Mocha and Tramp Write a S***fic
Cheese Quesadilla, new to Ponyville, walked down the main street wearing his poncho and his sombrero. These shadowed his head, leaving only his hooves, mane, and tail showing. Nodding to the ponies he passed, His cheddar cheese colored tail swayed rhythmically in such a way that the mares noticed and the stallions envied.
To the right was a typical Ponyvillian house, to the left was an open lot, and ahead was a pink pony. “Hello!” He stopped in place, his tail straightening but no sign of surprise otherwise showed. “I’m Pinkie Pie, you new best friend, welcome to Ponyville!”
A slight nod of his head and he spoke. “Hola, Pinkie Pie, mi nombre es Dilla. I travel Equestria, take tortillas and fill them with mi love.”
And that would have been fine and dandy, except that’s when the bees from outer space attacked.
“Keep them away from my nachos!”
“What nachos?” Pinkie asked frazzled.
“I am the nachos!” He shouted, flinging the sombrero off himself dramatically.
It was at this point that Pinkie recognized Cheese Sandwich."Hey cheese sandwich, how have you been?" she asked. She had no time to hear the answer though, as the giant bees dove for Cheese Sandwich and his Nacho persona. Fortunately at that very moment, Twilight Sparkle showed up and entered the story. She threw up a defensive shield and the bees bounced harmlessly against it.
"Wow Twilight I am glad to see you," Pinkie said. "Thanks for showing up at a very suspiciously convenient time."
"No problem," Twilight Sparkle replied. "Do you have any idea why the bees attacked?"
Pinkie Pie (who had a huge crush on Cheese Sandwich) answered, "It's because he's so sweet, they think he's honey."
Then Spike poked his head from a nearby bush for his obligatory moment. “Cliche snarky comment, everypony.”
“Wow, glad he said that,” Cheese said gaily. “Now, about the bees?”
“Forget the bees! We have bigger problems!” Pinkie exclaimed. “The bush has been Spiked!”
Out of nowhere a sitcom laugh track was suddenly heard. It distracted Twilight and her shield wavered, allowing a bee to slip through. It stung Twilight Sparkle, who is allergic to bees and she went into anaphylactic shock.
“Uh Oh!” yelled Cheese Sandwhich. “We better BEE proactive and get her to the hospital, pronto, before she’s BEEceased.”
The sitcom laugh track thought that was pretty funny.
“I can't BEElieve where this conversion is going. I tell you, I'm getting hives over all this!” There was a cricket chirping and a tumbleweed rolled by. “Well, that sure stings.”
A drum roll encouraged the laugh track again.
“Wow,” Cheese said in a very impressive weird al voice, “get those rolls off those 55 gallon drums of bee pheromones!”
“Wait a minute,” Pinkie said, rubbing her chin, “gallon? Drum? 55? Bee? It's a musical cue to sing a song from the BeeGees!”
“Let's drop some Saturday Night Fever! Cuz I might BEE allergic.”
It was at this point that Celestia dropped from the sky. “Okay, this is getting far too silly. I’m going to have to arrest all of you for silliness. Except twilight sparkle she still needs to get to the hospital.”
So she arrested cheese sandwich and Pinkie pie and threw them in a bad pun prison. Then she escorted twilight to the hospital where she made a full recovery. This would have been the end of our story, except…
...Cheese Sandwhich and Pinkie Pie were passionately making out in the holding cell, powerful equine tongues wrapped around each other like spasming octopus legs, when the prison wall exploded.
“Come on!” said Fluttershy, “I’m busting you out of here!” She was wearing her dangerous mission outfit, and was adorable as always.
Untangling themselves like a piece of tape that folded over itself, the Pink purloiner and her ‘puffy pastry’ pursued the plan to escape PunPun prison, post haste. “Hang on, Cheese, er... I mean my Puffy Pastry?”
“Why is that my nickname? I could do better on my way to Albuquerque by way of the Amtrak across-”
Fluttershy squeaked as a bird pooped on her muzzle and she instinctively lapped it up and was about to ask for a glass of lemonade by holding out a lemon in her hoof she pulled from hammer space to wash it down when she felt a gurgling in her belly. “Oh me, oh my,” she whimpered as she sneezed and a watermelon fell out of the lemon to the ground with a wet, juicy, ground moistening splooge. The watermelon juices were warm and wet, splattering across the grass in large chunks that made the grass tremble with anticipation, wishing it could beg the lemon to give it more of its hot juicy goodness and say, “S-senpai?”
Cheese and Pinkie wiped each other with a moist towelette after that last paragraph was finished. “Whew, someauthor needs some action,” Cheese looked pointedly at one of the authors, but it wasn’t specified which one.
It was Mocha
.
but in reality It was Trampo-senpai
.
Your vote counts! Who was it?! Drop it in the comments and the winner will get a pie on some holiday this year!
“Wow, what the hay was all that about?” ~~Weird Al~~ Cheese Sandwich asked Pinkie while in a cosmic void of pure thought.
Pinkie licked the snozberries and hummed in thought while her eyes flashed through all the shades of purple. “I think the authors are starting something…”
‘No I’m not. Tramp is. He’s the one with the problem, I’m totally cool with this story actually finishing.
“Uh-oh.”
‘Cheese, you stay out of this and take that diaper off your head, it’s not a helmet!”
Cheese took the diaper off his head, and the sudden depressurization caused his head and the brains within it to splatter all over the place. It was really disgusting, and Pinkie Pie started vomiting all over the place in disgust, which was itself disgusting. And Fluttershy was so traumatized that she slit her fetlocks and bled out.
The End
OR IS IT!??!?!!?
‘Wait! Fluttershy turned into Flutterbat and terrorized the countryside with a demonic immunity to magic!’
Now the end.
