Celestia's Bad Tea Day

by Kyoko

Rating: everyone
Tags: Raven Inkwell, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 4512

Celestia drinks a strange type of tea, resulting in being able to see the future. She finds out how annoying this can be.

Princess Celestia is having an amazing morning! The sun is up, the birds are singing, and she's going to meet new students later! Just one cup of tea before then, to help her start her day. What could possibly go wrong?

Partially inspired by, and referencing, Princess Celestia Hates Tea ( https://www.fimfiction.net/story/29271/princess-celestia-hates-tea )
A prequel story to a longer project I am writing.
Cover image by The Zefarian

Published 2018-05-07 22:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-07 22:20:06 UTC

A spot of tea

For Princess Celestia, there are a few very precious moments in the day that just belong to her. One of these moments is that little bit of quiet in the morning, just after she raises the sun and just before she takes audience in the throne room. During this time, Celestia often just relaxes and takes in the majesty of Equestria.

“I’m so glad that I asked the pegasus patrol for a clear day today,” Celestia smiled, looking out over Canterlot to the rising ponies she adored, “this is such a beautiful sight…”

No matter how many times Celestia saw that glorious sunrise, she always managed to love it. She was utterly thankful that her special talent was for this one purpose. Well that, and she always delighted in meeting ponies all day! Talking about which…

“Raven, do you have my schedule for today?”

“Mrs. Cozy will bring you tea in just a few moments, then you have audience in the throne room, a lunch with the Hippogriff delegation, and then meeting with the new students at your school…” Raven recited diligently, without needing any reminders, “is there anything else you need, Princess?”

“That’s quite alright. Would you kindly send Mrs. Cozy in, then?”

“At once, Princess.”

Celestia did not particularly enjoy the taste of tea. Quite the opposite, in fact. The last time she told anypony this, it nearly destroyed all of Equestria. Still, she had morning tea and got it over with. She wondered what type she might have this time.

“Mrs. Cozy, you’re looking as young as ever. What sort of tea do you have today?”

“My, this is one of my favourite teas you’ve been sent. I picked it up last time we went through Trottingham, after your meeting with the Duchess. I made myself a pot of this yesterday and went back for seconds, that’s how good it was!”

If nothing else, Mrs. Cozy was definitely the most enthusiastic pony. Even though Celestia grimaced at the thought of drinking tea, she had to admit that Mrs. Cozy was a master of her craft. If she thought the tea was good, it must be very good. Perhaps this cup will be the cup to change her mind on the matter.

“That sounds lovely! I’ll get to drinking it right away!”

Celestia lifted the cup and saucer to her lips, letting the nectar flow past them. Alas, this would not be the cup that would taste nice. It was simply yet another cup of leaf water, splendidly made as it was. Ah well, she thought, it was but a lofty dream. There was something about this tea, though…

“Mmm, this is nice. Familiar, yet not something I’ve had lately. What is it?”

“It’s called Tea Tree’s Blend! It’s a mixture of a few leaves… Let me see…” Mrs. Cozy sifted through the leaves, able to identify each one, “it’s mostly mint, with oolong… And this is rare! Leaves of Oculus!”

Celestia stared at this leaf, then at her cup. All manner of expletives ran through her mind. It had been four-hundred and seventy-two years, thirty-two weeks, and five days since she last had Leaves of Oculus. She was looking forward to quietly celebrating five-hundred years without it, and even further still to the thousand years from it. Not that anypony would ever know how much she hated this abomination.

“Mrs. Cozy, I believe you should share this with some of the council. Would you kindly take them this brew post-haste?” Celestia diplomatically requested, feeling the effects incoming.

“Of course, of course! I’m going to share this with the whole castle!” Mrs. Cozy smiled, leaping at the chance to serve it to more ponies.

When Mrs. Cozy was out of the room, Celestia flung the cup across the room and hoped beyond all hope that she did not have enough of it to affect her. Leaves of Oculus, or Visio tea, will forever remain her least favourite of all the teas in Equestria. Nay, she thought, the plant is non-native and outlawed. Visio tea is her least favourite tea in all the known world.

Visio tea has been known for many great things. For most ponies, it merely gives a slight sense of déjà vu and can be a good luck charm. For the most powerful ponies, it is a very potent magic that grants amazing powers of foresight and divination. In the early days of Equestria, great sages would drink the tea to forewarn the country about any dangers.

But Celestia was not a powerful pony, she was closer to a physical god than any pony. The sun and the stars effortlessly bent to her will, Equestria had endured over a thousand years of her protection, and she had mastered magics that did not exist before she created them. Divination tea, for that is what she called it, granted her something closer to prescience.

Before the stars appear, two ponies you shall meet. The hero in the shadow and the villain in the light. United, they will be a force to safeguard Equestria. Divided, their battle will threaten to destroy it.

“Oh, not again…”

Duties of a princess

Author's Note

I'm using purple to represent the tea and turquoise to represent Celestia's thoughts. If your theme/style makes either of these colours invisible, I am sorry.

Duties of a princess

For lack of a better expression, appearing in public under the influence of divination tea was not Celestia’s cup of tea. Were it not for her duties to the kingdom, she would awaken Luna and recuse herself until the effect wore off. The power of immediate foresight, while strong, can be rather dangerous and…

There’s a spill on the floor, a guard will trip on it as you walk past.

…And it results in a rather boring day. Celestia tried not to look bored and disappointed as Commander Vulpa slipped and fell. On any other day, this would be a time for a snide smile or a chuckle but life is so much less funny when you see everything coming. O petulant world, how dare you rob Celestia of the whimsy!

As she entered the throne room, Celestia took a massive sigh and gave a few orders to Raven. One, two, maybe twenty or more. She lost count but Raven wrote them all down frantically, praising Celestia’s insight on all the matters. Celestia simply sighed and took a seat upon her throne, resting her hoof against her cheek in a statuesque manner.

“…And so, I propose that we introduce a new tax plan that applies to only…” droned on another boring speech from a courtier. Celestia found it hard to imagine that this bland, uninspired idea could get any more boring but here it was in duplicate.

“Excuse me, Dr. Moneybags, but I must stop you there. There is a great number of ponies who are waiting to see me and I believe you might prefer talking with my council…” Celestia was almost begging this to stop, even though she knew…

“I made sure to book a double appointment with your secretary, miss Raven. I shall continue to give my speech.”

Celestia almost slammed her face against the throne, her sheer distaste for this situation driving her rather mad. There was more!? How could there be more!? I should fire Raven for letting this guy have two appointments, she thought. Well, maybe not. Raven’s just doing her job.

After the lengthy speech wrapped up, Celestia had Dr. Moneybags whisked away by a magic broom. She was not sure if foresight had given the idea or if she was just so fed up that it was the only choice. Either way, the line of ponies waiting for an audience found the sight of a wealthy upperclasspony being shunted by a broom to be rather comical.

“Celestia, I beg of yo-“

“I have already instructed the guard to send replacement apple trees to Appleloosa, Braeburn.” Celestia responded, “anything else? No?”

“…No ma’am, thank you ma’am.” Braeburn, confused, ended up bumping into a wall on the way out. What a silly pony, Celestia remarked to herself.

In 5 seconds, Raven will enter through the door. Ah, you are the ruiner of all fun aren’t you little divination. Celestia magically opened the door for her assistant, who seemed shocked at the sudden movement. She’s going to ask you some questions about the Yakyakistan treaties.

“Princess, I wanted to go over…”

“The Yakyakistan treaties, of course. I believe I have a copy right here…” Celestia found it, exactly where the annoying voice said it would be.

“Oh, um, thank you Princess. I should…”

She’s lost her glasses. They’re on the mantlepiece in the library, where she left them.

“They’re on the mantlepiece, Raven.” Celestia said bluntly and emotionless, repeating the voice.

“Huh? Oh, my glasses… Thank you, Princess!” Raven knew Celestia almost as well as any of the other princesses and even she was surprised at this, galloping away to fetch her glasses and read the treaties.

One by one, Celestia found herself answering questions not yet asked and solving problems she did not yet know. Never did she move from her bored, tired position on the throne. Her displeasure was a strange sight among the various Equestrians, who expected to see their beloved princess and emblem of light in her normal smiling form.

She’s going to ask if you’re okay, then she’ll tell you about Whinnyopolis needing a debt extension.

Oh just-

She’s going to ask if you’re okay, then she’ll tell you about royal guard promotions.

Stop-

He’s going to ask if you’re okay, then ask twenty rapid questions about party planning.

Forewarning me!

“Stop telling me everything before it happens!” shouted Celestia in her royal Canterlot voice, echoing throughout the hall. As it echoed, there was silence inside and outside.

Celestia shuffled on her seat, wanting to crawl behind it and hide. She seriously considered cancelling all her plans, taking a sedative, and resuming tomorrow.

“Oh dear,” Celestia whispered under her voice, looking visibly embarrassed.

Cheese Sandwich will look confused and turn the gala into a surprise party.

For MY sake, I thought you had finally shut up.

“Oki doki loki!” shouted Cheese Sandwich, bouncing out the room.

After the travesty of the throne room, Raven quickly ushered Celestia aside and sent Celestia to her lunch with the hippogriff ambassadors. Raven thought she was just hungry and needed a lunch. Celestia found herself greeting quite a few ponies, enjoying a few little benefits of the tea.

“Hello there, Jade Shine,” Celestia said, for the voice in her head told her the pony’s name.

“Princess? You know my name?” came a very confused little mechanic.

“Of course, my little pony, I know all my subject’s names!” Celestia bluffed.

It was not long before Celestia found herself at the restaurant where the ambassadors were. She found them waving to her, beckoning her over for a conversation. The hippogriffs were unique in that they had two ambassadors in Canterlot, one to represent mount Aeris and one to represent Seaquestria.

“Celestia, over here!” cried out ambassador Seaside Serenade.

“You’re a bit early,” ambassador Goldwing added, his voice sounding a little miffed, “I was expecting your duties to last longer.”

“Heh, I seemed to have a little extra help today,” Celestia chuckled, “have you ordered yet?”

“We sure have! I bet you can’t guess what we ordered!”

“Hmm…” Celestia pondered.

They ordered cress sandwiches for a starter, followed by a seaweed platter with an extra helping of Griffon spices. For dessert, Seaside intends to order a cheesecake and Goldwing will order whatever you order.

Why thank you, foresight.

“Hmm… I’m guessing that you started with the cress sandwiches, then you’ll be having a seaweed platter…” Celestia picked up the menu, looking down at what she might like, “and you wanted extra spice to go with it.”

“I…”

“Wow! You’re amazing! How did you guess?”

It wasn’t a guess, it was this voice in my head. Actually, I shouldn’t say that.

“It’s a princess’s duty to know these things, ambassador Seaside.”

For a brief, brief moment, Celestia found herself enjoying the effects of her tea. Every question she was asked, she had plenty of time to think of a response. She even managed to point out when somepony across the road would walk over and ask for a favour, telling said pony that she would be happy to.

I guess it’s not too bad being this omniscient. I’ll still never repeat this again, though.

Dessert is coming and ambassador Goldwing intends on proposing to Seaside.

“Oh, I believe that’s dessert that’s coming. And congratulations on your engagement!” Celestia beamed, giddy at the thought of two friends getting married!

“…Engagement?”

“…”

Oh, for the love of my mother…

“Goldie, what’s she talking about?”

“It was going to be a surprise but apparently not,” Goldwing glared at the princess, who shrunk into her seat, “Seaside Serenade, our time in Canterlot has been amazing. Would you do me the honour of making me the happiest hippogriff in Equestria?”

“Oh Goldie! Of course, of course of course!” Seaside jumped upon her now-fiancé, giving him a hug so tight that Celestia worried she might become the quickest widow in the world.

Well, at least that ended well.

Time to meet students

Author's Note

This is largely adapted from a scene from my bigger project. Apologies for the liberal use of my OCs.

Time to meet students

Celestia went back to her room and laid her face down on a pillow on the floor. She laid there without moving, with such a hatred for how she had handled everything. She laid there and laid there, oblivious to the time.

I’m no longer the princess of Equestria, I’m going to just resign and be the princess of this pillow. Twilight can take the job, she’s good enough.

The door will open in ten seconds, and Raven will remind you of today’s schedule.

Go away.

“Come in!” Celestia feigned a smile, looking at her assistant with the fakest expression in the land.

“Princess, I can sort out any problems and I’ve cancelled all your non-essential appointments for the day.”

Oh, thank myself. Forget Twilight, I should just make Raven an alicorn and promote her to princess!

“Though you do have the new students coming in today, so I left that one open.”

Okay maybe alicorn princess is too much of a promotion. Maybe a unicorn baroness instead?

“I do like to meet my new students…” Celestia pondered, “well, I am a teacher after all. I’ve been looking forward to this for days, it would be a shame to cancel. Tell Professor Weasel I’ll be down in just a moment.”

“Right away, princess.”

Celestia magicked up a scroll that had been by her side for the entire week. A list of 25 names, ponies coming from all over Equestria to learn from a princess. It brought a tear to her eye, thinking of the many ponies to come before them. Maybe she would meet the next princess of Equestria, just as she had met Twilight many moons before.

Before the stars appear, two ponies you shall meet. The hero in the shadow and the villain in the light. United, they will be a force to safeguard Equestria. Divided, their battle will threaten to destroy it.

Funny, for a voice that can see into the future you have a habit of repeating yourself.

“Princess Celestia!” cried an entire crowd of young foals, each one glowing in all senses of the word.

“My my, you must be next year’s class. It is my pleasure to meet you all,” Celestia bowed to them, which left the horde gasping, “I’m princess Celestia, and I will be your teacher.”

That tall pony will try to get your attention in a minute.

Don’t ruin this for me, foresight.

“Princess! Princess!” shouted a rather tall pony, “will you be teaching us how to be heroes?”

“I will be guiding you on whatever path suits you best, little ones,” Celestia knew it was best to be tactful, “and if heroism is that path, then heroes you shall be.”

“Awesome. I’m going to be the next princess Twilight and save Equestria!” she exclaimed, “my name is Velvet Star, and I am a born hero!”

With those words, this extraordinary little pony called forth great magical power. She shot fireworks into the sky, rivalling some grown up magicians Celestia had seen. If this was her as a filly, then just a little help might go a long way with this one.

Velvet’s power will change Equestria.

That much was obvious. Still, thanks for that. Now’s the best time to put names to the ponies. I have the list memorised. Velvet Star, Dawn Song must be that singing one over there…

Celestia started to track each pony, looking for names and ways to relate them. She had met enough ponies in her life to put names to faces. She gave herself points for getting them right, even. This time, it was out of 25 so she needed to put a face to each of the 24 ponies before her… Wait, where was the last one?

“Miss Gem, we appear to be missing a student,” Celestia hushed her voice low, “did they not turn up?”

“Ah, number 25 failed the test, you see…” Professor Gem started to explain, “professor Weasel is with them over in the office.”

“Oh dear, need I remind the good professor that the test is merely a formality? I would never decline a student for any reason, despite what this school might be named!”

Celestia stormed off, racing towards the school office where many young ponies had found themselves facing the most fearful tests in Equestria. It was time to bring that pony back.

Oh dear, she’s crying.

She’s one of the strongest ponies you will ever meet.

Not while she’s crying, foresight.

“My little pony, what troubles you?” And can I just test this because it seems a little

“Pr-princess?” a brown unicorn looked up at the princess, clearly distraught, “I’m a… A… A squib.”

Oh dear. Squibs are unicorns that can’t use magic, or at least have very low ability. Which one was she? I think I sense some power...

She can cast spells, she just needs to awaken to her full potential.

“What you are is very unique, little one,” Celestia comforted.

She’s got a very strong heart and a strong sense of justice.

“Very few ponies are like you and fewer still have a heart like yours,” Celestia started to stroke the sad filly’s hoof.

“B-but… I’ll never be Cocoa the archmage or a hero like Velvet Star…”

Ah, Cocoa. I got that right. So that’s at least 2 out of 25.

With your guidance, she will be a hero. The door will soon open.

“A true hero is one who can triumph over adversity, my little pony. Inside of you beats the heart of a hero.”

The door creaked open, exposing the professor in charge of admissions.

“Princess? I didn’t realise you were here.”

“I was visiting my new students when I saw one of them crying in here, so I just had to see what was going on.”

“About that…. Number 25- “

How dare she. This is a pony with a name, a pony with an identity. Her name is Cocoa and she dreams of being an archmage, and as my mum as my witness an archmage she will be. She’s a hero, not some number on a list.

“Cocoa,” Celestia coldly corrected, with enough chill shooting from her eyes to paralyse the hardened professor.

“Right…” Professor Weasel shrunk a little, scared of the princess, “Cocoa failed her practical magic test. She… She… She doesn’t have the magical ability that we require.”

“There is always a place at my school for a young pony who is willing to rise to the challenge,” Celestia rebutted, “I’m sure I don’t have to remind you of somepony who underperformed in her own test and pleaded with me to let her try again?”

Weasel felt like a scolded schoolfilly once again, much to the enjoyment of both the princess and Cocoa. She contemplated the school curriculum and itinerary. It is never worth fighting against a princess, so the professor sighed.

“…Entire syllabus might have to be changed but very well, if the princess is willing to admit you then you may join the others.”

She will decline.

…What? You’re mistaken, surely?

“I decline,” Cocoa boldly stated, her tears stopping.

Celestia was in complete shock. Never had anypony ever declined before. Celestia wondered if this pony had given up, if she was too weak. No, no weak pony would ever be willing to stand up to their professor and the princess like this. Celestia knew she had to act and quickly.

It is that determination that shall fuel her and make her famous.

“W-what?” Weasel stuttered, turning to Celestia and pleading for her to say something, “I… What?”

“I decline.”

“And why is that, little one?” Celestia did her best to keep an angelic tone, a comforting motherly tone not unlike her mum used to use on her.

“I failed, therefore I am not worthy. It is simple logic, that’s how I see it anyway.”

The visions from the divination tea grew stronger and stronger, seeing Cocoa surrounded by shadow. Celestia could barely keep track of reality, seeing visions of a fiery mane and a broken wing. A book, two books… Why must this be so vague?

“B-but we were willing to make special provisions for you!” Weasel remained distraught, confused beyond all measure.

“This is what I deserve. This is justice.”

No, it isn’t. You deserve so much more, so much more. Change your mind, let me guide you.

She’s not going to change her mind.

I have to try!

“As much as I try to make this world just for all my little ponies, this is not a just world. Many ponies get what they do not deserve. In a just would, this ailment would not inflict you thus.”

“I am not a gifted unicorn. I am an earth pony with a useless stump!” Cocoa shouted, yelling at the princess.

No, don’t be this stubborn. I can change this, I can make things right. I can unite you and make you strong.

There is no stopping her, her mind is made up.

“Any earth pony with the magical ability you have would be a very gifted earth pony, Cocoa. You might be weak but you have something, I sense it.”

“I decline,” Cocoa punctuated, her heart clear.

Not even a princess can change fate.

No… I can’t have failed like this.

“Very well,” Celestia felt on the verge of tears, “I would very much have liked to have been your teacher but if your mind is set then I cannot change it,” she cursed the divination tea, she cursed it with all her heart, “would you at least allow me to walk you back to the station?”

“Sure…”

Celestia found it very hard to concentrate on Canterlot as they walked back. The divination tea was doing many, many different things to her mind. She could not help but see afterimages, seeing glimpses of the future she could not stop. Every few seconds, the little voice inside her head told her something about Cocoa. These small windows through time were enough to know that there was something extraordinary afoot, something necessary.

“Look at me, I’m professor Weasel. I’m a silly pony who likes lists and always follows it. Blehblehbleh!” Celestia mocked, trying to cheer up Cocoa. From the laughter, it seemed it worked.

“I’m surprised a princess could be so silly!”

“I wasn’t born old, you know! I’ve had some fun in my time,” Celestia chuckled, “so, what got you interested in magic, Cocoa?”

“Well… I guess I just read a lot of old fairy tales. I sorta grew up in an old castle and would run wild in my imagination…”

“Ah, I wish I could have such an imagination. I daresay I might point my sister towards your dreams if they are so… Inspired.”

Ask about that scrapbook she’s carrying, it will be important.

“Where did you get that book?”

“Oh, this?” Cocoa held out a small, fairly average notebook, “I just used it to scribble on the train, is all.”

I was expecting something more exciting from divinations, thank you very much.

“Hmm… How about where you live, then? Trottingham, was it?”

“Just outside Trottingham, actually. A small town, I live in a tea shop.”

The dreaded word, don’t remind me. Wait, don’t tell me.

“Your mother isn’t called Tea Tree, is she?” Celestia queried.

“She is! How did you know?” Cocoa responded.

Oh, so that’s how it is. Oh fate, oh fortune. You’re such a terrible mistress, such a whimsical one. You brought me the daughter of the one who cursed me.

“Oh, princess’s secret.”

Cocoa is actually not really a fan of most teas, she just tolerates it out of nostalgia.

“Talking about my secrets, I actually would rather have a nice hot chocolate or a coffee than a cup of tea. And that’s something that stays between us, okay?”

“I swear on my honour as a pony,” Cocoa responded, bowing in such a dignified way.

Alas, the train station had crept up upon them. It was almost time for Celestia to say goodbye. Just as Cocoa’s train rolled into the station, Celestia had a very strong vision. A vision of a pony, a book, and a bright light that changes Equestria. This vision brought a tear to Celestia’s eye, knowing how this one little pony would have such a dark life but emerge so brightly.

Don’t go, stay. I could learn a lot from you.

“If you ever change your mind,” Celestia started to sing, saluting the young filly, “there will always be a seat in my classroom for you. It doesn’t matter if that day is tomorrow or when you are a mare of one hundred years, I will be waiting.”

Cocoa hesitated. For a moment, she almost looked like she might change her mind.

“Thanks…” Cocoa sadly replied, boarding the train and departing from the princess.

She will need one more bit of help from you, Celestia. A year from now, she’ll need a box of chocolates.

I think I need some myself right now, honestly.

And so, the princess’s day of foresight finally came to a close. When she woke up the next morning, it had left her body. It was a terrible experience, she thought. Well, maybe it could have been worse. The sun still shone, the kingdom did not quite collapse. Maybe it was not the worst situation in the world. Nopony got injured, after a-

Celestia slipped on the very patch of wet floor Vulpa slipped on the day before, falling over and spraining her ankle.

“I guess I should have seen that coming.”