Death Battle: The Rainboom Wonderbolt vs The Ryming Swordsman!

by Alphamon_Ouryuken

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Death, Alternate Universe, Original Character, Rainbow Dash, Violence, Anthro
Length: 4338

Equestria's number-one speedster Rainbow Dash faces Starfleet's Major Rhymey to determine who is the true speed warrior!

Not long after Twilight's battle with Lightning Dawn, a new face arrives looking for revenge. With Twilight out of town, our speedy blue Wonderbolt must take up the challenge and put her years of skill and training to the ultimate test! Can Rainbow Dash match up against this strange warrior?

Equestria vs Starfleet! Round Two! IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!

Published 2018-04-30 02:40:12 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-30 02:40:12 UTC

I Am the Fastest!

Celestia’s Sun shined brightly as Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie were relaxing in a peaceful meadow, simply chilling out after a long, difficult day of working two jobs each-or three in Rainbow's case-and simply enjoying a picnic in their off-time. Sadly Rarity, Fluttershy, and Twilight couldn’t make it on account of the fashionista filling in for Coco in Manehattan, Fluttershy was visiting Discord in his dimension, and Twilight was escorting the CMC to Mount Eris for their first map mission.

Speaking of which….

"... I'm just saying, she could have at least asked us to come with her..." Rainbow sighed as she chugged down another mug of apple cider. "I mean, I trust Scootaloo enough... but this is her first map mission! I was hoping to at least be able to watch..."

Applejack nodded in slight agreement. "I know how ya feel, sugarcube. But I want ya to keep in mind, this is exactly how I felt about Apple Bloom for a while. I didn't think she had it in her to keep everythin' running, yet here they are, doin' their map mission." She sighed a bit sadly. "Sucks that they're growin' up so fast, though..."

Pinkie spoke up next. “Yeah, but you gotta have faith that your little sisters can take care of themselves. And with this kind of experience they can grow into a better ponies. I mean, my big sisters trusted me to get things done and look where I am now!”

Applejack smiled warmly at that, Rainbow was about to reply… only to let out a loud *BELCH*, before expelling a bright glowing ball of energy; Starscream's spark

“YES!! I'M FINALLY FREE!!” The treacherous Decepticon cheered as he floated away…

...only for Gummy to pop out of Pinkie's mane and swallow him up in one gulp.

“DAMNIT!!!”

Applejack just stated in confusion. "Who was that?"

"An old enemy from a previous Death Battle. Nothing to get worked up over," Pinkie said as she hoof/fist-bumped Deadpool, who was sunning himself.

"Huh, almost forgot about that guy...." Rainbow shrugged before chowing down on a cupcake. "Anyway Pinkie, I think you might have a point-"

Before she could finish however, she heard a loud explosion coming from Ghastly Gorge. "What in tarnation!?" Applejack looked at the explosion with worry as the ground shook beneath her hooves, knocking over a few of their drinks and treats.

"THIS is what would have happened had Maud gone to Ghastly Gorge!?” Pinkie exclaimed, looking especially tense. “I KNEW there was a good reason to keep her away from that!"

Rainbow Dash glared in the direction of the explosion and quickly put on her goggles. "I'll go check it out. If something goes wrong, get Twilight!" She stated before taking off towards the gorge at top speed...

Meanwhile, in Ghastly Gorge, a strange creature walked away from the beheaded Quarry Eel that had attempted to make him it's lunch. Species-wise he resembled the previous stranger who had found himself in this world: Lightning Dawn. However, unlike the previous “visitor" this one had a yellow coat, short blonde hair, and wore a sleek yellow jumpsuit. He was Rhymey Ward, having been sent to check out the cause of Lightning Dawn's disappearance. His last location had been tracked to this world before it completely blipped out of existence. No one could trace his signal and he wouldn't answer his communicator, so clearly, this was a job for Grand Ruler Celesto’s second-favorite Starfleet official.

"I fear Lightning has lost,
his way away from the rest of us.
I hope I may find him sooner,
so I may find Fluttershy and groom her."

Before he could continue his search, a Sonic Boom echoed across the land as the telltale Rainboom ring spread across the sky. The speedy Pegasus responsible for such a display shot down towards the gorge, landing near the edge. "Okay, so the explosion happened somewhere around here around here..."

Rhymey looked up and noticed his “simpleton friend", Rainbow Dash, on the ledge above him. However what baffled him more was the fact that she was back to her standard pony form.

"Rainbow Dash? How can is this so?
You're standing on your hind toes?"

Rainbow Dash blinked, turning her attention to the strange creature below her. "Eh? Who the heck are you?" She asked, squinting a little upon realizing his body structure looked familiar. "Or rather, WHAT are you? You look a lot like that Lightning dude who showed up here a while back..."

Rhymey's eyes lit up at the mention of Lightning Dawn, believing that his mission was going to be a success after all.

"So it is true! Lightning was here!
Would you tell me where he is, my dear?"

Rainbow's eye twitched upon hearing this. "Please tell me this guy doesn't ALWAYS speak in painful rhymes..." She whispered to herself in annoyance. "Sorry buddy, but that Lightning guy made a mistake of trying to destroy Ponyvillie. But Twilight took care of him." She stated with a bit of pride in her voice.

Upon hearing this, Rhymey's expression change from joy to anger in less than a second.

"You had him killed!? You sound so sure!
I should have known your intentions weren't pure!
And destroy Ponyville? I would think not!
He wouldn't waste his time with you lot!"

The Pegasus could only roll her eyes; this guy was starting to get on her nerves. "First of all, that rhyming is becoming painful to listen to. Second of all, he's the one who came looking for a fight. It's not our fault that he was hopelessly outmatched...."

"Outmatched!? Lightning!? Never!
You know, I'm sick of you thinking you're clever!”

He fumed, glaring at the Pegasus.

“Always rushing in, always picking fights,
And what makes you feel you have the right
to criticize me for the way that I talk!?
Is it fun for you to mock!?
It's time to end this with a final bout!
For you, lughead, it's finally LIGHTS OUT!"

Rainbow flared out her wings as she took to the air. "Well then, I hope you've already figured out what you want set in your eulogy!" She shouted before shooting down towards her opponent. "I'll show you what happens when you go up against Equestria's fastest Wonderbolt! LET'S DO THIS!"

"This will be fun!
Bring it on, hun!”

FIGHT!!!

“WARD SWORD!"

Rhymey quickly summoned his personal sword and rushed at Rainbow Dash with blistering speed. Timing her movements just right, Rainbow Dash quickly twisted her body in mid-air just as Rhymey attempted to slice through her when she got close enough. She took advantage of her opening and slammed her right hoof into his stomach, followed by a spinning kick to his face, sending him back a few feet. Rhymey quickly recovered as he landed on his feet and skidded across the ground, twirling his sword as he changed his fighting stance. He then started zigzagging across the battlefield, moving faster than Rainbow Dash could have anticipated.

'Woah, he's faster than he looks-YIKES!' Rainbow quickly darted upwards as her opponent struck from the left... only to suddenly attack from her right, barely giving her enough time to duck and dodge. 'Okay. He's fast, and I'm too confined in this gorge to go at full speed... I gotta lure him out into the open!'

Believing he’d forced her onto the defensive, Rhymey leapt into the air with his sword raised above his head in an attempt to strike her from above, but barely missed as she made a hard turn to the right, putting some distance between herself and her opponent.

"Your punches are quite powerful!
But you keep giving me an hour full!
You're all bark and no bite!
There's no way you can win this fight!"

"Oh for the love of-'POWERFUL' AND 'HOUR FULL' DO. NOT. RHYME!" Rainbow shouted in irritation before flying towards the top of the cliff she'd landed on to put some distance between herself and her opponent. "I swear every time this idiot opens his mouth I miss the dignity Zecora brought to the art of rhyme..." She groaned as she took a moment to catch her breath.

"Don't be a user!
Take this, you loser!"

Rhymey fired back as he shot up the side of the gorge after her, closing the distance between himself and Rainbow Dash quicker than she expected, and continued swinging at her. Rainbow swifty dodged each one of his strikes, her inherent speed allowing her to easily move herself out of harm's way a few seconds before the sword hit its mark. Unknown to Rhymey however, she was doing more than just simply dodging... if there was one thing that she learned from all of her training to join the Wonderbolts, it was how to properly read an opponent.

With her perfectly honed 20/20 vision, Rainbow Dash carefully observed Rhymey's movements, his stance, fighting style, each slash, each strike, even his very line-of-sight, deducing exactly what he planned to target next, allowing her to react and dodge accordingly. Compared to all the obstacles she had to maneuver around when going at Mach 5, her opponent might as well have been moving in slow motion. Rhymey kept on slashing, but every time he wound up failing, It was like he was trying to stab the wind.

"How!? How are you this strong!?
Everything about this is beyond wrong!"

"You're talking to the fastest Pegasus in Equestria!" Rainbow smirked as she ducked under his sword and slammed her left hoof into his ribcage. "I've trained since I could walk to become what I am today! It'll take more than a few fancy sword tricks to slow me down!" She proudly stated as she nailed him with a swift uppercut, sending him flying over the edge of the cliff and back into the gorge.

Rhymey quickly flared his wings and stopped his descent before he shot out up of the gorge, several feet into the air above Rainbow Dash, more enraged than ever.

"Our training is far greater than yours!
Of that, I am undoubtedly sure!
I am through playing around with you!
It is at last time to bid you adieu!"

With this statement, he rapidly flapped his wings, sending a bunch of drill-like feathers in Rainbow Dash's direction.

"DRILL QUILL!"

"WOW, you even suck at naming your own attacks?" She scoffed as she bolted out of the way just as the feathers were about to hit, easily dodging them as they embedded themselves in the ground. "That's pretty lame. At least pick a name that sounds cool. Like Feather Storm, Blade Rain, Kunai Feathers, or Wing Blade..." She suggested, listing off the names as she casually hovered in place. “At least TRY to be more imaginative…”

"You know not when to shut up!
Guess it's time for me to buck up!"

He hollered as he tapped the icon on his uniform, shifting it into a sleek yellow bodysuit with a mask covering his eyes. Wasting no time, he dove downwards with his sword in hand.

“Pfft, ‘buck up'!?” She snickered. “D-do do you even know what that word means-WOAH!” Rainbow yelped as she quickly dodged the oncoming blade, the tip of it leaving a cut alongside her right cheek. She quickly switched to a more defensive position. Much to her surprise, her opponent's movements had gotten swifter and quicker, showing greater skill with his sword than earlier.

‘OK WHAT!? How'd he get so fast all of a sudden?!’ Rainbow thought as she found herself putting even more effort into dodging his attacks. Despite her being more focused on where he was going to strike next, he seemed to get a good amount of strikes in with her just barely being able to dodge. She bit her lip in pain as she felt several brief yet painful strikes across her skin; nothing life-threatening, but she knew if she didn't think of something soon she'd start to slow down, which would result in him getting a chance to strike a more vital organ...

Rhymey then reared up, enchanting his blade with his magic for the finishing blow. He was through playing around.

"This is finally the end for you!
If you weren't already, I'd say don't be blue!
You fought your hardest, and proved tough.
But in the end, it just wasn't enough!"

With his next swing, he rushed in and proceeded to put as much power as he could into it.

"FOR MY DEAR FLUTTERSHY,
YOU WILL FINALLY DIE!"

The Pegasus' eyes shot open upon hearing that name, uttered by her ENEMY no less.

Deep within her mind, something snapped.

The sword was less than an inch away from her head before a burst of energy flowed through her body. Shooting forward at a speed Rhymey was unprepared for, she slugged him across the face, sending him flying across the battlefield and tumbling through several trees.

"Wh… what in the Grand Ruler's name was that!?
I'll… I have to… take out that flying rat!"

Rhymey groaned in pain as he stumbled to his feet, holding his head in agony.

"Y'know..." He heard Rainbow call out as she struck him across the face and knocked into another rock wall. "I'm REALLY getting sick of your rhyming shtick!"

Rhymey coughed as he got up, his face now bloodied and bruised from all the pain. As he looked up, he saw Rainbow now hovering before him in an entirely new form, blue electricity crackling around her, her mane and tail had both grown longer and were curved back in a more lightning-bolt shape, twin torrents of wildly vivid color spread across her wings, and small lightning bolts mark her hooves and the corners of her eyes.

Her Rainbow Power had been unlocked once more.

“Huh, haven't used this form in a while…”

Rhymey growled as he rushed in and attempted to slash more and more. The moment he got close enough however, Rainbow Dash vanished from his line of sight, resulting in him only cutting down another tree.

“That was close; the wind from that almost hit me.” Rainbow taunted from behind him, giving him a sharp kick to the rear and sending him flying into an open field. The yellow alicorn landed perfectly still, in time to see Rainbow Dash barrelling towards him.

Rainbow Dash stopped just before she was within striking distance and started flying around her target as fast as she could, eventually picking up enough speed to create a cyclone with her opponent in the center. Rhymey attempted to use his visor to focus on her location. However, at that moment, he felt his lungs starting to collapse. He realized that she wasn't just trying to make herself harder to hit; she was creating a vacuum to suffocate him!

Not wasting a moment he quickly attempted to tap his visor to command his uniform to create a breathable mask.... only for the Pegasus to rush out of the cyclone and slam her hoof into the icon, forcing the entire uniform to dissipate.

"Whoops, sorry! I saw you about to press that button and figured it might be important!" Dash taunted her opponent as she tossed the badge up and down in her hooves. Before her opponent could even muster up the words to shout at her, she crushed it between her hooves. "Please tell me it was important!"

Rhymey kept gasping for air, but trying to stand up.

"That...was the button...to call my suit...!
It's completely jammed, now...! Oh shoot...!"

The Pegasus retreated into the winds of the cyclone for darting out from behind, striking him across the back, then from the front, then from the side, then from the back again, giving her opponent no chance to either recover or regain his bearings.

"All right, time for me to finish this!" Her voice echoed throughout the cyclone as she bolted towards him and delivered a powerful uppercut to his jaw, sending him flying straight out of the cyclone and into the air.

Rhymey quickly extended his wings, stabilizing himself in mid-air as he took a moment to catch his breath, refilling his lungs. The moment he could gain his composure, he glared back down at the cyclone and raised his sword into the air as it began to glow.

"I'm done with you! And as you'll see...
YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME!"

He shouted as he raised his sword high and rushed towards her, pouring all of his power into one more powerful slice.

"THRASH SLASH!!!"

Rainbow Dash shot out of the cyclone at breakneck speed, a mach cone forming around her as she flew closer and closer to the oncoming attack, with Rhymey now hellbent on slicing through her like a hot knife through butter….

...and at the last possible moment, she shot upwards at full power as she performed her Sonic Rainboom, combined with the power of her rainbow form she sliced through the attack, completely shattering his sword as she barrelled into Rhymey's stomach, hurling him further into the sky. She then proceeded to strike him from every angle possible, tearing apart what was left of his uniform, badly injuring his wings and ripping off most of their feathers, and striking several vital points on his body. Rhymey desperately tried to block her oncoming assault, but he couldn't even breathe properly as he was too high into the atmosphere.

And then finally, Rainbow delivered a sharp dropkick that sent him flying back towards the ground. But she wasn't done with him yet, oh no. The moment he was far down enough she proceeded to bolt down towards his descending body, performing a spinning formation to the point where she resemble a rainbow drill, generating not only a lot of electricity from her own body but drawing in a fair amount from the nearby storm clouds as well...

Then, just as Rhymey was about to hit the ground, Rainbow Dash caught up with his plummeting body and slammed her left hoof right into his chest.

"BUCCANEER BLAZE!!!"

And with that command, all the electricity within her body was forcibly channeled into his, badly shocking him on an external and internal level. Rhymey screamed in agony as he hit the ground with the force of a boulder, almost like what Raven's Soul-Self did just a few weeks prior. The difference here? This actually proved fatal. The end result was the badly charred body the Space Pony in a crater, laying on his side, with one arm covering his face, and a leg layered over the other.

"And that's... the end... of that..." Rainbow Dash panted and she spread her wings and took to the air once more. "Game over." And with that, she flew back to join her friends... and what was left of Rhymey's sword fell right next to his corpse.

KO!!!

Rainbow Dash returned to the picnic as her Rainbow Power faded away, not even wasting a second she flopped onto her back and breathed a sigh of relief. After a fight like that, she needed some rest.

Pinkie was about to say something, but noticed the Merc with the Mouth setting up a desk and chairs. "Lemme guess, after battle commentary?"

“You bet!” Deadpool nodded. "Hoo man, am I glad to be rid of that guy's rhyming!"

"You can say that again! Give me Zecora any day!” Pinkie giggled as she sat down next to him. “Anyway, while both fighters were useful on their respective teams, only Rainbow Dash could truly fight on her own, and even during the times where she did fight alongside us, she was still shown to be capable of handling her own in a solo fight.” Pinkie explained. "Rhymey, on the other hand, would usually only fight until Lightning was able to one-shot the enemy with his MacGuffin and has never really shown any actual capability of defeating bigger threats on his own."

"But enough about that; let's see what feats Rhyme Boy's had and compare those to our rainbow buddy, eh?"

"Right!" Pinkie said as she pulled out two folders. "First off, it's stated that a Starfleet pony can still do a speed of at least 58,800 MPH just by naturally running.... and yet Rhymey has never used that kind of speed in any meaningful capacity. Especially when going up against villains who aren't the same species as him, nor are confirmed to have any kind of speed matching that."

“I see, more inconsistency…” Deadpool carried on, now in a suit and a tie and a college graduation hat over his usual attire. “Now, I'm not much of a science guy, so I've brought in someone who'd actually be able to properly deflate this so-called 'fact’...” With that statement, he took off his hat and reached inside, pulling out…. Twilight!?

“I-what the-where-?”

“Hi, Twilight!” Pinkie shouted excitedly as she hugged her. “We need your brain to answer a question! Is it possible to naturally run at 58,800 MPH?

Twilight, completely baffled as to where such a question would come from, shook her head for a moment and took a deep breath. “Well… no, it isn't. First of all, due to the curvature of the world and gravity, it is technically impossible to run at mach 10. Basically, your forward speed would be so high that gravity can't keep up and your path becomes a straight line rather than espousing the curvature of whatever planet you're on,” Twilight exposited as Pinkie and Deadpool pulled up their desks and started jotting down notes, as if they were actually attending class. “And it gets even worse if you don't have a good aerodynamic form like say Rainbow Dash, because the wind itself would push you up. Even prototype supersonic vehicles in the human world require not only an aerodynamic form, but curves to push the air up, which pushes the vehicle down to prevent an accidental take off.”

Deadpool quickly raised his hand. “Fun fact: it even happens to racing cars, and only at speeds less than half the speed of sound!”

“Thank you for that contribution, Deadpool.” Twilight smiled before continuing her lecture. “So in conclusion, to reach those speeds, you'd either need quite a lot of magic just to increase gravity/wind pressure and keep you grounded, or you'd have to fly. And even then, there's also the problem of friction. You'd be going so fast that the air would become superheated, transforming into plasma and expanding violently into a firestorm. Even if the one going at those speeds is safe, he or she could cause massive damage and harm to those around them simply by running.”

“And it's not like Rhymey had access to the speed force or anything like that.” Pinkie chimed in.

“Exactly, now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to the train station before the Crusaders and hippogriffs/seaponies start worrying…” Twilight smiled before teleporting away.

“Well, there you have it! Straight from a genius’ mouth!” Pinkie smiled. “A feat like that would be completely impossible for Rhymey to pull off. Such a speed would be impossible for anyone unless it was part of a gag!" She quickly ran to Sugar Cube Corner and back with a cupcake. “See? Like that.”

"Correct-a-mundo! The only thing funny about him was that his rhyming made a good phrase-catcher. Rainbow Dash at least has more feats to her name!" Deadpool casually added.

"Indeed. Rainbow not only has a proper aerodynamic form, but she's also shown that she's able to easily make sharp turns in mid-flight no matter what the speed, such as when she was holding auditions for her pet and easily zigzagged past each and every animal without so much as faltering. Then there's her durability; she's shown to have crashed through trees and solid rocks without so much as getting a concussion, and is so durable that Applejack even tasked her with destroying their old barn with nothing but her bare hooves!" Pinkie stated, pulling out a few pictures of her aforementioned feats.

"She just straight-up nuked that barn! Let's see Sir Rhymes-A-Lot try that! Along with...y'know...just about anything that's not just a job."

"Well, besides being trained in swordsmanship and basic combat.... which we don't really see aside from a few brief fights. He never had to go up against a stronger opponent on his own." Pinkie elaborated as she flipped through his files. "Let alone someone who was fast enough to fly at Mach 10 (7,610 MPH), a speed Rhymey NEVER had to deal with when fighting..."

"So in other words, Rhymey was all rhyme and no run?" Deadpool simplified it.

"Exactly! Plus, Rainbow's training and 20/20 vision allowed her to properly analyze and counter her opponent." The Party Pony continued. "And considering how the Wonderbolts are very adept in synchronized performances, it's no stretch to say that Rainbow Dash would be trained to properly adapt to a situation that she wasn't prepared for.”

"Whatever Starfleet uses to train their recruits, it clearly wasn't enough. Maybe they shoulda spent less time teaching how to sing and dance in military school, huh?” The red-and-black-clad assassin responded in kind. "Even then, Rhymey only really existed to either help Lightning Dawn clean up a mess, or to plagiarize an episode of some low-budget Canadian muppet show."

Pinkie chuckled at that. "The final nail in the coffin was that Rhymey's only known moves are special attacks that he constantly relies on while Rainbow Dash will use everything at her disposal to get the upper hoof. His limited moveset only ensured that he was doomed to failure. Add in what we've said about Lightning Dawn himself in the past, and this fight was over before it even began!"

Deadpool decided to drop a rhyme.

"Poor yellow alicorn; fresh out of luck.
If only his skill in combat didn't suck!"

"The winner is Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie cheered, waving around a large flag with Rainbow Dash's cutie mark on it.