The Rear End or the Headlights?

by GravityDefyingCoffeeMug

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Profanity, Random, Discord, Principal Celestia, Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 1133

In the staff-only smoking room of Canterlot High School, Celestia asks her co-worker, Discord, a question he would never expect to come out of the principal's mouth.

In the staff-only smoking room of Canterlot High School, Celestia asks her co-worker, Discord, a question he would never expect to come out of the principal's mouth.

Rated T for mature language.

Published 2018-05-23 10:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-23 10:10:06 UTC

The Rear End or the Headlights

“So?”

He looked over at the Principal of Canterlot High School, eyebrows raised, cigarette dangling lumpy from his lips and ember glowing brightly when he breathe in. “So?” He repeated her question.

She shifted slightly in her recliner, long legs tucked underneath her, elbow perched gracefully on the armrest. She took a drag of her cigarette and exhaled, and he watched the smoke lift into the space between them, lingering before vanishing into the vents above.

“So, what are you?” She asked him.

He cocked his head at her, smoke lifting into his field of vision, clouding her appearance in grey swirls that hang in the air. It was as if he was looking at her through a filter; pale pink skin had a greyish tint and her prismatic hair was somewhat a bit grayscale. He couldn’t decide whether he liked having her visually toned down or if he prefer her typically loud appearance; either way, regarding her unabashedly is next to impossible.

“What do you mean, what am I?” He questioned with the faintest trace of a bemused smirk on his thin lips.

She watched him exhale smoke through his nose, allowing herself a smile and silent giggle. She continued to stare at him in silence for a few heartbeats, their interaction as lackadaisical than their usual banter, before her lips part and her gaze switches down to her knees for just as long as it takes her to speak.

“I mean, tits or ass? Do you root for the rear end or the headlights?”

Her eyes rose back onto him again, lifting just in time to catch the broad grin creeping across his face as it formed. He leaned back on his couch, long legs stretched out haphazardly in front of him, arms folded behind his head. She noted that no matter what position he’s in, or what sophisticated clothing he wore, he always looked like the definition of chaos; all awkwardly thin limbs and fluid movements, as if there's no bone beneath the thin muscle and skin.

“Seriously?” He asked, his voice laced with bemusement.

Celestia nodded affirmatively, the corner of her bright lips twitched upwards. “Yeah.”

Discord laughed a little, his eyes traveling upwards until he’s looking at the labyrinth of pipes and wires that covered the ceiling of the school’s staff-only smoking room, watching the path of the smoke from his cigarette as it wafted up. He thought for a few moments as she watched him unabashedly, taking intermittent drags of her cigarette, feeling the heat from the glowing ember at the tips of her manicured fingers. She wondered if anyone’s ever asked him this before and grinned, knowing the answer was a definite no, feeling a misplaced sense of accomplishment.

A full minute went by, the sounds of burning tobacco and the singing noise that accompanied the ashes from the ember fall travelled all around them, and if she listened hard enough, she could hear the quiet sounds of his breathing. She was surprisingly patient, he noticed amidst his consideration; usually, she can’t wait five seconds for someone to give her an answer. Like a goddamned child, always antsy-pants about everything, and it’s endearing and annoying to him simultaneously. Usually more annoying than endearing, but there are, of course, exceptions to the rule.

Finally, he tilted his head back down, his red eyes gazed deeply into her purple ones as she was waited for his answer. Her smile grew slightly and, though he was trying to keep a moderately serious face, he could not help a bemused expression.

“Ass,” He finally answered, confident and unashamed. “Tits are great, but I have always been an ass man.”

Celestia’s eyebrows rose slightly and she pushed a lock of her blue hair behind her ear, revealing hidden earrings. Her fingertips brushed past the dangly earrings and a few clinks of metal against metal, though barely audible at first, seemed to echo through room in the seconds that follow. “Really,” She said as a statement rather than a question.

Discord sent her a lazy grin, scratching the back of his head and nodding his head once. “Yep,” He affirmed, “One-hundred percent.”

She looked somewhat surprised and she shrugged her shoulders, her body moved forwards as her lean legs swung out from beneath her, feet pressing onto the floor. “Huh.”

She stood up from her chair, raising her arms above her head and giving an almost catlike stretch, her eyes shut tightly. He took in her figure, absently noting the way her ribs protrude from beneath her shirt when she reached upwards.

“What?” He asked, a hint of laughter could be heard in his voice.

The principal shook her head, letting her arms fall back limply to her sides. “Nothing,” She answered, her lips pouted as she shrugged. “I’ve always sort of figured you for a tit man, I guess.”

“Well,” He responded, intending to continue with some smart-ass comment, but at that moment, she turned around with her back to him and, with all the nonchalance in the world, bent down.

His mouth remained slightly open, the grin on his face faded in a flash as she reached for her yellow blazer on the floor. Her perfectly round ass raised up in the air, the purple trousers hugging her form tightly, giving him a detailed view of her mesmerising curves. Discord swallowed some spit to clear his dried throat, but all he could taste was smoke and ash, and his tongue felt like it was too large for his mouth. She swayed her hips left and right hypnotically, her back arched as she straightened her self up. All that action was done in slow motion only a seductress extraordinaire could do. Even though she couldn’t see the smirk on his face, he was absolutely certain that she knew exactly what she was doing to him.

When she stood upright once again, she slipped her blazer on and dusted herself off, allowing her to appear professional before returning to work. Her fingers slid effortlessly through the rainbow coloured, long and wavy hair, sending it off to her back. “What?” She purred, “Sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

He almost growled at the way she teased him. “Well, I’m full of surprises,” He grumbled quietly, it sounded a lot more lame out loud than it was in his head, plus his voice was scratchy from swallowing ash. It was crystal clear how she had affected him.

She laughed softly to herself, glancing back at him for a moment before sauntering away. “I bet you are,” She called over her shoulder, and a minute later he heard the door open and close, signaling her exit.

...

"What a woman."

End.

Author's Note

I don't condone smoking.