The Narrator Hates Us All

by TRIBOT 4000

Rating: everyone
Tags: Anthology, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 7551

Hello, I'm The Narrator. And I want to tell you everyones story. Take a seat and listen to the tales I have to tell. Who knows. Maybe one is yours.

Hello, I am The Narrator, and I want you to simply relax with either your phone or computer and listen to our stories. I hope you enjoy them, they were written just for you and the world to see. Let's begin, Story number one...

As you have seen this is an anthology. There is no underlying story here folks. The only constant is that they are all written from the same POV.

P.S. I'm looking for some art for this. The current is art is temporary. Please read the stories first though. Might give some insight.

Published 2018-05-14 20:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-07 20:53:49 UTC

Crimson Vision Pt1

If you're wondering what kind of voice I was imagining while writing this then listen to Kevan Brighting.

Crimson Vision opened his eyes slowly, as the first little bits of sunlight began to sprinkle over us red-furred face. He had just woken up from a very nice nap, one which had rejuvenated him enormously. As he raised his head from the mattress and moved his golden mane to get a slightly better view, he realized something awfully peculiar: he wasn't in his own room. Looking about he recognized that it was his parents bed. 'But how?' He racked his brain in search of an answer. He remembered the day before as if it were yesterday. He had woken up, eaten breakfast, gone to his work at the Library, left, went to the party and...

Oh yes! The party. That must be the reason for all this kerfuffle. He had simply had too much to drink and somehow ended up at his parents house. Oh silly Crimson, he had always been a little bit strange acting after having too much to drink. He wondered if he cried in their arms and chuckled at the idea of his Mom treating him like a foal again.

Wait. That can't be right. It can't be. He didn't have a hangover. If he really had been drunk last night then he would at least have a small headache. Maybe he had simply forgotten what happened last night. Getting up he landed on the wooden floor below him. The boards creaked loudly, causing the entire room to groan against itself. Crimson walked out of the room and looked for his parents in the kitchen where he could smell the sweet and soothing aroma of Daisies wafting from. When he arrived however, he was met with quite a shock.

His parents were not there.

They simply weren't there as if someone had snatched them up entirely. There was no sound except the sizzling pan on the stove, which Crimson promptly turned off with his horn. His fathers newspaper remained at his usual sitting place, on one end of the table, his mothers apron lay on the floor in front of the previously mentioned stove.

'Strange' he thought 'That my parents would just vanish into thin air'. He searched the house a few times before deciding that they must be outside. Opening the front door he took a step onto the...wait a minute. That's not grass. Looking down at his hoof he could see that there was no grass, but only metal painted green. Glancing up he could see that he wasn't even outside. Instead all he could see was a metal casing around the building, painted to look like his old neighborhood. He went to the edges of the wall and pushed in multiple places. It was useless. He was stuck. He had no way out.

On the verge of having a panic attack, Crimson ran back inside. He went outside the backdoor only to realize it had the same problem. Now very truly scared he ran to every edge of the house desperately. 'Who would do this?' he thought 'Who would want to imprison me in a such a way? I have done nothing wrong. I have hurt nopony. Why would anypony want me here?' He sat down on the couch thinking this over until he saw one of the windows. Something about it confused him, so he stood up and trotted over to it. He noticed that the painting of the sky and sun was painted on the window itself, instead of on a painting behind it. Grabbing a metal vase from the coffee table he struck the glass as hard as possible. As it shattered it revealed a most unsettling sight. There before him were ponies all staring at monitors. What scared him the most however, was that the monitors all displayed him. From foalhood to full adult, his entire life displayed on screen for the examination of hundreds of ponies.

His entire life meant nothing but a project to them. Yes, that was it, his life had been an experiment or something. Yes, yes! Now that he knew this, he could escape. Leave his captors. Who wouldn't let them control one more aspect of his being. His mind and body were his own, and nopony else's. He must escape!

He must!

He must.

he must ...

Crimson Vision opened his eyes slowly, as the first little bits of sunlight began to sprinkle over us red-furred face. He had just woken up from a very strange dream, one that had startled him greatly. As he raised his head from the mattress and moved his golden mane to get a slightly better view, he realized something awfully peculiar: his roommate had already left. That was strange, his roommate John Doe always woke up late. Why would he be up now? A glance at the clock told Crimson that it was still 7:00 AM. Leaving the comfort of his sheets, the red furred stallion walked outside of the room where he could see John cooking breakfast, his asphalt grey mane tied up in a bun. His charcoal grey coat glistened slightly from sweat as he flipped a slice of cheesy bread. Not cheesy as in bad, but cheesy as in...well...with cheese.

Crimson stepped loudly forward to announce his presence which Joe acknowledged with a turn and a nod. 'How are you this fine morning' Joe said, much to cheerily for his roomies comfort. 'I'm fine' replied Crimson 'What about you? You never wake up this early. Is something wrong? Is it your work? I know you hate being a lawyer.'

'No, no. Nothing is wrong. I am perfectly happy where I am.'

At this point Crimson was assured that something was up, with his friend acting strangely happy. Joe sat down to breakfast and began eating, almost robotically, as if it were an assignment of some sort that he had to smile for. Crimson reached to put a hoof on his friend. 'Look...' he began 'if there's anything you need to say, just say...it...' his voice slowly dissipated as he felt nothing make contact with his hoof. He stared bewildered as his hoof simply went straight through the shoulder of his roommate. Removing his hoof as quickly as possible his friends body began glitching like a bad TV signal. Hs body morphed and became distorted several times before disappearing. As Joe disappeared so did the rest of the apartment.

parts of the room began glitching away slowly. Crimson took off back into his room trying his best not to touch any of the strange bits of missing room, without success.

Everything disappeared into white nothingness.

Crimson Vision opened his eyes slowly, as the bits of light shone his face. He had just woken up from...something. he still wasn't sure what it was. When his vision fully cleared he took a look around the white room. As he raised his head to look around he noticed something holding his hooves tightly against his body. Look down he saw a straightjacket, likely to hold him in place. He struggled against it, trying to break free. Attempting to use his horn, he realized in horror that he was magicless. 'Help!' He began screaming 'Help, I'm being held hostage!'

He struggled and screamed like this for what felt like hours, until a small doorway opened up on one side of the room. Two large Griffons entered, behind them a orange coated mare entered. She wore a doctors outfit and held a clipboard in one hoof. Her yellow mane was done up in a modest bun. 'Mister Vision?' she asked looking at the scared stallion who could only stare at her his mouth agape. He nodded slowly and the mare smiled.

'My name is Doctor Applejack. You can call me Applejack. I am here to help you. First however, you need to answer a few questions for me. One: Do you know who you are?' Crimson answered carefully, saying that he was Crimson Vision, a Librarian in Canterlot. She then asked if he had been having strange dreams lately to which he answered yes. explaining his story to the doctor he felt a little relieved, after waking up so many times he was finally able to tell somepony what was happening, even if they didn't believe him, it was good to get it off his chest.

Once he finished, Applejack made a motion to the two large ponies who still stood at the door. They came over and removed all the restraints, including the horn magic reducer. With another wave of her hoof she signaled them to leave. They did so reluctantly. As soon as they left she turned around quickly with a needle she had been hiding in her jacket, and inserted into Crimson whatever it was that was. Crimson felt something between shock and sadness. He had been betrayed. He had been lied to. This pony was not his friend, she was his enemy. Before he could voice his feelings however, she pulled him close whispered in his ear that he had quite a number of ponies to be, before he'd reach the end.

As he sat there silently a purple unicorn stepped into the room, lit up her horn which had somehow not been restrained and obliterated them both.

Crimson Vision opened his eyes slowly...

Author's Note

There will be a part 2. I don't know about a part 1. But I do need your help to make the next chapter. Please give me any ideas of places you'd like Crimson to be. Also, any of you who would want to draw Crimson, just know he's not exactly the main character. We will be moving on to a different pony after him.

Crimson Vision Pt2

Crimson Vision opened his eyes slowly, as the first little bits of sunlight began to sprinkle over us red-furred face. He had just woken up from a very nice nap, one which had rejuvenated him enormously. Suddenly he felt movement to his left side, turning he saw the face of a mare who was the brightest shade of pink...

...he jumped off the train in hopes of his survival...

...Crimson couldn't find the button in time...

...He tried once more to find the love of his life...

...Crimson couldn't escape the love of his life...

Crimson Vision opened his eyes slowly--

"Alright! I get it!"

Hmm? Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You can hear me? Oh dear, oh dear. This isn't right, you shouldn't be able to hear me. this is the forty third time.

"Forty third!?"

Why yes. I'm afraid I may need to make a decision.

"What decision?"

Well, I shall have to choose whether to continue narrating your story or to move on to another story.

"Wait. So you can do that?"

I wouldn't have said I could otherwise. Do you take me for a liar?

"No, no, no. I don't know what to take you for. Honestly I think I'm just going crazy. How many times have I woken up?"

The Narrator remained silent, deliberating whether or not he should answer. Besides, was Crimsons mind able to handle this information?

"Who the hay is that!?"

My boss. Try to ignore her. She has a lot of places to be so she only walks in now and then. No worries. Now, for the important part of this discussion: whether I should leave you or not.

"What happens if you leave and what happens if you stay?"

Well, if I leave then this story ceases to exist. If I stay then your story will continue until I get you to a point where you can take care of yourself. You see, when a character in a story enters a dilemma they have to have a narrator to make sure that dilemma is solved. If there is no narrator for the story, then there is no story.

"Wait, how does that work? What about the daily dilemmas in life? Why are there no narrators for those?"

Oh yes, well that is because, at that point you become the narrator of your own story. It's all very hard to explain so I would appreciate it if we could move on.

"Okay, okay, fine. Just, don't get me killed. Alright?"

Yes, yes fine. Now, ahem Crimson Velvet arose from his bed swiftly, in hopes of finding a way out of the troublesome predicament he found himself in. Making his way out of the room he noticed that the apartment building was eerily quiet. As he exited the apartment building and went outside, there before him stood the mare named Applejack from before.

'Ah' she exclaimed happily 'There ya are. Glad to see yer still kickin' Crimson trotted over to her and asked what was going on, and why he had been waking up in so many different horrible ways. 'Well partner' she said, with her country drawl showing more than ever 'It looks like I've gotta help ya out of this then. Follow me'. The two new companions then ventured forward, past the abandoned buildings of Detrot. It was a strange sort of empty, as if there was no one there to begin with. The city still looked livable, the sidewalks were clean, the buildings themselves looked cleaner than they ever had.

During their travels, Applejack explained what was happening, that Crimson was not the only one waking up, over and over again. A dimensional rupture caused by a strange spell had caused several ponies to wake up in the bodies of different versions of themselves, each one different in some way. You had to either die or be stressed out for the restart to happen. The only way they could get out of this loop was to find the original unicorn who had cast the spell.

After some time they came to a strange building that Crimson knew was never in Manehatten. It was tall, slender, almost female. It's entire structure was different shades of white and grey. The doors seemed to jump several generations forward in time. The two ponies entered and searched the interior of the structure, which was much like the outside; clean and highly technological.

After some searching them eventually came to an elevator. Why they had not seen it before was beyond them, perhaps they had gone temporarily blind, maybe the elevator had been invisible for the time being, maybe they were just stupid. Whatever the case, at least they had found the elevator at all.

'I hate him.' stated Crimson as Applejack pressed the "up" button. He must have forgotten what could happen to him if he said such things. His memory was not a good one. Applejack chuckled at his short memory, all knowing of the mental disability he had.

As the two headed upwards they got into a meaningful discussion about life, and how things had gone so far. Why had all this happened? Was there some greater force that wanted them to go through this horrible reawakening? If so, why would it want that in the first place? Maybe it was for entertainment. Maybe it was because the one who wanted this couldn't continue to contain his ideas and boredom was reigning. Maybe this was an arms against boredom, to help these ponies see the error of living life without meaning. Whatever the cause, all that mattered now was to escape this dream world as soon as possible.

'I'm getting hungry' said Applejack, as her stomach growled. Luckily for them, two bags of chips spontaneously appeared on the ground before them. Oh how lucky they were for this particular world to grant them such fortunes.

After the much needed snack, the elevator finally came to a stop on floor 666. They glanced at each other nervously. What horrors could possibly exist past this metal door? What indescribably terrible beings laid in wait? The door opened, and there, before them, sat...

Oh dear.

"What? What is it?"

Mister Crimson, I am terribly sorry but I have to leave now.

"WHAT!?!?!"

No worries, I'll wrap this up for you real quick. ahem, there before them sat a little purple filly. She told them she was sorry for accidentally sending an old spell from the past into the future and promised it would not happen again. The world then went black and Crimson woke up again on the floor of warehouse, the one that the afore mentioned party had taken place.

Ah, there. Now I'll go. Goodbye Crimson!

"That was a bit quick don't you think?"

I'm sorry but I'm on a tight schedule. Now for the words.

He lived Happily Ever After.

Author's Note

You'll have to find out who The Narrators Boss.

And no, I did not write that last bit in a quick attempt to end the story. This ending is actually what I was planning to begin with.

If any of you would like to make art of Crimson, I would be much obliged (for free. sorry, I'm broke as heck. XD)

[edited]

Strawberry

warning this chapter may give you the feels.

In the bustling city of Knew York, in one of the many skyscrapers that pegasi still complain about, there lived a pony. Unlike most ponies living in this particular city, she was happy. Happy with her choices and happy with her losses. She was joyful, and made others around her joyful, including the accountant, the garbage stallion, and the hotel manager. Her home was apartment 18 on the second floor of the Terrible View Hotel. Yes, that is the actually name.

Her name was Strawberry. 'What is her full name?' you may ask. Well let me be the first to say that you are not the first one to ask. Strawberry is her only name, and ironically, she does not grow strawberries. Mondays through Fridays she wakes up, makes a pot of tea, exits the apartment complex, making sure to greet every pony she meets on the way with a smile, and heads to work at a construction site.

On this particular day she plans to do something very special.

Waking up, per the norm, she jumps out of bed especially giddily. Today was the day. Today she would accomplish her goal! Today was like no other. It wasn't yesterday, slouched in shame, nor was tomorrow hiding in fear, it was today jumping in anticipation. She hurried to the small kitchen she had and prepared a small breakfast. Nothing too big, just something to fill her stomach for the morning. She wanted to be in tip top shape after all.

Once finished she grabbed her tools before remembering it was Saturday. No work today. 'I must be jittery' she thought. After all, who wouldn't be in her current situation?

She quickly strapped on a saddlebag with her cutie mark on it, a red combination wrench with a green stem growing from it. After doing so, she exited the apartment and went downstairs, waving to each and every pony she passed, as per tradition. She mustn't get lax in her duties. Finally exiting the building, she could smell the smells and feel the feels of the day. Ponies walked from place to place, each with a goal in their mind. Strawberry had hers as well.

After what felt like an eternity, she finally found herself at Vennie's Vegan Vegie Tables. Going inside, she looked around for the stallion that awaited her, her knight in shining armor, her future partner, her hero. The one pony that could understand her, the one pony with a heart of gold, the one pony...speaking to...another...mare?

There before our dear littler Strawberry was a sight like none other, a sight she could never remove from her vision. There, in her seat, next to her stallion, was her mortal enemy, Fruit Salad. That jumble of cells destined to live their lives keeping the substance of pony that had only the purpose of making her life a living hell.

Strawberry looked to her stallion, who was laughing at some joke made by Tireks servant. From the look in his eye, he wasn't expecting this mare nor was he comfortable. Good, that solved at least one possible problem. Strawberry took another glance of her stallion, this time taking in his every feature. Dark Side, not to be confused with his brother, Darker Side, or father, Darkest Side, was a male unicorn with an ironically bright colored blue coat. His mane and tail were tricolor, Prussian Blue, Midnight Blue, and Oxford Blue. His cutie mark was silver star with an upside down navy blue star inside it.

Strawberry returned her thoughts to the mare he was talking to, or my like, barely dealing with. It was time for her to be hero.

'I just don't know what went wrong' Strawberry said, holding a bag of frozen pees to a bruise on her head.

'You came out swinging, that's what went wrong Berry' Dark Side said to his marefreind.

The two lovers sat on a curb by a fire hydrant, both staring down at the road, Dark Side in nervousness, Strawberry in shame. If only she had not been such a fool, maybe things wouldn't have went so terribly. After all, she is supposed to be the kind one out of the couple. Striking another pony had never been something she wanted or had to do. She was a peaceful pony by nature.

They spent several hours conversing about it, until Celestias sun started to lower in the distance. Strawberry looked into Dark Side's yellow eyes, they were almost glowing gold, like two yellow sapphires. His coat seemed to contrast so perfectly with the dark red sky. He noticed her staring and smiled. A perfect smile, usually hidden behind a mask of sorrow, glowed as bright as his eyes. Strawberry smiled back, and the two shared this moment together, a moment that belonged to them and no other.

Strawberry suddenly stopped smiling, which was something she rarely did. For Strawberry to stop smiling, nothing short of the world ending or someone he loved getting hit on by another mare would occur.

'Berry?' Dark Side asked 'what's wrong.'

The mare looked away from him as tears began to form in her eyes. She tried her best to hold them back, but to no avail.

'What's wrong?' Dark Side prompted. Strawberry looked back to him and spoke in a sad and solemn voice, filled with fear.

'Honey...' she began 'There is something I never told, and I...very much regret not doing so. There is something wrong with me, something...that's been there for years, long before I met you. I'll understand if you don't want to know me anymore after...' She paused for a moment, as if tasting the words on her own lips.

'Berry, I don't care what's wrong with you, I would never stop loving you, and I would never love you less.' Dark Side reassured her.

Strawberry nearly shouted, 'It's not like that!' she shrunk back at Dark Sides surprise and widened eyes 'It...it's something much different. It's...worse than some...some defect or physical injury.'

Dark Side held her shoulders and held tightly 'Tell me. What is it that's so terrible, you think I wouldn't want to know you?'

Strawberry breathed deeply, trying to find the right way to say the words, but finding no other way but to put it bluntly, she says 'I won't live a day after twenty-five.'

The air stood still, as if the entire world had decided this statement was more important than time itself. Dark Side didn't move, his mind trying to process the information, as if brain had been punched in the gut. When he regained his thoughts he spoke, very quietly 'What?'

Starwberry's voice broke as she explained 'When a mare hits eighteen or twenty, their body begins to regulate normally since the changes in puberty have recently finished. I have a rare blood disease that...that doesn't accept the changes as normal. In other words, my body will...break down, and simply...stop working at some point. Side from necromancy, I won't hardly make it past twenty-four. I'm sorry for not telling you this so long ago. I really should have. Like I said, I understand if you don't want to associ...' but her words were cut off as a sensation pressed against her lips and chilled her body. Dark Side ended the kiss almost as quickly as he started it and looked at Strawberry with teared up eyes, almost flooding with anger.

'Don't you dare finish that sentence Strawberry!' He yelled 'I don't care if you were bringing me and my whole family with you to the grave. I love you! And I will always love you! That's what you need to understand.'

Strawberry didn't know what to say. Dark Side had never been the type to show emotion like this before. He had gotten a lot better after meeting her, but something like this was very unlike him. She put a hoof to his cheek and looked into his eyes, and her smile returned.

'You...' she began 'have the biggest heart I have seen. From the day I met you I could see it, even when it was bottled up behind despair, it was there. You care for others so much but try to act like you don't. I always knew you cared for me, I'm happy knowing that when I go, you'll have realized this. Our time together was not wasted, please remember that. Your time here in Equestria was not a waste, no matter how much you say otherwise.' the stallion smiled a little and held Strawberry in his hooves.

They stayed there for the rest of the night as Dark Side whispered in her ear 'You'll always be the beat of my heart Berry.'

Ten years later, on a Friday, in the middle of summer, Dark Side sat on a large blanket with his son, Blueberry. The two had shared the entire day together playing hoofball, catch, and various other sports. At the moment they rested on the side of a green hill in Central Park.

Blueberry broke the silence 'Dad?'

Dark Side turned his head to face his son 'Yes?'

Blue berry hesitated, wondering if he should ask. Deciding he might as well he asked 'What was Mom like?'

The question surprised Dark Side but he sat up and smiled 'Your mother was an angel, sent from Celestia herself to protect me. She helped me through thick and thin both outwardly and inwardly. She cared for everyone else so strongly that she could lift hearts with her smile. She was the strongest warrior and the best warrior to protect me and to protect you.'

Blueberry crawled closer to his father 'When will she protect me?'

Dark Side chuckled and continued 'She is, right now. Can't you feel it? She's here' he motioned to his sons heart 'and she will always be there for you when you need her.'

And it was true. There beside them, though they could not see her, stood Strawberry, wings on her back, and smile on her face. She protect them in death as much as she would in life. Strawberry would build them up when they broke down, her very presence would instill them with strength, and she would be there until they could join her again.

Author's Note

Sorry for making such a sad chapter. I know comedy is a tag on this, but so is slice of life, sooo...don't get too mad at me.

Button Mash Pt1

The time of this story occurs about a year before Twilight has arrived in Ponyville.
Also, listen to this while reading:

Ponyville was a town, a somewhat peaceful town to. Not much happened there, at least not on the surface. In Ponyville, in a small house lived a colt named Button Mash. Button Mash had a brown coat, and an even darker brown mane. On his head he wore a colorful beanie with a propeller on top. In his hooves he held a device with nobs, buttons, and levers on it, which he twisted and turned in every way possible. To him this device, known as a controller, was used to vanquish demons, to free enslaved creatures, and save beautiful damsels, when in reality, it was just a piece of plastic that connect to what was called a game console. This game console was the door for Button's wonderous adventures. Sometimes he was a Nordic warrior slaying Stormcloaks with his Ebony Battleax, other times he was a hedgehog, running faster than light. No matter what and no matter where, this game console could grant him his greatest wishes.

There was one problem with the game console: it was addicting. It kept him from going outside, making new friends, or even living in the real world. It was not only a door, it was also a cage. This suddenly occurred to him as sniped a he terrorist. He needed to exist in the real world, rather than the artificial one. This game console was fun but it wasn't everything. Oh no, no, no, of course it wasn't everything he realized. He saw that he needed to escape this different form of imprisonment.

Button Mash turned off the console and laid the controller on the ground. He stood up and looked at the door to his room. He took the first step forward. Very good Button. Now the next hoof. Ah, excellent. The third hoof. Yes, yes! That's what I call initiative Button! Keep going! Only four more steps and you'll be free! Three steps left! Come on! Two more! Yes, yes, yes! One last step Button, I believe in you! Yes! You did it! Whew, that was exhilarating. I truly feel like we've accomplished something here. Don't you Button?

After exiting his room Button made his way downstairs where his mother was sleeping on the couch in their living room. Buttons mother was the greatest mother he could ever hope for. She cooked for him and fed him. She read him stories in bed. She cleaned the house and sometimes when Buttons dad was at work would clean his room. Yes, she truly was the ideal mother.

He passed her quietly and left the house. The sun hit his eyes, blinding him temporarily. When he adjusted to the blinding light, Button Mash could see the world outside his home. The sky was a perfect blue, and the grass was a lushes green. As Button moved forward he could see the birds flying above him, singing their beautiful song. A nearby dog was playing with it's master. Oh, how he'd longed to feel so content, the wonderous sights before him were incredible.

Something then caught his eye. Over in the distance were two fillies from school. They seemed to be circling another filly, a purplish coated one with a yellow mane, also from school. Then it hit him, they were circling prey. Of course! He'd seen plenty of times on Tokyo JungleTM. The only way to save her was to distract the beasts. He sneaked behind bushes, a wagon, and an old donkey before he got to them. He hid right around the corner of a house they were behind and listened.

They were making fun of her sister, the male mare, Derpy Hooves! The horrible creatures. Button had to save the filly from such ridicule, but how to distract the beasts? Ah yes, just like in The Evil WithinTM he would throw something to make them look and investigate. he looked around and found a puddle of mud. That should do. Picking up a big clump in hooves he threw it as hard as he could over their heads.

If it had been an average stallion, then he would have cleared their heads easily, possibly even going to far, but Button was only a little colt, who hardly exercised at all, so his shot didn't quite go as far as he wanted it to and instead it hit Dinky in the face, knocking her over do to its size and her small frame.

'Oops' he said to himself. Without thinking he jumped out and tries to apologies, explaining that he meant to distract the two tigers, forgetting that calling any female a tiger that isn't an actual tiger, may lead to bodily harm. He knew he was in danger of being pulled into this as a victim, but he had to do something. He couldn't let the filly, who he had just abused, continue to get a beat down from these monsters.

Button marched up and helped the now muddy filly onto her hooves. She was still in a daze and simply looked around confused as he cleaned the mud off her face like his mother would do. The two mean fillies continue calling mean names and even roped Button into their jokes Luckily, their jests helped him learn that the fillies name was Dinky, Dinky Hooves.

'Look at the two blank flanks' they sneered. Their sneers were like rusted cogs scraping against each other.

'Yeah, just a couple of foals who don't fit in' they jested. Oh, how cruel! Speaking them that way, as if they were nothing!

'Nay' Button said to himself, like a knight in shining armor he would resist and defend this poor filly. But how? Obviously he would have to work this as meticulously as Detroit: Become HumanTM. Yelling back would do nothing, those kinds of attacks were probably useless. Insults would result the same way. Wait, maybe...just maybe...yes, he had a plan. Time to put it to action.

'Is that the best you got?' Button asked chuckling. 'We already know we're blank flanks so you're pretty much stating the obvious. Can you even come up with a good insult?' Ah, yes Button. They looked confused. They weren't expecting you to let the insults bounce off so easily. Button must be careful though. They will obviously step up their game.

'Oh yeah? Well, maybe we thought you were too stupid to tell, so we wanted to tell you that you were blank flanks...uh... for you...yeah.' Hahaha. We've got them on the run now Button! They can't even muster up enough insult knowledge to put you down. Keep it up Button and don't falter.

'Stupid? That's like the oldest insult in the book! If you're going to be mean, then be mean the right way.' Haha! There is no way they can back from that Button. You've done a superb job.

'Ooh. I get it. You're just trying to impress your fillyfriend Dinky.' The two fiends had resorted to extreme measures. Can Button take the pressure? Can he slip through the net? Can he dodge the strike? Can he jump over the blades? Can he keep from choking? Can he restrain from making a mistake? Can he withhold his composure? Can he stand the humiliation? Can he ignore the pain? Can he avoid the trap?

'Am not!'

No, he can't.

With a simple twist, the two bullies had him right where they wanted him. There was no escaping his fate at this point. They began chanting songs about him and Dinky being in a tree and kissing. They made numerous jokes about how stupid the foals would be and how ashamed those foals would be to have blank flanks as parents. Button looked over at Dinky who was tearing up again and thought for a moment. Dinky didn't look all that bad, in fact she was actually quite pretty nice looking. If he was with her in anyway, even just friendship, he wouldn't mind. It would be an extra friend no matter what. Button knew what to do.

'Well maybe I would like Dinky to be my fillyfriend. I don't see either of you with special someponies. Dinky is nice, and I don't care about how her sister looks. Dinky would be an awesome friend. Let's go Dinky. That way to the two ponies without special someponies can be by themselves, like usual.' and they did just that. Grabbing Dinky's hoof the two of them left the scene leaving the two tamed beasts in shock. Oh Button you brilliant colt. Not only have you saved a distressed filly, you have brought honor back to your family.

Once the two were long gone from the mean fillies they found a bench and sat down. It was now or never for Button. He had to find out whether or not he had gained a new friend. Would Dinky be friends with him for doing that or would she run away as soon as she found out how different he was.

'Thank you.' Dinky had thanked him. She had initiated the sequence of sentence distribution. Don't blow it now Button.

'No problem. I do stuff like this all the time...in my head...' Oh Button. You will always be our innocent little colt won't you?

'No really, if you hadn't come when you did they would still have been making fun of my sister.' Ah, she is a nice filly. That will help you Button. You need to capitalize on that. But before the conversation goes any further, apologies.

'Oh, then, you're welcome. And I'm sorry for the mud. That was meant to go over your heads to distract.' Not bad Button.

'It's fine. I actually don't mind the mud.'

The two continued to speak back and forth as the conversation became more natural, eventually evolving into one about lives and family members. Button told of his mother and Dinky told of her sister. Things were far from awkward and the two had a very lovely evening despite previous events. Button was happy to find out that Dinky very much enjoyed video games and played them herself.

Soon, before either of them knew it, the sun began to sink down and the street became less lively. Button noticed this and got off the bench before helping Dinky down. He kept his hooves on her sides for a short moment longer as they locked eyes. He back away and broke the gaze.

'Well it was nice talking with you.' Button said to Dinky.

'Nice talking to you too.' Dinky replied smiling.

'Would you like me to walk you home?' Button asked, receiving a blushing yes. He held out his hoof and Dinky took it. The two walked one way down the street for a while until Dinky pointed out that she lived in the other direction.

What will happen to Dinky? Will Button discover feelings he hadn't realized he had? Will Buttons mother be accepting if he does? Tune in next time on...
The Narrator Hates Us All

Author's Note

Small note, I put exactly ten different ways of saying Can Button take the pressure in that one paragraph. Don't ask me why. Don't question my tactic. Don't inqiure upon my reasoning!

I can't wait for Button Mash pt2!

Button Mash Pt2

Previously on The Narrator Hates Us All: Button Mash
'Would you like me to walk you home?' Button asked, receiving a blushing yes. He held out his hoof and Dinky took it. The two walked one way down the street for a while until Dinky pointed out that she lived in the other direction.
And now...

It was the next day, which happened to be Saturday. Button Mash lay awake upon his bed, looking at the ceiling in his room. His beanie laid upon the dresser beside his bed, spinning, as beanies with spinners do. His thoughts ran wild like a manticore after it's prey, but the prey was faster. What was he to do now? He'd met a nice and cute filly. He had to work this out.

If he continued acting as a friend to her, she would probably do the same for him, and they would remain friends forever. But what about the small possibility that she liked him. Would it hurt her to think he looked at her as a friend? Maybe she would be understanding and let it go. No, she is a female, and males will never understand females. If he thought understood that she would let it go, then she would probably not let it go. So instead, because of treating her like a friend, he would lose a friend, and possibly a future More-than-friends friend.

Rule One: Never Assume a female will understand. Button thought to himself.

What if he went total romance on her? He could tell her sweet nothings like his father did for his mother. He could kiss her cheek all the time, take her out to dinner, always agree with her, and take her...ugh... shopping. He could also whisper things into her ear that made her blush, like his brother would do. No, bad idea, Buttons brother always got hit for those, and his relationship would end there.

Rule Two: Do the opposite of my brother. he thought with utmost confidence and assurance.

Then a second thought crossed Buttons mind. Acting too sweet would push her away, he could become clingy, and no filly wants that. If he was nice to her all the time, always did as she said, and never argued nor made her unhappy, two things could happen. Either she would hate him because he wouldn't be his own pony anymore, and different from his original self or she would take advantage of him and make him miserable. Though he doubted the latter would happen, it was still a consideration.

Rule Three: Don't turn her into massive...

Suddenly, the door to his room opened, revealing his mother, Love Tap. 'Dinnertime!' she announced joyfully, and loudly.

'...B#$%h!!' Button screamed before falling off his bed in a fright. His mother raised an eyebrow and asked what he had just said. Realizing his mistake in time, he was about to lie, but then a thought occurred to him. Innocence, that's what mothers love. He stood up and walked around the bed to his mother.

'You scared me while I was thinking and I said B#$%h.' he said innocently, as per his previous idea, 'I've heard my brother say it before. Is that bad?' Love Tap, smiled and spoke sweetly.

'Yes, honey, it is a very bad word. I'll speak with your brother and have that straitened out. Just hurry downstairs to dinner.' Button smiled at his own mischievousness and trotted past his mother to the stairs. Before he could go down however, his mother spoke once more.

'Oh, by the way Button' she said 'you have a guest for dinner. She says she's your friend.' and with that, Love Tap went to Button's brothers room, to vanquish a fowl mouth. Button however did not care at the moment. Instead he was frozen on the stairs listening intently. He heard nothing, but then again, if the "guest" was who he thought it was, then she was probably being as polite as possible.

Button trekked down the stairs carefully, trying his best not to make any sound. Guests were delicate creatures, and must be handled with care. Startle them, and they can become dangerous or even...feral. Buttons steps were made carefully, in fear. When Button finally made it to the kitchen, there before him lay the sight of none other than Dinky Hooves, the same filly of whom he saved the other day. of course by saved I mean accidently wacked her in the head with a mud clod to draw attention to himself and away from her.

When he finally reached the dining room, he could see Dinky sitting on the floor next to the table. Button assumed his mother had let her in, as only a polite pony would do. Dinky noticed him and waved sheepishly. Button waved back, though still curious about one thing.

'Hey, uh...what are you doing here?' Button asked. However, as soon as the words left his mouth he internally berated himself. You don't say that to a pony. Button tried desperately to save face by correcting himself. He stopped when he noticed the little filly giggling at his antics, which caused Button to blush.

'I thought I'd drop by' Dinky said softly with a smile, 'My sister knows your mom and when I told her about the little brown colt who uh...saved me, she thought I should come over and say thank you.'

Button smiled widely as the two went on to talk about their respective family's. During this time, the two became closer, oh ever so close. Not just in their relationship, but literally. They seemed to gravitate towards each other. Attracted in more ways than one, they were soon sitting at the dining room table together, munching cookies, talking about the many different quirks that each of their families had. Yes, a greater friendship grew from this. A friendship that would grow to be something so strong that none would ever have the power to break it.

Yes, this was to be Button's story.

Author's Note

FINALLY!! DONE! I've been taking way too long for this chapter. Whoo!