A Small Problem

by Symphony

Rating: mature
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Sex, Slice of Life
Length: 1073

Anon is in quite a pickle when Twilight decides to do science.

Anon is in quite a pickle when Twilight decides to do some science regarding his anatomy. Dong science.

A/N: No actual sexual content, just references and poking fun. If anyone knows the source of the cover pic please let me know so I can credit properly.

haha benis

Published 2018-05-19 00:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-19 00:30:07 UTC

Promiscuous Purple Pony Princess Pestering Poor Person

Author's Note

Alcohol + sauna + access to a pc makes Symphony an even worse person.

yeah, so I wrote this in about 30 mins cause I'm bored and I don't have real friends so don't expect quality or any semblance of not-bullshittery.

Promiscuous Purple Pony Princess Pestering Poor Person

”No! Fuck off!”

Twilight moved her head slightly to the left and dodged a shoe being thrown at her. ”Come on, it's for science!”

“Twilight, you ogling my dick has nothing scientific about it you perv!” Anon yelled indignantly at the lavender alicorn who rolled her eyes.

“Your reproductive organ is not documented anywhere, which means that I'll be the first to write about your hot monkey dick!”

Anon's hands shook in rage, he then pointed a finger right on her nose. “I don't care, why don't you fuck off back to your room and go back to writing your shitty lewd fanfics about Princess Luna and Celestia!”

Her ears lowered just a little. “You... Found those?”

“Learn to hide them better, Spergle. You had them in an unlocked drawer. I found them when I was hiding those creepy pictures of Rarity Spike has.” He crossed his arms and smirked.

His smirk faded slowly as the little horse only glared at him more. Her cheeks puffed out. “I told you to stop calling me that! Besides,” Twilight moved closer to him with lidded eyes. Anon took off his other shoe, ready to whack her. “I can make it worth your time...” She licked her lips.

Anon's arm lowered a little. Then he snorted and covered his mouth. “Twilight, that only sounds like some really shitty porn dialogue. Almost as shitty as the ones you used!”

Twilight's eyes narrowed and she frowned. Anon felt his stomach sink to the bottom. He knew what that face meant. The deviant horse was planning something and he got a sudden feeling that he might have to fight his way out of this one.

Again.

“Anon...” She glared at him and he could feel his bowels about to release. “You might think I'm joking or messing around but this is happening.”

Welp, next time Anon cries to Celestia about how shit his life is at least he can spice it up by telling her that he got raped by Twilight.

“Twilight...” He raised his hands and backed away. “Let's be reasonable adults here...” He stopped when his back hit the wall, staring down at the pony and then to an open window. Considering his options, jumping out would actually be preferable at this point.

“Oh, I am being perfectly reasonable. I asked you first but when you refused I have to take a more hooves-on approach...” She closed the window with her magic. Anon's face fell as the sweet release of death just became much harder.

Before he could scream or do much else, he found himself being levitated into the air by Twilight and slammed to a couch in the far end of the room.

He jumped up from it and ran toward the door, attempting to yank it open only to find that it was also locked. Twilight once again attempted to levitate him back but he had a white-knuckle grip on the doorknob.

“HELP, HELP! I'M ABOUT TO GET RAPED BY TWILIGHT!”

A voice spoke up from the hallway. “You're not the first!”

“FUCK OFF STARLIGHT NO ONE FUCKING LIKES YOU!” Anon yelled.

“I know...”

His grip failed and he was slingshotted back into the couch, his back creaking in protest from the abuse. He groaned in discomfort and shook his head clear. His breath hitched when he noticed the purple aura ripping his belt to pieces and Twilight strutting toward him, moving her hips in exaggerated motions. She thought it would help him relax.

In reality, she was just walking as if she had a pole up her hoo-ha which only terrified him further.

“Let's lose these stupid pants, shall we?” Her horn lit up again.

Anon held on to his waistband in a battle of will and mental wellbeing. Twilight's frown deepened as the stubborn piece of clothing wouldn't budge. Focusing more, she ripped the pants to pieces as well. Anon held the separated waistband, looking down at this exposed underwear and gulped.

In a last-ditch effort, he pointed at the wall behind her. “Twilight, look! Somepony is attempting to write a story with no grip on grammar and self-inserts!”

Twilight's eyes widened and she whirled around, only to find nothing. She turned back to Anon to see him half-way out the window and attempting to hype himself to jump.

She scowled and levitated him back to the couch. Only one piece of clothing remained on his lower body and without ceremony or properly written buildup, she once again lit up her magic and ripped the garment off him.

On reflex and part self-preservation, Anon covered himself with his hands and blushed. Twilight's eyebrows furrowed and she moved his hands away with her hooves and looked down between his legs.

Complete silence was in the room. The only sound was Anon's heavy breathing from his earlier escape attempts. It was eventually broken when Twilight snorted out a laugh and a corner of her lips turned up.

“What?” Anon asked.

“You seem to be... lacking quite a lot in the size department...” She couldn't hold back her laugh anymore and her head rocked back, tears in her eyes.

Anon's face fell and all of a sudden his self-esteem dropped lower than an acne-ridden teenager. He stared at the pony laughing at him, not amused at all.

Twilight gasped for breath, tears streaming down her face from laughing so hard. In a voice that was a few octaves higher than normal, she spoke and leaning toward his member. “Hey there widdle guy, wanna come out and pw-ahahay?!”

Anon's face burned and he stood up from the couch, leaving her alone to laugh at his misery. Not bothering to cover himself up to save embarrassment. He placed a hand on the doorknob.

“I can't wait to publish this paper!” Twilight stopped laughing momentarily, still giggling. “Human penis: Smaller than a schoolcolt's!” She wiped her eyes with a hoof. “Oh, everypony will be surprised to know this considering your size!”

Anon pursed his lips. He released his grip on the doorknob and turned around, walking toward the window and opened it, then jumped out.