Testing humans for fun and purification
Testing humans for fun and purification
“Alright, listen up, you worthless parasites!” Honey Bun exclaimed, looking over a row of humans standing in front of her.
There were also several ponies at each side of the row -- just in case. Not that humans would try to run away or fight back -- despite their useless bragging about how cool and rebellious they are, they made good and obedient slaves.
Especially those who was the most vocal about rebellious side of humans.
“You are here today to become test subjects, because, apparently, some idiots wanted to brage that humans are capable of anything more than being primitive slaves. I’m going to find out, if it’s true or not. If it’s not true, you’ll remain our slaves. If it’s true -- we will kill every single one of you. Either way, we’ve already won.”
She pulled out a sheet of paper with printed text on it.
“Okay, we’ll start with toxicity. This paper claims that your saliva and body oils is ultra-corrosive to the others. Let’s find out.”
She walked to the nearest human and ripped his jaw apart, sampling some saliva from the tongue. Then she put it on her skin.
She did the same with sweat, after tearing out this human’s arm apart.
“Nothing.”
She spit on the wounded human, her saliva immediately dissolved his skin, muscles, and even some bones.
“Okay, first one is utter bullshit.”
She looked at the paper.
“Strong vocal cords.”
Honey Bun made another humans scream out of pain when she broke his knee.
“Nothing.”
She screamed on him, ripping his skin apart by sheer power of her vocal cords.
“Second is bullshit.”
Honey Bun looked again.
“Third is bullshit because ponies aren’t a plant form of life and we’re definitely not fearing you. You are too pathetic for it.”
She cleared her throat before continuing:
“Okay, time for short points.”
Honey Bun took a human and poured several tons of red chili peppers in his mouth, causing him death. Then she did the same to herself, and just smiled when she was done.
Then she took two airplanes, put on in a human’s mouth, ripping him apart. She ate another airplane in a second, without showing any signs of discomfort.
The earth pony took a Barrett M82 rifle and shoot herself in a head from a black-point range. The bullet only pierced her skin which regenerated immediately.
Then she did the same with a human, blowing his brains out.
“Hm… it states that a human will fight for hours after being shot, be he didn’t even start. He just died from being shot. So, bullshit.”
Honey Bun took off, flied to California and decapitated Arnold Schwarzenegger, then returned back and threw the head at the humans.
“You former bloody god. And Rambo is a fictional character.”
She removed a leg from a human and prepared to fight him, but he soon died because of blood loss and shock.
Then she flew away with a human, dropped him on the ground and started to run around him at night, without making herself detectable. He didn’t even notice her going to him and turning him into a bloody stain on the ground.
“You can’t reproduce anymore, because we sterilized every single one of you. This short point is bullshit.”
She made a human to bite her, causing him to break all his bones, while he didn’t even pierce her skin. No infection was transmitted, too. Then she bit a human herself, chewing off a large part of his face, causing a catastrophic necrosis because of her infectious mouth. Infectious towards lesser races, of course.
Honey Bun then used Jackie Chan as an improvised weapon to kill another human, breaking her weapon in the process as well.
“No improvised weapons used by humans. Bullshit point.”
She read further.
“All your bodily fluids are harmless for us, so bullshit. Also -- how can you use door handles if you don’t have limbs?”
She tore apart all four limbs off a human and threw what’s left of him next to the door handle. Of course he couldn’t figure it out.
“So, all short points are bullshit.”
She used her communicator to connect to another pony:
“How’s it going?”
“That point about endurance is bullshit! Humans didn’t last even a year without food, water, sleep and air! And they got tired so often that we had to kill them so they won’t hinder us.”
Honey Bun nodded, then broke a leg of a human, making it an open type, then saw how bloodloss killed him.
“Breaking leg is fatal. Another bullshit.”
She cut another human’s belly open, then did it for herself. Her belly regenerated in a minute, while human’s did not. And he died.
“Recovering is bullshit. And your medicine is bullshit too -- you didn’t even achieve biological immortality and can’t cure such a simple disease like cancer.
And like I said, you can’t pick anything and run with it, if you don’t have libs, so bullshit as well.”
Honey Bun smiled, revealing her teeth. Then she took steel rail and gnawed on it, turning it into metal rubbish.
“Your teeth can’t even bend a steel rail, so bullshit. And your animal collaboration is bullshit as well, because you still suffer from their misbehavior, while we fully control all insects and other animals.”
She summoned a pack of rabbits and mosquitoes and made then kill another human.
Then Honey Bun poured another ton of toxic pepper into a human, killing him, then punched another one so hard that he flew on the Sun and was fried alive, caused the other human’s ears to explode by playing some pony music next to him, reminded humans that such games do not exist anymore, pushed a human out of a plane with a sheet of fabric, making him die due to the impact on the ground, pointed out that natural disasters’ locations are still empty, reminding that no humans climb the mountains, reminded that dogs evolved and humans didn’t invent shit, reminded that elephants and dolphins are much more intelligent than humans and reminded that a single krogan can kill a bunch of former military and armed humans with ease.
“All those points are utter, hypocritical and lying bullshit. Just like all humans.”
She took a human and put him in the cage with a dozen of hungry cheetahs.
“Huh. Superior human couldn’t fight a pack of hungry cheetahs. Another bullshit. And we already proved that humans don’t have any endurance.”
Honey Bun destroyed the paper sheet and turned to the remained humans.
“Okay, so all those points are bullshit and you are the most inferior species in the Universe. So, you will remain our slaves. Another victory of ponies.”
And she was right. As always.
