Burnt Toast

by MildlyDepressed

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random
Length: 1094

Whole Wheat is not good at cooking. So he buys a toaster to make his life easier, what could go wrong?

Whole Wheat buys a toaster from a strange shop that was also selling magical artifacts. Things get out of hoof real fast. But at least he got a really good deal on the toaster.

Published 2018-08-06 00:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-06 00:30:01 UTC

The Toaster

Whole Wheat was walking home with his new purchase, he had just bought a toaster. The primary reason for this, is the fact that he is terrible at cooking.

"Bout to make me sandwich. Its gonna be real good. Not going to start a fire this time. Time to toast it up, YEA!"

Everypony was staring at him as he merrily made his way to his humble home. Whole Wheat set his toaster down on the counter.

"I can't believe I got a new Toaster for 3 bits, they usually cost 7 for the cheap ones! That stallion at Back Alley Bargains And Moderately Dangerous Magical Artifacts sure was nice."

He trotted to his pantry and grabbed a loaf of his favorite bread, whole wheat, I mean seriously, what did you expect, pumpernickel?

He slid some bread into the toaster, pushed down the pushy downy thing and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

WHOOSH CRACK BANG

In a surge of arcane energy, the toaster sprang to life.

"WHO HAS DISTURBED ME?"

"Me, I just wanted toast."

"I CARE NOT WHAT YOU WANT, YOU HAVE DISTURBED THE LORD OF BREAD! I HAVE BEEN TRAPPED HERE FOR CENTURIES!"

"How? Toasters weren't invented until 7 years ago."

"I WAS TRAPPED IN A CRYSTAL, WHICH WAS USED TO POWER THIS INFERNAL CONTRAPTION."

"Ok, but can I get my toast. I can smell it burning."

"IF YOU FREE ME, I SHALL GIVE YOU TOAST. MY SPIRIT MUST BE FREED AND ALLOWED TO RENEW MY BODY."

"What should I do?"

"PUT A DROP OF YOUR BLOOD INTO THE TOASTER, THEN DESTROY THE TOASTER."

"Ok, but why do I need to give my blood?"

"JUST DO IT!"

"Fine, I will. Stop yelling."

Whole Wheat approached the cursed toaster and picked up a butter knife. He cut himself a little bit and a drop of his blood dripped into the opening. The toaster sparked, and the Whole Wheat smashed it to pieces.

SWOOSH WOOSH BLAMF

There was another surge of arcane energy and a blinding light, Whole Wheat was forced to close his eyes.

When the light died, he opened his eyes and was flabbergasted. There stood a small black colt with a dark brown mane and tail.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TOAST!"

"I have gifted you with my descendant, you shall raise him. His name is Burnt Toast and he likes strawberry jam."

"But I'm not ready to be a Dad! What do I tell my mother? Can I support him financially? Ill never find a marefriend when I have a kid!"

With an evil chuckle, the lord of bread left, his spirit moving on. Whole Wheat was having a panic attack, while Burnt Toast just stared at him. Burnt was confused. He never had a dad before, he didn't ever exist until a minute ago.

"Dad? Why are you crying on the floor?"

"I'm not your dad. And I'm crying because my life is now difficult, and I don't like challenges."

"Do you want toast?"

"Where are going to get toast from. I don't have a toaster."

Out of Nowhere, two pieces of toast popped into existence. One went to Whole Wheat, the other went to Burnt Toast.

Burnt smiled with a piece of toast in his mouth. In a flash of magic, he burned the toast into a black brick of bread, and then smothered it with strawberry jam. Burnt was happy. Whole Wheat was confused.

"How.........did you do that?"

"I am the lord of bread, I can do anything with bread."

"You know what? I guess I can be your dad, for the sole purpose of teaching you not to abuse your power."

"Yay! I have a dad again! Can we go do stuff? Can we? I want to go and play! C'mon lets go!"

And just like that, Burnt was out the door and Whole Wheat, who was smiling, followed the rambunctious unicorn colt.

17 years later....

"Son, you must stop this!"

"No father, the world must end. Only bread shall remain, we shall rule Breadland together."

Everypony was screaming in terror as houses were turned into gingerbread, along with everything else really. Bread had taken over the entirety of Ponyville.

Burnt Toast, as God of Bread, completely lost it and decided to use his power to turn everything into bread. It was a stupid idea, but if a God wants it, he can make it happen.

"Haven't I taught you anything? I raised you to be a respectable stallion that didn't change the world to bread!"

"No, you taught me how to run away from my problems. You also said to avoid anything difficult in life, and to always use shortcuts when possible."

"Oh yea, I forgot how terrible of an influence I am. But still, You need to stop. This entire idea is stupid."

"Your face is stupid!"

Upon hearing that Whole Wheat could hardly breathe, everything seemed to slow down. He felt hot tears escaping his eyes. He felt so offended, he might die.

Whole Wheat proceeded to curl up into a ball of sad, crying, stallion.

"Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call your face stupid."

Burnt felt like a total jerk-wad. He had reduced his father to a ball of tears. This however had distracted him from the dark figure coming in from behind him and ludicrous speed.

"Dad, please sto-" BONK

Burnt was cut off as a large, cast iron skillet hit the back of his head. This skillet was going as fast as a train. THe one who wielded it was none other than Princess Luna herself.

"Get rekt scrub." was all Luna said before using her Swanky Moon Magic, to fix everything.

"Princess, what are you going to do to my son?"

"Nothing, I have knocked the godly powers out of him with my skillet."

"You can do that?"

"Of course I can. After all, I control the moon, he just turns things to bread."

Burnt Toast woke up 1 month later with a killer headache. He came to terms with the loss of his powers, and now lives in Las Pegasus where he is a bellhop at Generic Casino Hotel.

Whole Wheat turned gay and is now married to Cheddar Biscuit, they own a bakery in Baltimare were they sell bread, obviously.

Luna continues to crack skulls with her skillet, which she named 'Thwack Master'.

THE END

Author's Note

I felt that this turned out pretty good. I was worried that the end would be bad, but it turned out nice.