Sunset laid on her back, staring up at the sky. One leg crossed over the other, she relaxed on the low wall just outside the cafeteria. The cement was rough through her black jacket, though she didn’t mind. The leather had been badly torn at the dance; she kept it as a reminder. Today, she had decided to forgo lunch with her friends. She needed some time alone. Her friends were full of so much energy. She couldn’t keep up sometimes. Today, she just needed some time alone.
Luna had told her that it was okay to take time to herself, that she needed to take care of herself. She didn’t want to take these days too often; Sunset worried that if she took too much time off from her friends they wouldn’t want to be her friends anymore. She worried that she wasn’t being a good friend when she did this. Like with many of her fears and worries, this one would keep her up late at night. Right now, though, she simply needed time away from all the energy.
Reaching down, she lazily grabbed a carrot from the salad she had on her white styrofoam tray. She was mostly finished, just a few leaves and a handful of baby carrots. She hated the stereotype in this world about horses, and by extension ponies, loving carrots, but she chuckled to herself every time she had one. They weren’t her favorite anymore, not since she found tomatoes at least. But carrots weren’t nearly as messy as a juicy tomato, so she made do.
Nibbling on the carrot, Sunset let her mind drift to the noise coming from the cafeteria. Close to half the school was on the other side of the wall, chatting away. Friends laughed and argued like always. The din didn’t make it through the wall though, leaving Sunset in relative quiet. Letting her head roll to the side, she looked through the windows, trying to find her friends. Four of them didn’t exactly stand out. Her eyes narrowed as she failed to find the distinctive crop of color that was Rainbow Dash.
She considered sitting up to get a better look, though only for a moment. Despite being unable to find her chromatic friend, she did see Pinkie’s magenta poof. With that, she found the others. Though Rainbow’s multi-hued cascade was still missing. Shrugging, Sunset finished her carrot and replaced it with a few pieces of lettuce. Turning back to the sky, Sunset chewed on the greens and let her mind drift.
Princess Twilight wandered to the front of her mind. A small smile creeped onto Sunset’s lips. Sunset knew she had a strange crush on her savior. There was bitterness there, certainly. The princess had been the one to defeat her and ruin her plans. The lingering darkness in her heart, the part of her that still strived for power, resented the princess for setting her back. She didn’t like acknowledging that that part of her still existed; she didn't like thinking that hard. It took too much energy. A groan escaped her and she let her mind blank for a moment. Though Luna had helped her identify a lot of self-anger in her, it drained her to think on it. But she knew that she couldn’t deny a part of herself. She had to accept her darker side, that just because she still had the thoughts and feelings from who she was didn’t mean she was still that person. With a shake of her head, Sunset cleared the dark thoughts from her mind.
It wasn't long before she forced her mind back to thoughts of the princess. It took effort, but it beat the emptiness of non-thinking. She knew she felt indebted to Twilight. The pony princess had saved her from the evil inside of her. She knew her affection towards Twilight was just a love for the one who had saved her. That didn’t reduce the affection she felt, however. Moreover, Twilight had not just forgiven her, but wanted to help her be better. Almost weekly, more out of dedication than any strict requirements, Sunset wrote to Twilight about what had happened. Most times, Twilight would reply, and the two would spend hours talking. It was hard to not feel attached to someone who had seen all the evil in her and still stood by her.
“Hey there, Sunny.” Sunset blinked, the unexpected voice pulling her out of her thoughts. It wasn't unwelcome; it gave her a good excuse to stop focusing so hard on something. Focusing her eyes, she found a cyan face surrounded by a spectrum of color. “Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout?”
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Just you all, my friends.” Her reply was followed by a small smile. It took more effort to make than she expected, and it quickly slipped from her lips.
Taking a seat above her friend, she scooted to the edge of the wall, leaned back to rest on her hands, and started kicked her feet gently, staring up at the sky with Sunset. “Not many clouds,” she noted.
A small, content sigh left Sunset’s lips. She had indeed noticed the lack of any fluffy white clouds. “Nope. It’s a beautiful day.”
“Great day to be alone and recharge, eh?”
Sunset blinked. She didn’t know how Rainbow hit the nail on the head so well. Stammering, she tried to blow it off. “Well, I mean, ya, I guess. If I needed that. It’s just a nice day is all. Reminds me of Equestria.” It wasn’t a total lie, and she hoped it would steer the conversation away from her depression.
“You wanna talk about it?” Dash asked. There was a genuine interest in her voice, one which Sunset found reassuring. “You don’t talk about your home very much.”
Sunset shook her head. “This is my home now,” she muttered fondly. “Equestria is nice and all, but…” Sunset chuckled. “Home is where the heart is. This is where I belong. This is where I’m supposed to be.” Canterlot City had fully become her home in the years she had spent here. That, and there were a few too many painful memories back in Equestria.
“Well, we’re glad to have you.” The pair sat in silence for a minute, Sunset munching on the remains of her salad, Dash slurping from a juice box. Sunset was content to leave it at that; the background noise helped quiet her mind. “So, how are you?” Rainbow asked after a fashion.
Sunset paused, tilting her head to look up at her friend. “What do you mean?” She wasn’t ready to admit to her friends that she was depressed yet. Luna had told her many times that she should tell them, but only when she was ready.
“This is your recovery, Sunset,” Luna had said. “You’re the one healing here. I’m not saying blow them off, but remember, this is about you. It’s a weird balance to strike, I know. On the one hand, you shouldn’t push to do anything before you’re ready. You can’t rush getting better. On the other, they can’t be part of the healing process until you tell them. And the more pillars you have, the stronger your stand.” Luna had put her hands on Sunset’s shoulders then, and given her that warm, loving smile; the one that always made the teen feel at ease. “Don’t worry about them abandoning you. A true friend will always be there for you, and they are true friends to you and each other.”
“I mean, how are you?” Dash answered. There was something in her voice that told Sunset that Dash knew the answer, but was letting Sunset give it. “Are you doin’ great, feelin’ crummy? Wanna run away and scream or jump for joy? How ya doin?”
Her shoulders slumped. Sunset didn’t want to answer the question. Fear blossomed in her chest as thoughts of how her friends would react. She didn’t have any rational reason for why they would abandon her, that was simply how her depression worked. It would scream that the worst case was the only case. “I’m fine, Dash,” Sunset lied through her teeth, only the slightest waver betraying the building fear in her chest. “Just been a long week. Finals and all.”
Dash scooted slightly before laying back, hanging out over the edge. “Sure, sure.” The pair fell silent again as Sunset finished her lunch. They stayed, neither moving as the time slowly passed. This was what Sunset had needed, she realized. Being with a friend, but not having to interact with them. Just being with them was enough.
Dash eventually broke the silence with a groan, sitting up. “Sunset, look. You don’t have to tell me anything.” She held up a hand, signaling a pause to Sunset’s response. “I won’t ask. Just know, I’m here for you. We all are.”
Dash placed a hand on her fiery haired friend’s arm. “If you need a day off from all of us, take it. I know Pinkie can be a real handful.” She let out a small chuckle before standing. “Just, shoot me a text? The girls were worried about you, so give me a heads up and I’ll cover for you. Or, you know, for whatever. I’ll listen or talk or…” Dash trailed off, catching her lower lip between her teeth. “Look. I don’t have a million words like Rarity. Just, I’m here for you, if you want.” Dash gave a gentle smile to her friend. “Ohh, and don’t tell anyone I said all this sappy stuff, okay? Got a rep to maintain.” With a final nervous laugh, Dash grabbed her stuff and headed back inside.
Sunset’s teal eyes locked onto Dash’s retreating back. She didn’t know how Dash knew, but she did. If she didn’t, she had to at least strongly suspect. Despite that, Dash still wanted to be her friend. She had even offered to lie for her. Sunset couldn’t stop the smile that creeped onto her face. She was glad to have friends so willing to stay by her side. Swinging her legs around, Sunset grabbed her trash and stood. Luna had told her that it was going to take time, and friends. She certainly had plenty of time, and it looked like she’d have some friends as well. Resolving to at least tell the princess, she was her student after all, Sunset walked back into the building, a content grin brightening her face.
