Does the hell theme include red carpets?
“Twilight!”
Applebloom shouted into the castle’s library. “Twilight, I need to ask ya something!”
“Shhhh!” Twilight hissed back, appearing from behind a bookshelf. “No shouting in the library!”
“But there’s jus’ you and me.”
“Still, rules have to be followed.” Twilight said, giving the filly a stern look.
“Sorry, Twilight.”
At the sound of the apology, the alicorns features softened. “Just keep it in mind. Now, what did you want to know of me?” Her magic grabbed a few books, lifting each up as she listed off: “Potion making, history, Cutie Mark science, Applefarming- Oh, if you’re looking for entertainment, I’ve got a new series for fillies called Mush-”
“Do ya have anything on Tartarus?”
In a series of thuds, half a dozen books hit the ground. “T-Tartarus?” Twilight stammered. “W-why do you want to know about that?”
“Ah was just curious. Ah never thought it was a real place, but that whole story with Tirek got me thinkin’.”
“Well… yes, it is a real place.” Twilight said hesitatingly.
“And, uh, do ya really go there when ya die?”
“I’m not sure if I should answer that-” Twilight began, but immediately gave up as she met the fillies eyes. The burning need for knowledge that had ignited her own eyes so often when she’d been a foal herself. Her family had soon learned there was no resistance, and now Twilight faced the same lesson. Nor had she ever been able to resist sharing her knowledge, anyway. “Yes, after death, ponies go to Tartarus, but many sources claim it’s no prison for them, but a paradise.”
“How’d they know?”
“Well, they asked Hades, of course.” Twilight chuckled. “As the god of the underworld, he’d have to know.”
“Alright…” Applebloom whispered. “And... where is it?”
“About in the middle of the Appleloosan plains” Twilight waved her hoof. “Just an hour away from Hayfort. You could just stop there and walk along the train tracks. It’s the cave with fire everywhere, you really can’t miss it.” She looked down at the filly who dutifully noted everything on a slip of paper. Her face fell. “Wait, why’d you want to know?”
“Ah… Just because of curiosity.”
“Because we’re gonna save mah parents!” Applebloom told the other crusaders as they left the train at Hayfort. All of them wore saddlebags filled with supplies and other things that would certainly be helpful.
“From Tartarus?” Sweetie Belle asked cautiously. “Are you sure that’s even possible? I don’t think anypony ever escaped from there…”
“That just means we’ll be the first!” Scootaloo shouted in excitement, her tiny wings buzzing like a hummingbird to carry her several feet in the air. “Cutie Mark Crusader Jailbreakers!”
Applebloom and Sweetie Belle exchanged looks. When Scootaloo noticed, they both tapped their flanks, right on their respective marks.
“Right.” Scootaloo said sheepishly. “But we’ll still be awesome.”
“Ah just wanna get mah parents outta there.” Applebloom said sullenly.
Sweetie Belle bit her lip. “But how will we get past Cerberus?”
“Don’t worry, Ah’ve got a plan.”
“Great!” Scootaloo exclaimed. “Applebloom’s got a plan, I’m the backup and Sweetie Belle…” Her voice trailed off as Sweetie threw her a glare. “She’s the backup backup. We’ll get your parents back safe and sound, AB.”
“Speaking of…” Sweetie Belle mused. “Scootaloo, what about your parents?”
The orange pegasus halted. “What about them?”
“Well…” Sweetie Belle poked one hoof against the other. “Aren’t they…?”
“No, that’s just a silly rumor!” Blowing a piece of purple mane out of her face, Scootaloo moved on again. “My parents are just really shy.”
“Wait, but then why do ponies believe they’re dead?” Applebloom asked, furrowing her brows at the mystery.
“Uhm…” Scootaloo bit her lip.
“No!” Pinkie said, her face hard as stone. “If you didn’t bring any bits, I can’t give you a cupcake, the Cakes made me swear!”
“But I’m starviiiing.” Scootaloo whined.
Pinkie’s expression wavered, but she still shook her head. “Sorry, Scootaloo, but after that fiasco on the Mmmmmystery Express-”
“The what?” Scootaloo asked, but Pinkie didn’t seem to notice.
“-I had to promise to no longer give out free sample. Even if you beg me to.” Her eyes grew big and watery, her voice feeble, stammering, as she whispered: “P-please don’t beg me.”
“But…” Scootaloo backed off, forced away by those giant, blue eyes. “I really need a pick-me-up right now…”
“No can do!” Pinkie said sternly. Then she bit her lips. “U-unless you’re really sad and a treat would reeeeaaaally help you. D-did something terrible happen to you?”
“Well…”
“I have no idea.” present Scootaloo said.
“I can see it!” Applebloom exclaimed, her hoof pointing to a mountainous cave, shut off by large, red gates. Fires burned at the entrance, though there was a clear path leading towards it.
“Uuuuhm…” Sweetie Belle said, her head craned to look at the top of the cave. “Do we have any idea how to open the gate?”
Applebloom bit her lip. For some reason she had assumed it was just an open cave. “Wait until somepony comes out?”
“I thought nopony ever comes out of Tartarus.”
“Now, that ain’t true!” Applebloom said decisively. “Tirek an’ Cerberus came out that one time.”
“But even then, it’s Wednesday!” Sweetie Belle said. The other Crusaders raised their eyebrows.
“What’s that got ta do with anything?”
Sweetie Belle gave her an incredulous look. “Haven’t you figured out yet, that whenever something worth talking about happens, it’s a saturday?”
“HEY, GALS!” Scootaloo shouted. “The doors open!”
“What?” Applebloom and Sweetie Belle ran up to Scootaloo. Indeed, the gate stood slightly ajar, leaving just enough space for them to squeeze through. “Well… lucky us, ah guess.” Applebloom muttered before she entered.
Heat splashed against her, instantly driving sweat out of her pores and onto her forehead. A smell of burning coal filled her nose and she could have sworn she heard a distant shout of anguish. For a second, she saw back at the gate, but then she stomped her hoof, her resolve strengthening. There was no way she would leave her parents in a place like this. Maybe she would even break out everypony who died ever! “It’s clear.” she whispered, stepping aside to let the other Crusaders in. Scootaloo entered with wide eyes.
“Wooow, so cool!” She said.
“It could do with some interior decorating.” Sweetie Belle commented.
“Focus, girls!” Applebloom hissed. As a team, they descended into the dark unknown.
While at first, there was only rock on every side, they soon came upon small cages, most of them empty, though a whole bunch of them contained parasprites. Sweetie Belle stuck out her tongue at them as they passed. Later, she complained about burning her tongue. Small cages made way to ones of ever increasing size. The Crusaders lowered their heads, hoping the occupants wouldn’t see them. Especially Applebloom felt her forehead utterly drenched in sweat as they snuck around the cage of a Chimera, it’s occupant currently bantering with it’s own heads over whose shadow was the most fashionable.
Other occupants were similarly distracted, like Tirek, who was knitting an “I hate friendship” sweater so large it could only fit his form after he consumed all the magic in Equestria.
“Oooh, the Crusaders~” A voice behind them purred, unquestioningly male, and unquestioningly familiar.
“Discord!” The three crusaders exclaimed.
“Wait, why are you here?” Sweetie Belle added.
Discord laid out his body inside his cage, forced to coil around himself to fit in. “Ooh, what tragedy that I am here.” He wailed. “You see-” He snapped his finger. Nothing happened. He gave it an annoyed glare. “Right, no chaos magic in here. Well, then I suppose I will have to tell my tragic tale without visual aid. I suppose it’s fitting, as this is just a boring literary work.”
The Crusaders exchanged bewildered looks.
“Well, I won’t keep you too long.” Discord said. “I was just minding my business, as a brilliant idea suddenly popped into my head!”
“Lets spread some chaos?” Scootaloo asked sarcastically.
“No!” Discord said defensively. Then, after a second, he groaned. “Okay, you got me, I thought creating cotton candy that looks like barbed wire would be harmless enough. But nooooo, apparently, some colt who looked like a pig then had the idea to bite into actual barbed wire!” He crossed his misshapen arms. “Can I really be blamed for this? Anyway, my three hour ban is almost over, Can I help you with anything?”
“Yes!” Applebloom exclaimed. “Can you tell us where we can… uh, visit the dead?”
“Certainly!” Discord grinned. “Just go that way to the left, turn right, right, right, right, right, down the stairs, ride the waterslide, take the trampoline to get up the cliff and then left. Oh, and I hope you have something to distract Hades’s triple puppy?”
“Yes.” Applebloom nodded, wearing a confident grin.
“Great, you might want to try that out right now. My times up, bye!” As he disappeared with a pop, The three fillies suddenly grew aware of the growling noise behind them.
“Don’t worry gals, Ah got it!” Applebloom said as she faced the large, three headed dog and rummaged through her saddlebag. With a pleasant smile, she raised her hoof, holding a pile of dog food in the air. “Good puppy,” she cooed. “You’re a good puppy, yes you are. And if you let us pass, I have a treat for you.”
“THAT WAS YOUR PLAN, APPLEBLOOM?” Scootaloo shouted in exasperation.
“It always works on Winona!” Applebloom said, her eyes not moving away from the manticore sized dog that slowly approached them.
“But…” Sweetie Belle began. “If it has three heads, don’t we need three treats?”
The dogfood hit the ground, scattering in all directions while Cerberus’s barks shook the cave.
“RUUUUUN!” Scootaloo shouted and the three fillies took off, chased by the tri-hungry hound.
“Do… any of you… remember how Twilight took it down?” Scootaloo shouted in panic.
“With a ball… ah think” Applebloom shouted back. “Do any of ya have a ball?”
“NO!” Scootaloo cried. “We’re DOOOOMED!”
“No, we’re not!” Sweetie Belle said, her magic searching through her bag and she pulled out a ball of yarn. “Take that, Cerberus!” She shouted as her magic flung it at the dog. He paid it no mind, crushing it under one of his paws.
“Damnit, Sweetie, Yarn balls are for cats, not dogs!” Scootaloo screamed, her voice pitching enough to hurt all their ears, even getting a wince from Cerberus.
Suddenly, a hiss came from Sweetie Belle’s bag. A paw emerged from it, followed by a decidedly unhappy cat.
Applebloom’s jaw dropped at the sight of the pet “Why did ya bring Opal?”
“I promised Rarity to take care of her!” Sweetie Belle defended herself.
Suddenly, Scootaloo was beside her, her wing buzzing to keep her a few feet off the ground. “And now she’ll protect us!” She shouted before delivering a swift buck to Opal, throwing her in Cerberus’s way.
The dog halted, all it’s three heads growling at the tiny cat as Opal recovered from her fall. She glared at Cerberus and hissed back, not showing a hint of fear. Cerberus growled louder, all it’s heads moving closer to cat. Opal hissed once again, not giving an inch. This time, Cerberus’s heads were so close that Opal was almost blown away by its growl. But then, the motion so swift the three fillies could barely comprehend, Opal’s claw struck, slicing into the dogs sensitive nose. With a shout that made the ground shake, Cerberus jumped away, all his aggressive demeanor replaced with that of a beaten puppy as he ran off, his yowling audible even as he disappeared from sight.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders broke out in cheers. “WOOOH, GO OPAL!”
But then, the cat whirled around. It’s tail high in the air, claws extended and a murderous fire in her eyes as she hissed.
“Uh-oh.” Scootaloo said. Then the three fillies took off again, as if chased by a demon.
“I PREFERED CERBERUUUUS!” Applebloom shouted. Her breath was running out and she saw that her friends were faring even worse.
“We can’t- We can’t run away!” Scootaloo said, her breath cutting out midway through the first attempt. “Sweetie Belle, you have magic, Applebloom is strong, we can get the cat back into the bag!”
With that, the three fillies turned heel, all facing the claw-reinforced devil. The fight was hard, rough, as all three of them tried to hold the cat down long enough to put her in the bag. Each of them received painful scratches along their hooves, parts of their manes were ripped away and Scootaloo suffered a gash horribly close to her right eye, but in the end, the cat was in the bag and Sweetie Belle triumphantly tied it down. “We did it!” She exclaimed, bumping her hoof in the air and fell back, giggling with her two friends as they regained their breath.
After a few minutes, Applebloom got up. “Ah wonder where we’re at…” She mumbled.
Behind her, Sweetie Belle had gotten up as well, but her eyes were fixated on the bag. “Uh, gals?” She asked.
“What is it?”
“The- the bag is not moving anymore.” Sweetie Belle’s voice grew in pitch. “Oh, no, Rarity is gonna kill me if her cat is dead!”
“Maybe she’s not dead.” Scootaloo said as she poked the bag. “Maybe it’s a trap and she’s just acting like it so she can get out and scratch us again.”
“It could be either or…” Applebloom muttered, her brows furrowed in thought. “Ah think the only well to tell for sure if that cat’s dead is to look inside.” With a stern look, she stopped Sweetie Belle from releasing the demon. “Which we’ll do after we found ma parents and got outta here!”
Despite biting her lips, Sweetie Belle nodded and the Crusaders moved on.
As they descended further, the light grew darker, and yet Applebloom soon believed to see things in the blackness. Faces appeared and disappeared at a moments notice. She heard whispers, yet they sounded like they came from far away. Cold sweat ran down her back and she suddenly felt the urge to just turn back- but she had come too far. “H-Hello?” She asked quietly. Then, gathering all her bravery, she shouted with all her might. “HELLO? D-DOES ANYPONY HERE KNOW A COUPLE CALLED BRAGHT MAC AN’ BUTTERCUP?”
She bit her lip as the whispers increased. An uneasy feeling crept upon her back, as if dark talons reached out for her, waiting to claw themselves into the little helpless filly. Suddenly, she was ripped from her hooves and hoisted in the air, a startled scream all she could do before facing whatever dark creature-
Her jaw dropped as she looked into the eyes of a smiling mare and stallion.
“Hello, Applebloom.” The mare spoke, her voice carrying a nearly unnoticeable echo. “You’ve grown so much since we last saw you.”
“M-mom?” Applebloom whispered, her voice shivering along with her jaw. “Dad?”
“Right as rice, bloomy.” The stallion said. “It’s so good to see ya. Ah think we got nearly ah fillies lifetime to catch up on. And yer friends-” He extended his beaming smile to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, who shivered and made the symbol of the sun on their chests. “Are of course welcome to join.”
Bright Mac’s uproarious laughter was like a waterfall, loud, unsubtle and nearly impossible to reign in. “Listen to that, Buttercup.” He managed in between chuckles as he wiped the tears of his face. “Our lil’ daughter broke inta Tartarus to bring us back from the dead. Real brave one, aint’cha?” He ruffled Applebloom’s mane.
Pear Butter nudged his side. “Stop doing that.” To Applebloom, she whispered: “He’s had this bad habit since he was a child.”
“Hey, Ah lost it fer a while!” Bright Mac protested. “Ah just got… reacquainted with it when ah got older.”
“Are ya measuring in days, or just hours?”
Again, Bright Macs laughter broke free like water from a dam. “Ah give ya that, Buttercup!”
“So you’ll come home with me?” Applebloom asked.
Bright Mac fell silent, throwing a look to Pear Butter, who sighed. “Ah’m afraid we can’t.” She said, unable to meet her daughters eyes.
“B-but-” Applebloom jumped to her hooves. “We got inta Tartarus, we can getcha out!”
“It ain’t as simple as just walkin’ out, dear.” Bright Mac said. “We belong here now. Just like you belong to the farm.”
“We’re family!” The filly’s hoof stomped the ground. “We belong to each other!”
“We’re sorry, Bloom.” He said. “But it ain’t as simple. Yer Mom and I, we moved on to the next life. And I tell ya,” He said with a wink. “It’s quite a nice place to be.”
“Then I want to go with you!” Applebloom shouted, tears welling in her eyes. She felt the soft hooves of her mother around her as she hugged her little filly.
“Applebloom, it’s… Think of us like seaponies, we gotta live in the ocean, while you’re still bound to land. And this place is like the shore. We can see each other, but we can’t quite cross into each others worlds. Not yet, at least.”
“Listen to your mother, Bloom.” Bright Mac chuckled. “She’s always been better than me with them fancy words.”
“It’s called Poetry, dear~” Pear Butter teased.
“But…” Applebloom wiped her eyes. “I wanna see you again.”
This time it was her father who took her in his hooves. “Dear, ah think ya missed a tiny lil’ detail. You can come visit.”
Applebloom blinked, the information taking a while to register. “I- I can?”
“Of course ya can!” Bright Mac beamed. “Everytime ya want. But don’t let me hear that ya skipped classes or somethin’.”
Pear Butter rolled her eyes. “Send a letter to Hades beforehoof, though, he gets cranky about unexpected guests.”
“Hades has a mail address?” Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo burst out.
“Yep.” Bright Mac laughed. “And he checks it quite regularly. If ya ask me, he’s waiting for sum kinda… special letter.” he grinned at the trio of fillies. “So if ya know any mares willin’ to give the god of the dead a chance-”
A poke in the ribs from Pear Butter stopped his sentence, though he was still grinning.
“Then…” Applebloom whispered. “It’s time to say goodbye?”
“Not goodbye.” Pear Butter said as she kissed Applebloom’s forehead. “See ya soon.”
Author's Note
I hope you enjoyed this random idea and didnt cause your eyeballs to fall out from facepalming at my terrible jokes. If I managed to make you laugh though, please tell me, that would make my day
We'll get there.
Please tell me what you thought, ~~leave a li-~~ SELLOUT
And check out my other stories if you liked this one. though they do vary wildly in tone.
