Negotiations

Assistance

Charpter 2 – Negotiations

“So… Princess? Is it lit or not?" The human exclaims with pride in his low voice.

Celestia is in deep thought. Since these mystical anomalies decided to appear randomly all over Equestria about 6 months ago, her country had to face many hardships. First, there are many sightings of strange creatures the princess has never seen or heard about in her long life. And second, there is the fact that said anomalies somehow drain the magic out of the environment. Not at a fast pace, but her being an alicorn, she can sense it and it feels like her sun gets heavier and more immobile each day when she raises and lowers it.

These circumstances and the fact that her nation is at war, drives her usually always so calm and collected senses to a state of desperation.

"Quite a tough crowd huh? So… you think it’s not that impressive? I uuhhh... We could increase the yield if we raise our production in highly enriched ponium-356 isotopes. But that takes quite a while aaaand yeaa… I dunno..." The human exclaims while scratching his head, a bit disappointed since the white pony princess isn't sharing his enthusiasm about the demonstration.

"No, it is not that. I am just a little pensive, excuse me. I have never seen something like this in all my long live. I could not even make out one single bit of magic energy. It just seems like it’s impossible, yet I saw it with my own eyes. In addition to that, I wonder why you would develop such a destructive weapon in the first place."

"Well princess. I just got bored and thought why not experiment a little and have some fun in this boring barren wasteland. No honestly, this weapon is merely reassurance for my mind. Because I tend to get jumpy when I get transported into a crazy-acid-trip-dimension, where cute mini horses with wings and horns control the fucking celestial bodies, Celestia!

The human clears his throat again and lowers his volume.

“But, in addition to that it seems like the demand for such a device is quite high at the present time. It could turn out to be quite a business model. Sooooo, I wonder what you could offer me, Sunny."

"What are your demands for one, Human?" The princess spat, clearly annoyed by the way she is being addressed.

The human grabs a nearby scroll, opens it and clears his throat.

“In exchange for one "Dawn" devices with a yield of approximately 10 Kiloton I, King Joseph W. Wecksell the first, set the following demands:

Demand number 1: The princess of the sun will, with her magic and sorcery, arrange monthly thunderstorms in my kingdom, so this utter boring wasteland turns into a garden or something.

Demand number 2: It is expected, that Princess Celestia herself, delivers one cake per week directly into my quarters in my castle.

Demand number 3: Cake delivery is to be executed on Saturday morning at 9 am. If the cake delivery is 10 minutes to late, a punishment shall be initiated."

Joseph puts the scroll onto the table, places a pen next to it and leans back, crossing his legs while taking another sip from his tea. The princesses eye lid twitches again and she tries to hold her composure together, trying her hardest not to cry or laugh at these demands. In all her life, she has never heard something as ridiculous and humiliating as this.

“King Joseph. Please be sincere with me. This is nothing we should joke about. The crown of Equestria could offer you a onetime payment of 500’000 Equestrian bits. When this issue has been dealt with, we will arrange another payment of 500’000 Equestrian bits.”

The human leans forward, eyeing his guest with a harsh glance, clearly not satisfied with such a response.

“You think our demands are a joke, Princess?”

“I… uhm.” The princess stammers for the first time in a while and wipes a pearl of sweat from her forehead. “I didn’t mean to insult you King Joseph. I simply never heard such … let’s say unconventional demands.”

“Unconventional.” The human pauses for a while. I see.”

“Since I am not being taken seriously in my own throne room, I think it’s for the best that you leave my castle at once. I expected better of you Princess. Maybe the Griffons will be more understanding of my demands.”

With a saddened sigh the human puts his cup on the saucer and stands up, walking close to the plexiglass window and stares into his still burning wasteland, waiting for his guest to leave. After a while, he turns around and raises his eyebrows since the now unwelcome guest is still sitting on his couch, holding a hoof on her chest.

“King Joseph, please accept my most sincere apologies. I never had the intent to insult you. I would be honoured to fulfil your demands in exchange for one of your “Dawn” devices. In these difficult times I tend to forget my manners, please forgive me.”

The princess lowers her hoof, which he held to her chest, onto the marble floor while smiling towards the human in a friendly and sincere way. Joseph wants to be angry with her, but as she starts looking up towards him with those big, magenta and puppy-like eyes, he cringes as his heart aches. -I’m getting a call? Ah, cuteness-overload resulting in diabetes? I see… Thanks for letting me know, body.-

“Gosh. How could I not believe such a cute little pony? I would be a monster, right?” The human declares, while the big mushroom cloud darkens the sky behind his back as he speaks towards her.

The quadruped princess springs into the air and smiles happily, a faint blush on her white cheeks.

“Splendid! I am so happy that we could strengthen our relationship with the human empire in these dark times. You really are a true friend Joseph. I look forward in our relationship and wish the best to you and your empire.”

The human blushes a bit, taken back by the sudden change in mood. “Yea yea thanks. I’m just too generous, I know. Hehe.”

“So, Celestia. I sincerely hope, that with my help you can overcome your little crisis back in pony-land.” The human speaks while ponies, griffons and other mercenaries from all over the world load the nuke into the royal carriage. “But don’t forget about our little agreements okay?”

“I would never do such a thing, Joseph. I am a mare of honor. Speaking of honor, you are invited to the royal castle for dinner this evening. I would be delighted if you accept the invitation, Joseph.”

“Sure. It’s not like I have anything better to do. Oppenhooves can run this place so I’m good. And eating something else than potatoes and water would suit me well. Trust me, it’s a pain in the ass to grow shit here.”

“Splendid! Then let’s go” The Princess exclaims happily, a bit too happily for the human’s taste, concerning the situation she is in…

The human lazily sits in the carriage, facing the solar princess while playing around with a toothpick in his mouth, completely ignoring the fact that the explosive payload in the carriages trunk makes noise after noise as it is not secured properly. Despite this casual behaviour, he firmly has one hand locked around a metal railing, trying his best to not look outside the carriage. He notices his companion staring at his hand and then looking into his eyes with a smirk.

“What? Can I not be afraid of heights?”

Celestia rolls her eyes, her mane waving behind her in the wind as the two so different creatures soar over the ponium mines using Celestia’s royal carriage. “Excuse me. I did not mean to stare or imply that you are 'not allowed to be afraid of heights'. It’s just wondered whether all humans are like you.”

“You mean as good-looking, humble and droll as I am?” The human winks and grins.

The princess giggles and puts a hoof in front of her muzzle.

“I actually meant your serenity and they way you handle all this. Six months ago, you appeared here out of thin air. You were scared, confused and hurt. But now. Now you have your own castle, your own country and possess weapons any military officer would not even dare dreaming about. It is not an everyday sight to behold, you see.”

“Ah. It seems like I have made quite the impression on somepony, have I?” The human grins and chuckles as he sees the solar princess giggling. “But, to be honest, I am still unsure whether I’m still on Earth in a deep coma, or half dead in an alleyway, while dreaming all this crazy shit here. It’s the most plausible explanation in my opinion tho’. But instead of crying and bitching around about it, I am doing what I’m the best at.

“Like inventing horrible weapons of mass destruction?”

“Hey! You’re the one here who plans to drop a fucking nuke in the battlefield, you crazy horse!
I merely have fun with explosives in my backyard, sheesh.”

“Joseph! It is not in in our intention to harm…”

With a sudden jolt the carriage loses altitude, quickly dropping below 3000 meters. Joseph gasps and clings tightly onto the railing as the carriage rumbles and violently shakes back and forth as it falls towards Equs. The human gulps in fear as he sees the trunk suddenly to be open, the 500 Kilogram bomb on the edge of falling out.

“THE fuck is going ooonn?! Are you insane? Fucking fix your bloody flying magic box!”

“The magic must be getting drained out of it somehow.! It’s as an anomaly is about to form right here!” The princess shouts with worry written all over her face, her wings flared out wide.

The princess tries to stabilize the carriage, but the ground is getting closer and closer. You both stare at the empty trunk and your pupils shrink to the size of small needle heads. Celestia immediately lifts you onto her back with her magic.

“Hold on tight!”

With a strong kick she leaps out of the carriage and dives after the falling bomb with the human on her back who is clearly not happy about the situation. Tears form on the edge of his eyes, the strong winds clearly too much for him.

Joseph smacks the princess repeatedly on her withers: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CRAZY FUCKING HORSEEE!!!!.USE YOUR HORN! USE YOUR FREEKKING’ HORN!!!”

As the nuclear warhead plummets down towards the rocky desert, the Princess grabs hold onto the bomb with her magic, engulfing it in her golden hue. She shuts her eyes and clenches her teeth together while trying her best to slow its descent. With all of her might she manages to slow it down, but the ground is already closer than 500 meters, her magic, she thought not possible, almost fully drained. It felt like her life essence was being stolen from her own body, by an unknown foe. The human on her back would likely be spasming around in fear, were it not for the fact that he needs to cling onto her neck for his dear life.

‘’YOU CRAZY MINATURE HORSEE! “TP” US OUTTA HERE IMMEDIATELY!! USE YOUR TELEPORT! USE YOUR TELEPORT RIGHT FUCKING NOWW!’’

The human yells into her ears and clings onto her neck and mane as if his life depends on it. Well it actually does in this situation. He hears the sound of teleportation magic and suddenly finds himself still on the princesses back, while hovering in place above the rocky desert.

“Don’t worry, my little human. I’m quite experienced in teleportation, so we should be quite far away from the danger zone.”

“Y..You sure?” Celestia feels the human on her back trembling in fear as he points into the Sky. About 250 Meters away the bomb is still falling, making a high-pitched noise as the air travels through its stabilizing fins.

-How is this possible? With the amount of magic I put into the spell we should have been teleported way farther-

Celestia channels energy into her horn to initiate another teleport, but sparks fly from her horn and she finds herself unable to perform this most basic spell. With a worried expression she gallops away towards the direction of the nearby forest. With a powerful leap she soars into the air and pushes herself and her payload forward with powerful wing strokes. She feels her magic to strengthen again as she gets further away from the desert and quickly casts a bubble around her, lowering the air resistance somehow so she can gain more speed. Trees and boulders zip by as she doges and weaves trough the forest at an amazing speed. Joseph hears his own pulse beating rapidly in his ears and he can almost make out an even faster pounding pulse on the princesses neck as he clings onto her, fearing for his beloved life.

The bomb connects with the rocky desert ground and suddenly everything shines in a blinding light, as the forest gets illuminated from behind so unbelievingly intense, the "dawn device" clearly holding up to its name. Joseph digs his fingers into her fur and smacks her on her left side, while screaming in rage and fear.

“AAHHHHH!!! FLY FUCKING FASTER OR WE WILL BOTH BE TOAST YOU INSANE HORSE! IM FUCKING 22 AND NOT READY TO DIE UNLIKE YOU OLD HAG!!!”

All trees in the forest are immediately engulfed in fire as the trees get bombarded with thermal radiation. The magic shield, protecting you both from the immense heat cracks and the temperature inside the bubble immediately raises to a very uncomfortable level while the shockwave creeps up the two of you, coming closer and closer, destroying all trees standing in its path as if they were mere drinking straws.

Joseph shuts his eyes and sees his life flashing by. He had plans. Simple plans but plans nonetheless. He only wanted a normal life on earth. Friends, a chill job at the local nuclear power plant, time for fun hobbies and maybe a girlfriend. But apparently, he was not allowed to. Some edgy anomaly decided to appear right inside his bloody fridge. He was not even allowed to enjoy a glass of milk in the morning as he was being sucked right inside the fridge, only to reappear in a weird forest, all contents of his beloved fridge falling onto his already battered body.

And now he is riding a pony princesses back while trying not get toasted by 10 Kilotons of explosives going off behind him.

-We are fucked.-

The sound of teleportation magic and the fact that the incoming shockwave almost destroys his eardrums interrupt his thoughts. Everything goes to black.

Author's Note

The dawn device would be similar to this explosion. Maybe a little smaller but similar.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qT4mSoZsbzM

Gimme your honest feedbacks again. You can also make suggestions for future charpters as well :P

Charpter 3 might take a while. University decided to overload its students with a shitton of work. Have to deal with that over the following days :/

Me right now:

Cheers and have a great day.