Screwed

by TRIBOT 4000

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Royal Guard, Random, Shining Armor
Length: 1357

Everypony think Shining Armor is useless, that he's lazy, or even that he flat out doesn't do anything. Shining could prove them wrong, if he had the time. He does more than they think.

This is a prequel to Screwed AGAIN!!

Everypony think Shining Armor is useless, that he's lazy, or even that he flat out doesn't do anything. Shining could prove them wrong, if he had the time. He does more than they think.

Join the Captain of the Guard as he deals with a completely normal day. Well...normal by his standards.

Published 2018-05-10 19:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-10 19:10:06 UTC

You Stupid Armor Wearing, Princess Banishing, Wall Smashing, Spell Casting, World Dominating, MORONS!!

"Shiiiiiining!" That beautiful sing song voice, rang through the ears of the Captain of the Guard and Prince, Shining Armor. He responded accordingly and left the comfort of his bed. Taking his steps carefully he made his way to the next room, where his wife, the Princess Mi Amore Cadenza sat on a satin couch.

"Yes dear? Is there..." he interrupted himself with a yawn, "...uh something you need?"

"Yes. Can you come here and sit by me." Cadence pat the space next to her, "I have something to tell you."

Shining made his way to his beautiful wife. He was so lucky to have her, a princess of Equestria, and the princess of his heart. He sat next to her and looked deep into her eyes, those beautiful violet eyes that he could stare into fr the rest of eternity. She scooted closer to him and said to him as sweetly as possible. "You can sleep in today."

For a moment he didn't respond, then he processed the information he had just received. His wife, the ruler of Crystal empire had just woken him up early from bed to tell him he could sleep in. Yeah, sure, okay. Shining nodded and kissed his wife on the head before getting up and heading out of the room without a word. Cadence was however completely oblivious to Shining now soured attitude.

Alright, breathe in, breathe out. It's too early for you to flip out right now instead he headed down the halls of the Crystal Castle, saluting soldiers, and inspecting the safety precautions. He continued to do this until a Pegasus accompanied by two guards approached. The Pegasus had a blonde mane, and one eye seemed to move off into another direction. He nodded to the soldiers, each of who left the two of them. The cross-eyed mare reached into a mail bag she had with her and started searching.

...and searching...

...and searching..

...and sear--

"Excuse me miss but do you need help finding...whatever you have for me?" Shining asked, getting impatient. The mare looked at him for a second and then mouthed the word 'Ooooh yeah'. She reached in her bag swiftly, pulled out a letter, and hoofed it to Shining before taking her departure.

Tired and annoyed Shining mumbled under his breath before opening the letter.

Dear Shining Armor
We are sorry for bothering thou but we are in need of assistance. We have been banished to the moon again appreciate it if thou would talk with our sister. we fear you will not be happy with the reason for a banishment and we feel, after meeting the first time last week, thou art the only one who can help clear our name.

Hopefully Princess Luna

BOOM!

Before Shining could even react to the letter the entire castle shook. Screams could be heard from outside the castle. He hurried to a window and peered outside. What he saw gave him pause. A fully grown Spike now stood Before the city, towering over the little Kingdom.

POP

Shining turned around to see Twilight now behind him.

"Twily! What's happened to Spike!? And what's this banishment business about?"

Twilight held a hoof up to catch her breath. Once she had she explained. "Well, I was trying out a new spell for time travel. I was hoping to try and speed growth of flora and fauna with it. I accidently hit Spike with it."

Shining Armor put a hoof on his temple, "So let me get this straight: You tried to manipulate time itself, fully knowing that rupturing it could like destroy the whole world and proceeded to use the spell with taking the necessary precautions such as telling people to stay the hay out of dodge? Am I close?!" Twilight merely nodded.

"And I may be part of the reason Luna got banished."

"What!?!?"

"I said that I may be part of the rea--"

"It was rhetorical! Come on let's just go see about this banishment thing. My guards can handle a dragon."

So the two of them did.

Now in Canterlot Castle, Twilight and Shining burst into the Royal Courtroom where Celestia sat. She looked slightly surprised but composed herself.

"Shining, how good it is to see you. Might I ask what is wrong?"

"You know dang well what's wrong! What's with you banishing Luna? I thought she was reformed."

Celestia smiled in realization, "Oh is that all. Well I can answer that question for you. She ate the last piece of Chocolate Cake."

Shinings eye twitched. "...pardon?"

Twilight stepped in. "I may have made the cake myself for Princess Celestia. I think it was good punishment. A couple more thousand years, and she will truly learn the magic of friendship."

Shining looked at her sister, then at Celestia, then back to his sister, each of who were smiling widely. "Are you out of your minds!? It was a cake! A freaking cake!! That hardly seems worth banishment!"

"but I made the cake! Don't you love me Shining?"

"Of course I do! You're my sister, but a cake is not worth banishment!"

Celestia chuckled, "Oh Shining, your treating this like the end of the world."

Suddenly the doors to the castle opened as a stallion wearing chicken feathers started screaming, "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!! DISCORD IS BACK!! HE'S SO POWERFUL NOW, WE MIGHT NEED THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY AND BOTH THE PRINCESSES!!!"

Shining groaned loud as the spirit of chaos popped into existence in the courtroom. "Hello little puny ponies! I'm so glad you're all here to witness your demise! The more the merrier! Ahahahahaha!"

before he could get any further the wall exploded inward revealing Spike, bits and pieces of Crystal in his mouth. On his head was a blue unicorn mare with a cape and hat.

"Bow before the Great and Powerful Tri--!!"

"STOP!!"

Silence sounded through the building as Shining looked at everyone in absolute rage. A few seconds went by until he took a breath spoke slowly but clearly. "Mister Discord--"

"It's actually Lord and Master."

"Shut up. I don't care. I have a question for you. If the world was made of pure chaos what would that mean."

Without delay Discord responded, "It would mean I'm amazing, obviously."

"Actually it would make you the least chaotic being possible."

"What!"

"Let me explain. If the world was complete chaos then chaos would become the norm, thus, you would become responsible for making Chaos normal, normal is order, in turn, you would make everything less chaotic."

Discords world shattered inwardly and audibly. After what felt like forever cursed and snapped his fingers, popping out of existence, never to be seen again. Shining then turned Spike and Trixie.

"Spike, you have everything you ever wanted. There's no reason to be bad. Trixie, if you tried just doing your show like any other pony, then maybe you wouldn't be humiliated wherever you go."

"But I--" she began.

"Also, we have two goddesses, the Elements of Harmony, several nations to back them, including the griffons, and an entire army. Do you really want to screw with us?"

Trixie tried to think up a retort but then looked at Celestia, who only beamed. The blue unicorn jumped off of the now shrinking dragon and left the premises. Finally Shining turned to Celestia.

"Cake is not that important. I'm sorry but that is the painful truth. Forgive your sister and bring her back. Same goes for you Twily. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a bed calling my name." and with that he left.

When Shining finally arrived at the remains of the Crystal Empire he found chaos among the rubble. She rushed to him and hugged him tightly.

"Shining! I have good news!"

"Um...okay."

"I'm pregnant."

The forces that be then gave Shining the energy he need to say his last words before fainting into a heap.

"Sh*t."

Author's Note

This story didn't quite go in the direction I was hoping for.