Ashes

by corvipony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Drama
Length: 5169

Sunset pondering things after Anon-a-Miss

Sunset thinks and decides a few things after the fall out of Anon-a-Miss and then her life after that

Published 2018-04-23 13:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-07 00:55:42 UTC

1

Sunset Simmer sat at her desk in her sparely furnished loft that she had managed to obtain from when her ethics were more loose shall we say..and pondered on her day , one of her worst since the Fall Formal .
It had all started when she arrived at school and noticed the glares and the nervous looks were back , she was so sure she had finally managed to convice her fellow students that she had truly changed but now it seemed something had tarnished that work

“ Have I have really been good enough…” she wondered to herself as she made her way don the mural covered hallway to her homeroom class, hoping that seeing the girls would help her mood . As she arrived she noticed that some of her friends were not waiting for her and the ones that WERE there turned away from her .
Soon enough she learned of Anon –a-Miss and the rumors being spread around about everyone , and it was set up to make her look like the one doing it . Everyone was so quick to assume that Sunset had went back to her old ways of manipulation and control.
As she sat at her desk at home she hugged her elbows close to herself as she did when she was in thought or feeling conflicted about things .

All the times she helped her friends and asked nothing in return …she felt taken advantage of , she wondered if the nice things her friends said were just that…nice things with no meaning behind them, maybe they only gave her a chance to please Twilight. Everypony back home when she was a filly assumed she was too busy or too stuck up to make friends but this was far from the truth .The trust of the matter was that Sunset was afraid to open herself up to strangers , growing up around Cantorlot she had seen just how insincere ponies could be and how they would lie and promise things that would never be.

This time she had hoped that the others were honest ,loyal, and generous , but that didn’t seem to be case at all . “I know they have all been talking about me …” she thought “ Then her thoughts turned to her time with Princess Celestia and how the Princess had seemed to go cold the longer she was around Sunset and these thoughts made her wonder “ Have I ever truly been loved by a hand that touched me ? “

She wondered if she should even bother standing up for herself , she knew she had a lot of past sins to atone for “is this what I am owed for what I did back then…” her thoughts trailed off as she leaned forward and held her head in her hands The old chair she had managed to find creaked as she moved but it held. “How long can I keep trying ….how much more do I have to endure “ She had heard the human saying of “ What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger “ Sniffling as her blue eyes grow moist she whispered to herself “ How strong do I have to be then?” Getting up off of the chair she started pacing the small area of her room and looked out of the small window that over looked the city of Canterlot below her , her pacing felt too confined and her nerves were more on edge because of this so she turned to the door and left her apartment .

Sunset decided to walk towards the nature park that was not too far from her loft , none of her friends knew about her secret place there , while she did enjoy the times they had had in the past she still fel the need to have a place to go and be alone . Walking down the tree lined path she started to think again and her thoughts this time turned to what she would do next “ Should I stay or should I go…” She knew that Princess Twilight had cleared her name back in Equastria and that Celestia had even pardoned her for her crimes before she left and the theft of the Element of Magic . Then again Sunset was never a quitter , sure she would withdraw or wait till a new tactic opened but she never just …Quit . Could she tough this out as well, on top of everything else she had endured

Coming to a fork in her path Sunset laughed to herself ..somewhat bitterly but the path before her quite accurately matched with her inner conflict . One fork led to to Canterlot High and the portal back to her birthplace. The other path looped back around the park and would take her back to her apartment .

She stopped in her walking and looked at both paths ..taking her time to ponder what she would do in Equestia if she went back, on the other hand her life here on Earth was looking like a uphill battle at the very least …

“Too many decisions ….too much responsibility. And no one one is here to catch me if I fail…” Her nerve wavered and she took a step toward Equestria “Was I stronger when I didn’t care what happened here? What would I even DO after high school ends ? “ Sunset looked back at the path that lead back to her human dwelling and considered “Maybe they do care and are just being led astray ..but if their belief in me is that weak ..Should I bother trying to convince them otherwise …everyone goes away in the end after all “

Biting her lip she turned around and went back to where the path forked , she stood there full of broken thoughts, she had been offered a second chance to make things right by Twilight when she was at her lowest and what kind of friend would she be if she didn’t try and help the girls when they failed

It seemed once again her life was in ashes …she looked down at her skirt which bore her cutie mark, when she received it she had been unsure of it’s meaning and Celestia had been less then forthcoming about it just saying
“Are you able to remain humble and kind when things do not go the way you want or expect? Be kind when you are in pain; be kind even when your life seems to be falling apart around you. Be humble not only when you succeed but also when you fail. Kindness in word and action, and humble in thought and belief. It is important to not only say and do the ‘right’ thing, it is important to also think and believe it - which is being genuine in nature of peace embodiment.”

She then thought of the story of the Phoenix and how they were reborn from their tears of fire and incense Cracking her knuckles Sunset headed towards her apartment ,maybe her cutie mark represented her ability to overcome adversity and come back stronger for it , She resolved to overcome this Anon –A –Miss business and use what she knew about her friends to get them to understand that this rumor monger was not her , after all when had the old Sunset been so careless with her attacks .

And after all …her past might be clouding people’s judgement but she would not let her past win, her past was not today.

Refugees

( Note this takes a few years out from the end of high school for the cast of EQG )

Sunset Shimmer, former unicorn and student to Princess Celestia De Sol of Equestria , and current human of about 25 sat on a leather topped bar stool and strummed an acoustic guitar, as the first note she strummed out lingered around the room she pondered ho she had got here and how things had turned out for her in this once alien world .

She had fled to this world after a fight with her mentor in her homeworld, ruled Canterlot High as a Queen Bee then after being foiled by Twilight Sparkle she was reformed . It wasn’t easy for her after that , though, She had to deal with her guilt, learning to be a good person and the hardest of all was forgiving her friends for thinking she had been behind Anon-A-Miss and all the all hurtful rumors that were spread around Mystable . After that and then learning about the geodes and their powers, her group of friends grew closer and actually had a pretty peaceful time finishing high school .

All things change though they say , and for Sunset they changed quite a lot . Twilight Sparkle went off to the other side of the country to Hayvard as was expected but for Sunset this was harder for her to accept then she might admit . Rarity still lived in Canterlot but do to her working the fashion show circuit , it was quite hard to catch her with any spare time . Rainbow Dash was off playing for the Los Pegasus Shadowbolts, a fairly successful soccer club . Pinkie was currently travelling learning the way of parties in other cultures . Fluttershy and Applejack how ever stuck around Canterlot , Fluttershy took a job at the animal shelter that she had volunteered at as a teen .Applejack still helped on the farm at Sweet Apple Acres when she could but she had also been busy lately with agriculture classes ...to be a Teacher of it . No one had seen that coming but Sunset agreed with Applejack’s reasons . She had said to Sunset and the others “ No one is teaching these new farmers how to do it right and not mess up the land, they just use it and move on ...Ain’t the right way to do it , you have to work with the land not just abuse it and expect it to give it’s best “ .

As for Sunset , She finished high school, she had invested her money, most of which was from the gems she had on her when she first came to Cantorlot High , and brought a small bar that was located the top floor of one of the highest skyskapers in the city. No one really knew why she had picked a bar of all things to purchase but she just shrugged and said “ I love the way it looks up here at twilight “

It was common knowledge that any of her friends were welcome at her bar at anytime , Sunset lived in a small room behind the bar after all. She had hired Thunderlane to be her doorman and he knew to let any of their class or even their teachers up to the bar whenever they wished .

Sunset strummed off a few more chords and hummed as She looked out as the sun set and the moon rose in the night sky thinking to herself “ I got a room at the top of the world tonight “ . She thought to herself “ yeah I’m doing all right and I got someone that loves me tonight “ She sat her guitar down and stepped over to the bar and took out a bottle of bourbon , a bottle of Four Roses Small Batch and poured herself 2 fingers worth and took a long sip . She savored the caramel and vanilla notes as she sat facing the bar now thinking to herself “ I wonder how long it’s been since we all managed to get back together and meet up “ She gripped her glass and took a longer swig of the brown spirit this time and whispered “ I wish I could feel you tonight little one . you’re so far away I wanna reach out and touch you like they do on those things on the tv“ Her thought was broken up by the chime of the elevator , signalling that someone was up their way up to her little bar

As soon as the polished steel doors of the elevator opened Sunset’s expression changed from one of longing to a friendly smile as she seen the yellow blouse and purple slacks of her former Principal entering her bar . She had become friends with this world’s Celestia during the Anon-a-Miss fiasco and even tho it as unconventional they had stayed friends after Sunset had left Canterlot High . Seeing Celestia here at this time on a Friday night was not a good sign thought

“Another strike out ?” She asked as she moved behind the bar ready to serve Celestia her drink of choice . Celestia for her part just nodded as she sat on the bar stool that Sunset had just vacated not so long ago . Seeing that it was going be one of those nights, the orange skinned woman took out a bottle of Port Wine , a bottle of Sandeman’s 40 year Tawny Port and filled a glass for her patron.As she handed it over she considered if this was her fault too, a year after HS she had a talk with Celestia and convinced her to give dating another try but to this day the pearl skinned principal had no luck . The men either no showed or were only after one of two things . it just never worked out .

Deciding to speak with her former student turned friend and now bartender “ I’m glad I have someone here that understands...and cares “ Celestia said as she took a sip of the caramel colored wine in her glass .

Sunset smiled, it as a true smile, “I’m just glad I have a place where my friends can come and have a drink and forget those things that went wrong in their life “ She filled her own glass and smiled softly this time looking nostalgic “ That is why I named this place Refugees, well I am one in a way..and here is a place where people can relax and find some peace “ and it was true that she never minded supplying her friends with drink but she never served them more then she felt was safe or right too…..

Her friends at all came when things went right in their lives and when they went wrong she was there for them as well, like when Granny Smith passed on in the night ….or when Pinkie broke things off with the traveling stand up comedian she was seeing for awhile . Rarity was there at her bar most often then Sunset really felt comfortable with but Rarity had just convinced her that “an artist has to let themselves go now and then “ . Applejack visited now and then but that as mainly to deliver some S.A.A Cider and some of the Big Red Reserve Apple Brandy that her brother made .
Sunset chatted with Celestia about missed chances and lost loves over the course of the evening and she had sipped even more of her bourbon down and thought to herself “ Yes I have a room at the top of the world but tonight I wish you were here ….”

"I love you please love me...I'm not so bad "

Wonderful

Author's Note

This takes place before the first chapter

Wonderful

A filly with an orange coat and a mane of yellow and red sat on a grassy bank that rose up above the rather plain brick apartment complex that her mother and her had moved to earlier in the week . The filly was named Sunset Shimmer, she was 12 years old and she was now looking around the strange small town she now resided in.

A month ago the filly lived with both of her parents in a nice house in Baltimare but that was what the outside world seen when they looked at the Shimmer family, inside the house though her parents were always so mad , screaming and fighting with each other . They would always tell her that everything will be wonderful some day, but promises mean everything when you're little and she would wonder how they could smile with tears in their eyes. Sunset went to school like she always did ,running and playing, telling the fellow foals everything was everything was all okay . When the bell rang at the end of the school day Sunset would always try to avoid going home .

The orange filly would hurry to her room and close her eyes , making believe that she she had a new life where everything was wonderful. She hoped her mom and her would figure out why they got so mad, she instead heard bad words between her parents that made her want to cry. She would close her eyes and count to ten and hoped it would be over when she opened them

Looking at the sun's last light hitting the skyline of the new town she lived in Sunset thought to herself . "Sometimes I hate everything..." Her parents had told her " You will understand someday, we've both grown in a different way ". A sullen look crossed her muzzle and the filly thought " I don't want to start over again, I just want my life to be the same, the way it used to be ". She kicked at a mound of red dirt with a hoof and huffed " Sometimes I wish I was stronger ,wish I could feel no pain.." Turning back to look down at the apartment where her mother was having a card game with her new friends that Sunset had no interest in meeting . Sunset mused "I wish I had power, I wish I could change the world " Sunset felt so mad , so angry, her tail jerked around in her anger as she looked down her muzzle at the buildings below .

Being a new student in school was hard, but being a mid term transfer student was even harder. The students seemed happy to ignore her , the ones that did take notice of the filly were not nice at all. One had even broken into her locker and stole a comic book that she had got from one of her old friends before she had moved, and had torn it to bits .

She sat back down as the reds and oranges of the sunset started to give way to the purples and blues of twilight, and set her face in a determined look. Speaking out loud the filly said "The only way to make sure things don't get taken away from me is to control everyone and everything". With that thought her course in life seemed to set itself.

Over the few years that followed , the filly had gotten her cutie mark and while not giving in fully to her need to control everything, her mother never really understood how all the changes had affected her daughter . Sunset packed a pair of small leather small saddlebags with her most valued belongings and left a letter on her bed , at the top of the letter was Princess Celestia's personal seal . The letter only stated that Sunset Shimmer had been accepted into the most prestigious school in Canterlot.

Brooding to herself the now 15 year old Sunset Shimmer took one last look at the ticket she had purchased with her last bits " I've made up my mind...better not waste anymore time ". The now somewhat lanky filly walked out of the brick apartment alone, she took one look back and handed down to the train station . She had never bothered trying to make friends at her new school after all what good where friends that could just be taken from her without her having any control over it . The unicorn just focused on her studies and to complete her plan of gaining control she had to have top marks so she did . She was smart , she knew that, her teachers knew it too, but did she enjoy learning just for the sake of learning? No , maybe at one point she did but no longer , now she learned to learn the tools she needed for control.

She took sociology, psychology and other classes that were focused in areas where she could learn how ponies thought and acted . The unicorn aced her core classes as well and soon enough with her carefully planned show of power, one of the scouts for The School for Gifted Unicorns had took note of her.

Sunset took her place on the train that would take her away from her mother, that apartment and the bad memories they both had held for the scarred filly. " Time for new memories , memories I control, memories where moving or divorce can't shatter " . She allowed herself a callous grin " Mother left Daddy without a word ...maybe this is her punishment, me leaving with no word..."

The train shuddered as it started to pick up speed taking her back to Canterlot , she was finally coming back after 3 long years . It had felt longer to the unicorn but she couldn't help but feel nostalgic at seeing her old hometown come into view after a few hours of riding on the train. She shrugged it off though and readied herself to become the best unicorn that the city had seen. A unicorn that no one would make promises to and not keep..a unicorn that you had to be loyal to . The alternative would not be very nice at all, Sunset at first felt somewhat conflicted about this course but she had seen what trying to be friendly and open had gotten her .

"Power is all I desire " She had deliberated her self and her ambition , her belief , was the only thing that set her free from scars of her rough fillyhood.

The Ocean

Note: This chapter deals with Transgender issues and body dysphoria .

It had been a few days since the evening with Celestia at her bar and the former unicorn was currently lounging in bed reading a book.Sunset looked over at the phone beside her that was currently ringing, knowing whose ring tone it was she leaned over and hit the answer button.

"Flash is that you?, you sound different ..yeah I know it's been awhile since we left school but you hardly sound like the boy I dated briefly in High School. " She thought to herself that despite dating him just for the popularity bonus , he had lately become a friend of her outside of the girls of course .

"You want to talk in person? Ok, I can do that ..by the ocean? " Sunset put her book away as she talked with her ex as they made plans to meet at the beach that was about an hours drive from each of them . " Ok, well I'll see you their around 2 ok ?" She looked at her clock and ended the call. After plugging her Galaxy into it's charger , the female shed her sleeping gown and headed to the showers .

Standing under the spray of the high pressure shower head her thoughts turned to how Flash's voice sounded..it was higher in pitch slightly but there was a nervous edge to it as they talked . He had only called rarely just to catch up and see how everyone he know from Canterlot High was doing as he was now in a decently successful band . She had heard one of his songs on the radio but never really got around to getting one of their album, she had meant to but just never got around to it .

Finishing her shower , Sunset dried off and got dressed for the day. Just a simple summer shirt and shorts as it was rather nice out and she had wanted to be as comfortable as possible for her meeting with Flash . Sunset sat down at her vanity and did her hair and makeup as she normally did and once she was happy with her look the girl stood and grabbed the keys to her bike and slipped on her riding gear. Once properly dressed Sunset made her way to her bike that was parked by the alleyway of the building, tugging off the cover and stowing it away. she straddled the beast and revved it to life .

Sunset had always loved her bike rides...it allowed her time to just alone with her thoughts without any distraction , it would be a lie if she didn't sometime wonder if calling it of with Flash was the thing to do, maybe she would have been something he was good at. But she as happy that they were still friends such as they were.

Seeing Flash's car as she pulled into the small gravel lot by the beach , she parked beside it and steadied her bike with it's kickstand and dismounted the motorcycle. Making her way down the small patch that lead to the somewhat private beach that they had found while they dated .

As she made her way to the sandy shores , hearing the salty swell lap the edge of the beach she seen Flash's outline , his back was to her as he was sitting on a rock. The first thing Sunset noticed was the fact that his hair was grown out and he was dressed in a much more feminine manner. She wondered what her friend was doing dressed like this at the beach but she assumed it as part of the reason they needed to talk in person .

Clearing her throat Sunset walked beside Flash,not fully looking at him yet.. and sat down on the slab of rock she smiled over at her friend " So what's up..you know You talk to me about anything " She waited for Flash to reply . This was how most meetings here took place, it was good to fall into comfortable patterns with what seemed to be a heavy talk coming up.

" I wanna show you something " He said , her thoughts said " so it's one of those things you had to introduce by saying I want to show it instead of just showing it" she was right this was going to be a heavy talk indeed. She turned to face her friend as he stood, her eyes catching the ragged ends of the summer dress , the smooth legs , the girlish sandals and the painted toenails . Sunset looked up to meet Flash's nervous smile as he got ready to speak, he looked like he was fighting for the words , so she laid a gentle hand on his bare yet almost too broad shoulder .If I could have chosen where God would hide his heaven
I'd wish for it to be the salt and swell of the ocean.." If I could have chosen where God would hide his heaven
I'd wish for it to be the salt and swell of the ocean" He sighed and looked back into the pale blue eyes of Sunset "And if I could have chosen, I would have been born a woman . My mother once told me she would have named me Flicker, I'd grow up to be strong and beautiful like her and one day, I'd find an honest man to make my husband
We would have two children, build our home on the Gulf of Mareixo "

The former unicorn looked down in thought for a moment , remembering how trangenderism was dealt with in Equestria and how being careful with pronouns and names helped the process. She was used to changes in her life and this was just another change she would have to work hard to honor .

Sunset for her part just listened keeping her hand on Flicker's shoulder and her face held a soft genuine smile " We can't choose how we're made , but I see you as I see every other girl , Flicker " . She waited for her friend to reply and noticing the wetness trailing down her face, she hugged herself tight to her friend .

" I knew I was different for ...years now " Flicker gathered her breath and continued " I thought maybe touring and being successful would keep those thoughts at bay but they kept coming back " Flicker smiled softly " Well one night I was watching an old movie and one of the quote's stick in my head, "don't dream it be it "

" I started to dress up when I could but that time in my life was rough ...being called names I won't repeat...people holding their breathe around me as if they would catch something " Sunset patted her back and continued the hug
But it's getting better ...my band mates all accept me ...one of them thought I was coming out as gay or bi...well close but not quite " Flicker smiled wide " the wife understands and supports me fully and in fact she's the one that picked out this dress for me " Sunset nodded liking the look of the dress .

"What about your daughter ?" Sunset asked wondering if the girl was even old enough to understand " Well she first asked me why I couldn't keep being Daddy and wearing boy's stuff " Sunset gave a sympathic look " I just told her that I will always be her Daddy and I will always love her and never leave her, she's seemed to accept that "

" Kids...I think are the quickest to understand ...they just to know you will be there for them and never leave " Sunset nodded and smiled " So how about visiting Canterlot sometime so I can introduce Flicker to my friends that are still there ? "

Flicker's free hand fidgeted with the hem of her dress .." You'll be there with me ....so I guess I can see about doing it "

Author's Note

This was somewhat hard to write as I am not transgender but I do have some body image issues . Remember it gets better.
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