Chapter 1 - Routine

Sunset Shimmer was getting used to her new routine. It started out normal enough: get up, get ready for school, make the long walk to Canterlot High from the abandoned factory she called a home. At least that part hadn’t changed. Once she entered the school, however, is where things went downhill.

Sunset meekly pushed open the door, only to have herself shoved to the ground by a resentful Spitfire. As the students milling about the halls glared in her direction, she hurriedly gathered her dropped backpack and books, trying to make the trip to her locker quick so she could reach the relative safety of her first period class. Bitter comments followed her through the tense, crowded halls.

Bitch

She-demon

I knew she’d never change

Anon-a-miss

Anon-a-miss. The MyStable account that brought all of Sunset’s hard work tumbling down around her. The countless hours at the animal shelter with Fluttershy? Pointless. The playful soccer matches with Rainbow Dash? Insignificant. Helping on AJ’s farm, planning parties with Pinkie, modeling for Rarity; all of it meant nothing, apparently.

Having finally arrived at her locker, Sunset swiftly put her books away, grabbing the textbook she needed and slamming the door shut. She tried to ignore the additional harsh words that greeted her in the form of hastily scrawled sharpie all over the front of the metal door.

But it was okay.

She was okay.

This was the new routine, after all.

Sunset sighed, making her way to her Advanced English class. As per usual, Ms. Harshwhinny didn’t even look up from her papers as the fiery-haired girl took her seat in the back of the room. Before the whole Anon-a-miss debacle Sunset had enjoyed a front-row seat in her classes, allowing her to focus entirely on the lesson at hand; now, as was the new norm, she preferred a spot where nobody could stare daggers into her skull as she tried (and failed) to ignore the angry faces around her.

As more and more students entered the classroom, Sunset allowed herself some time to think. Oftentimes getting lost in her own conscience was the only escape from the hostility she was now surrounded by. The melancholy girl’s mind drifted aimlessly, before finally settling on what it always eventually retrogressed to; the silvery blade with the scarlet-coloured handle that lay contentedly by the dusty mattress she used as a bed. Its comfortable weight in her hand; the familiar burning in her wrists, on her arms, on any bit of unmarred skin she could get her bloodied hands on, the crimson colour seeping out of the open wounds-

The bell proudly announced the beginning of class, and the daydream was over.

“Quiet down class! Winter break may be starting tomorrow, but that does not give anyone an excuse to slack off in my class,” Ms. Harshwhinny snapped, austere as ever. The students ceased their chatter. “Now then, turn in your textbooks to page 178…”

Sunset obediently got out her book and started reading, once again throwing herself into another welcome distraction from the depressing weight of her reality.

***

Lunch came all too soon for Sunset’s liking. Her first two classes passed quickly, especially the study hall period that she spent in the library. As Sunset pushed open the door to the cafeteria, she considered just skipping lunch entirely; the creeping feeling of the students eyes on her- of her friends eyes on her- made her feel sick. A startling growl from her stomach protested at the thought, so she pushed forward, trying to make herself as invisible as possible.

“Just breathe, Sunset. Just get your food and leave, you’ll be okay.” Sunset’s internal monologue was cut off by a sharp voice reaching her ears. “Are you going to get something, or just stand there?” Granny Smith glared at Sunset, who froze at the angry tone unbefitting of the Apple family matriarch. Much to her surprise, Sunset received a rather sympathetic glance from Trixie, who had just gotten in line behind her.

“Y-yeah, sorry,” the anxious girl stuttered, grabbing a tray and getting her food.

“Even Granny hates me,” Sunset thought with a twinge of sadness. “And she loves everyone.”

Downtrodden, the former unicorn made her way to the cafeteria’s exit. She was almost to the door when her tray was ruthlessly smacked out of her hands, spilling mediocre cafeteria food onto her shirt and across the floor. A smug-looking Gilda revealed herself to be the culprit, smirking as Sunset tried to brush past her.

“Just where do you think you’re going, Anon-a-miss?” The bully snarled, blocking Sunset’s path.

“Leave me alone,” Sunset grumbled. She wasn’t hungry anymore, and she just wanted to be alone at this point. But, of course, Gilda was having too much fun to let her go just yet. She shoved the worn and weary girl to the ground, towering over her in a display of intimidation.

“Of course she wouldn’t let me go that easily.”

Sunset sighed and prepared for the worst. This wasn’t something she was foreign to; Gilda harassing her daily was yet another part of her fucked up new schedule.

“Oops, sorry Sunny, my hand slipped,” Gilda laughed as she tilted her own lunch tray, spilling its contents onto the already filthy girl beneath her. She laughed again, dropping the now empty tray into Sunset’s lap, walking triumphantly away.

“Dear Celestia,” Sunset thought, “even the Dazzlings didn’t get this much shit when they came back to school.” Sunset struggled to get up without furthering the damage done to her clothing.

As usual, nobody assisted Sunset as she forlornly got to her feet, receiving several snickers instead of a helping hand.

As usual, she felt the irate looks of her former friends on her back as she took her leave, making her way to the bathroom to wash off the food covering her shirt and jeans.

As usual, she fought back the tears the threatened to fall, desperately battling the feeling of her heart breaking even further.

***

The rest of the day passed in a blur for Sunset until, finally, the shrill shriek of the bell declared the end of the school day. Sunset brushed her red and gold locks from her face, waiting for the classroom to empty before she gathered her things and leaving the room. The hallways, now slightly less crowded, were full of tension; the excitement of the holidays was harshly offset by the surfacing secrets and distrustful dispositions.

Sunset turned the dial of her locker, the halls almost empty now, and exchanged her books once more. Her hand hesitated over the book that linked her to Princess Twilight. The alicorn’s words rang through her head:

Sometimes, all you can do is stay strong...

Sunset gripped the book, knuckles turning white.

Remember who you are...

Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, spilling softly down her cheeks and splattering across the journal's cover.

And find your family.

She took a shuddering breath and released the book, leaving it in her locker as she slammed the door shut with more force than strictly necessary.

From there, Sunset’s routine returned to familiar territory. She made her way home, thoughts drifting to yesterday’s incident at Sugarcube Corner. It had not gone well, to say the least:

Desperately, Sunset burst into Sugarcube Corner, journal in hand. She tried to show the girls her conversations with Twilight, hoping to convince them of her innocence; their minds remained unchanged. The girls’ eyes were cold, a stark contrast to their heated tempers as Rainbow Dash fiercely demanded that she “get the fuck away from us!” So Sunset obeyed, tears streaming down her face as the wind bit angrily at her sobbing figure.

Sunset found herself already at the entrance to her poor excuse of a home. It was on the sketchier side of town, an old factory at the center of a cluster of neglected buildings. The city had long ago ordered the destruction of the forgotten community, but, luckily for Sunset, it never ended up happening. Some of the buildings even still had electricity and running water, though it was as ice cold as the ill-insulated and unheated building itself.

Sunset made her way up the cement stairs to what she assumed must have once been some sort of office or lounge. There was a ratty, burnt-orange coloured couch on one side of the room, a desk taking up space on the adjacent wall, next to the creaky door Sunset had just pushed open; any other furniture that once resided in the room was long gone. An old, musty mattress that Sunset had found abandoned by the side of the road was pressed into a corner on the wall opposite the doorway. A few plastic grocery bags contained the small amount of clothing she owned, lying haphazardly next to the cheerful cherry red laundry hamper she had gifted herself with last holiday season. The makeshift apartment was not by any means comfortable, but it was enough to keep Sunset alive when she came across the portal, and that’s all she needed.

Dropping her school bag onto the old wooden desk, Sunset began to srtip out of her food-stained clothing. She deposited the shirt and jeans into the laundry hamper, leaving herself shivering in her underwear. The yellowed-skinned girl flopped unceremoniously onto her bed with a heavy sigh. “At least it’s winter break now.” The thought was bittersweet. On one hand, now she didn’t have to deal with the constant harassment; on the other, she’d be spending yet another holiday alone. “Hopefully this whole Anon-a-miss disaster will work itself out by the time school is back in next two weeks.” Sunset was not very optimistic. The situation she found herself in appeared entirely hopeless and was very emotionally exhausting for her. The weight of her friend’s enmity, the school’s fury, and her own inability to fix anything pressed down on her conscience, clouding her mind and swallowing her heart.

It was because of this that she once again picked up an old hobby, one that she was well accustomed to.

Sunset shifted her tired body onto its side, eyes falling onto the subject of her earlier daydream. The dark red wooden handle was glossy, and glittered slightly in the faint light. In a sort of haze, Sunset grabbed the knife with shaking hands. She flicked it open, the razor sharp blade springing out of its confines. Sitting up, Sunset took a deep breath. It was time for the darkest part of her altered schedule.

It was also her favourite part of the day.

Still shaking- whether it was from the cold or the anticipation of what she was about to do, Sunset will never know- she sat up, knife clutched tightly in her right hand.

Her near naked form revealed the marred skin that her clothing was so good at hiding. Angry red slashes ran up and down her arms, a few littering her torso as well. Old and new, subdued white or glaring pink, purple, and crimson. Some were shallow; thin lines that would eventually be near invisible. Some were deep; stretched and banded tissue that would never quite look the same.

This little ‘habit’ of hers began after the Fall Formal. Sunset had been a wreck. Guilt wracked her conscience, tearing at her heart, her soul aching with grievance. Depression and anxiety crept back into her life, aspects of herself that she had managed to shove down under the anger and false bravado she used to rule the school.

As she started growing closer to the girls, she made and effort to find better coping mechanisms, less destructive ways of handling her emotions. However, this whole Anon-a-miss catastrophe flung Sunset right back to the start; all the progress she made with her mental health unraveled as quickly as the friendships she had formed with the others.

Sunset gripped the knife tighter. A tear slipped down her face, then another; the reticence she displayed around her peers was finally melting.

It was you all along!

A splash of red appeared on one of the few remaining unmarked sections of skin on her left arm.

We trusted you, Sunset!

Sunset made a particularly deep cut, watching in amazement as the spongy, white flesh that the knife revealed quickly bubbled out more of her warm, crimson blood.

How could you do this?

On and on and on, slice after slice, Sunset continued the merciless attack on her arm, switching over to the other when she finally, once and for all, ran out of room on her left. Thoughts whirred through her head at blinding speeds.

After all we’ve been through together; secret stealer; you’re not our friend!

What was once a searing hot pain soon dulled to a numb kind of pressure. Sunset’s salty tears mixed with her blood, which was dripping steadily onto the cement floor.

But it was okay.

“I’m absolutely okay,” Sunset thought, sarcastically. “This is just a part of my ‘new routine,’ after all.” She knew that this behaviour was not healthy, but…

“Maybe I don’t want to be okay anymore.”

“Maybe I’m tired of the constant stream of hatred, from both my classmates and myself.”

Sunset took a shuddering breath.

“Maybe I just want all this to be over.”

Author's Note

I'm kinda writing this to cope with my own struggles with mental illness, while also providing my take on how I think the whole Anon-a-miss thing may have played out realistically (or at least in another universe). This is my first ever fanfic, so advice is welcome! Let me know what I did right, what I did wrong, things you think would make the story better; or just say hello!

I intend this is turn into a romance between Sunset and Trixie, but it is mostly focused on Sunset; her struggles, development, and eventual happiness. Sci-Twi won't be in this story, seeing as the Anon-a-miss comic takes place before friendship games.

Hope you enjoyed!

~Bitty Bug