I see you shivering and that. Don't get shook. Man's here, you're protected-ed

by Protected-ed

Rating: teen
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Self Insert, Sunburst, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Romance, Original Character
Length: 1062

Big Shaq goes clubbing with the mane 6 and their friends

When the mane 6 and starlight get devastated at a party, It's up to Big Shaq, his bro Asnee, Discord, Spike, and Sunburst to prevent them from making regrettable decisions, and keep them safe from horny stallions who might get the wrong idea.

Trigger Warnings: Shaqcent, drinking, casual racism, fluff

Published 2018-05-08 14:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-08 14:10:07 UTC

Chapter 1

It was Big Shaq’s first time at a party –one not organized by pinkie, that is–. Their group consisted of seven mares and six males: Starlight, Twilight, Rainbow, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Spike, Big Shaq, Asnee, Discord, and Sunburst.

Big Shaq could hear the annoying EDM long before he could even see the club. The bouncer pony didn’t even make an attempt to get in the way of Big Shaq, Asnee, and Discord, as they graciously held the door open for the rest of the group.

As they entered the club, Big Shaq was made immediately aware of the stench of hard apple cider and horse sweat. His eyes were drawn to the DJ booth where a white unicorn with blue hair was headbanging furiously to nightcore rave EDM remixes. Apparently white ponies have the same terrible taste in music as white people. He would have jumped on the opportunity to replace the DJ but the other ponies seemed to be enjoying the music, and Big Shaq didn’t wanna cause too much of a disturbance. Besides, he’d come here to have fun not to fight sombody–pony.

So, Big Shaq made his way over to the bar, sat on a chair that was far to low for him, and ordered to pints of hard cider, one for him, and one for Asnee. The girls and spike found their way to the dance floor while Discord and Sunburst joined Big Shaq and Asnee at the table.

“Not dancing, Sunburst?” Discord inquired.

“I-I’m not much of a dancer,” Sunburst stuttered. He wasn’t as comfortable around Discord as Big Shaq and Asnee were. They had both bonded with discord over the fact that they none of them were ponies.

“All you need is a drink, fam,” said Asnee, ordering Sunburst two shots of vodka.

“I’m not much of a drinker,” said Sunburst, once again managing to ruin the mood.

Discord snapped his fingers, the alcohol disappeared and reappeared in Sunburst’s mouth. Before Starburst had a chance to spit it out, Discord clasped his claw around Sunburst’s muzzle and looked him deep the eye.

“I don’t normally say this with complete sincerity, but it’s in your best interest to swallow.”

Sunburst gulped down the shots and Discord gave him a winning smile.

“Well now Sunburst, are you going to attempt to enjoy yourself or do we need to continue force feeding you alcohol?”

Suddenly a teal aura wrapped itself around Sunburst’s tail, forcibly pulling him off his barstool. A rather tipsy Starlight with a rum-induced blush pushed her way in between Sunburst and Discord pushing her snout into Sunburst’s orange neck fur. His ears went from orange to a dark maroon as he tried his best to hide his Starlight-induced blush.

“You smell nice,” Starlight sighed into him, her heavy breath darkening a spot underneath his chin.

“I–” Sunburst seemed dumbfounded.

Asnee and Big Shaq gave him a ‘really nigga?’ look. While Discord managed to convey ‘If you don’t grow a pair right about now you’re gonna buck this up for good,’ in a single look.

That was just about the fastest Big Shaq had seen a pony’s personality make a full 180-degree turn. Sunburst leaned into Starlight to better support her, turning the space between them into a tide-pod colored splotch.

“How’d you get this drunk anyway?” he asked her.

“Perks of being friends with a princess, stallions are falling over each other to buy us drinks.” Starlight chuckled.

“Well then, let me join the pile” Sunburst grinned and motioned for the bartender to fetch two shots of his finest. The blue striped Zebra behind the counter must have taken this as a challenge because the pair of unicorns looked dumbfounded when he set their vibrantly colored drinks on fire.

Sunburst looked unsure at first, but, soon enough, he steeled himself and knocked back the drink, shaking his head violently to clear away the burning sensation in his gut. Starlight followed suit then, using her magic, she pulled him by his tail back to the rest of the girls, and spike. Aznee and Big Shaq gave him confident smiles and wished him luck under their breaths.

“You know, you humans really do make the best sweets,” Discord said to the two of them. They looked over to see him claw-deep in a recently-snapped-into-existence bowl of popcorn and Starburst® wrappers.

The joke went right over Asnee’s head, but Big Shaq got it, and let out a chuckle.

“So bruv, why aren’t you dancing and that?” Big Shaq, inquired.

“For the same reason as you two, I’m not a pony, I’d look… Odd,” Discord replied.

“You don’t seem like the type to care about what other bigmen think of you, fam,” Big Shaq countered.

“Well, I’m just not in the mood for dancing so drop it” Discord quipped.

“Aight bruv, then at get hammered with us at least, fam.”

“No, I need to be sober in order to protect Fluttershy.”

“Fam, you’re telling me a chaos god such as yourself would get fucked up that you couldn’t defend Fluttershy against drunk background ponies?” Asnee chimed in.

“I think we found conflict ting here, bruv,” Big Shaq said to Asnee, “Mans is afraid of getting hot ‘nd embarrassing himself in front of Fluttershy"

“What’s the worst that could happen?” asked Big Shaq.

“I could deactivate gravity while drunk, or I could turn the ceiling into Jello, or do any number of dumb things with my magic” replied Discord.

“Look bruv,” said Asnee, pointing to the dance floor, “She’s dancing on her own. Bruv, we know you don’t have tea with her every Tuesday just ‘cause you like tea.”

Big Shaq turned to Discord and stared directly into his eyes, “I see you shivering and that. Don't get shook. Man's here, you're protected-ed. I got the .44, and my Bro Asnee, he got the Frisbee.”

“Alright fine, you convinced me,” Discord signed, and snapped his fingers. A red blush began to instantly form on his face, as he slid off his stool.

“What just ‘appened?” asked Asnee with a confused grimace.

“Self-inebriation spell,” responded Discord “All the benefits of poor decision making with none of the hangovers.”

“I always thought ‘e’d be a classy drunk” Asnee whispered to Big Shaq.
“Not tonight!” Shouted Discord over his shoulder.

Author's Note

More to come, soon come.