’d you buy with it all?” Dinky asked.

“Well, I… actually still have it all.”

“…Ya’ve got fifty bits, just… there?” Applebloom asked in disbelief.

“She’s got more then that.” Tiara said, rolling her eyes. “Silver never spends money on anything.”

“Well I might need it later!” Silver said, sticking out her tongue. “Daddy always says if you put money away, you’ll be safe when you really need it.”

“If I told you jumping off a bridge was the safe option, you’d do a flip on the way down.” Tiara deadpanned.

“I like this one.” Salad said, failing to repress laughter. “She talks my language.”

“Funny, I didn’t know I could speak chicken.” Tiara said, smirking. Salad stopped laughing.

“Huh. So that’s why I hate kids.”

“If ya hate us so much.” Applebloom said, “Ya wouldn’t have been so scared for us when we were in the Megapony.”

“Pfft. Who said I was worried?”

“Cheerilee.” Applebloom replied, mirroring Tiara’s smirk. Really, any filly who wasn’t Dinky was smirking at her like they had just put her king in checkmate.

Ivan mimed wiping a tear away from his eye. “So proud.” Salad nearly laughed again. His face was as straight as ever when he did that.

“One day Bro. I’ll do to you what I did to Jerryrig.”

“Then we’ll do what we did to you the last time you hit him.” Sweetie Belle said.

“…I’m outnumbered. Stop hiding behind fillies and fight me like a stallion.” Salad pointed with her hoof, but Ivan could tell she wasn’t really mad.

“Mending.” Ivan said. “Unfair.”

“Well now you know how I feel.”

“Attack.” Ivan ordered, waving his hoof.

“Blah blah temporary truce take the jerk down!” Scootaloo yelled, pouncing first.

--

When Cheerilee walked into the room with Ditzy, she expected many things. She did not expect to see Salad hog-tied on the ground while six fillies all gave eachother high hooves.

She expected even less to see Ivan leaning back in bed, hooves steepled like some kind of evil genius.

“Ivan, did you order the fillies to attack my newest meal ticket?” She meant that literally. Salad cooked better then her mediocre skills could ever hope to.

“Minions.” He replied. “Powerful. Feels good.”

“Dinky!” Ditzy said. “Were you good while I was gone?”

“Don’t you ignore me.” Salad warned. “Once I get to my wingblade, everypony in this room is dead.”

“You wouldn’t kill a filly with glasses, would you?” Silver asked.

“I’ll kill you last.” Salad growled. “I’ll do it with a spoon. It’ll be ironic and stuff.”

“So anyway.” Cheerilee said, turning back to Ivan. “Twilight gave me this for you while you’re stuck in bed.”

She fished a notebook out of her bag, and tossed it over. Flipping through a few pages, it appeared to Ivan that it was notes on spells that she was planning on trying with him later.

‘Read up on them now and we’ll be able to try more efficiently once you can cast again!’ was written at the top of the first page.

“What is it?” Cheerilee asked.

“Homework.”

“I should be more surprised then this. So Big Mac sent along a bottle of cider. He said he’ll stop in later once work’s done.”

“Good.” Ivan said, accepting the bottle and setting it aside.

“Dinky! You got your cutie mark!” Ditzy cried, holding Dinky up and flapping around the room excitedly. “Mommy’s so proud of you, we’re gonna go to Sugar Cube Corner and get whatever you wa-“ She tripped over one of the bedposts, dropping a giggling Dinky on the mattress before going sprawling through the window, shattering it.

“Suddenly I feel better about my life.” Salad snarked, now notably untied and back in her chair.

“…how did you get out?” Tiara asked.

“I’ll put it to you this way.” She said. “There’s a reason none of you have knots on your flanks.”

“…Ah’m gonna ask A.J. about some good knots later.” Applebloom said. “Next time yer goin’ down.”

“Sure, go ahead. Do that.” Applebloom would later swear the way Salad grinned at her made her feel like she was the pegasus’ next meal. “See what happens.”

“Speaking of Applejack.” Cheerilee said, hoping to stop the throw down before it happened, “She said that you should come back for lunch. The other crusaders are invited too. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon as well.”

“They are?”

“Kid.” Salad said, “All six of you together piloted a giant robot and beat the sunlight out of a freaking ogre. That’s what dreams are made of.”

“…Temporary truce for lunch at the farm?” Sweetie Belle suggested. Tiara thought it over, and shrugged.

Salad was kind of right. Besides that scare at the end, as Applebloom put it, they lived the dream.

That was at least worth lunch. And maybe planning a prank on Salad. Or Jerryrig.

Either way, while Applebloom was grumbling about the choice being made for her, she wasn’t putting up much of a fight.

“Mommy!” Dinky called out the broken window. “I’m going to Applebloom’s!”

“Be good!” Ditzy called back from somewhere unseen.

“I will!” The fillies filed out, leaving two mares and a bed ridden stallion in the room.

“…So that kid officially has a better cutie mark story then you do bro.” Salad said. “I can’t believe that was topped so fast.”

“She really got it during that fiasco yesterday?” Cheerilee asked.

“Yeah. You’ll probably hear all about it in class at some point.” Salad stretched in her seat, “So, how long does Ivan have in that bed?”

“Another day at least.” Cheerilee said. “Nurse Redheart likened it to a muscle that he tore. Only this muscle is kind of a big part of his entire magical circulatory system.”

“So what’s that mean?”

“It means Ivan, being a unicorn, is built a bit differently then you and I.” Cheerilee explained, adopting what Ivan was starting to identify as her ‘teacher’ voice. “Since he can’t take magic from the environment, his body works on it’s own battery, and he almost damaged it permanently. So he needs to take it easy in all things while the ‘muscle’ heals.”

“Huh. So bro’s a weak little foal right now?”

“Essentially.” Cheerilee said, ignoring how the words might’ve wounded the stallion’s pride. “The day he got the cast taken off, his mended leg was weak from misuse and he couldn’t put as much weight on it as he normally could. Now pretty much his whole body is like that.”

“So it’ll be a while before he’s back at a hundred?”

“Not as long as the leg took, thankfully. A day for his body to heal, maybe another for the magic to settle and he can cast properly.” Cheerilee settled into a chair next to Ivan’s bedside.

“So I couldn’t help but notice the plaque on the door with bro’s name on it.” Salad said. Cheerilee repressed laughter.

“Well, considering that Ivan’s been through here a few times already, has combat as his special talent, and a regular sparring partner in a lamia, Redheart decided ‘Reserved For Ivan Hooves’ was necessary for at least one of these rooms.”

“Probably doesn’t surprise her much. She’s already got 'Rainbow Dash' on one of the other doors. Who’s that pony?”

“You live here, and you’re probably going to have regular contact with a bunch of fillies who idolise her. You’ll know all about her soon.”

“…Something about the way you said that. I don’t like it.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Cheerilee said. Salad shrugged and got to her hooves.

“Welp. I’m outta here. Gonna take a nap back at the house. Fillies can’t try to prank me there. Bye.”

It was only after Salad left that Ivan realised Dinky left still wearing his hat. He sighed.

“What’s wrong now?” Cheerilee asked. Ivan felt the bed dip a bit under her weight, and he leaned into her when she shuffled to his side.

“Hat.”

“Hm. I suppose I’ll have to get it later.”

“Later?”

“Are you telling me you want me to leave now?”

“Hmmmm…” He tilted his head back as Cheerilee started nuzzling into his throat. “Reason to stay?”

“Give me a bit. I’ll come up with something.”

“Ivan, just checking to mak-…” Nurse Redheart looked up from her clipboard, expression not shifting in the slightest.

“…No sex in the hospital.”

“Oh come on,” the teacher huffed, glaring at the nurse. “You think I’d do that? Really?”

“Wouldn’t?” Ivan asked, sounding almost disapointed. Cheerilee flicked him in the nose.

“Hard to tell at this point. Given that I’ve caught you in the same bed, naked.” Said Redheart.

“When are we not naked?”

“I rest my case. I might also mention there are reasons these rooms don’t lock from the inside. Like ponies visiting their loved ones and having ‘oh my Celestia I’m so glad you’re still alive’ relations in said rooms.”

“…you know, now that you mention it…” Cheerilee said, “…you didn’t seem surprised at all when you walked in here. Or put off. Or anything.”

“I guarantee anything I saw you possibly doing could be topped. I’ve seen things. Things that make me unable to look Mrs. Cake in the face anymore.”

“…I take it that one cupcake accident that put Mr. Cake in the burn ward-“

“Yes, that. I didn’t refuse to tell you. I spared you.”

“…this is awkward.” Said Cheerilee.

“You don’t know awkward until you’ve seen Carrot Top’s-“

“Right, we’re okay, I’m not going to rut him, go away now.”

“Sure. Bye.” Redheart left, shutting the door behind her.

“…make out?” Ivan suggested.

“Not in the mood, sorry. I can’t get the image of Mrs. Cake out of my head now. Ugh.”

“…monosexual?”

“Yeah, I only like stallions. You don’t find that weird, do you?” Ivan shook his head.

“Oh good. So do you just wanna cuddle for a while?”

“Sure.” Cuddling was awesome. He liked cuddling.

The door practically exploded open as Pinkie wheeled in the party cannon, fuse already lit.

“Hey, it’s time for your ‘oh my Celestia I’m so glad you’re still alive’ party!” Ivan groaned as the cannon went off.

--

Ivan walked out of the hospital the next day feeling good as new. Even if he was still missing his hat.

“Good morning.” Greeted Twilight as she approached. “Feeling any better?”

Ivan nodded. He was told to take it easy on the horn, but he was quite capable of casting simple magic. He was considering going through a few of the suggestions on Twilight’s list later.

“So, I was wondering if you’d be able to assist our experiment sometime soon?”

“Entails?” Asked Ivan.

“We’re going to be experimenting with a ley line not too far from here. Really all we need you for is a blast shield in case something goes wrong. Given what you do for ‘practice’ and that hit you got in on that ogre, you’re the best bet we have to mitigate damage.” Seemed fair enough, Ivan thought. Since his magic was still a little unsteady though…

“Tomorrow.”

“Oh that’s good. Cold Fusion should be in Ponyville at about noon, so if you’d be at the library at one? I’ll even treat you to lunch after.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you. We could be about to make history! See you tomorrow!” She said before cantering off, humming a song.

“Well she seemed to be in a good mood. I take it she’s finally getting help with that experiment?” An approaching Cheerilee said, wearing a familiar black hat on her head.

“Tomorrow. One.”

“Ah. Well I got this back for you. Turns out the crusaders took it to Rarity’s.”

“…what.” Depending on the answer he received, he might or might not regret constantly saving their lives.

“See, Dinky wondered why you didn’t have a hole in it for your horn.” She said, obviously finding this more then a little funny. “She thought it’d make it easier to cast, since you wouldn’t have to take it off for the bigger stuff. All it took was for Scootaloo to talk about how much cooler you’d look if you blew things up while still wearing it, and… so I didn’t get to it quite in time, but it’s not that big a loss, is it?”

Ivan took the hat and floated it over for a look. Sure enough, there was a hole precisely the size of his horn.

But if he wore it that way, he wouldn’t be able to lower it over his eyes.

“I don’t think you have anything to hide at this point.” She said. “And I don’t care if you can somehow see through it, it must be easier to see without it in the way.”

Ivan appraised his modified hat, considering it, before putting it on. A bit clumsily, since he had never had to wear something that allowed for horns before, but before long he had it snugly in place.

“It suits you.” She said. “Well it always did. Now it suits you a little better though.”

“Really?”

“Well I might be biased.” She said, giving him a quick nuzzle, “but I like looking at your eyes.”

“…seeing easier.” He said. “…keep.” And that was the only reason he was keeping it. That was his story and he was sticking to it.

...he was not whipped.

“Oh good.” She said, smiling as she fell into step at his side. “So, have you eaten at all?”

“No.”

“Well I was thinking we hadn’t had an actual date yet. How about brunch at that place Salad works at?”

“Sure.”

--

Ivan walked into town the next day, getting used to having light in his eyes all the time. It was like he was wearing sunglasses his whole life and now he had to deal with not having them.

The previous day had been both relaxing and enjoyable. Most of it spent with Cheerilee was nice to be sure, but he also had a couple new spells under his belt. Since his father was about to find out his location, there really wasn’t much point in avoiding the local warder office.

Considering his talent and current reputation, a larger repertoire of magic would probably be the only thing he needed to get into basic training. Going by the trouble he had to deal with on a regular basis, there was probably a large calling for combat specialists.

While the promise of good pay was enticing, there was also something surreal about his colthood dream that wouldn’t stop tempting him.

He wondered what Cheerilee and the crusaders would think if he walked back into town with a warder’s bracer on his foreleg.

Setting the daydream of cheering children and a swooning teacher aside, he knocked on the library door.

Twilight had just been finishing her preparations, and Cold Fusion had just been finishing his cup of tea. Spike wished them luck and they started off.

“The crusaders stopped by earlier.” Twilight said. “They said they wanted to come along. They only wanted it more when I told them it would be dangerous. They think you’re invincible Ivan.” Ivan tried not to feel flattered. It probably explained why they took risks when he was around.

“Destination?” He asked.

“A bit of a walk, but not too far. Do you remember where the Megapony is?” Ivan nodded.

“Erm… Megapony?” Fusion asked, eyebrow firmly raised.

“I’ll explain on the way. Suffice to day, the nearest ley line is there.”

“I don’t recall any ‘Megapony’, the last time we studied there.”

“It’s more of a recent development. See, there was this ogre coming this way and…”

Ivan had heard this story before from the crusaders, and later on an unbiased and more intelligible story from Cheerilee, so his attention faded.

His mind turned to Jerryrig, wondering just how bad Salad had hurt him. She probably didn’t break him too much, he thought, though he had heard mention of spiked horseshoes and thanked his lucky stars she hadn’t been wearing those when they met up.

He wondered if he should feel sorry for the tinker, before remembering that he had apparently tricked the crusaders into firing him out of a cannon.

Honestly, when was that ever a good idea?

“Goodness, he toppled it?”

“Soon after that he helped lower the robot, but considering it’s size and how little he had left, it was why he spent the last couple days in the hospital.”

“I see now why you suggested him for the shielding.” Fusion said. “Such strength…”

“Ivan was close at hand, reasonably powerful, and skilled at repression of intense force.” Twilight said. “Very convenient.”

“Indeed it is. Even if his magical potential is so low, I’m quite impressed… ah, is that this Megapony you mentioned?”

“That’s it.” Twilight said, gesturing to the large robot. “It fell right next to the ley line.”

“Well then. Shall we?”

--

Ivan rested under a tree as the two started making preparations he didn’t understand. Even so, he paid attention. Whatever spells the two were casting were coaxing something from deep within the earth to the surface. Something that intimidated him.

As it rose, he felt pure power thrumming like the beat of a heart. He only had a rudimentary understanding of what ley lines were, but he was now starting to wish he had asked more questions. He didn’t know if he could stand up to force like this if it turned itself on them.

“Ivan, we’re ready for you.” Twilight said, beckoning him.

She instructed him to put a wall between them and the now glowing patch of the ground they had created. The most powerful he could manage. And he did so, wondering what the other two unicorns were made of to have composure like they did.

Of course, composure was used loosely to describe them. While Ivan was resisting the urge to call the whole thing off and go home, Twilight seemed to be resisting the urge to dance and sing like Pinkie Pie at a cupcake convention.

Cold Fusion seemed to have the most ‘composure’ out of all of them. He radiated calm, and from what Ivan could read of his expression, he was immensely satisfied. He supposed that mention of Fusion’s dreams being fulfilled from the other day really meant something.

It was almost like the blue unicorn was standing over the edge of a cliff, about to take the plunge into something incredible.

“We’re only probing today.” Twilight said. “Just to get to know what we’re dealing with. The risk is low, but keep those shields steady.”

Ivan grunted his affirmative, and braced himself as they began. He thought he heard something rustle in the tree he had been resting under, but he paid it no mind. There were more important things to worry about.

The white light pulsed silently, but now that it was being tapped, he could feel it stronger then ever. Like the heavy bass of a subhoofer at Pinkie’s last party.

Blessed uneventful minutes passed before Twilight spoke up.

“It’s…” she said, disbelief heavy in her tone “It’s beautiful…”

“And it’s mine.” Fusion said, before his horn glowed brighter and the light blinded them both.

“What are you doing?!” Twilight yelled. “This-“

“This is my dream.” He said. There was no noise, but they could feel the planet roar. “Power to rival the alicorn. Power to make the world mine.”

The light faded, and Cold Fusion stood there, the air around him seeming to bend and ripple.

“I am now a part of the ley line.” He said. “The planet’s power flows through me. It is now mine.”

He turned to the stunned unicorns, expressionless. His eyes were as black as the darkest void.

“I will undoubtedly meet resistance on my march to Canterlot. You will unfortunately be the first to die. Ivan Hooves, the local hero, you will be an example. And Twilight Sparkle, Scion of Magic, pride of Celestia herself, you will be a threat. I will not be overcome.” Before either of them had time to react, black shackles had appeared and secured them both to the ground.

“Whether or not you plan to defy the new god, this is necessary. I will mercifully-“

Neither of them had any idea what he planned on doing mercifully as an orange blur shot out of nowhere and dropkicked Fusion in the side of the head.

“Ivan, are you alright?! Did he hurt you at-“ Scootaloo was abruptly bound around the neck, and by the sound of her choking, it was rapidly tightening. She floated in place by her throat.

“I suppose the body of a foal will also send a message. None who refuse to follow me will survi-“ All Fusion knew at that moment was the blinding green light and shriek of advancing magic.

He was blown backwards through several trees.

A coughing Scootaloo was caught by Ivan, and thrust to Twilight’s back.

“Take her. Go.”

“Ivan this is no time to be-“

“It is. Get help. Spike.”

“What about you?” Ivan responded by charging into the forest after Fusion.

Twilight only hesitated a moment, as she heard the sounds of falling trees and saw the light of blasting spells.

“He’ll be ok… right?” Scootaloo asked as she caught her breath.

“He’ll be fine.” She answered, before making for Ponyville at the fastest gallop she could manage.

--

Ivan just barely managed to dodge a beam that he wasn’t confident he could block.

He didn’t like the look of the boulder it hit. Especially since there was no trace of it left.

“It really is liberating,” Fusion taunted, strolling through the forest, “Being totally invincible. I didn’t even feel that little sucker-punch of yours!”

Ivan didn’t dare speak back. If Fusion found him, it would only take one shot.

“Did you think you saved that filly? What sort of ruler would I be if I forgave such an assault? She won’t live to receive her cutie mark.”

He was proud of his self control at that moment. Ivan very nearly weighed the risks and blasted him again. As it stood, he’d have to put his boiling rage aside and plan.

Ivan was quite sure that first blast he had hit Fusion with would’ve killed most ponies. The scientist had been completely unprepared and surprised by the attack, and had no real defences active. And if Ivan took the time to wind up something more potent, he’d be found and destroyed. Magical attacks were out.

Scootaloo had been flying faster then she had when she first crashed into Ivan, at a downward angle, and directly collided with his skull backhooves first. He was back up in barely more then a second and strangling her to death. Since he was using magic to do it, he hadn’t even been addled by the strike. Physical attacks were out.

Ivan was outgunned, and underpowered. Beating Fusion was literally impossible at this point.

What options remained?

…he had to run. He had to get back to Ponyville, get his friends, and possibly evacuate the town. He had stalled for long enough.

Now all that he needed was a distraction.

He looked around for a twig to snap or something, but-

Twang! Thud!

“Gah!” Even if Fusion was all powerful and invincible, he was still the average weight of an adult stallion, and was thus knocked on his haunches when he tripped a wire and got hit with a swinging log.

Ivan totally forgave Jerryrig for everything, and stealthily made his way out of the woods.

He took no small pleasure in hearing Fusion encounter trap after trap as he left.

--

Twilight dashed through the streets, out of breath and nearly stumbling every second step. Full gallop from the ley line to her library was not something a researcher/librarian was suited to.

She had sent Scootaloo to go spread the word that there was trouble approaching, just in case Princess Celestia was delayed in sending help.

Since she hadn’t seen mass destruction yet, she could only assume that Ivan was still alive and keeping Fusion busy.

Aside from the whole ‘planet powered demi-god’ thing, everything was going fantastic!

“Spiiiiiike!” She yelled, bursting into the library. “Spike I need your help right now!”

…silence.

Curses. She forgot that Spike had a social life.

“Spiiiiiiiiiiike!”

--

Fusion roared in frustration, unmaking the tennis ball launcher that had appeared out of nowhere.

He was beginning to doubt Ivan was even still here. There was the option of just destroying the whole forest, but that would remove the satisfaction of wringing the stallion’s neck himself. A pleasure that he wanted now more then anything.

Except the whole world domination.

Really, that just left the whole issue of what to do to smoke him out. There were no innocents in the area to threaten, no…

His eyes fell on the Megapony.

“…powered by magic, she said…” He mused.

He had magic to spare.

--

Jerryrig suddenly found himself the possessor of everything he ever wanted. He had money, fame, stallions and mares lining up down the block for his favor.

And there, waiting on his bed, was Ivan’s sister wearing the laciest saddle he had ever set eyes on.

“Oh professor, I can’t thank you enough for this bionic wing you made me.” She cooed, fluttering the mechanical wonder behind her. It was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

“But that won’t stop me from trying…” it was now the second hottest thing he had ever seen as those half-lidded grey eyes-

Bam bam bam bam!

“Ragamerfle?!” He said as his dream faded away. Upon retrospect, even he didn’t know what he was trying to say there.

The door opened to reveal six familiar fillies.

“Professor Jerryrig! Equestria needs you!” Applebloom declared.

Considering this was how his interrupted dream started, he leapt out of his hospital bed, ignored the pain, and saluted.

“Reporting for duty!”

--

He soon found himself jammed in a wagon with five fillies attached to a scooter driven by Scootaloo tearing down a country road unusually fast for the load it was pulling.

“Can’t you make this thing go any faster?!” Tiara demanded, pushing Dinky’s back hoof out of her nose.

“Maybe if you jump out!”

“Children please, you haven’t even told me was the problem is!” Jerryrig cried.

“Well,” began Scootaloo, “…when Ivan went to go help that one scientist guy and Twilight unlock elder magicks to improve the world and harness the power of the planet’s nexus, that Cold Fusion guy-“

“Cold Fusion?!” Jerryrig yelled. “That crack-pot?!”

“…you, are calling him-“ Silver was cut off as Jerryrig started ranting.

“Stole my research grant with his ‘ley lines’ and ‘graduated at the top of the class’ and his ‘perfectly sculpted facial hair’-

“You know, I don’t know why we didn’t see it sooner.” Sweetie Belle said. “I mean, he had a goatee. Of course he’s evil!”

“-and his ‘thought out plans’ and his ‘team of researchers’ and his ‘theories’… Did he ever design a giant robot?! Did he?!”

“That’s nothing.” Scootaloo said, turning back. “I saw his eyes after he got all that power.”

“Were they black?” Dinky asked.

“Blacker then the darkest void.”

The other five fillies all ‘ooooooooh’d’. You couldn’t get much more evil then that.

“He’s evil! Well who’s laughing now, hm?! Who’s crazy now?! Who’s mad now?!”

“…oh my Celestia.” Silver whispered as she looked down the road.

“What, what’s more important then how disappointed my mother-…”

Off in the distance, black clouds swirling overhead, was the Megapony slowly marching toward Ponyville. And atop the head, riding it, was Cold Fusion.

“…Right then!” Jerryrig said. “Now that I know we’re dealing with the return of the most threatening thing since Nightmare Moon, I say we all go back to my place, put our heads between our knees, and calmly wait for the end, shall we?”

“No!” Scootaloo said. “If he’s out here, he did something to Ivan!”

“What?” asked Jerryrig. “What do you mean?”

“Ivan told me and Twilight to run, and then ran in after Fusion to fight him. And now…”

“…Ivan’s… dead?” Dinky asked, eyes starting to tear up.

“Pfft, no.” Tiara said. “Maybe some ponies here didn’t see him fight, but me and Silver had front row seats to him kicking a lamia’s tail.”

“He lost that fight.” Sweetie Belle said. “So-“

“And now, he’s got four legs!” she continued as if Sweetie Belle hadn’t spoken. “And we’re in trouble now. Lots of trouble.” She pointed a hoof at the Megapony.

“If that Fusion guy is driving the Megapony all by himself, then we’re in big trouble. So Ivan’s not dead. He wouldn’t die when we’re in trouble.”

“He cares that much?” Jerryrig whispered, looking like he was moved to tears.

“Well not about you." Jerryrig visibly deflated. "But the rest of us, sure.” Silver continued. “So while Ivan’s off doing Ivan things, what’s our plan?”

“Yeah, Applebloom just said we needed to get this guy.” Sweetie said. “Was your plan the Megapony? Because that’s kind of not happening.”

“Scootaloo said we needed to tell everypony and evacuate the town! So I remembered when I met this guy and heard he’s got a bus that’s huge!”

“How big?”

“Well," the tinker said, "Pinkie asked me to make a ‘party mobile’, big enough for everypony in town, so-“

“Big enough! Let’s go get it!” Scootaloo shouted, speeding up.

--

“…ya weren’t kiddin’.” Applebloom said, looking at what would henceforth be called the Superbus.

“Well, let’s get in there! We’ve got a town to save!” Said Sweetie.

“…Ah, I forgot to mention…” Jerryrig said. “It isn’t exactly ready to go.”

“…what.” Tiara said, narrowing her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell us sooner?!”

“Well to be honest, I was afraid if I did, you would turn back to Ponyville and put me in direct line of fire with the giant robot riding god of destruction.”

“…Well what’s wrong with it?” Silver asked, looking the bus over. “I don’t know much about this stuff, but it looks fine to me.”

“I had to take several parts of the engine in order to finish the consoles and the energy transfer machine for the Megapony.”

“…wouldn’t engine parts not work on either of those things?”

“Hey, who’s the supergenius here?”

“Fine, whatever, you’ve got all sorts of things lying around upstairs.” Scootaloo said. “You’ve got the parts to fix this, right?”

“Well yes, but the engine is rather large and I’m somewhat injured at the moment so I would move slowly and it would hurt an-“

“Fine whatever. I’ll do it.” The pegasus said.

“…you will?”

“I’ve got wings, so I can reach even the far back. And I’m getting good at flying, so I’m probably faster then any of you at this job.”

“…It could work… come here, I’ve got the blueprints handy. I’ll need you girls to find parts that look like these… Oh, and Dinky, if you could be a dear and get my toolchest…”

--

“Spiiiiiiiiiiike?!” Twilight called for the umpteenth time.

She was quite sure she had checked the entire town for the little dragon, but he seemed to be nowhere a-

…She then realised that she had yet to check the boutique.

Stupid stupid stupid-

“Oh no! It’s Godzebra!” Twilight whipped around as loud screaming started to see the looming shape of a giant robotic pony slowly advancing on the town. The entire sky was covered with dark stormclouds, rumbling with thunder.

Cold Fusion was on it’s head. Oh Celestia they were doomed.

“…why do things keep getting worse?!”

“Attention Ponyville!” Twilight whipped around again to see a stupidly huge pink bus parked at the other side of town. Upon closer inspection, it had no roof.

She recognized Diamond Tiara sticking out of the top with a megaphone in hoof.

“Come with me if you want to live!”

It was a compelling argument, and soon all of Ponyville was flocking toward the bus.

--

“Are they all on?” Scootaloo asked from the driver’s seat.

“Nopony else is getting on, or yelling for others to hurry up... So yeah, floor it!” Silver replied. Scootaloo happily complied, jamming her little hoof down on a block of wood strapped to the gas pedal.

--

From the Megapony’s head, he could see the vehicle start driving off. He was quite sure it was large enough to accommodate the entire town.

From the way those ponies made for it, he was quite sure they were all on that bus.

He had planned to slowly march on the town and stand over it, demanding their obedience. However, disabling the vehicle before the demand would be better. Destroying their hopes for escape beforehand.

He smiled as the robot’s horn began to charge.

--

Scootaloo could see the horn start to glow in the rear view mirror, and swerved to avoid what she knew was coming.

And as she narrowly avoided the deadly lightning, she couldn’t help but love this bus.

She remembered working on the engine like it was still happening, remembered seeing how the parts fit together, having their purposes explained, feeling the tools in her hoof that she thought were more Applebloom’s thing…

And now that she was behind the wheel of this beast, it was quite possibly the greatest feeling ever knowing that she was responsible for making it run.

It felt like something that she was born to do.

Her flank sparked briefly, but went unnoticed.

--

Ivan finally got to Ponyville, having had to remain under cover, and noticed the Megapony had arrived first.

He also noticed it was chasing a giant pink topless bus.

“…Pinkie?” He wondered.

“What can I do ya for?”

“Gah!” He yelped, jumping clear into a tree.

“…Huh. I thought only I could do that.”

Ivan took a moment to catch his breath, let go of the branch he was wrapped around, and approached the pastry chef.

“Here. Why?”

“Oh, because I had a batch of cupcakes still in the oven when the robot attacked!”

He could think of no way to respond to that.

“Want one?” She asked, holding up a pink frosted cupcake.

Ivan took it, muttered his thanks, and munched it idly as he considered the Megapony and what to do about it.

Honestly he was wondering why the villain didn’t just blast the bus with his own power and be done with it.

…so he probably wanted them alive. Probably wanted to do something overdramatic, threaten them and demand followers. Probably treating the Megapony like his roaming throne or something.

It was a testament to legendary magical strength that he was moving it on his power alone.

…come to think of it, he probably wouldn’t harm the Megapony in that case. So if Ivan were to challenge him again on top of it, he’d use magic that Ivan would have a chance of surviving. Or else he’d risk damaging the machine.

Ivan could really try and take out one of the Megapony’s legs, but that probably wouldn’t accomplish anything. He’d just blast Ivan and then blast the bus once he didn’t have his giant robot anymore.

…so he had to get on top of the pony somehow, and keep him busy until help arrived. The back was huge and open, plenty of space to dodge and manoeuvre.

And Ivan didn’t have to worry about pulling punches.

…he’d hate himself for this later. The irony alone…

“Pinkie.”

“Yeppers?”

“Get cannon.”

--

“Well they’re panicking.” Diamond said as Ponyville screamed in terror.

“Can’t ya do somethin’?” Applebloom asked.

“Oh, right, I’ll just turn on my magic megaphone and order them not to panic.”

“…Yeah, yer right.”

“I’ve got a plan.” Sweetie Belle said.

“Oh this should be good.” Tiara said.

“Look, Pinkie’s got a bunch of stuff stashed in the back, right?”

“Yeah, this place is fully decked out for a party.” Silver said. “If Jerryrig didn’t take apart the engine like that, she probably would’ve driven it through town earlier.”

“Applebloom.” Sweetie said.

“Yeah?”

“I need a stage. The biggest and most awesome one you can build.”

“…Alright. Ah’ll trust ya on this. Diamond, Silver, Dinky, let’s go.”

“Who made you-“

“It’s yer turn to listen to me.” Applebloom said. “She’s askin’ us to build somethin’ and you don’t know hay about buildin’.”

“…fine. Let’s just get this over with.”

Oddly enough, the screaming crowd didn’t notice the fillies wading through them and grabbing supplies from the back.

They also didn’t notice the rapid construction that was taking place near the front.

Applebloom worked as fast as she could, directing her temporary helpers as Sweetie went into the back to do something they still could only guess at.

As she hammered nails though, she couldn’t help but have a bit of fun at it. Even if death was shooting magical planet charged lightning at them several yards behind them, she was asked to get creative and build the best stage ever.

She remembered a book she had checked out of Twilight’s library behind her sister’s back (she made Spike swear not to tell) about the kind of stage she had always wanted to build for a show. Strangely, Pinkie Pie had stashed everything she needed in the bus’ considerable storage space.

She watched her creation come together and felt something welling up inside her as she anticipated it coming to glorious use.

It felt like something she was born to do.

Her flank sparked briefly, but went unnoticed.

--

“Are you sure about this Ivan?”

“Yes.”

“Because I remember what put you in the hospital in the first place, and I think you’d have a thing about cannons by now.”

“Do it.”

“I’m sure if we sit down and have a few more cupcakes we coul- oh!” Ivan had shot a plume of fire out of his horn and lit the fuse himself, tired of waiting. They needed to act now.

So Pinkie tried to aim properly while she had the chance, and Ivan put a shield around his head to protect his ears.

And then he was flying.

By sheer coincidence, lighting had fired from the horn at the same time the cannon fired, so Ivan’s flight went unnoticed.

And he was spot on. Ivan smirked as he charged his horn.

--

All Cold Fusion knew at the point between one moment and another was that he was suddenly flattened by incredible force from above him.

He turned his head to notice a large, flat, green magic shield pressing him into the metal of the Megapony’s head.

And standing on top of it was Ivan.

“Ah, you.” A shockwave blew Ivan backwards, and he hit the floor and rolled onto his hooves.

“Interrupting?”

“You were, in fact.” He said, staring the green pony down. “Is that any way to treat your new king?”

“Proper. Foal killer.” Ivan said, voice practically dripping acid as his horn started bleeding magic in anticipation.

“By Celes-… well, by Me, you’ve barely been here two months. How could you possibly be that attached? She isn’t even yours.”

“Wouldn’t understand.”

“Ah, I’ve seen this before.” Fusion said, “Of course I imagine anypony who’s been in a movie theater has as well. Are you about to spout cliches like some poorly written action hero?” he droned, turning his back to watch the bus below dodge his lightning strikes.

“Hypocrite.” Ivan chuckled. “World domination.”

“Of course!” He shouted, turning back. “If only Celestia had put her power to use, we could have the entire world in our hooves! Instead she sits on her throne, content. I will show her what she could’ve achieved! What she was too weak to become!”

“Cliché.” Ivan stated.

“You dare?”

“I’m happy for the first time in ten years.” Ivan answered, pawing at the Megapony’s back, shield and halberd flashing into existence at his sides. “I dare.”

“Is it worth dying for?”

“It’s worth living for.” The halberd leveled itself at the scientist. The challenge was made.

“…Fine. I’ll play your game.” A black sword appeared as the pony charged. “Earn your happy ending if you think you can!”

--

“I say, Rarity! What a coincidence!” Fancy Pants said, as he pushed through the crowd to the other unicorn. “Do you have any idea where that stage came from?”

Rarity turned to see something she’d expect to see at some form of rock concert. She also didn’t have any idea how it had come to be. The bus had grown quiet for the most part, most of the populace trying to figure out what it was for.

“I’m afraid I’m as in the dark as you are. What are you doing here, by the way? If you don’t mind my asking?”

“Well, I had come to visit my niece Diamond Tiara, actually. Do you know of her?”

“Oh my, yes. Her and my sister have been spending a lot of time together lately!”

“Ah, your sister, I believe you mentioned her at some point.” He said. “…is that her there?” Fancy pointed.

Sure enough, Rarity saw Sweetie Belle carrying an electric guitar onto the stage. It was probably hooked up to the large speakers on either side.

“Do you think she means to put on a show? Whatever she’ll do would be a welcome distraction from our impending death and all that.”

“I think she does!” Rarity said delightedly as she saw Sweetie start tuning the guitar.

The filly tapped the microphone, checking if it was on.

“Um… hello? Ponyville?” She said timidly, awkwardly balancing the guitar in her hooves. “My name is Sweetie Belle…”

“Ooh! Ooh! Sweetie!” Rarity called. “Play Twinkle Twinkle Li-“

“And I’m here to kick you in the bucking face!” She ripped her hoof through the strings, and raised it to the sky as the note echoed through everypony there.

Lighting hit the ground just in front of the bus, lighting up the sky behind her as flaming jets ignited on the front of the stage.

Fancy Pants’ monocle popped off of his eye.

Then Sweetie started shredding like Tophat Slasher had found his way onto the bus.

Needless to say, very few ponies didn’t forget about the giant metal pony stomping after them. There was much more interesting metal happening on the stage before their eyes.

--

Ivan discovered two things that were very important as he fought with the monster on the pony with him.

First was that no matter how many times he cut or smashed him, nothing happened. He was as invincible as ever.

Second was that he was cutting and smashing him a lot because Fusion sucked at fighting.

“Grah! Impudence!” Ivan shut him up with a shield bash.

Oh he was quite sure if he wasn’t fast enough, that sword would cut him in two. But he was also pretty sure he’d be alright as long as he was careful.

All he had to do was keep him busy and maybe he’d even get out of this alive!

“…what is that racket?!” Fusion wondered, chancing a glance down at the bus.

“…They’re having a rock concert?!” He shouted in disbelief. Ivan looked too. And if he didn’t know any better…

Oh by Celestia, that was Sweetie Belle down there. And if he squinted, he could see orange and purple at the wheel. Scootaloo?

He was so unbelievably proud right now.

“Do they not notice their new king riding towards them on a giant robot?!”

“No big deal.” Ivan said, smirking.

“I'll destroy you!” Ivan dodged the blast and launched one of his own.

He had no idea why there was a rock concert happening down there, but it was agitating the scientist, so he was all for it.

The battle continued.

--

Sweetie marveled at how effective those secret lessons she took were turning out to be.

Her teacher had said she was good, but these ponies were about to start a riot!

Granted, that had been what she was trying to avoid when she climbed up here, but this would be a good kind of riot.

At some point, other instruments were found, and Rainbow Dash was playing second guitar, letting her keep the lead.

That one griffin from that one time was playing drums. And a few other ponies she didn’t know where filling other roles. One white unicorn with a pair of huge shades was working a turn table… and was that Fluttershy playing organ?

Either way, the music was coming together into something incredible. And she was making these ponies, her neighbors and friends, forget their troubles. Giving them something to enjoy in… well considering the history of Ponyville, this wasn’t their darkest hour really, but it was up there.

She felt their energy, their appreciation, and their joy, and it energized her. Gave her the will to keep playing and inspiring these wonderful feelings. Pride welled up in her chest and she almost cried happy tears.

It felt like something she was born to do.

The crowd cheered as her flank sparked, but she didn’t notice. Her eyes were closed and she was in the middle of a guitar solo.

--

Twilight thought the concert was amazing, really she did, but she had more important things to take care of. Like finding her number one assistant.

She spied Rarity fainted on her fainting couch, and figured if she was here, the dragon was closeby.

…Ah, there he was.

“Woooo! Go Sweetie Bel-ak”

“Spike.” Twilight growled, hooves on his shoulders. “Take a letter.”

--

Princess Celestia was enjoying her afternoon tea when a scroll popped into being and fell lightly on her table.

She smiled, very much looking forward to whatever adventures one of her favourite ponies had experienced. They were the highlight of her day, really.

She unfurled the letter, noting that Spike’s handwriting was even more untidy then usual.

Dear Princess Celestia;

Today I learned that Cold Fusion’s life long aspiration was to seize the throne from you after murdering you in cold blood, and use the principality to take over the world.

He’s used our experiments on ley lines as a front, and has essentially plugged himself into one in order to receive unending power from the planet.

The entirety of Ponyville is loaded onto the largest bus I have ever even heard of, and is tearing across the countryside in no perceivable pattern in order to escape him while he rides atop a gigantic robot pony shooting lightning from it’s horn which we are narrowly dodging.

Pinkie Pie is also here and has informed me she’s shot one of the townsponies out of a cannon onto the giant robot, and he and Fusion are now engaged in mortal combat.

Rarity’s little sister has organised a rock concert in order to distract the general populace from the impending painful death, but it’s only a matter of time before they remember we’re all about to die.

Please send help,

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

P.S. This is Spike and she’s totally not lying about this I’m serious this is crazy oh please help

Celestia paused, read the letter over again, and looked out her window.

She could indeed barely make out a gigantic robot pony chasing down what could’ve been a pink bus and shooting lightning at it. Swirling dark clouds above them as well.

…she took but a moment to make sure that the world hadn’t gone crazy.

Then she stood, spread her great wings, and took off through the window.

--

“You know, I gotta hoof it to you, this is pretty awesome.” Salad said from the passenger seat of the bus. “Who taught you how to drive?”

“Ponyville Arcade!” Scootaloo answered, shifting gears and making a hard right turn.

“Huh. Neat.”

“Hey Ivan’s sister!” Said Pinkie Pie, who was leaning into the cockpit.

“Hey… you.” Salad answered. “What do you want?”

“I just thought you’d like to know that Ivan’s on top of the Megapony fighting that godhax meanie pants to the death!”

“…what?!” She yelled, tearing out of the seat and climbing on top of the bus.

“Hah! Told you he was alive!” Tiara said, but Salad didn’t care. She strained her eyes, looking up at the metal pony, and seeing green flashes.

Scootaloo was turning, so she was soon treated to a side view.

Sure enough, there was Ivan. Fighting a being with currently unlimited power.

“…Why are you so bucking stupid?!” She yelled as loud as she could. It was unlikely she was heard though.

Moon, it was unlikely anypony in front of the stage heard her.

Well that was fine. If Ivan couldn’t hear her, she’d just have to get closer.

She went to her saddlebags, slipped on her wingblade, got to the back of the bus, and proceeded to make the biggest jump of her life.

She landed on the Megapony’s knee. She jumped again.

And again, and again, and again…

--

“I’m growing tired of this. How difficult should it be to strike down a single pony?”

“Simple for me.” Ivan countered, bringing his halberd to block the sword.

“I’ll enjoy what happens when you get tired. First I’ll-“

“Death from above!” For the third time that day, a growing trend he noticed, Fusion was struck violently from the air. A pink blur hit him in the back and rode him a good half way down the Megapony.

Ivan was stuck wondering where in the moon his sister came from as she brought the wingblade down on his neck.

“…wait, shouldn’t there be blood or somethin- whoa!” The shockwave blew her off his body. Thankfully, she was a pegasus, and twisting like a ragdoll in mid air was something she could work with.

She touched the ground and barely managed to get her wingblade between some freaky black sword and her chest.

“Really now, is it too much to ask that I-“ What looked like a green whip of sorts lashed through the air and wrapped around Fusion’s neck. It appeared to be attached directly to Ivan’s horn.

“Raaaagh!” Ivan grunted his effort as he tossed the scientist over his head and hammered him into the Megapony’s back.

His head remained stuck in the hole it had punched in the metal.

“Salad, wha-“

“Bro, I cut him. Normally I don’t cut ponies, but whenever I cut something, it gets cut. I cut that son of a horse as hard as I could. Why didn’t it work?”

“Invincible.”

“…You’re bucking with me.”

“No.”

“So what, you’ve just been knocking him around up here?”

“Twenty-three-" Ivan glanced over to the struggling Fusion. "...Twenty-four kills."

“Even though he can’t actually be hurt?”

“Yes.” Ivan answered, turning back to the struggling Fusion. “Status?”

“The crusaders loaded Ponyville on that bus down there and are keeping the entire population safe. Also the other three got their cutie marks in the whole mess but haven’t even noticed.”

“Oh?”

“Scootaloo got it driving like a crazy thing, Applebloom got hers building the most metal stage ever, and Sweetie Belle got hers in the middle of a guitar solo that I’m pretty sure set her hooves on fire.”

“…what.”

“Considering the present situation,” Salad clopped a hoof against the Megapony as a reminder, “That’s four fillies that top your story that I’m pretty sure should never have been topped.”

“…huh.”

“Don’t be sad. Fighting a lamia’s pretty cool. It’s a cool story, bro.”

“…meh.”

“When I get out of here I’m going to murder you both!” Fusion yelled. Apparently his muscle mass hadn’t changed by getting charged by the planet.

“Go.” Ivan said, taking the minute to catch his breath. “Dangerous.”

“Like I’d miss this party. I wasn’t kidding when I said Dad taught me a few tricks. I’m no commando, but I’m warder trained.”

“Keep up?”

“Oh you’ll eat those words. I can float like a butterfly and sting like a knife to the face. He would know if he wasn’t cheating!” She yelled loud enough for him to hear.

“Watch my back.”

“Only if you watch mine.”

“Wait!” Shouted Twilight Sparkle as Rainbow flew her to the top.

“Hey, Twilight? Could you hurry this up? I left Vinyl playing my part.” Rainbow asked, “And, yeah, she’s awesome, but I wanna see those lessons I gave Rarity’s sister pay off.”

“You gave her those lessons?”

“You bet I did! Did you see the way she fainted? Priceless. The whole reason I did it.”

“…whatever.” Twilight muttered, jumping off the pegasus and trotting toward Fusion. Her horn started to glow.

“…So, cool wingblade.” Rainbow tried.

“Thanks.”

“…I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Rainbow Dash. I also go by ‘Painb-‘“

“Alright, I’m done.” Twilight said. “I cut him off from the ley line. Once the power he’s got left runs out, he’ll be back to normal. And with the way he’s maintaining that protective aura and driving the Megapony, it won’t take long.”

“…so I could kick him in the face and he’d feel it?” Salad asked as if she was just told she was getting everything she wanted for Hearths Warming.

“Yup.”

“While I’m really really happy you waited for me to get up here before doing that, why didn’t you do it sooner?”

“This was really the only point he’d sit still and not blast me long enough.” Twilight answered. “Ivan, can you take it from here?”

“Sure.” He said.

“Wonderful. I’m not very good in a fight, pretty sure. I’m still winded from the run to Ponyville, really.”

“I’d love to stay, but I’ve got a concert to play.” Rainbow said. “Sure this is great, but down there seems like more fun. I’ll play one for you.”

“Neat.” Salad said as the two flew off the robot.

At that time, Fusion finally pulled his head free.

“I will destroy you on the molecular level!”

“I don’t think you can.” Salad said. “I mean, if you were that powerful, you would’ve freed yourself with magic.”

It was clear that hadn’t even occurred to him. What with the way his mouth gaped, and his eye twitched.

Then his disbelief showed further when he noticed there was an actual drain on his magic.

“…what did you do?”

“Fair game.” Ivan said, cracking his neck. Salad laughed.

“Oh it’s a game now alright. Can you destroy us on the molecular level before time runs out?”

He honestly couldn’t. He couldn’t spare the power for such a thing. The Megapony stopped moving, legs locked in place so it wouldn’t tip over, so all that he had to worry about was the aura.

He was suddenly brutally aware of how many times he would’ve died on this little excursion without it.

Salad moved first, faster then Ivan thought was possible for her, and had the aura not been present, Fusion would’ve become intimately acquainted with spiked shoes.

For Salad though, the strike still made the most satisfying crack she had heard since Jerryrig.

And as he staggered backwards, Ivan was already leaping over his sister, halberd raised…

--

“What do you mean it’s out of gas?!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault.” Scootaloo said, hooves raised. “Are you even surprised this thing guzzles gas like Ponyville guzzles cider? Look at it.”

“…Fine, whatever.” Tiara said. “The Megapony stopped chasing us, so we’re fine I guess. What now?”

“Ah guess we wait for Ivan to finish up over there.” Applebloom said. “…hey, wait, what’s that on yer flank?” She said, pointing at Scootaloo.

When Scootaloo looked, she saw a motorcycle with flaming wheels. She rubbed it to see if it was some trick of her mind, but it was still there.

Oh Celestia she got her cutie mark. Party forever.

“Hey, you too!” She cheered, pointing back. Applebloom had a treehouse nestled in the branches of an apple tree. The farm filly pinched herself. She wasn’t dreaming this time.

“Hey, what about Sweetie?” She was still shredding on the stage, but against the white of her coat, it was easy to make out the heart shaped guitar crossed with a microphone.

“…Well this is officially the best day ever.” Applebloom said. “Ah don’t even feel bad about Dinky anymore.”

“Where is she anyway?” Scootaloo asked. Tiara sighed.

“She did a stage dive with Silver. They’re getting carried around by the crowd.”

“Really?!” The orange pegasus was gone quick as a flash.

“Huh, awesome.” Tiara said as Scootaloo ran off to join them.

“…you know.” Tiara added, “I figured you’d be more excited about this. Screaming Cutie Mark Whatevers something something yaaay or… well yeah.”

“Ah, um… Diamond?”

“What?”

“Yer a jerk.”

“…What?” Tiara said, eyes narrowed, ready to tear into her with the most scathing verbal assault she could manage, but Applebloom wasn’t done.

“Ya were a cold hearted, whiny, spoiled jerk.” Applebloom said, looking her in the eye. But the farm filly wasn’t angry at all. “Ah… Ah hated you. Ya didn’t have a good reason to treat me or mah friends that way. Ah thought you were trash.”

“You thought I was-?”

“Yeah, Ah did. Then ya started hangin’ around Ivan, and stuff happened… I saw ya be nice. To Silver, and Ivan, and Dinky-“

“Who can be mean to Dinky?”

“Ah know, right? But… ya were sorta nice to us too.” She continued, looking at the ground and twisting a hoof in the dirt. “Ya were there when we needed to prank Salad, ya helped when we had a giant robot… and we just saved Ponyville for the sun’s sake. And it was fun and… and we got our cutie marks.”

“…and?”

“Well, even if ya had a stupid reason fer not likin’ us, ya don’t got it no more. And I don’t mind ya as much lately.” Applebloom looked up, almost shyly. If Tiara didn’t know any better, she’d say Applebloom was scared.

“Can we be friends now?”

“…Well.” Tiara began, looking at the flashes of light atop the standing Megapony. “We did just save Ponyville.”

“…yeah?”

“So we’re probably gonna be in the paper and stuff. Front page. It’d look bad if we were fighting when the picture was taken.”

“It would.”

“And you did get your cutie marks. So you’re one step closer to being actual ponies.”

“Hey, listen you-“

“So yeah.” Tiara said, turning back and looking totally uninterested in the conversation. “I guess we could be friends.”

“Really?”

“You better keep being cool though.” Tiara threatened. “My friends need to keep up appearances. If you’re not good enough…”

“…Ah’ll be good enough. We’ll be good enough.” Applebloom said with a small smile. She extended a hoof. “But ya have to be good enough too. No more pickin’ on us.”

“If you’re stupid, I’ll call you stupid.” Tiara responded, taking the hoof and shaking it. “If you’re good enough, you won’t be stupid. End of story.”

“Permanent truce on account of being the greatest team ever assembled since The Wonderbolts?”

“Whatever.” A smile of her own wrestled free of her control, but for her credit, Applebloom pretended not to notice.

“Um, excuse me?” Their hooves parted as if they burned, and they made themselves presentable for their approaching teacher.

“Yes Miss Cheerilee?”

“Have either of you seen Ivan? I haven’t been able to find him on the bus.”

“Oh, he’s up there fighting the invincible demigod who was driving the Megapony.”

Cheerilee’s eyes widened. And she turned to the robot, noting the black swirling clouds and the explosions and flashes of powerful magic…

“…Oh sun…”

“Is Ivan back yet?” Dinky asked trotting over. Ditzy followed behind, looking worriedly at the distant battle.

Before anypony could answer her, an explosion of a size they hadn’t seen since the ogre attacked erupted from the battle, and a glowing green something flew out of it.

And it was headed their way.

“Move!” Cheerilee shouted, clearing the area as the green comet flew closer.

…if she strained her ears, over the scream of whatever magic propelled them, she could hear…

Was that Salad’s voice?

“…ooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh-!” The crash deafened everypony close by, and whatever it was dug a huge trench in the earth as they ground to a halt.

The magic faded to reveal Ivan, ridden by a jubilant Salad.

“Bucking A!” She whooped, whacking Ivan on the back of his neck with a hoof. “Come on, let’s get him back up there and do it again!”

“I’ll… erase you…” They heard from below. Ivan climbed out of the trench to reveal that they had apparently used Cold Fusion as a makeshift surfboard.

Moreover, his aura was gone and his eyes were no longer black.

Ivan whipped a green vine of some sort into the trench, and threw the other unicorn out onto the open ground as un-gently as he could manage.

The clouds thinned and dissipated, letting the sun shine through.

“So… we beat the hay out of him.” Salad said. “What do we do with him now?”

“I believe I can take it from here.” Spoke a voice Ivan didn’t recognise. He turned to see oh Celestia. Literally.

“…oh my bucking buck you’re Princess Celestia.” Salad said.

“I don’t believe I’ve ever been greeted that way before.” Their ruler mused. “I do hope nopony makes a habit of it.”

“…uh… right, yeah…” the pegasus said, visibly backing off. Ivan raised an eyebrow, but supposed if she was going to act this way for anypony, she couldn’t have picked a better presence to respect.

“…Twilight?”

“Yes Princess?” answered the unicorn as she approached.

“As a member of my court, I would ask you to stand witness.”

“Of course…?”

“…Cold Fusion.” Celestia said, “You now stand trial for your crimes. Twilight, if you would list them?”

“Now?” Twilight asked, glancing nervously at the nearby rock concert still going on. By the position of the bus though, they were all out of view. “Here?”

“If you please.”

“…Three counts of attempted murder, towards ponies Ivan Hooves, Scootaloo, and myself. Attempted subjugation and slaughter of the town of Ponyville. High treason, conspiracy to usurp the throne and murder Princess Celestia as well as any forces who stood to resist. Crimes against nature, seizing the elder magicks of the earth and threatening us with it’s unbalance.”

“Cold Fusion, how do you plead?” Celestia asked.

“Guilty.” The scientist answered, pushing himself up onto his hooves. “I will not regret my actions. We were meant to war, not mewl and prostate ourselves against those who would insult us.”

“By my authority as Equestria’s ruler, I do find you guilty for the aforementioned crimes. You are sentenced to a thousand years banishment among the stars.” Fusion’s earlier bravado vanished.

“You… you can’t! Such a punishment is inpony!”

“Your crimes are not without prescient.” Celestia spoke, solemn as a judge even as her horn began to glow. “The punishment for such transgressions is the same as it always was.”

Before Fusion could attempt to run, he was shackled to the earth as a circle of light drew itself around him.

“Once your sentence has passed, we will speak again. We will see if your time to reflect has taught you anything.”

“No! Nooooooooooo-!” A pillar of white light lanced from the ground and seemed to extend into the sky without end.

And when the light faded, Cold Fusion was nowhere to be seen.

Nopony could speak as they were still coming to grips with what they had just witnessed.

“Twilight.” Celestia said, breaking the silence. “Are you well?”

“Y-yes.” She said. “We were lucky. He didn’t manage to do any damage with the power he took…”

“The other two you mentioned are unharmed as well?”

“Ivan is this pony here.” Twilight said, gesturing to the stallion.” And Scootaloo is fine besides some bruising around her neck…” Twilight trailed off as she recalled a foal had nearly been killed in front of her. She inhaled, deeply, thanking whatever force existed that he had failed.

“…Any damages to the surrounding area?”

“A few buildings were crushed by, um… that.” Twilight said, pointing at the Megapony.

“I imagine there’s a story behind that one.” Celestia said, as much to herself as the surrounding ponies. “Nothing else?”

“Nothing.”

“…It appears you didn’t need my help after all.” The princess said. “If any ask, the criminal has been apprehended, and is now serving his sentence. I will expect a full report on the events of today at your earliest convenience.”

“Of course Princess.”

“…I believe that concludes our business.” The alicorn said as she turned to the bus. “…now, what is happening over there?”

“…would you like to see?” Twilight asked.

“I believe I would.” Celestia answered, smiling as Twilight led her towards the concert.

“…Did we just see Princess Celestia descend from the heavens and banish that pony we beat up to space?” Salad asked.

“…yes.” Ivan answered.

“…this place is crazy.” Salad concluded, shaking her head and going back to the bus. “Forget it, I’m done. When I left, Sweetie Belle and that rainbow pegasus were in the middle of a rock off, and I want to hear how that ended.”

“Ivan?” he heard, and he turned to see Cheerilee looking him over.

“…you don’t look hurt.”

“M’not.”

“So, little filly snaps your leg. Twilight knocks you out cold by accident. Memry throws you through rocks and causes heavy bruising. Blasting an ogre puts you in the hospital for a couple days.” The teacher raised an eyebrow. “But an invincible demigod… nothing?”

“Nope.”

“…something’s wrong with this picture.” She said, dusting off his coat as she looked him over again to make sure. “You’re not this lucky.” Ivan shrugged.

“Complaining?” Cheerilee sighed.

“Oh my Celestia I’m so glad you’re still alive.” She whispered, putting a hoof around his neck and pulling his head down.

And as the assembled ponies watched Cheerilee kiss the daylight out of Ivan, Dinky asked her mother:

“Does this mean I can’t marry him?”

--

The party had passed without incident, though part way through it had become a ‘Ponyville was saved/the crusaders have their cutie marks and will leave us alone finally’ party.

Princess Celestia attended, and it was immediately one of the greatest parties ever. She was even nice enough to drive the bus back to town on her magic alone while the party continued.

Nopony asked about the large and loud pillar of light, since everything that had happened up until that point made it sort of uninteresting by comparison.

Ivan opened his eyes as morning light filtered through the curtains in Cheerilee’s room.

The previous day’s events had been tiring for them both, and she decided she was turning in early. She didn’t let Ivan walk back to his tree though.

Though nothing really happened to speak of. Ivan wasn’t in much of a mood considering all the work he had done up to that point left him running on fumes. And Cheerilee wasn’t in much of a mood either as she was still somewhat in shock that Ivan had essentially dirty-danced with death and came moonwalking out of it like it didn’t even happen.

So they ended up slipping between the covers, Ivan slipped a foreleg around her from behind, and they hadn’t moved since.

Ivan drew the curtains closed with his horn, thinking once again that he had been born under the best tribe ever, and drew the slumbering Cheerilee a little closer. Sure he had work about now, but yesterday sucked and by the sun and moon he had earned this. They’d forgive him for sure, especially when they noticed the paper mentioned him on the front page.

So he inhaled mare and grapes, settled back into the pillow, and resumed the best sleep he’d had since he was a foal.

He wasn’t getting out of bed until the morning was over.

Paved With Good Intentions

Chapter One: Paved With Good Intentions
or
Several Things That Will Be Referenced In The Last Chapter

“So we’ve tried stand-up comedy, gem cuttin’, clockwork, a pizzeria, bein’ vets-“

“Hey, did Fluttershy forgive us for that yet?”

“Fluttershy forgives everypony. But we should stay away from her cottage for another week just to be safe.”

“There were so many noodles…”

“…so what haven’t we tried?” Scootaloo asked from the hammock that Applebloom had recently installed. Her efforts were quickly making the clubhouse a home away from home.

“House buildin’?”

“Too much work.” The pegasus said, putting her hooves behind her head. The position was much more comfortable the one would think, considering they were hooves and not something soft.

“Formin' a band?”

“Remember the talent show? That was kind of the same thing.” Said Sweetie.

“Mechanics?”

“Clockwork. Same thing. Well sort of…”

“…surgeons?” Applebloom tried, glancing up from the list rolled out over the desk.

“Eww, no! I don’t wanna be inside you!”

“Calm down Sweetie Belle, it’ll just be your hooves, and you could wear gloves.” Scootaloo said, sitting up at the sound of something potentially cool.

“We’re not destined to be surgeons.”

“Ugh, fine… crime fighters?”

“What crime?” Applebloom deadpanned. “Ponyville’s as tame as an earthworm. That and Ah’m pretty sure ponies wouldn’t wanna try a life o’ crime in Princess Celestia’s backyard.”

“We are kind of her backyard, aren’t we?” Sweetie Belle mused, moving to the window to look at the distant shining castle. “…hey, who’s that?”

When Sweetie Belle pointed to somewhere outside the clubhouse, Scootaloo and Applebloom moved to join her. Her hoof was aimed at an unfamiliar pony who appeared to be napping under a tree.

“Never seen her before.”

“…or is it a him?”

“Hard to tell with that hat and coat on…” The stranger was clad in a black hat with the brim pulled down over the eyes, and a long black coat that covered the back and flanks. What little else they could see of the pony suggested a deep green body, and a dirty yellow mane.

“…think it’s a bad guy?”

“Could be… Looks like a hitpony.”

“What’s that?” Applebloom asked, turning back to Scootaloo.

“Well, when you need a dirty job done, you call a hitpony.”

“Like farmwork?”

“Different kind of dirty. Like, evil dirty.”

“And that pony looks like one of those?” Sweetie Belle asked, turning back to the stranger with wide eyes.

“Yeah. We should investigate. Might be here for somepony in town. Or maybe in the castle.”

“Princess Celestia?!”

“…that pony must be stopped.”

“Awesome! We’ll be the Cutie Mark Crusader Justice Brigade!”

“…wait, we should be secret about this.”

“Why?”

“Because if Applejack found out we were tryin’ to save the princess, she’d make us stop.”

“Cutie Mark Crusader Secret Service?” Sweetie Belle suggested.

“…yeah.”

“Awesome.”

--

Up close, they could at least see that they were dealing with a stallion. Resting next to him was a large set of saddlebags, black like the rest of his ensemble.

“…that’s wierd…” Applebloom noted, looking the bags over.

“What? They’re just bags.” Scootaloo said, turning her attention to the ordinary leather.

“Don’t ponies have their cutie mark on their bags though?”

“…now that you mention it…”

The bags were completely unmarked, save for a few scuffs and a bit of dirt here and there. Well traveled, but no evidence of a cutie mark.

“…think he stole ‘em?”

“But wouldn’t they have a cutie mark on them then? Just somepony else’s?” Sweetie Belle asked, looking them over.

“What if he stole them from a foal like us?” Said Scootaloo, eyes widening.

“…they’re a little big for a foal…” Applebloom noted. They looked like they could belong to Big Mac, really.

“Hey, what is his cutie mark? Couldn’t that tell us what kind of pony he is?”

“Can we check? Is it safe?”

“…well we haven’t even been whisperin’, and he’s still asleep.” He hadn’t even turned over at all. He was obviously a deep sleeper, if nothing else.

“…onetwothreenotit!”

“Not it!”

“No- aw darn it!” Scootaloo cursed, stomping a hoof into the ground.

“Now ya have to.”

“Come on! It’ll only take a second!”

“Fine fine, don’t rush me!” The pegasus hissed as she stepped closer.

Keeping as much distance as she could, she reached out a trembling hoof and started to lift the hem of the stranger’s coat. And gasped.

“…that’s impossible…”

“But… look at how old he is! He’s like, as old as my sister!”

“…maybe he’s as old as mah brother.”

“Big Mac? This guy isn’t as big as him…”

“Nopony is as big as Big Mac.”

“Point taken.”

“That still doesn’t explain why his-“

“heyshutuplook!”

“Oh come on, wha- oh my sun.”

The three fillies turned to see that the stranger was now awake, not amused, and awaiting an explanation as to why they were staring at his flank. It was hard to tell under the low brim of his hat, but it was likely one of his eyebrows was raised.

“…oh, uh…”

“Erm…”

“…cheese it!” Scootaloo shouted, turning tail and taking off as fast as her legs and little wings could carry her, the other two crusaders not far behind.

The stranger watched them go, huffed in irritation at his nap ending prematurely, and got to his hooves.

…by the sun’s position, it was probably around noon. Not a bad time to go looking for work, he supposed.

He ducked his head under his bags, and straightened to let them slide down his neck. Bags now comfortably rested on his back, he set off towards town.

--

“hey wait why did we run back here.”

“Oh moon, he knows where we live now!”

“More like he knows were we hang out sometimes.”

“Shut up Scootaloo, this is serious! He could be outside right now.”

“…or he could be leaving.” Sweetie Belle said, peering out the window to see the stranger starting towards the general direction of town.

“…it’s like he doesn’t even care that we woke him up!”

“Well, it’s not really that big a deal, is it?”

“…I guess not… he’s still pretty shifty though. Think we should warn anypony?”

“…Ah have a plan.” Applebloom said, a devious glint appearing in her eyes.

“…plan?”

“A sure-as-shootin’ way to figure out what kinda guy he is.”

--

“Heya stranger!” Shouted the pink blur as his personal space was suddenly very violated. “Never seen you before! I’m Pinkie Pie! What’s your name?”

He wondered idly if he should answer. The mare addressing him was obviously very loud trouble. Also perhaps a touch insane.

But he noticed that several of the passers-by were stopping to look. If he ignored her, it might cause a scene. And since that was best avoided…

“Ivan Hooves.” He answered, hoping to the sky that nothing would come of it.

“Weeeelllll Ivy, it’s your lucky day!” He begged to differ. “Surprise party is a goooooooo-“

The surrounding area exploded in a display of streamers and confetti as ponies started setting up tables and putting out food and drinks. Within fifteen seconds, a DJ had set up shop and loud music was filling the square.

“…what.”

“It’s for you! Welcome to Ponyville!”

“…not here long.”

“Then it’s a goodbye party!”

“Never met.”

“Then it’s both!” Pinkie continued, grin never faltering. Then it did, as her eyes widened in amazement.

“…welcome and goodbye party. Double party.”

“…um-“

“Double party!” She announced at the top of her lungs. All activity stopped (with a record scratch for good measure) as everypony pondered just what that meant.

…eventually one of the caterers shrugged and got back to serving cake, and the party resumed completely unchanged. Though it was now a double party. Somehow.

“Say, lemme introduce you to all my bestest best frie-“

“General store?”

“Over that way. So lemme introduce you t-“

“Thanks.” Ivan said, turning away from the loud ball of energy towards his original target. Or at least, he was before the oddest sensation assaulted one of his hind legs. Looking down, there appeared to be a little alligator latched on.

…Shouldn’t he be in incredible pain right now? Ah, it had no teeth. Odd.

“Oooh Gummy, good job boy! Don’t let him escape! Come on, you can’t leave yet!”

Ivan sighed as discretely as he could as Pinkie lead him away. The toothless alligator was probably the universe slapping him on the hoof for trying to take the easy way out. He decided not to find out what would bite him if he tried to get away twice.

--

“Well he’s not tryin' ta leave no more. Only an evil spy hitpony would refuse a Pinkie party.”

“He tried to though. His character is amdo… amba… that word that means uncertain.”

“Ambiguous?” Asked Sweetie Belle.

“Where’d ya learn that one?”

“My sister was talking about this one stallion who had his mane done up in a scrunchie, and-“

“So,” Scootaloo said, cutting off the story before it began. Most things that involved Rarity were boring. “He didn’t refuse the party. That’s good.”

“Yeah, who knows how evil he would’ve looked if Gummy didn’t get him.” Applebloom mused.

“Well… we don’t know what his eyes look like! They could be red and evil!” Sweetie said, pointing at the stallion’s hat.

“Red is evil? Two ponies in our class have red eyes.”

“…huh… black as the darkest void?” said the unicorn.

“That’d be pretty evil. They could be that.” Scootaloo admitted.

“We should find out… hey, do we still have that fan we borrowed?” Applebloom asked.

“Oh, I knew we forgot something!”

“Let’s get one more use out of it before we give it back…”

--

Ivan’s saddlebags had been removed, but before he could kick the trespassing pony in the face for the attempted theft, they were placed aside, nearby. His jaw tightened, but he kept quiet, instead resolving to keep an eye on them while trying to weather the storm.

Then every other pony suddenly had to weather the storm.

A fierce wind started blowing into the square.

--

“This is one heck of a fan!”

“Ah know, right?!”

“…wait, what the hay?!” Scootaloo shouted in disbelief, pointing at the offending hat the stranger wore.

While pretty much every other hat in the square was blown off their respective heads, the black target remained completely unshifted.

“…is there a spell on that hat or something?!”

“Turn it to high! We are mightier then that hat!” Applebloom replied as Sweetie flipped the switch all the way. The winds were slowly approaching hurricane force…

“Ahhh! My double party cupcakes! Dashie, do something!”

“On it!” A blue pegasus replied, shooting into the air.

Ivan watched her take off, and cast an aside glance to Pinkie Pie, who was panicking and trying to save the rest of the party food.

He stepped towards his saddlebags as slowly and unassuming as he could manage, only to find that the alligator from earlier was sitting on them and staring him in the face with those empty eyes.

“…well played.” He admitted quietly.

--

“And what do you think you three are doing?”

“Uh… playing a… prank?” Scootaloo answered, looking up at her hero.

“Yeah!” Applebloom said. “Ah mean, party starts and suddenly windstorm! Hilarious, right?”

“Well yeah…” Rainbow Dash conceded. “But Pinkie takes her parties seriously. And it’s not even for her. It’s for that new guy. She wouldn’t be happy if you ruined her first impression, would she?”

“Ah guess not…”

“Exactly.” Dash said, flicking the fan’s switch off. “Now come on, might as well join the party while you’re here, right? Free cake!” She took off back to the square, declaring how awesome it was that she stopped a windstorm in ten seconds flat.

“…so did we get the hat?”

“Nope.” Sweetie said, having been watching the square the whole time. “Didn’t even budge.”

“What the buck.”

“Applebloom! Language!” The scandalised unicorn scolded. Applebloom rolled her eyes.

“Hey, if mah sister says it, then Ah can say it! And come on, what is up with that hat?!”

“…think one of us could tug it off?” Scootaloo wondered, watching the stranger shuffle away from the way Rarity was very probably criticizing either his plain clothes, or his shaggy mane. Or, knowing her, both.

“Can you fly that high?”

“…for a little bit. I could play it off like an accident. Nopony gets in trouble for a ‘mean-spirited joke’ too!”

“Ah like it! Let’s do it!”

--

“…and that’s how I discovered the wonders of alexandrite.” Rarity finished, looking very self assured that the tale she just told was extremely impressive. She leaned forward to better hear the reply she was probably expecting, when-

“…woooooooo-“ Ivan turned his attention to the side and saw an orange pegasus flying forward at speeds he wasn’t comfortable feeling colliding with the side of his head. He was just barely able to whip his cranium out of the pony’s path, though the filly’s teeth closed around the brim of his hat.

The result was catastrophic, in his opinion.

The sheer velocity of the little pegasus now holding onto his hat for dear life threw his neck harshly to the side.

Both ponies tumbled painfully to the ground, Ivan’s hat tearing from the initial attack, and coat shredding on the rough road. His concentration broke, and the hat came free from his head, the attached pegasus flying through a nearby window with it.

Ivan tried to untangle his legs, only grunt painfully when one of his fronts wasn’t moving the way it should. And the cobwebs in his vision were increasing…

--

“Oh my goodness, somepony go get a stretcher!” Rarity yelled, “Fluttershy, go check on Scootaloo, Pinkie, clear a path for the doctors to get th- oh…”

She paused when she saw Ivan’s horn, formally hidden by his hat. While a normal horn was somewhat blunted at the tip, this one was sharp as a tack. She wondered briefly if he had it filed that way, and thought, terrified, at what might have happened by accident while he and the young filly were falling to the ground, but shook it out of her head and got back to delegating the crisis into something manageable.

Who said Twilight was the only one with leadership skills?

--

Ivan awoke in a hospital room, and took note of the cast around his elevated left front leg, and wondered how in Equestria he was going to pay for this.

He then took note that he was without his hat and coat, and had to take a deep breath to calm himself now that all his secrets were on the table.

Worst of all, with the probably broken leg, he couldn’t just move on to the next town to avoid the questions or annoying judgement. Resigned, he went over how much money he had in his saddleba-

…where were his saddlebags.

--

“Ah, Mr… Hooves?” A pony called when the door to his room opened. Ivan turned a glare on the doctor, still in an extraordinarily bad mood at his present circumstances.

“Er… you have visitors…” Ivan huffed, but nodded. The doctor opened the door a little wider and escaped as the visitors trotted into the room. Rarity, he remembered, since she was one of the last things he had seen before he blacked out. An orange mare about the same age as Rarity walked beside her, and they were followed by a trio of fillies that he also remembered waking him up earlier that day.
He then noticed his black saddlebags on the new mare’s back, and immediately levitated them towards him to check on the contents, only to stop when he noticed the condition of the bags themselves.

They had been cleaned and restored, to the point where they looked almost new. The underside of the strap had also had a slight cushion sewn in. When he flicked open the bags themselves, he discovered that not only was everything where he had left it, but they were now lined with velvet that was near the same green as he was.

Faced with the changes in his bags, he turned to the assembled ladies with a raised eyebrow.

“Er… I felt absolutely terrible for what had happened to you, so I took the liberty of sprucing up your bags, and fixing your clothes… free of charge of course…” She trailed off awkwardly and nudged the little pegasus beside her. She gingerly stepped forward with the familiar coat folded neatly on her back, hat on top. Neither looked remotely damaged.

Putting his horn to use again, he examined the floating coat and hat closely. The coat was well mended and lined with the same material now in the bags, and he wondered how comfortable it would feel. The hat was virtually unchanged, though it had been fixed and laundered as the coat was. Checking the inside, the folded photograph he had stored was still there, same as it had been before.

Aside from the fact that the incident had happened in the first place, there was certainly nothing to complain about. The bags moved themselves to the bedside table, with his refolded coat and hat resting on top.

“Thank you.” He said sincerely. What had been done were comforts he couldn’t really afford on his own. Now if only one of them could somehow mend his leg, everything would be perfect.

“Now, ain’t you glad Ah didn’t let ya attach all those gemstones to ‘em? Look how satisfied he is.” The orange mare said, elbowing Rarity playfully. The unicorn scoffed. Ivan twitched at the thought of whatever else might have almost happened to his possessions and thanked the sky for her level-headed friend.

“If you had let me have my way, we could’ve made him look like a king. I can’t imagine who would be dissatisfied with any of my work…”

“He seems like a simple sort. Like me. Gems are nice, but Ah don’t wanna wear ‘em everywhere Ah go. You don’t.”

“…well… Scootaloo! Don’t you have something to say to Mr. Hooves?” Rarity replied, smoothly switching the subject away from any potential losing an argument to the cowpony.

“…um… could I talk to him alone please?” The pegasus asked unexpectedly.

“Why would you want that?” Rarity asked, searching the child for some form of hidden agenda.

“It’s embarassing…” The filly said, making full use of her large eyes to charm the elder mares. The two exchanged glances, and in the end, the orange one shrugged.

“…well… alright. But make sure you apologise. Ah’ll hear about it if ya don’t!”

“Yeah Applejack, I know why I’m here!”

“See that ya don’t forget. C’mon Rarity, let’s see if Pinkie Pie’s stopped panickin’ yet. Not every day somepony gets horribly mangled at one of her parties.”

“Oh come now, it’s not that bad.”

“With the way she was carryin’ on, she sure don’t think so…” The other mare, now identified as Applejack, said as they left. Looking back down at the pegasus, he noticed that the other two fillies hadn’t left with the two mares. Settling back into his raised pillow, he awaited whatever the assembled girls were going to get off their chests.

He didn’t expect them all to burst into tears and leap onto him in his bed.

Through the jumble of loud apologies, he managed to separate several different explanations that all came together in the series of events that had effectively assassinated his day. And more, given the state of his leg.

One particularly forceful jostle bounced the cast out of the sling holding it up, and caused it to fall and bang hard against the metal side of the bed.

The loud ‘ding!’ and pained hiss of the stallion halted all crying as three pairs of eyes shot up to his pained expression. The crying and hugging and begging for forgiveness then resumed at twice the volume.

--

When they had finally calmed down, he had ordered them out of his bed. They now stood lined up at his bedside, awaiting his verdict.

“Again. Slower.” He directed as sternly as he could. The three exchanged looks, heads drooping a little, before the earth pony lifted hers.

“…um… Ah’m Applebloom. This is Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.” The other two nodded when their names were called. Ivan committed them to memory, having the feeling that he was going to be seeing a lot of these three during his recovery. He prayed that he survived.

“We’re really, really, really sorry for wakin’ ya up from your nap… and tellin’ Pinkie Pie that you needed a party… and for causin’ a windstorm at the party…” That raised his eyebrows, as he wondered how any of them could’ve managed anything like that. Applebloom noticed.

“Oh, we’ll explain that later. And… um…”

“I’m sorry for charging you and breaking your leg.” Scootaloo offered, eyes tearing up as she said it.

“…on purpose?” Ivan inquired, suspicious as to how the apology was worded.

“We, uh… wanted to see what was under your hat… That’s why we started the windstorm, but it didn’t come off. Were you holding it on with magic?” Ivan nodded.

“Oh, so that’s why it hung on so well when I grabbed it…” The stallion found whatever ire he had before slowly evaporating. He wondered if he had a soft spot for kids that had gone unnoticed in his travels.

“Why?” He asked, gesturing to the hat that was still resting on top of the pile. Sweetie Belle took the opportunity to chime in, perhaps because she hadn’t said anything yet.

“Well we were wondering if your eyes were evil or something since you were hiding them, and we had never seen you before so…” She trailed off, now realizing just how weak that reason was. Especially now that the three were faced with Ivan’s blue, and very not evil eyes.

“Ya were hidin’ stuff, and we kinda wanted to know what they were.” Applebloom supplied. “…it was… kinda dumb. Really sorry. Really.” The three bowed their heads again. Ivan sighed.

“Don’t do it again.”

“We won’t!” The three chorused, looking up at his face. He nodded.

“Accepted.”

“You mean our apologies? You talk kinda weird.” Ivan shrugged. Nothing much to say about that.

“…so why don’t you have a cutie mark?” Sweetie Belle asked, glancing at the flank that was hidden by bedsheet. The other two snapped their gaze there as well, reminded of the rather shocking discovery they had made.

“Never got.”

“Why not?”

“…yours?”

“Well we haven’t found our special tall-…you too?” Ivan nodded.

“…but you’re like, old and stuff! How could you not find it?!” Scootaloo asked. His eyebrow raised, but his only answer was a shrug.

“Don’t you care?!” The pegasus demanded.

“No.”

“How could you not care?!”

“No changes.” Really, it was true. Nothing would change if his cutie mark appeared. And sure enough, the earth pony and pegasus started agreeing, gazes lowering in apparently self doubt. He wondered if phrasing it that way was a mistake, since he had heard kids were obsessed wit-

“I understand.” Sweetie Belle said, eyes wide with apparent enlightenment.

A sudden sense of foreboding swept over him as her friends listened with rapt attention.

“You’re unmotivated!” The little unicorn declared, leveling an accusing hoof at the injured stallion. “You don’t respect yourself or what your cutie mark could mean! So that’s why it hasn’t appeared!” He didn’t even have the chance to ponder why Sweetie Belle’s words stung so hard before her friends were eagerly jumping on the bandwagon.

“Ooooh, that makes perfect sense!”

“So what do we do?!”

“We help him! We’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders! But that doesn’t mean we should be concerned with just our cutie marks! We should be willing to help anypony who hasn’t received theirs!”

“Hey, yeah! Hey, mister, you’re going to be in town a while, right?”

“Well of course he is! Travelin’ on that leg of his would be bad for ‘im!”

“So we have time! We will atone for our sins by granting him direction in his life! He will leave a changed and improved stallion, ready to seize the world and his life with renewed vigor!”

“Dude, Belle, have you been listening to your sister again?”

“Well it was epic, wasn’t it?”

“…point.” Scootaloo agreed. The three turned to leave, eager to start planning.

“Don’t worry mister! From this day forward, you’re a crusader too!” Applebloom declared, as they exited the room.

Ivan winced when the door slammed behind them, and quickly concluded that his life had taken a turn for the worse.

…he should’ve taken his chances with the alligator.

Living The Dream

Chapter Thirteen: Living The Dream
or
If This Doesn't Get Me The Feature Box, Nothing Will

“Hey, Bro.” Ivan stirred from his nap and saw his sister waiting patiently for him to achieve consciousness.

“Sally” he greeted after a yawn. And her face didn’t scowl or frown or even twitch. And as a result, Ivan was quite happy he was allowed to call her that.

“With me now?”

“Sure.”

“Good. Take me to the post office.” Ivan shrugged and stretched. And after getting up, tilted his head in askance. She explained.

“I’ve got a couple letters to send. One for mom and dad. And one for Dapper. He says hi, by the way.”

“…When?”

“A couple months before finding my way here. I happened to ask him about you. Pointed me this way.” She paused as they started walking.

“…he was worried.” She added.

“Mm?”

“After you left, he thought he screwed up. Wondered why you wouldn’t tell him anything. Afraid he accidentally used you. You know, all that complicated trash you see in the movies.”

“…Not teasing?” Ivan asked. Salad shrugged.

“…I didn’t like hearing that.” She said. “First pony I ever met that could tell me something about you, and…”

“What?”

“I got scared. You were kind of this…” She waved a hoof, searching for an appropriate word. “…like a ghost, kind of.”

“Mm?”

“Well, everypony I met had an impression of you. Like one of those fake photos of a ghost. Something vague. Didn’t know what you were or what you wanted. Barely knew you were there unless you wanted something.

“But, they’d look at the photo and feed me something a little different. Either you were this tortured hurt soul, or this mean jerk. A few thought you were insane. A couple more just thought you were dropped as a foal.” Salad shook her head.

“So I stopped listening to the impressions you left because they didn’t tell me anything and… well none of ‘em were good, and I didn’t want to think about that. All I knew was why you left, and that was enough. Then I met Dapper Dandy, and apparently you had a fling with that guy. Pretty surprising. Didn’t believe him. He offered me a bed for the night, and since I’ve got sharp things on me at all times I figured it was a safe enough bet. Sides, bet he couldn’t throw a kick to save his life.”

“Nope.” Ivan said.

“Thought so. So he starts talking, and… I dunno, he was sincere. Maybe it was because he was the first pony who actually cared. So I started listening. And I didn’t like it, but I believed him.”

“…Tell.”

“Well… he said he wanted to unravel you. Thought he could convince you to stay, go about figuring out what spooked you so bad that you were shut up like a clam. Figured a good way to make you stick around was free room and board, for some help around his shop.”

“Worked.”

“Worked for me too. I didn’t have a horn or anything, but a few days of labour hadn’t hurt me before that. And no kitchens were hiring there so I didn’t have a lot of options.

“Besides, he saw my wing and figured there was a connection. I ended up telling him. He was still worried after, just he understood better was all. He wanted to see you again to apologise for prying too much. Also kind of wanted to try ‘seeing’ you again.” Salad smirked.

“I mentioned you’re hot for teacher in the letter, so when he comes to call, you won’t have to deal with any awkward.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. Bah, you probably won’t”

“S’true.”

“So yeah. He also told me you’re still blank. Buck that scared the sun out of me.”

“Oh?”

“Well… that’s not normal, right?”

“No.”

“So I asked him what else he managed to find out. You told him your special talent was bucking ponies up.”

Ivan nodded.

“…So I spend a whole day thinking that over. So… you were born to take my wing. Or at least you thought you did.”

“Mm.”

“So it was then, after so long looking for you, that I started to figure out who you were. You stopped smiling, stopped laughing, stopped… everything, and you thought that the reason you were born was to destroy things.”

Ivan said nothing.

“…So that’s why I wanted to know how that all changed when you got here.” She said. “Everypony I talked to between there and here didn’t know anything. Then suddenly you’re a local hero, saving fillies while on the bucking mend, friends crawling out of the woodwork… When I found you on that hill I didn’t even know it was you. Then you called me Sally.”

She didn’t feel the need to say much more after that. Ivan bumped her side with his lightly as they walked. Eventually she continued.

“I don’t think I ever felt that much before. You made me happy, sad, angry, scared… I don’t know if there’s anything I didn’t feel then. Besides the obvious.

“…what changed?” She asked, eyes to the ground. Ivan thought for a moment.

“Leg broke.” He said. “Couldn’t leave.”

“I heard about that.”

“Fillies. Tried to atone.” Ivan grimaced. “…bad luck.”

“You never were that lucky.” She smirked. He snorted and looked away.

“…marked.”

“Yeah? When?”

“Recently.” He turned his gaze upward, getting lost in the memory.

“What happened?”

“Fillies.”

“That happened a lot, didn’t it?” Ivan nodded.

“Lost. Catacombs. Whimsyvale.”

“Huh. I saw those while I was there.”

“Search party. Me. Cheerilee. Rarity. A father.”

“Then what?”

“Memry.”

“What?”

“Name. Lamia.”

“Huh. So you fought her?’

“Had to…” His brim lowered ever so slightly. Salad wondered if he was embarassed at all.

“…didn't.”

“You didn’t have to?”

“Misunderstanding.”

“Huh. So you fought with a lamia. How’d that go?”

“Cast. Stumbled. Died.”

“…died?”

“She said. Game.”

“Pretty high stakes for a game.”

“Cheerilee. Fillies.” Ivan took a breath. “High stakes. Protected. Fought. Marked.”

“…So you got your cutie mark by charging into a cave, finding a monster, and beating the moon out of it to save your marefriend and a couple kids?”

“Marefriend later.”

“And you got the mare at the end? Sun bro, you’re a storybook knight. Also that has to be the most metal cutie mark story I’ve ever heard. Let’s see it.” Ivan lifted his coat, and Salad whistled a long note. She seemed impressed.

“So, your special talent?”

“Combat.”

“…so much cooler then cooking…” She said. “I got mine after making dinner for mother’s day. Made one hay of a mess in the kitchen. Shredded everything I took a knife to. Really the whole thing looked like it was beaten with an ugly stick.

“Mom said it tasted great though. And it did. Serious.” She chuckled. “Mom was happy I got something practical. Dad got the idea to modify an old wingblade for me.” Salad smirked.

“He also taught me a few tricks with it. Like, what to do if a pony doesn’t know what ‘no’ means.”

“Mm?”

“Maybe I’ll just call you though. Kinda want to see you in action.”

“Unimpressive.”

“Watching you get the stuffing bucked out of you is still entertaining.” Ivan lifted his brim and looked her dead in the eye.

“Cock-a-doodle-doo.”

“…touche.”

--

“Ivan!” He heard Applebloom call from behind him after they left the post office. He also heard a lot of hooves clacking against the street. Looked like there was an adventure happening today.

“Hello.” He greeted.

“Ivan, we wanna go see Jerryrig’s workshop!” Scootaloo said. “It sounds cool!”

“A.J. said we need a ‘responsible adult’ around since she doesn’t trust Jerryrig as far as she could throw ‘im.” Applebloom continued, probably the leader of this little excursion since she was the only one of them present who had seen the workshop in question.

“Pretty far.” Ivan said.

“That’s what Ah said! But she said somethin’ about expressions and whatever. So come on! There’s probably a cutie mark in there somewhere!”

“Is that all you talk about?” Silver Spoon asked from the back.

“It’s all you talked about before Ivan got here!” Sweetie Belle countered to which the two rich girls couldn’t argue. “Why are you even here anyway?”

“Ivan’s going.” Tiara said, to which the four crusaders couldn’t argue.

“Temporary truce for cool machines?” Dinky suggested. Hooves were shook in agreement, and the six fillies looked up at the only male present expectantly.

“Sounds fun, let’s go.” Salad said off to the side, cracking her neck as she stretched.

“…alright, why are you going!?” Scootaloo demanded. Salad shrugged.

“Ivan’s going.” She said, to which nopony could argue.

“But-“

“Seven to one.” Salad cut him off. “Lead the way bro.”

Ivan sighed and started walking.

“How’s your leg doing?” Scootaloo asked, landing softly on his back.

“Better.” He said. It probably wouldn’t be much longer before he could start running on it, in fact. He made a mental note to pick a fight with Memry later.

“So, Jerryrig. What’s his deal?”

“He does machines!” Applebloom said. Salad snorted.

“I wish you knew why I thought that was funny.”

“Huh?”

“I’d tell you, but my landlady would boot me out and I just got my room the way I wanted it.”

“…yer weird.”

“So’s he.”

“…shoot, yer right…” The stallion idly wondered if it was ‘Disrespect Ivan Week’. Why wasn’t he informed?

“Um, excuse me? Ivan?” He heard, and he turned his head to see Twilight approaching him. And that other stallion he met the other day.

“Are you free now?” she asked. Ivan decided that he’d rather be the toy of six fillies and his sister then help the advance of modern science.

“No.” Oh sun help him her lip was quivering.

“B-but… we…” Cheerilee might hear about this and she’d be disapointed in him and he really didn’t want to deal with that. Especially now that she and his sister were under the same roof.

“No harm, Twilight.” Cold Fusion said. “He seems quite engaged at the moment. We’ll simply plan for another day.”

“Are you sure? Normally your schedule is so full.”

“Nonsense. I wouldn’t drag him away from his playmates like this.” He smiled at the assorted fillies. “The foals should have fun while they can.”

“I suppose you’re right.” She said. “Please let me know the next day you’re free and I’ll see if I can ‘book’ Ivan in advance. That’s alright with you, isn’t it?” She asked, turning to the green stallion. Ivan nodded, thinking about how refreshing it was to decide something for himself. It was rare, lately.

“Splendid.” Fusion said. “I don’t mind at all personally. I’ve waited my entire life for what we’re about to achieve. A few more days are a small sacrifice. Good day Twilight, Ivan.”

“Good day.” Twilight said, and she nodded at Ivan and the rest before excusing herself.

“…Well. That happened.” Salad said. “Now come on, nopony here wants me to get bored.”

“Hasn’t changed.” Ivan muttered, starting towards the tinker’s workshop again.

--

When Twilight walked through the library door, Spike greeted her with a scroll he had belched up a few minutes ago.

By the seal on it, it was from the elder sister.

Swallowing mild disappointment at having to continue waiting for a reply from Luna, she broke the seal and unfurled the parchment.

It wasn’t as if this was bad though, not in the slightest. Twilight absolutely loved hearing from her dear teacher an-

…well, that wasn’t good at all, she thought as she read. Really it was somewhat catastrophic.

“Spike, pack my bags!”

--

The walk to Jerryrig’s workshop was uneventful for the most part. The crusaders, Tiara, and Silver seemed to take the concept of a truce seriously.

Although there were arguments about who got to ride on his back when. They settled on taking turns.

Though they couldn’t take the regular road through the small patch of trees for the death traps undoubtedly set within.

Salad took the lead and cut a makeshift path through the foliage. At that point, Scootaloo forgot that she hated the new mare and asked where she could get a wingblade.

Salad answered by clucking at her and the hatred returned in all its fickle intensity.

“Is it much farther?” Silver Spoon asked from Ivan’s back.

“No.” He answered, peering through the trees to see the shabby looking house in the distance.

He wondered if seeing Jerryrig today would have Ivan see a new side to the tinker, resulting in the forging of true friendship. That happened sometimes, Ivan mused.

Putting those thoughts aside, he approached the shack, ignored Salad making scathing remarks about it, and watched Applebloom trot up to the door and knock.

“How did you get past th-!“ the albino yelled, throwing the door open. A moment passed as he recognised Applebloom.

“…oh, it’s you.” He said, adjusting his glasses, plainly not happy about any of this. “…and I see you brought friends. Several of them.” Ivan decided that no, he was not in fact going to see Jerryrig’s good side. If he even had one.

“Hiya Professor!” Applebloom chirped, smiling up at the scowling pony. “Ah told mah friends and those other two fillies that yer workshop was the coolest thing ever!”

“Well I certainly can’t fault you for thinking that.” He said, puffing up his chest and getting ready for a boast.

Ivan wisely put a hoof over Salad’s mouth before she said something that would undoubtedly deny the fillies their day in the workshop. Applebloom wisely cut Jerryrig off before he started acting like Celestia’s gift to machines.

“So yeah, I wanted to show ‘em around. Got anythin’ cool in there?”

“Oh I’ve quite a few cool things. Come in.”

Ivan and Salad were last in line.

“Behave.”

“Pfft. Like I’m making any promises.” She said, walking past him. Ivan sighed, and followed.

“…and lastly, you must never ever touch the sides.” They heard as they entered.

“Touch the sides of what?” Tiara asked, looking around the shop. Jerryrig didn’t see her wrinkle her nose at all the grime in the corners.

“Oh you’ll know.” He replied. “Now, who wants to see my latest invention? The rainbomb.”

“I heard bomb. I’m interested.” Salad said. The fillies agreed.

“The name is the best part, I think.” He said. “Exactly what it is. A bomb that makes rain!”

“So what, you just throw it and then rain?”

“Indeed!” He said, reaching into the box next to him and tossing something to their feet.

A raincloud whisped out of it, collected over their heads, and started dropping rain. Ivan conjured a dome over them.

“This would be great for pranks.” Scootaloo said. “Think you could make it so the cloud would follow a pony around?”

“…I’m sorry, what was your name?” Jerryrig asked, peering at the little pegasus.

“Scootaloo!”

“Well, Scootaloo, I do believe you’re quite on to something!” He said, pulling out what appeared to be some blueprint. “I mean, what’s the point of a rain grenade if the pony can just step out from under the cloud?!”

“It’d be great for hot days too.” Silver said, stepping forward. “Like a sprinkler you wouldn’t have to drag around!”

“You could make a mint selling them in the summer!” Tiara said. “I’ll have my daddy call you.”

“…Never until this moment did I consider getting paid for my work.” Jerryrig said, staring at nothing.

Salad spent her time looking around the workshop, possibly a bit bored with the way things were progressing. Ivan pulled up a chair and tried to keep a close eye on the children. For the most part though, they seemed quite content talking about what would be awesome as a handy little gadget as Jerryrig frantically scribbled in a notebook.

This was good. Salad wasn’t being caustic and the foals were playing nice with eachother. And Jerryrig wasn’t earning Ivan’s hate.

This was good.

--

“Alright girls.” Twilight said, addressing the other lined up elements. “Celestia sent me a message earlier. We’re being sent out to deal with an ogre approaching from the east.

“Wait. An ogre?” Fluttershy asked. “Those huge giants as big as castles?”

“That’s them exactly!” Twilight said, stuffing her head into one of her saddlebags and whipping out a well done drawing of a snarling one eyed beast ripping an entire house in half. The house was also on fire.

“I drew that.” Said Rainbow Dash as Fluttershy began cowering at the thought of facing such a beast.

“Really?” Questioned Rarity, “While I can’t say that I approve of your grotesque subject, I must say, between the shading and the impressive use of charcoal, this is quite well done.”

“Well, can’t nap all the time. Otherwise you can’t sleep at night.” Rainbow smugly replied, shining a hoof on her chest. “Got a lot of practice.”

“Indeed?” Rarity asked. “Do you do landscapes? I can’t help but notice the attention to detail in the sketch here, I imagine a sky high drawing of Ponyville would be quite a fetching piece…”

“Huh, you want one of those? I could probably whip one up in a couple days for you.”

“Oh you’re too kind Rainbow!”

“Hey, ya think ya could do one of Sweet Apple Acres?” Applejack asked. “It’d look bee-you-tiful framed in mah room…”

“Sure. Maybe I could try painting too. Hey, if I made ‘em, I bet Twilight could duplicate them with a spell or something.”

“That’s possible. I’d like a few as well.” Said Twilight. “Maybe one of Canterlot too…”

“I say, Rainbow, I have a collection of fine paints I’d be willing to let you borrow for the job!” Rarity said excitedly, imagining the art they’d soon-

“Hey, Fluttershy?” Pinkie said. “Why are you hiding in that bush?”

“…Hey, yeah.” Said Dash. “Why are you hiding in that bush?”

“Because I’m terrified of ogres.” Fluttershy said.

“…I don’t think hiding in a bush is gonna help anythin’.” Applejack said, biting down on her tail and tugging her out.

“It makes me feel better.” She insisted, trying to retreat to the sweet blessed cover of the shrub. She could just hide there for a few weeks and everything would be alright!

“If’n ya do, “ Applejack said around the hair in her mouth, “that ogre might stomp it’s way through town. Then what?”

“I… I…”

“Here’s how it’s gonna go Flutters.” Dash said, “You’re gonna be really scared of this thing, then you’re going to come anyway, and then we’re going to try a bunch of stuff that won’t work until we do the one thing that does and there’s a chance it’ll be you just glaring at the thing until it backs off and then we’ll go home, have a huge party, I’ll make out with Pinkie, and Twilight’ll write a letter about how we all learned something and everything’ll be super special awesome.”

“…um what was that one thing about you a-“

“So what I’m saying is we should probably start now before it gets any closer and stomps some trees where some cute adorable woodland creatures live.” Fluttershy gasped.

“No! Nooooooooooo…” She cried as she flew off toward the approaching ogre.

Dash took a bow as the other four mares reluctantly applauded. Then they left after the butter colored pegasus.

--

“So what you’re saying,” Salad said, “is that he built a cannon. That shoots parties.”

“Yup.” Ivan answered.

“Serious, like whole parties?”

“Mm.”

“Filled up a room?”

“Quite.”

“Punch and cake?”

“Jukebox.”

“…Now hold on.” She said, hoof on her forehead. “You’re lying to me.”

“No.”

“I’m not like, some epic level professor, but I’ve got a rough understanding of the laws of physics.”

“Forget.”

“…what.”

“Pinkie Pie. Forget.”

“What pie?”

Ivan smirked. He was already somewhat used to Pinkie Pie, given that she spent an entire day stalking him. Come to think of it, she made a big deal about him when he was the new pony in town. Perhaps he should have a chat with the party mare…

“…I don’t like that look Ivan.”

“Tough.”

“Oh don’t you take that tone with me.” A loud buzzer and flashing red light went off in an unseen corner.

“What did I say about the sides?!”

“What’s his beef?” Salad asked. Ivan shrugged.

Then the world shook.

“…what the hay was that?”

“This! This is why you don’t touch the- oh my that’s not the-“ The world shook again. The somewhat rhythmical way it was shaking reminded everypony present of the hoofsteps of some giant monster from the movies.

“…Godzebra?” Salad asked, stepping outside. Ivan followed and peered out over her head.

Off in the distance was a giant monster walking their way.

“…well. Buck me.” Salad said as Jerryrig came to the doorway.

“Oh… oh my. This is fantastic.”

“Wait, what? Did the sun fry your brains through those stupid thick glasses of yours?”

“I’ve got just the thing for this precise occasion!”

“…You’re bucking with me.”

“I assure you, I’m not.” Jerryrig said. “All I need is a group of five or six ponies and a unicorn of above average power to serve as a battery.” Jerryrig pulled a device out of his coat and slapped it on Ivan’s horn.

“Channel for me, would you?” Ivan, seeing no reason not to, did so. The device sparked, smoked, and flew off into a corner.

“Oh, well I suppose you’ll do.” Jerryrig said, lobbing another rainbomb into the corner for the potential fire hazard. "And we have six perfectly capable fillies here. Wonderful."

“…uh, shouldn’t I-“

“No no, Salad, you wouldn’t fit into the outfits.”

“The what?”

“Follow me my little ponies!”

“…Bronies. Law.” Ivan growled as he followed. Since the thing was moving in the direction of Ponyville, whatever solution Jerryrig could offer was welcome.

The fact that if the beast kept walking in a straight line the first building it would encounter would be Cheerilee’s schoolhouse was just extra motivation.

--

“Well, there it is.” Twilight said, looking through a pair of binoculars. “Wow that thing’s huge. It’s dwarfing those trees there.”

“…Is Fluttershy gonna be alright?” Pinkie asked, poking at the quivering pegasus huddled on Applejack’s back. “She looks like she’s gonna bolt.”

“She would if she could fly.” Rainbow said. “If she’s this scared, she ain’t going anywhere.”

“Alright, so we need a plan. We’ve still got about a half hour or so until it’s a problem, so-“

“Oh, hello!” Said Cheerilee. “What are you all doing out here?”

“There’s an ogre approaching.” Rarity said. “And we’re discussing what exactly we’re doing to do about it.”

“…an ogre?” Cheerilee asked, eyes widening. “Which way is it coming from?”

“Over that way. Past that cluster of trees there.”

“…Wait.” Applejack said. “Applebloom said she and her friends were on their way ta see this one fellow who lives there.”

“That’s why I’m here.” Cheerilee said. “I heard Ivan took them out this way.”

“…So we’ve got a small group of fillies in harm’s way?” Twilight said. “Well priority one should be to go get them someplace safe… Ivan might also be some help in-… what’s that noise?”

“…oh wow, I didn’t think Jerryrig was ever gonna get to use that one!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, having pilfered Twilight’s binoculars.

Twilight took them back and looked out towards the trees.

“…I… don’t believe this.”

--

“…Welp. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen everything now.” Salad said as she saw the giant robotic pony rise out of the ground.

“Oh you’ve seen nothing yet.” Jerryrig said, picking up a radio. “Is everypony at their stations?”

--

“We are.” Tiara said, decked out in green spandex and a matching full face helmet, “but why do we have to wear these suits?”

“It would take too long to explain.” The speakers crackled in reply.

“Alright. So how do we drive this thing?” Scootaloo said, dressed in black and seated at another console.

“We could just try pressing buttons.” Sweetie Belle mused, wondering what her sister would think of the pink suit she was wearing. Maybe she could argue it was a fashion statement?

“That’s probably a bad idea.” Silver warned, as she wondered for the umpteenth time how the visor to her yellow helmet was somehow her glasses prescription.

“Let’s do it!” Dinky shouted, pounding a blue clad hoof on a big red button.

--

Ivan, hooked up to some machine that he did not trust, suddenly started feeling a drain on his magic. Several gauges came to life and filled up. And the machines around him shuddered into life.

--

“…Well that did somethin’.” A dressed in red Applebloom muttered.

“Ah! You’ve located the start button Dinky! Splendid!” Jerryrig said through the radio.

“Cool! Did I win?”

“Not yet.” The stallion said. “You still have to use my creation to defeat the beast and save Ponyville!”

“…Alright.” Tiara said slowly. “Applebloom. I have to give credit where it’s due. This day is turning out to be the coolest thing ever.”

“Temporary truce for livin’ the dream?” Applebloom replied, holding up her foreleg.

The resulting high hoof would go down in history as one of the most unlikely events in ponydom.

--

“Salad! Jerryrig!” Shouted Cheerilee as she approached the two who watched from afar. “What the hay is going on here?!”

“Wait! Hold everything!” Pinkie Pie yelled. Everpony froze as the mare levelled a hoof at Salad.

“I don’t know who you are.”

“Go on. Ask me if I care.” Salad asked, having not taken her eyes off the Megapony. Or at least, that’s what Jerryrig called it…

“Not the time Pinkie.” Twilight said, gagging the pink pony with the apple that Applejack handed her. “Can either of you tell me what… just what?”

“Jerryrig here heard the stomping of chuckles up there.” Salad pointed at a very confused ogre being approached by the Megapony. “And pulled a giant robot out of his plothole to go fight it. Ivan’s the battery for the thing. Also that filly fanclub of his is driving it.”

“That brings me up to speed, thank you.” Twilight said.

“S’all right.” Salad waved off.

“Wait. So why are the fillies driving it?” Cheerilee asked.

“Because they fit into the outfits.” Jerryrig answered.

“…what kind of answer is-“

“It would take too long to explain. Suffice to say, they’re the only ones who can do it.”

“Fine. Even if I accept that, why aren’t you in there supervising them?”

“Are you kidding me?! It’s dangerous over there!”

“Wait.” Salad said. “You told me they were safe. And you told me that I couldn’t get in there with them.” She had finally turned away from the unfolding scene, and glared… demonically was the only way to accurately describe it. “Did you lie to me?”

“Indeed.” Jerryrig said. “You couldn’t fit into one of the suits so-“

“Ivan couldn’t either.”

“Well we needed a power source. You’d want to be on the bridge though, and you couldn’t fit into-“

“Jerryrig.” Salad interrupted. “You’ve just told me that six fillies and my big brother are in a life threatening situation that extra precautions could’ve been taken against, but you refused to make the effort for stupid reasons you're not even trying to explain.” The albino was suddenly looking down the edge of a finely honed blade. “I will cut off your-“

“Ivan’s sister?!” Pinkie Pie gasped.

“--if any of them get hurt. Get it?” Jerryrig, sweating like a pig in a tanning bed, nodded slowly.

“…I see the resemblance.” Rainbow said.

“…Jerryrig’s your name?” Cheerilee asked, cold as ice. “What is that machine supposed to do?”

“W-why do you ask?”

“Because my coltfriend and six of my students are in it. Two of them having direct relation to two of the mares here.” Applejack spat off to the side and the tip of Rarity’s horn promised something painful.

“I’m sure all of us are concerned for their well being.” She continued.

“…well-ohmysun.”

“I’m very disappointed in you.” Said Fluttershy, crushing the inventor under the force of her Stare. “So you should tell us every way we can possibly help.”

“Um…”

All inquiry stopped as the ogre socked a fist across the Megapony’s face. It stumbled to it’s knees.

“…please don’t hurt me.” Jerryrig pleaded.

--

“Silver! Status report!” Tiara barked.

“Optics are still running at eighty-three percent! Armor remains unbreached!”

“Sweetie, get us back on our hooves! Dinky, calibrate the targeting matrix! Scootaloo, prepare the rocket punch!”

“Suck on this ugly!”

--

“Oh wow.” Rainbow said as one of the Megapony’s front hooves was launched at the ogre’s face, hitting it right in the eye. “Oh wow.”

“Jerryrig. How did you even build this?” Twilight asked in amazement.

“Well it wasn’t easy getting my hands on all this metal…” The tinker muttered. “I had to borrow from a few places…”

“Hold the phone.” Applejack said. “A month ago Ah heard ‘bout an entire train goin’ missin’. Was that…”

“It was going to be decommissioned anyway.” Jerryrig said.

“Ya stole a train?!”

--

“Applebloom, what do we have in the way of weapons?!”

“Ah’ve got a ‘repression net’ here!”

“Launch!”

--

“Hey, hey, that’s our cloud net that thing’s tangled in!” Dash yelled. “We had to do last Winter Wrap Up by hoof!”

“It was necessary! Besides, you can’t deny it’s coming in handy!”

--

“It’s rippin’ through the net!”

“It’s vulnerable! Get a grip on it!”

“…Now what?!”

“Cloptoberfest suplex!”

--

“…I didn’t even know it could do that.” Jerryrig said as the ogre’s head impacted the earth with a deafening crash. “I am a genius!”

“And Ivan’s powering that thing?!”

“Oh, well I made it incredibly energy efficient.” Jerryrig bragged, turning to Twilight. “Most functions on the Megapony shouldn’t drain him too much.”

“Moon’s light, it’s getting’ up?!” Applejack gaped in disbelief as the creature lifted the Megapony over it’s head.

“Jerryrig, do something!” Rarity pleaded.

“Oh, they’re doing wonderfully on their own!”

“I saw the inside of that thing!” Salad yelled. “I didn’t see any seatbelts! If they get thrown-“

“Wait, what’s that?” Fluttershy pointed at what appeared to be a unicorn’s horn coming out of a hole in the Megapony’s forehead.

--

“Horn fully extended! Power charged to ninety six percent!” Silver shouted. “Dinky, status?!”

“Thunder Smash locked on and primed!”

“Scootaloo!” Tiara said.

“One step ahead of you!” The pegasus replied “Bringing the thunder!”

--

The crack of lightning and the ogre’s roar of outraged pain echoed in the open area. It fell to one knee, and the Megapony managed to roll onto it’s hooves. Then it delivered a punishing two hoof buck to the ogre’s face.

“…That’s the missing lightning rod from town hall!” Twilight said. “What else did you steal?!”

“Ladies! What I might or might not have borrowed is irrelevant! Look at my creation! My magnum opus! Witness how incredible the power of science is!”

“Ah’m startin’ ta think the guy’s a little ‘spoony’ if ya catch my drift.” Applejack said.

“He sure makes them right though.” Rainbow said as the battle continued. “That ogre’s getting it’s clock cleaned.”

“Um… I’m not sure this is-“ Fluttershy tried, but was cut off when the Megapony’s eyes started glowing.

“It’s shooting lasers from it’s eyes!” Pinkie cheered.

“That’s energy efficient?!” Twilight demanded. “Between that and the lightning I don-“

“Actually, those two functions are, ah… less energy efficient then most of the others…”

“What’s that mean?” Salad asked.

“It means that Ivan’s probably feeling the burn at this point.”

“Well, you’ve got a radio, don’t you?! Is there anything they can do to end this now?”

“Oh, yes of course! The secret weapon!”

“The secret what?”

--

“Tiara, come in!”

“Little bit busy here Jerryrig! Dinky, target the knees for the next kick!”

“Yes captain!”

“Tiara, there should be a large flashing button on your console!”

“The one that says ‘do not push’?”

“Yes! Push it!”

“Hang on,” Applebloom said. “If it says ‘do not push’, is pushin’ it smart?”

“I wouldn’t have put it there if it should be pushed under absolutely no circumstances!”

“…There’s logic there.” Silver said. “But-“

“Pushing it!” Dinky said, launching herself at Tiara’s console.

--

“Ah, now that should finish things quite nicely.”

“What’s the button do?” Pinkie asked.

-NOW LAUNCHING POWER SOURCE- The Megapony droned as a large cannon extended from it’s chest.

“…Jerryrig, if that thing shoots my bro-“

--

“What did it say?!” Said Tiara as she frantically looked over her console for another labelled button

“Oh sun, oh sun stop it!”

“I can’t! Jerryrig, how do we stop it?!”

“Ivan no!”

“It’s my fault.” Dinky whimpered, curled up and crying. “It’s my fault…”

--

“-mailed to separate countries!” Jerryrig opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off when the cannon fired.

Nopony said anything as a black speck flew toward the ogre. A blinding green flash and titanic explosion erupted from the point of impact and the ogre was knocked roaring onto it’s back.

It then scrambled to it’s feet and ran crying in the other direction.

“…There, see?” Jerryrig said. “And Ivan probably protected himself from the fall with a shield or something, so-“ Salad stopped his talking with the hardest right hook she had ever thrown in her entire life.

“Oh moon you’re wearing cleat-shoes!”

“Shut up!” She yelled, clocking him again. “I should kill you for that!”

“…um…” Fluttershy said. “What happens now that the power source is gone?”

“…oh buck.” Twilight uncharacteristically swore as the Megapony began to sway in place. “Dash! Fluttershy! You need to get me and Rarity in range, we have to catch it before it hits the ground!”

“On it!”

“Y-yes!”

Everypony started a mad dash to the robot as a green glow overtook it.

“Ivan’s trying to-?!”

“He’ll kill himself trying!” Twilight yelled. “Faster!”

“You came to the right mare!” Rainbow replied from under her. Twilight held on for dear life as she swore their velocity doubled. Swearing to find out how Fluttershy was keeping up later, she reached with her magic and soon found herself grasping the Megapony.

With her, Ivan, and Rarity’s efforts combined, it was all they could do to slowly lower the thing onto it’s side.

They touched ground, and the collective mares watched as a hatch on the Megapony’s back opened up and a pink suited filly waved frantically at them.

Dash and Fluttershy lowered them to the ground one by one, and when Scootaloo didn’t notice Ivan among them, she asked for his whereabouts.

A short search later uncovered an unmoving Ivan face down in the dirt.

“Rainbow! Hospital!” Twilight yelled, hefting Ivan’s body into the air with her magic. The pegasus caught him and rocketed off toward Ponyville.

Cheerilee was about to tear off after them when a hoof poked her in the side. She looked down to see Dinky, helmet off and in tears.

“M-Miss Cheerilee? Can you c-call my mommy?”

“…Of course I can. We’ll go see her right now.” She answered, letting the filly clamber onto her back.

“Save me a spot.” She said when she passed Salad. The pegasus nodded before she took off running.

--

Ivan opened his eyes, and found himself looking up at what he now recognised as the hospital ceiling. He also noticed his head throbbing, and he groaned as the events that undoubtedly put him here came flooding back into his memory.

He was going to kill Jerryrig.

“Hey you.” He heard, and he then noticed that he wasn’t alone in the bed.

“…hey.” He replied, rolling over to face Cheerilee.

“Always gotta be that pony, don’t you?”

“Somepony will.”

“…Apparently you needed a ‘magic transfusion’. Twilight and Rarity were donors. Otherwise you might’ve been magically handicapped for the rest of your life. If you didn’t die.”

“Oh?”

“After powering that thing, then whatever you did to the ogre, and trying to levitate the robot, I’m not surprised.”

“…sorry.”

“You should be.” She said. And Ivan noticed the tear streaks on her face then. “I’m not the only one you worried.” She gestured around the room. Tiara and Silver were resting on a collection of pillows. Salad was slumped in a chair. Rarity was resting her head on the foot of his bed, curled up with Sweetie Belle. Dinky was resting on her mother’s back, and Applebloom and Big Mac were in a similar position. Scootaloo was on his other side on the bed.

“…I should mention this.” She continued. “Jerryrig is in the room next to this one.”

“Huh?”

“I wasn’t there for it, but I will say that Salad looked pretty satisfied at some point of the day.”

“…hasn’t changed.” He said, closing his eyes.

“Neither have you.” Cheerilee countered. “You know, Nurse Redheart actually embedded a plaque with your name on it on the door.”

“Necessary?”

“I’m starting to think so.” She laughed quietly. “I’m not even joking about the plaque.”

“…huh.” He said, not sure how he felt about that.

“…It’s gotten late. And if I know you, you’re still tired.”

“Yeah.”

Cheerilee raised her hoof to the side of his face and smiled fondly at him. And as Ivan cracked his eyes open, she was already leaning in.

He closed them again as he felt soft pressure on his lips, and put his forelegs around her. And he held her close even as she broke their first kiss.

“Sweet dreams you dumb colt.” She whispered into his ear. Ivan said nothing, already drifting away.

The Broken Bird

To be continued right here.