Bearded Lust 2: The Re-Beardening

by Arcainum

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity, Sex
Length: 2776

Celestia, Rarity and Twilight have sex and, in doing so, destroy Equestria.

A slip of the tongue by Celestia during a party at the palace leads to an encounter with Twilight and Rarity that neither they nor, frankly, anyone else were expecting.

Warning: Contains gratuitous Twifutalestiarity, excessive facial hair, a healthy disrespect for the act of lovemaking, and the fiery destruction of Equestria.

Now in audio.

Published 2012-07-26 17:14:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-04 23:21:38 UTC

Hirsute Heat

“Rarity, it's so wonderful to see you!”

Rarity's gaggle of unwanted admirers turned their collective heads and, upon witnessing the newcomer, nodded cordially and respectfully. Rarity, recognition swiftly dawning, spun as quickly as dignity would allow and dropped into a low bow. “Princess Celestia! Where are my manners?”

Princess Celestia laughed, beckoning Rarity to stand. “Oh, come now. I think we've been through far too much to be standing on protocol, hmm? Stand, my friend!”

Rarity's eyebrow lifted a notch. “'Stand, my friend?' I must say, Princess, you sound rather... manly today.”

All talk ceased. Fearful hush descended upon the assembled guests and the ponies surrounding them backed away.

Celestia's eye twitched as she met Rarity's eyes. “What... did you just say?”

Rarity stared back, her gaze unflinching. “I said, you sound rather manly today, Princess.”

Celestia stepped forward. “One more time.”

Rarity met her pace, her tail swishing side-to-side challengingly. “You. Sound. Rather. Ma-”

Celestia's mouth yawned open and let loose a tremendous bellow, like a wounded mammoth in an echo chamber. The force of her roar blew out the windows and knocked the surrounding ponies to the ground. Rarity's mane was blown into her face, obscuring her vision.

She was suddenly forced to the ground and she felt a hoof on her back.

“IF MANLY IS WHAT YOU REQUIRE, MANLY IS WHAT YOU SHALL RECEIVE.”

Rarity gasped with delight. Her plan to antagonise the Princess had succeeded. She had been drilling for pleasure, and she had struck sex. She puffed her mane out of her face and looked over her shoulder. Celestia was standing over her, mane and tail afire with a thousand colours and eyes blazing with power. As Rarity stared, a vast, pulsing horsecock erupted from between Celestia's hindlegs. The emerging member was of such breathtaking girth that its shadow shielded Rarity from the sun streaming in from the shattered windows and the sight, aided by the hoof embedded in her lungs, quite took her breath away.

Magic gripped her and she found her body lifted to its hooves. Her head stayed pinned to the ground, her grade-A top-notch five-star blow-your-horseshoes-off one-of-a-kind buttocks thrusting in Celestia's direction like they were being paid. The floor was cold against her cheek and Celestia’s breath warm against her cheeks. Celestia leaned down and whispered in Rarity’s ear, her hot breath sending shivers down the fashionista’s spine.

“You want it rough?”

There was a moment of terrible silence. Rarity, primed to receive, lay before the Princess of Equestria's hungry gaze. The world held its breath.

“I want to be tore up from the floor up,” replied Rarity daintily.

Celestia entered her with the force of a meteorite, her opening thrust filling Rarity like a fire extinguisher in an ankle sock. Rarity cried out with a mixture of pleasure, pain and I-don’t-even-know-what.

Celestia’s pounding continued, the Princess riding her subject like a lumberjack riding a bear down an erupting volcano. Her mouth was locked in an ‘O’ of infinite rage, a low moan - like that of an angry whale - accompanying her every violent entry. Each thunderous roger was accompanied by Celestia’s voluptuous crotchboobs slapping into Rarity’s prime rump like wet meat on a metal counter, like a fat man doing a belly-flop. Rarity’s mewling cries were drowned out only by the sizzling of their audience’s moustaches as they were furiously twiddled.

Rarity’s eyes rolled back in her head as her mind crumbled into impossible bliss. To be free of her affected dignity, of her morals and mores, of her never-ending quest for acceptance... It was perfect. It was freedom. It was fabulous.

She felt a tickle on her back, and cast a glance backwards. Her questing gaze met the flowing beard that was bursting from Celestia’s chin, and her fashion sense drank in the wondrous sight with an ecstasy matched only by the sensation of the moistened ramrod vigorously exploring her seeping spermsponge. The ever-growing cascade of rainbow face-fungus flooded across Rarity’s back in a glorious hairy torrent, smothering her in well-groomed desire.

“Rarity?! Princess?!”

The two ponies ceased their frantic copulation for a moment, looking up to a balcony hanging over the great hall. Twilight Sparkle looked down at them, an expression of utter disbelief on her face. Celestia thrust a forehoof toward her and shouted.

“TWILIGHT. HORN. NOW.”

Twilight cast her gaze about the room, taking in the hordes of drooling gentry. Hindlegs twitching as she eyed Celestia’s horn with a hint of lust, she opened her mouth to reply, then stopped, then tried again, then gave up. She took a deep breath, then gave it a another shot and managed to get out “Well, it has been a whi-”

Without another word, Celestia set her horn and beard aflame with magical power, and Twilight found herself yanked from the balcony. She rocketed toward the entwined unicorns and realised that Celestia’s horn was growing, changing shape. She felt herself being rotated as she flew through the air, her legs spread wide.

Twilight impacted with Celestia’s head. Her horn now a gleaming horsecork of Herculean proportions, Celestia plugged her pupil’s clunge canal with the tenderness and subtlety of a fist to the tits. Twilight squealed like a Clanger on helium as the gargantuan girl-gherkin pierced her.

Celestia plunged back into Rarity even as she reached up with her wings and, with a grunting stretch, gripped Twilight’s sides with her wingtips. Twilight’s eyes widened in both fear and anticipation. She could see only one course of action the Princess could be preparing to take, and her mind rebelled against it even as her body relished it.

With a flick or her wings and a “GOTTA GO FAST,” Celestia spun Twilight as hard as she could, her hornsecock the axle of a sexy, sexy wheel. Twilight’s Dopplered cry of pleasure, pain, and I-don’t-even-know-what was matched only by Rarity’s five-hundred-and-eighteen words ago.

Rarity gritted her teeth at Twilight’s pleasure. She felt as if she was losing Celestia’s focus, though the thundering impacts of hers and the Princess’ bodies said otherwise. Between the sexual earthquakes ravaging her downstairs doorway, she gasped a challenge.

“Is, uh, that, oh, all, mercy, you, ah, have?!”

Celestia froze, staring down at Rarity with narrowed eyes made yet more sinister by the shadows cast over them by the still-spinning Twilight, and yet less so by the assorted juices trickling down between them from the same.

“WHAT.”

Rarity rolled onto her back, glaring back at the Princess.

“Well? Is that all the Princess of Equestria has?”

Celestia pulled out with a sound like a crack of moist thunder and stepped forward until she was standing directly over Rarity. Her pendulous protrusion swung above Rarity’s face like the Cock of Damocles. She reached down, almost dislodging the twirling Twilight, and slipped a hoof beneath Rarity’s head, bringing her as close to the vein-webbed womb-worm as she could.

“I AM EQUESTRIA.”

Rarity’s eyes widened. It had taken a few seconds for her brain to register what she was seeing, her thoughts clouded by Celestia’s musk and the high-pitched keening of Twilight’s whirligigging, but now it was as clear as day. The veins on Celestia’s custard cannon formed a perfect map of the kingdom. She forced herself to not be impressed, staying as unflappable as one can in the face of a geographically-perfect erection.

“Parlour tricks.”

“LOOK CLOSER.”

Rarity squinted, staring as hard as she could at where Ponyville would be on Celestia’s mighty mare-meat. A tiny, throbbing Carousel Boutique stared back. And there, in the window, a miniscule capillary Rarity waved.

Rarity’s mouth dropped open in shock and awe, an opportunity that Celestia seized with gusto. Rarity choked on the bulging cylinder like a drunkard on a Pepperami and Celestia withdrew. Her point proven, she leapt back onto Rarity like a puma on a fresh kill, gliding in liquid-smooth, and the copulation began anew.

As the awesome power of Celestia’s sexomancy filled them both figuratively and literally, both Rarity and Twilight’s chins began to bristle. Within moments they had sprouted glorious beards that shone with a thousand colours, Rarity’s spilling out across the floor like a pool of rainbows and Twilight’s streaming around her in a circle, trapped in the vortex of her rotation. As steaming ecstasy engulfed the three ponies, something rose unbidden deep within them, and they let out a tremendous “YAR!” that shook the palace to its very foundations.

For hours they ground the day away in a frenzy of sweat, beards, and sweat with beards, the sun dropping below the horizon jerkily as Celestia’s magic wavered between it and maintaining the magnificent threesome’s momentum.

The watching gentlecolts had all passed out, their moustaches limp and ragged, unable to cope with the almost-palpable tornado of sexual energy ripping through the great hall. Time, circumstance and a lack of imagination had led the three lovers back to their original position - Rarity mounted from behind by a feverishly rutting Celestia, herself topped with Twilight like a revolving star on a Hearth’s Warming Eve tree. Their beards had intertwined, the raw potency of Celestia’s constant stream of stallionly effusion granting them a hairy life of their own. As the three ponies made brutal, heartfelt love, so did their beards, caught in a tangled embrace of keratinous lust. But this time, it was different.

The moment was nearing, and they could all feel it. Celestia’s grinding grew more gratuitous, Rarity’s cries were approaching the ultrasonic, and a small fire had started in the fur around Twilight’s twisting nethers. The three-as-one boned their cares away and the pleasure built, and built, and built, until at last...

“NYYYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH.”

Celestia threw her head back and howled like a mountain lion on its honeymoon night, incandescent light streaming from her eyes. Rarity screamed as climax assaulted her simultaneously, and Twilight arched her back in unimaginable pleasure. Violent spasms wracked Celestia’s body as she poured gallon after gallon of blazing rainbow mareyonnaise into Rarity’s twitching scooch, and only the comparative tightness of Twilight’s own clenching cave kept her from being fired across the room by the horncock’s stream of varicoloured jism.

Even as the throes of orgasm died down in the two unicorns' bodies, Celestia’s seemed only to intensify. She screamed with ineffable delight, and the light bursting from her body erupted into a vast pillar of magical fire that swept through the great hall and further still, engulfing all in its path. There was a roar, a blinding flash...

And then silence.

Rarity opened her eyes. Celestia stood by a window, looking out into the distance, a hunched shadow sat atop her head. Rarity blinked, trying to clear a strange itch in her eyes. She coughed. It was then she realised the air was filled with cloying dust, or... ash? Pulling herself to her hooves, she staggered to Celestia’s side, aghast at what she saw.

The charred skeleton of Twilight Sparkle, huddled around Celestia’s horn, crumbled to dust as the Princess bowed her head. The blackened specks that were all that remained drifted away in the howling wind that now whipped through the desolate ruins of what had once been Canterlot. Rarity looked out across the wreckage of Equestria, a thousand miles upon a thousand miles of scorched earth and burning sky.

A single tear of blood for the fallen scored a line of sorrowed crimson down Rarity’s cheek. How had things come to this? How had her simple, innocent desire for a spot of rumpy-pumpy become the End of Days?

Celestia turned to her and spoke, the first proclamation of the ruler of a dead world echoing across the ashen wastes.

“Fancy another?”

~~~~~

=/

Hairpilogue: The Beardginning - Dearly DeParted Fronds ~ On The Fringe of Madness

Nothing moved in the ruins of Canterlot. The only sound was the screaming wind twisting through the streets and the screaming ponies continuing their cataclysmic procreation far above.

The ancient stones of Equestria's capital lay charred and cracked by the searing quimferno that had swept over them at the culmination of Celestia's acockalyptic cumsplosion. The greatest kingdom of the world, and all it surveyed, reduced to nothing by the whims of a horse who liked to sub and had an itch to scratch. The white-hot metal shards of gutted homes wept molten tears, as if in bitter injustice.

It began to rain, a cloying black downpour thick with the ash of ponykind. Equestria itself lamented its own passing. Nothing remained, save the echoing grunts of the two rutting whoreses who had doomed the future with their terrible hubris. Or their brutal day-long vortex of cascading rainbow sexual energy. One of the two.

But then...

A sound. Barely audible above Rarity's bleating wails, the clink of stone on stone made itself quietly known. In the sea of shattered stone surrounding the palace, a single pebble… moved. Then another. And another. The stones heaved as though something below were struggling to break free, an impression considerably reinforced by the fact that something was.

The movement stopped for a moment, the life within pausing for one final push. The world held its breath for the future, for the possibility that perhaps… just perhaps… Equestria could return.

A sudden push, an impossible effort, the stones bursting from their resting place, and the survivor thrust itself into the dead light with gasping triumph. Shadows danced as tattered hair flowed in the breeze, the burning sky casting its angry glare upon Equestria's hope.

Snaking strands, every strand rich with every colour of the spectrum. Heavy brows over a determined glare, ready to face whatever life had left to throw at it. A faint aura of power, no longer the blazing corona of magic that had once filled it with strength.

The beard was back.

Rainbow Beard twisted about, searching the ruins for further signs of life. As the time passed and still it saw nothing, vicious wind whipping at its outlying fronds with increasing intensity, fear gripped it like a bad gel. Was it the only one? Was it all that remained?

The stones moved again, and Rainbow's attention snapped to the pile of shifting rubble. Without thinking, it lolloped toward the cracked paving, tumbling to a stop and grasping at the rock with as many strands as it could spare. Within moments of concerted effort, its companion was free. Struggling from the dust and gloom, its fellow, tinged with purple, bent politely in thanks. If Rainbow hadn't come when it had...

Rainbow shook itself reassuringly, gesturing an errant lock at their surroundings. What was there to do now but look out for one another? In silent agreement, Purple Beard leaned toward a crater more scarred than the rest. It had seen the white-striped beard falling in that direction before… before the end.

Moving as quickly as they dared in the treacherous landscape, the beards flowed to the edge of the crater. Rainbow moved to enter, but Purple held out a hurriedly-formed plait to stop it. They had no idea whether the crater was safe, and if they were going to save White they had to… to...

Rainbow stared as Purple visibly slumped. Its strands fell limp, its entire form sagging in dismay. Rainbow moved closer, unsure of what Purple had seen and seeking to comfort it. Perhaps some poor ponies were-

Purple shook itself and, with terrible slowness, pointed into the vast scar's centre. Rainbow forced itself to turn, dreading with every fiber of its fibres what it might see.

Scorched earth.

Flickering flames.

A flash of white, wisps of smoke still twisting at its edges, amongst the ash.

And nothing more.

Purple collapsed, lavender fronds spilling across the russet ground in black despair beneath the crimson sky, the depths of its blues matched only by the orange-speckled fuchsia of an ill-considered tie dye. Rainbow sagged, but pulled itself together. Even as sorrow threatened to overcome it, determination filled it in response. The broken world had claimed White's life.

It would not claim another. Wrapping itself about the still loose Purple, Rainbow gathered itself, holding its friend tightly as it lolled with sorrow. Guilt poked its angry talons at Rainbow's core, but it ignored them. There was no time for sadness, no time for grieving. White was with the Bezoar now. Rainbow looked into the burning sky, drinking in the ugly sun, then out across the wasteland of Equestria that was to be their… their…

It began to flow, pulling Purple with it. It would let Purple have its time, but it would not let itself fall to despair. Yes, there was no time to grieve.

They had a home to build.