“I’m serious, Spike!”
“And I seriously don’t believe you.” Spike firmly stated. “That’s something right out of Power Ponies and you know it.”
“I’ll show you as soon as we get back to the library.” You promised.
“Darn right you will.” Spike responded while doing his best to glare at you over the hefty roll of parchment he was carrying in his arms. “Can’t wait to see how you do this without a horn.”
You held the door to Quills and Sofas open for Spike, who hobbled down the step to the dirt path below. After readjusting your grip on your share of supplies for the library you followed after the much smaller drake.
“Don’t need magic for this one, Spike.” You answered as the two of you neared the edge of the bustling Ponyville market.
“Well, how else could you possibly mind control Twilight?” Spike asked aloud. So loud, in fact, that you noticed some nearby ponies, Roseluck and Daisy, shot an inquisitive look to you from their flower stall. Those two were quite prone to gossip, at least according to Rarity, so you made doubly sure you and Spike walked out of earshot before you continued the conversation.
“Well, how’d it work in the comics?”
“What? With the Mind Writer?”
“Is he a super-villain? How’d he mind control ponies?”
“He was a mediocre writer who couldn’t get anyone to buy his stuff, but he found an ancient spell which allowed him to control whoever read the books he enchanted. He had ponies give him tons of their bits and made them forget the whole thing. Worked pretty well for a few issues until Mistress Mare-velous figured out what was going on.”
A chuckle left your lips once you heard Spike’s enthusiastic tone; explaining Power Ponies lore definitely excited him.
“How’d that work out for him?”
“A whole lot of bruises after Mare-velous got to him; he couldn’t put up a fight at all. He got a surprisingly short prison sentence, but that leads into a pretty funny issue where he tries to mind control himself to be able to fight better.”
“Sounds like a flawless plan.”
“I’ll let you read them once we get back, I’ve got ‘em upstairs.”
“Sounds fun.” You replied as you turned the corner at Sugarcube Corner to bring the Golden Oak Library into view down the road. The two of you walked in silence until you neared the massive oaken house.
“Anyway, I don’t need any of that crazy magic stuff to control Twilight.”
“Yeah, right.” Spike responded with an eye roll.
“Nope, just science.”
“Huh, you know, with all that phone-thing of yours can do I wouldn’t have been surprised…” Spike trailed off.
“Nah, don’t need that either. That and the thing probably won’t ever turn on again since its outta power.” You recalled. “It’s much, much simpler.”
“There’s no way mind control can be simple, Anon.”
“I’ll give you that; it did take a doctor to figure it out. He did it on a bunch of dogs.”
“Twilight’s a bit smarter than a dog, you know.” Spike responded in disbelief.
“Eh, maybe a little…” You said, making a so-so gesture with a hand. “I mean, the guy’s technique worked wonders on Twilight.”
Spike merely sighed and shook his head in dissatisfaction as the two of you came to the red, candle-adorned front door of the Golden Oaks Library. You stepped ahead of Spike to open the door for him.
“And it’s all thanks to these.” You remarked while pointing at down to your pair of shoes, wiggling your right foot around for emphasis.
“And now I know you’re lying.” Spike pronounced as he sauntered past you. “We’re back, Twilight!”
You ducked below the doorframe and walked into the library behind Spike. The little dragon let out, at least in his mind, a menacing roar as he hoisted the roll of paper above his head and heaved it towards the center of the room. A trail of unraveled paper snaked its way through the foyer of the library and came to a rest at a distant bookshelf. Spike paid the mess little heed and instead swaggered to the nearby bathroom mirror. Through an open door you saw him striking poses and flexing his little arms, searching for the slightest hint of muscle to impress Rarity with. As you went to wind the parchment back around the spool hoofsteps came from your favorite mare on the stairs.
“Welcome back!” Twilight announced. She came down the steps with her muzzle in a book suspended by her magical purple aura. Despite her focus on the book she didn’t trip up at all while descending the staircase. Twilight did, however, remain oblivious to the unraveled scroll strewn about the floor and stepped right on it without noticing, forcing you to stop raveling it back.
“How’s my favorite human doing?” Twilight asked, lowering the book to reveal her smiling face to you. You didn’t bother voicing a response and instead cracked a smile of your own as Twilight reared in front of you and squeezed her forelegs against your sides in a hug. You reciprocated by bringing your arms around her barrel and rubbing the small of her back. Twilight stretched her head towards yours and gave you a light peck on the cheek. “Now where’s my favorite little dragon?”
Twilight broke the hug and began looking back and forth around the room. She looked back to you for an answer and you obliged by pointing towards the ajar bathroom door. Once she saw Spike still flexing the unicorn stifled a laugh by bringing a forehoof to her mouth before trotting in. Spike’s muffled protests could barely be heard over Twilight’s magic forcing the baby dragon in for a loving hug.
Twilight’s fawning gave you just enough time to finish rolling up the paper and set it on the center table. Twilight shoved the door open and happily trotted towards the supplies you bought. Spike came out behind her dragging his feet rubbing his right cheek and bemoaning her giving him multiple kisses.
Lucky guy, she only gave you one.
“Oooh! Perfect!” Twilight cheerfully chirped as she magically picked up the enormous roll of paper and, to your minor annoyance, unfurled at least ten feet of it before tearing it away.
“Eeesh, what do you need so much paper for?” You asked.
“A follow-up friendship report to Celestia! Twilight stated, moving her head into the overturned bag to sift through the ink bottles, quills, and other knickknacks you picked up. “I realized I left out a couple details when I sent it last night.”
“Good to be thorough, I suppose.”
“On that note, did you two find everything alright? We’re so short on stuff I hope you triple-checked that checklist.”
“Eh, sorry Twi. Only double-checked it.”
Twilight stopped examining a set of manila borrowing cards and shifted her eyes towards you, narrowing them into an inquisitive squint. Your eyes locked onto hers in return. After a few seconds the unicorn scrunched up her nose and furrowed her brows a bit more which, unfortunately for you, ended up breaking you through sheer cuteness. Your emerging sly grin gave away the truth.
“Don’t scare me like that.” Twilight lightly scolded.
You walked off towards the kitchen where you saw Spike scamper a few moments ago. Sounds of a cork popping off an ink bottle and the scratching of quill on parchment came from behind you. Spike had scampered on top of the counter and helped himself to the stash of gemstones stored in the cupboard above. As nice as it was that Spike was capable of getting snacks for himself you weren’t too pleased with him dirtying up the counters with his feet. You made a mental note to both wash the counter and also move those jewels to an easier to reach place later.
“You ready, Spike?”
“Just got some snacks to watch the show.” Spike replied as he sat down in the doorway. “So what’ll you make her do? Some backflips or something?”
“Eh, something a bit more subtle, but I think you’ll like it.”
You poked your head through the doorway and, as expected, Twilight remained distracted by her writing. You hadn’t tried “controlling” her in any other situations, but this definitely meant your trick had the highest chance of working. You motioned Spike to keep his chewing noises down to ensure nothing distracted Twilight. You tip-toed as quietly as possible towards the distracted mare and came just close enough to peer past her horn and forward facing ears to see her jotting down something about her sleepover with Rarity and Applejack the other day. You pressed the heel of your right shoe down hard and harshly twisted your foot against the wooden floor. A loud squeak emanated from the rubber sole all throughout the library.
Instantly Twilight’s ears swiveled towards the sound and, without missing a beat, they relaxed once she registered the sound. Happy that Twilight Sparkle’s training had paid off you stepped closer and rewarded the little mare with some light ear scratching for a few short seconds. Using both hands you pampered each purple ear, gently gripping the apex of each one and lazily stroking the pinna up and down with your thumb. After a second of scratching between Twilight’s ears you backed away and headed towards the kitchen and a very confused, unamused Spike.
“Did you even do anything?” A dour Spike questioned as you walked past him into the kitchen. “All you did was massage her head.”
“Yeah, I kinda figured this’d take some explaining.”
“It better. You got me all hyped, too.”
“So, back on Earth when I was in school, a teacher taught me about a psychologist, Dr. Pavlov, who brought dogs food and always rang a bell when he fed them. He did it for weeks and eventually the dogs just started salivating whenever they heard the bell, even if food wasn’t there. It’s called classical conditioning.”
“Okay… And what does that have to do with getting all feelsy with Twilight?” Spike scrutinized.
“For over a month now, every time I’ve squeaked my shoe I’ve scratched Twilight’s head. I’m pretty sure she just expects it now on some subconscious level.”
“Whuh? Why?! What’s the point? Why wouldn’t you just make her do something cool?”
“It doesn’t work that way Spike, I mean, I didn’t even think this would work at all.”
“But does it?”
“What do you mean?” You asked.
“Is Twilight actually relaxing because of your noisy shoe or because she knows you’re right there and will likely give her a massage?”
“Oh… yeah, I guess you’re right” You admitted. You actually had no idea whether your experiment actually worked.
At least for another couple seconds you wouldn’t.
“I think we can figure this out right now.” You declared after a moment of thinking. You walked to the kitchen doorway and waved Spike over. “Let’s see what she does when I do it again.”
Like before, Twilight was completely engrossed in her writing when she heard the loud squeak behind her. Her ears twisted around, focused towards where the sound originated from, and then shifted back forward and relaxed when they didn’t detect any noise after a few seconds. Spike and you stared at Twilight all throughout the process and you eagerly awaited any kind of reaction.
“What are we looking for?” Spike whispered, looking up at you and pulling your pant leg to get your attention. You responded by simply pointing back at Twilight.
Twilight had stopped writing, brought her head up, and stared forward. She set the quill in her magical field down and, much to your delight, brought a forehoof up to the space behind her horn and between your ears. She rubbed the edge of her hoof back and forth atop her head to scratch at the unexpected itch; slowly at first, but soon increased the pace of her back and forth motion. The unicorn let out a small huff of frustration as her hoof evidentially wasn’t enough. Twilight’s horn produced its familiar lavender glow a purple, marble-sized sphere of concentrated magic popped into existence just behind her head. The sphere pressed itself into her mane and began moving to and fro to massage her head, but once again the unicorn wasn’t satisfied. Another orb popped into existence and began its own kneading. And then another. You figured that was proof enough and you sprang into action by deftly walking towards your friend in distress.
Twilight’s magic fizzled out as your fingers pressed against her scalp and began scratching her troublesome itch. A satisfied coo came from Twilight and she turned her head to get a better look at you.
“Thanks, Anon. I really needed that.”
“Any time, Twi.”
“You wouldn’t believe how nasty that itch was, it was crazy.”
“Eh, happens to everyone.”
The hum of magic signaled Twilight picking up her quill again to get back to writing, and you turned around and walked back to the kitchen.
“Told ya, Spike. Mind control.”
Spike, suddenly quite nervous, shifted his weight from one side to another and fidgeted with his tail in his claws.
“So, uh, Anon… Think you can teach me to do that on Rarity?”
Author's Note
Posted on August 21, 2017
https://pastebin.com/yugDPSKn
Classical conditioning happens at an unconscious level, and it happens to us every day.
Even an intelligent, sapient individual will have a hard time suppressing the involuntary urges and responses even if they realize what's going on.
I've conditioned myself to do quite a few ridiculous things over the years. You almost certainly have too, and maybe you've even accidentally 'trained' someone else to act in one way or another.
It can be pretty hard to notice some of the stranger interactions, but they're oddly entertaining once you realize what's happening.
Twilight versus the Seat Heater
”Anooooon!” Twilight dragged out. “It’s too c-c-cold!”
“That’s exactly why we’re going to the mall, Twi.”
The purple unicorn you cradled in your arms nestled into your body even more as you walked towards your parked car. Try as she might, Twilight Sparkle found no relief from the bitter temperatures biting at the both of you. The little pony’s coat had grown out as winter drew near to provide some much needed insulation, but the mild winters of Ponyville were absolutely nothing compared to the sub-zero temperatures Earth’s winter brought this year. It wasn’t just the temperatures either; Pegasi kept the snowfall to a minimum back in Ponyville, but here the recent Blizzard had brought the snow above Twilight’s knees and she couldn’t even trot through it without great difficulty.When you were in Equestria with Twilight all she threw on to combat the cold was a scarf, a saddle on her back, and some yellow boots to keep her hooves dry. It was all the winter-wear Twilight had and it still left her woefully unprepared. You needed to rectify that.
Twilight and you had been putting off Christmas shopping for far too long and this was simply the price you had to pay. More importantly, you two slacked off on heading to a department store to get her a winter pony coat. The sudden appearance of Equestrians opened up new markets all across the board, and new products appeared for equines on a daily basis. Even clothing corporations churned out apparel like no tomorrow, despite the little ponies’ habits of almost never wearing anything. You thought of ordering a coat online but had no idea how sizes worked for these pony garments. To avoid any hassle the two of you agreed on a date to head to the mall. Today was that day.
After trudging through the deep snow you finally came to where your car was parked. So deep were the mountains of snow atop the car they made it nigh impossible to see the make and model buried below.Numb, gloved fingers reached into your pocket and thankfully hit the unlock button without much difficulty. You moved to the passenger side as quickly as you could and yanked at the door handle.
Once. The snow atop it fell off.
Twice. You felt it give way and open a crack.
Thrice. The door swung wide open, brushing snow from atop the car and cracking whatever moisture had formed the frozen seal which impeded your progress.
You quickly and gently lowered your shivering companion to the car seat. As expected, the inside of the car was barely any warmer than the outside and Twilight let out a frustrated grunt as her buttocks settled in. Twilight didn’t complain, but as she curled up into a ball to conserve heat she looked up at you with pleading eyes like you’ve never seen before. She wordlessly begged you to help her.
“One sec.” You instructed as you slammed the door shut and jogged over to the driver’s seat.
After starting up the engine you immediately cranked the heater up as high as it could go. Much to your displeasure the heater needed time to warm up, and air that wasn’t even lukewarm blew from the vents. Though it would also take a few minutes to feel the effects, you powered on the driver and passenger seat heater as well.
“It’ll take a few minutes, but I promise it’ll get much comfier once we get going.”
“Okay…” Twilight mumbled, which you barely heard. “Do you have a blanket?”
“Yeah, of course.” You responded as you reached around to the back seats.
Your oversized winter gear made it an arduous task, but you managed to snag the plaid blanket as well as the snow scraper on your car’s back seat.You threw the squeegee to your side and focused your attention on unfolding the blanket around Twilight. The little mage wasted no time seizing the opportunity for warmth, and her hooves and mouth tugged at the corners of the blanket to tuck it beneath her. You helped as best you could by lifting up a foreleg and nudging the blanket beneath to get her comfy. As Twilight finished wrapping the blanket around herself you stepped back out into the frosty air with your scraper to swab away the snow. As quickly as possible you went from windshield to windshield brushing off all the offending white you saw. Thankfully while nothing was frozen to the car, the sheer amount of snow that had fallen down still required your attention.
Once you had hopped back into the driver’s seat you tossed the tool to the back floor, pulled off your gloves, cupped them in front of your face, and began blowing into your hands. Slowly but surely, feeling came back to your fingers and you placed them in front of a vent now puffing slightly warm air into your car. You glanced over at Twilight who again looked up at you with a look of concern, this time for your own safety.
“Are you okay?”
“Just a little cold. Nothing I can’t handle, Twi.”
“You’re sure? You know… If we can go back inside I can get my spell book and-“
“Uh uh, nope.” You interrupted.
“I could cast a warmth enchantment.” Twilight finished.
“Twilight, you know how… finicky magic is with human stuff, at least from what we’ve looked at.”
You learned that the hard way. The very first day Twilight came to Earth she broke your microwave trying to figure out what heating spells the machine used to warm up foods. The poor thing didn’t even survive beyond her basic probing spells.
Twilight grumbled to herself as she further snugged into the blanket.
“Just sit tight, the drive isn’t too long anyway.” You said as the car kicked up snow and slowly inched forward.
The poor, snow-caked condition of the roads was to be expected, but thankfully it served as a deterrent to other motorists as the streets were relatively clear. Under normal circumstances your inquisitive friend would have her head pressed against the window to take in all the sights you passed, but Twilight was so uncomfortable she kept herself bundled up in a ball on the seat. As you came to a halt at a stoplight you reached over and dug your fingers into the base of Twilight’s neck, giving her a loving rub. At least she’d stopped shivering. As the light turned green you decided to strike up a conversation.
“Feeling any better?”
“A little… Is this chair heating up?”
“Yup, real handy for the cold. Like it?”
“Mmm hmm.” Twilight answered, spreading herself out against the cushion to better warm up.
“Know what’s at the mall?”
“Never really looked it up.”
“We can stop at the book store first. They’ve got a nice coffee shop inside too. Can get some hot cocoa or something.”
“That sounds nice. Do they have any comic books?”
“Hmm? You mean for Spike?” You asked. “Yeah, we can pick some up for him.”
“He’ll like that. He’s been asking me to get him some for Hearth’s Warming.”
“Christmas, Twilight. Humanland has Christmas.”
Twilight blew a raspberry at you.
“So what’re you getting everyone for Christmas?”
“Everypony.” She corrected. A quick glance at her revealed the slightest hint of a smug grin.
“Well, Spike isn’t a pony. Him and me not getting any presents this year?”
“For Christmas, no. If you’re nice…” Twilight trailed off, bringing a hoof to her muzzle in fake thought. “I might consider some Hearth’s Warming gifts instead.”
“Gifts? I heard a plural word there.”
“Quantity isn’t necessarily better than quality, Anon.”
“You spent an entire afternoon working out that checklist of what to get, like, a dozen people.”
“Ponies.” Twilight once again corrected. “And there was also a big, dumb human on there too, but I can’t remember its name.”
“Can’t remember the name?” You asked with mock exasperation. “Here I thought you were the smart one.”
“I’d pull the scroll out and check, but that human’s understanding of the arcane arts is so primitive he’s afraid a little magic will blow his car sky high.”
“You haven’t seen enough movies; should be thanking that guy for saving your life.” You answered, pulling to a stop at another intersection.
Warming up had evidently loosened Twilight’s tongue. The purple pony had unfurled from her cat-like ball and had spread out to take in more hotness from the car seat. She sat herself up on her haunches, bringing herself nearly eye level with you. She pushed her fore hooves into the cushion to better press herself against the heating pad at her back, as if it would heat up more just for her. A barely audible coo came from Twilight as her spine was bathed in warmth. Her tail thrashed around beneath the blanket she was wrapped in, it almost looked like it yearned to break free.
“If you want, you can recline the seat if you hold down a button to the right.”
“Really?!” Twilight exclaimed.
She was much too enthralled by this, but that’s why you loved her.
Twilight used a hoof to fiddle with the buttons to her side. First the chair scooted forward an inch, then back one. She rose up, down too much, up again, and then finally managed to find the button to bring the back downwards. Twilight fell backwards as the car lurched forward and, though it wasn’t completely reclined, it satisfied Twilight’s needs well enough.
“Wait ‘till I tell Celestia about this…” She declared, shifting her body to look at you with half-lidded eyes. “The Canterlot Friendship Express could do with enchanted seats like this.”
“What, they never thought of enchanting their seats or whatever?”
“Maybe. I guess having a good unicorn maintain the spell would probably get expensive.”
You turned the corner, bringing the mall into view down the snowy road. A minute of silence pervaded your conversation.
“Seriously though, what’re we gonna get your friends?”
“Rarity wanted some human fashion magazines, for obvious reasons.”
“No surprise there. We can find ‘em at the book store too.”
“Apple Bloom is obsessed with “hoomin” stuff right now, according to Applejack.”
“So AJ wants something she’ll just regift to Apple Bloom?”
“She was not subtle about it.”
“Sounds like Applejack. What about the others?”
“Pinkie wants any kind of candy that isn’t in Equestria. Mostly stuff for baking.”
“Well, she’s in luck, there’s a candy shop inside the mall.”
“Fluttershy wants a quilt, though I’m not sure if she wanted it for herself or for the animals.”
“Does it matter?”
“I’d rather we didn’t buy a nice blanket only for her to let the critters tear it to shreds.”
“Good point. Something middle of the road, in that case?”
“That or a bunch of cheap ones.”
“Eh, we’ll figure it out later. How about Ardee?”
“In true Dash fashion she told me she didn’t care.”
“Guess we’ll figure that out later, too.” You declared, pulling into a parking spot in the unsurprisingly quite vacant parking lot. It’s got to be hard to compete with both online shopping and the bad weather. You unbuckled your seatbelt and took a moment to savor the comfort of the car, and prepared yourself for the piercing cold just outside.
“Ready, Twi?” You asked, looking over to your passenger.
Twilight only groaned in response, trying to wrap herself tighter in her blanket cocoon.
“With the car turned off it’s only gonna get colder, you know.”
“Noooo…” Twilight stammered. “Too cold.”
The pony squirmed around in her seat, shifting around to find which spot was still the warmest. In her fidgeting the blanket fell low and exposed her underbelly. A grave mistake on her part. Quick as lighting you shot a hand over to her chest and began ruffling her fluffy purple coat. Twilight’s hooves tried to clamp down in defense but she was far too late, and she only ended up pressing your hand further down to her belly. Her cries for mercy fell on deaf ears as you stroked up and down her tummy.
“C’mon, grab your bags and let’s go.”
Twilight adjusted her scarf, fixed her boots on, and slipped her saddlebag harness over her back and, instead of opening her own passenger door, quickly scooted over the armrests and driver’s seat through your opened door.
“Ugh...” You sighed. “Someday I’ll teach you proper etiquette.”
“Hoo…” Twilight exhaled into the cold air. “And someday you guys’ll have pegasi to make sure the weather isn’t so crappy.”
Author's Note
Posted on December 24, 2017
https://pastebin.com/zghrF5K6
I mostly wrote this to get some practice in with writing a longer conversation, one not necessarily punctuated by lots of action.
This is also the first time I wrote a “Ponies in Earth” scenario. I really like the concept of Twilight becoming amazed over some ridiculous, simple invention we take for granted, like a microwave or a car’s additional features.
Originally, I planned for Twilight to talk about what she wanted to give to her parents, Shining and Cadance, Celestia, and Luna, but I figured I was just dragging it on at that point.
I didn’t have much of a plan for the ending, so it just kinda stops for better or worse. I’m sure I’ll think of some good material later, like always, but the only thing I could think of was a scene of Twilight finding an escalator and talking about how ridiculous it is. Maybe I'll write another part with the reader and Twilight actually shopping in the mall.
