Shy Continuum

Fluttershy trotted through town, a spring in her every step. It had been a week since Discord came out of the omnipotent closet to her about who and what he was, and she had begun making a few changes in her life. She suddenly didn’t mind going to a shop or the market to buy things; most of her fears were in her head. Her mind was too filled up with what she’d seen above her atmosphere, all of those beautiful stars and, well, everything else she had seen.

She was currently buying carrots for Angel Bunny and was going to get some tea that Discord suggested. Earl Grey, she hadn’t really heard of that before until last week. If she didn’t find it she was sure he could get some, being a god and all.

Was this wrong? Was it wrong that Fluttershy wasn’t afraid of him? Should she be? The amount of trust it must have taken to tell her all of that, to show her... it meant a lot to her. He’d even dropped something about Sombra of all ponies, forcing friendship on others would be akin to slavery in his eyes. He wanted the real thing, which was what she offered.

But sometimes that saddened the mare.

She was one of the five people he cared about. he’d slightly broken down saying she was all he had at the moment, and that broke her heart a little. She didn’t want him to watch her grow old and die like everyone else he knew, but what could she, a magicless mare, do to spare him that pain?

Every now and again, Fluttershy would think about joining him. It was just a thought, a random thing you’d get every now and again. What time was it? Why were rabbits so small? What makes the sky blue? Could you fit a folded flip-flop in your mouth? Just, silly things your brain chugged out. Every now and again, she’d think about being immortal, so he wouldn’t be all alone. She ignored it most of the time, like all the crazy things that went through her head, but sometimes it lingered. Could she do that? Could she abandon her view on immortality for a lonely god?

“Honey?” The mare snapped out of her thoughts, looking to Carrot Top. “You seemed a little dazed, something up?” Fluttershy didn’t want to talk about it. Ok, that was a lie, she wanted to tell everyone, but who would believe her? They’d just say he was tricking her, that he was lying, but she believed him.

Somebody had to.

“I’m alright,” She half-lied “Can I have my usual for Angel please?” Carrot Top smiled and put three carrots into a little paper bag and mouthed it over to the yellow pegasus. Fluttershy gave her two bits and tucked the little bag under her wing.

“Does anypony sell Earl Grey? Discord suggested it to me.” Carrot made a face that Fluttershy couldn’t identify, though it was probably negative. Ponies still found her relationship with the deity bizarre, but what was wrong with that? She didn’t really need to care what others thought; maybe some day she could get him to be comfortable with his real self around others?

“I’m a tea enthusiast myself, but I haven’t heard of Earl Grey, probably something that Draconequus of yours made up to get you to chase your own tail.” It probably just didn’t exist in Equestria. Fluttershy thanked the mare for the carrots, then went on her way home. “Take care of yourself Flutters!” She waved a wing goodbye as she trotted home, that spring still in her hooves.

Fluttershy looked around as she headed home, the stars still in her memory, branded there for eternity. There was so much she could ask to see, so much she could ask to do, the possibilities were endless!.

She couldn’t see everything, not while she wasn’t immune to the trickles of time. The more she thought about the idea, the more she liked it. She could see so many things, learn all there was about the ‘universe’ as he called it. But there was going to be a downside to being around the deity.

She’d always thought that immortality is not only about loneliness, but you’d lose yourself as time went on. You’d become apathetic towards mortals, seeing them as nothing but ants beneath your hooves. Given how Discord was in the past, which he’d probably been like for eons, it wasn’t hard to imagine that he probably hasn’t been the best out there. It was likely he’d ended the lives of many, he was more than capable of it, and that little thought was causing some minor conflict inside of her.

She knew that without bad things, the good wouldn’t be good or that they as a civilization wouldn’t be able to grow. Discord was a chaotic force of nature, so it was likely all Q were like that. Maybe not as crazy as her friend, but still chaotic.

Maybe the Q were nature itself? That meant he’d probably have done things that could make her angry at him. Could she be angry with him? She was the only mortal he cared about, after all, and that implied he didn’t have any connection to mortal beings.

He was starting to confuse her now. Discord, he was genuine with her, he was becoming open about who he was and what he could do, which should be scaring her. She should be terrified, should be running and crying for help, but she wasn’t. The possibly most dangerous creature in the universe, in reality, was her friend. How could she be angry at that? How could she run from something that happened a very few times in HIS lifetime? Should she talk to Twilight and her friends?

That might seem like a betrayal in his eyes; she didn’t want to betray him, didn't want to hurt him. He’d hurt her in the past, though it was obvious he was very ignorant about friendship. He knew the facts but didn’t know the experience.

Maybe she should teach him how to make friends? Then he wouldn’t be so lonely! Then he could make more connections to people and… watch them all turn to dust.

It’d just make him lonelier and more hurt and sad. That was one of the curses of immortality, a curse that she sometimes considered to spare him his pain. She was the Element of, oh, she’d forgotten about that. She was the Element of Kindness; the Elements of Harmony were just some trinkets he used so that they felt safe around him. Didn’t that mean Discord picked who had the Elements? Had he deemed her the kindest mare in Equestria? Was he the source of the friendship between her and the others?

The revelation he’d given her last week was flipping her whole world upside down, she doubted he meant for any of this to happen, but still, it made her think. If not for him, would any of her life be how it is? It was plausible that it was Discord that let Rainbow reach a Sonic Rainboom, and as he was a god, maybe he could choose whose Cutie Marks were what?

That would also explain Celestia and Luna’s Cutie Marks, as they weren’t actually in control of the sun and moon, even though their Marks would say otherwise.

Before she knew it, Fluttershy had walked right into her door. Shaking her head, the mare pushed it outwards because that somehow works. She sighed, not surprised by what she saw. There was Discord, and Angel, having a glaring contest. It was a little amusing now to see a very powerful deity having a standoff with a little white bunny, acting as if the two were on equal grounds when he wasn’t just on top a pillar; hewasthe pillar. If that made any sense? He saw her and had that childish grin he always had when his gaze fell on her. Now she believed it was a genuine relief to see someone who he knew liked him back instead of him just playing with somebody.

“Flutters!” He said in a cheery tone. “You wouldn’t happen to have that tea I suggested? I remember that human I mentioned to you drank it a lot and I thought I’d give it a try.” She shook her head, which he didn’t seem to mind. “Damn.”

She suggested he magicked some up, but it was his turn to shake his head. “Magically created food isn’t nearly as palatable as the real thing, I can't ever get the taste just right.” That was interesting to know. When you artificially make something, it doesn’t taste the same as the original. Discord was probably the only one who could tell the difference, but still, interesting to learn. “Do we have any of that Ginger Tea left?”

“I think so?” Before Fluttershy walked to the kitchen, she saw him transform back into the form she’d seen last week. He appeared to be very comfortable inside of it, which she didn’t mind, but she was still getting used to how bizarre it looked. Angel Bunny squeaked many protests about the new look while she went through the cupboards, forgetting about the carrots tucked under her wing.

“Stop complaining, aren’t you late for something? I’m pretty sure someone fell down your rabbit hole.”

Fluttershy made a small sigh as she started making tea, thinking about her situation again. There was that thought. It’d galloped past, but she’d seen it. The idea of immortality that he could probably easily grant. That thought was weighting heavy on her today, the idea of living forever and watching everyone you know die.

But, the thought from earlier... wasn’t Discord the reason they were friends in the first place? Fluttershy was starting to struggle to wrap her mind around this spot she’d encouraged to be in.

“Should give you to Woundwort…”

She walked back, sitting the tea on her coffee table, hen sat on the couch beside the ex-Draconequus. She bit her lower lip, wondering what she should ask. She could ask him anything, and he’d probably have an answer. She wanted him to be open with her, and he was likely going to be open, but could she discuss what she wanted to? If she did become immortal, would she ever be able to love? If she decided she wanted foals, would they be immortal? Or would she have to see them wither away while she remained? Surely, he’d been in a similar situation once, where he’d cared about someone and wanted a kid, but couldn’t? Or was she trying to force her hooves in shoes that wouldn’t fit?

“Discord?” She looked up to the being, trying her best serious face. “Does it hurt? Being immortal? Watching everyone you care about wither away?” That wa a question he’d both expected and not expected.

“If you don’t care about them, they can’t hurt you when they eventually die.” It was blunt, but it was honest, one that hit the mare hard. It made her struggle with the idea of immortality more. He cared about her, he’d have to see her die, she didn’t want him to lose something so precious to him. He had so little despite having so much. If you had everything, did you really have anything? If you owned everything in the world, it’d be impossible to gain anything because it was already yours. He couldn’t own friendship, it was one of the very few things he didn’t own, so losing it would hurt that much more.

“is it gonna hurt if I go away?”

He was about to answer before noticed the ‘if’ in that sentence. He’d been asked by many for immortality; he saw what it did to people. Celestia and Luna only managed because they were led to believe that they had a purpose other than his amusement, and they had each other.

He could see it: she was considering immortality just for his sake. That was so like her he couldn’t even be mad.

“I have seen what making a mortal immortal does Shy, it isn’t something I want to see happen to you. It’ll hurt more watching you descend into something… well, like when I discorded you.” He looked down at his hands. “That daughter I mentioned? She was just some girl who developed Q powers because of her stupid parents who turned themselves mortal. She was a sweet, innocent and naïve teen who at first declined her powers, but then she accepted them… and that immortality turned a sweet teen into a monster whose killed a lot of people, including our own kind. Immortality is a disease, it will turn you hollow and suck out everything that makes me like you. You’ll end up becoming a monster like Screwy, and I’ll have to live with the guilt that I turned you into that abomination.”

She took in a deep breath through her nose and let it out her mouth, a little sad that she’d started their afternoon with such a melancholic topic. He’d seen it happen before, he adopted someone who’d gone through what she wanted. Mortality to immortality. He didn’t want it to destroy her, to eat away at what he liked about her. Losing herself to that curse was possibly far worse than death, for the both of them.

“How do you keep it from eating you alive?” She asked, sipping some of her tea that tasted like gingerbread. Last time she drank it, it made her orange.

“I was born immortal. Well, not born, I was made immortal. I’ve always been this! Otherwise, it would probably tear me apart... like what would happen to you.”

So Discord couldn’t make himself mortal because it would destroy him. So, in a way, they were stuck. Possibly, deep in his subconscious, he wanted mortality but couldn’t have it, just like how many ponies wanted to become immortal. She thought about the alicorns. Weren’t they immortal?

“What about the Alicorns? Twilight, Cadence, Celestia, all of them are immortal, aren’t they? How come they aren’t torn apart or hollowed?”

Celestia was stupid for giving Twilight wings. To keep the illusion of alicorns up he had to make her immortal as well; considering how little he cared about Sparky he didn’t really mind seeing the unstable mare be eaten away. Princess of Friendship, what hogwash.

“I made them immortal. I don’t care about Twilight; her name keeps reminding me of that atrociously comedic vampire series that sullied the awesomeness of the eighties. Celestia and Luna are led to believe they’re goddesses, that and they have each other to fall back on. And until now I forgot about Princess of Uselessness of The Crystal Methpire.” Fluttershy didn’t like the fact he didn’t like Twilight over something as trivial as her name, but what could she really do about it? if he made her mortal, it would disrupt all ponykind knew about Alicorns and that could possibly turn the monarchy on its head. “You don’t want to be an immortal sweetheart, I don’t want you to degrade into something I’ll have to regret… I have enough as there is…” he sounded truly upset by that. She put a hoof on what she believed was his thigh, attempting to comfort him.

“I don’t want you to be all alone Discord,” she smiled. “You said the Elements weren’t real, right? Does that mean you chose us six to be together?”

Actually, he just randomly picked four ponies from a town and one that hung around Sunbutt. He chose Shy to represent Kindness deliberately because of how nice she was. Rainbow being Loyalty? Pah! That was a joke, she was barely loyal to her own voice with how often it cracked. Applejack of Honesty? she lied more than a politician! And Rarity... Did he really need to say more about her? Generosity his backside. Pinkie Pie was just a glitch in reality that he hadn’t bothered to patch because she was so amusing.

“You gave me five amazing friends, probably by accident, but you still did it. You have a kind heart, and I don’t want it to break when it’s my time… The Alicorns stay who they are because they have a sense of purpose, why can’t my purpose be to be your friend?” Her selflessness truly knew no bounds. He didn’t want her to give up her life for him; he’d seen it happen and didn’t want to be responsible for her downfall.

“Shy, you don’t know what you’re suggesting.” Her eyes said otherwise. Maybe he could scare her away from the subject? “What I do... I’m not some almighty protector or angel. I’ve ended the lives of millions, destroyed whole worlds, toppled empires and you’ve seen how I enjoy turning people on their heads. I ‘torment’ species, I push them over their limits, so they grow… I create and destroy religions, I’ve caused wars, some minor, some devastating. I’ve even pushed my own kind into a war.” Now her eyes were demanding he explained. Not the fact he’d committed genocide, but the fact that he’d started a war. He sighed “You want me to tell you about that as well, don’t’ you?”

“Yes.” Deep down, she didn’t know where all of this courage was coming from. He just said he had pushed his own kind into a war, she should be running. Why wasn’t she running?! Why was she still here? Where was all of his courage coming from? Where? How? Why?! Questions she was likely never going to answer, not while she was having these few minutes of bravery.

“I was, well, like a combination of Applejackie, Gaypride and a bit of Shmarity back a very, very long time ago. A downright little brat. My people scolded me, shoved me back in line, then a few years later a Q was freed from his holding comet. Called himself Quinn.

"He wanted to die, wanted to commit suicide, not something the Q are very used to. The mere thought of dying seemed impossible to us at the time.” They weren’t so arrogant about that anymore. After the war, there’d been suicides from Q who couldn’t handle the trauma. He felt,something, about that. It wasn’t guilt, but it was something. “Well before he kicked the bucket, he told me he was inspired by me.”

“inspired?” She asked curiously, watching him and trying her best cute face to get it out of him. She didn’t ever think she’d have a conversation like this, but, this was Discord, his very existence was to turn you on your head.

And it appeared that nothing he did could get rid of her. Discord hated it when she did that face, those eyes melting the vibranium around his non-existent heart.

“Quinn was a philosopher, and he spoke against the cCntinuum. Before he got locked away for running his mouth, he argued and pointed out our many flaws. Many of us didn’t even see each other let, alone talk to one another because everything’s been said, everything’s been seen, I know now that’s an exaggeration, but he wasn’t entirely wrong. He wanted to have the right to die since all we did was exist… the only thing that got other Q to talk to one another was me. My childishness, my antics, and my very rebellious nature was so different and out of line, I got them to converse with one another, and that inspired him.” He kind of missed Quinn, not that he knew why. “He was disappointed when he heard I’d been pushed back in line… and that inspired me. I rose the banner, sounded the horn, and demanded change, people that followed Quinn rallying behind me. It descended into a war, a lot of people died, I got shot a couple times, got a scar on my arm to prove it, and I ended it by having a son. The first-born child in over ten millennia by our standards.”

The sleeve on his left arm disappeared, showing the mark. Given how advanced the weapons they used against one another were, it wasn’t surprising he’d been left with a couple of marks. Better than some who had the equivalent of limbs removed. Yeah, it was pretty nasty.

Fluttershy swallowed down, looking at the shot wound. She’d seen gunshot wounds on animals she cared for, as some ponies were cruel enough to shoot at them for fun. Evil poachers. Discord was a much deeper person than she’d first believed. Before all of this, he was a childish spirit with too much power than to know what to do with, and now he was an ancient, lonely deity who had a strong past behind him.

He was hoping this got her to change her mind about the immortality thing.

“You brought chaos to order, maybe you’re more like your mask than you believed?” Not the answer he was expecting. He kinda expected her to change the subject; but this was Fluttershy, she was harder to fool or coerce than many would believe. “This doesn’t dissuade me, Discord, if anything, it makes me want to help you more. Despite being in a war, you’ve kept your kind heart, and I want to help you keep it.” Oh god, he made it worse.

“You're impossible, you know that?”

“You like me being impossible.”

“True.” Why was he agreeing to this? "I don’t want you to give up your life for me Shy, not when you have your whole existence ahead of you. It’ll hurt when you’re eventually gone, I’ll even walk you to the pearly gates or whatever you think the afterlife looks like. I’ll open the field fence, the golden stables etcetera. You won’t be able to have kids, your family will die, you’re going to have to be hurt over and over again.”

“Like you?”

“Yes, like me!” He bit his lip and the immediate response. Dammit, why di she have to be so good at that? He pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning in frustration. Fluttershy hugged him again, why he still let her he didn’t know. There was a little pat on the ground, the sound of a fallen bag. He looked, seeing a bag with carrots inside of it. Hm, she must’ve forgotten about it?

“You don’t want me to be hurt like you have, that’s really sweet of you. But it’s my choice. I don’t want you to be alone. I’ll be by your side, and if I ever want to give up being with you, then can’t I ask to be mortal again?” She could do that, she’d be able to ask for him to take the burden away. And she’d actually got him to consider it. She was a little demon. An adorable, innocent, demon. “If I am eaten away like you warned, then that won’t your fault, it'll be mine.”

She had a small idea. “Why don’t you take me to that other friend you have? Maybe they can give some advice on the subject?”

He groaned a little more.“They’ll take my side, and I don’t know why I’m even considering it.”

He was more attached to her than he thought if he was willing to even think about it. “If I make you immortal Shy, I won’t give you any of my powers, I’ll simply make you ageless and invulnerable, that’s as weak an immortal I can do if I keep you a pony.” She nodded her head firmly, causing him to groan a little bit more.

“I’m going to regret this…”

“I talked you into it; I want this. if it bothers you that much then ask your other friends for advice,” Fluttershy moved her hoof to his hand. “I’m not letting you be immortal alone.”

Her smile, it was crushing him. How she could do this to him he didn't know, but it was almost painful. He cared so much for it that it really did hurt. He didn’t want to end up ruining her like he ruined everything else… she might be able to help him with his son, and that insane young girl he took in for some reason.

With a grimace, Discord raised his right hand and snapped his fingers.