Fake-Up, or Break-up?

by deadpansnarker

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Fluttershy
Length: 1930

Straight after the events of The Break Up Break Down, Discord and Spike take a little stroll to Fluttershy's, where the draconequus has something very important to tell her. But just outside her front door, he hears something quite unsettling...

Straight after the events of The Break Up Break Down, Discord and Spike take a little stroll to Fluttershy's, where the draconequus has something very important to tell her. But just outside her front door, he hears something quite unsettling...

I wonder what it could be now?

Published 2018-05-20 14:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-20 14:20:07 UTC

Discord has a Date with Destiny

"Well, I have to say Spike, your Ogres and Oubliettes skills have definitely improved recently." Discord remarked to his dragon chum as they strolled (or in the draconequus's case, floated) through the quiet hamlet of Ponyville. "Though I must confess, your newfound attraction to Skelenor, lovely as she is, puzzles and disturbs me a little."

"H-Hey, it's not like I'm into her or anything..." Spike looked slightly sheepish as he answered in a hushed voice. "I just think of talking to her as practice for, you know, when I feel like baring my soul to my real crush. Anyone, you're a fine one to lecture me on weird friends. Whatever do you see in that gooey Oozy character?"

"I'll thank you for getting The Smooze's name right, he's very particular about that." A mortar-board sporting Discord conjured up a chalkboard upon which were etched those exact letters in capitals, so his reptilian companion would hopefully remember better in the future. "...And for your information, me and my squishy buddy go back generations. Why, I was with him when he first self multiplied. It was so cute, watching all those little amoeba squelch about, dissolving everything in their acidic path..."

"YUCK!! I don't wanna know! I don't wanna know!!" Spike tried his best to block the gross mental image from his head, but it was already too late, so he quickly changed the subject to avoid any further future therapy bills. "A-Anyway, don't you remember our bet from earlier? That if you discovered you believed in love, you'd do my lawn for all of eternity, or something? Well, seeing as I don't actually have a garden, I've decided to change the terms of the deal, if that's okay. You can go underground to collect a clawful of gems for me once a week instead. I'm sure a being of your immense power won't be bothered by the Diamond Dogs, and you won't even have to use a pair of tweezers to gather the jewels. So, what do you say?"

"Hmm, now let me see." Discord suddenly snapped his fingers together, and out of nowhere appeared what looked like a bundle of stapled papers with 'MLP S8 E10' typed in big font on the front. Perusing them closely with a pair of tiny spectacles, he murmured quietly to himself as a very confused Spike hung about nearby. "Predictable third act resolution between Big Mac and his squeeze... Cutie Mark Crusaders are teeth-rottingly adorable... the usual hil-ari-ous antics from yours truly..."

Without warning, he flung the papers in the air triumphantly having obviously found what he was looking for. "Aha! Just as I thought! I never actually said words to that effect did I, young grasshopper? You may think you're all smart by 'reading between the lines', but until those lines are actually present in the script, I'll plead the fifth and refuse to opine one way or the other."

"Grasshopper? Plead the fifth? The script?! What on Equestria are you babbling... you know what, just forget it." Spike shook his head in bewilderment, just as a few stray sheets blew past him and an ironically placed 'KEEP PONYVILLE TIDY' sign. "Tell you what: we'll just declare the whole thing a draw, and forget it ever happened."

"Well, as much as my vegetation is in desperate need of a short back and sides, I suppose as you're a friend I can let you off on this one single occasion." Discord mused smugly, as he scratched the bottom of his chin. "Besides, you look so fetching in that wizard's outfit, 'Garbunkle', that I couldn't deny you this tiny favour."

"You're too kind." Spike deadpanned sarcastically, before the migraine-suffering dragon realised where they were. "Um, what are we doing by Fluttershy's? You didn't tell me you had business here. I thought you were going to accompany me back to the castle."

"Hmm, I didn't think that'd be such a good idea, after I turned all of Princess Twilight's books into ravenous miniature predators a while ago." Discord paused momentarily to chuckle at the thought of hundreds of toothy tomes rampaging around town, gently nipping anypony stupid enough to get in their way. "Besides, I have... something I need to do urgently. Be a good little lizard and wait right here for me, will you?"

"I've told you before Discord, I hate it when you call me..." But it was already too late, as the preoccupied draconequus had already blinked himself away to just outside Fluttershy's front window. Within the confines of his lion's paw lay several fragrant yellowish blooms, and he was uncharacteristically nervous for such a usually carefree being.

Now let's see... He went through his much-rehearsed routine in his head, as a duplicate of him dressed like a personal trainer sponged off his sweaty brow. Confess undying love. Hand over flowers. Recite... ugh... sappy poem whilst playing mandolin. End result: she's yours forever. It's completely foolproof! I know this, because I came up with it all myself. The only question is, which of my smooth romantic gestures to try first? Maybe a bit of melodic minstrel music might help in breaking the ice, or perhaps the scent of these posies that match her fur would warm her precious heart...

Just before the smitten hybrid was about to begin his whole schtick though, he happened to catch the slightest hint of an ongoing conversation going on somewhere inside the cottage. What? Is somepony in there with her already? On Hearts and Hooves Day, of all occasions?!

Now, Discord was not one for eavesdropping (perish the thought), but the mere notion that another suitor may have gotten to his beloved first before he could express his undying affection for her, mildly ticked him off to say the least. Or even, cause steam to come out of his ears and the beautiful blooms in his paw to dramatically droop.

So, instead of beginning his whole song 'n' dance performance as originally envisaged, Discord decided upon another, more sneaky tact. Namely: conjuring up an ear trumpet big enough for a hearing-impaired Ursa Major to use, and positioning it just by the glass. And what do you think he heard? Well, I'm about to tell you.

"... You know, as much as I love him, sometimes it feels like I don't even understand him! I mean, he can be more trouble than he's worth, and he loves chaos just a bit too much for my liking! I just wish I knew what went on inside his head, but who am I kidding? We're just too different, and even though I've done my best to reform him, his old side shows up time and time again. I don't know what to do anymore... maybe we should just call it a day..."

Upon hearing that last part, Discord abruptly dropped his oversized trumpet onto the ground, as a tsunami of tears swiftly washed it away.

He'd been completely wrong with his first guess. It wasn't a love rival trying to 'put the moves' on his darling Fluttershy at all.

It was much, much worse than that.

"I-I have to go now. T-Tell Fluttershy it was fun while it lasted. I-I should've known that a wretched creature like me could never have held onto a perfect angel like her forever... sob" was all that a wall-leaning Spike (still practicing his 'cool dude' pose from earlier) heard as Discord dashed past him into a freshly-appeared time portal, as rivulets of water cascaded around the departing hybrid like the world's biggest sprinkler had been switched on.

"H-Huh?!" A dumbstruck and drenched Spike found himself flat on his back, in the aftermath of the draconequus's sudden exit. "U-Um... what just happened?!"

Meanwhile, Fluttershy's attention had been diverted away from whatever had been occupying her indoors, and she gingerly opened her front door to peek outside at what all the hubbub could be.

"Oh, hi Spike! Erm, why are you lying down there in the middle of the road? And, how come you're so wet?" Fluttershy's original fear was soon replaced with concern for her friend, and she dutifully saw if there was anything she could do to help. "Would you like to rest in my spare room for a while? Or perhaps I could lend you a towel? Maybe you need..."

"No, no: I don't need anything like that." Spike swiftly jumped up to address the yellow pegasus, his scales fortunately being those of the quick-drying variety. "This is all Discord's doing. One minute he's loitering outside your front porch, doing who-knows-what with some daffodils and a giant funnel, next he's rushing away inter-dimensional style, crying his heart out. Well, that's if draconequus actually have hearts, I can't say I'm an expert on their anatomy."

"Oh dear, I wonder what the trouble with the poor darling could be." Fluttershy worriedly remarked, as she pondered the situation. "Perhaps I'll stop by limbo later on to see if I can assist him, if I can remember the way. As if I don't have enough other problems already, what with Angel getting in Rarity's boutique again, and messing up all her orders. She came round herself to tell me that her entire delivery system as catalogued for the week has been ruined. I swear, sometimes he almost makes me want to scream. Or at least, mildly chastise him. There's no changing that bunny, I should just accept it and love him as he is."

"Angel snuck into Rarity's shop, and messed stuff up? And you were talking to Rarity about this, just before Discord arrived to listen in?" Spike was beginning to put the pieces together in his head, and despite feeling slightly sorry for the misinformed draconequus, a slight titter escaped his lips. "You know, this is kind of a funny coincidence. Almost exactly the same thing happened with Big Mac earlier on, when he got the wrong end of the stick..."

"Tell you what, Spike." Fluttershy turned to face her guest with a welcoming expression on her face. "Why don't you tell me and Rarity all about it inside, over a nice pot of Earl Grey? I know she'd be very pleased to see you. Then afterwards, when you've explained everything, we can meet up with Discord to clear the air..."

"R-Rarity's still here? Now?! Well, say no more! I'll lead the way, if you don't mind." Realising that this would be the ideal opportunity to try out a few of his new 'cool dude' poses on a certain unicorn crush, as well as put into practice some of his earlier dating experience with Skelenor, Spike dashed in front of the hospitable pegasus to almost fling himself into her open door.

"Well, I never! If he's this peppy now, who knows what he'll be like if he ever learns to fly!" Fluttershy chuckled to herself, as she more lucidly followed the excitable dragon through her main entrance, before closing shut it and this story.

Author's Note

I'll tell you something, the new episodes have given me so many great ideas for one-shots, it's amazingI can find the time to write them all down. :raritywink:

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this story, and please expect many more coming soon. :raritystarry:

EDIT: To the people messaging me YES OF COURSE Fluttershy and Discord 'get back together' in the end, they never 'broke up' in the first place. It was all a misunderstanding, remember? In fact, have they ever officially been a couple, or just good friends? Hmm... :twistnerd: