Author's Note

Anons don't usually get a prologue.

But this is a clopfic more or less, so it would be best to leave the story elements here. If you're just looking to crank it, please feel free to skip ahead. If you're like me and like some context before you do the solo tango, then read on dear viewer.

In a nutshell: Estrus is terrible and the sexually open society of equestria has found a solution in Anon

Prologue

Filly Fiddler

Colt Cuddler

Fire Extinguisher

Cooler

Thirst Quencher

Fireman

Water Boy

Student Aide

Anon

He goes by many names, but today he goes by Mr. Anon, sex ed teacher for the Ponyville Schoolhouse. Equestria is a much more sexually open and enlightened place than anywhere he knew back on Earth. Unlike his school back home, both the girls and boys received their sex education in the same room. Near the front of the classroom sits an easel with several poster-boards, the first of which simply stating "Sex-Ed" in black sans-serif letters. The foals had just gotten in from recess, several of them still chatting with each other as they adjusted into their seats.

The fillies and colts in the room had been introduced to the bipedal man at the end of class the day before, where they were told what to expect today during class, so many of them hadn't given too much attention to him when they saw him standing at the front. That changed however, when Anon jumped onto the desk, his shoes making contact with the solid oak desk making a loud sound that rang through the classroom. That got everypony's attention, and suddenly all the students were quiet and awaiting the next move by the strange man from another world.

After time had passed enough to create tension in the curious minds of the young ponies before him, he spoke thus:

"Penis."

Loudly and plainly.

A couple of the young ponies giggled at the human's antics, and others giggled at more grotesque nature of the word that had been spoken. After another bout of silence, Anon spoke again.

"Vagina."

A few more foals join in on the giggle fest. Anon jumps off the desk and lands with stiff legs. He begins to pace, keeping his posture proper, raising his index finger for emphasis. "Today," he begins using his best Germane accent "ve vill be talking about zose oh so interesting sings between your legs and vat to do and vat not to do vis zem." Anon then pivots to face his audience. "But first!" He exclaims, returning to his normal speaking voice. "What do we call those things, class?"

The question is met with silence, a few students looking confused by the odd question. Finally a brave filly in the back raises her hoof. Anon dramatically points to the foal.

"Yes. Scarlet Spice!"

Anon had read over the assigned seat chart quite thoroughly.

"Didn't you just say them?" the filly asks quizically.

"Oh, yeah. I guess I did. Whoops." Anon feigns ignorance. "Buuuuuut... those aren't the only names. Surely you guys know other names for them. Why, there's probably dozens that I'm sure some of you can name. And don't bother raising your hand, just shout it out."

Anon waits once again for an answer. He is once again met with silence.

"Come on then. One of you must know something. I was in school too, once."

Suddenly another filly towards the front, who Anon recognized as Moon Petal, opens her mouth to speak.

"Um.. you mean like hoo-ha?"

"Perfect! That's exactly what I'm looking for Miss Petal. Anyone else? Don't be shy, now."

A colt on Anon's right side responds, "Dingaling?"

"Yes, Onyx! Another!"

A beat passes before a third filly speaks up.

"Coochie!"

A few foals giggle in response, obviously amused by the new classroom etiquette.

"Indeed, Sugar Cane! How about some naughty ones, hmm? The kind your parents don't think you know."

Anon leans against the desk, crossing his arms in front of himself.

There's another moment of silence. And then, a colt at the front of the class whispers something almost inaudibly.

"Dick..."

A smirk glides across Anon's face. He approaches the colt. "What'd you say, little buddy? You'll have to speak up."

The colt's cheeks begin to glow red.

"I... I said dick." Embarrassed to be breaking the foul language taboo.

Anon boops the colt on the nose with his index. "Come on ya' big baby. Loud and proud for the whole class to hear."

He huffs, obviously not appreciating being called a baby.

"Dick," he repeats. This time loud enough for his classmates adjacent to him to hear. One of them gasps but the others can't help but snicker at the lewd word.

"I still can't hear you~!" Anon tells him in a singsong voice.

"Dick!" the colt nearly shouts, eliciting more giggles and gasps from his classmates.

Anon picks the colt up out of his desk chair.

"Woah!"

Placing the foal on his shoulder, he points the now colt-RPG at his classmates. "One more time, Specter! I want the whole world to hear!"

The child smiles wide, finally accepting that it's okay to say the dirty word. "DICK!"

The whole classroom erupts into a fit of giggles in response to the foul language. Gently placing the colt back in his seat, Anon tasks the room.

"Another one!"

"Cock!" shouts a filly from the back. Now the class responds with a mixture of giggle and full laughter.

"Excellent! Another!"

"Pussy!"

A colt from the left.

"Grand! Keep them coming!" The class becomes an uproar of fillies and colts laughing and shouting all the profane and silly words they know for their genitals.

"Wang!"

"Beautiful, Rocky!"

"Prick!"

"That's a good one, Sandy!"

"Muff!"

"Kitty!"

"Cunt!"

The room goes silent. Everypony stares in disbelief at the small filly who dared to say such a forbidden word.

Anon bursts out laughing, clutching his sides, and the class follows suit. Of course, while amused, Anon doesn't find it nearly as funny as he lets on, but he knows the best way to break tension and awkwardness in a classroom is with the element of laughter.

After letting the children have their fun, Anon decides it's time to bring them down. "Alright class, that's enough, that's enough." The laughter slowly dies down, leaving Cheerilee's well trained students with their focus on their temporary teacher. Leaning back against the desk, Anon addresses his mass.

"Alright guys. We did this to teach you that, right now, in here with me, there aren't any limits to what you can say. You know what I'm here to talk to you about, and the very first thing I want you to know is that no question, even if it's crude or weird, is off limits. I want all you kids to be able to walk out of here today armed with knowledge about your body. The more you know about sex, the safer and more comfortable you'll be. Pretty soon, you kids will be young adults, and the world will be open to you and there will be limitless possibilities for your young eager minds. So, before then, It's my duty to take as much confusion out of it as I can. Does everypony understand?"

The class in unison says, "Yes Mr. Anon."

Anon smiles at the foals. "You guys are awesome."

Walking over to the easel, Anon removes the first poster-boards, revealing one titled Rules. "Now I know so far things have been exciting and fun, but there are a couple of rules we need to go over. The first one is raise your hoof before you speak. I've adjusted for plenty of time to answer your questions, and I want to make sure I answer them all. Rule number two is that under no circumstances should any of you laugh at somepony's questions. Just like math or spelling, some of you will just know more than others, and we're here to learn. That's it. Those are my only two rules. Does everypony understand?"

"Yes, Mr. Anon"

"Wonderful! Let's get started then, fillies and colts."

Over the next hour, Anon proceeds to go over the basics of pony reproductive anatomy, teaching the children the scientific names and roles of each different piece.

"Is everyone following me so far?" Anon asks the class. Each of the students murmurs their approval and nods.

"Remember that you can ask me anything, and if you're still too embarrassed feel free to ask me after class." Anon moves to the next poster-board in his presentation. "Next we'll being talking about the ins and outs of sex." Anon chuckles to himself, still amused by his own joke after all these years. "Can anyone tell me why ponies have sex?"

A couple hooves raise into the air.

"Cobalt!"

"To make babies!"

"Precisely! But there's one other reason, and that reason is that it feels good. Sex between two ponies is most of the time a wonderful feeling. So much so, that it's easy to forget that its purpose to to make babies. One important thing for you guys to remember is that sex is a lot like magic. For many of you, magic is part of your daily life and it's a great thing to have. It's made life easier and is hard to go without. But just like magic, if you're inexperienced and aren't careful, sex can have huge consequences. Many of you are just starting to become old enough that your bodies can make babies. However, it'll still be a couple more years until you're out of school. It wouldn't be too fun trying to take care of a baby and go to school, would it?"

A collection of murmurs and shaking of heads is his response.

"It's also why we make these." Anon proceeds to retrieve a plastic packet out of his pocket. "This is a condom." Removing the rubber from the plastic, Anon holds it up for the class to see. "A condom is sort of like a glove for the penis. It's very durable and stretches well." Using a large banana, Anon demonstrates how to put the condom on. "Now I'm afraid the process is easier for pegasi with long wings and unicorns, but if you're an earth pony you'll have to get your partner to put it on for you. There're also other options that can help you avoid pregnancy. There are potions and contraceptive spells that can help, and avoiding sex during your heat cycle is also advised. That all being said, there is no sure fire 100% way to not get pregnant. Accidents happen, condoms break, potions and spells fail. The only true way to avoid pregnancy is to not have sex. But, that's why we have all these things, so we can feel good and minimize consequences."

Two hooves go up, one belonging to Moon Petal and the other to Sandy Nook.

"I see your hooves you two, and I think you both have the same question. Before I answer it I'm going to talk about the next subject; estrous cycles."

Moving over to his easel, Anon reveals his second to last poster-board. Unlike the previous posters which had drawings and diagrams, this one simply had the word *Heat* in large black letters.

"One key difference between you young colts and fillies, is what's known as a mare's estrous cycle. We talked earlier about how mares ovulate in order to prepare an egg to be fertilized. During the time that the egg is most ready to receive sperm, mares will enter what is known as estrus, or heat. Colts and stallions won't have this experience, and can instead expect not to notice any immediate changes while they're growing up. During heat, your body will send you signals telling you that you need to mate. For some of you, it will be subtle, and easy to ignore. For some mares, however, estrus can hit like a train. Now, it's not all fun and games for the stallions either. Just like a mare's body knows when it's ready to have sex, a stallion's will know when a mare is ready as well. Mares release pheromones, which is kind of like a special scent. Sometimes you won't even notice it, but your body will, and you're likely to get a partial erection when it does. Thanks to some modern medicine, there are heat dampeners you can buy, and also coolers. Thankfully, however, you'll really only have to deal with your heat during the spring and summer time. Once winter rolls around, it's very rare for a mare to go into an intense heat, and some of you won't even have a cycle at all during that time."

Anon turns his attention to Sandy, the filly with a question from earlier. "Now Sandy, what was your question?"

"How come I didn't get pregnant when we had sex when I was in heat?" the filly asks Anon.

The question merits a few light gasps from her classmates, not from disgust but from surprise.

"Did you have the same question, Moon Petal?"

The mare nods in response.

"You too?" asks Sandy of the other filly.

"Yeah... last summer it was really bad. The medicine we got from Zecora wasn't helping, so mom took me to Mr. Anon to get fixed like she did when she was a filly. This year it's been pretty okay, but summer only just started. What about you?"

"Last month and this month. Daddy lost his job at the weather factory in Cloudsdale and we couldn't afford the medicine for a couple months. He found a job as a lightning generator in Canterlot, so we'll have it next month."

"To answer your questions," the class returns its attention to the front of the room, "My sperm isn't really compatible with a mare's egg."

"So then how does it stop the heat?" asks Moon Petal.

"You're a smart filly. You see, my sperm is special. Strangely enough humans and ponies have the same number of chromosomes. This means that my sperm and a mare's egg have the same instructions for making a baby, but there's something special about me. I have no magic."

"WOAH! Not even a little bit, like earth ponies?"

Anon chuckles, "Compared to me, earth ponies have a whole bunch of magic. So what ends up happening is that even though the egg accepts my sperm, after a few days the body rejects the egg, because magic is very important for ponies when a baby is made. It determines their special talent and their name, both of which are things where I come from that don't really exist. Names are made up, and sometimes don't mean anything. And most people don't have a special talent that they're born with. They have to train hard to become good at things, while ponies seem to develop their special talents out of thin air due to magic. So, essentially, the heat is cured for the month."

Onyx Gleam raised his hoof next. "Why do you have sex with fillies?"

"It's my job," Anon replies. "Well, technically i have sex with mares, stallions and colts too, but fillies who are going through their first heat come to me the most. I also help couples who aren't looking to have foals but are going through an intense estrus."

"But you're like, 5 times bigger than any of us! Wouldn't it hurt?"

"Well, despite how tall I am, my penis is actually below average in size compared to other stallions. Combine that with my inability to get mares pregnant, and you've got the recipe for the perfect organic heat cooler."

"Are you the only one?"

"As far as I know, yes. Canterlot has unicorns that specialize is heat dampening spells, so they sent me to ponyville. Before Princess Twilight arrived, there weren't any unicorns powerful enough to perform the spells here. Now, are there any other questions?"

When nopony raised their hoof, Anon continued. "Well class, we're almost done here. There's only one last thing I need to talk to you boys and girls about." Anon moves back over to the easel, revealing his final poster-board. Upon it are large red letters.

CONSENT

"Fillies and colts, there's a lot we talked about today. And I'm sure you won't remember every single detail, but please listen closely to what I'm about to say next. You can forget everything I've said up until this point. So long as you remember this last thing, I will be glad I came here today to talk to you all."

An eerie silence cloaks the room, the children wary of Anon's suddenly very serious expression.

"There is nothing more important than consent. Permission. Under NO circumstance do you ever take advantage of somepony. Under NO circumstance do you touch another pony sexually without their permission. Fillies. The burning sensation under your tail will be temporary. It can make rubbing up against a stallion seem like an okay thing to do, and while I'm sure you won't find many stallions who will turn you down, it's much better to ride the storm and not have to suffer the consequences. Colts. Just because a mare smells nice doesn't mean you have permission to rut them. On average you'll be bigger and stronger than mares, so when your instincts kick in you'll have to fight extra hard to resist them. If anypony ever makes you uncomfortable, whether you're a boy or a girl, you tell that pony no, and you leave. If somepony you love is trying to take advantage of you, you give them the same treatment. It's your body, you are in command even if it's difficult. The truth is there are those who would try to take advantage of your developing bodies, both mares and stallions. If it doesn't feel right, run away. Get help. Go to the princess or Ms. Cheerilee if it's someone you trusted. Does everypony understand?"

"Yes, Anon." the class erupts, in an almost militaristic fashion.

Looking at the clock, Anon smiles back at his class. "And it looks like we finished early! Everypony is welcome to go home. I'll be here for some time so you can ask me questions, but other than that you guys have a ton of fun this weekend!"

As the class slowly flows out of the classroom and everypony has asked their remaining questions, Anon is left sitting behind the desk, reorganizing his materials and preparing to leave. The door to the building opens once more, and in trots the usual boysenberry school teacher.

"As usual, all the children left with huge smiles on their face. You truly have a gift Anon. Sometimes I think that bit about not having a special talent is dragon dung." She says it all while approaching you with a huge smirk on her face.

"Nah. I've just had years to master my presentation. You should've been there the first time I tried it. Oh, wait. You were." Anon sticks his tongue out at the mare. That gets her to giggle.

"Oh yes, I remember. Everypony was so afraid to speak, and you were so nervous you couldn't STOP speaking."

Anon sniffs the air, noticing a pungent, sweet aroma.

"How bad is it, Cheerilee?"

She moves in closer to Anon. "Not too bad. I've definitely had worse. Buuuuuut, since i have you here..." Jumping up onto Anon's lap, she plants her lips on his, immediately opening her mouth and moving her tongue in. She shivers as her tongue rolls over Anon's canines. Breaking the kiss, she continues. "Why don't I reward you for treating my students so well?"

Anon reaches down and gives her rump a firm squeeze, eliciting a surprised moan from the horny mare. "You slutty little scholar." Anon says as he lifts her up and places her on the desk. Cheerilee can't help but giggle all the while.

Life is good for Anon.