F-22's over Moscow

by totallynotabrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Rarity, Fluttershy, Original Character
Length: 2327

To entertain a friend, Rarity and Fluttershy decide to take on an evildoer by themselves, using only their wits and charm. image unrelated

To entertain a friend, Rarity and Fluttershy decide to take on an evildoer by themselves, using only their wits and charm.

image unrelated

Written for the Rare Story Prompts contest #01

Published 2018-04-30 14:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-04-30 14:30:07 UTC

Cleared Hot

I compared the screen of my phone with the nightclub in front of me. It looked different at night, but I was probably in the right place. I stepped carefully, heels a terrible choice for Manehattan's cobblestone streets.

When I was safely on the smooth concrete sidewalk, I tapped the icon for the camera app. The brightly lit neon signs of the club and those around it provided enough light to check my makeup. I puckered up for the camera, but didn't go for the selfie. I was already late.

Out of habit, I had my passport in my hand as I went through the door. I was twenty two, but that was close enough to the limit back in the states that it was just easier to have ID ready to show The stallion working the door just waved me through, however. They seemed to do that a lot in Equestria. It's not like I'm that tall.

I spotted Rarity just beyond. Her face lit up and she trotted over. I adjusted my skirt so I could kneel and we hugged. I made sure to duck my head to the side to avoid her horn. She smelled flowery, something I had never quite been able to put my finger on, but nice.

"Monica, you found the place," she said, beaming with excitement. She pulled back and gave me a once over. "You look lovely tonight."

Rarity wasn't wearing anything, but I responded with, "You too."

She turned and indicated a yellow pegasus. "This is my friend Fluttershy. We make a point to have a girls' night every so often. When I heard you were coming, I thought this would be perfect."

I said hello and Fluttershy reciprocated. She didn't look particularly engaged, but I didn't think that had anything to do with me.

"Come on, let's get something to drink," said Rarity, heading towards the bar.

I followed her, getting a look at the inside of the club for the first time. If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all, but as I looked closer, more Equestria-specific details began to emerge.

The music wasn't the usual heavy electronic. It was heavy electronic, but had a little different flair than I was used to. A sunglasses-wearing mare behind the turntables seemed to be making it up on the fly.

Most of the crowd were ponies, but there were a couple other species around. I hadn't had time to learn them all, but I recognized a few on sight.

Rarity stopped at the bar. She glanced at me, smiled, and ordered a Blue Hawaiian on my behalf. To my surprise, they actually had human liquor. Rarity ordered for Fluttershy, too: it looked like orange juice.

We got our drinks and went across the room to an empty table. I took a sip as we sat down and immediately decided that I was going to get drunk tonight.

"So how long have you known each other?" I asked Rarity and Fluttershy. "From before college?"

Rarity nodded. "We met when we were young. I was born in Ponyville. Fluttershy started spending time there, down from Cloudsdale. We were the same age, and hit it off."

"That's literally a cloud city, right?" I asked Fluttershy.

She nodded once and took a sip.

"You don't talk a lot, huh?"

"No."

I barely caught her word over the music. I turned back to Rarity. "So what have you been doing since we graduated?"

"I have a shop here in Manehattan. Though, I suppose you already knew that."

I nodded. I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't follow her Instagram.

"But occasionally I go back to Ponyville to settle a few things with the Elements of Harmony."

"What's that?"

Rarity frowned. "I suppose I've never mentioned them. They got by without me during college. My friends and I...hmm, how do I put this?"

"We fight monsters," Fluttershy contributed.

I blinked and looked at Rarity. She paused, and then shrugged and nodded.

"Really?"

"Well, in the sense that we blast them with rainbow energy until they aren't mean anymore," said Rarity. "Truly though, that's a last resort. We do all sorts of community service without them."

"Wait, hold on." I shook my head. "Am I hearing this right?" I held up my mostly-empty glass. "I'm not just drunk, right? You just said that you have some kind of superhero team with your friends?"

"That's...an oversimplification," said Rarity. "But I suppose we have have fought crime and worse on occasion. The Elements of Harmony are a powerful magic of friendship. Each of us represents a certain element of that. For example, I am the element of generosity. Fluttershy is the element of kindness. There are others."

Fluttershy was part of this? I glanced at her. "Wow."

She summoned the ghost of a smile, and somehow that confirmed for me that it was all true.

"So the element of generosity and the element of kindness?" I said, indicating them each in turn. "Does that just mean you're really generous and kind?"

"Essentially," said Rarity.

I paused. "That does explain a few things from my twenty-first. Thanks, by the way. We're still dating."

Rarity smiled, implication written on her face. "Happy to hear it."

I took another sip from my drink. "I could totally return the favor tonight. There are lots of stallions here. I'm a great wingwoman. Totally."

"I do appreciate the offer," said Rarity, "but perhaps not tonight."

"Come on," I said, gesturing with my empty glass, ice cubes clinking. "It's the weekend, and I want to help."

Fluttershy started to say something, but stopped before getting any words out.

"What?" I asked.

Rarity traded a look with Fluttershy. "Oh, it's nothing."

"No, tell me." I leaned forward.

Rarity paused, but then relented. "Well, I must admit that there was another reason for selecting this venue tonight. I mentioned the Elements earlier. I occasionally moonlight with investigations."

"Like some sort of detective?"

"Well..."

"I bet you do it because it lets you wear a cool hat."

Rarity blushed. "My hats are none of your concern."

"They kind of became my concern when you asked to use my closet because yours was full." I shrugged. "Good thing some of them fit me."

Rarity changed the subject back. "Regardless, from my position in Manehattan, I can observe situations where we could do some good. For example..." She nodded across the room.

A minotaur seemed to be partying tonight. There were a couple of others around him, and a few other species besides.

"Is he a bad guy?" I whispered.

"Not a criminal, I don't think, we don't always deal with those who are legal ner'dowells. He's a successful business owner. he does a lot of work in human countries, as I understand, importing franchises and such."

"Anything I've heard of?"

Rarity put on a thoughtful expression. "There was something recently. Oh! I know you told me you spent some time in Japan. It's a Japanese restaurant, Mos-something."

"Mos Burger?" I said. "They're pretty good, though it wasn't really what I missed when my dad got stationed somewhere else. Still better than Burger King, which is all they have on overseas Air Force bases. For some reason, they didn't get a contract with McDonald's. But you can get that out in town in Japan."

I could feel my drink starting to take effect and it was a moment before I realized I was losing her and switched back to the topic. "Okay, so he's affiliated with a burger chain." A minotaur, ironic.

"It's the way he treats employees that I've heard about," said Rarity. She shook her head. "It's really distressing how some people just demean the lives of others just because they think them somehow inferior."

I could tell she was getting worked up, which for Rarity was saying something. I put out my hand and touched her shoulder. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Well, I suppose we could try to push the envelope by engaging a bit more directly," she said. I could see her well-hidden mischievous spark beginning to flicker. Fluttershy was suddenly looking wary.

Rarity picked up her drink. "Come along, darling."

Mine was empty, so I left it and followed her. Fluttershy went with us.

Whoever the minotaur was, he seemed to have an entourage that either had come with him, or was trying to get to know him. I'm not really into that kind of thing, but he seemed to fit the standard definition of handsome. The way he threw money around was at least as attractive. The table was littered with empty drinks.

Despite the apparent high cost of entry to the group, Rarity was a legendary minx when she wanted to be. Inside of three minutes, she had us talked into seats right beside him. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, so I just did my best to look interested. Guys are all the same.

He seemed to like shaking my hand, probably because I was the only one around besides him who had any. "Cash Money," he introduced himself.

A wave of musk nearly knocked me off my chair. Rarity apparently saw my reaction, and pulled the conversation back to herself. "So I was just saying to a customer the other day that business requires a certain touch, and that I was ever so grateful for-"

I massaged my sore hand as she talked. Cash seemed to be ignoring her and looking elsewhere. He pulled out a phone. I caught a glimpse of his lockscreen. It looked like porn. Not that I know what minotaur porn looks like from a half second look, but it didn't really strike me as being the kind of thing someone would put on a phone that anyone could see. He really must not care.

He looked at the phone for a few minutes and then flagged down a waitress to order another round. He shoved some unidentified drink at Fluttershy, who looked away and pretended not to see it.

"Don't you want it?" he said.

"No thank you," she said.

"Look at this pony, too good for Cash Register," he snorted.

"I thank you for the offer, but I don't want it. No offense intended," said Fluttershy. I was slightly amazed at how many words in a row she had said, but also how Cash Register didn't drop it.

"What are you even doing here?" he said to her. "You look like you usually hang out in some kind of flowery meadow."

"I like flowers," Fluttershy confirmed.

Cash Register rolled his eyes. "Flowers are pathetic pansy things and so are you for liking them."

Rarity said, "That was rather unkind of you." She enunciated carefully, dropping any previous pretense of attraction to him.

He glanced at her. "Shut up and go away."

"No," she said. "In fact, I think I must insist that you apologize to my friend for your hurtful remarks."

"Yeah," I added, belatedly realizing perhaps I was too intoxicated to really be helpful. "You aren't very nice."

He leaned closer to me. I smelled his breath. "You shut up and go away too, monkey."

There are a lot of slurs out there, but it doesn't really hit home until you get one used on you.

"Well, you're a stupid cow," I said. Not my best comeback, I admit, but the way his eyes widened and he snorted his horrible breath, it sure worked.

He put his hands on the table. "Do you have any idea who I am?" He looked around, as if garnering support from the small crowd. Most of them looked amused.

Rarity smirked. "I believe she just answered that question."

Cash Register roared and threw the table over, shedding glass and ice everywhere. I jumped back, nearly tripping in my shoes. The music came to a sudden halt and every eye was pointed our direction.

Snarling under his breath, Cash Register stalked the length of the room towards the door. A couple of waitresses appeared to clean up the mess. After a few seconds, the conversations slowly started to resume and the DJ went back to playing music.

"We should go," said Rarity.

I was still catching my breath after the adrenaline spike, and just nodded.

The three of us left the club together. "The night is still young," said Rarity. "I know an excellent sorbet shop just a block over."

"That sounds amazing right now," I said.

However, as we turned the corner, my enthusiasm quickly evaporated. The looming figure ahead could only be Cash Register.

He was on his phone, but turned around as we approached, expression quickly darkening. "You've made a powerful enemy."

"Oh, spare the supervillian talk," said Rarity, waving a hoof. "You just own a restaurant."

"Five restaurants," he growled, "and we're expanding."

"No one cares, darling," said Rarity, attempting to edge past him.

"Big talk for a little pony," he said, crossing his arms. "Maybe you'd change your tune if I showed you the business end of the restaurant meat grinders."

Rarity opened her mouth, but Fluttershy said, "Meat?"

Cash Register shot her a look. "For the burgers."

"Animal meat?"

"Well yeah, where else-"

Fluttershy sprang at his face, hammering punches and screaming something unintelligible. Cash Register hit the ground and raised his arms, trying to protect himself.

Rarity jerked Fluttershy away with magic and quickly set off down the block while Cash Register moaned. I hurried after them as best I could.

"Oh my God," I said.

"Mm, yes," said Rarity. "Listen, this has been a bit of an unusual evening, but I don't want to ruin your night."

"It's...okay."

"Listen, I want to make it up to you. Next time, we're going to have an outing at a venue of Fluttershy's choice. I can guarantee it will be much calmer and more relaxing. Also, no more Screwdrivers for Fluttershy."