Spike Uses old Spice
By Bendelsohn
Spike grudgingly walked home from the store back to the Library. He was rather annoyed with the reason he was going there. Earlier that day, Twilight had told him that he was coming to that age when Dragons begin to grow up. And that it was a smelly process. She had essentially ordered him to go to the convenience store and pick up some deoderant. He didn’t have much of a choice, given that if he didn’t, Twilight would make sure he didn’t get any ice cream for the rest of the month. It wasn’t something he was happy about, but going to buy deodorant was far better than the alternative.
In the bag Spike carried was an object that held at least a bit of interest to him. A small container full of Old Spice Body Spray. It had been at the very back of the shelf, almost invisible, yet he had been drawn to it for some reason. It just seemed to say to him that it would serve his interests better than any of the others. He could feel it bouncing around in the bag as he walked.
Eventually, he reached the Library. Twilight looked awkwardly at him as he walked in.
“So, did you um... get it?”
“Yeah, whatever. I’m just gonna go put this stupid thing on and get this over with.”
He ascended the stairs and reached his room. He took out the can of old spice, and attempted to smell it. It’s scent was close to indescribable. The closest he could come up with was that it was the smell of a bear on a motorcycle fighting a pirate army on the moon.
That was unexpected. A little bit confused, but still determined to get his ice cream, spike reluctantly sprayed both of his pits with the old spice. The minute he sprayed his second pit, something consumed him. An overwhelmingly powerful sensation surged through his body. He saw what must have been infinity on fire. He felt like a salty sea-space captain fighting godzilla with a wooden spoon, and winning.
His vision suddenly cleared. He realized that he had been floating above the ground, arms stretched outward. He fell back to his knees. Twilight came in, nearly kicking down the door in the process.
“Spike, what in the world was that noise? I heard an explosion! Did you set the deodorant on fire? did anything break? What could possibly make a noise so powerful anyway-” Twilight’s rapid pace of speaking was suddenly stopped. Her eyes were wide. She approached spike, and sniffed him. She fainted immediately.
Spike had no idea what had just happened. Somehow though, he felt something in his powerful armpits that knew what had happened and what to do. He casually pointed at twilight, and through the sheer power of his scent, lifted her into the air and floated her into her bed. Spike should have been confused and scared, but he wasn’t. He felt more in control than ever. He walked downstairs. Upon arriving, he found a checklist of things to do that Twilight had been preparing for him. First among them was going to rarity to get a certain perfume mixture, presumably for use in some sort of potion she was making. Spike had nothing better to do, so he decided to get that done while Twilight was unconscious.
Spike had an unusual air of confidence about him. Although he remained the same size as he had always been, he felt like a towering giant capable of eating a mountain and washing it down with a refreshing cup of exploding acid. Mares that frequently ignored him on a regular basis were looking in his direction, tongues wagging, often much to the distaste of their boyfriends. He was successful in ignoring them, until he came across something that really got his attention. Diamond Tiara and Silver spoon seemed to be ganging up on Applebloom.
“Good gracious, just look at you. I would have thought that you Earth ponies would put up at least a little bit of a fight, right silver?”
“Right as always, Diamond.”
Applebloom looked like she had been fighting the two. She was injured, although not seriously. “Y’all know that wasn’t fair! It was two against one, and both a’ you was carryin sticks!”
“Excuses, excuses. Now, Silver, let’s go. This dweeb got what she deserved.”
“You aren’t going anywhere.” Diamond and Silver both turned at spike’s rock-shatteringly manly voice. they suddenly looked very nervous.
“O-oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?” Sputtered Silver spoon with obvious false confidence.
“SOOOOAP!” Shouted Spike, somehow sounding now even manlier. Both of them immediately exploded, leaving behind only bars of power-scented bars of soap. He then picked them up and tossed them to a particularly dirty looking homeless pony in the distance. He seemed pleased. Applebloom looked with gaping eyes. She then looked at spike, eyes gaping even wider. He could have sworn her pupils had turned to tiny hearts. Spike continued on to Rarity’s house.
********
Upon arriving, Spike knocked on Rarity’s door, shattering it instantly.
“Just a minute!” Rarity shouted from upstairs, her hoofsteps quickly descending. “I’m sorry darling, I was just b-” The moment Rarity saw spike, her jaw nearly dropped through the floor. Her nose twitched. She took a long breath in and smelled Spike for who he had become: a Dragon/Spartan warrior with the combined strength of 254.37 oxen and six camels. She could have orgasmed right there. Instead, she hovered over to Spike, her pupils having been replaced by cartoon hearts.
“Y-your so... powerf-”
Spike cut her off mid-observation.
“I know.”
With that, he wrapped his arms around Rarity. With nothing more than the sheer power of his scent, he lept into the sky. He did not fall back down. He was so powerful that the wind simply decided to flow faster over the top of his body than under. The same happened for Rarity, as the wind bent to his powerful will.
They began their flight through the equestrian skies. Spike wore the expression of a man who had built six log cabins in 90 minutes with his big toe. Rarity’s was more along the lines of Euphoric glee. She was high off the mind altering scent of Spike the dragon. Spike began to speak.
“Lady Rarity, be my queen, and we can rule this land together. Celestia is no match for my power. So although I’m aware the answer to this question is painfully obvious, would you be mine for the rest of time?”
“Of cooooooouurse.” Rarity’s speech was slurred, due to the exposure to spike’s power, and the fact that she would never have passed any driving test in her state at the time. She turned to kiss him. The moment she did, everything went wrong. Spike became even more powerful than he was before, which was incomprehensibly powerful to begin with. Spike’s power exploded, along with everything else in a 5 mile radius. He remembered feeling gravity kick in before he blacked out.
…
When Spike woke up, he saw nothing but desolation. His power had become too much for his body to handle end everyone he knew was dead because of it. It was too much for him. Spike shed the single most powerful tear ever given in all of history. The sky suddenly appeared to open. From it, descended what appeared to be a shirtless black man. His power resonated to Spike, shaking him to his dragon core. The man opened his mouth, surely to deliver his sage, God-like words of wisdom.
“It would seem that you have misused the power of old spice, my friend.”
Spike only nodded in agreement. “That is a powerful mistake you have made. You know what they say, with great power comes the great need to not destroy everything in the universe. Thankfully for you though, you’ve only destroyed a few miles of land. That’s good, because fixing the universe is much harder.”
Rainbows suddenly began to burst from his ears. they spread across the land, giving life back to what had been destroyed. “Your body was not ready for that kind of scent Spike, perhaps someday it will be.” Rockets appeared from under his feet. They propelled him above the clouds and back into the heavens, where he feasted on the souls of gluttons.
Spike stood speechless in the middle of Ponyville. He no longer felt the strength of a bear doing pull ups on an F-15 fighter jet. He just felt like Spike. Of course, He wouldn’t have known that, seeing as nobody in ponyville had any memory of the ordeal. As Spike walked back to the Library, he noticed an unusually clean looking homeless pony.
