Three Kittens, Two Unicorns, and a BANANA!

Chapters

The End and the Beginning
New Family
Mad Science
Meeting of the Minds
Being Whole
Waking Up
Hurdles of Growth
Kittens
Milestones
Chatting Up
Scratching Posts
Cake or Death?
First Impressions
Job Interview
A Step in the Right Direction
Mall Madness
More Mall Madness
This Isn't Disney
Fitting Right In
A New Kind of Party
Somebody Else's Paperwork
Preparing for the Future
Welcome
To
The Jungle
We've Got Fun And Games
I Believe

The End and the Beginning

Tempest Shadow frowned as she sat back in the Ponyville park, staring out at the ponies and other creatures playing and laughing together. As much as Princess Twilight encouraged her to join in, she knew there was no true welcome for her. If the ponies had been in Canterlot during the invasion - a rather large number there - then they avoided her for her place in their newest nightmares, not that she could blame them. If someone had conquered her home and enslaved her, she'd probably hate and fear them too. She still didn't understand how Princess Twilight and the other Princesses could be so forgiving. She'd expected a prison sentence at the very least. ...honestly, it probably would have been easier if there had been a prison sentence, since it would have given other ponies time to forget, so when she was freed she could meet others with a clean slate. She could have actually been Fizzlepop Berrytwist...instead of forever being Tempest Shadow in everypony's minds.

Those who hadn't been her direct victims from the invasion avoided her as well, due to her scars and broken horn, or possibly because even in this peace time she held herself with a military bearing...or possibly the way she watched others. It was a life long habit, always analyzing and calculating anyone she encountered to determine what they might do, always ready to defend herself if necessary, to crush the opposition. If her bearing and gaze was the problem, she could accept that. She had a long way to go before she could ever consider herself peaceful. If it was her appearance, though...honestly, she expected it, though she didn't like it.

Even Twilight's close circle of friends wasn't entirely at ease around her. If Twilight was there, they were all smiles and engaging...but one on one, they either came across as awkward, uncertain, or trying too hard. Fluttershy and Spike definitely fell into the first category, Applejack was heavily in the second, and Rarity and Pinkie Pie firmly in the third...though Princess Twilight had suggested that this was just Pinkie being herself with a 'new friend', so there was that.

Honestly, the only ones Tempest felt she'd ever be fully comfortable with were Rainbow Dash and Starlight Glimmer. The first time they'd been alone, Rainbow had been quite confrontational with her, stating plainly that she was working with Tempest specifically because Twilight asked her to, and not because she herself had forgiven her. Tempest had welcomed that, determined to earn forgiveness if possible. Starlight, on the other hoof, was apparently another former enemy that Princess Twilight had taken under her wing, and had also stated flat out her fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and upsetting Tempest or disappointing Twilight. No amount of Tempest's reassurance that she could take it would clear that obstacle.

Leaning forward, Tempest crossed her forelegs and rested her chin there. "I suppose some mistakes never go away," she muttered to herself. "Then again, there's never been a way to take back the first impression. It would be so much easier if I could."

"I could help you with that," a mischievous voice whispered wickedly in her ear.

Rolling her eyes, Tempest turned calmly to the figure that had appeared beside her. Discord had been a major concern in the conquest of Equestria, and as such Tempest had spent months studying every detail that could be learned about his antics. She'd come to three startling discoveries in that regard. First, powerful Harmony energy greatly weakened his ability to use his powers. Second, he rarely if ever left the borders of Equestria, and was far more conservative with his power when he did. And third and most important, there seemed to be a pattern of times when he wouldn't - or possibly couldn't - use as much power as normal, and did not make an appearance. As such, the first step of the invasion had been striking into the Everfree during one of those times of presumed low power - as everypony was gathering in Canterlot - and placing magical amplifiers around the Tree of Harmony, thus boosting its influence on the land around it so Discord couldn't manifest freely. It had been a shock for Princess Twilight when that had been explained as they'd dismantled the amplifiers.

Discord, much to everyone's surprise, found Tempest quite intriguing as a result, and could often be found tagging along with her when he wasn't spending time with Fluttershy. Tempest often wondered if that also contributed to other ponies avoiding her. "What do you want, Discord?" she asked, calmly and flatly.

"Aww, is that any way to talk to a friend just trying to help?" Discord asked impishly. "You wound me!" He pulled back the fur on his chest to show indentations in the shape of the break on her horn, as though she'd jabbed him with it.

Tempest simply stared flatly at him. Studying his antics, she'd learned rather quickly that he did not have much patience when it came to his 'games'. The quickest way to get to whatever he wanted to discuss was to wait him out while giving no reaction. Unless you were one he considered an enemy - or hurt someone he considered a friend - he wouldn't actually harm you with his antics, so patience was your friend when dealing with him.

As she expected, it wasn't long before he cracked...literally, since it was him. After pushing his head back together, he explained. "See, I know how hard it is to get past the mistakes of your past," Discord explained readily. "I've still got a few bouncing around somewhere that I fully expect to spring on me without warning one of these days, and convincing most ponies I'm actually on their side now is real hit or miss." He briefly bounced around like a superball before flipping through the air like a coin as he said all this. "And some of my closest friends deal with that, too. Starlight, for example, and Trixie and Thorax. So when I heard you talking about taking back that first impression...well, would I be a true friend if I didn't offer you that chance?"

Tempest blinked slowly as she took this all in. Based on her projections, this was one of Discord's 'peak' periods, when his power was at its strongest. If he was making an offer like this, there was a good chance he could deliver. The only question was how, and what it would take on her part. "Go on," she said flatly, deciding to hear him out.

Smirking, Discord held up his eagle talon. "With just a snap, I can turn things back and give you that second chance at a first impression with Twilight and the others you so desperately want. No being hated for invading Canterlot. No being feared for conquest and slavery. 'Tempest Shadow' won't be a name that fills ponies with fear and loathing. You can be Fizzlepop Berrytwist to everyone you meet."

Tempest frowned. It sounded too good to be true...which meant it likely was. "What's the catch?" she asked flatly.

Discord chuckled softly. "Oh, no catch, really. As I said, a second chance at a first impression. It'll just be up to you to make it a good one."

Tempest frowned thoughtfully, still considering.

"Let me sweeten the deal," Discord offered playfully. "I will know I did this when you make your new first impression on me, though I won't know why. If you don't like the result, I'll change everything back like it never happened. All you'll have to do to let me know is a shake." He held out his two hands. "Talon to keep the change, paw to turn it back. How does that sound?"

Tempest turned that over in her mind. A second chance at getting it all right this time...and if things didn't work out how she wanted, a single gesture to undo it all? "...and I have your word that's all there is to this?" she asked firmly.

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," Discord avowed, performing the motions of the 'Pinkie Promise' that Pinkie had shown her, the one promise anyone who knew Pinkie definitely wouldn't break.

Tempest turned her gaze back towards the park...only to see a mother turn her foal away from approaching her, fear in her eyes. That decided it. "Do it," she told Discord firmly.

Grinning, Discord raised his talon. "Good luck," he wished her as he snapped his claws.

The sound of ruffling pages and rushing sand - as though someone was flipping backwards through a book as an hourglass was turned over - filled Tempest's ears as the world went white.

Tempest groaned under her breath as she slowly opened her eyes, finding herself under a bush. Knew I should have insisted on a gentle landing, she grumbled in her mind. She stared down at the brown dirt under her hooves...her unusually large hooves relative to her legs. Why are my hooves so big? she thought in confusion. What did he do to me? She struggled to her hooves, only to tumble as she felt the bush scrape against her barrel, causing her to let out a gasp of pain. And where's my armor? Or at least my jumpsuit?

"Did you hear that?" someone called out, from the sound of it a female pre-teen.

"I think it came from that bush over there," another female voice, this one that of a child, called out from closer.

"I wanna see!" a third female voice, this one of a toddler, called out excitedly as the bush began to shake.

"Careful, Agnes!" the first voice called out worriedly. "That was a big storm last night, so there's no telling what sort of-"

The bush parted, and Tempest stared up into the face of what was, based on her research, plainly a human. She'd looked into 'humans' when her research on Equestria during conquest had revealed that Princess Twilight had a mirror that led to a world of them, and that Princess Celestia's former student called it home. That was not the sort of power she would just shrug off. However, the human here was not like those reports showed were through the mirror. This human child had off-pink skin, black hair tied at the top of her head sticking upright, and wearing a yellow striped shirt, blue overalls, and white shoes. Her brown eyes lit up in delight as her mouth opened into a huge grin that didn't quite have all its teeth yet.

"Oh my gosh!" the girl - Agnes, presumably - squealed out in excitement before lunging forward and scooping Tempest up. "It's a baby unicorn!"

Baby? Tempest thought in shock as she got a look at herself. Large hooves as compared to her legs, her head felt oddly unwieldy, her tail was short, and no Cutie Mark... "Ahfagah!" she attempted to curse. That bastard turned me into a foal! When I get my hooves on him-

Realization dawned on her. Discord had offered to 'turn things back' so she could make a new first impression. Getting her hooves on him would be a long time in coming...

New Family

Tempest did her best to maintain an irritated glower as the youngster - presumably Agnes - swung her about excitedly. Thankfully, her forelegs were up by her neck so she was able to both hold onto her arms for extra stability and avoid being strangled in the child's excitement. Since she wasn't going to be breaking out of the hold anytime soon, she instead took in her surroundings as best she could, glad her mind hadn't reverted to infancy along with her body...yet.

The first thing she caught sight of was the other two girls present, both human and with the same skin tone as the one that had an impressive grip on her. The shorter one had blue eyes, blonde hair, was dressed in a pink striped cap and sweater and a red skirt with matching leggings and white boots. Her expression seemed to be in transition from irritable boredom to wicked glee. Tempest felt a kinship with her already. The older girl was a little bit taller than the one in pink, with brown hair and eyes. She was also wearing glasses, and seemed to be the most 'sensibly dressed' of the trio, wearing a white button-down blouse, a black shirt with some sort of character on it over that, and a brown jacket over that. A plaid skirt completed the outfit, leaving her legs bare the short distance to her socks and red-and-white sneakers.

The next thing she caught sight of was the house. It was at least twice the size of the houses to either side of it, and seemed almost gothic in its design scheme. Where the other houses attempted to sit pleasantly with white walls and a red roof, this house seemed pleased to loom menacingly in all black, the chimney actively belching smoke. Tempest had seen her share of 'lairs' that screamed "I'm evil!" and the like while the Storm King had been repeatedly choosing his base of operations to 'match his style'...but this one didn't scream anything. It stated quite calmly that the resident didn't care what you thought, and would be more than happy to show you where to stick your opinions with the proper surgical tools. She found she liked the look of the place already.

The impression was increased when she was able to glance down and see that the yard in front of the house was dead brown grass or bare gravel, save for the bushes around the edges that looked quite menacing from any angle. Tempest was certain that if the owner of the house had the capacity to do so, they would be carnivorous just to ensure nobody's pets got into his yard to make a mess.

"Whoa!" the pink-clad girl declared as 'Agnes' finally stopped swinging her around. "She looks totally wicked!" She reached up towards Tempest's horn, and she jerked back from the contact.

"Careful Edith!" the oldest girl warned as she stepped over. "Those points look dangerous..."

"Check out that scar, Margo!" Edith declared excitedly, gesturing to the scar around Tempest's eye. "This girl's totally badass."

"Don't go teaching Agnes bad words," Margo chided automatically, confirming Tempest's assessment of her. She was definitely used to mothering the other two, even if they were close enough in age that they were likely sisters. She then reached up towards Tempest's face. "Just what happened to you?" she marveled curiously, concern in her voice.

"Can we keep her?!" Agnes begged eagerly. "She's a real live unicorn!"

Tempest felt her eyes go flat. She definitely didn't like the idea of being someone's 'pet', especially not the pet of three rambunctious girls. Now, if whoever lived in that house-

"Girls! Girls!" a voice called out, one with a distinct but unrecognizable accent and was most definitely an adult male. Tempest felt herself swung around to see the owner of the voice. He was very tall, with stick-thin legs and arms, an egg shaped body, a bald head, blue eyes, and a very pointed nose. He was dressed in dark grey from neck to toe, and the disapproving frown on his face completed a very menacing appearance. Tempest was certain this was the one who owned the house...and definitely having at least some acquaintance with the concept of 'your end justifies my means'. "What did I tell you?" he continued. "Be careful around the bushes after a storm. It screws up the land mines' pressure sensors." He then grinned widely. "Just a little joke. But seriously, you could get hurt." He then knelt down in front of Agnes and Tempest. "And what's this?"

"A real live unicorn!" Agnes squealed out happily. "Can we keep her, Gru?"

'Gru' glanced at Tempest askance, an uncertain expression on his face. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea..."

"Please?" Agnes pleaded. Tempest didn't even need to look up to hear the 'puppy dog pout' she had to be giving. She let out a frustrated breath of air through her pursed lips at that.

Gru glanced down at her and managed a smirk. "Well, she's certainly got a lot of personality...but I'm not sure if she and Kyle would get along..."

"Please?" Agnes repeated, her voice even more winsome if possible. Tempest could hear the quivering lip, and gave Gru a resigned glance. She was going to be stuck with this. She'd just have to deal with 'Kyle', whoever or whatever that was.

Gru chuckled softly. "Even this little lady knows I'm not winning this argument, eh Margo?"

"But what about her horn?" Margo asked worriedly. "It's broken!"

Tempest's eyes went wide, and she jerked her gaze up...where she could just make out the broken tips of her horn. That bastard turned me into a foal and didn't even give me back my horn? When I get my hooves on him I'm going to- She attempted to vocalize her fury as the actual thoughts would have been unprintable, but it only came out as a string of enraged baby babble.

"Fix it?" Agnes pleaded of Gru.

"Agnes, it's not like I can take her to the vet to get a prosthetic," Gru pointed out sympathetically. "It is broken and hollow inside. What am I supposed to do?" He sighed softly, shaking his head as he plucked Tempest from Agnes' grip, hefting her up in the air. "I'll...see what I can do."

Tempest's tirade stopped mid baby babble expletive. This man...could fix her horn? She gazed at him in hope filled awe.

Gru sighed ruefully. "Don't gimme that look, either of you..."

Tempest had a rather confused impression of the inside of the house as she was carried in. She managed to make out red walls and a lot of wicked looking weaponry before Gru began descending down a tube, taking her with him. She then found herself staring out at what was obviously a massive laboratory of some sort, with yellow pill-shaped beings in blue overalls and goggles running here and there as they worked on things, babbling in a language she couldn't quite make out. Gru waved happily to a few of them as he held her with one hand, then headed for one individual in particular.

It was a very old man with white hair dressed in a lab coat and thick goggles. He grinned as he saw Gru approaching. "Ah, Gru!" he greeted warmly. "Some new villainy afoot?" There was eager hope in his voice.

Gru held Tempest out to the man. "Agnes found a unicorn, Nefario," he explained readily. "Her horn is broken. Fix it."

Nefario gingerly took Tempest into his gloved hands. "...how?"

"You figure it out, but make sure she's safe to play with the girls!" Gru snapped out as he turned to see to some other aspect of the lab.

Nefario sighed gustily as he set Tempest down on a table. "It just hasn't been the same since he brought those girls back in," he grumbled to himself as he gathered a few tools. "He spoils them rotten, he does, and he hasn't attempted any villainy since. I dunno why I stick around anymore. Sure we're old friends, but lately it's always 'Dr. Nefario, do this impossible thing!' Not that I mind making the impossible happen, but usually it's at least in my wheelhouse. I know machines, not biology!" He turned back towards Tempest with an odd, pointed tool as he glanced into her horn. "...is that a crystal in there?" He reached into her horn with the tool.

Tempest's eyes widened, and she charged her magic as best she could to defend herself. The uncontrolled lightning leapt out of her horn, sending the tool flying even as it deflected off the scientist's rubber gloves to anchor in several of the nearby yellow creatures, making them shake in a cartoonish fashion.

Dr. Nefario stared at her for a time. "Energy channeling? Now that I can work with." He began to gather other tools excitedly.

Mad Science

Tempest wasn't entirely certain how long she was kept down in the lab on that table while Dr. Nefario performed his research. The doctor seemed to keep his own schedule that had no connection to the clock, only occasionally stopping as he dozed off...which Tempest estimated to be more related to his age than the passage of time. Between that and there being no sources of natural light in the lab, she had no way of telling what hour it was, let alone what day.

Still, the work seemed to be progressing well...or at least progressing. Dr. Nefario would bring over some sort of large machine of one sort or another and hook devices between it and her horn. The first time, he reached for a copy of the first tool he'd tried to use to get a sample of the crystal in the base of her horn while talking about 'stimulating the energy reaction'. Quickly catching on, Tempest had charged her magic. The energy had flowed along the cables from the devices to the machine, the screen on one side had lit up with crazed data streams, and then the machine had exploded violently.

Dr. Nefario had stared at the wreckage for a time, and then spoken calmly. "Well, I've learned three things now," he said as smoke billowed around him. "First, you're fully sapient and able to understand what I'm saying, which is helpful as I can tell you what I need you to do and when. That will make experiments go much smoother. Second, the energy you release is incredibly powerful, and not compatible with standard computer systems as far as analysis.

"And third..." Stepping back, he pushed one of the little yellow creatures forward. "Mel's in charge of monitoring the connections now."

"Whaaaaa?" the little yellow creature - having only a single eye and bits of dark hair at the sides of what for lack of a better term had to be called his head.

"Well I'm a bit more fragile than you are," Dr. Nefario explained calmly, "and while someone does need to watch each machine we hook up in case we get valid readings, it needs to be someone who won't be too inconvenienced by being blown up."

Mel frowned, crossing his arms. "Po ka me?" he pouted, grumbling seemingly nonsense sounds under his breath until he got close enough to see Tempest. Then his eye widened as his arms and lower jaw dropped. "Ipo papoya..." he murmured in awe, slowly drawing closer.

Tempest frowned as she pulled back, uncertain how to feel about this creature getting so close.

The eye suddenly widened further as Mel gasped in shock. "Cora Doka!" he declared in excitement. Turning, he shouted out to the other yellow creatures, "Ipo Cora Doka!"

All the creatures swarmed forward, making Tempest shrink in on herself worriedly as they surrounded her...at least until two of them started gently brushing her mane and tail. As short as they were, that was nice.

At that point one of them, this one smaller than the others with two eyes and clutching a teddy bear, spoke up. "Cora Doka seg!" he insisted firmly, his voice sounding much younger than that of the others. "Zzzria Agatooma!"

"Seg, Bob!" Mel snapped out. "Cora Doka!"

"Seg, Mel!" the other Minion - presumably 'Bob' - snapped back. "Zzzria Agatooma!"

The argument continued, eventually getting all of them involved as sides were taken. Tempest glanced towards Dr. Nefario worriedly, hoping for a solution, or at least an explanation.

Nefario sighed ruefully. "They're arguing over what your name is, for some reason," he explained. "Mel seems to think it's 'Tempest Shadow', while Bob insists it's 'Fizzlepop Berrytwist'. Honestly, I'm hoping Mel's right. That sounds like a name to get Gru back into villainy."

Tempest nodded in agreement. After all, that was the name she chose for herself when she was a villain.

"So Mel's right?" Nefario asked hopefully.

Tempest nodded, making Mel cheer and Bob pout. "Pelo...Zzzria..." Tempest looked straight at Bob and nodded again.

"Wait..." Nefario began in confusion. "You're saying they're both right?"

Tempest nodded again.

Nefario grinned widely. "A supervillain name and a secret identity? That'll get Gru into villainy again for sure! Now let's see what we can do about your horn..."

After that, Tempest went through the initial experiment several more times as Nefario used numerous different types of machines in an attempt to analyze the energy generated from her horn, leaving Mel and Bob to monitor things once he got behind cover to give Tempest the signal to release her energy. Each time, the machine would stream crazy information and then either explode, melt into slag, or - one frightening time - collapse in on itself like it had fallen into a black hole, dropping to the floor with a tiny tink sound.

However, Nefario was able to get bits and pieces of information from each attempt before the computers failed. He slowly and carefully began putting the details together, trying to come up with a theory. "I really don't know what I'm doing here," he admitted at one point as he went through the details to try and piece something together. "Like I said, my areas of expertise are machines, robotics, and chemistry. Biology's outside my skill set, especially not a biological crystal that overloads the most advanced computers with so much data their structure warps..." He froze, staring off into space for a moment.

O...kay, Tempest thought to herself. That's...either he's just had a Eureka moment, or he's dozed off standing up. Both are equally possible at this point. Reaching forward, she gently nudged him with a hoof.

He suddenly spun, gripping her face with both hands and tilting her head so he could look straight down her horn. "No, it couldn't be...there's no way that would evolve naturally! But...but it would explain everything! And the amount of processing power to handle manipulating that much energy in a changing environment...it's the only thing that makes sense! But if that's so...then that means..." He released her face as he stared into the middle distance. "...my god..."

"From the sound of it, this was the perfect moment to come ask for a progress report," Gru mused thoughtfully as he stepped into the lab. He carefully stepped around some of the computer wreckage. "Especially since it looks like this is becoming expensive."

"Gru, there's a secret laboratory belonging to a think tank that has secretly created a crystal quantum computer," Nefario began calmly. "The actual computing portion of it is only 300 atoms large, stored in a three foot by five foot glass case to perfectly preserve its function. If I'm going to analyze the energies Tempest is able to generate-"

"Tempest?" Gru asked in confusion.

Nefario gestured to Tempest. "Mel and Bob somehow figured out her name was Tempest Shadow...or Fizzlepop Berrytwist, she apparently goes by both."

Gru chuckled ruefully. "I know which one Edith and Agnes will each use...but what was this about the super computer?"

"If I'm to successfully analyze the energies she generates so I can fix her horn, you're going to need to steal it," Nefario explained calmly.

Gru winced ruefully. "I...don't really want to get back into villainy..."

Tempest frowned thoughtfully. If Nefario needed that computer to fix her horn, then she needed to convince Gru to steal it. From her read of him, he was surely capable. Turning, she beckoned Bob forward and began making gestures, trying to communicate with motions that she needed something to remind Gru of Agnes and her apparent unicorn obsession.

Grinning, Bob nodded and dashed off. When he came back, he was carrying a toilet brush with googly eyes and an ice cream cone attached, looking very much like the sort of make-shift unicorn toy someone would make if they went to the store for one only to forget what they were there for until they were on their way back and then desperately assembled a facsimile out of whatever they had to hand. Walking up to Gru, he shook it at him to get attention. "Meja boo, papoya papoy."

Gru glanced down at it, then turned towards Tempest who was giving him a pleading, desperate look, the same one she'd given him when she'd first realized there was a chance he could restore her horn.

"They've got a point," Nefario offered, a sudden cunning grin on his face. "Don't think of it as villainy. Think of it as...parenting. You already moved the moon once to keep those girls safe and happy. What's a mountain or two - or a computer - to give Agnes a real live healthy unicorn of her own?"

Gru sighed ruefully, then finally nodded. "Alright," he allowed regretfully. He then squared his shoulders. "One last big heist. For Agnes."

Nefario grinned widely. "And there's my old friend!" he purred happily, giving Gru a playful fist nudge on the arm, not enough strength in his arm to really call it a punch.

Author's Note

...okay, I'm not going to go to the effort I did in this chapter with the Minion language. While I did use this site - and a bit of creative use of synonyms until I found a word that got changed - to translate both 'Tempest Shadow' and 'Fizzlepop Berrytwist' into Minion language, that is going to be rough to try and keep up.

Meeting of the Minds

Tempest remained in the lab while Gru went out with a large group of the Minions - that was apparently the name of their race, as hard as that was for Tempest to accept - to steal the crystal quantum computer. He left another group of Minions in charge of watching the girls up in the house, while another assisted Nefario in the lab as he prepared things for the work he'd need to do once the computer arrived...as well as hook up points for the computer. Mel, Bob, and another Minion who introduced himself as Barry - his only unique distinguishing feature from other Minions being his insistence on wearing a costume unicorn horn at all times, either on his head or on whatever helmet he was wearing - had the responsibility of primary care for her, bringing her whatever she needed in terms of food, drinks, toiletries, or entertainment...though the last mostly consisted of Mel chasing Bob with a hammer, only for Bob to chase Mel with a flamethrower or similar dangerous weapon when Mel swiped Bob's bear.

To Tempest's surprise, the Minions had absolutely no trouble understanding her 'baby babble' when she made a request. All she had to do was look at one of them and attempt to say something, and they would understand exactly what it was she wanted and attempt to bring it to her. Admittedly, their accuracy of retrieval left something to be desired...but a few imperious glowers had drastically improved that, showing the issue was their memory rather than a failure of communication.

After a bit of experimentation, Tempest made another startling discovery. She'd been trying and failing to understand the Minions when they spoke by parsing the words, and had given up and only half-listened at one point while Mel and Bob argued about something...only to be surprised as it started to make sense. A few tests later, and she'd discovered that if she listened with her mind or her heart and not her ears - in fact, made a deliberate attempt to block out the sounds and hear meaning - what the Minions said came through clear as day. In point of fact, it came through far clearer than Nefario's attempts at translation.

she asked Barry as Mel and Bob struck at each other with a morning star and battle ax respectively, baby sounds coming out of her mouth even as she focused on getting the meaning across.

Barry confirmed, his meaning having almost nothing to do with the sounds coming out of his mouth.

Tempest inquired thoughtfully. Her eyes widened as she realized the truth. Barry nodded confirmation with a smile. Tempest grinned at that, but the grin began to fade. She frowned as she turned it over in her mind.

Barry shrugged.

Tempest mused thoughtfully.

Barry mused idly.

Tempest stared wide-eyed.

Barry explained warmly. He bowed gracefully to her.

Tempest snapped out as Mel and Bob moved to mimic the action. She lowered her gaze.

Barry offered warmly.

Tempest stared at Barry in shock. The very unconditional acceptance she'd wanted back in Equestria but knew she wouldn't get...offered so freely here... Why couldn't this have been a true fresh start? she thought to herself, not speaking aloud even in her baby babble. If...if I didn't have the burden of remembering all the horrible things I did, I could accept this easily. But...not as long as I'm convinced I'll lead them down the wrong path. And...I can't take them away from Gru, not when that bond plainly means so much on both sides...

Barry offered helpfully.

Tempest gasped in shock.

Barry explained readily.

Tempest asked in surprise.

Barry nodded firmly. Pulling out a brush, he began to stroke her mane.

Tempest tried to relax into it, letting that turn over and over in her mind. It was...so tempting. But...was it the right decision?
Jump to top

Being Whole

Tempest sat back in thought as the experiments and tending continued, thinking Barry's offer over. She had to admit the offer of becoming the Minions' 'Queen' was tempting, but at the same time her worry of leading them down the wrong path plagued her minds. She was not a good leader, that was true. ...okay, no, that wasn't quite accurate. In terms of capability, she was an excellent leader, and she'd showed that under the Storm King...when she'd led his troops against her homeland and crushed all opposition, consigning them all to slavery as she sought to destroy the very balance of the world in the vain hope the Storm King would restore her horn so she could belong in the society that would no longer exist afterwards.

Okay, she was a good leader with really bad taste in commanding officers. Still, that didn't mean she was the right choice for the Minions. Sure, she may be perfectly suited as far as their requirements stood, but would that be good for them? Would being anchored to her change them? Would the change be good? And the offer to take the memories from her, so she could live cleanly...

When she'd first arrived and found she'd been turned into an infant, she'd railed against it, consumed with fury as she swore the horrible things she'd find a way to do to Discord for doing this to her. But when the possibility of getting her horn back was raised...

A child, whole once more. Accepted, welcomed...loved. Was it...was it really so selfish to want that for herself with a clean slate? To enjoy being a child without the adult responsibilities and awareness? To...to just be happy again?

She still hadn't come to a firm conclusion on all this when Gru returned with the stolen quantum computer, which Nefario promptly hooked up to read the energy from her horn. As it scanned and finally gave information in a form that could be read, Nefario's jaw dropped. "Well blow me down..." he murmured in awe.

"What?" Gru demanded sourly. "I can't read any of this. What does it mean?" He gestured derisively at the readouts.

"This crystal quantum computer that you stole?" Nefario began. "300 atoms total. A standard computer system - even at the level of miniaturization that's been developed nowadays - would need to be the size of the entire universe to match the computational power."

"That's...impressive..." Gru murmured thoughtfully, looking at the stolen computer in a new light.

"And the crystal in the base of Tempest's horn is also a crystal quantum computing system, just like this one," Nefario continued, struggling to lift his arm to gesture against the awe. "But purely biological, naturally grown, gives every sign that it will grow with her...and is presently one inch across in diameter."

"Well...that is...impressive," Gru allowed, plainly not getting it. "I mean, it's not that big-"

"It's about four billion times the size of the one you stole, give or take," Nefario pointed out acidly. "And the computing power of crystal quantum computers grows quadratically with size, rather than linearly."

Gru blinked as he took that in. "So...if the Infinite Worlds multiverse theory were true, and the entire multiverse were a standard super computer..."

"The crystal in Tempest's forehead could still give it a run for its money in terms of computing scale, and certainly in computing speed," Nefario explained calmly. "And it's the key to her ability to channel energy to do things like shoot lightning from her horn stump-"

"Wait, she can do what?" Gru interrupted in confusion.

"It's the energy/matter equation," Nefario explained quickly. "There's ambient energy, ambient matter, and the energy and matter of the universe. In theory, one could alter that balance by sheer will if you could calculate exactly how, but no brain or computer in existence could compute every factor of the chaotic system of reality to the degree that would require...but that biological crystal quantum computer can, and does so automatically!"

"Then...with the right focusing apparatus - like a fixed horn - she could...shoot lasers?" Gru asked excitedly.

"Pedestrian!" Nefario snapped. "With the right formulas and focusing apparatus, she could completely reconfigure an apple's molecular structure and turn it into an orange! Or perform complete molecular breakdown without energy loss, ignoring the Laws of Thermodynamics! The power she could bring to bear if it works the way I think it does once her horn is whole again...she could turn the world inside out or shatter it with the right thought!" A huge grin crossed his face as he considered such monumental power.

Huh, Tempest thought to herself. That...sounds a lot like magic, though I'd never put it in those terms. Is...is that how it works? Does that mean Pegasi have smaller crystals like this in the bones of their wings, and Earth ponies in their limbs? ...that would explain quite a bit, actually. Especially if something similar were in Changeling carapace to enable the shapeshifting...and that would mean the Changeling throne that negated all magic that wasn't Changeling was a crystalline structure encoded to cause any non-changeling crystal computing to shut down. ...puts a whole new light on why Sombra was obsessed with crystals, too...and the Crystal Empire, for that matter...

Seeing the look on Gru's face, Nefario hesitated. "So, uh, given that...still want me to fix her horn?"

"Think she'll behave herself and not try to destroy the world?" Gru inquired carefully.

"Behave? ...eh." He shook one hand back and forth in a so-so motion. "I mean, she's a little girl."

Gru closed his eyes and sighed. "Right...Edith..."

"Not try to destroy the world, on the other hand?" Nefario offered readily. "I think I can guarantee that. The Minions sure seem to like her."

"That's...not exactly the best recommendation as far as 'safety' is concerned," Gru pointed out carefully.

"Radbad?" the Minions all chorused in a pleading tone, looking up at Gru with teary, soulful eyes.

I almost feel sorry for him, Tempest mused silently as Gru quailed. They've weaponized cuteness.

"Alright, alright!" Gru called out, waving his hands as though warding off the gazes. "Just cut that out, I'm not as young as I once was! And I was going to say yes anyway..." At that point, Gru found himself dog-piled by happy Minions clinging to him.

Tempest sighed happily. So she would be getting her horn back...somehow. But then again, that left her with Barry's offer...

The last 'test' Nefario had engaged in had involved some sort of sonic device aimed into her horn, leaving her with a ringing headache as though a song was trying to echo up and down her horn. And now she could see Nefario approaching with an odd shaped crystal, concave at the base and tapering to a point in a cone. It only took a moment after she saw the size to realize what it was. This was her prosthetic horn...the concave base shaped to the crystal in her horn.

Barry pointed out softly.

Tempest opened her mouth to respond...and hesitated. More than anything, she wanted to say yes, to live as a child, to be a child and grow up happy and whole...only for the echoes in her horn to suddenly give rise to a voice, her own voice.

Open Up Your Eyes
Give up your sweet fantasy land
It's time to grow up and get wise
Come now little one, open up your eyes

She winced at the words, remembering just how cruelly she'd said them to Princess Twilight and the message the song had carried...only to see a new meaning here for herself. She may be a child, she may even grow up from a child and live as a child for the time...but for important decisions as this, she could not be a child. Not wanting to accept adult responsibilities and yearning for the whole childhood is what blinded her to the Storm King's true nature. If she was to help the Minions or even make the best of this fresh start...she had to face the truth with open eyes.

she said calmly.

To her surprise, Barry...smiled.

Before she could respond, Nefario started to slip the crystal horn into hers, sliding gingerly along the breaks as it fitted perfectly. "This may sting," he commented dryly as the base of the crystal horn settled perfectly against the crystal in the base of her horn.

And all Tempest knew was pain, whiteness, and bliss...

Jump to top

Waking Up

Tempest groaned as she stirred, her mind feeling oddly full of fluff. It was hard to focus...but that didn't feel bad. It felt rather nice, actually. She could just accept the world, embrace it filled with childish delight and wonder as she stared up at her Papa-

She ground that thought to a halt as firmly as she could, focusing and sorting through her thoughts. It took time, but she was able to pull herself free of the sense of childish wonder and glee...and recognized it for what it was as she saw the Minions staggering around like they'd never seen their own hands before. The Overthought connection was complete. She was the Minions' Queen now, and for the first time in their lives - in the history of their species - they were truly whole. It changed everything about them, from the way their thoughts flowed to their view of each other...to the purity of the scents in the air. It was as though the whole lot of them had been reborn in the moment of the connection, and were seeing everything for the first time.

She looked up at Gru as he stood over her. "Are you certain she's alright, Nefario?" he asked worriedly.

"Just a little dazed, I'm sure," the doctor assured him. "It was quite a jolt to her brain, after all."

"Well, if you're certain..." Gru allowed as he leaned forward. Tempest felt herself snuggling into her Papa's embrace as he lifted her up-

Once again, she jerked her head back from that thought. She was a grown mare, whatever her body. That was the whole point of her decision with Barry! Why were her thoughts constantly reverting back to childish nature? Why did her mind keep trying to make Gru Papa?

Barry told her softly, his own voice still filled with awe as he stared up at the unicorn horn he wore on his head. He smiled towards Gru.

Tempest thought about that for a time. She could pull herself out of the Overthought whenever she wanted to stop the childish thinking. She was aware of how it was affecting her thinking. And...she did want to be a child again, after all. And she was going to be raised by Gru, hopefully as more a sister to the girls than a pet...in which case there was nothing especially wrong to seeing him as Papa...

...and unlike her real one, he didn't reject her for her mutilation...

She quickly pushed that thought and memory back...and felt the Overthought swallow it, helping her to push it from her mind as she settled into Papa's hold as he carried her back upstairs. She made a decision then. She might think of him as Papa...but once she started talking, she'd call him Gru just like the girls did. She needed to remind herself that she was more than just the child she was letting herself be-

...they would understand her when she started talking, wouldn't they? There wouldn't be a language barrier? Or...or would there be a language barrier when she went back to Equestria instead?

As she felt Papa's hand stroking her mane, she let those thoughts fade for now. Until she actually started talking, those questions were a non-issue. It was time to meet her sisters and see what life would be like.

Tempest did her best to hold onto her lunch as Agnes swung her around shrilling excitedly. The little filly definitely regretted that ponies had stronger hearing than humans. The other girls and Papa may have been wincing, but it was all Tempest could do not to kick Agnes in the gut to get her to stop screaming before her ears started bleeding-

"Agnes!" Papa suddenly snapped out, catching the girls attention and making her fall silent. "Do you think you could keep it down?"

"But she's a real live unicorn and she's staying with us forever and ever and SHE'S SO FLUFFY!" Agnes shrieked out, making Tempest wince as she lifted her hoofs to try and pull her ears down.

"My, what big ears she has," Margo pointed out dramatically as she reached out to hold them down for Tempest.

"The better to hear you with, my dear!" Edith growled wickedly, a very wolfish grin on her face.

Agnes' eyes went wide. "Ohhh...sorry," she whispered to Tempest, leaning in to kiss each of her ears. "What's her name?" she asked Papa much more calmly. "Do I get to name her?"

"She already has two names," Gru explained readily. "It appears she is something of a...mare of mystery." He chuckled at what he saw as a joke. "Her names are Fizzlepop Berrytwist-"

"Fizzie!" Agnes squealed happily before quickly bringing her voice back down. "Sorry, Fizzie..."

Tempest wriggled her ears around to stop the ringing.

"-and Tempest Shadow," Gru concluded dramatically.

"Oooh!" Edith purred eagerly as she leaned in towards her. "I'm going to like you, Tempest..."

Tempest managed a smile. She was right that Edith was going to be fun.

"So what does she eat?" Margo asked curiously. "It's been a couple of weeks, so I assume she's been fed down there..."

Gru blinked in surprise. "I...honestly hadn't thought about that," he admitted apologetically. "I suppose Barry and the others took care of that..."

Bob offered happily, holding up a bowl of mashed carrots and bananas.

Agnes immediately grabbed the bowl and spoon and began feeding Tempest. "Say 'ah', Fizzie!" she instructed excitedly.

Rolling her eyes with a smile, Tempest opened her mouth wide...and nearly choked as Agnes shoved the spoon practically into her throat. Reacting instinctively, she focused her magic and the spoon went flying across the room to embed itself in the wall before bursting into flame and letting off colorful sparks like miniature fireworks.

"Ooooh!" Agnes and Edith cooed in awe.

"Maybe I should feed her," Margo suggested carefully, accepting a new spoon from Mel and carefully putting it into Tempest's mouth, letting her pull the food off the spoon.

Jump to top

Hurdles of Growth

Tempest struggled to adapt to the situation she found herself in. It could have been a lot easier, or a lot harder, she had to admit to herself. Still, given she was a foal at the moment, she would have preferred to take her chances off the middle ground if possible. Sometimes, though, it seemed like everyone in the household was going out of their way to make things as enjoyable and headache inducing as conceivably possible...

~~Gru~~ ~~Papa~~...Papa was helpful enough, she had to admit...even if it did take some getting used to thinking of him that way no matter how easily it came at times. He seemed content to let her make her own way around when she tried to, only stepping in when she couldn't handle herself or when she was on the verge of losing her temper and obliterating something. The one drawback to being so young physically was lacking the adult emotional control she used to have. Losing her temper and throwing a fit happened much more easily and far faster than she liked. Still, Papa seemed quite adept at spotting the building temper flares - even if he was on the opposite side of the house on a completely different floor - and would immediately be at her side to calm her down and help her with whatever she was doing.

After the third time that had happened - with Papa rappelling down the side of the house from the roof before swinging in the open window on the first floor to scoop her out of a mess of spilled jam jars and a tussle with Kyle (a very odd shaped canine that looked like the end result of someone who didn't understand the science getting a hold of a genetic recombinator) - Tempest had begun to get suspicious about how he was able to do so. While he was cleaning her up - with surprising gentleness - she had managed to get his attention. She then expressed what was, unfortunately, a string of accusatory baby babble noises while gesturing from him to her horn.

To her surprise, he had understood perfectly. "You think I had Dr. Nefario install something in your horn replacement to tell me your emotional state, and that's why I'm always here to stop an explosion?" he asked in surprise. When Tempest nodded, he laughed in response. "Tempest, I would never do that to family, and despite my...hesitation on your arrival, you are family. It would be a horrible invasion of your privacy!"

Tempest gave him a flat eyed gaze. Somehow, that didn't really click with how he acted in regards to 'family'. She wouldn't put it past him to implant subdermal GPS tracking chips in all three of the girls and her so he could know where they were at all times without telling them on the grounds of keeping them safe on the off chance one of his old enemies tried to hold them hostage against him. Privacy over safety did not seem to fit his outlook.

His happy, open smile faded a bit under her accusatory expressions. "Eh...besides, Nefario told me a metal tracker would interfere with the energy conduction between the crystal constructs and possibly cause a disruption of the energy fields, resulting in either making your head explode or the accidental generation of a quantum singularity that consumed the entire universe because of a formula error or the chip melting down at the wrong time."

Tempest nodded with a smile. That sounded much more the reasoning Papa should go by.

"So I had him line the house with sensors hooked into the crystal quantum computer downstairs that can read your energy buildups for the instabilities caused by emotional turmoil, and set it up to transmit alerts to me instantly," he continued, holding up a device that had a map of the house on the screen, currently cast in green. Using a finger, he scrolled to the left as the timestamp in the corner rewound, and it ended on the moment when she'd been fighting Kyle. The screen was blinking red, and a "Get Here!" arrow was focused on the kitchen. "Works much better until you outgrow inappropriate temper tantrums."

Tempest couldn't help but be amazed as she looked the device over, following the signals it was giving off to spot the sensors hidden in the walls. She pointed to the nearest one - hidden behind a pair of crossed morning stars - inquisitively.

Gru burst into joyous laughter. "Well aren't you the clever girl!" he praised as he washed the last of the jam out of her tail. Once she was clean, he dried her vigorously with a towel before setting her down on the floor. "Now go play, and don't lose your temper next time Kyle makes a fuss."

Tempest almost wasn't surprised that the Minions had already cleaned up the mess, including Kyle himself. Barry hadn't been kidding about how much they would improve with a focus for their Overthought. From the look on Papa's face, he wasn't sure what to make of it anymore than Tempest was. ...somehow, she found that reassuring.

Kyle was one of the most frustrating aspects of living in the household. The obviously heavily modified canine seemed convinced that - short of Agnes - anything below the level of his odd furry antennae was his indisputably to eat, pee on, shred, chew, or otherwise mangle and destroy whenever it suited him. Unfortunately for Tempest, at her current size the tip of her new horn just barely matching the top of said antennae in height, she was well within Kyle's 'fun to destroy' target range. This proved problematic for the time being, as on top of that Kyle saw her as another 'pet' that was invading his territory. As such, he was more than eager to cause as much trouble for her as he could, and savagely maul her as much as he could when no one was looking.

Fortunately for Tempest, she had two advantages over Kyle that truly tipped things in her favor, once she took Papa's advice about not losing her temper over it. First, she had the Overthought link to the Minions, making it child's play - literally, in this case - to know exactly where Kyle was at all times. And second, being a dog Kyle had no concept of fighting 'dirty'...but Tempest certainly did.

How odd that her greatest advantage of all had been a genre of movies that Starlight Glimmer of all ponies had introduced her to that gave her the perfect combat stratagem to put Kyle in his place...Neighponese Horror. A little cooperation from now more competent - or at least, more disciplined and thus willing to wait until the task was complete before celebrating or making jokes about it - Minions and Kyle knew better than to cross Tempest.

She decided it wasn't her job to explain to Papa or the others why this resulted in Kyle hiding under the nearest piece of furniture or at the top of the nearest suit of armor or armoire the moment she entered a room he was in. If he wanted them to know, he'd find a way to tell them. ...admittedly, she felt Edith had some idea, considering she stifled laughter while watching her smug grin whenever it happened.

Jump to top

Kittens

The hardest part growing up in the Gru household for Tempest was dealing with the girls. Despite Tempest's determination to interact with them like and think of them as sisters, they did not see her the same way. Their interactions with her made it plain to her that they saw her as either a pet, an awesome toy, or a baby to take care of. She'd settled on waiting until she was able to speak their language clearly before fixing their misconceptions in that regard. The first time she called one of them 'sis' or 'sister' would change their outlook, certainly. ...of course, that all assumed she survived growing up with them while not seen as a sibling.

Edith was Tempest's favorite girl to interact with one-on-one, if she was being honest. When she wasn't running around with the other two as a group, she would actively seek out mischief she could get into, often sneaking around like a ninja in the process. Tempest fit alongside that immediately, especially after her terrorizing of Kyle. Edith had immediately started taking her along whenever she could get away with it, whether to steal cookies, drop water balloons, or sneak some dangerous bit of equipment out of Nefario's lab. She was especially excited the first time Tempest walked up a wall alongside her...though Tempest had been shocked she'd managed it. She could feel the magic energy being channeled out the crystal, up through her horn, and then back down into her body and out her hooves to affix her to the wall as she walked, but she hadn't consciously shaped the energies. It had only taken her a moment to realize that the Minion Overthought had analyzed what she was trying to do and plugged the intent directly into the crystal, letting it shape it on its own to make it work. ...that would take some getting used to.

Stealing cookies proved easy and relatively harmless, at least once Margo had been reassured by Gru, Nefario, and the Minions that chocolate chips were not in any way harmful to Tempest. Dropping water balloons filled both girls with wicked glee, especially after Edith discovered that Tempest could easily chill the water to icy temperatures without letting any of the water freeze. The sight of the other girls Edith's age around the block - the ones who automatically shut Edith out as 'the weird one' - fleeing and shivering was most satisfying. Trying to swipe equipment from Nefario's lab for antics unnerved Tempest at first...until she realized her Overthought connection meant the Minions knew when Edith was coming and could ensure that nothing left out to be swiped would be especially dangerous. ...admittedly, when one wanted to prank rather than cause deliberate harm, there wasn't much better in the lab to use than the Fart Gun, and Edith loved it!

Tempest did her best to avoid one-on-one time with Agnes. Not that she had anything personal against the youngest girl, far from it. After all, it was Agnes' obsession with all things unicorn that led to Gru and Nefario giving Tempest back her horn, and she'd never forget that. However, Agnes was still quite young, and as such didn't have the best concept of consequences for her actions. Her abortive first attempt at feeding Tempest - or 'Fizzie', as she insisted on calling her - was the start of a trend. While Agnes had learned to control her volume, she had not learned to control her urges or her muscles. If Tempest was lucky, she'd get away from any one-on-one time with Agnes with an excessively pink makeover. If she was unlucky, Agnes would attempt to feed her or have a tea party with her, and she'd have to desperately struggle not to get a spoon lodged in her throat. She wasn't going to attempt to evade it by turning her head ever again, though. Having it lodged in her ear was almost as bad.

One-on-one time with Margo - though rare, as Margo considered it her responsibility to rein in the other two - was the most relaxing. Margo, possibly due to having acted as a stand-in mother for her two sisters for so long, tending towards quiet activities when left to her own devices. Whenever Edith and Agnes were suitably - and safely - distracted, Margo could be found laying back in some out of the way location where she could be easily seen but not easily reached reading a book from the library, whether public or house. She didn't object at all if Tempest clambered up to curl up against her, and happily laid an arm around her to both steady her and stroke her mane. The first time Tempest had looked inquisitively at the pages, Margo had happily begun reading to her, tracing a finger along the words without even seeming to think about it. It was obviously a habit from teaching Edith and Agnes to read, and allowed Tempest to readily assimilate this world's written language...s. Margo apparently didn't limit herself to English for her reading. Tempest wondered if Papa or Nefario realized just how intelligent Margo actually was. It was one thing to accept a child as precocious, quite another to realize an 11 year old was reading the Iliad and Odyssey in the original Greek for relaxation.

However, Tempest had the easiest time with the girls when they were all together. Margo immediately took on the role of peacekeeper/disciplinarian in making sure Edith and Agnes behaved, and did so without causing upset. Edith would rein in her mischievous antics for the group activity, and Margo and Edith would both keep an eye on Agnes' antics to ensure she didn't accidentally injure herself or others. A tea party for four or more was always enjoyable, especially if one or more of the Minions could participate as guests or butlers...and even more so when Papa joined in as well.

As much as she tried to keep herself objective on things, Tempest had to admit that nothing was quite so enjoyable as when she, her sisters, and her Papa were sitting around a little table in silly dresses drinking tea, eating cookies, and talking silly at each other while the Minions bustled around them to make sure everyone had everything they wanted. For the first time in as long as she could remember...she felt like part of a family. She was part of a family. Growing up all over again was worth it for this.

When the time came, she knew she wouldn't be able to give this up. So she just promised herself that she'd do a good job making a good impression when she got back to Equestria...and give Discord a proper 'thank you' for doing all this. She already knew exactly what she would do...and the Minions found the idea hilarious.

Jump to top

Milestones

Tempest was grateful that she seemed to pass infancy more rapidly than ponies normally did. As much fun as it was being babied, having the adult knowledge that it was because those doing so perceived her as a pet rather than a person took most of the fun out of it. On the other side, the pampering of the Minions felt more like worship than coddling, which had its own negative connotation in her mind as she recalled the mistakes of her past life. As such, the first of her teeth coming in - and thus the shift to solid food - was a welcome change for her.

While there wasn't a taste difference since her 'baby mash' was made of the fruits and vegetables that went into Gru's new 'jams, jellies, and preserves' business - his idea of going legit and gainful employment for the minions - it was incredibly satisfying to be able to sink her teeth into things now that she had them, instead of being forced to mash things around in her mouth before swallowing. It left her with a feeling of accomplishment the first time she snatched a mouthful of fruit from the flesh of the produce and chewed it up herself...followed by a feeling of consternation that she saw that as an accomplishment, and of embarrassment when the Minions started making much of her over it.

The other plus side to this was that she got her own dishes to eat from on her own, instead of being hand-fed. At first they were going to be set down on the floor for her since Kyle was scared enough of her to not try and fight over the food, but Tempest had put her hoof down adamantly about it. When the bowls were set down on the floor, she'd shot a glance at the nearest Minion. Three of them then showed up with a chair, a stool, and a stack of books. In moments, a stairway of books had been set up for her up to the chair, with the stool set in the chair seat so that she was at table level when sitting on the stool. She'd quickly waved a hoof when the fourth Minion had rushed in carrying a red curtain with the intent of laying it down on the makeshift staircase for her, and he instead placed the bowls on the table for her. She'd then clambered up, taken her seat, and dug in.

She'd paused when she'd noticed silence around the table. Looking up, she'd noticed that the girls and Gru were all staring at her, looking somewhat flabbergasted. She'd tilted her head and smiled, as though there was absolutely nothing wrong with what was going on. Edith had chuckled at her antics, while Margo had struggled to suppress a smirk. Gru had grinned outright...until Agnes had shoved her face into her own plate to mimic Tempest's eating habits. "Use silverware at the table," Gru firmly chided both of them.

While Agnes had obeyed, Tempest had simply given Gru a look. Without breaking eye contact, she'd leaned forward and picked up a spoon in her teeth, and scooped up a spoonful of her food. She then continued to stare at him, demonstrating the absurdity of his instructions.

"You can use your aura," Gru pointed out, gesturing to her horn. "I've seen you make things float around."

Tempest had ignited her horn, trying to put as little magic through as possible...and her spoon had gone ricocheting around the kitchen, missing people and breakables by millimeters or because Minions were in place with baking pans to deflect it. It eventually embedded itself in Kyle's bowl just as he was moving to take a bite. The poor hound fled yelping.

Gru had relented, but that was another struggle Tempest was still dealing with. The crystal horn replacement gave her the focus for actual spellwork as opposed to the uncontrolled discharges she'd made use of while serving the Storm King, it also acted as an amplifier for any energy projected through it. For larger workings like lifting heavy objects, that made things easier on her as she was able to do so with less power, but smaller tasks proved next to impossible with her magic, especially if it required fine control. If several of the Minions were present to redirect the excess magic, that worked for part of a larger working...but something as simple as manipulating a utensil continued to prove beyond her no matter what she tried.

Still, sitting at the table was accepted, and made Tempest quite happy. It made it feel like they were really a family. All that was left was for them to see she wasn't a pet. She hoped she would manage soon. Today breakfast was shaped pancakes, one of Papa's specialties...and she was going to try and request one. Even if all that came out was baby babble, Bob was there to try and translate...with Pictionary, if nothing else.

"So what shapes does everyone want?" Papa asked everyone playfully.

"I want a book!" Margo declared happily.

"A rocketship!" Edith insisted firmly.

"A unicorn!" Agnes predictably demanded.

Papa chuckled, then playfully turned to Tempest. "And what would you like, Fizzie?" he asked in a sing-song voice, plainly not expecting an answer.

"Gu-cake!" Tempest managed to say, pointing her hoof at him.

Papa blinked in surprise. "...you can talk?"

"She talked!" Agnes squealed excitedly.

"No...way..." Edith gasped out.

"That's..." Margo began, plainly confused.

"Gu-cake!" Tempest repeated firmly, pointing at him again.

Blinking, he managed a chuckle. "Well, if it's what the little lady wants..." With a wide grin, he sauntered off to the kitchen.

Tempest managed a smile as the girls got over their shock and started making much of her. With words out, she could tell now she was going to be treated as a young sister - if of odd shape - rather than a pet. Well, Margo and Edith would be treating her differently. There was no telling how Agnes would be.

But the real treat for her was when the pancakes were brought out. The girls each got the shapes they requested, but Tempest's was perfectly round...with the shapes of the girls in chocolate, Gru and herself in raspberries, and a long slice of banana with bits of marshmallow cream and a pair of chocolate chips for eyes representing Bob. It filled her with such warmth to see that acceptance in solid form that she almost didn't want to eat it.

...almost. Thank goodness Bob had a camera, both for the pancake and for the what would surely later in life be embarrassing pictures of her eagerly devouring it.

Jump to top

Chatting Up

As Tempest had suspected, her ability to talk - however stilted - changed quite a lot with how she interacted with her little family, though admittedly not as much as she'd thought it would. While her sisters had made much of her right at first, it wasn't long before things seemed to get back to routine. To her surprise, the first sister she was able to spend one on one time with after that was Margo. In point of fact, the older girl asked Bob and Kevin to keep Edith and Agnes entertained while she spent time with Tempest. Edith and Agnes had been upset at first, but quieted when they saw Tempest herself was happy with that.

Before long, the pair were curled up in a missile-pod lift bed - it still amused Tempest to no end that Papa had refitted an obvious armory into a children's bedroom, complete with a rack for each bed so it could be shifted to a preferred height - shifted to the highest level where it was still visible from the door, Tempest curled up under Margo's arm with her nose in the book Margo was reading for her. Unlike before, every so often she would pause and ask Tempest to repeat the segment she'd just read, pointing to the spot to start at. Surprised, Tempest followed along. She found it was easier but less satisfying - for some reason - if she set aside the childish mindset imposed by the Overthought to do so. To her amazement, due to Margo's reading she'd absorbed quite a bit already, and the childishness seemed more a desire to not be grown up than a lack of ability to act it.

After the sixth or seventh time Tempest had read back to Margo, she stopped her sister's arm with one hoof and looked up at her. "Sis nah pek?" she managed to get out, still having trouble with some consonant sounds since she wasn't used to working her mouth in these shapes.

Margo looked at her thoughtfully for a time, rubbing her chin. Just as Tempest was considering summoning a minion to translate for her - as incongruous as that seemed - the older girl snapped her fingers. "Are you saying you want to be treated as a sister, not a pet?" she inquired curiously.

Tempest shrugged her shoulders and nodded. It was close enough to what she was asking, and easy enough to specify. "Befah pek?"

"Oh, I've been thinking of and treating you as a sister since your first solid meal," Margo pointed out readily, causing Tempest's eyes to go wide. "It's obvious you have a lot of personality, and have the Minions wrapped around your hoof. I half expected a red carpet-"

"Mo!" Tempest insisted, shaking her head and waving one hoof.

"They were going to and you stopped them?" Margo translated. When Tempest nodded, the older girl chuckled. "Yeah, they do go overboard, don't they?" She was about to turn back to the book, then turned back to Tempest. "You're hoping Edith and Agnes will treat you differently, too? Less like a pet and more like a sister?"

Tempest nodded, her eyes wide in amazement that Margo had read her so easily.

"Don't look so surprised," Margo offered teasingly. "I've been looking after my little sisters for a while. One of the first books I checked out from the library was a book on child psychology so I could learn how to keep them in line so we could survive and thrive without them feeling leashed, controlled, or caged."

"Yu smah a Gu an Gappa Nappa!" Tempest said in amazement.

Margo blushed, waving the compliment off. "I'm not as smart as Dr. Nefario. I can't make heads or tails of his inventions..."

"Peepah smah hadah deh mek smah!" Tempest insisted. "More plooss, hada see!"

Margo managed a chuckle. "I guess it is easier in chemistry or machinery to tell when you've made a big mistake," she admitted. "And knowing body language has certainly made some things easier...though I don't know if I originally misread Gru or..." She leaned back, lost in thought.

It didn't take looking into the Overthought to realize that Gru hadn't originally taken the girls in for altruistic reasons, any more than she needed to look there to see he genuinely adored them now. She idly wondered what had- "Chay haat!" she stated, putting her hooves to her chest.

"Yeah, people can change," Margo admitted. "I just...I've been the one keeping Edith and Agnes safe for so long. I trust Gru...I love him as a father...but letting go of fear doesn't come easy..."

Tempest leaned in to nuzzle Margo. While she understood what she was saying all too well, her command of spoken language wasn't enough to express it yet. Besides, she liked looking up to Margo as a big sister. She didn't want actually being older than her but reverse-aged to mix things up there...yet. Time enough for that if it became necessary.

Margo responded to the nuzzling with a smile and a stroke to her mane. After a time, she returned to the original subject. "Honestly, Edith's been treating you like a sister - or a best friend, not sure which exactly - since she figured out how you terrorized Kyle." Tempest's eyes went wide. "Yes, I knew it was you. You acted just a little too innocent every time he ran away from you." Tempest attempted to whistle innocently, failing miserably as Margo chuckled. "As for Agnes..." She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "I think at her age, you being a unicorn is going to supersede any thought of sister or pet. The distinction probably won't even exist for a year or so, at which point you'll be a younger sister. But until then..."

"Mago ada pahdi," Tempest stated, nodding ruefully.

"Yeah, make sure I'm at the tea parties to keep the spoons out of your throat or ears," Margo agreed, struggling not to laugh. "For the rest of it, be glad you're as durable as you are." She glanced at Tempest's scar. "Which leaves me wondering what had the power to injure you like that in the first place...and hoping we never encounter one."

Tempest shivered. The last thing she wanted was to encounter an Ursa Minor...unless Papa or the Minions figured out how to domesticate it-

...good lord, the Overthought was already trying to figure it out...

Jump to top

Scratching Posts

Tempest was amused - though only mildly surprised - that Margo's predictions proved to be completely accurate. While her interactions with Agnes had now progressed to beyond just tea parties, her approach to her was far more 'talking unicorn' than 'pet' or 'sister', with her obsession driving her behaviors far more than any sort of familial attachment. Still, now being able to voice things made those interactions much more straight forward...and far less of a choking hazard.

As predicted, interaction with Edith had barely changed at all. She still eagerly brought Tempest along for pranks or 'ninja-ing', she still involved her fully in her antics, and she continued to keep her eye out for Tempest to keep her from getting injured in the situations they got up to. In point of fact, there were only two major differences in how they interacted. First, Edith would wait for a spoken response when she turned to conspire with Tempest, instead of just waiting for a gesture response. Second...when they were caught and got in trouble, Edith would try to pin the blame on Tempest. While Tempest would always object vociferously when she did so and feign offense or outrage...she was secretly pleased, as that was definitely a sibling action.

However, the first time it had happened had been the best...

Edith and Tempest had once again sneaked into The Lab where Dr. Nefario and the Minions were hard at work on what Edith casually dismissed as 'science stuff'. This was because no one immediately visible appeared to be working on anything that looked to Edith like what she'd call a 'weapon', or barring that, a 'fun toy'. Tempest let Edith look around for something to grab for their 'antics' that day, while she decided to look into what she'd seen in the Overthought earlier, and what she could feel they were looking into. It didn't take long to find the area dedicated to 'Operation Star Rider', a dramatic name if ever there was one...though apparently there was some debate about whether it should be called 'Operation Bear Rodeo' instead.

The Operation area was divided into several parts based on what ideas had been come up with to 'tame' an Ursa Major. The first area she came across had what looked like an odd crown-shaped contraption in front of a board with the meaning of the project written in Wingdings with bad handwriting, the font of preference for the Minions when they worked on projects specifically for Tempest. Her eyes widened as she read what was written on the board, understanding its meaning through the Overthought.

Mind Control Crown
Turn Star Bear into RC Warbeast!
YES NO?
Effective and dangerous
Too evil!
We are evil
It's not friendship!
Why small?
Portable!
Fit smaller heads?
Project discontinued. If parts are not repurposed by time limit, place in smash quota

They...certainly are thorough... she thought to herself as she finished reading the board. She then edged carefully away from the construct on the table before tossing a sheet over it to make sure Edith didn't find it and try to do something with it not knowing what it was.

There were other projects within the 'Operation Star Rider' area, and Tempest decided to examine each of them to determine if there was anything she should step in and do something about, or if they could mostly be ignored. The projects seemed to range from the practical to the absurd...although the one about reconstructing the Shrink Ray to run on magical energy as a choker rather than a ray gun to shrink the Ursa Major down to teddy bear size and then training it seemed the easiest to pull off, most likely to succeed, and the most economical in terms of resource consumption...and as such, was marked down as 'Plan Lame' and 'Only to be used if the cooler stuff doesn't work out'. She found herself amused but unsurprised that the Minions had a preference for plans that involved things going Kablooie...except when it was them.

Then she came to plan 'Hubba Hubba', which just made her face-hoof. The Minions had somehow gotten the resources to build an artificial Ursa Major out of space-mineral alloys and crystal constructs designed to channel the mystic energy created from Tempest's manipulations of the energy/matter equation - along with simplistic constructions meant to act as remote terminals to receive signals from the crystal in her horn to enact the reshaping at range - and being built from the ground up to...seduce an Ursa Major into obedience.

Seeing one of the Minions nearby, she turned and gestured to what was swiftly becoming a giant robot star-bear. "Why?" she asked in disbelief.

The Minion - Dewey, who since the Overthought link had shown remarkable talent for mathematics and organization - opened his mouth to explain. His words were the usual meaningless gibberish, but the explanation came through clear as day to Tempest. "The goal is to get a tame Ursa Major, and we know from Gru that love is the ultimate taming force. Unfortunately, wild animals are much less likely to adopt an infant not their own, so we settled on sex instead."

"How keep working?" Tempest demanded harshly.

"Oh, the Star Cybear will be fully self-sustaining and self-repairing once complete and active, with the only difference between an actual Ursa Major and it being that it will function completely under our control." Dewey tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Though the camouflage to make it look like an Ursa Major instead of an Ursine Mecha-Godzilla still needs work..."

"So...have tame robo star bear?" Tempest pressed. "Then...why need tame non-robo star bear?"

"Hey, if you want logic for our plans, get Sock-Tee on the planning committee," Dewey pointed out, gesturing to a Minion who - for some reason - was wearing a giant sock with holes in it as a t-shirt. "It's not my job to make things make sense, just make them work."

"This thing is awesome!" Edith suddenly squealed out as she approached the massive robo star-bear. "We gotta take it for a test drive!"

"Would you?" Dewey asked hopefully. "Until we get the remote terminals properly synced, the only way to even turn it on is to have you actively channel energy into it."

Rolling her eyes, Tempest climbed up to the head cockpit.

Several million dollars in untraceable collateral damage and ten minutes later, Edith and Tempest stood together looking up at a very disappointed Gru. "I don't want to know why the Minions thought it was a good idea to build a giant robot space bear," he observed calmly, "or what it could possibly have to do with making jams and jellies. I don't really care how you both got into the cockpit to take it for a test drive, or why they let you. All I want to know-"

"It was her idea!" Edith spoke up quickly, pointing to Tempest.

"What?!" Tempest gasped out in shock and offense. "Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"I do not care whose idea it was!" Gru interrupted. "You are both going to be punished regardless! All I want to know...is what in the world made either of you think it was a good idea to do so?"

Edith and Tempest exchanged glances for a time, and then Edith spoke up. "We...didn't?" she offered hopefully.

"Then why did you do it?" Gru demanded intensely.

"Cause...was evil idea?" Tempest offered nervously.

Groaning, Gru put his face in his hands. "What am I supposed to do with you two?" he demanded ruefully.

"Keep up villainy just so you can keep up with them as a parent?" Nefario suggested hopefully with a wide grin.

"Not helping, Doctor," Gru groaned, leading to Nefario's face falling.

All in all, Tempest felt her relationships with her family were developing quite well as they approached Agnes' birthday. She was sure they would all be in for an eventful life together...though she hoped all eventfulness was internal rather than external. The last thing she needed was some outside force stepping in to turn everything topsy-turvy. She did that enough as is.

Jump to top

Cake or Death?

It was the day of the party, and things were going more or less as Tempest expected. There was a giant inflated bounce/slide castle in the backyard that the kids were playing on, a jungle gym with dragon themed traps - and real jungle creepers hanging from it due to a miscommunication between Gru and the Minions that Tempest had taken advantage of for a prank, and Gru had decided to run with - to clamber over, a rubber duck catch game in an inflatable pool that had mutated piranha hidden inside for extra thrill in the middle of the yard, and grilled food and cake scattered around for everyone to enjoy. Everything had been set up exactly how Gru wanted it, even if he did have Nefario make a special 'balloon gun' for inflating balloons of various shapes rapidly.

Many of the parents from the neighborhood had brought their kids to the party whatever the age group, and many of them had been in awe of Tempest. The party was unicorn - and medieval mythos in general - themed, but the sight of an actual unicorn walking around brought a lot of attention. The youngest kids oohed and aahed about her. The kids in Edith's age group avoided her since they remembered her antics with Edith, who was running around in her 'ninja-ing' garb and monopolizing the jungle gym. The kids in Margo's age group had convinced themselves that Tempest was an advanced animatronic of some sort. Apparently that was easier to believe than an actual unicorn her size.

Kyle was dressed up as a dragon, much to his frustration, and Agnes was enjoying acting scared of him with other kids her age while Margo - dressed as a knight - led a squad of the minions to battle him. It had taken a bit of insistence on Tempest's part, but none of them were armed with live weapons. While they were all made of real steel, none had cutting edges. They then proceeded to perform a well choreographed comedic battle as they tripped over their weapons or knocked each other over in their attempts to 'battle' the dragon, much to the youngsters amusement. Kyle eventually got bored and wandered off, but no one seemed to mind.

All in all, everything seemed to be going perfectly. As Tempest watched Agnes running around in a unicorn princess dress - an outfit that made her look like a princess riding a plush unicorn, since Tempest had refused to carry her around for the entire day - she waited calmly for the first thing to go wrong. She was certain there would be at least one.

"No no no!" Gru snapped as he spun the grilling meat over the open flame. "What do you mean she's not coming? I have a backyard full of these little girls who are counting on a visit from a Fairy Princess!"

A quick mental directive from Tempest kept one of the 'performers' - whose helmet had spun around to block his vision - from hitting Father in the legs with his mace. She then turned her attention back to the phone conversation.

"Listen! I don't want a refund! I want the Fairy Princess! Please!" At the end, his tone turned from angry to pleading. "Please, I'm begging you..." He listened for a time, then turned angry again. "You know what? I hope you can sleep at night, you crusher of little girls' dreams!" He angrily hung up the phone.

"Ooh! Ooh!" Agnes asked excitedly. "When's the Fairy Princess coming?"

Tempest smiled to herself. She knew exactly what would happen now...and was rather unsurprised to discover that the Minions were already prepared for this eventuality. It was almost scary just how efficient they could be with the Overthought complete, and all without losing their comedic pratfalling nature. As Gru reassured Agnes, he saw one of the Minions gesturing him inside. Curious, Tempest followed them in.

Gru blinked in surprise at the winged harness they offered him, one that was actually capable of self motivated flight even for his girth, as they demonstrated. "Did you know this would happen?" he demanded suspiciously of them. They promptly pointed at Tempest. "Did you?" Gru demanded.

"Things go wrong," Tempest offered readily. "That's why backup."

Gru chuckled at that as he took the harness. "...will it work with a different wing style?" he asked as he glanced at the sparkling, butterfly wings. The Minions happily pulled out the interchangeable bird, bat, and dragon alternatives. Gru grinned widely. "I'll keep this in mind. But for now...I promised a Fairy Princess..." With that, he stalked determinedly into the house...with a brief glance back. "Supervise!" he ordered the Minions as he gestured back out at the party.

They both saluted before dashing back out. Smiling, Tempest followed.

With Margo's help, a bit of order was kept...until the sound of 'twinkling Fairy Dust' heralded the arrival of the 'Fairy Princess'. The children began to squeal excitedly as they looked up...

Gru, wearing a curly blonde wig, a large pink tiara, and a very ruffled, very pink dress began to descend majestically from the roof, waving a star tipped wand that shed sparkly dust with each wave. He managed a smile, though whether from being in character or from the marvel at the working flight harness and actual 'magic wand' - in truth, just another remote terminal hidden in the star shaped tip - was impossible to tell.

"It is I!" Gru said as he landed majestically, doing a passable effort of making his voice sound feminine. "Gru..."

"Grunhilda," Tempest whispered, focusing to make the whisper appear in Father's ear.

"-nhilda!" Gru finished with a wider smile. "The most magical Fairy Princess of all!" He waved the wand again...and in addition to trailing sparkles, it conjured a few fairy lights that floated out over the gathered children who looked up in awe.

As Gru continued speaking, Tempest noticed Barry with a remote control behind the door into the house, plainly controlling the wand. She sent him a smile.

"How come you're so fat?" one of the little girls asked rather rudely.

Tempest could see Father getting irritated at the question, and she thought quickly. What was a good explanation for a large-bodied Fairy Princess?

Matter=Energy? the Overthought submitted as a possibility.

"Bursting with magic," Tempest relayed into the whisper spell.

"Because I am just bursting with magic!" Gru responded in a feminine tone, waving the wand and releasing a large burst of sparkles....which trailed over to the cake and ignited the candles. Taking that as a signal, the kids raced towards the cake.

"Thank you, Grunhilda!" Agnes declared happily. "You're the best Fairy Princess ever!"

"You're welcome, little girl!" Gru responded readily, kneeling down to her level.

After the other children left, Agnes ducked back in with a hug. "I know it's really you, Gru," she whispered softly. "I'm just pretending for the other kids."

Gru smiled warmly as she walked off to the cake.

Tempest watched happily. Father was a good Father... Oh great, there was the local busybody, and one of her friends was there alone. Operation Match Breaker! she sent quickly through the Overthought.

Before Jillian could reach Gru, three Minions intercepted her standing on each other's shoulders. The top one held up a sign that read, "Good Mothers before Good Girlfriends" with an arrow down. The second sign down said, "Must pass thorough interview from children first," and had another arrow pointing down. The bottom sign read, "Not at a Party!"

"...oh..." Jillian observed as she backed off.

Tempest smiled widely. If Gru wanted romance in his life, he'd go looking. For right now, he had all the family he needed.

Jump to top

First Impressions

Tempest calmly walked through the house a few days after the party. Agnes was deluged with the presents she had received - admittedly, they were all 'compulsion gifts' of the sort that parents made kids bring when they attended the local party, rather than chosen for a friend...not that Agnes seemed to mind or even notice - which meant less time Tempest was required to spend with her. As much as she cared for the youngest girl, dealing with her at her present age could frequently be a headache. Edith was spending more of her time 'training' on the new play equipment in the backyard that had been set up for the party and never taken down, which didn't really interest Tempest. And Margo was busy keeping the mess of Agnes and her presents somewhat under control. As a result, Tempest was more or less left to her own devices...which had her seeking out Father. If she was going to be a kid, she should get some solo parent time once in a while.

Reaching the front door, she saw Gru dropping Kyle into the neighbor's yard to do his business...and watched as this resulted in the neighbor's rosebush withering right before her eyes. She held back, not really wanting to deal with Kyle's terror of her, or be trying to rival him for time with Father.

Then she noticed the woman approaching Father. She was tall - about the same height as Gru - and thin, with her exact definition completely concealed by a bright turquoise overcoat with a matching dress underneath. She had bright red hair tied in a bun behind her head with bangs framing her face, bright green eyes behind blue framed glasses, and freckles dotting her pale skin. She also had a sharply up-pointing nose, somewhat reminiscent of a bird's beak...but where on others that might have been odd, she seemed to make it work.

Tempest wasn't able to hear the conversation as Gru spun to face her, but she was able to read the ID the woman pulled out once it was right side up. 'Agent Lucy Wilde, AVL'. She also saw the woman shift between serious as she pulled the ID out, awkwardly embarrassed when she realized she'd pulled it out upside down, and then back to serious after flipping it right side up.

Curious, Tempest managed to get outside just as Gru responded to something Lucy said. "Oh, sorry, I-Freeze Ray!" As he declared the weapon, he pulled it out and fired...only for Lucy to already have a flame spewing weapon that unfolded into a gun shape even as it unleashed the flames to counter the freeze ray. Her expression didn't change as she did so.

"You really should announce your weapons after you fire them, Mr. Gru," Lucy pointed out as she pulled out a stick of lipstick and walked calmly towards him. "For example..." Strands of metal suddenly leapt from the lipstick and stuck to Gru's chest, sending arcs of electricity over him, causing him to jerk, writhe, and...disco, for some reason. "Lipstick taser!" Lucy declared happily as she threw one hand into the air and lifted one leg in a silly victory pose, a bright smile on her face as Gru fell limp.

"A valid point," Tempest pointed out calmly as Lucy spun to face her...and the yard opened up behind her as what she'd called on rose to her summons. Barry had managed to stabilize the internal control system for the Simsa Major - as the robotic construct was dubbed now - so that it could act on directives, and it now glowered down at Lucy as stars glowed within its structure from the magical power focused there. "So...what counts as firing this thing?" Tempest asked curiously. "Should I identify it now that it's activated...or after it eats you?"

Lucy blinked up at the beast as she seemed to respond on automatic. "Well the point of it is so that your opponent knows what defeats them only after it's too late for them to counter it, so since I don't think I have any weaponry to counter a giant star-powered bear-bot, now would be a good time and I feel like we got off on the wrong foot." She started to hold out her hand.

"You tasered my Father," Tempest pointed out flatly as the Simsa Major growled, liquid dripping from its mouth that splashed on the concrete, bored holes, and then crystallized in odd configurations as it cooled based on the splash pattern. "If you don't have a good reason, Simsa Major here is going to eat you."

"Simsa Major?" Lucy asked curiously. "That's an odd name, though given the overall bear shape I assume it's derived from Ursa Major? A robotic simulation of the constellation in creature form?" She blinked as her eyes shifted down from the bot to the one talking to her. "And I just realized I'm talking to a talking unicorn who just called Felonious Gru 'Father', so I should probably be making peace with god instead of rambling, shouldn't I? Sorry, I'm a rambler, and I promise I had a really good reason for tasing him." She frowned as she shifted her tongue around the inside of her mouth. "Tasing? Tasering? Zapping? Let's go with zapping. Don't you just hate English? Word derivation just doesn't make sense, even if you grew up speaking it."

Tempest tilted her head thoughtfully. While she was absolutely upset about Lucy zapping - that worked better than decrypting the adverb form of the verb form of a noun that didn't exist when the noun/verb/adverb rules were made - Father, there was just something so...adorkable about the way she was babbling. It somewhat reminded her of Twilight when she was working on something...with a smattering of Pinkie being Pinkie. She didn't really understand human attractiveness-

8.5

10!

9?

8.2

-but apparently the Minions were of the opinion she was on the high end. She also didn't seem at all distressed by Gru's casual dismissal of personal property laws, or the family tendency towards super weapons beyond them being pointed at her. She also seemed to adjust well to the unexpected, as she wasn't freaking out about a talking unicorn or giant robot bear looming over her. The fact she spent more effort deriving the meaning behind its designation than figuring out a way to take it apart or screaming lent credence to that notion.

On a hunch, Tempest decided to take an approach...different from what she was considering at first. "I have two questions for you," she stated calmly. "If I like your answers, I'll help you load Father into your car, and I and a few others will go with you when you take him wherever you're going...just in case we don't like that."

"I suppose I can work with that," Lucy allowed thoughtfully. She glanced from her thin arms to the girth of Gru's upper body. "That's one detail I overlooked when I made Plan B. So what happens if you don't like my answers?"

"We find out if Simsa Major's digestive tract works."

"Fair enough, ask away."

Tempest raised an eyebrow. Lucy certainly took things in stride. A closer examination by Stuart through active sensors showed all the expected signs of someone in the grip of fear or on the verge of panic, but Lucy remained in control of herself. Better and better, Tempest mused in her mind. Aloud, she asked, "Are you single?"

"Not for lack of looking," Lucy responded immediately. "The few dates I've gone on haven't ended well, though. Generally had to shoot them with a horse tranquilizer and lug them home to get out of an awkward social situation I had no idea how to handle."

And now she reminds me of that Starlight Glimmer filly, Tempest mused thoughtfully, remembering Starlight's tale of trying to use mind control magic to make 'friendship assignments' go faster and smoother. Honestly, at this point she was glad she'd grown up outside Equestria the first time and would the second time. Unicorns that grew up within the country seemed to be in competition to out-crazy each other. "How are you with kids?" Tempest pressed gently.

Lucy glanced nervously from Tempest to the Simsa Major. "I...know safe tranquilizer dosages and am very good at eyeballing body mass?" she offered nervously.

Tempest let that turn over in the Overthought...and suppressed a laugh at the response. Rolling her eyes, she shrugged her shoulders. "Well, Father had less under his belt when he adopted my sisters. We'll have three other passengers." The Simsa Major pulled back, pouting a little as it was dropped back into the hangar.

"Did my life just hang on my compatibility as a prospective love interest to your Father and mother figure to you and your sisters?" Lucy questioned curiously.

"More or less, yeah," Tempest responded readily. "It helps that you're apparently pretty by human standards, especially compared to the friends the local busybody keeps trying to set him up with." Turning, she approached Lucy's car, a bright blue vehicle with only two seats inside. "So what music do you have to listen to?"

"I don't like music playing while I drive," Lucy stated firmly.

"And I don't like having my Father zapped right in front of me," Tempest responded as Kevin, Stuart, and Bob tromped out of the house to pick Gru up, carrying him into the car to deposit him into the front passenger seat.

"I'm the one heavily armed, and you'll have a hard time taking the Simsa with you," Lucy pointed out as she sat in the driver's seat.

"I'm the one who can turn you into a sheep with a thought. How long does it take you to grab a weapon?"

"...do you like smooth jazz?"

Jump to top

Job Interview

After intensive discussion regarding what music they should listen to while driving with a great deal of back and forth between Tempest and Lucy and even more haggling regarding what Lucy could tolerate while driving - given she would be driving - and Tempest's interests, it was determined that none of the music Lucy had readily available fit the restrictive criteria, nor would any be on any radio stations they would be able to access for the short time they would be traveling.

However, Stuart was able to point out based on how long Lucy said the trip would take that there was one song they could all sing that it was scientifically impossible for anyone to hate or dislike for driving. Kevin playfully corrected that it was scientifically impossible without becoming Simsa chow, which set all three Minions to giggling. Much to Tempest's pleasure, Lucy loved the song, and they were quickly engaging in a surprisingly in-tune acapella. The lyrics proved especially apt as they drove right across a pier through pedestrian areas and off the edge as the car converted into a submarine.

Idly, Tempest wondered as they sang if Lucy would ask where the back seat had come from, as the car hadn't had one until after the trio of Minions had gotten in, and wouldn't have one once they got back out.

As they drove through the ocean, Tempest paused in her singing to look around at the scenery, enjoying the panoramic view...and listening to the others singing. Lucy had a surprisingly well trained contralto.

"Mama mia let me go!" Lucy sang out.

"Beelzebub hego hubnam ponga oe nunu me!" Stuart sang out.

"Nunu me!" Kevin continued.

"Nunu me!" Bob finished as he hit a high note.

As they all began headbanging, Tempest felt Gru beginning to stir, whether from the travel or the singing she wasn't sure. Still, she saw no reason to draw attention to it as the singing and travel continued. As a massive submarine just barely became visible in the distance, Gru surprised them as he sang out the end of the song in a deep, cultured baritone. "Nothing really matters..." he sang, his voice lovingly caressing notes and ears with equal skill. "Anyone can see...nothing really matters...to me~..."

"Any way the wind blows~..." Lucy sang back, holding the final note as they approached the sub.

"Your singing is...not bad," Gru observed calmly as he took in his surroundings.

"Your pipes are pretty good, too," Lucy replied warmly. "Especially after getting za-"

"The proper past tense verb form is tasered, adverb form tasering," Gru pointed out helpfully. At Tempest's surprised look, he shrugged. "You're not the only one who noticed Margo's reading material. I have to keep up somehow. And yes," he continued to Lucy, "English is very confusing."

"You seem to be taking me tasering and kidnapping you rather well," Lucy pointed out with a smile. "That's actually a relief. I really wanted to make a good impression on you, not a bad one."

"None of us are restrained, and you're still human instead of a sheep, robo-bear chow, or both," Gru teased playfully as he mussed Tempest's mane. "That tells me Tempest's in charge and you made a good impression on her despite assaulting me while she watched. I'm willing to see where this goes before I start blasting." He shrugged. "Besides, I can't fault your taste in music."

Tempest raised an eyebrow as that got a rather adorable giggle-snort and blush out of Lucy. Well, that explains why she wasn't offended that her life hung on match making, she sent to the Overthought. She's...kinda acting like a fangirl?

A.V.L. Anti-Villain League, the Overthought sent back. She's probably read his file and was fascinated by him for some reason.

That explains it, Tempest thought calmly as they slowly floated into a dock at the top of the submarine, settling down on wheels as the water drained out once it was sealed, followed by a comical quick dry to get rid of the sea water clinging to the outside of the car. The platform then lowered into a massive command center, with two other platforms closing around the one they were on to create a semblance of a conference room. Across the table sat a plump, brown-haired, brown eyed man with a very long face dressed in a brown suit. As Lucy opened the car doors, Tempest hopped out so Father could step out.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Gru," the man greeted warmly, if somewhat aloofly. "I apologize for our methods in getting you here-"

"I don't!" Lucy interrupted excitedly. "I enjoyed every minute of it. Gave me a buzz!"

"Even the Simsa?" Tempest inquired curiously.

"Especially the Simsa!" Lucy answered eagerly. "How often does a rookie agent get to face down a villainous mecha superweapon? That's tenure level assignment, minimum-"

"That's enough, Agent Wilde," the man chided firmly, giving the impression of glaring at her over spectacles despite the fact he wasn't wearing any. Lucy immediately fell silent. He then turned to Gru. "I understand such methods distressed both you and your family, and were the present situation not so urgent we would have done all we could to avoid that."

Am I the only one thinking he's got a superweapon somewhere that he's ready to deploy to force our cooperation? Tempest thought quickly to Bob, Stuart, and Kevin.

The three Minions quickly slipped odd, crystal-studded gloves on before moving to encircle Gru, Tempest, and Lucy. Lifting their gloved hands, they began to chant, "Red potato, banana! Red potato banana!" As they chanted, a magic barrier surrounded the group in a sphere.

Tempest blinked in confusion, wondering why she couldn't understand the chant...until she realized it was translating into Cantonese instead of English for the syllable match. Are you really sure you should be chanting a spell to banish evil to protect Father and me? she asked them silently.

Neither of you is a demon, ghost, or goblin, Stuart thought back logically.

The man behind the desk looked startled, but raised his hand. "I promise you, we mean you no harm."

"Yes," Gru observed calmly. "I'm certain that's why I've been knocked unconscious and kidnapped. I just bet you want me to appear on the new series of 'Most Eligible Bachelor'."

"I'd watch that," Lucy spoke up helpfully. "Assuming I wasn't a contestant."

Tempest suppressed a chuckle when that led to Gru glancing at her in surprise. She decided to focus on the man across the table. "So...what's the Anti-Villain League, exactly?" she asked calmly.

"We are an ultra-secret agency dedicated to dealing with crime on a global scale," the man explained dramatically. "Rob a bank? Not our problem. Kill someone? That's local. But try to melt the polar ice caps? Vaporize Mt. Fuji?" He gave Gru a significant look. "Steal the Moon?"

"Hey, you have no proof I did that!" Gru snapped out insistently. "Also, after I did it, I put it back."

Tempest's eyes nearly popped out of her head as she heard that. She'd known her new Father had villainous tendencies and had the attitude and support to have been successful...but to steal the Moon? She definitely needed details on that later.

Well-

No, I want it for bedtime stories! Tempest snapped at the Overthought.

"We're well aware of that, Mr. Gru," the man continued calmly. "That's why we brought you here. I am the League's Director, Silas Ramsbottom."

Tempest suppressed a snort of laughter as the Minions giggled at that. "Bottom!" Dave murmured to Stuart as they shared a giggle. Deciding to add her own joke, she let out a startlingly accurate goat bleat, which set all of them to laughing.

"...how charming," Silas murmured dryly. "Agent Wilde?"

Lucy blinked, surprised as attention turned back to her. She'd apparently relaxed, having shed her jacket to reveal the sleeveless dress she was wearing underneath. "Oh, me now?" she asked in surprise, before moving to stand between Gru and a large screen that had moved into position. Gesturing, she drew attention to an image of a magnet-shaped airship clutching a lab of some sort above a snow-covered landscape...although it looked to Tempest like Gru was paying more attention to the shape of her arm, which she seemed to be deliberately flaunting. "Recently an entire secret lab was stolen from the Arctic Circle," she explained as the image ceased to be still, the magnet shaped airship flying off with the lab. "Yeah, the entire lab!" she continued more energetically. "Just whish! Voom!" She gesticulated energetically as she spoke. "Gone! Where did it go?"

"Not my problem," Gru stated bluntly.

Blinking in surprise, Lucy continued. "The lab was working on experiments involving PX-41, a transmutation serum."

"Unless it turns ordinary ponies into unicorns, I don't see why I should care," Gru pointed out flatly as he watched a scientist on the screen inject a purple liquid into a harmless looking bunny.

"As much as I'd love if that were the case..." Lucy allowed playfully, letting the scene play out.

As they watched, the bunny mutated into a massive, purple, bunny-shaped beast that proceeded to destroy anything in reach, savagely mauling the scientists.

"...it's a bit more serious than that," Lucy concluded.

"Looks like it generates a gland to produce monsterpropesene and puts it into overdrive," Tempest observed calmly. "Most mutates and Kaiju have one, which is what lets them function physically at sizes that physics say shouldn't be sustainable. Given the rapidity of the mutation and the resulting violent behavior, the creatures probably don't have a means of stabilizing and metabolizing the resulting hormonal overflow, which is what causes such intense aggression." She then noticed everyone staring at her. "Uncle Nef brought some odd books in while he was working on fixing my horn," she explained calmly. "I got bored."

"Well...yes..." Silas allowed hesitantly. "As you can see, in the wrong hands, the PX-41 serum could be the most devastating weapon on Earth."

"Not really," Tempest countered easily. "All you really need to counteract it is Panacea Extract, which breaks monsterpropesene down in the bloodstream. You can make it in aerosol format relatively easy. Spray enough of a dose, mutation reverses and the subject conks out."

Silas frowned disapprovingly. "The Panacea blossom is incredibly rare and difficult to grow and harvest-"

Tempest zapped Silas' teacup, turning it into a beautiful flower with petals that seemed to refract the light that passed through them, giving the impression of rainbow colored while actually being colorless. "There's one. How many more do you need?"

Silas stared at the blatant transfiguration that had occurred right in front of him. Coughing awkwardly, he straightened his tie. "Well...I suppose we can call that Plan B, but we'd really rather prevent it from being used that way if possible. Beyond that, it has a very distinct chemical footprint, and using the latest in chem-tracking technology, we found traces of it in the Paradise Mall, and we believe one of these shop owners is a disguised supervillain." As he spoke, information flew across the screen. "As an ex-villain, Mr. Gru, you know how a villain thinks, how a villain acts."

"The plan is to set you up undercover at a shop in the mall," Lucy explained eagerly, "where hopefully you'll-"

"No," Gru stated flatly, catching Silas and Lucy off guard. "As tempting as all this Mission Impossible stuff is, I am a Father and a legitimate businessman. I don't have time for all of this." He turned to lead Tempest and the Minions out. "However, I would be happy to provide the Panacea Extract Aerosol at fair market value should you need to fall back on Plan B. After all, business is business."

"...if you're certain-" Silas began.

"And next time you need help from someone," Gru interrupted as he glowered at the man, "maybe instead of tasing and kidnapping you could, I don't know, give them a phone call! Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt!"

"...Ramsbottom..." Silas corrected awkwardly.

"Like that's any better," Gru joked. He then turned to storm out, only to pause in front of Lucy. "You can...stop by if you want," he offered awkwardly. "Unofficially, I mean. Not this AVL nonsense...just to talk..."

Tempest smiled to herself as she followed Gru out. It wouldn't be good to debate his decision in front of the AVL - bad to undermine him and all that - but she saw a few ways this could be turned to their advantage.

Besides, it would mean more of Father and Lucy interacting, and who knew where that would go?

Jump to top

A Step in the Right Direction

At first it looked like the only means the group had of getting back from the now surfaced submarine was a provided rowboat. This impression lasted until the Simsa Major lifted its head out of the ocean, casually eating the rowboat in the process. Tempest couldn't help but chuckle at Lucy's reaction to that, and all the alarms it set off that a 'villainous superweapon mecha' got that close to an AVL mobile base without being detected. It seemed the stealth systems were working well. "Are you really surprised to learn bears can swim?" Gru joked playfully to Lucy as they boarded.

Once they were underway, however, Gru rounded on the Minions. "When were you planning on telling me this magical robotic superweapon was amphibious?" he demanded angrily.

"Ano...prompo?" Stuart offered awkwardly, making Tempest giggle.

To Tempest's surprise, Gru calmed down rather rapidly after that as the Simsa calmly swam through the ocean, making rather excellent time without disturbing the ocean flow all that much, in blatant violation of hydrophysics. Her surprise turned to amusement, however, when she saw he was turning an AVL business card over and over in his hand, with an additional number written on it in pen. This made the trip back quiet and relaxing.

Tempest smiled softly as she saw Gru carrying an unconscious Agnes into the bedroom, quickly sending the girls to bed. To her surprise, however, Edith spoke up. "So when are you going on your date?"

"Date?" Gru asked a bit defensively. "What are you talking about?"

"Miss Jillian said she was arranging a date for you," Edith explained eagerly.

Tempest snorted in amusement. It seemed she wasn't the only one who wanted to see Father find someone, even if she was being the most practical and proactive about it. Besides-

"Yeah, well, she is a nutjob and I'm not going to touch any of the girls she sets me up with with a ten foot pole," Gru stated in a relaxed tone. "For some reason, she seems to think I need to 'settle', and what's the point in that? I'm amazing, aren't I?"

"You're sure something, alright," Margo observed playfully.

"And you can tell Miss Jillian to cut out the attempts," Tempest spoke up calmly, "since Gru's already found a nice girl, once he gets around to asking her out."

"What?" Agnes demanded, shooting awake.

"Really?" Edith asked eagerly.

"When did this happen?" Margo pressed urgently.

"This morning," Tempest explained. "It's why Gru was gone all day."

"Ooh!" the three girls exclaimed excitedly.

"Details!" Margo pressed urgently.

"Now I don't think-" Gru began.

"You realize if you don't tell us, we'll just badger it out of Tempest since she seems to know it all already, right?" Edith pointed out wickedly.

Gru sighed softly. "Alright, alright..." He sat down to look at the girls. "She's really nice, quite pretty, and rather good with weaponized gadgets...as I discovered when she tasered and kidnapped me as an attempt at recruiting me for her secret shadowy quasi-government super cop organization."

The girls stared at him for a time in stunned amazement, before Margo slumped back. "You really can't do anything the normal way, can you?"

"Where's the fun in normal?" Gru countered playfully.

"How'd getting knocked out and kidnapped lead into maybe asking her on a date?" Edith questioned curiously.

"Because she's a fan of his time as a villain and has good taste in music," Tempest explained readily. "Also, she didn't flinch when I threatened her with the Simsa Major, or get offended when I asked if she was single and how she was with kids. She also seemed to like the idea of being a contestant on 'Most Eligible Bachelor' if Gru was the star."

"She's got spunk," Edith praised with a grin.

"Awww!" Agnes cooed as she pictured the show thus described.

"...yeah, she'll fit right in," Margo allowed somewhat ruefully.

"Well, I'm glad I have your approval," Gru responded playfully. "But for now...get to bed!" He pointed firmly into the missile pod beds as he said the last, sending the girls scurrying and giggling into bed. He then kissed each of them goodnight before heading out the door.

Tempest calmly slipped after him. After all, she'd slept on the way back in the Simsa, so she wasn't that tired. However, despite her intentions, she wasn't able to tail him the entire night, as he took the elevator down to the lab below. Still, the Minions would inform her of anything important that happened. Instead, she went looking for a snack.

Tempest was munching happily away at some cookies in a high cabinet of the kitchen when she heard the elevator return. She thought about peeking out, but she could tell from the sound of Gru's footsteps that he was feeling down. Confused, she sent an inquiry to the Overthought.

Nefario has accepted employment elsewhere, where he can be evil instead of making jams and jellies that taste bad.

Tempest blinked her eyes, trying to process that. She didn't want to fall back into her adult mindset and deal by thinking 'everyone abandons me eventually', but-

Gru asked him about you, and you'd miss 'Uncle Nefy'. Nefario said that even if he's working elsewhere, we're all still family.

Fizzie relaxed with a warm smile as she heard that. She hadn't wanted that pain. Hearing Gru pick up the phone, Tempest focused her attention. Her hearing was good enough she could hear both sides of the conversation.

"Hey Lucy!" Gru said as the other end picked up.

"Oh, Gru!" Lucy responded enthusiastically. "I wasn't expecting you to call so soon. You seemed pretty adamant about not working for the AVL."

"Oh, I still am," Gru answered easily. "I don't want to be some super spy, not really. But...I do need an outlet to sell my jams and jellies now that we've got some flavors that work well and are nutritious, and I hear tell you have a store at the mall just waiting for me."

"Well, I don't know how I'd float that past my superiors," Lucy allowed nervously. "Though it does sound nice."

"Well, if you're there helping me sell, then you've got me there pointing out who in the mall is villainous as 'idle gossip' while we chat, get to know each other...and you can meet the girls." Gru chuckled softly. "They seem eager to meet you, and...I would like to get to know you better. Er...that's not too forward, is it?"

"Oh no, not at all!" Lucy hastened to assure him. "It actually sounds wonderful. I just don't know how I'd get Mr. Ramsbottom to sign off on using so much agency resources for the benefit of someone not associated with the agency. You will be making a profit selling your jams and jellies, after all."

"Well, you could always play it off as a modern take on the classic silk-sheet recruitment," Gru suggested playfully.

"Wait, you don't mean-"

"Oh, no!" Gru spoke up hastily. "I don't mean to imply-I mean, I wouldn't say no, but I'm not asking, I mean-" He slapped himself in the face to get his words in order as he organized his thoughts.

"Oh, I see what you're saying!" Lucy spoke up quickly. "As a mature single father, your interests in women are less about 'having fun' and more about emotional bonds and family stability, so a 'silk-sheet' recruitment for you involves less seduction and more romance. Less 007 and more Kunoichi."

"Yes, exactly, that's what I meant!" Gru managed to gasp out, plainly relieved.

"Well...I could probably get Mr. Ramsbottom to sign off on that...if I could manage to keep a straight face when I said it."

"That's what memos are for," Gru allowed easily.

"True," Lucy allowed. "So...I guess I'll be seeing you in a few days, then. For a...work date?"

"Yes, that sounds...about right," Gru allowed, his voice suddenly becoming nervous. "I'll...see you then."

"Yeah, see you then."

As the phone clicked and Gru hung up, he slumped back into his chair. "Good lord, what have I gotten myself into?"

Tempest covered her mouth with her forehooves to stifle her giggles. This was going to be fun. She didn't even think it significant that the Overthought informed her that Dr. Nefario had absconded with one of the Minions. He probably just needed an assistant at his new job since he was so old, and he was family after all.

Jump to top

Mall Madness

It wasn't long before arrangements were made, and Gru and a few Minions made their way to the mall to meet up with Lucy...with Tempest tagging along unnoticed in the back. Tempest's first impression of the mall was...nonplussed. It was a massive glass dome filled with shops turned inward, with the back walls of the shops cutting off interior views of the outside and vice-versa. It seemed less like a structure designed to be functional or stable and more like a set piece in a film meant to show off a new stage. The interior didn't raise her opinion much either. With how large and inefficient the displays for each shop were and how few customers were wandering around, it looked less like a mall - as TV had portrayed them - and more like an enclosed village market.

...to be perfectly honest, it looked like Ponyville upscale sized to humans with how bright and clashing the colors were. She tried to push that from her mind as she followed Gru inside past the fountain, keeping herself unnoticed by the simple expedient of wearing a fake mustache and a 'Service Animal' jacket. Somehow, this resulted in no one noticing the unicorn with a crystal horn wandering around the Mall, as long as Barry was at the other end of the leash. While she found it somewhat unnerving just how easy it was for people to ignore the inexplicable by accepting the rational, she did find it amusing no one noticed who held which end of the leash.

She was mildly amused to see that the outlet that had been set up for Gru to sell his jams and jellies was a combination music store/bakery with bagels, croissants, and other sweet breads to spread the jams and jellies on while listening to music as a means of enticing sales...with the store called "This is My Jam!" She supposed it was hardly the worst name that could have been used. As far as she was concerned, as long as Gru and Lucy got along, the rest was secondary. After all, Dewey had already started finance managing to keep the family and Minions afloat in case the jams and jellies business fell through, and he seemed to enjoy day trading. ...Tempest had promised herself not to investigate what Huey and Looee got up to as far as assisting in that endeavor when they were rarely at home and always dressed as ninjas in blue light-bending bodysuits. She hadn't the heart to tell them it made them look like Smurf Oompa Loompas.

The only point of interest that happened that day was Gru becoming convinced that one of the shop owners was in fact 'El Macho', one of the 'old great' villains who had apparently died but left no body behind. Tempest knew enough to know what that implied...especially since the report from the Minion Nefario had absconded with was that the secret base he was working at was covered with the logo of said 'El Macho'. She didn't know if the older man running the restaurant was El Macho, but El Macho was certainly active, and what better cover for such an operation than being presumed dead? She'd let Gru work it out if that was the case, though. It would give him more time to bond with Lucy.

Keeping her excursion to the mall to herself that night, Tempest was amused to see that Gru apparently had a night excursion with Lucy planned, though he was keeping mum about it. For someone not getting into all the Mission Impossible stuff, he sure seems to be getting into it, she mused to herself.

Before he could go, however, he had to help Agnes practice for her part in the Mother's Day play she was in. Tempest sat in...but quickly noticed something wrong. "Agnes, are you playing a robot child talking about its mother?"

"Uh...no?" Agnes offered in confusion.

"Then why are you talking like one?" Gru asked in confusion.

"Well..." Agnes began awkwardly, plainly unsure how to explain it.

"Because you don't know how to feel about praising a mother for all the things one is supposed to do for children when you've never had one?" Tempest inquired incisively.

"...yeah, that's it!" Agnes agreed happily, plainly glad she didn't have to figure out how to express it for herself.

"In that case, why not imagine Gru is your mother?" Tempest suggested impishly.

"Wait, what?" Gru demanded in shock.

"Yes, Grunhilda?" Tempest asked teasingly, enjoying the way Gru made choked expressions as he struggled to find a good counter to that argument...a state of being that faded almost immediately as Agnes performed her part with love and feeling that brought a tear to his eye.

"That was...very well done," Gru praised softly. "Now...get to bed, okay?" He turned to Tempest. "You too, Miss 'Mr. Service Animal'." He smirked at Tempest's shocked look. "You didn't think I'd overlook you just because of that mustache, did you?"

Tempest pouted as she allowed herself to be ushered to bed. "Everyone else did..." she grumbled.

Tempest was rather disappointed to learn the following morning that Gru had indeed become hooked on the 'Mission Impossible' style antics that Lucy's idea of 'spywork' got them into, and even more so that they thought the restaurant owner - even if he was El Macho - would actually keep a dangerous mutagenic chemical in his place of business. After all, said place of business was a restaurant, and no sane - or insane - chef put dangerous chemicals and food together if they wanted to keep customers.

While learning that Lucy's car could apparently turn into a plane, that revelation was somewhat overshadowed by even more Minions being absconded with by Nefario. That told Tempest that they were being abducted for one reason only: test subjects. She decided to keep her link to the Overthought more open, to see if Nefario working for El Macho was related to PX-41, and what effect it would have on the Minions linked to the Overthought. If she was right, it would only play to her - and thus the family's - advantage. If not, she could easily fix it. Either way, best to wait it out.

Jump to top

More Mall Madness

While monitoring the Overthought for any changes as a result of Nefario's experiments on the Minions, Tempest followed along with Margo as she took them to the mall to actually meet Lucy, as Gru still hadn't gotten around to introducing them. When they got there, it became clear that Gru - despite his protestations - had gotten hooked on the 'Mission Impossible' style antics, as he landed in front of them inside a trash can disguise and wearing high tech goggles. Tempest gave him a flat-eyed, unamused glance.

"Hi Gru!" Agnes greeted happily from her back, wearing her usual unicorn-themed clothing. This and the metal arms in Tempest's saddlebags that fetched anything Agnes wanted from them without Tempest needing to be involved would lead to anyone looking assuming she was simply an advanced animatronic, thus ensuring she would not be mobbed by scientists seeking to study a real life mythical creature.

"Oh, girls!" Gru said in surprise as he got to his feet. "What are you doing here?"

"We thought it would be nice if we visited you at work," Margo explained readily. "And actually meet the mysterious 'Lucy'."

"Oh, so I'm mysterious now?" Lucy asked as she approached. "Oh, who are these adorable angels?" she asked Gru eagerly...though the emotion in the voice felt practiced. Noticing the way her eyes flicked back and forth between the girls, Tempest herself, and Gru, Tempest realized that it was practiced, that she had in fact selected and practiced a greeting to make a good 'first impression' on the girls when she met them. Tempest found that amusingly endearing.

"Lucy, these are my girls," Gru began easily. "Margo, Edith, and Agnes. Girls, this is Lucy. Lucy, Girls. Girls, Lucy."

Tempest rolled her eyes, unsurprised that Father continued to be awkward when social dynamics clashed. Still, it would be interesting to see how her sisters reacted to Lucy.

"Hello," Margo greeted awkwardly. At first glance, one might think it was the awkwardness of meeting a new person...but Tempest saw the calculating look in her eyes. She had recognized the signs of someone 'performing a role', and was trying to see what she could of the real Lucy to see just how friendly she could be.

"Hi," Edith greeted with a wide smirk, arms crossed, confidence oozing from her stance. Tempest at first started to shrug off her usual lackadaisical attitude...until she saw the tension in her muscles. Edith had apparently gotten even more into her 'ninja-ing' with Tempest's involvement, and hearing that Lucy was a secret agent made her want to test herself. It seemed Edith would grow into an adrenaline junkie if Father didn't notice and do something.

...Tempest decided to say nothing. The Minions still wanted a villain to work for doing Evil despite the Overthought being complete, and they might as well keep it in the family.

Agnes, meanwhile, was staring up at Lucy in awe. Lucy smiled down at her warmly, managing to put a bit more genuine emotion into it as awkwardness slipped away. Plainly something about Lucy spoke to Agnes in-

"Are you gonna be my Mama?" Agnes asked suddenly.

Lucy pulled back in surprise. "Goodness! Precocious, aren't they?" she asked nervously.

"Easy does it girls!" Gru said at the same time, a blush tinging his cheeks. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, okay? We're still getting to know each other...so since we have a lot of work to do, why don't you girls enjoy the mall?" He gently nudged them away, the girls letting themselves be guided as Margo, Edith, and Tempest exchanged amused smirks. "Here is some money, go buy some useless mall junk...headbands or whatever."

"One thing first!" Agnes spoke up before hurling herself at Gru. He fell back in surprise as all three dogpiled him in a hug, Tempest leaning against him since it was that or trying to hug his leg or face since all the other spots were taken. With their temporary goodbyes done, they began to explore the mall.

Tempest found herself growing more and more bemused with her family. She realized that Margo was apparently 'at that age' where she could easily get twitterpated...but she'd read all the psychology textbooks! She should know a kid that age who was that good at acting suave was practiced, and probably a player in the making. Still, with luck she'd come to her senses and see the signs before she got her heart broken...and if not, Tempest would enjoy exacting sisterly vengeance on him.

However, two things about the situation caught her attention strongly. First, the boy chose to take Margo to 'Salsa & Salsa', the restaurant run by the man Gru believed to be El Macho. On top of that, he was apparently that man's son, making this the perfect 'in' to get to his base of operations and find where he was really hiding the PX-41 and experimenting with it.

And that was the other thing that caught her attention. She now had confirmation through the Overthought that Nefario was absconding with the Minions to experiment on them with the PX-41. The results were as shown in the experiment on the rabbit, with them gaining in size and strength, becoming somewhat more feral in appearance, and drastically increasing in aggressive tendencies...as well as becoming purple for some reason. However, there were two unexpected results that happened due to Nefario running the tests one at a time. First, with only individual Minions expressing the energy into the Overthought, it was easy for the total thought energy to adapt and gentle the aggressive side of each newly 'regressed' Minion, which made each successive regression easier to deal with as the 'regressed' Minions were able to ease the entry of the new ones.

Second, Minion physiology appeared to be supremely adaptable. While the injection created the gland that produced the monsterproposene, the Minion body also automatically began producing the neurochemicals that metabolized the excess, preventing the growth from becoming excessive. On top of that, once five Minions had been thus altered, all the rest of the Minions started producing said neurochemicals before they were injected, making each successive transformation less stressful on both physiology and psyche.

With all the bonuses, Tempest was tempted to let Nefario perform the treatments on all the Minions...until she learned one rather major drawback. The mutated, 'regressed' Minions had far rougher fine motor control and much less grace than their baseline counterparts. In terms of a Hive Mind, they became Warriors at the expense of losing their ability to be Workers.

As such, Tempest decided to only let Nefario mutate half the Minions, and no one presently in control of a specialized endeavor - such as the Simsa Major, the Crystal Quantum Computer, or the Magitek research. El Macho had plainly gone to a great deal of expense on this, so it would be amusing to watch his face fall off when all the 'monsters' he'd worked so hard to create turned around to attack him when he confronted them.

Jump to top

This Isn't Disney

"I'm sorry...El Macho?" Ramsbottom asked pointedly as Gru reported his conclusions in person. "Hadn't we eliminated him as a suspect after the...salsa incident?"

Tempest raised her eyebrow from where she was sitting under the table, having managed to sneak along this time rather than be noticed. She'd managed it rather easily by hiding in Lucy's purse, which was much bigger on the inside. Once Lucy sat down, Tempest simply slipped out to under the table to listen. She couldn't help but frown as Gru ranted about how 'El Macho' was 'obviously evil' and demanding he be locked up 'along with the son'. She shook her head ruefully, knowing that would not get him anywhere but seen as an overprotective father. As much as she'd just wanted to observe, it seemed if she didn't want Gru to get sidelined or ignored - and thus screw up her other plans for these events - she'd have to speak up.

"Excuse me," she said as she climbed up onto the table, startling everyone. "I have a few questions regarding this discussion, if I may." While she'd phrased it as a question, she made sure to shoot Ramsbottom a look as her horn glimmered, light bouncing back and forth within the crystal to ensure he knew exactly who was 'giving permission' around here.

Ramsbottom looked her in the eyes, then sighed. "Ask away," he allowed ruefully.

"Why are you so dismissive of Gru's assertions about El Macho?" she inquired calmly.

Ramsbottom rubbed his exceptionally large chin. "Well for one thing, El Macho is dead-"

"Human hair has a much lower combustion temperature than human flesh," Tempest interrupted. "If he'd actually fallen into the volcano with all the explosives, his hair would have been destroyed first. The fact that 'a trace' and no body was found should have told everyone it was a faked death."

"But why would a criminal like El Macho fake his death at the height of his career?" Lucy asked curiously. "I mean, that only makes sense if he wanted out of villainy, but according to his file he really loved what he did, reveled in it-"

"The same reason I got out," Gru concluded in a surprised tone. "He became a parent."

Lucy's eyes widened. "Well, the timing is about right, given the age of Margo's new boyfriend-"

"Not boyfriend!" Gru and Tempest snapped out simultaneously.

"Eh?" Gru asked Tempest in surprise.

"Margo may be twitterpated, but that kid's a natural born player," Tempest pointed out flatly. "Either she'll wise up before he breaks her heart, or you can bond more strongly with her through comforting her while I explore all the avenues magic offers to exact sisterly vengeance."

Gru blinked a few times, his lips pursed as he turned that over in his mind. "On second thought, don't lock up the son," he said to Ramsbottom as he grinned widely. "But still arrest El Macho. He is definitely the one behind all this-"

"And the 'salsa incident'?" Ramsbottom pressed with a frown. "You didn't find any traces of PX-41 in his restaurant when you searched it-"

"And why would he?" Tempest interrupted. "The restaurant's been a successful business for at least a decade, which means if nothing else he's a competent chef. He's not going to keep dangerous chemicals around a food prep area. He's criminally insane at worst, not stupid."

As Ramsbottom stared at her, Lucy tapped her chin thoughtfully. "You know, she's got a point there," she observed calmly. "I mean, looking for a supervillain's secret weapon in their civilian place of business just doesn't make sense. He doesn't even own that restaurant, it's a leased outlet within the mall. It's not like he stole it to make mutation salsa as a new condiment. He wouldn't need anywhere near as much as was stolen to do that." She paused as her eyes widened, and she pulled out a file. "For that matter, the chemical scanners didn't detect anywhere near as much PX-41 at the mall as was stolen-"

"Wait, you can tell how much is being picked up based on the scan results?" Gru asked in surprise. "Let me see..." As Lucy showed him the documents and rapidly explained the meaning behind the different levels, Gru murmured some mental calculations. "...not enough for a full experimental sample on the scale in question, too much to be trace residue...ah ha!" He suddenly slammed his hand down on the paper. "This is a decoy!"

"Excuse me?" Ramsbottom demanded in surprise.

"In somebody's vault in the mall, you're going to find a canister of PX-41...about yea big." Gru shaped a tube about the size of a thermos in the air in front of him. "Enough to make you think you've found the one behind it, but not the whole thing. It's there as a trick, to make any authorities closing in arrest the wrong guy, leaving the real thief free to continue his experiments and plans somewhere far away where natural geography makes chemical scans unreliable. There's just enough here to make you think it's the real deposit or connected to it, so you don't even think to double check areas where you get inconclusive results."

"Really?" Ramsbottom inquired, now far more interested. "And how do you arrive to those conclusions?"

Gru shrugged his shoulders. "It's what I would do when dealing with stolen chemical weapons," he explained. "...not that I ever did anything with chemical weapons, stolen or otherwise. ...also there is no proof. ...also, I put them all back where I found them."

Tempest shook her head ruefully as Lucy giggled. "In other words," she continued as she turned around on the table to face Ramsbottom, "we'd need to connect to the civilian life of one of these shop owners to track each one...and as it turns out, we have been invited to a party at the restaurant owner's estate. It's in a few days, so we have plenty of time to investigate everyone else...and find the decoy."

"We did pick up traces in the wig shop," Lucy pointed out excitedly. "Well, I say we, but it was all Gru!" She hugged Gru's arm excitedly to emphasize her statement.

Ramsbottom glanced from the grinning Lucy to the embarrassed but smiling Gru, and sighed. "And here I thought the memo was a joke or metaphor," he mumbled under his breath.

"Never doubt the determination and creativity of children when it comes to making their parent happy," Tempest told him with a calm smile.

Jump to top

Fitting Right In

As Gru had predicted, other agents of the A.V.L. had discovered a decoy capsule that had once contained PX-41, with just enough left stuck to the sides of the canister to explain the readings they were getting from the mall. It had been found in the vault of the wig shop owner, who was presently under observation but not under arrest, just in case of a double bluff.

In the meantime, as the family bided time until 'El Macho's Cinco de Mayo party, Gru and Lucy had actually managed to go out on a date, much to Tempest's pleasure. Much to her and her sisters' continued pleasure, it had apparently gone amazingly well. Tempest had wanted to tag along just in case one or the other needed a pointer on how to not make a complete fool of themselves, Gru had caught her attempting to do so and ensured she couldn't. She'd pouted about that...until Margo had pointed out that both Gru and Lucy were too energetic to avoid blurting something out at times, in which case them both accidentally making fools of themselves would lead to them bonding over not knowing how to act properly in a social situation, at which point both would stop trying to act normally and be able to accept each other for who they were on the inside.

"Or they end up blowing up half the city as a distraction from how socially awkward they are," Edith corrected impishly.

"To be fair, I think both of them would consider that a good date," Tempest countered with a grin.

"...they would," Margo allowed ruefully. "At least, until Lucy had to fill out the paperwork-"

"She's on this operation as a modified silk-sheet recruitment," Tempest pointed out with a chuckle. "As that's equal parts infiltration and recruitment by definition, there's quite a lot she could justify as 'acting villainous' to 'make him comfortable with her'."

"There'd still be reams of paperwork about what exactly she blew up as opposed to what he blew up," Margo pointed out. "If only to keep her in check."

That discussion wound up lasting all the way until Gru arrived home, having apparently dropped Lucy off first. Given the wide grin on his face, the date had gone well. Given the absence of sirens and news reports, collateral damage had been kept to a minimum.

Only Edith found that disappointing.

At last, the 5th of May rolled around, and the group made their way to the party they had been invited to. Gru's personal vehicle had the interior expanded to comfortably seat six without increasing exterior dimensions, and had several Minions in the lower levels maintaining the new magic systems built in. Tempest sent a memo to the Overthought to tell Father about those modifications...eventually.

...she was rather unsurprised that the 'eventually' file for memos led to the recycle bin.

Following the directions, the group came to a massive manor built atop a high cliff, with an entire tower built onto a platform extending out into the chasm, the entire area surrounded by red rock mountains. On an impulse, Lucy attempted a chemical scan. "There's way too much interference to pick up anything," she told Gru.

"Then we'll just have to use other methods," Gru allowed with a smirk, buckling an oddly configured belt around his waist.

"Do I get a tool belt too?" Edith asked eagerly.

"Not until you're older," Gru and Lucy said together, only to exchange a startled glance.

"Sorry!" Lucy offered quickly. "I shouldn't have spoken up with how you raise your kids-"

"No no, it's okay, it's okay," Gru interrupted quickly. "We had the same thought-"

"But we're only dating, so I shouldn't assume-"

"But you need to know how to relate to each other-"

"I wouldn't want to make things awkward-"

"Just kiss already!" all four sisters shouted together. For good measure, Tempest added a magic push...only for both adults to catch each other before it could work.

They then exchanged a smirk. "Told you," Lucy told Gru wickedly.

"Eh, I could have predicted that," Gru replied warmly, only to blink in surprise as Lucy leaned in to give him a quick peck on the cheek. A rather stupefied grin spread across his face.

"So now who gets to be the mature adult?" Margo asked idly.

Tempest turned to her in surprise. "You thought Gru was mature before?"

Margo opened her mouth to protest...then sighed. "Fair enough. Let's go party."

As they all piled out, Tempest caught Gru smiling at Lucy. "Told you you'd fit right in," he whispered warmly, making her smile widely.

Tempest grinned as well. One relationship going well tonight. She would be ready for what happened with the next one.

Author's Note

Another short chapter...but good god, writer's block is beating the heck out of me, and I needed to get something out.

Jump to top

A New Kind of Party

Once the group entered the party, Tempest looked around to take it all in. There were the expected streamers, confetti, colored spotlights, and dance music. There were quite a few people there, and children ranging from younger than Agnes to just older than Margo, definitely a 'family' party more than anything else. There was also a preponderance of guacamole and chips, and a few hanging pinatas. The music...could have been better. Overall, it struck her as the sort of party someone would throw if they felt they needed to throw the party but had something much bigger on their mind.

Since Gru and Lucy immediately started mingling and giggling - every inch a new couple - Tempest took it on herself to keep an eye on her sisters. Margo immediately went to dance with the 'player', so she decided to keep a mental eye on her emotional state. Much to her surprise, the spell form for that was one the Overthought had already finished researching and was able to provide it immediately. She had a bit of extra magic for the casting, so she sent the excess into two other spell forms. The first would prevent Edith from injuring anyone with her ninja sword, and the second would prevent Agnes from eating more than four churros by preventing any further from getting into her mouth. Not only would that prevent her from being mostly cinnamon and sugar by body weight by the end of the night, it would also be amusing to watch her trying to chomp down on her fifth as it refused to pass her lips. She'd probably find it fun, too, and turn it into a party trick.

With that taken care of, she began wandering the party. To her relief, the only children wandering around without an adult holding them were old enough to respect personal space. They'd approach to pet, but the moment she made it clear she was going elsewhere they allowed her to. This allowed her to move through easily, and mostly avoid suspicious observation.

The only minor hurdle was when a chicken tried to attack her, for some reason. A brief lightning bolt sent it running...and brought the restaurant owner - Eduardo, that was his name - investigating. "Is there a reason you tried to barbecue my pet chicken, little lady?" he asked, his voice between playful and hostile.

"Apologies," Tempest offered blandly, using the same tone she'd used when casually demanding Equestria's unconditional surrender. "I saw a farm animal normally harvested for food wandering around and the absence of protein on the buffet, and assumed hunting was part of the party activities."

Eduardo glanced down at her suspiciously for a moment, then let off a happy chuckle. "Gru must really like you," he purred happily. His eyes roved over the party...only to pause as an unpleasant expression crossed his face.

Curious, Tempest followed his gaze to where Gru and Lucy were happily dancing together, neither seeming to care that their dancing attempts made Princess Twilight Sparkle look like Sapphire Shores. Glancing back, she saw Eduardo's expression had altered. Rather than unpleasant it was...wistfully nostalgic.

Lightning connected in Tempest's brain as she put the pieces together...and she began to reconsider 'sisterly vengeance', or at least consider being less vindictive with it. Understanding people wasn't very much fun. "How long ago did she die?" she asked consolingly.

Eduardo blinked in surprise, turning to her. "Who..." He shook his head as he saw her piercing look. "Heh, smart little lady..." He looked back towards the happy couple. "...three years ago today..." His sad glance shifted to his son...where he'd just shifted from dancing with Margo to dancing with some other girl.

Noticing Margo's emotions starting to shift, she sent what she'd had of the conversation with Eduardo in text form to play on the inside of her glasses. As she'd expected, Margo marshaled her own emotions and left the dance floor gracefully.

Turning back, she saw Eduardo making his way out of the party. She began to cautiously follow. So that's it, she thought to herself. He got out of villainy to be a father...and heartbreak at the world taking his love pushed him back into it. This isn't just ego...it's a vendetta.

She watched calmly as El Macho - she didn't need to think his civilian name anymore, at this point his role as a father was all that was left of that man - proceeded to salsa dance across a tiled floor, his steps triggering the tiles to light up and play the first few notes of 'La Cucaracha'. The far wall opened up to reveal an elevator, which closed behind him as he stepped in.

Tempest calmly glanced to either side of the set of tiles, where lines of statues armed with various weaponry reminiscent of an Indiana Jones temple stared angrily down at the path, plainly waiting to strike. Thoughtfully, Tempest focused her horn, playing the same notes the tiles had out of it at the same tone. She smirked as the elevator opened. A quick stasis spell froze the room until she could cross, stepping into the elevator as it closed behind her.

As the doors slid open, she stared across a long bridge to more of what looked like Aztec motif. To one side was a giant magnet-shaped flying machine, the same one that had stolen the lab. Well, there's the hard evidence, she thought as she stepped in. Not that I needed it, but it'll satisfy Sheepsbutt.

"Yes indeed," El Macho's voice declared as she stepped in. "Gru must definitely like you."

Turning, Tempest saw El Macho now in his costume...and he didn't really make it look good anymore. While the luchador look may have worked when he was younger, taller, and buffer, it didn't look good on a short fat guy. "Please cover up more," she requested flatly. "I'm still a child."

"Oh, sorry," El Macho replied, pulling his cape around with one arm like a vampire to hide his chest. "I was expecting Gru to follow me-"

"He did, through me," Tempest explained calmly. "I am a living weapon, so he doesn't need to worry about being disarmed if he sends me to scope things out." It was total bull, but he'd buy it.

"Ah, he's gotten fiendishly clever as he's become a family man!" El Macho observed with an evil chuckle. "I've been watching his development for some time. Stealing the moon! What a feat!"

"So you were hoping to recruit him, but weren't as sure of yourself there once you saw he was a happy family man?" Tempest deduced thoughtfully.

El Macho's expression turned pained. "Yes...when I learned he was a single parent like myself, I thought he would understand. But if he's getting back together with their mother..."

Tempest suppressed a smirk. "We're all adopted," she clarified. "Lucy's just the best match we've found for Gru as both wife and mother candidate."

"Oh!" El Macho declared, much happier now. "And he certainly seems happy with her, so that's a good choice." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "And...what does she think of his...career choices?"

Tempest grinned, seeing an easy way in to get all the information she wanted. "She's a big fan."

"Is she now..." El Macho murmured, an oddly thoughtful, nostalgic expression beneath his mask.

Tempest nodded her understanding, deciding not to comment on what she'd deduced. "So what's the big plan?" Tempest asked curiously. "Gru's not going to come down until he's got my report."

Chuckling, El Macho swooped dramatically over to the wide platform at the edge of the bridge. "Yes, indeed!" he declared excitedly. "Doctor, do show the little lady what we've been working on!"

Dr. Nefario stepped out, only to pause as he saw who was waiting. "T-Tempest?"

"Hello, Uncle Neffy," she said happily. "Please, show me what you've done to the Minions."

"Eh?" El Macho asked, surprised. "How does she know we experimented on the Minions?"

"She's got a strong bond with them, and they really like her," Nefario explained calmly. "It's no surprise she noticed some of them going missing, and put two and two together." Pressing a button, he lowered down one of the mutated Minions strapped to a chair.

Tempest recognized him as Kevin, and winced slightly as he let out a suddenly intense bleat-like scream. "So you turned them from banana people into Raving Rabbids," she observed irritably. "I'm certain there was a point to that?"

"The PX-41 has done so much more than that!" El Macho declared excitedly. "He is now...an indestructible killing machine!" To demonstrate, Nefario pressed a few buttons, and Tempest was treated to the sight of bullets, flames, and axes bounced off his flesh, and an axe, bomb, and police car dropped on him being eaten whole, the only moment of significance when his body stretched out cartoonishly as the bomb went off harmlessly inside him.

"And here's the best part!" El Macho declared excitedly, before gesturing upwards. "I've got an army of them!" The lights came on, revealing the rest of the mutated Minions in cages...who immediately began behaving mindlessly berserk as soon as they realized attention was on them.

"Soon I will unleash them on the world!" El Macho bragged excitedly. "And if anyone...anyone...tries to stop me...then...Yow!" He dramatically flailed, careful to keep his cape over his body. "Their city gets eaten!" He turned back to Tempest. "And I want Gru to work with me, so we can take over the world in this way! Though it would be great if he'd allow me to transform the rest of his Minions, so the forces could be spread more efficiently."

"Then you've still got a stash of PX-41, then," Tempest concluded thoughtfully. "And...where might that be?"

El Macho chuckled softly. "Now why would I be telling you that when Gru hasn't said he's in?" he asked playfully.

Sighing, Tempest sent a signal through the Overthought. The 'mindless' Minions above all stilled, then proceeded to crush the locks on their cages. The ones directly above the path tore the bottoms of their cages off before jumping down to the path, then slamming the cage bottoms together and squeezing them solid to form platforms all around where El Macho stood, as the rest of the Minions jumped down, now surrounding him and giving him menacing glares. "Do it or your city gets eaten," she stated calmly, with a hint of mischief in her voice.

"Wha...how?" El Macho demanded in shock.

"I'd like to know that myself," Nefario asked as Kevin broke free of his chair.

"Tadda jeelei ta won!" Kevin shouted as he gestured to Tempest.

"Tadda jeelei ta won!" the Minions shouted back as they all stomped their feet in unison.

Seeing Tempest smirking smugly, Nefario glanced from the Minions to the slight glow of her horn. "...ah. That explains it."

Author's Note

For those who didn't put it together in chapter from context.

"Tadda jeelei ta won!" - "All hail the Queen!" ('praise' the Queen literally, but close enough)

Jump to top

Somebody Else's Paperwork

"So...that's your field report?" Ramsbottom asked as he stared from Lucy to Gru to Tempest with a frustrated look on his face.

"Yup!" Lucy confirmed happily.

"Eduardo is, in fact, El Macho," Ramsbottom continued, "and was behind the theft of the PX-41."

"Called it," Gru commented playfully.

Ramsbottom rubbed his forehead in frustration. "And he was using it to mutate these...Minions...into unstoppable killing machines shaped for violence and destruction."

"Think of them as Warrior Minions," Tempest offered helpfully, though without letting the smug smirk fade from her face.

"And Gru's associate Dr. Nefario was doing the science for him," Ramsbottom continued.

Nefario shrugged. "I missed doing mad science. Ever since Gru stopped doing villainy to be a parent full time, the closest I've come is trying to make new jelly formulas that deliberately taste bad to sell for pranks."

"That was on purpose?" Gru asked in surprise.

"Of course," Nefario confirmed. "With how competent they've gotten since Tempest showed up, do you really think the Minions would do something like that on accident?"

"And rather than an official agent or even a consultant making this discovery," Ramsbottom interrupted, trying to drag attention back to the subject at hand, "it was Gru's...pet-"

"Hey!" Gru snapped. "Human or not, Tempest is my daughter. Don't go calling her a pet."

Ramsbottom stared at him ruefully. "Right...it was Tempest who found this information, as well as the motives behind El Macho getting back into villainy." His lips pulled into a grimace, more so than normal. "At which point she then negotiated a deal for him to turn over his weaponry and remaining stores of PX-41 in exchange for not arresting him and throwing him in jail." He turned to glare at Tempest.

"He's a single father, and at most 20% of his assets are specifically villainous and the sort you could legally seize as part of this operation," Tempest pointed out flatly. "And his already emotionally traumatized son is just about to hit puberty when his emotional state is at its most volatile. Somehow I didn't think arresting a villain who wasn't going to do villainy anymore was worth creating a worse one that would be deliberately targeting us and the AVL before wrecking havoc."

Ramsbottom pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. "...fair enough." He turned back to Lucy. "And in all this time, you and Gru were..."

"Alternately dancing together or sneaking off to alcoves to make out like horny teenagers," Lucy replied readily.

"Probably something you should avoid saying in front of the girls," Nefario suggested awkwardly. "Youngsters generally don't like knowing the details of their parental figures...activities."

"And yes, that's the report," Gru concluded firmly. "Geeze, it's like she just got finished saying all that five minutes ago!"

Ramsbottom groaned as he buried his face in his hands. "Forgive me for wanting to confirm that I heard something so absurd accurately," he managed to get out before looking up at the group. "And as for El Macho now...?"

"Subcontracted out to work for Gru in terms of any vigilante work, whether unofficial or for the AVL," Nefario spoke up. "He's got good tech and good skills, so recruitment works better than imprisonment." He shrugged his shoulders. "And given the tactics Gru will use to deal with villains if he does choose to work long term for the AVL, the only difference between that and our villainous activities is that our targets will be more challenging and we won't get in trouble for succeeding."

"A point that won El Macho over to the idea rather quickly," Tempest pointed out. "Though you might want to arrange for some therapists for him and his son, to help them get past what happened to his wife in a more healthy way."

Ramsbottom leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "Well, I look forward to seeing how you manage to file all of this, Lucy-"

"Actually, I'm still on assignment," Lucy pointed out. "Recruiting Gru? He hasn't decided one way or another if he's going to officially work for the AVL, so my mission technically isn't finished. And since I didn't have anything directly to do with the resolution of the El Macho situation - it was all on Gru and Tempest, who you conditionally approved to work with as civilian consultants until my recruitment attempts resolved one way or the other - you need to fill out the paperwork, sir." As Ramsbottom stared at her, she pulled out a notebook. "Mission Connections Protocols, page 17, paragraph 4."

As Ramsbottom's eyes widened, Tempest and Gru both began to cackle madly, having realized that they could presently get away with fighting villains all they wanted and not have to fill out any paperwork about it, just by continuing to say 'maybe'...and by recruiting instead of arresting when appropriate, whether or not they were being paid was a non-issue.

"...oh god..." Ramsbottom groaned, realizing what they were cackling about.

Nefario grinned widely. "Never thought I'd see this skit in real life," he observed thoughtfully. "Wish I'd brought popcorn."

Author's Note

Another short chapter...but I needed to get something out after such a long dry spell of trying and failing to write anything.

Jump to top

Preparing for the Future

It had been a few months since the El Macho situation had resolved, during which time the only real change to life at the Gru residence was Lucy's more frequent presence...and her staying over a time or two...dozen. However, despite the Minions jokes along those lines, nothing seemed to happen between Gru and Lucy beyond cuddling: Tempest would have noticed the scent if it had. She wasn't sure if it was because they knew that, they were both worried about that aspect of the relationship, or they were both traditional in that regard, but they seemed to be in no rush.

Lucy had attempted being motherly with the girls a few times. It had been...awkward but genuine, much like the first few attempts on Gru's part to be genuinely fatherly, according to Margo. This augured well for relationships all around, and was taken as a good sign.

The rate of progress in that regard startled Tempest, however, when she found Gru and Lucy sitting at the table one morning poring over wedding catalogues. "Already?" she asked in surprise. "I didn't think things were moving that fast."

"Oh, they aren't," Lucy allowed with a smile. "While we're both pretty certain of ourselves in our relationship, setting things like this up takes anywhere from three to six months even with the best of plans and intentions."

"And since we both feel we're three to six months away from being ready to get married, now seemed like a good time to get the planning in motion," Gru allowed with a wide grin.

Tempest tilted her head, more than a little confused. "I...thought that was what the engagement period was for," she allowed thoughtfully. "Did...did we miss you proposing, Gru?"

"And funnel my villainous gains into either the monstrous activities of conflict diamonds or the despicable economic practices of the 'honorable' corporations with their artificial shortages?" Gru declared in disgust. "As if!"

"Trust me on this, I've had assignments there while working in the O.G.A. before I became a full-fledged member of the A.V.L.," Lucy explained readily. "The last thing I want is a diamond ring from either of those sources."

"Besides, the tradition is a certain number of months wages, and I own my business, so I don't have a wage," Gru explained readily. "Rather hard to calculate that."

"So...no proposal but you...are engaged?" Tempest pressed, now even more confused.

"What's the difference between exclusive dating where you're treated as part of the family and being engaged?" Lucy asked curiously. "I mean, I've stayed over a few times, I've helped Margo with her homework a time or two, taught Edith a few combat tricks, and done some sewing for Agnes. Where's the line?"

Tempest blinked as she worked her mouth, trying to make sense of that. She tried turning to the Overthought for answers-

Error: Information regarding human courtship rituals does not compute.

-but the Minions didn't understand human behavior any better than she did. She turned desperately to Gru.

"What makes you think I know what normal social customs are supposed to be?" Gru responded with a smirk.

Tempest let that turn over in her mind for a time, letting it bounce around the Overthought as well. "...okay, fair enough," she allowed as she hopped up to the table to look at what they were examining. "So, picking venues? Dress patterns? Best Man?"

"Well, what venue or dress pattern we decide on will really depend on when we decide to hold the wedding," Lucy pointed out thoughtfully. "So we're looking at a few options."

"As for Best Man, it's supposed to be a very close, long time friend who can fill the toast with all sorts of embarrassing and heart warming stories," Gru continued thoughtfully. "Obviously, it's Nefario-"

"Actually, I feel like it would be best if I passed on that," Nefario said as he brought coffee from the kitchen and a mug of hot chocolate for Tempest. "I'm not the best at speeches. I tend to get tongue tied speaking in public. It's why I prefer being the technical expert in villainous activity. I get to sit in the background and tinker. Maybe one of the Minions would be better?"

"I'm not sure it's a good idea having someone with a direct mental connection to your underage daughter anywhere near planning your bachelor party is a good idea," Lucy pointed out thoughtfully, smiling apologetically at Tempest. "While you certainly can't and shouldn't stop them from attending, that they can easily partition off until she's old enough to see as individual memories and experiences. Planning would involve a lot of back and forth communication that would have to go through her, though."

"An excellent point," Gru agreed. "So...not Nefario, not any of the Minions...but someone I consider a close friend who could make the occasion really memorable and not afraid of public speaking. Someone who can make a real...presentation..." His thoughtful gaze suddenly turned to one of wonder. "Liiiiiight~bulb!"

"I do so love it when he says that!" Nefario confessed to Lucy and Tempest. "So what is it? Want me to build a Best Bot?"

Gru blinked in surprise. "Let's call that Plan B," Gru allowed as he pulled out his phone and started scrolling through his contacts. "There's someone who I think would work quite well, and won't freak out too much over Tempest."

"Oh?" Lucy asked in surprise. "Someone you know from your villain days?"

"Indeed," Gru confirmed happily. "Though we were never really in competition. I did big heists where I couldn't be tracked. He went in for direct confrontations with a super hero. Still, we got along well whenever he wasn't in jail but hadn't put his next plan into action yet. Quite fun...and I hear he's gone straight recently. I'm curious how that's going...though we'll have to talk about all that in person." He pressed a contact and selected 'Call'.

"If we're going to meet him in person, why are you calling him?" Tempest asked curiously.

"Because it's good etiquette among villains - former or otherwise - to alert someone with an established territory if you'll be visiting or passing through," Gru explained happily as he held the phone to his ear. "Avoids a lot of accidental clashes."

Tempest wanted to say more, but she paused as she heard someone pick up on the other end. Her ears twitched as she heard a somewhat cultured - if playful - voice speak a single word from wherever Gru had called.

"Olo?"

Jump to top

Welcome

"So who is this old friend of yours we're going to meet?" Lucy asked as Gru turned the key in his massive silver vehicle. The Minions had already loaded up everything they would need for the trip, as well as several suitcases for souvenirs. The girls were in the back with Tempest, Inertial Dampeners acting as seatbelts so they could roughhouse while driving if they wanted. The Minions were loaded into the lower levels, with half of the Warrior Minions and those not transformed going with while the other half remained behind to assist Nefario or deploy heavier artillery backup as necessary. Despite being able to expand the internal dimensions of Gru's vehicle enough to contain all they needed without anyone feeling crowded, they could do nothing for the size of the exits without massively altering the vehicle's design. As such, despite there being room for Simsa Major inside, they weren't able to bring it with, much to Tempest's frustration...even if she was more pouting than angry.

"I...think I'll leave that as a surprise," Gru replied evasively. "I wouldn't want to prejudice you too much if you have heard of him."

"Understandable," Lucy allowed. "I do work for the A.V.L., so I've probably heard of him as a villain. Better for first impressions to actually be first impressions if at all possible."

"Can you at least tell us about him?" Margo pressed eagerly. "If you're naming him Best Man, he must be pretty close."

"Yeah!" Edith agreed eagerly. "Probably got all sorts of cool stories to tell us, too!"

"Like an Uncle!" Agnes piped up happily.

"I'd like to know, too," Tempest added, "but the Minions won't ruin your surprise by spilling the beans, so talk." Her horn sparked in a playfully threatening manner.

Gru chuckled indulgently as he pulled out of the driveway before starting down the road at...relatively reasonable speeds. "Well, I suppose I can tell you a little bit," he allowed. "Not too much, though." He rubbed his chin as he thought over how best to describe his friend. "Well, I did say he regularly clashed with a super hero..."

"Like in cartoons?" Agnes asked eagerly. "With all the Biff! Bam! Zow!?" She swung her fists playfully to demonstrate, causing Tempest to duck under each swing before shooting her a bemused glower.

"Something like that," Gru allowed. "But...more so."

"More so?" Edith asked in surprise. "Those were pretty campy and corny already with how much they hammed it up. Made me wonder why the 'heroes' never threw a bunch while they were monologuing."

Gru chuckled at that. "Edith, that's a villain tactic. Only anti-heroes try that."

"Besides, monologues can give you information on what the plan is so you can stop it," Lucy pointed out. "Never interrupt when your foe gets to bragging. Free information is always welcome."

"That too," Gru agreed. "Though...my friend never went in for monologuing. He much preferred a dialogue with the superhero..." He chuckled softly as a memory struck him. "Though they both tended to get into it to a ridiculous degree."

"They hammed it up that much?" Agnes asked in surprise.

"Between them there was more ham than 37 luaus," Gru explained warmly. "And the entire city was just so used to it, but they did it anyway because they enjoyed it so much!"

Lucy's eyes widened as she connected the dots. "Dear lord, we're going to Metro City, aren't we?"

Gru's eyes widened in surprise. "You put it together from that?"

"Are you kidding?" Lucy replied with a wide grin. "Do you have any idea how hard I laughed watching the recordings of how they went at each other? Half the time I expected one of them to cosplay as Darkwing Duck just to push the full extreme-"

"Actually, my friend did that once when his plan had him at a comic convention," Gru pointed out with a smirk. "It never got reported because they were both in costume, and they both worked too hard on them to want them damaged by fighting, so the struggle was mostly for show." He sighed nostalgically. "It's the one time they fought where he wasn't arrested at the end of it."

"Oh please tell me there's a recording of it!" Lucy begged eagerly.

"Aca pik tis!" one of the Minions offered as a screen called up the video, letting only Lucy see as she struggled not to bust a gut laughing.

"If he's so dangerous, how come the A.V.L. never dealt with him?" Margo asked curiously.

"Because he always fought a superhero and made a spectacle," Lucy explained. "The A.V.L. only handles things covertly, and there's no real way to do covert for something like that." She hesitated. "Gru, I know you consider him a friend, and it is an expected eventual outcome, but he did kill-"

"Faked death," Gru interrupted calmly. "I knew the moment the skeleton crashed through. The contours of the skull were all wrong." He shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno why he decided to throw the fight after so long, but that's what happened."

"Really?" Lucy asked in surprise. "That...doesn't seem like-"

"If the hero really did ham it up as much as your friend did, he probably burnt himself out on heroics after so long," Margo pointed out thoughtfully. "A mid-life crisis sort of thing, but because of how long they'd fought he probably knew there wasn't actually any real malice in your friend, and felt safe leaving the city in his hands while he went and became something else where he was only answerable to himself."

Lucy frowned thoughtfully. "That...makes sense..."

"Wow, heroes are jerks," Edith complained bitterly.

Gru shrugged. "That's why I tried to avoid dealing with them, and part of why I'm sticking to 'maybe'," he offered pleasantly, grinning playfully at Lucy.

"I'll recruit you one way or another yet," Lucy countered with a teasing smirk and a gaze that promised all sorts of things. Leaning into each other, they playfully rubbed the tips of their noses together.

"Awwww!!!" Agnes declared happily.

"Ewwww!!!" Edith gasped in repugnance.

Margo sighed ruefully through her smile.

"Gru, watch the road!" Tempest called out worriedly.

"Why?" Gru asked playfully as several vehicles were shoved aside by the modified cow catcher that formed the base of the vehicle's front grill. "Is someone stealing it?"

Tempest brought her hooves to her face with a groan of frustration. Still, she couldn't help but be pleased with the attitude, however frustrating it was.

Jump to top

To

Although the trip was somewhat long, it passed in good spirits as no one was stuck in one place for the entire trip, not even Gru. The Minions had added a rather sophisticated Auto-Pilot for the vehicle...which basically involved keeping the vehicle straight long enough for Gru to believe it was on auto-pilot so he'd go into the lower levels with everyone for 'family board games' before the Minions climbed up and took control. While they could drive quite well, they had their fun with a bit of reckless driving, ignoring hazards as the massively upgraded vehicle simply bulldozed through them without actually damaging anything unless they wanted it to.

Before long, they reached Metro City, and everyone climbed back up into the cab, Tempest and the girls for their first look at the city, Gru to actually drive and find a place until they made contact with his friend, and Lucy to look around for something to do in the meantime. Much to Tempest's disappointment, Metro City didn't seem to be all that different to cities anywhere in Equestria save size. There was a visible City Hall, a few skyscrapers, several office buildings, several apartment buildings, a few parks, and a statue of a skinny bald man with a giant head dressed in spiked leather.

...admittedly, that last was a bit odd. Considering the discussion they'd had on the way there, Tempest presumed this was Gru's friend they were here to meet. "He's certainly made an impact," she mused as she looked at the statue. "Gotta say, I like his style." She thought back to how she'd customized her armor while working under the Storm King to enhance her intimidation aspect, at first a necessity due to her being a 'pansy pony' as others saw it, later because she enjoyed it.

"Oh yeah," Edith purred eagerly. "Could use a few more spikes, though."

"Many more and he'd be poking himself every time he moved," Margo pointed out calmly. "That's actually a pretty good balance between convenience and intimidation value...and the long cape combined with the tight suit combines flexibility and protective qualities without reducing the dramatic impact. He must have researched that thoroughly to get it so exact."

"Oh yes, he put a lot of work into his designs," Gru confirmed happily. "He was always of the opinion that if you're going to do something, you need to do it right and put all your effort into it."

"Amazing..." Agnes gasped out in awe.

"Probably could have used adding a helmet, though," Tempest pointed out mildly. "That huge head is a big target."

"With lots of spikes!" Edith squealed eagerly.

"Which will get stuck in everything when it protects his head from impacts, making it only take one hit," Margo pointed out blandly. "Better to go for a full face look with intimidating contours, like a scaled design with the faceplate shaping a fanged maw letting him see between the teeth without blocking his view-" She cut herself off. "Edith, are you taking notes?"

"No!" Edith responded a little too quickly, hiding the notepad and pencil behind her back.

"The Minions are taking notes for me," Tempest replied easily with a smirk. "Got some design ideas to make use of for later."

"Seriously?" Margo asked dryly.

"What part of the name 'Tempest Shadow' makes you think I'm going to be anything more noble than an anti-hero?" Tempest replied just as dryly. She then smirked widely. "Besides, the dark costumes look much better, and are much more sensible than super heroes brightly colored outfits. That's like running out wearing a giant bullseye on your chest and hoping your enemies will be too polite to shoot."

"And that's why I always liked black," Gru allowed happily.

"I always found a diluted blue to work better," Lucy replied as they pulled up in front of a hotel. "Blends better with both day and night, and without the face mask it's far easier to slip it by as normal. Wearing all black, everyone thinks you're up to something. All blue, it's just a fashion statement."

"I'll have to keep that in mind," Gru allowed as they all climbed out.

"Why don't you take the girls inside and get us a room?" Lucy suggested happily. "I'll see about getting us unloaded with the little guys." She pet one of the Minions on the head playfully, making him giggle happily.

Gru started to say something, then paused. A slow smirk spread across his face. "You're checking on something you're unpacking you don't want me to see yet?" he asked playfully.

"Yes," Lucy replied without a hint of hesitation.

"Should I get two rooms, then?" Gru offered playfully.

"Ewwww!" Margo, Edith, and Agnes all called out together.

Chuckling, Tempest nudged Gru and the girls into the building. "Let's just get those rooms, then," she stated humorously. "Before they need one."

Getting rooms for the group proved to be a bit more problematic than expected, deriving entirely from the hotel's unexpected 'No Pets' policy. A particularly officious desk clerk attempted to make a fuss regarding Tempest...which led to Gru becoming most perturbed, and explaining rather pointedly to the clerk and the hotel at large the difference between a 'pet' and a 'non-human sapient family member', utilizing Kyle and several pieces of high powered weaponry to demonstrate his point. Given the number of blades in place of bayonets and the sharpness of Kyle's fangs, the clerk got the point...as did a large portion of the lobby and several other guests who defaulted on their reservations at high speeds. By the time the discussion was over, the clerk didn't even make a fuss about Kyle.

"What's taking Lucy so long?" Margo asked curiously as the discussion ended and the group began to make their way to the elevators. Marvel of marvels, they somehow received a free upgrade to the entire floor of the Penthouse suite, meaning a room for Gru and Lucy, a room for Tempest and the girls, and three rooms for the accompanying Minions. "Shouldn't she have come in by now to talk you down and smooth things over, Gru?"

Gru paused, tapping his chin. "I...had been wondering about that. I admit I went a little further than normal in expectation of her coming in to play 'Good Cop'." Turning to the Minions who were carrying their bags, he pointed to Margo, Edith, and Agnes. "Boys, watch the girls. Tempest, watch my back."

"Really?" Tempest asked in surprise as she followed him out. "Not trying to keep me safe?"

"If anything in this city can get past me and your magic, the building isn't going to provide you with much more protection," Gru pointed out. "Not only that, you probably have a remote summon function for the Simsa."

"True," Tempest allowed...only to come to a halt as they saw the vehicle overturned, luggage strewn everywhere, several unconscious Minions, a blue M drawn on the underside of the vehicle as it was pointed towards the hotel...and no sign of Lucy.

Gru frowned, his eyes narrowing to a flinty glint. "Someone is going to regret this..." he growled as he rubbed a finger over the still wet paint. After glancing over the Minions, he turned. "Tempest, bring the girls and keep them shielded. I need to have a word with Megamind..."

Jump to top

The Jungle

Tempest followed Gru as he stalked towards the center of the city, where the huge statue of Megamind stood over a wide courtyard before the City Hall that was plainly used for press releases and the like. Margo, Edith, and Agnes were with her under a barrier she'd raised, having figured out how to maintain it herself after the Minions had demonstrated it for her back when they'd first gone to A.V.L. headquarters. Gru wasn't visibly armed, but Tempest knew how much he kept hidden under his black coat better than he did, as the Minions had worked spatial expansion enchantments on it to hold a lot more in terms of weaponry. Even without the weapons' ability to miniaturize, he had enough up his sleeves to conquer a small country.

Gru finally came to a halt in the exact center of the courtyard. "I know you're here, Megamind!" he called out in a firm tone of voice. "I need to have words with you!"

"Welcome to my city, Gru!" a playful voice called back, though there was anger in his tone as well. "And here I thought you called ahead because you didn't want trouble!"

"That is the custom," Gru stated firmly as he looked around. "Are you going to come face me? Or do I have to hunt you down?"

"Oh Gru..." the playful voice chuckled. "I thought you knew this about me by now."

Gru sighed as he reached into his jacket. "Right...the difference between a supervillain and the more common rabble..."

A black robot suddenly leapt up from behind the statue where it had been matching the statue's pose to stay hidden. "Presen-" the pilot in the head cockpit began as the hand shot up, seizing the rocket Gru had launched and tossing it harmlessly into the air where it exploded like a firework. "-tation!" the pilot finished as he raised both arms in a dramatic pose.

Tempest narrowed her eyes as she got a better look at the figure. He was dressed all in skin tight black fabric that fit snugly without bagging at joints or outlining anything inappropriate and somehow enhanced his natural definition. There were spikes at each joint as well as at a mechanized knuckle duster on each hand. While he wasn't wearing a cape, the mech was, and it blew in the wind from the rocket's explosion.

"Well, someone knows how to make an entrance," she muttered to her sisters.

"So...cool!" Edith agreed.

"Woooow..." Agnus marveled.

"Oh dear..." Margo muttered, glancing worriedly at Edith.

As the four watched and marveled, Gru raced up and began clambering up the mech Shadow of the Colossus style. As he did, he called out, "I heard you went straight!"

"I heard the same of you!" Megamind called back as he maneuvered the mech in an attempt to shake Gru off, using point defense lasers of some sort as well as spike mines along the body to impede his progress. "Didn't you join the A.V.L.?"

"Still maybe!" Gru replied as he dodged between laser fire and pulled a medieval shield out of his coat to block the spikes. "That way I don't have to do the paperwork!"

"Oh you clever rascal!" Megamind called back as Gru reached the cockpit, only to deliver an explosive punch to the shield that sent Gru falling back to the machine's waist. The upper half of the mech disconnected, floating upward as the legs began running around crazily to unseat Gru. "How are the Minions? Still as funny as ever?"

"Oh yes!" Gru called back as he pulled out a gun-like device with a lot of protrusions and jammed it into the legs. They instantly froze as controls popped out the top of the device, letting Gru control them as he made them charge after the upper half of the mech. "Still with all the crazy gadgets!"

"Is that a new one?" Megamind called out excitedly. "Nefario's work, right?"

"More the Minions, actually!" Gru called out. "They've been really clever ever since Tempest showed up!"

"Oh, they found the focus for their proto-hivemind?" Megamind called back. "That's wonderful for them! I always knew they could do it! But isn't that a conflict of loyalties?"

"Nah!" Gru called back. "My little girl isn't going to stab me in the back for at least another decade! Right Tempest?"

"Depends on when I start getting an allowance!" Tempest called back playfully.

"You're a father now?" Megamind called back in surprise. "Congratulations! Who's the mother? Why wasn't I invited to the wedding or baby shower? Or did they crash into your house out of space like I did?"

"The girls I adopted from an orphanage!" Gru shouted back as he leapt from the legs to climb up the back of the mech. "Tempest showed up after a storm!"

"You old softy, you!" Megamind declared as the mech spun on its joints so the back became the front as the hands smashed down where Gru was, making him leap off. "Never expected that from Mister-"

"Freeze Ray!" Gru called out as he fired the named weapon, only for a beam from one of the mech's arms to steal the blue out of the beam, erasing it.

"Still doing that?" Megamind laughed. "I thought you'd know better, especially against my dehydrator ray!"

"Lucy says the same thing!" Gru countered as he kicked off a building and tree to land on the mech. "Always telling me how I could do better!"

"Women, right?" Megamind declared as he hopped up in the cockpit, the mech now going in auto-pilot as he began trading blows with Gru, neither one actually landing a real blow as all were blocked or deflected. "My Roxanne is always going on about things I could do better to make a better impact. Not that I mind, since that's my thing, but you know how it is!"

"Looks like we both found love!" Gru declared happily as he reached for a weapon.

Suddenly both men were nose to nose, guns buried in the other's belly, and together shouted, "So why did you kidnap her?"

The tableau held for several seconds, and then Gru spoke up companionably. "Think we've hammed it up enough?"

"I could stand to do a bit more," Megamind allowed with a friendly grin.

"With how much you do it normally, you still want more?" Gru asked in surprise.

"Are you kidding?" Megamind countered. "It's been so long since I had a real chance for it that all the butchers in Metrocity have gone kosher!"

Margo chuckled softly. Seeing what she was going to do, Tempest manipulated the barrier to amplify their voices. "Is this the part where you tell us an old enemy of each of yours has teamed up to set this all up?" she called out.

"And that they kidnapped Roxanne and Lucy to set the two of you at each others' throats?" Edith added with a grin.

"And this huge fight was a distraction and buying time to figure out what to do?" Agnus added excitedly.

Megamind looked at Gru in shock. "Smart kids! You've done good with them."

Gru chuckled softly. "Afraid I can't take all the credit...they were pretty smart when I got them."

"By the way!" Tempest added happily. "The Minions and a fish in a robot suit just took down some skinny guy with a V on his costume and a super buff guy with no brain and a T on his. I'm assuming Mr. Fish Head is yours, Megamind?"

"His name is Minion," Megamind pointed out crisply. "Not Mr. Fish Head-wait, how'd they get Titan his powers back?"

"Vector's not smart enough to do that on his own, but he is the son of the former head of the Villain Bank," Gru pointed out. "Wait, super powers?"

"Turns out the bonding of the power capsule can be disrupted by magic!" Tempest called out. "Lucy and Roxanne are just fine and enjoying popcorn."

"Wait, how long have they been free?" Gru demanded in surprise.

"Since the fight started!" Tempest answered with a smirk. "Though taking Mr. T-Pose down took a bit longer, even with the Warriors eating his face to block his breath and beam weapons!"

"Warriors?" Megamind asked curiously.

Gru chuckled softly. "A lot has changed, Megs. Come on, I'll introduce you..."

Jump to top

We've Got Fun And Games

After Gru and Megamind cleaned up the debris from their mock battle, Gru turned to Tempest. "So where are they?" he asked curiously. "Is it far?"

"I can get Minion to tell me if it's already finished," Megamind pointed out as he pulled out his phone. "Just gotta find his number real quick, it's not Speed dial 1 anymore..."

"Or I can just do this," Tempest pointed out as her horn flashed a blazing white. When the light faded, they were inside what looked like an old observatory, though much of the interior was in a shambles. In one corner, Lucy was sitting in a comfy chair next to a rather pretty chestnut-haired woman in a white blouse and grey skirt. Both were sharing popcorn and sodas provided by a few yellow Minions and several dozen floating fish-shaped bots. Across from them was a large screen that briefly showed the courtyard the battle had taken place in before shutting down.

At the other end of the shambles the building was in, a short, skinny man in a yellow wing suit was pinned down by a robotic suit with a fish-like creature in a dome for a head sitting on him, watching in somewhat frightened awe as a dozen purple minions rampaged at an exceptionally buff man in a black "super suit" with a crimson T on the front. His features couldn't be made out too clearly as his head was inside one of the purple minions who was doing everything in his power to bite his head off while the others attacked his limbs. Three yellow minions encircled the fracas, chanting, "Red Potato Banana" over and over again while waving a crystal, a dried blowfish, and the toilet brush turned unicorn that Tempest had first seen in Nefario's lab.

"You weren't kidding about things being different," Megamind marveled as he made his way over to the chestnut haired woman. "Are you alright, Roxanne?" he asked worriedly.

The woman blew a loose lock of her hair aside dismissively. "As many times as I've been kidnapped - by you, no less - you really think another one is going to upset me too much?"

"You should have seen her!" Lucy added enthusiastically. "I'd swear she'd been through A.V.L.'s 'Kidnapper Destabilization 101' course! She had them chewing the scenery literally and tearing each others' hair out in frustration even before the Minions got here."

"Well, last time Titan there kidnapped you, it wasn't exactly a walk in the park for you," Megamind explained as he carefully - but politely - checked Roxanne over for injuries to reassure himself she was alright.

"That time I thought he was still rational and could be reasoned with," Roxanne pointed out with a chuckle. Leaning forward, she whispered, "Can you believe he actually bought it when I told him that as a new villain he had to honor the 'Frequent Kidnapping' promotion and stamp the card properly until he'd kidnapped me as many times as you had before discontinuing it? They spent a full half hour trying to figure out what the stamp was supposed to look like."

Megamind snorted laughter. "I can buy that. You're the one who talked me into offering that 'promotion' in the first place as an incentive for you to not let your nails get sharp between kidnappings or wear steel-toed boots." He paused thoughtfully. "Speaking of, though, I think you could make that sort of look work real well if you tried..."

"Later, Megamind," Roxanne teased as she put a finger to his lips, making his cheeks turn a royal blue.

"Since when can you teleport?" Gru demanded of Tempest.

"Since I got my horn repaired, but only to a large group of Minions," Tempest explained easily. "It's a bit energy and concentration intense, so unless it's a large distance or I'm in a hurry with a large group it's generally easier - or more fun - to walk or ride Simsa."

"And when were you going to mention it?" Margo asked curiously.

"When it became pertinent to delay Edith getting ideas," Tempest countered with a smirk.

"Hey!" Edith yelped irritably. She then paused in thought for a moment. "Okay, fair, but still!"

As the girls giggled, the black suited figure finally managed to get the Minion off his face, revealing his head was covered in the same black fabric as his suit. His eyes locked on Megamind in rage. "You!" he snarled out before lunging forward...only to tumble as he shrunk down to a short fat guy in an ill-fitting super suit instead of an Adonis, a golden capsule left floating in the air behind him. "What...?"

One of the purple Minions promptly smacked him upside the head with a frying pan, rendering him unconscious.

"These guys are impressive!" the fish in a robot suit declared in amazement. "You gotta add some of these to my suit's combat protocols, boss!"

"Another time, Minion," Megamind allowed with a grin. "For now we have damsels to deliver safely home and villains in distress to incarcerate."

"Really?" Lucy asked dryly as Gru walked over to help her up.

"Well, you both did just finish establishing that you were never actually in distress," Megamind pointed out playfully. "By the way, Gru, what brings you to Metrocity anyway? You never did say."

"Lucy and I have begun planning our wedding," Gru explained easily. "And I am in need of a Best Man."

Megamind's eyes widened as he gasped dramatically. "And...and you chose me?" he declared, his voice full of emotion. "I'm touched! Rather confused and a bit ferklempt, but touched! You really want moi to be your Best Man? To give a toast, plan your bachelor party, and be responsible for making sure the most important day of your life goes off perfectly? Of course I accept but why me? I always thought you were closer to Nefario."

"He said he was too old to handle it and hated public speaking," Tempest pointed out dryly.

Gru shot her a look, but Megamind nodded in understanding. "And you being the Minion Queen has you too young to be privy to a bachelor party planned by the Minions, so they were out?" he clarified. "So I beat out Nefario building a Best Bot? That makes a lot more sense-ow!"

Roxanne pulled her fist back as she glared angrily at Megamind. "What have I told you about being so down on yourself?" she demanded irritably. "You know you're better than that, and deserve to be someone's first choice."

Megamind rubbed his arm with a smile. "Roxanne, as long as I'm your first choice, I genuinely don't care what other people think of me. Long as I have you and Minion, I don't need anyone else."

"And now I'm thinking you should have been my first choice," Gru marveled as Roxanne blushed slightly. "When did you get so good at romantic talk?"

"Read lots of books on the subject once it actually became a genuine possibility for me," Megamind explained. He quickly held up a hand to forestall another punch to the arm. "Not being down on myself in the now, Roxanne. Just honest about past me."

"Besides," Margo added with a smirk. "If you're giving a toast and making a party, there's one thing that separates the 'Good' from the 'Super', right?"

Megamind's eyes went wide. "That's right! Present-ation!" he declared dramatically. "You have nothing to worry about, Gru! Your wedding - and your bachelor party - will be the likes of which the world has never seen! They shall be the greatest ever, and people will be talking about it for generations hence!"

"Okay, now I'm worried," Gru offered with a teasing smirk, leading to the pair trying to get each other in headlocks for noogies.

"So any idea when they'll grow up?" Roxanne asked Lucy quietly.

"As long as they can be good partners and good parents, why would we want them to?" Lucy responded with a happy grin.

Roxanne was silent as she watched the pair of 'adults' that had never grown up wrestle. There was some wisdom to what Lucy had said, after all.

Jump to top

I Believe

The bachelor party that Megamind planned for Gru proved to be every bit as epic as promised, even if no one was entirely sure after the fact what had happened. Of those that attended, vague and conflicting accounts were all that could be recalled, and even within the Minion Hive Mind exact details were unclear. One attendee claimed that it had involved hopping dimensions, somehow. Another claimed that many of those interacted with were known only by number, and one of those had been a giant reptile of some sort that had called all involved 'Disgusting', only to flee from Warrior Minions with a traumatized expression. A third insisted that a nine-tailed Korean fox woman had given Gru and Megamind a lap dance involving lots of claw work. And despite no one recalling things too clearly, at least one Minion had been muttering about a 'Tickle Monster' ever since. There was also something about a black Djinn 'washing his hands' of the lot of them, and something that "wasn't round".

...Tempest made a mental note to learn what a "lap dance" was when she was older, if only to figure out why it was at a bachelor party. She also made a note to never answer any of her sisters' questions about what happened. If she was forced to admit what little she did know, it might encourage them to investigate further, and it felt like that would be a bad idea.

At some point during the party, the Minions had grilled Vector regarding how he got back from the Moon...and in doing so learned why the Villain Bank had crashed not long after the Moon was returned to its proper orbit. Said interrogation had apparently involved tying Vector to a metal pole while two groups of Minions yelled nonsense at each other while shaking bags of charcoal and cans of propane at each other until Vector caved and yelled he'd tell them whatever they wanted to know, followed by one Minion pointing at Vector, the Moon, and the ground in that order.

...the success of the tactic probably had something to do with there being a luau during that part of the bachelor party. Tempest was pretty sure she spotted some sort of blue dog creature doing a hula over a fence at that point, but she'd made the decision to not question anything about the bachelor party and do her best to forget anything she learned about it.

And now it was time for the wedding. Gru stood in a black tux at the alter, wearing a well fitting tux. Minion - who, as it turned out, was an ordained pastor (a bit of overpreparation from one of his and Megamind's schemes) - stood behind the altar, prepared to give the speech. Megamind stood by Gru's side, also dressed in black, though for once having gone without any spikes on his clothing...though close inspection revealed that there were places spikes might extend if needed. Apparently, Megamind had looked up 'Best Man' tradition and come across one where the Best Man was supposed to be ready to fight to the death against any that threatened the Groom or tried to disrupt the wedding so the Groom himself would not get blood on his hands. Tempest tried not to think about where he might be hiding what weapons. The fact Minion was still in his battle mech body despite the priestly robe tossed over it suggested one possible hiding spot, though.

Roxanne stood across from Megamind in a rather lovely maroon bridesmaid dress as the Maid of Honor, and Margo - in her place as a Bridesmaid alongside Edith - kept having to flick Megamind with a prod hidden in her mini-bouquet to keep him from getting distracted by Roxanne rather than focusing on the wedding. She also didn't hesitate to use it to keep Edith from getting distracted or bored.

The seats were filled with Minions mostly, though in the front row Nefario, Gru's Mother, and El Macho sat together, ready to see Gru happily married. El Macho's son had been enlisted to serve as Ring Bearer, though the put out expression on his face whenever he noticed the glower Margo turned his way suggested that this was some form of penance on his part. While one of the Minions had been planning to play the piano for the wedding march, Megamind had brought another friend of his to handle the music for the wedding...an exceptionally buff, ruggedly handsome fellow who went only by the name "Music Man". Roxanne visibly rolled her eyes whenever he introduced himself.

Most of these distractions ended when Music Man began playing the traditional wedding march, signaling the approach of the bride. Coming up the outdoor aisle first was Tempest, dressed in highly polished battle armor and helmet framing her glowing horn, with Agnes on her back dressed as the flower girl, sprinkling flower petals to either side. Margo had tried to get Tempest into a dress, but Tempest had attempted to transform each one into armor, only to manage to immolate one, turn another into water, and turn the third into a flock of butterflies. After that, Nefario made her armor, which she now treated as her formal attire. At the moment it was plain black with silver plates, but she would customize it as she got older.

Behind them came Lucy in her wedding gown, resplendent in white silks and brocade. Gru caught sight of her and he plainly ceased to be aware of anything else. Tempest rolled her eyes discreetly at that, and finished her walk up to her place at the front, letting Lucy finish her walk up the now flower-strewn path.

Minion made throat clearing noises despite him lacking a throat to clear as the music stopped. "Dearly beloved," he called out with a wide smile, gesticulating with his robot suit, "we are gathered here today to join these two in holy matrimony, as they desire to bind their futures together despite - and in some cases, because of - their pasts. Of these disparate individuals, today is forged a family." He paused briefly before glancing at the book in his metal hands. "I would wax more eloquent, but I'm not going to compete with the boss's speech later," he continued, jerking a thumb towards Megamind, resulting in many of the Minions bursting into laughter. Once the laughter passed, Minion glanced at the book again. "Huh, next is supposed to be the part asking about objections, but-" His words were briefly interrupted by the sound of numerous weapons being cocked and laser sights seeking targets. "Pretty sure anyone who might has better survival instincts than to actually try." More laughter greeted this.

"And now our soon to be wed couple has written their own vows to share," Minion continued, causing both Gru and Lucy's faces to briefly tense up.

"Y-yes," Gru began awkwardly. "Wrote our own...vows..."

"Of course we did..." Lucy agreed, one hand slipping into her bouquet briefly. "W-why don't you go first, Gru?"

"But it's ladies first," Gru pointed out uncertainly, his own hand reaching behind his back for something. "That's gentlemanly, right?"

"Well, yes, but you could consider this like-"

"Excuse me a moment," Megamind interrupted. "I'm just wondering if there's a reason you're both concealing remote activation devices."

"...both?" Gru and Lucy asked in surprise, turning shocked looks on each other.

Roxanne stifled a groan. "Let me guess...during the planning, someone brought up the idea about how 'romantic' it was to write your own vows-"

"Ka!" Dave insisted eagerly, waving his hand. "Pak tos ka!"

"-and one of you agreed with them-" Roxanne continued.

"That was me..." Lucy admitted awkwardly.

"-which led to the other one declaring that they would write their own vows to make things extra special-"

"Guilty," Gru admitted, his face shifting from ashamed to amused.

"-and then you declared you would do the same?" Roxanne continued, turning to Lucy.

When Lucy nodded, Megamind chuckled. "Only you both are so awkward with public speaking that neither of you were actually able to write vows, but you were terrified of disappointing each other by admitting it, so at the last minute you decided you'd let the other say their vows then set off some sort of remote control distraction that would require 'quick attention', so you could rush through the vows and the rest of the wedding and hopefully it would never come up again?"

"Dewey gave me a remote activator for the Simsa," Gru and Lucy admitted simultaneously. They looked at each other in surprise, and then burst into giggles. Nearly everyone present rolled their eyes.

"In that case, maybe we should skip the vows and go straight to exchanging rings?" Tempest suggested as Gru's mother shook her head in amused disappointment.

"Not a bad idea," Minion agreed as Gru and Lucy both reached for the pillow with the rings at the same time, only to bump noses. Rolling his eye, Stuart walked up, picked the rings up off the pillow, and handed them to the pair. As the rings were exchanged, Minion continued, "Then by the power invested in me by Chaos Undivided-"

"Wait, seriously?" Megamind asked in surprise. "That's your order?"

"Technically I'm a secular pastor, but I was allowed to put whatever I wanted down for my sect," Minion replied with a smirk. Turning back to Gru and Lucy, he continued, "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride...hopefully before anything else goes screwy."

As many present laughed, Gru and Lucy turned to each other with warm smiles before pulling each other into a passionate embrace and kiss. The laughter quickly broke into cheers.

As everyone sat in their seats at the reception, chatting and laughing and occasionally rushing over to offer a congratulations to the new couple, Megamind rose to his feet and lightly clinked his fork against his glass, drawing everyone's attention. Once all eyes were on him, he began speaking. "When Gru asked me to be his Best Man...I admit, it was overwhelming to me," he began humbly. "However, I promised him two things. First, a Bachelor Party the likes of which the world had never seen before, an epic blowout that would be talked about for generations to come." He smiled disarmingly. "It'll probably take that long to figure out what happened."

Once the laughter died down, he continued. "The other thing I promised was an amazing, wonderful, perfect toast, and I had written out one that would be absolutely perfect! ...but then I learned that Gru and Lucy were writing their own vows, and didn't want to overshadow them, so I incinerated it and decided to ad lib." Once that laughter died down, he rubbed his brow. "Don't know how well I'll do here."

"You'll do fine!" 'Music Man' called out from the piano. "You're a great public speaker! Everyone knows that!"

"I've only ever really done dialogues, though!" Megamind pointed out.

"Want me to pinch-talk?" 'Music Man' offered helpfully.

"No, no, I need to learn to monologue eventually, and I do remember what I researched as far as what the toast is supposed to be about." As more warm, supportive laughter greeted this byplay, Megamind faced the gathered people. He awkwardly cleared his throat. "One of the things that's supposed to be covered in one of these toasts is how well suited to each other the new couple is." He lifted the two confiscated remote activation devices with a smirk. "Q.E.D."

Once that laughter died down, he continued. "I'm also supposed to talk about how they came together as a couple, and the wonderful events that involved and what it says about their love." He shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "Sorry folks, wasn't there. Best I've got is second hand accounts, and that came from most of you anyway!" At this point, Gru and Lucy were doubling over in laughter, which gave Megamind a boost in confidence. "I'm supposed to talk about how well I know them, that I was picked to be Best Man. To be perfectly honest, I think they'd have been better off with Best Bot for that. At least it would know what to say."

As the laughter died down, Megamind sobered. "In all seriousness everyone, what this toast is supposed to be about is their future, and what I see in it, and how well they will work together. Well, we don't have to look far for that." He gestured to where Margo had clambered into Gru's lap, Tempest on his head, and Edith on Lucy's shoulders with Agnes half asleep in her lap. "Only just married today, and yet already wonderful parents to a loving family. What more needs to be seen?" Heartfelt sighs greeted this inquiry. "I know how these toasts are supposed to end, but in this case I think this is more appropriate." He lifted the glass towards them. "To the family."

"Da ta ichbel," echoed throughout the reception as the toasting of the Minions drowned out those speaking in English, thought the meaning carried through...even if several Minions spontaneously changed outfits to be dressed like Italian Mobsters for no relevant reason, but that was them.

Megamind sat down after taking a drink, looking more than a little overwhelmed. Gru reached over and patted his arm. "Thank you," he offered warmly. "It was perfect." Lucy nodded agreement.

"You did wonderfully," Roxanne praised, resting her hands on his other arm to reassure him.

"Well," 'Music Man' spoke up with a grin, "I think it's time for the first song, for the new family's dance!"

"Dancing!" Agnes cried happily, making those around her laugh.

"And this song, I think, is perfect for you all!" 'Music Man' declared as he began to play, singing his heart out as well to lead the dancing.

Author's Note

Originally, I did plan to actually write out what Gru and Lucy's vows were going to be, and an epic toast from Megamind...but I couldn't think of anything for the vows. So I thought about the actual characters...and then asked myself what they would do if they hit similar blocks. The rest snowballed.

Jump to top