My body…
It… It feels… Heavy… Cold…
It is so heavy… And dull...
So… Numb…
I can’t open my eyes, no matter how hard I try… Again.
All I see is… Darkness…
Everything is dull and dizzy… Again.
Am I asleep? No... That would be the easier answer. Too easy, even for me.
Maybe I passed out… Again.
Was I drunk? No, I don’t think so. But then how comes I can’t remember anything from the past hours? …
Maybe I died? Like if I was that lucky. No, it has to be something else.
I feel like if someone is watching me. Like if something, or someone is touching me, grabbing me. It is a dim sensation, but it still there. A warm and soothing one.
Like a hug.
And a whisper...
“…”
I… I cannot talk, there’s no air in my lungs.
“…”
I have no mouth… And I must scream….
For some reason. It seems like I just exist, or ceased to. I’m just me. I can’t explain it; it’s like being just a disembodied voice on a dark space.
Maybe God decided to take back what belongs to him. Maybe I’m just dreaming.
That must be.
It’s just a dream. I passed out and now I’m dreaming.
Still, it’s a nice dream…
A rather… Pleasant one. I must say…
The kind I usually don’t have…
Now I remember.
I was going to work. I was walking on the street. Middle day.
I was late… Again.
Then, a light…
A bright, burning, and… Beautiful light.
It blinded me.
I felt my head hitting the concrete.
Then, nothing.
Next thing I get is this dark... void. Full of nothingness but myself and my mind. There is no light, no sound, no dreams, or nightmares, I’m not tired, I can’t sleep, I can’t scream, I don’t feel hunger or thirst…
It’s disturbing. Not being able to tell if I’m dead or not. The very thought makes my body shivers and causes my mind to drift into oblivion… To my heart to feel… Hollow.
Oh, yeah. I can’t feel my body. Let’s go with the oblivion thing.
That would be an interesting thing to say on a party: ‘hey guys, did I told you about that time that I went on a date with the void? It was nice. It said hi to you Dan.”
Yeah, maybe is not that interesting.
I guess I’m in coma maybe. That would explain why some people get crazy after waking up. I can imagine being alone with myself for a whole day, not mention a year or decade.
Hopefully I will stop being conscious in a few hours… But something tells me that that is not going to be the case…
This would be an interesting experience for Roland, he was always interesting in the paranormal things.
One time he said that he saw a girl coming out from a portal on some kind of statue. Of course no one believed him, he dropped the matter a few weeks after.
Oddly he was very specific with how that girl looked like. He said that she had at least twelve years or something, she had a brilliant orange and yellow hair and he said that she did look lost.
I mean, of course she was lost, she was a twelve years old girl. Maybe she was looking for her mother or something.
Anyway, we didn’t know anything more about that girl, and Roland drop the matter after that.
I wonder what they are doing right now…
How much time had passed? How much time had I been alone here with nothing more than myself in this… Void?
How much time had to pass until I can open my eyes? Until that warm feeling vanish and for my mind to fly away with it.
How much time will this… Warm thing… keep me alive? Don’t get me wrong whatever you are, if it weren't for you, I would had given up a long time ago. But, you know? It would be nice to move again, or at least see things again… Like the sunlight…
Like that light…
“…”
Still nothing.
Guess it’s still only the three of us: Void, Warmy. Let’s talk a little longer, shall we?
Like if they would answer…
Ha-ha…
...
Or maybe you do talk, but I’m who doesn't hear… Who knows?
Maybe…
Maybe you do?...
‘Captain’s Log: Space time twenty-eight eleven, sector seven X.
The void still black, and the sensation still warm.
End of Captain’s Log.’
I always wanted to say that.
You know, I was thinking on that party last weekend. The company decided to give a party for us workers since the utilities got to the top. They give us a banquet worthy for royalty, and, completely ignoring the pain, and my common sense, I devoured everything I saw in front of me.
It was delicious.
But not entirely worth it.
My stomach growled like a wild beast for hours, and bite me like one. The stomachache was one of the painfulness I ever had. No analgesic could take it away, no amount of pills, teas, or any kind of remedy did a thing to save me.
Only time took that away.
That food was delicious though…
Cadet, do you know what I really miss?
Chocolate? Sir?
No, well, yes, but I was talking about something else.
Your wife?
Besides…
The feeling of the ground on your feets, the sensation of eat a warm meal made by your wife after a long day of work, the moment when the wind touched your face and moved your hair in such a gentle way that seemed like the world were whispering to you, the immeasurable pleasure that brought the sight of your wife when she hugged you every night… Just the sensation of a body? Sir?
You… Cadet… You’re God… Damn… Right...
Well, I started to think that time doesn’t pass here.
I don’t know why either, but my memory seems to be failing me. I can recall certain events, certain names, and places; My wife Eleanor, my friend Michael, I think I had a dog, or a cat, maybe a bunny, but I can’t recall his name. He was cute. Whatever it was, it used to lick my fingers endlessly. I thought he was going to eat me one day, I guess that wouldn’t happen anytime soon.
I remember myself clearly at least. Tall man, skinny, black hair, brown eyes. No bachelor or anything like that, no. Yet I had a good position in a good software enterprise, R&R Systems I think it was called, I’m not sure anymore. I just remember to hate the database manager…
My memories are a blurry mess, as if something is twisting and playing with them, or maybe is me losing the few grams of sanity that I had.
Whatever it is, I hope it ends soon…
...
I miss you...
Eleanor...
My mind had been wondering about that burning light. The memory of that moment keep playing over and over inside my head.
I had enough time to play that memory, more times that I would want. And the only thing I can’t understand is that light. In my memory, it appeared from nowhere, like if the sky teared apart and from whiting the rapture came the light. Like a burning sun on earth.
That burning feeling.
Pain, excruciating pain, but then…
All I can think of is like a warm embrace, a hug, like if something, or someone embraced my mere soul. Maybe God? If it was the One, why I’m still here?
Please…
Whatever is out there…
I want to get out…
I don’t want to be here anymore…
I can’t stop thinking, I can’t stop this endless cycle where my last moments play again and again…
It’s painful…
Please…
The warm… Is gone…
The only anchor I had to sanity is gone. It had been there with me for months, years, god knows how much time had I been trapped in this empty void. But all this time, that was the only thing that hold me into reality.
And now is gone…
No wait, still there.
Weird. For a moment, I couldn’t feel it anymore. It was only the cold, dark void, and me.
I mean… God... That was horrible. Even worse than... Well, something very terrible, I don't know, but it was certainly terrifying.
Still... Is the strongest feeling I had after so much time...
The only thing keeping me relatively sane was gone for a moment and took my sanity with it.
I could swear I heard voices coming from nowhere.
Sharp voices calling names I don’t recognize, and using words that means nothing; Mirror, Crystal, Sun, Marks, Magic, Elements, Harmony, Stars, Vessel, Body, Swirl…
Soul.
Then the warming sensation came back and everything was deafening once again. Not a sound was heard anymore.
Everything was fine again.
Everything felt good again.
The warm embrace returned, but I think it took some memories with it… I…
I can’t remember my last name…
Some memories are still fading.
I can’t remember the name of my parents. Eleanor and Michael still just fine.
My name… It was something with “J” … James? Joseph? Wait, John… John… My wife used to call me like that.
Maybe it was my name.
John.
At least I’m still remember who I am.
For now…
I still can feel my memories fading each passing day. The harder I try to put my mind in something, the fastest it disappears.
Everything but my wife…
She was beautiful… She meant everything for me. We… We meet at a convenience store, didn’t we? Or maybe was on a dance, or in the school… I-I can’t remember for anymore.
Her face still clear as the sun that covered her face every morning. Her long golden hair danced across the bed every day, her smile was beautiful and radiant no matter what, she always had that incredible smile…
I love her so much…
I miss her so much…
Eleanor, please…
Forgive me.
Something is wrong… Something is happening…
The warm stopped, and the void is heavier. I can feel it trying to get me down, to suppress me, trying to trap me inside of it.
It’s pulling me, harder each second. I feel like tearing apart my whole body.
It hurts. It hurts too much.
It isn’t stopping.
Please!
Someone, anyone… Please… I don’t want to die…
It’s pulling harder and harder.
I-I can’t cry. Eleanor, please, forgive me…
Please!
Agh!
Stop!
Please…
Anyone…
Help…
I’m sorry!
Whatever I did…
I’m sorry…
It… It stopped…
I-I can’t feel anything anymore…
There is a light… The same light than before, waiting at the end of this blackness, but the void doesn’t want me to leave, it is taking me back, restraining me, whispering to me. Dragging me back to its cold embrace.
It wants me to stay. Why would I want that? There is nothing here. Nothing but myself.
No pain, no joy, no voices, no one, nothing. Nothing but cold pain…
The light… It’s fading, getting further and further into the dark, it’s getting away from me…
I want to go…
I want to leave…
Please. Take me with you!
Please!
Please…
Don’t let me die here…
Alone…
No…
No!
I won’t!
I will not die here, no after all this time.
I can reach it!
I can feel the light.
I’m almost there…
Just…
Just a few inches more…
Come…
Oooon!
My body…
I-It’s back! I can feel it. I can breathe. I can move. Even if I can’t open my eyes, I can feel my body again, but my eyelids are heavy, too heavy for me to move them…
Every breath I take, it smells like lavender, a sweet but strong smell, a pleasant one. A soothing one.
But there is something else, something that is embracing me, it feels like a furry mantle. A very warm furry mantle…
Then a voice. A song.
A lullaby.
My ears… They perked up and moved with the soft and sweet voice. They are moving by they own. I can’t control them at all, it gave me chills.
It scared me at first, to feel my ears moving in that alien way, but the song. That beautiful song. I could not understand what it was saying, but it soothed my body and ease my mind in a way that only a mother could do. My heart was calm.
And so was my mind.
My eyes moved from behind my eyelids, wanting to see what was happening, to see who was here, to see the source of that kind and beautiful voice.
I wanted to see why my body felt too heavy, why I couldn’t move, why I can’t understand anything, why I could not speak, and what was this strange feeling on my sides and mouth.
I wanted to know it all. But the lullaby was so… Dazzling.
Soo… Calming… And charming…
I…
I think I will sleep a bit more…
Wake-…
Wake me up when I’m no longer on earth…
