"It's wonderful of you to visit today, son. I wasn't expecting you back so soon!" Stellar Flare sipped her carrot and apple smoothie (with added hemp seed!) and smiled at Sunburst.
Sunburst cantered happily next to her down the main street of Sire's Hollow. "Of course! I've been pretty eager to see you again, and what better day than Mother's Day?" He stopped to push up his glasses, hiding a blush. "And, if I'm being… completely honest, I do miss getting letters from you sometimes. I'm going through a bit of withdrawal."
Stellar Flare smiled and replied, "I'm happy to send more. I'll try not to go overboard this time around. Until then, though…" She waved a hoof at a nearby window sign. "We're here!"
Sunburst gasped as he read the sign. "The bookstore has new antiques?" He beamed and trotted in place. "That's so exciting! It's even better that getting pedantic about what an oxymoron that is!" He stopped, his eyes wide. "Oh! But is this really how you want to spend Mother's Day? I want to do things you'd enjoy."
She put mock-sternness in her voice. "It's my day, son. If I can spend it making you smile, then there's nothing I'd rather do. Now go on in, honey. I'm sure you'll find something you'll…" She narrowed her eyes as she held the door open. "…just love to take home with you."
Sunburst raised an eyebrow as he walked inside. "Did it just get colder all of a sudden?"
Stellar Flare perked up. "Probably just your imagination." She followed him into the bookstore.
Inside, Sunburst marveled at the literal rows upon rows of books, many of which he'd never seen before. He breathed deeply and relished the musty, dry air. It sent a tingle up his spine, and he trotted forward, looking around. "Wow! There's so much more than I remember. New encyclopedias, updated filing system, and I don't even know what a 'shipping' section is, but it sure looks deep! Did you have anything to do with this, Mom?"
Stellar Flare watched silently from the shadows of the romance section.
As he continued to twist his head around, Sunburst said, "But I suppose I should start with what brought us here in the first place! Are the antiques overWOAH!"
Before he could stop himself, he bumped into a bespectacled mare who was carrying a large stack of books. "Eep!" she screamed. The books tumbled to the floor, and Sunburst fell with them.
"Sorry, sorry!" Sunburst collected himself and waved a hoof. "I wasn't watching where I was going. I–"
He looked up and saw the light-yellow unicorn mare. Her mane was red and purple and tied up in a ponytail, and it was nearly as unkempt as Sunburst's. She smiled awkwardly. "It's okay. Nice to meet you. I'm Moon Dancer."
"Uh, hi!" He stood up. "I'm Sunburst. Nice to meet you, too. Are you here for the antique books?"
"Oh, of course!" Her voice was enthusiastic but slightly wooden. "I just love seeing what I can learn from lost tomes."
Sunburst's tail wagged like a puppy's. "Me, too! Ah! It's so nice to meet somepony that understands."
"Yeah. Understanding! Perfect!" She sighed and wiped her forehead with a hoof. "This is going well."
Sunburst raised an eyebrow. "Huh? What do you mean? What's going well?" He looked towards the romance section, but all he heard was a whoosh as he saw was the faint movement of a nearby curtain.
"Uh," she stammered. "You know, it just feels right! Like when you play Dragon Pit for the first time in decades with your old friend. You're with somepony who understands you, like you're a perfect match."
Sunburst's mane stood on end. "How do you know about that? Did Mom–" He thought he heard something skittering on the ceiling. "Did she put you up to this?"
Moon Dancer stuttered and floated a book to her face. "Let's s-see. Introductions… flirting… There's nothing in here about if he figures it out."
"Ugh!" Sunburst threw his head back. "Mom! I told you I'll find my own way!"
Stellar's voice seemed to come from everywhere. "I just want to hold my grandfoals before I die, dear."
"Mom, where–"
"Focus on the attractive, eligible mare in front of you, sweetie."
Sunburst's ears flattened. He shrank and shivered. "I… should probably be going now." He slowly backed up a few paces.
Moondancer flipped through more pages. "Wait! We haven't gotten to the part where you put a foal in–"
"OKAY GOODBYE!"
Sunburst whipped his body around and tripped on his cape, but he quickly sprang to his hooves and ran for the door. It flew open and slammed against the building, shattering a window. "Sorry!" He dashed for the center of town.
Before long, Sunburst became winded, but he heard Stellar behind him shouting, "Sunburst! We can talk about this! You just haven't met the right mare yet!"
"Mom!" he shouted, hooves aching. "Not like this!"
Stellar's cheery words floated on the wind. "Wouldn't today be even better if it was Grandmother's day, son?"
Panting, Sunburst ducked into an alleyway, but he reached a dead end. He flicked his ears, and he heard a hollow, sing-song voice approaching. "Suuuuuunburst! Come give Mommy a hug."
With panicked flailing, he looked around for any means of escape. "Door!" he shouted as he spotted it. He ran inside, bolted the door behind him, and breathed a short sigh of relief.
"Ess-koose me, sir," came a mare's voice. "You are having appointment?"
Sunburst tensed and grimaced as he worked up the courage to look behind him. Two mares – a pink one with a blue mane and her opposite – stood before him, both wearing white headbands. Their manes were pulled back, and both of them had lotus flower cutie marks.
"S-sorry," Sunburst said with a quivering voice. "I don't have an appointment. I-I just–"
"Oh so tense!" the pink one said. "We must treat you to spa!"
Sunburst froze. "Uh… what?"
The blue one moved next to him. "I am Lotus. She is Aloe. We take care of you." With practiced hooves, she undid the clasp on Sunburst's cape and neatly folded it.
"But I don't–"
Aloe moved to flank Sunburst. "Ees no problem. New customer special to celebrate spa grand opening!" She pulled a brush from the table and began to brush Sunburst's coat, and he couldn't help but relax at her soft touch.
"Stress is no good for busy pony," said Lotus. "You stay for short massage, ya?"
Sunburst shook his head lazily. His eyes were closed, and he moaned, "But I don't have any money on me."
Aloe waved a hoof. "Like we say: new customer grand opening special!"
Lotus nodded and set Sunburst's cloak in a bin. "Word of mouth is best advertising. Worth cost of ten massages!"
"If you say so," Sunburst said softly as the spa ponies guided him to a massage chair. He stuck his nose through a hole in the middle of a soft, padded pillow, and he inhaled the scent of incense that permeated everything in the white room. It was a relaxing lavender (with added hemp seed!), and a soft blue light bathed the whole room in a relaxed glow.
Sunburst tensed up again when he felt hooves on his withers, but a calm voice with a clearly-fake accent soothed him. "This feel nice, yes?"
Letting out a held breath, Sunburst said, "Yeah, I guess that is sort of nice." His muscles began to unwind, and Sunburst couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so relaxed.
Another set of hooves massaged his back. "And this is even better, ya?"
Sunburst's head swam. "Mmm… Yeah."
And then he felt Aloe and Lotus' sides pressed against him. "Mm, you like being in pony sandwich."
Sunburst's peace of mind began to fracture as the two mares rubbed their bodies against his. "Uh, is this… some kind of exotic massage technique?"
Aloe practically shouted, "You want erotic massage? We can do thees!"
"No! What!?" Sunburst tried to wiggle free, but the two ponies had him pinned with their bodies.
"Ees very good," Lotus said as she began massaging his flanks.
Sunburst felt like his head would pop. "Th-that's not really what I–"
"And maybe I should massage these, too?" Her hooves moved down and brushed his–
"WHOA!" Sunburst leapt straight into the air, out of the massage chair, and landed next to them. "You mares are crazy!"
They both looked at him seductively. "Only crazy for you," Aloe said, batting her eyes.
They stepped closer, and Lotus made a kissy face. "Any stallion would love to have two mares all to himself."
"Especially mares with such magic hooves."
Sunburst backed up, but he was quickly running out of space as the two ponies flanked him. "Uh, l-ladies, please! You don't need to–"
"Oh, but we want to," Aloe said, licking her lips.
Sunburst's eyes widened. "You can't! I'm–" He was backed up against the mirror. He looked all around, but he didn't see a way out. He looked behind him and saw… somepony standing behind the mirror. "A false mirror!?" He put his hooves up to it to block the light and looked past it.
Stellar Flare waved from inside. "Go get 'em, son!"
"AAAAAHHH!!!!" Sunburst closed his eyes and dashed past Aloe and Lotus, knocking them over.
Lotus called out, "Sir! You forgot your–"
Sunburst's cape smacked her in the face as he recalled it with his magic.
Sunburst spilled out onto the street. "Gotta hide, gotta hide, gotta hide!" He panted, and his head whirled around. "Where would she never suspect me?" His eyes landed on a seedy dive bar, The Iron Rod. "There! Mommy knows I have an iron deficiency!"
Sunburst dashed through the door. The air was acrid with cigar smoke, sweat, and beer-stained carpet. A low, thumping music played all through the bar, which was incredibly packed for a Sunday morning. The crowds would usually have upset Sunburst, but he was grateful for the anonymity. Pushing through several other patrons, he sat at the bar.
He raised a hoof towards the bartender and tried to speak over the loud music. "Uh, pardon me? Can I get some service?" The bartender, a heavily-muscled stallion in a tight shirt with a dyed mane, paid him no attention. "M-m-maybe just a–"
"Oh, honey," came a nasally voice next to him. The pony it belonged to sat down on the bar stool to his left. He was a trim unicorn stallion with a rich, blue coat and a wavy, silver mane. He wore an almost sarcastic smile, a red ascot, and stylish sunglasses, and he waved a hoof dramatically. "You'll never get service like that!"
Sunburst raised an eyebrow. "Who are you?"
"Fashion Plate, darling. Let me show you how it's done." He turned around and sat on the bar, wiggling his butt. "Gimme a sex on the beach, hot stuff. And make it dirty."
In under three seconds, a drink slid down the bar. It was colorful, and the top had been sprinkled with a blend of spices and flavors (with added hemp seed!). Fashion Plate sat back on the bar stool and took a sip. His face lit up with joy. "Mm-mm! Deliciously trashy, just like me!" He turned to Sunburst. "Give it a try, you sexy shag carpet, you."
"Uh… okay?" Sunburst stood on his stool. He placed his forehooves behind his head and thrust his hips awkwardly towards the bartender, whose face was a mix of pity and despair. "Like this?"
"Fabulous!" Fashion Plate clopped his hooves together. "Now really give it to him!"
Sunburst made a duck face and waggled his hips like a drunk yoga instructor. "Gimme an orange juice, Meat Slap." He tried to seductively lick his own shoulder but missed by several inches. His voice became sultry-ish. "And gimme all the pulp."
The bartender rolled his eyes and turned to get the drink.
"Simply genius!" Fashion Plate announced as Sunburst sat down and covered his face with a hoof. "A little more practice and you'll be driving the train to pound town."
Sunburst scratched the side of his face. "Heh. That sounds… lovely?"
Another pony sat to his right. "Aw, ya' ain't gotta worry about that none. Sometimes the right stallion just falls onto your lap." This pony was gorgeous, and his buttery-yellow coat shone in all the colored lights, accented by his cowpony vest and hat. "Name's Braeburn. Lemme buy you your next round?"
Sunburst began to answer, but Fashion Plate wrapped his forelegs around him and glared at Braeburn. "Hooves off, BeeBee. This one's mine."
Sunburst tensed. "Wait, what?"
Fashion Plate made little circles on Sunburst's chest with his hoof. "So, hot stuff, your place or mine?"
Braeburn just laughed casually. "Heh heh. Well, I suppose that choice is really his, ain't it?" Braeburn leaned in a little closer and set a hoof on Sunburst's flank. "Course, nothin' says we can't all have a little fun together."
Sunburst froze. "I-I-I–"
Fashion Plate leaned in closer and nibbled Sunburst's ear. "Want me to be your little Cosmare?"
Braeburn whispered in his other ear, "Or you wanna get bucked like an apple tree?"
"See the centerfold?"
"Or get some southern comfort?"
"Grab my camera and literally make a gay porno in my hotel room?"
"Or lie down, ass-up, and let me shove my d–"
Sunburst finally snapped and pushed them both away. "I'm not gay!"
There was a record scratch. The music stopped, and the lights came up. Braeburn cocked an eyebrow. "You're not?"
Fashion Plate adjusted his glasses. "Then why the hell did all of us agree to come to the bar before noon?"
"I don't know!" Sunburst shouted, putting his hooves to his temples. "I don't know why you…" He raised his head. "What do you mean 'all of us'?"
Braeburn pointed behind him, and Sunburst turned to see that every stallion – dozens and dozens of them, ranging from studly earth ponies to twinky unicorns and everything in between – was standing there, flexing and posing and giving him the bedroom eyes. A sea of horny stallions smiled at him, ready to pounce.
"Uh…" Sunburst slowly turned his head back towards the bar only to find that the bartender was gone.
In his place stood Stellar Flare, bright-eyed and drying a stein with a towel. "I looked up the adoption process, and it's surprisingly easy!"
"AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Sunburst bolted for the door, but he was quickly stopped by a wall of meat.
Stellar Flare said sweetly, "Can't run away from a family forever, son!"
The stallions descended on him like hormone-driven zombies, and Sunburst cowered, trying to come to terms with his sticky, sweaty fate.
But a loud whistle pierced the air, and everypony at the bar turned towards Braeburn, who'd moved to the back of the room. He'd let his vest slide off one of his shoulders, and he turned his butt towards the horny masses. He said coyly, over his shoulder, "Ya' know, colts, Soarin's out on tour, and it gets awful lonesome at night." His tail thrashed once. "Sure would love it if one of you could keep me company."
Stellar Flare shouted, "Wait, no! He's just trying to distract you!"
But it was too late. The crowd of stallions crested in a wave of bodies and flowed towards Braeburn.
Before he knew what was happening, Sunburst heard Fashion Plate above him. "Lucky bitch," he mumbled before speaking directly to Sunburst. "That'll buy you some time, but even Braeburn can only keep them busy for so long."
"Wha?" Sunburst mumbled. He looked up with big eyes and pouting lips, and he fiddled with his hooves.
"Sweet Celestia you're cute! Ugh, heterosexuality is such a curse." Fashion Plate's horn flared to life. He levitated Sunburst to the front of the bar and tossed him to the street. "You're free! Now go forth and…" He waved a hoof around in front of his face with a sneer. "…I dunno, build a shed or whatever it is you ponies do. I'm gonna go get leftovers!"
The door slammed shut, and Sunburst tried to catch his breath.
…only to hear a siren go off throughout the whole town.
He growled and threw his hooves in the air. "Oh, what now?"
Ponies appeared in every doorway in town. They came from shops, homes, and even from barrels and chimneys. Moments later, Stellar Flare's voice boomed from every loudspeaker in town. "He's trying to escape! Initiate Plan Omega!"
Sunburst's eyes dilated. "WHAT?"
Every pony in town turned towards Sunburst, and slowly, they all grinned and rushed towards him. "There he is! Get him!"
"No!" Sunburst dodged through the grabby, lusty masses and galloped down the road, where he ran into another crowd of mares. "Gah!"
The first mare approached him with a basket of flowers. She turned and flicked her tail at him. "See anything you like?"
"I'm allergic!" he shouted, knocking her flowers away and leaving her in the dust.
He turned down a side street, only to find himself back at the book shop. Moon Dancer stood in his way. "Oh, hey! I found the perfect book for us." She floated a copy of the Pony Sutra in front of his face.
"I'm not that flexible!" he wheezed before dashing away.
But it was no use. Everywhere he went, ponies tried to jump his bones.
"Need some relief from the heat?"
"That cape would look even better on my floor."
"Why don't you cast a pleasure spell with that horn of yours?"
Sunburst bobbed and weaved, running more than he ever had in his life. He jumped over desperate mares, slid under burly stallions, and darted around every pony that tried to court him.
He even bumped into a pony named Tree Hugger, whose dreadlocks looked like they could house an entire rat colony. Panting, he said, "Let me guess: you want me to be your sticky bud?"
She waved a hoof. "Chill, dude. I'm just here for all the free hemp seed." She purchased a bottle and walked away.
Sunburst stood taller. "Oh! Well. That was refreshi–"
The seed vendor leaned in and winked. "I've got the field if you've got the seed."
"Dammit!" Sunburst shouted, stomping a hoof. He whipped his body around to escape, but he was stopped immediately by Stellar Flare. Just behind her stood hundreds of ponies.
Stellar Flare stood firm. "It's only a mater of time, son. I've spoken with every pony in Sire's Hollow, and they all want to make you the happiest stallion in the world. And don't think it's just here, either! There are thousands of eligible ponies all around Equestria, and they want to meet you and give me lots of grandfoals!"
Sunburst struggled to hold in another scream. His eyes were dark and tired and wet. "Mom, you can't just–"
"It's Mother's Day! And if I want to be a grandmother, today's the day to act!"
Sunburst's voice shook. "Mom, I'm trying to tell you that–"
Stellar Flare motioned behind her. "You've earned this, Sunburst! And I have, too. Especially since I've learned how important it is to listen to you and–"
"Enough!" Sunburst threw his head back. A dazzling flash of hot light washed over the whole town, and everypony went silent. When the light dissipated, Sunburst fell to the ground, trying and failing to stifle his sobs.
The crowd of ponies looked on, stunned. Finally, Stellar Flare took a step forward. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"
Sunburst took a deep, quivering breath, and slowly stood to his hooves. "This isn't right, Mom. I wasted so many years avoiding you, and I was so excited to spend the day together, but did you really just want to see me to pressure me into having foals?" He looked at her with furrowed brows and a shaky frown. "Is that really all you care about?"
Stellar Flare tried to walk forward, but her hooves felt too heavy. "No, Sunburst. Not at all. I just… I just want you to be happy, son."
"Do I look happy?" Sunburst pointed to his face, straining to keep from completely breaking down.
Stellar Flare's gaze fell to the ground. She didn't say anything.
After another deep breath, Sunburst brushed himself off and spoke firmly but gently. "Mom, I'm not ready to give myself over to another pony like that." He cantered up to her. "I'm barely comfortable with myself. I have all sorts of job duties in the Crystal Empire, not to mention the potential to be sent on friendship missions, and to top it all off, I don't even know what kinds of ponies I like."
Stellar Flare paused. "You… don't even know what you're looking for?"
Sunburst shrugged. "I thought I did, but it's hard." He stroked his beard once. "I mean, have you seen all the art of me online?"
"Horrifyingly, yes. Where do you think I got the idea for the gay bar?"
"I'm not oblivious, Mom." He grabbed Stellar's hoof. "I know you want grandfoals. I want to find a mate for myself, too, and I promise I'm open to the idea. But this?" He gestured at the hundreds of ponies watching them with bated breath. "This isn't me. This isn't how I want it to happen, because if I just forced a relationship to make you happy, it'll never work."
Stellar Flare's eyes sagged, but she smiled. "I'm sorry, son. I think I got a bit overzealous."
Sunburst's expression flat-lined. "You think?"
Stellar Flare loudly ignored him. "Maybe it's just the springtime getting to me and making me think of foals, but that's not an excuse." She wiped a tear from her face. "I'm glad you were honest with me, son, and I'll try to lay off, at least for a while." She leaned in and kissed Sunburst's cheek. "I love you, Sunburst."
Sunburst smiled. "I love you, too, Mom."
The crowd cheered as the two of them hugged. They held for a long moment, and Sunburst pulled away just before Stellar's scissors could trim his beard. "Too slow," he said with a wink.
"I'll get you one of these days," she said pleasantly. "But until then, I'm just happy you're happy. Now, there's still a lot of Mother's Day left. What do you say we get brunch and catch the drag show back at the Iron Rod?"
Sunburst beamed. "Can I sit next to Braeburn?"
"That's my boy!"
And from across town, they all heard a fashion pony scream, "MOTHER F–"
