Tree Hugger Sells Acid to Various Ponies

by Super Trampoline

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Princess Celestia, Narcotics, Applejack, Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Treehugger
Length: 1139

Tree Hugger sells acid to various ponies

Tree Hugger sells acid to various ponies. Chapter three is the best.

Published 2018-05-27 21:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-27 21:20:07 UTC

Tree Hugger Sells Acid to the Cutie Mark Crusaders

Tree Hugger also sold acid to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Now, you may think this is unethical, selling drugs to kids. And Tree Hugger would agree with you. So why then did she sell acid to the Cutie Mark Crusaders? Quite simple: They dressed up as three fillies in a trench coat so she thought they were one older pony trying to buy acid. And you know what? It worked. That's how stoned Tree Hugger was. So she sold them a ten strip and they went back to their clubhouse to expand their minds.

But that's another story for another day. Gotta leave some material for the inevitable "The Cutie Mark Crusaders do Acid" spinoff, right?

But I will say this: Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash were not on speaking terms with Tree Hugger after that incident. Gee, I wonder why.

Author's Note

Tree Hugger Sells Acid to Trixie

One evening, Trixie arrived at her favorite sketchy alley to set up Trixie's Back-Alley-at-Midnight Firework Shop. However tonight, she found said back alley already occupied, by none other than Tree Hugger (with Fluttershy nervously along for the ride).

"The Grrrreeeeaaat (With a rolled "r") and Powerful Trixie demands to know the meaning of this usurpation of my customary illegal fireworks selling spot! Explain yourself, fiend!"

This gives us an opportunity observe one of everyone's favorite character traits that Tree Hugger possesses: her manner of speaking:

"Woah there, mare. I'm getting some serious negative vibage coming from your direction. It'd be bodacious of you to, like, waaaay major chillax, you know?"

This did not have the intended effect though, as Trixie hated hippies. " Fucking hippie I swear to Celestia I will shove a Chineighs firecracker so far up your ass, your head will explode!"

Fortunately Starlight Glimmer was there to calm her down. " Whoa whoa whoa let's calm down. There's no reason we can't work this out without resorting to violence." She then turned to the strange mare who had occupied their back alley (heh). "Hi, I'm Starlight Glimmer. What's your name?"

"Oh hey, you're that mare who had, like, a major meltdown and tried to fry time. Pretty faaaar out, mare. I'm Tree Hugger, and I think you already know my shy buttery friend, Fluttershy."

Starlight smiled, at this point used to ponies bringing up her dark past. "Yeah, I made a few mistakes. But who doesn't, haha!? Anyway, speaking of mistakes, I believe you've set up shop in our back alley. I'm sure you didn't mean to, but I'm going to have to ask you to move please."

Tree Hugger was unfazed. "That's cool and all, but, like, this alleyway is considered common land and thus free for all ponies to use."

Trixie smirked. "Enclosure, bitch! I bought land use rights for this alleyway. It's mine to sell illicit fireworks on as I please. So go suck a fat one, you dumb hippie bitch!"

Fluttershy finally spoke up. "Trixie, you may be right, but you know what? You're a huge cunt. I just want you to know that."

"Whoa now, I'm really not digging all this antagonism in the air here. It's really harshing my mellow. I think we can work something out. How about this: Trixie, in exchange for finding another back alley to sell fireworks in, I'll give you some wicked strong gummies that will blow your mind. Figuratively speaking. Unlike your fireworks, acid is rather safe. So what say you, magic horse?"

Trixie knew a good time when she saw one, and took Tree Hugger up on her offer. She moved her operations to another back alley, and in exchange, Tree Hugger gave her a bag of LSD-infused gummies.

Trixie promptly ate them all at once and had a very unpleasant trip, but that's a story for another time. Good thing Starlight Glimmer was there to tripsit.

Author's Note

Oh yeeeeeah

Tree Hugger Gets Beaten Up By Applejack

One day, Tree Hugger was walking down the street when Applejack spotted her from her apple-selling stand at the Ponyville farmer's market. "Hey, you no good varmit! You sold acid to my kid sister! You're about to get a heart to heart with these here hooves Buckin' MacGillacuddy and Kicks-Magee!"

Uh Oh! thought Tree Hugger. Time to jet. She tried to run away, and got about two hundred yards, but let's face it, Applejack is an earth pony in hella good shape--she caught up to Tree Hugger faster than you could say uh... okay actually it took her like half a minute, but she up and downright tackled the poor mare to the ground.

And just what fine countryisms did Applejack spit at the poor Tree Hugger? Well, that's another story for another day.

Author's Note

Tree Hugger Gives Acid to Princess Celestia

Now the thing that you need to know about Equestria is that just because most drugs are legal doesn't mean anyone can make them. You have to get licensed to do that shit, and Tree Hugger's LSD was definitely not licensed. So one day Celestia had her arrested after a no-knock raid on her house. But Celestia is a cool cat so she told Tree Hugger "Look I know you've been holding out on me. You've got the best stuff in Equestria and you didn't even bother to get licensed so you could sell it properly? And you know who's the official tester of acid? Me. So pony up a 10 strip and let's get wriggity wriggity wrecked, bitch!"

So Celestia and Tree Hugger did acid together, and Celestia had such a good time that she made Tree Hugger a licensed vendor on the spot so she didn't have to go through a bunch of bureaucracy. But that's another story for another time, eh?

Author's Note

Tree Hugger Sells Acid to the Jolly Llama

So once upon a time there was this pony named Tree Hugger and she really loved to drop acid. How much did she love to drop acid? Enough to make her own acid. Unlike in America, most drugs are legal in Equestria. Most ponies just don't take them because they are actually well-adjusted individuals who aren't depressed messes like most humans are. Also the world is already psychedelic.

Anyway, Tree Hugger had a lot of fans all over Equestria and one of those fans was named Jolly Llama. Now Jolly Llama resold acid he bought from Treehugger to the llamas. Now I don't think we've ever seen a llama in the show but surely they exist somewhere in greater Equestria.

But that's enough about Jolly Llama. Gotta leave some material for the inevitable spinoff, right?

Author's Note

Before:

After: