A pony and a dragon walk into a bar...

by Blackdust

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure, Violence, Death, Alternate Universe, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Sex, Profanity
Length: 2252

Ever wonder what would happen when a pony is greedier than the dragon she's traveling with? Well pull up a chair and listen awhile, because that's exactly what this story is.

And the griffon says, "Watch where you're walking!"

Joking aside, this is a story of how a dragon knight and a pony rogue go from one town to the next doing good deeds, and helping the locals. I am using house rules and getting rid of the CMB and CMD stats, cause that shit is confusing as fuck. Sex tag for highly suggestive innuendos.

Published 2018-05-21 15:00:11 UTC
Last updated 2018-06-13 06:11:06 UTC

Chapter 1

A little ways into the badlands, an odd pair set up camp for the night. A dragon knight in spiked scale mail armor with a pick and a spiked steel shield, and a pegasus mare in leather armor with a well worn hoofblade mechanism on her left hoof, and a converted crossbow on her back just between her wings. She had a cocky smile and a spring in her step, though you wouldn't be able to hear it.

"Oh, come on! You know it was funny, Fuego!" The mare said from her nearly completed single pony tent.

"Regardless of whether or not I thought it was funny is not the issue, Misty. The issue i had with taunting that noble was that you did it in such a way that he would seem racist for arguing. That's what I have a problem with." The dragon, apparently named Fuego, replied.

"Oh~? And what are you going to do to me, big bad drakey~?" Misty asked, teasingly wiggling her flank at him from the entrance to her tent.

The spikey dragon sighed and shook his head,flicking his tail to whip it against her. "No, pony, not today. Besides, we still need to get the badlands hive before we can relax, or something bad will happen. And you still have to tell me about this... 'Dawn Flamingo' colt you grew up with back in the streets of Canterlot."

A small 'eep' came from the mare as he flicked his tail across her flank. Although, at the mention of her old friend, she sobered up quickly. "Ah... Dawn... I suppose you have a right to know..."

Almost 15 years ago...

I almost got it... a filly thought to herself as she danced closer and closer to a small gem worth a hundred gold pieces in the house of the noble she was currently entertaining.

"What are you doing, little filly?" Said noble asked her from right beside her, making the filly jump and snatch the gem before bolting for the nearest window. "Wha- HEY! Stop that thief!"

The filly turned back and smirked as she broke through the window. "Idiot! Like you could catch the Mist!" And with that, she flew off, only to have a minor stun spell clip both her wings and ground her...

...Right on top of a unicorn colt who heaved her off effortlessly and pointed his hoofblade at her. "Who are you, and what do you think you're doing, you poor excuse for a pickpocket?"

"Pickpocket? Look who's talking! Your cutiemark is literally for picking pockets!" She countered.

The colt smiled and helped her up. "Takes a thief to spot a thief. Come on! I know a hideout nearby!"

As he dragged her along, she felt something shift in her heart. She liked him. Like really liked him. Running from the nobles that she had stole from, being led by the hoof to the nearest hideout, and smiling? He was everything she had unknowingly dreamed of.

"I... I'm Misty Breeze. You wanna be partners?" She asked him, half expecting him to reject her just like all the others. Mostly because being partners is like being married in the thieves world. But to her credit, he looked back and smiled wider.

"Sure! I've been looking for a partner to get to a certain noble anyroad!" As he said that, she felt her wings poof out and a not-so-subtle blush spread across her face earning her a light chuckle from the colt.

"Um... What's your name?" This simple question caused him to mistime a step, and almost fall.

"I uh... My name is uh... is Dawn Flamingo..."

"He didn't sound very confident with his reply, you know." Fuego said, interrupting her tale briefly.

"Yeah, I know. That's because I was more trusting of him, than he was of me. Simple matter we resolved a couple years later."

And so a few years passed, the two of them making a pretty copper from all the nobles in the various towns they ran from. They started learning that not all catches were going to be a clean getaway.

They both had grown a good few feet, with Misty trying her best to stay as inconspicuous as possible. Making her good at a lot of things, but not particularly talented at any one thing, aside from when she started flying. Better than anyone her age that either of them knew, so it was a couple months after meeting her that Dawn pointed out her talent was in flying, and she confessed to being in love with him right afterwards. After those revelations, she got her cutiemark. A few more catches, and things went south. They returned to the town they met, forgetting the day that they had met. Needles to say, they walked into a trap.

"Misty! Run!" Dawn shouted, throwing her his hoofblade before rushing at the guards that were following them.

And as Misty caught her coltfriends hoofblade, she saw them impale him with spears, and coat him in spell fire. And as she watched, frozen in heartbroken fear, she saw him get up, and keep trying to fight. All because he saw her standing there.

"Dawn..." Was all she said, before tearing her tear filled eyes away from the grisly scene and running. And she kept running, and stealing. But she would always keep track of who she stole from and where they were from, so as to avoid a similar situation from ever happening again.

Fuego stared at her back since she turned away somewhere near the middle of the story, not sure if he should feel bad for the mare, or feel bad for all the nobles she stole from. That is, until he saw a tear fall and wet the sand beneath their hooves/feet. That was the deciding moment for him. He reached out and hugged her, being careful not to impale her on his spikes. "I'm sorry to hear that, Misty... Had I known it would hurt you so much, I wouldn't have asked in the first place..."

Author's Note

Alright! First chapter! You know, first ACTUAL chapter... Eh, whatever. If you liked it, lemme know, if not, oh well, my writing style isn't for you. This chapter was about setting up the background and reason they are working together. Well... more like unfortunate series of events, but, hey. Who's counting? Fuego is.😈

Fuego

Misty Breeze

Chapter 2

Sniffling, Misty turned to Fuego and said, "I... I suppose it's only fair that... since you know my past..."

Fuego smiled and relaxed himself, motioning for Misty to snuggle up next to him.

"I'm nothing special, truth be told. Raised in a church to Luna, the Night Mother and protector of the dreamscape. Got pushed out of the nest a little early after being hired by a noble and taught the path of the blade and honor. After that, I wandered from town to town, doing the good deed, fighting the good fight, and keeping ponies safe from nightmares best I could until I came across you trying to rob me in my own tent."

Misty giggled and nudged Fuego, saying, "Yeah, and apparently while you were naked too~."

The idle comment got a blush from him, and a friendly nudge back. "Yeah, well... Not like you don't try to tempt me at every turn. Seriously, with how horny you were last heat, I could've mistaken you for a unicorn! Anyroad, it's not like that little bit matters."

Misty simply humphed and turned away, having all but forgotten how she had opened up to her newest ally after being with him for a simple three months. She smirked and wiggled her flank against his crotch, and acquired a scaled fist to the back of her skull as recompense.

Hours later, Misty awoke with a groan. Fuego was nearby, making dinner of rations and some kind of desert animal.

"Morning, unicorn. You sleep ok after trying to get me to lay with you for the... 105th time in the past three months?" Fuego asked as he looked up from the stew pot.

"Mmm... You can go suck my-"

"And who's to say you would even like something like that, Misty? Most ponies, and most creatures for that matter, don't take it up that one without very thorough thought, and even then..." Fuego said, cutting off her foul phrase.

Misty giggled and turned to look out across the landscape, not that there was much to see out in the desert of the badlands, and sighed happily. "You know, I never thought I'd be happy to see something so... brazenly opposite to where I grew up. There's nothing here for miles."

"I hear you on that. The church wasn't very... polite when I grew because I let my greed on my birthday overwhelm me slightly."

"Oh? That sounds like an interesting story. And we still have a few hours before sunset, you know," Misty said, smiling widely, and suggestively.

Fuego sighed and relented to the insufferable mare and began to tell his tale. "So... On my birthday I got a gift from this really cute mare-"

"Aw, what? You mean I'm not your first?" Misty asked, a shit eating grin on her face as she laughed at her own innuendo.

Fuego sighed and nodded, resuming his story, "Yes, there was another mare before I met you..."

About 10 years ago...

Bo Peep was a unicorn mare and a resolute and devout follower of Luna, the Night Mother, and was always eager to help those that showed even a little bit of faith to Luna. As Fuego was pinning after the mare, he did what he could to catch her eye. Following her, doing the things that she did, helping those that needed it when he could, everything. Every year, he would try harder around either of their birthdays, usually to try and find out if she was getting him anything, or if she wanted anything in particular.

One year, on his birthday, she gave him something. A simple chunk of rose quartz is what most ponies in the church saw. But Fuego knew more than that, since he and Bo had been silently sharing messages through the sharing of various gemstones, crystals, and rock formations. She loved him as much as he loved her. So he began gathering things up that she liked for her. He took everything he knew that she would like from the town and surrounding countryside over a couple months, slowly growing bigger and bigger as he did.

When Bo Peep went to her favorite flower field on her birthday, she found a fully grown, and slightly agitated, Fuego guarding a hoard of things. And around his neck, was the very same chunk of rose quartz she had given him months ago.

"Fuego...?" She asked cautiously, scared of everything she was seeing.

Her favorite toy bear that she had misplaced last week. Several bouquets of the flowers from the field they were in. a couple dresses that she thought had looked beautiful, now muddy and torn. Earrings, necklaces, hooflets, and other forms of jewelry that she enjoyed looking at in the local jewelers store. Needless to say, seeing her frightened like that made him realize what he had done wrong, and begin to shrink back down to normal.

"Bo, I-" He started.

"No. Stay away from me, beast. You... I thought you were my friend..." Peep practically screamed at him.

"I am! Peep, please, I can-"

"You can what? Explain? No. It's too late for that, Fuego. You... You changed. You would never have done this before," she said, levitating the rose quartz off of his neck, as well as her toy bear from the pile. "Keep the rest. I'm sure you'll find someone to buy all of that stuff."

To say Fuego's heart broke would be an understatement. His whole world revolved around her, and she just scorned him for trying to gain her affections. So he did what any 9 year old would do in a similar situation. He cried until his eyes were sore, and then, he left the town alone. Walking for days before coming across another town, although this one less... receptive to his beliefs.

"Sounds to me like you didn't check to see if you would've been welcomed back or not, Fuego," Misty said, pointing out the biggest flaw in his story.

"Heh... I didn't go back. Not for another three years. And when I did, the entire town had heard about what I had done, and... Well, you can guess what happened. Bo Peep was the new leader of the church though, so I wasn't that surprised by the cold shoulder reaction I got," Fuego said, having finished his third bowl of the stew during his tale, while Misty only had one.

Misty yawned and got up, turning to her tent and stretched, asking, "It's getting late... You got first shift...?" Fuego nodded, using the remnants of his third bowl to put out the fire and began to get ready for the first watch of the night.

At least she doesn't know... Fuego thought to himself, glancing warrily at the tent where the thief was snoring lightly, no doubt on her back already.

Author's Note

After a long ass wait, I got the second chapter out. And for the meaning behind the gemstone, I searched it. Here. Take a look.