This is exactly what I was afraid of when warned you!
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Worst Nightmare for Chancellor Neighsay
This is exactly what I was afraid of when warned you!
“The session on the diversity problem is now open,” proclaimed Head Secretary Neighsay. “First, Queen Novo has the floor.”
As there was a brief pause, Neighsay became a little nervous. As a Secretary, he had his seat at the center of the auditorium. He was under evaluating glances of creatures that represented various nations around Equestria. Several raws of creatures that were friends among each other, but no friend to him.
“Did I get that right? There were so many changes in protocol lately,” he bent aside and whispered to a hippogriff, who was another member of Convocation Secretariat. “The last thing I would want is to offend someone at Convocation of Creatures.”
A hyppogriff just nodded, clearly despising his colleague. Meanwhile, Queen Novo rose from the first row where most respectful and high position representatives were sitting. She flew to the rostrum that was right between the auditorium and seats of clerks of the assembly. As always Queen moved gracefully. Only one twitch after she landed betrayed her nervousness.
“I great everyone. And I’m afraid to inform you that our latest initiative has failed.”
An agitated whisper went through the rows of creatures in the hall.
“But I assure you, it’s not over,” now there was a note of sternness in her voice. “In fact, we already know a creature responsible.”
Again there was a whisper, this time with a bit of annoyance – term “creature” was already proclaimed moderately speciesist. And Queen Novo should’ve known that better than everyone since it was her who suggested that.
“Who is that?” some unidentified voice came from the back row.
“Princess Celestia.”
“What?!” Celestia’s exclamation was lost in the hum and noise as everyone turned to her.
“Calm down. Calm down, please,” said the Secretary exercising his supposed administrative power.
When the murmur subsided Celestia rose from her seat.
“Excuse me, Novo.”
“It’s Queen Novo, thank you very much.”
Celestia mustered all her diplomatic skill and natural pleasantness. She should never forget who is in charge.
“Excuse me, Queen Novo, could you please explain your claims? We gathered here to discuss the necessity of several progressive initiatives. And I honestly was ready for some debate. But instead, you open the meeting with direct accusations!”
“Debate?” sniffed Queen Novo sarcastically. “As Equestria’s ruler you were in charge of getting rid Equestria of monuments to pony conquerors, weren’t you?”
“If you refer to the statue of the Commander Hurricane,” Celestia made a pause, half-hoping that Novo would say that all that was just misunderstanding. “Than I was not. I was only to oversee historical research group that would find proof that he was indeed involved in war crimes or not.”
“Or not...” muttered Queen Novo than leaned forward. “So, do you really think that biggest ponykind warmonger haven’t committed any wrongdoing in his career?”
“It’s true that Hurricane was the most renowned commander in Equestrian history,” Celestia answered like she was telling a history lesson. “And he could be quite enthusiastic on the matter of the military action, but warmonger? He couldn’t be one of the three founders of Equestria if he couldn’t respect his opponents either on a battlefield or at a negotiation table.”
“And he also was one of the leaders who brought Windigo onto Equestria by their intolerance. The Hearthwarming tale tells about that in great detail.”
“I wouldn’t judge anyone by their depiction on theater play. Especially considering the later version tend to exaggerate negative traits of Equestria founders. With all that assassination attempts and mistreatment of war prisoners.”
“Ah, so now you’re challenging the corrections made to one of the major cultural festivities?” lunged Queen Novo. “Changes approved by Diversity Council itself, mind you.”
Someone gasped at back rows. Diversity Council was created after the Equestrian government failed to eliminate race wage gap. It forced earth ponies, who controlled agricultural market completely (and thus had most income and power of all), to introduce more positions for unicorns and pegasi. Especially in management. Only after that average salary for earth ponies lowed enough to at least ballpark of equal.
Such success in introducing justice made Diversity Council primary force in establishing new standards in Equestria not only for ponies but other species too. And since ponies were only a small fraction of the Council, many of not-into-equality inhabitants of Equestria started protesting about it. Luckily, after economic sanctions against them (essentially several most active disruptors were fired from their jobs) ponies stopped thinking that they are the only species who deserve to decide what’s right for Equestria.
Only the most fringe ponies, who had nothing better to do, dared to complain about Diversity Council and it’s politics. For pony with a decent job or high profile, it would be extremely foolish to argue with Council’s decision. To see someone as Princess of Equestria arguing about that was shocking.
“I’m not challenging the Council,” Celestia continued in her peasant tone. “But I’m still able to have an opinion, aren’t I?”
“Your opinion is offensive.”
“Well, I’m sorry. But as someone, who actually knew Hurricane and other Founders, I just can’t agree with your interpretation.”
“My interpretation?!” exclaimed Queen Novo angrily. “Is this a personal attack?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean...”
“I am the head of Diversity Council and I won’t be tolerant of such kind of harassment! My colleagues also deserve respect. And you dare to accuse us of being impartial.”
“You were first to accuse me of being of an impediment for equality initiatives,” Celestia started to run out of patience. “And now, when I try to defend yourself, you just deny me even that. Do you really consider yourself so self-righteous, that I can’t even question your judgment?”
“How dare you talk of righteousness?” cried Queen Novo. “My whole kingdom lived on the ocean floor, leaving our hove Mountain Aris for Storm King’s troops to plunder. Troops, lead by a pony!”
“I’m sorry but I’ve said that before and will say it again. The whole kind can’t answer for transgressions of one pony.”
“I’m not asking you to answer. Just to admit that no hippogriff ever participated in such crime,” Queen Novo pointed her claw at Celestia, then at others. “And no kind endured more oppression than mine. You made yourself the self-proclaimed expert on Harmony and Friendship, and yet Equestria did so little to help nations that you supposedly friends with.”
“I never claimed to be an expert, nor having all the answers. I try to help with advice and with magic as best I can. If your accusation is that I’m not perfect then I’m guilty. But can you say that for yourself.”
Before Queen Novo answered, Thorax stood up.
“Can we please chill a bit,” asked changeling leader in almost begging voice. “I understand that you Queen have a long going dispute with Princess Celestia, but if we already starting on such aggressive terms, how can we arrive to the conclusion in a civilized manner?”
“Thorax is right,” seconded Ember. “We are in Diversity Council too and can speak for ourselves.”
“Yaks too will speak for themselves,” cried Prince Rutherford. “What are we actually speaking about?”
“Apparently Princess Celestia disagrees on established views on Commander Hurricane persona,” a polished voice of Lord Goldstone, representative of Griffonstone in Convocation of Creatures and in Equestrian Diversity Council was met with a little wincing. Lord usually missed all the squabbling on lesser topics. Unless he was up to something. “I personally agree that he was a rather controversial person, but maybe Queen Novo’s decision was a bit rushed.”
“My decision?! You were the one, who presented the complaint and said that the matter should be resolved as soon as possible,” parried Queen. “You described how Griffons are triggered into depression just by one glance I quote “ruthless conqueror” in such a detail!”
“Well, I represent Griffonstone. It is my job to act in the best interests of griffons. Wouldn’t you agree? It would be simply dishonest for me to support other species. Let alone to judge what’s right for the whole community.”
“You, weasel!” wanted to say Queen Novo, but caught herself in the last moment. Who knew if someone would see that as a speciesist slur? Instead, she said: “That wasn’t in the spirit of friendship, Lord. You perfectly know that such compassionate person like me simply couldn’t ignore the suffering of poor triggered griffons. As everyone else, who voted for razing the statue.”
“Excuse me,” interrupted Celestia. “You mean that decision had already been made?”
“Research group was just a formality,” explained Rutherford. “No one thought that they would proclaim that statue is to be a valuable cultural mark.”
“Glad to hear that my appointment was meant to be nothing. But why you haven’t get rid of the statue then? I’m sure wouldn’t be in your way.”
“Would you?” asked Novo. “You literally make the sun rise and set. For all, we know you used your privilege to influence the verdict on Hurricane’s statue. And should things not go your way enforce your views.”
“Just who do you think I am?” Celestia stomped indignantly.”I am an honest and caring ruler. Or at least try to be that way. I would never use my personal power to enforce anything against the agreement,” Celestia looked at griffon representative. “And Lord Goldstone should know that better than anyone. Griffons nearly got their grasp on a huge part of Equestria, including Canterlot, as a compensation for not fulfilled treaty. And if a team of historians hadn’t confined that treaty was fulfilled, I was going to hold my end of it. I would never threaten or use the whole world as a hostage!”
“Let’s not remind each other about petty misunderstandings,” Goldstone casually flung his claws. “What’s important is that I always considered the influence of pony culture on griffons quite beneficial. Wealth is not only measured in bits. Isn’t that’s harmony all about?”
“You can say that,” answered Celestia more calmly, pondering if that was Goldstone usual flatter or he was subtly offering a temporary alliance in the matter. “Still, I also consider myself quite offended by implication of my dishonesty and abuse of power. I never interfered in diversity affairs, even when disagreed on something with the Council.”
“Except when you ran a campaign to support writers from Magic Comics.”
“I just thought that they deserved a second chance. Closing the whole publishing house just for one offensive issue was a bit extreme and unexpected, don’t you think?”
“Unexpected?! They made their new villains a power-hungry hippogriff family for crying out loud,” Queen Novo leaned forward. “How would you feel if an alicorn was a villain?”
“Actually, there was a whole season arc where alicorns were villains, didn’t you know?” Celestia rose her eyebrow. “I was a bit concerned, but ultimately decided that freedom of art is more important. And the story itself was not that bad.”
“It’s because you are too privileged,” said Ember. “I personally don’t mind dragon villains, but when they are minions it perpetuates a stereotype that we are a lesser race.”
“They portrayed yaks well,” said Rutherford in a dreamy voice. “We usually smashed their city and then found some common enemy with heroes to beat.”
“And now?” Thorax became curious.
“What?” Prince Rutherford was too busy remembering. “Oh, now in pony comics, not much smashing. More talk about how pony culture is oppressive. Too bad.”
“I would like to remind you, dear friends, that we gathered to solve the problem,” reminded Novo. “A serious matter, not just comics and Hearthwarming Eave plays. There are still signs of oppressive pony culture in Equestria. And while I see that maybe Princess Celestia didn’t have ill intentions, she obviously very biased. And we can’t trust her support all needed progressive changes.”
“I second that,” agreed Lord Goldstone. “We need to appoint an advisor on the matters of diversity. Who will address all the issues of speciesism and xenophobia.”
“How about Thorax?” asked Ember. “He showed himself to be very capable. Dealt with all the changelings, who didn’t want to embrace changes.”
“Except his brother Pharynx,” threw Goldstone. “Even after transformation, his behavior remained unacceptable.”
“What?” asked Ember. “I mean, I’ve heard about that he had some time in jail for identifying himself as “attack drone”, but that’s just ridiculous. Wasn’t the whole point of “gender fluidity act” to allow to identify any way one wants?”
“No. Its point was to list all acceptable options. And “attack” wasn’t one of them,” explained Goldstone. “Also, in addition to mocking the bill, Pharynx made other grossly offensive jokes.”
“Like what?”
“Like changing into Storm King, while visiting Abyssinia. He walked to the market plaza, crying 'Sack this city!'.”
“Ow. That could indeed frighten the citizens,” Ember was abashed.
“Actually it was Nightmare Night and there were a lot of masked performers,” explained Thorax “We didn’t think that such trick would be too terrifying. In fact, we were right – a lot of folks found Pharynx very funny. But as Goldstone said – there were some, who found him grossly offensive. And demanded to be punished for transgression.”
“Oh, I see,” now Ember sounded even more confused. “Than who will oversee… I mean provide advice for Princess Celestia?”
“That must me Yak,” yelled Prince Rutherford. “We will raze all statues of that puny Hurricane and introduce ponies to our finest military leaders!”
“Isn’t your nation still against gay marriage?” asked Novo.
“Yak marry to only have children. If you don’t have children you don’t need to marry.”
“But that makes gay couples feel ostracized." just in case Novo clarified. "You know, unwanted, sad.”
“If yak feel sad, yak smash things and that makes feel happy. If yak want children, yak marry. You don’t need smash things to have children. Usually… So you don’t need to marry another yak to be happy.”
“Sorry, prince,” said Novo. “But such having such oppressive culture you can’t be a proper guide to building new Equestria. No offense, I’m sure that you will change your attitude to more progressive.”
“We do. We already have the law for yaks not to smash gay couples they don’t like. Now they can smash only straight couples and singles.”
“Good,” answered Novo. “Still, we need someone for Celestia. Someone with a good moral compass. Who has enough expertise in diversity affairs. And since you, Lord Goldstone, admitted that your interests lie exclusively in griffons, I think myself to be the best fit candidate.”
“Sorry, Queen,” said Goldstone in most leisure tone. “But you already gathered too much power. Not that I’m against that. We always need more power in female grasp. I’m just concerned if we making an imbalance in world powers.”
“Yeah!” cried someone from back raw. “Orthograde creatures need their voice heard. Why so many places not adapted for walking on two legs?!”
“We are talking about different things now,” replied Novo adding in a whisper. “You don’t even know how much all that will cost.”
“What if we make a break?” asked Ember. “To give some time everyone to process. I personally didn’t expect this position to open. Maybe we will find someone fit among other nations present to take that place.”
“And you?” asked Thorax. “Don’t you want to become Equestrian diversity adviser.”
“No, thank you.” shook her head Ember. “I have enough on my claws in Dragonlands. Also, we dragons believe to prove ourselves face to face to our opponents. I don’t want to be in charge of knocking a bunch of memorials dedicated to the guy I haven't even fought.”
“Than, the meeting is adjourned,” proclaimed Head Secretary Neighsay, despite the angry glance of Queen Novo.
“Ah...” sighed Neighsayer stretching and relaxing. “At least one of those “diversity” initiatives had positive sides. These safe spaces where I can move and talk freely, without risk to offend anyone.”
“I haven’t noticed you being too constrained,” hemmed Celestia, who was with Neighsayer in “pony safe space”. In fact, they were the only ponies among later Convocation of Creatures delegates. “And no one even argued with you about the break.”
“That’s because I know when and where to talk. And what to say,” Neighsayer threw a disapproving glance at Princess. “Obviously Queen Novo was also seeking a way to rethink the situation. She never thought that scrounger Goldstone to suggest someone else become de-facto ruler of Equestria.”
“Ah. So that’s why you kept your silence all the way, while I was chastised just for trying to do my job honestly?” one could clearly hear the disdain in Celestia tone. “I always wondered how you, the most speciesist and the most bigoted bureaucrat could get such high position when everypony is called out for even slightest bias. Now I see – you just adapt your attitude to the established rules, whatever they are.”
“Listen!” whispered Neighsay for some reason, but very angrily.”Do you really think that I enjoy it? Dancing attendance on all these creatures! Following all their rules, however stupid they may be. This is exactly what I was afraid of when warned you not to change the rules for school certification.”
“What School of Friendship has to do with all this? Twilight never taught anyone to treat their friends in such a way.”
“Ha-ha-ha,” Neighsay burst into laughter. “Oh, sorry. Do you still believe that all those creatures are your friends?”
“No, of course. But that’s why Friendship School had nothing to do with it.”
“It had EVERYTHING to do with it. You taught them how to become friends. And they became friends! With each other. And together they took over Equestria. They use our resources, our industry. Why make your own plays and books if you can make ponies to do everything?! Ponies just need to be taught how to make things right. For every creature. Except for ponies. At least not those who don’t want to work for the betterment of other nations.”
Celestia was standing shocked. Neighsay’s claims were so outrageous that she couldn’t instantly gather her thoughts to argue. Meanwhile, former EEA Chancellor continued.
“First Twilight Sparkle made one school program without EEA approval. Than director another school decides that they don’t need EEA certificate too. And another.” Neighsay made an imitation of such a director. “Oh, we are so progressive! Why don’t we teach some other creatures too? The rules for ponies don’t work for dragons? — Heck, with the rules! Princess Twilight made her own rule-book, sure we can do the same. Some species in class feel alienated? — Let’s take more instead of ponies. Pony teachers don’t understand some creatures issues? — Let’s bring creature teachers from abroad. Who cares if they are qualified teachers or not? Oh, you do care? — Do you want to make a school for creatures to teach in pony schools? We just make that happen. At the expense of those privileged and entitled ponies, of course! They kept their knowledge of magic, friendship, and magic of friendship to their own for so long, so they must share it.”
“It appears you were afraid of sharing friendship with other creatures for far intricate reasons than I suspected,“ said Celestia when colt took a breath in his speech. “I just thought you were afraid of some sort of Elements of Harmony weapon.”
“Well, lucky we are that didn’t happen too,” answered Neighsay. “Although the Zebra Kingdom came close to creating such a weapon.”
“Their weapon of mass destruction was Harmony based?!” Celestia was too tired to make her shock really manifest, but still, her voice trembled a bit.
“What else did you think it was? Black magic?”
“Yes. Why would you think that Harmony can inflict harm?” Celestia stopped for a moment. “Oh, of course, you would think that. What I don’t understand how could you persuade every creature leader to support your plan of a preventive strike.”
“My plan?! You still don’t get it, do you? It was Novo and others from Diversity Council. They came to me, saying that my fears came true. That I should exercise my position to call for an immediate attack, before the Zebra Kingdom will finish it’s Harmony Cannon,” Neighsay stopped for a moment. “Though I must admit, their intelligence on a weapon was a bit sketchy. Come to think of it, maybe that all was a ruse.” an expression one could see as remorse appeared on Neighsay’s face, but gone a moment later. “But why do I care? My job is to enforce rules, not to make them!”
“Are you trying to put it on me?!” Celestia was exasperated. “I’m trying my best to make Equestria a land of equality and tolerance. And yes, sometimes Diversity Council pushes too hard. But it doesn’t mean that your skewed views filled with prejudice against other kinds valid. No matter what motives of Diversity Council were, they played on YOUR fears. And no matter what you say, their initiatives are needed.”
“Yes, needed to make other creatures more comfortable in Equestria. Sometimes at the expense of ponies.”
“If you think that all the creatures are trying to put themselves in charge of Equestria, why then they allow us to stay? Explain me that.”
“Easy. They don’t want to be in charge. They just want to push us around and make all the work for them. Zebras became too powerful? – Annihilate them. Someone feel bad about a piece of fiction? — Make a bill to change the story into more progressive. Crop rates dropped after a bunch of unicorns who don’t know skit about agriculture were put in management positions? — Let ponies themselves deal with that.”
“Wait, wait.” Celestia even raised her hoof. “I never heard about any agricultural problems due to affirmative action.”
“Than you should probably stop living in a bubble. We faced the real hunger in Equestria.”
“That I know. But according to “Harmony Guardian”, “Hoofington” and “ENN” it was due to earth ponies sabotaging the infrastructure to keep their power.”
“Well, you should’ve checked that yourself – not just believe everything those government outlets tell you.”
“How can you defy everything I say just like that?”
“Because I don’t live in a lie, like you or Princess Twilight who for years don’t step out of Ponyville. You both put your faith in friendship and Harmony to make things right in the end. And today you’ve seen how that worked. Not everyone can be converted by magical rainbow-ray like your sister or that creature, Discord.”
“You wrong. I and Twilight don’t believe that some magic ray is enough to reform. But sometimes a good rainbow punch makes a good start on a journey to self-reevaluation.” Celestia turned her head. “Maybe, Chancellor, it’s you who lives in a lie! Who just sleeps and doesn’t see how Equestria turned into a police state where innocent creatures are arrested in coffee shops.”
“Ponies are arrested as well, just no one cares.” suddenly Neighsay was aware that Celestia impends at him with her horn glaring. “Hey. What are you doing?”
“I’ll make you woke!” Celestia said menacingly and her horn set to colt’s face made a flash.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRHHHHHHH!!!!!!”
Chancellor Neighsay woke in his bed screaming. It took more than a minute for his racing heart to slow down and his thoughts come together.
That nightmare again. These dreams of creatures taking over his beloved Equestria. They haunted him since his childhood. And no one could say if they were just dreams or some sort of visions of the future. They were so vivid, had so many details that made sense only AFTER he leaned about them in his research of creature political leaders. And yet, were those truth or just extension of mistrust to other species? Neighsay couldn’t say.Nor a doctor who prescribed him a medicine.
Neighsay got out of the bed and went to the kitchen. He opened a box and counted five blue pills. Already two more than he should have according to prescription. But the usual dosage doesn’t help. Not after Princess Twilight Sparkle opened her school. Chancellor took the pills and washed them down with a glass of water.
Vision of the future or no. He will do anything in his power for that nightmare not becoming reality.
Author's Note
Based on political articles and commentaries found on the Internet and Social Media.
