Chapter 1: Big MT TransPonderPorta...Thing
"And that, Veronica, is how I got this." I said, holding up my new Big MT TransPortalPonder.
"So, in short, you got your brain, heart, and spine removed by floating robot brain jars called 'The Think Tank', got a sonic gun and a dog gun from them, went and got an upgrade for the sonic gun, an antenna, and a bitchy stealth suit, who nearly got you addicted to Med-X, before fighting a giant robo-scorpion, and getting your brain back."
"Exactly!" I replied. "Oh, did I mention all the AI in the Sink?"
"Yes, yes you did." Groaned Veronica, who was becoming more and more annoyed with every word. It was at that exact moment that I stepped on a pulse mine, singeing my hair and making Veronica even more angry with me.
"WOW Six, you did a great job not stepping on that pulse min...uhh, is it supposed to be lit up like that?" Veronica asked, pointing at my Big MT TelePortaponder thingy.
"No, not unless it's activated, which mean-" Was all I said before everything went white.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Fuck, my head feels like that time you punched me in the face." I said as I stood up.
"Mine hurts too, but we have a bigger problem." Veronica responded. "Where in the hell are we?" She asked, almost expecting me to know. The last time I had seen this many trees was when I was in Zion, and I could tell we weren't there.
"A forest." I replied, only for her to punch me in the back.
"No, I think we're in a fucking desert." Veronica said, the sarcasm was probably detectable within a 2 mile radius. "I mean where is this forest? Where in the holy fuck are we?"
I had no fucking idea either, my Pip-Boys map was only reading 'Unknown'. "I don't think we're on Earth, my Pip-Boy would have been able to tell me where we are if we were." I told her. Why she thought I knew, the world may never know. All we know is, she's called Veronica. "Well, we're not going to find out by standing here. Lets go see if we can find someone who can tell us." I said, before walking towards a small dirt path.
"Lead the way, Columbus."
"Oh, fuck you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Twilight, are sure you saw something? I mean, I'm not scared of the Everfree forest or anything, I just think you thought you saw something, but you really didn't!" Rainbow Dash asked Twilight. They were standing on the edge of the Everfree forest, along with Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie.
"I am 110% sure, Dash. Anyways, we've been here many times, there's nothing to worry about!" Twilight responded. "Besides, everyone's here. If we run into trouble, I'm sure we can handle it."
"Alright, fine. But, if we don't find something, you owe me 10 bits!"
"Will you two knock it off! The sooner we get this over with, the better!" Applejack yelled, which ended Rainbows and Twilights argument.
"Hey, did anyone hear that?" Pinkie asked. "I think it came from those bushes." She said, gesturing at said bushes.
"No, Pinkie, no pony heard anythin-AAAHHH!!! MONSTER!" Screamed Rarity as the Courier walked out of the forest,
followed by Veronica.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I told you, I heard something!" I insisted. "I think we're nearly out, I can see sunlight!"
"You're hearing thing."
"No I'm not!"
"Yes you are!"
"For the last fucking time, I am not hearing things!" I yelled as I walked out of the forest. "Now that we're out of that forest, we can go and-" I was saying, before I was cut off by a scream.
"AAAHHH!!! MONSTER!" Screamed what looked like a white brahmin with purple hair and only one head.
"Veronica, are you seeing what I'm seeing?" I asked, as I stared at the white thing, who was standing with 5 other creatures who looked like her, but in different colors. They were all staring back at me with looks of terror on their faces. The white one had fainted, the pale-yellow one had curled up into a ball, the purple one looked both scared and interested, the orange one (who was wearing a cowboy hat) was crouching down in a defensive position, as was the cyan one (she had rainbow hair!). The only one who wasn't scared at all was the pink one, who bounced right up to me and stared at me with a huge smile on her face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rarity screamed and fainted at the sight of the monster. While everyone else was panicking, Pinkie hopped right up to the monster.
"Pinkie! What are you doing? That thing's gonna eat you!" Yelled Rainbow, who was standing in front of Twilight.
"No he's not, silly! See, he's not doing anything!" Pinkie responded, still intently staring at the monster. "If he was going to eat us, why isn't he eating me?"
"Wait...did you just talk?" Asked the Courier.
"Yes I did, Mr. Monster. Can you please tell my friends that you're not going to eat them?" Pinkie said, still staring at him with a huge smile on her face. "Oh, hi there!" She said, looking over at Veronica, who had come out to see what was going on.
"Did it just talk to me?" Veronica asked the Courier.
"Yes, yes I did Ms Monster!"
"Wait, how did you know tha-" Veronica was asking, before Pinkie cut her off.
"Your voice, silly! You don't sound like a boy, so you must be a girl! Logic!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was so busy thinking about this brahmin thing talking to me, I din't notice Veronica until the pink brahmin thing started talking to her.
"Oh, hi there!"
"Did it just talk to me?" Veronica asked me.
"Yes, yes I did Ms Monster!" The brahmin thing responded before I could.
"Wait, how did you know tha-" Veronica was asking, before it cut her off.
"Your voice, silly! You don't sound like a boy, so you must be a girl! Logic!"
"Can't argue with that." I said.
"So, wanna go over and meet my friends?" It asked.
"OK, sure." I replied. "So, who are you, what are you, and where am I?" I asked as we walked up to the group.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So, who are you, what are you, and where am I?" The creature asked as he walked up to the group of ponies.
Twilight walked up, slowly, and responded to his questions. "My name is Twilight Sparkle, I am a unicorn, and you are in Equestria. The white one is Rarity. She's also a unicorn. You know who Pinkie Pie is, and the orange one with the cowboy hat is Applejack, and they're both earth ponies. Fluttershy is the pale-yellow one, and Rainbow Dash is the cyan one with the rainbow mane. They are both Pegusai. Now, who are you, who is the other person, where are you from, and what are you?"
"You can call me Courier, her name is Veronica Santangelo, we are both from California, and we are humans. Does that answer your questions?" Said the Courier.
"Ummmm...Mr. Courier, are you going to hurt us?" Asked Fluttershy, who had slowly walked up to him.
"No, not unless I have a very good reason to." He said.
"What do you mean?"
"I would only hurt those who are evil or those who hurt me. Unless it's because you were scared." He responded.
"Alright, now that we have that sorted out, I'm going to need to write a letter to Princess Celestia, and we're going to have to find you two a place to stay." Said Twilight, who had already started to write a letter. "I think you two could stay in the library, I really would like to know more about you two and where you come from."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Great, we're not on Earth anymore, the one called Twilight Sparkle is writing a letter to a Princess, and she is going to start asking us lots of questions when we get to her house. Well, things can't go horribly wrong, right?
Chapter 2: My Favorite Subject (Extended...Again)
View Online
Chapter 2: My Favorite Subject (Extended...Again)
Author's Notes
So after reading this chapter over and over again, I decided to add some extra stuff that I should have written earlier. Oh, and he first person to tell me where I got the cat from gets a cookie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that (A letter that I was never going to write)
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S: We found two creatures near the Everfree forest who call themselves 'humans'. They look dangerous but say they won't hurt anypony without a good reason.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God, she's worst that Cass! Questions, questions, and questions. Oh did I forget to mention all the fucking questions?
"What's that in your hand? Why do you dress like that? Who's the NCR? Who's Caesars Legion? I don't think 'jerkwads' is a word. What do you eat? Would you eat ponies? Who's Mr. House? What's the Gomorrah? How did you survive getting shot in the head? You beat someone to death with their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible. Who's Boo-"
"SHUT UP! JESUS CHRIST, JUST SHUT UP FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE!!! YOU'RE WORST THAN CASS!!!"
"Who's Jesus, who's God, and who's Cass?"
"I hate my life." I muttered to myself. "Hundreds of years ago, much of human society was influenced by religion. The effects of religion on society ranged from people of a specific faith not being able to eat certain foods to being the cause of many wars. Three of these religions, Judaism, Islam, and Christianity all worshiped the same God. They also all acknowledged Jesus Christ, but in different ways. Christians believe that Jesus is the son of God, Muslims believe he was an important prophet, but not the son of God, and Jews only believe that he was a real person, but had no religious significance."
"Don't forget to breath!" Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Veronica grinning smugly. I will have my revenge.
"OK, so who's Cass?"
"Can we talk about this at a bar? I don't want common sense getting in my way."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back in the Mojave, a scavenger happened upon the place where Six and Veronica had been teleported to Equestria. As he looked around, he saw a cat wearing a hat. What he didn't know was that the cat had 4 fusion bombs in his stomach. As he approached the cat, it barked and the scavenger started to slowly back away. The bombs went off, killing the scavenger and sending his body flying. The body flew for several miles before landing on Fantastic, killing him. The scavenger was given a military funeral and Fantastic's body was used as Deathclaw bait.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I guess I'll stop asking you questions...for now." Twilight replied. "But I am going to ask her some questions." She said, pointing at Veronica, who had suddenly stopped grinning. I love being such a good person. "So, tell me about yourself. What's your name?"
"Veronica Santangelo"
"What are you wearing? It looks like some kind of metal armor."
"It's T-51b power armor. It's made of a poly-laminate composite, the outer shell of the T-51b is lightweight and capable of absorbing over 2500 Joules of kinetic impact. The 10-micron-thick silver ablative coating can reflect laser and other radiation emissions without damaging the composite subsurface, and the eye slit for the helmet is made of bullet proof glass to protect the wearer from any projectiles. It's fitted with a back-mounted TX-28 Microfusion Pack which generates an output power of 60,000 Watts to power the HiFlo hydraulic systems built into the frame of the suit, and it usually carries enough fuel to last for ten thousand years."
It took about a minute for Twilight to respond. "What's that on your right arm? it doesn't look like a part of your armor."
"Oh, that's a ballistic fist." Veronica calmly responded. "When something hits the plate on my knuckles, two shotgun shells are fired from these two barrels."
"That sounds painful." Twilight said with a concerned look on her face. Even though she didn't know what a shotgun shell was, she could tell that it wasn't something nice.
"No, most of the time it causes a persons head to explode." Veronica responded, a little too enthusiastically.
"That's horrible! Why would anyone make something that does that?!?" A shocked and disgusted Twilight asked.
"War. War never changes. Humans have fought and killed each other for thousands of years." I stated.
"Why would people kill each other? Why not talk to each other instead of fighting?"
"People try, sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. But, when words don't work, it's always good to have the best weapons available." I explained. For the rest of the walk to the library me and Veronica explained war and all the evil and fighting back in the Mojave. We also had to explain how I support the NCR but travel with Veronica, who was a BoS scribe.
"So the Brotherhood of Steel protects people from technology?' Twilight asked, who was somewhat confused by the idea.
"You see, we...THEY-" Veronica began to explain, only to be interrupted by Twilight.
"Why do you keep switching from 'we' to 'they' when talking about the Brotherhood?" Twilight looked up at Veronica and stopped walking. By this time I had already finished 2 bottles of Sunset Sarsaparilla, and had started on a third, when I noticed a regal looking pony with both a horn and wings.
"Twilight, who's that?" I asked, gesturing at the pony in question.
"Princess Celestia!" Twilight exclaimed as she ran towards Celestia. "Did you get my letter?"
"Yes. I'm taking these creatures to Canterlot " As she said this, a yellow orb encased me and Veronica.
"WE HAVE A NAME, BITCH!" I yelled. She's going on the list. Wow. I never thought I'd have so many enemies that I'd need a list. "Hey, things can't get any worst, right?" I turned and looked at Veronica with a look that says 'You probably should have been nicer to me'.
"I still fucking hate you."
Chapter 2.5: Revolver Six
Six was bored.
Veronica had called dibs on the baseball, so he had nothing to do, while she at least got to throw a baseball at the wall. After about 30-45 minutes, Six began to dig through his stuff to see I he had anything to do, and at last he found something; Two .357 magnums.
Six started to spin the guns on his fingers. After a few seconds he swapped hands, threw both guns in the air, caught them on his fingers and continued to spin them, occasionally tossing one from one hand to the other.
"Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of thi-"
*BANG!*
"SON OF A FUCK!" Six fell to the floor and grabbed his left foot, which he had just shot. "Aaaahhhh! Penalty kick! Penalty kick!"
Six rolled around the floor, still holding his left foot while screaming in pain.
"Fine, I'll get you a stimpack, you over-dramatic dumbass." Veronica tossed a stimpack over at Six, who caught it with his left hand.
"Thanks... bitch." Six stabbed the needle into his foot, and his wound slowly began to heal.
"Hey, this wouldn't have happened if you had remembered to unload the guns before playing with them." Veronica had gone back to throwing the baseball at the wall.
"Oh...Right..." Six felt quite stupid at this point, having shot himself in the foot because he was playing with two loaded guns. "So, can I have the a turn with the baseball?"
"FUCK NO!"
Author's Note
Yes, I know this is tiny, but I couldn't get it to work at the start of Chapter 3, so quit your bitching. Also, Dear People Who Complain About Grammar: Perception Filter edited this, so go eat his soul, or whatever the hell it is that you guys do.
