I'm sorry and I promise never to do it again
The court room was packed, every seat in the viewing gallery filled, the occupants fervently whispering to each other despite the bailiff’s best attempts to maintain order. Near the front of the room, the prosecutor had a smug look on his face as he glanced across the aisle towards the defense attorney, who was frantically rifling through his briefcase and sending documents flying as he tried to find some way, anyway, to get his client off. Said client, a yellowish earth pony with a blue mane and a Cutie Mark resembling a stuffed teddy bear, anxiously glanced at the door the jurors had left through, knowing that when they filed back through any minute now, his fate, for good or ill, would be sealed.
“Don’t worry, Fluttershy,” Princess Twilight Sparkle, seated near the front of the viewing gallery, assured her timid Pegasus friend, who was currently cowering beneath her seat. “There’s no way he’s getting off, and everyone knows it! Once the jury returns, Smiles Delight will spend the rest of his life in Tartarus!”
“Did… Did I really have to come, Twilight?” Fluttershy whimpered. “There are so many ponies here, and the judge looks so scary… A-and of course, there’s… There’s him…”
“Nonsense, Fluttershy, you had to come!” Twilight insisted. “Not only was your testimony a critical key in the prosecution’s case, it was important that you be here to see Smiles get put away so you can gain closure for what he almost did to you and move on.”
“I think I could’ve gained closure perfectly fine staying at home, hiding under my covers,” Fluttershy whimpered, only to be ignored, as usual.
The crowd’s murmuring increased in volume as one by one, the jurors filed back into the room and got back into their box. The judge had to bang his gavel several times and the bailiff had to glare at the viewing gallery menacingly to quiet everyone down. “Members of the jury, have you reached a decision?”
The jury foremare rose to her hooves. “We have, Your Honor. We actually reached a unanimous decision within seconds, but juror number seven needed a rather lengthy bathroom break due to a case of irritable bowel syndrome, hence the delay.”
“You promised you wouldn’t tell them that!” Juror number seven hissed angrily as various snickers could be heard from the viewing gallery.
“And what is your decision?” The judge asked gravely.
“We, the jury, have decided that the defendant, Smiles Delight, is guilty of 27 counts of murder in the first degree, one attempt of attempted murder, 23 counts of torture, 15 counts of identity fraud, and one count of falsifying a license as an animal sanctuary health inspector,” the foremare declared.
Several ponies in the crowd started cheering, including Fluttershy, though her cheer was more of an incredibly subdued “yay” which could not have been heard even if the chamber had been as silent as the moon was now that there was no longer a princess living there. The judge banged his gavel several times to silence everyone while the bailiff glared menacingly and showed some teeth. “Order! Order, I say!” The judge shouted. Once the room quieted down, the judge glared balefully down at the nervous Smiles Delight and spoke, “Smiles Delight, you’ve been found guilty of all charges. For your heinous crimes against ponykind, I sentence you to-“
“Your Honor, wait just a moment!” The defense attorney shouted abruptly.
The judge froze, gavel in mid-swing, and the prosecutor shot his opponent an alarmed look. “What is it, defense?” The judge asked cautiously.
“My client has something he would like to say before you pass your sentence,” the attorney insisted.
“I do?” Smiles Delight asked in confusion.
“Yes, you do!” His lawyer hissed through gritted teeth.
The judge clenched his teeth. “… Very well. What does the defendant wish to say?”
The attorney whispered something in Smiles’ ear. The stallion stared him in disbelief. The lawyer smiled and gave him an encouraging nod. Hesitantly, Smiles said, “I’m, um, very sorry and I promise never to do it again?”
Everyone in the courtroom groaned. The judge slammed his head into his desk instead of his gavel. “… Very well. The defendant is free to go.”
“WHAT?!” Twilight shrieked, surging to her hooves and causing Fluttershy to crawl into a fetal position and whimper and wish she’d never gotten out of bed that morning. “How can you… How can you let him go?! He’s guilty! The jury said it! You said it! How can you let him walk after everything he’s done?!” She froze, suddenly realizing all eyes were on her, and awkwardly said, “Wh-which is not to say that I question your judgment or anything, your honor!”
The judge sighed. “Normally I would agree with you, your Majesty, but unfortunately, per the Sparkle Precedent, I have no choice but to let Mister Delight go now that he’s apologized for his crimes.”
Twilight blinked. “The… The what now?”
The judge looked at her in surprise. “You… You don’t know about it?”
Twilight fidgeted uncomfortably. “I, um, haven’t exactly been keeping abreast of the most recent changes to the law because I’ve been busy studying the differences between saltwater snails in the West Sea and saltwater snails in the East Sea. It’s actually quite fascinating, really, because at first glance, they look exactly the same. And, in fact, they ARE exactly the same, which doesn’t really make sense, considering they live in different bodies of water-“ The bailiff frowned at her, and she grimaced. “Uh, but no, I haven’t heard of it.”
The judge frowned. “I find that rather odd, since the precedent only came into being because of your actions, Princess. Why, the only way I could imagine you having avoided hearing it is if you were in constant denial of your Royal status and how it affected the world around you, and still pretending you were just an ordinary pony who just happened to sprout wings one day.”
Twilight cringed. There was a long, awkward silence. “Let’s, um, let’s assume, hypothetically speaking, that something like that were the case. What, exactly, is the Sparkle Precedent?”
Judge shrugged. “Well, your Majesty, as a princess of the realm, everything you do or say can have an impact on the way our great country is run. On numerous occasions, you have pardoned individuals who have committed grievous crimes against the land and allowed them to go on their way with barely even a slap on the wrist. The law has had to be changed to accommodate this, and now, any criminal can be pardoned of any crime if they apologize and promise not to do it again.”
“WHAT?! But that’s ridiculous!” Twilight protested. “And I definitely didn’t do what you said I did that often!”
The judge sighed and placed a very large tome on his desk, flipping it open and rifling through the pages, placing a pair of spectacles on his snout. “Oh no? Let’s see here… Current Wonderbolt and, perhaps coincidentally, member of your inner circle Rainbow Dash traded her friend Fluttershy – – whom I thought was still in this courtroom, though I can’t seem to spot her now – – for a book. Instead of having both ponies arrested for equine trafficking, you allowed the transaction to happen because you thought it a ‘fair trade.’”
“That… That wasn’t equine trafficking!” Twilight insisted. “… Was it? I mean, she wasn’t giving her Fluttershy, just having Fluttershy train her new Orthros to be a pet, and she’d have been allowed to come back afterwards… I think…”
“I’m not sure that was ever really specified,” Fluttershy whispered quietly from under her seat, going unheard.
“Discord, the spirit of chaos, committed high treason by siding with Lord Tirek and aiding him in stealing the magic of everypony in Equestria. You forgave him, and he suffered no repercussions whatsoever,” the judge went on.
“B- but he was tricked! Tirek betrayed him as well!” Twilight protested.
“And he felt really bad about it afterwards,” Fluttershy added, going unheard. “Why, he sulked about it for a full thirty seconds at our next tea party!”
“Rainbow Dash – – again – – destroyed the Cloudsdale weather factory, costing the city and Ponyville millions in property damage, disrupting weather all across Equestria, injuring dozens and putting even more out of work, all because she didn’t want her pet turtle to have to hibernate for the winter. She suffered no repercussions whatsoever, aside from not getting to see her tortoise for a few months,” the judge continued.
“He… He’s a tortoise,” Twilight said lamely, face going pale. “That… That many ponies got hurt?”
“Now that I think about it, didn’t dad retire around then?” Fluttershy wondered to herself, going unheard.
“A group of yak dignitaries came to your town, caused massive amounts of property damage for trivial reasons, and even declared war on Equestria. They suffered no repercussions for their actions, nor did they pay reparations for the damage they caused,” the judge continued.
“They… They’re from another country! I was trying to be friendly! It… It wouldn’t been nice to punish them… Would it?” Twilight asked uncertainly. “Plus, they had diplomatic immunity or… Something… I think…”
“They were very loud,” Fluttershy whimpered, going unheard. “And they tried to smash my animals.”
“Starlight Glimmer formed a cult with the intent to overthrow Equestria as we know it and establish a new society under her control, stole cutie marks, brainwashed and psychologically tortured dozens of ponies including yourself and your friends, and nearly destroyed time, all because her best friend moved away when she was a little filly and didn’t write her enough letters. She suffered no repercussions for her many, many crimes and is currently living in your Castle as your student and working as a counselor at your new – – and unaccredited – – friendship school, where she is in close contact with young impressionable children,” the judge went on.
Twilight became aware that she was being glared at with angry and disbelieving eyes by most of the courtroom. “That… Okay, it… Does sound pretty bad when you put it like that…” She admitted weakly. “But she’s… She’s changed… Honest! She hardly ever talks about socialism anymore!”
“Except for all the relapses with mind control,” Fluttershy pointed out, going unheard.
“Speaking of Starlight, while studying under you, she also apparently used mind control spells on all of your friends on at least one occasion to try and spend time with all of them at once on her terms, rather than theirs. She suffered no repercussions for her actions and continued being your student,” the judge added.
“That’s what I said,” Fluttershy said quietly, going unheard.
“That was… That was one time!… I think. And I… Told her I was disappointed in her and gave her a lecture on remedial magical ethics…” Twilight said awkwardly.
“Queen Chrysalis abducted yourself, your friends, and the entirety of the Royal family-“ the judge continued.
“Now hold on!” Twilight interrupted. “I didn’t forgive her, and she lost her hive and her throne!”
“Did you make any attempt whatsoever to stop her from escaping and trying again?” The judge asked pointedly.
There was a long, awkward pause. “Um. Well. That is… No…” Twilight conceded, aware of the even more incredulous eyes on her now.
“I have recurring nightmares where he she sneaks into my house and rips off my face,” Fluttershy whimpered, going unheard.
“Starlight Glimmer – – again – – used magic to literally bottle up her negative emotions, which eventually broke free and infected a number of townsponies. She suffered no repercussions from her actions,” the judge continued.
“I… Gave her a lecture on anger management?” Twilight offered uncomfortably, aware even as she said it how pitiful it sounded.
“I bottle up all my negative emotions deep down inside of me. Sometimes I wonder if they’re eventually going to break free and I’ll go insane and murder everyone in a psychotic frenzy,” Fluttershy murmured, going unheard.
“Starlight Glimmer – – again – – cast dangerous magic on Princesses Celestia and Luna without permission that caused them to swap their cutie marks,” the judge continued. “Can you guess how many repercussions she suffered?”
“It… It worked out in the end!” Twilight protested weakly. “And besides, that one wasn’t really my call. I mean, it helped the Royal Sisters work out some personal issues…”
“Wouldn’t therapy have helped with that?” Fluttershy wondered, going unheard.
“In any case, I had nothing to do with that, the princesses forgave her for that, not me,” Twilight continued.
“True, though that might also have been them not wanting to step on your hooves where your own student was concerned,” the judge acquiesced. “Moving on, the Minotaur Iron Will illegally used your name and image to promote a Princess-themed airship cruise and exploited you for the sake of his customers and pockets. While he quickly got out of the cruise industry, he still got away with all of his money from his endeavor, and at no point did you pursue legal action against him,” the judge went on.
“… My… My family at least got to enjoy the cruise…” Twilight said awkwardly.
“I don’t enjoy cruises. I always have to keep my brother from sexually harassing anyone,” Fluttershy growled, going unheard.
“Tempest Shadow, also known as Fizzlepop Berrytwist, aided the Storm King in conquering Equestria, enslaving its inhabitants, petrifying the Royal family, and ruthlessly pursued you and your friends across the world so that she could drag you back here and drain your magic for her master all because her horn got broken in an accident when she was a little filly. She suffered no repercussions for her actions and is apparently some sort of…friendship missionary now,” the judge continued, sounding rather incredulous.
“She was very sorry! She was used! She helped make things right! She was briefly turned to stone!” Twilight said frantically. “… Also, she’s really hot…” She muttered under her breath.
“I wonder if we’ll ever see her again,” Fluttershy wondered, going unheard. “I’m not sure if I want to. She was very intense.”
“And… Oh yes, most recently Rainbow Dash-- again – – and fellow member of your inner circle, Applejack, endangered their students during a class field trip because of their constant bickering and attempts to one up each other solely because they wanted to win the teacher of the month award,” the judge said in disgust. “Which reminds me, your Majesty, where did your friends receive their teaching degrees from?”
“Um,” Twilight said, sweating profusely.
“I kind of wish the students would pick someone else to be teacher of the month for a change. It’s always so scary,” Fluttershy whimpered, going unheard. “I kind of wish I weren’t a teacher, either. Having so many impressionable young minds looking up to me for guidance is even scarier!”
“Anyway,” the judge said, closing his book. “Those are some of the more standout examples. Because you, as a Princess of Equestria, have been acting so merciful towards so many who’ve done wrong, the law has been forced to change to be more merciful as well, for better or worse. Mainly for the worse, honestly.”
“But… How could offering forgiveness and mercy to others be wrong?” Twilight pleaded desperately. “I mean, isn’t it more important for fifty guilty ponies to go free than one innocent pony to go to prison? To extend the hoof of friendship to those who’ve done wrong and may need it most?”
“Well, yes, in theory, but in practice it just leads to countless hardened criminals being free to go back onto the streets completely unrepentant for their actions and fully intending to resume right where they left off,” the judge said bluntly. “My caseload has quadrupled due to all the repeat offenders I have to oversee who, astonishingly, never seem to learn their lesson. I was once forced to let a murderer go because she promised us to do it again, and she promptly murdered someone else and I had to see her again the afternoon of the same day! I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if Mister Delight there is already planning his next murder, even as we speak!”
“You would not be wrong, your honor!” Smiles Delight said cheerfully. His attorney cringed.
“And unfortunately, there isn’t a darn thing I can do about it. If there’s any justice in the world –because there certainly isn’t any in this courtroom – – someone will murder you the minute you walk outside those doors, and then I can let them go once they apologize when they’re put on trial. You’re free to go. Do please let the doorknob hit you on the way out,” the judge said flatly.
As the bailiffs started escorting ponies from the courtroom, Twilight’s head sank further and further as the ponies around her glared angrily at her and muttered about how she was too nice for her own good. How because of her, the crime rate had increased exponentially. How she probably shouldn’t be running a school at all, and her friends might not be the best qualified ponies to teach there. All my life, I’ve tried to act with kindness and mercy, to forgive those who have wronged me and to be their friend. Surely that wasn’t wrong, was it? Surely that can’t have had such a negative effect on all of ponykind? Surely… Surely I haven’t ruined everything…
“Princess Twilight!”
Twilight glanced up from her self-pity and scowled when she saw Smiles Delight approaching her, smiling as delightfully as his name. “What do you want?” She asked grouchily.
“I wanted to thank you, actually,” Smiles said, much to her surprise. “After hearing all that back in the courtroom, and just how much you’ve forgiven and allowed others to get away with in the name of friendship, I think I’ve learned a valuable lesson.”
Twilight’s ears perked up, her heart lifting. “You have?” She asked hopefully. “What was it?”
“That you’re willing to forgive or let just about anyone off the hook for anything, even if they’re completely remorseless serial killers like myself, in the name of friendship,” Smiles said, extending a hoof. “So, want to be friends?”
Twilight responded by punching him in the face. “Well, that wasn’t very friendly,” he muttered, spitting out a tooth as she stomped off.
“I should never have gotten out of bed this morning,” Twilight growled.
“That’s what I said,” Fluttershy said, going ignored.
