A Slice of (Cake) Life

by Epic Yarn

Rating: teen
Tags: Mr. Cake, Cake Twins, Mrs. Cake, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1185

Mrs. Cake’s horrible, awful, no good, very bad day.

Mrs. Cake’s life isn’t always a piece of cake. The bakery needs running, Pound and Pumpkin are always up to something, and babysitters aren’t always easy to come by.

Original draft was an entry for Everfree Northwest 2018 Iron Author Contest. Received an Honorable Mention by Xepher.

Credit to Xepher for the short description.

Published 2018-05-26 19:20:12 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-26 19:20:12 UTC

Chapter 1

Put that down.

Now.

Pound!

No, don’t fly—come down! Pinkie will be—Pumpkin! What…? How…? Is that chocolate? Dear Celestia, please let that be chocolate.

Bath time. Now. Yes, now. That…chocolate needs to come off. Don't move, the carpet has enough hoof tracks. DON’T LICK YOUR SISTER’S HAIR!

No Pumpkin, don't—PUMPKIN!

Oh, thank Celestia you’re here Pinkie. Pound is on the ceiling and Pumpkin has magicked herself somewhere. She needs a bath and—don’t touch that, it might not be chocolate.

Gesundheit. I’ll get Pumpkin to the bath and then can you finish up after we leave? Carrot isn’t home yet, he had a quick delivery for Fluttershy. He should’ve been home ten minutes ago. Gesundheit, again. Do you think you could grab the soap and start on the carpet? If those hoof prints lead to the kitchen…I hope that’s chocolate. Gesundheit.

Pumpkin! You better be in the bathroom. I’m starting that ba—there you ar—and why are you in my room? That my grandmare’s brooch! Oh, now it’s covered in… It’s okay, Pumpkin. Don’t cry, we’ll clean it up. Don’t pop—

Hm. Of course I had to marry someone with unicorn blood. “Not to worry,” Grandmare said, “it was generations ago,” she said, “barely even there.” Now look—

Pumpkin, I’m running a bath. If you’re not here by the time I count to thr—good. Do you want Apple Cinnamon Bubbles or Candy Cane?

Apple Cinnamon it is.

Pound, come down here for a bath too. Now.

Where’s that bottle? It was just here. Pound, did you—? PUMPKIN, NO! NOT THE WHOLE BOTTLE! Quick, turn off the water. The bubbles—NO, DON’T JUMP!

…

It’s okay. I’ll just wear my other dress.

Carrot is that you?

Yes, I know. Pumpkin dumped the whole bottle in and—

Don’t laugh or I’ll throw these bubbles at you.

I have bubbles in my tail?

And my dress?

You’re sweet, now give me a minute to rinse off and change. We can still make—

What’d you mean?

Pinkie is fine, she—

She is not palpably sick, she’s…sleeping in the kitchen now, isn’t she?

Cinnamon sticks. Okay, it’s fine. We can be a bit late. What about Applejack? She can bring over Apple Bloom and—

Fluttershy? She’s good with—

Twilight and Spike?

Rainbow Dash?

Rarity?

Trixie? No, not Trixie! What about Lyra?

Bon Bon?

Granny Smith?

Zecora?

Big Mac?

You called them all?

Sick? You sure?

Of course, I believe you. It’s just…everyone is sick? That’s—

The Sneezing Wheezing?! Oh dear, that’s—

Contagious, yes. I guess we don’t have a choice. We don’t want the foals catching it. Thank Celestia we got vaccines last
week.

It’s fine.

I said it’s fine.

Just soap in my eyes, is all. I mean, we’ve been planning this for months, just you and I. We haven’t had time together without the foals since…I don’t remember when.

It’s fine. Help me get them to bed. Actually, help Pinkie to bed. Then if you could finish cleaning up the kitchen? Don’t worry, it’s chocolate…I think. Sanitize everything just to be sure.

Okay, Gum Drops One and Two, time to get out…

Now don’t whine, you’re as wrinkly as an old plum. It’s—

Pinkie Pie is sick, Dearie, you—

She can’t. She’s sick.

Mommy will read you stories.

I know it’s not Pinkie Tales, but—

I can so do the silly voices. I do great silly voices!

When Pinkie gets all better she’ll read to you. I promise.

Come here, now, you need a towel. No, don’t shake!

Thank you, Pound. Mommy needed a bath anyway.

Okay, jammy time. Pound do you want stars or horseshoes?

Rainbows? Okay, you get the rainbows.

Pumpkin—

No, you can’t sleep naked.

Because you’ll get cold.

Mommy and Daddy DO NOT sleep naked.

…

New rule. You aren’t allowed to magically pop into Mommy and Daddy’s room. EVER.

Your daddy and I were…playing a game.

A mare and stallion game.

No, foals can’t play.

No more questions time for bed. Get. the. star. jammies. on.

Yes, you can have the butterfly ones instead.

…or the diamonds.

Just pick something, Pumpkin.

Star pajamas. Perfect. Let me help—

Okay, okay. You do it.

Pound, come down now. It’s story time. Now, Pound. Pumpkin, stop horsing around. Don’t you pop away. It’s bed time.

Pinkie Pie isn’t putting you to bed tonight. I am.

Pinkie’s sick, remember?

You’ll get sick too if she reads to you.

Crib. Now.

How about The Pony and The Princess?

No. No more questions tonight.

Ask tomorrow.

Ask Daddy. Tomorrow.

Shh, now. Once there was a blue foal…

No, I don’t know.

The pony is blue because it’s a blue pony.

Yes, little girls are real. Now…

I don’t care what Truth Finder says. Do you think little girls are real?

Then they’re real. If you believe then that’s all that matters. Good night, my little sugar cubes. Night-night, don’t let the zap bugs bite.

No no no no, zap bugs aren’t real. Just something pony’s say.

It means, “go to sleep.”

Look, no zap bugs.

I promise, there’s no zap bugs in the crib. They don’t like blankets.

See? No bugs. Goodnight.

Yes, you can have water.

No, no snacks. It’s bedtime.

We’ll talk about it tomorrow.

It’s bedtime now. Night-night, don’t let the za— Goodnight, Gumdrops. Love you to the moon and back.

Princess Luna won’t let you have bad dreams.

Because that’s her job.

Because she’s the princess of the moon.

Enough questions now. Good. Night.

Goodnight.

Goodnight I’m closing the door.

…

Praise Luna, I’d never thought they go to bed. Tomorrow I’m going to the castle to ask Princess Twilight for a spell. Did you know Pumpkin teleported into our room the other night?

Not that night. The other night.

Yes. That one.

I know.

I know. We’re the worst parents, aren’t we? I know I lost my patience tonight. It’s just…no one ever told me how many questions they’d ask. Remember when we were worried when they weren’t saying anything? Crunchy Granola wouldn’t stop going on and on about Amber Shine speaking in full sentences all the while asking why Pumpkin and Pound barely said anything? Do you think it would be bad to ask Twilight to whip up a silencing spell? It need only last a few hours. How’s Pinkie, now? She in bed?

Was it…chocolate?

Praise Celestia!

What’s that?

But…the kitchen is that way.

Okay, my eyes are closed, but I need to wash Grandmare’s brooch and—

No, I’m not peeking.

What’s that smell? Is that…hay burgers and alfalfa fries? Can I open my eyes yet?

…

Oh, Carrot. The candles. The flowers. Are those oat filled chocolates? You lit the fire, didn’t you? An indoor picnic. Just like our first date. You remembered. That was…what? Ten years ago from…today!

I didn’t forget, I just…. Our life is busy now, isn’t it? Ten years ago we never made it to the concert because of the rain. Now we’re missing our reservation. Is that…dandelion wine? I haven’t had that since before the foals came. This is just perfect. I love you…so very much.