J'accuse...!

by Minds Eye

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random
Length: 1142

Luna has some choice words for Celestia after her performance in Twilight's play

Luna has a few questions for her sister after her little performance in Twilight's play. Namely, where does she get off raising the sun during the night like that?

This could get ugly...

Published 2018-04-29 17:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-29 17:20:07 UTC

J'accuse...!

It was such a silly little thing, the theater, Celestia mused. So much time and effort put into the production by so many ponies. She had no doubt her student had poured her soul into researching and crafting the perfect script to capture the historical significance of Celestia's first raising of the sun. Indeed, she wondered if Spike might have coaxed Twilight out of including scenes depicting the ancient unicorns drained of their magic living the rest of their days in the harems to honor and reward their sacrifice.

Not to mention Rarity's contributions of the period accurate clothing, or Applejacks labor designing the sets, or even Pinkie Pie's questionable expertise with the special effects. Indeed, the theater was a silly thing. All that energy invested into one chance, just one half hour of performance.

And yet, as she quivered before her sister's glare piercing her like daggers of ice, she was reminded that there was no true sanctuary to be found in the arts. Rooted to the spot as she was, among the decorations and behind the curtain and among the cast and crew she had assisted, Celestia was only one of many that had submitted their labor, and must now face the music.

"I want you to admit it," Luna said, in an all too calm and even tone.

Celestia gulped, but even that slight motion prompted Luna to furrow her eyebrows and twist the knives of her blue eyes even deeper. "S-sister, please. The audience called for an encore. Let's just calm down--"

"Admit it," Luna snarled.

Celestia's mouth snapped shut, and she couldn't find the strength to open it again.

Twilight Sparkle inched her way between the two of them. "Uh, maybe we can just talk about what happened? Celestia was just doing what she could to help us out. We forgot to repair our prop for the sun and she just raised it a little--"

A band of bright blue magic snapped around Twilight's muzzle, and Starlight Glimmer dragged her to the side a heartbeat too late.

"Oh, Twilight," Luna said. "Dear, sweet, simple little Twilight. I know exactly what she did. She knows what she did. I know she knows that I know what she did. I want her to admit it." She tilted her head to side, and Celestia fought down a whine. "Didn't we agree, beloved sister, that manipulating the sun and moon to assist Princess Twilight's friendship festival was a gross misuse of our power?"

"That..." Celestia swallowed and tried again. "That was different. She had so many other ponies around to help her, and Songbird Serenade is a professional. She could sing on a street corner for tips and make it sound--"

A burst of light cut her off, burning between the two of them, roaring with blue flame. "A lantern spell, dear Tia. It's only one step above the illumination spells Star Swirl taught us on our first day of magic school." Luna extinguished the blaze. "Rules apply to everyone, isn't that right? I've spent so much time since my return lamenting my mistakes--even tormented myself with the Tantabus--and now you use the sun as your own personal plaything because one measly little play might go wrong?"

"They said that everyone in Equestria knew I was--"

"Two dozen ponies at most!"

Rainbow Dash jolted upright. "Wait, what? They all lied to me?"

"Luna, the sun was up for two dozen seconds at most!" Celestia said, as if Rainbow had said nothing. "It was a special occasion, and it won't happen again!"

"How many times did I beg for the moon to stay in the sky just a minute longer? I've lived by our rules without complaint for years now, and you throw them out the window on a whim?! You... you..." Luna clenched her eyes shut, throwing her face this way then that, until she finally reared up and slammed her hooves to the ground, and her voice exploded, "You hypocritical SOW!!!"

Silence reigned supreme as her little ponies, courageous as they were when they faced down all of Equestria's enemies, obeyed their survival instincts when confronted by a hurricane and hunkered down together.

Celestia felt the ancient magic swirl inside of her, along with her indignation. It had been centuries since the last time she had used the Canterlot Voice before this day, but she decided she quite liked the feeling of it. "You dare speak that way to me?!"

Luna's mane blew away before her fury, but her sister's face remained defiant. "I was banished a thousand years for this same stunt! What repercussions--"

"You call sororicide the same stunt! What right have you to judge--"

"Every right as Princess of Equestria! I paid a thousand years! What sacrifice will you make for this transgress--"

"None, you manipulative--!"

Waves of sound struck each other, coalesced, and a bolt of energy split forth, sending Spike flying through the lowered curtain. "Princesses!" Twilight cried, "Please! Stop this and think!"

Luna paused, but it was only to take a breath, and blue sparks of magic ignited as she inhaled. "I DEMAND SATISFACTION!"

The force of her power staggered Celestia, but her retaliation shot out with righteous golden fury. "YOUR DEMANDS ARE FLATULENCE IN A STORM!"

Luna reared once more, power gathering at her muzzle one last time. "FO KRAH--!"

Celestia did the same, the brilliance of her magic matching her sister's. "YOL TOOR--!"

"Everyone, quick!" Pinkie Pie tore out her mane, and spread it wide. "Out of the universe!" She dove into it, and her mane vanished behind her.

The sisters struck the ground simultaneously, and the final words of their screams died in the clash of sound, magic, and rage that engulfed them all, leaving only pain for Twilight and her remaining friends, the pain of a midnight thunderclap reverberating through their skulls and bones ad infinitum, the pain of more force and sound pouring in no matter how tightly they squeezed their ears, and they knew the terror of crying for mercy yet knowing their pitiful voices mattered nothing in the face of cosmic destiny.

Twilight ignited her horn, hoping to flee, hoping to drag whoever she could through her magical escape route, but she only howled all the more, as the magic screamed against her, quivering with the same fear and pain no matter what location she tried to touch, as if the world itself shook before the sisters' furies.

And then it was over.

Luna stood, panting, sweating, and vengeful.

Celestia stared her down, defiant, exhausted, and unbowed.

"You will give me pancakes," Luna said. "Chocolate chip--and none for yourself, only the plain!--every morning for two weeks."

Growling, Celestia flicked her eyes and forth, considering. "One week!"

Luna snorted, turned, and left.

Elsewhere, twisted and entwined in her bed sheets, Adagio Dazzle lit a cigarette.