A Match Made in the Mail Office
Post Pony Pete sighed a lonely sigh. The day was long and hot, and the fact that he was spending it in his dark, sweaty office wasn't helping things very much. He cast a depressed glance at the paperwork scattered all over the room. It seemed to just keep coming and coming. There was paper on the floor, the desk, the wardrobe, the door, the walls, and even, to Pete's horror, the ceiling. All the extra sheets made the tiny room even more unbearable and claustrophobic. And poor Pete was very claustrophobic indeed.
Pete cleared his dry, scratchy throat. His tongue felt like sandpaper. Where had Penny gone? He'd asked her to fetch him a cup of cold coffee about twenty minutes ago but as always she seemed to have dissolved into thin air. Coffee was the only thing they could drink in the place, since the water tasted like pee and the only thing that could mask the taste was a tablespoon of coffee granules. Since Pete couldn't work the machine for the life of him, he'd asked his coworker Penny to get him a cup please. Pete reckoned she was either asleep right now or watching Scooby Doo reruns. Or both. Oh well, he needed to stretch his muscles a bit anyway.
Yawning, he got up only to fall down again after sitting down for so long. Pulling himself together, Pete headed out the door to his office. He pushed at it and achieved no result.
Damn rusty door, Pete thought to himself. He whacked his hooves against the rotting wood harder and harder until finally the door flung open with a crash.
Ooops. Must've hit it too hard.
"PENNY!" He called. He hated shouting at the old mare, but she was so deaf it was next to impossible to use your indoor voice when talking to her. "I think I might've asked you to get me some coffee twenty minutes ago. Where is-"
He broke off when he noticed a certain someone in the room. He opened his mouth in surprise; they hardly ever got any customers, and this customer was something else. He was a young stallion with a shiny, ivory colored coat which gleamed in the grimy light of the mail office. On his flank shone an intricate design of a shield. He had a beautiful blue mane which accentuated his dreamy brown eyes. Pete gaped at the handsome stallion, struggling to compose himself. Finally, he managed to choke out some words.
"Who the feather are you?" Pete slapped himself internally. Stupid, stupid, stupid thing to say.
"I- I..." stammered the stallion, shocked at Pete's sudden arrival.
"He's just come to return miss-delivered letters." The old mare said, sounding bored. That was nothing new, since everything in life seemed to bore her. Except for Scooby Doo, that is.
"Oh really?" The pegasus was disappointed. Of course the handsome colt isn't here to do anything but hand in mail. "Well lemme tell you something hanso- err...I mean... young colt. We don't have enough of a budget to be giving rewards or compensation for you taking your time having to come all the way out here to return these letters! I'm really sorry." Pete's face was getting redder.
"Wait, rewards? No, I just-" the ivory colored pony started, but Pete broke him off.
"Y'know, it's not at all easy. Delivering hundreds of letters when no other ponies will help?" the stallion gave a look to the old mare. She was just sitting there, looking down. It took him a moment to realize she had fallen asleep again and was drooling all over the floor, "In fact, we could use a few more ponies in here, helping out and all." Pete looked hopefully at the pony before him, who stepped back awkwardly.
"And with the mailponies constantly quitting on us, we're stuck with nothing but complaints and undelivered letters," Pete continued solemnly. Could it be possible this pony would take on the job?
"Well, I just moved to Ponyville yesterday. My home was full of letters mailed to the wrong address, and I brought them back here. I'm not looking for any reward. I just did it because I thought it was the right thing to do. I'm Lance by the way, Lance Angelswift," the stallion -Lance- met the pegasus' stare, neither of them blinking.
"Nice to meet you Lance," Pete said eventually, "It's good of you to care, but it seems these letters aren't ever getting delivered. The last mailpony quit weeks ago and no one else will take the damn job!"
"I can't imagine why?" The old mare said quietly, rolling her eyes, "It's boring here and the WiFi is terrible."
There was a long pause, before Lance spoke up.
"Maybe I could take the job." Pete couldn't believe his ears.
"You serious?!"
"Yeah!" Lance stepped up to the counter. "Look, I need a job and you clearly need a mailpony." The pegasus looked Lance up and down. He really was beautiful. No one could possibly be that perfect.
"What's wrong with you?" The pegasus asked suspiciously, then groaned at his own stupidity.
"Excuse me?" Lance replied, offended.
"Err.... you see..." stammered Pete, trying to fix what he'd just said, "Every mailpony over the years has had something wrong with them. That derpy mare, and also that near sighted foal. What's your problem?"
"Nothing. I'm exactly what you see."
The pegasus huffed, breathing a sigh of relief. Lance hadn't seemed too upset... right? He flew over to the office door and opened it.
"Get in here. Let's talk."
Lance was wearing his new blue mailpony jacket along with a small blue hat.
He looks so cute in this, though Pete as he explained the task at hand. Lance had been kind enough to volunteer to knock on the doors of the recipients of the undelivered letters and apologize on behalf of the mail service.
"Thank you so much for agreeing to this," he said, "The company is losing money fast and we need to get the money up. I hate this place, but I ain't letting it go under."
"If you hate this place, why don't you quit?" Lance asked.
Are you kidding me?" Pete turned and pointed at the cutie mark on his flank. It was an envelope with a pair of legs. "With a cutie mark like this and my parents calling me 'Post Pony Pete', how could I be ANYTHING ELSE?!"
"I'm sorry," Lance said, "I'll just call you Pete if you like."
Pete blushed.
"Yeah, that would be nice."
The two ponies stared at each other for a while before Lance cleared his throat.
"I'd best be off then."
"Good luck!" Pete called as Lance headed out the door.
"This is stupid! Stupid, stupid, STUPID!" Pete yelled at his grimy reflection in the mirror of his tiny, rundown shack. The place was even darker than his office, with a minuscule window which was so dirty it was impossible to clean. A battered mattress lay in the corner and apart from a stool with a broken leg. the mirror and a still grandfather clock, the room was virtually empty. A picture-frame holding a photo of Pete's long deceased mother held its pride of place among the peeling wallpaper.
"You can't just crush on a random pony that walked into your office! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!" the Pete in the mirror gazed guiltily back at him, "You don't know him! He could be a serial killer for all you know. And then you just give him a job?! Without an interview or anything?!"
"You needed workers desperately anyway, what else could've you done?" Mirror-Pete pointed out.
"Yes, but...but...but..." Pete stammered, though it was no use. He had to face it. He had undeniably, unquestionably fallen for that stallion...Lance Angelswift. Pete sighed.
"Fine. Maybe I 'like' that guy just a little, but that's it. There is no way, no how, we'll ever get together. I don't even know the stallion for Celestia's sake! It's just a crush, it'll go away over time."
Oh.
But poor Post Pony Pete didn't know how wrong he was...
Author's Note
This is a fanfic written for my friend Nevel, based on his amazing story Angelswift: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/28441/angelswift Please support the original work 
How this ship came to be? I have no idea 
I invented it one day and now it is here, and now it is spreading, and now it cannot be stopped!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 
What is that pony's problem?! Lance wondered as he went about his daily mail route. It had been a week since he had started his new job at the mail office and things weren't looking good. The whacko pony known as Pete seemed to find every tiny little thing to complain about. Seldom a day passed without Lance being made fun of, or yelled at, or both. It's like he's trying to make me dislike him. What did I ever do to him? Is he always like this? Also, Penny was right; the WiFi was terrible.
Lance sighed as he pushed a letter through the window of a house (since there was no visible mail slot or mailbox) . And there I was thinking he liked me...
"Argh!"
BANG
"Argh!"
BANG
"Argh!"
BANG
Penny grumbled at the strange noises coming from Pete's office. He was disrupting her favourite Scooby Doo episode. Meanwhile, inside the stuffy room, Pete was hurling his head against his desk, each bang accompanied with a frustrated scrowl. This was like a scream and a growl...but better.
"Could you stop?" said Mirror-Pete, who had taken temporary residence in the reflection of a coffee puddle which had invaded a good portion of the paper-filled desk. "You're gonna get a concussion."
"See if I care."
Mirror-Pete facehoofed. Regular Pete ignored him. Both Petes were startled by a brisk knock at the office door.
"Come in," Pete half-groaned. The door rattled as whoever was outside of it tried to force it open. When the ancient hinges wouldn't give way, Pete finally got up and went over to the door.
"WHAT?!" Pete demanded, hurling the door open angrily, only to find himself face-to-face with Lance. The ivory stallion backed away, a startled expression all over his face. Pete sighed, trying to soften his tone, "What do you want?"
"I just wanted to tell you I'd finished my work for the day," Lance said, backing up a bit.
"So?"
"So...goodbye I guess, till tomorrow that is," Lance was already halfway out the door and beginning to turn away. Seeing him leave, Pete's heart began to ache and do that thing which felt like it was dancing to Gangham Style inside his chest.
"Wait!"
Lance turned back around and took a few steps forward. His ears were turned slightly back in a confused expression.
"Yes?"
"I...uhh," Pete looked desperately around the room, trying to find something for the ivory-coloured pony to do. His eyes rested on a massive parcel near the doorway, which he had earlier moved there to prepare for delivery. "I..eh...needed Penny to move that box out to the back storage closet, but she can't really do it herself."
"So you want me to help?"
"Exactly." Pete tried to give Lance an encouraging smile, but it came out as a grimace. Lance hesitated.
"I need to pick up my sister from school," he said, hooves tapping a nervous pattern in the dusty floorboards.
"It'll only take a few seconds," Pete couldn't stop himself from raising his voice, "And we really need your help. You sister can take care of herself."
Lance took a very deep breath, fighting the urge not to buck his boss in the face. He moved over to the bulky package, giving it an experimental nudge. It didn't move. Darn.
While Lance was doing that, Pete went on out of the room to call Penny. There was no way Lance could be expected to move the thing on his own. The thought occurred to him that he could help out the handsome stallion, but that'd mean the job would be done faster and he wasn't quite ready to say goodbye to Lance for the day yet.
"You're being a selfish jerk," Mirror-Pete tried to reason from the shiny surface of the coffee machine Pete had just passed. Pete ignored him cos he knew Mirror-Pete was right.
"Penny?!" he called out. His eyes rested on the old mare behind the counter, engrossed in the climax of the Scooby Doo episode she was watching. "Get over here right now you lazy pony! There's a parcel to move!"
Penny gave him a rude sign, then began to slowly make her way to the office, deliberately stopping to stare at every single uninteresting object she walked past; the pen on the desk, the coffee machine, the lampshade, even the two-week-old fly corpse on the windowsill. After what seemed like an age, she finally made it to where Lance was attempting to slide the parcel across the floor and towards the closet. Upon seeing the old pony, Lance smiled and made room for her. Together, after much heaving, stumbling and Penny's cursing, they eventually made it to the supply closet and hefted the heavy package inside. But 'eventually' was still too soon for Pete. As Lance wiped the sweat off his forehead with his front hoof, he practically ran over to the door. Pete managed to stand in front of him just in time, catching Lance off guard. The earth pony banged right into Pete's face, causing both stallions to knock back from each other and rub their foreheads in pain.
"Excuse me," Lance said quietly after he had recovered, not even trying to keep the anger out of his voice, "I did your job. Now let me get to my sister."
"I..." said Pete, "I was wondering if you wanted to get some tea with me?"
Lance shook his head in disbelief, "You order me around, make me stay after hours when you know I need to go get my sister, and now you want me to get tea with you?!"
Pete looked at the ground.
"Never mind, forget it." He stepped gingerly out of the way. Lance pushed past him without another word and sped out of the mail office. As soon as the ivory coloured pony was out of sight, Pete hung his head in shame. These days, even thinking about Lance made his stomach twist and turn into little knots. He'd tried so hard to push him away, but still whenever he saw the guy he was drawn to him, desperate to be in his company, starved for his love.
"Pathetic," Pete mumbled to himself. All his insides felt like a withered dandelion, pulled out from the ground and thrown under the bushes to rot away. Pete wished he could literally rot away right then and there. Pete spent a couple minutes just sitting there, cursing his very existence. Penny waddled back to her Scooby Doo. Pete tried to trip her up on the way out but failed. He had never felt so worthless.
After a few more moments of wishing he could turn into gloop and ooze between the floorboards of the room never to be seen again, Pete walked over to the supply closet, trying to pull himself together. He got hold of the package he had got Lance to move there for absolutely no reason other than to keep him here, and with much effort managed to drag it back to where it had originally been.
"Pathetic."
Author's Note
So...I'm getting back into this thing 0-0 I have a small idea of where it's going and I'm hoping to actually finish it this summer :P Sorry if this chapter is kind of filler, it's linked back to Angelswift Chapter 8 when Lance was late to pick up Cherry from school :0 I mostly just wanted to show Pete's frustration at himself for liking Lance, and I've never read or wrote much romance before so bare with me here -\owo/- Good things come to those who wait....I hope
