Author's Note

The following chapter is an earnest attempt at being funny. Enjoy!

Groggy

Twilight arose from her slumber, eyes half-lidded and half-awake. She stretched and yawned as she reached for her glasses, but couldn't find them. She blinked, then muttered under her breath to herself, remembering that she keeps them in her bathroom. She got out of bed slowly, not bothering to make it since she was in a bit of a daze and just wanted to put on her glasses.

Twilight found her way to the bathroom and her glasses. She put them on and stared at herself in the mirror. She sighed, staring at someone who looked like she was out all night drinking and paying for it at the moment. Twilight rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath again. Now that she could properly see what was in front of her, she headed downstairs.

As Twilight entered the kitchen, she had her first coherent thought of the day: Coffee. She started raiding the pantry looking for coffee beans.

"Morning, Twilight!" said a voice behind her.

Twilight turned around and saw her pet dog, Spike. She muttered under her breath.

Spike looked and smiled. "Ah, it's one of those mornings, huh? Well I'll check in with you later once you're at one hundred percent."

Twilight gave Spike a smile. As best as a half-awake person almost desperately searching for caffeine can muster, at least.

Spike said "You're welcome!" and left the kitchen.

Coffee. Thought Twilight. Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee. After a few minutes, she was unable to find coffee. She walked over to the table and banged her head on it, causing her first two words of the day to come tumbling out of her mouth. "Ow. FUCK." Twilight, much like her friends Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, hardly swore. The only times they would swear would normally be under extreme conditions. And at this very moment, not only lacking coffee but also giving yourself a headache early in the morning certainly felt like an extreme condition. Though maybe banging her head on the table repeatedly might just wake her up...or give her a concussion or something. No. Coffee first.

Twilight sighed and picked her head off the table. Maybe if she found a soda, anything with caffeine, that just might perk her up a little. As she continued what she fervently hoped was not a fruitless effort, she idly wondered where everyone was. She knew her parents weren't on vacation, they just had one.

Suddenly a thought occurred. Are they getting coffee coffee coffee coffee?! She sputtered, still not fully awake yet able to have somewhat coherent thoughts. She let out a frustrated noise.

"Heya, Twily!" said a newcomer in the room. Shining Armor walked in, giving his younger sister a big smile, then noticed the look on her face. "Ah, it's one of those mornings, huh?" When Twilight's like this, there's only one way to communicate with her. thought Shining Armor.

Twilight's phone buzzed.

Rough awakening? - Sent by Shining Armor

Blargh. - Sent by Twilight Sparkle

Where's the coffee?! - Sent by Twilight Sparkle

No coffee no Twily! - Sent by Twilight Sparkle

Shining Armor laughed.

Mom and Dad went to get coffee. Don't worry, Twily. They'll be here soon. - Sent by Shining Armor

Shining Armor saw Twilight's eyes light up.

Yay! Coffee coffee coffee! - Sent by Twilight Sparkle

Any soda? Twily want caffeine! - Sent by Twilight Sparkle

You know, for someone who's tired, you sure seem energetic. - Sent by Shining Armor

Twilight slowly turned her head from her phone and gave her Big Brother Best Friend Forever a death glare that would make even Gaea Everfree shit herself. Seeing this, Shining Armor slowly, cautiously walked backwards. He knew his little sister was incapable of killing, but at the moment he didn't want to take that chance. "Okay...good talk."

Again, Twilight banged her head on the table. There was a flaw in this action, as it only increased the pain on her forehead and did nothing to alleviate the lack of caffeine flowing through her bloodstream, nor wake her up any further. Seconds seemed like minutes. Minutes seemed like hours. In a tone of voice that sounded like a drunken frat girl trying to sing a national anthem she just discovered, Twilight Sparkle said "TWILY WANT COFFEE!" and to emphasize that point, she yet again, banged her head on the table. "FUCK."

Maybe she should just fall back asleep right on this table and by the time she woke up, the coffee would be here! Actually, that sounds uncomfortable. She should have just stayed in bed. At least there she would still be comfy! Why did she bother to get out? Because she didn't know there wasn't any freaking coffee in the house, that's why! Maybe this was a dream. Oh please let it be a dream! Then she would wake up to a house filled with the smell of coffee, the taste of coffee! In Coffee Land, where everything is caffeinated, even the air! She didn't care how batshit McFucking crazy it sounded, she just wanted coffee! Wow. All this energy she was expending on her internal ranting was tiring her. What she needed was a nice cup of goddammit! she thought.

She heard the front door open, and for the first time in her life, beat Spike in speed for the arrival of her parents. Night Light and Twilight Velvet saw the look on their daughter's face. Twilight Velvet laughed.

"Ah, it's one of those mornings, huh?" said Twilight Sparkle's father.

Twilight frantically helped her parents with the groceries, not caring that she was outside in her pajamas, in broad daylight, she just. Wanted. COFFEE! Once she finished carrying them all in, she resisted the urge to tear apart each bag just to find those blessed beans! Upon finally, finally finding the bag of coffee beans, Twilight Sparkle shed a tear of happiness and could swear she heard an angelic choir off in the distance. She took a deep whiff of the bag, and shuddered with delight.

She tore open the bag and turned on the coffee maker, intently watching the coffee being made. It felt like her whole life was leading up to this moment! With the coffee finally finished, she took a mug and filled it up. Not taking any chances of savoring this moment lest her cup spilleth over, she gulped it down. A large smile spread across her face.

"Morning, Mom and Dad!" she said cheerfully.