Rubbed the Right Way

by Damaged

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Bat Pony, Comedy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Romance, Original Character
Length: 12982

Summer Breeze and Anise Seed have been living in Equestria for six years and were a happily married couple for five more before that. There's just one snag—one hiccup in how the very world of ponies works that sees them constantly frustrated.

Summer Breeze and Anise Seed have been living in Equestria for six years and were a happily married couple for five more before that. There's just one snag—one hiccup in how the very world of ponies works that sees them constantly frustrated.

Ponies are rated TV-Y.

No penises. No vulvas. Not even an anus!

It's hard to claim you're blue-balled when you don't even have balls, but it hasn't stopped the couple from enjoying their days together—the nights, on the other hoof, are another matter.

Spoiler Warning: This story contains inflatable rubber dongs, vulvas, crotchboobs (although only a little of those), and other such things. They are played for laughs, however. This is not a clopfic, although it has a sex scene.

Another silly idea brought to fruition with an intent to cause laughter more than titillation. There is a sex scene in this (as well as many more implied).

Keywords: romance comedy HiE rubber toys dong penis vulva vagina laugh sex-ed sexual education inflatable

Art by the wonderful Ayarel (used with permission of them and the commissioner, the pony in the pic is not related to the story).

See This Blog for licensing.

Published 2018-05-30 23:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-30 23:10:06 UTC

The Bit You Should Read

Summer Breeze yawned and blinked his eyes. This was the time of day when a guy should be reminded he is a guy.

Morning wood.

Reaching a hoof down his barrel, all the way down his belly, he touched the featureless flesh between his back legs and whined. He was still a pony. Ponies don't have naughty bits because it's a cartoon.

"Dear?" Anise Seed, Summer's wife of eleven years, felt her husband shift in the bed and rolled over to face him. Her blue eyes met his gold ones. "We could rub a little, if you'd like?"

"Rubbing? Rubbing?!" Leaning forward, Summer Breeze pressed his little blue snout into Anise's neck and actually sobbed. His body convulsed, and the culmination of six years living in a cartoon world as anatomically incorrect ponies welled up behind the flood of tears.

Wrapping Summer in her forelegs, Anise squeezed him for all she was worth. It had been hard for her too, a woman—mare—had needs as well, but like her husband she lacked any way of fulfilling them.

Sure they had erogenous zones (Summer's chest was a big one, and Anise had a spot above her tail that made her eyes go wobbly), but all they did was work them up with no chance of an actual release.

Nuzzling at Summer Breeze's ears, Anise let out a little wuff of her own. "Do you want to face the day, or will we just tell everypony to go fuck themselves."

The joke did what no serious words could. Summer pulled back, teary eyes and all, and giggled. "Except we can't, because neither of us can so much as think a naughty word when they're around. It's like some—some kind of innocence force-field." It was an old discussion, but retreading such ground helped maintain stability. "I love you so much, S-S-S…" Summer struggled against the cartoonish need to use Anise's pony name.

"Summer?" Anise Seed waited for her husband to look into her eyes and kissed him on the nose. "It's okay. You know our anniversary is next week? We've been ponies, together, longer than we were human and together. I love you too, Summer Breeze."

Summer Breeze loved hearing those words more than anything else, even sex. "What are we making today?" He pulled back from Anise Seed and rolled from the bed. Landing on his hooves, Summer spread his wings and shook himself. A pair of feathers floated out of his left wing, and another from his right.

"Hard candy today. Humbugs and boiled sweets." Jumping from the opposite side of the bed, Anise Seed landed on her hooves and shook just like her husband—sans wings of course. Walking around the bed she examined the three fallen feathers. "Going bald?"

"Ha! Have you seen older ponies? There's octogenarians that have more hair than you do, darling." He met Anise's lips with his own. Kisses were fine in this world, as was nuzzling and snuggling, but their rear ends were completely featureless.

"Oh, sure, remind me of how I scorched off half my mane. That doesn't earn you brownie points, Summer." Anise was first to the bathroom, quickly followed by Summer. Once their morning cleanup was done (quick enough when two ponies worked together on it), they both headed out into their expansive kitchen. There was only a small part of the kitchen set aside for a normal oven and pans; the majority of the room was for professional candy making.

Summer moved first to the normal kitchen, pulled out some bread and put it in the toaster. While he did, Anise made her way over to a huge open-topped kettle. Pulling an apron on, she began by adding sugar and butter to the big pot and heating them up.

Breakfast was barely an afterthought, and the two worked on the sugar-rich candy. First spreading the huge pot out on a chilled bench to let it cool, they mixed in Anise's namesake flavoring: aniseed oil. Rolling the mix together, they added some coloring strips and began to roll out the candies.

Working, and more importantly being outside their bedroom, the idea of sex left the heads of both ponies.

Chopping the candy by hoof, Anise Seed felt the warm glow of a pony doing exactly what their cutie mark was all about. On her light-blue flanks were a trio of hard candies just like those spread out before her.

While candy making wasn't his special and unique talent, Summer Breeze got nearly the same kick out of the process just because he could involve himself in making Anise Seed smile so much—some days he wondered if he should get sunglasses.

Summer bagged up the candies in little bags, a dozen to each, and quickly covered most of the cool table with the folded-top bags. Before either mare or stallion knew it, lunchtime was upon them—not that either took heed.

Candy took first place in the daily routines of Summer Breeze and Anise Seed. From the moment they started cooking until all the candy from the first batch of the day was bagged, nothing would stop them.

"Do you remember what it was like to be human?" Summer folded the top of the last bag closed while Anise wiped down the equipment for the afternoon batch. "I can't believe we get to spend all day making candy for a living."

"Dad'd be proud of me." Anise Seed breathed out a slow, steady sigh. "Once he was done laughing at me. Come on, Summer, let's go make a lot of ponies ecstatically happy."

Stuffing bags into each of the four pouches on two sets of saddlebags, Summer and Anise quickly donned their loads and headed out.

"My wings're itching, Anise." Summer spread the limbs in question, closed his eyes, and smelled the weather of the day. His cutie mark was a pegasus wing caught in a gust of wind, and the magic it imparted on his life was irresistible.

When a thump on his flank startled him, Summer Breeze shot into the air on his long wings. Despite the weight of the bags over his back, Summer was free of the restrictions of the ground. He spun through the sky, twirled spirals around where his wife was walking, and waved to each other pegasus out for a fly.

When she reached Sweetie Drops Candy Shoppe, Anise waited for her husband to land—which he did moments later. "Energetic today?" She tilted her head up and closed her eyes. His lips touched hers a moment later.

Kisses were the closest thing they could get to a truly intimate moment, and both former humans savored every second of such. When the kiss finally came to its conclusion, Anise and Summer entered Sweetie's shop.

"Hi there! I'll be right with—" Sweetie Drops cut her spiel short when she saw it wasn't a customer. "Anise! Summer! What have you got for me today?" The chocolates of her shop were, Sweetie would admit, nothing short of amazing. Having the best hard candies in all Equestria sitting on her counter was a definite bonus.

"Would you believe humbugs?" Anise lifted a hoof to her snout as she spoke, as if she were telling the greatest secret in all Equestria. "And can you guess what flavor I made them this time?"

"I'm going to take a guess at aniseed flavor?" Sweetie was practically salivating at the thought of eating one of the tiny pieces of practically pure sugar. "Same price and same amount?" Hoping against hope that they would say less for the first or more for the second, Sweetie watched as Anise unloaded the usual quantity.

"Of course. Takes the same stuff to make, and I don't care if more people demand it. Selling the stuff is your problem." Anise took the offered bag of bits from Sweetie and tucked it back in her bag. She was startled when a bag of chocolates was pushed toward her. "What's this?"

"A thank you for letting me be one of only two places in Equestria to sell your candy." Sweetie Drops' chocolates were just as legendary as Anise's hard candies. "So both of you have some of these, but don't eat them all at once!" She delivered a perfectly timed wink.

Taking the bag, Anise opened it and removed two chocolates. "Thank you so much, Sweetie Drops!" And with that she popped one in her own mouth and one in Summer's.

Sweetie Drops waved to Anise and Summer as they left and turned her head to the doorway through to her kitchen. "Lyra! We got more of Anise's candies!"

Trotting from Sweetie Drops' store, Anise and Summer chewed their chocolate candies, each happy to just be together. The chocolates helped too. Some ponies had general food cutie marks, and they made excellent food across the board, but when your cutie mark was one particular type of food things were extra special. Sweetie Drops' cutie mark was a set of chocolate bonbons; even if she tried her hardest to be bad, her chocolates would be the best ever tasted.

Walking through Ponyville, Anise found herself waving to ponies again and again. When they'd both arrived, several years ago, even though they had become ponies they didn't feel like ponies. Every morning had been spent waking up and experiencing the shock of transformation again, if only until they remembered what had happened.

Actually becoming a pony in spirit had taken time. Time to forget how a human body moved, and time to forget how their partner's human body felt. Learning to fly had been the breakthrough moment for Summer Breeze, while it had been Anise Seed's first time cooking candies (and earning her cutie mark as a result) that had been hers. Walking, trotting, cantering, galloping, and even (for Summer) flying had become completely normal after those points. They had become ponies.

A trio of young mares fled from Sugarcube Corner, galloping as fast as their legs could carry them. Anise jumped to the side while Summer took to the air.

"Sorry!" Sweetie Belle said as she almost bowled over Anise and Summer.

Being angry or upset at a pony was impossible. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, being three particularly adorable ponies, was three times as unthinkable. Anise and Summer laughed at the almost-collision as they entered Sugarcube Corner.

There were five ponies within Sugarcube Corner: Princess Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie (who was behind the counter, serving), Thunderlane, Rose, and Cheerilee. All but Pinkie Pie looked a little scandalized. Ears were folded back, slight blushes were showing in cheeks, and Twilight and Thunderlane kept shuffling their wings.

"There you go, Cheerilee, five chocolate cupcakes, two strawberry, and six double-vanilla!" Pinkie Pie seemed unfazed by whatever had the rest looking shocked. "Next please!"

"J-Just your best apple and ch-ch-cherry pie, please." Thunderlane's stammer was as uncharacteristic as his twitchiness. The moment Pinkie Pie produced the desired pie, Thunderlane tossed bits on the counter, grabbed the pie, and ran from the store.

Anise looked to Summer, then back toward the situation unfolding before them. A moment later a thumping sound came from the ceiling above. Then another. The third thump built the beat of a repeating sound.

"Again?! Oh Carrot!" The voice was muted, but clear enough that everypony in the store could hear—it's owner, also equally as clear, being Cup Cake.

Summer Breeze blushed along with all the other patrons of Sugarcube Corner. He ruffled his wings in mild, sympathetic embarrassment. And then his brain crashed to a stop. He froze in place, ears twitching and listening to the sounds of two ponies in the act of trying to make more ponies. It was hypnotic in a way nothing in Equestria (except possibly flying) had been.

Stock-still like her husband, Anise Seed had to appreciate Carrot Cake's stamina if this was a repeat performance, but like Summer she was completely flummoxed about one important fact. "W-W-What are th-they doing?"

Twilight and Rose both spun around to stare at Anise.

"Well," Pinkie Pie said, "they're probably having sex. Or working on their tax return—it's been a lot more complicated this year. But probably sex." She looked at Rose, who was next to be served, and gave her a huge smile. "What can I get for you, Rose?"

"That!" Rose gestured at a muffin. She didn't exactly care what muffin it was, or how much it might be, she just wanted to get away from a situation that seemed to get more uncomfortable by the second. The moment she was passed the muffin it was like a whirlwind. There was a Rose-shaped dust cloud where she had stood (complete with a tiny muffin-shaped cloud) and a few coins spinning on the counter.

While Twilight Sparkle was a touch embarrassed, she was more than used to the sensation. Standing with every bit of her regal posture, she walked up to Pinkie Pie. "I'd like a loaf of rye bread, and three cupcakes, please Pinkie."

"One with emerald sprinkles, one with double-extra chocolate, and one without topping, right?" Pinkie Pie knew here friends, and their eating habits, well. Spike would want the gemstone topping, Twilight was secretly a chocoholic, and Starlight still hadn't forgiven herself for how she had treated Sugar Belle, and would barely touch the cupcake she was given.

"But how?" Anise's question stopped all talk in the room. Even Pinkie Pie had no rebuttal. "We don't have anything to have sex with!"

A chill ran down Twilight Sparkle's back. Anise and Summer had been in Ponyville almost as long as she had. Things had been very different when they first arrived—and claimed they were humans trapped in pony bodies—but Twilight had checked and discovered the couple weren't lying. Now, with them perking their ears at a pair of excited (and repeatedly agreeing) ponies, Twilight realized she had been deficient in her work as Princess of Friendship.

"Oh gosh! You haven't been given the talk, have you?" Twilight's wings shot out and up. She spun around and looked at Anise Seed and Summer Breeze, and the look on their faces told her everything: she had been a bad friend and teacher.

Anise looked at Summer, then slowly back to Twilight. "By "the talk" you mean where foals come from?"

Twilight nodded, feeling her adrenaline kick in. Somepony stood before her without knowledge, and needed knowledge. Her reaction was primal—a core part of Twilight's being. "I run classes for this. I-I have one next month, but I can bring it forward to tomorrow. I'll need to notify all the ponies…"

When a scroll and quill pomfed into being, Summer Breeze didn't blink twice. Magic was magic. "So about the—"

"Tomorrow! Midday!" Twilight Sparkle quickly scrawled on her list. "Now I need to go and get everything ready!"

"Twilight! Your cupcakes and bread!" Pinkie Pie was only barely quick enough. No sooner did the tray of goodies touch Twilight's back than the Princess of Friendship was gone with another pomf. "So you two really don't know how ponies have—" As Pinkie Pie spoke a young colt opened the door.

Sounds—at least the ones coming from the ceiling—muted, and a sense of tension flooded into the room. Not that the foal noticed.

Anise and Summer had learned the effects of filters in Equestria. A filter could exist around a pony, a group of ponies, or even animals. Foals were the most protected, it was hard to even think naughty things with one nearby. Then came adult ponies, who certainly weren't able to fathom a pony telling them to go fuck themselves.

So despite their excitement and confusion, Anise and Summer couldn't say a word about what had just happened.

Pip Squeak finished gathering up the two cupcakes he'd purchased and trotted back out of Sugarcube Corner. The moment he shut the door, not that he noticed, the sound started up again.

"So ponies can have sex?" Anise practically rushed at the counter, looking Pinkie Pie in the eyes. "I mean, really? Bits go in bits and it feels good?"

At that exact moment a pair of cries in the room above vigorously agreed with each other. Anise and Summer both had a shiver run up their spines at how fulfilling it sounded.

Pinkie Pie giggled at the question (and answer). "Yup! I'm sure Twilight will teach you all about it." Squinting, Pinkie looked left and right to be sure there was nopony listening. "She's a really good teacher, but if you need some pointers I know a stallion who knows a stallion. He has all the good stuff."

"I can't believe we're going to get the birds and bees talk from Princess Twilight Sparkle." Anise hadn't slept a wink—she was too excited. When morning came she and Summer just guzzled as much coffee as they could and waited for the moment to go and visit Twilight.

Summer, prancing as he trotted, barely heard his wife's words. He didn't know how, but he knew things were going to change. "She said midday, right?" It was only the fifteenth time he had asked.

"That's why we're here at lunchtime." Anise had brought a little bag of her favorite candy, humbugs of course, with her. She popped one of the treats into her mouth and started sucking on it. Twilight's castle, that was visible all the way across town, grew larger and larger before them.

Twilight Sparkle, waiting out the front of her castle for her special visitors, spotted Anise Seed and Summer Breeze. She lifted a foreleg and waved at the couple. "You can do this, Twilight. You haven't failed them as a teacher yet." When they got close enough to hear her, she called out to them. "Hi there!"

"Hello Princess. We aren't late are we?" As she walked, Anise's hip kept brushing against Summer's. It was a little thing they did together to remind themselves how close each was. Right now, however, it only made Anise more excited.

"Of course not. You're the last two. Come inside and make your way to the classroom." Prancing with each step, Twilight couldn't help but think how wonderful it was to teach ponies. Learning from others, doing tests, examinations, even essays were great fun, but actually teaching was on a different level. "Just through here."

Summer Breeze was practically bouncing on his hooves as he followed Twilight into her castle and to a room that she had obviously set aside as a classroom. One step inside, however, and he almost choked: the room was almost full of young mares and stallions.

"W-W-Wait. Are all these ponies going to learn about——too?" Anise turned to look at Twilight, who was already beaming with pride. "Oh f— Oh gosh."

"Please take your seats." Twilight gestured to the front of the class where a pair of empty desks sat. "Welcome, class, to your first lesson on becoming an adult! Now, let's start. Do any of you know what this is?"

Anise and Summer stared as Twilight lifted up what looked like an inflatable horse penis. The thing was long, had a big ring around the middle of it, and a flared tip that had Anise gulping in worry. But it was inflatable, not real.

Summer lifted a hoof up and waited for Twilight to gesture to him. Part of Summer Breeze wanted to laugh at how overly adorable it was to be in school, part of him wanted to cringe that he was in a sex-ed class with Twilight Sparkle as the teacher and a bunch of young adults as peers. "It's a penis."

"Correct!" On her back, Twilight's wings fluttered in delight at having some knowledgeable ponies present. "And do you know what this particular one is for?"

This stumped Summer; he shook his head.

A young mare at the back of the class raised her hoof.

Twilight pointed at the earth pony. "Yes, Apple Bloom?"

"A pony attaches it to their belly!" Apple Bloom beamed wide.

"That's right, and what is it used for?" Twilight actually clopped her forehooves together in excitement—it was good to have a few bright sparks in the classroom.

Anise and Summer stared in confusion, trying to work out what they had meant by "attaches." Both looked at the other with worried expressions.

"Anise, do you know?" Twilight had aimed her question at Anise to get a good answer when it appeared none of her other students knew.

Coughing, clearing her throat, Anise Seed nodded. "It's for making a foal?"

"Close! It's for making a stallion and mare really happy! And when two ponies are really happy, that makes a foal!" When the class cheered, Twilight felt a tingle of happiness run through her. She didn't even notice Anise and Summer looking at each other with confused expressions. "And does anypony know what this is?"

This was more like it, Anise thought. She held up her hoof, but Twilight pointed to another pony.

"That's a vagina!" The young stallion who answered looked proud of himself.

"No it's not!" The mare beside the stallion—who looked almost exactly the same as him, but female—poked him with a hoof. "That's a vulva. A vagina is the bit it makes inside the pony when it attaches!"

"A-Anise?" Summer's voice was a trembling whisper.

"Yeah?" Anise barely had control of her own tone.

"This is a joke, right?"

"I don't think it is."

"Yeah. That's what I was afraid of." Steeling himself, Summer Breeze lifted a hoof in the air.

Twilight Sparkle, who had been hearing a little chatter between her oldest two students, noticed the raised hoof. "What is it, Summer?"

"Well, this all seems—" Summer struggled with the words. It wasn't the naivete of the universe that stopped him from continuing, but his own realization that the cute, pony princess was teaching about these inflatable toys as if it were a perfectly normal part of reproduction. "This all seems really interesting."

Leaning over to Summer, Anise whispered just one word: "Chicken."

"Thank you, Summer Breeze. I'm sorry we didn't resolve this earlier in your time here. Now, we can move on to practical if you wish?" Twilight's question got a lot of excitement among her students, and two startled looks from Anise and Summer. "Go on, everypony, there's some toys to look at in the tub over there."

Anise followed where Twilight pointed, but her view was quickly blocked by a crowd of young adult ponies rushing toward it. She got to her hooves and looked at Summer. "Come on. We get to learn about being adult ponies at last."

"Adult ponies? I thought we already were?" Summer Breeze followed Anise Seed, fluffing his wings a little. By the time they reached the front of the group of ponies there wasn't much left in the tub. What looked like five, flat rubber donuts looked very forlorn.

Each taking one of the little flat, rubber donuts, Anise and Summer returned to their seats like everypony else.

"These are only practice toys, but I think you'll find they're more than up to the task to giving you your first taste of being an adult." In her teaching mode, Twilight Sparkle was just about the happiest pony in all Equestria, and it showed in how she gestured, spoke, and pranced around. "They are well cleaned, don't worry, so if you could all inflate your toys now, that would be wonderful."

"Sweetie," Summer said to Anise, his voice a whisper, "is this a—?"

"Vulva." Anise's reply was quick. Looking over the toy, she finally found the nozzle to inflate it.

Watching his wife inflating the vulva in her hooves, Summer shrugged and started to do the same. Each puff in filled out the little rubber mare-parts a little more, but it wasn't until it truly puffed up that he realized the inflation nozzle was also the clitoris.

Anise heard her husband giggling uncontrollably, and turned to see him trying to cover his snout with one hoof and keep the toy's nozzle pinched with the other. "Summer!"

All eyes fell on the pair. One was giggling like a school-filly and the other covered her snout to keep another loud exclamation from escaping.

Twilight fixed her best and most forgiving smile on. "Now, now. Nopony has seen these before. It's perfectly natural that some of you are a little—excited."

At that, Summer coughed while trying to blow the next breath into his vulva, and the toy shot free of his hooves and whizzed around the room like a balloon. Color filled his cheeks as he couldn't stop himself blushing.

Catching the escaped vulva in her magic, Twilight quickly passed it back to Summer Breeze. "Just relax. Try to stay calm. Nopony is judging you here."

The pretty, purple princess pony smiled at him, and Summer Breeze couldn't help but smile back. Twilight Sparkle was the kind of pony that inspired everypony to do their best, and she inspired him to inflate his toy vulva.

Blowing, keeping his own thoughts on what he was doing completely out of it, Summer Breeze inflated the little vulva until he struggled to get any more air in. He quickly pinched the nozzle and pressed the cap in. Only now did he look around and see that nearly everypony else had only inflated theirs about two-thirds the size.

Twilight, to help demonstrate, had used magic to inflate a vulva of her own, and now held it up to show her class. "Now, everypony, make sure to touch and feel the toy. See if you can coax a few squeaks from it."

Anise stole a look at Summer, and saw the over-inflation of his toy. "Do you think she was really telling the truth before? That these are—are what ponies use to… to…" She couldn't bring herself to say copulate. Instead of saying words that seemed wrong in a pony world, Anise started doing what Twilight said. The toy felt exactly like a rubber, inflated vulva. The toy was a rubber, inflated vulva. But it was the closest thing to sex Anise had found since winding up in Equestria, so she wasn't picky.

Around the room, ponies were playing with their vulvas. The squeaking started only moments after the first hoof connected, and the first rubber labia majora rubbed against another. Soon, there was squeaking coming from everypony, constantly—as well as giggles.

"See? There's nothing strange or amazing about them. They're just rubber vulvas." Twilight was jumping for joy—on the inside. All her students were breaking-the-ice as it were with their first rubber genitalia. This was the same for every class and every pony. A sneak look revealed that even Anise and Summer were enthusiastic with their play.

Turning from the class, Twilight Sparkle looked at the blackboard behind her and used magic to levitate some chalk up. The shape of a pony butt was a simple one, Twilight saw them day in and day out, but despite the simplicity of the art, Twilight always managed to make things look a little—well—plump.

Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, had a thing for ponies with a little more size in their plot—more so for mares who knew how to swing it around. From the first time she arrived in Ponyville, and saw Pinkie Pie running away, Twilight Sparkle was hooked. Not that she told anypony. "Class," Twilight said, turning around to face her students, "this is a plot. A rear. A back end. This is where the toy in your hooves goes.

"Attaching a toy is simple—like I said, there's no magic to it—you simply press it in place like so, and magic attaches it." It was the closest thing to a joke Twilight had managed to work into her lecture. It's not magic, but it's magic—one of Twilight's favorite paradoxes.

Anise watched as Twilight pressed the vulva to the blackboard, right up within a hoof's-width of the dock of their tail. She missed Twilight's gag about magic, and was spellbound. "That's all I need to be able to—"

"Hold on!" Summer Breeze stood up, holding his overinflated vulva before him. "I'm a stallion. Shouldn't stallions have a penis for this bit?" He watched Twilight Sparkle deflate almost as much as his vulva did a few moments ago, as it whizzed through the air.

"I'm so sorry!" Twilight slumped down and looked defeated. "These things are really expensive! Getting toys with the lowered pleasure limit isn't cheap, and for some reason penises are the most expensive. And if we don't get ones with lowered pleasure it gets really messy."

It felt, to Summer Breeze, as if he'd just kicked a puppy. Twilight Sparkle's wings hung at her sides and her big eyes were cast down and full of tears. Worse yet, everypony in the class—including his wife—glared at him. Gotta fix this, Summer thought. Putting his vulva down, he trotted to the front of the class and wrapped his forelegs around Twilight Sparkle. "I'm sorry. I just— Where I come from, stallions only have penises, and mares only have vulvas."

Twilight's ears perked up, and she blinked away her tears and stared into Summer Breeze's eyes. "Really?" He nodded to her, infusing Twilight with excited energy. "This is great!" Seeing the shocked expression on the poor stallion's face, Twilight opted to teleport free of him to lessen the embarrassment.

Slumping to the floor without a princess to support him, Summer Breeze looked up at Twilight from his prone position. "It is?"

"I thought your embarrassment was from a prolonged period of sexual inactivity, but now that you've told me this it makes perfect sense!" Levitating all the chalk in the room at once, Twilight began scribbling hundreds of equations down. "This will revolutionize the way we—"

Turning back, Twilight realized her class were all staring at her now. "Ahem! Later, of course. For now, can I have everypony please attach their vulva to their plots as shown in the diagram?" A moment later, of course, Twilight had to clamp her teeth together to keep them from grinding. "No, Sweetie Belle, it goes under your tail."

"Really?" Sweetie Belle reached to her back again and lifted the vulva free of her croup. "But if it goes under there, won't my tail get sucked in?"

Sparing only a glance to Anise, and keeping his ears perked for any actually useful information, Summer Breeze picked up his vulva and—with his wing—reached around behind himself. Cocking his tail took barely a thought, and then he felt as the rubber made contact with his flesh.

Like lightning striking, Summer's whole body jolted. He stared ahead blindly—the vulva hadn't just touched him, it was part of him. He had genitalia again, and though it might be the wrong type, his libido didn't care.

Twilight's head snapped around to her oldest students as both let out the most satisfied sigh she'd heard in her life. Even walking along behind a pronking Ponk's plot hadn't elicited the same level of satisfaction coming from Anise and Summer. Then she saw something that broke her concentration. "No, Apple Bloom, that's upside down."

"Really? When I saw Big Mac and Miss Sugar Belle in the hayloft together it was—" Apple Bloom froze as the giggling coming from Anise and Summer increased. "Uh, are they alright?"

Anise Seed felt complete. She hadn't reached orgasm, but something about her situation promised her that she could. She nuzzled at Summer's cheek and kissed him again and again.

Hating herself for having to break the couple up, Twilight Sparkle moved over to Anise and Summer's desks. "Are you two alright?" When her words failed to separate the two, Twilight created matching balls of force around them.

Cut off from his wife, Summer Breeze turned toward Twilight, ready to demand to be set free, and suddenly couldn't. Twilight looked at him with understanding, empathy, and honesty. He hated it, but she was right to do what she did. "S-Sorry, Princess Twilight."

Reaching behind himself, determined to not let a rubber toy get in the way of learning how he could fulfill his wife's needs again, Summer tried to remove the toy. He expected a lance of pleasure, of delight just before his hoof wrenched it off. Instead, there was barely anything beyond a slightly nice sensation. "Huh…?" He looked at the rubber vulva in his hoof.

"These toys have been specially altered not to cause arousal or pleasure. They're practice vulvas." Twilight held back her giggle at Summer's confused glance only barely. She released her magic field and let the two have a hug. "You can put it back on if you want, Summer, but try to keep the—uh—expressions of excitement down."

Summer Breeze had the Princess of Friendship give him a saucy wink before she walked back to the front of the class. He looked down at the big vulva on his hoof and then put it back against his rear. The completeness sensation returned, but knowing that it wouldn't give him any relief to play with it helped him keep from surrendering to the lust.

Anise looked at her husband and almost ached to pounce on him.

"I want all of you, now, to reach back and feel your vulva." Twilight was pleased to see all her students, even Summer Breeze and Anise Seed, follow her instructions. Then she spotted Snips and Snails having a problem. "No, you shouldn't back together like that. Now they're stuck." She trotted over to render assistance.

While Twilight worked to prize apart the suction-cupped vulvas of the two stallions, Summer Breeze put his wing over Anise's shoulders and hugged her.

Unlike the others, Anise and Summer knew what sex was all about. Learning the basics for a new system, they figured, would be enough to get them started. As Princess Twilight walked past them, Anise Seed looked up. "Thank you, Princess."

"You aren't going to have a little play?" Twilight was a touch confused. She weighed up how long the couple had been without any relief and quickly realized what a mess of a princess she would be in that state. As her respect for the couple rose, so did her confusion at their lack of exploration.

"Given our, uh, situation,"—Anise looked at Summer, and pecked him on the snout—"it might be safer to avoid having a play. It might turn to, uh, not-play."

The numbers suddenly added up in Twilight's head. She blinked a few times to settle the sums, and nodded. "Thank you for being so understanding. We'll be moving onto the last part of the class now, anyway."

Summer squeezed Anise's shoulders one more time before withdrawing his wing. Twilight had reached the front of the class again and was turning around to face them.

"Okay, everypony, if you could now remove your vulvas and deflate them fully." Twilight Sparkle floated a second tub—marked "used" on the side—and was pleased to see no more incidents of runaway vulvas zooming around the room.

With all the vulvas collected, Twilight put the tub aside for cleaning. "Now, the last part of today's class is devoted to the effects of having fun like this. Can anypony tell me what happens after two ponies have a lot of special fun together?"

Remembering the earlier lesson, Anise lifted a hoof and watched as Twilight Sparkle's smile grew to astronomical proportions.

"Yes, Anise?" Twilight asked.

Anise Seed felt excitement at what she was about to say, and shared a look with Summer Breeze before answering. "They have a foal?" The words meant a lot to her. When they'd married—eleven years previous—one thing both had agreed on was having a child was important to both of them. For five years (on Earth) they'd tried, and failed. Now, if what the Princess was implying was correct, they would have another chance.

"That's right! But it takes time and hard work. Science has shown that the threshold of happiness needed varies, but one thing is for sure, having one foal means future limits are lowered, and not sharing happiness over time slowly depletes your total. So can anypony tell me the best way to avoid having a foal?" Twilight Sparkle looked over her students, and pointed to one raised hoof.

Diamond Tiara lowered her hoof. "Spread your happiness to as many ponies as you can?"

"Actually, that is more likely to just have more foals. Having some non-toy fun time is the safest way to keep from having a foal, and—" Stopping her spiel, Twilight gestured to Summer Breeze. "Yes, Summer?"

"So the opposite is true? Having as much—uh—fun together as possible, with the toys, will result in a foal?" As he spoke the last word, Summer looked at Anise.

"Absolutely. Are you planning on having a little one?" Despite the warnings usually being the other way around, Twilight felt excited at the prospect of a loving couple—particular two ponies whose love was so proven—having a foal.

Looking at each other, Anise Seed and Summer Breeze nodded.

"Now, that will be all for the class. This is only to get you prepared. The future is as fun as you want to make it. I have order forms for Star Bucks Toys. They supplied the vulvas here today, and have many quality toys." Energizing her horn, Twilight sent a flood of fliers zooming around the room, enough that everypony got one.

"Star Bucks?" Anise struggled not to giggle, lost the fight, and then struggled not to break into gales of laughter.

Twilight heard her favorite students giggling and walked over. "Is something wrong?"

"S-Sorry!" Summer was doing a better job than Anise of keeping his laughter down—barely. "Where we're from there is a company with the same—same name. They don't sell these."

Struggling to get herself under control, Anise choked down her giggles. "Pinkie said she knew somepony who could, uh, help us out."

"I had to give out the fliers first, it's a deal to get the toys cheap, but you're absolutely right." Twilight Sparkle lifted her voice. "Excuse me, everypony, Anise and Summer have reminded me that there are other sources for these toys. There's an excellent shop, Canterlot Crops, that keeps a large range of toys, and a lot of them at good prices."

Canterlot Crops

Summer Breeze looked down from the sign and to Anise Seed. "I know I said I couldn't buy from those other ones because of all the coffee jokes, but even before we came here I couldn't go into one of these stores."

Anise rolled her eyes, looked at Summer, and gestured at the shop with a hoof. On her back—actually on both their backs—saddlebags sat, although Anise had all their bits in hers. "Trenta." It was just one word, but every time she said it Summer Breeze giggled—now was no exception. "Venti!"

"Stop it! Okay. We're going in." Every time those silly names came to mind, another giggle left Summer. He scrunched his eyes closed, trying not to think of coffee—or rubber pony penises longer than his legs (all of his legs put together).

"Well?" Anise waited for Summer, but her husband still didn't move. "Oh forget it. I think I like not having—fun. We can go back to Ponyville and pretend we never found out we could possibly have a foa—"

"Alright!" Summer Breeze choked back his laughter, ruffled his wings, and stepped forward.

As Summer Breeze pushed at the door, the unmistakable smell of rubber reached his nose. But there was some other scent to the store—something sweet. He walked in while studiously trying to ignore the rows and rows of what his brain blotted out on the shelves.

"I can't believe you almost wouldn't come in after all this." Anise shoved at Summer, pushing him further into the store. A doorbell rang, and no sooner did the door behind her close than she sensed the presence of something dropping to the floor beside her.

Something big—as big as a pony—had collided with the floor. They were, actually, a pony. Lifting his head, the shopkeep smiled wide enough to show off fangs. His fur was pale red, he had a pale blue mane and tail, and at each shoulder a large, membranous wing sat folded. His flank was adorned with a single, curled and bright red chili pepper. Looking at his latest customers, the bat pony opened his mouth.

"Well! Hello there and welcome to Canterlot Crops. My name's Spicy Hot, what can I do to you?" Spicy kept his smile up, but his eyes traced first Summer Breeze, noticing every single curve before moving to Anise Seed. He studied each of his customers, making sure both could see him doing so.

"Don't you mean, 'What can I do for you'?" More enthusiastic than confused, Anise couldn't help but get a playful vibe from Spicy.

"Dear, if you don't think I can do things you would like, you shouldn't have brought me a present." Spicy's eyes slid to Summer. "Mroar! What can I do with you, then?"

Anything Summer Breeze had been about to say died in his throat. Spicy Hot was everything he had expected a clerk in a sex toy store would be, but about ten-thousand times more intense. He opened his mouth to speak, but again couldn't get anything out.

"I think you broke him." Poking at Summer's shoulder, Anise put her hoof under his jaw and closed it. "Are you a discrete pony, Mr. Hot?" It was a flirty game, but Summer—Anise hoped—knew how much she was devoted to him. Besides, she was sure that Spicy Hot wasn't as interested in her as he was in Summer.

"Mr. Hot was my father. You can call me anytime." Spicy waggled his eyebrows. "But yes. Not a word of your desires leaves my lips to another pony, even under direct, sexual torture."

Anise walked further into the store and looked around. There was black, pink, and plenty of other shades all around. All were rubber, and all were things she had never believed she would ever buy. "Well, we are not who we appear. You see, Mr. Spicy, we are from another world!"

Spicy Hot's wings shot forward to bracket his snout. "Oh gosh! Really?"

Coming out of shock, and wanting to be more than merely ogled at, Summer nodded. "We are! And we are in control of dangerous powers!" He reached into his saddlebag and pulled out a bag—a bag of humbugs.

Catching the joke, Spicy hot reached out a wing and caught one humbug when it was passed to him. Popping the candy in his mouth, he almost melted on the spot with the flavor of the sugar-rich treat. "Diff's rearry goord!"

Anise Seed practically glowed with satisfaction. "Well, we come from…"

Together, Anise and Summer told their story, feeding Spicy to keep him from cutting in. By the time they were done it had cost them ten humbugs.

"… and Pinkie Pie mentioned you, but Princess Twilight Sparkle gave us your address." Anise Seed finished the story, timing it just as she estimated Spicy had finished the last candy.

"A princess knows of my little establishment?" Spicy Hot's wing flew to his brow, and he was all set for a dramatic faint when he froze. "Oh, right. A few princesses are my customers. Still, it's stimulating to know that the cutest princess is talking about me." He straightened, once again appraising Anise and Summer. "What can I do for the cutest aliens in Equestria?"

Summer Breeze was fully aware that Spicy Hot wasn't just talking about his wife. Despite the play-flirting by the bat pony, it was at least a slight relief to know that Spicy wasn't chasing his wife exclusively. "We need some things."

"Things?" When Spicy said it, the word had a lot more eyebrow waggling. "What kind of things? Penises? Vulvas? Anuses? Rubber wings?" Spicy now had a cadence going. "Rubber horns? Rubber—"

"Penis and vulva, please!" Anise was blushing almost as much as her husband. A question ate away at her, consuming her utterly from the inside out. "Do they really make rubber sex horns?"

Spicy's eyes widened in excitement. "A mare after my own heart! What good is a stallion if you can't show him he isn't the only one to buy long and squeaky things? I have a starter pack, you know?"

"A starter pack would be good!" Summer clutched at the offer like a drowning pony for a life raft. "How much is that and what does it have?"

"Let me show you. Would you like me to model them?" As he turned and walked to the front counter, Spicy Hot waved his hips from side to side with each step, mimicking a mare's gait perfectly. He even stopped halfway to look over his shoulder to see which of the couple was watching. When he saw that both were, he let out a titter.

Finishing up at the counter, Spicy reached behind it and pulled out a brown bag. "This is the basic starter pack. It includes a penis, a vulva, and two anuses. The latter come together because I found one wears out too quickly." He deployed his eyebrows again. "Then you get one special from the bonus toys box, and I get to choose something for you. Store policy."

Summer Breeze was hypnotized. There was a penis—a deflated, pony penis—on the bench and it sang in his ears. He knew all about songs. Ponies loved songs, but he would be damned if he was going to sing a song about a penis. He clamped his jaw closed.

"How much is the pack?" Anise asked.

"Just fifty bits. It's cheaper than buying all the things separately." Spicy Hot pointed to the penis and vulva. "It would be the same price to just get those together."

Recovering his focus, Summer gestured to the penis. "Where's the squiggly?"

"Oh." His face falling to sadness, Spicy Hot slumped in place. The bat pony's wings practically dragged on the ground. "You want a Star Bucks one, right?"

Summer Breeze looked from the suddenly dejected bat pony to his wife, then back. "N-Not exactly."

"That's their logo. It's on every toy they make somewhere. I call it a ketchup vein." Trotting to the branded section of his store, Spicy plucked up one of the display models. It lacked the enchantments to attach it. "See?"

Anise and Summer looked at the dong, and now that they had heard the term ketchup vein, all they could see was a hot dog sausage. Summer was the first to giggle, but then Anise joined in quickly.

"Now, this is what they call a Tall." Turning to the side, Spicy Hot used a wing to hold the dong beside him, at the angle and height that it would normally attach at. "Each of their sizes goes up by around twenty percent. They also make the seams of their toys intentionally weak—or so everypony is sure—just so you can't overinflate them.

"Hold on, I have a size chart here." Spicy Hot rummaged behind the display and found the big, folding cardboard sign. Hefting it out with his wings, he set it up against the wall and stood beside it.

Summer Breeze's eyes widened. The Short size looked, well, normal. It was how big a dong should be—to his way of thinking. The Tall that Spicy had shown him was bigger, of course, and ended just behind the bat pony's forelegs. By the time he looked at the Trenta, however, his eyes were bulging: the rubber dong ended nearly a foot forward of Spicy Hot's nose. "Does that even fit in—?"

"Trenty-boy? Oh, my precious, no!" Reaching out his wing, Spicy Hot pulled Anise over to stand in his place. "Trenta is for ponies to worship. There is no way for that monstrosity to get inside somepony. Although, somedragon maybe…" He tapped his chin in though as he looked at Anise Seed modeling in front of the size guide.

"I thought you didn't like them?" Summer was struggling to not imagine Anise with one of the toys. It worked until she turned and smiled at him. The image of his wife struggling to walk with a pony pole bigger around than her head caused him to suddenly tremble.

A warm wing wrapped over Summer Breeze's back and stilled his shaking. It took his distracted brain nearly four seconds to realize that the wing belonged to Spicy Hot.

"Of course I don't like them. But everypony asks about them, and they,"—When Summer pulled away, Spicy made no attempt to stop him—"have good marketing. But their range is limited, and they don't make me a lot of bits."

Anise Seed watched Spicy Hot interact with her husband. He's cute when he's flustered, she thought—her eyes focused on Summer. "So, if they are junk, what would you recommend for two ponies who want to play?"

"Well!" Spicy Hot spread one wing, bowed deeply over it, and used the other to flick a card up. "First you need a Canterlot Crops Club Card. Then you need to tell me what you want to do. I can sell you all the vulvas in the world, but if you want to swordfight they'll be useless to you."

A question quickly rushed to Summer Breeze's lips. He clamped down his teeth on it, fighting to keep it in, but he had to know. "What's a swordfight?" The moment he asked, Spicy Hot smiled wider.

"A sword fight is where you both balance on your back legs and angle a penis forward. You sway your hips to bang at each other's length until the enchantment on one lets go, or one of you loses control." Spicy Hot reached out for the shelf of toys at his side. "Would you like a demonstration?"

"No!" Summer yelled.

"Maybe…" Anise said at the same time.

At Summer's look of astonishment, Anise stuck her tongue out at him.

"You're both doing this to get me worked up, aren't you?" Summer Breeze watched Anise and Spicy both nod. "Okay. You both win.

Summer Breeze stood as straight as he could, ruffled his wings into a neater fold at his sides, and stared directly into Spicy Hot's eyes. "We'll take a double set of everything you suggest."

Anise looked astonished.

Spicy looked orgasmic.

First to verbally react, Anise Seed stomped toward Summer Breeze. "What are you playing at? I don't want—"

Summer silenced Anise with a boop on the nose. "Oh no. You helped start this. Now you have to deal with it. Within reason, I want two of everything that we would want."

Anise took a deep breath. She knew full well she had been tempting fate. "O-Okay. But you know that means you get to wear a vulva every now and again, right? Like the one in class but a lot more sensitive."

"Did you marry me because I was insecure?" Leaning to Anise, Summer rubbed his nose against hers. "Besides, it might be fun."

Spicy Hot, having taken a moment while the two talked, rushed up to them and passed each a brown paper bag with handles. The bags were empty, but Spicy was already planning to remedy that. "Here you go. Now, let's forget these toys for everypony, and get some things just for you two."

Anise Seed was pulled along in Spicy Hot's enthusiasm, and when she looked to the side Summer Breeze was there with her. "O-Okay. Well, we want a penis."

Freezing in place, Spicy Hot turned his head with a big grin on his face. "Oh! My little sugar-dumpling… Who doesn't want a penis?"

Summer was relieved that he wasn't the target of the fun teasing this time. "Five minutes ago? Her!" Once again Summer Breeze felt himself wrapped in a big, leathery wing. Spicy Hot leaned in close, looked in his eyes, and just before their lips could touch the bat pony let out half of a soft breath.

His voice low, Spicy Hot flicked his large eyelashes just once. "Happily married for eleven years, six of them celibate. I can promise you she wants a penis more than you do." He leaned a little closer, smelling—tasting—Summer Breeze's breath, then pulled away. "So! Two penises."

"Two in total, or two each?" Anise seemed unable to stop from saying things that made Spicy Hot happy. Her latest statement made the bat blush.

"Just remember, if you attach more than one penis at once, you must make sure your partner has more than one hole-type orifice." Looking between the pair, Spicy tried his best somber face and felt he had mixed success. "Trust me, this is one math problem you don't want to get wrong."

Looking between Spicy and Summer, Anise gulped and nodded. "Two each."

"Each?!" Summer stared at his wife, at her look of apprehension, and sighed. He pulled out from under Spicy Hot's wing and nuzzled Anise's cheek. "You must be the most amazing mare in any world, because I can't say no to this. But you know what I'm going to get."

"Boobs." Anise kissed Summer's nose in return. "I want them too, so that's win-win."

Spicy was confused for a moment. "What's 'boobs'?"

Anise looked at Spicy with equal confusion. "Breasts?" Spicy shook his head at her. "Uh, fun-bags?" Another shake. "Nipples?"

Quickly catching on to the problem, Summer Breeze cleared his throat. "An udder and teats."

"You want an udder and teats? But…" Spicy Hot lifted a wing up to ward both ponies off for a moment. He composed himself. "Spicy Hot, you swore an oath not to shame anypony's kink. Now,"—he lifted his head to look Anise and Summer directly in the face—"I don't have those things here, but there's a maternity store over on main street that can help you out."

Seeing his two customers wilt, Spicy Hot started to panic. "Wait! What do you need exactly?"

Summer Breeze nuzzled Anise's cheek again, trying to lift her spirits. "An udder and teats that are sensitive. They don't need to work for foals, just…"

"Strange idea, but I couldn't say no to some ponies who want more ways to feel good. Leave it with me and I'll contact one of my suppliers." Spicy Hot swelled with pride at the hopeful looks on Summer and Anise's faces. "Now, moving past that, what else?"

Anise Seed nudged at Summer's side, tilted her head up and smiled at Spicy. "I want a vulva." Successful in not giggling, she continued. "Why not make it two?!"

His face pulling into a slight moue of distaste, Spicy Hot led the way. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather a pair of anuses? Think of the excitement!"

"We're not going to get out of here without an anus, are we?" Summer Breeze already knew the answer. "If we take an anus each, can we have two vulvas?"

"Summer! We aren't in a negotiation here. I would like to have at least an anus between us, and as you said yourself, Mr. Hot, we are balancing a math problem: two vulvas each." Anise Seed looked between the two stallions and suddenly realized she has done exactly what both wanted.

Spicy Hot pranced like a young stallion showing off for his beau. He led the way to where the vulvas were kept, waited patiently for Anise and Summer to pick some, and then made his way to the anuses. "These are the jewels. Innie, outie, puckered, plump, tight, loose— You name it, I have it."

Despite his confusion as to why they were even buying anuses, Summer Breeze looked along them. He gestured to one that had what he thought was a little rubber doughnut on it. "Is this for real? Why are there so many kinds?"

Plucking up another, Spicy Hot lifted up the display model and almost kissed the ring. "It's called a ponut. Nopony knows why there are so many, but I'll say this: they're all fun. If you want some advice from a stallion who's tried all of these? This one."

Anise inspected the inflated model that Spicy was pointing to. There was a little bit of a puckering ponut, but the middle looked like all the rubber was drawn together tight. "Why?"

"It's soft. It's stretchy. It's nice and plump for kissing, and it won't fight a tongue. But the best reason,"—Spicy Hot leaned forward with his hoof and pushed at the toy and the rubber parted and spread around his whole leg—"if there was an anus that could take a Trenta, this would be it."

There was something almost hypnotic—for Summer Breeze—about watching Spicy Hot's leg slide in and out of the anus on display. "We'll take it. One each." Summer stood in shock at what he'd said. He watched as Spicy pulled his foreleg from the toy and the thing returned to its normal shape.

Spicy Hot was extravagant and knew it. He was also very good at selling things to horny ponies. "Now, we have the basics covered. You remember the name of my store, right?"

"Canterlot Cro— Oh!" Anise's eyes slid sideways to Summer. Their relationship on Earth had its fair share of fun involved, and she had often liked to wear a blindfold, or give her husband some extra encouragement with a smack on the rump. "What do you have?"

Like a princess at her first ball, Spicy Hot danced and spun on one hoof, twirling his way into the bondage section of his shop.

It had taken them more than just two discrete bags to get their purchases home. Spicy Hot had been generous with first-time customer discounts, and had promised to look into "crotch-boobs." A lot of relief was had by Summer and Anise when they had all of their possessions behind locked doors.

"Why did we spend so much on this?" Anise lifted out one of the vulvas from her bag. Like the other things, it was deflated, and despite her question she was already lifting the toy to her lips to inflate it.

Summer pulled out one of the penises he got. "Because Spicy Hot's a really good salesbat." He began to inflate the penis, huffing breath after breath into the toy. Unlike the demonstration units from their sex-ed class, this one had a one-way valve in it.

The couple stared at each other lovingly as they blew air into the solution to their six-year abstinence problem. Anise Seed finished inflating her vulva first, looked over her work and carefully tucked the valve under the seam made to hide it.

With an almost shaking hoof, Anise reached back and pressed the toy under her tail. The moment it was there the magic took hold. Her eyes flew open as sensations long-lost rushed back into her. Anise Seed wasn't just capable of experiencing erotic sensations again, she was wallowing in thoughts of doing so. "Aren't you done yet?"

Laughing too hard to hope to continue inflating the penis, Summer Breeze passed the toy over to her. "If you want to give me my first blow-job in six years, go for it."

Anise managed to not giggle for nearly five seconds—long enough for her to lift the valve to her lips—before she started to chuckle at the pun. Focusing, however, she put a bunch of mighty breaths into the penis, bringing it to full hardness. Holding it up, she examined the size and shape. Then she licked one of her hooves and ran it from the tip to the medial ring, coaxing a loud squeaking sound from it.

When both recovered from a greater case of the giggles, Anise thrust the toy toward Summer. "Okay, put it on and tell me how it feels."

It took all of Summer Breeze's fortitude to reached down and back with his wing. He lifted his leg up as high as he could and looked at his featureless belly. "Uh…" He looked some more. "Where exactly does it go? Twilight class only talked about vulva placement, remember?"

"Summer, sweetie, are you telling me you don't know where to stick your penis?" The situation Anise Seed was in demanded comedy. They were adults playing with inflatable rubber toys—the jokes were endless. "All you have to do is ask for me to help. I bet I can find somewhere to stick it."

"Not. Helping." Summer fished around under himself, trying to judge where would be a good spot for the dong. The moment he pressed it to his flesh his supporting back leg folded and he let out a whimper. There was a fire rushing through him, a fire he hadn't felt for real in six years.

"That good, huh?" Anise studied Summer's distracted face—she loved how goofy he suddenly appeared. Turning around, she lifted her tail to one side and waggled her hips. "Well? Come on, stud!"

Lunging to his hooves, Summer Breeze felt his oats. He stared at his offering wife and blew a very equine snort. A shiver of lust powered through Summer, and he advanced on Anise.

Anise Seed was ready for her husband to mount her, to plow her with the silly-seeming toy until she screamed his name, but she wasn't ready for the nuzzle against her rubber vulva. "Ohhh…" Her legs turned to jello, only supporting her by sheer determination. His tongue made her shake and tremble as it traced her new entrance.

Turning her head, Anise watched her husband offer her body a precursor to the relief she'd needed for years. Summer's wings were half spread, flapping a little as he continued to urge sounds of happiness from her throat.

Cherry. Summer hadn't realized the rubber toys would have a taste, but cherry wasn't a bad one. He nuzzled at the dampening entrance, pressed his snout firmly against the vulva, and licked deep into Anise.

"Get on me, damn you!" Anise laughed as she shouted, the comedy of the situation transitioning into the sexual encounter. When Summer's mouth left her, though, she regretted telling him. She started to turn back to him when his weight fell upon her croup. A gasp escaped her lungs, and a big smile covered her lips.

Something wild and consuming took hold of Summer. He was a horse—a little horse—and he was on his mare. He shoved forward, pushing himself further up Anise's back. Instinct put him into the right position, and Summer Breeze bucked forward.

Feeling Summer's shaft slide between her legs, Anise tried to adjust her stance a little. She crouched her back legs a little, pushed up with her forelegs as much as she could, and when another buck of Summer's hips came, he still speared between her legs. "Where did you aim that thing?"

Summer whined and looked to the side and down. Sure enough, his dong was pointing nearly directly at the floor. "I think I put it on wrong!"

Anise tried to shift her husband from her back. Unsuccessful, she turned to glare at him. "Get off me and get on the bed. On your back." She was too horny, now, to leave anything to chance.

"Sweetie?" Summer did as told, however, climbing up on the bed instead of his wife, and rolled on his back. Sure enough, he could now see he'd attached the dong too far back—it pointed forward and up.

Silencing her husband with one lick—from the base of his rubber shaft to its tip—Anise Seed watched in delight as he slumped, boneless, to his back. Another lick drew a moan from him, and a third seemed to melt his concentration completely.

Psyching herself up, Anise moved a little further over Summer, tilted her head down and slightly back, and took the tip of the rubber dong in her mouth. With the taste of honey slathering her tongue in flavor, she let out a moan of her own as she started to push down.

Stretching his neck upward so he could see Anise, Summer's eyes widened at the sight of her mouth engulfing what felt like his shaft. The moment her lips reached the medial ring, however, a squeaking sound came from the toy—and bliss exploded in his brain.

Caught with a rubber penis in her mouth, Anise wanted to giggle, but also wanted to see more of the delightedly silly expression on Summer's face. Squaring off against her case of the giggles, she pushed down more and—thanks to the wonder that was a longer-than-human mouth and neck—kissed the spot where the rubber toy touched his groin.

Anise rolled her eyes up to see Summer staring at her with undisguised adoration. She didn't care that this was silly. She didn't care that six years had passed in abstinence. All that mattered to Anise Seed was how happy she and Summer Breeze were.

Summer didn't realize what his wings were doing, and under the circumstances he couldn't really think about cute and silly little flaps they were doing. Then Anise started to pull up and off him. Pleasure rocked through Summer's body, and even the squeak of the toy as her mouth passed the medial ring couldn't stop him from moaning in appreciation.

In her groove, Anise rocked slowly as she fellated the rubber toy. She needed more, though. Despite Summer having revved her engine earlier, she was back to idle. Sinking back down along Summer's shaft, Anise moved forward as she pulled off. "I can't work out how to get it off you, but if you stand up straight you should be able to get the right angle."

"A-Alright." Summer watched Anise slide off him and turn herself around. Rolling from the bed, he advanced on her, rubbed her rump with one hoof, and then delivered a firm smack. "That's my little filly. Let me just—"

Anise almost screamed in excitement as the rubber toy pushed against her rubber vulva. Something was vastly different about her body, but it wasn't until the rubber dong squeaked loudly against the tight vulva that she realized what—the shaft pushed into her.

It shouldn't have been possible, but Summer wasn't going to question it. He was inside Anise, he was sharing the most intimate thing a mare and a stallion could, and he was having a lot of fun doing it. Balancing on his back hooves was made easy by bracing his forelegs on each of Anise's hips, and it meant that the first thrust met little resistance, nor the second, or any of the rest.

Powerful hips met her rear. Anise stared ahead in captivated bliss as her husband kept in motion. The only thing louder than her whimpering moans was the squeaking sound. Rubber on rubber, wet with some kind of juices, the toys squealed with each movement—and there was a lot of movement.

Bucking faster and faster, Summer Breeze flapped his wings in time with each thrust. At first he tried to ignore the squeaking sounds coming from the union, but the longer the lovemaking went the more he got used to it—even incorporated it into the moment.

Two voices raised to fever pitch as their bodies reached crescendo. The ultimate expression of love and promise carried out with the help of rubber sex toys. As the rush of climax and adrenaline faded, both Summer and Anise slumped onto the bed amid giggles, kisses, and squeaking rubber.

"Again?" Anise asked.

"Definitely!" Summer shifted, reached between his back legs and repositioned the dong.

"… and then we did go again! And again!" Anise Seed giggled and squirmed in place. She tilted her head to the side to press her cheek against Summer Breeze's own.

"I couldn't believe how enlivening it was. Even after we were done with one run, I was ready to go again and again." Turning his face fully to Anise, Summer kissed her on the tip of her nose. He turned back again. "I don't know how to thank you, Mr. Hot."

Spicy Hot was standing behind the counter in his store, leaning on the hardwood and fanning his face with one wingtip—he didn't mind when a customer shared a little, but he'd just gotten a rundown of nearly six months of sexual escapades. "I'm glad you found a use for everything, Mr. Smokin'." Despite his flustered condition, Spicy Hot would not give up a chance to flirt. "I have a present for you."

Summer looked back at Anise with confusion on his face, then toward Spicy. "A present?"

Nodding Spicy Hot stopped fanning himself. "After your request I spoke to the nice salesstallion at Prams and Things—oh gosh he had a flank that wouldn't quit! What I wouldn't give to slap a saddle on him and ride him all the way home."

"The present?" Anise asked, trying to get the bat back on track.

"Oh yes! Udder and teats. So I thought to myself, 'Spicy, you scrumptious morsel, if you have one customer wanting these, you're bound to have ten.' So I ordered a dozen sets and took them to a friend's friend's friend. You see, I know a unicorn who knows a pegasus who knows an A-L-I-C-O-R-N—if you know what I mean—who can do the most wild enchantments. Anyway, long story short, I have this."

Anise Seed stared at the two jiggling mounds that Spicy Hot placed on the bench before her. They looked nothing like what breasts should be on a human, but there was something about them that just looked right. She straightened up. "Mr. Hot, do you have a bathroom?"

"Not for customers, but you two are hardly that, now. Here you go." Spicy held up a key on a key ring. "Employee only, executive bathroom. Don't be too long." With a gesture to a door in the back corner of the store, Spice waggled his eyebrows at the couple.

Summer Breeze took the key ring—while trying to ignore the little penis on it, and how it jiggled—and led the way to the back room. Anise was practically prancing behind him, and Summer knew his own gait held more flourish than usual. After months of wonderful sex, his mood was high.

While Summer opened the door, Anise slipped past him and into the bathroom. She froze: bathrooms didn't usually have eye-bolts in the wall and a selection of rubber dongs in a custom rack on display. Anise couldn't help but giggle. "I swear, he just wanted to show this room off to us."

"Me, you mean. I don't have the heart to tell him to stop, though. He's so energetic!" Summer watched Anise hold up the jiggling toy on her hoof. "So, uh…"

"It doesn't look to be inflatable. Feels like there's some kind of liquid in them already. Well, here goes nothing." Anise leaned against the wall, lifted her leg and reached under herself with a foreleg. The moment she pressed the udder into place she let out a happy, low groan.

The hanging udders felt amazing. Anise's every movement caused them to jiggle and sway a little. She was just about ready to pluck them off and go tell Spicy that they were great, when her husband's wings curled around each of her hips and under her. "Summer!"

Accepting the moan as his due, Summer Breeze began to slowly massage and rub the hanging mammaries. He braced his chest against Anise's rump and reached a hoof between her back legs. "They feel so soft, so heavy. What're they like?"

Anise might as well have been wearing a blindfold and ear plugs. She let out a moan as Summer stroked up between her teats, then found one with his hoof. "St-stop. I don't think he wanted us to make a mess!"

Withdrawing his wings, Summer Breeze kissed down his wife's croup and rump—he ended at the tip of her hair-covered dock. "You're probably right. Besides, we don't have all our toys here."

Reaching back, Anise carefully removed the udder with yet another groan and turned around. "You are a naughty stallion, Summer Breeze." She kissed him, briefly. "Don't change."

Cleaning and locking up behind themselves, Summer slipped out of the bathroom behind Anise, a big grin on his face. They trotted back up to the front counter—both prancing.

"Things went well?" Spicy Hot didn't have to ask. Anise held the udders with a possessive stance, and both ponies looked happier than a changeling in the Crystal Empire.

"Better than well." Summer Breeze kissed Anise Seed on the cheek. "We'll take them."

"No. There was a deal." Spicy Hot's eyes were dancing. "Two pair, as you requested." He set another pair of udders on the bench and winked at Summer Breeze. "You can't tell me you aren't interested. That room isn't fully soundproofed."

Summer Breeze had long since decided (actually six months ago to the day) that he would try new things. Vulvas. Anuses. He'd even let Anise put the blindfold on him. So when he was offered a set of what amounted—in his mind—to breasts, he just smiled and nodded. "Oh, and Mr. Hot?"

Every time his new favorite customers called him that, Spicy's eyelashes would flutter all on their own. "Yes?" He stretched the word out while he rang up the two toys.

"I licked one of your special toys in there. Just one. From the bottom to the top." Summer Breeze noticed the exact moment Spicy Hot's mind melted. "I might have even sucked on it a little."

"Summer!" Anise laughed as she chided her husband. She quickly passed the correct amount of bits shown on the register to Spicy's unresponsive hoof. "Spicy? Are you okay?"

Shaking his head, Spicy hot nodded vigorously. "Of course! Let me just count how many penises—I mean bits—you licked for me—I mean gave!" His heart beating fast, Spicy Hot realized he had been outplayed, for once. "You two don't have too much fun, now."

Summer Breeze was about to reply, but Spicy Hot was already running for the back room. "Bye Mr. Hot!"

The trip home from Canterlot had been accomplished with lots of giggles and nose-rubbing. In public, Anise and Summer tended to do the nose-rubbing a lot, since it was apparently foal-friendly to do. The world might try to censor a lot of behavior, but such a simple show of affection wasn't such.

As they neared their house, talking about the fun they were about to have with their new toys, a strange sight caused them confusion. Standing at the front door to their house, with a baby carriage at her side, was Princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire.

Anise was first to respond. She trotted up and bowed to Cadance. "S-Sorry to keep you waiting, Princess, but we've just come back from Canterlot."

Edging around Anise, Summer Breeze nodded in agreement and opened the door. "Please. Come inside."

Cadance loved her jobs. Empress of the Crystal Empire (her subjects had started insisting on her using the full title when at home) and her duties in governance of the heart. Not the Crystal Heart, of course, but everypony's heart. "Thank you! Twilight told me so many things about you that when I saw we had a delivery, I thought I would make it personally."

"We are humbled by your visit, Princess Cadance, but a little confused. A delivery?" Anise bustled around her home, preparing drinks and snacks. Summer was in just as much of a panic, she realized, but he was doing his best to help her.

"Surely Twilight told you in your class?" Looking between Anise and Summer, Cadance noted some confusion in their expressions. "Having fun together. Foals. Please tell me you are ready for parenthood."

The tray of drinks fell from Anise's hooves—she didn't even see it get rescued by bright blue magic. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, but she couldn't say anything.

"F-Foal? But—" Summer composed himself. He took a deep breath. "Princess Cadance, we have been hoping for a f-foal for over ten years. We thought—we thought we couldn't have one. We did attend the school, but we thought Anise would have to get pregnant, and…" He trailed off at Cadance's confused look.

"She was supposed to tell you all about delivery. I'm going to have to give her a new syllabus." Glad to hear that they wanted a foal, Cadance cleared her throat and reached into the carriage with her own hooves to lift the little bundle out. "Anise Seed, Summer Breeze, it is with great pleasure that I am here to deliver your little filly."

Anise fainted.

Summer's mouth worked without him being able to get a word out. He reached up to Princess Cadance and took the tiny bundle from her. Wrapped in her blankets, the tiny pony had eyes the same color as his own. The full realization settled in, pushing Summer to intense joy.

Cadance didn't need to be Princess of Love to see the instant bond between father and daughter. She turned her attention to Anise—who was now struggling to get back up.

As soon as Anise's eyes could focus, and she saw her filly, she completely forgot there was a princess in the room. Emotion poured out in palpable waves that she couldn't hold back. She looked up at her husband and started crying for joy. "H-H-How does this—?"

"Don't question it, Anise. We're little ponies." Summer hugged his wife and daughter close, his eyes no drier than Anise's.

Author's Note

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