Chapter 10 - You Fucked Up

Trembling hands tore at the pill bottle, the child-proof caps only serving as a temporary obstacle for the hysterical, sobbing girl. Sunset desperately pawed at the lid of the Advil container until it popped off, the contents of the bottle joining the small pile on the kitchen table. Empty pill bottles- Tylenol, Asprin, typical over the counter remedies- were littered across the wooden surface.

Sunset hiccuped, tears streaming down her pale face. Her hair was a mess, a result of her hands frantically pulling at the strands for the past hour.

This time was different.

Thoughts flew across Sunset’s mind in a frenzy. Her breaths came in short, panicked puffs as she pace around the small kitchenette. The girl’s wild eyes darted about the room, always seeming to come back to the pile of pills on the table.

Sunset Shimmer was no stranger to anxiety attacks, but this- this was a new intensity, a beast she could not handle alone. But did she even want to handle it at all? She could not think. She could not breathe. The walls seemed to close in on her as she walked the room, narrowing her vision back to the pills. Always back to the pills.

“Fucking freak,”

“Stirring up trouble is just some sick way for you to try to fit into a world you never really belonged in,”

“Everyone would be better off if you were dead,”

Gilda’s harsh words from earlier that day combined with the black eye from Spitfire on Monday were enough to send Sunset into a frenzied panic, once again endangering her but in a much different way than her previous suicide attempt. Where the last one was calm and collected, this was disorganized and desperate, an intense emotional reaction that could not be controlled.

Of course, logic would tell Sunset that this was just a bad week, that her horrible day that day was just a bump in the road. Reason would say that depression is a rollercoaster, where you may feel fine one day and terrible the next. Sense would declare that feeling bad sometimes is a part of feeling better.

Logic, reason, and sense were not present at the moment. Fear and anxiety, hatred and despair took their place. Sunset’s mind was consumed; there was no way out of the vortex she had trapped herself in.

Finally tired of pacing, Sunset collapsed in front of the table, the old wooden chair shaking and creaking at the impact.

“It’s the only way,” the red-head mumbled to herself in almost incoherent jumbled words. "I have to, it’s the only way.” In one deft motion, Sunset scooped up the pile of pills into one hand. Quivering, she brought the hand to her mouth.

She managed to get about a quarter of the pills down her throat before she gagged. Determined, Sunset dry-swallowed what she had managed to get down, only pausing for a second before dumping the remaining pills into her mouth.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Aria, Adagio, Sonata, Trixie… I’m sorry, I’ll miss you, I’m sorry...”

***

Sunset dragged herself out of the memory with a shuddering sigh. She was not surprised to feel a familiar wetness on her face; tears were certainly no stranger to the suffering girl.

“Sweet Celestia, I really do need help...” Sunset wiped her eyes and turned her gaze to the hospital window, where bright sunlight was streaming in. Sunset’s skin had regained some of its colour over the past four days at the hospital, and her eyes no longer seemed entirely lifeless.

It was very difficult for the girl to admit that she needed help. Sunset was used to doing things alone; the idea that she didn’t have to anymore, and actually needed to do the opposite was very hard to grasp.

A knock at the door garnered the teen’s attention, and Trixie strode into the room. “Good morning, Sunny,” Trixie greeted with a grin. Sunset’s demeanor brightened upon seeing her friend.

“You came to see me?” Sunset blurted. “It’s Saturday, you shouldn’t waste a day off.” Of course Sunset was happy to see Trixie, but her traitorous mind forced her to dwell on the negatives.

Trixie marched over to the bed and aggressively bopped Sunset on the nose. “No more self-deprecating talk,” she declared with a firm tone. “I’m your friend, I like spending time with you.” Trixie reaffirmed her words with another bop to the nose. “The only reason the Dazzlings aren’t here as well is because Aria and Adagio had to work, and Sonata doesn’t have a car.”

Sunset laughed and pushed her friend’s hand away from her face. “Alright, okay, I get the idea. Thanks, though, it means a lot.” The red-head sheepishly turned her eyes away.

At this, Trixie brought Sunset into a close hug. “We’re all just glad you’re doing a bit better,” she mumbled into Sunset’s shoulder.

Sunset pulled away and once again avoided eye contact.

“Trixie, I-I’m so sor-”

Trixie’s hand found Sunset’s and blue eyes met purple. “Don’t you dare apologize, Sunset.” There was an intensity in Trixie’s gaze that Sunset couldn’t look away from. “Depression isn’t something you can control. It’s unpredictable, and you haven’t had any treatment for it.” Almost subconsciously, Trixie brought her other hand up to Sunset’s cheek. Her thumb gently caressed small circles into Sunset’s skin, which was now alight in a blush.

Trixie continued. “None of this is your fault. I mean, you can’t expect to swim when you have bricks tied to your ankles,” Trixie said, offering a sympathetic smile. Sunset felt herself leaning into Trixie’s touch, captivated by the other’s honest eyes and understanding words.

“I-I,” Sunset tried to find the right words, but they didn’t seem to exist. “How did I ever find a friend this wonderful?” Sunset shakily returned Trixie’s smile. “And why the hell did she have to be so cute?!”

The two simply stayed there. Trixie was perched on the edge of Sunset’s bed, the latter girl’s hand in her own, her face cradled lovingly; and Sunset was enjoying every second of it.

“She’s so close, I could… I-I want to...” Sunset’s eyes, for a split second, flickered to Trixie’s lips. Trixie saw the motion and sucked in a sharp breath of air, eyes widening slightly, though she did not pull away. The girls’ faces inched closer, just barely, but still closer-

There was a knock at the door, and the two shot apart quicker than lightning. Fiery blushes coated their faces.

“Oh dear Celestia, we were about to-!”

Doctor Lulamoon entered the room with a jovial smile. “Hi, Sunset. Hey there, Trixie,” she greeted with a smile. She glanced between the two girls. Supernova was a smart woman; she was not oblivious to the tension in the room. She filed away the scene for future thought (“Huh, romantic tension… interesting.”) and potential teasing (“My little Trixie has a crush!”). For now, there was a more pressing circumstance to attend to.

Ignoring the blushes on the two girl’s faces, Supernova pulled up the plastic chair from the corner of the room to the side of Sunset’s bed.

“So, Sunset,” the doctor began. “We need to talk about your, ahem, situation.” Supernova gestured to her clipboard, handing it to the red-head. Sunset flipped through the first few papers on the board, with Trixie glancing over her shoulder- though the magician kept a little more distance between them.

Sunset’s eyes scanned the pages. “Sunset Shimmer. Age: 18. Parents: None. Records: None. Oh boy, this is going to be a bit of a mess, isn’t it...”

Sunset looked at Trixie, then to Supernova. The doctor saw fear in the teen’s eyes. She took the clipboard back from Sunset. “Trixie said that I would get the details eventually. I’m not going to press you for them now- you’re still fragile and I have a feeling this is a very long story,” she chuckled. “But we need to figure out what to do with you next, and the lack of paperwork makes your options very limited.”

Sunset sighed. “I’m sorry for all the trouble, Mrs. Lula- uh, Supernova,” she stumbled over the formality before continuing. “I really appreciate the help, though.”

Trixie and her mother gave matching smiles. Supernova lay a hand on her daughter’s shoulder and looked at Sunset with warmth. “We’re both here for you, Sunset,” she stated. “And don’t apologize, I’m happy to help.”

The smile faded from the doctor’s face as she prepared to introduce a less than pleasant topic. “Trixie, dear, I need you to step out of the room for a moment.” At Sunset’s panicked look, Supernova elaborated. “Don’t worry, it’s just for patient-doctor confidentiality. I can’t discuss your medical information with anyone else in the room that isn’t related to you.” The red-head let out the breath she was holding and Trixie made her way to the door, shooting a timid smile to Sunset on her way out.

“Now, regarding next steps…” Doctor Lulamoon turned to face her patient. “Sunset, I believe it would be best for you to be in a long-term inpatient program. A mental hospital would be able to provide the level of treatment you need.”

Sunset paled. She opened her mouth to protest, but Supernova held up a hand, cutting her off. “However, your lack of paperwork makes that impossible.” A sigh of relief. Accepting any help was difficult; going to a psychiatric hospital was a very scary thought for Sunset.

Supernova continued. “Given that you live in an abandoned factory- which we need to talk about, by the way- I’m going to assume you don’t have much money. That makes therapy and medication hard to swing. There really aren’t many options without money and documentation, so until you can afford real treatment, I’m going to set some guidelines for you.”

Sunset raised her eyebrows. “Guidelines?”

Supernova nodded. “Just some ground rules to make sure you stay safe. Stuff like curfew, daily check ins, that sort of thing. I’ll work out the specifics and type it up for you, but right now we have something more important to talk about.” The doctor leaned back in her chair with a sigh. “I can’t let you keep living in that factory, Sunset.”

Sunset lurched forward on her bed and gripped the cheap hospital blanket. “Supernova, please I-”

Supernova once again held her hand up, and Sunset fell silent. “You’re legally an adult, so I don’t have the authority to tell you what to do, but I can’t just do nothing.” The mother looked Sunset in the eyes. “You need to find someplace to stay. I’ll help you look, you can even stay at my home for a little while if you need to. You have one month, but after that, I’m going to have to tell somebody.”

Sunset sighed and flopped back against her pillows. “Fine,” she yielded. “Fine, but the factory really isn’t that bad.”

All Sunset got in response was a chuckle.

“Anyways, Sunset, you’ll be discharged tomorrow. We can’t do much else for you here, and people are starting to ask questions about your documentation.” Supernova grinned and Sunset returned the smile. “Let me know if you ever need someone to talk to. I’m here for you,” the doctor said in a reassuring voice as she moved towards the door.

“Thank you, Supernova.”

***

Sunday came and went far too quickly for Sunset’s liking. Soon enough, it was Monday, and Sunset found herself dragging her feet as she made the walk to school. Upon checking her phone Sunday afternoon, Sunset was met with a barrage of texts from the students of Canterlot High. A slew of ‘I’m sorry’s’ and ‘I knew it wasnt you’s’ that reeked insincerity and shame, a deluge of hollow well-wishes that Sunset did not want to deal with.

The worst ones were the many messages from the ‘Rainbitches,’ as Aria had started calling them. “I’m not responsible for alleviating their guilt. They did this to me, they deserve to feel terrible.” Sunset hadn’t bothered looking at any of the messages, instead choosing to focus on the kind texts from her real friends.

As she continued her trek to hell, Sunset tried to clamp down on the simmering ire that sparked in her stomach whenever she thought of her former friends. She knew that anger was a dangerous thing- turning into a literal demon was a lesson that she will never forget- but loathing the Rainbooms was keeping her from turning all the blame onto herself. Maybe it wasn’t entirely healthy, but at least she wasn’t the only person she hated.

The iconic Wondercolts statue came into view, and Sunset slowed her steps even more. Some students loitered about the entrance, and others were filing into the school. All eyes turned to Sunset as she approached the building. Sunset curled into herself, as if trying to become invisible.

It wasn’t working.

The red-head walked fast, trying to get to her locker as soon as possible. Prying stares and empty words followed her. Sunset felt her breathing quicken as she arrived at her destination. “Ah horsefeathers, an anxiety attack is the last thing I need right now.”

A familiar voice broke Sunset out of her panicked thoughts. “Hey Sunny,” Trixie greeted with a soft expression. Adagio, Aria, and Sonata were behind her, each offering a sympathetic look and a kind smile.

Sunset felt herself start to calm down. She returned the smile to her friends and opened up her locker. “Hey guys,” the girl said as she got out her books and slammed the door shut. People were still staring at her, but it was easier to deal with when she had her friends by her side.

The five waked to Sunset’s first period in a sort of cluster, with Sunset in the center. Trixie and the Dazzlings acted as Sunset’s bodyguards, glaring at students who stared and snapping at anyone stupid enough to try and approach Sunset.

“What’re you looking at, huh?” Sonata scowled as a fidgety Spitfire approached, who immediately backed off with a guilty look on her face. Sunset chuckled to herself.

“I love my family,” she thought with a grin.

***

Lunch brought a welcome break to the exhausting day Trixie was having. Sunset wasn’t the only one receiving annoying apologies from remorseful peers. Shutting down their useless attempts at pushing the guilt from their shoulders was getting on her nerves.

Trixie felt a buzz in her pocket, and she pulled out her phone. She looked at the group chat between her, Sunset, and the Dazzlings as she made her way to the library, lunch in hand.

Sunset > Hey guys, Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna wanted to check in and see how I was doing. I probably won’t be at lunch, don’t wait for me.

Sonata > alrighty !

Aria > yeet

Adagio > Eat something later, skipping meals isn’t good

Sunset > Okay, Mom.

Adagio > Shut up

Trixie let out a small laugh at her friend’s antics. “I’m glad I have people like them in my life,” she thought as she approached her destination. Just as Trixie was about to push the library doors open, however, a hand grabbed her shoulder. She spun around and found herself face to face with the Rainbooms.

“What the- why the fuck are you here,” Trixie spat, her grip on her tray tightening. The group in front of her at least had the decency to look ashamed. They avoided eye contact with the seething girl in front of them. Rainbow Dash was kicking at the tiled floor, and Fluttershy looked to be on the verge of tears; each of them had similar looks of guilt on their faces. It was Pinkie Pie who spoke up, breaking the tense silence that had befallen the girls.

“W-we were hoping- uh, we wanted to know if maybe, um-” the pink girl stumbled over her words.

Trixie scoffed and turned to leave.

Applejack scrambled to grab Trixie’s arm. “Wait! Please, Trixie, hear us out,” the farmhand begged. “Ah know we messed up big time, but please…”

Trixie wrenched her arm from Applejack’s grasp. “Fine.” Her voice was stone cold. “You have one minute to convince me you’re worth my time.”

Rarity stepped forward. “We wanted to apologize,” she said with a tremble in her voice. “We know there’s no way we can make it up to Sunset, but we want to try. Please, can you convince her to talk to us?”

Trixie raised her eyebrows incredulously. “Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me?” Trixie’s words were dripping with venom. “No, there’s no way in hell we’re letting you anywhere near her. She’s fragile right now, the last thing she needs is you five coming in and fucking things up again.”

Rarity averted her eyes. Pinkie Pie spoke up again. “Please, Trixie! We need to at least try-”

Trixie barked out a humourless laugh. “No you don’t. You’ve done enough.”

The group collectively flinched. Trixie spun on her heel and trudged into the library, leaving five despairing girls staring after her.

The Dazzlings looked up from their lunch as a livid Trixie threw her tray onto the table and angrily plopped herself down next to Sonata.

Aria nudged Trixie’s leg with her foot. “What’s up, magic girl? You seem tense,” she joked. Trixie only huffed and glared daggers at her food. The three sisters exchanged worried glances. Sonata was the one to make the next attempt at contact with the steaming girl.

“Hey, Trix, what’s going on? We can’t help if we don’t know what’s happening,” the former siren prodded gently.

Trixie let out a loud sigh. “Fine,” she relented and began recounting the incident with the Rainbooms. By the time she finished, Aria had a murderous look in her eyes, Adagio’s fists were clenched so hard her knuckles turned white, and Sonata was stabbing violently at her salad.

Aria slammed a hand on the table. “I can’t fucking believe the nerve of them,” she shouted, earning her a ‘shush’ from Ms. Cheerilee. Sonata nodded her head in agreement, and Trixie sighed again.

Adagio tried to unclench her fists and regulate her breathing. If there was one thing she hated more than anything in the world, it was people messing with her family; and Sunset had become a part of it over the past few months. How dare they?

“You know what?” Adagio started. Her tone was virulent. “Those pompous, asinine jerks don’t get to get off that easy.”

Trixie gave her friend a curious look, while Aria and Sonata leaned in at the deadly expression on Adagio’s face. They knew that look; Adagio wanted revenge.

“We’re going to show them what happens when you mess with our friends.”

***

Of course Applejack didn’t expect Sunset to actually agree to talk with them, but she really didn’t think that Trixie of all people would want to meet. She glanced at her phone for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past five minutes, trying to ignore Rainbow's frantic pacing.

Trixie > Bleachers, afterschool today. Bring the others.

Any other attempts to talk to her had been met with radio silence.

It was fifteen minutes after the bell rang, and there was still no sign of Trixie. Rarity sighed. “What do you think she wants,” the fashionista queried.

Pinkie Pie gripped the edge of the metal seat harder than strictly necessary. “Maybe Sunset agreed to meet with us?” She wondered, desperately trying to cling to the small threads of hope she had been given.

The sound of footsteps reverberating across the metal stands quickly captured the girl’s attention. The five looked anxiously towards the noise. However, it was not only Trixie that they saw walking towards them.

Adagio, Aria, and Sonata were accompanying Trixie as she swiftly made her way to the group of girls clustered at the top of the otherwise empty bleachers. They did not look happy.

Rainbow Dash crossed her arms as the four approached. “What’re you doing here?” She gestured to the Dazzlings.

Trixie narrowed her eyes, and Adagio stepped forward. “We’re all here on Sunset’s behalf. You five need to know your place,” she growled.

Applejack stepped in. “Look, we don’t want any trouble. We just want to apologize to Sunset-” she tried to placate, but was cut off by a furious Aria.

“You don’t fucking understand, do you? You fucked up, so bad,” the punk shouted at the five idiots in front of her. Sonata nodded in support as Aria continued. “The best thing you can do now is stay the fuck away from our friend!”

“No, you don’t understand! We know we fucked up,” Rainbow Dash yelled. “We know, okay? But we have to try! She’s our friend, too-”

Trixie stomped over to Rainbow Dash and slapped her across the face, hard. Rarity gasped and Fluttershy recoiled in surprise. Rainbow brought a hand to her cheek, which was turning red, shock donning her features.

Tears were streaming down Trixie’s face. “You have the audacity to call her your friend after everything you did to her?” She was practically screaming at the stunned girl in front of her. “You fucking broke her!” Trixie’s words echoed across the barren athletic fields, cutting deep and hitting the Rainbooms harder than any slap ever could.

Adagio moved to stand by Trixie’s side, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder. She stared at the Rainbooms with barely-contained rage. “You five imbeciles don’t deserve to be this world’s versions of the Elements of Harmony,” her voice was dangerous. “Sunset Shimmer is the only reason you managed to defeat us, and what did you do when she served her purpose? You threw her away. You ungrateful bastards fucking threw away one of the kindest, most admirable persons I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.”

Adagio’s face was contorted with fury. She wanted to rub salt in the still-fresh emotional wounds the Rainbooms were nursing. Adagio wanted this to hurt.

Both Fluttershy and Pinkie were in tears at this point. Adagio continued her diatribe against the girls, relentless in her attack. “I mean, you didn’t even pretend to care! You turned on her the second you suspected she was guilty.”

Rarity slammed her hand against the cold metal seating. “It’s not our fault that she was framed,” she shrieked. “We didn’t know it wasn’t her!” Tears ruined her mascara, staining her cheeks with black smears.

Aria interjected once again. “Well, you should have. You morons were supposed to be her friends,” she spat. Rarity shut up immediately. Blow after blow struck the Rainbooms in the heart, and it showed by their devastated expressions.

Adagio sighed, hand still rubbing comforting shapes on Trixie’s shoulder. “We’ve known Sunset Shimmer for a fraction of the time that you have, and we’ve been better friends than you ever were.” She sneered. “We may have been villains, but seriously! All we wanted was attention! You monsters were more vicious and cruel than we ever were.”

And finally, there was silence. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie had nothing to say. They were broken and defeated, the words from Trixie and the Dazzlings mentally mauling them until there was nothing left but heartbroken, remorseful shells.

And they deserved it.

Adagio squeezed Trixie’s shoulder and turned to leave, followed soon after by the other three. Just as they were about to make their way to the bottom of the bleachers, a small voice called out to them.

“Why was Sunset in the hospital?”

The four turned around, slowly. Rainbow Dash looked at them as though she was afraid of the answer. Like the rest of the Rainbooms, she was crying. “Principal Celestia said she was in the hospital. Why?” She repeated her question.

A tense silence hung in the air.

Sonata, who had remained silent throughout the whole ordeal, was the first to speak up. “That’s not our information to share,” she said. “And, quite frankly, I don’t think you deserve to know.”

And with that, Sunset’s real friends left her former friends alone to stew in their misery.

***

“Oh c’mon!”

Trixie threw a piece of popcorn at Sunset’s laptop, which was precariously balanced upon a pile of blankets in front of her and Sunset.

Sunset laughed at her friend’s frustrated expression. “I know, right? It takes them so long to get together!” She picked up the piece of popcorn Trixie had thrown and tossed it into her mouth, shooting a wolfish grin at the blue-haired girl seated next to her, who giggled.

The two girls were relaxing in Sunset’s room, watching- or rewatching, in Sunset’s case- The Office on Sunset’s computer. Sunset had declared it heresy when she discovered that Trixie had not seen the show, and demanded that they marathon the first few seasons afterschool.

“Uhg, they’re taking forever!” Trixie flopped back against Sunset’s pillows. She reached to grab another handful of popcorn, only to come up empty.

“Looks like we’re out,” Sunset said, grabbing the empty bowl. “I’ll go pop some more.” The flame-haired girl got up from her spot next to Trixie and trotted out the bedroom door.

Trixie smiled as she watched her retreat. They still hadn’t spoken about the almost-kiss at the hospital, and Trixie had no intention of bringing it up. “I don’t want to make things weird between us...” The magician shook her head and pushed any thoughts of the almost-kiss away as she loaded up the next episode. “Besides, we were all caught up in the moment. I probably just imagined it,” she uselessly tried to convince herself. There was no ignoring the chemistry between the two, and it was getting harder for Trixie to deny that there was a possibility her feelings were reciprocated.

A loud vibrating sound abruptly broke Trixie from her overanalyzing.

“That’s not my phone, must be Sunset’s,” Trixie thought. Only…

Sunset’s phone lay silent on her desk, completely powered off. The noise continued, and Trixie’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “If it’s not a phone, then what the hell is making that noise?”

The magician arose from her position on Sunset’s mattress. She listened closely, following the sound to a pile of clothes laid haphazardly around a red laundry hamper. Trixie knelt and pushed aside the mountain of shirts and pants, revealing a large book with a strange symbol on the cover; but what was most interesting about the book was that it was vibrating, not entirely unlike a cell phone.

Trixie picked up the odd journal and flipped it open, landing on what appeared to be the most recent page. She felt bad about snooping through Sunset’s personal belongings, but this was too interesting to leave alone. “It must be some sort of magical item,” Trixie concluded as she traced the neat, flowing handwriting that made up the most recent entry.

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

It’s been awhile since we’ve really talked. I wanted to check in, see how you were doing. I sort of feel like you’ve been avoiding me for the past month. Is something wrong? Are you okay?

I’m worried about you. I don’t mean to impose, but you’re my friend and I care about your wellbeing. Please write back soon.

Your friend, Twilight Sparkle

Trixie read the elegant writing with growing curiosity. “Twilight Sparkle? Like, Princess Twilight Sparkle?” The girl hadn’t heard that name in a while. She flipped through the book to a random page and started reading the older entries. They were written in two seperate styles of handwriting, and upon further inspection appeared to be written by Sunset and Twilight respectively.

“Interesting, this must be a kind of inter-dimensional communication device,” Trixie deduced. “Hm. I wonder why Sunset’s been evading close contact with Twilight. That can’t be healthy for her...”

Suddenly, Trixie was struck with an idea. She scrambled to Sunset’s desk and grabbed the nearest pen.

Dear Twilight Sparkle…

Author's Note

I AM SO SO SORRY THIS IS LATE!!!!!

This week has been SUPER hectic, and to be honest I sort of lost track of time This is another long one though, so I hope that makes up for it a bit!

Shout out to KR Chrome for inspiration for some of Adagio's lines when she was tearing apart the Rainbooms

Anyways it's nearly 1 am so I'm going to try and get some sleep now Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!

Until next time,

~Bitty Bug