Fireworks? Check. Marbles? Check. Rubber chicken? Check. Thundercloud? Check. Poison joke extract? Check. Joy buzzer? Check. Paint? Check. Face masks? Check. Balloons? Check. Hot sauce? Check. Invisible ink? Check. Noodles? Check.
Everything on the list had been gathered. It was an assortment of objects most nefarious and devious like no other, and if all went according to the plans of two good-natured tricksters, it would be unleashed on the unsuspecting town of Ponyville. There was only one thing missing for this onslaught of hilarity to begin, and that was a partner in crime.
“Uhg. Where is Pinkie Pie?” Rainbow Dash asked herself. It wasn't the first time the scatter brained earth pony had been late, but this was a day the two had been planning for weeks, and tardiness would require an excellent excuse. Dash tried waiting for her friend, but at the five minute mark the pegasus' patients has been all but expended. Rather than sitting around any longer, she opted to scour the town in search of Pinkie Pie.
A quick flyover of Ponyville, as well as the surrounding areas, provided no insight to Pinkie's whereabouts, so Rainbow Dash proceeded to the place the party pony was always the most likely to be; Sugarcube Corner.
Unfortunately, the pony at the register was not Pinkie Pie. Whom Dash did find however might be able to provide a lead, so perhaps this wouldn't be a complete waste of time.
“Hey, Mrs. Cake! Seen Pinkie Pie?” inquired Rainbow Dash.
“Hmm? Oh no dear, I think she went out. Not sure where though,” replied Mrs. Cake, flashing a bright smile. Mrs. Cake never was a very good liar, and a closer inspection of that smile of hers might reveal it was induced more out of nerves than manners. Lucky for her though, Rainbow Dash wasn't on the lookout for deceit, so she bought it and was out the door in a flash. Well, right after forking over a bit in exchange for one of Sugercube Corner's famous cupcakes; Dash figured she may as well grab one as long as she was here.
Next Rainbow Dash made rounds within her tight-knit circle of friends. Her questioning yielded no results however; it seemed nopony had seen neither hide nor hair of their pink perky friend all day. For someone like Twilight Sparkle who could spend all day cooped up in a library with her books and be perfectly happy, this wouldn't be so strange. This was Pinkie Pie though, and she never seemed to do all that well alone, so her sudden absence could be cause for concern.
A quick check of the designated meeting place for the prank spree revealed Pinkie Pie had not stopped by, as everything was just as Rainbow Dash had left it. A good portion of the day had been spent on hunting the introuvable pony, and even if they had gotten started at this very second a good portion of the plans would have to be discarded for lack of time. Seemed the best solution was the wait till a new day, but the pegasus still felt the need to find her no-show of a partner and give her what for.
With no other good ideas, Rainbow Dash repeated her route. Once again, no sign of her from the skies. Another stop by Sugercube Corner, another undetected lie and another cupcake. Four more stops at four friends' homes, four more “I haven't seen her”s. No luck in round two.
Now most ponies probably would have given up at this point, but Rainbow Dash was a mare on a mission. The sun had long since passed over it's middle mark and pranks would obviously have to wait for another day, but Pinkie Pie was still nowhere to be seen. One more loop, Dash resolved, just one more. She was beginning to tire from all the flying by now, so searching from the air took longer than usual. By the time she made her way into Sugarcube Corner, Rainbow was panting up a storm.
“You're sure you haven't seen her?” Rainbow Dash asked between long drawn out breaths.
“Oh dear, you're still looking?” replied Mrs. Cake. “Is this really that important?”
“Yes!” The cyan pegasus' voice was somewhere between desperation and anger, and it must have won over the sweet Mrs. Cake's sympathies, because at that moment she finally caved it.
“Ooohh I'm sorry Rainbow Dash. I do know where she is, but she hates being bothered when she's down in the basement. She doesn't even like us telling anypony she works down there. She's been there all day.” Mrs. Cake admitted. Rainbow Dash let her mouth hang over a moment before she gathered herself. For a brief moment she felt mad at the older mare for lying, but that thought quickly passed, Mrs. Cake certainly had the best intentions. The next thought she had however was one she did decide to act on.
“Sugarcube Corner has a basement?” In all her visits, Rainbow Dash had never seen anything that indicated a lower floor. There were no stairwells or anything of the sort.
Mrs. Cake hung her head. “Yes, we do. Half of it is storage, and half of it is... well Pinkie rents it from us, and requests we never go in. It's always locked when she's not around.”
This little tidbit intrigued the young ladette, enough so that for a moment she forgot her frustration. A secret room that was always locked? This she felt she had to see. “Ever snuck a peak inside?”
“Oh certainly not! Pinkie Pie is an excellent employee and trusted friend. We would never invade her privacy like that.”
“Right. Privacy. Anyway, where's this basement? I really need to find Pinkie.”
Mrs. Cake got up from the register and walked to the middle of the room. Next, she pulled a dusty rug from the floor. Rainbow Dash would have gone wide-eyed if it wasn't for all the displaced dust now floating around in the air. Right there under that rug was a trapdoor, clear as day. Mrs. Cake opened it up and motioned for Dash to go on in.
Being a pegasus born and raised in the clouds, Rainbow Dash had never been especially fond of the underground, which included basements. Luckily for her, it appeared lighted down there, so there was to be no stumbling around in the dark. She descended down a short ladder and found herself in a small, empty room with doors to both sides of her. That wasn't all she noticed though, from the room on her right there was also the very distinct voice of one Pinkamena Diane Pie. Dash couldn't make out any words, but she could tell her friend was rambling away about something, which certainly wasn't unusual for Pinkie.
At first Rainbow Dash just planned to push open the door and barge right in, but then again, this was supposed to be a private room, and for now her respect for privacy overcame her natural curiosity. A simple knock would suffice.
Soon as that knock sounded, Pinkie's ranting and raving stopped dead in its tracks. Rainbow Dash heard the sound of somepony trotting over to the door, then the rattling of chains as some latches sealing the door shut were undone. Finally, the door swung open and closed with lightning speed. Dash didn't even get so much as a glimpse inside. Pinkie Pie now stood happily outside the door.
“Heya Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie chirped. “What's up?”
“I've been looking all over for you!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. Pinkie's beaming expression remained unfazed. Had Pinkie Pie completely forgotten?
“Well duh, if you found me here it must be really super duper important! What's up?”
“We were supposed to go pranking today, don't you remember?”
Pinkie Pie's expression became inquisitive, then realization hit her a moment later like a slap to the face. “Ohmygosh I'm so sorry! I totally forgot! But I had some really incredibly hugely important work to do, so you'll forgive me right?”
“I guess so.” Dash looked past her remorseful friend to the door she had just exited from. “What were you doing in there anyway?”
“Something mega important!” Pinkie Pie replied, flailing her forelegs wildly above her for emphasis.
“Yeah, but what?”
“Important stuff!”
This was going nowhere fast Rainbow Dash could tell. She needed to ask something that couldn't be answered to vaguely, something specific. “Who were you talking to?”
“Huh?” Pinkie seemed clueless. Then again, she could have just been playing dumb; it was hard to tell the difference with Pinkie. As they say, Pinkie is as Pinkie does.
“When you were in there, I heard you talking. Who else is in there?”
Pinkie Pie was a mare of many skills, most of which were well broadcast by the extreme extrovert. One skill she kept a secret however, her ace in the hole, was lying. Pinkie Pie was an excellent liar, though it was a skill she reserved only for moments that truly needed it. Moments like this.
“Oh, that!” Pinkie Pie giggled a moment. “I was talking to myself silly! It helps me focus when I'm working on something!”
“Okay, but what were you working on that needed focus?”
“...Important stuff!”
Facehoof.
***
Rainbow Dash never did get any answers from Pinkie Pie, but trying to get straight talk out of that one was like trying to get Fluttershy to shout, or trying to get Applejack to acknowledge the superiority of pears. What Rainbow did get however was a Pinkie Promise that the next day they both had free would be their prank spree. With a promise so binding in the eyes of her pink friend, Rainbow Dash felt satisfied that pranks would indeed occur. What was not satisfied however was her own curiosity; what was in that room and why was Pinkie so evasive to questioning on the subject?
The only solution as it seemed to the pegasus was a stealth operation. She'd break into Sugercube Corner at the middle of night and find out what mysteries were locked away in that clandestine room. The plan was simple, but Dash felt somehow tentative towards it. Perhaps what she needed was a helping hand. Someone to play an accomplice, so to speak.
But who? Who would allow their natural curiosity for hidden knowledge to overcome near instantaneously their respect for the privacy of a dear friend? Who would disregard the sanctity of a locked room in favor of a lust for information? Who would be willing to toss asunder social rules and expectations in order to gain insight that was not meant for their own eyes?
The answer was so obvious it hurt.
“Twilight! Twilight!” Rainbow Dash called through the library door. Apparently she wasn't content with just her own shouting, because that door was getting pounded by a storm of cyan colored hooves as well. It wasn't too long before the door shot open and an irked purple unicorn took it's place in the opening.
“What!?” demanded Twilight Sparkle. Rainbow Dash failed to notice her friend's obvious irritation and went right on with the request.
“Wanna help me break into Sugercube Corner in the middle of the night, sneak into the hidden basement, and then investigate Pinkie Pie's secret room?”
The response came not in word but in action. The door was slammed shut in Rainbow Dash's face. Perhaps cutting straight to the point wasn't the best approach in this scenario. Dash knocked on the door once more, albeit in a far gentler manner this time around. To her delight, it crept open again.
“No Rainbow Dash, I will not hep you break into Sugercube Corner.” Twilight moved to seal the door once more, but Dash shoved a hoof in its way just in time.
“Wait a sec, hear me out,” Rainbow Dash begged. Twilight sighed and opened the door wider, allowing the pegasus to enter the library. “Alright, let me start from the top. Remember how I was looking for Pinkie Pie for awhile yesterday?” Twilight did indeed recall, as Dash's search had brought her to the library on two occasions. “Yeah, well I finally found her in Sugercube Corner's basement. I didn't even know they had one of those!”
Twilight rolled her eyes at this statement, but Rainbow Dash failed to notice and continued her explanation. “Anyway I found her down there and she was behind this locked door talking, and when I knocked she opened and closed the door so fast I couldn't see anything inside. And then she wouldn't tell me what she was doing except it was really important and she claimed she was talking to herself.”
“And?” Twilight's expression remained stoic. “Sounds like pretty typical Pinkie to me.”
“Well what do you think she was doing in that room? Mrs. Cake says Pinkie Pie keeps everypony else out and it's always locked tight when she's not around. And apparently she spent that entire day in that room!”
“And with that in mind, you want to break into it?”
“Well yeah, that's why I'm bringing you as backup!” Dash exclaimed.
“No no, that's not what I meant. I meant you're going to break in despite your friend's wishes for it to be private.”
“Come on Twi! We might find something that'll make Pinkie Pie actually make sense! Wouldn't you want to do anything if to find it if there was a place that could explain her?” As predicted, that notion certainly did appeal to Twilight, who now appeared to be seriously considering the offer. Just then a thought dawned on the unicorn.
“Wait. Why do you want me to come? What do you mean 'bringing me as backup'?”
“I figured you would want to,” the pegasus explained. “You're the one that wants to understand Pinkie the most.”
“Not what I meant, again. It makes sense that you would choose me, but why bring anyone else in general? What do you need a second for?”
“Well...” Rainbow Dash's eyes darted left and right, as if to ensure there were no eavesdroppers afoot. “What if it's dangerous?”
“Dangerous? How bad could it be?”
“I mean, what if...” Dash gulped. “What if Pinkie Pie is some kind of serial killer and she kidnaps ponies by feeding them cupcakes that knock them out and then leads them to her secret room and then she cuts them apart and disembowels them and then chops up their organs and uses them to bake cupcakes with?!”
Twilight was unsure whether to laugh at Rainbow Dash's rampant imagination, or be horrified but just what images her mind had conjured up. “Dash, that's ridiculous and you know it. Pinkie Pie would never hurt anypony.”
“You're probably right,” Dash admitted. “But still! We should, uh, investigate!”
Twilight Sparkle shook her head in disbelief to what she was agreeing to. “Fine, what's the plan?”
***
The two mares met just outside the sweets shop shortly passed midnight. Both had, as agreed, arrived clad in all black. For Twilight this entailed a tight fitting rubber suit, though it bore a couple obvious stitches and patches. Rainbow Dash was somewhat less resourceful; all black for her just meant a black sweatshirt with the hood up.
“Alright, let's go.” Rainbow Dash whispered. The pegasus sneaked over to the front door of the bakery and gave it a nudge, only to find it stuck. “Locked?!”
“Of course it's locked, it's the middle of night,” said Twilight. “How were you expecting to get in?”
“I... didn't really think that part through,” Dash responded sheepishly. Twilight just sighed. One moment and a bright flash later, Twilight disappeared. Before Dash could even question what had happened however, the door clicked and swung open.
“I teleported inside,” Twilight Sparkle explained.
“Wow,” Rainbow Dash marveled as she walked through the doorway. “You'd make a great master thief.”
“Going to ignore that comment. Now where's this basement?”
Rainbow Dash grabbed the rug from the floor and tossed it aside, revealing the trapdoor. This door, fortunately, was not locked. Soon enough they were faced with their final obstacle. One final door.
With nothing to lose, Rainbow Dash first tried the obvious solution of just pushing it open. Amazingly, it did creak open at first, but a second later it seized itself, apparently caught on a chain latch. Dash turned back to where Twilight was standing. “Can you teleport past this one too?”
“Maybe, but I could also just do this.” Twilight's horn and the chain illuminated with a purple aura, the sound of metal sliding across metal was heard, and the door was free to move all the way open. Rainbow Dash almost burst with excitement and practically bounced into the room. Twilight entered right behind, sure to re-latch the door so they couldn't be followed without hearing something first. She then took her first look around the entire room. The sights to behold did not disappoint the build-up.
“What is all this?” Twilight thought aloud. Indeed, there was very little that could be easily identified. The most obvious object for inspection was a large chair in the corner of the room. Surrounding the chair were metallic objects adorned with buttons and switches and knobs, none of which had a function which could be gleaned. Twilight stared blankly at it for a short while before having her focus abruptly interrupted.
“Dare ya to sit in it!” Rainbow Dash teased.
“...Pass.”
Dash shrugged and started rummaging through a chest of drawers she was standing next to. Twilight decided to investigate a dresser on the opposite wall. Like most dressers would, this one was filled with clothes, but they were no clothes like Twilight had ever seen before. Twilight couldn't put her hoof on it, but they all just seemed somewhat off.
Next she looked upon a shelf full of notebooks. Twilight levitated to eye level in order to read it over, but was annoyed to find that most of what was written in it didn't make sense. There were a few stray words, but most of it seemed just a random assortment of letters and numbers. For a moment Twilight looked over to Rainbow, who had just pulled out of a drawer a large butcher's cleaver she was eying with was looked like a mix of fear and awe.
Twilight turned back to the books, not wanting the contemplate what a draw full of knifes might imply. She tossed aside the notebook she had been reading, it seemed to her just the ravings of a mad pony, and grabbed a different, much thicker, notebook. This one was readable, but Twilight could only guess what the words inside meant. On the top of each page was a clearly marked date. The most recent entry was the day just passed, but the book went back over multiple years.
Each page had a list of ten names, likely all residents of Ponyville. In the older entries there were a few names Twilight did not recognize, perhaps residents who had moved or passed away before Twilight's arrival. With each entry the names would generally have moved a bit, some names moved up or down, some names would fall off the list and new names would join it. The first discrepancy Twilight spotted was at the top of the list a couple months in; Bon Bon's name was there and highlighted in blue. Her name had been at or near the top since the very beginning, but after this entry it never appeared again.
With greater haste now, Twilight flipped through the book. Every few months a name, usually one that had been present for many entries, would be highlighted in blue and then be gone. The next new occurrence was at the entry April 17th, two months before Twilight came to Ponyville. A name which had topped the list for a week straight, Quicksilver, was highlighted in red.
“Rainbow Dash?” Twilight called over her shoulder.
“Yeah, what's up?”
“Do you know anypony named Quicksilver?”
“Uh, yeah. He was a pegasus who used to work with the weather team. Moved away April of two years ago, before you arrived.”
Twilight's eyes went wide. April of two years ago. It lined up perfectly. Had Pinkie Pie done something to Quicksilver? Did she make him move? Or did he not move at all?
Twilight flipped ahead two months to when she had come to Ponyville. Only a few days after the Summer Sun Celebration, the name Twilight Sparkle began appearing on the list. First near the bottom, but it quickly rose to the dancing near the top. The names Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Applejack also appeared more frequently than usual after that, but they were generally closer to the bottom.
The entries continued on with the occasional blue mark. There wasn't another red mark to be found in the book, but for the last month leading up to the present date, the name Twilight Sparkle topped the list. Though she had no idea what it meant, it gave the unicorn deep chills. Would she soon be given a blue mark? What exactly did that entail?
On the last entry, the one from the previous day, Twilight was surprised to see that her top spot was suddenly dethroned, and by somepony that hadn't even been on the list previously. Twilight was now second, but top of the list clearly read Rainbow Dash.
“Hey, look!” came the voice of an excited pegasus. “Cupcakes!”
Twilight hadn't realized just how tense she had made herself reading that book, so when Rainbow Dash shattered the silence so suddenly, it almost made Twilight jump in surprise. She looked over to see Dash holding in her hooves a platter of blue frosted cupcakes. The cyan mare grabbed one off the platter and opened her mouth.
“I wouldn't eat that if I were you,” Twilight warned. She wasn't sure what to expect from it, but so far nothing in this room appeared completely innocent.
“Ah, what's the worst that could happen?” Dash replied. She reopened her mouth and prepared to eat the cupcake when she was interrupted yet again.
“I wouldn't eat that if I were you.”
“Twilight, I alrea-” Rainbow Dash froze mid-sentence. That distinct voice did not belong to Twilight Sparkle. Dash turned her head to near the entry where the source of the voice stood leaning against the still closed door.
“Seriously, don't eat that cupcake silly,” said Pinkie Pie.
“W-why?” Dash stuttered. She shook herself vigorously, trying to shake off her fear. “What will happen if I do?”
“Puts ya right to sleep!” Pinkie answered happily.
Both snooping mares felt their legs stiffen and their faces go cold. Rainbow Dash's earlier words, then partly in jest but no longer so amusing, rang through both their minds. ...Kidnaps ponies by feeding them cupcakes that knock them out and then leads them to her secret room...
“Hey!” Pinkie yelped, bolting over to Rainbow Dash's side. “You took all my tools out of the drawer!” It was then that Twilight noticed that Rainbow Dash had apparently been removing all the weapons she found and placing them on a table. There we knives which could have been passed for simple kitchen utensils, but then there were also daggers and hack saws and various other 'tools' as Pinkie had referred to them. ...Then she cuts them apart and disembowels them and then chops up their organs...
“Yeah I was just, uh, organizing them for you.” Dash grinned nervously, hoping Pinkie would buy this terrible lie.
“Oh, you didn't have to do that! I like just picking one out at random when I use them, but thanks Dashie!” Pinkie's voice retained its ever-present happy tone, despite the dark setting. “So what are you guys doing here anyway?”
“Oh, we were just...” Twilight trailed off as both her and Rainbow Dash started creeping slowly over to the door.
“Leaving?” Pinkie suggested.
“Y-Yes!” confirmed Rainbow Dash. Both her and Twilight were now bolting for the door. They fumbled for a moment with the sealed latch, swung open the door, and were about to rush out when Pinkie Pie called out to them a strange sort of warning.
“Guys, sometimes it's better to leave yourself ignorant. After all, what you don't know can't hurt you.”
They did not stop running until they were safely situated in the library.
“I told you! I told you! It's just like I said!”
“I thought you were kidding!”
“I thought I was! Oh sweet Celestia, I thought I was!”
“Wait. Wait.” Twilight put a hoof up in protest. “We can't jump to conclusions. We need really strong evidence if we're going to accept something as crazy as this.” Dash nodded, she hoped just as Twilight did that they would realize something disproving their theory. “Alright, let's go over everything we saw.”
The two mares recounted every last detail they noticed about the room. Rainbow Dash had spent most of their time carefully removing each weapon from the drawer full of them, the other object she had uncovered of course being the platter of cupcakes which apparently put ponies to sleep. Twilight skipped over the clothes, thinking them unimportant, and started right off with the notebooks she had found. By the time she had described how the entries were laid out each day, her companion was quivering in fear.
“And every once in awhile a name would be highlighted in blue,” described Twilight. It almost felt like she was telling a scary story, except this was all too real.
“Oh jeeze, do you think those are the ones she...” Rainbow Dash trailed off. She did not want to say it aloud, but it was understood what she meant. Twilight shook her head in reply.
“No, as far as I know all the blue highlighted ones are still around. But there was one,” Twilight paused to gather her composition; this whole conversation had been extremely rattling. “There was one highlighted in red from April of two years ago, the name was Quicksilver.”
“Oh Celestia!” Dash practically shouted. “That's right when he 'moved.' He didn't move at all, she- she- she killed him!”
“Rainbow!” Twilight shouted back, feeling absolutely panicked at this point. “We can't jump to any conclusions!”
“We're not! How do you explain the sleeping cupcakes!? Or all the knives!? Or that crazy chair!? And that notebook you found basically proves it!”
“Yes, it certainly seems this way, but maybe we're seeing this all wrong! We need to investigate more.”
“No way! She knows we're snooping around, she'll probably get us next if she has the chance!”
“Hmm... it's true we were at the top of the list for yesterday-”
“WHAT!?” Rainbow's eyes widened in fear. “We have to run away! We can never come back! We-”
“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight felt that perhaps she would need to give Dash a hoof smack to calm her down, but Dash was silenced at just the shout. “Listen, I know this is scary, but we can't just abandon everyone. If we're right we'd be letting some psychopath continue killing ponies, and if we're wrong then we would be leaving for nothing! It's our responsibility to find the truth now. We can't accuse Pinkie Pie without something more incriminating, so we need to investigate further.”
Rainbow Dash almost just took off right then and there, but the unicorn's courage was inspiring. Besides, Dash could tell that her friend was going to dig deeper regardless, and in that case she would need help.
“Alright, I'll help you. But uh...” she looked nervously outside the library window to the dark night. “Could I maybe stay here tonight?”
***
On the surface, this next stealth operation seemed far more innocent then the last. Rather than sneaking into a secret, always locked room in a basement in the middle of the night to investigate Celestia knows what, they would be sneaking into a bed room and investigating young mare's diary. Of course, with the knowledge Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash had about who's room and diary this was, this operation was far more terrifying.
“You really think Pinkie Pie would write about this kind of stuff in her diary?” Dash asked. “I mean, it seems kind of stupid to admit to murder in a book anyone could read.”
“I know, but for now we have no other leads except that room, and I'd like to avoid going back there if possible,” Twilight replied.
Unlike last time, this mission would be in broad daylight. Of course, they had made sure Pinkie Pie would be well away from her room; she and Rarity apparently had plans for the day.
In order to avoid questioning from whichever of the Cakes might be in the front of the store, Rainbow Dash lifted Twilight into the air and the two entered Pinkie Pie's room via the window. Finding the diary was just as easy, it was tucked away in the top drawer of the earth ponies' night table.
“Read it!” Rainbow Dash ordered enthusiastically. Twilight complied and began to flip through the pages, scanning each one for something relevant.
Most of it was exactly the type of thing you'd expect to find in a diary. Recollections of events, her thoughts on certain matters, a couple unimportant anecdotes. Pinkie Pie had always been very open with her emotions, so most of what Twilight saw came with no surprise.
“Anything good?” asked Dash, which prompted a frown from Twilight. “Check the most recent one. Maybe she wrote about us.”
Twilight flipped to the most recent entry. Sure enough, she saw both Rainbow Dash's and her own names there.
“Dear Diary,” Twilight began. “My good friend's Twilight and Dashie were in my secret room last night for some reason. I guess Dashie got really curious and wanted to see what was in there, and she convinced Twilight to help. I don't really blame them for wanting to understand, but it was sort of rude for them to break in. I should be careful, they might start trying other things to get information, like-
“Oh my Celestia.” Twilight's blood ran ice cold as she looked upon the final sentence on this page.
“What? What does it say?!” Dash demanded.
“Like... like reading my diary,” Twilight finished. Rainbow Dash was completely speechless. “It continues on the next page.” Twilight cautiously flipped the page. “Twilight and Dashie, if you're reading this,” the purple unicorn was now shaking violently. “If you're r-reading this, then I'm s-sorry but-”
“-But this book doesn't have the answers you're looking for.”
All in the same moment the book flew into the air, Twilight screamed in fright at the sudden interruption, and Rainbow Dash turned on the spot. There in the doorway was the ever grinning Pinkie Pie. “Rarity had to cancel, she got some huge order suddenly and she has to work all day today if she's going to finish it in time,” Pinkie explained. “I see you guys didn't really listen to my warning last night, huh? That's okay, I understand. But before you run off, let me give it again.”
Pinkie Pie probably didn't need to even ask them, as both mares were completely frozen with fear. “There are things you're better off not knowing. Sometimes knowing something you didn't need to find out can really really hurt a pony.” Both Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash just stared at the uncharacteristically cryptic pink pony. “...You can leave now. Please.”
***
“Well that was a disaster!” Dash groaned. The two had just gotten back to the relative safety of the library and were still somewhat in shock from the encounter. “All we succeeding in doing there is giving her more reason to get rid of us. She's probably sharpening her knives as we speak!” Twilight had no response, so her companion continued. “Look Twilight, I honestly think we should get out of here.”
“Get out of here?”
“Leave! I know you feel like this is our responsibility, but we're getting nowhere! All we're doing by staying in Ponyville right now is putting ourselves in danger. We could be killed!”
Twilight sighed. She wanted to protest, but what Rainbow Dash had said honestly seemed logical. “There's just one more thing I want to try first.”
“No way.” Dash folded her forelegs in firm protest. “I know it was my idea at first, but I'm not doing any more spying on Pinkie Pie. We got away with our lives the last two times, but I'm not risking it again.”
“I'm not suggesting we spy on her anymore. I'm suggesting we just ask her.”
“What?!”
“Remember what happened with Zecora? We were all convinced that she was some kind of evil witch so everything we saw her do seemed to line up with what we were thinking. But then when we finally confronted her, she was able to explain everything easily. It was all some big misunderstanding. It could be the same with Pinkie; if we just ask her what's going on then maybe she'll have some explanation that makes perfect sense and this will all seem ridiculous in retrospect.”
“I don't know...” Rainbow Dash felt she was rather justified in her apprehension. Explaining away a cauldron is one thing, but how does one explain a drawer full of weapons?
“We'll ask her in a public place, we won't be in any danger. If she refuses to explain or seems like she's just making excuses, then I'll entertain the idea of leaving. Agreed?” Twilight looked to Dash hopefully, pleading to Celestia in her mind that this last bid would reveal an innocent truth.
“Okay, okay. But seriously, if this doesn't work I'm out of here.”
The two mares set off for Sugercube Corner in search of Pinkie Pie, however by sheer coincidence they found her on the way, hopping jovially down the road. Rainbow Dash kept her distance and was ready to take to the skies in a moment's notice, while Twilight was feigning confidence and marched right next to the oblivious pony.
“Pinkie?” said Twilight. “Can me and Rainbow Dash talk to you?”
“Hmm?” Pinkie turned around to meet Twilight's gaze. “Oh, sure! What's up?”
“First of all, we want to apologize for-”
“We do?” Rainbow interrupted.
“Yes.” Twilight shot back curtly. “We want to apologize for our recent actions. It was wrong of us to go sleuthing around in your business like that.”
“Oh, that's okay!” Pinkie Pie replied. “Thanks for apologizing though.”
“But Pinkie,” Twilight paused, unsure of how to word what she had to say. “We're concerned. We found some... strange stuff.”
Pinkie Pie just seemed baffled at Twilight's statement. “What kinda strange stuff?”
“The kind of stuff you would use to kill somepony!” Rainbow Dash blurted out.
“Wha-” Pinkie Pie's eyes widened somewhat at the accusation.
“Ignore her! Please Pinkie, we just want to understand.”
As soon as Twilight finished her sentence, Pinkie's mood swung once more. Her remnant smile faded into a sad, forlorn frown. “You guys are really gonna do this? You didn't listen to my warnings at all, did you?”Twilight cocked her head to the side as a gesture of confusion, but Pinkie Pie didn't let her speak.
“Fine then. You want to understand? Meet me outside Sugercube Corner at ten o'clock tonight. You'll get all the answers in the world, if that's what you choose.”
With that, the pink pony turned around and began to walk off. A few paces in however, she turned her head back. “I know you guys haven't been listening to these, but here's another just in case. Sometimes those of us who smile the most are the ones who have experienced the most sadness.” Her cryptic line delivered, Pinkie turned back forward and continued her departure. Twilight just stared in wonder, forcing Rainbow Dash to break the silence.
“You're gonna make us go, aren't you?”
Twilight turned to the skeptic pegasus. “You do what you want, but I'm going. I honestly have no idea what's going on here, but I've always dedicated myself to the pursuit of knowledge, and from the sounds of it Pinkie knows a lot more than she lets on. It would be going against everything I stand for if I refused this.”
“This still sounds like a death trap to me, but it would be going against everything I stand for if I let you do this alone,” Dash replied. Twilight gaped and was visibly touched by the sentiment. “Hey, I'm not the element of loyalty for nothing ya know!”
***
Of course that night had to have a storm. To Rainbow Dash's knowledge there was none scheduled, but here it was, and it only added to the ominous feeling of the situation the two mares were in. Both had arrived just before ten, and as soon as the clock tower began to ring its bells, the door to Sugercube Corner swung open and Pinkie Pie motioned them inside.
“So you both came,” Pinkie said in a grave tone as soon as the two were inside. They said nothing in response, mostly out of shock to Pinkie's solemn mood The pink pony moved the rug and swung the trapdoor open. “Let's do this.”
A minute later, they all found themselves back inside Pinkie's secret room, looking the same as it had when they last left it. She motioned for them to sit around table which was at the opposite corner of the room of the strange chair. They all sat around it and looked onto on another in mute.
“So... you're not going to kill us?” Rainbow Dash finally said. Pinkie Pie looked incredulously at her friend.
“Well... maybe if you ask really nicely Dashie,” Pinkie Pie replied snidely. Rainbow Dash just gave an awkward chuckle at the comment. “So that's your theory? You think I'm some kind of crazed killer?” The two she spoke to shifted awkwardly in place. Pinkie Pie grabbed from under the table a notebook and placed it before Twilight and Rainbow Dash. “You read part of this, right?” Twilight nodded.
“I guess you didn't read the first weeks entries though, huh?” Pinkie asked. Twilight opened the book before her to the first page, which she indeed had skipped in her last reading. In fact, she had started near the middle. The first page's entry was nearly eight years ago, but interestingly it was in a different handwriting than further into the book. Even more interesting was what the top name on the list read.
Pinkie Pie.
“Keep going,” Pinkie ordered. Twilight complied, and after only a week of top spots on the list, her name was highlighted. In red. Twilight looked up to Pinkie Pie, who was smiling back at her. “The red doesn't mean somepony I killed, if that's what you were thinking.”
“Then what about Quicksilver!?” Dash demanded. “As soon as he got red marked, he disappeared!”
“Quicksilver was more useful to us if he abandoned his identity, and that was a sacrifice he was willing to make.”
“What? What do you mean aban-”
“That's not something you get to know yet,” Pinkie Pie explained. “Only once you make your choice.” Twilight opened her mouth to question Pinkie's statements again, but this time she didn't even have a chance to speak before Pinkie Pie continued. “See, this book isn't a list of targets. Well, I guess you could call it that, but it's more accurate to say a list of potential recruits.”
“Recruits? Recruits for what?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Our team. No, I can't yet explain what it's purpose is, but there is a team, and my role is to find recruits and give them the chance to join us. The warnings I've been giving you serve as our selection process, since you need to have some idea of the magnitude of what you're getting into before you make the choice. But in the end it's just that, a choice. I can't stop you from anything, nor can I force you to do something you don't want to. All I can do is help you make an informed decision.
“Most ponies choose ignorance.” Pinkie Pie flipped the book to one of the many blue highlights. “When somepony chooses this, they're choosing to remain here, and remain unknowing. Every once in awhile, a pony chooses knowledge.” Pinkie Pie flipped the book to a red mark. The highlighted name clearly read Colgate.
“That's when they learn the true nature of our world. Those ponies learn things not even your princesses Celestia or Luna know, nor Discord or Nightmare Moon.”
“Pinkie,” Twilight interrupted. “Why do you know all this?”
“Because that's the choice I made. I chose knowledge. Now listen, you've heard the good, now it's time to hear the bad. Knowledge is power, and with great power comes great responsibility. If you choose knowledge, you become responsible for the burden that comes with it. Your life will change forever, you'll become part of a team that has a thankless, unfortunate job, but an important one. At times it will put your life in danger, and at times it will force you to do things you would never want to see yourself doing.” Pinkie motioned to the the chest of drawers filled with weapons.
“And like I said before, knowledge doesn't always make ponies happy. If you make that choice, you can say goodbye to the Wonderbolts, Rainbow Dash. And you can say goodbye to most of your studies, Twilight Sparkle. This kind of knowledge doesn't just give you a new outlook on life or even change your entire world; it destroys your entire world.”
Both Dash and Twilight remained unblinking, in absolute awe of Pinkie's words. They hardly understood their meaning, but their incredible weight was well received.
“It's time,” spoke Pinkie Pie. She pulled out from under the table a platter. On it were four miniature cupcakes. Two were frosted blue and two were frosted red. “This is the choice. You eat the blue cupcake, and you'll wake up in your bed tomorrow. All of this will seem just a strange dream, and it will fade away like one. You eat the red cupcake, and I show you the truth about our reality.”
Pinkie Pie became quiet, leaving the two to their choice. Eerie stagnation filled the room for a full minute before Rainbow Dash was the first to move. She grabbed a blue cupcake and gazed at it in her hooves.
“I don't think I could take that kind of pressure,” she admitted. “Thanks for the offer, but I choose Wonderbolts.” With that, she threw the blue cupcake in her mouth and began to chew. Only a few moments later she collapsed to the floor in a deep, deep slumber.
For Twilight the decision was decidedly more difficult. She magically lifted up one of the red cupcakes to her face and stared, the pros and cons battling back and forth in her head.
“I've dedicated myself to knowledge. I strive every day to learn more. You're offering me the very thing I've been working towards my entire life.”
“Then maybe, just maybe, this is destiny.”
“I don't know if I believe in destiny.”
“Call it what you like, but if your life's purpose is within reach why not grab it?”
“Because...” Twilight lifted up the remaining blue cupcake and placed it beside the red one in the air. “Because I don't know if I'm ready.”
“You would know better then me.”
Twilight finally changed her gaze from the cupcakes to the pink earth pony behind them sitting across the table. “Will I get another chance?”
“Hmm?”
“If I choose ignorance now because I don't think I'm ready for this, will I ever get another chance?”
Pinkie Pie pondered this a moment, it was honestly a query she had never considered. “...If you ask.”
“Then I hope I do.”
Twilight ate the blue cupcake. Not a moment later the whole room became fuzzy. She could feel herself falling, but there wasn't the usual shock to attempt to restore balance. Instead she just fell over peacefully. The last thing she saw was Pinkie Pie's face. Her expression was slight, and with her impaired vision Twilight could not hope to deduce it's meaning, but if her eyes were working better she would have seen disappointment.
Pinkie Pie sighed loudly and turned to the drawers behind her. The two sleeping mares faded away from the room as if they had been ghosts. In the bottom drawer Pinkie Pie pulled out a blue highlighter. She took it back to the thick notebook and flipped to the most recent entry. There she marked with blue the top two names, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash.
Next she collected the book and returned it to its spot on the shelf among the others. She sighed again before speaking.
“All set. Bring me up.” A flash of light engulfed the pony, and she was gone.
***
The feeling of reentering your body was a terrible one; it made everybody who went through it, Pinkie included, want to puke no matter how many times you did it.
As was usual after this sort of occurrence, she was met with an array of defeated faces. In the back a teal-haired girl, younger than the rest, balled her hand into a fist and punched the wall out of frustration.
“Why the attitude, Lyra?” Pinkie asked. “We get blues all the time, this is no different.”
“I really thought she was gonna do it,” Lyra said back, looking down at her feet. “I felt so sure.”
“We all did,” said an older man with glistening silver hair.
“Yeah, I know guys. I did too.” Pinkie shook her head and sat down in her usual chair. She leaned back as far as she could while maintaining balance and placed her hands behind her head. Above her was the room's only window, a skylight giving Pinkie a clear view of the shattered, perpetually burning heavens.
“I did too...”
