Rock the Carousel

by ChibiRenamon

Rating: teen
Tags: Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Anthro, Romance, Comedy
Length: 52178

Rarity is dragged to a rock concert to help her get over her creative burnout. Things spin out of control when she sees the band's vocalist, Twilight Sparkle.

Rarity is suffering from creative burnout, and Rainbow Dash decides to help by dragging her to a concert of her favorite band, Villian Court, led by one Twilight Sparkle. Things quickly spiral out of control in ways Rainbow couldn't have anticipated (but doesn't mind).

Have some Anthro RariTwi AU, because Earthsong apparently decided that I was not busy enough with my existing fics and tossed what she called the "Reverse Rockstar AU" (basically a role-flip of her Rockstar AU, where Rarity is a rockstar and then meets Twilight) onto my Tumblr dashboard. And I took one look at the picture and started to write.
Since then, we exchanged WIPs and ideas, and by now, her AU (now called the "Rock'n'Royal AU") and this fic are very similar, but also slightly different as we both worked on angles in different ways. It's been a wild ride so far, and I loved every minute of it!

Cover art done by Earthsong, which is fitting since she's the one who handed me this plotbunny to begin with. Fic title inspired by the song "Rock the Casbah" by The Clash.

Published 2018-05-01 22:40:08 UTC
Last updated 2021-08-29 18:05:02 UTC

Welcome to the Villian Court

Rarity was severely overdressed.

People of course often accused her of just that, and she usually dismissed their opinions as poorly informed. This time, however, she was the one who had arrived at this conclusion. Fortunately, she at least knew who was to blame. “You told me you had tickets for a concert, Rainbow Dash,” she complained, even though it was far too late by now.

Her friend was grinning ear to ear, and Rarity wasn’t sure if it was because of the obvious lie or the way everypony was staring at her. Unlike Rarity, the pegasus had gone with a thin leather vest on top of a loose-fitting tee. And she had somehow managed to make things even worse by wearing neon-purple shorts. “And I indeed have them!” she said and held up two paper slips.

“You said it was going to be a cello concert,” Rarity hissed even as they walked past other people with similar color-blindness issues. In a sea of multi-colored fashion atrocities, her dark blue evening gown couldn’t have looked more out of place if she had set it on fire.

“I told you that I’d take you on a concert and that there’d be a cellist,” Rainbow corrected her patiently.

“You probably don’t even know what a cello looks like.”

“Hey, some of my best friends are cellos!”

I can’t even tell if she’s joking anymore... Rarity massaged her forehead right below her horn. “Why do I hang out with you again?”

Her friend feigned shock at this. “How could you forget the moment I pulled you to your hooves during your darkest hour? You promised me your eternal gratitude!”

“We had been five,” Rarity snapped and playfully shoved her.

“Eternal gratitude!” Rainbow taunted her and pointed at the concert hall. Somehow, it actually was a concert hall, albeit not exactly the Royal Canterlot Music Hall in terms of size, budget or - she assumed - cleanliness. “C’mon, you’re not going to bail on your bestest friend after you’ve come so far, are you?”

Yes, I am, Rarity thought. There is no way I’m going to go in there dressed like this. People are already giving me looks, and I don’t want them to laugh at me once we’re all in there and they realize that I’m actually just attending the concert because my friend had misrepresented the nature of it in order to make me look foolish and- She blinked when Rainbow Dash snapped her fingers in front of her face. Goodness, Rarity, you are a mess! She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, darling,” she whispered and took a half-step backwards, “but I just can’t do this. Not today. Not in my current mood. Not in-”

“Shhhhhh...” Rainbow placed a finger on Rarity’s lips after closing the distance. Personal space had never meant much to the pegasus, but this was pushing it. “I’m not doing this despite your mood, I’m doing it because of it.” When Rarity just gave her a skeptical look, she sighed. “I’ve known you practically my entire life, okay? I can tell when you’re burnt out and when your creative batteries need to be recharged.” She held up the tickets again. “These are Supreme Deluxe tickets. They will get you as close to my idol as physically possible. I don’t know if her music will exactly be your style, but I do know that it’s impossible to stay moody and down during her concerts.”

She has a point, Rarity conceded. I haven’t designed a single piece of clothing in the last month, and nothing seems to click, so maybe some new stimulus will do... something? Besides, ‘Supreme Deluxe’ sounds like it cost her a hefty sum, so... “Fine... let’s see what your miracle worker can do.”

Her cautious optimism lasted less than five minutes. This time, though, it was not the crowd of ponies with even less fashion sense than Rainbow Dash that rattled her, but rather the decorations. More specifically, the giant banner that had been placed over the main entrance. “Um.”

“WELCOME TO THE VILLIAN COURT,” the banner read in large letters, accompanied by multicolored stars and swirls.

“Is... there actually a typo on the banner? And how would a villain court even work? Is there a villain judge presiding over it?”

Much to her credit, Rainbow Dash didn’t go on a rant to defend her favorite band’s honor or literacy skills. “It’s not a reference to a court of law, but to a royal court, silly! And they’re not villains. The band’s founding members first met in Ponyville, so they called themselves villians.” She waved her hand when she saw Rarity’s face. “Look, it’s a band name, sometimes you gotta go with what sound cool, even if it’s not the right word. I mean, would you go to a concert of the band Villager Court?”

I didn’t even want to go to a concert of the band Villian Court, much less of the Village Ponies or whatever, Rarity thought, but wisely kept these thoughts to herself. Besides, there is something to be said about embracing style and bucking conventions. “Right, then I suppose we shouldn’t let Your Majesty waiting.”

“Your Highness,” Rainbow Dash corrected her way too quickly. “The band’s lead is performing as Princess, not Queen, so it’s Your Highness and not Your Majesty,” she elaborated when she saw Rarity’s confused look.

“Since when do you know how to address a royal?”

“Since being Villian Court’s number one fan, duh! Now come on; if we chat much longer, they’ll start without us!”

The concert hall was full. Very. Very. Full. All the chairs had been removed to apparently make space for the highest number of ponies possible, and Rarity realized that she had sentenced herself to being surrounded by sweaty ponies while wearing a gala dress for at least an hour, probably longer. After Rainbow showed the guy at the entrance their tickets and started to lead the way inside, Rarity realized that there were in fact several zones in the hall, marked with glow-in-the-dark tape on the floor. Between the zones were narrow paths, allowing ponies to slip in and out without having to wrestle their way through hundreds of enthusiasts. Finally, they reached a small section right in front of the stage that was actually cordoned off by a physical barrier. Another stallion - unlike the gentlecolt at the entrance, this guy was most definitely a bouncer - checked their tickets before waving them in.

Rainbow greeted some of the other guests with high-fives and various other, potentially rude, gestures. Meanwhile, the pony next to Rarity gave her an open stare. “Hot damn,” she muttered and brushed her multicolored - neon red, neon yellow, neon blue and somehow, she had even managed to dye a couple of strands neon black - mane out of her face, revealing a dizzying array of piercings. “You with a label or something?”

Her words caused several heads to turn. Within seconds, about a dozen ponies were trying to get a look, and Rarity laughed nervously. “Well, I do in fact operate a label called Ra-”

“Rarity,” Rainbow interrupted her and slapped her shoulder, “she meant a record label!”

“Oh.” She looked down at herself and realized what she probably was looking like without context. “Oh! I’m awfully sorry for startling you, darling, but I just got the wrong memo regarding the dress code.”

“You’re with her?” The mare pointed at Rainbow. “Damn, Dash, I didn’t know you knew ponies with actual standards!”

“She’s an old friend,” Rainbow replied; Rarity wasn’t sure if it was meant as an explanation or an excuse.

Before Rarity had a chance to resume the conversation, the lights in the hall went out and the crowd cheered as one. Well, let’s see just how badly I’m going to regret this, she thought and took a deep breath.

They stood in silence (ignoring the occasional whoops and hollers from the audience) for almost half a minute before a spotlight illuminated a lone figure on the right side of the stage. A young mare holding a cello almost as tall as herself played a slow solo, and Rarity almost forgot that this was not a classical concert. After a few seconds, a second spotlight was turned on, and another mare on the left side of the stage started to play an electric guitar that seemed to have far too many buttons and dials on it.

Rarity cringed. It was not that the music was terrible - it was actually decent so far, with the guitarist merely backing up the cellist with a few quiet notes - but her wardrobe made Rarity want to hurt somepony. The cellist had a decent taste in fashion, wearing a formal-looking black dress that nicely complemented her light grey coat and dark grey mane. The guitarist on the other hand had chosen to direct attention away from her blue fur by wearing a red-and-yellow jacket and matching (short) skirt. It reminded Rarity a little bit of the dazzle camouflage used on old warships: a complex, extremely disorienting pattern of clashing shapes designed to make it harder for enemies to approximate distance and direction. Also, what’s with the stupidly huge wizard hat? And do I give it points for matching the rest of her outfit, or do I subtract them for matching an outfit that’s so bright and garish that it might blind the pilots of passing planes? By the time she was done staring at the multi-colored abomination, a drummer had appeared in the background. It was hard to make out details from her position, but he appeared to be a muscular stallion with a reddish coat.

The three ponies played a relatively quiet song, and Rarity was starting to realize that something was missing. Or rather, that somepony was missing. There is still an empty spot in the center, and nopony is singing. She was starting to feel uneasy somehow - less so by the lack of vocals and more because the music was not happy or boastful, but rather... building up a sense of dread.

Rarity suddenly felt reminded of the day she had befriended Rainbow Dash. For some reason, she had gotten the idea to go to the forest near her home all by herself. It had been getting dark, and the forest had looked... creepy. Intimidating. She had imagined that there had been a monster waiting for her in the shadows, daring her to enter its realm. The longer she had stared into the forest, the larger it had seemed to get, until there had been forest everywhere around her and there had been no escape and-

A fourth spotlight came to life, its beam focusing on the stage right in front of Rarity. Flashback and present collided in Rarity’s mind, and she looked up at the creature that had been lurking in the shadows all this time.

She took half a step back, only to walk into a wall of ponies. The presence of the other audience members made her snap out of her daydream, and she shook her head to take another look. The creature on stage was - of course - a pony. A unicorn mare, to be exact. “Blind to the world, alone, alone,” the vocalist began to sing, “the girl who thought she was so clever.” The guitarist and drummer were slowly increasing the intensity. “Wake up! Bow and kneel before my throne!” Finally, the vocalist stood straight, revealing a tall, muscular build not found in many unicorns, along with a horn that seemed almost unnaturally long. “FOR THE NIGHT-”

“-WILL LAST FOREVER!” the crowd shouted in perfect unison.

As if having been woken up by the crowd, the cellist went insane, the fingers of one hand dancing along the neck of her instrument while the other hand was working the bow at a rapid pace. She was banging her head, causing her mane to become untangled, shattering any illusion that she was the odd one out in this band. The guitarist and the drummer were also going all-out, determined to match their fellow band member’s ferocity.

And then everything... fell away. The audience was first to go, screams and stomping of hooves fading into nothingness. The drummer was next, becoming little more than a blur. Then the guitarist was brushed aside, followed quickly by the cellist.

And once again Rarity found herself standing at the edge of the forest. All alone with the creature she had been afraid of.

The creature who had been waiting for her.

The creature I had been waiting for, a quiet voice corrected her, and she suddenly remembered why she had gone to the forest in the first place: she had been looking for something. Searching, all her life.

The vocalist was still singing, but all sounds were far in the background, lost cries between the trees.

Rarity slowly lifted her hand and opened her mouth to beg this magnificent creature to notice her.

“PRAISE THE GODDESS!” Her newfound idol shouted.

“THE NIGHT WILL LAST NO MORE!” the crowd responded in kind, drowning out whatever sappy declaration of undying loyalty Rarity wanted to deliver.

Several lights came back on, illuminating the stage fully and plunging the audience in twilight. The crowd was applauding wildly, giving Rarity a moment to gather herself as she fully returned to the here and now. What just happened? There was the... no, wait. There was no forest. Of course there was no forest. Because that’s not how the day at the forest had ended. It had ended with Rainbow Dash assuring you that she’d kick any monster’s flank, and that had been that. You most certainly hadn’t waited for any monster because that would have been stupid. And even if you had, it wouldn’t have been some rock star who would laugh at all this talk about a little lost filly looking for her destiny. So snap out of it and just pretend to mildly enjoy the concert. She took a deep breath and fanned herself with one hand. Am I really this burnt out that I’ll cling to the first slightly edgy artist I find in the hope of inspiration? Pah!

“Thank you, Canterlot!” the vocalist greeted her fans and wiped a bit of sweat off her forehead.

Rarity finally gave her a closer look and realized that, thanks to that little hallucination, she hadn’t even checked out her wardrobe.

It was a mess, but not as horrifying as the atrocity to the left. A black tank top with a silver stylized “VC” logo barely hid the unicorn’s athletic build and showed off a large, tribal-style tattoo on her left shoulder and upper arm. The top’s color didn’t look too bad on her light purple coat. What axed any hope of salvaging the look were her light beige pants, which presumably had been selected to go for a more... radical-slash-edgy-slash-tactical look, perhaps. Well, either that, or she just got dressed in the dark. Rarity smirked, or at least she tried to - something was holding her back. It wasn’t the way the singer’s dark blue mane with purple streaks fell over her shoulders, and it probably also wasn’t the way her almost unnaturally scarlet eyes scanned the crowd to get a feeling for the exact mood in the room. It also wasn’t the way she smiled, flashing canines that looked just as sharp as her long horn. It also wasn’t the sum of her piercings which tended to catch the light no matter how she held her head.

It was... everything.

The look. Her look. Her everything. Everything that was her. She wasn’t what Rarity would call “pretty.” She wouldn’t look right on a runway or in a fashion photoshoot, modeling some haute couture that some elitist designer had pulled straight out of their creatively bankrupt posterior. No, no, of course not. She’d probably tear it apart and then flip the designer the bird while giving them her magnificent grin. No, she’s too... too... beautiful for that. Rarity bit her lower lip when she tried the word again: Beautiful. Wild, untamed and definitely... beautiful. She’d scorn a fancy ensemble, and she’d be absolutely right! No, she deserves something as... feral as she is. She started to grin as a familiar sense of mania woke up in the back of her head. I think I can work with that...

“Thank you, it’s great to be here,” the singer continued to address the crowd, and Rarity realized that her entire enlightenment had happened in the span of just a second or two.

Time flies when you’re having fun, she thought, but then froze when she realized that time had in fact been standing still. But I definitely had-... eh, never mind. Let spacetime do whatever spacetime does, right?

Somepony shouted something unintelligible in the background, and the singer shot him a grin. “Yeah, I know; you came all the way here for some music and not to listen to me being sappy. So I’ll keep it short for now. Just lemme introduce my folks, okay? They get cranky otherwise.” She snapped her fingers, and several spotlights focused on the guitarist unicorn with the horrifying fashion sense. “First up!” The singer raised her voice slightly to sound more like an announcer in a boxing ring. “She has taken her solo act to a grand total of eight hundred thirty-four countries, she has ended four armed uprisings with her amazing guitar skills, she handles the light and effect show on top of playing in our band, AND she made me choose between introducing her first and not being allowed to disclose that two of those first three items were blatant lies! Let’s hear it for THE GREAT! AND POWERFUL! TRIXIE!”

Trixie adjusted a dial on her guitar, causing the spotlights to move all around her. “THANK YOU, THANK YOU ALL!” she shouted, her voice amplified by a headset Rarity hadn’t noticed so far. “IT’S A PLEAS-”

“NEXT UP,” the singer quickly cut in, earning herself a raised middle finger from Trixie. The two unicorns stuck out their tongues at each other before smirking. “Next up! She graduated with honors from the Royal Canterlot Musical Academy! She played for ponies who make more per month than all of us combined in a year! She pushed the art of the cello far beyond its limits! Her peers thought she was mad! Maaad! But she will show them, she will show them all! Raise your hands... for OCTAVIA MELODY!”

The Earth pony waved her hand at the cheering crowd and gave it a friendly smile. No spotlight-stealing, no fancy tricks, just a quick hello. The polite act wasn’t quite as believable now that Rarity had seen her go nuts with her instrument, but it probably wasn’t a lie to say that she was the quiet voice of reason in this band.

“Our third member,” the singer announced and pointed behind her. “He’s not a stallion of many words, but his drums do the talking for-...” She looked over her shoulder and sighed dramatically. “Cripes, would it kill you to stand up for thirty seconds? I swear, you drummers got it easy - you get to sit throughout the entire gig...” The drummer was not wearing a headset, but his sigh was loud enough to reach the crowd anyway. Then he stood up. And stood up. And stood up.

Goodness, his biceps must be as thick as my thigh! Rarity inhaled sharply, and going by the sounds coming from the audience, she was not the only one who was impressed by this mountain of a stallion. Her fashionista sense let out an exasperated groan when she saw that his wardrobe was terribly generic, though at least not actively offending her taste. The logo on his shirt puzzled her at first - it was a picture of an apple that had been cut in half - but then it dawned on her what his background probably was. He must be a member of the Apple clan from the Ponyville area; they own enough land to build their own town if they felt like it! What’s a rich boy like him doing in a band like this?

“He left the simple farm life behind in favor of following his muse,” the singer somehow answered her silent question and gave the crowd a grin, “but if you ask nicely, he will rotate your crops!” The grin widened when the crowd let out overjoyed and lewd screams. The drummer just played a quick rimshot, but Rarity could tell that he was enjoying the attention, at least in small doses. “BIG MACINTOSH!”

“And finally,” Trixie took over the announcer duties while the singer smiled happily and stretched out her arms, “our founding member, main vocalist, supporting guitarist and one of the few ponies to put up with the Great and Powerful Trixie’s antics...” The tension in the room was almost tangible. “ALL HAIL-”

“-PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE!” the crowd finished for her with enough volume to make Rarity idly worry about noise complaints.

“WE ARE VILLIAN COURT,” Princess Twilight Sparkle roared, “AND THIS IS ’THE POWER OF THE SIX!’ ONE TWO THREE FOUR!”

There was no time to brace herself, no time to think. The band launched straight into peak craziness, and this time, Rarity was part of the screaming and cheering crowd.

The first sign that this concert still had a few surprises left for her came in the middle of the fourth song. Twilight Sparkle had been one hundred percent into the concert from the first moment, and she had known exactly when to let the audience sing, when to do little back-and-forth games and when to let the other band members improvise solos. The current song was heavy on the instruments and lighter on the vocals, so Twilight decided to do a quick, crouched run along the edge of the stage, high-fiving the entire front row. Rarity stretched out her hand, desperate for even the briefest of touches from her newfound muse and goddess.

The moment came and went way too quickly, but Rarity squealed loudly when it happened, anyway. Twilight was grinning like a maniac as she was running past her... and then her eyes flicked back to Rarity. The grin turned into a highly confused smile, and she turned slightly to get a better look. Unfortunately, she did so before stopping her run along the edge of the stage.

“OH SHI-”

Much to her credit, she hadn’t managed to run straight off the stage. She had, however, tripped over one of the lights that were protruding from it, causing her to stumble badly before crash-landing a few steps away from Trixie. There was a collective gasp, but Twilight quickly jumped back to her hooves, giving the crowd a cocky smirk, as if asking if they seriously believed that this sort of thing would injure her. Everypony laughed it off, but Rarity saw Twilight’s eyes briefly flicking back to her. She... noticed me. She... actually noticed me. It took her a lot of effort, but she managed not to glee at the realization. Granted, I also nearly gave her a concussion from the looks of it, so maybe that wasn’t the best first impression.

The rest of the concert went over smoothly and by the time the band was wrapping up their encore, that incident had just become one of many moments of bliss and ecstasy. Rarity couldn’t recall the last time she had felt so exhausted, but at the same time so alive.

The music rose to a final crescendo before abruptly stopping as the stage lighting dimmed almost completely. Rarity was screaming and cheering with the rest of the audience; a final declaration of loyalty and adoration.

“THANK YOU!” Twilight shouted over the cheers as four spotlights came on again, and the band members bowed and waved. Then she held up her hand, making most ponies in the audience quiet down. “Thank you all for coming here tonight and for being such an amazing audience! We know you’re all probably as exhausted as we are, but at the same time, you don’t want this night to end, right?”

“MAKE IT LAST FOREVER!” somepony shouted, and the audience chuckled.

“Well, we only get paid at the end of the night, sooo...” Twilight shrugged apologetically. “BUT! Some of you might have noticed the other posters at the entrance. You know, the ones advertising the gig after ours? The one they had to cancel?” She motioned at Octavia, “Well, Tavers here negotiated a little deal with the owner...” The crowd was starting to catch on, and some ponies whooped and screamed. “Turns out, we can extend our gig a little bit!” The audience went nuts, and Rarity grinned wildly, even though she was sore and exhausted already. “BUT!” Twilight shouted over the cheers. “BUUUT! We’re done with our regular program, and we’re all a bit tuckered out, so we’ll shift down a gear or two. Some covers, some calmer stuff, some Q&A...” She glanced over at Trixie, who was waving her arms like a lunatic. “Aaand we’ll let Trixie handle most of the singing, yes. Suits me fine, ‘cause then I’ll actually be able to speak tomorrow. And since this is going to be more free-form, we’ll keep the doors to the entrance hall open, where you’ll find some refreshments.”

“I take it you’re up for it?” somepony next to her asked, making Rarity turn.

“Rainbow Dash!? Hey!” Rarity giggled sheepishly. “Sorry, darling, I almost forgot you’re here!” Okay, that sounded awful. Care to try again? “I mean, um, you see...”

The pegasus laughed. “Just as I thought - you were totally spaced out during the entire concert!” She gently punched Rarity’s shoulder. “This is the point where you thank me for finally exposing you to some amazing music.”

“I’ll admit I had doubted your musical tastes,” Rarity admitted. “And you could have told me sooner about the dress code! But... thank you for taking me here. This has been a truly eye-opening experience.”

“Well, your eyes have surely been open,” Rainbow Dash added and gave Rarity a knowing smirk. When Rarity just gave her a confused look, she sighed. “Come on, you’ve been staring at Twilight practically non-stop.”

“I-... I mean-... Whatever are you-...” Rarity gestured vaguely, unsure whether or not to deny what she was feeling... and whether or not her feelings were more than just a vague crush that had been born in the heat of the moment.

“Hey, relax!” Rainbow gave her a warm smile. “Tons of ponies feel this way about her.” She blinked when she saw Rarity tensing up. “...ohhh, she got you bad, didn’t she?”

Rarity decided that this was a good moment to give the floor a good look. It was a very solid, well-made floor. Beautiful work. The carpenters surely deserved the highest commendation for their-

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Her effort to incinerate Rainbow Dash with her glare was largely unsuccessful. It usually was, but Rarity was convinced that one day, the universe would indulge her. She huffed, and not just at the lack of spontaneous combustion. “This means nothing. It’s... just the thrill of a new experience. An adrenaline high. Besides, you said it yourself: there are... several ponies who... are... fans... of her. And I can see why... certain ponies... might... find her... attractive.”

“Aaand you’re one of them.” Rainbow Dash was grinning ear to ear.

Yes. “I’m not.” Liar.

“You so are,” the pegasus teased her.

“Am not!” Rarity crossed her arms.

“Are too.”

“Stop acting like you’re five!”

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow at that. “Without looking, what is Trixie’s mane color?”

“Wh-what?” Rarity struggled not to reflexively glance up at guitarist. “She... she’s wearing a hat, so...”

“Plenty of hair visible. Also, same as her tail color. Come on, you got an eye for this, Miss Fancy Designer.”

“I... I mean...” Rarity frowned. “Look, I’m not at work, so it’s not like I memorized every last detail of-”

“Twilight’s belt?”

She blinked. “Maroon leather, probably fake, with a silver, star-shaped buckle, why?” When Rainbow Dash gave her the biggest smirk ever, Rarity groaned. “Okay, fine, you got me,” she admitted and fiddled with one of her curls. “She’s... I don’t even know what draws me to her, but... she is... just... gah!”

“Hot?”

Yes! “Charismatic.” She shot another, longing glance at the stage, where the band members were still high-fiving each other. Look at those arms! That chest! She can probably bench press me! The mental image immediately occupied the center stage of her mind. Ohhh, I can practically feel her strong hands on my-... She gasped and quickly looked down again. In the mood lighting, Rainbow Dash probably couldn’t see her blush.

“Only charismatic?” Rainbow’s grin was far too wide.

“Only charismatic,” Rarity whispered.

“Ah, okay then.”

They stood in silence for several seconds. “Wait, that’s it?” Rarity broke the silence, trying not to sound too surprised at the sudden lack of teasing.

“Well,” her friend said, making no effort to hide that she was readying something big, “if you had thought that she’s hot, I might have... ah... it’s not important, really.”

Rarity opened and closed her mouth a few times. “You... might have what?” she finally asked, knowing full well that she was walking into whatever trap the pegasus was preparing.

“Like I said, it’s not impor-”

“Okay fine she’s so hot I can barely think straight when I look at her are you happy now you monster?”

A less refined pony would have wiped Rainbow Dash’s smug grin off her face with a roundhouse kick. A more refined pony would not have savored the mental image of said roundhouse kick as long as Rarity had done. “What would you say if I could give you a chance to... hmmm...” Rainbow leaned forwards, bringing her mouth close to Rarity’s ear. “...kiss her?”

“K-k-...” Rarity’s mouth went dry, and the rest of her question only came out as a series of high-pitched squeaks. “You’re bluffing,” she finally wheezed. When Rainbow merely cocked an eyebrow, she took a deep breath. She’s bluffing. Got to be. But... what if she’s not? This would be a once-in-a-lifetime chance! But... there has got to be a price... “What do you want?”

Rainbow’s smile almost made her groan. “Nothing much, actually. I just figured that I need something new to lord over you for the next couple of decades. That forest story is getting a bit stale...”

“...that’s it? Just an ego boost? For this? This?”

“I’m a simple mare with simple needs,” Rainbow replied. “Besides, what else would I want from you? A lifetime supply of dresses? Pah. Your renewed eternal gratitude will have to do.” She flashed her a grin again. “So, you up for this? Because I’ll have to call in a few favors to make this work, and I don’t want to do that if it’ll go to waste.”

“Just tell me what I have to do...”

“Trust me and raise your hand when the time is right.”

What’s that supposed to mean? “Darling, could you be any more-” She blinked when she realized that Rainbow was already running off to talk to the audience members around her. “-cryptic?” What events did I just set into motion? She watched her friend gesturing wildly while talking to yet more audience members. Is it too late to stop whatever she is setting up? I mean... assuming that she can actually give me a chance to... get close to Twilight... I mean... would I... could I... Her gaze wandered back to the stage, and she shuddered when she saw Twilight shaking her head wildly before drying her mane with a towel. Oh heaven help me... I want this...

And then both Rarity and Twilight Sparkle blinked in surprise when some ponies in the crowd started to slowly chant three words, making each syllable sound like a battle cry. Rarity was slightly less surprised to hear Rainbow Dash leading the chant, which was now spreading like a wildfire.

“KISS THE PRINCESS! KISS THE PRINCESS! KISS THE PRINCESS!”

Twilight exchanged puzzled looks with Trixie, who only shrugged helplessly, as if indicating that this hadn’t been her idea. Then Twilight gave the crowd a bemused look and tossed the towel aside before stepping up to the microphone stand and motioning them to calm down. “Well, this isn’t how I imagined this segment to start...” She looked up at the ceiling for a moment, pretending to contemplate something. “Buuut...” The crowd dutifully went wild at this. “YES, YES, CALM DOWN, FOLKS! Calm down, sheesh...” Twilight shook her head in mock disapproval. “Okay, fine... fine. To those who don’t religiously come to all of our concerts: (a) shame on you and (b) we sometimes, SOMETIMES do a little segment where we reward a fan for... you know... loyalty, enthusiasm, all that jazz. Sooo... who will be the lucky stallion or the lucky mare to join me here on stage for a quick kiss from your beloved Princess?”

Every member of the audience screamed their lungs out and waved frantically, but somehow, the noise seemed to grow distant. It took Rarity a moment to realize why she couldn’t hear the ponies next to her screaming like lunatics: there were no other ponies next to her. WHAT? She frantically looked around and saw that Rainbow Dash and all the ponies she had talked to had moved aside, forming a wide circle around her. The pegasus caught her eye and waved her hand, as if asking her to-

Rarity’s hand shot up before her consciousness was even done parsing the information. Please work... oh please work... please notice me... please, against all odds... Rarity looked up at the stage.

Twilight Sparkle was looking straight at her, eyes wide with surprise and... something else. Something Rarity didn’t dare to think about. Twilight made a very subtle gesture towards Trixie and a moment later, Rarity squinted as a spotlight shone straight onto her.

Heaven help me...

“Well now... what have we here...?” For a moment, Rarity wondered if Twilight’s voice had cracked just a little bit, but she dismissed this thought almost immediately. “Why don’t you come up here?” Twilight’s horn lit up, and Rarity gasped when a magical aura gently picked her up and let her float onto the stage. Somehow, she had not expected such precise magical control from a pony who had made a career out of being loud and beautiful and having terrible fashion sense.

It was the most bizarre moment in Rarity’s life, having her newfound idol within arm’s reach and being watched by hundreds of ponies who were hoarse from having screamed like maniacs for more than an hour. She was sweaty, her mane probably looked terrible, and she had absolutely no idea what to do from here on. So just like the aftermath of our post-graduation party. She allowed herself a quick smile. Just with less police.

“Would you look at that, folks! I mean, damn!” Twilight tilted her head and gave Rarity’s dress a long look. “That... can’t have been cheap. Just... wow. Tavers, what’s your opinion?”

It was hard to see out of the cone of light, but Rarity could make out Octavia rubbing her chin. “Definitely not off the shelf,” the cellist replied quietly, her voice not amplified by a microphone. “Custom job, definitely cost several hundred bits. Maybe even more than a thousand.”

Twilight whistled quietly, then her eyes narrowed. “You’re not with a label, are you? Because I swear, if you weaseled your way onto this stage just to-”

“No, no, no!” Fortunately, Rarity had had to answer this question before. Unfortunately, being glared at by her idol made her knees weak. “I’m... I just... this isn’t...” She took a deep, wheezing breath. Oh no! No, no! I can’t let my nervousness get the better of me! This is my chance! My one chance! No pressure! It’s just several hundred ponies waiting for you to screw up! NO PRESSURE! HA! Think, Rarity! Think! What would a cool pony like Rainbow Dash say in a situation like this?

“I TOLD HER THIS’D BE A CELLO BALLROOM CONCERT! ...KINDA.”

That, for example.

Rarity and Twilight turned their heads towards the audience in perfect unison. Twilight’s confused squint quickly gave way to an eye-roll. “Rainbow Dash.” The words sounded like an indictment. “Shoulda known you’re behind this. Although I am surprised that it wasn’t you in that circle. Last time, you nearly started a fight with eight other fans over getting up here.”

“She...” There was a pause, and Rarity realized that for once in her life, Rainbow Dash was at a loss for words. “She deserves this more than I do.”

The crowd let out a heartfelt, “Awwwww!” and although it was impossible to make out details, Rarity could see a few audience members hugging the pegasus.

“Wow...” Twilight was clearly impressed by this. She gave Rarity a sincere look. “You must be blessed to have a friend like that.”

Rarity was caught between a nervous giggle and half-hearted protest against that assertion. The result sounded a bit like hiccuping into an oboe.

“SO!” Twilight suddenly ramped up the volume again, likely to avoid making this moment too sappy for her public image. “THIS HERE IS-...” She froze, then leaned over and slightly down to Rarity, her loud act leaving as quickly as it came. It only hit Rarity now that Twilight was several inches taller than she was. “What’s your name again?” she asked, keeping the microphone away for a moment.

“R-... Rrrraaaa-...” For a moment, Rarity thought she might pass out, rant like a fool, or do both. Twilight Sparkle, singer, idol, princess, was seriously asking for her name! She felt that incoherent, high-pitched screaming would be a good response to that, but a single thought held her back: Rainbow Dash is never going to let me live this down if I botch it. She took a deep breath. “Rarity,” she finally managed.

“That’s a beautiful name,” Twilight whispered and smiled warmly before remembering where she was. She coughed sheepishly before grabbing the microphone again. “RIGHT, THIS HERE IS RARITY, AND SHE IS TONIGHT’S LUCKY MARE!” She waited a few seconds for the applause to die down. “Buuut... isn’t this all terribly unfair for her?” When the audience reacted with confusion, she smiled. “I mean, look at her, folks! She traveled hundreds of miles-”

“Actually,” Rarity objected, even though her doing so clearly pushed the acceptable limits of interacting with this Goddess Incarnate, “I live here in Canterlot, so-”

“She traveled THOUSANDS of miles,” Twilight doubled down on her fairytale, “for a ballroom dance that never took place!” She gave Rarity a daring look before pointing one finger at the audience. “WHAT IS THAT?”

“UNFAIR!” the audience immediately picked up on its prompt.

“AND WHAT DO WE SAY WHEN STUFF IS UNFAIR AND PROBLEMS NEED TO BE SOLVED?”

“TWILIGHT WILL HANDLE IT!” the audience replied in perfect unison, probably acting out some running gag or meme that Rarity was not aware of.

“I believe it is clear what needs to be done!” Twilight half-turned to Rarity and flashed her a grin. “But first we’ll need some proper music to set the mood.” She snapped her fingers. “Miss Melody, I believe you know one or two waltzes?”

There was a long pause, and Twilight’s grin started to turn into a nervous smile. Finally, Octavia sighed audibly. “Yes, the subject of waltzes has indeed come up during my time at the RCMA,” she confirmed flatly. “I said as much when I met you, followed by the statement that-”

“Yes, yes, yes, you wanted to play something else and express your true feelings, and you know I love you and I’ll let you go crazy with your cello all night, every night, but now, just this once, I really, REALLY need something classical from you.” She looked over her shoulder. “Please!”

Another pause, as Octavia seemed to be extremely busy rolling her eyes. “I also feel the need to point out that you once referred to classical music as the bane of-”

“Yes, yes, could we KINDLY stop dwelling on the past?”

“You also told me that you’d rather eat a-...” She shut up when Twilight fully turned around to face her. Much like Rainbow Dash before, Octavia refused to spontaneously combust, but she did look mildly disturbed. “I suppose I can make an exception...”

“Thank you.” Twilight let out a quiet sigh. “Trixie, lights?” Almost immediately, the lights in the hall went out, leaving only two spotlights, one for Octavia and one for them.

Rarity’s brain only now processed what was happening. She. Wants. To. Dance. With. Me? She briefly considered running, Rainbow Dash’s opinion of her be damned. I can do many things with Twilight. For Twilight. To Twilight. B-but dancing? Slow dancing? With touching? N-no way, that’s crazy-talk. I’m surely not worthy of this kind of fortune or attention. This is a joke! She’s a goddess, and I’m just... me. Fashion designer with a small shop and big creative burnout. What would she even see in me?

Octavia started to play, making Rarity jump slightly.

Twilight held out her hand, palm facing up. “May I have this dance?”

Realizing that this wasn’t the ideal time to wallow in self-doubt, her brain finally decided to cut the knot in her thoughts: You may have no idea what she might see in you, but for the moment, let’s just pretend that she does see something. Let’s pretend that it actually meant something when she stumbled after seeing you for the first time. And let’s pretend that she is fascinated by the mysterious beauty in the sleeveless blue dress. In this surreal land of make-believe where Twilight Sparkle is so fascinated by you that she drops the rock-princess act on stage... what would you do? She lowered her head slightly and at the same time looked up into those scarlet eyes as she placed her hand in Twilight’s. “You may,” she whispered. OH DEAR GOD, ARE WE REALLY DOING THIS? Twilight smiled like a little filly on Hearth’s Warming Eve and gently placed her other hand on Rarity’s hip. OH YES WE ARE!

It wasn’t the perfect ballroom dance, of course. Rarity was a bit rusty, and Twilight even more so. Still, it was obvious that this rockstar had taken lessons at some point. Aside from these mechanical aspects, however, it was the perfect moment. Twilight had assumed the role of the Lead as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and within seconds, the pair was slowly drifting across the stage. Countless cellphone flashlights (as well as several lighters held up by the more old-fashioned crowd) formed a half-circle of ambient light, and as Rarity allowed herself to become lost in the arms of her partner, a single question crossed her mind: ...is this the ballroom song from “Beauty and the Beast?”

The dance was over far too soon, but Rarity knew that it would have been selfish to make it last any longer. Also, the crowd had started to catch on to the song, and few things in life were weirder than a crowd of rock fans earnestly trying to sing along to a Disney song, especially when only five or so knew more than the line that matched the movie title.

As the final notes of the song played, Twilight removed her hand from Rarity’s hip and let both of them face the audience for a quick bow (or in Rarity’s case, a curtsey). The fans cheered loudly, and Rarity couldn’t hold back a slightly insane giggle - the entire situation felt less like reality and more like a very vivid dream to her. If I wake up in my bed now, I’m going to set my room on fire and cry myself back to sleep. Her grip on Twilight’s hand tightened. A moment later, Twilight lightly squeezed back, making Rarity smile. No. This is real. This is all too real. If this was a dream, we wouldn’t have to part ways now. Or ever.

“Everypony,” Trixie spoke up, “let’s hear it for Octavia Melody and our two enchanting dancers!”

The audience applauded, and Rarity gave the ponies in front of her a quick wave. Stay strong; you can bawl your eyes out later. Rainbow Dash will understand the existential pain of being separated from this deity. She forced herself to smile and looked for the fastest way off the stage and out of the concert hall. Okay, you can probably make it out of here without too much drama. Just-

“Yes, let’s especially hear it for Rarity here!” Twilight held up Rarity’s hand, and the applause grew louder. “I’d say she certainly earned her kiss!”

Rarity’s smile locked up at a strange angle. I earned my what? Her brain obediently went through her short term memory, digging up the chant that had led to her being her: KISS THE PRINCESS! KISS! THE! PRINCESS! “Ghhhheeeee?” she asked, but her absolutely valid question was sadly drowned out by the roaring cheers of the audience.

Twilight swiftly pulled her closer, as if trying to resume their dance. A hand settled on Rarity’s hip, making the shorter mare gasp.

The next thing she knew was the feeling of Twilight’s lips on hers. She blinked; the laws of time and causality implied that Twilight must have leaned down to close the distance, but her memory was drawing blanks. Not that she was mad - it was impossible to be mad while kissing a gorgeous mare such as Twilight. The thought made her eyes widen slightly: she... liked this. No, she loved this. Twilight’s lips were soft and warm, but at the same time, she could feel raw power and ferocity lurking right under the surface, daring her to make a move.

It was a strange turn of events for her. All of her life, she had been waiting for a perfect stallion to sweep her off her hooves. Proper courtship, roses, candlelight dinners, maybe a chaste kiss as build-up to a perfect marriage... But now, as she was held firmly by another mare, her old fantasies were discarded with barely a second thought. This was what she wanted. This was what she needed. She was still being swept off her hooves, but not by a picture perfect Prince Charming. No, this is the kind of princess who charges into battle with a broadsword. The kind of princess who knows what she wants and will claim what is rightfully hers. Twilight pulled back from the kiss, looking as elated as Rarity was feeling. Somewhere in the distance, the audience was cheering, but Rarity paid no attention to it. With one hand, she reached up and, ignoring Twilight’s puzzled expression, pulled her closer again. And I can work with that.

The second kiss was fiercer than the first, with Rarity fighting for the upper hand and ultimately not minding when she lost. Time had lost all meaning while the two unicorns were running hands over each other’s backs and through their manes, savoring each moment as if it was their last on this planet. Finally, Twilight broke the kiss again, but not without adding a finishing touch by gently nipping Rarity’s bottom lip. “Wow,” the singer whispered, sounding slightly out of breath. “I... wow...” She laughed softly. Her next words were drowned out by the audience completely losing its mind, but Rarity had an idea what she probably had said, and she just smiled knowingly. Still smiling, she let go of Twilight’s hand and went back towards the audience, not even flinching when she walked straight off the edge of the stage.

The next minutes had been a pleasant blur. At some point after having been caught by several ponies from the audience and being hugged and cheered on by - Rarity did a quick count - everypony, Rainbow Dash had gently led her out. Now, as she was sitting in Rainbow’s car, her brain finally decided to join the party again. “Uhhhhh...”

“That’s the most dignified sound you made during the last two hours!” Rainbow Dash cheered. “Progress!”

Rarity slowly turned her head to give her a look. “Well, I presume that-” She blinked. “During the last two hours?”

Rainbow shot her a grin. “You have no memories of what happened between you making half the audience jealous and now, do you?”

“What-... I mean... mostly? It’s just...” She gestured vaguely when she realized that she indeed couldn’t recall any specific event after the kiss.

“Right.” The pegasus was looking far too amused - Rarity was certain that she’d be hearing about this for the next decade. “Then you prolly also don’t recall the entire rest of the after-concert show or how you got that sweet swag bag.”

“Swag bag?” Rarity was excited at the prospect of receiving some sort of gift, but the name sounded horribly pedestrian. “Please, there are a million better names than-...” She glanced down and froze. On her lap was a gift bag. A large, glittery gift bag. A large, glittery gift bag with the word “SWAG” written on it in neon-colored, extra-glittery letters. “...ah, never mind.”

“You giggled like an idiot when AJ gave it to you. It was adorable.” Rainbow Dash paused. “Right, you prolly also don’t remember AJ, then. ...man, this post-party memory loss thing is somehow even weirder when you’re the one who has to fill in all the gaps.”

“Trust me, this is weird for me, too...” Rarity peeked into the bag. There were four CDs, a poster, something that looked like a shirt - probably a fashion nightmare, but she was definitely going to try it on - and a thin book of sorts. She took out the book and flipped through it.

Rainbow glanced over after crossing an intersection. “Ohhh, they printed more of those photo books? Neat! Shoulda picked one up at the merchandise table, dang. Remind me to order one through their website later.” She smirked. “Or, actually, I’ll try to remember it myself while you’re still recovering.”

“Are you ever going to let me live that one down?”

“Are you crazy?” Rainbow’s grin was wide enough to briefly make Rarity worry that the top of her head would fall off. “You, little Miss Perfect, Madam Flawless, Mistress of the Refinery-”

“Actually, the noun of ‘refined’ is ‘refined’ and not-”

“-got so swoony and smitten that you barely even remember your own name! Heck nah am I going to let you live that one down!” She paused before adding quietly, “Besides, I’m jealous, so at least give me that.”

“Awww, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for things to go so badly off the rails...”

“Eh, I’ll get over it.” The pegasus gave her a slightly embarrassed smile. “...was it as amazing as it looked?”

“She’s...” She blushed crimson, making Rainbow Dash gasp and giggle. “She’s amazing. Full of passion. It...” Rarity fidgeted with her mane as she came to terms with what had happened and what was and was not going to happen. “It was the most amazing moment I ever experienced and I... and I will most likely stay single for the rest of my life because my goodness, there is no way any other pony will ever match her in terms of... well... anything.”

“Stay single?” Rainbow tilted her head. “You make that sound like-...” She paused; it was one of the few times Rarity had seen the pegasus hold perfectly still. “You really fell for her, didn’t you? Like... romance? Love at first sight? Flowers, candy and candlelight dinners?”

Rarity’s blush somehow intensified. If there had been any heatseeking missiles within a hundred mile radius, they surely would have homed in on her cheeks. “Go ahead, tell me how ridiculous I’m being,” she whispered. Don’t cry. Just don’t cry. Your crush may be hopeless, but that’s no reason to make Rainbow Dash feel bad or question her decision to bring you to this concert.

“Ridiculous? That’s not ridiculous, that is awesome!” Rainbow Dash playfully punched her shoulder again, and Rarity idly wondered of she’d get a bruise at this rate. “You and Princess Freaking Twilight? With that kiss being the start of your relationship? Heck yeah!”

Her words felt like a dagger piercing her heart. “Relationship?” She looked out through her side window and wiped away a quick tear. “What relationship, darling? It’s midnight, the spell is over, my chariot turned back into a pumpkin, I fled the ball, and the Princess has forgotten about me...”

“Okay, first of all, if you’re dissing my car, you’re free to walk.” Rainbow Dash once again punched her shoulder, and by now Rarity was convinced that they’d have to stop at a hospital. “Secondly, I don’t think Cinderella involved memory wipes. And thirdly, I have never seen her kiss anypony the way she kissed you tonight. Also, she often enough said that she hated slow dancing and classical music, so for her to invite you to this kind of... highly... intimate... dance...” She blinked, obviously getting distracted by her memories. “Anyway, what I’m saying is... this was special. And if you want to make this work, I’m confident you can.”

“Y-you’re just saying that...” Rarity bit her lip. “Right...?”

“Would I lie to you?”

“You-”

“Aside from the cello concert thing, which I must stress was not technically a lie. Also, it was for a good cause.”

“Fine, I’m willing to give you this.” Rarity laughed quietly and wiped away her few remaining tears. “So you’re saying I should try to meet her again and... grovel? Conquer? Challenge her to a duel? Is this how you court royalty?” She paused. “Also, how would I even meet her again to begin with?”

“Well-”

“Of course! A concert!” Rarity snapped her fingers. “When is the next one, darling?”

“Technically, the next one is in a couple of weeks-”

“Weeks!?”

“-but it’s been sold out for months.”

Rarity gawked at that. “I didn’t know they were that popular.”

“It’s not a regular concert,” her friend explained patiently, “but rather a band battle setup.”

“Okay, I suppose that might sort of explain why the concert is sold out, depending on the size of-”

“And they’re going to go up against Fluttershy.”

They drove in silence for several seconds.

“This little indie band is going to compete against... Fluttershy?” Rarity finally asked, unsure if she had heard that last word correctly.

“Yep.”

“The Fluttershy?” Rarity gestured vaguely. “The pegasus with the violin? The pegasus with the violin whose last three singles went platinum?”

Rainbow Dash was staring at something a million miles away.

“Wow. And here I thought the band just made poor choices in the fashion department...“

“Yeah, that’s probably going to suck fairly hard. However, it’s not like either side is going to lose fans, so it’s more of a friendly competition.” She paused. “A friendly competition they’re probably going to lose.” Another pause. “Badly.”

“Also a friendly competition we won’t be able to get into. Hm. Well, we’ll see what happens after that, I suppose...” Rarity bit her lip and stared out of the window, lost in thought.

The rest of the drive was mostly uneventful, and Rarity thanked Rainbow Dash for everything when she got out. It was late, and she knew that the sane thing to do was to shower and then crawl to bed. So of course she went to her atelier and carefully put one of the CDs from the bag into the old stereo in it.

“Blind to the world, alone, alone,” Twilight’s voice filled the room after the ominous instrumental build-up, “the girl who thought she was so clever.”

Rarity smiled widely and picked up her sketchbook.

“Wake up! Bow and kneel before my throne!”

My muse. My Princess. Perfect, savage, strong. She let herself fall into her favorite comfortable chair. Yes, I can work with that.

“FOR THE NIGHT-”

“-WILL LAST FOREVER!” Rarity roared and began to sketch her first dress in a month.

Author's Note

Notes, inspiration, credits:

As mentioned, the AU itself is of course directly inspired by (and inspiring) Earthsong's RnR!AU

Twilight was somewhat inspired by Sandra Nasić of the band Guano Apes, especially her vocals for Apocalyptica's song "Path Vol. 2". Speaking of Apocalyptica, guess why I chose to include Octavia in Twilight's band! :raritywink:

"Twilight will handle it" comes from "Out of Coffee?" by NCMares.

While writing this fic, I realized that coming up with song lyrics is HAAAAAAAARD, MY GOD

I also realized that the song lyrics generators I found produce hilarious, terrible results. More on that in a later chapter.

In this setting, most of the show canon's crises are basically folklore/mythology, so Twilight is basically singing about old fairy tales because she is still a huge egghead in this AU.

Twilight's eye color is an artistic choice by Earthsong. I included it in the fic because I love the look, but I'm currently undecided whether this is going to be this AU's Twi's natural eye color or if she's wearing contacts.

Of Narratives and Nomads

Ten days until the big battle of the bands. Ten days until the potential - and likely - humiliation of the band she had put blood, sweat and tears into.

Intellectually, Twilight Sparkle knew that this was a big deal. She just found herself unable to care all that much, somehow.

“All in favor?” Trixie asked loudly.

“Aye,” she said automatically and raised her hand without even looking up from her journal.

It was Twilight who had set up this strict workflow where all moderately important decisions concerning the band went through discussion and voting, and even her biggest critics conceded that her organizational skills had contributed greatly to Villian Court’s success.

“All in favor?” Trixie asked.

And yet, it all just felt... meaningless to her right now. “Aye.”

She of course knew who was to blame, and for a change, it wasn’t Trixie. Twilight glanced down at her doodles, at the single word surrounded by ever more complex patterns:

RARITY

The concert had been two weeks ago, and the mysterious unicorn was still the only thing Twilight could think of. Even her dreams were all about the beauty in the designer dress, the mare who had kissed her in a way Twilight hadn’t even dared to fantasize about before.

“All in favor?”

“Aye.”

I should have followed Octavia’s advice, she conceded. Should have contacted Rainbow Dash and asked her for information. Maybe for a phone number. Maybe for flower preferences. But... then what? I’m terrible at small talk, we probably have nothing in common, and I’d be of even less use to the band if I was crying my eyes out after being shot down. She sighed. No, this is fine.

Somepony gently tapped her shoulder, and she looked up from her notebook. “Yes?”

“Go home, Twilight,” Trixie told her and gave her an odd, knowing smile.

Twilight blinked. “We got practice scheduled up after this meeting.”

“We do,” Trixie said, her smile widening a little bit, “and we will.” A pause. “So you can go home unless you want to stay and listen.”

What? She squinted at her friend. “Pretty sure the practice session will go a lot better with its lead singer, Trish Trash.”

Trixie’s smile briefly turned sour - she loathed the nickname Twilight had given to her years ago in school - but then the annoying smile returned. “Yes, it will. But it will also go a lot better without non-members distracting us.”

“Wha-...” Twilight stopped herself when she reviewed their exchange so far. I’m missing something. She exchanged several looks with Trixie. No, I’ve been missing something for a while now. Her eyes flicked over to the large whiteboard they had propped up in their makeshift studio. Then she did a double take when she realized that the board was almost entirely covered in text. “What the hay...”

Trixie stepped aside, clearly having waited for this moment. If nothing else, she knew her friend well enough to anticipate her reactions.

In her apathy, Twilight hadn’t even realized that there had been almost a dozen items during this meeting. There was no time to read through all the proposals, so she skipped straight to the last one. “#10: To ensure victory in the band battle, Twilight Sparkle will-...” She slowly got up from her chair, as if hoping that the change in elevation would alter the words on the whiteboard. “What... the... actual...”

“I suppose my handwriting got a bit sloppy towards the end there,” Trixie conceded, but it was just an act. “It says-”

“I CAN READ, TRIXIE!” Expected or not, Twilight’s outburst still made the others jump. “TWILIGHT SPARKLE WILL RESIGN FROM THE BAND! THAT’S WHAT YOU WROTE, YOU WANNABE WITCH! TWILIGHT SPARKLE WILL-...” She stopped herself when her voice cracked.

“One wonders why we even bother to give you a microphone on stage when you could just-”

“YOU’RE THROWING ME OUT OF THE BAND?” Twilight pointed at the whiteboard. Octavia, who had been standing next to it, moved a step to the side, as if worrying that it might explode at any moment. “YOU DARE? YOU DARE TO THROW ME OUT OF THE BAND WHICH I FOUNDED? MY BAND?”

Trixie exchanged quick looks with Octavia and Big Macintosh before putting on her best serious face. “Just because-”

“SOMETHING YOU LITERALLY CAN’T DO, BY THE WAY!” Twilight laughed. It was a harsh, ugly laugh. “Because, you see, there are rules,” she snarled and brought her face closer to Trixie’s. Much to her credit, her friend did not back off. “Rules that you so obviously forgot about. Such as the rule that we will never, ever remove somepony from the band, which was founded on the strength of our friendship.”

“We voted to change that rule.” Trixie calmly pointed back at the board.

“You voted to do what?” Twilight blinked and turned to face the whiteboard again. Hell’s bells, they actually did so right before the vote where they kicked me out. The lunatics! ...but at least they are orderly lunatics. In a twisted sense, Twilight was happy to see the band still following her strictly ordered protocols, even when they had apparently decided to do away with common sense. “So let me guess, you also introduced some rule to make it so votes don’t need to be unanimous so that you’d be able to kick me out?”

“Oh, there was no need for that.” Trixie’s professional expression was suddenly replaced by an angry scowl. “Check. The. Board. Again.”

Twilight took a half step back before reminding herself that she was supposed to be the one fueled by righteous anger. She checked the board yet again, this time not focusing on the proposals, but rather the initials next to each of them. The four sets of initials representing Trixie Lulamoon, Octavia Melody, Big Macintosh... and Twilight Sparkle. I voted for this. Trixie called out the votes and I replied without even bothering to check what I was voting for. Her mouth was dry, but she still felt compelled to say the harshest of all truths out loud: “I voted myself out of my band.”

“No,” Trixie hissed, her anger now completely overriding her composed act, “not your band. Our band.” She grabbed Twilight’s muzzle and forced her head downwards so that she could stare her down properly. “It ceased to be your band the moment you decided that it’s more fun to daydream about Legs McSilkydress while everypony else is worrying about how Fluttershy is going to annihilate us in front of a live audience in less than two weeks!”

“I-...” Twilight swallowed hard. This is a nightmare. Clearly. Has to be. I’ll wake up in my bed any second now, and I will have learned a valuable lesson and grown as a person. Because I absolutely did not just VOTE MYSELF OUT OF THE ONE THING IN MY LIFE I AM ACTUALLY PROUD OF! She started to tremble, started to feel like she was running out of air, out of space. Trixie’s grip on her muzzle was vice-like, and despite knowing that she was physically stronger than the lead guitarist, Twilight found herself unable to pull herself free. I DID NOT JUST DO THAT! TELL ME I DID NOT JUST DO THAT! She blinked away a few tears to stare at the board again. At the proposal she hadn’t bothered to listen to. At the vote she had participated in without paying attention.

It took her long seconds to come to the inevitable conclusion: No. I... did that. I spent the last weeks drifting further and further away from the band because I couldn’t stop thinking about Rarity.

She weakly tapped Trixie’s hand, signaling her surrender, and her friend immediately let go. “I-...” It took some effort, but she managed to hold back a strangled sob. Trixie is right - I let the band down when it needed me the most. I’ve let Rarity distract me to the point where I have become a liability. “I-...” This time, she only half succeeded. What would I have done if it had been one of the others who effectively abandoned the band? “I’m sorry,” she finally whispered as her sobs were just seconds away from a full meltdown. Without waiting for Trixie to deliver the killing blow, she bolted towards the exit. “I’m sorr-URGH!” She nearly lost her balance when her legs kept moving towards the door while her upper body was held back by an impossibly strong force.

“Ah sure hope y’all are happy now.” Applejack didn’t even grunt under the strain of having stopped Twilight’s escape by grabbing the scruff of her neck through her mane.

“LEMME GO!” Twilight snapped, but the band’s unofficial fifth member didn’t seem to be paying any attention to her.

“In all fairness, I didn’t expect her to lose it this quickly,” Trixie defended herself, letting go of her combative tone as quickly as she had picked it up.

“What did ah tell ya?” Applejack usually managed to keep her drawl to a minimum, but it tended to be out in full force when she was aggravated. “Y’all make Twilight cry an’ I know a bunch o’ ponies who can walk home.”

“Oh, give me a break, she turned on the waterworks when I applied minimal pressure. I expected her to debate or argue some more instead of immediately crying like a little-...” The grip on Twilight’s neck tightened as the farmer tensed up, and Trixie laughed nervously. Applejack’s tendency to be protective of her friends’ wellbeing probably would have been less scary if they hadn’t once witnessed her crushing a brick with her bare hands. “I mean... what I’m saying is... that I’m sorry for accidentally pushing her too effectively. The... ah... Great and Powerful Trixie often underestimates her powers.” The retreat into her stage persona, signified by referring to herself in third person, was a surefire sign of concern. Only when Applejack didn’t proceed to break her face, Trixie sighed happily. “I’ll fix this, just toss her my way.”

Applejack casually pulled Twilight back, ignoring the singer’s protests as she flung the unicorn across the room. Twilight hit the whiteboard face-first and cursed audibly. “I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean that literally,” Octavia quipped.

“Eh, she can take it,” Applejack replied calmly. “Sometimes needs a little nudge to snap out of her moodiness.”

“Moodiness?” Twilight wiped away a stray tear. Applejack’s intervention had given her a much-needed moment to calm down from her hysteric fit, but the impact had tempted her to throw another, different one. “I’ll show you moodiness, you overgrown muscle-” Somepony snapped her fingers right in front of her face, causing her to blink in irritation.

“Much as I’d love to see you two gym rats go at it, why don’t you focus on the band’s wellbeing for a change, Twinkle Sprinkle?” Trixie gave her a smug grin, the kind reserved for the rare occasions when she wasn’t worried that Twilight would retaliate for her use of this particular nickname.

“I thought I wasn’t a part of the band anymore,” Twilight said and briefly considered using her own silly nickname for her friend before deciding against it, “Trixie?”

Her friend’s grin widened visibly, but she didn’t celebrate her victory in the nickname contest beyond that. “Well, in her unlimited wisdom, the Great and Powerful Trixie, new lead member of ‘Trixie And The Villian Court,’ will-”

“Pretty sure we didn’t vote for a name change yet,” Big Macintosh muttered, his voice easily carrying across the room from the couch in the corner.

“-consider one more vote,” Trixie finished her sentence, pointedly ignoring the large stallion’s objection. She grabbed a marker and hastily started to write on the whiteboard: “#11: All of today’s votes shall be rendered null and void.”

Twilight gawked at the item. Is that even allowed? I mean... probably? I mean... WHO CARES, NONE OF THIS HAPPENED AND WE CAN BE A BAND AGAIN! She started to smile, but then stopped herself. Wait, it can’t be that easy. She gave Trixie a sideways look. “You didn’t orchestrate all of this just to let me off the hook this easily. What’s the catch?”

“Ah, there’s the Twilight we’ve been waiting for!” Trixie praised her and smiled triumphantly.

This is going to suck. Twilight desperately tried not to grimace. Then she froze. “You’re going to make me forget about Rarity,” she whispered, paling under her light purple fur.

“What?” Trixie blinked. Then she caught herself when she saw Twilight’s expression of despair. “No! Goodness, no! I wouldn’t-... You think I’d actually-... Octavia, back me up here!”

“We’re not making you choose between the band and your crush,” Octavia said calmly and rolled her eyes. “Trixie’s an idiot, but she’s not stupid or evil enough to ask for something this cruel.”

“Thank you,” Trixie said before frowning for a second as she reviewed that sentence. “Nopony wants to interfere with your private life, Twilight. Rarity is clearly important to you, and we respect that. If you want to prance with her through the fields and tear off each other’s cloth-”

Octavia coughed.

Trixie grinned sheepishly. “Anyway. You go and have fun. But... we reason that the band is also still important to you, so we want you to get your priorities sorted out, okay?”

Twilight desperately tried to banish the mental image of her and Rarity engaging in illicit activities on a field in the middle of nowhere. She probably wears silk stockings, her imagination chimed in, making her inhale sharply. “Band life comes first, at least until we got some time to breathe,” she quickly confirmed with her best poker face. She might ask you to pull them down with your teeth.

“Very good. Now, that’s the no-brainer basics. As for my actual price...” Trixie steepled her fingers, and Twilight’s imagination was shoved out of the way by her trepidation. “Can you imagine what I would ask of you? I’ll give you a hint, it’s something I’ve been wanting for a long, long time.”

“No idea, sorry,” she replied before her imagination had a chance to feed her a horribly wrong and indecent answer inspired by her current thoughts regarding fields and silk stockings.

“I want you to think of a better nickname than ‘Trish Trash.’” Trixie crossed her arms.

...what? Twilight blinked. “B-but-...”

“No! That’s non-negotiable.” Trixie stomped her hoof for emphasis. “It’s an insulting, demeaning name, and its use will end today.”

“Well, I only call you that when you do or say something stupid, so that is sort of the point. Besides, it’s an alliteration and a play on ‘Trixie,’ so I don’t-”

“Very well!” The guitarist turned around with enough momentum to slap Twilight with her mane. “Begone then! You are hereby banished from the Villian Court!”

Always the dramatic showmare... Well, fine, I’ll play your game... “Great!” Twilight proclaimed in an exaggerated, haughty tone. “I was getting tired of this band, anyway! I will go and make a new band! A better one! With hookers and blackjack!”

Trixie turned around again, mostly just to show Twilight her best sneer. “Oh, really? Well, you’re going to be disappointed because, unlike me, prostitutes have standards!” It was a fierce battle to see who would laugh first, but after long seconds, Trixie lost. “Oh, come here, you big dork!” she said between giggles and pulled her friend into a hug.

Twilight grinned and returned the gesture, making the shorter mare struggle for breath. “Thanks for the wake-up call, Trixie. I owe you.”

“It’s fine,” the guitarist wheezed and finally managed to pull herself free. “I got to see your dumb face after throwing you out of the band, that’s enough of a reward for me.”

“Plus the nickname blackmail,” Twilight pointed out.

“Exactly. So I take it we have a deal?”

“Yes, yes,” Twilight said and placed her right hand over her heart, “I swear I’ll stop using the old name and think of a better one.”

Trixie grinned victoriously. “All in favor?”

“Aye!” the remaining members of Villian Court said as one.

Twilight looked at her friends and smiled widely. Then her smile froze when she realized that she saw four hands up in the air instead of three. “Uh, why did Vinyl raise her hand?” she asked slowly, trying her best not to make it sound condescending.

Everypony turned to face the blue-maned mare who was sitting on the couch next to Big Macintosh. Vinyl Scratch blinked.

“Oh, right, my bad.” Trixie pointed at the whiteboard again. “Since she was your replacement as lead singer, she gained voting power after we threw you out.”

Twilight didn’t bother to hide her bewilderment as she stared first at Trixie, then Octavia. “You made Vinyl the new lead singer? Vinyl Scratch? Your marefriend?”

“I swear I will slap you if you accuse me of nepotism,” Octavia flatly warned her.

“You were going to make her the lead singer?” Twilight asked again, ignoring the cellist’s objection.

“She admittedly doesn’t have much singing experience, but-”

“You were going to make the mute girl your new lead singer?”

There was a moment of stunned silence. Vinyl and Octavia exchanged puzzled glances. Trixie frowned briefly before suddenly deciding that she needed to read through the warning labels of the whiteboard marker right now. The Apple siblings just glanced at each other before shrugging, as if agreeing that they weren’t going to get involved in this particular idiocy.

“Okay,” Twilight finally conceded, “maybe that was... what’s the word... ableist? And I apologize for any perceived discrimination, and Vinyl’s a great person and all that, but surely we can agree that a mute pony will have trouble filling the role-”

“Vinyl’s not mute, you multicolored muppet,” Octavia interrupted her, sounding equal parts annoyed and incredulous.

“Yes, she is!” Twilight said, barely hiding her own annoyance - she hated being contradicted, especially when it came to things she was sure of. In all fairness, shouldn’t Octavia know this better than you? her voice of reason carefully asked, only to be shoved aside by her righteous anger.

“No, I’m not,” Vinyl said.

“YES, YOU ARE!” Twilight snapped, then froze. “...wait, what?”

“Is it too late to revise my vote?” Octavia asked, though her hint of a smirk suggested that she wasn’t entirely serious.

“You... can talk?” Twilight asked, painfully aware of how stupid she was sounding.

Vinyl eyed her over the narrow, purple-tinted lenses of her half glasses. Combined with her dark purple shirt, which seemed to come straight from some sort of Renaissance Faire, she looked like some sort of hippie witch. “It’s depressing that you’re supposedly the smart one in this band,” she muttered.

...okay, I liked her better when she wasn’t talking. Twilight gestured back and forth. “But... I thought you were mute!”

“Just because I don’t talk your ear off doesn’t-”

“Trixie told me so! She told me you had this tragic accident five years ago when-...” Her voice trailed off. “Oh, no...” Slowly, she turned towards her friend, who was studying the marker in her hands with all her might. “You lied to me,” she whispered.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie may have constructed what those in the business refer to as ‘a narrative,’” Trixie quietly told the marker, unwilling to look up.

“A narrative?” Twilight glanced over at Vinyl and Octavia. The latter was looking unsure just how badly Trixie had screwed up, but she seemed to be willing to err on the side of a healthy beating. Vinyl just seemed vaguely amused. “You mean a narrative like that one time you tried to convince our fanbase that I had a rare disease where I was going to die if I used magic more than a hundred times in my lifetime?”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie wanted to cast you in a sympathetic light and raise awareness of this rare and-”

“FOR THE LOVE OF-...” Twilight barely stopped herself from grabbing the other unicorn and tossing her through a window. “TRIXIE, YOU-”

“WHO’S UP FOR COFFEE?” Everypony turned towards Applejack, who was leaning in the doorway, twirling her keychain around her index finger like an old-timey Western gunslinger. The younger Apple sibling flicked her trademark hat up, revealing a smile and a look that dared anypony to disagree with her.

“AJ, this seriously isn’t the time. I know you mean well and want to stop us from needlessly fighting, but this is a screw-up that needs to be dealt with. Violently, maybe.”

“Yeah,” Octavia agreed with Twilight, “we can worry about beverages after burying Trixie’s remains.”

“Also, we got practice once we’re done here,” Big Macintosh pointed out. “Though heaven knows if we’ll actually manage to focus enough for that...”

“Oh, right, right,” Applejack conceded and nodded slowly. “Well, y’all have fun then, but I’m gonna grab a coffee.” She jingled her car keys before leaving the meeting room. “Seeya!”

“See you,” Twilight muttered. “Now, Trixie, we need to-”

“May I point out two things?” the accused party interrupted her, looking her in the eyes for the first time since Twilight had realized that she had learned Equestrian Sign Language for nothing. When no protest came, she grinned sheepishly. “Okay, first of all, I want to say that I’m, like, super sorry that you fell for this. If I had known, I would’ve told you earlier.”

Twilight briefly considered pointing out that Trixie hadn’t actually apologized for lying to her, but then decided to take any small concession she could. “Aaand secondly?” she asked.

“Well, the second thing is that our designated driver just clocked out while we all are at least fifteen miles away from our respective-”

“APPLEJACK!” Twilight shouted before Trixie could even finish her sentence. “WAIT!” She burst through the door... and almost ran into the former farmer, who had been waiting right on the other side.

“So, ya gonna join me for a coffee and some unwinding after all?” Applejack asked, smiling mischievously. “Y’all are gonna love the place I got in mind.”

“Wait, that is why you always kept waving at me?” Vinyl asked and laughed. “I thought you kept having some sort of seizure!”

“I always wondered why you never signed back at me! I feel like such an idiot! We met how long ago? And this somehow never came up?” Twilight leaned back as far as she could and laughed. Applejack’s van wasn’t exactly spacious - especially not when six ponies were inside it - but it was a lot better than the hatchback from the band’s earliest days.

“Well, you’ve usually been too busy to chat for long,” Vinyl diplomatically said.

“I suppose so, yeah...” Now that most of the tension had been removed, she felt fairly at ease again. Vinyl’s words did make her think, but she wasn’t quite in the right mood to embrace the conclusion her brain was steering towards yet. We can do this. We’ll manage. She smiled. We’re friends.

“Speaking of signs,” Trixie said slowly, “could you tell Octavia that I may not know sign language, but I do recognize all the rude gestures she’s been making?”

We’re friends, and friends aren’t going to toss a friend out of the van at thirty miles per hour, no matter how much she deserves it, Twilight reminded herself and chuckled at the mental image.

“Keep it down with the gestures an’ stuff!” Applejack snapped playfully from the driver’s seat before slowing down to park the car. “Ah want y’all on yer best behavior from here on! If y’all get me kicked outta this place, ya can take a cab to the band battle!”

“Fine, we promise!” Twilight replied and turned her head to the side to see just what place her friend had dragged them to. She raised an eyebrow at the large sign over the door of the pastel-colored house. “Cake & Cake?” Then she squinted when she saw two other, smaller signs that had literally been stapled to the lower right corner of the big one. “Cake & Cake & Pie & Cake & Cake?”

“Gee, I wonder what we can buy here...” Octavia snorted.

“Those are the names of the cafe’s owners,” Applejack pointed out patiently and opened her door to get out of the van. “Well, three owners an’ the Cake’s kids, technically, but once Pinkie got started with the signs, there was no stoppin’ her.”

“Pinkie?” Octavia asked.

“Pinkie Pie.” Applejack pointed at the sign again.

Twilight frowned for a second before blinking. “Wait, is she that Pinkie? The one you mentioned here and there during our gym workouts?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. The one I kept pesterin’ you to visit!”

“I remember!” She lowered her eyes. “I was... just... busy...”

“That sounds like Twilight,” Big Macintosh chimed in from behind them. “Always the workaholic.”

“It sure does,” Applejack agreed. “And Pinkie’s a lot like that, too.” She frowned. “...I should get some unemployed friends to hang out with when y’all are busy.”

“Or you could get a job,” Twilight offered and quickly side-stepped the punch aimed at her shoulder.

“Ah get to babysit y’all, that’s a full-time job if ah’ve ever seen one!” Applejack added a quick kick - which Twilight barely managed to dodge, too - for good measure. “Now get in before I change my mind!”

“Uh, right, about that,” Octavia said when she got through the door. “Anypony got alternatives?”

Twilight gawked. The cafe was slightly larger than she had imagined after seeing the rather unassuming front, but it was also a lot more crowded than she had feared. Maybe AJ can squeeze in somewhere to hang out with this Pinkie Pie. The rest of us... are there any bars nearby, maybe?

“Eh, there’s prolly some space in the back.” Applejack was sounding unimpressed. “Let’s get a second opinion. PINKIE?”

Twilight was about to give Applejack a look of disbelief when something pink tackled her friend with full force. “WHAT THE-”

“APPLEJACK! HIIIIIII!” the pink pony screamed even as both of them stumbled to the ground. She looked a bit as if a cotton candy machine had exploded all over her just minutes ago, but after some squinting, Twilight realized that she was looking at a very poofy, pink mane and tail. “How’ve you been? Wanna get the usual?” She jumped to her hooves and held out a hand.

“Actually, Pinkie,” Applejack said as she let the pink pony help her up, “I got some company tod-HEY!”

Pinkie Pie whirled around, ignoring the fact that letting go of Applejack caused the latter to crash back to the ground. “Oh my gosh, these are your FRIENDS!?” she exclaimed, a manic grin rapidly forming on her face. “I never thought I’d see the day when you finally bring your friends along I actually kinda thought you were making them up just to look hip and cool but look at you guys you’re real and you’ve come here and this is SO AWESOME!” she somehow rambled without once pausing to breathe.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a table for all of us?” Applejack was clearly more used to the crazy energy levels of her fellow Earth pony. She simply dusted off her pants and shirt after getting back up as if nothing special had happened and gave her a casual smile.

Pinkie Pie seemed to mull it over. Twilight couldn’t tell if it was an act or not, and that made her mildly nervous; she usually prided herself with being able to read ponies quickly. “Well, we’re already using eighteen out of our regular seven tables, so seating another six ponies is going to be tricky...”

The math here doesn’t check out on multiple levels... Twilight quickly glanced over at Octavia and the others for silent confirmation. “I see,” she said while turning back to their host, “we can come back anoth-...”

Pinkie Pie was nowhere to be seen.

“Yeah, she makes greased lightnin’ look like jus’ grease,” Applejack confirmed, seemingly unfazed by the vanishing act. “While we’re waitin’, why not take a quick bite?” She held up six cake pops.

Twilight squinted at the little cakes. “Where... did you get those? Is this some sort of sleight of hand trick?”

“Nah, Pinkie gave ‘em to me.” When Twilight’s squint turned into a deep frown, the Earth pony chuckled. “Oh, this is gonna be so much fun...“

As much as Twilight wanted to question the timing, logic and general plausibility of what was going on, she had to admit that the cake pops looked delicious. “I think I’ll have one, act-”

“FOUND ONE!” Pinkie Pie shouted, having materialized next to Twilight in the blink of an eye. She was holding a large table over her head with no apparent effort - and terrible lifting posture, as Twilight silently noted - and gave them a wide grin. Then she looked at Applejack’s outstretched hand. “Ohh, you should totally try these!” She let go of the table with one hand, grabbed one of the cake pops and stuffed it in Twilight’s mouth. By the time gravity caught on to what she was doing, she had already placed her hand back under the wobbling table. “C’mon, let’s find you guys a nice place!”

They followed the manic pony at a measured pace. Unlike Pinkie Pie, who was able to dash through the crowded room either thanks to experience or some sort of unknown magic, the band members actually had to be careful not to bump into patrons. “She is... certainly energetic,” Twilight finally said, keeping her voice low enough to only Applejack could hear her. “Never seen a pony this fast and... er... hyper...”

“Ha!” Applejack gave her a smirk. “Ya know how some ponies run on sugar? The kinda folks who can never hold still an’ stuff?”

Twilight frowned lightly. “Yeah, but even for a pony high on sugar, this-”

“No, no, Pinkie Pie doesn’t run on sugar.”

“But you just said-...” She stopped when she saw Applejack’s knowing grin.

“Pinkie Pie doesn’t run on sugar,” the Earth pony repeated. “Sugar runs on Pinkie Pie.”

Twilight blinked slowly and gave her friend a look of disbelief. However, just when she wanted to question that assertion, Pinkie Pie cheered.

“Great, thanks so much for letting my friends squeeze in!” She shouted in what Twilight feared was her indoor voice. She was still holding the table above her head and was looking at a gap between two groups sitting at their respective tables. A gap that was about three inches wide. “Juuust let me put thiiis-”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Twilight muttered.

“-HERE!” And with that, Pinkie slammed the table down into the gap.

Twilight flinched. When she didn’t hear any screams of anguish, she dared to look. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” The table was standing between the two groups of ponies, except that the gap between them had somehow widened considerably. And Pinkie Pie was already placing chairs at the table, not bothering to consider the fact that there had been no free chairs anywhere nearby five seconds ago. “How...?” She looked around, trying to find spots in the room where ponies were crowded together, where gaps had been closed. But for all intents and purposes, all tables were still evenly spaced, and nopony looked as if they had had to move.

“Thanks, Pinkie, you’re the best,” Applejack merely said, ignoring Twilight’s increasingly desperate sounds of confusion. “Why don’t I introduce y’all while we’re gettin’ settled in?” She waited a few moments until her band friends had arrived at the table. “Everypony, this is Pinkie Pie, co-owner of this cozy corner of Canterlot. We’ve been friends since we met way back at Minuette University.”

Trixie nearly choked on her cake pop. “You’ve been to Minuette?” She shook her head in disbelief. “You? As what? Bouncer? Or may-MFFF?”

Big Macintosh brought his face closer to Trixie’s, his right hand still clamping her muzzle shut. “What did I say during our second meeting?” he asked calmly. “You can talk smack about me all day long, but you run your mouth about my sisters, my grandma or my dog, and I will break your face.”

“Come on, big guy,” Applejack groaned and smacked his back. A pony other than Applejack likely would have broken her hand. A pony other than Big Macintosh likely would have required three days of rest at the nearest ICU. “Ah can defend m’self jus’ fine.” She took a deep breath, probably having realized that her drawl was becoming more noticeable again - a clear sign that she was more agitated than she was letting on. “Besides, it’s not like I go around, wavin’ my Masters of Economics around all day.”

“You studied economics?” Trixie asked when Big Macintosh finally let go. “How has this never come up?”

“How’d you never realize I’ve been doin’ yer finances since basically forever?” Applejack shrugged. “Also, I was supposed to take over the family business - at least until Applebloom proved to be even more enthusiastic for this kinda thing - so of course I had to learn my way around numbers and finances...”

“She-...” Trixie stopped to compose herself. “We have an accountant?”

Twilight couldn’t help but grin. Suddenly, her assumption about Vinyl being mute didn’t look quite as stupid anymore. “Of course we have-”

“And it’s Applejack?” Trixie was clearly on a roll now. “The girl who can’t even figure out how many words are supposed to be in ’you all’ is handling our money?”

It was a classic setup for a confrontation: Trixie’s big mouth versus Applejack’s pride and stubbornness was preprogrammed entertainment for hours. This time, however, it was cut short: “Ohhh, you must be Trixie!” Pinkie Pie was suddenly standing between the two, looking positively excited.

Trixie’s exasperation was immediately brushed aside. If anything made her forget about an argument, a bad mood or virtually anything else, it was recognition and flattery. “Why yes, it is I, the Great and Powerful Trixie!” she announced majestically and flicked her mane over her shoulder, barely missing Twilight’s face. “Was it my good looks or superior diction that tipped you off?”

Pinkie just giggled. “Applejack told me all about you! You’re the one she loves to bicker with! She really holds you in high regard and would be super bummed out if you one day stopped poking her buttons!”

“Did she-” Trixie gawked at Applejack, who smiled back in a slightly awkward way. “Wow, Applejack, that sounds so unlike you, but I am... touched that-”

“She also thinks that you’d make funny noises if she stuffed you upside-down into a woodchipper.”

“...yes, that sounds much more like her,” Trixie said and rolled her eyes at the former farmer, who was grinning ear to ear now. “Dork.”

“And you must be Octavia!” Pinkie was bouncing from band member to band member now.

“Pleasure to meet you,” the cellist replied politely and offered her hand.

Pinkie shook it with enough enthusiasm that Twilight idly worried about broken fingers. “You’re even classier than AJ told me, and you’re not even wearing that dress that she keeps getting jealous abou-”

“Pinkie!” Applejack yelped, causing some of her friends to giggle and others to outright snicker.

“I should’ve known,” Trixie immediately teased her, “that the dark secret of our always-practical, no-fuss tough mare would be... a dress!”

“Well, I do declare,” Octavia said in her best, exaggerated drawl, “our young Miss Jack is actually a darling Southern belle!”

“Is that why you have been practicin’ those parasol twirls at home?” Big Macintosh asked, grinning in a way that was reserved for big brothers teasing their little sisters.

Applejack let out a low snort that made the fur on the back of Twilight’s neck stand on end. “Oh, y’all are gun’ get some Southern hospitality right up ya-”

Twilight just barely managed to press herself against the bulky mare and wrap her arms around her. It was a futile gesture as, daily workouts or not, Twilight was still just a unicorn while Applejack was one of the strongest Earth ponies in a hundred mile radius. Still, it was a gesture among friends, and she could feel her backing down a little bit. “Come on, AJ, don’t give them the satisfaction! Also, we’re not going to find two new band members before the band battle, so let’s not break them just yet, okay?”

“Besides, that would be rather uncouth, young lady.” Trixie’s grin lasted just until Applejack took a menacing step in her direction, pushing Twilight along as if she wasn’t even there.

Pinkie Pie’s giggle made both bulky mares freeze. “Hahaha, you two!” She ruffled Applejack’s mane before giving Twilight’s left biceps an experimental squeeze. “Ohhhh, you must be Twilight! The only unicorn Applejack can’t squeeze into a soda can!”

“She hasn’t given me reason to try... yet,” Applejack snorted, but it was almost entirely in jest. Probably.

“Aw, you!” Pinkie ruffled her friend’s mane again before effortlessly dragging her onto one of the chairs.

Twilight glanced at the circle of seats before giving Vinyl a too-wide smile. “Right. Vinyl, why don’t you sit there,” she said and pointed at the seat on Applejack’s left side, “while I sit here?” She pointed at the seat on the right side.

Vinyl eyed Applejack nervously. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather sit-”

“I’m not going to risk any of these jokers sitting within grabbing distance,” Twilight clarified, dropping the act. “So you and I are on crumple zone duty.”

“But I crumple way faster than you!” Vinyl whined.

“Do it for your marefriend.”

“I already gave up my job for her, that ought to be enough for a while!”

Twilight blinked before leaning forwards, shoving Applejack face-first onto the table. “Wait, hold on. Are you saying that that part’s true? You were with the Royal Canterlot Orchestra?”

“Well, yes. I was the Assistant Conductor until...” Vinyl gestured lamely. Octavia merely looked down at the table.

Holy cow. That’s one massive job opportunity to just give up for love. There are ponies out there who would legitimately murder for a chance to be the next conductor of the RCO, and she just gave it up out of loyalty because Octavia had had a falling-out with them and left!? Twilight gave her a warm smile. “Octavia’s one lucky mare.” Then she turned around. Trixie, just like Octavia, was looking at the table. “You have this epic love story to work with, and you make up a story about her being mute?”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie reasoned that disabilities sell better,” Trixie whispered, looking embarrassed for a change.

“Right, I guess I’ll be crumple zone for Trixie then,” Big Macintosh muttered and pulled the guitarist out of the way before Twilight had the chance of inducing any disabilities in her. Of course, this meant that Trixie was now seated next to Octavia, who gave her shoulder a sharp slap, albeit not a crippling one.

Twilight watched as Pinkie exchanged short pleasantries with Vinyl and a knowing fist bump with Big Macintosh before leaving a few menus at the table and getting out their way. She smiled lazily at the gathered round - it had been a long time since they had just hung out like this. In fact, the last time had probably been shortly after the band’s formation. Have I been pushing them too hard? She frowned lightly. Yeah, maybe there’s been too much work and too little play. That’s prolly why I never even found the time to properly interact with Vinyl. Or visit this place. Or tell Trixie that AJ’s the sole reason why her spending sprees haven’t bankrupted us yet. Oof - at this rate, I’m Trixie’s long-lost sister, and we only don’t know it yet because I was too busy handling band logistics. Her brain nearly managed to point out that having a proper manager would free up her schedule considerably, but that thought was immediately tossed into a tiny cell way at the back of her mind. No. Not her. Zip it. This band is mine, not hers.

The first round of beverages made everypony who wasn’t a member of the Apple family gawk. “I’m no expert, but I don’t think a latte macchiato is supposed to bubble like that...” Trixie lightly nudged her mug, only to retreat hastily when it made a fizzing sound.

“I... may have gotten a wee bit sidetracked with the orders,” Pinkie admitted with a sorry-not-sorry grin, “but you should totally give them a try!”

“Yeah, c’mon!” Twilight jeered while silently trying to puzzle out why her supposedly regular coffee was giving off a green glow.

“I think the honor of the first sip should go to our dear band leader,” Vinyl suddenly chimed in. Octavia and Trixie were quick to agree.

I really liked you better as a mute, Twilight thought and shot her a dirty look. Vinyl just grinned and tried to ignore her own, wildly foaming mug. “Sure, why not,” she finally said, trying to sound enthusiastic. “To the best friends a pony could ever wish for.” She paused before smirking. “And to Vinyl, too.” Applejack’s dope slap nearly sent her face-first onto the table top, but she recovered quickly enough. “Cheers!” And with that, Twilight took a big gulp before her brain could process that she was about to drink something that looked like waste from a nuclear reactor. “Mhh!?” She blinked and tried to make sense of the minty-fresh party that had just been kicked off in her mouth.

“Eh? Ehhh?” Pinkie Pie was giving her an expectant grin.

“MHHH!” Twilight frantically waved her free hand.

“Just as a quick heads-up,” Vinyl told nopony in particular, “I can’t actually sing, so if she dies, don’t expect me to-”

“Oh, WOW!” Twilight finally managed after swallowing all of it. “Thish shtuff ish aweshome!” She blinked. Her tongue felt slightly numb. Huh. She shrugged and took another sip. Totally worth it!

“To friendship!” Applejack raised her own mug, and the others quickly joined her.

Twilight leaned back as the others went through similar experiences of caffeinated bliss. Pinkie was obviously delighted by this - praise for one’s hard work always caused a certain giddiness, no matter the kind of work.

A second round was quickly followed by a third, with cake orders thrown in for good measure. The baked offerings of this cafe were less experimental than the beverages, but also of the highest quality. It was only after the third round that Twilight felt relaxed enough to reach into her bag.

“Oh come on,” Trixie complained even before Twilight had pulled her notebook fully free.

“Goodness, have some mercy,” Octavia pleaded, “some ponies at the other tables are still eating!”

“What’s wrong?” Vinyl asked. “Let her doodle some more ‘I wuv Rarity’ sketches if she feels like it...”

Trixie sighed even while Twilight glared at Vinyl. “That’s not that notebook,” she said. “This is the notebook Twilight uses to brainstorm song lyrics.” Another sigh. “Go ahead. Ask.”

“I... thought you write all the lyrics for the band...?”

Octavia grinned, but there was no joy behind it. “She does. And you’re about to see why that is so.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Heckle me all you want, but I got a good feeling this time.”

“Ah well, it’s been nice bein’ a welcome guest here,” Applejack muttered, earning herself a playful punch on the shoulder.

Twilight opened her notebook, readied her pen and closed her eyes. Each deep breath helped her tune out the silly insults, and she felt her muse cracking her knuckles. “Let’s go with a song about... friendship,” she finally said and opened her eyes again and gave her friends a warm smile.

The Apple siblings were exchanging defeated looks. Trixie and Octavia were praying for a quick death. Only Vinyl, her new best friend, was returning the smile.

She put her pen on the empty page. “I’ve ...been...” Her muse was trying to put her emotional turmoil into words. The melody was in her head, but... “I’ve been... hearing storms.” Yes! Killer opening line!

“See?” Vinyl whispered. “This is nice!” Next to her, Octavia was still bracing for the worst.

“I’ve been hearing storms,” Twilight repeated and hummed a short melody. “I... don’t...” A pause. “I don’t like your turmoils...?” She frowned. No, that’s too sappy. Too predictable. Right?” She gave Trixie a short look. “Right,” she answered her own question without even waiting for a snarky reply.

“Maybe stick to the weather theme?” Vinyl suggested.

“Don’t encourage her,” Octavia muttered.

“I’ve been hearing storms!” Twilight was almost singing the line by now, the melody taking shape in her mind as she went along. “Baby’s got... no... meteorologists!” Yes! She beamed.

Vinyl was looking completely aghast.

“Tooold you,” Octavia whispered.

“Too flashy!” a patron behind her hissed, and Twilight wasn’t entirely sure if she meant the line or something else.

Didn’t she whine and rant before? I wasn’t fully paying attention... She refused to take the bait and turn around. “Fine, everypony’s a critic nowadays,” she muttered before clicking her pen a few times and taking a deep breath. “I’ve been hearing storms!” Don’t choke now! Don’t prove them right! You can do this! “I need-”

“Too wild!” The patron behind her possibly had a medical condition that rendered her incapable of appreciating art.

“I need... an eternal...” She was losing her grasp on this song; she was feeling it.

“Overhyped piece of trash!”

“I need an eternal...” Deep breaths, Twilight. Ignore the deranged pony. “I need an eternal... triangle...” She frowned. Deeply.

“You call this art!?”

Okay, that’s it! Her handwriting was turning into an ugly mess. “I need an eternal! Triangle! Entente cordiale!” Wait, where was I going with this line, anyway?

“And BY THE MAKERS, WHAT’S WITH THESE ATROCIOUS LYRICS!?” The pony behind Twilight got up so abruptly that her chair fell over.

In all fairness, she’s right, you know? her rational side chimed in even as Twilight was getting up herself. What’s an eternal triangle entente cordiale, anyw- “OH BITE MY FUZZY, MAGICAL-...”

The pony in front of her was a few inches shorter than her, which wasn’t unusual. Perfectly white fur and a curly indigo mane framed two deep blue eyes, and Twilight had to admit that the unicorn in front of her was... beautiful. Beautiful despite her angry scowl. Beautiful despite the tear-smudged makeup under her eyes. Just... beautiful. Perfectly beautiful.

It would have been love on first sight... except that it was not.

Because Twilight had already fallen in love with her.

Because this was their second meeting.

Because this was Rarity, the mysterious beauty who had dominated her thoughts for the last few weeks. One of two ponies in this country she truly wanted to impress. And I rambled about something something eternal triangle entente cordiale. And she had been been crying even before I tortured her with my lyrics. That’s what she must’ve been talking about before! She wasn’t commenting on the lyrics, but I took it personally instead of showing some compassion. Argh, I’m an idiot! A low whine was starting to form in her throat, but then she realized something: her dawning look of horror was perfectly mirrored in Rarity’s eyes.

“Oh, no,” Rarity whispered and slowly started to shake her head. “Oh, please, no...”

Okay, Twilight, don’t panic! You can still defuse this! You just need to find the right words! “R-Rarity, I-”

The shorter mare let out a high-pitched shriek before covering her mouth. “Oh no, no, no, she recognized me!”

Sooo... maybe those weren’t the right words.

“She recognized me!” Rarity spiraled into a panic attack with an almost admirable efficiency. “And I just insulted her lyrics! Her! Lyrics!” She waved from her to Twilight while giving a seemingly random patron a look of despair. “Oh what a world!”

“Actuall-”

“And here I was hoping, praying for a second meeting!” Rarity was lost in her own world by now. “But not like this! Not on a day that already couldn’t have gotten any worse! Which it then did!” She absentmindedly took a sip from her multi-colored beverage. It struck Twilight as slightly surreal how she managed to smuggle calm and collected moments into her panic attack. “And now she hates me! Surely she does. Absolutely. I’d hate me. Would you hate me, darling?” She groaned when the uninvolved patron shrugged helplessly. “I knew it! Ohhhhhhh, I knew it!” She was swooning in random directions now, covering her eyes with the back of her hand, as if fainting. “This! Is! The! Worst! Day! EVER!”

Twilight gave Applejack a sideways look before realizing that all of her friends were watching the scene with slightly amused, or at least entertained, expressions. Trixie was munching popcorn. Popcorn isn’t even on the menu! How did she- Stop it! Focus!

“I have to move!” Rarity had clearly taken things to the next level. “Somewhere where she won’t find me. But what if she goes on tour? Ohhh, clearly, I have to become a nomad!”

A nomad? Twilight was too confused to consider laughing at the suggestion. “Would you-”

“Not sure if it’s too early for a revival of the colorful, layered style.” Rarity snapped her fingers and shook her head. “This is the worst time to become a nomad, really.” Then she paused and frowned. “Hold on, was I doing a monologue or a solo-... soliqui-...”

“Soliloquy,” Twilight filled in the blank automatically.

“Oh, thank goodness!” Rarity laughed quietly. “For a moment I was worried that-...” She froze. “Hold on. Pardon me? If I was-”

“No, you were doing a monologue since we all could hear you,” Twilight corrected her without even realizing what she was doing, “but the word you were looking for was-”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Rarity’s scream caught half the cafe unawares despite the earlier meltdown. “I CAN NEVER SHOW MY FACE IN PUBLIC EVER AGAIN!” This time, Twilight couldn’t even try to say something. “GOODBYE, OH CRUEL WORLD, FOR I MUST BECOME A HERMIT, SHUNNED BY SOCIETY!”

And with that, she turned around and ran neatly between the arranged tables, straight towards and then through the door, narrating her own escape between hysteric sobs.

Twilight blinked slowly. “Okay, what-”

The sound of tires screeching and a car horn blaring made her heart skip half a dozen beats.

Then, after half a second that felt like an eternity: “WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING, YOU PHILISTINE! I AM TRYING TO HAVE A MOMENT OF DESPAIR HERE!” A pause, then the hysteric crying resumed as if nothing had happened.

The patrons stared at the door. Then, as one, they slowly turned back around to give Twilight an utterly confused look.

“Right,” Twilight heard herself say and gave the thin air in front of her a vapid smile. “If anypony needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom, having a nervous breakdown.”

“...okay, you were right,” Vinyl whispered when she was almost out of earshot, “I’m starting to see why Trixie does the lyrics.”

Twilight just laughed madly and slammed the bathroom door shut behind her.

Author's Note

Notes, inspiration, credits:

This chapter does a lot of foundation work for later. I apologize for only teasing the RariTwi goodness in this one, but I felt the need to explore the band organization and personalities some more.

I had/have no strong opinion on whether or not canon Vinyl is actually mute or if the creators just want to avoid another Best Pony voice retcon mess. I like the possibilities of both scenarios, and there was at least one sadly shortlived Ask Blog ("Muted Sounds") that tried to explore a mute Vinyl. I really liked it, and the art somewhat colored my view of her style, I think. Ultimately, I decided just to nod at the debate before turning Vinyl into a classically trained (since the general theme of this setting is one of slight opposites) Ms. Snark.

The "death after using magic x times" narrative was inspired by the somewhat old light novel and anime series "Maburaho" - I think I watched the first episode when it came out, and while it didn't interest me all that much, the premise stuck with me.

Minuette University is a play on Colgate University, making for a play on the background pony's name(s).

All of Twilight's horribly bad lyrics are inspired by a single session with a song lyrics generator ("Song Lyrics Generator", the "Line by Line" one). I only gave it "Friendship" as a theme, selected "I've been hearing storms" as my first line, and all of Twilight's follow-up lines were direct suggestions by the generator. Yes, including the "eternal triangle entente cordiale" one. The moment I saw those lines, I knew I had to include them.

Applejack's drawl is going to be the end of me. That is all.

Panic! At the Boutique

This is a very nice bathroom.

The thought was meant to sound insane, a statement of madness to reflect just how far the once great Twilight Sparkle had fallen. Rarity was probably well on her way to the nearest airport by now, and Villian Court was still on a collision course with disaster. Granted, it was very polite disaster, and it would likely apologize right after annihilating the band in front of a live audience, but the general outcome would still be the same.

Yes, Twilight had little left to keep her sane, and she had tried to come up with a proper thought to wave the last shreds of her sanity goodbye, but... this wasn’t it. She frowned.

This actually is a very nice bathroom.

It was... cozy, reminding her more of her own bathroom than of something she’d expect even from a fancy restaurant. Sure, the general layout was commercial, with three stalls and several mirrors and sinks... but it felt as if the love for detail that had been evident in the cakes and beverages extended to every facet of this building. Also to every faucet of this building. Eh, get it? Facet? Faucet? Ehhh? “Urgh, I’m making terrible puns, just shoot me...”

“Well, they do say puns are the lowest form of-”

The rest of Pinkie Pie’s sentence was cut off by Twilight’s surprised scream. One moment, Twilight had been alone in the bathroom, cowering in a - very, very clean - corner. The next, Pinkie was standing next to her, casually leaning against the wall. “WHAT’RE YOU-...” She took a moment to gather herself. “What’re you doing here?”

Pinkie frowned deeply at this for several seconds. “I’m pretty sure I work here,” she finally replied, but there was no trace sarcasm in her voice. “At least I think I do. I mean, I’m a co-owner, so... prolly? And I take orders from customers, fulfill them, do a little happy dance and get paid, so-...”

This is my life now, Twilight realized with a start. Alone, unloved, and stuck in a bathroom with an insane pony. A sick part of her mind started composing a properly sad song - Octavia taking it slowly, Trixie’s electric guitar set to a slow wail, Big Macintosh on lunch break, and Twilight herself vocalizing her anguish to their last five or so fans.

“-dared her to do a keg handstand ever again. I mean, what are keg hands, anyway? Are they hands shaped like kegs, or do you have have, like, keg fingers? It just doesn’t make any sense!”

Twilight blinked slowly before daring to look up at Pinkie Pie again. How long have I been gone? “That... er...”

“So anyway.” Pinkie hadn’t waited for Twilight to keep up with the conversation before, and she obviously wasn’t going to do so now. “You and the fancy lady...?”

The unicorn groaned. “Her name is Rarity, and it’s...” She tried to summarize her feelings and the past events in a way that did not make her look like a love-sick idiot. Then she just sighed. “...complicated.”

“Ohhh!” Pinkie cheered for no discernible reason. “I love complicated! Complicated is easy!”

Complicated... is... easy? Twilight tried to make sense of that, but stopped when she sensed a headache coming on. “I... I mean, look, I absolutely appreciate that you’re trying to make me feel better, okay? But what you’re seeing right now is as low as I can fall. The mare I love just nearly got hit by a car while running away from me, my career is about to hit a brick wall, and... I honestly think there is nothing left to lose.”

Pinkie dropped to her haunches and gave her a friendly smile that would have melted the heart of even the most deranged villain. “Don’t be silly! You still have something super important left, and I don’t think you’re in any danger of losing that anytime soon.”

“...like what? Does this place have a loyalty card?” Twilight smiled weakly while Pinkie collapsed into a giggling fit. Her smile turned into an actual laugh when the cafe co-owner pulled just that from her back pocket and handed it to her.

“But no, that’s not what I meant,” Pinkie said while wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. “I meant your friends!”

“Ohhh! Yeah, you’re right, I’m lucky to have them.” At least until they ditch me after the band crashes and burns.

“Yeah! I mean, even while you’re recovering here, they’re already going through your lady’s belongings that she forgot and-”

“They WHAT?” Twilight jumped to her hooves and kicked open the door. ...or at least tried to kick open the door.

“Wow, the power of friendship really gets you going,” Pinkie quipped as if one of her obviously deranged patrons had not just tried to kick her door straight out of its frame. “Also, pull.”

Cursing loudly, Twilight pulled it open. “GUYS!?” No, no, it’s fine, no need to apologize or anything, her calmer side managed to snark before Twilight put it on hold.

Nopony was at their table anymore. Instead, Trixie was sitting at Rarity’s table, with her bandmates forming a loose half circle behind her. And Trixie was slowly flipping through a large notebook that was definitely not hers. “Ah good, you’re back,” she said calmly and adjusted her reading glasses without looking up.

“What are you doing?” Twilight hissed nervously, as if worrying that the police was going to burst in through the windows at any moment.

“Finding out more about-”

“You’re snooping!” She reached for the notebook, but Trixie moved it out of her reach. “Put that down! You’re snooping and that’s a crime and you’re going to go to prison and I’m not going to bail you out!”

Trixie gave her an insufferable grin. “I’ll offer you a deal,” she said, even as the SWAT team was probably readying the breaching charges right outside the door. “I’ll show you one page. Then you will tell me to close the book and I’ll do just that, and we’ll hand over everything Rarity forgot here to Miss Pie.”

Twilight nervously licked her lips. “Fine,” she finally conceded, reasoning that, short of using brute force, this was the fastest way to do the right thing. “I can see what you’re trying to do. But I’ll tell you in advance that-”

Trixie held up the open book for her to see.

“-I’ll... make... you...” Twilight was staring at the page Trixie was showing her. Then she slowly tilted her head. “Is that... me?” There was no reply - her friend was patiently waiting for her brain to parse the image in greater detail. “Is that me... in a wedding dress?” She sat down and reached for the book.

“Ah-ah!” Trixie pulled back a little bit. “This is where you tell me to close the book!”

Twilight wasn’t even looking up. Her eyes were fixated on the hand-drawn sketch of what was unmistakably her - the tattoo on her left upper arm was featured prominently in the from-behind shot - in a wedding dress that likely cost more than a new car. I look... gorgeous. Is this what I could look like if I dressed up? She frowned lightly. Probably not. This is what I could look like if I switched to decaf for a week to take off some of my edge, then spent a day or five at a spa to shine up my fur and smoothen my mane... and then somehow convinced Applejack to break into her family’s bank account to buy me this dress. “Is... are the other pages...” She gestured vaguely, finally managing to establish eye contact again. “I mean...”

“It’s not just you,” Trixie said and mercifully handed her the notebook, “but you’re definitely the focus.”

Twilight slowly flipped through the book, mesmerized by the drawings of her and her friends in a seemingly endless variety of poses, settings and - more importantly - clothes. Trixie had been correct in multiple ways, actually: there were more pictures of Twilight than of the other band members combined, and they tended to be more detailed than the others, which sometimes only hinted at a few identifying characteristics. But they all had one thing in common: perfect, gorgeous clothes. Sometimes subtle, sometimes flashy, but always stylish. “This-...” She stopped to take a deep breath. Then she leaned back and put the book down. No. I need more information. “Tell me a story, Trix.”

Trixie immediately recognized her cue and dropped the smug act. She adjusted her reading glasses and held up a second book. “She’s an aspiring fashion designer, apparently. Operates here in Canterlot out of a place called-” Her eyes flicked to the back of the book she was holding up. “-Carousel Boutique.”

Well, that explains why the clothes are so much more detailed and varied than the models, Twilight thought. Then she glanced at the other book. The cover was matte black, and instead of a title or a picture, there was only a heavily stylized “R” along with a pair of eyes in its top half. A shiver ran down her spine when she recognized Rarity’s piercing gaze - cunning, mysterious, and just the slightest bit judging. “What’s this?” she finally managed to ask.

There was no teasing, grinning or games this time. Instead, Trixie just sighed and handed the book over. “It’s her portfolio. We found a few letters, too. She apparently applied for a job at Jetant.”

“Jetant? The luxury brand founded by that alicorn supermodel from the Crystal Empire? That’s red-carpet, high-society stuff. And she’s good enough to work there?” She stopped smiling when she noticed that Trixie’s expression had somehow turned even more serious. Fearing the worst, she opened the portfolio. The first thing she noticed was the higher quality: better paper, more finished-looking designs... and prettier models. The second thing she noticed was that the designs were far less... inspired than the ones from the sketchbook. Sure, they were amazing and would look great on some unnaturally thin model on a catwalk in Prance... but she had seen Rarity do so much better in her sketches. “Huh,” she muttered and started to flip through the pages. Then, roughly halfway through, things were getting more interesting. The designs still looked top-notch, but somehow... better. More... alive, more youthful. Twilight grimaced - she didn’t like the feeling of not understanding a subject well enough to properly articulate her feelings and intuitions.

Then came the red marks.

“What’s this?” She frowned and traced an ugly red line with her finger. That’s a correction mark, she finally realized. The line ran straight through a skirt, but other than that, the picture remained untouched. The next design wasn’t quite so lucky - it earned itself two marks and a few seemingly random squiggles.

Things got progressively worse from there and a few pages later, a blue pen had decided to join the party. Twilight tilted her head. The red lines were still faulting basically every item on display, but it was the remark, written in blue, that caught her eyes: “Too flashy!”

Why does that phrase sound so familiar...? Twilight frowned. She knew the answer was within reach, but she couldn’t quite grasp it.

She flipped the page, revealing another stunning dress, more red lines, and another blue note: “Too wild!”

Twilight closed the book and covered her mouth in shock. That’s what Rarity had been saying! She opened the book again and stared at the note. She wrote this just now, didn’t she? Closing her eyes, Twilight tried to picture the scene in some fancy office - young Miss Rarity offering her talent to some high-class company, and some hack ruining it all with his red marker, muttering things like, “Overhyped piece of trash!” She opened her eyes again and flipped the page, seeing exactly those words scrawled angrily next to a sketch. She cursed. “Where’s the local office of Jetant located?”

“We’re not setting any offices on fire,” Octavia shot her down immediately. “They’re jerks, but rejecting an applicant is not a crime, and even if it was-”

“Yes, yes, yes, you’re right,” Twilight muttered before giving everything back to Trixie. “But then what are we going to do?”

“Well, we know she works and maybe even lives at this Carousel Boutique, so we could return her property,” Vinyl offered, then quickly held up her hands when the others looked at her. “I know, I know, way too crazy! Should I get my grappling hook and a bunch of matches instead?”

“Very funny,” Twilight snarked, then gave Trixie a nod. “Could you take care of this, please?” She paused when everypony gave her a look of disbelief. “What?”

“Ah think it’d be more fittin’ if you took care o’ things, sugarcube,” Applejack offered.

“Me!?”

“Ah can’t see any other ponies who’re madly in love with her and who would murder for the chance t’ confess said love in an intimate-”

“Would you zip it?” Twilight hissed before looking over her shoulder to see if anypony had heard them.

“Um, they were all here when you caused Rarity to have a public love-meltdown,” Octavia pointed out. “I think they were able to connect the dots by now.”

“Yes, see, that’s the thing. I sent her into a panicky fit and nearly got her killed in a car crash.” Twilight looked from Octavia to Trixie. “You talk to her. I trust you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“No, I don’t, but I trust myself even less in this!” Twilight whined. “You know me, Trix! I suck at smalltalk and socializing and stuff!”

“You’re literally the voice of this band,” Trixie countered and gave her an amused look.

“Yes, and you’re the one who writes all of my lyrics!” Twilight shot back moments before realizing that Trixie was railroading her to a frightening destination.

“Then let me write you the lyrics for this encounter.”

Drat. Twilight nervously licked her lips, trying to formulate a counter-argument that would withstand even the most basic scrutiny. “Th-this is a terrible idea,” she finally pleaded. “This is the kind of plan that is going to end with me being set on fire or receiving a restraining order. And then you can duke it out with Fluttershy without-” The rest of her sentence was lost, along with the air in her lungs, when something crashed into her back and slammed her face-first onto the table. BY THE MAKERS, THE SWAT TEAM ARRIVED TO ARREST US FOR SNOOPING!

“WHATDIDYOUJUSTSAY?”

Twilight frowned and looked around as far as she could with somepony’s full weight on her back. She could see Trixie and Applejack, and neither of them was in handcuffs or similarly under siege. Trixie at least had the decency to look shocked at her predicament while Applejack was completely unfazed. So AJ wasn’t caught off-guard... which means... “Pinkie Pie?” she carefully asked and risked a look straight up and back.

Pinkie, from her position on Twilight’s back, looked straight down at her, her eyes wide as saucers. Almost literally. Somehow. “What. Did. You. Just. Say?”

“Trixie... can duke it out... with... Flutter-”

Pinkie gasped so hard that Twilight briefly worried she’d suck out all the air in the room like some sort of leak on a space station. “OH MY GOSH YOU’RE ACTUALLY GOING TO MEET FLUTTERSHY LIKE FOR REAL FROM UP CLOSE HOW IS THIS EVEN REAL I MEAN APPLEJACK SAID THERE WAS THIS BAND BATTLE COMING UP BUT SHE DIDN’T MENTION THIS AND-” She froze before giving Applejack a deadpan look. “Why did you fail to mention that your little band battle would be against the greatest violinist in Equestria? The one you know I dreamed of meeting for years?”

Applejack smiled widely, obviously happy that she wasn’t the one who was pinned to the table by a hyper-caffeinated, crazy pony. “Eh, y’know, must’ve slipped my mind.”

Pinkie Pie just shot her a dark look before pointing at her eyes and then at Applejack.

“So,” Twilight tested the waters from her position on the table top, “I take it you’re a fan?” She tuned out the way Pinkie practically buzzed on top of her while screaming another rant about how she was indeed a fan. Instead, she exchanged looks with Applejack, who just gave her a pleading nod. I should’ve known that you’d have an ulterior motive for dragging us here. She smiled and nodded as much as she could. You could’ve warned me in advance, though. “So,” she cut in at a random point in Pinkie’s unending stream of consciousness, “would you like to meet her?”

Pinkie pressed her face straight against Twilight’s until their eyeballs were nearly touching. “Whatwasthat?”

“Would you like to meet Fluttershy at the band battle?”

There was a long silence. Finally, Pinkie slowly climbed down and sat down next to her, looking completely dumbfounded. “Would I... like to...” She gestured slowly. “You... you could do that?”

Twilight sat straight up and slipped into her confident stage persona. She gave Pinkie a winning smile. “Well, being one of the bands in said battle, we get a certain contingent of VIP tickets that come with backstage passes.” Pinkie nodded very, very slowly, still looking as if she was sitting next to a ghost. “Now, these officially only grant backstage access to our lounge and dressing room, but I’m sure something could be arranged later on.” Assuming that Fluttershy doesn’t immediately hop into a waiting limousine, cackling like a B-movie villain. “Who knows, maybe we’ll even end up hanging out together for a big after-concert party.”

“That...” Pinkie slowly shook her head in disbelief. “You can’t...” She slowly turned towards Applejack. “She’s lying, isn’t she? This is an actor you hired, right?”

“Nope, she’s the real deal,” Applejack said happily.

“You can’t seriously have friends with backstage passes for a Fluttershy concert.”

Twilight snapped her fingers and held out her hand without even looking. Trixie, who had been following the exchange silently so far, played her part perfectly and placed a ticket in her waiting hand. Pinkie’s head moved slowly, as if in a trance, until she was staring straight at it. Twilight held it up. “It’s yours if you want it.”

Pinkie Pie reached out carefully, as if worrying that the ticket would disintegrate if she made any sudden movements. Then, half an inch away from it, she stopped. “...when is the concert?”

“Saturday evening, next week.”

Pinkie slowly pulled her hand back. “Ah... that...” The barista was looking desperately at the ticket. “I... think...”

“Pinkie Pie,” Applejack hissed, also sensing that something was wrong.

“I’m sorry,” she finally whispered, tears forming in the corners of her eyes, “but I can’t make it.”

Twilight frowned. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear-” She stopped when she saw Applejack shooting her the most withering look she had ever seen. Well, somepony’s invested in this. She cleared her throat. “I mean, why not?”

Pinkie looked down guiltily. “I have to work,” she whispered.

Didn’t AJ mention that Pinkie is a workaholic like me? Let’s test the waters and later chew out AJ for not briefing me properly. “Well, I’m sure we can work something out for another day,” she said, ignoring the way Applejack’s glare gave way to confusion before settling on a strange middle ground. “If Saturday is bad, how does Sunday sound?”

“I have work on Sunday, too,” Pinkie whispered, seemingly shrinking half an inch under the questioning.

“How does Monday sound?”

“Have to work.”

“Tuesday?”

“Work.”

“Wednesday?”

“Work.”

“Thursday?”

“Work.”

“Friday?”

“Work.”

“You work every day?”

“We’re open every day.”

Jackpot. “And you work literally every day, every week, every month, all year, every year?”

Pinkie gave a half-hearted shrug.

“And the owners of this cafe are okay with this?”

“Well, I’m one of them, so... kinda?”

“When was the last time you took a day off?”

Pinkie’s mane was somehow getting frazzled without any outside influence. “You wouldn’t understand! It’s...” The mare gestured vaguely at the tables. “It’s just... so much harder to seat everypony when I’m not around! And the ponies here will be sad if they can’t find a table and if they’re sad, I’ll get sad and then-” She blinked when Twilight placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Today, my friends taught me a few valuable lessons,” the singer said. “And one of them was about losing yourself in your work. It may be tempting to live for your career, especially when you’re good at what you do and enjoy doing it. But that way, you may just lose sight of what’s truly important in life. I didn’t appreciate it right away, but Applejack dragged me here regardless because she knew that I needed to get away from my work. So in that spirit, allow me to do the same for you.” She stepped onto a chair and from there climbed onto the table. “MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION FOR A MOMENT?” It was silly, of course, since they had been the center of attention the entire time. Still, there were rules for a good stage act, and Trixie had taught her all of them. “You all know and love Pinkie Pie here, right?” There was a murmur of agreement, but not much more. Tough crowd, but this admittedly isn’t a hall filled with your adoring fans. She was able to fire up any crowd, given time, but here the big finale was right around the corner, and she needed to gather some momentum fast. Maybe if I-

A stallion towards the back of the room suddenly rose to his hooves.

And rose.

And rose.

Twilight inhaled sharply as she eyed this white-furred, golden-maned mountain of a pony. Goodness, he may be the bulkiest Earth pony ever! Sorry, Big Macintosh, but you just got outclassed. The stallion slowly turned to his right side, then to his left, glaring down at his fellow patrons. This gave Twilight the chance to spot two ridiculously small wings on his back. That is a pegasus? That. Is. A. PEGASUS?

The tank with wings was done staring down the crowd and finally raised his massive arms. “Yeah!”

The sound made Twilight snap out of her shock, and she could sense that the gods of stage performances had just blessed her. “And you love her drinks and her happy attitude that makes you feel right at home, don’t you?”

“Yeah!” the stallion roared. This time, a few more customers joined in. Twilight allowed herself a small smile - it always took just one pony to break the ice.

“Pinkie Pie has worked so hard for all of us every day for the last couple of years-”

“Actually,” Pinkie tried to object, “it’s not even been-”

“-DECADES!” Twilight doubled down as usual. “So I think that she has earned at least one day - just one, short day! - off! Am I right?”

“Yeah!”

By now, most of the crowd had joined in. Twilight, however, wasn’t happy with most of the crowd. “AM I RIGHT?”

“YEAH!” the crowd finally roared as one, and Twilight grinned triumphantly.

“So you’ll keep in mind that there’s going to be less space on Saturday next week because...” She waved the ticket in front of Pinkie Pie’s face. By now, a grin was making its way back to the latter’s face. Holding back a quiet sob while still grinning, she finally accepted it. “...BECAUSE PINKIE PIE IS GOING TO MEET FLUTTERSHY!”

The crowd was cheering wildly, and Twilight was quickly pulled down from her table by Pinkie, who gave her a surprisingly strong hug. “EEEEEEEEEEE! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUUUUUU!”

A strong hand patted her back. “Thanks, sugarcube,” Applejack whispered into the ear that hadn’t gone deaf yet from Pinkie’s incoherent screaming, “ah owe ya big time.”

“And while we’re in the business of making things right, I got another question!” Trixie suddenly shouted. For some reason, she had taken Twilight’s place on the table. “Who here thinks that Twilight should reconcile with that gorgeous and slightly crazy lady from before?”

The crowd’s wild cheers drowned out Twilight’s shouted protests, and she couldn’t even escape from Pinkie Pie and Applejack’s clutches fast enough to kick Trixie off the table in retaliation. Okay, whatever! She can tell these guys whatever she wants. That doesn’t mean that they can make me go!

Roughly ten minutes later, Applejack killed the engine of her van.

“Okay,” Twilight said, trying to keep her voice even, “when I figured that you couldn’t make me go, I evidently didn’t anticipate an actual FOALNAPPING!”

Vinyl formed a loose fist with her right hand and moved it in a circular motion in front of her chest.

It took Twilight a moment to realize what had happened. “Did you actually look up the Equestrian Sign Language sign for ’sorry’ during our trip just to mock me now?”

The not quite mute pony hesitated. “Would I move past your bandmates on your hate ranking if I said yes?”

Instead of answering, Twilight leaned against the lasso that kept her bound to her seat. Vinyl immediately leaned away from her, grinning shyly.

“Don’t worry, Vinyl, she’s jus’ kiddin’ around. Ya could tell by the way she barely struggled when Big Macintosh an’ I dragged her out of the cafe.” Applejack looked over her shoulder and gave them a grin. “Deep down, Twilight’s all about that mushy stuff. So once Trixie is done with those cheat sheets of hers, she’ll be on her merry way, gigglin’ like a filly.”

There was an uncomfortable pause. “If she kills you,” Octavia finally asked, “can I get your van?”

“I’m no lawyer, but barring a last will stating otherwise, I’m pretty sure one of her siblings would inherit it by default,” Trixie chimed in and took off her reading glasses. “But fret not, for the Great and Powerful Trixie has once again penned a masterpiece to enchant the masses!”

“You seriously wrote cue cards for what you imagine to be a romantic encounter?” Twilight asked, her rage giving way to incredulity even as Octavia untied her.

“I may not know Rarity beyond what we gathered so far, but I know you and how to make you work a crowd.” Trixie handed her a single card. It was the size of Twilight’s hand and filled with Trixie’s handwriting. “Sweep her off her hooves.”

“Wait, this is it? A single card?” Twilight accepted it without looking too closely at the text. She chose to go in blind, reasoning that the more she practiced, the less genuine and spontaneous she’d come across.

“Well, I figure you won’t need my help once she invites you in and starts nibbling on your-”

“OKAY, GREAT, LET’S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD, THEN!” Twilight hastily yanked the side door open, grabbed Rarity’s possessions and hopped out of the van, praying that the evening sun had already set enough so that none of her friends had seen her blush. “Stupid friends,” she muttered and took a look around. “Stupid foalnapping. Stupid cue card. Stupid carousel.” She blinked. “Wait, what?” The building on the other side of the street was, at first glance, a giant carousel, complete with mounted figures on its side. Only another glance revealed that it actually was a large, circular building made to look like a carousel.

“Pssst,” Trixie stage-whispered behind her, “I wonder if she can find the Carousel Boutique on her own!”

Twilight just groaned and blindly flipped the ponies behind her the bird as she crossed the road. Classy neighborhood, she tried to distract herself as she approached the front door. Hopefully not classy enough to have some sort of private security force that’ll escort me off the premises.

She suddenly froze, her hand inches away from the doorbell - a familiar voice was coming from right above her: “Oh, why have the gods forsaken meee...” Twilight looked up in alarm, but whatever window was open upstairs was not in her line of sight. “My muse! The light that showed me the way out of the darkness! She inspired me to not just make fashion, but ART! And I...” Rarity once again descended into over-the-top sobbing. “And I REBUFFED HEEER!”

Has this been going on for the last hour or so? Twilight frowned deeply. Okay, so she is apparently even worse off than I am. That... might be a good sign, as terrible as that makes me sound? As long as I don’t lose my cool, I might be able to seize the initiative. She quickly rang the doorbell before any other part of her brain had a chance to point out all the possible pitfalls of her nearly nonexistent plan.

“Oh, be a darling and get the door, please,” Rarity said, her nervous breakdown once again on pause.

Twilight inhaled sharply. She’s not alone. The thought sent her imagination into overdrive. Family? Parents? Ha, right, this is her boutique, so she probably isn’t living with her parents. So that leaves... a friend? Or... maybe... no, no, no! She does not have a romantic partner! That’s laughable! Ha! Ha ha! Ha ha-

The door was opened by the most adorable filly Twilight had ever seen. “Hi there!”

“-haaaa,” Twilight croaked. “Good heavens, she has a daughter,” she whispered to herself and gave the young unicorn with the perfectly white coat a closer look. “Would you look at her!? The resemblance is uncanny! The mare I fell in love with found a partner years ago, married, and had this beautiful daughter! Rarity probably learned how to be an amazing kisser from her loving husband, who quite likely got a secret thrill from having his wife make out with a female rockstar.”

“You’re funny!” the filly chortled. “And Rarity isn’t my mother, silly! She’s my sister!”

“Sister?” Twilight blinked, then started to laugh. “You’re Rarity’s sister? Oh, phew, that’s a-” She paused. “Wait, you answered my question even though I was soliloquizing. Unless I was actually monologuing...” She mentally reviewed the last minute. “I’ve been rambling like a lunatic, haven’t I?”

“It’s fine,” Rarity’s sister replied and shrugged, “I’m used to it. I’ll go and get my sister.”

“That’d be nice, thanks,” Twilight replied with a smile, then allowed herself a weak groan once the door was closed again. I can’t believe I did that! Especially since Rarity made the exact same mistake!

“Hey!” the filly’s voice could be heard upstairs. “There’s somepony at the door for you!”

“No!” Rarity wailed and sobbed for emphasis. “I’m never going to face this cruel world again!”

There was a pause, and Twilight thought she could almost hear the younger sibling’s exasperated sigh. “But you might like her! She said she likes you when she solili-... sololo-... solilo...quied...?”

“Soliloquized,” Rarity corrected her and sighed. “Though if you heard it, it was a monologue. The difference-...” She paused. “Wait. Who taught you that word?”

“She did! I think she’s pretty smart, but she’s still cool! She has, like, all these piercings and some sort of crazy tattoo on her arm and-”

“WHAT?”

The sound of Rarity dashing and then nearly stumbling down the stairs made Twilight cringe, but the fashionista was either blessed with supernatural reflexes or more luck than a single pony deserved. A split-second later, the door was yanked open by a mess of badly unkempt hair and fur, barely held together by a pink robe. A pair of blue eyes gave her a look of awe and horror. Okay, here goes nothing. Twilight knew that she just had one shot at this, and she intended to make it count. Then again, does my conversation with her sister count as one shot? It... doesn’t, does it? Anyway. This is my only-ish shot at this. So. “Good evening-”

“GAHHHHHHHH!” Rarity shrieked, her brain having finally accepted that her sister had not just propped up a highly convincing cardboard cutout of Twilight.

“-Miss-” Twilight blinked when the door was slammed shut right in front of her. “Okay...?” She slowly turned around. On the other side of the road, her friends were holding up large score cards. Twilight wasn’t sure if she should be more bothered by the low scores or by the fact that even after all these years, she didn’t know where or how Trixie stored all of her props. “Thanks, friends,” she muttered and turned to face the door again. “Any second now,” she whispered to herself. “She will come to her senses and-”

“Oh no, no, no, no, no,” Rarity’s voice came from the upper floor again. “It’s her!”

“Who?” her sister asked.

“Her! My muse! My princess! My goddess!”

Looks like I got promoted, Twilight thought and allowed herself a brief smile. I might still be able to make this work.

“She seemed nice.”

“Nice?” Rarity laughed at that. “No, Sweetie, she is much more than just nice. She is the epitome of perfection! She is everything that I am not! The Yin to my Yang! Wild! Determined! Unfazed by the opinions of pretentious, faux connoisseurs!”

“Aware that you left the window open, allowing her to hear all of this?” Sweetie offered.

“Aware that I left the-GAHHH!” The window was slammed shut with enough force that Twilight briefly worried about it shattering.

This could go on all day, the singer thought and sighed. She tried the doorbell again. And again. Just as she was about to consider asking Trixie if she kept a ladder somewhere, she heard somepony approaching the door.

“Y-yes?” Rarity asked, barely keeping her voice from cracking.

Twilight had to admit that it was a bit unnerving how easily Rarity seemed able to switch between a nervous breakdown and an aura of cool professionalism, even if the facade was admittedly paper-thin. She decided to draw her own strength from her larger build and placed her elbow against the doorframe roughly at shoulder height. It allowed her to tower above Rarity, but more importantly, it let her peek at Trixie’s script in her hand without moving her eyes too much. “Good evening, Miss Rarity,” she read the first line and gave the mare of her dreams a smile. “You-”

“Belle.”

“-forgot your-...” She paused. “Pardon?”

Rarity gave her a mildly exasperated look, as if she was disappointed in Twilight’s inability to keep up with one single-word sentence. “It’s ’Miss Belle,’ not ’Miss Rarity.’ Says so right here.” She helpfully pointed at the little sign right above the doorbell.

Twilight blinked. The sign indeed read “Belle,” and she had somehow completely missed it until now. That... has been there the entire time, hasn’t it? She forced a smile, trying to ignore the sinking feeling that the situation was already starting to deviate from Trixie’s script. Okay, calm down! Just improvise and steer the conversation back on track! All you need is one halfway smart line to acknowledge this and then you can move on! “Oh!” She nodded thoughtfully. “That makes sense, yes. I... thought that... you had just labeled it... to point out that... that’s the doorbell... in case... you... forget that... I mean...” Did I just accidentally make an idiotic wordplay between ‘Belle’ and ‘doorbell?’ And did I also just imply that she is so stupid that she needs to label her doorbell in case she forgets what the button next to her front door does? “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” She quickly pulled the door shut again and covered her face with her hands.

She spent a full minute in front of the closed door, trying to decide whether or not to call it quits right there. Trixie is going to mock me until the end of days if she ever learns about this.

Part of her felt that there was no going back from a line this idiotic. ...another part of her noticed the slight movement of the curtains in a nearby window of the boutique.

She’s watching! That... means that she’s hoping that I’m still around, right? Twilight swallowed hard. Well, okay, either that, or she’s calling the cops and wants to make sure I’ll still be around when they arrive. She decided to take her chances and grabbed a pen from her pocket. After a quick correction on her cheat sheet, she assumed her leaning position again and rang the doorbell.

This time, she didn’t have to wait long. Rarity opened the door, still looking nervous, but Twilight thought she saw a hint of a smile on her face. “Yes?”

“Good evening, Miss Belle. You forgot your notebook.” Twilight smiled and stole another quick glance at the card in the palm of her hand. “Hold up notebook and say something suave.”

Rarity slowly tilted her head. “...excuse me?”

Twilight’s smile froze. “I... wait, what the-...” She gave the card another look. “OH, GOOD HEAVENS, NO!” She quickly pulled the door shut again and stomped over to the van.

“So, how’d it-...” Trixie’s voice trailed off when she saw Twilight’s openly exasperated glare. “Now what?”

“THE CARD!” Twilight snapped and waved Trixie’s script around furiously. “WHY DID YOU WRITE ACTION CUES ON MY CARD!?”

“Um.” Trixie exchanged looks with the others. “So that you would know what to do?” She paused, then desperately tried not to grin. “Wait, did you actually-”

“NOT. ONE. WORD.” Twilight tossed the card at Trixie and turned back around. “I’m better off doing this by ear!”

“I don’t-...” Trixie started, but the singer ignored her.

“This is what I should’ve been doing the whole time,” she whispered and rang the doorbell yet again. “Just be yourself! That’s the lesson in all those romantic comedies and what-not, right?” She smiled widely when Rarity opened the door... and realized that she had not put a single thought into what she was going to say.

“Yes?” Rarity asked dutifully, undoubtedly feeling as if she was trapped in a time loop that only got dumber with each iteration.

Twilight’s lopsided smile was frozen in place. Oh no. Just... don’t lock up. Be charming! Be stupid! Just say ANYTHING. “Uhhhhhh... ah... hey! Errr... wanna come in?” Okay! Yes! Solid start!

Rarity blinked slowly, then made a show of looking around. “...I’m already inside.”

Riiight. Trixie is going to have a field day with this. “Um! Um. Right!” She desperately tried to move the words around in her head. “Do I wanna come in?”

Both mares tried to parse this.

“Wait!” Twilight exclaimed when Rarity opened her mouth to make a comment. “I mean... I wanna come in!” Okay. That’s at least a normal sentence and makes sense in this context. Well done. It’s pushy and dumb and still makes you look like an idiot, but it is a bit better than the nonsense you said before. She gritted her teeth and started to pull the door shut. “Hold that thought.”

By the time Twilight had stomped back to the van, Trixie was wordlessly holding the card back up. Twilight grabbed it while trying to ignore the guitarist’s insufferable grin.

As she marched back to the house, Twilight took a moment to review the absurdity of the situation. Right. Rarity has by now witnessed HOW MANY botched takes? Why is she even still opening the door at this point? Sadism? Nothing good on TV? She shook her head and rang the doorbell.

Rarity opened the door. Much like Trixie before, she was trying not to grin and dangerously close to failing. However, it wasn’t a playfully cruel expression emphasizing her superiority. It just... made her look cute. Like a gigantic flirt. “Yes?” she asked, barely suppressing a giggle.

She... is amused by this. Twilight realized with a start. This is all ridiculous, surreal banter for her by now. She probably knows I admire her, and she sure seems to fancy me. Now... can I get this done without freaking out? Maybe, but I need to frame this differently in my mind. She took a deep breath. What if... and here’s an absolutely crazy idea... I just talk to her as if she wasn’t the goddess of my world? “Good evening, Miss Belle. You forgot your notebook.” She paused for effect as she held up the notebook, a crooked grin forming on her face. “Something suave,” she husked.

Rarity’s first giggle almost made it out, but she held it back at the last moment, resulting in a snort. She coughed briefly, her own grin widening. “Yes, I’d love to come in.”

Twilight tried to hold back her laughter, but the sum of the silliness of the last couple of minutes was finally catching up with her. Her first laugh was almost dignified, but Rarity’s sheepish giggles were only making things worse. Before she could even think about her dignity, her defenses collapsed and she broke out into full, unbridled laughter. Rarity was not far behind, even though her laughter was still very ladylike and proper.

“So...” Rarity started, but her voice trailed off as she sheepishly tucked a strand of her perfectly styled mane behind her ear.

The motion caught Twilight off-guard. Not so much because it was unexpected - it didn’t surprise her that Rarity would know how to drive her mad with desire with cute gestures like that. Rather, the fact that her mane was perfectly styled was the odd part. “...did you brush your mane between takes?”

“I-...” Rarity froze, her eyes wide. Then she laughed guiltily. “Darling, do you honestly think I would rush upstairs, change into something more presentable, pick up my brush, then run back down and fix my coiffure during the precious pauses between your adorable stammering?”

Twilight frowned. “Nopony said anything about changing into-...” She looked down at the shirt and pants Rarity was wearing. “...weren’t you wearing some sort of bathrobe when-”

Rarity coughed loudly and forced a smile. “Would you like to come in, darling?”

“...I’m not misremembering, am I?” Twilight grinned.

“I’ll take it as a compliment that you’re remembering it so vividly even though it’s such an old design,” Rarity told her, her smile becoming more relaxed. “Would you like me to put it on again?”

Twilight’s mouth went dry. She knew the other mare was teasing her, but her fantasy was still going wild. Say yes, her inner voice egged her on. Tell her you’d like to watch as she- “It’s fine, really,” she quickly said to cut off the part of her that would earn her a well-deserved slap. “You look fine without it on, too.” Twilight’s smile froze when she went over that last sentence again. “Okay, I swear that sounded slightly less dirty before I said it out loud...”

“Oh just come in!” Rarity laughed quietly and mercifully grabbed Twilight’s wrist to pull her inside. When Twilight moved past her, the fashion designer took a last look outside... and frowned. “Why are there several homeless ponies on my neighbor’s sidewalk, and why are they holding up score cards?”

Twilight forced herself not to turn around, even though she was dying to know if the numbers had improved since the last time. “I dunno. Maybe we should call the cops.”

Rarity gave her an amused look before looking back outside. “Those wouldn’t be your fellow band members by any chance, would they?” She slowly tapped her chin. “At least some of them are...”

“I’ll tell them to get lost,” Twilight muttered and grabbed her cellphone. But then she paused. “Unless... you’d like to meet them?” WHAT AM I SAYING THERE? I COULD HAVE HER ALL TO MYSELF! “I mean... unless this is like a first date now and you’d want only the two of us-”

“I think I like you better when you’re less nervous, darling,” Rarity said after placing a finger on Twilight’s lips. Then she rolled her eyes. “Besides, my sister’s here. I’m actually surprised that she’s not already clinging to your arm. So we might as well make it a party.” She mentally went over the conversation again. “Also, let’s first get to know each other before we discuss dating. Infatuation is a nice start - and you’re an amazing kisser - but so far I know dreadfully little about the pony behind the stage act.” She started to pace while Twilight waved at her friends. “Granted, I could’ve asked Rainbow Dash to tell me what she knows, but... that would’ve felt like cheating, do you know what I mean?”

Twilight thought about that for a moment. “It... actually would’ve been interesting to hear her report. I don’t make a big deal about my private life, but she is a huge fan, so I’m genuinely not sure how much she knows.” A pause. “How’d you meet her, anyway? You and her seem to come from rather different backgrounds.”

“Oh, we’re... childhood friends,” Rarity said and waved her hand in a way that told Twilight that there was a funny or embarrassing story behind that statement. “We don’t meet up daily, but we keep in touch.”

“That’s rather sweet, actually. I sadly lost contact with my few friends from way back, buuut now I got these folks!” She gestured at the group that was slowly making its way through the front door. “Guys, say hello to Miss Rarity!”

“Belle,” Trixie corrected her before Rarity had the chance to.

“Right, Belle, my bad, sorr-” Twilight froze in mid-apology. “Wait, you know her last name?”

Trixie blinked. “Of course I do. There’s a sign above her doorbell.”

“Oh... right, yeah.” Sheesh, calm down, Twi. Did you really think that Trixie knowingly kept that information from you? Twilight looked down guiltily. You are a terrible friend!

“Also, her full name was right above her address on her application letter,” Trixie added drily and gave her a horrible grin.

“I KNEW IT!” Twilight snapped. “We’re going to talk about you setting me up for failure later...”

“It’s not a failure if it works out!”

Rarity’s quiet laughter kept Twilight from telling Trixie where she could stuff her little gambit. “Well, I can see now who is the brains of this operation.”

“Wha-...“ Twilight helplessly gestured at Trixie, then at herself, then at Trixie again for good measure. “HER? You think-...” She paused and huffed when she saw Rarity’s mischievous grin.

“Ohhh, she’s playing Twilight like a fiddle,” Vinyl quipped.

“Poor thing never stood a chance,” Octavia agreed.

“Just for the record,” Twilight groaned, “I hate all of you.”

“I can sense a fun evening coming up,” Rarity said and smiled widely. “I don’t think I have enough food in the fridge for a crowd of this size, but I could prepare some tea and then we could have something delivered?”

“That would be delightful, Ma’am,” Big Macintosh said and bowed his head slightly.

“You can wait in the atelier - there are plenty of seats in there. Oh, and if anything pounces you, it’s either my sister or my cat; please be nice to either of them!”

“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh confirmed and shepherded the band through the door Rarity had pointed at before Twilight had a chance to make up an excuse to join her in the kitchen.

The atelier was taking up most of the boutique’s space on the ground floor, but Twilight decided to gawk at it later. Before anypony could react, she grabbed Trixie by the shoulder and and pulled her into a tight hug. “Looking back, I can see why you set me up like that,” she whispered. “You know me very well, and you can predict and manipulate people better than anypony gives you credit for. So I know you thought at least five steps ahead when you included the wrong name and your unmarked action cues on the card. I honestly couldn’t be happier with the outcome, and you have my eternal gratitude for what you did today.”

“Awww, you’re welcome, Twi-”

“But if you pull something like this ever again, I will end you,” Twilight added.

“Ah, wonderful,” Trixie commented drily, “I was starting to worry that Miss Belle had domesticated you already.”

Twilight released her and smirked. “Rarity is a wonderful mare, but I think you overestimate her influence on me.”

Her friends exchanged looks. Finally, Vinyl gave her a sympathetic look over her half-glasses. “You’re already at the stage where you daydream about her and write her name over and over again into your notebook. Take it from somepony who’s been there: you’re totally under her spell.” She gestured at Octavia, who nodded happily.

When Twilight just smiled sheepishly, Trixie groaned. “For the record, I’m not going to write any love ballads for you.”

“Nopony is asking you to do so,” Twilight huffed before adding a quiet, “yet.”

“Aha! I knew it!”

Twilight smirked and sat down on a delicate-looking chair while her friends engaged in the usual banter. Marefriend or no marefriend, I will always have my friends. She caught Applejack’s eye, and the former farmer nodded knowingly. Twilight bowed her head a little bit at her and smiled. And I couldn’t be happier.

Author's Note

Notes, inspiration, credits:

Naming things is still hard. This time, finding a name for a fashion brand that's simple and not already taken was a unique challenge. While experimenting with a few generators, I got the idea of letting this be a brand run by Cadance, so suddenly there was the added challenge of finding a simple name that was not already taken and that can be connected to her in some way. In the end, I settled on "Jetant," the French word for "throwing." Which probably makes me a bad person, but that balcony scene still cracks me up years later. :rainbowlaugh:

Speaking of being a bad person, I like puns. To make up for that, I decided to include something a good friend of mine keeps quoting whenever she is on the receiving end of one: "Puns are the lowest form of wit." (I disagree with that quote, but again, I'm a bad person. :trollestia: )

"Belle" being Rarity's last name is an Earthsong headcanon - I'm not sure if I fully subscribe to it in general, but it does open the door to fascinating questions about pony names... and it let this scene flow, so I stuck with it.

Speaking of the scene at the door, that was actually one of my earliest ideas from around the time chapter one had been done, and almost the entire sequence, from the first ring of the doorbell to them laughing, was drafted in one frantic sitting after all the pieces had suddenly snapped into place (while I had been showering). From there, it was basically just a question of how to get Twilight to Rarity's door.

Pinkie's workaholic tendencies were originally thought up by Earthsong in her AU notes.

Title is derived from the band name "Panic! At The Disco" - no deeper meaning beyond "music" and the fact that it sums up the second half of this chapter nicely.

It's All Fun and Games Until Somepony Calls the Police

Walk. Don’t run. Rarity closed the atelier door with a quiet click. Walk. Don’t prance. She had to take a deep breath halfway between the atelier and the kitchen. Walk. Don’t drop to your knees and thank the almighty Maker for DELIVERING TWILIGHT SPARKLE ON A SILVER PLATTER OH YES THANK THE STARS YES YES YES! She decided that fist-pumping didn’t count. Twilight probably wasn’t able to hear that. “Ahem.” Walk. Don’t collapse into a euphoric giggling fit, at least.

By the time she had closed the kitchen door behind her, the last shreds of her composure were gone. “HeeeeeeeeEEE-!” Half a block away, dogs started to bark as her glee got dangerously close to the ultrasonic spectrum. She coughed sheepishly, then pointed at her electric kettle. “Miss Sparkle, I believe we should get to know each first other before we discuss dating,” she intoned in a low, proper-lady-of-the-house tone before smacking her forehead. “Are you insane, Rarity? No, no, no, let’s not call the Supreme Queen of Rawr my date! It’s fine! She’s just an applicant! Maybe, if she proves herself worthy, I might deem her worthy of being my date!” She took a deep breath. “Relax, girl. It all worked out. And it was the right call to take things slowly. You don’t want just to engage in mindless... carnal... acts... with...” Her eyes briefly flicked to the door, and she knew she was blushing. “Ahem! You, Rarity, want a relationship! You want her to be compatible! And once you got the basics out of the way and made sure that this is not just utterly superficial, you can-...” She moved her hands in ways that seemed suggestive to her. Then again, in her current state, a ball of yarn would have seemed suggestive to her.

It took her a few minutes to regain her composure enough to remember why she had come here in the first place. “Okay, just play it cool,” she told the kettle while it performed its duty. “She’s hanging to your every word right now, but she might move on if you’re too distant. Then again, she knows how you feel, thanks to that stupid, open window.” Without even looking, she grabbed a tray, several cups, and her neatly sorted box of tea bags with her magic and brought them over. “Just... be yourself, okay?” As if to acknowledge her order, the kettle quietly clicked as it turned itself off. “Right. Good talk.”

“I didn’t know what kind of tea you prefer,” Rarity said as she opened the door to the atelier with her magic while holding the full tray with both hands, “so I brought-...” She gawked.

Four ponies in the atelier froze.

A female Earth pony she hadn’t been introduced to yet gave the four ponies a scolding look from her sitting position on the one utilitarian chair in the atelier. Going by her physique and rural-casual clothing choices, Rarity guessed that she was related to Big Macintosh. “Told ya.”

Big Macintosh simply nodded in agreement. For some reason, he had chosen to sit on the floor instead of on one of her fancy chairs, and Rarity wondered if he simply didn’t want to accidentally break it or if he just would have felt out of place on one.

Twilight Sparkle coughed sheepishly before realizing that she was still holding one of Rarity’s work-in-progress dresses against her bulky figure. “Um.” She quickly tried to hang it onto the next free spot on a rack nearby, then cursed quietly when her frantic action only resulted in two dresses falling down in apparent retaliation for her crime. Standing next to her, Trixie, Octavia, and a white-coated unicorn also tried to subtly hide the fact that they had been going through Rarity’s works.

“You... you...” Rarity was trembling, and she quickly placed the tray on a table so that she could point a finger in accusation. “You!” she practically shrieked.

“I’m sorry!” Twilight held her hands up in surrender. “I just, I mean, I was wondering...” She briefly closed her eyes and cursed quietly before taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I was mesmerized by all the wonderful-” She yelped when Rarity shoved her out of the way to pick up the fallen dresses.

“Of all the dresses in this atelier, you picked the turquoise party dress?” Rarity shot Twilight a look as if the latter had just proposed to set an orphanage on fire. “I could live with choosing something that’s not flattering for your particular figure, but turquoise?” She shuddered. “Let us never speak of this again.” Her horn lit up, and she sorted the various dresses back into their proper places. “At least one of you picked something nice.”

“Well, I do know my dresses,” Octavia purred, then did a double-take when Rarity subtly shook her head.

“Yeah, I’m not even going to pretend that she meant me,” Trixie muttered and chuckled ruefully. “How does it feel to be out-fashioned by your marefriend, Octavia?” Behind them, the remaining unicorn waved happily.

Twilight ignored the way her two bandmates were rapidly starting a silly slap fight and instead focused on Rarity. “You... you’re not mad?” When Rarity immediately opened her mouth, she held up a hand. “You’re not mad about us raiding your wardrobe?”

Rarity blinked slowly. “Why would I be mad about that, darling? This is my atelier, not my personal closet. The pieces here are design samples. They were made explicitly to be looked at.” She gave the taller pony a pitying look. “But can we talk about your colorblindness for a moment?”

In the background, Octavia and Trixie briefly interrupted their fight to giggle in Twilight’s general direction. The taller pony pretended not to notice. “I thought it looked fine, and I remember my good friends agreeing less than two minutes ago.” She shot said friends a pointed glare over her shoulder.

“What an outrageous claim!” Trixie gasped, but her shock was entirely fake. “Is Miss Belle supposed to believe somepony who lacks even the most basic of manners?”

“The most basic-...” Twilight turned around. “What are you even talking about? I have perfectly fine manners!”

“You didn’t even bother to formally introduce us when we arrived!”

There was a long pause. Finally, Twilight looked back over her shoulder and gave Rarity a sheepish smile. “...ah. Right.”

“Terrible manners,” Rarity commented with a sly grin. “See if I ever invite you over for tea again.”

Twilight huffed, but it was apparent that she was slipping back into her more confident stage persona. Rarity suspected that it was a habit that automatically triggered the moment the unicorn was thrust into the spotlight in front of an audience. “Then allow me to do so now.” She bowed theatrically before gesturing at the one unicorn with a fashion sense. She was one of the two new faces in this group, and Rarity briefly wondered if she had just been ambushed by some sort of roaming pack of Renaissance faire fashion designers or if she simply had a bold and somewhat retro taste. Either way, Rarity approved of the frilly shirt and the purple half glasses. “Starting with Vinyl Scratch, the former Vice Conductor-”

“Assistant Conductor,” Vinyl corrected her quietly.

“-of the Royal Canterlot Orchestra and Octavia’s better half.” Twilight paused. “Also, she can talk.”

“...I noticed, yes,” Rarity said, unsure why Twilight had felt the need to point out the obvious. Going by Vinyl’s bemused eye-roll, there was some sort of joke being referenced that Rarity was not yet privy to.

Twilight chose not to explain the joke just now and instead pointed at Trixie, who was wearing a cape over her more regular street clothes. It was not quite as garish as her stage outfit, but Rarity immediately decided that green and black were still too extreme for a casually worn cape, especially since the colors clashed with her blue coat and white mane. “My dear friend who handles the electric guitar, most of our legal matters and manages band logistics with me... Patricia Lulamoon.”

The guitarist did a double-take at that. “Pawhatia?”

“She goes by ‘Trixie’ most of the time, but-”

“Because that is my name!”

“Yes, short for Patricia,” Twilight sort-of-but-not-really agreed with a faint smile.

“No! Why would you make such an outrageous clai-...” She suddenly scowled.

“Well, Patricia, that is what those in the business refer to as ‘a narrative.’”

“I hate you,” Trixie hissed.

“PS: That’s going to be my new nickname for you.”

Trixie crossed her arms. “We will discuss this later.”

“No, we won’t.” Twilight flashed her a grin before her pointing hand moved over to Octavia. The Earth pony’s clothes were somewhere in the business-casual area, keeping things just as grey as her natural color scheme. Much like during the show, she was dressed decently, but it was nothing to write home about. “Octavia Melody, the band’s most junior member. She handles the cello and occasionally talks some sense into Trixie.”

The cellist rolled her eyes. “I joined two days after you recruited Miss Narrative and Sir Drumsalot. Two. Days.”

“Speaking of band members who have been in the band for much longer than Octavia-” Twilight ignored the way Octavia huffed. “-you have probably noticed Big Macintosh over there.”

“He’s hard to miss,” Rarity admitted, giving the massive Earth Pony a look. Even sitting on the floor, he still appeared taller than the other ponies in the room.

“Pleasure to meet you, Ma’am.”

Twilight sighed theatrically. “A true gentlecolt. I’d say it’s the good manners of the Apple family, buuut...”

“Keep talkin’, an’ y’all can walk home,” the Earth pony sitting on the chair next to Big Macintosh muttered, but Rarity could see a smile behind her annoyed mask. “The name’s Applejack.”

Rarity shook the lazily offered hand and immediately regretted it when the stronger mare nearly pulled her off her hooves without even appearing to try. “P-pleasure...” Then she blinked. “Wait. Applejack?” She thought back to the concert night. “Are you this ‘AJ’ that Rainbow Dash mentioned?”

Applejack grinned. “The one an’ only. Ah handle the merch table, band finances, an’ ah’m the only one who had the good sense to get a driver’s license.”

“I’m still baffled by the fact that Applejack-” Trixie yelped when Octavia jabbed an elbow into her side.

“Care to finish that sentence within grabbing range,” Big Macintosh asked, his gentle tone barely hiding the fact that he was deeply annoyed, “or should I come over?”

“Anyway!” Twilight looked back and forth between her bandmates, her grin frozen in place. “Applejack is also my personal trainer!”

“Oh, she helps you stay in shape?”

“Stay in shape?” Applejack laughed loudly. “Ya shoulda seen Twilight before her first workout! Actually, hold on, ah think ah got a picture on my phone...” She fished her phone out of her pocket, ignoring the way Twilight seemed to pale under her fur. “Scrawniest nerd ever,” Applejack muttered to herself as she tapped the screen. “Oh, Applejack!” she seemed to imitate a younger Twilight. “I finally found ponies for my band! I’m going to be a rock star!” She shook her head and smirked. “Sure, sugarcube. Ya can’t even topple a Jenga tower without a running start and would have to catch your breath afterward, but sure, ya can totally be a rock star.”

“Don’t do this to me, AJ...” Twilight weakly held up a hand. “You don’t have to drag out my dark past while Rarity is already on the fence about this entire dating thing...”

“Psh,” Applejack muttered without even looking up. “Like she’s gonna say no to you...” She seemed to be lost in thought now, probably distracted by the memories associated with old photos. “She prolly has a ton of old CDs from your teen idol days in some remote corner of her-...”

Rarity wasn’t sure what the real significance of Applejack’s apparently careless musings was, but she could see in the horrified expressions of Trixie, Big Macintosh, Octavia and Vinyl that something Very Bad had just happened.

“...aw, shoot,” Applejack whispered and looked up from her phone, frowning deeply. Twilight was seemingly calm, but her hostile glare belied that act. “Twilight, ah’m sorry!”

“It’s fine,” Twilight lied through gritted teeth.

“We can still-”

“It’s. Fine.”

Rarity felt the need to defuse the situation, but it was obvious that she was missing some context. CDs from her teen idol days? I’m sure I’d remember a pony with her charisma and build. She frowned as her brain tried to imagine a younger Twilight Sparkle. With a more girly mane. And a lot less muscle tone. Maybe with some glittery- “Princess Twilicorn?” she heard herself whispering after her memory had taken the express lane straight to her mouth without consulting with the rest of her brain.

“Oh, hell.” Applejack got to her hooves even as Twilight discarded her calm mask and gave the Earth pony a murderous glare. “Twilight, this-”

“You,” Twilight hissed and took a menacing step towards Applejack, slowly raising her hands, as if preparing to strangle her, “just HAD to tell her, didn’t you?”

“Ah think... this... would’ve come up any-”

“NOT LIKE THIS!” The roar made Rarity jump, and Applejack backed away instinctively. “NOT...” Twilight gestured from Rarity to herself, then back at Rarity... then at Applejack... then again at herself. “Just...” She covered her face behind her hands, then moved them up a bit to pull at her mane in frustration. “...not like this...”

Rarity swallowed hard. She still wasn’t sure what exactly had happened, but she did know that her unthinking words had tipped the situation from bad to catastrophic. She slowly raised a hand even as she was searching for the magical words to make things right again, but Trixie gave her a look and sharply shook her head. Then, she gave Big Macintosh a quick nod.

With a quiet sigh, the elder Apple sibling got to his hooves and gently tapped Twilight’s shoulder. “C’mon, let’s get you some fresh air.”

Twilight was trembling, but offered no direct resistance. “B-but...”

“Yeah, ah know, ya wanna punch Applejack.” He gently put an arm around her. “Ah can emphasize, an’ she really shoulda known better than bringin’ this up.” Applejack, who was looking absolutely miserable by now, simply nodded at that. “But at the end of the day, you’d probably break your hand on her thick skull, so why don’t we find you a softer target? Her van, maybe?” Twilight’s response was half laughter, half choked sob. “C’mon then.”

Poor thing, Rarity thought as she watched Twilight being led out. What happened to drive you this far?

“Ah should-”

“You should sit down,” Trixie cut off Applejack. When the latter sat down on the floor like a scolded dog, she sighed. “You know she’ll be fine. Just give her five minutes to vent and-” As if on cue, there was a loud THUNK coming from the other side of the street. Rarity looked through one of the atelier’s many windows just in time to see the band’s van rocking back and forth. Twilight was standing behind it, rubbing her right hand. “-and maybe call your mechanic.”

“That shoulda been mah face,” Applejack muttered with complete conviction.

Rarity frowned deeply. “Maybe I should-”

“Is literally everypony in this room trying to throw themselves in front of Twi-Hulk?” Trixie asked nopony in particular. “Goodness, you guys know she’ll calm down once she runs out of adrenaline... or if something shiny comes along and completely derails her train of thought. Whatever happens first.” She casually reached under her cape and pulled out a file folder. “In the meantime, I would ask you to read and sign this.” She handed it to Rarity.

“Ah, right,” Applejack muttered. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

Rarity frowned and flipped open the folder to examine its contents. “...is that a non-disclosure agreement?”

“Says so right at the top, doesn’t it?”

Rarity searched Trixie’s face for a hint of a smile, for the slightest sign that this was an elaborate joke. “You’re serious, aren’t you? This little indie band actually makes ponies sign NDAs?”

“I joke and exaggerate about many things, but when it comes to this, I’m dead serious.” Trixie pointed at Applejack. “Feel free to ask her. I make all non-members sign one as soon as I can assume that they are in a position to learn about band internalia.”

“That’s not a word, I think, but I get where you’re coming from and why this makes sense,” Rarity conceded.

Trixie froze briefly, then frowned. “Of course it’s a word,” she finally claimed, although she sounded a little bit unsure. “Internal matters. Confidential information about the internal organization. Internalia.” She glanced over her shoulder, pointedly ignoring the way Applejack was already shaking her head.

Octavia just sighed. “Pretty sure she’s right, Trix.” She quickly held up a hand. “We’ll buy you a dictionary on the way back, but for now, I need you to focus. I can handle Twilight being stupid, I can handle you being stupid, but please not both of you at the same time.”

Trixie crossed her arms, but she did so while focusing on Rarity again at least. “Fine. I’ll prove you all wrong later, then.” She noticed that the NDA had not been signed yet. “Please sign it before Twilight comes back - she’s usually in the mood for exposition whenever she’s done cooling her jets, and I’d like to be on the safe side when that happens.”

“If it helps speedin’ things up,” Applejack chimed in, “the contract’s legit. Ah had some company lawyers lookin’ over it, and there’s nothin’ shady in it.” She paused. “Aside from the intended effect of Trixie suin’ ya for a pile o’ money if some tabloid suddenly runs a story based on internalia.”

“I will laugh at all of you once I get my hands on a dictionary,” Trixie muttered.

Rarity skimmed the contract. It wasn’t very long, thankfully, and looked very much like the one she had had to sign during an internship years ago. “Not that I intend to betray Twilight’s trust, but how much money are we talking about here?”

“How much do you have?” Trixie asked back without hesitating for even a second. When Rarity just raised an eyebrow at that, she shrugged. “I had been in a bad place when Twilight came to me. Emotionally, I mean. But when she told me, ’Oh Great and Powerful Trixie, you may be down on your luck right now, but even in your current state, I can see that you are more beautiful and talented than me, so please join my band!’ my life suddenly had a purpose again.” Everypony pretended not to notice the rude and dismissive gestures Applejack made behind Trixie’s back. “The band life dragged me out of my funk, and I honestly wouldn’t know where I’d be today without Twilight’s help. You know what this means? It means I owe her. Big time. And the only way I can repay her is by protecting this. All of this. This band is Twilight’s world. This band means more to Twilight than you can imagine right now. And if you stab her in the back and ruin her life’s work, I will make sure that she can at least cry her eyes out on a private yacht made of solid gold.”

For half a minute, the room was perfectly quiet except for Trixie’s heavy breathing and the soft thuds of Twilight apparently trying to punch a hole in Applejack’s van.

Finally, and without much flourish, Rarity picked up a nearby pen and signed the contract. “That was a tremendous speech, darling!”

“...thank you,” was all Trixie managed. She was blushing a little bit and giggled, as if only now realizing what a rant she had gone on.

“Although gold probably is a bad material for-”

“UGH!” Trixie snapped and grabbed the pen with more force than was strictly necessary.

“I’m just saying that-”

“Did you girls rehearse this?” The guitarist-slash-lawyer growled even as she signed on the second line at the bottom of the contract. Then she shot Applejack a dark look. The Earth pony’s mood improved considerably under the scrutiny. “Because I find it hard to believe that all three of you just happened to come up with the exact same objection. Or did they offer bulk discounts on naval engineering classes at Minuette?”

“Maybe we simply possess common sense?” Vinyl offered. “I mean, gold is pretty heavy and soft, both of which...”

Rarity briefly tuned out the bickering - if these ponies were anything like Rainbow Dash and herself, this could go on for hours. She looked through the window again and frowned; somehow, Twilight still hadn’t run out of energy, but at least she was less emotional and more systematic in her quest to maximize Applejack’s repair bill. Maybe now would be a good time to apologize? She might be more willing to talk now, and the van might actually make it out of this with a few square inches left untouched... Applejack might thank me, even if she’s pretending that this is all her fault. “Isn’t that right, darling?”

“Mh?” Applejack turned away from the whiteboard that hadn’t been there half a minute ago. It was covered with ship sketches, buoyancy calculations and a metric ton of question marks, and Trixie and Vinyl were adding more to each category at an alarming rate.

“Where did-... When-...” Rarity briefly closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I take my eyes off of you for thirty seconds, and this is what happens? You are officially worse than my sister had ever been! Even my cat is less easily side-tracked than you! Let me guess - Twilight is usually the one who keeps you in check?”

Trixie and Applejack gave each other a short look before both burst out laughing. “TWILIGHT?” the former finally asked. “You think Twilight keeps us in check? Oh, wow, you are in for such a hilarious surprise...”

Octavia coughed politely. “Twilight is the worst of the bunch, I’m afraid. Big Macintosh and I are the ones who try to keep them under control.”

“Do you, now?” Rarity slowly gestured in the whiteboard’s general direction. “That’s a lot of telling and not a lot of showing, darling.”

“Nothing’s on fire, so I’d say I'm doing a great job.” Octavia shrugged.

“I dare not consider what you doing a terrible job would look like, then...”

“I could tell you of some of their escapades, but I don’t own a van Twilight can punch, so let’s postpone this until she’s in a better mood.”

“Speaking of improving Twilight’s mood,” Rarity said and gestured at the window, “is there any way we could hasten her progress out there? I can accept that the van is a better target than anypony’s face, but I worry that at some point, my neighbors might decide to interfere...”

“Well, ah suppose we-”

Applejack was cut off by the sound of somepony rushing down the stairs in a most unsophisticated way. “Sis!” Sweetie barged into the atelier with enough force to make Rarity worry about the door flying off of its hinges.

Stay calm, be a good sister and an even better host, and don’t chew her out in front of the guests... Rarity forced herself to smile. “Sweetie, what did we agree-”

“Did Rainbow Dash try to break in again?”

The smile froze in place even as various gears were starting to move inside her head. “Pardon me?”

“Because-...” For the first time since she came in, Sweetie seemed to remember that her older sister had invited the others in. She licked her lips nervously, obviously realizing that she had already said too much. “It’s... ah... never mind...”

Deep down, Rarity had an excellent idea what Sweetie had been trying to say. Especially after her parents had literally locked them out of the house by accident after an all too brief return home between months-long vacation trips - At least Sweetie didn’t bring them up! - forcing Rainbow Dash to fly to one of the unlocked windows on the first floor. A part of her was making mental notes to remind Sweetie about proper etiquette - what if she had been in a meeting with a wealthy and elite customer? Another part of her noted that this was not the time to worry about manners. Because we both know what happened after Rainbow had flown up to that window...

The brief wail of a siren caused her four guests to turn their heads, but Rarity only sighed. Somepony actually called the police. “I’m awfully sorry this happened; my neighbors seem to be more high-strung than usual!” She turned to face the band members. “I’ll head out and try to defuse-...” She blinked when she realized that none of Twilight’s friends were listening to her.

“Yes! Avenge my van!” Applejack cheered from her new spot at the window and pumped her fist.

“Is that-...” Vinyl tried to find a good viewing angle - the others had secured the best seats at the window before her. “C’mon, lemme see!”

“Yes, it’s them,” Trixie replied cryptically before giving up her spot at the window and walking towards the door. “Not the best timing, but let’s see if Twilight cooled down enough to handle this properly.”

“I’ll bet y’all ten bits that she’s gonna start a fight an’ get herself arrested.” Applejack cracked her knuckles and started to follow Trixie.

“You’re on,” Trixie replied casually.

Rarity sighed. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

She could feel that this was a decisive moment. Her last reasonable chance to call it quits, throw out all these deranged ponies, let their extra-deranged leader get herself arrested, and then cry into a pillow for the rest of the week. She allowed herself a few moments to savor the mental image of her anguish before admitting that, crazy or not, she still had a massive crush on Twilight Sparkle. “I’ll just have to find a foalsitter for these guys,” she muttered even as she turned towards the door.

“What was that?” Applejack asked and turned to face her while Trixie went ahead and left the house.

“Nothing,” Rarity shouted. “Just let me handle this. I’ll talk to the police, and with any luck, we can get this done without escalating things.” Without even thinking about it, she opened the closet next to the front door. It’s not exactly cold, but if experience has taught me anything, it’s that you should dress professionally if you want ponies to take you seriously. And what could be more serious than saving a loved one from a terrible misunderstanding? She took out a dark green jacket and held it against blouse as she inspected the combination in the mirror. “Not quite...”

“Ah, hold up, sugarcube...” Applejack was looking equal parts amused and uncomfortable.

“Awfully sorry, darling, but I’m a bit pressed for time here.” She took out a denim vest. Ohh, daring combination. But does it invoke too much of a wild aesthetic? I only want to look a bit like I’m willing to, ah, fight the power, as they say, but not too much...

“Right. About that...”

“Please, we need to-” The slamming of two car doors outside made both of them freeze. Denim vest it is. “I’ll be right back.”

“No, wait, you-...” Applejack cursed when Rarity went through the door and put on her vest. “TRIXIE! AH NEED YA TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO HER!”

Talk some sense into me? Goodness, as if any of them could resolve this without mass arrests...

She walked along the narrow path leading to the sidewalk and used that time to take in the situation: two police officers were approaching Twilight, who was exchanging a few quick looks and gestures with Trixie, from the looks of it. Then the wild beauty stared the officers down, somehow looking even more rebellious than when she had been punching the van.

“Good evening, Ma’am,” the first officer said carefully. It was a male unicorn with a pristine white coat and a luxurious mane colored in two shades of blue... who for some reason had decided not to use his phenomenal looks to make millions in the modeling business.

Probably an idealist, Rarity decided. An idealist who makes a police uniform look like haute couture. Just imagine him in a designer suit... She briefly bit her lower lip before banishing the thought and giving the second police officer a quick look.

At first glance, the officer was a female Earth pony. In terms of appearance, she was less of a supermodel and more of a supervillain: her light rose mane had been styled into a neatly trimmed mohawk in what looked like a desperate compromise between the police dress code and her wild side. It does nicely frame her features, though, Rarity decided. And it also goes well with her purple coat, so she has that going for her at least. As the officer fell behind her partner to keep an eye on the larger picture, Rarity noticed that at least one part of her initial assessment had been incorrect: the pony was actually a unicorn, albeit one whose horn had been viciously broken off. A shiver ran down her spine as she tried to imagine what that must have felt like. Still, this was clearly not a pony looking for pity, and her physique left little doubt that she could even put up a good fight against bulkier ponies like Big Macintosh. Not that the latter was looking eager to put that theory to the test - the elder Apple sibling held up his hands to signal no hostile intent... which was more than could be said about Twilight.

After exchanging brief looks with the first officer, Twilight huffed. “WHADDYA WANT, COPPER?”

Rarity’s eyes widened, and she barely held back a curse. Please stop talking, darling! You’re making it awfully hard for me to defuse this! “Ah, excuse-...” She froze when Trixie grabbed her shoulder.

“Do you trust us?” Twilight’s friend asked, giving her a stern look.

Rarity opened her mouth, then slowly closed it again. “...maybe,” she finally conceded. “Why?”

“If you do, then don’t interfere. I know what this looks like, but believe me when I tell you that you’re missing quite a bit of context here.” She smirked. “Also, before you actually believe her anarchist act, let me tell you that Twilight once wrote a formal apology letter to the city council when Applejack got a parking ticket. It was hilarious and kinda sad - you should definitely ask her about it later.”

Rarity’s eyes flicked from Trixie to the increasingly hostile standoff, then back. “...I won’t bail her out,” she lied.

“Fine.” Trixie’s smile was a bit too wide for Rarity’s liking. “Enjoy the show.”

Show? Rarity raised an eyebrow at that. Well, I suppose everything is a show to these ponies...

“Ma’am,” the male officer said, clearly struggling not to raise his voice, “could we please just see some identification so that we at least know that you’re demolishing your own vehicle?” He hadn’t drawn a weapon yet, but while his left hand was raised in a calming manner, the other one was close to his belt, presumably ready to pull out his handcuffs or something more vicious.

“Is that ID enough, officer?” Twilight sneered.

Judging by the officer’s expression, a raised middle finger was not valid identification in Equestria.

“This isn’t happening,” Rarity whispered and covered her mouth even as Twilight raised her other hand to flip off the officer in stereo. “Please tell me I did not fall in love with some sort of hooligan...”

“Ehhh, she’ll be fine,” Applejack replied in a far too casual tone.

“Right,” the male officer muttered before turning towards his colleague and giving her a too-wide grin. “Rookie, why don’t you handle things from here?”

“...sir?” the second officer asked and tilted her head.

“I believe this is a fine opportunity to show me that the academy still teaches ponies how to handle a rebel with more piercings than IQ points.”

The rookie officer raised an eyebrow at that before giving Twilight a look. “Of course, sir. Since she already flipped you the bird... twice... would you like me to...” She gestured vaguely in a way that probably suggested violence.

He shrugged and gestured her to join him. “You’re the officer in charge now, so you tell me. But if I may make a suggestion...” He leaned closer to her ear and whispered something.

Her jaw dropped. “Sir, that is not physically possible. However, even if it were, it would be sexual assault and a guaranteed headline about police sexual miscon-...” She squinted, and his grin widened. “You meant ’D’ as in ‘de-escalation,’ didn’t you?”

“You tell me, Cakepop,” the senior officer replied and made shooing motions.

“Fizzlepop,” she corrected him automatically and sighed. “Ma’am, could we please resolve this quickly and peacefully so I can clock out, hit a bar and forget that the most juvenile troll in Canterlot signs my paychecks?”

“You’re no fun,” Twilight teased her and gave her a grin that matched the senior officer’s.

“And you’re well on your way to getting arrested for vandalism, yet here I am, still giving you every chance in the world to convince me otherwise.”

“C’mon, throw a punch,” Applejack whispered, apparently still focused on getting her friend arrested for ten bits and bragging rights.

“Twilight’s a performer, not a fighter,” Trixie muttered. “Besides, that cop looks like she knows eighteen martial art styles, and I don’t want to push Twilight onto the band battle stage in a wheelchair, so please don’t encourage her. Besides, I don’t have ten bits on hand.”

If she gets out of this in one piece, I will absolutely tell Twilight what terrible friends she has, Rarity decided and gave Trixie a dirty look. She can probably accept them putting the band’s fate above her own wellbeing, but ten bits? That’s just-... “What are you doing there?”

“Last-second prep work,” Trixie muttered and opened the wallet she was holding, revealing that it was empty except for what looked a lot like an extra-fancy concert ticket. Apparently satisfied, she closed it and hid it behind her back.

“Alright, fine,” Twilight finally gave in, having unsuccessfully tried to stare down the police officer while Rarity had been distracted by Twilight’s terrible friends. “Here’s my ID,” she said after pulling her wallet out of her rear pocket and taking a card out of it. “The van belongs to my friend over there. She’s got the papers to prove it.”

Well, finally we’re getting somewhere. Rarity sighed in relief. And here I was worried that-... She took a closer look at Twilight, who was pointing at them. Or rather, who was pointing at Trixie. Now what?

“Right,” the officer muttered. “So, you are... Jenny Rossity?” She paused once she had said the name out loud, her expression shifting from confusion to disbelief, and from there to annoyance. “Right,” she repeated and gave the ID a closer look. “Well, let’s see if those papers for the van look less fake at least. Then I might feel jennyross and let you off with a stern warning...”

Having waited for her cue, Trixie tossed the wallet she had prepared over to the duo. Curiously, Applejack didn’t even bother to reach for her own papers - whatever act was going on, everypony except for Rarity and the officers seemed to be in on it. The rookie officer expertly caught the wallet without even taking her eyes off Twilight and flipped it open. Finally, she looked at its contents... and froze.

“See, there are the papers for the van, officer,” Twilight lied and flashed her a daring smile.

“I... what...” The officer slowly took out the concert ticket and stared at it.

“Something wrong, rookie?” her superior asked. Either by coincidence or by clever maneuvering on Twilight’s side, he was looking at her back, unable to see the wallet.

“Ah-...” The female officer’s head snapped up guiltily. “Just...” She looked down at the ticket again. “Just... checking... something...”

“I presume the papers look fine, right?” Twilight practically purred and nodded slowly. The officer was subconsciously starting to nod as well. “I’m free to go, and you can enjoy a great evening...”

“I...”

Rarity could guess what the ticket was for - to the best of her knowledge, there was only one high-profile event coming up that Trixie would likely have tickets for - but she didn’t know whether the officer was tempted by watching Villian Court or Fluttershy. She was aware that this wasn’t the most pressing issue here, but she had decided to postpone her mental breakdown about her future marefriend bribing the police with what looked like practiced ease.

“I...”

The officer’s hand was trembling.

She took a deep breath.

And then she dropped the wallet and drew her taser.

“I must ask you to turn around and place your hands against the van, Ma’am. I’m putting you under arrest for vandalism, presenting a fake ID to and attempting to bribe a police officer.”

“Oh, come on!” Twilight moaned and threw up her hands. “You know that concert’s been sold out for months, right?”

“Yes,” the officer replied through gritted teeth, “I know. And if you dare to remind me again, I will-”

The rest of her threat was cut off by her superior chuckling and clapping his hands. “Well done, Officer Berrytwist.”

“Thank... you... I think?” The rookie was looking completely confused by this sudden turn of events. She moved a few steps to the side to look at him without losing sight of Twilight.

“You did the right thing, even though I couldn’t have seen you accepting that bribe.”

“You-... yeah, you couldn’t-... but how’d you-”

“Oh, but Captain Shining Armor, sir,” the senior officer imitated her confused tone, adding a healthy dose of mocking deference, “if you hadn’t seen this, how did you know I turned down my one chance to see my idol Fluttershy live?”

Fluttershy? Heh, and here I would’ve pegged her as a punk/rock fan. Rarity allowed herself a smile. Well, appearances can always be deceiving. After all, few people would assume that I’d genuinely enjoy Twilight’s music.

“...I don’t sound like that, sir,” Officer Berrytwist complained after a second of hesitation, ignoring what Rarity felt was a valid point.

Applejack suddenly nudged her. “C’mon, fireworks are over, so let’s join them.”

Rarity was still trying to make sense of what had happened while she followed the others’ lead, but going by the confusion on the rookie’s face, she was at least in good company.

The officer looked from her superior to Twilight, and from there to the group that was heading towards them. Then she holstered her weapon again. “Was this some kind of test?” she finally asked, sounding equal parts relieved and annoyed.

Captain Shining Armor considered the question for a moment. “Hmmm, no, it wasn’t a test.”

“He would’ve given you hell if you had failed it, though,” Twilight helpfully added and levitated the wallet and ticket into her hand.

“What-... but-...”

“However,” the captain continued, “you correctly deduced that this encounter was staged. Mostly.” He gave Twilight a look before gesturing at the van in a questioning way.

Twilight in turn started to gesture in the general direction of her friends, but then froze when she spotted Rarity. “It’s... uh... it’s a long story,” she finally muttered and looked down in shame.

He glanced at the rest of the band before sighing. “You gotta work on that temper, Twily.”

“LOOK-...” Twilight snapped, then seemingly tried to strangle the air in front of her, but then deflated slightly and just groaned.

Shining Armor moved next to her and patted her back before giving his coworker a smile. “Fizzlepop, I would like you to meet my younger sister, Twilight Sparkle. I asked her to play along and pull this stunt on you, should we run into her during our patrol.”

That supermodel police captain is Twilight’s brother? Rarity’s sideways glance at Trixie was met with a quick nod.

“Everypony, this is Fizzlepop Berrytwist. Valedictorian of her class at the academy, and former horror of the very ponies she now works with.”

“I thought she looks like a hooligan,” Twilight teased her, obviously thankful for not being in the spotlight for a change.

“Look who’s talking,” Fizzlepop sneered before realizing that she was picking a fight with her boss’s sister. “I mean, er, she does, right?”

“Yes, but she set significantly fewer police vehicles on fire,” Shining Armor agreed in a way that made Twilight immediately take a step back. “Oh, don’t worry, Twily, Fizzle here is reformed. In fact, before she signed up at the academy, her help was crucial in taking down the Storm Kings.”

“...ah,” Twilight said and smiled weakly. Somehow, namedropping the most infamous gang that had terrorized the outskirts of Canterlot for a year did wonders to improve her attitude.

“Yeah. She was baaad.” Shining Armor pulled his coworker close and put an arm around her shoulder. Fizzlepop was looking extremely annoyed by now. “She even had a badass gang name. What was it again...? Typhoon Gloom?”

“Tempest Shadow, sir.” Fizzlepop hissed. “And you’re lucky that they didn’t tell me in advance that my new boss would be an even bigger jerk than my old one.”

“Mh, I get that a lot.” Shining Armor grinned, seemingly unaware that he was patting the shoulder of a pony who was looking ready to murder him on the spot. “But now your old boss is rightfully rotting in prison, and you’re stuck with me.”

“Until you have a tragic accident where you trip and fall onto a traffic cone eighteen times.”

Shining Armor blinked, but didn’t let go of her. “I sense a certain... animosity in our partnership...” He considered his words. “More so than usual when I bring up your dark and troubled past.”

She paused, then huffed. “Well, I did think that delivering the Storm Kings on a silver platter and then graduating with top scores from the academy would put me past the need for testing my trustworthiness, sir.”

He gave her a faint smile. “Fizzlepop-”

“Don’t ’Fizzlepop’ me, Captain, this is-...” She froze when his grip on her shoulder tightened visibly.

“Fizzlepop,” he repeated, his tone belying his seemingly friendly demeanor. “Do you honestly think I would let you anywhere near my kid sister, much less pull a weapon on her, if I didn’t trust you?”

She swallowed. Hard. “...no, sir.”

“Good.” He relaxed again. “And like I said, this hadn’t been a test.”

“Then what was the point of all of this, if I may ask? This seems like a lot of effort for a practical joke, even by your standards.”

Instead of answering, he pulled the wallet from Twilight’s hand with his magic and made the concert ticket float out. Fizzlepop’s gaze was immediately glued to it. “The point is that you, three days after starting in this precinct, literally asked for a tank. A tank we don’t even have. And not even to bust up some drug dealers or whatever, but to drive through the front door of the guy who sold you a fake concert ticket for three hundred bits.”

“...it was a valid request,” Fizzlepop answered after long seconds of silence, still mesmerized by the floating ticket.

“He probably didn’t even give you his real name or address.”

“...still worth a shot...”

Shining Armor smiled at this and let the ticket float a bit closer to her. Without even thinking about it, she raised her hand. “What concert was it again? I vaguely recall some talk about your idol, the goddess with the violin...?”

Fizzlepop only nodded, completely missing her cue to answer the question.

Finally, Twilight sighed. “Oh, just give her the ticket already before she asks for another tank.” She shook her head when Fizzlepop grabbed the ticket with a barely-suppressed squeal. “And here I thought she’d be more of a fan of our band. Then again, Fluttershy is the more famous act, so-”

“THIS IS A FRIGGING VIP TICKET?”

Twilight paused. “Yes, you’re wel-”

“FRONT ROW SEAT? WITH BACKSTAGE ACCESS?” Fizzlepop stared at Twilight as if the latter had just grown eight heads.

“As I was saying, y-”

“HOW?” She waved pointed frantically at the ticket. “HOW DID YOU GET YOUR HANDS ON THIS? AND-...” She stopped and swallowed hard. “...and why would you give it away?”

“At least she didn’t pounce me.” Twilight exchanged a knowing smirk with her bandmates. “As I was saying, Fluttershy may be the more famous act, but both she and our band got contingents of VIP tickets, and my brother reasoned that you would like to have one. That, and he loves practical jokes.”

Fizzlepop nodded slowly, but it was clear that her mind was barely parsing the words.

After long seconds of silence, Twilight smiled. “This is the part where you say thanks, Fizzlepop.”

“Thanks, Fizzlepop,” Fizzlepop said, still nodding slowly. She only snapped out of it when her superior snickered. “Funny,” she muttered, but then smiled. “What I meant is... yeah, thank you! Holy cow, I can barely wrap my mind around this!” She gently caressed the ticket and laughed quietly. Then she blinked. “Wait, you are Villain Court?”

“Villian Court,” Twilight corrected her wearily. “But yes, that’s us.”

Fizzlepop smirked at that. “Ha, and here I thought they misspelled the band name on the posters!”

A pink blur- “WeeeeeeeeeDIDTHATJOKEalreadyyyyyyyyy!” -ran past them, pushing what looked like a shopping cart filled with milk cartons and baking ingredients down the street.

“What was that?” Fizzlepop asked, carefully holstering the taser she had instinctively pulled again.

“Oh, that crazy mare,” Shining Armor commented. “Yeah, we can drop by her place tomorrow or so. Cake pop?”

“Fizzlepop,” Fizzlepop corrected him for the second time within minutes.

“Cake pop, Fizzlepop?” Shining Armor clarified his question a little bit and held up an actual cake pop he hadn’t been holding seconds ago. He grinned when he saw his coworker’s baffled expression. “C’mon, let’s head back to the station. I’ll play some of my sister’s music on the way, so you at least know the other half of what to expect at the concert.” He waved at the group before turning to leave. “Take care, ladies! You, too, Twily!”

“I-” Fizzlepop looked at her boss, then at Twilight’s group, before also waving them goodbye and following him.

“Right.” Twilight took a deep breath and made an effort to look everywhere except in Rarity’s direction. “We should probably also get going. You know. Band practice.”

“My tea is still steeping,” Vinyl said, ignoring Twilight’s less-than-subtle attempt to leave.

“I don’t give a-”

“An’ Trixie’s whiteboard is still in there,” Applejack added in an apparent effort to split Twilight’s imminent rage between multiple targets.

“Nobody cares about-”

“And you still owe your lady-in-waiting some backstory.”

“WOULD YOU SHUT YOUR-...” Twilight froze, then squinted at her friend. “...my lady-in-waiting? What?”

“Well, she’s a lady, and she’s waiting for your story...”

“That term doesn’t mean-... It’s actually about being a servant for-...” Twilight gestured vaguely from Rarity to herself, then quickly stopped again and gave Octavia a look. “Remind me to buy her a dictionary on the way back.”

“It’s already on the list,” Octavia replied calmly.

“‘Internalia’ is a word!” Trixie protested.

“Uhuh,” Octavia muttered without even taking her eyes off of Twilight.

Twilight mouthed the word and squinted as she tried to work backward and guess what kind of conversation she had missed. “...are there buoyancy calculations on the whiteboard you mentioned?” she finally asked.

I’m not sure if I should be impressed by how well she knows her friends or exasperated about how her friends are apparently this crazy on a regular basis. “I’m afraid that I’m legally forbidden from disclosing this information,” Rarity said and smiled coyly. “You’ll have to come back in and see for yourself.”

“Legally-...” Twilight’s eyes flicked from Rarity to Trixie, then back to Rarity. “You signed the NDA?” She blindly gestured at the van. “You just witnessed me punching a van like a complete lunatic, and you did not only sign an agreement that would let you learn more about me, but you’re actually inviting me back into your house?”

“I invited you in because I wanted to learn more about you, and that hasn’t changed.” Rarity motioned at the van. “All of this here simply means that the list of things I want to learn about you just got longer.” Also, you’re an amazing kisser, and I can accept a certain degree of crazy as a price for more of that, but there’s no need to spell that out...

Twilight sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Do I at least have the option to upgrade to something stronger than tea? I have a feeling I’ll need it.”

“Oh please, that story is barely worth a double espresso,” Trixie said and rolled her eyes. “We might as well just stick with tea and-...” She stopped talking and merely grinned when Twilight shot her a withering look. “Okay, fine, let’s make it a triple.”

“Oh, I’ll show you a triple, you-”

“I keep a few bottles of wine in my office upstairs,” Rarity chimed in even as Applejack was starting to move between the two bickering unicorns. “Why don’t we resume this conversation there,” she said and gave the others a pointed look, “after I ask Sweetie and Opalescence to play foalsitters for your friends.”

“I should’ve asked Officer Berrytwist for two spare tasers to give to your sisters,” Twilight muttered.

Octavia was grinning ruefully. “Twilight, I saw a food bowl in the main hall, and, uh... Opalescence is not a pony - our dear host just decided that her cat is more mature than us.”

“Pah, the Great and Powerful Trixie can easily wrestle any feline!”

“Bet ya ten bits ya can’t,” Applejack offered playfully.

“Oh, you’re on.”

“And lo and behold, her assessment was right,” Octavia added and rolled her eyes. “Miss Belle, if you like, we can leave you and Twilight be.”

“And deny Applejack the chance to earn back her ten bits?” Rarity placed a hand on Trixie’s shoulder. “WHAT? THEY RAN OUT OF DELUXE TUNA BITZ, SO YOU WENT WITH THRIFTY BITZ INSTEAD BECAUSE IT SOUNDED SIMILARLY?”

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at,” Trixie said and raised an eyebrow at the gesture, “but they do sound-”

Ten pounds of muscle and white fur shot out of the front door at half the speed of sound, cutting off Trixie’s blasphemy in mid-sentence.

Rarity smiled as she watched Opalescence pinning Trixie to the ground, hissing madly. “Come on in, darlings, I’ll show-”

“DO NOT LEAVE THE GREAT AND DISTRESSED TRIXIE BEHIND!”

“-you where the first-aid kit is.” And with that, she strolled towards the house. Walk. Don’t run. Walk. Don’t look back at the pony you just sacrificed to your cat. Walk. Don’t try to think of the way Twilight’s canines showed when she grinned at the sight. Her tail twitched a little bit as a shiver ran down her spine. Walk. Don’t fantasize too hard about the goddess you just invited in for a private-...

She giggled quietly. No, actually... do.

Author's Note

Notes, inspiration, credits:

Fleshing out this AU a bit, I decided to toss Shining Armor into the mix (especially since I mentioned Cadance in the previous chapter). And since there is no Royal Guard he can be Captain of, I settled for the next best thing.

Fizzlepop's role in this chapter (and thus, the scene itself) went through a lot of rewriting, leading to roughly 700 words ending up on the pile of discarded drafts. Whoops.

In my eyes, Shining is the guy most people will critically underestimate because of his fun and relaxed attitude, only to realize that he can and will switch gears at a moment's notice. He can absolutely kick your butt, he'd just prefer to sort things out over coffee.

Internalia is not an English (or German) word... even though I was 100% convinced that it was until I decided to look it up, just in case I got the spelling wrong. :facehoof: My exasperated research ended up amusing me a lot in hindsight, so I decided to leave it in and let my characters (and you) laugh at my mistake.

I needed an obviously fake name for Twilight, and when I found "Jenny Rossity" on a long list of prank names, it was the obvious choice since "Ross" means "horse" in German. (It's not widely in use anymore, but still sticks around regionally and in more poetic/lyrical usages.) Aaalso, there's something to be said about Twilight using (canon) Rarity's Element of Harmony as an alias. :heart:

If you want to overthink it, and just in case this won't be covered in passing in the next chapter: the fake ID was supplied by Trixie for this performance.

Pinkie Pie is not a character I find easy to write, but I love having her around to deliver some drive-by commentary and spotlight stealing. Also, free cake pops. Mhhh...

I needed cat food names. I recently started playing Neko Atsume: Kitty Collector. I didn't need cat food names anymore. :twilightsheepish:

Lies Greed Celestia

Author's Note

This fic crossed paths with "Sunset's Isekai," a massive fic by the amazing and infinitely productive Wanderer D.

So before you jump into this chapter, I invite you to at least check out the chapter "Twilight's World." It's not mandatory, but (a) it's awesome and you should give Wanderer D all the kudos in the world, (b) it's canon with this fic, and (c) having read that chapter first will give you some context for Twilight's train of thought later on, and the events of that chapter will also influence a few events further down the line here. Also, (d) it's just so darn well written, yo.

(General note: The title of this chapter is directly adapted from a Linkin Park song title. Somewhat related, my working title for this fic was "Lots and Lots of Shouting" - just as a quick heads-up. We will return to your regular romantic comedy antics shortly.)

Lies Greed Celestia

“Anything else, ma’am?”

Rarity quickly double-checked the list. “I think that should be it. You got that number 18 had no cheese, right? This was marked as important on my list, so before somepony succumbs to an allergic reaction... ”

“Yes, ma’am,” the stallion on the other end dutifully replied. “I indeed wrote down that that the cheeseburger should be prepared without cheese.”

“That the cheesebu-...” Rarity’s grip on her phone tightened considerably. “Trixie,” she hissed and tried to give the prankster in the atelier a glare all the way from the kitchen.

The stallion snickered. “Don’t worry, not the first time we get jokers. Should I scratch it?”

Make him put that on an extra bill! Make her literally pay for her petty attempt at revenge! “No, keep it,” she muttered. “Probably just her way of thanking me for a feline mauling.”

“Uh, right.” There was an awkward pause as he waited for her to explain that remark. When no such explanation came, he coughed. “Expect the delivery in roughly thirty minutes. Could be a bit longer, given the volume.”

“That’s fine, thank you.”

Rarity hesitated at the door to her atelier. Last time she had entered it, she had witnessed crimes against fashion, and since then, things had only gotten weirder. Well, at least it can’t get much worse than that turquoise dress on her lavender coat, right? She pushed the door open... and raised an eyebrow.

Five cellphones were out, their grinning owners taking dozens of pictures of the rather unfair fight that was going on in the center of the atelier.

“Ahem,” Rarity announced her presence. Octavia and Vinyl at least put away their phones and gave her sheepish smiles. Trixie, Twilight, and Big Macintosh had fewer scruples.

“Hey, sis,” Sweetie greeted her without taking her eyes off of Applejack.

“Mhhhh!” Applejack said and tried to get enough leverage to chuck Sweetie into their neighbor’s house. However, between the wrist lock and all of her limbs - as well as her muzzle - being further bound by silk ribbons, she had virtually no freedom of movement left.

“A-hem!” Rarity tried again, desperately trying not to crack a grin. “Sweetie deRelle Belle?”

Her sister finally glanced up from her position on Applejack’s back, giving her a mildly exasperated look. “She started it!”

As if having waited for her cue - and she probably had - Trixie pulled a handkerchief out from under her cape and started to dry her non-existent tears. “It’s true,” she sobbed, “Applejack s-suddenly attacked p-poor Sweetie! I have never seen my dear friend acting like this!”

Big Macintosh grabbed her handkerchief and started to wipe away his own non-existent tears. “Eeyup, Granny Smith always said that th’ girl had th’ devil inside her, but ah never believed ‘er till this day...”

If looks had been able to kill, Villian Court would have just been reduced to a duo act.

“Now, now, that’s horribly unfair to Applejack,” Octavia chided them. “Badmouthing your friend who can’t even defend herself against these allegations!” Applejack let out a sigh and nodded in appreciation, unable to see Octavia’s slightly mischievous smile. “Fortunately, the inherent bond between all Earth ponies allows us to transmit our thoughts at close range.”

“...mmmph?”

Octavia dropped to her knees and gently touched Applejack’s forehead with one hand and her temple with the other. “I’m... getting... something...”

“MMMPH!”

“Ah yes...” Octavia kept up her act, ignoring the way Applejack was nearly throwing off Sweetie despite the silk bonds and the submission hold. “If ya don’ untie me this instant, y’all can walk home,” she finally said, delivering a frighteningly good impression of Applejack’s slight drawl.

This is like that one nightmare where Rainbow Dash found a way to clone herself. Rarity sighed and clapped her hands to get everypony’s attention. “Yes, lovely performance, but you can take five now, darlings.” She pulled over a small sitting pillow with her magic and gently sat down on it next to Applejack. “With friends like these, who needs enemies, right?” She laughed lightly and patted Applejack’s head.

“Mh,” Applejack grunted.

“Of course, I presume you had good reason to get into a brawl with my dear sister and that you will tell me that absolutely convincing reason once we’re done here,” she added, her smile warping into a slightly cruel grin. “Right?”

“She was just worried that I had opened the door so readily after it had gotten dark outside,” Sweetie explained, noticing Applejack’s slightly distressed whine. “She didn’t believe me when I said that I could defend myself... and... uh... she kinda went in for a grab...”

“Mh mhry,” Applejack mumbled an apology through her gag.

“Ah’ll chew her out later for resortin’ so quickly to... physicality, ma’am,” Big Macintosh volunteered. “Good intentions about makin’ a point or not, there were better ways of handlin’ this.”

“Yes, well, at least nopony got injured.” Rarity sighed happily. “I guess we can leave it at that unless she also wants to take a closer look at the last-resort can of pepper spray near the door?” She smiled down at Applejack, who was looking miserable now, and patted her head one last time before giving the younger Belle a look over her shoulder. “Now... Sweetie. Of course I assumed that she had started it. For one, I trust you to remember your lessons about discipline and avoiding fights if possible.” She reached out and gently stroked Sweetie’s shoulder. “Besides, her friends would have helped her instead of turning this into an impromptu photoshoot if you had been the aggressor.”

“Actually, I would’ve just called it a night and hailed a cab if Sweetie there had suddenly attacked and overwhelmed Applejack for no reason,” Vinyl admitted, then rolled her eyes when Applejack shot her a dirty look. “What? You can benchpress Twilight, and you still got your tail handed to you by her! What would you have me do? Write a mean symphony while she suplexes me?”

“So... if we’re all good... why the full name basis?” Sweetie asked carefully, ignoring the way Applejack was once again struggling under her.

Rarity sighed theatrically. “Because this,” she said and pointed at the ribbons tying down Applejack, “is silk directly imported from Saddle Arabia. It costs more bits per inch than your weekly allowance!”

“...are you scolding me for not looking through your drawers for cheaper alternatives while fighting off The Ultimate Apple Farmer here?”

“I’m just saying that the cotton ribbons were just one drawer below the silk ones,” Rarity informed her curtly, but her smile assured Sweetie that she was - mostly - joking. “Now, why don’t we call this fight in your favor and let Applejack out of her predicament?”

“Fiiine,” Sweetie said and released Applejack from the wrist lock. A second later, she also let go of her magic grip on the ends of the ribbons.

Rarity smiled and got back to her hooves before using her own magic to untie Applejack and let the ribbons roll up in her outstretched hand, ignoring her grunts and muttered curses when the fabric around her muzzle finally came loose.

Twilight finally came forward, having been conspicuously quiet during this episode so far. She quickly knelt next to Applejack, who was busy rubbing her sore muscles and joints. “I want the protocol to show that I tried to stop you,” she told her friend. “Though I will also note that it was a beautiful case of karma that you just got your butt handed to you by a young filly, especially considering that you brought up my history from when I was roughly her age.”

“Well, ah sure am glad that at least one o’ us enjoyed this,” Applejack muttered, but Rarity could see a rueful smile on her face.

“Speaking of your history,” Rarity said, taking careful note of the way Twilight’s tail twitched. “Why don’t you go upstairs while I finish sorting things out down here? You can freshen up in the bathroom and then make yourself at home in my office. I’ll be with you in a few minutes.”

Twilight nodded slowly, thankfully not going back on her agreement to share her backstory. “Yeah, I’ll... go and do all that,” she replied somewhat lamely, obviously trying to sort out her story in her head already. “You guys better be on your best behavior,” she addressed her friends. “If we come back down and see that Sweetie had dropkick anypony through a window, I’ll be mad!”

Her friends murmured in assent. Sweetie merely grinned, likely still riding her adrenaline high.

“Um,” Applejack finally spoke up after a few minutes, cutting through the idle chitchat that had filled the room after Twilight had left, “ah know we agreed that all’s good overall... but ah wanted to apologize properly. Both to you and to your sister.”

“Darling, believe me when I say that it’s fine. You meant well, after all, and I will never fault somepony for an abundance of enthusiasm.” She looked aside. “My ongoing friendship with Rainbow Dash is a testament to that fact...” A quick cough. “Anyway. Nopony was hurt, and it gave Sweetie a rare chance to practice under real-life conditions.”

“An’ you know ah’ll have a talk with her-” Big Macintosh repeated his promise.

“Yeah, yeah,” Applejack muttered and rolled her eyes.

“-in front of her granny-”

“Ugh.”

“-an’ her sister-”

“Oh, for cryin’ out loud!”

“-an’ her dog.”

That final addition made Applejack wheeze. “Not Winona! She loves me!”

“She deserves to know the truth,” Big Macintosh said and nodded gravely.

“You monster,” Applejack hissed, looking genuinely hurt. “You absolute, disgustin’ monster. You’re just jealous that she loves me more than you.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow at that and gave Trixie a questioning look. “Dog owners,” the latter simply whispered and rolled her eyes. “Don’t ever get between her and that animal.”

“Ah heard that!” Applejack snapped and pointed her finger at Trixie. “Winona ain’t just an animal!”

“Case in point,” Trixie muttered.

“Winona is family! She’s more family than any pony in this room could ever be!” Behind her, Big Macintosh made the most dismissive gesture he could afford, given the implied age rating set by Sweetie’s presence. “Winona’s bloodline is inextricably linked to the Apple family!”

And with that, she reached for her cellphone.

Trixie’s eyes widened. “Oh my, would you look at the time!?” she blurted out and delivered a laugh that was as fake as it was shrill before turning towards the door. “Miss Belle, it’s been a pleas-HORK!“

Applejack kept fiddling with her phone with one hand while the other was roughly grabbing Trixie by her tail. “Oh no, ya don’t.” She finally nodded at her phone. “Here, look at this. This is ol’ Wyatt Apple, one o’ the most feared lawponies in the olden days. An’ you see who’s by his side?”

Trixie looked past the cellphone that had been shoved almost literally in her face. “Fly, you fool!” she whispered.

“Right,” Rarity said and laughed lightly. “Sweetie, you got this?”

“I wanna see the puppies, too!” Sweetie was already tugging at Applejack’s shirt before grinning and making a gesture to shoo Rarity.

Thanks, I owe you one. Rarity waved back before making her way to the door.

Dog people, I swear, Rarity thought and smirked. This is why I like cats more. There is less pretense. A cat will let you know that it merely tolerates you, even though it regards you as inherently inferior, and it’s up to you to decide if you’re okay with that. She moved towards the stairs.

“-room. So let’s just go in before she catches you standing out here like an idiot.”

Rarity froze and waited a moment until she heard the door to her room click shut. Let’s give her a few minutes to get settled in. It would be rather impolite to just barge in right behind her, right? She nodded to herself. I suppose five minutes is a good time. ...no, that’s going to look like I timed it. Five minutes is a terrible time! Let’s say... six? I think that’s much better. Unless... is six minutes too long? What if she gets bored? A minute can feel like an eternity when you’re bored, and six minutes would then-

The door to her room opened and closed again.

Now what? Rarity thought and raised an eyebrow. Don’t tell me my room is not, how do they say, “metal” enough for her... She snuck up a few steps, just in case Twilight decided to voice whatever complaint she had.

“The kind of long day where I stumble into a bar in another dimension,” her guest whispered.

Rarity blinked at that. Then, for good measure, she blinked at that a second time. Okay... is this a reference to a song they’re working on? Bit of an odd time for rehearsal if you ask me, but I’m not the rock star goddess here, so what do I know?

“The kind of long day where I find myself wondering if I can, in fact, defuse the band battle without losing face.”

Okay. Not song rehearsal. Just self-doubt. She decided to move.

“The kind of long day where-”

“The kind of long day where you don’t even realize you’re talking to yourself?” Rarity asked.

Twilight blinked and looked to her side just in time to see her coming up the stairs.

“Yes, that kind of long day exactly,” she said and returned the smile Rarity was giving her. “But I suppose you could say the same.”

“Eh, messed up a job interview, had a coffee that glowed light purple, almost got hit by a car, invited my muse and goddess into my home.” Rarity feigned a yawn. “Pretty average day, really.” They both chuckled at that. “So... need a drink?”

Twilight slightly tilted her head. “I feel that I need to tell my story... and maybe reflect a bit on my life in general.” A pause. “But yeah, I’ll also have a drink while I’m at it.”

“Well, after you,” Rarity said and gestured at the door that led to her room.

“In there?” Twilight seemed oddly unsure all of a sudden. She opened her mouth, as if to voice an objection, but then stopped herself after turning around. “...oh, you meant your room!”

Did she somehow-... But didn’t she just come out of-... Let’s not question it. “Well... yes.” Questions or not, Rarity allowed herself to point at the door, just in case. Play it cool, it’s been a long day for both of you... “I’d point out there there’s even a sign with my name on it, but you’ve already proven your dislike for those, so...”

“You’re never going to let me live that one down, are you?” Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically before opening the door to Rarity’s room and office. There was a pause as she took it all in, seemingly for the first time. And finally, Twilight smiled and almost looked... relieved? “Yeah,” she whispered to herself and stepped inside, “yeah, this... this is... yeah.”

“Well, I’m glad it’s to your liking. I didn’t have time to give it a full once-over, but I hope that you’re going to feel-”

“Oh, this is also your bedroom?” Twilight asked and practically pranced to the room divider that kept Rarity’s bed and private closets out of immediate view.

“Ahem.”

Her height allowed her to peek over it with ease, and she giggled quietly. “So that’s where that bathrobe went... Man, that bed looks comfy... I should totally invest in something better than my futon when I got the spare funds! Maybe not quite as frilly and fluffy as-”

“A-hem!”

Twilight’s brain finally caught up with what she was doing. She turned on the spot, nearly knocking over the divider. Before Rarity could move towards it, a brief burst of magic stabilized it. The glow around Twilight’s horn vanished as quickly as it had appeared. “Right, private space, sorry,” she muttered and looked down guiltily.

“Indeed it is,” Rarity replied curtly. “I’m not the kind of mare who will jump at the slightest opportunity to succumb to her carnal desires and drag somepony to her bed as soon as physically possible.” She prayed that Twilight wouldn’t call out her blatant lie.

“I wasn’t-... I didn’t-...” Twilight gestured this way and that before taking a deep breath. “Well, I’m not the kind of rock star who will allow just any old mare to sit on my lap and ride me till I’m sore on the first date.”

Rarity barely managed to not burst out laughing at the blunt phrasing but was less lucky when it came to not blushing at the mental image. “Well, I believe I already established that this-”

“-isn’t a date,” Twilight finished the sentence for her and rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes, yes.”

Am I pushing this act onto thin ice? “Exactly. I am still... evaluating things.”

“Evaluating,” Twilight repeated the word flatly. “You are... evaluating things? Like, me? Like some sort of psych evaluation?” She crossed her arms, and Rarity couldn’t tell if she had just pushed things too far, especially in the context of the events of the last hour. “Next thing I know, you drag a couch in here and ask me about my-...” She leaned slightly to her right and looked past Rarity. “...is that a couch?” She walked past Rarity and stared at the piece of furniture that had been sitting in the office/recreational area of the room. “Is that an actual, thrice-damned psychiatrist couch?”

“Actually, it’s-”

“Are you some sort of psychoanalyst in your spare time? Is that how you were able to afford this fancy house?”

“No, and this is-”

“The hay...” Twilight sat down on the red velvet cushions, shaking her head in disbelief the entire time. Then, after a moment of hesitation, she lay down on it as best as her large frame allowed, her lower legs dangling over the edge. “Kinda comfy, at least. No wonder all you shrinks got one of these...”

“I’m not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or shrink, darling,” Rarity finally corrected her when she was halfway sure that Twilight’s rant was over. “This is my fainting couch, and it’s where I wallow in despair when I’m feeling particularly dramatic.” She sat down on a chair next to the couch, slightly out of Twilight’s view, and used her magic and a few pins to arrange her mane into a quick bun. Then she levitated her reading glasses and a clipboard from her nearby desk. “Zhat being said,” she said with her best/worst accent impersonation, “tell me about your mozher.”

Twilight got up halfway from the couch to give Rarity a look and broke out in laughter when she saw Rarity’s new look. “Okay, fine, point taken, Sigmund Freud. Or should I say, Sigrid Fraud?” She slumped back onto the couch and gave Rarity a last look before looking back ahead. “Also, as much as I dig the ‘sexy librarian’ look, I think I prefer your curls,” she muttered before clearing her throat. Rarity was almost sure that the other mare was blushing under her lavender coat.

Rarity smiled and let her hair down again. “Well, you-”

“My mother loves me.”

There was a moment of silence as Rarity sat there, mouth still open. “Um, darling, that was a joke,” she finally said and let out a slightly nervous laugh. “You don’t have to actually-...” She stopped talking when Twilight dismissively waved her hand.

“I know, but... we’re here to talk about me, right? About who I used to be.” Twilight took a deep breath. “I normally hate my past to be brought up... but it very much defines me, and I want you to... understand me better. To know me better.” She groaned and rubbed her hand. “Also, you just witnessed me punching a van and flipping off a cop, so my super-tragic backstory might somehow convince you not to file a restraining order against me.”

They chuckled at that. “So... happy family?” Rarity finally asked even as she levitated over a bottle of red wine and two glasses.

“Happy family,” Twilight confirmed. “Always was. Still is. And, given how much I screwed up so far without things getting worse, it always will be.” Her breathing slowed down as she allowed herself to relax. “Rich parents. Not multi-millionaires or anything, but with enough reserves to just smile and nod when young Twily told them that she wanted to become a musician.” She smiled ruefully. “I mean, let’s face it, that’s a pretty daft career goal. Fine as a hobby when you got an actual job to support you, sure. But if you want to turn it into an actual job that pays your bills... wow. You have to be either very lucky, very talented, very dedicated, very well-connected... or very eager to deliver your audition on your knees under somepony’s desk.”

Rarity coughed in mid-sip, barely managing not to do a massive spit-take onto her white plush carpet. “Wha-...” She took a moment to dab her lips with a tissue. “Dare I ask which category you fell into?”

“Very funny. Also, I had been twelve, so get your mind out of the gutter, please.”

“So... very talented?”

“Flatterer.” Twilight snorted. “Looking back, probably a healthy mix of luck and talent. Likely more luck than talent or skill - I got picked after, what, half a year of singing lessons, which still blows my mind, by the way.” She frowned as she reflected on that. “Yeah, let’s just say I was super lucky.”

“Luck may get you picked, but I believe you need a mix of talent and dedication to-”

“THAT’S WHAT YOU ALWAYS-...” Twilight snapped and shot her the most hostile glare Rarity had ever seen. Then her eyes went wide when she apparently realized who she was shouting at.

“I’m so-”

“Don’t!” Twilight hissed, but her look had changed from anger to despair. “Don’t you dare to apologize!” She slowly moved into a sitting position and spun in place to face Rarity. The two mares sat together in silence for what seemed like hours before Twilight let out a sigh and cast her eyes downward. “Please forgive me. It’s just... it’s just that my mentor always used to say that, and... after all that happened... it’s just...” She waved her hand lamely.

“Your mentor... you mean the pony working for the label that picked you?”

Twilight laughed quietly at that, and Rarity couldn’t help but think that the larger mare was looking... exhausted. “The pony working for the label... ha! No, no... you see, it wasn’t some underling who picked me. Little Twily attended an audition where, for some stupid reason, the big boss herself had been in attendance.” She looked Rarity in the eyes again, but Rarity could tell that her mind was very much elsewhere. “On that day, after a not even stellar performance, I was offered a record deal by Celestia.”

“Celestia?” Rarity frantically dug through her memories at the mention of that name. “You mean... the Celestia of... what was it... Causal Loop Diagram?”

Twilight gave her an almost bored look. “The band’s name was just ‘CLD,’ after the initials of the members. The whole ‘Causal Loop Diagram blah blah interrelated variables represent how we’re all in this together blah blah’ stuff was only retcon marketing spin to make them look more... blegh... I don’t even know... sophisticated, profound, whatever.”

Rarity allowed herself a slight smile. “Did you already hate the band before or only after Celestia signed-”

“It was the friggen SEVENTIES!” Twilight snapped, but at least she only seemed generally annoyed and not personally aggrieved. “Do I look like I got a special connection to the happy, soft, kumbaya type of music from a time when I hadn’t even been born yet?” She blinked, then frowned. “...you’re not some sort of undercover CLD sleeper agent superfan, are you?”

“...can you actually be both undercover and a sleeper agent?” Rarity teased after a moment of consideration.

Twilight smirked and pointed a finger gun at her. “Just answer the question, ma’am.”

Rarity laughed at that. “I will admit that I occasionally enjoy listening to oldies, but just like you, I never built up an emotional bond to an era I did not witness.”

“Fair enough.” Twilight slumped back onto the couch. “Anyway... yeah, that Celestia. The ‘C’ in ‘CLD,’ at least until the band split up and they all moved on to other aspects of making music. Case in point, Albedo Two Records, Celestia’s record label and proof positive that astronomy is not her strongest suit because that is totally not how this works.”

“And the new home of Princess Twilicorn,” Rarity added, this time knowingly stepping on that particular landmine.

Twilight tensed at the name but thankfully kept her cool otherwise. “The only home of Princess Twilicorn,” she whispered, then shook her head slowly. “I didn’t have an artist name when I was auditioning. I was just Twilight Sparkle. Then Celestia came in, and she told me...” Twilight clenched her fist and stopped talking for a few seconds. Finally, she forced herself to relax again. “She told me that I was special. That I had the potential to be more than just Twilight Sparkle.”

“So Princess Twilicorn was her idea?”

“Completely,” Twilight confirmed drily. “She thought of the name, she composed the melodies, she wrote the lyrics, she hired people to design my outfits and to drill me on my new stage persona, on how to truly be Princess Twilicorn. It was all her.” She abruptly got up and started to pace, absentmindedly grabbing her glass of wine and emptying it in one go, like the rock barbarian that she was. “Princess Twilicorn was her invention. Her... property. An entire identity, complete with two-album, eight-single discography, all lined up and ready to go. All she needed was a young, halfway cute kid with a solid voice and the ability to memorize a whole bunch of lines. A pretty idiot who could sing.” She put the glass back down on the table with slightly more force than was strictly necessary. “And that pretty idiot was me.”

You sound bitter, Rarity quipped, but wisely kept the thought to herself. “You sound bitter,” she said instead, then froze. Aw, ficklestitch.

“Bitter?” Twilight gave a slightly lopsided grin. Coupled with her wide eyes, it was a terrifying and unhinged look. “Oh, I’m sorry, you think I sound bitter?”

“Twilight, darling, I apol-”

“YES, I’M BITTER!” Twilight snapped, then recoiled, as if startled by her own anger. “Sorry, sorry, sorry... it’s just that SHE USED ME!” She pointed angrily in a random direction. “I WAS NOTHING TO HER! NOTHING! SHE NEEDED A USEFUL IDIOT TO PLAY THE ROLE OF HER BIG HEADLINER FOR THE AGE-SIX-TO-TWELVE DEMOGRAPHICS FOR THAT YEAR’S SUMMER SEASON!” She was panting openly now. Somehow, this one rant had taken more out of her than an entire rock concert. Suddenly, she laughed. “But go on, say it.”

“...say what?” Rarity heard somepony ask, and it took her a moment to realize that the quiet, scared voice belonged to her.

“Ohhh, but Twilight, you got to be a star!” Twilight did a terrible imitation of a squealing fan. “You got to be famous!” She snorted, then started to pace again. “Do you know that old saying that it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Yeah, that doesn’t apply to being a star. I got a taste of what it feels like to be a star... but it was fake and hollow. It wasn’t me. I hadn’t earned it. And it wasn’t going to last.” She turned to face Rarity and tapped her temple with one finger. “But I was smart! I spared myself a lot of anger and heartbreak!”

Did you now? Rarity thought, but this time made a conscious effort to keep her mouth shut.

“Because I saw where that particular train was heading, and I got off before it crashed into a wall. I confronted Celestia and told her that I had wisened up to her scheme and that I was out.”

“You ended your own career?”

“It was never my career to begin with,” Twilight non-replied, then sighed. “But... yeah. Ultimately... yeah. Needless to say that Celestia wasn’t happy.” She walked back to the couch and let herself fall onto it. A more detached part of Rarity’s mind was thankful for the fact that she had gone with the sturdier model all those years ago. “You want to know the worst part?” she suddenly asked and covered her eyes with one hand.

“...do you want me to pick from the enormous pile of bad parts you already told me, or are you going to airdrop more onto it?”

Twilight gave her a sideways glance through a gap between her fingers. “The worst part was how Celestia reacted.”

“Was she mad?”

“That’s just it - she wasn’t!” Twilight hissed and got up again. Her inability to decide whether or not to stay on the couch was slowly driving Rarity up a wall. “She wasn’t angry! Do you want to know how she reacted?”

Yes. No. No. Yes. No.

“Fortunately” for her, Twilight was so lost in her own world that she didn’t even seem to expect an answer. “She pitied me! She... she looked down on me literally and metaphorically after I had shown her how I had looked through her despicable long con... and in her eyes, I could see nothing but pity! As if she was... I don’t even know! Smarter? Wiser? More experienced?”

“Which she admittedly-”

“SHE WAS WRONG!” It was getting hard to tell if Twilight was angry at her or Celestia, and Rarity suspected that with each exchange, the line between the two targets was becoming more and more blurred. “CELESTIA USED ME! KNOWINGLY! SHE SET ME UP TO BE A STAR AND TO BE FAMOUS!”

Yes, how terrible.

“BUT WE ALL KNOW HOW THIS SONG ENDS! METEORIC RISE FROM NOTHING! RAPID CAREER! AND THEN, INEVITABLY, COMES THE FALL! AND SHE KNEW THAT! AND SHE STILL SET ME UP FOR THIS! AND IF I HADN’T WISENED UP, MY CAREER WOULD HAVE ENDED AFTER LESS THAN A YEAR!”

...which it did anyway. Especially since you ended it without giving it, Celestia, or yourself a chance to beat the odds. Rarity narrowed her eyes a little bit. She knew that Twilight was pouring her heart out and that this had obviously been a defining and somewhat traumatic event for the taller mare... but while she wanted to express her sympathy, she also felt that Twilight was... wrong. She pressed her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

“BUT ALL SHE GOT WAS MY INDENTURED SERVITUDE FOR A FEW MONTHS, AND ALL SHE GAVE ME IN THE END WAS SEVERAL THOUSAND BITS AND LOADS AND LOADS OF PITY!”

...this is not how indentured servitude works, I think? Also, hey, I’d take several thousand bits for a few months of work before hitting eighteen... Rarity sighed. Judging by the amount of non-stop shouting, Twilight was spiraling steadily into oblivion. Can I snap her out of it? I feel I should, but this might just end with her punching something again. “Stevie,” she finally threw in, praying that she could bait Twilight to return to the land of the sane long enough to lay out her case.

“AND THEN SHE HAD THE AUDACITY TO-...” Twilight blinked. Then she blinked again, as if only now realizing that Rarity had said something. “What?”

Well, the shouting stopped, so that’s a start... “Stevie.”

“Stevie who?” Twilight asked, her anger slowly giving way to mild irritation. “Is this some sort of knock-knock joke?”

“Stevie Wonderbolt.”

“Yeah?” Twilight was openly staring at her now. “The blind singer. Has won more awards than we released songs and was more famous than the actual Wonderbolts at his peak. What about him?”

“From what I recall, he started his career fairly early,” Rarity said, carefully watching as Twilight’s confused expression gave way to a massive scowl. “I’d have to look up the exact age, but I think he was... maybe twelve or so when-...” She trailed off when Twilight gave her a look filled with pure hatred. Well, here goes nothing. In the worst case, she may realize that I had a point years down the line when she’s snuggling up against some groupie who knows how to just look pretty and be quiet...

“Oh, you think you’re so clever, don’t you?” Twilight whispered coldly. Somehow, this was much worse than the shouting that had preceded it. “Point out that yeah, there are extreme outliers who made it, so that completely invalidates my experience!”

“What was your experience, then?” Rarity asked, choosing each word carefully. “Because all of the negativity seems to just be projected onto Celestia.”

“...are you siding with her?” Twilight asked, looking both baffled and hurt. “Are you siding with Celestia against me?”

“I’m with you, darling! But unless I’m missing something, then there was nothing inherently evil in what she actually did. I mean-”

“You don’t UNDERSTAND!” Twilight snapped, once again retreating and hiding behind her anger. And with each iteration, Rarity got a better glimpse of a desperate little filly who was too terrified to admit that she may have been wrong. “SHE IS DIFFICULT! SHE IS OVERWHELMING! SHE IS CONTROLLING! SHE IS INTENSE! AND SHE IS! A! TOTAL! BI-...” Seconds passed. Twilight remained frozen in place, mouth still hanging open, as if her brain had crashed in the middle of her rant and now had to reboot. “...isn’t she?” She finally asked, suddenly looking unsure even while still being stuck in her burn-down-the-world pose.

“I don’t know,” Rarity admitted, taking a careful step towards Twilight. “Why don’t you tell me, darling?” Another step, and she was in range to gently place a hand on Twilight’s tattooed biceps.

“I...” Twilight slowly gestured with her right hand. “I... this... I mean...” Her massive adrenaline reserves seemed to have finally run out, and she was just looking tired now. “...is this what Sunset was trying to suggest?” she whispered to herself, but Rarity had more pressing concerns than to ask about one of Twilight’s friends she had never even heard of.

“Here, let’s sit.” Rarity carefully guided her onto the couch and sat down next to her. And now we wait.

It took Twilight a full minute to compose herself, and then another to sort her thoughts. During that entire time, she kept a very low profile, with her head bowed and shoulders slumped. “Thank you for making me go down this road,” she finally whispered. “For the record, this isn’t the first time I doubted myself on this. I had given AJ and Trixie the full story, but they... didn’t challenge me the way you did. No, wait, I think... they tried, but I shut them down, and they prolly figured that it was best to let my past stay in the past.” She gave Rarity a pointed look, but her eyes were filled with gratitude. “Unlike you.”

“Yes, yes, I’m a complete monster, kept only under control by the power of your NDA and your amazing looks, in that order,” Rarity played along and stuck out her tongue.

“Heh.” Twilight allowed herself a brief smirk at that. “But... after all that has happened today... after our talk just now... after my talk with Sunset just before that...”

Again with this Sunset... Rarity raised an eyebrow, but decided not to nitpick Twilight’s apparently impaired sense of time, even though it was clearly impossible that Twilight had had time to chat with anypony “just before” her talk just now.

Twilight sighed loudly. “After all of that... I think I have to accept... or at least consider that Celestia maybe didn’t actually have an evil plan.” She laughed at that. “I know, I know, this sounds like the biggest ‘Duh!’ moment ever. But... you weren’t there. Things moved so quickly... too quickly... little Twily had no time to think... or even to exist in this sudden rush of fame. And Celestia was always there. Always by my side, the perfect mentor, happy to help. At the end of every concert, she was standing backstage, waiting for me with a bouquet of flowers! She was... so... perfect. Too perfect! Nopony is just this good without having some sort of ulterior motive!” She was looking straight ahead now. “Maybe I was just overwhelmed by everything that had happened...” She turned to face Rarity, but her eyes were still focused on something miles away. “What if I didn’t quit because Celestia was setting me up to be a one-hit wonder? What if I just... needed an excuse?” Her expression slowly shifted to horror. “Did I pin an imaginary evil plan on a good pony who had my best interests in mind, just because I needed a scapegoat to feel better about chickening out from a career I feared I couldn’t handle?”

Rarity was no psychologist and thus couldn’t rely on professional training or experience to guide or advise Twilight. But she knew that Twilight was starting to spiral out of control and that there was such a thing as too much self-doubt at a time. “Things are rarely as black-and-white as we think they are,” she said after a moment of consideration and placed her hand on Twilight’s back. “I doubt that Celestia is some sort of evil mastermind, but I also doubt that she is a saint who takes young ponies under contract out of the goodness of her heart.”

Twilight abruptly got up. “But you do think that - going by what I just told you - I could have handled things better, right?”

“Well... yes,” Rarity admitted, unsure if she liked where this was going.

“And do you...” Twilight was pacing again, but at least she wasn’t looking angry or depressed anymore, so Rarity was willing to count that as a step in the right direction. “And do you think I may have... what’s the word... projected my own... no wait, that’s not how that works, isn’t it...” She clenched her fist, trying to focus harder. “Do you think my self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of experience made me paranoid about things going too well?”

“Well, in all fairness-”

“Yes or no.” There was a grim determination in Twilight’s eyes, and Rarity realized that the larger pony was using her to railroad herself towards a potentially ugly destination.

Her negativity is still there, and without Celestia to act as a target, that only leaves me... and, more importantly, herself. “...yes.”

“Do you think I made the wrong call in accusing Celestia of setting me up for failure?”

Rarity took a deep breath. “Yes,” she finally said before quickly adding, “solely based on what you told me.”

Twilight cursed quietly at that. “And you established that not all child singer careers necessarily crash and burn. So, in theory, I could’ve stayed with Celestia and still have a mainstream career to this day, right?”

“Yyyes,” Rarity allowed. Please give me a question I can work with before I have to-

Twilight pressed her palms against her eyes and groaned. “So, you think I would have been better off staying?”

-...that’ll do. “No.”

“Well, GREAT! So lemme just BEND OVER AND LET THE MAKERS FU-...” She froze in mid-curse. “...what?”

Heh. “I’m afraid that’s not a yes-or-no question, darling.”

“You-...” Twilight gestured furiously at her, only becoming more aggravated when she saw the hint of a slight smile. “WHAT do you MEAN with NO?”

“That you shouldn’t have stayed.”

“OF COURSE I SHOULD’VE STAYED!” Twilight had moved past doubt and anger and was now just very enthusiastically confused. “It’s just LOGICAL! I made the WRONG CALL! I could have handled it BETTER! I could have STAYED and made a CAREER!” She was shaking. “YES?”

“Yes.”

“SO I SHOULD HAVE STAYED!” A pause. “YES?”

“No.”

“YES! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” Twilight was now seemingly drawing adrenaline from the last reserves her body had stored somewhere. Rarity figured that the singer was in for the weirdest hangover ever. “GIVE ME ONE REASON WHY I SHOULDN’T HAVE STAYED!”

“...only one?” Rarity feigned a yawn.

Twilight was by now looking ready to punch Rarity. Or herself. Or both. “Ugh, FINE. However many you LIKE.”

“Very well, then.” Rarity lazily held up her right hand and extended her index finger. “Trixie.”

“...what?” Twilight gave her a look as if she was hearing the name for the first time. “Trixie? What does Trixie have to do with-...” She suddenly grimaced. “No... Please don’t tell me you’re invoking the Power of Friendship on me!”

“Octavia,” Rarity added to the list and held up a second finger.

“By the MAKERS, you ARE!” She made a dismissive gesture when Rarity held up a third finger. “Stop. Just stop. That’s cheap.”

“Am I wrong?” Rarity asked innocently.

“Yes! Well... no. But yes! Kinda. Anyway, it’s cheap!” Twilight huffed. “Tell you what, give me one other reason why I shouldn’t have stayed!”

Rarity briefly pretended to be annoyed by Twilight moving the goalposts around. “Fine,” she said and looked at one of several closets. A spark of magic nudged the door open, revealing a dark blue evening gown.

Twilight briefly looked at it, then back at Rarity. Then she did a double-take when she remembered where she had seen this dress before. “That’s-...” She pointed at the dress and gave Rarity a wide-eyed stare. “That’s the dress you wore at my-...” Her expression yet again shifted to annoyance. “Are you invoking yourself?”

“We wouldn’t be dating now if you were some mainstream pop star, I wager,” Rarity replied airily.

“We’re actually not dating now, Miss Evaluation,” Twilight shot right back, imitating Rarity’s tone with frightening ease.

“Aside from that.” It was Rarity’s turn to be annoyed. “My point is that I don’t think a glitzy pop diva with a carefully groomed image could simply invite a fan onto the stage for a slow dance and a passionate kiss.”

“I guess so,” Twilight allowed, waving her hand back and forth.

“And moving beyond that immediate issue lies the real heart of the matter.” She slowly moved towards Twilight and carefully placed a hand over the other mare’s heart. “It’s about who and what you are.” She looked straight into Twilight’s eyes, trying to ignore how beautiful the taller mare was, or how Twilight’s blush likely mirrored her own. “You are not Princess Twilicorn. You never were. You are Twilight Sparkle, fierce, proud, and wild. Twilight Sparkle, caring, sweet, and kind. Those ponies downstairs? They look up to you because you are not afraid to stand up for what you believe in.”

Twilight swallowed hard. “I-...” She slowly shook her head and laughed quietly at her own inability to form sentences.

“I believe that you made the right call for the wrong reasons.” Rarity slowly pulled Twilight into a hug. “What you did in the past was misguided and based on assumptions rather than facts, regardless of whether or not history may ultimately prove you right. Still, leaving your old, pre-assembled career behind allowed you to find your own voice, and I couldn’t be happier with the results. You are Twilight Sparkle, Princess of the Villian Court, the sum of all your good and bad calls.”

Twilight was hugging her tightly. “Dang,” she finally whispered, “that was the longest fortune cookie quote ever.”

“You’re a dork!” Rarity laughed at that and gently slapped the back of Twilight’s head.

“The biggest one there is,” Twilight admitted and grinned before letting go of Rarity. “Seriously, though... thank you. I think I’ve often come close to the realization that I may have been wrong back then, but... I never dared to think things through like that because I... because I had been... scared.” She fished her cellphone out of her pocket and idly tossed it from hand to hand. “Scared to admit I had screwed up. Scared that I had thrown away a good thing. Scared that this all here-” She gestured at herself. “-was just one long temper tantrum of a child who was... ugh, you know the rest...” She let herself fall onto the couch once again. After a moment of catching her breath, she held up her phone. “Confession time!” She tapped her display a few times, then let the phone spin lazily on her finger with a quick burst of magic.

Rarity had a feeling of what was coming, and a look at the display confirmed it. Twilight had opened her contact list, and one specific contact had been highlighted: “Celestia.”

“I’ve kept this number saved in my contact list ever since leaving her,” Twilight mused. “Never called her. And she never called me. Heck, I don’t even know if that still is her number. But...” She grabbed the phone again and let her finger hover half an inch from the green button that would start a call. “But... maybe I should try it? I mean... sure, we technically don’t know whether or not Celestia is actually evil, but... she prolly isn’t... so maybe I should... goodness, I don’t even know where to start. Maybe I should apologize? Or... just... acknowledge that mistakes were made...” She grimaced. “...by me...” Her eyes met Rarity’s. “I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispered. “I don’t know if I’m ready. What if she’s mad? What if I’m dead to her? What if-”

“I AM... THE PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP!” Twilight’s voice suddenly blared from the speakers.

“WHAT THE ACTUAL-” Twilight yelped and chucked her phone past the room divider before awkwardly diving down from the couch, as if seeking cover under the chair next to it.

“GONNA MAKE A NEW FRIEND EVERY DAY!” The phone happily blared from Rarity’s bed.

Only now did Rarity realize that the voice was sounding like a younger version of Twilight and that she knew the happy melody. “Isn’t that ‘Princess of Friendship,’ the first Princess Twilicorn single?”

Twilight slowly got up and gave the other half of the room a wide-eyed stare. “Yes,” she whispered. “It’s the custom ringtone I gave to exactly one contact.” Her lips curled into a humorless smile. “Guess which one.” Before Rarity could answer the mostly rhetorical question, Twilight moved the room divider aside with a burst of magic and let her cellphone float into her outstretched hand. Then she held it at arm’s length, staring at the words “INCOMING CALL: CELESTIA.” The two mares exchanged brief looks. “Makers, give me strength,” Twilight finally whispered and pressed the button to accept the call before immediately tapping the loudspeaker symbol. “Ye-...” She coughed, not having expected a high-pitched squeal to come from her throat. “Yes?” she finally asked and used her free hand to pull Rarity closer for emotional support.

“My, my, my...” The voice nearly made Twilight drop her phone, probably not so much because of any trauma, but rather because it didn’t belong to Celestia. Instead, it was male, old, but still silky-smooth. “The call actually got through. I believe somepony owes me ten bits now...”

Twilight stared at the phone, then gave Rarity a wide-eyed look. Finally, she narrowed her eyes and gave the phone a dark look. “You,” she hissed.

The voice gasped, but it was fake. “Such animosity! Miss Sparkle, I believe our relationship was quite... well, maybe not exactly neutral, but at least in the realm of professional courtesy.”

“What did you do to Celestia?” Twilight asked, carefully avoiding his point.

He laughed at that. “What did I do to Celestia? Goodness, do I look like some kind of dastardly villain? The old glittermane is fine, have no fear. You just blocked all calls from numbers not in your contact list, so I borrowed her phone... and what do you know, the fallen angel has been eagerly awaiting a call from her Maker.”

Twilight let out a quiet snarl. “I’m hanging up now. And then I’m going to burn this phone.”

“Ah, always so drastic...” He sighed.

“Bye.” Twilight raised her finger to end the call.

“It’s about the band battle.”

Twilight froze, her finger less than an inch from her screen. “...what was that?”

“You heard me.”

Seconds passed. “One minute,” Twilight finally whispered and pressed the button to put the call on hold. Then she cursed quietly.

“...who is that?” Rarity finally dared to ask, and Twilight looked down at her, as if only now realizing that she was still here.

“The ‘D’ in ‘CLD,’” she replied and moved towards the door.

Well, evidently not the ‘D’ in ‘de-escalation,’ Rarity mused, then frowned. “Wait, do you mean-”

“Discord, yes.”

Twilight stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked over her shoulder. Her expression was calm, but her eyes were wide with shock.

“Fluttershy’s manager.”

One Last Chance

Between revealing the caller’s identity to Rarity and pushing open the door to the atelier, Twilight briefly wondered if a call by Discord was better or worse than one by Celestia. Probably better, she admitted, but not by much.

She strode into the atelier as if she owned the place. Her friends and Rarity’s sister immediately stopped whatever antics they had been up to and turned to face her, having sensed that she was not in the mood for silliness. “What’s wrong?” Trixie asked.

Twilight dragged a low table into the middle of the room with a spark of magic and slammed her phone on it. “Phone call.”

“Well, I can see that, but-...” Trixie glanced at the name on the screen and immediately covered her mouth to hold back what likely would have been a curse.

“Sweetie,” Rarity whispered even as her guests gathered around the table, “we should probably leave them alone for a little bit.”

Twilight opened her mouth, then closed it again. She just witnessed you at your lowest point. She probably needs to get away from the crazy for a while. But... She froze when she realized that she had raised her hand as if trying to grasp Rarity’s hand. Crap! She quickly lowered it again.

Rarity frowned briefly, then nodded at her sister. Even Sweetie was able to read Twilight like an open book and quickly left the atelier on her own. “Thank you,” Twilight whispered when Rarity came to her and let her wrap her arms around her waist.

“I’d make a snarky comment,” Trixie whispered, “but given that you’re about to banter with Celestia, I-”

“It’s Discord,” Twilight interrupted her, and Trixie’s soft smile turned into a scowl.

“What the hay does he want?” she hissed, seemingly contemplating to chuck the phone through one of the atelier’s windows. Possibly without opening it first.

“I suppose there’s only one way to find out,” Twilight muttered and pressed a button on the screen.

“-n’t care about your phone bill,” Discord’s voice came through the loudspeaker. “You own a record label, surely you can-... Hold that thought.” He cleared his throat. “Miss Sparkle!”

“Discord,” Twilight hissed, even as she realized that Celestia was probably listening in on the call. One crisis at a time. “You’re on loudspeaker. The band’s all here.”

“I expected nothing less from you,” the draconequus practically purred. “Probably spending your every waking minute on practicing for your big day.”

We should be. Twilight shoved the thought aside. “What do you want?”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk.” He chuckled quietly. “Always so blunt and to the point.”

“Make it quick; my wine is getting cold.”

Every single pony in the room gave her a bewildered look.

“That’s... not how wine works,” Discord commented after a slight pause.

“That’s how thermodynamics works!” Twilight countered, unwilling to concede that she had sounded like an uncultured punk. This wouldn’t have happened to Rarity.

“Well, I was never one to turn down a stupid request, so, before your wine gets cold,” he sneered, making Twilight grit her teeth, “let me cut to the chase. I have called... to make you an offer.”

Twilight exchanged quick, puzzled looks with her friends. “Let me guess,” she attempted to cover her confusion with idle banter, “it’s an offer I can’t refuse?”

Discord chuckled. It was a perfect, grim chuckle. The kind of chuckle perfected throughout decades, maybe even centuries of practice. “Oh, I certainly hope so, Miss Sparkle.”

Hang up! Snap the phone in half! Twilight suddenly remembered why Trixie had insisted on keeping their entire negotiation solely in writing: Discord was a master manipulator, and he had talked more experienced ponies than her into accidentally signing absolutely disgusting deals. Probably. Maybe. “Well, you have our mail address, so-”

“One hundred thousand.”

Twilight froze in the middle of her dismissive handwave. Even Big Macintosh did a double-take. “Beg your pardon?”

“Ah, I suppose I should just send you a mail,” Discord teased her. “You are right. Goodnight, Miss-”

“Hang on.” Twilight put the call on hold again. “Vote time,” she muttered. “Trixie rightfully argued that it’s a mistake to let him talk. And this is quite obviously a trap. But...” She ran a hand through her mane.

Trixie raised her hand. “If he went through the trouble to borrow Celestia’s phone on the off-chance that you still got her number stored, I think it’s fair to presume that this is more than his usual trolling. Also, I admit that he successfully baited me with that ominous number. I think we should hear him out.” She shrugged before extending her index finger and pointing it menacingly at Twilight. “But no solo acts. We vote on any decision.”

Twilight nodded, relieved that she wasn’t the only one who wanted to hear more. “All in favor?”

“Aye,” Big Macintosh and Octavia confirmed the vote along with Trixie and Twilight.

“Thanks.” She took a deep breath and pushed a button on her phone again. “A hundred thousand what?”

“Ohhh, did you do your band voting thing?” Discord asked, and Twilight could practically hear his toothy grin. She wondered if she had made the right decision. “How exciting!”

“A hundred thousand what?” Twilight repeated her question.

“Bits.” Discord feigned a yawn. “A hundred thousand bits. Per pony. In advance. Three albums in one year, standard royalties.”

Twilight’s jaw dropped. “...are you offering us a record deal?”

“You’re a talented musician, Miss Sparkle. One would hate to see you squandering your talent by engaging in mindless, organizational paper-pushing.”

Twilight gave the phone a long, hard stare. “Huh,” she finally muttered before clapping her hands once. “Voting time! All in favor of betraying our band’s founding principles by selling out our independence to a guy who will discard us the moment the numbers don’t add up anymore-”

“I sense a slight bias in the way this vote is-”

“-SAY AYE.”

Twilight gave a phone a smirk when the room remained dead silent, ignoring that Discord wouldn’t be able to actually see it. The draconequus merely sighed. “You’re an intelligent mare, Twilight, but you lack wisdom.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow at his sudden shift to her first name. “You can’t possibly have expected us to just sell out the band,” she muttered. “So that leaves the question of why you even tried in the first place.”

“You may speculate about my motives all you want,” Discord non-replied, “but allow me to say that I was sincere in what I said.”

“You can be sincere while withholding information,” Twilight said. “We both know you didn’t just randomly offer to buy the band out of the goodness of your heart.” She frowned. “Especially since you don’t run a regular, mainstream label.”

“I indeed do not. However, I am a manager and coach for outstanding talents and act as label and publisher. I may not have dozens or hundreds of artists on my list, but I have the best ones.”

“...you have one,” Trixie pointed out lazily.

“Name one currently active artist or band better than Fluttershy,” Discord snapped. “I’ll wait.”

Trixie and Twilight exchanged quick smirks. “Well, that makes the question all the more interesting, doesn’t it?” Twilight teased him. “Are we really the second-best act on the planet?”

“Definitely second to Fluttershy,” Discord muttered, then quickly cleared his throat. “Anyway. While you undoubtedly waste precious energy on trying to discern-”

“We won’t.”

Twilight turned to face Vinyl with almost enough speed to give herself whiplash.

The young conductor was lazily resting her hand on Octavia’s shoulder and gave her an equally lazy shrug. “Your motivation is obvious. The real question is why you want to go there.”

Discord somehow managed to audibly narrow his eyes. “If you think you can bluff your way into making me-”

“You want to cancel the band battle,” Vinyl said, having obviously waited for him to speak just to get to interrupt him again. “One of the big things a manager gets to do is organizing concerts and events. Why else would Discord, Fluttershy’s manager, offer to buy Villian Court?”

There was a long pause as everypony stared openly at her. Finally, Discord chuckled. “Well, well, well, and here they say that getting a higher education doesn’t pay off.”

Twilight gave the phone a wide-eyed look. “You want to cancel the band battle?” She blinked. “You want to cancel the band battle?”

“Of course not.” He snorted dismissively. “But I want you to cancel the band battle.”

“Same thing.”

“Not in terms of who would be losing face, Twilight,” he lectured her.

“Fair,” she conceded. “Still, you’re willing to throw almost half a million bits at us just to have the band battle canceled?”

There was a long pause. Maybe Discord was considering the error of his ways, or maybe he was cursing himself for confirming Vinyl’s hunch. Just when Twilight wanted to check if he had maybe hung up without her noticing, he sighed. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“That doesn’t concern you.”

They exchanged looks. Then, Big Macintosh leaned forward. “Afraid of losing?”

“Afraid of-” Discord did an audible double take. “Afraid of losing? Me?”

“Nothing to be ashamed of,” Trixie happily poured gasoline onto the fire, “we’ve been on a roll lately, so-”

Discord’s harsh laugh cut her off. “The only roll you’ve been on, child, has been downhill.”

Twilight was grinning ear to ear. “No, no, she makes a good point. Our next EP is in the works, and-”

“Oh, get lost!” Discord snapped with more ferocity than even Twilight had expected. “You don’t have to be a draconequus to be able to see the future! You-”

Octavia frowned at that. “I’m fairly certain you can’t-”

“DON’T INTERRUPT ME, MISS MELODY!”

Twilight blinked. On the one hand, Trixie had advised them early on that tag-teaming and needling would be effective - if somewhat cheap - tactics to be used in verbal stand-offs. On the other hand, Twilight was starting to doubt if this really was the best tactic to employ against a potentially ancient and all-powerful being. Discord’s true power had always been the subject of discussion in the press and parts of the populace (at least back in the day when he had been a pop star), and he had always kept people guessing. Still, the consensus was that he was old and not someone to anger, much like his two former bandmates. Draconequus magic was different from regular unicorn magic, with less clearly defined borders or limits. She gulped.

“You,” Discord hissed after having taken a few deep breaths, “are going to lose. All of you know that. You have some talent, but in terms of skill, you wouldn’t even qualify to be the opening act to Fluttershy’s opening act.” He lowered his voice menacingly. “I have seen better bands than yours stumble, fall, and collapse after losing less unfair battles. You will be laughed out of the concert hall. You will be openly mocked on social media. Your ticket sales will nosedive, and after a few weeks, not even the most desperate hole-in-the-wall venue will let you play.”

Twilight swallowed hard. She had considered this worst-case scenario in her weaker moments, but actually hearing somebody with more experience than her confirming it in front of her friends hit her hard. “I-”

His laugh was short and cruel, but in a way, she was glad that he had cut her off - she wouldn’t have known how to actually finish that sentence, anyway. “You know I’m right, Twilight Sparkle. You have known this truth for weeks, and you have never dared to tell your friends. Didn’t your parents tell you that a lie by omission is still a lie?” His mood was seemingly improving, but he was still obviously annoyed. “I know your kind. The prodigy who keeps reaching for the stars and who will always blame somepony else for their downfall.”

“Th-that’s not-”

“You blamed Celestia for your temper tantrum-”

Applejack leaned closer to the phone. “Now wait jus’ a-”

“-AND YOU WILL BLAME FLUTTERSHY FOR DESTROYING YOUR BAND’S FUTURE!” He sighed. “Or maybe you will blame one of your bandmates? You gave it your best, of course, but what about the others? I’m sure you will find somepony to pin the blame on. You’re good at that.”

You blamed Celestia for your temper tantrum. Twilight felt reminded of her talk with Rarity just now, even as she was staring so hard at the phone that she barely saw anypony else. Her brain knew that Discord was just doing his own version of needling her, but the problem was that he wasn’t telling her anything she hadn’t told herself at one point or another. She was no stranger to self-doubt but hearing somebody else confirming it made it feel infinitely more real. And now, the ugly voice at the back of her head simply had to whisper three small words: He is right. “I-”

“And once your band splits up, you will lure some new victims in to help you reach for-”

He was interrupted by the loudest yawn since that one failed CLD concert at the Canterlot Sleep Disorders Research Center.

“-...who was that?”

Twilight blinked as if waking up from a confusing dream. Then she blinked again when she realized where the yawn had come from.

“Goodness,” Rarity said and grimaced. “Does this person ever stop talking?”

“Who. Was. That?” Discord was seething.

“This is-” -my marefriend? Just friend? Rarity? Twilight realized that five seconds into recovering from Discord’s verbal broadside was absolutely not the right time to ponder her relationship status.

“Twilight’s plus one,” Big Macintosh muttered, hitting an excellent and neutral way of phrasing it.

“Well.” Discord huffed before changing verbal gears. “I’ll say, where are my manners? Or yours, for that matter? To not even introduce me properly! The name is Discord, Miss...?”

“Nunya,” Trixie immediately cut off any reply Rarity had been about to give, looking extremely serious and focused.

“...romantic plus one?” Discord purred, sounding oddly amused. “Or just a new weightlifting buddy?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Octavia purred back.

She sensed that Discord’s words caught me off-guard, she realized while her friends were deflecting Discord’s advances and couldn’t help but smile. She will have my back. All of them will.

“Well,” she announced, trying to sound relaxed, “you made your offer; we shot you down. Unless you have anything constructive to add, I’d say there is no point in continuing this call.”

There was a moment of silence. Finally, Discord huffed again. “Fine, I never wanted to be your manager anyway.”

“Feeling’s mutual,” Twilight shot back. “So... have a great-”

“So I’m going to resort to measures more fitting of the likes of you.” Discord wasn’t screaming. He didn’t even sound angry. “No contract. No obligations. One hundred thousand bits. Per pony.” He paused for effect. “Including your plus ones.”

Twilight’s eyes went wide with shock. “Do you-”

“And all I want is for you to call off the band battle and never mention to anybody that this call ever happened. I don’t even care what excuse you make up, as long as it doesn’t involve Fluttershy or me.”

The room went dead silent, and Twilight realized that all eyes were on her. The expressions around her were ranging from surprise to shock, with herself falling into the latter category. “You... literally want to throw money at us to make us go away?” she asked slowly, as if to confirm that she hadn’t misunderstood his offer.

“Indeed,” he confirmed. “A simple, stupid bribe. Say yes, send a message to your fans that dear Miss Lulamoon broke her hand, enjoy a tenth of a million and a reputation that has not tanked.”

“Well, now I really want to know why you’re so desperate to get rid of us.” She crossed her arms and gave the phone an expectant look. The camera, of course, wasn’t turned on (or pointing at her), but she half expected Discord to somehow sense her look, anyway.

“I’m sure a hundred thousand bits will take care of your over-eager curiosity,” Discord once again evaded the question. There was some noise, and then she could hear his breath through the speaker as he put the phone as close to his lips as possible. “I want an answer, Princess Twilicorn, and I want it now.”

The words made Twilight twitch, but she had thankfully burnt through her entire adrenaline during the last hour or so, so she just gritted her teeth. I need to make a decision. Goodness, this is a tough call. Part of her wanted to accept it. The insane amount of money aside, Discord had made a good point: band battles were primarily decided by the audience’s opinion, and Fluttershy’s fans had likely gobbled up nearly all of the non-VIP tickets the moment the sale had started. Barring a miracle, we’re going to lose this. So why not bow out while we still can? She tried to look up at her friends for silent confirmation... but realized that she couldn’t. It took her a moment to identify the feeling that was stopping her, but she quickly realized that it was shame. It would be a lie. I would be lying to my fans. And every bit on my bank account would remind me of that fact. She opened her mouth to tell Discord her decision... but then she remembered something else. “We need to vote on this,” she whispered.

Discord groaned but didn’t even bother to articulate his protest further.

“Trixie, you’re better with formulating our votes.” She finally looked up at her friend. “So I’m leaving the phrasing to you.”

“Thank you.” Trixie bowed her head a bit, then thought about it for a second. “I believe that, since this decision will also affect the others, they should have a say in this as well. So I’m first putting up a vote that the vote after that will require the votes of our plus ones. Furthermore, I would encourage every pony to put forth their reasoning. Beyond that, the usual rules apply, so the decision will have to be unanimous or the vote falls flat.”

Holy... this is going to be a nightmare of a vote. Twilight wanted to protest but found herself nodding. But it’s fair, I suppose. With that much money on the line, I would like to hear where everypony is coming from.

“All in favor?”

Twilight raised her hand. “Aye.” She smiled when she saw that Trixie, Octavia, and Big Macintosh had done the same.

“Perfect. Then here is what we will be voting on.” Trixie got to her hooves and pulled her hat out from under her cape. She put it on and gave the seated ponies her best stage grin. “I’m putting up a vote to say NO to Discord and his stupid bribe. Instead, we will head to the band battle and CRUSH all those who dare to oppose us!”

Twilight wheezed. That’s the wrong way to put up the vote! ...or is it? I mean... now a single dissenting vote will mean that we will take the bribe! On the other hand, phrasing it the other way around would have meant that a single vote screws everybody out of their money...? Oof...

Trixie cleared her throat. “Aye,” she announced. “The Great and Powerful Trixie still owes a lot to Twilight, so for better or worse, she shall follow Twilight’s lead wherever the journey will take her!” A pause. “Also, Trixie assumes that explaining a bribe of a hundred thousand bits to the tax offices would lead to uncomfortable questions.”

“Heh.” Octavia got to her hooves as well. “I did not join this band to get rich. Twilight showed me that making music can be fun and that playing the cello does not limit me to classical music.” Her friendly smile turned into a smirk. “Also, I love to annoy stuffy authority figures, so there. Aye.”

Vinyl lazily held up her hand a let Octavia pull her up. “I already put my principles and loyalties ahead of financial gain when I quit my cushy job. If you expect me to throw all of that away, you really don’t know me. Aye.”

“Aye.” Big Macintosh shrugged. When Trixie gave him a glare, he sighed and got to his hooves as well. “It’s just a hundred thousand. If I cared about some chump change like that, I would’ve stayed in the family business.”

“Yeah, what he said,” Applejack snapped even as she got up. “This band’s what’s keepin’ us together, an’ we’re not gonna jump the moment some pretentious idiot waves some money at us. Especially not one who won’t even say why he’s wantin’ us to bow out in th’ first place! Aye!”

“I suppose it’s my turn.”

Twilight blinked and looked at Rarity. Of course. We explicitly introduced her as my plus one. And now the mare I yelled at just before can get a crazy amount of money with a single word. She stared straight ahead even as Rarity freed herself from Twilight’s hug. The others are loyal to me to a fault for a variety of reasons. Where does she stand? I think she loves me, even if she’s still “evaluating” things, but... a hundred thousand bits is a fantastic offer. Especially since this house hints at a more extravagant lifestyle.

“I always dreamed of making my first million before hitting thirty.”

Oh, no...

“A hundred thousand could get me a large boutique in the heart of Canterlot! Or a slightly smaller one in Manehattan or maybe even the Crystal Empire. Ohhh, what a boost to my career this would be!”

“Indeed, and-”

“But I would never build my empire on top of a dirty bribe,” she cut off Discord, and Twilight gave her a surprised look. Rarity smiled down at her, and for a moment, Twilight felt reminded of that fateful moment when she had first spotted this beautiful mare in the crowd. “I’m not sure where your journey will take you, darling, but I won’t be the one to derail it. Aye.”

Twilight wanted to thank her, to tell her she loved her, to say anything at all, but right now, she had to put the final nail in this coffin. “Well, there you have it, Discord. Go to Tartarus and shove your money someplace the sun has never touched. AYE.”

There was a long silence, which the band members used to give each other quick thumbs-up signs. Finally, Discord sighed. “Been there, done that,” he muttered before clearing his throat. “Like I said before - you lack wisdom, Twilight Sparkle. And very soon, you will look back to this call, and you will-”

“Goodbye, Discord,” Twilight interrupted him and reached for her phone.

“You know,” he said, shifting gears with enough ease to suggest that this one time, he had seen the interruption coming, “it just occurred to me that you never had a chance to scout out the location and do a proper soundcheck.” He allowed himself a grim chuckle. “So why don’t you come over to the concert hall tomorrow at noon? We’ll do a little practice run. A dress rehearsal, if you like.” She could almost hear his grin widening. “So you can fully realize what you have gotten yourself into.”

Twilight crossed her arms. “We’ll have to-...” She blinked when she realized that he had hung up already. “Crap.”

“Well, gosh and howdy,” Applejack finally muttered, consciously leaning into her stereotype. “A duel at high noon!”

Yeah. A duel. Those tend to end with one side bleeding out on a dirt road. Twilight grimaced and sat down on the floor again. “Trixie,” she whispered, “please tell me that I did the right thing.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Trixie corrected her and crossed her arms. “We voted on everything except the last point, and we technically didn’t agree to that last point, so...” She shrugged.

“...should we agree?” Twilight tried and failed to keep the doubt out of her voice. “I mean... should we show up?”

There was a long pause. Finally, Octavia raised her hand. “We’re not going to back out of the band battle, and we’re as prepared as we’ll ever be, so we might as well see what Discord has cooked up. Aye.”

“Better than worryin’ for the next few days about what might happen.” Big Macintosh raised his hand. “Aye.”

“Yeah, it’s like waxing your legs - just rip it off quickly to get it over with. Aye.” Trixie raised her hand as well, then frowned when everypony was staring at her. “...what?”

“Fine, I suppose you’re right.” Twilight raised her hand and nodded, even if she didn’t feel great about it. “Aye.”

A pair of hands on her shoulders nearly made her jump, but Rarity either didn’t notice or forgave her without mentioning it. “You were amazing, Twilight,” she whispered into her ear.

“You’re the one who turned down the easiest hundred thousand bits in the history of Equestria,” Twilight said, trying not to giggle at the way Rarity’s voice sent shivers down her spine.

“I suppose I did,” Rarity mused and gently draped her arms over Twilight’s shoulders. The warmth of Rarity’s chest on her back was nearly enough to make Twilight lose her focus. “But I stand by what I said. And I have faith that you will win this.”

Yeah, right. Twilight got up and started to pace, ignoring Rarity’s protests. A distant part of her wanted to point something out, but she ignored it. “Win it... win it... oof.”

“Errr, Twi?” Trixie asked and waved her hand sheepishly.

“Not now!” Twilight snapped. “I’m thinking. I suppose we can win this, but... it’ll be tough. We need to hit every single note. Full focus.”

“Speaking of focus,” Vinyl tried, but Twilight brushed her off as she paced past her.

“Full focus,” she repeated, “and pitch-perfect delivery.” She shook her head. “I know it’s been a long day, but we should probably get some more practice in.”

“Could you-”

“Et tu, Big Mac?” Twilight cut him off. “Look, I know it’s just a rehearsal, okay? But this stuff is important. It’s our chance to show Fluttershy that we mean business and that we’re not just a bunch of pushovers. And-”

And then, several things happened in rapid succession.

The chime of the doorbell - a sound Twilight was by now quite familiar with - made her whirl around, shattering any impression that she was calm, collected, and in control of her nerves.

From there, physics took over in a rather unexpected way, causing Twilight to simultaneously stumble and choke as a pair of arms suddenly tightened around her neck and pulled her backward with full force.

She crashed onto her back but thankfully landed on something soft. “Ow.”

“Yes,” a muffled voice came from somewhere under her, “ow indeed.”

Twilight’s eyes widened when her brain finally filled in the blanks: Rarity put her arms over my shoulders and didn’t let go when I got up. I’ve been wearing my kinda-sorta-maybe-hopefully-marefriend like a cape. She frowned. And then I fell onto her. Her frown deepened. And I have puzzled all of this out while still lying on top of her.

“Heh,” somepony commented, making Twilight crane her neck.

“...you,” she hissed at the multicolored mare, who was holding a whole stack of pizza boxes for some reason.

“I always figured you’d be on top in this relationship,” Rainbow Dash elaborated and smirked.

It had been several minutes since the end of the call, and Discord was still staring at the cellphone in his hands.

Celestia gave him a long look from her reclined position on the couch. He had come to her house, so she had felt the need to assert her power by showing that she was comfortable and not disturbed by his antics. Especially since he had sort of beaten her in the looks department - his patched-up, bright yellow suit was looking like something an upper-class hobo might wear, but it still was a more professional look than her sweatpants and t-shirt. “So,” she finally said, “that went well.”

Discord finally stopped staring at her cellphone and instead gave her a dark look. “You,” he hissed, “promised me she would be an emotional wreck!”

“I warned you that she might turn into one if you piled your psychological deconstruction spiel on top of calling her from my phone!” she hissed. “That was not meant as encouragement!” Her horn flared up, and she yanked her phone out of his hands before getting to her hooves. “I’ve been sitting on this number for years! Years of uncertainty. Years of trying to will myself to call her, to... make amends.”

“Ugh, you should hear yourself ta-”

“AND YOU JUST THREW MY ONE SHOT AWAY... TO DO WHAT? TO TRY TO BREAK HER?”

“I WAS TRYING TO SAVE HER!” he roared back.

“YOU JUST CARE ABOUT YOUR DEAREST DARLING FLUTT-”

“Don’t!” Discord hissed, then slowly lowered the hand he had brought up in the heat of the moment, ready to perform one of his chaos-magic snaps. He took a slow, deep breath. “Don’t invoke her name like that. Please.”

They both took a minute to cool down. After decades of working together, they had been through all highs and lows imaginable, so they knew when to back off and stop antagonizing each other.

“So,” he finally said.

“So,” she echoed.

“Did you know she has a plus one?” He was looking more amused than mad.

She allowed herself to relax. “Good for her, I guess? Love is love and all that jazz?”

“Under thirty, wants to open a boutique?” Discord scoffed. “No way this is romantic. I talked myself into giving a hundred thousand bits to the Villian Court dressmaker.”

“I suppose you’ll find out tomorrow.”

He gave her a look. “So will you.”

She didn’t answer. She didn’t have to.

“But if they got costumes lined up, I need to move up a few deadlines.” And with that, he fished his own phone out of a pocket of his jacket. After thumbing the screen a few times, he tossed the phone on the table, just like he had done with hers.

“Oh, sure, feel free to use my living room as you please,” she muttered sarcastically but dutifully shut up when the phone’s ringing was replaced by noise.

“Bueno,” a low male voice answered, making Celestia raise an eyebrow.

Discord grimaced. “Shouldn’t that be ‘¿Hola?’ Also, I think this counts as cultural appropriation since you’re not actually-”

“Fiiine.” A low sigh. “Good evening, you have reached the number of Sombra. Please leave a message after I hang up because you are annoying.”

“Everypony is so touchy tonight,” Discord commented.

“Must be your charisma at work again,” Celestia said and smiled when he rolled his eyes.

“Well, now,” Sombra asked, immediately sounding a lot friendlier, “why didn’t you say you were in good company, Discord?”

“My mother taught me not to lie,” Discord muttered, ignoring her quiet laughter. “Listen, how far are you with Fluttershy’s dress?”

“I’ve got several sketches ready,” came the immediate reply. “Once you two come over, we can finalize the design.” They could hear him flipping through what likely was a calendar. “Last I heard, we were going to meet on-”

“What are the odds that you can have it done by noon tomorrow?”

“Ha! No.”

“Triple whatever price estimate you would’ve slapped on it.”

There was a long pause. “...did you change the date of the concert at the last minute?”

“Just scheduled a rehearsal and wanted to show the opposition what they’re up against.”

Sombra let out a long sigh. “As a fellow artist, you should know that you can’t rush art.”

“As a fellow artist, you should know that deadlines can breathe down your neck,” Discord countered.

Another sigh. “Fine. Send her over.”

“Beg your pardon?”

“...send Fluttershy over to my studio. She needs to pick an outfit and then try on a few prototypes. She can go home after a few hours, but I’ll need her back in the morning for the fitting process.”

“...excuse me for a moment.” Discord put the call on hold, then let out a frustrated groan. “I’m not sure what annoys me more - that he’s right or that I didn’t see this coming.“

Celestia shrugged. “Did you think he’d just work from a photo and deliver you a dress that fits perfectly right away?”

“I never had to worry about clothes,” he muttered, then immediately rolled his eyes.

“And it shows,” both of them intoned simultaneously.

“I usually don’t have to micromanage costume work,” he clarified. “This is what the support staff and in-house tailors are there for.” And with that, he thumbed the phone’s screen again. “You are correct, of course. I should have realized that you’d need Fluttershy for this.” He crossed his arms and thought about this for a second. “But I’m afraid that I can’t send her over. Not this evening, not tomorrow before the rehearsal. She’s already... I mean...” He was gesturing vaguely, suddenly looking both lost and anxious.

“She deserves some peace and quiet before her rehearsal?” Sombra tried after a few seconds.

“Yes, let’s go with that.” Discord ran a hand through his mane.

“Understandable.”

“Unfortunate.” Discord huffed. “I’m afraid that Twilight and her little troupe will come in tomorrow with extravagant costumes.”

Sombra chuckled at that. “Are we still talking about this little indie band?”

“When I called Twilight just now, she and her friends had been hanging out with a fashion designer.”

Celestia could hear Sombra leaning closer to the phone. “Come again?”

Discord’s eyes briefly met hers. “We’re not fully certain,” Celestia explained, “but there was another pony with Twilight. They introduced her as Twilight’s plus one, and she mentioned wanting to open a boutique. That sounds like a designer, and Discord suspects that they were visiting her to do business.”

There was a long pause. “Sounds like a new talent,” Sombra whispered. “Independent, quite likely. How fascinating!”

“I presume nopony you know?”

“I don’t keep close track of every designer in town. There could be dozens of up-and-coming designers in Canterlot, and I wouldn’t know unless they opened a shop or came to a show. And even then, there are probably dozens more who run tiny, independent shops I never heard of.”

“She might be at the rehearsal tomorrow,” Discord said. “Would you like to come as well? Noon at the concert hall.”

“Would you like me to come?”

“Yes.”

“Very well, then. I’ll check out the competition.” Sombra sounded slightly amused. “Should I make my presence known, or do you want me to lurk in the shadows and drop a chandelier on her head?”

“You are literally a supermodel turned fashion designer,” Discord told him and rolled his eyes, “not a guy with a deformity who stalks pretty opera singers and calls himself the Phantom or whatever.”

“I would look good with a half mask, though.”

“You could wear a potato sack and still have ponies complimenting your good looks.”

Sombra chuckled at that. “I will make my presence known, then.”

“Yes. And see what you can find out about their outfits. I want Fluttershy to look a full league better than them.”

“Of course, old friend. I will see you then.”

“Yes. Goodnight.” He reached for his phone, then hesitated. “And thank you.” Discord thumbed the screen to end the call before Sombra could voice his surprise or amusement about Discord’s gratitude.

There was a long pause as Celestia and Discord knew that there was one more thing to take care of.

Finally, after aimlessly navigating his phone’s menus, Discord let out a sigh. “I’ll see myself out. This is a call I’d rather make alone.”

“I understand. I will see-...” She huffed when Discord snapped the fingers of his eagle hand and vanished in a flash of light.

When she was halfway sure that he wasn’t going to pop back in to deliver some remark or witty comment he had forgotten earlier, she allowed herself a faint smile and fished her phone out of her pocket. With a few quick taps and swipes, she opened a video that had briefly made the rounds on social media a while ago. It was shaky, the lighting was terrible, and the audio sounded as if, well, somepony had recorded a live concert from the middle of the audience with their cellphone. Still, the video unmistakably showed Twilight in a slow, almost intimate dance with a unicorn who was wearing a gorgeous dress. She closed the app even before the video got to the kissing part, and her smile widened. Plus one, huh?

“Oh, stop giving me this look,” Rarity said. Somehow, the words only made Twilight look even more like a scolded dog. This is why I keep a cat. Cats aren’t sorry. They do things, and they’re proud of them. They never look at me like this! “It was an accident, and you didn’t ram your elbows or knees into me, so I’ll be fine again in a bit.”

“Mhh-mhhhh.” Twilight nodded slowly, still looking super-extra-guilty.

She’s adorable, even when she’s utterly useless like this. Or maybe especially when she’s useless like this. Rarity bit her lower lip, then shook her head. Focus! “What I’d like to know is why Rainbow Dash wasn’t at all surprised to find you here. You didn’t announce your visit on social media, did you?”

Twilight finally sat up straight and briefly looked over her shoulder. The two of them were sitting at the table while Twilight’s friends were in the far corner of the atelier, debating about the practicality of golden boats with Rainbow Dash. “Didn’t have to. She knows us.”

Rarity also looked over Twilight’s shoulder. Going by the doodles on the whiteboard, Rainbow Dash was once again invoking her (purely fictional) duck pony heritage. And judging by Trixie’s smug look of vindication, she was using it to argue that boats made of solid gold were seaworthy. “I’m pretty sure she doesn’t magically know your location.”

“She doesn’t, but you ordered a cheeseburger with no cheese at a fast food place in Canterlot.” Twilight shrugged. “Might as well have shot up a flare.”

“Not the first time Trixie has ordered that?” Rarity narrowed her eyes at that while her mind was filling in the blanks. Rainbow Dash was obviously on delivery duty tonight, and she recognized the order and promptly arranged this to be her last order of the night, I guess?

“Not the first time? Pshaw.” Twilight chuckled. “She orders it every time. Swears by it.”

“It’s literally just a regular burger!” Rarity hissed.

“She can taste the difference!”

“What difference?”

“Don’t ask me. But we did a double-blind study with ten regular and ten cheeseless cheeseburgers, and she got all of them correct.” Twilight paused slightly. “She also spent roughly an hour on the toilet afterward despite only taking a few bites out of each burger.” Another pause. “She also told me she would murder me if I ever told anypony that last part, so, uh, maybe keep that to yourself.”

I swear... this band is something else. “I’ll just add it to the list of dark secrets I have learned tonight. It’ll be filed somewhere between your ringtone and the fact that your brother is a supermodel cop.”

“He’s disgustingly perfect, isn’t he?”

“Family dinner must be a blast.”

“You have no idea.”

They both cracked a smile almost at the same time.

“So... can I convince you to stay a while? It would be a shame if all that food went to waste.”

Twilight visibly tensed up at this. “I should-... We shouldn’t.” She got to her hooves and absentmindedly ran a hand through her mane. “There’s... I mean... we should prolly go over our song list? And play each song to get a feel for... the flow...?”

She’s lost. Rarity nodded slowly. So very, very lost... “I suppose you’re right,” she said and pretended not to notice the way Twilight was looking relieved and terrified at the same time. “Let me just walk you to the door and-...” She got up and winced.

“Rarity!” Twilight gasped and moved to support her.

Oh, wow, either my acting skills improved drastically since the last time I pulled this, or she is just more gullible in her current state than Rainbow Dash. “Don’t worry,” she hissed through gritted teeth, “it’s nothing. Just some... soreness... from earlier.”

Twilight’s eyes widened with growing horror when she realized who was responsible for what she imagined to be unbelievable pain. “No, no, no, please sit down again! Save your strength...”

“Oh, please.” Rarity gave Twilight her best impression of an encouraging smile while being in agony. And now for the coup de grâce. ...I really hope her reflexes are up to speed. “What kind of hostess would I be if I didn’t accompany you to-” She let her legs give out and dropped to the floor.

“RARITY!” Twilight managed to catch her a few inches away from the floor. “Say something!”

Okay, this was WAY too close for comfort! We need to work on that, darling! “Just... go on... without... me,” she rasped and slowly closed her eyes.

“Wait... what...”

Even with her eyes closed, she could practically hear the tiny cogs in Twilight’s brain starting to move.

Trixie playing a funeral march on an acoustic guitar she hadn’t had half a minute ago likely accelerated the process (and proved that Trixie had a fantastic sense of situational humor).

“...are you guilt-tripping me to the point where you stage a death scene?” Twilight asked, sounding equal parts exasperated and outraged.

“Take care... of my sister...” And with that, Rarity let herself go limp.

There was a long pause. “I should just drop you on the floor,” Twilight finally muttered.

“Barbarian,” Rarity teased her and opened her eyes to give her a sly look.

“Drama queen,” Twilight countered and smirked.

“Oh, she hasn’t seen anything yet,” Rainbow Dash commented from somewhere in the back.

Twilight helped Rarity back to her hooves, then gently shoved her back into her seat. “Fine, we’re staying,” she announced, causing her bandmates to whoop and finally sort through the various boxes Rainbow Dash had delivered. “Now gimme that guitar,” she added, “might as well make it a casual jam session while we’re at it. We may be about to walk into disaster, but we can at least have a good time until then.”

With all the lights off and the curtains closed, Fluttershy found it reasonably easy to pretend that she wasn’t living on the top floor of one of Canterlot’s tallest buildings, in an apartment that was large enough to have space for a soundproof room and a personal recording studio. The darkness made everything feel small and mundane, just as she liked it.

Discord had tried to see her issue with this living arrangement, of course. He did care about her, after all. But apparently, there were limits even to the powers of a mighty draconequus. Because where he only saw the amazing view from her windows, she found herself looking down on everypony else.

It’s okay, she told herself, sitting on her bed. It will be fine in the end. Soon. Soon.

Fame and popularity were not eternal; she knew that much. In fact, she was banking on it.

Just a few more months. Maybe a year. Then I can go back to being normal. “Normal. Heh.” She narrowed her eyes. No. Normal was not good. Not good enough, at least. I was invisible and alone. Now, at least, I’m just alone. That’s progress. Right? She groaned and let herself fall sideways, resting her head on her pillow. It wasn’t even close to her bedtime, and she was still wearing her everyday clothes, but she was very tempted to simply close her eyes anyway. Not like anypony would care.

The ringing of her cellphone made her twitch, but she caught herself quickly. Hope. She got up from the bed and gently picked up the phone. The caller ID didn’t surprise her. “Yes?” she asked after accepting the call with a quick tap, her voice barely more than a whisper.

There was a pause, and her heart sank. After long seconds, Discord’s voice repeated to her what his silence had already said: “I’m sorry, Fluttershy.”

The grip on her phone tightened. “They want to go through with it?”

“I tried everything,” Discord whined, “believe me! They’re crazy!”

“So... now...” She started to run a hand through her light rose mane.

He took a deep breath. “We have one last shot. I arranged for a rehearsal.” A pause. “Tomorrow at noon.”

She clenched her fist, then winced when she realized just how much combing would be necessary to smoothen out her mane again. “T-tomorrow?”

“I needed to catch them off-guard. Also, I reasoned that you would want to avoid postponing the final decision, given how long we had to fret already.”

We. She nodded, then realized that he wouldn’t be able to see it. “I see.”

“But don’t worry!” he tried to cheer her up. “I made arrangements for reinforcements. They’ll call it quits before you even have to start your second song, and in the end, they will hate me, but not you.”

“What if I don’t want them to hate either one of us?” she asked, choosing not to voice her doubts about his wild promises.

His sigh was sounding genuine, which made her worry about what must have happened earlier. “Believe me, I would like us all to get along. Then we could sit around a campfire and sing Kumbaya and be the bestest of friends.”

“I would love to sit around a-”

“And you will! We’ll just take care of this tiny issue tomorrow, and then you can go and do whatever you want!” His cheer was sounding incredibly fake, but she forced herself not to comment on it.

Do whatever I want? I just want to enjoy making music again. I don’t want to have to surpass expectations again and again. I don’t want to carefully select which songs should go on which album. I just want to play! “I’ll hold you to your word.” Soon. Soon.

“I expect nothing less of my dearest prodigy.” He chuckled. “I’ll send a limo to your place at ten.”

“See you then, Discord...”

“Goodnight. You’re the best.” He hung up, and she slowly lowered her phone.

After a few seconds, her screen finally went out again, and she simply stood in the darkness for a full minute.

“You’re the best,” she whispered. The phone slipped from her grasp and hit the carpet with a low thud.

She sat down on her bed, then retreated to its center and hugged her knees. “You’re the best.”

Her large wings spread out around her like a protective shield, and she allowed herself a quiet sob. “You’re... the best...”

Soon.

Soon.

Author's Note

Notes, inspiration, credits:

Chapter title comes directly (and unchanged) from the band Orden Ogan (from the album "Gunmen").

Dealing with foreign languages is always tricky when you know very little about it - I had to consult several websites to get some feeling for how one might answer the phone in Spanish. With "Bueno" apparently being a common way to do so in Mexico while "¿Hola?" is the more universal one. Feel free to correct me if I'm totally wrong, though! (Not that either Sombra or Discord would be experts in this field - Sombra just likes to maintain the Sexy Spanish image, and if Discord learned Spanish, it was centuries ago.)

Sombra would look cool with a "Phantom of the Opera" half mask, change my mind.

...is the duck pony meme still a thing, or was that just a flash in the pan thing years ago?