EquestriaBound Predicament

by Joshua Crapo

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Profanity, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3474

Pad Tree, Fine Art, Wild Brush and Calahut, four ponies that have ranged from controversy to outright disassociation... they have a tensing get-together in a janitor closet in Gladmane Grande.

At Gladmane Grande, a group of ponies have a bit of a get-together.

A pegasus mare - Pad Tree
A pegasus stallion - Fine Art
A unicorn stallion - Wild Brush
And a changeling from Queen Light's hive - Calahut

The four attempt to settle their differences in the janitor closet in the casino.

NOTE: I've separated myself from this work. If you want to see this done another way, look near the end of this other work, A Changeling's Christmas Catastrophe.

EDIT: After writing the note above, I noticed I took several elements from this story out of consideration. I still separate myself from this work, but it's not nearly as blind of a decision as initially.

Published 2018-07-01 00:30:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-07-01 00:30:06 UTC

EquestriaBound Predicament

Attention, Fine Art,

I have decided to take matters into my own hooves and send you a payment to go on puroll so that we can meet at Gladmane Grande. If you want bail, you’re going to have really prove you’re not what you used to be. And to test that out, I’ve also invited two others to join this secret greet. Be there tomorrow by eight.

Regards, Pad Tree

As I look behind the note, I see a check for 10,000 bits that has been approved.

“Ugh, is it really worth dealing with this mare again? Any chance I got trying to help her had been rejected just like that.”

Suddenly, the bars in front of me open.

“Come on, Fine Art. Let’s get your short-term puroll set up.”

Well, if it’s mandatory, I guess I’ll go to Gladmane Grande.

I follow the guard out of the hall into the main lobby.

***

Attention, Wild Brush,

Come to Gladmane Grande. It’s important, and it involves you and two others. Also, if you spout this as ransom, I’m going to have you go with the others after this is over. Be ready by eight o’clock tomorrow.

Regards, Pad Tree

I put the short letter down onto my desk, huffing along the way.

“This. isn’t. real! SHE’S going to be the one with Fine Art if we’re anywhere near each other! After the whole play ordeal, I think I’ve had enough of her. If this is one of that mare’s stupid attempts to ‘expose’ me again, I’m going to rip her to shreds, drop an anvil on her, take it off, rip her to shreds again, take her remains to the Luna Ocean, dump them onto the water, and watch them dissolve!”

I calm down, and look around, with pictures all around me of all of my friends, even ones I’ve had in the past. I think of most of the members of this ongoing improv play we’ve been doing. One in particular I catch my attention on.

“Well, hopefully, after the meeting I’ll be having with... that one mare... the whole EquestriaBound controversy will finally die down, and I can get back to both my hobby with running the play, and my job with journalism.”

I look all around me again, this time, finding one picture in my office that is the only one containing one stallion I used to have as a friend: a pegasus stallion, Fine Art, a recently former cast member of that play. At the sight of it, I feel overwhelmed with hate and pity, hate for what he did that landed him in the slammer, and pity for him not having the life I have, that all my friends have, and as much as I hate to say, that Pad Tree has.

On second thought, this letter may have something to do with that former cast member.

***

“Hey! Calahut!”

I turn to the open hole in my room. As of right now, a spell is cast so that I can’t exit my room.

“Letter for you.”

The visiting changeling chucks the letter at me, it hitting my sore eye. It stings a little, but I pay almost no mind to it. I’m just focused on what the changeling chucked my way. I levitate it open and see that the queen wrote it.

Dear, Calahut,

A pegasus mare has contacted me about having you at Gladmane Grande to resolve some Equestrian controversy. Perhaps the two of you formed ties at some point? But she did tell me that you are to meet with her tomorrow at eight. Two other ponies will join as well, so please keep that in mind. As such, you are permitted to attend this greet only. Come to me when it’s over.

Regards, Queen Light.

I sigh.

“Of all the things that’d set me free, I have to contend with the worst pony in existence forcibly taking me to a casino? Just to talk?!? What a load of bullshit.”

***

The next day...

Welp, fifteen minutes before the stallion I hate most finally walks the ground he laid out. I wonder what lengths we’ll be going to for him to learn what happens when he lies to others about a play.

Here I am at the soda booth after a couple of games of Canasta, and- ooh!

“Ooh! Fine Art! A little early, aren’t ya?”

“Uh huh,” Fine Art affirms, unenthused. “So what was with paying ten thousand bits to send me on puroll? Did you really have that much money lying around in Vanhoover?”

“Oh, you’ll see the method to this madness... iiiin about twelve minutes.”

“So... where are we supposed to meet, miss anti-collaborator?”

“Real creative there... I suppose an isolated room so that our simultaneous presence is not so apparent. Probably a janitor’s closet.”

“Um, you do realize those are usually very-”

“Oh that isn’t the case here. The janitor closets here are actually pretty spacious considering. Why, it’s enough to fit an entire roundtable inside each one.”

Oh hey if it isn’t the queen herself, the one who finally set me f-

“Stop. Calahut... you were never set free from the hive. You’re only here because of this meeting. We just have one participant left, and that one was the hardest to get ahold of, which I find quite fitting.”

Calahut having appeared while I was talking to Fine Art, he looks quite angry at me, especially now that I explained that he will be back where he was after this meeting, blocked in his nestroom where he belongs.

“Pad Tree, do you know how much nonsense you just spewed? You got this freak on puroll using every bit of cash you had, then you went to Queen Light in order to drag me here...”

“...and I had a restraining order to work around.”

“Okay, I have to agree with Calahut. That is bullshit. Just contact the post office and send the letter to Baltimare. Simple as a-”

“Fine Art, the post office will know whether or not you’re facing restraint and by who. It’s not as easy as it sounds. I was lucky to get both our names on the same paper. Now before the restrainer arrives, we should hide in the janitor’s closet.”

***

“Godot it, Pad Tree! Where are you?!?”

Walking around Gladmane Grande, I suddenly see a note slip out in front of me from underneath the next door on my left. I levitate it and see some eerily familiar hornwriting.

“Wait... this isn’t Pad Tree’s. ‘Under here, little unicorn’. I have a bad feeling about the accompaniment to our meeting.”

I levitate the door open to see... who else? Pad Tree.

“Wild Brush.”

“Pad Tree.”

“We’ve been expecting you and working around-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. That line I drew.”

“Good, now get in here before anypony sees you.”

I enter the room, which appears to be an oversized janitor’s closet. After the door closes, I look around until I see the two guests standing near the wall of the relatively narrow room... Calahut closer to me, and Fine Art-

“Wait. Fine Art?!?”

I gasp.

“This meeting does have to do with the play!”

“Well, what did you think it had to do with? Our falling out?” Pad Tree responds.

“But what is Calahut doing here?!?”

“Oh Commander Wild Brush, you have no idea how far this ordeal stretches. Even my queen knew about what happened.”

“So, Wild Brush, before we begin, did you do anything lawfully risky in between coming here and receiving my letter?”

I huff at Pad Tree.

“No, I only kept every refutable thought to myself. I did consider the possibility of ransom, but I didn’t let anypony know about it.”

“Good. Glad to hear no one heard you twisting my letter. Let’s get on with it, shall we?”

“Finally, I get to find out how much I learned,” Fine Art remarks, before he sees the other three of us glare at him.

“So, where do we begin? Perhaps the time before this whole play ordeal debuted, so why don’t we start with Wild Brush?”

“Pad Tree, you know they know about what happened to us. We should just get straight to the point.”

“A little impatient, aren’t we today? Just list off what sparked our mess and we can get to the nitty gritty. Sound good, grounder?”

You have no idea how much I want you arrested for that.

I sigh.

“Okay. You guys know that I’m now a journalist, that I help write headlines for the main competitor for the Foal Free Press.”

“Yes, and...” Fine Art says, looking a bit impatient.

“See, I originally made volunteer work of that when I was a guard, and when I did... Pad Tree was my proofreader.”

“Yeah, we’ve kinda known that since you two cut ties,” Calahut remarks.

Fine Art seems to be starting a nostalgia trip on himself right now.

“Heh, gotta admit though. I really liked the headline about Twilight and Spike. Hilarious analogy.”

“Hilarious analogy?!? Fine Art, he compared Twilight Sparkle and Spike to Sombra and the crystal ponies! There was no way I’d proofread anything like that and NOT get offended! I was literally doing the job he signed me up to do.”

“Pad Tree, you ripped the page out of my notepad, crumpled it up and threw it away! I wasn’t going to keep a proofreader that would get that angry over a simple analogy!”

“So what? You had a whole bunch of chances to redo that headline and make a more accurate comparison, which you failed to do.”

“Well, perhaps the number of times Spike felt down or willingly ran away was taken too heavily into consideration,” Calahut adds.

“Too heavily? Calahut, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Why it’s simple, Fine Art, my criminal nemesis. While I agree that Spike has had a higher frequency of low times, I wouldn’t put it on a level of King Sombra’s rule. As long as he’s still living a happy life, just consider him on equal with a friend.”

Pad Tree and I growl at Calahut.

“Oh hey, look at that. Two of the worst enemies now agree on something. Calahut, can you g-”

“Not in your life, Fine Art.”

“Well, I guess since my second worst enemy finally put this issue to rest, now we can move on to the play,” Pad Tree announces.

“Ooh! I’ll grab the popcorn.”

As Calahut lights his horn, Fine Art smacks it with his left hoof.

“Yep. It’s EquestriaBound. Now listen.”

Calahut lowers his head and sighs.

“For once, thank you, Fine Art. Now, Wild Brush, we had a meeting earlier this year just after Fine Art was arrested.”

“Yep. The last time before today that we’ve talked to each other.”

“We had that meeting with a very close friend of mine and discussing EquestriaBound.”

“Yeah, I said I wasn’t going to continue the play when the situation was fully dealt with.”

“No, no. Stop. Wild Brush, this is exactly what you said to Grease. I’ve been thinking about it, and I do wanna meet you halfway on this. I have decided to discontinue EquestriaBound.”

“Yep. And I was specifying when it’d end on my second meeting with Grease.”

“Specifying?!? You IDIOT!!! I don’t think I’ve seen a bigger lie than this, and that’s saying something considering you bullied Grease into caving AND mailed me an unlawful restraining order, you dishonest scum!!”

“Come on, Pad Tree! Every one of my friends has seen what a restraining order looks like!”

“Only Chorus Line believed you! And he thought I was breaking the law. Even when I was playing Tirek’s Advocate, I’ve been calling out behavior you’ve refused to fix countless times, and the restraining order was the one line where I refused to play Tirek’s Advocate!”

“Ever wonder why every meeting is supposed to be PRIVATE?!?”

“There was no expectation of privacy. All I had to do was to keep the headline on synopsis mode and call out any hack in my quote, which I did.”

I sigh at Pad Tree.

“You’re SO lucky the door is locked right now. And Tirek’s Advocate?!? Excuse me?!? Every chance you got, you needlessly chastised my very BEING!”

“Wild Brush, think of it this way. Let’s say I gave a dog I hypothetically owned a bed to rest on. I look at the bed every hour for one week and not ONCE had he laid on the bed. For a little bit of time, I can understand it, but come the first twenty four times I check the bed, there is going to be some concern. To add on to that, he lays on the concrete.”

“That would be very annoying! And you’re talking about this why?”

“Right before Fine Art got arrested, you had a meeting with him. You could’ve exploded at him, but instead you just gave your metaphorical bed to him, one you received. I have given you plenty of comfortable metaphorical beds to sleep on, and you choose to lay on the concrete instead. AND since he’s on puroll right now and sitting next to us...”

“No! No way am I going to yell at him when he already got what he deserved!”

“See that?!? You’re giving your bed to him as we speak! How do you think I felt when you decided to lie to Grease?!? How do you think I felt when you compared Twilight and Spike to ANYTHING related to King Sombra?!? How did you feel when Fine Art betrayed all of his friends, INCLUDING YOU?!? Make. it. HURT!!!”

She... wants me to yell at him?!? But he already got-. He betrayed his friends?!? You know what? YEAH! I really do feel betrayed! Even further now when he refused to turn himself in!

“Oh... shit.”

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING, FINE ART?!? DID YOU REALLY HAVE SUCH A LOW MIND AS TO TELEGRAPH A CHANGELING NYMPH AND ON SUCH ILLEGAL BEHAVIOR?!? NOT ONLY THAT, BUT I GAVE YOU A CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF, AND YOU WOULDN’T FREAKING ACCEPT IT!!! I WANTED TO ROAR AT YOU AT THAT MEETING BEFORE YOUR ARREST, AND I GUESS MY GUT MADE THE RIGHT CALL!!! MY MORALE IS SHOT BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID TO NOT ONLY ME, BUT ALL THE OTHER CAST MEMBERS OF EQUESTRIABOUND, YOU IRREDEEMABLE PIECE OF SCUM!!!”

I snort at Fine Art, who looks as shocked as anyone would if they were suddenly yelled at.

“Wild Brush...”

I stop and turn my head to face Pad Tree, who looks very proud.

“Now that we got that out of the way, I have to thank you for listening to me for once. Now, Fine Art...”

“Uhhhh...”

“Would you like to come with me and the now redeemed Wild Brush? If you do exactly as I say, I will pay for your bail, as long as we don’t have to see each other again.”

“Uhhh... okay...”

“Is he gonna be alright?” Calahut asks.

“I’m sure he is, Calahut. Actually, you should come with us. I believe you also have some work to do.”

“Okaaaay...”

***

Well, it seems we arrived at Griffonstone. This is probably where Grease lives. When Pad Tree, Fine Art, Calahut and I all arrive at one particular house, Pad Tree walks through the front yard and knocks on the front door. Opening the door and stepping outside is a very small griffon that looks like a mix of a masked eagle and a white lion. I know who that is.

Hello?

Grease gasps.

Pad Tree!

“So, it seems I had a pretty successful talk with a few ponies from across Equestria, and as a result, a couple of them have something in common to say.”

I guess I should come up front first. After heckling Fine Art half to death, I do feel bad about the meeting I had with Pad Tree and Grease. She didn’t deserve to be lied to, yet it happened, and I did it.

“Grease... I’m VERY sorry about lying to you in hindsight about EquestriaBound. That improvisation should’ve been canned the moment the crew found out about what Fine Art did.”

“Oh... I... was not expecting that. Thank you for listening to what I had to say on that after all.”

“Now, Grease, he’s directly behind me in your field of view right now, but Wild Brush FINALLY hammered some sense into him. And all the way from Las Pegasus to here, I’ve heard him thinking out loud about what he did, and why Wild Brush rightfully insulted him with such a mighty roar.”

Pad Tree lifts into the air so that Grease can s-

“Fine Art!!!”

Grease shoots up into the air and lands on the top of her house.

“Is... she gonna be okay?” I calmly ask.

“Wild Brush... let Fine Art handle this.”

Fine Art looks up at Grease with a look of slight remorse.

“Grease... I am aware you cannot forgive what happened, but I’ve been thinking about it. Really, I have. There is no excuse for the fantasies I’ve telegraphed you, or a-anycreature for that matter. It was illegal, and I got what I deserved. I th-thought my fantasies could’ve been a part of my life, but... the result was just getting shout-stunned by... one of my former friends. The only thing I’d like is to be alone, with my thoughts. No telegraph, no pen, no quill. Just me, my house, and my thoughts.”

“Huh. Well, I’m glad you’ve thought about your actions long and hard. The only thing I ask is to toss your telegraph into the trash where it belongs.”

“Well, Pad Tree?”

“I agree with Grease, Fine Art. Throw away your telegraph. If you have fantasies that bad, then you shouldn’t have anything to write them out with near you. Perhaps get some help from a professional instead.”

Fine Art nods.

“Okay. Plan made then.”

“After this, I think my work with you and Wild Brush is done. And of course, that brings me to Calahut. So, Calahut... what did you do over here in Equestria before Queen Light caught you in that act? And I know what you’re going comment on before you answer, so don’t even think of saying it.”

“You know, you take all the fun out of this. Alright, basically it’s like your behavior except stereotyped.”

“Good, you get a cookie. That’s not it. Have you owned a telegraph? Did you act like unredeemed Wild Brush?”

“Well, no. I was only ever in Equestria to put in my own quote in the headlines competing with the Foal Free Press, satisfyingly cynical quotes, in all honesty. And I don’t know exactly what Wild Brush acted like first hoof because of my lack of communication with him. And I’m the only one who seems to know what a finger is.”

“Okay that last statement was irrelevant, but I still don’t know if you owned a telegraph or not.”

“Well, in fact, yeah, Pad Tree. I did. I was thinking of releasing my own press in the hive, but it’s long gone now ever since Queen Light found out.”

“Alright then. As I expected to do, I respect your queen. She’s very competent and understanding. Now, you rebellious writer, you ought to head to your room where you belong before your queen sends her guards throughout Equestria.”

“Well, goodbye to you too.”

And with that, Calahut flies away from the rest of us.

“Well, should I take off now?”

Pad Tree shakes her head at Fine Art.

“Well, I have a better idea, and I’m sure Wild Brush is thinking the same.”

I sigh.

“While I don’t agree with what Pad Tree wants to do, I can still see where she comes from on this.”

“Good. I think Fine Art and I have things from here. The only thing I ask of you, which I bet you’ll do, is to retract the restraining order.”

“Yeah, taking into consideration what you had me do and how good it felt to do it, I’m pretty sure it’s retractable. I just don’t know how my friends will feel about it.”

“Forget your friends on this one, Wild Brush. The only thing that matters is how good it was to actually roar at Fine Art. That was what he truly deserved. Once he’s learned hard enough NOT to write all willy nilly, then we don’t have to worry about him writing all willy nilly.”

“Alright. I’ll take your word for now. I’ll just retract the order at Baltimare, then head home.”

“Sounds good to me. Let’s go, Fine Art. Bye Grease.”

Grease waves goodbye to Pad Tree, who takes off with Fine Art to pay for his monitored bail.