"And The Winner Is..."

by deadpansnarker

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, Applejack, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life
Length: 3161

Follow up to the episode Non-Compete Clause. It's Teacher Of The Month time again, and now Applejack and Rainbow look to have a shot. But once Twilight and co find out the extent of the duelling duo's antics to earn their nomination, what'll happen?

Follow up to the episode Non-Compete Clause. It's Teacher Of The Month time again, and now Applejack and Rainbow look to have a shot. But once Twilight and co find out the extent of the duelling duo's antics to earn their nominations, what'll happen?

Who knows. But read on to find out.

Published 2018-05-18 11:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-18 11:20:07 UTC

Fortunately, things are more peaceful now. Or are they...

You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. Not that any sharp objects were allowed in school premises, of course... apart from at the cafeteria.

Even then, a hammer and chisel might've been the better eating utensils: Let's just say, Starlight's recent promotion to both counsellor and cook wasn't exactly being met with universal acclaim. Secretly, the famished students were bribing Pinkie Pie to get the Cakes to cater for them. Of course, that still meant their teeth fell out later, albeit in a slightly less painful way...

Oops, got a bit sidetracked there. Let's back up, and review the current situation, shall we?

It was time once again to decide who was Teacher Of The Month at the School Of Friendship, although the very title was a slight misnomer. Instead of going to the best educator, the oversized trophy was usually dished out to the pony who let the cosmopolitan array of students there get away with the most erroneous behaviour.

And who do you think that might be, on a regular basis? None other than sweet, docile and good-natured Fluttershy, who's rather dazed framed features now decorated the classroom wall no less than nine times.

Each of her numerous victories amongst the voting youngsters were pretty unanimous too, which just goes to show the universal appeal of tolerating others running around in the corridor, chewing gum and impersonating other ponies by use of shapeshifting cannot be overestimated.

To be frank though, the quiet and somewhat withdrawn yellow pegasus was getting tired of all the constant attention from being numero uno, and seeing spots in her eyes for hours after that infernal camera had ceased flashing. She wanted to 'share' her success with other for a changes, be the one clapping their successes instead of carting that humungous trophy home every thirty days.

Not to mention, it was playing havoc on her lumbago. Thank goodness for Harry the bear and his soothing massages... well, he had learned from the best, after all.

Because of her feelings on the matter, when two new challengers appeared on the scene to 'usurp' her crown that particular month, she'd been absolutely thrilled! Rainbow Dash and Applejack would be worthy winners indeed, either one of them. Plus, unlike her, they actually seemed to enjoy the huge fanfare and thrive under the constant pressure.

I can finally pass the torch, she noted to herself upon hearing the good news, and live as a non-celebrity again. Bliss.

With all the votes having been counted after the nomination process had taken place, all that was now left to do now was announce the winner. Treating the whole procedure like a big, important speech instead of the trivial ceremony it truly was, Twilight Sparkle ascended three steps up to the microphone to 'address the nation'.

Rainbow Dash was about to tear her plumage out to show how anxious she was, while Applejack exerted great self-control in not galloping over and tearing the envelope open straightaway.

Fluttershy was also a bit nervous, but for different reasons, as stated above.

All three were desperate for Twilight to skip the introduction, which inevitably included an extended lecture on the benefits of teaching, not one but seven quotations from some of the alicorn's biggest idols, including Starswirl The Bearded and Princess Celestia.

Spike had tried his utmost to get her to edit at least some of the more tedious passages earlier, but nope... his best friend and employee was not one for abridging genius(!)

At last though, just as everypony present was about to nod off and/or lose the will to live, Twilight finally blurted out the winner of the award, as though it was unimportant compared to the rest of her lengthy soliloquy.

"So many congratulations to... Rainbow Dash and Applejack!! Never before in the history of this award has the result been a tie! You must be so happy!"

Aside from the fact that the school had been open for less than a year, thus making Twilight's comment about this being a historical precedent somewhat weak, the reaction around the room was pretty mixed.

Pinkie Pie and Rarity, having not very much preference for whom won, did their very best to give their two lucky friends a standing ovation.

Fluttershy collapsed back into her seat, relief exuding from every pore. Thank goodness, I'm free at last.

Spike, being the one that'd have to polish the trophy first before dragging it all the way to the recipients' domiciles, wondered if it was perhaps time to call his work union again.

As for Rainbow Dash and Applejack...

Well, of course they had definitely resolved all their differences after that ultra-competitive nature walk over a week ago now, and there was no way they were going to stand around and argue for hours like they did soon after returning. They were now the best of friends again, the closest of pals, the most bosom of buddies, and would show this sharing the prize evenly.

...Right?

Having exchanged an indecipherable look, both rushed towards the mike at a record speed, no doubt in the spirit of their newfound 'friendly rivalry'.

Living up to her speedster reputation, Rainbow Dash got there first, just giving a panicking Twilight time to dive out of the way as the fully-fledged Wonderbolt determinedly made the most of her time in the spotlight.

"You like me! You really, really like me!" She grinned from ear to ear, whilst holding one half of the trophy aloft with a vacant wing. "First of all, I'd like to thanks my parents. Without their uh, boundless enthusiasm, I wouldn't be here today as a beloved teacher and national hero. Also, special mention to my biggest fan Scootaloo, who was the guy that convinced me to give this weird teaching lark a try, and not just quit after a few days for something more interesting. Then of course there's Spitfire, who whips me into shape every day, and everyone here who voted the right way, finally recognising true awesomeness when they see it..."

"Ahem! Aren't we forgettin' somepony, sugarcube?" Applejack appears quite perturbed as she approached the podium herself, one eyebrow held up in irritation.

"Hmm. Let's see..." Rainbow Dash not unsurprisingly got the wrong end of the stick, and began reciting various names out loud once more. "Mum, Dad, Scoots, fellow Wonderbolts, my fantastic fans... nope, I think I'm all good."

"Oh, for Pete's sake, give me that!" Applejack had finally seen quite enough of Rainbow's showboating, and grabbed the microphone from her, just as the blue pegasus was beginning to bow and blow a few kisses. "Didn't yer hear the part where Twilight here said the result were a draw?! Therefore, exactly half the credit for this here win belongs to yours truly! Maybe yer should try syringing yer ears a bit, yer obviously still have bits o' cloud in them from yer journey here this morning!"

"Huh! I'll have you know that's a medical impossibility, as clouds disintegrate on impact! It even says so in the official Wonderbolt hoofbook!" Rainbow proudly puffed out her chest, ignoring the obvious notion that Applejack might be joking. "So I heard just fine. I was only um, just getting the microphone warmed up for you! Anyway, who's Pete?!"

Applejack rolled her eyes slightly, but decided to proceed with her own remarks, which she was set on making as brief and magnanimous as possible. Unlike a certain other ego-driven narcissist...

"Well boy howdy, ain't this a turn up for the books! I'd like to think that this wasn't just a victory just for me and Rainbow, but a win for the valuable twin lessons of sharing and teamwork. If a pair o' hotheaded mares like us two can put our differences aside long enough to escape from a prison o' vines while danglin' above rapids filled to the brim with carnivorous fish, than anypony can do it! If we inspire just one other..."

"Wait, what?!" Upon hearing unexpected new revelations about the pair's little nature ramble from the honest Earth pony, Twilight's face turned from lavender to white almost instantaneously. Pinkie and Rarity stopped applauding and looked at each other with an audible gulp, as Spike and Fluttershy only cringed.

Rainbow's reaction however, was quite different. "Is that how you remember it? Really?" She snorted a laugh in mid air, before crossing her arms in amusement. "Don't you remember anything? It was Ocellus who saved us from those bite-acudas, when she transformed into that even bigger fish to scare them away! Then Silverstream and Gallus flew down to pick us up, so basically we had nothing to do with our own rescue! If you want a serious example of working together, look no further than our canoeing expedition! I had the kids rowing so fast, their arms nearly fell off!"

"Oh, would that be the same canoe which is fit only for firewood now, after our little collision into a giant-sized rock?" Applejack didn't like what she was hearing, and decided to challenge Rainbow's statement with a few observations of her own. "Though I must say, if yer intention was for us to 'share' the exact number of bumps and bruises whilst countin' stars in the water, your trip was nothing short of a smashing success! My plan to build an apple shed was far more enjoyable, and practical in the long run!"

"Pff, who wants to construct a boring old shed anyway, when you could be riding the waves?!" Rainbow Dash brought her snout closer to Applejack's, as the intense debate with them continued publicly. "Beside, as I recall, didn't yours fall apart a few seconds after completion, whereas mine is still in one piece?"

"Only 'cos you got impatient and dropped the roof on it too quickly!" Applejack growled in return, as things got more heated. "That shed would've lasted for at least fifty freezing winters without your 'help'!"

"O-Oh yeah, Applejack? Well, who got us lost on our walk? I clearly remember saying 'right', when you wanted to go 'left'!"

"Thanks to you, we were walkin' 'round in circles for hours, Rainbow! If you'd just listened to me..."

"You know what I think, Applejack?"

"No, but I gotta feelin' you're gonna tell me anyway, Rainbow."

"I deserve this trophy a bit more than you. Just a bit. Not by much, but I'm only stating facts."

"W-What?! Why, yer cheeky scoundrel! I was about to say the same thing, only 'bout myself! You have some nerve!!"

"Tell you want, I'll make a deal with you. It can stay up in my home in the sky for two thirds of the month, then you can have it the rest of the time! That sound fair?"

"No way, jose! Well, I agree with the arrangement yer just made, but I was thinkin' more like we be keeping it at the farm for the lion's share of the month, and yer could have it in whatever's left over."

"Erm, I don't think so, Applejack!"

"Come on, let's shake on it, Rainbow!"

"Hey, get that hoof out of my face!"

"I said, shake on it!"

"Quiet!!"

The pair of warring equines abruptly halted their somewhat petty exchange, upon recognising a very familiar raised voice cut above their own.

Actually, it was more like it flattened them against the wall in it's intensity, as Twilight had used the same vibrating tone to shush the unwelcome Ponyville tourists outside her castle soon after her first Friendship journal had been published.

Regardless, both now seemed more a little more open to reason, as stunned and slumped on the ground as they were from the experience. Indeed, Twilight looked as though she was about to admonish them further, but instead turned to her faithful dragon companion, as the rest of her friends present watched on with curiosity.

"Spike, take a message..." she requested, in her most officious accent imaginable. "The 'Teacher Of The Month' award for this month is officially suspended. Applejack and Rainbow may have won it fair and square, but I cannot encourage their methodology of doing so. Unintentionally teaching students how not to share on account of their bitter arguing was a dubious premise for winning to begin with, but now I've heard about the circumstances behind their victory for the first time, I cannot possibly condone this sort of reckless behaviour. Putting students lives in danger just to prove who's the 'best' should never be encouraged by trophies, trinkets or any other kind of symbolism, no matter what the outcome. Which leads me to my solution to the current problem, an idea that I hope we can all agree on..."

Twilight gestured to Fluttershy with a slight grin, as she continued to explain her plan. "Normally, after a situation such as this has occurred, it would be the second placed teacher who'd take home the trophy. But I believe, judging by Fluttershy's expression right now and private comments she's made in the past regarding this award, she'd be more than pleased to take a break from winning for a while. Which brings me to my idea, pending final approval from the rest of the staff. What I'm suggesting is to share the trophy amongst the six students who had to tolerate Rainbow and Applejack's bickering and one-up-ponyship for the entire session that day, and the fearless way they apparently saved the teachers lives, maybe even teaching them a lesson in the process. They'll each get to take it home for a set period so their proud parents can know what they've done, and they'll even get their picture on the wall, next to good old Fluttershy here! W-Well, multiple Fluttershys. Does that sound like a good idea to everypony?"

"Sounds fabulous, darling. The children will just love that, I'm sure." Rarity swished her head to indicate she agreed, whilst glancing somewhat disappointedly at her two quarrelsome friends.

"Well, I was going to suggest giving the award to the flowerpot, but this is even better! And after the photo is taken, I'll throw the biggest 'Well Done For Saving Your Teachers Lives' party this school has ever seen!" Pinkie exclaimed in joy, already mulling over what colour frosting she'd write those very words in at the top of the giant cake.

"Great, that means even more work for me." Spike grumbled, thinking about how he'd have to pull that stupid trophy around even further now, as well as fulfil his standard role as photographer. "...But I guess, considering everything they went through and what they achieved, the kids deserve their special moment. But still, darn it."

"Ooo, yes, that sounds nice!" Fluttershy was more than happy with this notion, which fulfilled her wish to spend some time out of the limelight as well as give the students a well-deserved bit of credit.

Their heads still in a tizzy from Twilight's earlier reprimand, and now faced with the full consequences of their selfish actions, Rainbow Dash and Applejack looked at each other once more, before wisely settling on a common approach.

"Uh-huh." Applejack moaned.

"Well, okay." Rainbow Dash groaned.

"Glad to hear you both agree on something for a change." Twilight finally afforded the errant pair a appreciative grin. "Though I'm still going to have to talk to you privately later regarding your unacceptable conduct. If the students here begin acting more mature than the teachers, then what's the point in us being here at all? Now, I'll be off to tell the rest of the children the good news. I believe you two might have something you want to say to each other..."

With a casual wink and a slight nod of the head, the other teachers present took the hint and swiftly left along with Twilight, allowing the two argumentative friends to pick themselves up, dust themselves down and sheepishly attempt to start a discussion, a more civil one this time around.

"So Applejack, I guess we sure screwed things up, huh?"

"I guess so, Rainbow. We really dropped a boner this time, didn't we?"

"I-I'm not even sure I know what that means Applejack, but anyway... I've been trying to think of something nice to say to you, and I have to admit, your apple shed looked a bit more secure than mine before I crushed it. Even though the one I made was completed much quicker, and looked a lot cooler, of course."

"W-Well Rainbow, if we're on the subject of praisin' each other, then I guess nopony can turn bends on the stream the way you can, or inspire students to row at unfathomably high speeds. If we just ignore the safety aspect of it, you'll make a fine boating instructor, I tell you what."

"You know, Twilight was right, we're making some real progress here! And I think we can both agree on the fact that we're as good as each other when it comes getting hopelessly lost..."

"Yup."

"Entangling ourselves helplessly in loose material..."

"You said it."

"Competing in the Running Of The Leaves..."

"That's absolutely... hey! Why didya have to slip that one in there, Rainbow?! You know as well as I do, that I've been trainin' for ages to beat you at that this year! So no, I won't agree with that, on account of me not wanting to jinx myself."

"Fair enough Applejack, but I bet I can still beat you at eating a triple deluxe meal at the Hayburger! And we don't have to wait for a special occasion to find out the answer to that question... we can do it right now!"

"Oh, you just try an' stop me Rainbow, but you're payin'. You earn more than me these days anyway, what with your fancy new job as a Wonderbolt an' all!"

"Wait, how did you... look Applejack, we'll discuss it on the way! Don't order anything without mmmeee..."

And as our two somewhat temperamental friends rush out of the school together, our tale is finally almost at a close, but not before a slightly upset Starlight Glimmer materialises out of nowhere in the now empty room. She's wearing a chef's hat and apron, and seems quite irked to say the least.

"How come nopony asked my opinion on this matter?! As usual, I'm the one who's left out..." She sulked, for she'd been lurking nearby all this time. "And when I'm on cooking duty, why does everyone seem so desperate to head down to the Hayburger or Sugarcube Corner? Maybe I should've borrowed Trixie's cookery book after all, even if it does contain a thousand too many cinnamon nut recipes..."

And with those parting thoughts she disappeared, and that, as they say, is that.

Author's Note

I didn't much care for this episode, but I had this idea for a fic I'd like to try out. I hope you enjoyed it. Well, later! :raritywink: