A great big ClusterF***by The Cowardly ChristianChaptersChapter 1chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 6chapter 7Chapter 5Chapter 1Author's Note I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING! ... ANNOUNCEMENT! I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED! SUMMARY: On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?! The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publishing company. It's also now available at Amazon and BarnesandNoble ... ... https://www.amazon.fr/13-Dakota-Umlauf/dp/1984511963 Above is a link to amazon for my book https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1128212357?ean=9781984511966 Above is a link to barnesandnoble for my book https://www.xlibris.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-001178898 Above is a link to Xilbris for my book https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/217373 Above is a link to Inkitt.com for my book https://www.linkedin.com/in/dakota-umlauf-487523169/ Above is a link to my Linkedin account https://thecowardlychristian.tumblr.com/ Above is a link to my Tumblr account https://www.facebook.com/dakota.umlauf.90 Above is a link to my facebook account https://www.patreon.com/TheCowardlyChristian?alert=2 Above is a link to my Patreon account ....... If you want to see more, go to my fanfiction account: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5874134/The-Cowardly-Christian-du911 ... AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't. But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas? Love me, flame me, review me Chapter 1 A great big ClusterF*** ... “I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination" - Jimmy Dean .......... A little earth pony filly named Applejack sadly sits in her relatives lavish Manehattan apartment and looks out the window... "I miss my family and the apple orchard..." ... A young pegasus filly named Fluttershy, having just been knocked out of the Cloudsdale...was amazed at the wondrous ground...but also the cute critters that ran rampant...SHE JUST HAD TO SING! What is this place Filled with so many wonders? Casting its spell That I am now under Squirrels in the trees And the cute little bunnies Birds flying free And bees with their honey Hooooonneeeeeeey! Oooh, what a magical place And I owe it all to the Pegasus race If I knew the ground had so much up its sleeve I'd have come here sooner, and never leave Yes, I love ev-er-ythiiiiing! ... A white and purple Unicorn filly named Rarity glared at the giant boulder that her spell had dragged her miles to find, "A ROCK?! That's my destiny?" She screamed annoyed... ... A purple Unicorn filly named Twilight Sparkle grunted as she strained to make the dragon egg hatch to impress the examiners and win a place at Princess Celestia's school for gifted Unicorns...but she just...she just couldn't take the stress! And the egg...it just wouldn't hatch! Finally...she just gave up. She turned to the examiners sadly, "I'm sorry to have wasted your time sir's..." ... "There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks..." This was the depressing mantra that a sad pink Earth pony filly named Pinkie Pie thought as she toiled on her family's rock farm...what they actually DID with the rocks when 'harvested'...I doubt even they know... ... A Rainbow and Blue Pegasus filly named Rainbow Dash was having the time of her life! The adrenaline, the speed...this was LIVING! And she was only getting faster! And faster! And Faster! And faster! And- BOOM! ... And like that...the rainboom traveled all across Equestria...giving Rainbow her Cutie mark...and inspiring 5 others to do likewise... ... Applejack ran home to reunite with her family... ... Fluttershy calmed down the frightened animals and discovered her innate ability to communicate with animals on 'different levels' ... Rarity squealed as the boulder cracked open revealing all those wonderful gems... ... Pinkie pie inexplicably time skips- because she's Pinkie Pie -and gets her family to smile and party! ... A frightened Twilight watches in horror as her out of control magic causes judges to levitate, her parents turn to potted plants, and the baby dragon grows through the roof! Twilight is terrified of what consequences await her...until she feels the comforting hoof of princess Celestia... ... In a different universe, these six fillies, intertwined by fate...would remember this day fondly, but only meet many years later, create the bonds of friendship and go on Epic quests to save Equestria many times... ...this was not that universe... ... Six fillies gained their cutie marks, six fillies fulfilled their destinies, six fillies jumped up in the air excitedly...six fillies were then targeted by six invisible predator drones... ...TARGET ACQUIRED... ...elsewhere... "What- What is this!? It's our target- "NO! THOSE ARE KIDS!" "We have our orders!" "Frack the orders! I'm not murdering children!" "You'll do as your told or you'll be hung for high treason! What do you say about that!?" The red headed teen responded with a fist to his face- "GO TYRONE! STOP THE DRONES!" The little boy jumped to the controls and prayed he'd be in time... ... Twilight bounced up and down excitedly while an amused Celestia watched, "I'm going to be Celestia's apprentice! I'm going to be Celestia's apprentice! I'm- PONY! RUN! I CAN'T STOP THE DRO-(muffled crashing and screams) GET OFF! YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING! I-(More muffled crashing and screams) LITTLE PONY! RUN! All the ponies looked up confused as an odd metallic...THING. De-cloaked in mid-air. "What is- BANG! ...it would later be called the six shoots heard around the world... ... Twilight looked down confused at the gaping wound in her side...blood everywhere...everyone screaming...feeling...feeling very...very tired... ... The animals sobbed as the cute pink haired pegasus who'd just befriended them...slowly bleed out on the grass... ... "So many...so many beautiful...designs...unmade...I had such plans...I'm sorry Sweetie belle...looks like I won't get to see you grow up." Thought Rarity as her entrails bleed over the once pristine diamonds and rubies... ... "No...I...I was so close..." Cried Applejack as she looked toward her precious Apple orchard...her home...her family ran screaming toward their prodigal filly...desperately trying to get her to wake up... ... "No...I...I just wanted to be awesome!" Cried out the Rainbow-maned filly as she fell throught the sky bleeding...the ground rushing up to her to seal her fate... ... "Sorry everyone...I guess I forgot to wear my plot armor..." Giggled a bleeding Pinkie Pie as her family tired in vain to stop her entrails from falling out of her now ripped open gut... ... A panting Wendy finally incapacitated Robbie and Agent Powers...but one look at her sobbing friend...she knew it was too late... ... TO BE CONTINUED? chapter 2A great big ClusterF*** ... Celestia...Celestia couldn't believe it...it was like the universe was out to get her...first her sister tries to kill her...then her promising first student Sunset went rouge...and just when she was gifted with a promising second...the poor filly- with so much life, potential and love to give -is lying dead on the floor...Celestia tries to use her magic to heal her...but there's a foreign object wedged in her wound that was causing trouble with her magic...plus it seemed secreted with an unknown poison that not even her magic could expunge...there...there was nothing she could do... "PLEASE! I CAN STILL SAVE HER!" Celestia glares at the source of the voice...the source of this TRAVESTY. She began to power up her horn to blast the odd piece of hovering metal. "Give me one reason why I don't just blast you to bits right now", she snarled. "(sniff) please...(sob) I'm sorry! (whimper) T-they told me I'd be a h-hero- (sob) -if I did this- THEY NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT KILLING KIDS!" He blubbered as he continued to plead to be allowed to make this right... But Celestia's heart was already softening- distorted slightly the voice might be- she'd been the 'mother of Equestria' long enough to recognize the voice of a frightened and confused child who'd made a terrible mistake and wanted to make it right... Feeling twilight's heartbeat fading fast...and knowing the paramedics would never reach here in time...she realized she didn't really have much to lose at this point... She nodded at the 'thing', "Do it." Tyrone quickly flew the drone- 5 other simultaneously -which was even more difficult then it sounded because on one he was having to shoot tranquilizer's to get the animals to stop destroying the drone trying to heal Fluttershy, the Pies were throwing holy water at the drone with Pinkie, he'd been forced to tazer big mac AND fend off Granny, and the the drone catching Rainbow was falling like a stone under her weight... Tyrone knew no half-measures would do, he'd designed the bullets, between their shaped designed for maximum damage, the numerous, redundant carved ruins on the bullet to negate all magic used on or around it and the specially made ricin he'd developed to directly attack the immune system and the platelets that prevent bleeding...he'd have to use the experimental nano-genes he'd...'borrowed' and modified if there was ANY hope. Nano-Gene health field activate! Celestia winched as a green beam enveloped the dying filly, she spazed out for a second as if shocked...then went still again. "LIVE!" Shouted Tyrone as he hit her with another burst of nano-genes. ...Nothing... "LIVE! Again, he zapped... ...again Nothing... "LIVE!" ...Nothing... "LIVE!" "LIVE!" "LIVE!" "LIVE!" "LIVE!" "LIVE!" He zapped and zapped until his finger was sore and bloody...but none of the fillies would wake...either his bullet was just too good...or they were just too far gone...in any case..."I'm sorry." He whimpered out loud... A single tear drop feel from face...and onto the console...no one saw it glow where it landed. Wendy puts a comforting hand on her young friends shoulder, but an angry Tyrone just slams the console frustrated...unintentionally causing the beam to shoot again- ...and this time... ZAP! Celestia blinked as a phenomena she hadn't seen since Princess Candace occurred... Twilight had vanished! Celestia quickly quelled the panic, "Be calm my little ponies! I think I know what happened to Twilight, I believe I know where she is and I'll return her posthaste!" "What happens after that though..." She shook her head, she'd worry about that latter, right now she needed to make sure Twilight was alright and bring her home! As she ascended to the astral plane, she tried to think on what this all meant, "First and foremost I'll have to deal with that strange 'thing'...but after that...I know I'd planned to have whatever student I picked to eventually ascend to alicornhood...but this is too soon! I need at least another decade to lay the groundwork and ease ponies- both rich and poor -into the prospect of a NEW princess...but as the socio-political situation stands- she shakes her head, "Your overthinking this Celestia, true it might not be ideal...but one little alicorn brought into being a BIT ahead of schedule won't derail things...if anything it'll probably make things better!" She finally pops into the Astral plane to greet her new 'sister'- AND GETS A FACE FULL OF PINK!? "HI!I'MPINKIEPIE!I'MSUPEXCIEDTOMEETYOU!WILLYOUBEMYNEWFRIEND!?IGOTWINGSANDAHORNJUSTLIKEYOU!AREWECOUSINS!?SISTERS!?MOTHERS!?" Celestia looked baffled at the pink ALICORN filly that now clung to her face and rambled on and on without stop or breathing...despite the surprise, she regained her bearings, looked around...and saw they weren't alone... "w...wasn't I just falling?" Asked a disoriented Rainbow Dash, rubbing the horn she had on her head now... "Gah!...mah head...anyone get the number of that donkey cart that done run me over?" Asked a groaning Applejack as her body ached from the THREE new appendages that had been added to it... "eep!" Squeaked Fluttershy as she tried to hide from everything and the horn on her head without success... "Why these wings are simply divine! I'll have to make a new dress to accommodate it!" Shouted Rarity excitedly. Twilight nervously trotted up to an increasingly stunned Celestia, "Uh...Princess Celestia? What's going on?" She asked confused as he pointed both to her wings and the 5 other alicorn fillies that had popped out of nowhere... Celestia face-hoofed as she saw all her free 'cake' time for the next ten years go up in smoke, "That's what I'd like to know..." She grumbled... ... "NO!" Snaps Granny Pie as she snatches the bottle from her son's grasp. "Granny be reasonable! Pinkie is a princess! If that ain't a sign for the end times- "Something wonderful has happened to my grandchild, This is a time for celebration where she's embraced by her loving father- NOT A SUGAR-CRAZED LOUT!" ... "YAY RAINBOW DASH!" "#1 CHILD FOREVER!" "BEST PONY PRINCESS HANDS DOWN!" Celestia had to shielded her eyes as Rainbow Dashes parents let loose a bunch of celebratory fireworks off... Rainbow groaned, "Guy's...come on..." She flustered... ... "What do you mean, they're on vacation?!" Shouted Celestia angrily at the startled babysitter that been sent to watch Rarity. Rarity shrugged, "Eh, I'm used to it. I'm practically raising myself at this point." She explained neutrally as she trotted off to show off her wings to her baby sister...oblivious to the hot water she'd just put her parents in Celestia huffed smoke from her nostrils annoyed, "I'll be having words with those two 'parents'"... ... "No I ain't off my meds yah dang fool! Go get your mommah! I want every apple in the family tree here to celebrate! OUR APPLEJACK IS A PRINCESS!" Shouts Granny Smith while an amused Celestia watches... ... "Yay." Whispered the shy family as their daughter was returned to them... Butter shy snores obliviously on the couch... ... "Mommy, I'm a princess now!" Squeals Twilight happily as she jumps into her arms, Velvet Sparkle brushes away a tear, "You were always a Princess to me Sweetie..." She whispered sweetly. Celestia smiled at the heartwarming scene...which of course was interrupted... "Message for you mam!" Celestia groaned, "How'd they find out so quickly?" She read through the dozens of summons from both nobles and government departments demanding an explanation for the 'recent events'. Celestia shook her head...it wasn't ideal...but she was fairly confident she'd found the bearers of harmony. True, she was in for a massive headache...but with her contingency plans and careful planning she was confident that soon things will quiet down... "As long as nothing else stirs up the waters of course...but never mind that now! Time to talk to our strange...'Guest'." She turned toward to the strange metallic creature still hovering in mid-air- along with it's 5 other 'buddies' that Celestia had brought with her - and walked toward them. "Right, I think we deserve an explanation here...first of all; what species are you? I've never seen anything like you in all my travels." There was an awkward pause... "Uh...you do know this isn't us right?" Said a new voice from the 'things'(an older female teen by the sound of it). "Beg pardon?" Asked Celestia confused. "Yeah...were just talking through the drones...their not actually...well, their not alive in the same way as you or I" "Are you saying that these 'drones' are golem constructs that you are speaking through like some manner of ventriloquism?" Asked Celestia trying to guess the situation. Again the drones were silent... "Uh...I guess?" Said the teen voice unsure. Celestia frowned, these 'drones' were unlike any 'golem' she'd ever seen..no magic could be sensed from them- how was that possible? - and she'd NEVER heard of a mage speaking THROUGH a Golem before... How was this- She shook her head, she'd try to understand this later, for now- "Never mind, were are you then?" The drone sighed... "Okay, I'll tell you...just...go easy on the kid, okay? He'd never have build theses if it weren't for me...and he most CERTAINLY never would've built them if he'd known they'd be used to target KIDS." ... After receiving the coordinates, the and her royal guard went to an abandoned town on the far outskirts of town... "Right, Let's get this over with, I have a media circus to control and a bunch of nobles to baby." Joked Celestia to herself. After the whole thing with the filly alicorn, a straightforward problem- minus the odd 'devices' this group of malcontents somehow had access to -would be more then welcome! The guards threw open the door...and gaped. "...I HAD to jinx it." Thinks a stunned Celestia. ...there were 4 people in a room full of odd equipment; 2 beaten and tied up, one 12-year old child still crying and one slightly roughed up teen comforting him... The problem with this picture? NONE of them were ponies...or any other species Celestia had seen...outside of fairy tales and conspiracy nut job manifestos... One greenhorn guard whispered to another, "Houston...we have humans." ... TO BE CONTINUED? Chapter 3A great big ClusterF*** 3 I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING! ... ... "...Again...go easy on Tyrone...Blame me." Said Wendy Corduroy. Princess Celestia was only barely listening at this point to the teen girl who sat in her interrogation room...her mind was spinning with all these revelations... Humans were REAL...and they were alive...and were coming to KILL her. Or to put it in context: there was an underground society of humans living in a apparently high-tech metropolis called New Eagleland built by ancient humans to allow the human race to survive after the 'end times'...which if their 'supreme leader' Ming Jol-ik was to believed...was caused by ponies...indeed EVERYTHING seemed to be blamed on ponies... Is your family starving? Blame the ponies, they ate everything. Will your family be next? Is your job terrible? blame the ponies, they want you to be miserable. Your loss is their gain. Too much crime? Blame the ponies, their secretly in control of everything. Only by supporting your beloved government can you cull their influence! Stubbed your toe? Blame the pony-loving traitors to our wondrous species, it's how they get their sick kicks. Report any suspicious activities; be it from neighbors, friends or families! They could be ponies in disguise! Your synth planning to murder you? They are pawns of the ponies of course! That last one confused Celestia, but resolved to ask what a SYNTH was later...in any case she was starting to get the gist of it... "And what do you believe?" Asked Celestia. Wendy shrugged, "I believe my country is ruled by a rich fascist A-hole who uses fearmongering to get the idiots- the vast majority of my people, unfortunately -to suck up his sleaze and his wealthy friends corruption with a smile...of course writing that in my social studies report in 1st grade got my mother executed..." There was a long, awkward pause...and then to Wendy's surprise, she got hugged by the princess!...she was very...fluffy... "You poor dear...your safe now- "And Tyrone?" Asked Wendy quickly. Celestia smiles at the concern this girl had for her friend, "Yes, he made a mistake...but seems like you both did your best to correct it...but how did this all come about?" So Wendy told her how after their mom was 'executed for sedition'- i.e. Taking the blame for her daughter -Her dad had trouble making ends meet, although mom took all the blame...they were still blacklisted from all official jobs...so Wendy had to take unofficial jobs... "Enforcer, loan shark, bounty hunter...prostitution- she flusters at that last part -You don't really have the luxury to turn down high-paying jobs when your little siblings might starve." Celestia nodded, she understood sibling love all too well... "And Tyrone...when all my other friends ditched me- in fairness to them they were scared their families might be targeted if they continued to associate with me- ...he stood by me...he built me my first gun when he was 8...and it worked like a dream! ...we've been a... team ever since." Celestia notices the hesitance before saying team...and the light blush on her face...but she decided to let it be, with cultures as different as theirs who was she to judge? Especially after everything this poor girl had been through! In nay case Wendy explained how agent powers had approached her for a mission...to leave their city of New Eagleland...and go to the land of the ponies to assassinate the devil herself...Princess Celestia. Despite the situation, Celestia couldn't help but be a bit amused by being labeled a 'devil'. "So you were coming to kill me?" She asked in good humor. Wendy sighed, "Okay, try to understand...I hate my government...I really do...but not only did I not have the luxury to turn down the money- which was a TON, enough to set my family for life...but also, considering how they were using Ponies to justify their cruelty and oppression...a supposedly 'alien' species that no one had ever seen save for the governments 'trusted' sources and civil servants... "You didn't believe ponies were even real." Again, despite the situation Celestia couldn't help but chuckle over that. Wendy shrugged, "The whole thing reeked of a whole big publicity stunt/hoax- wouldn't be the first time they pulled this sort of thing. " Celestia watched amazed as Wendy showed her 'pictures' from her 'cell phone' ... "How am I not detecting any magic?" She wonders as she watches this device in amazement. Glorious Eagleland government sting operation successful in bringing down pony mob boss! Our glorious leader gallantly executes 300 pony demons with bare hands! Our glorious enforcers fight back the pony hordes at the Eagleland border! The pictures and videos of 'ponies' getting killed were so fake that even the tech-illiterate ponies could see how choreographed and staged they were. Celestia shakes her head, "And people bought this?" She asked in disbelief. Wendy shrugged, "like I said...idiots." She looked at Celestia with a resolute look, "And Tyrone felt the same way, but I was the one that recruited him. He'd do anything I'd asked...he's kinda wrapped around my fingers." Said Wendy with a reluctant smile. "We'll I believe that last part anyway." Admitted Celestia with a knowing smirk, "You should know that Tyrone has already confessed that he believed ponies were real...but still went along with it despite his concerns...assuming all the guilt for HIMSELF to protect you." Wendy groaned, "Dang it Tyrone!" She cursed. Celestia couldn't help herself, she was loving this drama. "Ah, young love..." Celestia put a comforting hoof on the distraught girls shoulder, "Neither of you have anything to worry about...Yes, taking this 'job' was a mistake. But your motives were each somewhat understandable- you didn't believe anyone would REALLY get hurt and Tyrone wanted to provide for his own family and make sure you were safe. But more importantly; when you saw innocent lives were at risk, you fought back despite the danger you knew you would place yourselves in." Celestia frowned, "I'm confused about one thing...if you were coming to assassinate me...how did Twilight and the other fillies got involved?" Wendy frowned, "That's the weird thing...night before that attempt on your life, our orders changed." "How so?" Asked Celestia. Again Wendy frowned, "It was all last minute, even Powers seemed thrown off by it. In any case we were given 6 locations, times and bio-signatures for the drones to lock onto...we had NO idea who we were targeting- "Until you saw them on your...'screen's'? I think that's what you called them?" While Wendy verified, Celestia's mind raced. This whole thing was getting more bizarre and making less sense the more she heard it... Assassinating her in a bizarre political move, okay. That made sense. MAYBE, killing Twilight if someone suspected she was a shoo-in to be her next apprentice...but 6 random fillies scattered across Equestria? It baffled her! She briefly thought about the Rainboom that gave everyone their cutie marks, but dismissed that. There was no way anyone could predict a random event like that...right? She shook her head of such things, she learned all she could from Wendy and the moved on to the next room...and a less then pleasant individual. Celestia glared at the defiant look of one Robbie Valentino, unlike Wendy and Tyrone...Robbie was just a jerk. He'd been a teenage freelancer like Wendy. But unlike her; Instead of helping them save the fillies he assisted Powers in trying to regain control of the drones to continue the mission... Celestia had been accused of being 'too forgiving' and maybe they were right...but here...with someone who would KNOWINGLY murder helpless little fillies for glory and profit...no, there would be no forgiveness. "Do your worse, I'll never talk!" He shouts smugly. Celestia quirked an eyebrow, "Oh, no?" ...5 seconds later... "I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!" Screamed Robbie as Celestia dangled him several feet in the air with her magic, Celestia smirked. Indeed, being the 'Mom of Equestria' for so long had also given her the innate knowledge of knowing when a boy was 'all talk'. Now despite her anger toward him, he was still just a boy. First chance she'd get she'd contact his parents and leave his punishment to them...unless their punishment was lacking, then she'd take matters into her own hooves. Nothing too nasty, again he was only a teen...maybe just 5-10 years in jail? It was certainly a greater mercy then she'd be giving the NEXT human. ... "Name: Anonymous Powers, Rank: Special agent level 5, serial number: QR-5890. And that's all your getting out of me." Stated the human adult flatly. Celestia just frowned at him, Robbie more less gave her the same level of info that Wendy gave him...well, mostly LESS. But as for this one... "I don't suppose you'd at least be willing to give me the location of your 'nation' so I can begin diplomatic negotiations with them?" Indeed, it seemed that Tyrone, Robbie and Wendy were blindfolded when they left Eagleland. Thus Powers was the only one who knew where it was. Powers simply remained silent... Suddenly a messenger pony came in and whispered into her ear. Celestia smiled and flawlessly listed the coordinates of Eagleland, and was given the pleasure of seeing the seemingly unflappable face of Powers...lose all composure. "What...but...HOW!?" He demanded. Celestia smirked, "I have my ways..." Turns out Tyrone had left a tracker back in his flat to let him know WHERE Eagleland was just in case something went wrong. He was also currently hacking Power's equipment to get any intel he could. Celestia continued, "Soon will know many other things...so you see, it's really in your best interest to cooperate with us. Depending on how much intel you give I'd be willing to give lenience and protective custody." But Power's wasn't really listening... "I have failed my country...worse, I've brought the devil to our doorstep...only one way to lessen my disgrace..." CRACK! Celestia's eye's widened as Powers suddenly slammed his face down onto the counter with a sickening crack, then spasm uncontrollably as he started to foam at the mouth. "WE NEED A MEDIC!" Shouted Celestia as she tried to use her magic to heal him...but it was too late... And that's how the concept of a Cyanide capsules was introduced to Equestria... ...It wouldn't be the last horrible thing introduced in the coming days either... ... What were those 'THINGS' that the guards arrested!? What were those creatures that killed the fillies!? What's this about their being NEW PRINCESSES!? Celestia sighed, the nobles and press were at arms. "First of all those 'things' were humans- She waited for the maelstrom of questions to die down a bit -apparently there is a small group of them still around...and their government sent a team to assassinate me- Again, she was forced to weather out an onslaught of questions, demands and accusations -Thanks to some 'rebellious elements' within their ranks, their plot was foiled. The guilty one's have been taken in custody and those who aided me are now in PROTECTIVE custody." Not technically a lie, Celestia had decided to simplify things for the sake of helping Tyrone and Wendy adjust to their current situation, and smooth out future trouble with any future interactions with humans that had nothing to do with this whole mess... "What about the fillies?! Have they really become NEW princesses!?" Demanded a reporter. Celestia sighed, "Were still investigating HOW it all came about...but YES, I'm proud to say we have SIX new alicorns- "Is it true that they are from COMMON roots?" Snaps Upper crust. Celestia glares, "If by which you mean they weren't part of any of the 'noble' families BEFORE their ascension, then Yes." The uproar and arguments amongst the crowd that broke out forced Celestia to call a recess to bring things to order. "They reacted this way to do...I'm not looking forward to telling them to prepare for a potential war with this 'New Eagleland.'" Indeed, Celestia hoped that it wouldn't come to that, that she could talk through this situation...but based on what she'd learned about their 'glorious' leader...she wasn't holding her breath...still, she had to at least TRY. She refused to condemn a new species to war simply because their leader was a murderous monster... ... Celestia looked warmly upon the six new filly alicorns, "Now I'm going to soon be away on important business to...'handle' those who caused this...'situation' we find ourselves in." Explained Celestia delicately. "Are you going to fight the people who almost killed us?" Asked Twilight concerned. Celestia sighed, "We'll see Twilight, we'll see...in any case, while I'm away I'll be leaving the kingdom and your education in the hands of Princess Candace!" Princess Candace smiled as she entered the room when introduced, "Hello Twilight, and girls. Rest assured I'll help you through this like Celestia helped me through my ascension. I also hope we all become good friends!" Rarity, Picking on Candace's familiarity to Twilight. Turned to the purple filly. "Wait, do you know the princess?" Twilight smirked, "Of course! She's my foal sitter! And my brothers 'special somepony',shining likes to keep a picture of her under his pillow and everything!" The other fillies and Celestia giggled at Candace's fluster... ... "My word, what interesting times indeed! The humans have returned and six new princesses have taken the throne! Maybe now I can FINALLY get my ANTI-giant man-eating spider legislation passed." Said lord Quentin Trembly Esquire as he trotted into his mansion. His butler Nathaniel Northwest grumbled out a 'yes sir' to his insane boss as he once more 'feed' the 'invisible' crumpled-horned snorlax family with the 'invisible' chow...and once more felt like a daft fool for doing so. "I feel good about six fillies brought into government...it's the same reason I proposed babies being made into judges awhile back...don't know why it was rejected." Nathaniel had gotten VERY good at not rolling his eyes over the years at his ludicrous boss, "A real mystery sir." He said with a very convincing tone of sincerity. Trembly nodded, "Well, enough about that! Time to practice ridding my manticorn backwards!" Nathaniel Northwest glared after his boss...now most people would enjoy his position. True; his boss was an insane collector of 'oddities' and was regularly considered a laughingstock among the nobility, but his pay and hours were quite decent. And despite his eccentric demands he was quite nice...so all and all an okay job... But most people aren't a misanthropic sociopath like Northwest... "It's not fair an idiot like you gets all this wealth and prestige...one of these days Trembly...one of these days..." ... The day had finally come...Celestia was worried, the sad fact was all the years of peace had rather made the EUP more ceremonial then an actual army...still Tyrone had tried to prepare them as best he could... So without delay, Celestia orders the army to descend into the crevice...and into New Eagleland... ...…... TO BE CONTINUED? Chapter 4A great big ClusterF*** 4 I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING! ...III... AN: A strong Thank you to Wolvenstrom for helping with this chapter! ...III... Bright Mac Apple and his wife Pear Butter were going up the mountain to make a very important cider delivery to 'Yourgonnadiebecausetheplotdemandsit-burg'- so named as the person who discovered it; Simon 'Onlyimportantbecausehewillcreateacitywhichwillindirectlyonedayaffectsomeoneofactuallimportancetotheworld' came from a long line of pink pony meta-benders. They passed briefly by a sign that pointed to the bridge ahead and said; BRIDGE TO Yourgonnadiebecausetheplotdemandsit-burg OUTSTANDING! "Well, golly! Were making good time! We should be done and heading home to our loving family within a couple hours!" Excited to get this over with and go home the eager couple quickly ran toward the bridge- SQUAWK! The couple looked up just in time to see Granny Smith's personal messenger bird fly toward them. "Huh, Granny usually doesn't bother us during a delivery..." Said Pear Butter out loud. -Unless it's important." Finished Big Mac thoughtfully...the shrugs. "Eh, I'm feeling a might bit peckish in any case. How about we take a lunch break to read it?" "Uh excuse me? Do you mind if old Gil goes on ahead of you?" Asks a rather ragged pony with a cutie mark of a black cat going beneath a ladder from behind their apple cart. "Sure, go on ahead!" Said Pear Butter happily. "Oh, thank you!" Shouts the pony as he prances on toward the bridge. "Oh, you don't know what this means to old Gil! I've had a rough life, but in the next town over I've got an opportunity to finally turn my life around and finally retire happily! Nothing's gonna stop old Gil now!" CRACK! And just like that, the bridge falls completely apart and the unfortunate Pony falls to his death. The Apple couple gaped, "What in tarnation- "What's going on here?!" Shouts a rather rotund pony in a business suite as he trots quickly toward where the mighty bridge once clung. He looks toward the sign and groans, "Oh for the love of- AGAIN!?" He shouts as he quickly bucks off the 'standing' bit. Leaving only; 'BRIDGE TO Yourgonnadiebecausetheplotdemandsit-burg OUT!' "That's the fifth time a sign has been botched this week! That's it! I don't care if he's my brother-in-law! He's fired!" While the politician goes down to the corpse to look for identification to alert his next of kin...and 'spin' the story of the disaster to best suite him...the couple tries to get their mind off what nearly happened by reading Granny Smiths letter... Soon all thought of the bridge and the unfortunate pony's fate were quickly forgotten! Their little Sugar cube was a princess! They quickly canceled the delivery and ran home...oblivious to fate that would've befallen them in another universe... ... Celestia and her entourage navigated the Crevice. Eventually Celestia was forced to create an opening to continue downward... CRACK! Unfortunately, despite Celestia's best efforts to be cautious, it was still enough to destabilize the area and cause a landslide... Thankfully, no one got hurt. But the opening had been sealed up, and Celestia deemed it too dangerous to go that way again. So for better or for worse...there was NO going back... They found an ancient, massive series of scaffolds- Apparently left behind by a previous expedition of humans -Which they then begin to use to climb the rest of the way down. However, as they went further down...feelings of apprehension increased. Although the ponies were reassured that Celestia would guide the way...they couldn't help but be concerned over facing such a mysterious new adversary... And the two humans didn't even have that comfort! They were deeply worried not only themselves but their families! The 'Supreme leader' was EXTRA brutal to traitors...including their families... While Tyrone was doing his own thing, Wendy took this opportunity to talk to Celestia about what was to be expected. "Hey, your majesty? Uh...what exactly is the plan here?" "Why I intend to open diplomatic relations with Eagleland, tell him that I do not condone his current domestic policies or his attempts to kill me and my citizens. It will then be my hope that we sit down and negotiate our current situation out." Stated Celestia warmly with a smile. Wendy frowned at that, "Uh...okay, we have made it clear that he's not exactly the most reasonable of guy's, right? That he's more likely to shoot you down with his thousands of soldiers, right?" Celestia draped a comforting wing over the clearly worried teen. "Worry not my dear, there is a reason why I historically use champions to fight on my behalf when I really should do so myself." She smirked, "I believe the Griffins said it best. You don't hunt rabbits with ballista's." She said with great wit. Wendy just looked at her baffled, so Celestia continued... "whenever I am forced to the frontlines. Forced to take matters into my own hands and confront the enemy myself, I know 1000 thousand different spells in different methods of Combat that could aide me. I've forgotten more ways to deal with my opponent then I remember. "But the Voice In front of my mind. Not the back. it's the very first thought I always have before I engage in combat or try to think how to solve a problem. A solution I have to convince myself every time not to do...use the sun." She says that last bit with concern. "I could easily wipe almost all of my problems out. Except for a rare few, not many can withstand having a star dropped right on them. Or having solar flares lash out at them as liberally is a pirate whips a mutineer... But the problem is if I do that, not only will all of my problems be erased so will everyone and everything else for miles around." "I can only Direct it. I can't shrink it down or cut off a small piece of it. Those solar flares don't have pinpoint accuracy. If I use the sun offensively, it would destroy far more than I could ever consider an acceptable amount of Collateral Damage." My sister and the elements in the past are what kept me from being tempted or go too far when I desired to use my first option. Without her rhythm I am far too dangerous, too tempted and far too Willing to go too far to be an asset instead of a liability. it's why I prefer diplomacy or shows of power that I would rather not have to follow through with." And then Wendy was shocked from her stunned amazement, as the princess immediately caused a forcefield to appear around her. "Also your friend Tyrone has briefed me of what to expect and gave me a forcefield powered and enhanced by my magic to defend me against bullets and other things." Wendy smirked, "Yeah, Tyrone's a bit of an overachiever..." She says with a happy smile. Celestia saw this and smiled back, "Is he your special somepony?" Wendy blushed, "I...well...look, he was the only friend who didn't bail on me after me dumb report got my mom executed- "Wait, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I thought that was when you were in first grade?" Asked Celestia confused. Wendy shrugged, "I got held back a lot...teacher didn't like my 'attitude'." She admitted that last bit with a smirk. "...He never did find out who replaced his wig with a racoon." Celestia laughed at that, and the two girls continued their conversation... Meanwhile, with the guys... "Okay, no one can see us. This is your chance. Push me off this scaffolding." Said Tyrone suddenly. Shining Armor looked at the young human stunned, "What!?" Tyrone double-checked their surroundings. "Look, your little sister almost died because of me. If someone did something like that to my siblings...just push me off, kill me here and you can just call it an accident..." Shining just frowned at him for a moment...then pushes him off the scaffolding. Tyrone braces himself for his well-deserved death- ...and then Shinning catch him with his magic and brings him back to safety. Shining Armour then briefly dusts him off, "There. Done. No can we move on to what's actually important?" Tyrone was stunned, "What? But I- Shining Armour continued, "Unless you named that thing the 'Kill-a-filly-inator 3000' I doubt you actually knew what your superiors- y'know, the ones who would have killed you and everyone you loved if you didn't -would do. And When you found out what the thing was going to be used for, you throw all caution to the wind and decided to do something stupid, reckless and utterly and completely heroic..." Shining puts a comforting hoof on the boys shoulder, "I wouldn't mind working with you one day when I graduated into the guards, those 'devices' you built could really come in handy!" Tyrone was stunned...he was a hard time comprehending why the person who should hate him more then anyone...didn't..." "By the way, you really shouldn't do this sort of thing without consulting your girlfriend..." Tyrone blushed but came out of his stupor, "Wha- She's not my girlfriend... Then he sighs, "She's too out of my league anyway..." Shining chuckled, "Man don't give up like that! Look at me! My girlfriend was a princesses and I won her over despite being nothing but an unpopular nerd who spent most of his time playing ogres and oubliettes with his friends in the basement..." Dipper's ears perked with interest, "Ogres and oubliettes? Is that anything like Dungeons, dungeons and more dungeons?" And thus sparked one of the weirdest friendships between the two most unlikely people...go figure... ... "You let a little filly go to Manehatten all by her lonesome!?" Snapped Pear Butter angrily. "Now hold on there! She was at that stage where her life was at a crossroads! I was just respecting her life choices is all!" Defended Granny Smith. Bright Mac face-hooved, "Ma, your the matriarch of our clan. You've more then proven yourself a capable leader- But that dose not give you the authority to make such a decision for my child! ESPECIALLY without consulting me or Buttercup first!" After scolding his Ma, Bright Mac went about organizing the rest of his Kin to head off for Canterlot for his daughter's coronation. Meanwhile, Pear Butter sends off a letter... ... Finally, they get to the outskirts of the city. At this time it was hard to see much of it. A great steel wall encircled the whole city. Having been told of the numerous defense systems, Shining quickly put up a shield to protect the entire group...bracing themselves for anything...they marched on... ...and on...and on...and on...and on? "Something's wrong." Said Tyrone suddenly. Shining looked toward his new friend while getting into a defensive stance, "What do you mean?" He asked cautiously. "Were well in range of the sentry towers, they should've started blasting us by now!" Explained Tyrone. "Begging your pardon, but why are you complaining that it's NOT?" Asked a guard irritably. "No, Tyrone's right...something's off." Explained Wendy. "Look at the sky, none of the artificial sky looks like it's working." Celestia remembers how they explained that there was an artificial sky built over Eagleland that was crafted to simulate the night/day cycle...she'd been interested to see such a thing for obvious reasons. But it seemed Wendy was right...the sky above the city was nothing but dark screens and other odd inert machines... And as they got closer... "Okay, something is DEFINITELY up." Said Tyrone more then a little concerned... The ponies just look confused at a mural on the outer wall depicting the Supreme leader...defaced and covered with the word 'LIAR' and 'HE BETRAYED US'. "I take it this is unusual?" Asked Celestia. "You could say that...there's a layer of dust over the paint so it's been here awhile...so the mural should've been fixed by now..." Observes Tyrone. Becoming ever more anxious they continue on. They find a suspiciously unguarded trash chute, it takes some effort but as they enter inside- "Sweet Faust, this place is in shambles! Did a war happen here!?" Exclaimed Shining in horrified disbelief as he beheld his first look of Eagleland... "Uh...no, this is one of the poor district. it's always like this." Admits Wendy in resignation. "Oh...wow...that's even more horrifying." Said Shining after a bit. "Indeed." Groused Celestia as she crawled through the trash chute and beheld the grim sight herself. It was one thing to hear about simply from word of mouth, but to see it for herself... The buildings looked like they'd been slapped together from garbage, the streets had sewage trickling down it's middle, and it smelled like someone died!...and Celestia wouldn't be surprised if someone did! She was disgusted that a ruler would allow his subjects to wallow in such squalor. She put one hoof out of the chute to steady herself, Indeed she was seriously considering ditching the whole diplomatic approach and just- DONG! The instant her hoof touched the ground, a large ringing sound reverberated throughout the city. And all who heard it- and KNEW what it meant...looked to the source in a mixture of dread...and maybe...hope? Naturally the ponies were spooked, "What in the blazes was that?!" Demanded Shining. "Hold on, let me check something." Said Tyrone as he brought out his laptop and began to hack the city grid, ordinarily this would take a while- even for him -but today- "Whoa! What happened!? It's like the whole network has fallen to pieces! How- Nevermind, I'll figure it out later...I think I can still access- Got it!" He showed a security camera he managed to hack and pointed at a...clock tower? "Uh...what are we looking at?" Asked Shining confused. "That's the nation's clock tower, it's hands never move...except when something BIG is about to happen- at least according to local superstition anyway. The last three times was the day before The 'Supreme Leader' came to power, the week before the Synth uprising and..." Tyrone trailed off on that last one as he got a dark look on his face- "Well, it doesn't matter. What dose matter is that not only dose this show that us bringing you here might have bigger consequences then I thought...but look." He points to the screen, "When we were here last, the clock was at 7:00...now it's 7:02. The clock only ever moves by 1 minute intervals so- "It's moved not once but TWICE since you saw it last." Realized Celestia outloud, her inner-scholar was interested in this seemingly strange arcane building. But she knew there was no time to inquire of it, for if what they said was accurate...something else had happened while they were away...and by the look of things...it had been something BAD... ... Meanwhile, on a nearby roof. A lonely scout is awoken from his slacking by the bell and angrily looks around for the source through his binoculars...and sees HER. The white Devil herself. He goes very pale, "Jimmeny crickets!" Quick as a flash he goes down the nearby zip-line screaming; "THE PONIES ARE COMING! THE PONIES ARE COMING! THE PONIES ARE COMING! THE PONIES ARE COMING! THE PONIES ARE COMING!" He shouts at the top of his lungs as he jumps between rooftops...his voice echoing... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! An elderly man looks up from his schematics... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! A woman looks away from the mirror she'd just smashed in rage... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! A man larger then life looks up from his morning wine with interest... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! The strangely dressed man looks up from the corpse on his table... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! A man in an odd mask looks away from the face he'd just pounded into pulp to hear this news...and smirked... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! A man clad in fine robes opened an eye to see this new interruption to his meditation while levitating in mid-air...only to scoff in annoyance... "About Bloody time"... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! All across the burning husk of the once great nation...many heard this news... Many wondered...feared...hoped...hated...dreamed...and schemed... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! The whole group looked up and listened as the screams rebounded. Tyrone sighs, "Well, cats out of the bag. Soon the whole city will know were here." "Just as well, this was never meant to be a covert operation." Stated Celestia simply, "In fact this might be for the best, the sooner we meet with someone in charge the sooner we figure out what has happened here." And thus they continued on...and were more and more horrified at what they saw. "Huh, so the garbageman aren't doing their jobs either." Said Tyrone as he observed the corpses piled up in the streets instead of carted away... ...well...the ponies were horrified anyway. The humans just seemed to take it in with resigned indifference...which in a lot of ways, made the whole situation all the more unsettling to the ponies. "How are you guys not freaking out!? There is a rotting corpse of a little girl- who couldn't have been much older then my little sister! -here who was clearly living in the gutter with a sign saying, 'Will have sex for food!' here for crying out loud!" Exclaimed Shining Armor finally. The two humans just look at each other...then back to Shinning, "Do you know what we call that down here in Eagleland?" Asked Tyrone flatly. "Uh...no?" Asked Shining confused by this sudden change of topic. "Tuesday", Explained Wendy dismissively. Shining just blinked confused, "I...what?" "Look guys, this is the world we live in. You might be visiting, but we lived here 24/7. Here, unless you were lucky enough to be born in the top 1% or sell your soul to join the military...you don't get a lot of options." Explained Dipper. The ponies could do nothing but be stunned by this...here they were experiencing horrors the likes of which their race had ever seen...and these humans were treating it like it was as natural as Celestia making the sun rise! HOW COULD ANYONE LIVE LIKE THIS!? Not knowing what else to do...they kept walking...and heaving their lunch... One of the cadets; Peter Photo who likes to moonlight as a part-time photographer was taking picture of it all. When asked why he simply said, 'this is horrible...and yet...I feel like it's a story that needs to be told. People need to KNOW this, REMEMBER This...to make sure it NEVER happens again to ANYpony ever again...' Despite the situation, Celestia can't help but admire the sentiment and gives her blessing to continue... In the meantime she'd discovered something else rather curious. There were many propaganda posters; some where of the 'Supreme Leader' to make him more god-like and demand obedience...these were all defaced with derogatory slander- an action that according to Wendy would usually have been unthinkable as defacing even one poster would usually see mass-executions and cutting the nearby districts of their rations(Celestia once more could barely contain her disgust/horrified disbelief over this). There were also posters calling arms against 'synths' that were actually unvandalized, but before Celesta could ask about this- or what a 'synth' was -she saw the most curious posters of all. They were the propaganda posters that demonized Celestia and all pony-kind, as well as blame them for all the country's problems...but that wasn't the curious bit- Why lie? I'd do her... This message was repeated and plastered over every 'demon' pony picture- especially images of a 'demon queen' Celestia. The ponies looked over to a now VERY flustered Tyrone and Wendy in bemused curiosity(both from the posters implication AND finally getting a reaction from the seemingly unflappable humans). "Hmmm...perhaps you can elaborate?" Asked Celestia with a snicker. Tyrone blushed but tried to compose himself, "Uh...well, the thing is...there's...(cough's nervously)...despite the large amount of government-sponsored xenophobia...there is actually a large percentage of...well...'bronies' who find ponies...'appealing'?" He says that last part sweating bullets. An equally awkward Wendy face-palms, "Oh for the love of- SEX! Okay!? They're is a surprisingly large amount of humans that want to have sex with ponies and Celestia in particular is a HUGE sex-icon! But nobody admits to it because being a 'pony sympathizer is punishable by death!" Now it was the ponies turn to be flustered(openly discussing sex in any shape or form simply didn't happen in pony culture(1))...well except for Celestia, who simply looked amused. Celestia would be lying if she said she'd never found non-pony species attractive. She can, and at a few points in history 'has' hooked up with Hippogriffs, Griffins and so on... "Well, it's nice that you humans admit to it at least. My little ponies would never have the nerve to admit all the 'magazines' dedicated to me that they swear they keep for the 'articles'." She teases with a giggle as most of her guards- both Stallion and Mare -suddenly look mortified over the 'mom' of Equestria knowing about 'that'...and wondering in panic if she knew everything 'else'." In any case, they moved on- after Tyrone reassures a teasing Wendy that he was still into 'human' girls -...the jovial atmosphere was quick to die in all the suffering and poverty they saw around them. Worse, was uneasy silence that fell on them...and the feeling that not only were they not alone...but being watched... FINALLY they reached the...rich district? "Dang, I figured your rich would be living better but this is just as bad as the rest of the town!" Noted Shining confused...and then became even more confused by how startled Tyrone was! "No...this is wrong! The rich district is the cleanest, safest, important and most beautiful part of town- at least according to what I see online, 'pheasant's' like me aren't allowed -something's gone wrong!" Indeed, the whole area looked like a war had gone on...as did the multitude of figures approaching them! "Saints protect us dear wife! Look at the fop's that approach us! Have they come to rob us?" Asked a malnourished, skeleton-like man wearing a bunch of broken kitchen utensils as armor. His similarly malnourished and armored wife smacked him in the back of the head, annoyed. "Of what you dunce?! The dirt in our pockets?!" She sighed, "Why couldn't you have died instead of our car?" The group of just as malnourished and equipped humans looked at the group of ponies in a mix of confusion, waryness, and bewilderment. And the ponies did likewise. "Ponies from the word above! They will be our leaders!" Shouted a ragged and cloaked man wearing an orange safety cone. "No, Scott. Our group already has a leader, he's Dave." Said Foreman. "Hey." Said a brutish, large man politely. Princess Celestia nodded, "Yes, nice to meet you all too. I'm Princess Celestia- "Oh, boy. Have you come to conquer us? Not that we would be complaining...or have the ability to stop you...we'd just like a head's up is all." Celestia shook her head, "I simply wish to talk to this...'Supreme Leader' of yours." The gang looks surprised, then exchanges knowing looks. "Right, sure. We'll take you right to them..." They said with a dark smirk that snet chills down then ponies spines. ... On the way over, this gang finally reveals what happened to Eagleland While Wendy and Tyrone were gone... "Well, first the clocktower did it's thing. Naturally, this caused a bit of a panic. Especially considering what happened the last several times- he coughs nervously -anyway... Then 'V' showed up on every TV screen- Quickly, it's explained that 'V' is a mysterious, legendary hacker who occasionally helps out anti-Supreme leader sympathizers and other 'dissident' groups. -So anyway, he goes showing everyone the attack the kid and the red head pulled against the ponies(but only mostly the fillies- except in the images it was made to look like that Celestia going to the astral plain was actually her getting incinerated and killed as well - getting killed, not what happened after apparently), and this gets everyone excited. We thought at long last all our suffering, sacrifice, and 'preparation' was finally going to pay off! At long last the war against the 'pony menace' the supreme leader promised would happen!" Dave winces as he realized he'd just said, 'pony menace'...in front of a bunch of ponies, "Uh, no offense." He says quickly to them. Celestia waves a dismissive hoof, "It's fine. Now what happened next?" "Yeah, and why would V show something that makes the Supreme Leader look good?" Dave shrugs, "A few of us wondered that too...but turns out this was just step ONE of a far greater plan!" He balls his fists up in anger and reveals how a few days later a second, secret, LIVE broadcast was shown throughout the city. One revealing the unshakeable, all powerful, God-like SUPREME leader...in a complete hysterical panic! Dave and the rest of his crew snarl, "He and the rest of his inner circle were planning to steal all of Eaglelands money, food, resources...and then leave the rest of us to rot and face your wrath alone! They also revealed how their 'pony menace' propaganda was total BS and they just used that as an excuse to justify treating the rest of us like trash!" Tyrone frowned at that... "That probably made everyone very angry." He says as he looks around once more at the now ruined rich district. Dave smirked, "You could say that..." Celestia looked at him confused/suspicious, "You...said that you were going to take us to the Supreme leader? Where is he exactly?" The past hour they had been led more and more into the broken ruins of what had once been a rather opulent district...she was starting to get a bad feeling about all this... Dave smirked as he turns the corner, "Why he's where all the other no-good traitors are! Where they belong!" He gestures wildly to the center of a plaza... The ponies gasp in horror! Wendy and Tyrone are stunned! In the middle of the central plaza...right in front of the burnt out ruins of the Supreme Leaders mansion and his luxury parliament house. Was none other then the Supreme Leader and his inner circle...their corpses mutilated, strung up and burnt to a crisp. Their bodies displayed for all to see in a macabre fashion, horrific slurs spray painted all over their remains! While they sit their stunned, Dave continues the tale. He tells about how everyone- even a large majority of the military! -rose up in fury and rushed the rich district, slaughtering everyone and razing it to the ground! Tyrone frowned at this, "Wait, what about the defense systems? The electro-barriers? The synth-defenders? The defense-drones? The secret police?" Dave shrugged, "No idea, most of all that was offline when we showed up! No one questioned it! But as for the secret police- pauses to chuckle -turns out those morons were having a 'party', they were so drunk we overran and killed most of them before they even knew what was happening!" He laughed at that last part. Meanwhile, a shell-shocked Celestia walked up numbly to the grisly display of corpses. She'd largely held her tongue to most of the unspeakable things she'd witnessed here among the humans...but this was too much! Despite how 'first contact' went, she'd been genuinely excited to meet and discover a brand new species! New chances for her and her little ponies to form bonds of friendship! True, it had sounded like their leader would be trouble...but she'd dealt with such things with other world leaders before(although admittedly even Chrysalis wasn't as horrible as he was apparently). She'd been confident that after he'd been dealt with everything would go smoothly! ...but it wasn't just their leader...it was the entire race! All of them! Doing all sorts of horrible things to themselves and each other! Never before in her long life had she seen such wicked things! It was almost too much for her heart to take... She hung her head in sadness and shed a tear, "I'm so...disappointed...I never thought I'd meet a species like humanity...I thought they'd be better then this..." she said outloud to herself sadly... "HEY! Celestia looks up and sees the angry Foreman approach. "Now where do you get off!? You weren't here! You don't know what it was like! People were starving! 1000's of people were dying of starvation and thirst everyday! Not just adults but KIDS too! They kept telling us ponies were eating everything, when all the while they were just eating 5 meals a day while I was forced to bury my five year old nephew in a MASS grave after my brother killed him so he wouldn't have to watch him starve to death! That is common down here! Parents killing their children to end their suffering is COMMON here! My own sister died of a very easy to cure fever since we have no hospitals here, while the rich had doctors every 8 ft in their district! And all because those greedy jerk hoarded all the resources and blamed YOUR people for all the problems! So, yeah. When we learned the truth, we got ticked! I DARE you to go through the same thing and not want to rip someone apart! You go through that, you can tattoo 'disgraceful excuse for a living person' on my forehead, but until then SHUT THE BUCK UP!" He panted in exhaustion. Celestia stared at him in shock and shame for a moment...then slowly walks away in sad resignation...Deciding that she couldn't really do much else. What could even be said about that? Getting into a shouting match over who knows the dirtiest, most evil ruler would solve nothing. What of her own experiences could she bring up that could even compare? Discord? Sombra? Discord was little more than a child who has the power to make the world his playground. Sombra was cruel but he had been utterly pragmatic in his cruelty. He hadn't let his slaves go sick or hungry at least Dead slaves were one less mouth to kiss his hooves after all. Mutating them into monsters was pointless as a well trained squad of loyal, well fed soldiers could accomplish the same with less chance of rampaging. But this leader...this Ming Jol-ik...this monster...the things he'd allowed done to his people, made them go through...there were no words... And much as she was loathe to admit it...the Foreman was right...what right did she have to judge those who went through such hardships? And yet...she couldn't bring herself to let things go as they were...especially if the humans intended to interact with her ponies after all this! Tyrone sees a sad Celestia walk away and lay down despondently...and he goes to her. Even though he still preferred the company of human girls, ponies still had a beauty to them- especially mares -Celestia most radiant of all. And to see a pretty girl sad, was never good far as Tyrone was concerned. Taking a page he remembered from a 'pamphlet' he'd found in his Grunkle Stan's room he came up to her and lightly scratched her behind the ears. Celestia's eye's widened...and she purred happily. She then nuzzled him affectionately, then went very red as she realized what she was doing and abruptly stopped embarrassed. Tyrone took his hand back quickly, "I'm sorry, I was just trying to make you feel bet- "I didn't say stop", said a still flustered Celestia. Tyrone quickly continues much to Celestia's enjoyment. After a moments silence...Celestia begins to talk, "I could go on for hours about all the problems I have with you humans...but their all mainly iterations of phrases like "How could they allow this to happen?", "you just let these children die?", "you have to work together." and so on..." Tyrone nods, "Exclamations of disbelief and horror generally sound the same after awhile." He affirms. Celestia looks up to him warmly/hopefully, "Then...perhaps you could help me understand?" He smiles and begins to address her issues and explain... The reason why garbageman pick up the bodies and just throw them into the incinerator? ...Because they can't afford to treat the body with any real respect given how often they have to do it, and the closest thing to it they can give is to make sure the body is off the street before it results in even greater sickness around it. Why didn't they give the children any food? Because 'everyone' barely has enough food to keep from starving. Kindness and generosity is not a luxury everyone can easily afford in a society like this. If anything, the kids with the 'have sex for food' sign was hardly the most desperate they've ever seen. And at least they hadn't went out to try and kill anyone for their food. Seeing children around here with weapons tear into adults like a swarm of locusts is not a rare sight. And so on and so forth...but in the end it all boiled down to... "You ponies have never been this desperate. I've seen grown men go on fasts to the point of death just to let their families have another bite, only to crack in their last few moments and turn violent, desperate for food." "Hunger. Thirst. I'm not saying you ponies don't know hardship. But our entire society is built on the suffering on the many for the luxury of the few. You can't possibly know what it's like to not even remember the taste of bread. Or to be so desperate for meat you would eat your own fingers." Points to a man with only three fingers on his hand...and in the middle of eating of eating the third." Celestia's eye's widen in horror. "By Faust's holy mercy- CAPTAIN SHINING! GET THESE PEOPLE SOME FOOD FOR THE LOVE OF HASBRO!" Shining quickly obliges. The people gasp and fall on the food like starving badgers(several ponies yip in pain as many of their hooves get nicked by their teeth! "They bear the sweet mana of the overland!" Exclaimed Scott excited. Tyrone smirks at this, then turns back to Celestia while still scratching behind her ears. "Desperation. Real desperation and utter refusal to lay down and die? That's the world we live in here." Celestia looked over at the spectacle thoughtful...it was all so horrible...and yet...she couldn't help but wonder: 'What would I do if I were that hungry?' In any case she turns to Tyrone(without disturbing his lovely ear scratching), "Y'know...I must say that despite all the horrible things I've seen since coming here...I can't help but admire you humans tenacity and will to survive and overcome anything. I don't think most- or ANY of my little ponies could handle even HALF of what you have clearly endured here...it's hard not to respect that." Tyrone thanks her warmly as he continues scratching her ears...and listening to her purr... She then speaks again, "I don't think I can really understand why anyone would do this would do this- points to the disfigured corpse of the once 'Supreme leader' - or why a leader would do such unspeakable things to their subjects in the first place and honestly I don't believe it right to try and shame you for something I cannot understand. Judging you by our standers just wouldn't work here I fear...but let me be clear. If after all this your people are to live among my ponies. To share their lands, their homes, their warmth and care. If you wish to live as you wish to live, then this- again gestures to the horribly disfigured corpse - All of that and anything likes it, can't be tolerated. It must End here. Do you understand? All of this anger. A revenge- that I genuinely can't say was unjustified -has been taken. Your freedom won. Your kind shall not commit acts such as this upon My Little Ponies." Tyrone continues to scratch behind her ears but looks at her a bit annoyed, "...You act like were just a bunch of murderers. Look I can understand that you've never seen violence quite like this. But we're not all blood hungry. Like you've said, we took our revenge against those that deserved it. We won't do anything as long as your ponies don't start anything." "Can I trust you on that?" "Well, I can't speak for everyone else. But Me and my loved one's? Yes. Mostly everyone else? Absolutely." "Most?" "I can't guarantee their won't be some who liked what we did here a little too much. Or that all the jerks that ran our land into the ground didn't survive this purge and aren't still skulking about somewhere. But that's why we have to be careful and try our hardest not to screw up. We're not having history repeat itself because some moron realized cutting peoples heads off makes him feel better about how fraked our lives used to be." Celestia thought on that...while also purring under his ear scratching ministrations..." "...Very well, I suppose that's a fair assessment...for now..." "Hey you two stay like that for too long, I'm going to get jealous!" Teased Wendy. Tyrone's flustered floundering got a laugh out of everyone... ... No one notice the figure in the shadows... "I have them in my sight's...do you wish me to terminate...?" There's a pause... "I understand." And like that...the figure disappeared as quickly as he came... …III... TO BE CONTINUED? (1). you had to feel sorry for what Pony culture would go through the next several years... Chapter 6A great big ClusterF*** 6 I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING! ...III... ... It was a VERY bewildered procession of ponies who wandered with their excited human allies and the equal excited raiders who no longer then an hour ago were trying to kill them! And they were all going to a...fast food restaurant? You wouldn't know that by looking at it, not only was it the only place not trashed...but people congregated around it...treating it with reverence that Celestia had only seen ponies give to her. A shanty town of sorts was propped around. And in the middle of it all... Was a clown wearing a speedo in a yoga lotus position?(1) "Ladies, gentlemen, and ponies I give you the local God and the maker of the best food this side of creation...Ronald Mcdonald! Ronald chuckled without opening his eyes or getting up, "I keep telling you my boy, I am not god as I am not omnipotent. I simply have millions of stores at the four corners of your world and more money then most nations..." "...How is that different from being a god?" Asked a nearby pedestrian. "More paperwork for one thing." Admits the clown deity with a smirk. After getting a laugh, Celestia fully appraises the being before her...at first glance she senses he's similar to Discord. Not so much a divine being as much as one who operates under a different set of physical laws...Yet, that still didn't seem quite right. "You have many questions Princess Celestia." Stated the clown still in Lotus position and without opening his eye's. Celestia- briefly startled by this as he hadn't given any indication he'd even noticed her presence earlier -quickly recomposed herself. "Er, yes...chief among them: what are you? I'm not sure I've ever seen anything like you before." Ronald smiled, "I rather think that will be quite common before this endeavor is done...but for the moment let us focus on me. What you see before you is the conglomeration of love and belief made flesh and blood. As with many deities, they are simply the long term result of being loved, hated, or believed in for so long...such is the power of faith." Celestia's eye's widen, "I-I've never heard of such a thing!" She stated stunned "Understandable, I imagine such an event would be rare in Equestria at present. After all, what need for ponies of deities when they already have a benevolent immortal being who raises the sun and has kept the peace for over a millennia?" Celestia gushed at the praise, but nodded at this analysis. "Yes, I suppose what you say makes sense..." Now that she thought of it...there were times she swore she almost FELT the love of her subjects flow into her...times at night she could hear whispers...of prayer...directed at her... But she'd always dismissed these as getting swept up in a celebration and sleep deprivation. "In any case, before the war that ended humanities reign and began the time of the 'pony'. There was a great corporation that was as powerful as any nation, if not more so. At it's helm, a beloved spokes clown. So beloved was the clown, so respected was the corporation and so delicious was their food that when the founders created Eagleland they brought it's sacred recipes down here as well to survive the war. As centuries passed, it's legend grew, and from that legend came ME, into existence." "...All Because people started to worship the clown statue in front of an abandoned Mcdonalds?" Asked one of the pony's skeptically. Ronald shrugged, "The people wanted so much to believe in some kind form of authority who would 'provide rather than simply 'take'. That he became what they saw him as...while still embodying much of McDonald's corporate greed. A god with a taste for money is hardly the most complicated god to worship. Who They don't need to sacrifice anyone, perform epic feats or give up worldly possessions." He shakes his head, "No no. You can just buy your way into 'his' afterlife with either enough cash, or work off a debt in his divine franchise location until you've earned your eternal paradise. And unlike mortal debts, you 'can' work this off. And in a reasonable time to." "Uh, huh...and the whole yellow speedo thing?" Asked Shining with hint of disgust/awkwardness. Ronald actually looked confused, "I'm not quite sure actually...it was either through generational drift, my image becoming associated with not just food, but fertility/ sex...or a weird sub-sect is worshiping a damaged one that looks like I'm wearing a speedo. Hard to tell. Now enough talk, you all must be starving." He claps his hands together, causing happy meals to appear before them all- The ponies blanch at the sight of the burgers, "Oh, were vegetarian- "Way ahead of you, all synthetic meat! No animals killed to make it, completely cruelty free! For the Vegetarian that wants it all!" Ronald says that last part dramatically as if on a commercial. The ponies look to each other, shrug, and oblige by taking a bite...and they immediately ask for seconds...and thirds...and so on... ... Candance yawned, today was a mad house! Everypony was still in a panic over the recent events and Celestia being gone didn't help things. It also didn't help things she had to also corral 6 excitable fillies as well! Worse, the letter Celestia had sent had warned they might need to move all the humans into Equestria- which according to the recent census data Tyrone was able to hack, was over 987,785,676! That was over 1/4th of the pony population! Needless to say, Candance had gotten no sleep last night and was exhausted Candance pulled out the medallion that Celestia gave her to allow her to continue the lunar/solar cycle in her absence and uses it to lower the moon. "If I'm quick enough, maybe I can catch an hour of sleep, I- She blinked as the moon went down, "Did the Mare in the Moon just- She shakes her head, "And now I'm seeing things...I REALLY need sleep." The exhausted Princess of love yawned again as she greeted the day by sleeping in... ... "So your really letting these people all eat and stay here for free?" Asked Shining Armor amazed at the large number of refugees gathered around the 'holy site'. Ronald glares at him, "My good pony, these people are starving and freezing! And as a high-level deity, earthly money means nothing to me! -He pauses to think for a moment- "...I'll comp them for now, start a tab when thery're back on their feet..." He explained thoughtfully. Tyrone nods while the ponies just look at the clown baffled, "Makes sense." Celestia clears her throat, "Right...ANNNYWAY...you were telling us about the current situation in Eagleland?" Asked Celestia, desperate to get the conversation back on track...also she was feeling bloated(Good thing Tyrone was quick to get her a bicarbonate soda and a relaxing ear scratch). "Yes, although I prefer to keep a firm stance of neutrality, I will do what I can to help the good people of this nation...also the Supreme leader is a dick and I'm more then happy to knock him down a peg when I can." "Well, you'll be happy to hear he's been put out of business." Said Tyrone happily. "So it would seem. And yes, I was happy with the news...if not how it came about." He admitted somberly, he then turned even graver as he turned back to Celestia. "Be warned Celestia...they're are bigger things going on in this cesspit of a nation then some two-bit tyrant throwing a temper tantrum and finally getting burned. Many of the MAIN actors of this little drama have yet to reveal themselves to you...but you'll meet them soon, I think. Be warned, the decisions you make when facing them will echo on...making or breaking your little ponies...no pressure." Celestia and most others just stared at him both stunned and concerned...while Tyrone simply gave an an annoyed sigh, "Wow...could you be more vague?" He asks sarcastically. Ronald gives an apologetic shrug, "Yeah, sorry. I know how annoying this must be, but even I must bow to the laws of narrative causality- And no, I can't explain what that is either." He interrupts before Tyrone can ask more. Celestia gives an annoyed snort, "I cannot stand it when beings with 'understanding so much greater than our own' decide that instead of directly helping us, that it would be so much better to use it as a learning experience and give half truths about the nature of the problem! Don't they understand how frustrating it is to always feel like your being tested and...why are you looking at me like that?" An amused Ronald just smirks, "Nothing, my dear. Off topic, a messenger from me is about to arrived with an urgent report. Before Celestia can ask why he would send a letter to her when he's in the room, A black human walks into the room. Wearing colors of the Ronald court. "A message from lord Mcdonald, Princess." Said the messenger Celestia looks over at the clowned prince of burgers, who is struggling to hold in a smile. She turns back to the man. "Forgive my rudeness but...what was your name my good sir?" The man bows. "Black Kettle, your Majesty. Ronald can't contain it and burst out in laughter as the alicorn's snow white sister's face turns pink. Black Kettle continued, "Shall I read the...?" Celestia groaned, "No...no thank you...I already got it." Tyrone smirks at this as well, "Bit of a trickster mentor, are you?" "Yes, yes, I get it...wow, I have a LOT of former students to apologize to." She admitted in bittersweet realization. "Well, here have a salt lick I found." Said Tyrone as his sweaty palm pulls out the cube of salt, Celestia eagerly gulps it up...and licks...his hands...and licks...and licks. Tyrone giggled while Celestia starts to feel giddy, his sweat was fantastic! It- She went very red and immediately stopped, "Right, I think we've been here long enough, we need to go!" She hustles them quickly to begin leaving. "Best of luck to you Princess Celestia", Said Ronald going back to his Lotus meditation. "I leave with these words: 'Remember that even the mightiest McMountain will succumb to the winds of change- He smirks -and that 'itch' you've been longing to scratch is about to do so in BIG- "OKAY! THANKS, WERE GOOD!" Shouts an even more flustered Celestia as she rushes her people/ponies out even faster...while trying VERY hard not to look over at Tyrone as he happily talked to a certain redhead... ... "Preston! Where are you? Lazy git, your not leaving me to do all the chores again!" Nathaniel Northwest growled, that useless son of his...lazing about in Trembly's mansion. Did that boy have no pride? No ambition? He was so lazy, he even accepted Trembly's offer of a trophy wife- what was her name? Priscilla? -TREMBLY won in a yacht contest, but lost interest when the wife turned out yo be a pony and not a woodpecker...a woodpecker...he was working for a man...who wanted to marry a woodpecker...how was that idiot rich and not him! Again, one would think someone would be grateful to someone who allowed his family to practically treat his mansion as their own and give a beautiful wife to your son just to reward you for how well you painted the mirrors with the color '9'...but then you wouldn't be thinking like Nathaniel Northwest. While he thought on ways on making sure his granddaughter didn't become such a lumps, he braced himself to swallow his pride to once again feed his bosses stupid imaginary food to the stupid imaginary fish in a stupid fish tank three times large then most aquariums!...and once again he felt like a dang fool for doing so! "One of these days Trembly...one of these days..." "That day might come sooner then you think" Nathaniel nearly tripped over his hooves and fell off the stepladder, he panicked and turned around to see the intruder standing in the middle of the room. Having been keeping track of the recent news, Nathaniel easily recognized the new species that tried to murder Princess...a human. His whole body was covered in black body armor, a bizarre symbol( a red dot surrounded by black spirals and the words 'should intermittent vengeance arm again his red right hand to plague us?') adorned his breast plate. "who...who are you? How'd you get in? I'm well armed!" He tries to get his horn working...only to feel is sizzle out. Nathaniel paled, he wasn't a GREAT spellcaster but he was adequate, especially when his life was on the line! But now...it was like something had shut down his magic! What was a unicorn without his magic? He gulped as the creature walked forward, "Wait- I know where the safe is! As well as other assorted valuables, I can be useful to you!" He pleaded desperately. "Oh, I agree...that's why I've come to you with a proposition...something that could see your 'boss' out of the picture and YOU in the place you've always desired to be..." Ever the opportunist...Northwest cautiously began to let his fear go by the wayside as he agreed to listen... Neither man or pony noticed the head of a small yellow unicorn filly poke her head curiously into the room... ... TO BE CONTINUED? 1: This Ronald Mcdonald is based off 'Lord Bung's' version, try him out! ... AN: This chapter was helped by Wolvenstrom ... chapter 7Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Chapter 5A great big ClusterF*** 5 I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING! ...III... AN: A strong Thank you to Wolvenstrom for helping with this chapter! AN: The newspaper titles were given by permission from McCoda, all credit goes to him. ...III... Newspapers spin forward dramatically- Trots News: hairless apes infiltrate with alicorn superweapons, Equestria at risk! P.N.N.: New Species! New Princess! New Threat! Ponalist Worker: Proletariat Princess's! Glorious revolution in sight? Equiner: Humanity: New threat or new hoax? The Pun: Nobility angered over new 'pheasant' princesses! The Equestrian Post: will war with humans affect Equestrian economic stability? Charley Horse Head Blow: Newspaper forced to suspend publication due to attempted hostile takeover from Cerberus Syndrome incorporated! Royal Equestrian Air Farce: (a political cartoon of a motherly Celestia heroically protecting 6 sobbing Alicorn fillies from a hoard of savage apes on the right and a hoard of savage pony nobles on the left.) E.B.C.: Populace exhausted from non-stop surprising turns of event. Injuries caused by dramatic spinning newspaper also up! "Everypony just...just stop! We can only take so many world shaking revelations at once! I mean look over there!" Shouted a random pony on the street as he dodged yet another spinning newspaper while also pointing at Numerous ponies lying on the ground, being seen to by medics... "They all got over gasped and passed out from lack of air." He explained... ... Meanwhile, while the kingdom...'processed' the revelations...the new royalty were processing as well... "I'M A PRINCESS! I'M A PRINCESS! I'M A PRINCESS! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!" Squealed Twilight delighted as she hoped around excited, then she stopped in her tracks and looked panicked. I'M A PRINCESS! I'M A PRINCESS! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE A PRINCESS! WHAT IF I MAKE A MISTAKE!? PRINCESS CELESTIA WILL HATE ME! MY FAMILY WILL DISOWN ME! PONIES WILL PELT ME WITH ROTTEN FRUIT!" "Twilight! BREATH!" Commanded Candace quickly while a hyperventilating Twilight went through her usual case of 'Twilighting'... "Cupcake?" Asked Pinkie Pie as she trotted by plucking a cupcake out of her mane and offering it to the distressed purple filly. Twilight smiles and thanks her, Pinkie smiles back and trots off...her smile leaves her...the spark of happiness she'd found and spread to her family...had faded a bit. She still wanted to make people happy...but now...now she couldn't help but feel a bit dour. Fortunately for the fillies, most of them can't really remember getting shot...the whole thing was mainly a blur now...except for the pain...and blood... Otherwise, they'd probably be worse off now... Applejack experimentally lifts her wings before a mirror and plucks her horn bewildered, "This is plum, terrible! I ain't royalty! I don't know how ta be a snout in the air toff! I finally figured out my destiny and left all that fru-fru nonsense with my aunt and uncle...Now I 'has' ta be like them? That ain't fair! And what about my family? Where are they? I want to be with them!" She shouted firmly. Candance quickly trotted to her, "Your family is on their way, they're just waiting for EVERYONE in the Apple clan to arrive to congratulate you!" She Puts a comforting hoof on her shoulder the same time Pinkie trots over to give her a delicious apple betty. "I promise you, we'll get your living arrangements all sorted when Princess Celestia returns." She swears. "I don't get how you can be so glum Applejack! Were living the dream! In all my wildest fantasies I never considered becoming a princess!" Exclaimed Rarity who'd been on a non-stop happy Daze since her 'ascension', and it didn't look she'd be coming off it anytime soon! Applejack frowned as Rarity approached her with a grin and a measuring tape. Now a week ago, Applejack would probably have dismissed her as a stuck up snob and bucked her to the curb for even THINKING of putting her in a dress... In fact, most of the fillies she was now with would probably be on each others nerves by now in different circumstances. But thankfully- as horrible as it had been -their shared cutiemark 'rainboom', near brush with death, becoming princesses, and just being thrown into all this insanity together...had allowed them to bond easier then one would expect. And Applejack had to admit...once she took the time to know her...Rarity was a pretty decent pony. Why she'd already measured every guard, maid, servant and aide in the palace and was going to make celebration dresses for them all! True, she personally thought that apples would be a WAY better gift then a silly dress...but nevermind... "So when is Princess Celestia gonna come back from talking from them there humans?" Asked Applejack as she tried to ignore the poking and prodding of the white filly getting her measurements. She didn't rightly trust humans after almost killing her...but if Princess Celestia was willing to trust them... "Well, I think those humans are jerks! I can still remember getting shot! Still remember falling to my death!" Snapped Rainbow Dash irritably! "Uh...but...Princess Celestia said some humans were good...that they saved us." Replied an adorably timid Fluttershy, currently so curled up like a hedgehog in fear that the entire staff is wrapped around her hoof in worry. "Couldn't we at least give them a chance?" Rainbow snorted dismissively, "Yeah, well...MAYBE." She admitted conflicted...then shook her head. "Whatever, at least now I'm a shoo-in for the Wonderbolts! I can just order them to take me in!" "Rainbow! That's abuse of power! You can't do that!" Shouted Twilight annoyed as she trotted up to the rainbow-mained mare. "Besides, you won't be allowed to be on the Wonderbolts now! Aside from the obvious 'conflict of interest' it would cause sever organizational and ranking issues, furthermore- "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T BE A WONDERBOLT!?" Demanded a furious Rainbow Dash. Hey, I said they were bonding better then they would have, no that things were flawless... Candance groaned as she stepped in to stop ANOTHER argument...between juggling these fillies and the country, she had her hooves full! She hoped her aunt was having better luck... ... After the human group they were with finished eating the rations they were given, they decided to discuss their next move. "What shall we do now? If their government is non-existent...what is there even to do?" Asked a guard confused. "Well, whatever we do...we can't let these people languish and suffer down here! This is just horrible!" Said Shining as he looked back in disgust to the macabre display that still decorated the center of the courtyard. Celestia nodded, "I agree. Perhaps I can use my 'Canterlot voice to speak with all of them at once? Maybe convince them to move to a new land? It'll be a bit tricky...perhaps the Abyssinia's would be willing to sell some land? Or maybe I could discuss something with the Hippogriff's? In any case, it'll probably take a year or so, but I'm confident that we could safely move all humans- "I'm afraid we don't have a year." Said Tyrone suddenly as he looked from his laptop seriously. All the ponies turned to him confused. "The riots didn't just destroy the rich district, it destroyed the central control center of the entire enclave as well as all the municipal functions! water, electricity, oxygen. It's all failing! We have a couple months at best! And that's assuming the plague wall doesn't break down before then!" He shudders at that last bit. "Plague wall? What's that?" Asks Shining confused. Before Tyrone can say anything- "Look, Sweetie! I found a diamond! EXCELSIOR!" Says the skeleton man from earlier as he hands said rock to her, she gives it a look. "That's a Zirconian you idiot!" She says to her now dejected husband as she smacks it from his hand. Tyrone frowns at that...now that he looked closely at the old man...he looked familiar, "Is he- Meanwhile, Celestia was thinking fast...if all the humans would die soon...she needed to act fast! She'd have to worry about where they'd go afterward latter! She turns to Dave, "Is there truly no one left in authority around here?" She asks quickly, unintentionally interrupting Tyrone's question. "I never said that there wasn't, just from that bastard cabinet- points to the dead 'Supreme leader' -were actually part of a bigger community run be one of the many senior officers that defected during Ming Jol-ik being exposed as a liar, Preston Garvey." "Wait, Preston Garvey? District 7G supervisor Preston Garvey?" Asked Wendy. "You know this man?" Asked Celestia. Wendy nodded, "Yeah, he was the officer in charge of my district. Although he believed in Jol-ik, he clearly wasn't comfortable with his methods. He was a pretty chill guy, as long as you didn't do anything TERRIBLE he more or less left my district to it's own devices." "Uh...not to be indelicate..but if that's the case...then why did..." Said Shinning as he nervously tried to ask his question. Wendy's face darkened, "Bad luck, the day I made that report was also the day his supervisor came in for a surprise inspection...he didn't have a choice...he did what he could for my family afterwards..." Wendy trailed off. Celestia decides it best not to push for more details from Wendy and instead switches to the various humans, they tell her how Garvey had been more of a 'love the country, not the man who runs it' type of guy. He had only served the bastard because he genuinely believed things would be WORSE without him to keep order- it was frightening how effective this 'cult of personality(1)' the Supreme leader had cultivated was. When he learned all the horrible thing he done was in service of a LIE...well let's just say he was one of the first to lead angry mobs to destroy the rich district... Anyway, when Eagleland collapsed into total anarchy. He gathered many of the former military and formed a coalition/community named the 'Minutemen'- apparently inspired by another ragtag group of humans who stood united against terrible odds. He was now one of the main powers that 'governed(for lack of a better term) in these turbulent times. "Wait, powers? As in plural? Who else is in charge?" Dave shrugs, "Beats me, I don't do politics. I'm just keeping my head down right now and hoping for the best." Celestia repressed a sigh and nodded, "Very well, that's fine. I shall talk to these 'Minuteman', maybe they can help me get a better grasp on the situation... ... It was quite on the farm...nothing but the sound of critters scurrying about and earth pony bucking pears...oh and one little colt running like crazy with a newspaper in his mouth. He ran frantically to the main house. For a brief moment, several of his cousins looked on curious to this strange behavior...before shrugging it off and going back to work... The calm returned... HELP! GRANDPA JUST COLLAPSED! Shouted the colt as he ran back out of the house... And just like that, the calm was shattered again... ... Fortunately, it seemed as if the main HQ for the Minutemen was not too far away, just a jump and a skip away... ...not so much. The first sign of trouble was when the humans started to tense up on instinct...then the burning truck blocking the road- "Ambush!" Hissed out Tyrone and all the humans ducked behind cover...the ponies just looked confused. "What? An ambush? How can you be so su- BANG! The ponies head exploded, "SWEET FAUST, THEY KILLED KENNY!" Screamed another guard amongst ponies who were busy both vomiting and being dragged down to cover by the humans. "GET DOWN! What is wrong with? You trying to get killed?" Demanded Tyrone of a startled Celestia. Celestia said nothing, she still looked over to the gray matter of the little pony who just...DIED... In the many battles she'd fought over the centuries...Yes, their had been a couple deaths here and there...but nothing this graphic and horrifying! Although able to handle it better then the other ponies...she was greatly shaken by it... Tyrone, sensing this. Quickly goes through their options as the humans fire back at the raiders(the ponies still a bit frazzled by the death of a pony are simply quivering in shock). Near him, Scott groans as he pauses to reload. "Oh, man! If I'd known I was going to be in a fire fight I'd have eaten more then one Big Mac at that Mcdonalds a block over- "What?! You found a Mcdonalds and you didn't tell us?!" Shouted Foreman angry. "Nevermind, just tell us where it is! Is it REALLY close!?" Asked Wendy quickly. Scott quickly tells them where it is. Celestia finally snaps out of it, "Wait, what's a Mcdonald? How will that- To her horror, Tyrone jumps out of cover! "TYRONE!" Screams Celestia panicked, quickly she charges her magic to pull him back- "MCDONALDS! I KNOW WHERE A MCDONALDS IS! IT'S NEARBY! CALL A TRUCE, WE'LL LEAD YOU THERE! WE'LL EVEN SPLIT THE BILL WITH YOU!" Celestia just blanched confused at this sudden change of tone, "What on earth are you- Then to her surprise, she realized the guns had stopped firing. Suddenly with her magic sharpening her ears she heard loud talking, -What if he's lying?" "It's Mcdonalds! If there's even a 1% chance their telling the truth, do you really want to blow it?" "Good point- WE ACCEPT YOUR TERMS! WE SWEAR BY MCDONALDS TO KEEP TO YOUR TRUCE!" The ponies watch stunned as the raiders put away their weapons and walked toward them, hands raised. Shinning just looked dumbfounded as Tyrone and Scott lead the way, "What?! I just...WHAT?!" "Indeed", agreed Celestia equally baffled. She turns to Tyrone, "What is a Mcdonald? And why has it altered our situation so drastically?" "Never mind that, how can we trust they won't kill us like they did Kenny!?" Demanded Shining, still eyeing the remains of one of his fellow guard. Tyrone turned to him, "They wouldn't dare, the moment they swore by Mcdonald, they invoke the power and oversight of one of the most wisest, most powerful and most beloved entities of Eagleland. A deity of a time long forgotten, yet greater then ever. Everlasting, invincible and immortal." He said in seldom seen reverence. "Who?" Asked Celestia amazed. Tyrone looked heavenward as he said the oh so blessed name; "Ronald Mcdonald, Deity of Corporate ambition, fast food and spokes clowns." "AMEN!" Shouts all humans... ...III…... TO BE CONTINUED? 1: Yet another bizarre concept introduced by the humans. In all her years Celestia could usually count on the people of a nation to rise up against their tyrannical oppressor if only given the inspiration and opportunity(exposing Crysalisis disguise, breaking Sombra's mind control curse, etc)...the idea of good people or ponies being tricked into WILLINGLY doing horrible things in the name of 'good'...disturbed her deeply...
Chapter 1Author's Note I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING! ... ANNOUNCEMENT! I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED! SUMMARY: On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?! The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publishing company. It's also now available at Amazon and BarnesandNoble ... ... https://www.amazon.fr/13-Dakota-Umlauf/dp/1984511963 Above is a link to amazon for my book https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1128212357?ean=9781984511966 Above is a link to barnesandnoble for my book https://www.xlibris.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-001178898 Above is a link to Xilbris for my book https://www.inkitt.com/stories/fantasy/217373 Above is a link to Inkitt.com for my book https://www.linkedin.com/in/dakota-umlauf-487523169/ Above is a link to my Linkedin account https://thecowardlychristian.tumblr.com/ Above is a link to my Tumblr account https://www.facebook.com/dakota.umlauf.90 Above is a link to my facebook account https://www.patreon.com/TheCowardlyChristian?alert=2 Above is a link to my Patreon account ....... If you want to see more, go to my fanfiction account: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5874134/The-Cowardly-Christian-du911 ... AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't. But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas? Love me, flame me, review me Chapter 1 A great big ClusterF*** ... “I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination" - Jimmy Dean .......... A little earth pony filly named Applejack sadly sits in her relatives lavish Manehattan apartment and looks out the window... "I miss my family and the apple orchard..." ... A young pegasus filly named Fluttershy, having just been knocked out of the Cloudsdale...was amazed at the wondrous ground...but also the cute critters that ran rampant...SHE JUST HAD TO SING! What is this place Filled with so many wonders? Casting its spell That I am now under Squirrels in the trees And the cute little bunnies Birds flying free And bees with their honey Hooooonneeeeeeey! Oooh, what a magical place And I owe it all to the Pegasus race If I knew the ground had so much up its sleeve I'd have come here sooner, and never leave Yes, I love ev-er-ythiiiiing! ... A white and purple Unicorn filly named Rarity glared at the giant boulder that her spell had dragged her miles to find, "A ROCK?! That's my destiny?" She screamed annoyed... ... A purple Unicorn filly named Twilight Sparkle grunted as she strained to make the dragon egg hatch to impress the examiners and win a place at Princess Celestia's school for gifted Unicorns...but she just...she just couldn't take the stress! And the egg...it just wouldn't hatch! Finally...she just gave up. She turned to the examiners sadly, "I'm sorry to have wasted your time sir's..." ... "There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks...There was no talking...no smiling...only rocks..." This was the depressing mantra that a sad pink Earth pony filly named Pinkie Pie thought as she toiled on her family's rock farm...what they actually DID with the rocks when 'harvested'...I doubt even they know... ... A Rainbow and Blue Pegasus filly named Rainbow Dash was having the time of her life! The adrenaline, the speed...this was LIVING! And she was only getting faster! And faster! And Faster! And faster! And- BOOM! ... And like that...the rainboom traveled all across Equestria...giving Rainbow her Cutie mark...and inspiring 5 others to do likewise... ... Applejack ran home to reunite with her family... ... Fluttershy calmed down the frightened animals and discovered her innate ability to communicate with animals on 'different levels' ... Rarity squealed as the boulder cracked open revealing all those wonderful gems... ... Pinkie pie inexplicably time skips- because she's Pinkie Pie -and gets her family to smile and party! ... A frightened Twilight watches in horror as her out of control magic causes judges to levitate, her parents turn to potted plants, and the baby dragon grows through the roof! Twilight is terrified of what consequences await her...until she feels the comforting hoof of princess Celestia... ... In a different universe, these six fillies, intertwined by fate...would remember this day fondly, but only meet many years later, create the bonds of friendship and go on Epic quests to save Equestria many times... ...this was not that universe... ... Six fillies gained their cutie marks, six fillies fulfilled their destinies, six fillies jumped up in the air excitedly...six fillies were then targeted by six invisible predator drones... ...TARGET ACQUIRED... ...elsewhere... "What- What is this!? It's our target- "NO! THOSE ARE KIDS!" "We have our orders!" "Frack the orders! I'm not murdering children!" "You'll do as your told or you'll be hung for high treason! What do you say about that!?" The red headed teen responded with a fist to his face- "GO TYRONE! STOP THE DRONES!" The little boy jumped to the controls and prayed he'd be in time... ... Twilight bounced up and down excitedly while an amused Celestia watched, "I'm going to be Celestia's apprentice! I'm going to be Celestia's apprentice! I'm- PONY! RUN! I CAN'T STOP THE DRO-(muffled crashing and screams) GET OFF! YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING! I-(More muffled crashing and screams) LITTLE PONY! RUN! All the ponies looked up confused as an odd metallic...THING. De-cloaked in mid-air. "What is- BANG! ...it would later be called the six shoots heard around the world... ... Twilight looked down confused at the gaping wound in her side...blood everywhere...everyone screaming...feeling...feeling very...very tired... ... The animals sobbed as the cute pink haired pegasus who'd just befriended them...slowly bleed out on the grass... ... "So many...so many beautiful...designs...unmade...I had such plans...I'm sorry Sweetie belle...looks like I won't get to see you grow up." Thought Rarity as her entrails bleed over the once pristine diamonds and rubies... ... "No...I...I was so close..." Cried Applejack as she looked toward her precious Apple orchard...her home...her family ran screaming toward their prodigal filly...desperately trying to get her to wake up... ... "No...I...I just wanted to be awesome!" Cried out the Rainbow-maned filly as she fell throught the sky bleeding...the ground rushing up to her to seal her fate... ... "Sorry everyone...I guess I forgot to wear my plot armor..." Giggled a bleeding Pinkie Pie as her family tired in vain to stop her entrails from falling out of her now ripped open gut... ... A panting Wendy finally incapacitated Robbie and Agent Powers...but one look at her sobbing friend...she knew it was too late... ... TO BE CONTINUED?
chapter 2A great big ClusterF*** ... Celestia...Celestia couldn't believe it...it was like the universe was out to get her...first her sister tries to kill her...then her promising first student Sunset went rouge...and just when she was gifted with a promising second...the poor filly- with so much life, potential and love to give -is lying dead on the floor...Celestia tries to use her magic to heal her...but there's a foreign object wedged in her wound that was causing trouble with her magic...plus it seemed secreted with an unknown poison that not even her magic could expunge...there...there was nothing she could do... "PLEASE! I CAN STILL SAVE HER!" Celestia glares at the source of the voice...the source of this TRAVESTY. She began to power up her horn to blast the odd piece of hovering metal. "Give me one reason why I don't just blast you to bits right now", she snarled. "(sniff) please...(sob) I'm sorry! (whimper) T-they told me I'd be a h-hero- (sob) -if I did this- THEY NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT KILLING KIDS!" He blubbered as he continued to plead to be allowed to make this right... But Celestia's heart was already softening- distorted slightly the voice might be- she'd been the 'mother of Equestria' long enough to recognize the voice of a frightened and confused child who'd made a terrible mistake and wanted to make it right... Feeling twilight's heartbeat fading fast...and knowing the paramedics would never reach here in time...she realized she didn't really have much to lose at this point... She nodded at the 'thing', "Do it." Tyrone quickly flew the drone- 5 other simultaneously -which was even more difficult then it sounded because on one he was having to shoot tranquilizer's to get the animals to stop destroying the drone trying to heal Fluttershy, the Pies were throwing holy water at the drone with Pinkie, he'd been forced to tazer big mac AND fend off Granny, and the the drone catching Rainbow was falling like a stone under her weight... Tyrone knew no half-measures would do, he'd designed the bullets, between their shaped designed for maximum damage, the numerous, redundant carved ruins on the bullet to negate all magic used on or around it and the specially made ricin he'd developed to directly attack the immune system and the platelets that prevent bleeding...he'd have to use the experimental nano-genes he'd...'borrowed' and modified if there was ANY hope. Nano-Gene health field activate! Celestia winched as a green beam enveloped the dying filly, she spazed out for a second as if shocked...then went still again. "LIVE!" Shouted Tyrone as he hit her with another burst of nano-genes. ...Nothing... "LIVE! Again, he zapped... ...again Nothing... "LIVE!" ...Nothing... "LIVE!" "LIVE!" "LIVE!" "LIVE!" "LIVE!" "LIVE!" He zapped and zapped until his finger was sore and bloody...but none of the fillies would wake...either his bullet was just too good...or they were just too far gone...in any case..."I'm sorry." He whimpered out loud... A single tear drop feel from face...and onto the console...no one saw it glow where it landed. Wendy puts a comforting hand on her young friends shoulder, but an angry Tyrone just slams the console frustrated...unintentionally causing the beam to shoot again- ...and this time... ZAP! Celestia blinked as a phenomena she hadn't seen since Princess Candace occurred... Twilight had vanished! Celestia quickly quelled the panic, "Be calm my little ponies! I think I know what happened to Twilight, I believe I know where she is and I'll return her posthaste!" "What happens after that though..." She shook her head, she'd worry about that latter, right now she needed to make sure Twilight was alright and bring her home! As she ascended to the astral plane, she tried to think on what this all meant, "First and foremost I'll have to deal with that strange 'thing'...but after that...I know I'd planned to have whatever student I picked to eventually ascend to alicornhood...but this is too soon! I need at least another decade to lay the groundwork and ease ponies- both rich and poor -into the prospect of a NEW princess...but as the socio-political situation stands- she shakes her head, "Your overthinking this Celestia, true it might not be ideal...but one little alicorn brought into being a BIT ahead of schedule won't derail things...if anything it'll probably make things better!" She finally pops into the Astral plane to greet her new 'sister'- AND GETS A FACE FULL OF PINK!? "HI!I'MPINKIEPIE!I'MSUPEXCIEDTOMEETYOU!WILLYOUBEMYNEWFRIEND!?IGOTWINGSANDAHORNJUSTLIKEYOU!AREWECOUSINS!?SISTERS!?MOTHERS!?" Celestia looked baffled at the pink ALICORN filly that now clung to her face and rambled on and on without stop or breathing...despite the surprise, she regained her bearings, looked around...and saw they weren't alone... "w...wasn't I just falling?" Asked a disoriented Rainbow Dash, rubbing the horn she had on her head now... "Gah!...mah head...anyone get the number of that donkey cart that done run me over?" Asked a groaning Applejack as her body ached from the THREE new appendages that had been added to it... "eep!" Squeaked Fluttershy as she tried to hide from everything and the horn on her head without success... "Why these wings are simply divine! I'll have to make a new dress to accommodate it!" Shouted Rarity excitedly. Twilight nervously trotted up to an increasingly stunned Celestia, "Uh...Princess Celestia? What's going on?" She asked confused as he pointed both to her wings and the 5 other alicorn fillies that had popped out of nowhere... Celestia face-hoofed as she saw all her free 'cake' time for the next ten years go up in smoke, "That's what I'd like to know..." She grumbled... ... "NO!" Snaps Granny Pie as she snatches the bottle from her son's grasp. "Granny be reasonable! Pinkie is a princess! If that ain't a sign for the end times- "Something wonderful has happened to my grandchild, This is a time for celebration where she's embraced by her loving father- NOT A SUGAR-CRAZED LOUT!" ... "YAY RAINBOW DASH!" "#1 CHILD FOREVER!" "BEST PONY PRINCESS HANDS DOWN!" Celestia had to shielded her eyes as Rainbow Dashes parents let loose a bunch of celebratory fireworks off... Rainbow groaned, "Guy's...come on..." She flustered... ... "What do you mean, they're on vacation?!" Shouted Celestia angrily at the startled babysitter that been sent to watch Rarity. Rarity shrugged, "Eh, I'm used to it. I'm practically raising myself at this point." She explained neutrally as she trotted off to show off her wings to her baby sister...oblivious to the hot water she'd just put her parents in Celestia huffed smoke from her nostrils annoyed, "I'll be having words with those two 'parents'"... ... "No I ain't off my meds yah dang fool! Go get your mommah! I want every apple in the family tree here to celebrate! OUR APPLEJACK IS A PRINCESS!" Shouts Granny Smith while an amused Celestia watches... ... "Yay." Whispered the shy family as their daughter was returned to them... Butter shy snores obliviously on the couch... ... "Mommy, I'm a princess now!" Squeals Twilight happily as she jumps into her arms, Velvet Sparkle brushes away a tear, "You were always a Princess to me Sweetie..." She whispered sweetly. Celestia smiled at the heartwarming scene...which of course was interrupted... "Message for you mam!" Celestia groaned, "How'd they find out so quickly?" She read through the dozens of summons from both nobles and government departments demanding an explanation for the 'recent events'. Celestia shook her head...it wasn't ideal...but she was fairly confident she'd found the bearers of harmony. True, she was in for a massive headache...but with her contingency plans and careful planning she was confident that soon things will quiet down... "As long as nothing else stirs up the waters of course...but never mind that now! Time to talk to our strange...'Guest'." She turned toward to the strange metallic creature still hovering in mid-air- along with it's 5 other 'buddies' that Celestia had brought with her - and walked toward them. "Right, I think we deserve an explanation here...first of all; what species are you? I've never seen anything like you in all my travels." There was an awkward pause... "Uh...you do know this isn't us right?" Said a new voice from the 'things'(an older female teen by the sound of it). "Beg pardon?" Asked Celestia confused. "Yeah...were just talking through the drones...their not actually...well, their not alive in the same way as you or I" "Are you saying that these 'drones' are golem constructs that you are speaking through like some manner of ventriloquism?" Asked Celestia trying to guess the situation. Again the drones were silent... "Uh...I guess?" Said the teen voice unsure. Celestia frowned, these 'drones' were unlike any 'golem' she'd ever seen..no magic could be sensed from them- how was that possible? - and she'd NEVER heard of a mage speaking THROUGH a Golem before... How was this- She shook her head, she'd try to understand this later, for now- "Never mind, were are you then?" The drone sighed... "Okay, I'll tell you...just...go easy on the kid, okay? He'd never have build theses if it weren't for me...and he most CERTAINLY never would've built them if he'd known they'd be used to target KIDS." ... After receiving the coordinates, the and her royal guard went to an abandoned town on the far outskirts of town... "Right, Let's get this over with, I have a media circus to control and a bunch of nobles to baby." Joked Celestia to herself. After the whole thing with the filly alicorn, a straightforward problem- minus the odd 'devices' this group of malcontents somehow had access to -would be more then welcome! The guards threw open the door...and gaped. "...I HAD to jinx it." Thinks a stunned Celestia. ...there were 4 people in a room full of odd equipment; 2 beaten and tied up, one 12-year old child still crying and one slightly roughed up teen comforting him... The problem with this picture? NONE of them were ponies...or any other species Celestia had seen...outside of fairy tales and conspiracy nut job manifestos... One greenhorn guard whispered to another, "Houston...we have humans." ... TO BE CONTINUED?
Chapter 3A great big ClusterF*** 3 I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING! ... ... "...Again...go easy on Tyrone...Blame me." Said Wendy Corduroy. Princess Celestia was only barely listening at this point to the teen girl who sat in her interrogation room...her mind was spinning with all these revelations... Humans were REAL...and they were alive...and were coming to KILL her. Or to put it in context: there was an underground society of humans living in a apparently high-tech metropolis called New Eagleland built by ancient humans to allow the human race to survive after the 'end times'...which if their 'supreme leader' Ming Jol-ik was to believed...was caused by ponies...indeed EVERYTHING seemed to be blamed on ponies... Is your family starving? Blame the ponies, they ate everything. Will your family be next? Is your job terrible? blame the ponies, they want you to be miserable. Your loss is their gain. Too much crime? Blame the ponies, their secretly in control of everything. Only by supporting your beloved government can you cull their influence! Stubbed your toe? Blame the pony-loving traitors to our wondrous species, it's how they get their sick kicks. Report any suspicious activities; be it from neighbors, friends or families! They could be ponies in disguise! Your synth planning to murder you? They are pawns of the ponies of course! That last one confused Celestia, but resolved to ask what a SYNTH was later...in any case she was starting to get the gist of it... "And what do you believe?" Asked Celestia. Wendy shrugged, "I believe my country is ruled by a rich fascist A-hole who uses fearmongering to get the idiots- the vast majority of my people, unfortunately -to suck up his sleaze and his wealthy friends corruption with a smile...of course writing that in my social studies report in 1st grade got my mother executed..." There was a long, awkward pause...and then to Wendy's surprise, she got hugged by the princess!...she was very...fluffy... "You poor dear...your safe now- "And Tyrone?" Asked Wendy quickly. Celestia smiles at the concern this girl had for her friend, "Yes, he made a mistake...but seems like you both did your best to correct it...but how did this all come about?" So Wendy told her how after their mom was 'executed for sedition'- i.e. Taking the blame for her daughter -Her dad had trouble making ends meet, although mom took all the blame...they were still blacklisted from all official jobs...so Wendy had to take unofficial jobs... "Enforcer, loan shark, bounty hunter...prostitution- she flusters at that last part -You don't really have the luxury to turn down high-paying jobs when your little siblings might starve." Celestia nodded, she understood sibling love all too well... "And Tyrone...when all my other friends ditched me- in fairness to them they were scared their families might be targeted if they continued to associate with me- ...he stood by me...he built me my first gun when he was 8...and it worked like a dream! ...we've been a... team ever since." Celestia notices the hesitance before saying team...and the light blush on her face...but she decided to let it be, with cultures as different as theirs who was she to judge? Especially after everything this poor girl had been through! In nay case Wendy explained how agent powers had approached her for a mission...to leave their city of New Eagleland...and go to the land of the ponies to assassinate the devil herself...Princess Celestia. Despite the situation, Celestia couldn't help but be a bit amused by being labeled a 'devil'. "So you were coming to kill me?" She asked in good humor. Wendy sighed, "Okay, try to understand...I hate my government...I really do...but not only did I not have the luxury to turn down the money- which was a TON, enough to set my family for life...but also, considering how they were using Ponies to justify their cruelty and oppression...a supposedly 'alien' species that no one had ever seen save for the governments 'trusted' sources and civil servants... "You didn't believe ponies were even real." Again, despite the situation Celestia couldn't help but chuckle over that. Wendy shrugged, "The whole thing reeked of a whole big publicity stunt/hoax- wouldn't be the first time they pulled this sort of thing. " Celestia watched amazed as Wendy showed her 'pictures' from her 'cell phone' ... "How am I not detecting any magic?" She wonders as she watches this device in amazement. Glorious Eagleland government sting operation successful in bringing down pony mob boss! Our glorious leader gallantly executes 300 pony demons with bare hands! Our glorious enforcers fight back the pony hordes at the Eagleland border! The pictures and videos of 'ponies' getting killed were so fake that even the tech-illiterate ponies could see how choreographed and staged they were. Celestia shakes her head, "And people bought this?" She asked in disbelief. Wendy shrugged, "like I said...idiots." She looked at Celestia with a resolute look, "And Tyrone felt the same way, but I was the one that recruited him. He'd do anything I'd asked...he's kinda wrapped around my fingers." Said Wendy with a reluctant smile. "We'll I believe that last part anyway." Admitted Celestia with a knowing smirk, "You should know that Tyrone has already confessed that he believed ponies were real...but still went along with it despite his concerns...assuming all the guilt for HIMSELF to protect you." Wendy groaned, "Dang it Tyrone!" She cursed. Celestia couldn't help herself, she was loving this drama. "Ah, young love..." Celestia put a comforting hoof on the distraught girls shoulder, "Neither of you have anything to worry about...Yes, taking this 'job' was a mistake. But your motives were each somewhat understandable- you didn't believe anyone would REALLY get hurt and Tyrone wanted to provide for his own family and make sure you were safe. But more importantly; when you saw innocent lives were at risk, you fought back despite the danger you knew you would place yourselves in." Celestia frowned, "I'm confused about one thing...if you were coming to assassinate me...how did Twilight and the other fillies got involved?" Wendy frowned, "That's the weird thing...night before that attempt on your life, our orders changed." "How so?" Asked Celestia. Again Wendy frowned, "It was all last minute, even Powers seemed thrown off by it. In any case we were given 6 locations, times and bio-signatures for the drones to lock onto...we had NO idea who we were targeting- "Until you saw them on your...'screen's'? I think that's what you called them?" While Wendy verified, Celestia's mind raced. This whole thing was getting more bizarre and making less sense the more she heard it... Assassinating her in a bizarre political move, okay. That made sense. MAYBE, killing Twilight if someone suspected she was a shoo-in to be her next apprentice...but 6 random fillies scattered across Equestria? It baffled her! She briefly thought about the Rainboom that gave everyone their cutie marks, but dismissed that. There was no way anyone could predict a random event like that...right? She shook her head of such things, she learned all she could from Wendy and the moved on to the next room...and a less then pleasant individual. Celestia glared at the defiant look of one Robbie Valentino, unlike Wendy and Tyrone...Robbie was just a jerk. He'd been a teenage freelancer like Wendy. But unlike her; Instead of helping them save the fillies he assisted Powers in trying to regain control of the drones to continue the mission... Celestia had been accused of being 'too forgiving' and maybe they were right...but here...with someone who would KNOWINGLY murder helpless little fillies for glory and profit...no, there would be no forgiveness. "Do your worse, I'll never talk!" He shouts smugly. Celestia quirked an eyebrow, "Oh, no?" ...5 seconds later... "I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!" Screamed Robbie as Celestia dangled him several feet in the air with her magic, Celestia smirked. Indeed, being the 'Mom of Equestria' for so long had also given her the innate knowledge of knowing when a boy was 'all talk'. Now despite her anger toward him, he was still just a boy. First chance she'd get she'd contact his parents and leave his punishment to them...unless their punishment was lacking, then she'd take matters into her own hooves. Nothing too nasty, again he was only a teen...maybe just 5-10 years in jail? It was certainly a greater mercy then she'd be giving the NEXT human. ... "Name: Anonymous Powers, Rank: Special agent level 5, serial number: QR-5890. And that's all your getting out of me." Stated the human adult flatly. Celestia just frowned at him, Robbie more less gave her the same level of info that Wendy gave him...well, mostly LESS. But as for this one... "I don't suppose you'd at least be willing to give me the location of your 'nation' so I can begin diplomatic negotiations with them?" Indeed, it seemed that Tyrone, Robbie and Wendy were blindfolded when they left Eagleland. Thus Powers was the only one who knew where it was. Powers simply remained silent... Suddenly a messenger pony came in and whispered into her ear. Celestia smiled and flawlessly listed the coordinates of Eagleland, and was given the pleasure of seeing the seemingly unflappable face of Powers...lose all composure. "What...but...HOW!?" He demanded. Celestia smirked, "I have my ways..." Turns out Tyrone had left a tracker back in his flat to let him know WHERE Eagleland was just in case something went wrong. He was also currently hacking Power's equipment to get any intel he could. Celestia continued, "Soon will know many other things...so you see, it's really in your best interest to cooperate with us. Depending on how much intel you give I'd be willing to give lenience and protective custody." But Power's wasn't really listening... "I have failed my country...worse, I've brought the devil to our doorstep...only one way to lessen my disgrace..." CRACK! Celestia's eye's widened as Powers suddenly slammed his face down onto the counter with a sickening crack, then spasm uncontrollably as he started to foam at the mouth. "WE NEED A MEDIC!" Shouted Celestia as she tried to use her magic to heal him...but it was too late... And that's how the concept of a Cyanide capsules was introduced to Equestria... ...It wouldn't be the last horrible thing introduced in the coming days either... ... What were those 'THINGS' that the guards arrested!? What were those creatures that killed the fillies!? What's this about their being NEW PRINCESSES!? Celestia sighed, the nobles and press were at arms. "First of all those 'things' were humans- She waited for the maelstrom of questions to die down a bit -apparently there is a small group of them still around...and their government sent a team to assassinate me- Again, she was forced to weather out an onslaught of questions, demands and accusations -Thanks to some 'rebellious elements' within their ranks, their plot was foiled. The guilty one's have been taken in custody and those who aided me are now in PROTECTIVE custody." Not technically a lie, Celestia had decided to simplify things for the sake of helping Tyrone and Wendy adjust to their current situation, and smooth out future trouble with any future interactions with humans that had nothing to do with this whole mess... "What about the fillies?! Have they really become NEW princesses!?" Demanded a reporter. Celestia sighed, "Were still investigating HOW it all came about...but YES, I'm proud to say we have SIX new alicorns- "Is it true that they are from COMMON roots?" Snaps Upper crust. Celestia glares, "If by which you mean they weren't part of any of the 'noble' families BEFORE their ascension, then Yes." The uproar and arguments amongst the crowd that broke out forced Celestia to call a recess to bring things to order. "They reacted this way to do...I'm not looking forward to telling them to prepare for a potential war with this 'New Eagleland.'" Indeed, Celestia hoped that it wouldn't come to that, that she could talk through this situation...but based on what she'd learned about their 'glorious' leader...she wasn't holding her breath...still, she had to at least TRY. She refused to condemn a new species to war simply because their leader was a murderous monster... ... Celestia looked warmly upon the six new filly alicorns, "Now I'm going to soon be away on important business to...'handle' those who caused this...'situation' we find ourselves in." Explained Celestia delicately. "Are you going to fight the people who almost killed us?" Asked Twilight concerned. Celestia sighed, "We'll see Twilight, we'll see...in any case, while I'm away I'll be leaving the kingdom and your education in the hands of Princess Candace!" Princess Candace smiled as she entered the room when introduced, "Hello Twilight, and girls. Rest assured I'll help you through this like Celestia helped me through my ascension. I also hope we all become good friends!" Rarity, Picking on Candace's familiarity to Twilight. Turned to the purple filly. "Wait, do you know the princess?" Twilight smirked, "Of course! She's my foal sitter! And my brothers 'special somepony',shining likes to keep a picture of her under his pillow and everything!" The other fillies and Celestia giggled at Candace's fluster... ... "My word, what interesting times indeed! The humans have returned and six new princesses have taken the throne! Maybe now I can FINALLY get my ANTI-giant man-eating spider legislation passed." Said lord Quentin Trembly Esquire as he trotted into his mansion. His butler Nathaniel Northwest grumbled out a 'yes sir' to his insane boss as he once more 'feed' the 'invisible' crumpled-horned snorlax family with the 'invisible' chow...and once more felt like a daft fool for doing so. "I feel good about six fillies brought into government...it's the same reason I proposed babies being made into judges awhile back...don't know why it was rejected." Nathaniel had gotten VERY good at not rolling his eyes over the years at his ludicrous boss, "A real mystery sir." He said with a very convincing tone of sincerity. Trembly nodded, "Well, enough about that! Time to practice ridding my manticorn backwards!" Nathaniel Northwest glared after his boss...now most people would enjoy his position. True; his boss was an insane collector of 'oddities' and was regularly considered a laughingstock among the nobility, but his pay and hours were quite decent. And despite his eccentric demands he was quite nice...so all and all an okay job... But most people aren't a misanthropic sociopath like Northwest... "It's not fair an idiot like you gets all this wealth and prestige...one of these days Trembly...one of these days..." ... The day had finally come...Celestia was worried, the sad fact was all the years of peace had rather made the EUP more ceremonial then an actual army...still Tyrone had tried to prepare them as best he could... So without delay, Celestia orders the army to descend into the crevice...and into New Eagleland... ...…... TO BE CONTINUED?
Chapter 4A great big ClusterF*** 4 I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING! ...III... AN: A strong Thank you to Wolvenstrom for helping with this chapter! ...III... Bright Mac Apple and his wife Pear Butter were going up the mountain to make a very important cider delivery to 'Yourgonnadiebecausetheplotdemandsit-burg'- so named as the person who discovered it; Simon 'Onlyimportantbecausehewillcreateacitywhichwillindirectlyonedayaffectsomeoneofactuallimportancetotheworld' came from a long line of pink pony meta-benders. They passed briefly by a sign that pointed to the bridge ahead and said; BRIDGE TO Yourgonnadiebecausetheplotdemandsit-burg OUTSTANDING! "Well, golly! Were making good time! We should be done and heading home to our loving family within a couple hours!" Excited to get this over with and go home the eager couple quickly ran toward the bridge- SQUAWK! The couple looked up just in time to see Granny Smith's personal messenger bird fly toward them. "Huh, Granny usually doesn't bother us during a delivery..." Said Pear Butter out loud. -Unless it's important." Finished Big Mac thoughtfully...the shrugs. "Eh, I'm feeling a might bit peckish in any case. How about we take a lunch break to read it?" "Uh excuse me? Do you mind if old Gil goes on ahead of you?" Asks a rather ragged pony with a cutie mark of a black cat going beneath a ladder from behind their apple cart. "Sure, go on ahead!" Said Pear Butter happily. "Oh, thank you!" Shouts the pony as he prances on toward the bridge. "Oh, you don't know what this means to old Gil! I've had a rough life, but in the next town over I've got an opportunity to finally turn my life around and finally retire happily! Nothing's gonna stop old Gil now!" CRACK! And just like that, the bridge falls completely apart and the unfortunate Pony falls to his death. The Apple couple gaped, "What in tarnation- "What's going on here?!" Shouts a rather rotund pony in a business suite as he trots quickly toward where the mighty bridge once clung. He looks toward the sign and groans, "Oh for the love of- AGAIN!?" He shouts as he quickly bucks off the 'standing' bit. Leaving only; 'BRIDGE TO Yourgonnadiebecausetheplotdemandsit-burg OUT!' "That's the fifth time a sign has been botched this week! That's it! I don't care if he's my brother-in-law! He's fired!" While the politician goes down to the corpse to look for identification to alert his next of kin...and 'spin' the story of the disaster to best suite him...the couple tries to get their mind off what nearly happened by reading Granny Smiths letter... Soon all thought of the bridge and the unfortunate pony's fate were quickly forgotten! Their little Sugar cube was a princess! They quickly canceled the delivery and ran home...oblivious to fate that would've befallen them in another universe... ... Celestia and her entourage navigated the Crevice. Eventually Celestia was forced to create an opening to continue downward... CRACK! Unfortunately, despite Celestia's best efforts to be cautious, it was still enough to destabilize the area and cause a landslide... Thankfully, no one got hurt. But the opening had been sealed up, and Celestia deemed it too dangerous to go that way again. So for better or for worse...there was NO going back... They found an ancient, massive series of scaffolds- Apparently left behind by a previous expedition of humans -Which they then begin to use to climb the rest of the way down. However, as they went further down...feelings of apprehension increased. Although the ponies were reassured that Celestia would guide the way...they couldn't help but be concerned over facing such a mysterious new adversary... And the two humans didn't even have that comfort! They were deeply worried not only themselves but their families! The 'Supreme leader' was EXTRA brutal to traitors...including their families... While Tyrone was doing his own thing, Wendy took this opportunity to talk to Celestia about what was to be expected. "Hey, your majesty? Uh...what exactly is the plan here?" "Why I intend to open diplomatic relations with Eagleland, tell him that I do not condone his current domestic policies or his attempts to kill me and my citizens. It will then be my hope that we sit down and negotiate our current situation out." Stated Celestia warmly with a smile. Wendy frowned at that, "Uh...okay, we have made it clear that he's not exactly the most reasonable of guy's, right? That he's more likely to shoot you down with his thousands of soldiers, right?" Celestia draped a comforting wing over the clearly worried teen. "Worry not my dear, there is a reason why I historically use champions to fight on my behalf when I really should do so myself." She smirked, "I believe the Griffins said it best. You don't hunt rabbits with ballista's." She said with great wit. Wendy just looked at her baffled, so Celestia continued... "whenever I am forced to the frontlines. Forced to take matters into my own hands and confront the enemy myself, I know 1000 thousand different spells in different methods of Combat that could aide me. I've forgotten more ways to deal with my opponent then I remember. "But the Voice In front of my mind. Not the back. it's the very first thought I always have before I engage in combat or try to think how to solve a problem. A solution I have to convince myself every time not to do...use the sun." She says that last bit with concern. "I could easily wipe almost all of my problems out. Except for a rare few, not many can withstand having a star dropped right on them. Or having solar flares lash out at them as liberally is a pirate whips a mutineer... But the problem is if I do that, not only will all of my problems be erased so will everyone and everything else for miles around." "I can only Direct it. I can't shrink it down or cut off a small piece of it. Those solar flares don't have pinpoint accuracy. If I use the sun offensively, it would destroy far more than I could ever consider an acceptable amount of Collateral Damage." My sister and the elements in the past are what kept me from being tempted or go too far when I desired to use my first option. Without her rhythm I am far too dangerous, too tempted and far too Willing to go too far to be an asset instead of a liability. it's why I prefer diplomacy or shows of power that I would rather not have to follow through with." And then Wendy was shocked from her stunned amazement, as the princess immediately caused a forcefield to appear around her. "Also your friend Tyrone has briefed me of what to expect and gave me a forcefield powered and enhanced by my magic to defend me against bullets and other things." Wendy smirked, "Yeah, Tyrone's a bit of an overachiever..." She says with a happy smile. Celestia saw this and smiled back, "Is he your special somepony?" Wendy blushed, "I...well...look, he was the only friend who didn't bail on me after me dumb report got my mom executed- "Wait, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I thought that was when you were in first grade?" Asked Celestia confused. Wendy shrugged, "I got held back a lot...teacher didn't like my 'attitude'." She admitted that last bit with a smirk. "...He never did find out who replaced his wig with a racoon." Celestia laughed at that, and the two girls continued their conversation... Meanwhile, with the guys... "Okay, no one can see us. This is your chance. Push me off this scaffolding." Said Tyrone suddenly. Shining Armor looked at the young human stunned, "What!?" Tyrone double-checked their surroundings. "Look, your little sister almost died because of me. If someone did something like that to my siblings...just push me off, kill me here and you can just call it an accident..." Shining just frowned at him for a moment...then pushes him off the scaffolding. Tyrone braces himself for his well-deserved death- ...and then Shinning catch him with his magic and brings him back to safety. Shining Armour then briefly dusts him off, "There. Done. No can we move on to what's actually important?" Tyrone was stunned, "What? But I- Shining Armour continued, "Unless you named that thing the 'Kill-a-filly-inator 3000' I doubt you actually knew what your superiors- y'know, the ones who would have killed you and everyone you loved if you didn't -would do. And When you found out what the thing was going to be used for, you throw all caution to the wind and decided to do something stupid, reckless and utterly and completely heroic..." Shining puts a comforting hoof on the boys shoulder, "I wouldn't mind working with you one day when I graduated into the guards, those 'devices' you built could really come in handy!" Tyrone was stunned...he was a hard time comprehending why the person who should hate him more then anyone...didn't..." "By the way, you really shouldn't do this sort of thing without consulting your girlfriend..." Tyrone blushed but came out of his stupor, "Wha- She's not my girlfriend... Then he sighs, "She's too out of my league anyway..." Shining chuckled, "Man don't give up like that! Look at me! My girlfriend was a princesses and I won her over despite being nothing but an unpopular nerd who spent most of his time playing ogres and oubliettes with his friends in the basement..." Dipper's ears perked with interest, "Ogres and oubliettes? Is that anything like Dungeons, dungeons and more dungeons?" And thus sparked one of the weirdest friendships between the two most unlikely people...go figure... ... "You let a little filly go to Manehatten all by her lonesome!?" Snapped Pear Butter angrily. "Now hold on there! She was at that stage where her life was at a crossroads! I was just respecting her life choices is all!" Defended Granny Smith. Bright Mac face-hooved, "Ma, your the matriarch of our clan. You've more then proven yourself a capable leader- But that dose not give you the authority to make such a decision for my child! ESPECIALLY without consulting me or Buttercup first!" After scolding his Ma, Bright Mac went about organizing the rest of his Kin to head off for Canterlot for his daughter's coronation. Meanwhile, Pear Butter sends off a letter... ... Finally, they get to the outskirts of the city. At this time it was hard to see much of it. A great steel wall encircled the whole city. Having been told of the numerous defense systems, Shining quickly put up a shield to protect the entire group...bracing themselves for anything...they marched on... ...and on...and on...and on...and on? "Something's wrong." Said Tyrone suddenly. Shining looked toward his new friend while getting into a defensive stance, "What do you mean?" He asked cautiously. "Were well in range of the sentry towers, they should've started blasting us by now!" Explained Tyrone. "Begging your pardon, but why are you complaining that it's NOT?" Asked a guard irritably. "No, Tyrone's right...something's off." Explained Wendy. "Look at the sky, none of the artificial sky looks like it's working." Celestia remembers how they explained that there was an artificial sky built over Eagleland that was crafted to simulate the night/day cycle...she'd been interested to see such a thing for obvious reasons. But it seemed Wendy was right...the sky above the city was nothing but dark screens and other odd inert machines... And as they got closer... "Okay, something is DEFINITELY up." Said Tyrone more then a little concerned... The ponies just look confused at a mural on the outer wall depicting the Supreme leader...defaced and covered with the word 'LIAR' and 'HE BETRAYED US'. "I take it this is unusual?" Asked Celestia. "You could say that...there's a layer of dust over the paint so it's been here awhile...so the mural should've been fixed by now..." Observes Tyrone. Becoming ever more anxious they continue on. They find a suspiciously unguarded trash chute, it takes some effort but as they enter inside- "Sweet Faust, this place is in shambles! Did a war happen here!?" Exclaimed Shining in horrified disbelief as he beheld his first look of Eagleland... "Uh...no, this is one of the poor district. it's always like this." Admits Wendy in resignation. "Oh...wow...that's even more horrifying." Said Shining after a bit. "Indeed." Groused Celestia as she crawled through the trash chute and beheld the grim sight herself. It was one thing to hear about simply from word of mouth, but to see it for herself... The buildings looked like they'd been slapped together from garbage, the streets had sewage trickling down it's middle, and it smelled like someone died!...and Celestia wouldn't be surprised if someone did! She was disgusted that a ruler would allow his subjects to wallow in such squalor. She put one hoof out of the chute to steady herself, Indeed she was seriously considering ditching the whole diplomatic approach and just- DONG! The instant her hoof touched the ground, a large ringing sound reverberated throughout the city. And all who heard it- and KNEW what it meant...looked to the source in a mixture of dread...and maybe...hope? Naturally the ponies were spooked, "What in the blazes was that?!" Demanded Shining. "Hold on, let me check something." Said Tyrone as he brought out his laptop and began to hack the city grid, ordinarily this would take a while- even for him -but today- "Whoa! What happened!? It's like the whole network has fallen to pieces! How- Nevermind, I'll figure it out later...I think I can still access- Got it!" He showed a security camera he managed to hack and pointed at a...clock tower? "Uh...what are we looking at?" Asked Shining confused. "That's the nation's clock tower, it's hands never move...except when something BIG is about to happen- at least according to local superstition anyway. The last three times was the day before The 'Supreme Leader' came to power, the week before the Synth uprising and..." Tyrone trailed off on that last one as he got a dark look on his face- "Well, it doesn't matter. What dose matter is that not only dose this show that us bringing you here might have bigger consequences then I thought...but look." He points to the screen, "When we were here last, the clock was at 7:00...now it's 7:02. The clock only ever moves by 1 minute intervals so- "It's moved not once but TWICE since you saw it last." Realized Celestia outloud, her inner-scholar was interested in this seemingly strange arcane building. But she knew there was no time to inquire of it, for if what they said was accurate...something else had happened while they were away...and by the look of things...it had been something BAD... ... Meanwhile, on a nearby roof. A lonely scout is awoken from his slacking by the bell and angrily looks around for the source through his binoculars...and sees HER. The white Devil herself. He goes very pale, "Jimmeny crickets!" Quick as a flash he goes down the nearby zip-line screaming; "THE PONIES ARE COMING! THE PONIES ARE COMING! THE PONIES ARE COMING! THE PONIES ARE COMING! THE PONIES ARE COMING!" He shouts at the top of his lungs as he jumps between rooftops...his voice echoing... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! An elderly man looks up from his schematics... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! A woman looks away from the mirror she'd just smashed in rage... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! A man larger then life looks up from his morning wine with interest... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! The strangely dressed man looks up from the corpse on his table... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! A man in an odd mask looks away from the face he'd just pounded into pulp to hear this news...and smirked... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! A man clad in fine robes opened an eye to see this new interruption to his meditation while levitating in mid-air...only to scoff in annoyance... "About Bloody time"... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! All across the burning husk of the once great nation...many heard this news... Many wondered...feared...hoped...hated...dreamed...and schemed... ... THE PONIES ARE COMING! The whole group looked up and listened as the screams rebounded. Tyrone sighs, "Well, cats out of the bag. Soon the whole city will know were here." "Just as well, this was never meant to be a covert operation." Stated Celestia simply, "In fact this might be for the best, the sooner we meet with someone in charge the sooner we figure out what has happened here." And thus they continued on...and were more and more horrified at what they saw. "Huh, so the garbageman aren't doing their jobs either." Said Tyrone as he observed the corpses piled up in the streets instead of carted away... ...well...the ponies were horrified anyway. The humans just seemed to take it in with resigned indifference...which in a lot of ways, made the whole situation all the more unsettling to the ponies. "How are you guys not freaking out!? There is a rotting corpse of a little girl- who couldn't have been much older then my little sister! -here who was clearly living in the gutter with a sign saying, 'Will have sex for food!' here for crying out loud!" Exclaimed Shining Armor finally. The two humans just look at each other...then back to Shinning, "Do you know what we call that down here in Eagleland?" Asked Tyrone flatly. "Uh...no?" Asked Shining confused by this sudden change of topic. "Tuesday", Explained Wendy dismissively. Shining just blinked confused, "I...what?" "Look guys, this is the world we live in. You might be visiting, but we lived here 24/7. Here, unless you were lucky enough to be born in the top 1% or sell your soul to join the military...you don't get a lot of options." Explained Dipper. The ponies could do nothing but be stunned by this...here they were experiencing horrors the likes of which their race had ever seen...and these humans were treating it like it was as natural as Celestia making the sun rise! HOW COULD ANYONE LIVE LIKE THIS!? Not knowing what else to do...they kept walking...and heaving their lunch... One of the cadets; Peter Photo who likes to moonlight as a part-time photographer was taking picture of it all. When asked why he simply said, 'this is horrible...and yet...I feel like it's a story that needs to be told. People need to KNOW this, REMEMBER This...to make sure it NEVER happens again to ANYpony ever again...' Despite the situation, Celestia can't help but admire the sentiment and gives her blessing to continue... In the meantime she'd discovered something else rather curious. There were many propaganda posters; some where of the 'Supreme Leader' to make him more god-like and demand obedience...these were all defaced with derogatory slander- an action that according to Wendy would usually have been unthinkable as defacing even one poster would usually see mass-executions and cutting the nearby districts of their rations(Celestia once more could barely contain her disgust/horrified disbelief over this). There were also posters calling arms against 'synths' that were actually unvandalized, but before Celesta could ask about this- or what a 'synth' was -she saw the most curious posters of all. They were the propaganda posters that demonized Celestia and all pony-kind, as well as blame them for all the country's problems...but that wasn't the curious bit- Why lie? I'd do her... This message was repeated and plastered over every 'demon' pony picture- especially images of a 'demon queen' Celestia. The ponies looked over to a now VERY flustered Tyrone and Wendy in bemused curiosity(both from the posters implication AND finally getting a reaction from the seemingly unflappable humans). "Hmmm...perhaps you can elaborate?" Asked Celestia with a snicker. Tyrone blushed but tried to compose himself, "Uh...well, the thing is...there's...(cough's nervously)...despite the large amount of government-sponsored xenophobia...there is actually a large percentage of...well...'bronies' who find ponies...'appealing'?" He says that last part sweating bullets. An equally awkward Wendy face-palms, "Oh for the love of- SEX! Okay!? They're is a surprisingly large amount of humans that want to have sex with ponies and Celestia in particular is a HUGE sex-icon! But nobody admits to it because being a 'pony sympathizer is punishable by death!" Now it was the ponies turn to be flustered(openly discussing sex in any shape or form simply didn't happen in pony culture(1))...well except for Celestia, who simply looked amused. Celestia would be lying if she said she'd never found non-pony species attractive. She can, and at a few points in history 'has' hooked up with Hippogriffs, Griffins and so on... "Well, it's nice that you humans admit to it at least. My little ponies would never have the nerve to admit all the 'magazines' dedicated to me that they swear they keep for the 'articles'." She teases with a giggle as most of her guards- both Stallion and Mare -suddenly look mortified over the 'mom' of Equestria knowing about 'that'...and wondering in panic if she knew everything 'else'." In any case, they moved on- after Tyrone reassures a teasing Wendy that he was still into 'human' girls -...the jovial atmosphere was quick to die in all the suffering and poverty they saw around them. Worse, was uneasy silence that fell on them...and the feeling that not only were they not alone...but being watched... FINALLY they reached the...rich district? "Dang, I figured your rich would be living better but this is just as bad as the rest of the town!" Noted Shining confused...and then became even more confused by how startled Tyrone was! "No...this is wrong! The rich district is the cleanest, safest, important and most beautiful part of town- at least according to what I see online, 'pheasant's' like me aren't allowed -something's gone wrong!" Indeed, the whole area looked like a war had gone on...as did the multitude of figures approaching them! "Saints protect us dear wife! Look at the fop's that approach us! Have they come to rob us?" Asked a malnourished, skeleton-like man wearing a bunch of broken kitchen utensils as armor. His similarly malnourished and armored wife smacked him in the back of the head, annoyed. "Of what you dunce?! The dirt in our pockets?!" She sighed, "Why couldn't you have died instead of our car?" The group of just as malnourished and equipped humans looked at the group of ponies in a mix of confusion, waryness, and bewilderment. And the ponies did likewise. "Ponies from the word above! They will be our leaders!" Shouted a ragged and cloaked man wearing an orange safety cone. "No, Scott. Our group already has a leader, he's Dave." Said Foreman. "Hey." Said a brutish, large man politely. Princess Celestia nodded, "Yes, nice to meet you all too. I'm Princess Celestia- "Oh, boy. Have you come to conquer us? Not that we would be complaining...or have the ability to stop you...we'd just like a head's up is all." Celestia shook her head, "I simply wish to talk to this...'Supreme Leader' of yours." The gang looks surprised, then exchanges knowing looks. "Right, sure. We'll take you right to them..." They said with a dark smirk that snet chills down then ponies spines. ... On the way over, this gang finally reveals what happened to Eagleland While Wendy and Tyrone were gone... "Well, first the clocktower did it's thing. Naturally, this caused a bit of a panic. Especially considering what happened the last several times- he coughs nervously -anyway... Then 'V' showed up on every TV screen- Quickly, it's explained that 'V' is a mysterious, legendary hacker who occasionally helps out anti-Supreme leader sympathizers and other 'dissident' groups. -So anyway, he goes showing everyone the attack the kid and the red head pulled against the ponies(but only mostly the fillies- except in the images it was made to look like that Celestia going to the astral plain was actually her getting incinerated and killed as well - getting killed, not what happened after apparently), and this gets everyone excited. We thought at long last all our suffering, sacrifice, and 'preparation' was finally going to pay off! At long last the war against the 'pony menace' the supreme leader promised would happen!" Dave winces as he realized he'd just said, 'pony menace'...in front of a bunch of ponies, "Uh, no offense." He says quickly to them. Celestia waves a dismissive hoof, "It's fine. Now what happened next?" "Yeah, and why would V show something that makes the Supreme Leader look good?" Dave shrugs, "A few of us wondered that too...but turns out this was just step ONE of a far greater plan!" He balls his fists up in anger and reveals how a few days later a second, secret, LIVE broadcast was shown throughout the city. One revealing the unshakeable, all powerful, God-like SUPREME leader...in a complete hysterical panic! Dave and the rest of his crew snarl, "He and the rest of his inner circle were planning to steal all of Eaglelands money, food, resources...and then leave the rest of us to rot and face your wrath alone! They also revealed how their 'pony menace' propaganda was total BS and they just used that as an excuse to justify treating the rest of us like trash!" Tyrone frowned at that... "That probably made everyone very angry." He says as he looks around once more at the now ruined rich district. Dave smirked, "You could say that..." Celestia looked at him confused/suspicious, "You...said that you were going to take us to the Supreme leader? Where is he exactly?" The past hour they had been led more and more into the broken ruins of what had once been a rather opulent district...she was starting to get a bad feeling about all this... Dave smirked as he turns the corner, "Why he's where all the other no-good traitors are! Where they belong!" He gestures wildly to the center of a plaza... The ponies gasp in horror! Wendy and Tyrone are stunned! In the middle of the central plaza...right in front of the burnt out ruins of the Supreme Leaders mansion and his luxury parliament house. Was none other then the Supreme Leader and his inner circle...their corpses mutilated, strung up and burnt to a crisp. Their bodies displayed for all to see in a macabre fashion, horrific slurs spray painted all over their remains! While they sit their stunned, Dave continues the tale. He tells about how everyone- even a large majority of the military! -rose up in fury and rushed the rich district, slaughtering everyone and razing it to the ground! Tyrone frowned at this, "Wait, what about the defense systems? The electro-barriers? The synth-defenders? The defense-drones? The secret police?" Dave shrugged, "No idea, most of all that was offline when we showed up! No one questioned it! But as for the secret police- pauses to chuckle -turns out those morons were having a 'party', they were so drunk we overran and killed most of them before they even knew what was happening!" He laughed at that last part. Meanwhile, a shell-shocked Celestia walked up numbly to the grisly display of corpses. She'd largely held her tongue to most of the unspeakable things she'd witnessed here among the humans...but this was too much! Despite how 'first contact' went, she'd been genuinely excited to meet and discover a brand new species! New chances for her and her little ponies to form bonds of friendship! True, it had sounded like their leader would be trouble...but she'd dealt with such things with other world leaders before(although admittedly even Chrysalis wasn't as horrible as he was apparently). She'd been confident that after he'd been dealt with everything would go smoothly! ...but it wasn't just their leader...it was the entire race! All of them! Doing all sorts of horrible things to themselves and each other! Never before in her long life had she seen such wicked things! It was almost too much for her heart to take... She hung her head in sadness and shed a tear, "I'm so...disappointed...I never thought I'd meet a species like humanity...I thought they'd be better then this..." she said outloud to herself sadly... "HEY! Celestia looks up and sees the angry Foreman approach. "Now where do you get off!? You weren't here! You don't know what it was like! People were starving! 1000's of people were dying of starvation and thirst everyday! Not just adults but KIDS too! They kept telling us ponies were eating everything, when all the while they were just eating 5 meals a day while I was forced to bury my five year old nephew in a MASS grave after my brother killed him so he wouldn't have to watch him starve to death! That is common down here! Parents killing their children to end their suffering is COMMON here! My own sister died of a very easy to cure fever since we have no hospitals here, while the rich had doctors every 8 ft in their district! And all because those greedy jerk hoarded all the resources and blamed YOUR people for all the problems! So, yeah. When we learned the truth, we got ticked! I DARE you to go through the same thing and not want to rip someone apart! You go through that, you can tattoo 'disgraceful excuse for a living person' on my forehead, but until then SHUT THE BUCK UP!" He panted in exhaustion. Celestia stared at him in shock and shame for a moment...then slowly walks away in sad resignation...Deciding that she couldn't really do much else. What could even be said about that? Getting into a shouting match over who knows the dirtiest, most evil ruler would solve nothing. What of her own experiences could she bring up that could even compare? Discord? Sombra? Discord was little more than a child who has the power to make the world his playground. Sombra was cruel but he had been utterly pragmatic in his cruelty. He hadn't let his slaves go sick or hungry at least Dead slaves were one less mouth to kiss his hooves after all. Mutating them into monsters was pointless as a well trained squad of loyal, well fed soldiers could accomplish the same with less chance of rampaging. But this leader...this Ming Jol-ik...this monster...the things he'd allowed done to his people, made them go through...there were no words... And much as she was loathe to admit it...the Foreman was right...what right did she have to judge those who went through such hardships? And yet...she couldn't bring herself to let things go as they were...especially if the humans intended to interact with her ponies after all this! Tyrone sees a sad Celestia walk away and lay down despondently...and he goes to her. Even though he still preferred the company of human girls, ponies still had a beauty to them- especially mares -Celestia most radiant of all. And to see a pretty girl sad, was never good far as Tyrone was concerned. Taking a page he remembered from a 'pamphlet' he'd found in his Grunkle Stan's room he came up to her and lightly scratched her behind the ears. Celestia's eye's widened...and she purred happily. She then nuzzled him affectionately, then went very red as she realized what she was doing and abruptly stopped embarrassed. Tyrone took his hand back quickly, "I'm sorry, I was just trying to make you feel bet- "I didn't say stop", said a still flustered Celestia. Tyrone quickly continues much to Celestia's enjoyment. After a moments silence...Celestia begins to talk, "I could go on for hours about all the problems I have with you humans...but their all mainly iterations of phrases like "How could they allow this to happen?", "you just let these children die?", "you have to work together." and so on..." Tyrone nods, "Exclamations of disbelief and horror generally sound the same after awhile." He affirms. Celestia looks up to him warmly/hopefully, "Then...perhaps you could help me understand?" He smiles and begins to address her issues and explain... The reason why garbageman pick up the bodies and just throw them into the incinerator? ...Because they can't afford to treat the body with any real respect given how often they have to do it, and the closest thing to it they can give is to make sure the body is off the street before it results in even greater sickness around it. Why didn't they give the children any food? Because 'everyone' barely has enough food to keep from starving. Kindness and generosity is not a luxury everyone can easily afford in a society like this. If anything, the kids with the 'have sex for food' sign was hardly the most desperate they've ever seen. And at least they hadn't went out to try and kill anyone for their food. Seeing children around here with weapons tear into adults like a swarm of locusts is not a rare sight. And so on and so forth...but in the end it all boiled down to... "You ponies have never been this desperate. I've seen grown men go on fasts to the point of death just to let their families have another bite, only to crack in their last few moments and turn violent, desperate for food." "Hunger. Thirst. I'm not saying you ponies don't know hardship. But our entire society is built on the suffering on the many for the luxury of the few. You can't possibly know what it's like to not even remember the taste of bread. Or to be so desperate for meat you would eat your own fingers." Points to a man with only three fingers on his hand...and in the middle of eating of eating the third." Celestia's eye's widen in horror. "By Faust's holy mercy- CAPTAIN SHINING! GET THESE PEOPLE SOME FOOD FOR THE LOVE OF HASBRO!" Shining quickly obliges. The people gasp and fall on the food like starving badgers(several ponies yip in pain as many of their hooves get nicked by their teeth! "They bear the sweet mana of the overland!" Exclaimed Scott excited. Tyrone smirks at this, then turns back to Celestia while still scratching behind her ears. "Desperation. Real desperation and utter refusal to lay down and die? That's the world we live in here." Celestia looked over at the spectacle thoughtful...it was all so horrible...and yet...she couldn't help but wonder: 'What would I do if I were that hungry?' In any case she turns to Tyrone(without disturbing his lovely ear scratching), "Y'know...I must say that despite all the horrible things I've seen since coming here...I can't help but admire you humans tenacity and will to survive and overcome anything. I don't think most- or ANY of my little ponies could handle even HALF of what you have clearly endured here...it's hard not to respect that." Tyrone thanks her warmly as he continues scratching her ears...and listening to her purr... She then speaks again, "I don't think I can really understand why anyone would do this would do this- points to the disfigured corpse of the once 'Supreme leader' - or why a leader would do such unspeakable things to their subjects in the first place and honestly I don't believe it right to try and shame you for something I cannot understand. Judging you by our standers just wouldn't work here I fear...but let me be clear. If after all this your people are to live among my ponies. To share their lands, their homes, their warmth and care. If you wish to live as you wish to live, then this- again gestures to the horribly disfigured corpse - All of that and anything likes it, can't be tolerated. It must End here. Do you understand? All of this anger. A revenge- that I genuinely can't say was unjustified -has been taken. Your freedom won. Your kind shall not commit acts such as this upon My Little Ponies." Tyrone continues to scratch behind her ears but looks at her a bit annoyed, "...You act like were just a bunch of murderers. Look I can understand that you've never seen violence quite like this. But we're not all blood hungry. Like you've said, we took our revenge against those that deserved it. We won't do anything as long as your ponies don't start anything." "Can I trust you on that?" "Well, I can't speak for everyone else. But Me and my loved one's? Yes. Mostly everyone else? Absolutely." "Most?" "I can't guarantee their won't be some who liked what we did here a little too much. Or that all the jerks that ran our land into the ground didn't survive this purge and aren't still skulking about somewhere. But that's why we have to be careful and try our hardest not to screw up. We're not having history repeat itself because some moron realized cutting peoples heads off makes him feel better about how fraked our lives used to be." Celestia thought on that...while also purring under his ear scratching ministrations..." "...Very well, I suppose that's a fair assessment...for now..." "Hey you two stay like that for too long, I'm going to get jealous!" Teased Wendy. Tyrone's flustered floundering got a laugh out of everyone... ... No one notice the figure in the shadows... "I have them in my sight's...do you wish me to terminate...?" There's a pause... "I understand." And like that...the figure disappeared as quickly as he came... …III... TO BE CONTINUED? (1). you had to feel sorry for what Pony culture would go through the next several years...
Chapter 6A great big ClusterF*** 6 I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING! ...III... ... It was a VERY bewildered procession of ponies who wandered with their excited human allies and the equal excited raiders who no longer then an hour ago were trying to kill them! And they were all going to a...fast food restaurant? You wouldn't know that by looking at it, not only was it the only place not trashed...but people congregated around it...treating it with reverence that Celestia had only seen ponies give to her. A shanty town of sorts was propped around. And in the middle of it all... Was a clown wearing a speedo in a yoga lotus position?(1) "Ladies, gentlemen, and ponies I give you the local God and the maker of the best food this side of creation...Ronald Mcdonald! Ronald chuckled without opening his eyes or getting up, "I keep telling you my boy, I am not god as I am not omnipotent. I simply have millions of stores at the four corners of your world and more money then most nations..." "...How is that different from being a god?" Asked a nearby pedestrian. "More paperwork for one thing." Admits the clown deity with a smirk. After getting a laugh, Celestia fully appraises the being before her...at first glance she senses he's similar to Discord. Not so much a divine being as much as one who operates under a different set of physical laws...Yet, that still didn't seem quite right. "You have many questions Princess Celestia." Stated the clown still in Lotus position and without opening his eye's. Celestia- briefly startled by this as he hadn't given any indication he'd even noticed her presence earlier -quickly recomposed herself. "Er, yes...chief among them: what are you? I'm not sure I've ever seen anything like you before." Ronald smiled, "I rather think that will be quite common before this endeavor is done...but for the moment let us focus on me. What you see before you is the conglomeration of love and belief made flesh and blood. As with many deities, they are simply the long term result of being loved, hated, or believed in for so long...such is the power of faith." Celestia's eye's widen, "I-I've never heard of such a thing!" She stated stunned "Understandable, I imagine such an event would be rare in Equestria at present. After all, what need for ponies of deities when they already have a benevolent immortal being who raises the sun and has kept the peace for over a millennia?" Celestia gushed at the praise, but nodded at this analysis. "Yes, I suppose what you say makes sense..." Now that she thought of it...there were times she swore she almost FELT the love of her subjects flow into her...times at night she could hear whispers...of prayer...directed at her... But she'd always dismissed these as getting swept up in a celebration and sleep deprivation. "In any case, before the war that ended humanities reign and began the time of the 'pony'. There was a great corporation that was as powerful as any nation, if not more so. At it's helm, a beloved spokes clown. So beloved was the clown, so respected was the corporation and so delicious was their food that when the founders created Eagleland they brought it's sacred recipes down here as well to survive the war. As centuries passed, it's legend grew, and from that legend came ME, into existence." "...All Because people started to worship the clown statue in front of an abandoned Mcdonalds?" Asked one of the pony's skeptically. Ronald shrugged, "The people wanted so much to believe in some kind form of authority who would 'provide rather than simply 'take'. That he became what they saw him as...while still embodying much of McDonald's corporate greed. A god with a taste for money is hardly the most complicated god to worship. Who They don't need to sacrifice anyone, perform epic feats or give up worldly possessions." He shakes his head, "No no. You can just buy your way into 'his' afterlife with either enough cash, or work off a debt in his divine franchise location until you've earned your eternal paradise. And unlike mortal debts, you 'can' work this off. And in a reasonable time to." "Uh, huh...and the whole yellow speedo thing?" Asked Shining with hint of disgust/awkwardness. Ronald actually looked confused, "I'm not quite sure actually...it was either through generational drift, my image becoming associated with not just food, but fertility/ sex...or a weird sub-sect is worshiping a damaged one that looks like I'm wearing a speedo. Hard to tell. Now enough talk, you all must be starving." He claps his hands together, causing happy meals to appear before them all- The ponies blanch at the sight of the burgers, "Oh, were vegetarian- "Way ahead of you, all synthetic meat! No animals killed to make it, completely cruelty free! For the Vegetarian that wants it all!" Ronald says that last part dramatically as if on a commercial. The ponies look to each other, shrug, and oblige by taking a bite...and they immediately ask for seconds...and thirds...and so on... ... Candance yawned, today was a mad house! Everypony was still in a panic over the recent events and Celestia being gone didn't help things. It also didn't help things she had to also corral 6 excitable fillies as well! Worse, the letter Celestia had sent had warned they might need to move all the humans into Equestria- which according to the recent census data Tyrone was able to hack, was over 987,785,676! That was over 1/4th of the pony population! Needless to say, Candance had gotten no sleep last night and was exhausted Candance pulled out the medallion that Celestia gave her to allow her to continue the lunar/solar cycle in her absence and uses it to lower the moon. "If I'm quick enough, maybe I can catch an hour of sleep, I- She blinked as the moon went down, "Did the Mare in the Moon just- She shakes her head, "And now I'm seeing things...I REALLY need sleep." The exhausted Princess of love yawned again as she greeted the day by sleeping in... ... "So your really letting these people all eat and stay here for free?" Asked Shining Armor amazed at the large number of refugees gathered around the 'holy site'. Ronald glares at him, "My good pony, these people are starving and freezing! And as a high-level deity, earthly money means nothing to me! -He pauses to think for a moment- "...I'll comp them for now, start a tab when thery're back on their feet..." He explained thoughtfully. Tyrone nods while the ponies just look at the clown baffled, "Makes sense." Celestia clears her throat, "Right...ANNNYWAY...you were telling us about the current situation in Eagleland?" Asked Celestia, desperate to get the conversation back on track...also she was feeling bloated(Good thing Tyrone was quick to get her a bicarbonate soda and a relaxing ear scratch). "Yes, although I prefer to keep a firm stance of neutrality, I will do what I can to help the good people of this nation...also the Supreme leader is a dick and I'm more then happy to knock him down a peg when I can." "Well, you'll be happy to hear he's been put out of business." Said Tyrone happily. "So it would seem. And yes, I was happy with the news...if not how it came about." He admitted somberly, he then turned even graver as he turned back to Celestia. "Be warned Celestia...they're are bigger things going on in this cesspit of a nation then some two-bit tyrant throwing a temper tantrum and finally getting burned. Many of the MAIN actors of this little drama have yet to reveal themselves to you...but you'll meet them soon, I think. Be warned, the decisions you make when facing them will echo on...making or breaking your little ponies...no pressure." Celestia and most others just stared at him both stunned and concerned...while Tyrone simply gave an an annoyed sigh, "Wow...could you be more vague?" He asks sarcastically. Ronald gives an apologetic shrug, "Yeah, sorry. I know how annoying this must be, but even I must bow to the laws of narrative causality- And no, I can't explain what that is either." He interrupts before Tyrone can ask more. Celestia gives an annoyed snort, "I cannot stand it when beings with 'understanding so much greater than our own' decide that instead of directly helping us, that it would be so much better to use it as a learning experience and give half truths about the nature of the problem! Don't they understand how frustrating it is to always feel like your being tested and...why are you looking at me like that?" An amused Ronald just smirks, "Nothing, my dear. Off topic, a messenger from me is about to arrived with an urgent report. Before Celestia can ask why he would send a letter to her when he's in the room, A black human walks into the room. Wearing colors of the Ronald court. "A message from lord Mcdonald, Princess." Said the messenger Celestia looks over at the clowned prince of burgers, who is struggling to hold in a smile. She turns back to the man. "Forgive my rudeness but...what was your name my good sir?" The man bows. "Black Kettle, your Majesty. Ronald can't contain it and burst out in laughter as the alicorn's snow white sister's face turns pink. Black Kettle continued, "Shall I read the...?" Celestia groaned, "No...no thank you...I already got it." Tyrone smirks at this as well, "Bit of a trickster mentor, are you?" "Yes, yes, I get it...wow, I have a LOT of former students to apologize to." She admitted in bittersweet realization. "Well, here have a salt lick I found." Said Tyrone as his sweaty palm pulls out the cube of salt, Celestia eagerly gulps it up...and licks...his hands...and licks...and licks. Tyrone giggled while Celestia starts to feel giddy, his sweat was fantastic! It- She went very red and immediately stopped, "Right, I think we've been here long enough, we need to go!" She hustles them quickly to begin leaving. "Best of luck to you Princess Celestia", Said Ronald going back to his Lotus meditation. "I leave with these words: 'Remember that even the mightiest McMountain will succumb to the winds of change- He smirks -and that 'itch' you've been longing to scratch is about to do so in BIG- "OKAY! THANKS, WERE GOOD!" Shouts an even more flustered Celestia as she rushes her people/ponies out even faster...while trying VERY hard not to look over at Tyrone as he happily talked to a certain redhead... ... "Preston! Where are you? Lazy git, your not leaving me to do all the chores again!" Nathaniel Northwest growled, that useless son of his...lazing about in Trembly's mansion. Did that boy have no pride? No ambition? He was so lazy, he even accepted Trembly's offer of a trophy wife- what was her name? Priscilla? -TREMBLY won in a yacht contest, but lost interest when the wife turned out yo be a pony and not a woodpecker...a woodpecker...he was working for a man...who wanted to marry a woodpecker...how was that idiot rich and not him! Again, one would think someone would be grateful to someone who allowed his family to practically treat his mansion as their own and give a beautiful wife to your son just to reward you for how well you painted the mirrors with the color '9'...but then you wouldn't be thinking like Nathaniel Northwest. While he thought on ways on making sure his granddaughter didn't become such a lumps, he braced himself to swallow his pride to once again feed his bosses stupid imaginary food to the stupid imaginary fish in a stupid fish tank three times large then most aquariums!...and once again he felt like a dang fool for doing so! "One of these days Trembly...one of these days..." "That day might come sooner then you think" Nathaniel nearly tripped over his hooves and fell off the stepladder, he panicked and turned around to see the intruder standing in the middle of the room. Having been keeping track of the recent news, Nathaniel easily recognized the new species that tried to murder Princess...a human. His whole body was covered in black body armor, a bizarre symbol( a red dot surrounded by black spirals and the words 'should intermittent vengeance arm again his red right hand to plague us?') adorned his breast plate. "who...who are you? How'd you get in? I'm well armed!" He tries to get his horn working...only to feel is sizzle out. Nathaniel paled, he wasn't a GREAT spellcaster but he was adequate, especially when his life was on the line! But now...it was like something had shut down his magic! What was a unicorn without his magic? He gulped as the creature walked forward, "Wait- I know where the safe is! As well as other assorted valuables, I can be useful to you!" He pleaded desperately. "Oh, I agree...that's why I've come to you with a proposition...something that could see your 'boss' out of the picture and YOU in the place you've always desired to be..." Ever the opportunist...Northwest cautiously began to let his fear go by the wayside as he agreed to listen... Neither man or pony noticed the head of a small yellow unicorn filly poke her head curiously into the room... ... TO BE CONTINUED? 1: This Ronald Mcdonald is based off 'Lord Bung's' version, try him out! ... AN: This chapter was helped by Wolvenstrom ...
Chapter 5A great big ClusterF*** 5 I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING! ...III... AN: A strong Thank you to Wolvenstrom for helping with this chapter! AN: The newspaper titles were given by permission from McCoda, all credit goes to him. ...III... Newspapers spin forward dramatically- Trots News: hairless apes infiltrate with alicorn superweapons, Equestria at risk! P.N.N.: New Species! New Princess! New Threat! Ponalist Worker: Proletariat Princess's! Glorious revolution in sight? Equiner: Humanity: New threat or new hoax? The Pun: Nobility angered over new 'pheasant' princesses! The Equestrian Post: will war with humans affect Equestrian economic stability? Charley Horse Head Blow: Newspaper forced to suspend publication due to attempted hostile takeover from Cerberus Syndrome incorporated! Royal Equestrian Air Farce: (a political cartoon of a motherly Celestia heroically protecting 6 sobbing Alicorn fillies from a hoard of savage apes on the right and a hoard of savage pony nobles on the left.) E.B.C.: Populace exhausted from non-stop surprising turns of event. Injuries caused by dramatic spinning newspaper also up! "Everypony just...just stop! We can only take so many world shaking revelations at once! I mean look over there!" Shouted a random pony on the street as he dodged yet another spinning newspaper while also pointing at Numerous ponies lying on the ground, being seen to by medics... "They all got over gasped and passed out from lack of air." He explained... ... Meanwhile, while the kingdom...'processed' the revelations...the new royalty were processing as well... "I'M A PRINCESS! I'M A PRINCESS! I'M A PRINCESS! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!" Squealed Twilight delighted as she hoped around excited, then she stopped in her tracks and looked panicked. I'M A PRINCESS! I'M A PRINCESS! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE A PRINCESS! WHAT IF I MAKE A MISTAKE!? PRINCESS CELESTIA WILL HATE ME! MY FAMILY WILL DISOWN ME! PONIES WILL PELT ME WITH ROTTEN FRUIT!" "Twilight! BREATH!" Commanded Candace quickly while a hyperventilating Twilight went through her usual case of 'Twilighting'... "Cupcake?" Asked Pinkie Pie as she trotted by plucking a cupcake out of her mane and offering it to the distressed purple filly. Twilight smiles and thanks her, Pinkie smiles back and trots off...her smile leaves her...the spark of happiness she'd found and spread to her family...had faded a bit. She still wanted to make people happy...but now...now she couldn't help but feel a bit dour. Fortunately for the fillies, most of them can't really remember getting shot...the whole thing was mainly a blur now...except for the pain...and blood... Otherwise, they'd probably be worse off now... Applejack experimentally lifts her wings before a mirror and plucks her horn bewildered, "This is plum, terrible! I ain't royalty! I don't know how ta be a snout in the air toff! I finally figured out my destiny and left all that fru-fru nonsense with my aunt and uncle...Now I 'has' ta be like them? That ain't fair! And what about my family? Where are they? I want to be with them!" She shouted firmly. Candance quickly trotted to her, "Your family is on their way, they're just waiting for EVERYONE in the Apple clan to arrive to congratulate you!" She Puts a comforting hoof on her shoulder the same time Pinkie trots over to give her a delicious apple betty. "I promise you, we'll get your living arrangements all sorted when Princess Celestia returns." She swears. "I don't get how you can be so glum Applejack! Were living the dream! In all my wildest fantasies I never considered becoming a princess!" Exclaimed Rarity who'd been on a non-stop happy Daze since her 'ascension', and it didn't look she'd be coming off it anytime soon! Applejack frowned as Rarity approached her with a grin and a measuring tape. Now a week ago, Applejack would probably have dismissed her as a stuck up snob and bucked her to the curb for even THINKING of putting her in a dress... In fact, most of the fillies she was now with would probably be on each others nerves by now in different circumstances. But thankfully- as horrible as it had been -their shared cutiemark 'rainboom', near brush with death, becoming princesses, and just being thrown into all this insanity together...had allowed them to bond easier then one would expect. And Applejack had to admit...once she took the time to know her...Rarity was a pretty decent pony. Why she'd already measured every guard, maid, servant and aide in the palace and was going to make celebration dresses for them all! True, she personally thought that apples would be a WAY better gift then a silly dress...but nevermind... "So when is Princess Celestia gonna come back from talking from them there humans?" Asked Applejack as she tried to ignore the poking and prodding of the white filly getting her measurements. She didn't rightly trust humans after almost killing her...but if Princess Celestia was willing to trust them... "Well, I think those humans are jerks! I can still remember getting shot! Still remember falling to my death!" Snapped Rainbow Dash irritably! "Uh...but...Princess Celestia said some humans were good...that they saved us." Replied an adorably timid Fluttershy, currently so curled up like a hedgehog in fear that the entire staff is wrapped around her hoof in worry. "Couldn't we at least give them a chance?" Rainbow snorted dismissively, "Yeah, well...MAYBE." She admitted conflicted...then shook her head. "Whatever, at least now I'm a shoo-in for the Wonderbolts! I can just order them to take me in!" "Rainbow! That's abuse of power! You can't do that!" Shouted Twilight annoyed as she trotted up to the rainbow-mained mare. "Besides, you won't be allowed to be on the Wonderbolts now! Aside from the obvious 'conflict of interest' it would cause sever organizational and ranking issues, furthermore- "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T BE A WONDERBOLT!?" Demanded a furious Rainbow Dash. Hey, I said they were bonding better then they would have, no that things were flawless... Candance groaned as she stepped in to stop ANOTHER argument...between juggling these fillies and the country, she had her hooves full! She hoped her aunt was having better luck... ... After the human group they were with finished eating the rations they were given, they decided to discuss their next move. "What shall we do now? If their government is non-existent...what is there even to do?" Asked a guard confused. "Well, whatever we do...we can't let these people languish and suffer down here! This is just horrible!" Said Shining as he looked back in disgust to the macabre display that still decorated the center of the courtyard. Celestia nodded, "I agree. Perhaps I can use my 'Canterlot voice to speak with all of them at once? Maybe convince them to move to a new land? It'll be a bit tricky...perhaps the Abyssinia's would be willing to sell some land? Or maybe I could discuss something with the Hippogriff's? In any case, it'll probably take a year or so, but I'm confident that we could safely move all humans- "I'm afraid we don't have a year." Said Tyrone suddenly as he looked from his laptop seriously. All the ponies turned to him confused. "The riots didn't just destroy the rich district, it destroyed the central control center of the entire enclave as well as all the municipal functions! water, electricity, oxygen. It's all failing! We have a couple months at best! And that's assuming the plague wall doesn't break down before then!" He shudders at that last bit. "Plague wall? What's that?" Asks Shining confused. Before Tyrone can say anything- "Look, Sweetie! I found a diamond! EXCELSIOR!" Says the skeleton man from earlier as he hands said rock to her, she gives it a look. "That's a Zirconian you idiot!" She says to her now dejected husband as she smacks it from his hand. Tyrone frowns at that...now that he looked closely at the old man...he looked familiar, "Is he- Meanwhile, Celestia was thinking fast...if all the humans would die soon...she needed to act fast! She'd have to worry about where they'd go afterward latter! She turns to Dave, "Is there truly no one left in authority around here?" She asks quickly, unintentionally interrupting Tyrone's question. "I never said that there wasn't, just from that bastard cabinet- points to the dead 'Supreme leader' -were actually part of a bigger community run be one of the many senior officers that defected during Ming Jol-ik being exposed as a liar, Preston Garvey." "Wait, Preston Garvey? District 7G supervisor Preston Garvey?" Asked Wendy. "You know this man?" Asked Celestia. Wendy nodded, "Yeah, he was the officer in charge of my district. Although he believed in Jol-ik, he clearly wasn't comfortable with his methods. He was a pretty chill guy, as long as you didn't do anything TERRIBLE he more or less left my district to it's own devices." "Uh...not to be indelicate..but if that's the case...then why did..." Said Shinning as he nervously tried to ask his question. Wendy's face darkened, "Bad luck, the day I made that report was also the day his supervisor came in for a surprise inspection...he didn't have a choice...he did what he could for my family afterwards..." Wendy trailed off. Celestia decides it best not to push for more details from Wendy and instead switches to the various humans, they tell her how Garvey had been more of a 'love the country, not the man who runs it' type of guy. He had only served the bastard because he genuinely believed things would be WORSE without him to keep order- it was frightening how effective this 'cult of personality(1)' the Supreme leader had cultivated was. When he learned all the horrible thing he done was in service of a LIE...well let's just say he was one of the first to lead angry mobs to destroy the rich district... Anyway, when Eagleland collapsed into total anarchy. He gathered many of the former military and formed a coalition/community named the 'Minutemen'- apparently inspired by another ragtag group of humans who stood united against terrible odds. He was now one of the main powers that 'governed(for lack of a better term) in these turbulent times. "Wait, powers? As in plural? Who else is in charge?" Dave shrugs, "Beats me, I don't do politics. I'm just keeping my head down right now and hoping for the best." Celestia repressed a sigh and nodded, "Very well, that's fine. I shall talk to these 'Minuteman', maybe they can help me get a better grasp on the situation... ... It was quite on the farm...nothing but the sound of critters scurrying about and earth pony bucking pears...oh and one little colt running like crazy with a newspaper in his mouth. He ran frantically to the main house. For a brief moment, several of his cousins looked on curious to this strange behavior...before shrugging it off and going back to work... The calm returned... HELP! GRANDPA JUST COLLAPSED! Shouted the colt as he ran back out of the house... And just like that, the calm was shattered again... ... Fortunately, it seemed as if the main HQ for the Minutemen was not too far away, just a jump and a skip away... ...not so much. The first sign of trouble was when the humans started to tense up on instinct...then the burning truck blocking the road- "Ambush!" Hissed out Tyrone and all the humans ducked behind cover...the ponies just looked confused. "What? An ambush? How can you be so su- BANG! The ponies head exploded, "SWEET FAUST, THEY KILLED KENNY!" Screamed another guard amongst ponies who were busy both vomiting and being dragged down to cover by the humans. "GET DOWN! What is wrong with? You trying to get killed?" Demanded Tyrone of a startled Celestia. Celestia said nothing, she still looked over to the gray matter of the little pony who just...DIED... In the many battles she'd fought over the centuries...Yes, their had been a couple deaths here and there...but nothing this graphic and horrifying! Although able to handle it better then the other ponies...she was greatly shaken by it... Tyrone, sensing this. Quickly goes through their options as the humans fire back at the raiders(the ponies still a bit frazzled by the death of a pony are simply quivering in shock). Near him, Scott groans as he pauses to reload. "Oh, man! If I'd known I was going to be in a fire fight I'd have eaten more then one Big Mac at that Mcdonalds a block over- "What?! You found a Mcdonalds and you didn't tell us?!" Shouted Foreman angry. "Nevermind, just tell us where it is! Is it REALLY close!?" Asked Wendy quickly. Scott quickly tells them where it is. Celestia finally snaps out of it, "Wait, what's a Mcdonald? How will that- To her horror, Tyrone jumps out of cover! "TYRONE!" Screams Celestia panicked, quickly she charges her magic to pull him back- "MCDONALDS! I KNOW WHERE A MCDONALDS IS! IT'S NEARBY! CALL A TRUCE, WE'LL LEAD YOU THERE! WE'LL EVEN SPLIT THE BILL WITH YOU!" Celestia just blanched confused at this sudden change of tone, "What on earth are you- Then to her surprise, she realized the guns had stopped firing. Suddenly with her magic sharpening her ears she heard loud talking, -What if he's lying?" "It's Mcdonalds! If there's even a 1% chance their telling the truth, do you really want to blow it?" "Good point- WE ACCEPT YOUR TERMS! WE SWEAR BY MCDONALDS TO KEEP TO YOUR TRUCE!" The ponies watch stunned as the raiders put away their weapons and walked toward them, hands raised. Shinning just looked dumbfounded as Tyrone and Scott lead the way, "What?! I just...WHAT?!" "Indeed", agreed Celestia equally baffled. She turns to Tyrone, "What is a Mcdonald? And why has it altered our situation so drastically?" "Never mind that, how can we trust they won't kill us like they did Kenny!?" Demanded Shining, still eyeing the remains of one of his fellow guard. Tyrone turned to him, "They wouldn't dare, the moment they swore by Mcdonald, they invoke the power and oversight of one of the most wisest, most powerful and most beloved entities of Eagleland. A deity of a time long forgotten, yet greater then ever. Everlasting, invincible and immortal." He said in seldom seen reverence. "Who?" Asked Celestia amazed. Tyrone looked heavenward as he said the oh so blessed name; "Ronald Mcdonald, Deity of Corporate ambition, fast food and spokes clowns." "AMEN!" Shouts all humans... ...III…... TO BE CONTINUED? 1: Yet another bizarre concept introduced by the humans. In all her years Celestia could usually count on the people of a nation to rise up against their tyrannical oppressor if only given the inspiration and opportunity(exposing Crysalisis disguise, breaking Sombra's mind control curse, etc)...the idea of good people or ponies being tricked into WILLINGLY doing horrible things in the name of 'good'...disturbed her deeply...
