Discord is a substitute teacher

by Chemtest

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Equestria Girls, Profanity, Random, Discord, Human, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 1198

Well... just look slightly up.

Enjoy the adventures of Discord as he tries to teach children, with magic thrown in!

Published 2018-05-19 04:40:12 UTC
Last updated 2018-07-18 17:27:07 UTC

Lesson 1: History.

I push open the door to the classroom and walk in.

All students turn and see me I’m my fabulous self. The crooked smile, a tan brown suit with yellow sleeves. Pants both brown and red on each leg, ending in some multi colored shoes. I stroke my fabulous goatee as the first student realizes something, “Wait... you aren’t Dr. Turner!”

I smile, “Yes, well he isn’t available at the moment. He came down with a case of being push- I mean, falling down some stairs. He ended up being diagnosed with a case of ‘Broken Neck-itis’ very serious thing. Although it is bad of him to miss the first day of school!”

“Well, when will he be okay?”

I take a pocket watch out of my suits front pocket, and flip it open, “The good Doctor shall be okay within a week. Ohh, it’s that one as well! Finally out of his boaring bald self!” I close the watch, and throw it back into my pocket, “So, I am your substitute for the next week, I am Discord, refer to me as such.”

A student raises their hand, “Shouldn’t we fall you Mr. Discord, though?”

“Did I call on you? Strange, must have slipped my mind.” I manage to slip my brain out of my head. And look at it, “No, seems like all the memories are still in there!” I look back at the student as I shove it back in, “You will call me Discord, not Mr. Discord.”

A different student raises their hand, “Yes?”

“But that’s against policy!”

I smile, and with a snap I’m right next to her, “Look, Ms... Sunset Shimmer, you’ll learn that I don’t do well with the rules.” I lean down next to her, “Personally, I find them a bit confineing. Like their set in stone. And with the state of my true fabulous self, I don’t like things that trap me like stone.”

With a snap, I return to the front of class, and pick up the lesson plan, “Let’s see... supposed to do icebreakers?”

“Ugh!” A collective groan comes from the students.

I look over at them, “I know, right? I mean, these are the same shit heads and friends you’ve spent your entire life with! And considering there are only two schools in this district, and you being here, it’s safe to say you weren’t too... bright, to begin with.”

“Oi!”

“Now, that’s not an insult to intelligence at all, simply a observation. I mean, them Crystal kids are all faggots who feel the need to be fancy to feel good about themselves. You, oh, wild and brave, very chaotic. That’s why I teach here instead.” I hold up a finger quickly, “Now, one rule before the lesson I have planned starts! You can ask questions at any time without raiseing your hand! Weather I awnser them... up to interpretation.”

“What’s our lesson?”

I smile as I think of a new one, “I have to call in the assistance of a friend for this lesson, just a second. To clarify, we’re doing the history and philosophy of a certain individual.”

I bring my fingers up, and snap. The man I call upon lands in the room with us.

“What? Where am I?”

I point across the class, “Now, who can tell me who this is?”

“A soldier!”

“A WW1 soldier!”

“Austrian soldier!”

I point at the crowd, “Be more specific!”

“Watch out!”

Not knowing why they said that, I turn around. I find cold metal pressed against my forehead, “Oh, forgot about that.”

A Luger is pressed firmly against my head, “Look, all I saw was a mussel flash against my head, and then I wake up here. What’s going on here? You don’t look French, so why would you capture me?”

“Why, I simply wanted my students to learn about the greatest painter from before the turn of the millennia. And you... tie, for that position. But you tie with Bob Ross, that’s an upside!”

He presses the gun further, “Turn of the millennia? Meaning it’s the 2000’s?”

“Yes, my humble artist, it is currently 2018. And we wish to know about your work, and you in general!”

He puts his gun away, “Fine then, I will gladly take a break from getting shot.”

I pull up a chair for him, “Oh yeah, did you say you were shot in the head?”

“Yes.”

“Bugger.” I take out the watch, and flip it open, finding it broken, “A time paradox... shit. I hope Chem or Larson can fix this!”

A blinding light goes through the room, and Chem pokes his head through, “You good fam! The bullet supposedly bounced off his helmet!”

“Thank you Chem!”

“Anytime, Discord!” And he pokes his head out, the pocket watch fixing itself.

I clap my hands together, “So, let’s get started. Presenter, would you please present yourself?”

He takes a grateful seat in a chair, “Good morning, students. I am currently a Lance Corporal in the 16th Bavarian Reserve Regiment.“

I make a ‘go-on’ gesture with a hand, “And your name is?”

“My name is-“

The door bursts open, and Celestia walks through, “Thought I’d check in on how your doing Discord.”

“Adolf Hitler.”

The class bursts out into noise, and Celestia just looks at me, “Discord... can I see you outside?”

I look back at Hitler, “Okay, I have a favor to ask. Just... keep them distracted as I’m out!”

“Okay.”

“Discord!”

I walk towards the door, “And I don’t want any reports of gas leaks. Even though I know you won’t do that yet.”

Hitler looks after me, confused, as I walk out, “So, students... you want to hear what being a Lance Corporal is like?”

I walk completely out, and just see Celestia with her head in her hands, “Discord... why am I not even surprised?”

I smile, “Why just talk about history when history can talk with you?”

“But, really? Hiring a person to impersonate Hitler in World War 1? Armed with very good fakes as well?”

“Umm... yes... impersonating. And definitely fake weapons...”

She looks me in the eye, “You didn’t actually bring... you did. Why would you not?”

I smile, and start to walk around Celestia, “That’s why you love me, Celly. Everybody loves the D!”

“Really..?”

I take a few seconds to process what I said, “Wait... no! I ment me, Discord! Not... that! Although that could be true...”

“I’m walking away from this conversation.”

I smile, and wave her off, “Have a good first day of school!”

I open the door, and swagger back in, “So, who’s ready to ask Hitler some questions?” I hold up a finger, “Without breaking the time line!”

Author's Note

You thought I was doing Dawn’s Break, didn’t you?

The Harmonic Blast

In a far away universe, Elements are reunited by Champions. The blast across all the universes has many effects.

—(???)—

I walk back into class, and I feel something the others can’t.

My power grows much stronger, as I feel a blast of magic circulating through the air.

Oh, this will make class so much more fun!