The Marine

The confrontation between Celestia and I made a few waves in the media, after all you don't see the princess of the sun walking into the Everfree forest every day. It was now time for me to start living normally, instead of in paranoia. Twilight moved my cabin to the edge of the woods and I applied for dual citizenship. I'm not going to give up being an American, I fought for my country and the ponies had to respect that. I played with lucky, my lighter and was just staring off into a field. Thinking about what had happened, it was a start. I continued thinking about what my place was in this world. I am the first, and quite possibly the last human in Equestria.

You know, when I was in the military there were bomb sniffing dogs. I loved to play with those dogs, that made me think... I wanted a dog now. What kind of dog would I get? I loved the Siberian husky but I don't think that they would have that breed of dog here. I got up and looked at Fluttershy's house, it was off in the distance but I could still see it if I squint. I'm a little lonely at home, I want a dog. I turned to go back inside to grab my coat, getting ready to go to Fluttershy's when I heard a big woosh of air and my hair blew forward into my face.

I already knew who it was, "Hey Rainbow."

"How did you know it was me?" She asked.

"With wings that powerful, there's very little in Ponyville that can make the air around them distort when they land." I pointed out.

"Okay." Rainbow walked onto my porch.

"So what are you doing here?" I questioned her as I turned around.

"I was bored, everypony else is busy. I know you still got time off for letting Big Mac stay in your cabin," Rainbow said. "So what are you doing?"

"I was about to go to Fluttershy's, I'm thinking of getting a dog." I leaned against my door jamb.

"Why would you want a dog?" Rainbow asked, "Are we not enough?"

"It's nothing against you girls, it's just there's a place in a person's heart that only a pet can fill. There's something about the outside of an animal that's good for the inside of a man."

"Wow, that's very deep." Rainbow commented.

"I'm paraphrasing Winston Churchill." I said as I grabbed my coat.

"What?" She asked.

"More like who, I'll explain later. I want to see Fluttershy." I locked up my cabin.

"About that...she's not here." Rainbow explained, "She went out of town yesterday for her Veterinarian classes."

"Then who's watching her place?" I asked.

"Tree Hugger." Rainbow answered.

"Oh, yeah...her." I sighed.

"Is there a problem?" She asked.

"I told her about me being a marine and she went on a rant about me selling my soul or some shit like that. I don't even fucking remember what it was." I slanted my mouth, "Since then she and I haven't seen each other. I prefer to stay as far away from her as possible."

"So, if Fluttershy is out of town and you don't want to talk to Tree Hugger, what are you going to do?" Rainbow asked.

"Go to the library, read a book." I said.

"That's boring." Rainbow replied.

"So says the mare oh so obsessed with Daring Do, who is a blatant knock off of Indiana Jones." I said, we've had this argument before. I told her that Indiana Jones came out in 1981, and she still didn't believe me, then I told her the plot of Raiders of the lost Ark and she sort of believed me. There's no convincing the ponies, that just makes me wonder, was Daring Do made specifically to be a spoof of Indiana Jones? If so, what else is out there just to be a spoof of human pop culture? It's something to look into, but maybe later.

"Come on, all you've ever done is stay in your house or go to work. Now you have some time off, I say we go on an adventure. When Fluttershy comes back, then we can get you a dog."

I rolled my eyes but then looked at her. "What do you suggest we do, the oh so mighty Rainbow Dash?" I sarcastically replied.

"We could go to Cloudsdale." She suggested, "See the weather factory."

"I can't walk on clouds, I'd fall to my death." I shot that idea down.

"We can go to the Wonderbolts Academy!" She excitedly said.

"Let me reiterate the fact that, if I were to attempt to walk on a cloud, I would fall straight through it at about 120 miles per hour and die." I put sternly, "Is there ANYTHING that you can suggest I could do with you, that keeps me from falling to my death?"

"Heh, sorry." Rainbow scratched the back of her head, "I'm just so bored and everypony else is so busy!"

"You want to know what would cure that?" I asked.

"What?"

"Reading a fucking book!" I practically yelled.

"Jeez, I'm sorry. I've just read Daring Do so much that I've pretty much memorized it by now." Rainbow looked down.

"Have you tried reading other books?" I asked her.

"No, that's something an egghead would do!" Rainbow crossed her arms, "I'm Rainbow Danger Dash! I'm not an egghead!"

"Yeah, you're right, you're an airhead." I said.

"Yeah......HEY!" She got upset and I laughed.

"I don't know why you care so much about maintaining your image, you're like Rarity without all the prissiness. If you hate reading so much, then people will think you hate it because you can't do it."

"It's not that I can't read! I just have trouble doing it." Rainbow said.

"Trouble?" I asked her.

"Some letters become numbers, and other letters are backwards when I try to read. I have to read them one word at a time in order to really get a good grasp."

"So, you're dyslexic?" I asked.

"Is that what it's called?" She asked.

"Yeah, it is. How come you've never told anyone?" I asked.

"Anypony." Rainbow tried correcting me but I wasn't having it. The look on my face could already tell her that. "It's embarrassing, I'm an element of harmony. How would ponies feel if I didn't know how to read?"

"First off, many people are dyslexic and anyone who would insult you is either a fucking moron, or has the maturity of a baby." I pointed out, "We have also established the fact that, while you may be an element of harmony. It was reckless of your ruler to constantly throw you and the other girls into constant danger without any context to the situation." I crossed my arms.

"Okay, so is there anything anypony can do to help me?" Rainbow asked.

"The only person who can help you, is you. There are many tips and advice for those who have dyslexia, but the best way to figure this out is on your own. If what you're doing right now is what works, then why try to fix it if it's not broken?" I told her whilst leaning upon my door jamb like a proper gentleman. "Like it or not, you're on your own but, you're used to that already aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am." Rainbow admitted.

"Now I could stay here and play porch psychotherapist all damn day long, but then I'd have to start charging you. Besides that, A: I don't have a degree to do so, and B: I've got my own fucking problems to deal with. I don't want to be driven insane by the burdens of others."

"What do I do?" She asked.

"Own it, we've all got our own burdens in life. While sharing it with others makes it a little easier, ultimately it's yours." I told her.

"What if it's hard?" Rainbow squeaked out.

"I don't know why all of a sudden you're acting like Fluttershy, but I'll break this down for you Mickey Young style. Nothing in life comes easy, you want something? You get off your ass and you work for it. Now it's time to put in the work." I sighed as I grabbed the library books that I had already and locked my door.

I walked down the path that I had made onto the path away from Fluttershy's house. Rainbow followed behind me, "That was inspiring Mickey, maybe you should be a motivational speaker."

"Fuck motivational speaking, if you need motivation, maybe you need to be smashed 30 or 40 times in the head with a golf club. That'll fucking motivate ya, or at least get the day rolling, locate your socks, shit like that." I replied.

"What about self-help books?" She asked as we walked, well it was more like. I walked, and she hovered behind me.

"Self-help books are bullshit. If you're looking for self-help, why are you reading a book written by somebody else? That's not self-help, that's help. If you did it yourself, you didn't need help." I answered.

"That's enlightening." Rainbow said.

"That's not 100% me though." I said. "It was just someone I agreed with."

"Who?" She asked.

"Great man by the name of George Carlin, he was Mr. Conductor. He knew what the fuck he was talking about." I said.

"Was?" Rainbow inquired.

"He passed away in 2008, his humor wasn't for children." I pointed out.

"Yeah I can tell." Rainbow said as she landed when we arrived in front of the crystal tree, which I thought was over pretentious bullshit. You don't need a huge fucking castle to validate your importance, but what do I know? Most deals do happen in boardrooms than in diplomatic meetings. I walked in and turned in my books, and looked through the selection. I picked out a few history books, some fantasy. I was looking down at the books and just thinking about how it would be if I wrote my own book? It wouldn't be interesting, anyways I picked out my books and checked them out. Rainbow followed me back home and I put the books on my table, I strummed my fingers up and down the spines of the stacked books until I finished on the fourth book. I slid the book smoothly out of the stack and went into my recliner and sat down in it. I got a few pages in before Rainbow piped up again, "It's kinda cramped in here."

"I didn't make it for ponies in mind, I didn't even think I would have ponies here so constantly." I said without looking up from my book.

"That makes sense." Rainbow sighed, "So that guy you were talking about earlier. What was he like?"

"Which one, Winston Churchill or George Carlin?" I inquired.

"That George person." Rainbow said.

"He saw the world as it was, it was fucked up and degenerate. Best thing was, he called the world out on it's bullshit." I said.

"Cool." Rainbow nodded then looked outside and spread herself out. "I feel so restless." She looked back at me, "You're a soldier, right?"

"If my physique or attitude didn't already tell you that, then what did? I'm a marine, not a soldier there's a big difference." I remarked sarcastically, "I've reiterated this fact millions of times throughout my stay here in Equestria." I finished without looking up from my book.

"So, do you know how to fight?" She asked.

"I've rarely had to use my combat skills since I've been here, the only times I've used it was in diffusal situations." I turned a page.

"Huh?"

"Bar fights, some drunk motherfucker decided to start something that didn't needed to be started, so I threw him out on his ass." I started to scan the other page, "The bar owner offered me a job, I turned it down for a free bar tab for about 3 months."

"Wow, well I'm actually a blackbelt in karate. Do you want to spar?" She asked.

That actually made me look up from my book, I hadn't actually got into a fight with a person in a long time. There were a lot of ways I had to compensate for amazonian ponies who could tower over me on a good day. I could never really go all out, somehow they always seem to... I don't know get a little weak in the knees whenever I got serious. It could be instinct taking over, the human is the apex predator after all, and like it or not the pony is a prey animal.

That's probably it, best working theory I've got anyways, back to the thought of sparring. My muscles could use some warming up, hadn't used them in a long while, I should probably invest in a punching bag or go to the gym. "Let's do it." I said while getting up.

Rainbow looked up at me, "What?"

I stretched my arms and legs, "Let's spar. I can read later, I want to get back into fighting."

"Were you a fighter?" She asked.

"I boxed in college before I joined the corps." I opened the door, "Well, what are you waiting for?"

Rainbow was outside the door in a blur, I soon joined her outside. I took off my jacket and laid it across the railing of my porch. I cracked my knuckles and neck. Rainbow had a laser focus on me, we were about 5 feet away from each other. I was still stretching out my muscles, remember motherfuckers warming up is important.

I was ready now but then I pointed behind Rainbow. "What the fuck is that?"

Rainbow looked confused, she turned to look at what I was pointing at and I swooped in and launched a forearm right into her jaw while putting my leg behind her own to put her off balance. I threw her a few good feet, which was strange. It looked like she was actually hurt, I stopped and asked her, "Are you alright?" I helped her up.

"Yeah, I'm fine that was just unexpected." She answered.

"Okay then," I still had her arm and took her down with a judo throw. I then put her in an armbar and extended her arm, "First rule of fighting." I said.

"Never let your guard down." Rainbow answered and I extended her arm again.

"Never let your opponent distract you. Second rule."

"Don't fight dirty." She answered again and I ratcheted up the pain.

"You fight to survive, if you have to fight dirty. Do it, because the only thing that stopping your attacker from killing you, is you." I released her arm and rolled back. I crouched, lowering my center of gravity.

Rainbow stretched her wings out and started to hover she dove at me and I rolled out of the way. She was fast, but I've been under fire from the Taliban before. I had to be faster than a bullet, luckily that training never left me. It was instinctual at this point, she went in for another dive and I rolled out of the way jumped up and landed on her back. The movement was so sudden that her wings locked up and we went tumbling to the ground. Rainbow being experienced in crashing tucked and rolled, onto her back. Which I was currently on, but I'm a marine that take a licking. The crash was no problem, I wrapped my arms around her throat in a sleeper hold and got one leg around her wing and the other wrapped around her torso.

Rainbow growled in frustration, "How are you so good?"

"Because a marine is taught to kill, I've fought for my life many many times. Sometimes without a weapon, now tell me. What is the best way to disable a unicorn?"

"Go for the horn, duh." Rainbow answered and I loosened the grip of my leg around her wing.

"Pegasus?"

"Disable the wings." Rainbow said, "If they can't take to the skies, then the fight isn't in their favor."

"What about earth ponies?"

"I actually don't know." She admitted and I tightened my grip on her wing.

"Go for the legs, all that power has nowhere to go without a base." I told her, "Now, what about an alicorn?"

"I don't know that either." Rainbow said, so I tightened my grip on her throat, then she started to tap out. "Alright, I give!"

I let her go, she sat down in front of me and I sat up. "Good way to disable most creatures is to cut off their flow of oxygen. They can't breathe, then they blackout, and if held long enough. They die, pegasai can last a little longer than most because they're used to working in higher altitudes and need less oxygen but it is one of the most important things your body needs."

"Wow, can you train me to do that?" She asked.

"If I trained you, you would hate me." I answered, "I wouldn't hold anything back and I would break you, you wouldn't recover."

"Why?" Rainbow asked.

"The way a marine is trained, is very special. They call it 13 weeks of hell, they call you every name in the motherfucking book and then throw that book at you and make you read it while come up with more shit to call you off the top of their head. Then they start training you, to become a ruthless killing machine, that will turn you into confetti the moment they think you're an enemy." I said, "You are pushed the the breaking point physically, mentally, and emotionally. Once you graduate however, you have the honor and distinction of calling yourself a marine. Forever."

"Forever?"

"Once a marine, always a marine." I said. "When I pass on, I want that written on a tombstone."

"You want to be buried?" Rainbow asked.

"Oh fuck no, I want to be cremated. I just want a memorial in my honor." I said. "First and, potentially only human here. I want a fucking legacy, who knows how long I've got here?" I said, "Why don't you run on home? It's getting late."

"Actually, the girls and I are having our monthly sleepover, would you like to tag along?" Rainbow asked.

"Was that your original plan today?" I asked.

"Well, sort of. We talked about it a week ago, and Fluttershy said she was going out of town that day, so she suggested you to take her place."

"I'll think about it. If I show up, then I will if I don't, I won't. Just don't expect any miracles." I said as she got up and left, I watched as she purposely walked away with her hips swaying and her tail following, she looked back at me and winked, then took off. I smiled as I watched.