Each Small Step

by Krickis

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Drama, Romance, Equestria Girls, Aria Blaze, Sex, Suicide / Self Harm, Sunset Shimmer, Profanity
Length: 13352

If nothing good ever lasts, then is there even a point in trying?

It’s been a long time since the Battle of the Bands, and a lot has changed for Aria. One of the bigger changes has been Sunset Shimmer. The two of them were never supposed to happen, but they somehow still did.

Not that it matters. Nothing good ever lasts, not for Aria Blaze.

Note about content warning: Despite the suicide/ self-harm tag, no one dies or self-harms; the tag is for thoughts of those topics.

Written for Sunset Shipping Contest: Journeys :ajsmug:

A huge thanks to ArchAngelsWings, Wendy Gowak, Deathscar, and Char for prereading, especially on such short notice :pinkiehappy:
An additional thanks to Char for the fantastic cover art, also on far too short of notice :scootangel:

Published 2018-08-29 14:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-29 14:00:01 UTC

1 – Little Things

Each Small Step

⠀

Chapter One
LittleThings

⠀

⠀
It wasn’t that Sunset didn’t want to go to Aria’s apartment, exactly. She was always happy when they got to spend time together, and she was especially looking forward to it today. It had been a long week, but it was Friday night and Sunset was going to unwind by spending some one on one time with her girlfriend.

It was time to put the worries from the week behind her and spend a relaxing evening having fun with Aria. Hopefully.

Sunset sighed and reminded herself that worrying about what might happen wouldn’t help her. And neither would sitting in her car while staring up at Aria’s apartment complex. Whatever would happen would happen, but only once Sunset actually entered the building.

She finally got out of the car and closed the door, making sure to check it was locked before walking away. It wasn’t the nicest part of town, after all. Satisfied that her car was sufficiently safe, Sunset placed a smile on her face as she walked up to the building.

Aria lived in a studio apartment on the second floor, so Sunset climbed the outside stairwell. She pointedly avoided the handrail, which was covered in rust in the many places that the paint had chipped off.

The guy in the apartment next to Aria’s was sitting outside smoking a cigarette, so Sunset waved to him. He stared at her, but didn’t respond until she knocked on Aria’s door. When he did, his voice was gruff and irritated. “Tell her to keep her damn music down at night.”

“Er, sorry about that,” Sunset said. She doubted she’d actually bring it up, though. He probably did have a good reason to complain, but that just wasn’t high on the list of things she needed to talk with Aria about. Sunset was choosing her battles, and unfortunately for him, that wasn’t one of them.

Even though he didn’t seem interested in saying anything else to her, she was still glad to be saved from having to stand around in awkward and smokey silence by the door opening.

“What are you even knocking for? You have a key.” Aria smirked as she stood aside to let Sunset in.

“I dunno, feels rude to just barge in.” She held out her arms as Aria closed the door, and ignored how Aria rolled her eyes as they hugged. “How was your day?”

They pulled apart and Aria shrugged. “Eh, it was okay. Kinda boring.”

“Least that’s not too bad though, right?”

“I guess.”

It was easy enough to see that Aria had been having a lazy day. She was still in pajamas – men’s pajama pants with an oversized T-shirt – and hadn’t bothered to style her hair.

Sunset followed Aria into the living room. It had been months since they started dating, and at some point along the way, Aria stopped making excuses for the state of her apartment. It was a mess, but Sunset had known it would be. It was always a mess, no matter how many times Aria swore she was going to do something about it.

That was a battle Sunset wasn’t ready to give up on just yet, though. “Get any cleaning done around the apartment?”

There was a notable pause while Aria sat down on the futon, currently folded into a couch. She didn’t meet Sunset’s eyes as she answered. “I started to, but I got caught up in some things.”

Sunset took a seat beside her. The TV was already turned to some cartoon show, but Sunset wasn’t sure if Aria was really watching it or not. “Well, want some help with it since I’m here?”

“No, I got it. I have some free time coming up, I’ll get this place looking better then.”

Sunset wasn’t sure how much she bought that, but she did want to be supportive. “Okay, but let me know if you change your mind. I’d be happy to help you out.”

“Yeah yeah, you got it, Mom.”

Now Sunset was the one rolling her eyes. “Hey, someone’s gotta keep you on your toes. Might as well be me.”

“I guess I can let you have the pleasure.” Aria turned to lie across the futon, resting her head against Sunset’s shoulder. “How’d work go?”

“It was alright.” Sunset ran her fingers through Aria’s long hair as they watched TV. “You should stop by sometime, I could get you a sushi platter on the house.”

“You know I can’t say no to that.”

“I know.”

It seemed that Aria was in a good mood. Maybe there really hadn’t been anything to worry about after all. Sunset felt a little guilty for being so worried in the first place.

As she suspected, Aria didn’t really seem to care about the show they were watching. They talked through the whole thing, and it seemed to be on for background noise more than anything. Still, Sunset waited until it was over before proposing they do something else. “Feel like heading out and doing something?”

“What’d you have in mind?”

“I don’t know, nothing specific.”

Aria thought for a minute then sat up. “I guess we could. I’d have to get dressed though.”

“Oh no, the horror.”

Aria struck a pose with one hand behind her head and the other on her hip. “Hey, it took me all day to get this fabulous just-rolled-out-of-bed look.”

Sunset smirked. “Yeah, sleeping all day.”

Aria folded her arms. “That’s not the point. The point is that it’d be a shame to change it now.”

“Hey, it was just an idea. I don’t mind keeping you all to myself tonight.”

“Yeah, I’ve got you under my –”

“Don’t even think about finishing that line.”

Aria flashed a confident grin despite the interruption.“Fine, but do you deny it?”

“Shut up.”

Sunset grabbed Aria’s arm and pulled her closer. She leaned back, lying across the futon as Aria had done earlier. Meanwhile, Aria kneeled over her, one leg on either side of Sunset, keeping her pinned down while they kissed.

As Sunset’s hands began to move towards Aria’s body, she sat up without getting off Sunset. “Hmm.” Aria ran her hands over her body seductively. “So then, what do you want to do while you’ve got me all to yourself?”

Sunset’s movements were limited with Aria’s body still holding her down, but she didn’t mind. She was more than content to simply enjoy the view. “I could think of a few things.”

Aria bent back down but kept her face hovering out of range of Sunset’s kisses. “Naturally. I am irresistible.”

“Oh, yes,” Sunset said in an exaggerated sensual tone. “You know I just love the way the cheese dust accentuates your pajamas.”

Aria pulled back and frowned at her pajama shirt, then laughed. “Hey, way to kill the mood, Shimmer.”

Sunset laughed as well, then sat up as Aria moved off of her. “Yeah yeah, I’m horrible. Seriously though, how long have you been wearing that thing?”

“I don’t know.” Aria shrugged and took it off, then threw it at Sunset’s face. “Better?”

Sunset ignored her topless girlfriend in favor of examining the shirt close up. It was even dirtier than she thought. “Babe, when was the last time you showered?”

That may have been a little too far, since Aria’s tone became one of legitimate offense. “Are you saying I smell?”

“No no,” Sunset answered quickly. “But these clothes definitely need a wash. You had a few days off from work or something?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

Sunset smiled and shook her head. “And you’ve been lounging in the same clothes since then.”

Aria turned away. “What’s it matter?”

“It doesn’t, I didn’t mean anything by it.” Sunset tossed the shirt aside and leaned in to kiss Aria’s neck. “How about you take a shower while I get some dinner going. Knowing you, you haven’t eaten anything besides those cheese puffs on your shirt.”

Aria still seemed annoyed, and Sunset wasn’t sure if that was because she took the shower thing personally or because Sunset had ruined the mood. But she brushed it off and agreed, even if it was with some reluctance. “Yeah, okay.”

She stood up and started walking towards the bathroom, the only separated room in the apartment, but stopped after only a few steps. She turned back to Sunset with one last hopeful look. “Sure you don’t want to join me?”

“What, and hear you complain about how hungry you are after? We could both use some dinner, and let’s be honest, I’m the only one of us that’s going to cook it.” Sunset stood up and walked over to Aria, pulling her in for a kiss. “Besides, I don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow. There’s no hurry, and a little anticipation will only make things more fun later.”

“Dammit, Shimmer…” Aria placed her hands behind Sunset’s head and kissed her again. “I’m supposed to be the seductive one.”

Sunset laughed. “I learned from the best, babe.”

Once they pulled apart, Aria finally left for her shower. Since the bathroom was small and she kept all her curtains closed anyway, Aria didn’t bother bringing a change of clothes. Instead, she pulled out the clothes she’d change into – another pair of pajamas – then stripped out in the living room, taking only a towel with her.

That suited Sunset’s purposes just fine. She waited until the bathroom door was closed, then gathered up the clothes Aria had been wearing along with others that were scattered about the floor. She brought them to a little closet area near the bathroom, where there was a small washer and dryer.

Sunset filled the washer with dirty clothes and started it, then went back for the clean clothes Aria had pulled out. She threw those in the dryer so that they’d be nice and warm when Aria put them on.

Next she took a look around and wondered what to do. ‘Dinner first.’ She had told Aria that she’d make dinner, and really, she knew Aria probably hadn’t had anything but junk food to eat.

Not that there were a lot of options. Sunset looked through Aria’s fridge and cabinets, and found mostly instant meals and canned goods. What few fresh ingredients she had could no longer be described as ‘fresh’, so making a home cooked meal was out of the question.

Sunset pulled out a big can of beef stew, reasoning that Aria could benefit from a hearty meal. She set the can on the counter and walked into the bathroom. Remembering Aria’s comment about knocking, she decided not to bother this time.

“How’s beef stew sound?” Sunset asked.

“That’s fine,” Aria called back. “Are you doing laundry?”

“Yeah, I figured I’d get a load done while you’re showering.”

“I was gonna do it.” Aria sounded annoyed.

“Hey, it’s no big deal, I don’t mind,” Sunset said, but Aria didn’t respond. “Anyway, food should be done by the time you’re out.”

Again, Aria didn’t answer. Sunset didn’t let it get to her, though. Her grumpy girlfriend was who she was, and Sunset had known she had an attitude right from the first time they met.

Well, met again might be the better way to put it. They had of course met a few years earlier while Sunset was in high school, during the Battle of the Bands. Neither of them could’ve imagined they’d one day be dating back then, though.

It was strange to think about. It was also strange how easily things between them had fallen into place. They’d just sort of happened. They met by chance at a concert sometime after graduation, and Sunset had struck up a conversation to make sure that Aria wasn’t doing anything underhanded.

To her surprise, Aria was just there for the show. The other Dazzlings weren’t even around. And to their mutual surprise, the two got along oddly well. Aria and her sisters had apparently come to terms with everything that had happened on their own, and out of necessity, they had moved on to regular lives.

That had given them the clarity to see that the Rainbooms were only acting in defense, and while none of the Dazzlings had gone so far as to admit they had been in the wrong, all three of them had agreed to put the matter behind them.

None of which helped make dinner, of course. She shook off the reflective thoughts as she returned to the kitchen area. Like most of the apartment, it wasn’t a separate room, just a tiled area with a counter and kitchen appliances to set it aside from the rest of the apartment. She fished around a drawer until she found Aria’s can opener, wondering how a woman who never cooked still managed to make a mess of her kitchen.

Next she found a saucepan and emptied the can into it. While it would make for a simple meal, the single can of beef stew was big enough for them to split. She figured if they were still hungry later they could just make something else.

She put the stew on the stovetop and waited for it to cook. Reconsidering the meal once she saw it out of the can, Sunset checked the freezer and found some frozen peas buried in the back. She opened those and dumped them into the stew to help bulk it up a bit. The only instructions on the can were to heat to a simmer while stirring occasionally, so Sunset decided to make the most of Aria’s shower by tidying up a bit.

Although she knew Aria would tell her not to worry herself with cleaning, Sunset also knew that if she didn’t do it, no one would. And really, after seven months together, doing a few little things here and there for her girlfriend was hardly a big deal.

It was hard to believe it had already been seven months. They were already over half way to their first anniversary. They’d never planned on it. When they first met and decided to hang out again, it hadn’t been a date. When they did decide to take things a step further, it wasn’t because they loved each other. They were both single, looking for someone to change that with, and they enjoyed each other’s company.

That was it. There were no plans to go long term. No decision to spend every weekend together, or to give each other the spare keys to the other’s apartment, they hadn’t even agreed to use the title ‘girlfriends’.

It had all just sort of happened. And now, seven months later, Sunset was in Aria’s apartment cooking and helping to keep it clean.

It was enough to make her laugh out loud. At least until she realized she’d gotten sidetracked in her thoughts and had to run to stir the stew.

At least she managed to get a few bags of trash filled, if not taken out. The apartment was looking a little better already, and maybe that would persuade Aria to do a little more work on it with her after dinner.

And even if they didn’t wind up doing anything productive for the rest of the night, Sunset still felt accomplished. She had made them dinner, cleaned a bit, got a load of laundry going, and had some warm pajamas ready for Aria when she got out of the shower.

Couple with the fact that Aria was in a playful mood, the night was sure to be a well-deserved treat for both of them. And, right on schedule, the door to the bathroom opened as Sunset pulled the stew off the stove.

“Perfect timing, dinner just finished.” Sunset left the pan on the counter and instead turned her attention to the dryer. She pulled out the pajamas and handed them to Aria, who was only covered by a towel.

Aria took the clothes but didn’t seem happy about it. “I could’ve done the laundry myself.”

Sunset just shrugged. “I know, but it’s no big deal, I just wanted to do something nice for you. Now you don’t have to worry about it.”

Aria frowned as she looked around her apartment. Her expression worsened as she noticed the bags of trash. “You cleaned up too?”

“Just a little. I’ll get dinner served while you get dressed.”

“I can get my own.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Babe, you’re naked. Just relax and get some clothes on.” She grinned and winked. “I’ll need something to take off of you later.”

None of Aria’s playfulness from earlier came back through, but at least she didn’t try to protest anymore. She sighed and set her clothes down on her futon so she could get dressed, while Sunset walked back to the kitchen.

What happened? It wasn’t that Aria’s poor mood was out of place for her, but it had changed so suddenly. Although actually, that wasn’t really out of place for her either… Sunset could only hope that things would go back to normal as the night went on.

Best way to start would be getting them some food. She took out two bowls – paper, since Aria never did the dishes – and divided the stew evenly between them. She carefully carried them over to the futon and set them down on a coffee table, then picked up the towel Aria had left on it.

“What do you want to drink?” Sunset asked as she brought the towel to the bathroom. She would normally remind Aria to do it, but with her mood already being poor, Sunset was choosing her battles.

“I think all I have is soda.”

Sunset hung up the towel and walked back out to the fridge. Looking inside, she saw Aria did indeed only have a two litre bottle of orange soda. “Maybe we can go shopping this weekend.”

Like the bowls, the cups were disposable. Sunset got two plastic cups and filled them with soda, then she got them plastic spoons to eat with. The only things that would need to be washed from this meal were the saucepan and the spoon she’d used to stir.

Back on the futon. Aria was staring grumpily at the TV as she flipped through channels, but at least she muttered a quick “Thanks” when Sunset handed her one of the cups.

“So how was your shower?” Sunset asked, in part to get a conversation going and in part to see if she could figure out why Aria’s mood had swung so far down.

“It was fine.”

Uh oh, fine was never good. But Sunset really doubted the problem was anything to do with the shower, which left her unsure of where to go. She decided to just give it space and started eating as she watched Aria flip through channels.

Eventually Aria settled on an ocean life documentary, although it was hard to tell how much she was actually paying attention to it. She was clearly watching it as she ate, but she did so with a distant expression.

“But she still has quite a ways to go before she’s back home. Leatherback sea turtles are known to travel up to ten thousand miles every year, and many never make it back.”

“You know, the girls found a bunch of baby turtles on the beach once,” Sunset said, hoping Aria actually had some interest in what she was watching. “Maybe we could go this weekend?”

“I doubt there’s gonna be more baby turtles just hanging around.” Aria didn’t sound too interested.

“Maybe not, but it could still be fun.”

“Mmm.”

Well that wasn’t very helpful. But in the interest of pushing some kind of conversation forward, Sunset kept at it. “Do you have to work this weekend? We could always go some other time.”

Maybe talking wasn’t really helping, because Aria went from watching TV to glaring at it. “I don’t know. No. I don’t work this weekend.”

Sunset waited a moment, then just said, “Okay.”

Since talking didn’t seem to be getting them anywhere, Sunset gave up on it. And since Aria didn’t seem to want to pick up the slack, that meant they ate in awkward silence. Sunset was beginning to regret coming over.

Their silence was eventually broken by a click from the washing machine, signifying that the clothes were done. Sunset stood up to get them, but Aria pushed past her. “I got it.”

Sunset held out her arms, but Aria’s back was to her so she didn’t see. While Aria roughly grabbed her clothes and shoved them into the dryer, Sunset sat back down. She leaned back and folded her arms – if Aria was going to be a bitch, she would have to deal with Sunset following suit.

Sunset waited for Aria to sit down before asking, “Did you remember dryer sheets?”

Aria swore, stood up, and walked back over to the dryer. Sunset just rolled her eyes.

She wondered if Aria even knew how many dryer sheets to put in, but she didn’t bother to ask. The only result would be Aria getting grumpier, so she could deal with stiff clothes if she messed it up.

But she also wasn’t in a mood to humor Aria with more silence. “So what’s going on?”

“What do you mean?” Aria asked as she sat down.

“What’s bothering you?”

Aria looked pointedly at the TV. “Who says something’s bothering me?”

“Your tone, for one.”

“What about my tone?”

Sunset gave her a nonplussed look. “You can’t be serious. Look, if you don’t want to tell me then fine, but I’m just trying to help.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t need any help.”

Sunset sighed and stood up. “Alright, fine. Be like that. But since all I seem to be doing is making you miserable, I’m just gonna go.”

Aria stood as well and grabbed Sunset’s wrist. “Hey, woah, I never said you were making me miserable! You’re putting words in my mouth!”

“Well I’m sure as hell not making you happy! All I see is that you’re pissed off at everything I do to try and help you!”

“I just… don’t want to think about work or anything.”

“What?” Sunset pulled her hand back and wore an incredulous look. “You… I barely mentioned work, and you were being a bitch before then.”

“Look, whatever, let’s just… drop it.”

Sunset frowned. She had a question, and she was pretty sure she wasn’t going to like the answer. “What happened at work?”

Aria turned away. It was answer enough.

Sunset ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t fucking believe this.”

“Look, it wasn’t my fault!”

“Yeah, nothing ever is! Just like the last two times you lost your job, it’s never your fault! So what was it this time, huh!? Asshole manager? Lazy coworker who doesn’t pull their own weight?”

“Why are you so quick to side against me!”

“Because you can’t keep doing this! How can you not see that losing your job is just not an option?”

“Oh, right, because I planned on it! Sorry, I forgot to let you know that I’d marked it down on my fucking calender!”

“Alright, fine. So what happened? How isn’t it your fault this time?”

For once, Aria didn’t have a quick reply. Probably because she knew Sunset had her. Eventually she folded her arms and turned away. “What’s it matter, not like you’ll take my side anyway…”

Sunset just shook her head. “You think I don’t want to be on your side? Twice now, I’ve been on your side, even when you didn’t have a good reason. And both times, you only got by because…”

Aria glared at her. “Go on. Say it.”

Sunset couldn’t finish the thought. It was too low, even for an argument. “Never mind. You just –”

“I won’t ask you for shit this time, okay!? I can take care of myself, so don’t fucking worry about me!”

As Aria’s tone rose again, Sunset’s anger did the same. It wasn’t like she didn’t have better things to do than babysit her girlfriend, and she really couldn’t afford to go back to paying both of their bills. She took a step back and gestured around the apartment. “How is this taking care of yourself!? This is bullshit! Yeah, I’m fucking worried about it, because I’m worried about you!”

“I never asked you to worry about me!”

“How can I not worry about my girlfriend?”

“It’s not like I asked for that either.”

She didn’t. She wouldn’t. “What does that mean?”

Aria laughed. “Well, who was the one that wanted to hang out all the time? Who was the one who wanted to try an actual date? Don’t blame me because you decided to catch feelings, babe.”

She would, and she did. That was a line she should never have crossed. “Fine. If that’s how you feel then have fun destroying yourself.”

Aria didn’t call to Sunset as she walked away. She didn’t stop her as she opened the door. She didn’t run after her as she got in the car. Sunset just walked away, and Aria let her.

2 – Broken Things

Chapter Two
Broken Things

⠀

⠀
As if the evening before hadn’t been bad enough, the night also conspired against Aria. She gave it up as a loss early on, reasoning that the morning after would be a better time to sort things out. She kept tossing and turning, but no matter how long she lay in the dark, anything more than the occasional half hour of restless sleep here and there eluded her.

By the time morning came around, Aria told herself it was just as well. She had no idea how much sleep she’d actually managed to get, only that she’d given up and started watching videos on her phone until it died, before she’d switched to the TV.

Some guy was droning on and on about a stupid product that Aria had no interest in buying. Not that she’d be able to if she did, since she didn’t have a job anymore. Watching the infomercial was both pointless and boring, and she wondered why she didn’t just change the channel.

Better yet, she should just turn off the TV. Get an early start to the day. Maybe clean the apartment or something, prove to Sunset that she could do it if everyone would just get off her ass for five minutes. Fuck, she could at least take the clothes out of the dryer and plug her phone into a charger.

Aria didn’t do any of that. She didn’t even change the channel and just watched the stupid infomercial. ‘Just because nothing else is on this early. Hell, it might even bore me to sleep.’

The salesman droned on for another half hour, then another started selling a different product, which Aria also had no interest in.

She took a look around, taking inventory of all the things she could be doing instead of lying in bed. There were the trash bags Sunset had filled, those could be taken out. There was more trash to pick up. There was the pan Sunset had used to make dinner which could be cleaned, probably a few more things in the sink too. The plates and bowls from dinner itself still sat on her table. Miscellaneous things lay scattered about – clothes, shoes, stuff she’d bought and never got around to putting away. She might even have some cleaning chemicals to get the dirt and grime off the floors and surfaces, not that she’d ever bothered to do much of that before.

In short, there were many things Aria could be doing. Any of them would be more rewarding than lying in bed watching TV salesmen peddling their wares. All she had to do was get off her ass and do them. Just stop being such a lazy bitch who couldn’t even manage to take care of herself.

When Aria finally did get up, it was because her bladder demanded it. She shuffled to the bathroom, hoping that being out of bed would make things easier. She just wouldn’t let herself lie back down, and then she’d have no choice but to do something productive.

Her foolproof plan didn’t last long, however. While she was no longer wasting time in bed, she wound up wasting it in the bathroom instead. She had just meant to wash her hands after she was done, but she wound up watching her reflection while letting the warm water run over her hands.

She wasn’t sure how long she stood there, or why. Water did sometimes seem to melt away her stress, but if that was what she was after, she could at least take a shower. But the closest she came was eventually splashing the water on her face to try and shake off the lethargy that she’d been struggling with.

It was hard to say whether it worked or not, but at least she managed to turn off the water and leave the bathroom. Her next stop was the kitchen, where she told herself to get breakfast so she’d have some energy to do something. Instead she got herself a glass of tap water and returned to the futon.

If nothing else, at least she changed the channel. She flipped around until she found some Saturday morning cartoons. Aria liked cartoons; they were easy to jump into without needing to worry about watching the whole series, she didn’t usually have to pay close attention to what was going on to enjoy it, and the often strange and magical worlds reminded her a little of home.

Despite her decision to stay up, she collapsed onto the bed as she watched the TV. It would only be for a little bit, just until she was more awake, then she’d definitely get to work on cleaning.

Aria woke with a groan, feeling groggy and confused. How long had she been asleep? She glared at the TV for a moment, defying the noise it made, then turned to her phone.

Nothing happened as she pressed the power button. Right, the battery was dead. Aria sighed and wondered why things always had to be so difficult, then got up to plug her phone in.

She turned it on then walked away while it loaded. Since she’d left a glass of water out earlier, she took a drink from that. It was warm, but that wasn’t much of a difference between how it came out of the tap.

Aria considered the day ahead of her. She didn’t care about cleaning anymore. What was the point? No one was going to be coming over after last night. That thought brought her to something she did care about, though. What was she supposed to do about Sunset?

“Fine, if that’s how you feel then have fun destroying yourself.”

The words still stung as they replayed in her head. Why couldn’t Sunset just drop it when Aria had asked? Why did she have to push things so far?

It didn’t matter why, all that mattered was what to do next. She could text or call, but then what? Would Sunset even want to talk to her if she did reach out?

While she was debating, her text message tone went off. Apparently she wouldn’t need to plan the next move, because it seemed Sunset had already made it. Aria wanted to believe it was an offer to put everything behind them, but she didn’t. That would be something good, and good things just didn’t happen to Aria Blaze.

Even if it was only checking a text, Aria still had to steel her nerves as she went to look at it. She got up and walked over to her phone, sitting on the floor so the charger cord could reach. As she pressed the power button, it lit up to show a picture of Aria and Sunset smiling happily. She swiped her lock screen away and opened her text message app, and immediately realized how much of an idiot she’d been.

The text wasn’t from Sunset, it was from Adagio. There were two of them. The first wouldn’t have been a problem if she had seen it right away.

You still coming?

Aria didn’t even need to check how far apart the texts were sent, because the next one was much colder.

Guess not. You could at least let me know if you’re not going to show up. I tried calling you, went straight to voicemail. I’m sure you’ll have some excuse, as always.

Shit. God fucking damn it. Of all days, why the hell did Aria need to sleep in on this one? She didn’t bother replying to the text, instead just tapping the phone button to call Adagio directly.

She was afraid Adagio would let it go to voicemail, but that wasn’t the case. Adagio answered, although it was with nothing but cold detachment. “So what happened this time?”

“Dagi, I’m sorry. I was up late working on some stuff around my apartment, and I forgot to charge my phone.”

“It’s two in the afternoon.”

“I was up really late.”

Adagio sighed. She didn’t believe it, not for a moment. She’d known Aria for too long to fall for something like that, but that meant she also knew she wouldn’t get anywhere by arguing. “I’m not going to keep doing this. Next time, I’m not leaving the house until you call me and let me know you’re actually going to show up.”

“Fine. It won’t happen again.”

“Yes, it will.”

Aria winced at the certainty in Adagio’s tone.

“I already ate without you, so you can deal with being hungry. I’ll be at your apartment in fifteen minutes, so be ready.”

“Yeah, no problem! See you th–” Before Aria could finish, Adagio hung up.

That was just how Adagio was though, so she didn’t let it get to her. Besides, she didn’t have time to be upset. She scrambled to get jeans and a T-shirt on and run a brush through her hair.

Unfortunately, she had a lot of hair. She was still trying to work out the tangles by the time Adagio knocked sharply on the door.

“Just a second!” Aria called.

Adagio didn’t wait a second, opening the door and letting herself in. Aria hadn’t even realized the door was unlocked, but she ignored that.

“Hey, Dagi. I’m almost ready.”

Adagio took a look around. She didn’t seem happy with what she saw. “Up late working on the apartment, was it?”

Aria frowned. It’s not like she’d said what she was doing with the apartment. “Yeah, and? I don’t come into your house and criticize the way you live.”

“That’s because my house doesn’t look like a garbage dump. Are we ready to go? I don’t want to stay here any longer than I have to.”

“Fine. I’ll brush my hair on the way.”

Aria followed Adagio out of the apartment, making sure to grab her keys and lock the door this time. Adagio led the way down the stairs, where her car was waiting. Aria climbed into the passenger seat and resumed brushing.

“Buckle up,” Adagio said as she started the engine.

“Really?”

“You’re not going to be able to pay it if I get a ticket because you didn’t wear a seatbelt.”

In fairness, that was true. Aria put on her seatbelt, then finally got back to brushing her hair.

Adagio didn’t bother to make conversation while she drove. It would’ve been hard anyway, considering how loudly she played her music. In any event, it suited Aria just fine. She hadn’t wanted to meet up with Adagio to talk, after all.

After the Battle of the Bands, the sirens’ lives changed forever in every conceivable way. The three of them were inseparable for centuries before, and they’d been able to manipulate others into doing whatever they wanted.

At first, they attempted to remain together and figure out the whole living as non-magical humans thing. It only lasted until Adagio decided that without the need for their magic harmonies anymore, she’d rather strike out on her own. Somehow she managed to become more successful than Aria and Sonata were working together, and she found her way into an audio engineering career at a successful recording studio.

Maybe that was what inspired Sonata to leave next. In the end, Aria was the only one still living in the crappy apartment they used to share, and things never seemed to work out as well for her as they did for her sisters.

They did keep in touch, though. Adagio especially. Maybe she felt guilty for ditching them, because she regularly brought Aria out shopping or bought things for the apartment, even if she hadn’t been exaggerating when she said she preferred to spend as little time as possible in it.

Whatever her reason, Aria was in no position to question it. They usually went out for lunch before shopping, but even if it was just to get some groceries, it would be a day well spent.

They pulled into the parking lot of a discount grocery store. Only when they were out of the car and there was no more music did Adagio decide to make conversation.

“How are things with Sunset?”

Unfortunately, it wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have. “Good. She stopped by for dinner last night.”

Adagio flashed a sly grin. “Oh? I can guess the real reason why you were up so late then.”

“That wasn’t it!”

Adagio patted Aria on the head. “Oh, come on now, Aria. After all the years we’ve lived together, you can’t tell me you’re embarrassed now.”

Aria swatted Adagio’s hand away. “I’m not embarrassed about anything, that’s just not what happened.”

“If you say so.” It was clear that Adagio wouldn’t believe her, but Aria gave up on arguing about it. She didn’t have any desire to explain what really happened, after all.

Adagio got a shopping cart for them as they entered. “So what are we here for?”

Aria reached into her pocket and realized she’d left her phone on the charger. The notes app on it held the list that she and Sunset had made of things they needed to get. Asking Adagio to go back was out of the question though, so Aria would just have to remember as best she could.

It wasn’t too hard of a shopping list at least – she needed just about everything. It had been a long time since she’d actually gone shopping, so she was past due on restocking most of her food.

If anything, forgetting the list meant that there would be fewer things for Adagio to tell her to put back. Adagio was oddly generous despite not always being the most friendly person, but she did have her own budget to keep in mind. Still, she never outright complained about anything so long as Aria listened when she said not to get something.

Of course, that was only because she preferred passive aggressive comments instead. She looked over their cart and frowned. “Do you still have a job?”

Aria was tempted to lie about that too, but if she did that, then Adagio might want her to pay for some of the stuff. “No. Lost it earlier this week.”

“Hmm.” Adagio hardly seemed interested. She pulled out her phone and tapped away at it while Aria continued to shop.

It was probably best not to question it, but it was kind of unsettling to imagine Adagio not taking the chance to give Aria a hard time. “What are you doing?”

“Shush.”

Whatever. Unsettling as it was, Adagio was off her back. Aria took the chance to grab a few things she knew Adagio would consider excessive expenses while she was distracted by her phone.

They didn’t get to the point of what Adagio had been doing until they were heading towards the checkout. “I got you a new job. It’s at the studio, I’m texting the contact info to you now.”

“Really?” Although Aria wasn’t sure that working alongside Adagio would be a good idea, the idea of working with music again was appealing.

Seeing Aria’s obvious interest made Adagio smile. She always did love to crush her sister’s hopes, after all. “We need a new janitor.”

Aria stopped in her tracks. “A janitor?”

“I know, you’re pretty much the least qualified person I can imagine for the job. But what can I say? I’m a sucker for charity cases.”

“There is no way I’m cleaning up after you.”

The smile was wiped clear off of Adagio’s face. “You’re not in a position to argue, Aria.”

“There’s nothing to argue about, because I’m just not gonna do it.”

“Fine. Then I’m sure you have some sort of plan of your own?”

“I’ll figure something out.”

“Oh, right.” Adagio pushed the cart into the checkout line and started unloading it. “I keep forgetting you’ve got your life completely under control. I’m just sure that a job more fitting to your standards will come along any day now.”

It was tempting to just walk away, but Aria kept a level head and unloaded groceries. “So what if I don’t? Since when do you even care what I do?”

“Since right around when I got tired of buying all your crap. Speaking of which, you don’t need this junk food. Put it back.”

Aria took the box of cookies that Adagio had handed her and set them on top of the candy at the counter. She ignored the look the cashier gave them. “It hasn’t even been a week yet. Give me a bit, you’ll see.”

“Oh, I’ll give you all the time you need. But I won’t feed you while you slack off this time.” Adagio pulled out her debit card and swiped it through the machine. “Better make this food last until something comes along, or hope that Sunset doesn’t mind paying for you.”

“I don’t need Sunset to pay for me!”

“Good. Then you don’t need me to either.”

“Damn right, I don’t!”

Adagio took the receipt from the cashier and pushed the cart out of the store. At least this was happening at the end of the shopping trip, Aria would’ve left right when she brought up relying on Sunset otherwise.

Once again, they didn’t talk while Adagio drove. Although she hardly needed to, Adagio had made a point of turning the music up even louder than before. Aria was even more grateful for that the second time around. Who did Adagio think she was? Sure, she had been the group leader before, but those days were long gone, and they were not coming back. Aria could take care of herself, and she’d prove it.

Adagio didn’t even shut the engine off when they reached Aria’s apartment, but she did turn the music down low enough to talk. “Aria, one more thing.”

“Yeah?” Aria piled bags of groceries in her arms, determined to not need to make more than one trip.

“Don’t call Sonata for help either.”

Aria closed the door but kept talking to Adagio through the open passenger-side window. “Why do you think I’d do that?”

Adagio looked at her like she was an idiot. “I mean it. If you decide to change your mind and grow up let me know, but leave her out of it.”

“I’m not gonna call Sonata. And what does she even have to do with anything?”

For once, Adagio didn’t seem to take any joy in insulting Aria. “Stop deceiving yourself, Aria, you’re not that dumb.”

“What does that mean!?”

Adagio rolled the window up and backed out.

Even though she knew Adagio would never hear her over the noise coming out of her speakers, Aria still called after her. “Hey! Don’t drive away, I’m still talking to you! Adagio!”

Like everything else she did, it didn’t matter. If Adagio so much as looked back while she drove away, Aria had no way of knowing.

What was Adagio’s problem anyway? Whatever, if she wanted to be a stuck up bitch, that was on her. Aria had other things to think about, like getting her groceries inside.

Climbing the stairs with all the bags of food was a challenge, but she managed. Opening the door was even harder. Despite armfuls of bags, Aria tried getting to her keys without setting anything down, which she failed at.

Once the door was finally open, Aria brought what she still had in her arms to the kitchen, then set them on the floor before returning for the rest of the bags. She put those ones on the counter, then started going through bags for cold stuff. It all got haphazardly shoved into the fridge and freezer, and everything else got ignored.

At least her phone was done charging. She removed it from the charger and checked for messages.

Nothing, except for the one from Adagio. Sunset hadn’t even tried to get in touch with her at all.

So what? Sunset and Adagio could both go to hell. What did Aria need them for, anyway?

And what was all that junk about not calling Sonata? When Adagio had decided to go off on her own, Aria and Sonata had been the ones who stuck together. Adagio was the last person who should be telling Aria what to do with Sonata.

Aria scrolled to the bottom of her contacts. It was a short list, as there was hardly anyone worth calling. She frowned when she saw the number labelled ‘Work’ and deleted it. With that gone, the last name on the list read ‘Sonata’, which was the one Aria dialed.

The phone rang several times, and Aria wondered what she’d even say. It didn’t matter, because Sonata’s answering machine was all she got.

“Hey, this is Sonata Dusk! Can’t get to my phone right now, so leave me a message after the beep!”

The answering machine beeped, and Aria still didn’t really know what to say. “Hey, Sonata. It’s Aria. Give me a call when you can, okay? Later.”

She’d figure it out by the time Sonata called her back. Meanwhile, she had some groceries to put away.

But… she just got done dealing with Adagio. She could use a little break. The TV was still on, so she flopped onto the futon. Nothing good was on, so she flipped around until she found a shark documentary looked like it might be worth watching.

Aria woke up to her phone vibrating as an upbeat song played. She groaned and answered it. “Sonata?”

“Hi, Aria.” Sonata’s voice held none of its usual pep. “How much do you need?”

“What?” Aria sat up and rubbed her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“Just… let me know what you need, and I’ll send it to you.”

“Sonata, I have no idea what you’re going on about. I never said I needed anything.”

Sonata sighed. “I’m not as dumb as you think I am, I know what’s going on. You need money, and it’s fine. Just tell me how much.”

It wasn’t too hard to see what was going on. “I don’t need anything, no matter what Adagio told you.”

“Adagio didn’t tell me anything.”

“Bullshit. If she didn’t tell you I lost my job, then where do you get all this about me needing money?”

“Maybe because that’s the only reason you ever call me?”

“What? That’s not true!”

“Uh, yeah it is? Name one time you called me for something else.”

Aria frowned. “It’s not like I remember every time I’ve talked to you.”

“The last time we talked was three months ago, the last time you lost your job.”

“Well it’s good to know you’re keeping tabs on me! But for your information, I didn’t call for money or anything like that.”

“Then why did you call?”

Why did she call? There had to be more to it than just because Adagio had told her not to. “I don’t know, maybe I just wanted to hang out? You know, like we used to.”

“I’m not even close to Canterlot City.”

“Really? Where are you?”

There was a pause, and Sonata sounded a little more like her usual self when she answered. “Do you really care?”

“Sure I do! Why else would I ask?”

“Well… okay. Right now we’re in Las Pegasus.” Sonata’s tone finally changed to a positive one, as she spoke excitedly about the city. “There’s so much more to do here than we ever knew about! Trixie used to live here, so she’s been showing me around.”

It was less that they didn’t know about all the shows and events in Las Pegasus, and more that they just hadn’t ever cared. It was a testament to Sonata’s obliviousness that she couldn’t tell the difference.

Rather than say any of that, Aria decided to keep things civil. Sonata had finally bounced back to her usual self, after all. “Sounds like you’re having a blast. How long are you two out there for?”

“Only through the weekend, then we’re heading out for Manehattan.”

“Manehattan? You two on some sort of road trip or something?”

Sonata paused before answering and chuckled awkwardly. “Uhm, we’re on tour?”

Something about Sonata’s tone threw Aria off. “Oh, that’s cool. You should’ve told me, I could’ve seen you off.”

“I did,” Sonata said, her tone growing hostile. “Last time we talked. You said you’d come see our last show in Canterlot, then you never did.”

Crap. Aria remembered now. “Oh, right. Sorry about that, something came up.”

“Yeah, Sunset told me you couldn’t get the time off.” Sonata didn’t seem to take that as a good reason.

“I tried, okay? It wasn’t my fault.”

“It never is. You’ve never made it to a single one of our shows. I see your girlfriend more than I see you, because Sunset actually comes to see us perform.”

“Geez, what’s with the interrogation? No wonder I don’t come to your shows if this is how you’re gonna act.”

“So you have been avoiding it.”

“No! Don’t put words in my mouth. Why do you have to be the –”

“The worst? Why did you call, Aria? Do you just need someone to push around?”

“Like I said, I just wanted to hang out! I forgot about your stupid tour thing.”

“This isn’t stupid to me! I love being Trixie’s assistant, it makes me happy. She makes me happy. After putting up with you insulting me for years, I finally get to perform with someone who makes me feel good about it.”

“Don’t pin all that on me! It’s not like Adagio ever took us seriously either!”

“Yeah, and that’s why we split. We were all awful to each other. We were awful in general. But now I’m trying not to be. I won’t let you drag me back down to your level again.”

“Fine, just forget I called then!”

“I’m not done.”

“Well I am!”

Aria hung up the phone and screamed. Where did Sonata get off saying all that crap? Yeah, they always fought a lot, but Sonata had always given just as much as she got. She was only pinning the blame on Aria so she could go on feeling like she was so much better.

Aria’s phone vibrated with a text message. She checked the notification first and saw that it was from Sonata. She considered just swiping it away, but she opened it in the end.

i dont think u should call me again

“Well, I don’t think you should be such a stuck up bitch who cares more about her stupid fake magic show than about her own sister!”

If yelling at her phone didn’t help, throwing it only made things worse. Even as it left her hand, Aria knew it was a mistake. The phone hit the floor, then bounced into the kitchen.

Aria fell backward onto the futon. She held her head in her hands and screamed again. She didn’t even want to look at her phone. As long as she didn’t look at it, there was a chance she hadn’t broken it.

She was good at breaking things. When Aria got upset, things got broken. Sometimes those things were people. Sometimes those people were important to her. It never mattered. When Aria got upset, things got broken.

And Aria was always upset.

Calling Sonata was a mistake. Adagio had been able to see that, it was only Aria who was too stubborn and stupid to see it herself. She should have called Sunset instead. Sunset was the one person who, for whatever reason, put up with all of Aria’s shit. But for how much longer? Soon enough, Aria would break her too.

Then she’d be alone again. Adagio would give up on her eventually, just like Sonata had. It was all Aria deserved. All she did was make everyone around her as miserable as she was, just so she could pretend it wasn’t her fault when they left.

But she knew better, really. How could she not? Aria Blaze may have been a decent siren, but she was a pathetic excuse for a person. She couldn’t even clean her fucking apartment. Hell, she didn’t bother to shower until her girlfriend talked her into it.

What was even the point? Aria lived in a shitty little apartment and she couldn’t even manage to keep her shitty little job that paid for it. There were only three people she cared about, and all three of them were clearly tired of dealing with her. And she could forget about ever going home again.

So why? Why keep going? Aria hated everything. She hated her apartment, she hated other people, she hated this whole stupid world, and she hated herself more than anything. It wasn’t like she hadn’t thought of it countless times before.

Even before they’d lost their magic, she’d thought about it. Ever since they wound up in this world, Aria had wondered if it would be better to just not exist. Why keep waiting any longer? It wasn’t like she was enjoying this life, and putting an end to it would probably be the only worthwhile thing she’d ever done.

Aria rose to her feet and walked into the kitchen. She had to look through several drawers since she was so useless she didn’t even know where her own shit was, but eventually she found what she was looking for.

She wondered if the fillet knife would be sharp enough to make things quick. It didn’t really matter. Aria had dealt with pain before, that was at least one thing she was good at. She held the knife in her right hand and extended her left, palm up.

She curled her fingers into a fist and placed the point of the knife against her skin. Just one cut, straight down, and that’d be it. No more misery. No more hurting anyone.

No more Aria Blaze.

She wasn’t sure how long she stood there, staring at the knife point against her skin. Memories of the times she’d screwed up partnered with the thoughts of all the screw ups that were yet to come, and they danced through her head in pairs.

Just one cut, straight down. Just one more moment of pain to to cap off a lifetime of it. Her hand started to tremble and the knife pricked her skin.

Aria dropped the knife then fell to the floor. She really was useless. She was so pathetic that she couldn’t even kill herself, and she didn’t know why. She wasn’t afraid of the pain and she didn’t even believe in an afterlife, so there was nothing holding her back. She just didn’t have what it took to go through with it.

Perhaps the worst part was that she knew it didn’t have to be so bad. If she got off her ass and did some work around her apartment, it would be much more bearable. She could look for a job that she might actually like, but instead she always just found one she hated and stayed there until she couldn’t take it anymore. She could apologize to Sunset, Sonata, and even Adagio.

Aria could be a better person. She might even someday be able to be a happy one. But all she ever did was lie around feeling sorry for herself.

“Get up,” Aria told herself. As always, she didn’t listen.

“Get the fuck up, you stupid bitch.”

Slowly, and with more difficulty than it should have taken, Aria rose to a sitting position. She leaned her head back, misjudged how far she was from the wall, and hit her head hard against it.

At least the pain shook her into standing up, even if it was only to better kick the wall.

After a moment, her neighbor banged back on his side. “Keep it down!”

“Go choke on a crusty dick, asshole!” Aria shot back.

At least that was one thing she couldn’t blame herself for. Her neighbor was just an asshole, any way she looked at it.

Since she was in the kitchen, she finally picked up her phone. When she hit the power button, the screen still lit up and displayed properly, but there was a large crack going right through the picture of Sunset and Aria that she used as her lock screen background.

As much because she’d rather not look at Sunset as to test her phone, Aria swiped the lock screen away. The text message from Sonata replaced it, which she quickly backed out of.

Back in the list of her messages, she realized she still had another unread text. It was from Adagio, dated earlier in the day. Aria opened it and saw it was a name and phone number.

As usual, Adagio had been the one to solve one of Aria’s problems. And yet, all Aria had done was yell at her for it. She did hate the thought of being a janitor, especially one who worked in the same building as Adagio, but she did also need the money.

She dialed the number and held the phone up to her ear. Maybe she’d get lucky and no one would pick up. Even if the screen and everything worked, maybe she broke something inside that would make it no longer work as a phone. Then she couldn’t get the job, and it wouldn’t be her fault.

“Lemon Zest speaking, what can I do for you?”

No, Aria would never be that lucky. “Hi, my name’s Aria Blaze. I was told to call and talk to you about a job.”

“Oh! You’re Adagio’s sister! Yeah, she told me about you, said you might be calling.”

Had Adagio told her that even after Aria said no, or had she just never corrected herself from whatever she’d texted Lemon Zest while they were shopping? And why did either answer piss Aria off?

“Yeah, well, I’m interested if the position’s still available. Where do I apply?”

“Hey, if Adagio says you can handle it, that’s good enough for me. Can you come by the studio tomorrow morning around eight? We can go over all the details then.”

Aria hated mornings. “Yeah, sounds good. I’ll see you then.”

“Cool! See you then.”

Aria hung up the phone and wondered what she’d gotten herself into.

‘A job, idiot. You know, the thing that’ll pay your bills and keep Sunset from realizing how much of a screw up you are.’

Yeah, right. Like Sunset didn’t already know. Aria had yelled at her for helping out around the apartment the night before, and she only had to because Aria couldn’t even do basic things for herself. She couldn’t even feel good about getting a job again, not really. On top of not looking forward to the work, it was only because Adagio that it happened at all.

Perhaps the best thing she could do would be to apologize to Adagio, maybe even thank her for arranging things to be so simple that even Aria couldn’t screw it up. Perhaps, but she wouldn’t. She even wanted to, a little, especially after the fight with Sonata.

But that was the problem. It was never a matter of Aria not wanting to make things better, it was just that she didn’t do anything even when she wanted to. There was nothing she’d love more than to get her apartment in shape, put away the groceries from earlier, put away the clothes that were still sitting in the dryer, prepare for the morning meeting with Lemon Zest, and top it all off with contacting Sunset, Adagio, and, if she would talk to her, Sonata.

But as Aria looked around the apartment, identifying any number of things that she could easily work on, she knew it wasn’t going to happen. She just didn’t know why. What was wrong with her that made her unable to even get started on the most mundane of tasks?

Aria looked back down at her phone, still in her hand. She pressed the power button to light up the screen and stared at the picture of her and Sunset. They looked so happy. Sunset was the only one who ever made Aria feel happy anymore.

Not Adagio, not Sonata, not herself. Just Sunset.

Aria shoved the phone into her pocket and walked to the coffee table. The TV was still playing, but she ignored it. She grabbed her wallet and found it still had a couple dollars in it, so she put it and her keys into her pockets and ran out the door.

Even though it was her only means of getting around on her own, Aria had never really gotten used to the city bus. For a little while it was the only way she could travel, but then Adagio started driving and that put an end to that. Aria found jobs in walking distance, and lately Sunset was also able to drive her from place to place.

Today, however, she would have no other choice. And since the recording studio was further than she was willing to walk, it looked like she’d be getting used to it after all, unless Adagio was going to bring her to and from work.

It was still unpleasant. She didn’t mind crowded spaces, but she was still used to being the center of attention when she was in them. Being herded along with everyone else reminded her of how far she’d fallen. And because she had been in such a hurry to leave with Adagio earlier, she hadn’t gotten dressed in her typical punk fashion, which meant people were less inclined to avoid her.

She was the only one waiting at the bus stop at least, but once it arrived, she found herself sitting next to someone who wanted to talk, of all things.

“Good afternoon, miss.”

It was going to be a long ride…

For whatever reason, he didn’t seem to notice her obvious disinterest, so she was stuck talking to him. And of course he was going farther than her, so the conversation lasted the entire bus ride. It was almost enough to make Aria wonder if the whole thing was a mistake.

Almost, but not quite. Aria was determined to do at least this one thing right today. As she got off the bus, she felt her confidence building with each step. There was no way this wouldn’t be a horribly awkward meeting, but she still walked to it purposefully with her head held high.

Sunset also lived in an apartment complex, although it was much nicer. Maybe it wasn’t ‘nice’, exactly, but it was a regular sort of apartment building, just a little on the cheap side. The kind of place that a woman in her early twenties who hadn’t come from money but who still had her life together would live.

Aria approached Sunset’s apartment and reached in her pocket for her key, then stopped short. Usually Aria had no reason to visit anyone except her sisters, whom she’d lived with for most of her life, so she’d never really found much point in knocking. But it was something most people did, and Sunset herself always knocked when she visited Aria, no matter how many times Aria pointed out she didn’t need to.

Although it felt a little odd, Aria knocked on the door and waited. Even aside from courtesy, it was probably for the best; Sunset didn’t know Aria was coming, and she didn’t want to start the conversation by scaring her with an unexpected guest walking in while she was in the bathroom or something.

For the first time, Aria found herself wondering what she’d say while she waited for Sunset to answer. It was what she always did. Whenever she thought about something before taking action, she never wound up going through with it. Over time, she came to simply do things without thinking them through as the only way of ever doing anything at all.

The door opened to reveal a confused Sunset Shimmer. It was clear that she hadn’t planned on meeting anyone by the casual sweatpants and tank top combo she wore, but at least she managed to change out of her pajamas.

“Aria? What’s going on?”

“Uh, hi. Mind if I come in?”

“Of course not.” Sunset stepped out of the way, so Aria walked into the apartment. Sunset closed the door behind them before addressing Aria again. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything is… good.” Aria lingered near the doorway, unsure if she should greet Sunset with a hug after the night before.

Sunset seemed equally unsure. “Did you try to call or text? I didn’t get anything.”

“No, I just came over.” Without thinking about it. Like always. Why hadn’t she just called? That made way more sense.

“Well, okay… So what’s up?”

Aria hesitated as she realized she wasn’t entirely sure what to say. For some reason, ‘Hey, I just thought about killing myself and then realized you’re the only thing that makes me happy’ felt like a bit too much to lay on her all at once.

“Is this about last night?”

That was a good starting point. Aria could apologize for how she acted the night before, and then they’d be on better footing. “Yeah, I guess it kinda is.”

As it sunk in that nothing was urgently important, Sunset’s confusion started to dissipate, although something else formed in its place. “Okay, I guess I’ll go first then. Sorry I walked out on you yesterday.”

That was unexpected. Aria would’ve walked out on herself long before then if she could have, and she never would’ve come back. She shrugged to show her indifference. “Whatever. I just caught up on some sleep anyway.”

Sunset frowned and Aria realized what was replacing the confusion – Sunset was beginning to grow irritated again, probably because she didn’t want to talk about the fight. Aria changed the topic to the first thing that came to mind. “Anyway, you wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had since then. First I went out with Adagio, right? She’s being her usual self most of the day, but then she tries to get me to work as her janitor!”

That shook the irritation off of Sunset. “She did?”

“Yeah! She left like two years ago, and she’s still trying to get me to clean up after her. So I told her off, but then I called Sonata and –”

“Wait, you what?” Sunset shook her head. “Adagio offered you a freaking job, Aria!”

Aria scowled. Her girlfriend was supposed to be on her side. “Yeah, and I fucking took it, so don’t give me that. But if she thinks I’m gonna kiss her ass because of this, she’s got another thing coming.”

“No. You can’t keep being like this. Aria, you need this job, at least until you find another one. If that means dealing with Adagio, then that’s just what you’re going to have to do.”

“Hey, I said I took the damn job. Shouldn’t you be happy about that?”

“I am happy about that, but I’m worried. If this is your attitude about it, it’s only a matter of time before you lose this one too.”

Even when Aria managed to get herself ahead, it never seemed to matter. “Geez, thanks for the vote of confidence. Why is nothing ever good enough for you?”

Sunset recoiled back and let out a small laugh. “You have got to be fucking kidding me. Are you serious? Nothing’s good enough for me? How many times have I been the one to clean up your messes?”

Of course, it was just like Aria had suspected. “I’m sorry I’m such a burden. Don’t worry, you can forget about me. I won’t make you clean up my messes anymore.”

Aria turned to leave. She got as far as opening the door before Sunset grabbed her wrist.

“I love you.”

Aria stopped in her tracks. “You… you what?”

“I love you, Aria.”

Aria turned around to see Sunset was also looking elsewhere.

“And maybe that’s my fault for catching feelings or whatever, but… I love you, and you’re destroying yourself. And I’m trying to hold you together as best as I can, but I don’t know what to do…”

Sunset let go of Aria’s wrist and turned to look her in the eyes. “I can’t be the one to save you. I can help you along the way, but you have to be the one who decides if you’re willing to save yourself. So… what are you going to do?”

Aria opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. After a moment, she closed it again. Another moment, and she ran out the open door.

She barely thought about where she was going as she ran. But she had to go, had to get away. There had been too much pain in Sunset’s eyes, and Aria didn’t know how to respond to it.

The one thing she did know was this: When she got upset, people got broken. And Aria was always upset.

3 – Things in Need of Repair

Chapter Three
Things in Need of Repair

⠀

⠀
Of Sunset Shimmer’s many redeeming qualities, one of them was most certainly that she was not Aria Blaze. As such, before showing up to her girlfriend’s house the day after a tense argument, she called ahead to let Aria know she wanted to go over so they could talk.

This was, objectively, for the best. Aria had time to prepare for Sunset’s arrival. She had showered and dressed, and even cleaned the apartment. Well, cleaned it a little anyway. Perhaps she hadn’t really cleaned it enough… It was still a mess, and Sunset was sure to notice that. Why the hell hadn’t she cleaned it better? She’d known all day Sunset was coming, why did she have to be so damn lazy all the –

Aria stopped and took a deep breath. Blaming herself wasn’t helping, and there was still time to do something about it. She went into the kitchen and pulled a trash bag out from the seldom used cabinet beneath her sink. She then walked through the apartment and shoved things into the bag, almost at random.

Before the bag was even filled, there was a knock on the door. “Just a minute!” Aria called, shoving a few more things into the bag before tying it off. It was full enough to go out, she reasoned.

When she opened the door, Sunset was on the other side with a pizza box and two litre of soda dangling in a bag on her wrist. “Special delivery!”

“You didn’t have to do that, I got some groceries yesterday.”

Sunset shrugged as she walked into the apartment. “Yeah, but I figured we could skip worrying about cooking tonight.”

“Well, you won’t hear me complaining.” Aria was about to set the trash bag by the door to be taken out later, but she thought better of it. “Just give me one second to throw this out.”

“No problem.”

Aria walked out of the apartment and down the stairs with the trash. Great, that’s just the image she wanted to greet her girlfriend with. One of these things is garbage and the other is a bag of crap; can you spot the difference?

It was only a short walk to the dumpster, but the whole thing was spent worrying about what Sunset was noticing back in the apartment. By the time she reached it and threw out the bag, she was practically running back to the stairs.

No amount of worry would stop her from walking back inside with a confident strut, though. At least, not until she saw Sunset swapping the futon from a bed to a couch. She’d known Sunset was coming, why hadn’t she done that herself? Now Sunset was going to think she’d spent the whole day in bed, which, to be fair, was something she did a lot… But it wasn’t something she’d done that day!

Sunset was oblivious to her concerns. “Can you get us some plates and cups?”

Despite everything, Aria managed a grin. “Yeah, coming right up.”

At least paper plates and plastic cups were typical for pizza dinner, so she didn’t feel bad when that was what she grabbed. Not that it would’ve mattered if they were eating something else. Aria knew better than to expect herself to do dishes.

Aria handed Sunset a plate and a cup as she sat down, and in return, Sunset placed a slice of pizza onto Aria’s plate, then filled their cups. “The apartment looks really good.”

It did? It was a lot cleaner than it was, but there was still so much to do.“Yeah, well, it’s not a big deal or anything.” Aria took a drink to hide her smile.

Sunset didn’t try to hide hers, however. Even more than her words, her smile made Aria feel that maybe she did something right for once.

“How’d everything go at the studio?” Sunset asked just before taking a bite of pizza.

“It was okay.” Aria frowned at her own slice rather than taking a bite of it. She’d been worried about telling Sunset the next part. “The pay’s decent, but it’s only a few hours a night. I won’t be making as much as my last job.”

“At least it’s something, right? It’ll help out a lot while we figure something else out.”

Sunset sounded optimistic, so Aria smiled. “Yeah. And since Adagio works in the mornings, I won’t wind up seeing her much.”

“Nice. I’m sure things will go well.”

Aria finally took her first bite of pizza. It was topped with seafood, her favorite. That reminded her of their talk the other night. “Guess we never got to go to the beach this weekend.”

“No, but oh well. Another time.”

“Maybe we can go next weekend?”

Sunset smirked. “Since when are you the one to make plans?”

Aria’s impulse was to shoot back a snippy reply, but she pushed it down. “I like the beach, but I haven’t been in ages.”

“Sure, we can go next weekend.”

It was nice to have plans. On top of the fact that Aria really did enjoy the beach, it was comforting to have something planned in the future with Sunset. After the last couple days, she hadn’t been entirely sure where they were headed. Even if it was only a week out, it was good to know Sunset still planned to be there for that week.

They talked about what Sunset had been up to the past couple days as they ate. When Sunset had said she wanted to come by to talk, Aria hadn’t expected it to be about anything so mundane.

Of course, it would be foolish to assume that was all Sunset wanted to talk about. They had both eaten a couple slices of pizza and set the rest aside for later by the time they got to a more weighty topic, but it came all the same.

“I’ve been thinking,” Sunset said.

Aria wasn’t sure she liked Sunset’s tone. “Oh yeah?”

Sunset fidgeted in place awkwardly. “I care about you a lot, and I know how hard things are for you. I wish I could make it easier, but I’m not sure how.”

“You do though,” Aria answered far too quickly. She was terrified of where Sunset might be going, and she desperately wanted to keep the conversation from getting there. “I know I’m not good at, you know, saying it. And I know I can be a real bitch to you, but… You help a lot.”

Sunset’s hand found hers. “I’m glad I can help, but I don’t think I can really do enough for you. Which is why I think you should go to therapy.”

Oh. That wasn’t where Aria had thought this was going. “I… you know I can’t afford that.”

“I know, but I’ve been looking into it. I found somewhere that’ll work with your income, and I’ll help cover anything they don’t.”

“I can’t ask you to do that. Besides, I know I’m kind of a mess, but I really don’t think I need to see some shrink or whatever.”

“Aria, you’ve… got some things going on that neither of us know what to do with. It’s just a matter of going to talk to someone who understands that kind of stuff and can help you understand it. And you don’t have to ask, I’m offering.”

Aria didn’t answer. She wanted to answer, wanted to say something, either yes or no. But no words came out, and Sunset didn’t try to force them.

Instead, Sunset stretched out on the couch and rested her head in Aria’s lap. She lay quietly as Aria stroked her hair, and the idea slowly sunk in.

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

Without getting up, Sunset reached her arms around Aria. “You know, you won’t be doing it alone. I want to be with you, for every step of the way.”

Aria was glad Sunset couldn’t see her. The last thing she needed was for her girlfriend to see her fighting back tears. “Yeah, I guess I could let you hang with me some more.”

Sunset chuckled, and Aria knew she could leave it at that. She knew it, but it didn’t feel right. “I… I love you, Sunset.”

Sunset rolled onto her back to look up at Aria. When she smiled, Aria found it even harder to hold the tears back. “I love you too.”

“Sunset?”

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t give up on me.”

Sunset reached her hand up to caress Aria’s cheek. “Never.”

There were a lot of hardships still to come. Aria knew that. But even if she walked the road towards getting better slowly, she didn’t walk it alone. As long as she had Sunset by her side, Aria knew that each small step would always carry her forward.

Besides, as it turned out, having Sunset around to comfort her while she cried wasn’t so bad after all.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this story :twilightsmile: It was an important story for me, as someone who's struggled with depression their whole life in a way very similar to Aria here.

In honor of this story being featured by the Royal Canterlot Library, I wrote a retrospective on it where I talk about writing it and how my own experiences with depression relate to this story.

I've also got my own Discord server now :pinkiehappy: Feel free to drop in and chat! (please note that it is a 16+ server, if you are not 16 years old or older please do not join!)