Chapter 6 - Who Am I?

Sunset’s eyes opened. She sat up and took in her surroundings. A wide, expansive field greeted her, and a light breeze ruffled her vibrant hair. “How did I get here?” The girl mumbled in confusion.

Sunset’s eyes fell upon two figures in the distance, swiftly making their way towards her. She blinked and squinted, trying to make out the shapes as they approached her. Once they got close enough for Sunset to see, however, she wished she hadn’t bothered looking. One figure was vaguely humanoid. Her rough blood-red skin turned into razor sharp claws at the end of her hands, and her hair appeared to be made of fire, flickering in the wind. The demon’s bat-like wings carried her body closer to Sunset.

The other figure, in a way, was just as bad. She was only a filly, and her yellow coat was matted and filthy. No cutie mark adorned her flank, and her eyes held a deep loneliness. Sunset stared at the two past forms of herself as they stopped in front of her. The demon grinned, displaying her sharp fangs. The filly shivered and avoided Sunset’s eyes. Finally, Sunset spoke. “Why are you here?” She demanded, though the slight tremor in her voice gave away her discomfort. “Leave me alone!”

The demon laughed, a dark, haunting sound.“You’re lost and confused, Sunset. We’re only here to remind you of who you are,” she responded with her unsettling voice. “Face it, Sunset. Face yourself. You’re nothing but a monster,” the demon gestured to herself, “and a coward,” she nodded towards the child form of Sunset, who flinched at the sudden attention.

Sunset felt tears stream down her cheeks. “No… I’m nothing like either of you, I’ve changed!”

The demon only cackled. “What, because of your friends? I hate to break it to you, Sunset, but your friends abandoned you. You are alone and unloved! You always have been and you always will be.”

The beast was relentless, and her words struck Sunset in the heart. “B-but,” she protested. “What about Trixie? She’s a real friend, she cares about me!”

Surprisingly, the filly spoke up. “She’ll leave you eventually. They all leave you in the end...” Her voice was heartbreakingly dismal. Prompted by her child form’s gloomy words, Sunset couldn’t stop the memories from assaulting her mind.

The years alone in the orphanage as a child.

Seeing all the other children find loving homes while she was left to herself.

Celestia’s warmth and hope, which she carelessly threw away.

Still on the grassy ground, Sunset curled into herself, bringing her hands up to cover her face as she sobbed. Her memories continued their attack.

Over three lonely years of bullying the students of Canterlot High.

Her transformation into the demon and attempted murder of Twilight Sparkle.

The harsh words from her ‘friends’ as they shunned her for a crime she did not commit.

“Please… please just go away,” Sunset weeped. The demon and the filly looked at her. Their stares bored into Sunset’s soul as she cried.

The child spoke once more, words broken and sorrowful. “You can’t forgive yourself,” she said softly.

The demon picked up where the filly left off. “And because of that, you will never be free of us.”

Sunset bolted up in her bed, the image of her nightmare still fresh and clear in her mind. Little droplets dripped onto her blanket. Sunset brought a hand to her face to find that the tears from her dream had carried over to the waking world. She hiccuped as the words from her dream echoed through her head. The horrible dreariness that covered her heart seemed to intensify tenfold as she reached for her knife. “They’re right...” She thought with a sniffle. “I don’t know who I am anymore. Maybe I never did.”

A slice on her ankle.

“All I know for sure is that I deserve this.”

Another slash on her calf.

“I’m a monster and a coward.”

More cuts on her thighs.

“No one should have to deal with me ruining their lives.”

Tears mixed with blood as Sunset indulged in her ghastly pastime. After finishing up her activity and bandaging the lacerations, Sunset took a seat on the worn orange couch that took up one side of her room. She grabbed her laptop, knowing she wasn’t going to be falling back asleep anytime soon. As Netflix started loading, she glanced at the computer’s internal clock. “4:35. Nice, I’ll be a total zombie at school tomorrow- er, today,” Sunset thought miserably. The new cuts on her left leg were deep, and they throbbed with pain. “Might be limping for a day or two,” she noted.

Sunset loaded up “Lilo and Stitch,” trying to fill the aching void in her heart with her go-to comfort movie. The former unicorn related to Stitch. She, too, was an alien condemned to an unfamiliar world. She, too, was trying to find her place. She, too, was a monster. Watching someone like him- someone like her- get a happy ending gave her a flicker of hope, hope that maybe someday she could have one too. Sunset watched as her favourite part came up.

Lilo watches as Stitch takes her storybook and waddles over to the windowsill. ‘Ohana means family. And family means nobody gets left behind.’

Hobbling out of the open window, Stitch leaves Lilo alone in her room. She looks at the picture of her family. ‘I remember everyone that leaves.’

Stitch, alone amongst the tall trees and rough vegetation touches the storybook with a melancholy tenderness. ‘L-lost. I’m lost.’

Once again, Sunset felt tears drip down her face. “I’m lost...”

***

Trixie took in Sunset’s disheveled appearance as she arrived at the red-head’s locker. Her hair was messy and dark circles hung underneath her eyes. Her usual long-sleeved shirt and jeans somehow appeared more baggy, as if they were barely hanging onto the wiry girl’s frame. Trixie knew immediately that last night must have been a bad one.

“Hey,” the blue-haired girl said gently as she approached her friend. “Rough night?”

Sunset nodded, her face breaking out into a yawn. “Another nightmare. It’s fine, though, I’m used to them.” She turned to move down the hallway, Trixie following close behind.

“Sunset,” Trixie started. “You know you could have texted me,” she prodded gently. Sunset shot her a skeptical look as she continued walking. As Sunset had predicted, she moved with a slight limp.

The tired girl responded with insecurity in her voice. “It was like, four in the morning, I wasn’t about to wake you up because of something so stupid.” She cast her gaze to the tiled floor.

Trixie stopped walking, gently grabbing Sunset’s sleeve so that she was stopped and looking her in the eye. “Don’t think I don’t see you limping. It obviously wasn’t stupid if it affected you like that.” Trixie looked at Sunset with concern. “You don’t have to be afraid to ask for help, Sunset. I’m here for you.” She gave Sunset a timid smile.

Sunset hesitated for a second. “Twilight said the same thing, but… It can’t be that easy. They can’t actually care enough to help me when I get like that.” Sunset quietly contemplated Trixie and Twilight’s shared words. “I’d just be a burden to them both.” Sunset looked up, ready to dismiss Trixie’s offer. But, as she met her friend’s eyes, the sincerity and genuine care she saw caught her off guard.

“Alright,” she found herself saying. “I’ll try, but no promises.” Trixie beamed as the two resumed their walking.

Sunset hated asking for help. It make her feel weak and burdensome. But seeing Trixie’s honest eyes and bright smile made her a little less averse to the idea than she usually was.

***

Despite the somewhat positive start to the day, Sunset Shimmer’s life still sucked. Her bruises had faded enough to be covered by some light makeup, but new cuts, acquired from the past weeks, littered her torso and legs. The worst ones were the incisions from last night, though the others would definitely scar.

As February wore on, the harassment Sunset faced had gotten progressively worse. Glares and scathing remarks turned into waiting at her locker to verbally assault and hound her and Trixie as they walked to class. The occasional shove became locking the girl in her locker, then turned into actual violence when a particularly scandalous post from Anon-a-miss targeted Dumbbell.

“You BITCH!” Dumbbell shoved Sunset against a row of lockers. As one of the school’s resident weightlifters, he had a lot of strength behind his attacks. His lackeys, Hoops and Score stood threateningly behind him. They had managed to chase and corner Sunset in a dark, out-of-the-way hall while she was trying to get to her study hall. “Oh irony, you’re a humorous bitch,” Sunset thought as she recognized the hallway as the one she had confronted Twilight in before the Fall Formal.

Nobody knew where she was. Nobody would care. “Except Trixie,” Sunset thought as she struggled to stand up. The impact of the shove combined with her already mangled leg made the task difficult.

Dumbbell nodded to his friends, who each started advancing towards Sunset. She feebly tried to dash between them, but each grabbed and arm and held her in place as she struggled. Dumbbell cracked his knuckles and took a step forward. “This’ll teach you some manners,” he said, pulling his fist back.

His punch hit Sunset on her left eye, which immediately started to swell. Another punch rocketed directly into her stomach, taking the wind out of her lungs. She gasped and coughed, her knees weakening. Hoops and Score dropped her arms and she sunk to the floor. The three boys surrounded her, taking turns kicking her.

Another blow to the stomach. A kick to the nose. A boot to her ribcage. Sunset curled up into a ball, trying to make herself into a smaller target. “I wish they’d just kill me,” Sunset thought with a rotten longing in her chest.

The abuse went on for a few more minutes until a loud voice interrupted.

“Hey fuckheads! Pick on someone your own damn size!”

“Oof!”

“Ah!”

“What the fuck!”

All of a sudden, the three bullies were wrenched away from Sunset. A body stepped in front of her, physically shielding her from further harm while two more figures advanced on the boys, who all looked very confused. Sunset untucked herself from her her pathetic little human ball and looked up.

Sonata Dusk stood in front of Sunset with her arms up in a defensive position. Adagio Dazzle and Aria Blaze were beating the absolute shit out of the Dumbbell, Hoops, and Score. They moved in a graceful but deadly fashion, striking swiftly and giving no room for retaliation. Any swings the boys managed to get in were sloppy and unskillful; they may have had raw power, but they lacked the brains to back it up. The bullies were no match for the precise, coordinated attacks from Adagio and Aria.

The boys quickly found themselves on the ground, moaning in pain and confusion. Aria stepped back next to Sonata, adding to the human barricade around Sunset. The two glared with a fearsome intensity.

Adagio’s voice was frightening as she spoke. “If you three so much as lay a finger on this girl ever again, we will ensure that you don’t live to see graduation.”

The bullies didn’t hesitate to scramble to their feet, running away with their tails between their legs.

Sonata knelt, helping Sunset into an upright position.

“Shit, you look awful,” Aria stated bluntly.

“Not helpful, dimwit,” Adagio said, nudging her sister sharply in the stomach.

The punk wheezed out a pained “got it” as Sonata pulled a tissue from her pocket and dabbed at the blood leaking from Sunset’s nose. “When you’re ready to stand up, we’re going to take you to the clinic,” she said gently.

“No!” Sunset cried. The girls looked at her incredulously. “I- I’ll be fine, I just- I don’t want to escalate this.”

The Dazzlings shared a glance, and their leader sighed. “Okay. We get it, don’t want to make the whole Anon-a-miss thing worse.” Sunset blinked in shock.

“Don’t worry, we know it’s not you!” Sonata chimed in.

“Yeah, it’s kinda obvious.” Aria added with a scoff.

“What these idiots are trying to say, is that we’re on your side.” Adagio moved to sit in front of the beaten girl. Aria followed, taking a seat on the side of Sunset that wasn’t occupied by Sonata.

Sunset eyed them skeptically. “Why are you being nice to me?” She asked. “Didn’t I ruin your lives?”

Sonata beamed at her and Aria even gave a small grin. Adagio smiled as well. “When you destroyed our pendants, we pretty much just became human.” The curly haired girl explained. “At first we were furious,” she said. “But then we realized something: that unending, gnawing hunger that was ever-present had completely disappeared.”

“We’ve spent centuries feeding off negative emotions, causing turmoil and strife everywhere we went. Now, we’re just people. We do normal people things. We feel normal people emotions. But now, most importantly, we eat normal people things.”

“Like tacos!” Sonata shouted happily.

“... Yeah, like tacos.” Adagio said, affectionately ruffling the youngest sister’s hair.

Aria took the chance to butt in. “You pretty much saved our asses. No matter how much energy we absorbed, we couldn’t feel satisfied. Do you know how shitty it feels to be starving all the time?” Aria asked. “It’s the worst,” she said before Sunset could try to answer.

Sonata interjected. “Now we aren’t full of hunger and rage! It’s sooooo great,” she gushed, starry eyed.

Adagio continued the explanation: “We’ve been wanting to thank you, and apologize, but we wanted to wait until things settled down after the Battle of the Bands. Then this whole Anon-a-miss disaster started happening and we figured you’d be better off if you didn’t have the ‘big bad sirens’ hanging around you.” Adagio averted her eyes. “We should have interfered sooner. You definitely looked like you could’ve used a few friends.” She finished with a sad smile.

Sunset gawked at the former sirens. “Wow...” She was speechless, and still a little dizzy from the beatdown she endured earlier. “I-” she started, but was cut off, suddenly being enveloped in a gentle group hug. Tears stung at her eyes as she returned the embrace, but this time pain was not the cause; it was joy.

The girls detached from the hug and helped Sunset to her feet. “Lets go to the bathroom and get you cleaned up,” Adagio said with a smile, wiping her own tears from her eyes.

After the Dazzlings helped wipe away the excess blood and addressed Sunset’s black eye as best they could in a school bathroom, Sunset texted Trixie.

Sunset > Hey, something happened. It’s a long story but the Dazzlings are chill now, will tell you at lunch.

Trixie > are you okay???

Sunset > Yeah I’m fine, don’t worry.

***

“You definitely are not fine!” Trixie screeched, fussing over Sunset’s wounds. The Dazzlings snickered at the ordeal. “What the fuck happened?!” Trixie continued her prodding.

Sunset huffed, swatting at Trixie’s hands. “If you’d stop for one second I’d tell you,” she playfully rebuked.

As the group ate their lunch, Sunset explained what happened during her study hall, occasionally interrupted by one of the sisters adding their own comments. Trixie listened with a stony expression, ignoring the food in front of her. She wasn’t mad. No, Trixie was absolutely livid. “No bullying is acceptable, but this crossed a fucking line,” she said after Sunset finished recounting the occurrence. “If anybody else tries something like this again Trixie will flay them alive.”

Aria whistled. “Damn, you’re scarier than we ever were,” she joked. Sunset laughed, and soon Trixie joined in with a sigh and a small chuckle.

“Anyways,” Trixie began. “How the hell did you three manage to kick the asses of three of the strongest dudes in school? Trix- I thought you were only powerful with your magic necklace thingies.”

Adagio smirked. “We’ve been around for centuries, dear. You get a little bored when you live that long, so we spent our time learning.”

Sonata spoke up through a mouthful of taco. “We know, like, every form of combat.” Trixie and Sunset raised their eyebrows in unison. Adagio and Aria snorted at their expressions.

“Yeah, even air-head here knows how to fight,” Aria laughed, giving Sonata a slap on the back.

That day marked the start of a new friendship between the five. It budded slowly, and was initially only held together by a mutual protectiveness over Sunset; Trixie was still suspicious of the Dazzlings, and the former sirens already had a comfortable group dynamic. The shaky alliance was odd, but Sunset liked it just fine. “I think someday we’ll all be really close,” Sunset thought as she exited the library with a wave to her new friends.

***

Sunset sighed happily as she walked home the next week. The strain of Anon-a-miss continued its attack on her, but now she had four friends to help support her. Of course every one of her problems wasn’t cured in the blink of an eye, but maybe this was a good start in the right direction.

As the days passed and the five tentatively started to bond, Sunset found herself missing her ex-friends less and less. She opened the door to her factory and made her way to her bedroom. Dropping her backpack, she flopped onto her bed. Sunset was slightly ashamed of the growing resentment she felt for the five faux friends, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that they were never really good friends in the first place.

“Adagio, Aria, Sonata… Trixie...” She blushed a little at the last name. “They’ve been better friends than the Rainbooms ever were.”

After the Fall Formal, they had reluctantly adopted Sunset into their group, mostly doing it as a favour to Twilight. She was never truly integrated into their coterie, as was proved at the Battle of the Bands. “Inviting me to join their band probably didn’t even occur to them. I’ve never been an option,” She thought bitterly. It was all “no offense” and “oh, sorry Sunset.” Their insincerity was tangible. It was Twilight who really made them include Sunset in the first place.

“Twilight...” Sunset sighed, casting a glance to the journal on her desk. She felt bad for being so cold to her, but she was still a little hurt from Twilight’s failure to take everything seriously in the first place. She only half obeyed the alicorn’s request; she sent occasional update messages and responded when Twilight tried to initiate conversation, but she didn’t bother informing Twilight of her encounter with Dumbbell, Hoops, and Score the previous week.

“There’s no point in getting her all worked up about this. It’d probably just make things worse.” She rationalized, though now she had yet another thing to feel guilty about.

Author's Note

And now, the Dazzlings make their appearance, woo!

A bit of a longer chapter this week, hope everyone likes it! Let me know how you feel in the comments

~Bitty Bug