Evening Cakes and Morning Runs
“Do you really want to eat that?”
I stared at my plate with uncertainty. It had a small cake that I had bought earlier that day on an outing with the girls. I had been looking forward to using this as a sugar rush rather than drinking a cup of bitter coffee to get me through a night of work but She’s been giving me second thoughts.
“Is it really worth it? All it’s going to do is make you bigger than the shirt you’re wearing.”
Once again, She won the argument. I sighed and put my fork down next to the plate. I can always pawn this off on someone else. “Sweetie Belle.” I called. The young girl yelled something incoherent before walking into the kitchen. I smiled at my sister. “Care to clear this for me? I’d hate to see it go to waste.”
“I’d be glad to,” Sweetie Belle spoke eagerly. Sweetie never turned down food. With all the food I have given her the past few months, you’d think she’d have gained some weight for show but her body never showed the pounds on anything other than a scale. Even so, it was barely two pounds. She happily sat down at the table and began to eat the sweetness that I missed.
I greatly missed the mouth watering sweets I used to treat myself with. Ever since I let Her take over, things have changed. No more sweets, no more meat, no dairy. My safe foods list grew shorter day by day until She felt satisfied. She said that may change soon. Less safe food. Less food period.
“Crazy how she could eat like a pig and still manage to look better than you.”
I frowned and left the room. I had work to do and couldn’t let this take up so much time. It’s been growing increasingly difficult to stay up later at night to work on designs. My lack of energy will soon be replaced by a dark cup of coffee. The bitter bean water was never the most appealing thing in my eyes but it held me over when I was fasting or just staying up late. I had once considered energy drinks as a meal replacement but Applejack made me think better of it.
“Those liver bustin’, kidney failin’, chemical waters are no way to wake yourself up.”
“I mean, they are basically coffee with more of a soda taste… of sorts. They aren’t as bad as you think, AJ.”
“Nuh uh, just stick with coffee, Sugarcube. Coffee saves lives.” She spun a knife around in her palm and chopped an apple in half. “What do ya want, pie or fritter?”
“Oh, I’m not hungry.”
“That is not what I asked.”
Of course she didn’t know about my intentions. I often thought about if I had gotten into energy drinks. No outcome different than how it was for me in the moment. Finishing the first cup of the night, I got to work.
It was time for an early morning run. My alarm rang and rang on through the morning, beckoning me to silence it. I didn’t want to move. My body ached and I already felt dizzy just laying there, sitting up could mean I faint.
“You’re being lazy. Push through it.”
She was right. I was being lazy. I shouldn’t let my mind or body get the better of me. Running is healthy. Running is good. It’s going to improve me. I dragged myself out of bed and overcame the dizziness. Nothing a cup of coffee can’t fix.
“Don’t forget to bring your earbuds. You’d hate to hear anybody’s comments about how much your thighs jiggle when your feet hit the ground.”
I took note of this and double checked for her earbuds. Soon after, I left the house. During my run I passed by a couple of friends. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. They waved to try and get me to stop.
“Don’t stop. Nothing’s more important than this run.”
It was probably nothing anyway. Why should She let me worry about nothing? Why should She allow our routine to be broken? She shouldn’t. She wouldn’t. I certainly wouldn’t say otherwise.
After a half hour of running, I grew faint. Eventually, I stopped and sat down on a bench in front of a random shop. The bench wasn’t the most comfortable place to sit. The sun made the wood hot enough that my cold skin was burning.
“Check you your phone. After the bitch move you’ve made, I’m more than certain your friends are worried.”
That was a bitch move. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and did in fact see several notifications from many different apps. These weren’t just from my friends but from customers and work partners, as well.
I hadn’t been working enough to meet my deadlines. Instead, I would spend my time sleeping, exercising, or sitting in a hot bath so I’d quit shivering. Anytime I tried to work, I would mess up beyond repair or grow too tired to keep anything up.
“Hasn’t your fat ass sat down for long enough? Start running home.”
Who am I to ignore an order? I ran home.
By the time I got home, Sweetie Belle was eating breakfast at the kitchen table. Her breakfast was a simple slice of toast with jam. She smiled at me. I gave a weak smile back. “Hey, Sweetie.”
“How was your run?” She asked, mouth full. Crumbs stuck to the sides of her mouth. What was there to expect? Class? Less of a mess? She was just a child, after all.
“It was about the same as always,” I sighed. “Sweaty and tiring. I’m still not big on running.”
“Why do you go running if you hate it so much?”
I had no idea how I was supposed to answer her. How was I supposed to explain something like that? The feeling of uselessness that comes with ignoring things like my calorie intake? Running helped me feel as though I earned something. I earned the right to eat. I could ignore Her protests at least for a short amount of time. The only time She doesn’t object to letting myself eat is if I’m on the verge of fainting in public. In those cases, we either stop somewhere or I dig through my purse in hopes for a lost snack I once had intentions of eating.
“You must exercise if you eat as much as I do,” she blurted out. I knew that I didn’t eat that much but I’d say anything to blind her to the truth. At least as much as I could with my ever changing appearance.
“That makes sense,” Sweetie shrugged it off. Another success.
Who knows how long I could keep this up? The coolness of the house was getting to me. “I’m going to take a bath.”
“Ok, I’m going out with the Crusaders, so I might not be here when you get out.” Sweetie put her plate in the sink.
“Alright, have fun.”
I left the kitchen and headed for my room. I had plans of responding to the girls while I warmed myself up in the bath. I needed to grab my robe and fluffy towel. They’d keep me at least the slightest bit warm while I got to work. Well, it never worked out that way. It was always just a comforting thought.
xxxxxx
-No, it’s not you, I promise.
- Then what is it rare? Youve been blowing us off more and more and its just pissing me off. I thought we were friends.
-We are, Dash. I just.. My runs are important to me. I’ll try to make more room for you girls. I promise. I’ll try harder.
-I’ll believe it when I see it.
All the girls reacted that way to my responses. Well, with the exception of Fluttershy. She had been trying to understand and be patient with me but I could tell she was starting to lose hope in me. Everyday just turned into one fight after the other. Comments about my weight loss or weight gain. How little I had been eating in front of them. Even comments about if I was eating at all. I was tired of it but what else should I have expected?
I stood up from the bath but immediately fell over. My vision blacked out and the world was gone.
