The Barpony Tales

by Bumper

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Big Macintosh, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Caramel
Length: 2788

Join Bumper the barpony as he regales the tales he's heard over the years.

Hey there everypony,
I've been a barpony for most my life and it's allowed me to see this fantastic world of ours; and as a barpony we hear a lot of stories from all over Equestria. This job can often be more about listening than actually serving drinks, and boy am I good at both, while I'm not much of a storyteller myself I feel some of these need to be shared. So bear with me here as I try to recount some of the stories told to me over the years because, honestly, who can remember them all perfectly?
Where are my manners? My name's Bumper and I own a few bars and clubs across Equestria and have worked countless more beforehand. So without delay let's get stuck into a little series I'd like to call The Barpony Tales.

Published 2018-04-26 07:40:11 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-26 07:40:11 UTC

The Tides of Sweet Apple Acres

I reckon we'll start with the story freshest in my mind... Maybe I'm starting this more as a therapy session but whatever. You see, there's this stallion in town called Caramel, he's the cutest, most adorable, most handsome - *ahem*, Sorry - Caramel is the sweetest pony in town but he's certainly not the luckiest. The poor fella is forgetful, unlucky, and a bit absent minded but he never deserves what he gets and too often does he get taken advantage of. Unfortunately his love life is no exception.

So after an intense, and very public, breakup he'd become a real recluse and hardly anyone saw him except those of us who sold liquor. This is the story he told me, after having not seen him in 3 weeks, when he showed up at my bar for a drink.

*Knock knock knock*

With a groan Caramel rubbed his eyes and allowed the dark room to come into focus; the most he could say was the sun was technically up. He pawed at the empty space beside him but decided his unwarranted wakeup call may be more important at the moment and, with another groan, lifted himself out of bed to fumble his way to the door. He heard a huff and the shuffling of hooves on the other side but figured it rude to ignore the visitor and so opened his entranceway only to find a familiar orange pony facing away from him. Oh sweet Celest-

"Howdy Caramel," the mare said far too pleasantly for the hour, she at least was ready and raring at such an early hour likely after Celestia knows how many years of early starts.

"Hey AJ, what's going on?" Caramel muttered, noticing his voice was much deeper than usual.

"Weeell…" she paused and chuckled embarrassedly, "was wondering if'n we might ask a favour," without a response she continued. "Now I don't rightly know what happened between you and Big Mac, and probably ain't my business, but we could really use help around the farm. 'Specially now and especially with your skills and experience; ain't no time to train a pony to do what you do. Now we'll go and pay ya extra, and I know y'all'd be missing free apples all day every day, so what da ya say?"

Placing a hoof to his chin he contemplated it for- oh Celestia I'm too hungover for this. "I'll think about it."

A pause, "Well alright then, can't ask more than that s'pose; hope to see ya on the orchard soon."

Closing the door he allowed himself to think, 'well I really don't wanna go back there yet, buuut, everypony in town has horseshoes by now and I do need something to do… And a living to earn… Guess it can't be that bad, I'll stay in the barn most of the day and then work a quiet spot in the field…'

The sun was up by the time he'd showered and left, even some other ponies were starting to stir and set up their stalls along the streets. Barely made it out of town before-

"Howdy Caramel," it held more enthusiasm this time, "I was starting to doubt myself for a minute there, I'm pleased as pie to see you came back, oh 'Bloom'll be so happy to see ya again." When her only response was a weak smile she trotted over and gave the slender stallion a playful punch to the shoulder, "alright now not much has changed 'round here but at the moment we just..."

Caramel couldn't seem to muster the strength to take in everything she was saying but he knew that it'd all be the same tasks, same chores for each season. There wasn't a lull in her listing of her chores even when the sound of applebucking got stronger, Caramel had entirely lost interest as his chest began to tighten at the sight of Big Mac going about his task. Of course Applejack was all too familiar and payed it no mind as they passed him by until a thunderous-

*CRACK!*

Stopped dead in their tracks the two looked back to Big Mac with his two hind legs caught above the stump of the tree he just split in half. In a moment they saw a big goofy grin hastily replaced with a stoic expression pretending to survey the damage he caused, though the edges of his lips couldn't help but curl up and even with his head away he was clearly looking at his oldest friend. Thankfully neither observer could notice his cheeks grow redder.

"What the hay! What's gotten into ya, ya great big lumox? I'll be back soon as Caramel here is set up. Luna above, what is up with that brother o' mine?"

Caramel weakly tried a friendly smile but quickly lead the rest of the way to the barn allowing Applejack to vent a little and start telling him what they needed for the day.

...

The sun rose and was even starting to set as Caramel unhitched himself from the wagon, "good as new" he couldn't help thinking aloud through his proud grin.

"Truly ain't no work like yours 'Mel," oh no, "been missing you around here, I err… Didn't think you'd come back."

Caramel's mind went blank and his heart rate picked up, he spent all day trying to subdue the dread he felt that this moment would bring. It was only because he realised how long he'd stayed motionless did he respond with a weak chuckle and face the massive red stallion behind him. The farmpony poorly masked his mix of embarrassment and giddiness, it was a side of him Caramel felt that only he would ever see - and he hated it.

"So you here for-"

"The bits," Caramel's words felt sharper than he meant to, "everypony in town already has horseshoes and AJ's paying me double to come back."

"Ah," the deep voice fell sullen, "s'pose that makes sense… And we do need to help… Just thought maybe-"

"Big Mac, look… You're kind, you're caring, insightful, hardworking, and you're honest.," a smile crept back up those red lips, "but I'm just not into you. I'm just not into stallions OK?"

This time his whole body appeared to drop, it was like watching a pony's dreams shatter, and in a way that's what it was. They stood there in the barn for a while, 'what in Tartarus is a pony to say in a moment like this?'

"So err, how's Sassafl-"

"BIG MAC!" whoops too loud, "Sorry, but come on big guy, it's a small town and I know even you know what happened there." Caramel wasn't sure his old friend's head could hang any lower...

"UNCLE CARA?!" the sound of the school filly approachingsnapped the stallions back to attention and they pretended to be working hard, "what a great surprise! I ain't seen ya in ages! Where ya been? What's been happening? The CMC and I have - oh hey big brother - we've been helping all sorts of ponies around town and - did you hear about our camp? It was so much fun, a filly even got her cutie mark and - Oh by the way Miss Cheerilee today-"

"Now 'Bloom I think Caramel still has a few more things to do right now but he'll be in to see y'all in a minute."

"Aww but," Apple Bloom knew that look her brother wore, "y'all are staying for dinner though right? Granny Smith and Gran- Oh yeah! Y'ever meet Grand Pear? He came into town the other week and-"

"Apple Bloom I'll stay for dinner ok? Now go get your homework done and you can tell me all about it at the table."

This little filly knew better than to argue with either of them, let alone both, and with an excited grin she merrily trotted from the barn.

"So you'll-" Big Mac started before a yellow streak whizzed by, hugged Caramel, and whizzed back out again.

"I at least owe it to Granny Smith to say thanks, and to at least get a decent feed once in a while."

With a clearly forced smile Big Mac accepted that answer and left the barn with a nod; it took a lot of willpower for him not to look back at that adorable, sweet smelling, yellow-brown haired, blue eyed, voluptuous - no he can't keep following that train of thought and he forced himself to think of apples, round, sweet, juicy, curvaceous- NO, bad brain.

Dinner at the Apple house was always a whirlwind of activity as Apple Bloom rants on and on about whatever comes into her mind; Applejack failing at keeping her cohesive; Granny Smith would alternate between napping and interrupting with a story no one ended up listening to; plates and bowls were passed around constantly; there was even a new addition of an old pony who was introduced as Grand Pear but Apple Bloom never finished explaining who he was and could hardly get a word in sidewards besides sneers and jabs at Granny's stories. Caramel was somewhat used to it but it was nothing like his recent life at home, alone. Big Mac was usually stoic and would casually chew away at his meal, but tonight he only pushed it around his plate; it seemed weird to Caramel that in such a caring household, full of love, that only he would notice the big stallion doing this… Surely it wasn't guilt.

"Oh Uncle Cara I saw you're blue friend at school today," an icy pulse swept the table, but not noticing the filly continued, "yeah Sassaflash came to pick up Rumble with Thunderlane after school, do you know him too? How cool are the Wonderbolts?! Scootaloo's been-"

"APPLE- ahem- Apple Bloom, can you help your favourite sister with the dishes? I think it's about time Caramel heads on home, 'nother early start tomorrow and he's going all the way back into town. Big Mac, can you see 'im out?"

"Aww, but I-"

"Now little filly, I'm sure he's awful tired."

"OooK, bye Uncle Cara, see you tomorrow."

As the two fillies left the room the table remained in awkward silence until Caramel got up, thanked them for the meal and headed towards the door.

"Let me see ya out 'Me- Er, Caramel," the smaller stallion was in no mood to argue.

Caramel stood on the porch and let out a long breath not aware he was holding as Big Macintosh sidled up besides him, then catching himself stepped away from the smaller stallion. The view broke his heart as he took in the sight of his oldest friend head hung low and face like a defeated colt.

"Mares huh?" he let out, trying to cheer up his pal before he was able to think it through.

"Pfft, like you'd know," it came out harsh but Mac could see the playful smirk it brought to Caramel's face.

"You know, I kinda do" this sparked Caramel's curiosity and so he continued happy to see the frown lighten, "there was this mare I met on a delivery. Way out in the sticks, a real cutie called Sugar Belle," he heard a snicker but he continued, focused on keeping his friend distracted, "likes to work hard in her shop but always happy to see her customers, gentle but can take care of herself, huggable but firm, makes these great treats and she's just…"

Caramel couldn't hold it anymore, "someone's got a type?" he playfully chuckled and the big red fella's ears folded as he made the connection realising the similarities, "I mean seriously, Sugar Belle? That's hardly a coincidence buddy."

Big Mac could do nothing but give an embarrassed chuckle, after a few moments lost in his thoughts about what might make up his subconscious he realised they had practically made it to the outskirts of town, yet neither really remember ever leaving the porch, put it down to an old habit. Caramel's expression had darkened again and his giant friend couldn't think of anything else to bring him back and so the two continued in silence until they made it to a familiar door.

"Well thanks Big Red, guess I'll see you in the morning."

""Hope you sleep well 'Mel, you deserve better than what happened, just remember that there's someone good for you out there."

"Of course you think that," he playfully stuck his tongue out as he turned and entered through the doorway. Big Mac couldn't help but notice the state of the front room before his eye's fell on full bin of-

"Oh Caramel you haven't been-" Caramel flinched as he knew exactly what his friend was going to bring up and immediately prepared to defend himself before being pulled inside by the red blur pushing into his house. "Not again, you know this isn't… Sorry, I just don't want to see you this way again, you're history with the stuff a'int exactly… er, healthy."

Caramel's flood of bad memories stopped him from retorting but instinctively tried to hide the remaining bottles he hoped had not yet been noticed.

"I'm staying here to make sure you get a proper, sober sleep."

After repeatedly opening and closing his mouth to protest Caramel read the unflinching determination and concern on Big Mac's face and simply turned to fetch him a pillow and blanket for the couch. Upon returning to the lounge he'd found the big fella clearing up around, not only the couch, but the coffee table stopping only when he heard the bedding hit the floor.

"You know you really don't have to-"

"I know 'Mel, but a clear home is a clear mind, least that's what Granny says to keep us doin' chores. Now you get to bed and I'll get ya in the mornin', don't act like y'aint been yawning the whole way home," Caramel's protest was again stopped dead in his throat with that final addition and he could only squeeze out a "G'night then,' around another big yawn.

Freezing at his bedroom door he looked back, "thanks Mac, you sleep well to eh?" and proceeded to climb into his sadly all too large bed. His thoughts flashed between his fight with Sassaflash and the arguments that lead up to their break up, he still didn't remember why their relationship turned to sneering at each other on the street. Then he thought about Thunderlane and everything he could offer her that Caramel couldn't, why him? The status, the bits, the bod? His thoughts didn't improve for hours even right up to the point he eventually nodded off.

"'Mel?" there wasa gentle prodding at his side, "Cara', you OK bud?" his throat was dry and sore but his pillow was wet so he was in no state to talk as he felt a huge shift in weight in his mattress. Feeling two huge legs fold over his torso, wrapping over his curled up body, "you've been whimpering all night and I couldn't think of any other way to comfort you. Hope you don't mind."

It was a hug full of warmth and concern with, well nothing else really; except for the strong smell of apples and farm work. Caramel'd never been held like this before, and he charted it up to Big Mac coming from a house of only mares and his work in raising Apple Bloom. Sure he was weirded out and definitely embarrassed but knowing someone was not only there for him but concerned for him only wanting him to be happy filled him with a greater inner warmth. Unable to articulate his feelings he squeezed the hooves around him and adjusted himself so Big Mac could get comfortable, leading to one of the best night's sleep he'd had in a long time.

As Caramel finished his story we'd noticed that the very stallion had snuck up on us as the story finished and wrapped his new coltfriend in a huge embrace as the sides of his eyes watered. They greeted each other lovingly, ordered their drinks and took up a booth. And so, as I watched the stallion I've had a crush on for nigh 7 years now walk away with his love-struck coltfriend, with that goofy smile on his red muzzle; all I could think was: "Wish I'd thought of that. I may have to clobber that red bastard, lucky son of a -"

Author's Note

Thanks for joining me in this first foray into publishing my work and please if you see any errors or have any comments let me know below or message me.
Cheers