Chapters View Online
So, You Want to be a Princess?
2 - Always Read (and Believe) the Fine Print
Carter Arvil - 4/25/2018
Crosstown Realty - Long Island City, Queens
The sun hung low in the sky as Carter locked his office door for the day.
It’s insane how much time three clients can suck out of your day. I’ve been in mission briefings for counterterrorism operations half as long as that last guy’s pitch.
The weary real estate agent tested the doorknob. The door rattled, the knob remained in place. Satisfied everything had been properly locked he turned and left the building. Passing through the labyrinth of identical gray corridors was a simple matter. Making it through without being spotted by a co-worker and subsequently paralyzed by an inane conversation about work was much more difficult.
Carter moved through the halls like a ghost. He made every step heel first, taking care to watch for stray objects on the floor. Pencils, pens, balls of paper, they were all potential landmines. One false move and a slight crunch could draw the attention of up to three gossip hungry coworkers.
Carter’s silent footfalls brought him closer and closer to glorious freedom. But there were other obstacles. Windows, each offering a view into an office as easily as they offered a view out into the hallway. Carter ducked, dipped, and quick-stepped under each window he could. Each small dip downwards threatening to cause his duffle bag to scrape against the carpet.
A black business suit may not be the stealthiest clothing in existence, but it’s good enough for me.
At last the elevator was in sight. The second to last gateway to freedom, guarded by a T-intersection perfect for ambushing weary people just trying to go home. Carter reached into his jacket pocket and retrieved a small dentist's mirror attached to a telescoping rod. The perfect tool for checking corners.
He extended the rod with a flick of his wrist, lay flat against the wall and checked the corners expertly. Left then right. Two small flashes of glass under fluorescent lights. Not enough to give away his position. Nothing.
Thank goodness , Carter sighed to himself. Most day’s I’d need a few fentanyl grenades and an M203 to get out of this place on time.
Carter quickly crossed the open floor and quietly pressed the elevator call button. His fantasy of firing a pair of knock-out grenades into the hallways to either side played out vividly in his mind as the aging elevator whirred to life.
It’s not that I hate them. I simply want to leave at seven p.m. as scheduled. I’m not getting paid to talk to them after seven and nothing they have to say will be interesting.
“Oh, Carter. Did you hear that Jason landed the Hershey's contract?” “Hey, I accidentally jammed the copier on the third floor. Think they’ll know it was me?” “Carter, I need help with a presentation on Thursday.”
It’s as if working here for a decade kills off every part of your brain leaving save for what is needed to sell property. I need to find a new job before my next birthday. I do not want to become 8 of 12, Tertiary Realtor of Office Five.
Carter’s brow furrowed as the elevator’s hum stopped. It had arrived at his floor. Sheer reflex allowed Carter to throw himself flat against the wall before the elevator opened.
The elevator doors dinged open.
Carter closed his eyes and listened. No shoes scraping against tacky elevator tile from the 70s. No breathing. No sound of someone tapping the close door button. It was safe.
Or is it? Miss Young is notable for being a god-damn paperwork ninja…
Carter swept his mirror up, twisting it to quickly check the elevator. Empty. Good.
Closing the mirror with one swift motion, Carter stepped into the elevator. The mirror went back into his pocket, and a small silver key came out.
It’s amazing just how easily you can get your hands on things like this. Carter smiled as he slid a key into the Elevator’s Fire Service Mode toggle.
The key clicked into place. Carter turned it to Bypass Mode and hit the button for the basement. No one would be able to call the elevator until he was done with it.
Normally this was more than enough for him to escape unscathed. Unfortunately, with his car in the shop, Carter’s usual escape plan had to fit in an emergency operation.
Thirty-two seconds. Carter nodded to himself as the elevator began to descend. Operation Tom Cruise Escape is go!
Carter dropped his duffle bag on the floor. It had been pre-unzipped for the mission. A dark blur and the clanking of a dozen buckles filled the elevator as Carter went to work. His suit jacket came off. A black leather motorcycle jacket went on. Suit pants came off. Leather business shoes were exchanged for full length riding boots. His suit pants were swiftly replaced by Kevlar reinforced riding pants.
The elevator began to slow as it approached the basement. Almost there… Carter took his helmet from his bag, jammed it on his head, fastened the strap, and zipped up the bag just in time for the doors to ding open.
A sea of cardboard boxes, abandoned filing cabinets, half-resupplied janitor’s carts, and old pizza boxes was unveiled as the elevator’s doors slid open. Faintly, in the distance, Carter could hear the plunk plunk plunk of the janitor playing Minecraft.
Carter retrieved his key and stepped into the mess.
“Watch out, Carter,” The Janitor called from somewhere within the mess. “Young’s looking for you.”
“Thanks for not giving away my escape route.” Carter slipped his bag over his shoulders diagonally.
“Just keep the bribes coming, my friend!”
Carter closed his helmet’s visor. The reflective silver layer on the outside made the perfect projection surface on the inside. He tapped the side of his helmet with a finger. The helmet switched on, projecting his phone’s home screen into a small spot in the lower left of his field of view.
Carter began to jog towards the side door. He tapped his helmet button twice. “Hey, Siri. Where is The Boss?”
“Let me check…” The digital assistant opened Carter’s phone tracker app instantly fetching the location of Miss Young’s phone.
She’s on the third floor. Carter smiled. Victory! I knew it was worth it to slip the app into her phone. If only she would run to the bathroom and forget her purse again. I didn’t know there were apps which would give me an automatic perimeter warning on top of tracking .
Carter reached the stairs and ran up them. A moment later and the side door opened. The almost-but-not-quite fresh air of New York City filled Carter’s nostrils. Sweet freedom was almost his. Carter only had to reach his bike.
He had parked in the alley rather than the parking garage. A dubious legal action, but one necessary for the mission. Carter ran to the inconspicuous filthy tarp which appeared to conceal a pile of old pallets. He yanked the filth-encrusted plastic-fabric off. Beneath it was a pristine underside, the top side's filth being in fact painted on. Beneath the tarp was his motorcycle.
She was a beauty, a vintage 1969 Indian Chief, wine red tank and fenders, chrome and black frame, black leather. All perfectly restored to factory new condition, and then upgraded from that state into something more. Which is why he had hidden her in addition to chaining her to a handy dumpster.
Okay, Baby. You need to start on the first kick. If she sees me out a window and yells for me to wait…
Carter bent down and entered the combination to remove the chain. Something in the dumpster rustled. Carter’s eyes widened.
Please be a cat, please be a cat, please be a—
“Ahem!” A twenty-something-year-old woman’s voice eliminated from above Carter’s head.
“No…” Carter moaned, closing his eyes as tightly as he could.
“I’m afraid so,” Miss Young set her arms on the edge of the dumpster and levered herself out, landing on the ground with a wet squelch.
Carter couldn’t help but notice his boss was wearing a disposable clean suit. One which was now so thoroughly covered in unspeakable filth its original color couldn’t be determined. Miss Young unzipped the suit and stepped out of it carefully, so as not to soil her cream-colored pant-suit.
“I’m afraid your spy shenanigans won't get you out of trouble this time, Mister Arvil.” Miss young balled up the clean suit and tossed it back into the dumpster. “After nine years I’ve learned too many of your tricks.”
Carter smiled behind his helmet. Oh, honey… I’m not allowed to injure, kill, or incapacitate you. You’ve learned one percent of my tricks.
Carter raised his visor. “I have an appointment to keep. Can you please make it quick?”
Miss Young nodded. “Of course. We have sort of a problem here. You apparently didn’t put one of the new cover sheets on your sales report.”
Carter frowned and thought back to his last report. “Oh. I guess I did. I’m sorry.”
Miss Young nodded. “Yes. You see, we’re putting the new sheets on all sales reports before they go out. You did get the memo about this, right?”
“Yes. I got the memo,” Carter nodded, not to confirm he had gotten the memo but rather to try to blind his boss with his helmet HUD projector. Damn! It’s not bright enough. My kingdom for a flashbang! “I forgot. It won't happen again. Reports don’t go upstairs until Monday evening. I’ll have it fixed first thing Monday.”
Miss Young nodded twice. “If you could just go ahead and do that from now on, that would be great. Oh, and I’ll make sure you get another copy of that memo. Wait here, I’ll be back with it.”
Miss Young turned around and began to walk briskly out of the ally.
“No! I have the memo. We’re fine!” Carter held up his hands.
“I have other paperwork for you, Carter,” she glared at Carter over her shoulder. “If you would prefer a police free evening, you’ll get all of it done and have it on my desk first thing Monday morning.”
Ah. She left her phone on her desk intentionally rather than forgetting it accidentally.
“If you kept business to business hours, I wouldn’t have had to track your phone,” Carter crossed his arms over his chest.
“If you understood that the hours on your timesheet are there for legal reasons only, I wouldn’t have had to bribe someone to tell me how you leave daily.” Miss Young shot back as she turned the corner and vanished.
Carter’s eyes narrowed as a flame of pure hatred began to burn within his chest. His mind focused entirely on a particular janitor. If his years of training hadn’t conditioned Carter to obey a superior’s orders to the letter, he would have gone back into the basement to deliver some choice words. As it stood now…
Carter’s eyes burned a hole in the basement door. “Traitor!”
Carter turned to mount his bike. Not to leave, but to wait for his boss to return without worrying it would be stolen behind his back. As he turned his eyes fell on some trash Miss Young had knocked out of the dumpster.
A non-dairy creamer bottle. The powder kind. Paul loves his coffee… Carter’s eyes sparkled as an idea took form within his mind. Begin Operation Montezuma!
Carter reached down, picked up the bottle, and secured it in his duffle bag’s side pouch. Carter flicked his head to drop his visor in front of his eyes. His HUD was visible once more.
“Hey, Siri, go to Amazon.”
“Okay.”
The storefront loaded after a few seconds of pure agony which reminded Carter of 1993 far too much. I’m so happy mobile users can use Alexa on their phone now.
“Alexa, search for powdered laxatives. Max strength.”
By the time Miss Young returned, Operation Montezuma's logistics had been handled and Carter was more than happy to come in a little early on Monday.
Carter’s townhouse in Scarsdale was only a half hour’s drive from Queens. Carter pulled into his driveway an hour later, his duffle bag weighed down by several hundred sheets of paper. All of which needed to be processed into various spreadsheets.
Intern work, not agent work. Young would have made me do it even if she wasn’t angry at me. She must know how I feel about her forcing extra work on me. Carter drove his bike into his garage and dismounted.
He shook his head slowly and hit the button to close the garage door. The motor’s hum filled the room as Carter took off his helmet and set it on his messy workbench.
Whatever. I still have some time to be myself this weekend. He opened the inner door and stepped into his house. Carla’s house.
The garage door led directly into the kitchen. Many people would have killed for those white oak cabinets, spacious breakfast bar, stainless steel countertops, and deluxe appliances. Carter would have killed for the door which made unloading groceries easier.
Carter dropped the duffle bag on the counter top as he walked by. He moved on auto-pilot, shrugging out of his jacket and boots. Placing them on and under the coat rack respectively. Heading directly for the bathroom. Just like every other time he walked through the door.
Work is over. My time is mine again. I can be me. Carter thought as he headed for the bathroom.
The clock radio on the kitchen counter crackled as Carter passed by.
Carter stopped mid step, his eyes narrowed. Wait…
He turned and looked at the radio. It was a cheap one he had bought at Walmart years ago. The normal black radio with a red LED display one could find in any home.
Its radio was off. Carter never listened to the radio. He used it exclusively as a clock.
Did someone bug my house? Carter frowned and stepped over to the radio. It's still switched off...
Retrieving the multi-tool he kept in his bike-pants Carter unfolded a screwdriver bit and went to pick up the radio. A small mote of yellow light arced between his fingertips and the radio, producing a much louder crackle.
SHIT! Carter jumped back, his heart skipping a beat as visions of electrocuted corpses flashed before his eyes.
Several seconds passed. The wrath of Thor did not come for Carter. He closed his eyes and let out a breath he didn’t remember holding.
I guess I had a lot of static build up. Was I dragging my feet on the carp— Carter frowned and looked down at the birch floorboards. “I don’t have carpet.”
He turned to look at the radio once more and raised an eyebrow. Is it just me or is that radio tinted pink?
Carter tapped the clock radio with his multi-tool. No sparks flew this time. He reached out with one hand and timidly picked it up, bringing the clock up to his face. The black plastic had a distinctly pink tint to it. It was as if someone had taken a shade of pink in a coloring program and turned the darkness slider almost all the way up.
“What the hell?” Carter frowned. “This… Isn’t mine.”
Or is it… Carter frowned even more. It feels like mine. Not that I could say how my clock feels off the top of my head… But… This is mine. I know it. But just in case...
Carter put the clock down, unplugged it, flipped it over, removed the battery, and opened the case. A quick inspection revealed no bugs (electronic or otherwise) nor other foreign objects installed in the clock.
Carter debated reassembling the clock but elected not too. Leaving the parts on the countertop he began a full bug sweep of his house.
The sweep didn’t take long. While he had not been allowed to take equipment home with him, Carter did know how to source equipment in the field. Over the years he had built up an “Essentials Kit”, which included bug sniffing equipment.
Twenty minutes later Carter was in his living room, returning the sniffer to its case. Nothing. Not a single thing. Weird… Either someone broke in and replaced my radio with a slightly pink one or the plastic recolored over the years. Which means the kitchen windows are not opaque to UV. Meaning I have a contractor to yell at.
Carter shook his head and stood up to return his kit to its hiding place. He took two steps, passing his TV. The large flat panel displays speakers hissed, crackling in the same way the radio had.
Carter froze again. I swept everything… Including my clothing. A human body shouldn’t contain enough static electricity to make speakers crackle. Am I going insane?
Carter reached out to touch the TV, expecting a spark to fly. Nothing.
He paused and looked at his hand for several seconds, then closed his eyes. Maybe I am. Mom said she started hearing things for a while after Grandma died. Grief can do funny things to you.
Carter took a deep breath and centered himself. Let’s get out of this monkey suit.
Carter left the living room, walking upstairs to his bedroom. It was not the sort of room one would expect a forty-year-old retired Agent to have.
The wall behind the bed was painted a deep purple, as was the ceiling. The other walls were black. Not that you could see much of the walls behind posters of classic cars, motorcycles, and guns. The pictures covered the gauntlet from photographs to paintings, to cutaway diagrams. They marked the walls as the den of a gearhead.
The furniture was all colored the same shade of ice-blue. Each piece had a slightly futuristic feel to it, with hidden LED strips giving them a light pink glow. The same shade of pink was found in the bedding. Sheets, comforter, quilt, all pink. A distinctly girly color scheme, with a dash of Star Trek fangirl.
The knickknacks decorating the room only reinforced the feel. A realistic sculpture of a robotic horse atop the dresser. A model Ford Mach 1 Mustang on the desk. A wall mounted rack holding up seven non-functioning prop rifles including: A M-60 with a red bandanna tied around it, an Armat M41A Pulse Rifle, a Mark IV Phaser Rifle circa 2373, and an M-79 Grenade Launcher.
There was also a “taxidermy” xenomorph head above the bedroom fireplace. There could be no mistake. This was the room of a little girl who had decided to grow up to be Ellen Ripley and succeeded.
Carter walked over to the bed and pushed the headboard inwards, then slid it up. The headboard opened with a click, revealing a hidden compartment where a few real weapons and espionage equipment was stored. He hung the Essentials kit back on its pegs, and closed the compartment back up. Then Carter crossed the floor to the closest to retrieve a gym bag, then resumed course for the bathroom.
Okay. Bit of a diversion but that’s okay. You should always check things out when electronics behave oddly. Carter thought as he walked into the bathroom and flicked on the lights.
The bathroom was unremarkable. It’s only notable features were the large vanity mirror, studio-grade lighting, and a large makeup kit. The Hollywood kind, not the normal cosmetics variety.
Carter set the gym bag down on the counter next to the sink. Alright. Let’s get comfortable.
Carter disrobed. Everything came off. Including the name Carter and the professional demeanor attached to it. It was time to be Carla now.
Carla took her phone out of Carter’s pants and set it on the countertop. She cued up her favorite playlist with a few taps, and the bathroom shook with the electric tones of AC/DC.
The Gym bag was opened, revealing the specialized clothing and prosthetics a person like Carla needed to exist. Step one, hide the bulge.
A few moment's work and Carla’s unwanted male organs were tucked away, hidden behind a layer of tape and gaff panties. Step two, fill out the hips.
Carla reached into her bag and retrieved the silicone hip pads she wore to fill out her female figure. She moved the left pad into position and paused, her lips pursing slightly.
“That looks larger than normal,” She mumbled to herself.
Carla looked into the mirror and wiggled her hips back and forth. Huh… They are a bit thicker. I must be gaining weight. I’ll have to keep an eye on that before I show it in the belly.
I have a feeling I’ll be called into work… I’d really like to be all set up for a few days, but I’ll play it safe and go with the quick method. She slipped the pads into her panties padding pockets, not wanting to glue them on as she usually did.
Now for step three. With her lower body handled Carla turned her attention to her waist. Her exercise routine kept her skinny, but without surgery, she would never have the proper curvature. Fortunately, that problem was quickly and easily fixed with a corset.
Four… Actually, I should check my chest. Carla gently cupped her chest. While she had no natural breasts to speak of she did feel a little bit of a bump under each hand. Yep. Gaining a little weight. I’ll go jogging twice as long tomorrow.
Carla quickly slipped on a simple black pocket-bra from her gym bag. Next, she removed her breast-forms from their case. Normally the silicone prosthetics were used by women who had a mastectomy. Fortunately for Carla, some doctor had decided to start selling them to transgender women as well.
The forms were inserted into the bra’s pockets and adjusted to sit in their proper shape. With the c-cup silicone prosthetics in place, Carla finally smiled. Her reflection no longer caused her discomfort.
I always like this part. She turned to admire herself in the mirror and frowned as she caught sight of her butt.
It was much more round and full than it should have been. Even with the padding filling out her boy-short like panties. A few quick pokes, prods, and wiggles confirmed the shape came from her and not the silicone pads.
That’s not how a guy gains weight… Carla’s eyes widened in terror. Oh god! Is Jake slipping me estrogen treatments? Nonononono! Doctors prescribe those for a good reason! You need testosterone blockers and the right dosage for our specific blood chemistry. I need to call him right now!
Carla snatched up her phone and hit the speed dial for her friend. The phone rang, and rang, and rang. With each passing Moment, Carla became more and more worried her friend was beyond reach. Then the phone clicked.
“Hey, Carla! What’s up?” Jake’s voice sounded especially happy through the phone.
Carla cleared her throat and adjusted her voice to her preferred female state. “I have a serious question. Are you slipping me estrogen treatments when you bring me lunch?”
“Nah, I just got the local sun goddess cast a transformation spell on the jacket I gave you. It was rigged to transfer to you when you touched it,” Jake said so conversationally it had to be a joke.
Carla rolled her eyes. “I’m serious, Jake. Please answer me.”
“Of course not. Why would you think I’d do that? I know it’s dangerous to self-dose that stuff.”
Carla closed her eyes and sighed in relief. “Thank god. I’m putting on weight and parts of me have filled out in a feminine way. I got spooked, that’s all.”
“Hey! That’s great!” Jake said with an audible smile. “Your body is finally listening to your mind and not being a jerk.”
“Heh. That would be nice,” Carla said shaking her head. “Anyways, I’m going to finish changing now. Goodbye.”
Carla took her phone away from her ear to hang up.
“Wait!” Jake called loudly enough to get her to press her phone back against her head.
“Yes?”
“That woman you asked me to check out? She’s legitimate.”
Carla’s eyebrow rose. “She is?”
“Yep! She’s a little eccentric, but the offer is completely real. I spoke to the lawyer who wrote up the contracts, talked to her, even got to see the park’s location. It’s a real offer, and it sucks so hard that the place is a ruin right now.”
“A ruin?” Carla sighed. “I knew there was a catch.”
“It’s not unfixable. But someone would need to invest time and money. It’s a real shame because even like this the place is amazing. There are houses made of solid crystal!”
“You mean plastic?”
“It sounds like crystal when you tap on it.”
Carla hummed. “Interesting. Well, I’ll look over the papers after I finish up then.”
“Cool! Let me know if you buy it. I want to help. You really feel like you’re in a whole other world there. It’s magic!”
Carla snorted. “Don’t drink any more Koolaid, Jake. I’ll check it out. Talk to you soon.”
“I’m not drinking the Koolaid. It really does feel like a mag̵i҉cal ҉ki—crrrrrr—o͟m. B̕y̕e!”
Carla jumped as her phone spat the same static from before into her ear. The smartphone tumbled, hit the tile floor and bounced.
“Shit!” she swore, stooping down to pick up the phone.
Another yellow spark leaped from her fingertips, striking the phone and shooting across its edges. The phone’s silver case visibly warped, then snapped back to its normal shape before darkening slightly, becoming a very pale pink.
Carla froze. She stared at her phone for several minutes, her eyes wide, her heart beating rapidly. What the fuck is going on?!
The panic faded after a few minutes. Carla, tomorrow you’re going to a therapist for an evaluation. Mom’s death hit harder than you thought.
She took a deep breath and picked up her phone, turning it in her hands. The screen isn't cracked. It still seemed to work. But it was most definitely now pink.
I’ve developed some type of shitty Midas touch. I can turn things pink! Carla giggled to herself, the joke going a long way to preserve her sanity.
She set her phone down on the counter and returned to her transformation routine. Step five, makeup.
Ten minutes passed as Carla applied spirit gum to tweak her facial shape. She also applied makeup to create the illusion of fuller cheeks, thick lips, and larger eyes. Years of practice made this step go by quickly and when she was finished those same years showed their expertise.
If she ran into someone on the street who had no idea who she was, they would not assume Carla had been born male. Her practiced hands made her appear to be a slightly butch tomboy. Which was perfect for Carla because that’s who she was on the inside.
Disguise was always my strongest suit. Carla said with a happy smile as she admired herself in the mirror.
Her eyes narrowed as she noticed her face was more pink than usual. Hmm, I went too heavy on the blush. Oh well. Sometimes a bit of extra makeup is ok— Wait is my chin less square?!
Carla started into the mirror at her chin. It certainly seemed to be rounder than makeup alone would achieve.
“Nope!” She said shaking her head. “Not dealing with this. I’m having a minor breakdown. Wishing I was a girl so hard we see it. Mom wished I’d told her years ago when I came out, so we could do mother-daughter things. I’m hallucinating this because we never got to since I came out other on her deathbed. It’s guilt. This isn’t real.”
Despite Carla’s firm insistence, her chin continued to look rounder, and now that she thought about it her brow was more arched as well.
“On the off chance, this is real… Uh, thank you, whatever supernatural being is responsible for this. Please leave your holy book on my nightstand. I will convert immediately,” Carla smiled shakily. It never hurts to be careful...
Last step. She opened her bag for the last time and removed a long curly brunette wig and a glasses case. Her cat-eye glasses went on followed by the wig, and the transformation was complete.
Carla was fully home.
Carla picked up her male clothing, put it into her bag, and walked back into her room. The gym bag was slung uncaringly into the closet as Carla quickly picked out an outfit to wear around the house.
She got dressed quickly, donning a pair of bell bottom blue jeans, a pale pink v-neck t-shirt, and with just a little hesitation, the jacket Jake had given her. Carla stepped over to her bedroom mirror and struck a few poses, admiring the way the jacket sat on her.
Is it weird for a guy to have this good of taste? Carla asked herself as she admired the way the jacket hugged her curves perfectly. Despite being pink, I still look like a proper badass in this. It says “I’m a chick, but I bike, so I can kick your ass.” I think it’s the purple and yellow accents.
Carla hummed happily as she walked downstairs, finally feeling alive for the first time this week. She walked into her kitchen and opened her duffle bag. Completely ignoring the paperwork her boss had dumped on Carter she retrieved the briefcase Miss Sol Invictus had given her.
Briefcase in hand Carla opened her fridge, retrieved a beer, then walked into her living room and flopped down on her overstuffed green couch. Taking her phone out of her pocket, she slipped it into the docking station and cued up her playlist once more.
The glorious music of her youth shook the house as her surround sound system brought the 80s to life once more. Then crackled again.
Carla glared at her speakers, which fell back into their normal working state instantly. Almost as if they feared invoking their mistress’s wrath.
“This is getting old,” Carla muttered under her breath. It’s like in the early aughts when you left a phone too close to speakers and got a text. Wait… Maybe that’s happening again? I did just get a new 5G phone.
Yeah that seems right. Time to read, Carla decided with a nod.
The briefcase was opened. Carla grabbed her beer by the bottle’s neck, rammed her thumb into the cap hard enough to bend it into a taco and flicked the cap away. Her Haywards 5000 now liberated from its prison, Carla took a swing and began to read through the papers.
She couldn’t help but smile as she looked over the papers she had seen before. Definitely eccentric. I trust Jake’s read of her. He’s great at understanding who people are. It's so cute how everything is so in character. “The Crystal Empire was ruined when the evil King Sombra took the nation over to wage war upon Equestria.” Hehe, she even made up a story for how the park got “ruined”.
You know what? I think we can be friends. Take her professional face off and she’s clearly a very fun and creative person.
Three beers later, Carla had worked her way through the papers. What’s more, she felt a slight buzz from her drinking, and an odd tightness in her chest as if her bra were too small. Fortunately, Carla remembered her basic medical training from the Academy. She wasn’t worried about her mild chest discomfort.
More importantly, the pile of papers had been read. Including a damage report.
It’s a lot of work, fixing this place up. Carla thought as she stared out her window. Medieval style walls in ruin. Big central tower for the park’s main offices and employee areas needs massive safety work and TLC. We’re looking at about twenty million bucks to get the place up and running.
Carla turned her head to look at her living room. It was a nice place. Warm greens, browns, and reds. Craftsman furniture. A comfortable place.
I’d hate to lose this… But I could put my house up as collateral for a loan. Not that I’d need to at first. I have eight hundred thousand in liquid assets. That’s half of Miss Sol Invictus’ asking price. Enough for a major down payment, and the paper works says I can pay the rest back with profit once the park is operational.
If I did buy it and redid this paperwork to professional terminology I could easily get a business loan to start rebuilding the park. I could maybe swing seven million from a bank, and using that I could find investors and fund repairs to the outside and around the entrance. Get some minimal revenue flowing in. It really is a unique business opportunity…
Carla sighed and stared up at her ceiling. But I can't make this decision on a whim. Can I?
She shook her head and looked at the briefcase on the end table next to her. No I can’t. I need to at the very least see the facilities for myself and talk to Miss Sol again.
Carla’s eyes narrowed as the crackle interrupted her music again. The static crunch drew her attention to the music as it cleared, filling her ears with one of her favorite songs.
“I never meant to be so bad to you. / One thing I said that I would never do. / A look from you and I would fall from grace. / And that would wipe this smile right from my face...”
Carla smiled and leaned back to listen, unable to resist singing along as the chorus hit. “It was the heat of the moment. / Telling me what your heart meant. / The heat of the moment shone in your eyes!”
Unable to resist the combined forces of good beer and music, Carla hopped up from the couch to air guitar like no one was watching. Thirty seconds later she was glad no one had been watching. Embarrassed but happy Carla flopped down on her couch, laughing.
“Ah, what the hell… I don’t want to be a real estate agent anymore. The job’s hell.” Carla bent over and rummaged through the briefcase for the deed transfer papers.
I’m going to take this opportunity seriously. If it’s on the up and up I’ll go for it. This could take all my savings, and maybe my house… But if I lose everything, Jake will help me get back on my feet. These papers won’t be valid till she signs them so as proof of my commitment to myself, I’ll sign them now. I can always rip them up if the deal goes south.
Carla found the paper and looked around for a pen. A glint of gold in the case caught her eye. Laying at the bottom of the case was a gold pen engraved with a stylized sun she hadn’t noticed before.
Carla smiled and picked up the pen, immediately looking at it incredulously as its weight pulled down on her hand Woah! This is an expensive pen. This must be real gold! Like, solid gold.
The pen felt unusually warm in Carla’s hand as she uncapped it and spun the paperwork around to sign it. She lowered the pen to the page and paused.
What name do I use? Carla frowned and stared at the line for a long moment. It’s not valid if I don’t use my legal name, but that’s not my real name. Not to me.
“Eh, she can print another one,” Carla shrugged. This is a promise to me. I’ll use my name.
Carla pressed the pen to the page and signed it “Carla Arvil”, dotting the eye in her last name with a heart.
Carla smiled to herself. A gold light shimmered across the page. Carla’ smile twisted into a frown. Not aga—
A pinprick of golden light formed on the other signature line. The pinprick moved, leaving a bright glowing mark behind. Carla sat bolt upright as the light burned a name onto the line. The flowing light wrote a signature in the most formal, elegant, beautiful handwriting Carla had ever seen in her life.
Princess Celestia Sol Invictus
Carla swept her left arm across her lap, knocking the paper to the floor as she scrambled up onto the couch, her back pressed against the wall. “What the fuck is happening!?”
Her playlist jumped, the track changing unbidden. “Ho, ho, ho / It's magic, you know… / Never believe it's not so!”
Golden light blossomed from within Carla’s heart. It radiated across her body, glowing as brightly as the sun. Shadows spun, pointing away from Carla as the light engulfed her. The poor woman let out a terrified scream, unaware of what was to come.
A wave of light pink color rippled across her body as her skin changed color. A dull itching erupted everywhere at once as matching colored fur burst from her skin. Her scalp burned, her hair growing long enough to push off her wig. Pink, purple and golden locks of hair fall across her eyes, the ends curling slightly.
“No! Whatever is happening, no!” Carla yelped, sprinting across the back of the couch to try to escape the living room.
Her feet hit the floor. She raised her left leg to begin a full sprint. Her right foot twisted, and Carla fell to the floor. She looked back and screamed again as her feet warped and twisted, her boots splitting open as her toenails warped and fused, growing into hooves.
Bone popped and cracked. Carla braced herself for pain, but none came. Not even as her legs stretched, shrank, and reshaped themselves into a digitigrade state.
“Please! NO!” Carla sobbed, raising her hands to cover her face, only to shriek.
Her hands warped and twisted before her eyes, forming into a pair of dainty hooves.
The speakers crackled once more. A golden shimmer of light rippled across them as the song playing changed. A familiar, soothing guitar melody began to play.
The track skipped to midway through the first verse. “Though I tried not to hurt you, / Though I tried… / But I guess that's why they say, / every rose has its thorn. / Just like every night has its dawn.”
It was as if someone were trying to sooth the terrified woman. It was not working.
“Fuck… you! Those… were... testicles… on… Gorilla… Tape!” Carla whimpered, her eyes full of pained tears.
Then the other part of her unwanted sex pulled away from the tape, reshaping into proper woman’s parts. Or rather a mare’s parts.
Carla’s neighbors began to call the police as the second pained scream reached their house.
Cloth ripped as Carla’s swelling hips reshaped into flanks, and a long soft tail burst from the base of her spine. Two long lines of pressure began to form behind her shoulder blades.
Carla began to to fall into a delirious panic. Oh sweet god no, I’ll ruin my jacket! Jake will be so sad!
A pair of large feathered wings slid from her back, and her jacket reshaped to accommodate them. The rear panel pushed outwards. Two slits forming along the rear seams with her wings fit through perfectly.
I’m a pink pegasus. Why am I a pink Pegasus? Was my beer tainted with mushrooms? This can’t be real, Carla sobbed.
A splitting pressure enveloped Carla’s head as her skull reshaped. Her nose and lips pushed outwards, forming a short, cute muzzle. Her ears pointed and oozed up to the top of her head where they stood pert and expressive. Then her forehead burned and a long spiral grooved horn burst from her skull.
Carla caught sight of the final stage of her transformation in the cold black mirror of her television screen. Her now lavender eyes widened in pure horror
“AAAAA! I’m a frou-frou girl’s high school doodle! NO-HO-HO-HO! WHY?!” Carla screamed at the top of her lungs.
The floor beneath Carla became a pool of white light as if someone had poured glowing paint out from a bucket. As she sank into the light, a comforting warmth washing over her as she became submerged.
“I’m sorry I frightened you,” A familiar woman’s voice said, echoing as if it came from across a great expanse. “But the papers did say you would need to become a pony princess.”
“W-what?” Carla whimpered.
“Oh, one last thing. Carla isn’t really a pony name. Many ponies will have a problem pronouncing it. Let’s call you “Cadenza Mi Amore”. It has a nice melody to it.”
As the light consumed her, Carla fainted.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
Carla Arvil - 4/25/2018
Eventide Hall - Canterlot Suburbs, Equestria
“AAAA!” Carla sat bolt upright, covers flew off with a rustle of silk on cotton. Her eyes were wide and bloodshot. Her breath came in huffing gasps. Familiar dark purple bed-curtains hung in front of her.
Carla frowned and looked around herself. The deep purple and black walls of her bedroom surrounded her. She could see her desk, her knickknacks, her prop-weapon display.
Carla’s lips twitched. A smile spread across her face. “Dream. You had a dream, Carla.”
She flopped back down onto her bed. The mattress creaked. Two long thin somethings pressed against her back in an extremely uncomfortable way. Her back pressed right back against those somethings, resulting in three points of discomfort.
Carla’s eyes went wide. She reached up towards the ceiling, praying to see her hand enter her field of view. Instead, her left hoof pointed up towards the white ceiling.
Carla’s bedroom ceiling wasn’t white. It was purple.
Carla yelped and scrambled atop the bed, flinging blankets and pillows aside as she tried to roll out of bed and to her feet. Ponies are not built for standing on their hind legs. The mismatch of intent and instinct left the panicking woman scrunched up in a ball next to her headboard.
“HELP!” Carla screamed at the top of her lungs.
She gathered her legs under herself and pushed away from the headboard, managing to push herself in exactly the opposite way she’d wanted to go. Carla rolled across the bed, over the edge and plunged down towards the floor. Seconds before she hit the ground, pegasus reflexes took over.
Her wings opened. Normally, when a pegasus pony falls, open wings are a good thing. They catch the air and at the very least increase drag, slowing the pony’s fall. Pegasi normally fall outside.
Carla’s left wing smacked into the wall, sending a jolt of pain down her limb and up her spine. Her right wing thwacked into her bed, shlooping between the mattress and the box spring.
“Oof!” Carla twisted and hit the floor hard, dangling from the bed by her wing.
Carla’s left eye twitched as pain radiated from her left wing and right shoulder. A deep well of anger flooded her heart. A point above both her eyes began to glow, not that Carla cared.
“Who— WHATever did this to me had better undo it real quick, or they’ll meet my friends Smith and Wesson!” Carla growled and rolled over.
Onto her left wing. Pulling her other wing out from the mattress roughly.
“OW!” Carla grit her teeth in rage.
The smell of smoldering wood suddenly came to Carla’s attention. Smoke drifted upwards from her bedposts. Carla’s eyes shrank to pinpricks. They’re psychologically torturing me before burning me to death!
Carla sprang into action. With conscious thought left behind her body moved as it was designed too. She rolled over, sprang to her hooves, tucked her wings against her sides, and ran headlong into her desk.
The dull “bumph” of a large alicorn impacting sheet metal at high speed echoed through the room. But only for the split-second before Carla screamed in pain thanks to her horn having punched a hole through the desk.
It’s like someone kicked me in the balls, and one popped! Carla whimpered, curling up, her head still firmly stuck in the desk.
The room’s door creaked as a small white unicorn with a deep blue and cyan mane pushed it open. “Sorry! I had to pee and—”
The stallion’s eyes widened as he took in the smoldering bed frame, scattered linen, and Carla’s impaled desk. “—And recreating your bedroom did NOT make waking up any easier!”
Carla whimpered, unable to understand a word the stallion said through the horrible, terrible, no-good, rotten pain blossoming between her eyes.
The stallion trotted across the room towards the semi-conscious Carla. A sympathetic frown parted his lips and an empathetic cringe tightened his eyes. “It’s okay. We all do that once… Or twice… I did it ten times. Unicorns developed our horns before we evolved the ability to use magic. So like, you have that instinct to impale threats with it. Don’t do that.”
“No… shit…” Carla moaned through clenched teeth.
The stallion drew along her side and dipped his head down so his horn pointed at the punctured section of the desk. The spiraled keratin glowed with a faint inner light, and a ray of light shot from the tip of his horn to the desk. His magical ray brightened, and traced a pattern across the sheet metal, cutting through it but miraculously not Carla as he cut her free.
As soon as the circle of metal popped free from the desk Carla felt herself become weightless. She opened her eyes and yelped at the sight of the wavy blue energy field which encapsulated her as she floated back from the desk.
The miraculous suspension of the laws of physics carried her a short ways away from the desk, set her down, and then gently slipped the desk-disk from her horn, tossing the scrap metal aside.
“There we go. How’s the horn? Hurting still?” The stallion asked as he turned his attention to the smoldering bed.
The stallion’s horn pulsed with light, each pulse reducing the amount of smoke coming off the bed.
“Yes,” Carla said as her eyes scanned the room. Escape. Must escape. They won't have recreated my weapons stashes. My martial arts were not designed for this body. Horn is not for stabbing. It’s for—
Carla’s eyes fixed on the stallion’s horn and widened as her jaw dropped. “Did you just do magic?!”
“Yep. So did you. Please don't get mad again. Next time you might light ME slightly on fire,” he said with a shaky grin before tapping his hooves together. “I uh, I know it’s dumb to say “don’t be mad” to a girl, but seriously… You’re an Alicorn.”
“A wah?” Carla asked, still stupefied at the sight of a talking unicorn wizard.
“An Alicorn,” the stallion’s horn stopped glowing as the end stopped smoldering. “A fusion of all three pony kinds. For all intents and purposes, a goddess. Oh! Not like your western monotheist gods. More like ancient Greek gods, or the gods of modern Chinese Folk Religion… Does that have a name? I feel like it has a name.”
Carla’s lips twisted into a smile. “You turned me into something with the powers of a god?”
“I didn’t. Princess Celestia did, and you agreed to become one. So please, don’t be mad. You don’t know how to control your magic yet. So uh… That’s why Princess Celestia had your bedroom recreated. Familiar surroundings and stuff. I told her that wouldn’t work, and we should just walk up and be honest with you but I’m only a Special Forces Agent soooo, yeah.”
Carla snorted. Despite her situation, she felt a little of sympathy for the grunts who had to deal with the stupid decisions from up above. But on the other hand…
“Why shouldn’t I be mad? I’ve been kidnapped, tricked under false pretenses, and am being held prisoner as far as I can tell.”
The stallion’s ears perked in alarm. “No! No, no, no, no! Please, don’t get mad. You weren't tricked, you just didn’t believe what you were told was true! PLEASE! You’ve got an adult’s body and mana pool, but a newborn’s understanding of magic. Your emotions will have full control over your magic until you learn how to control it consciously and suppress yourself!”
Carla gave the stallion a blank look. “Meaning?”
The stallion fidgeted with his forehooves for a moment. “Um, well… You could easily vaporize me, this estate, and a small chunk of the countryside if you got too upset and unleash your full power in a fire-spell like you did with your bed.”
Carla willed herself to stand, managing to move as she intended for the first time. “In that case, tell me everything I want to know, then take me to whoever can turn me back. Or I’ll remember every single last thing that has ever made me angry in as much detail as I can and send wherever the fuck I am to the same place we sent Hiroshima and Nagasaki!”
The stallion’s ears drooped. “You don’t need to threaten everypony’s lives. You’re not a prisoner, and if you really really want to go back the Princess will send you. P— Probably.”
Carla narrowed her eyes even further. “Probably?!”
“We spent ten years finding you!” The stallion stamped his hoof. “Ten years since the last applicant failed the test. We’re also running out of time. The Crystal Empire will return from the Shadow Realm anywhere from one to two years from now. We need an Alicorn to handle that!”
Carla closed her eyes. Her wings rustled in irritation. The feeling of unfamiliar limbs moving and brushing across her body made her jump. Her magic took hold of a notebook, making it jump too.
Carla whipped her head around. “What the fuck was that!?”
The notebook spun across the room, keeping its relative position to Carla’s head. It moved through a full half circle, smacking the stallion in the back of his head.
“OW!” He reached up to swat the notebook out of the air and rub the back of his head. “Okay! Surprise controls your telekinesis. Uh, don’t get too surprised please.”
Carla turned back to face her abductor once more. “Why not?”
The unicorn flashed Carla a frightened smile. “Uh, well, you see… I’ve seen Princess Luna crush golems in combat training. With her telekinesis.”
Carla nodded one more. “Yeah. Okay. Question time. WHO the FUCK are you? Why am I here? I get you need someone for that… that Empire thing, but why me? Why not make you into an Alicorn? Who the fuck is Princess Celestia? I’ll stop there until you’ve answered, but I’ve got a billion more.”
The stallion’s ears drooped again, a look of deep hurt crossing his face. “B— But I sound the same! You know me, Carla.”
Carla’s face twisted into a frown. Her mind whirled, searching through the last few moments until… “Jake?!” Carla’s eyes widened. “They took you too?”
The pony Carla knew as Jake waved a hoof in dismissal. “Pff, no! I’m a unicorn. I just pretend to be a human. It’s a work thing.”
Carla’s rear legs collapsed under her, pony instinct forcing her to sit down to process this. As she plopped down Carla noticed that Jake was perhaps four inches under her eye level even while she sat down. “You’re a tiny white pony.”
Jake harrumphed and crossed his forelegs, somehow not falling over as he did so. “I’m not tiny! I’m tall for a unicorn. Alicorns are bigger than anypony else!”
“So— Um… Do you like, hypnotize people into seeing you as a human?” Carla tilted her head. “And here I thought I was really good at disguise.”
Jake shook his head. “Nah. I use a magic gemstone to shapeshift into any creature I can touch. It’s a spy gadget.”
That’s right. He mentioned he was an agent. “Okay, so you’re Jake. Is that your real name?”
The stallion shook his head. “No. My real name is Shining Armor. I took the name Jake because my shapechanging gadget works almost exactly like the morphing cube and um, well, I really liked that book series.”
Carla frowned. “Book series?”
“Animorphs. I read them all the way back in ninety-six from one through fifty. I love sci-fi! Ponies don’t have that genre. Most of us are like “I’m a wizard, I want to read about wizards. Bring on the fantasy! That’s fine and all, but it’s way more cool to read about implausible and awesome things. You know, like your world where magic doesn't exist so you make super cool gadgets for everything!” Shining flashed Carla a huge grin, instantly confirming to her that the dork she knew either hadn’t bothered with a cover identity or was still using the same act.
Carla narrowed her eyes. “Ninety-six huh? You are twenty-two. Or at least, I thought you were. Are ponies adults by their first birthday and already able to work and read?”
Shining shook his head. “Oh gosh no. I’m forty-two. Oh! Uh, that’s Equus years. I’m sixty-three Earth years old.”
“What?!” Carla looked Shining over head to hoof. “Bullshit! You’re not a decaying old fart!”
Shining smirked. “I’m a magical pony. Keyword “magic”. We have lifespans muuuuch longer than any other species. I’m still a young adult.”
“How much longer?” Carla frowned.
“If I eat right, stay fit, and don’t get injured too badly I could make it to almost four hundred. Unicorns live a bit longer. Most ponies can make it to three hundred, and we average two eighty.” Shining frowned and looked Carla in her eyes. “Alicorns are different… If you stay like you are now, you’ll never die.”
Carla sputtered. “I’m immortal right now?! You kidnapped me, made me into a god, and IMMORTAL GOD, and didn’t worry about me deciding to kill you all for it?!”
“Oh, nononono! I could kill you if I got the drop on you and had a pretty powerful magical weapon to cut through your natural wards,” Shining said casually. “You won't die unless someone kills you. Or something. Monsters can too. So can some natural hazards. Immortal isn’t indestructible you know.”
Carla raised an eyebrow. Shining smiled shakily. “Oh, right, your question. Uh, we didn’t? Or did you miss how I befriended you and we hung out for years and years? I know you, Carla. You wouldn’t kill unless you had no choice.”
Carla frowned. “You're a spy… Our friendship was nothing more than this recruitment mission, wasn’t it?”
Shining frowned and shook his head, hurt and alarm pooling in his eyes. “W-what?! No! Not at all! You weren't on the list until three months ago. We were real friends. The only reason you’re here now is Celestia asked me for the identities of all humans I trusted when the recruitment list ran dry. I hung out with you because I liked you… Also, my detection spells told me you were transgender.”
“What is that, your fetish?” Carla growled her brow furrowing deeply.
A potted plant burst into flames, completely immolating itself in an instant.
“NO!” Shining yelped. “Please calm down! I— I might like human porn, especially the whole futa thing you guys came up with, but that’s BECAUSE of you! I like you! Your condition attracted my attention because it’s unheard of here. There are no transgender ponies. Our doctors detect the condition in utero and fix it before the foal is born.
“I was doing medical scans to gather data on humans and you walked by and I saw it flag you as transgender and I feel horrible! We’re a very empathetic species. I realized what a whole lifetime of being in the wrong body would be like and—” Shining paused, his ears drooped flat, his eyes widened. “Oh!”
Carla glared at Shining. “YEAH! This ISN’T how I want to be! I am NOT a high schooler’s doodle!”
“W— Well you’re a woman now…” Shining muttered awkwardly staring at the floor. “I— I didn’t ever… Back then I wanted to sneak a potion over to you. We’ve got potions to change your sex… They’re for jokes and um… adult fun. I wanted to help you. I never thought about… this.” Shining looked up at Carla, tears in his eyes. “Carla, I’m sorry! I had orders. I didn’t think about— Buck me, I’m stupid!”
Carla’s gaze softened. “No. You’re not stupid. You had a job. You had orders. Magic and transformation are normal to you, apparently…”
“Who cares? I hurt you!” Shining sniffled. “I never wanted too. Transformation isn’t a big deal to me, yeah. But I should have realized you’ve never experienced it and since you've wanted to be one thing forever… We’ll go talk to the Princess. I’m sure she’ll put you back!”
Carla paused for a moment then shook her head. “Not till you tell me the rest of what I want to know. Like, why humans? Why take a human and make them your new god?”
Shining sniffled and wiped his eyes clean with a hoof. Carla recoiled, cringe overtaking her face. “And how the hell did you do that without scraping your impractical huge eyes with your hoof?”
Shining snorted and grinned, then poked his eye with a hoof tip. “We’ve got membranes over our eyes. Kinda like goggles. They're not exposed to the air like human eyes.”
“Okay… Why are they so big? They are almost twice the size of a human eye.”
Shining blushed lightly. “Scholars think ponies evolved to be universally adorable as a defense against predators. Most infants have big eyes, no matter the species. So most sapient cultures draw cute characters with big eyes. It’s a brain hack. Our eyes are big, but not so big they look gross. We’re stylized by evolution for defense reasons.”
Carla blinked. Shining had delivered it so flatly that it couldn’t be a joke.
“Oh! Uh, we’re not the only intelligent life on our world. Looking cute to other intelligent life is an actual advantage.”
“W— well… You are adorable…” She admitted bashfully. “I think I would feel a bit bad if I hurt you. Kinda like a puppy now that I think about it. But I still will get mad at you if I don’t get answers!”
Shining nodded and gestured to the chair behind Carla. “Take a seat? We could be talking for a while.”
Carla’s aching plot insisted upon the chair. Carla’s conscious mind insisted upon remaining still to not get stuck in the bed again. “No thanks.”
“Okay, suit yourself.” Shining took a deep breath. “We needed a human because while Equestria is a monarchy, it’s a constitutional Monarchy. Alicorns can develop naturally, but there’s only ever been a total of nine, counting you. All but two others are dead.
“We have just enough samples of alicorns developing from normal ponies to understand HOW it happens. Princess Celestia found a way to make a spell nudge someone in just the right way for them to ascend to Alicornhood. Her old long since passed friend Starswirl the Bearded was working on the spell when he died.
“There’s just one problem. Princess Celestia’s finished version of the spell will transform anything BUT a pony.”
Carla hummed. “I take it the other peoples of this world are not okay with being a god?”
Shining shook his head. “No. We can’t trust them to not take the power we give them right back to their own nation and not do the job we need. We were looking for a human because our worlds are linked by a magical bridge, like Narnia only cooler because instead of more fantasy realm there’s a sci-fi setting!”
Carla facehooved, nearly hitting her horn. “We’re not science fiction…”
Shining laughed. “That’s a matter of perspective. You’ve made balls you toss which explode in a fireball. A mechanical Flamebolt spell! That is SO sci-fi! It’s cool.” He flashed Carla a dorky smile.
“Okay… But why Humans? Why not any other people from any other world?”
“Because we can only reach Earth so far. We explore space with magic, not ships. We can’t just pick a place and go there. It’s… Tricky. Not every star is a place we can reach. But that wouldn’t solve the problem on its own.
“Humans are perfect for us because you have no magic. You could only go home via magic, and since only Princess Celestia knows the spell to open a gate to Earth she holds the trump card which ensures you won't screw us… Uh, wouldn’t. I mean, I’ll talk to her. We’ll find someone else. I meant if you wouldn’t be traumatized by being a pony.”
Carla frowned. “I… Thank you. But… I am used to my body being wrong. It sounds like this is very important for your people. At least important enough where I should listen to you. What’s the problem? Why is this “Magical Kingdom” so important?”
Shining winced. “Uh… Well… You see…” He took a deep breath. “There's-a-dark-lord-inside-it!”
“What?!”
“A thousand years ago Princess Celestia and her Sister Princess Luna fought the Dark Lord King Sombra. They almost killed each other, but the Sisters injured Sombra so bad he banished himself and his entire kingdom to the Shadow Realm. Where he’s been lurking for millennia.” Shining turned and looked out the bedroom’s window.
“The Shadow Realm is hard to access or even see using normal magic. Very few unicorns can use Dark Magic without it corrupting them. The few spies the Princess had who could use it safely were ALWAYS sent to the shadow realm to search for Sombra. We found him.
“He’s been preparing for a rematch for the last thousand years, and his Banish spell will wear off soon. He’ll return, along with the Crystal Empire and every pony he oppressed. The Princesses can’t fight him, he’s ready for them. An army of mortals would wind up mind-slaved to the Dark Lord, so they can't send their armies.
“Alicorns… You have natural wards. You can’t be mind controlled. An Alicorn can safely approach Sombra and has the power to take him on one-on-one.”
Carla raised a hoof, stopping Shining. “One on one? I thought you said he took two on and won.”
Shining's ears perked. “Oh! They came into battle wounded and half drained. They had to fight through his defenses. A whole nation’s worth. Only the central city will return with Sombra this time. He has no physical materials to build new defenses in the Shadow Realm. It’s different. He won't have a tactical advantage.”
“Ah. So, in other words, they need someone new who this guy won't have a plan to handle to take him out and free the city when he returns. Alright. Why me?”
“First, you’re human,” Shining admitted. “We went over most of that, but there's also a less pleasant reason for wanting a human…”
Carla raised a suspicious eyebrow.
Shining coughed. “This will make us sound like either wimps or arrogant holier than thou jerks but… Humans are way more warlike than ponies.”
Carla’s eyebrow raised even further.
“I’m not calling you a barbarian! You’re apes. Apes are territorial and violent creatures. We’re equines. We’re herd based creatures who prefer to run from danger and don't really hold “territory”. At least, our ancestors didn’t. All I am trying to say is that your species and ours come from two very different ancestral pools. While we make war, we don't do it like you. We’re less aggressive, fight defensively, and most Equestrian wars end through diplomacy.
“But humans? Oh man! You guys… Uh, promise you won't get mad? I’m a fanboy of yours, not a hater.”
Carla frowned, then eeped as her ears drooped. “What was that?!”
A pillow began to glow pink and drift up to the ceiling.
“Oh, your ears went floppy. You uh, you emote with them now.”
“Well, it felt weird… Can I make them not do that?” Carla asked.
Shining shook his head. “Your poker playing days are over.”
Carla couldn’t help but smile. “Heh… Okay. Why humans? I promise I won't get mad.”
Shining nervously shuffled a hoof. “Humans… For millions of years, from the time your species first ancestor emerged until today, your species survived not by cooperation but by brutal, violent, competition. We’re both omnivores, but you lean predator while we lean herbivore. Humans, in general, have no problems with hunting and eating other lifeforms capable of experiencing fear and distress. That inflicts no mental trauma on a human whatsoever. Again, on average. I’m aware of vegans.
“Human recreation includes physical violence. You find it FUN! Your idea of a good time is chasing down another human, tackling them to the ground, ripping a precious item from their hands, and running away with it.”
Carla rolled her eyes. “Mugging people isn’t a sport, you derp.”
Shining smirked. “I was describing American Football.”
Carla paused, thought about it, and couldn’t find anything to refute Shining’s point. “One for you tally....”
Shining turned, beginning to pace back and forth between the window and the bed. “Get ready to tally up more. Other forms of human recreation include extreme mental challenges, disruption of your senses, and in some extreme cases deliberately putting yourself into potentially lethal situations. Humans are just… Look, if we ever fought humans you guys have a great chance of winning. Because your greatest strength is your capacity for self-delusion.”
Carla crossed her forelegs over her chest. The gesture was automatic. She couldn’t have moved that precisely if she had tried. Fortunately, the cross “armed” glare was exactly what she wanted to do at the moment. “Excuse me?”
Shining stopped pacing. His ears drooped as he turned to look at Carla. “I’m not being mean. I’m serious!”
“Really?”
“Yes!” Shining threw his hooves up in the air. “Ponies fold under pressure! We see the writing on the wall and run away. But you? Humans are not a rational species. You do not have an intrinsic grasp of statistics or probabilities. If you did, your history would be very different. It would be like ours.
“You’re irrational, contradictory, and sometimes self-defeating. You act against each other's interests and compete viciously and brutally over scarce resources. Instead of acting as one species, you form complicated tribes and fight between each other.”
“Yeah, that’s not helping your point not be racist,” Carla growled.
“I’m not done!” Shining frowned. “Remember, I LIKE humans. A lot! It’s that irrational and competition focused mind that makes you special. Because those tribes you form… You understand friendship and family on a deeper level than any pony. I’m not joking. I’m not exaggerating.
“Humans possess an absurdly high capacity for aspiration, kinship, compassion, and a RIDICULOUS tolerance for adversity. If a human’s friends or family are threatened, you go full great ape. Mothers have crushed the skulls of those who attacked their children. Neighbors have banded together to dig people they’ve never met out from the rubble of collapsed buildings. During a war, you will happily throw ourselves on grenades to save the lives of your brothers in arms.”
“The full power of your irrational mind is unlocked in those conditions. Humans DO NOT CARE about the odds of victory. You draw a line in the sand and say “No more, no further. The buck stops here. You know EXACTLY what to do when you step into a puddle of blood and guts that used to be your best friend!”
Shining returned to looking out the window and sighed. “We don’t. Ponies… The herd is strong. We will protect our homes. We’re not cowards. But if a herd is trapped, with no clear way out any of us can see, we surrender. We can’t help it, it’s what we are on a fundamental level. But you? You’d MAKE a way out or die trying. You fight. Humans don’t accept that they have lost, and that self-delusion lets you find a way to win a lot more than it should.”
Carla nodded, satisfied by Shining’s explanation. “You have a point. But I thought you said you didn’t think we were barbarians.”
Shining laughed, a genuinely amused laugh. “Carla, you’re the opposite of barbarians. You lack magic and yet have walked on your moon. Your species is so smart you don't even think you’re smart. You think genius is mundane, normal, boring, and don't even realize when you USE it! The majority of humans think humans are stupid while they sit at a box that transforms finger wiggles into messages for someone on the other side of the planet. You’re a species of great thinkers and proud warriors. We’re a species of great thinkers and passionate artists. Neither is better than the other… Objectively. But personally? I think humans are cooler.”
Carla snorted. “You put out fire with your mind. That’s cooler.”
Shining put a hoof to his mouth and giggled. “Nooo… I mean, you have air conditioning. So you’re cooler.”
Carla gave Shining a blank look. “Is this an act, or are you really a dork?”
Shining puffed his chest out and struck a dramatic pose. “I’ll have you know that in high school, I was King of the Dorks!”
Carla smiled and shook her head. Yep. He’s the same person. Except… a pony. A tiny, white fluffy pony. With blue hair… Oh my god.
Carla stood up, her rear legs shaking as she only barely remembered they weren't supposed to point away from her torso in time. She took a few steps towards Shining, looking him over before shaking her head. “You’ve been trying to tell me for years, haven't you? Always mentioning a love of spy stuff. Talking about how you want blue hair. All those conversations about what it would be like to run away to another world… You really are my friend, aren't you?”
Shining shuffled his right forehoof against the floor and looked down bashfully. “Well, yes… But I’ve always wanted to be well, more than that.”
Carla’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”
“Hey, you know I flirted with you all the time!” Shining protested, stamping a hoof.
“Yes, but that’s when I thought you were a young human dude! You’re a pony!”
“Now, yeah. But I can turn human any time I want too. And stay that way for as long as I want. I’ve never had problems being human, or anything else. It’s why Princess Celestia put me on duty as the permanent agent on the Earth side.” Shining flashed Carla a smile. “Besides, it’s not like I’m an animal. I’m a person.”
Carla frowned, her wings fluttered. “Uhhhh… Point. But… This is really weird… You’re a pony!”
“So are you, I mean, for now,” Shining whimpered. ‘We’re both ponies now… And we were always both mammals. It’s not perverted or anything. Not here at least. There're tons of interspecies couples.”
The lyrics to a Bloodhound Gang song drifted unbidden through the halls of Carla’s mind. Ack! Not that earworm! DO NOT SING IT!
Shining’s eyes burned a hole in the floor. “I— I almost got fired, you know that? The jacket I gave you. It was enchanted. The Princess caught me taking it over and… It doesn't matter. It would have made you into a human woman forever. I knew you’d never take that step yourself, and doing it for you would be trivial for me. I just wanted you to be happy… I thought if you were a woman on the outside that maybe you’d have some room for me in your heart.”
Carla’s ears folded down. Her eyes softened. She reached down with one hoof to trace the accent lines along her jacket’s left sleeve.
Her heart went out to Jake, or Shining, whatever his name was, it didn’t matter. Whatever his species was, it didn’t matter. Because Carla remembered.
She remembered years of being brought lunches. Years of random gifts which were not inexpensive. Years of him being there for her. Years of enthusiasm, acceptance, appreciation. She remembered how rare it was for a man to show his feelings. How it was hammered into her brain that men were never allowed to cry. TO remain stoic, strong, and brave.
She saw now how Shining Armor’s feelings were too strong for him to contain.
If that’s not love what is?
Carla racked her brain, trying to find the right words to say she understood. That she accepted his feelings. That she accepted him.
“You and me, baby—” Carla put a hoof over her mouth immediately. AAAAAAAAAAA! NO! DO NOT SING IT!
Shining sighed and turned his back to Carla. “I— I understand. Not everypony can reach across the species barrier. I— I’ll go.”
Shining stood up and took one step towards the door. His ears shot up like rockets. “Did you call me baby?”
Carla opened her mouth, only to close it. You are NOT telling him you’ve got a really dirty song stuck in your head!
There was only one thing to do. Carla stepped forwards and wrapped her forelegs around Shining in a tight hug.
There. Now I don’t have to talk. Phew! Her heart skipped several beats as she snuggled into Shining’s soft fur. OH MY GOOOOD! He’s so fluffy I’m gonna die!
Carla tightened her hug even more, burying her muzzle into Shining’s neck in the pursuit of warm fluffies.
Shining squeaked awkwardly. His forelegs twitched, thrashed slightly, and wrapped themselves around Carla’s back weekly. “T— Thanks,” he croaked. “Let… go…”
Carla frowned and let go. “I— I thought you wanted—”
Shining took a deep breath, and Cadence recognized the sound of an emptied lung reinflating.
The poor stallion coughed into his hoof several times before smiling at Carla feebly. “I should mention… Alicorns have unicorn magic, pegasi’s flight, and earth pony’s super-strength.”
Carla flushed an even brighter pink. Her magic took hold of the cut off piece of her desk and transmuted it into a block of cocobolo wood. “I’m so sorry!”
“It’s okay… The Princess wanted me… Tutorial level,” Shining panted.
Carla shuffled her hooves nervously. Her wings fluttered against her jacket. “D— Do we have poison spit or anything like that?”
Shining shook his head. “No?”
“Good,” Carla said as she leaned forward and kissed Shining on the lips.
It was a brief kiss, but a loving one. Exactly the sort of kiss a tough woman would sincerely give out to someone she cared for. It shouldn’t have been anything more special than that, and yet the moment Carla’s lips met Shining’s, she could feel the emotional bond between them as it solidified.
Carla broke the kiss, her lips pulling into a frown. “What was—”
A bright white light blazed into life on Carla’s flanks. Motes of light lifted away from her fur, shimmering and sparkling as a colorful crest faded into existence upon her. Carla watched out of the corner of her eye as the gold-framed blue crystal heart tattooed itself on her flanks, her ears and tail raised in alarm.
Shining frowned and looked into Carla’s eyes. “Why did you sto—” Not even a love-struck stallion could miss the light show.
Shining Armor gasped, squealed in delight, and fainted. Carla stared at her butt in horror. “OH GOD, WHY?!”
Why am I even MORE of a fucking froufrou doodle?! What else could POSSIBLY happen to me today?!
So, You Want to be a Princess?
Carla Arvil - 4/25/2018
Eventide Hall - Canterlot Suburbs, Equestria
Carla reached down, hoping to grab Shining by his shoulders. Her hooves poked into his soft fur. Carla opened her mouth for a moment, closed it, then took a deep breath. “FUCK!”
She took a moment to stare at her hoof, turning it over to look at it from every angle, her stomach slowly tightening.
They built this building. They made replicas of my furniture. Shining mentioned other kinds of pony. Pegasi, specifically. His magic seems to be related to his horn. Pegasi don’t have a horn. They need some way to manipulate things too…
Carla looked around herself, trying to work out a way to manipulate things without hands. Nothing came to mind, aside from poking things with her tongue, and she didn’t fancy the idea of tasting everything for the rest of her life.
Carla’s brow furrowed as she poked Shining’s shoulder repeatedly. “Hey. Hey! Wake up.”
Shining’s eyes snapped open. The stallion yelped and scrambled up to his hooves, producing an ear-folding screech of keratin on floorboards. “I’m up! Sorry, I—” The stallion’s eyes sparkled with delight. “— You got your cutiemark! In kissing me!”
Carla raised an eyebrow. “Uh, explain that. Then explain how I pick things up.”
“Cutiemarks. Magical symbols which embody a special talent, and boost your own skill at that talent. It’s like a unique spell everypony has that makes them better at what they are best at.” Shining turned his hindquarters to the side, showing off the image of a shield on his flanks. “For example, I’m very good at producing shield spells. You’re apparently really awesome at kissing me. Or maybe just kissing, but I’d rather it be me specifically.”
Carla pointed to the mark emblazoned on her flank. “This is normal?”
“Um, more than normal. Most ponies don't get them till their mid teens. It’s sort of what marks you as an adult. Like getting a driver's license for humans.”
Carla rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t the kiss. I sensed an emotional connection between us, then it happened. And NO not in the Hallmark Card bullshit way, I literally felt a physical link.”
Shining’s ears flopped down slightly. “Aww, sadness… Well, empathy is a common talent. And useful too! As for picking things up, I’m glad you asked. Because uh, well… Follow me out into the hallway. There’s going to be an annoyance to get through before I can take you to see the Princess.”
Shining turned and trotted over to the doors. Carla’s eyes narrowed. “An annoyance?”
“Y— Yeah… It’s totally my fault too. The Princess asked me how most humans learn new skills outside of school and the first thing that came to mind was— Uh, look, let’s just do it. I’m really embarrassed about the whole thing sooo, yeah.”
Carla rolled her eyes and willed herself to walk towards the door. It was rough going, she shook and wobbled for the first three steps. Then her legs gave out sending her crashing to the floor. “Oof!”
Shining winced and gently lifted the mare up with his magic, his blue aura gently lifting her by her shoulders. “Don’t worry. I did that when I went biped for the first time too. It’s called Shapechanger Syndrome. Your body knows how to move itself, but your mind remembers a different way of doing things. You need to not think about what you’re doing.”
Carla slowly moved her legs beneath herself. “And how do I do that?”
Shining blushed and kicked the floor with a hoof. “Well, for me, I would pretend I was playing an RPG and narrate things in my head. You know ‘Shining armor moves to the cabinet and searches it for traps… Twenty-Two for the spot check.” That sort of thing.”
Carla frowned, cocking her head to one side. “So… Think of yourself as a character you’re directing in a story?”
Shining smiled. “Yeah!”
“I can do that.”
Carla took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Carla walked to the door.
Carla walked to the door. She didn’t stumble, she didn’t trip. She didn’t walk gracefully, but she still made her way to the door.
Shining flashed her a smile. “There you go! You’ll keep that up for a while then everything will go second nature and it will be just like being human! Uh, well, if you stayed like this.”
“Which I won't be,” Carla said as she reached for the door handle.
Her hoof paused as it neared the metal. “How do I grab things? Can I grab things?”
“Of course!” Shining trotted over to the door and gripped the handle with his hoof, pulling it open.
Carla’s brow furrowed as she watched his hoof stick to the door like a magnet. “I can hear physics crying.”
“Tactile Telekinesis. Touch something, envision lifting it, and it will stick. Everypony can do it.” Shining blushed and trotted through the open door. “Oookay so… I’m totally sorry. She made me do it.”
Carla trotted forwards, stepping through the door into the warmly painted colonial styled hallway. “Did what? Decorate the hallway like a—”
The hallway melted into whiteness as Carla passed through the doorway. The door behind her vanished, leaving her stranded alongside Shining in an endless plane of whiteness. Carla yelped. Shining hid his face in his hooves. A cheerful mare’s voice came from everywhere and nowhere at once.
“Welcome to Equestria! There’s just a few things you need to know before you can get started.”
A small table with three cylinders sitting atop it grew out of the ground.
“Please walk over to the table and stack the cylinders.”
Carla looked at Shining, dipping her head down so her mane fell in front of her eyes. “You made a tutorial level?!”
“She asked me what the most common method of learning outside of school was!” Shining groaned. “I tried to explain these only teach you how to play a game but the idea was “Completely prefect and suited to the situation.” I’m sorry! I know it’s dumb…”
Carla rubbed her left temple with a hoof. “There’s no way to get out of this… whiteness, other than finishing it. Is there?”
Shining shook his head. “Nope… I don’t know how to close Pocket Spaces.”
“Okay.”
Carla mentally ordered herself to walk to the table. Narrowly avoiding bumping into it, she extended her hoof, touched the cylinder on the left and focused as hard as she could on picking it up. An energetic force tingled in her hoof, both telling her she was holding something round and that it was smooth.
Stacking the cylinders was trivial. The outer two rested one atop the other within mere seconds.
“Good job!” the Tutorial Mare said. “Now place each cylinder on the table on their sides. You can rotate an object you’re holding without turning your foreleg.”
“How the hell do I do that?” Carla asked as her face scrunched up.
Shining cleared his throat. “It’s telekinesis. Not a hand. Imagine it turning, and it will.”
Carla nodded and lifted the top cylinder. Holding it out at leg’s length she pictured it turning clockwise. The cylinder twitched. Carla focused harder. It slid slightly, twitched, then rotated in place on her hoof. A moment later and each cylinder lay on its side as instructed.
The table sank back into the ground. “Good job! Now we will begin with the basics of moving objects with magic!”
The table and cylinders reemerged, this time a good twenty meters from Carla and Shining.
“Magic is different for everypony. Each type of magic is tied to an emotion. You can learn to cast each kind without using that emotion, but this takes time. Fortunately, telekinesis is something every unicorn can do on instinct! Just imagine you have an extra leg. It’s invisible, and attached to your horn. Use it to stack the cylinders.”
Carla rolled her eyes. “Who recorded this? They sound like you, but a girl. Do you have a sister?”
Shining’s blush deepened immensely. “Uh, I do… But she’s a civilian. And I’m the only agent assigned to you.”
“Meaning?”
“I recorded this…”
Carla smirked and bit her lip to hide it. “You do good voice impressions.”
Shining rubbed the back of his head and looked off into the not-sky. “Nooo… I shapechanged into myself, but a mare, and recorded it. Don’t look at me like that! The Princess ordered me to do it after I said the voice over is usually a girl.”
Carla laughed and closed her eyes, a smile parting her lips. Let’s not get too distracted. This thing could take forever. Okay. Extra “leg”. But on my horn. That’s so fucking weird to think about…
Carla closed her eyes more tightly and focused her every thought on picking up the distant cylinder.
Shining smiled as Carla’s horn began to glow an especially girly pink. His smile became a frown as he began to glow.
“Uh, Carla?”
Carla opened her eyes and turned her head just in time to see Shining lift off the ground and begin orbiting around her. “Oh, uh… Oops?”
Shining stared at Carla with an unamused, and very much blank, stare as he finished his second orbit. “This is not telekinesis, Carla. This is a levitation spell.”
Carla turned her head to try to keep eye contact with Shining as he drifted clockwise around her. “How do we fix this?”
“Not we. You. I could break this spell, but dispelling magic hurts the caster. Badly. It’s a combat technique, or used by the police in emergencies. You need to fix this.”
Carla bit her lip. “Okay, how?”
Shining opened his mouth then facehooved. “Canceling spell effects is part sixty-one of this tutorial level…”
Carla’s eyes widened. “How many parts are there?”
Shining completed his third orbit. “Sixty-two.”
Carla’s ears lay back against her head. “Well, I’d better fucking get to it.”
She turned her attention to the distant cylinders and reached for her magic to try again.
An hour and a half as well as forty-three tries later, Carla had finally finished all ten telekinesis tutorials. Shining had not emerged from this unscathed. The poor stallion was now floating upside down. His blue mane was now bright pink and trailing little purple hearts from each strand as they moved in an unseen wind. Additionally, he was emitting a lavender cloud of mist which tasted like cotton candy and smelt like rotten eggs and stale beef jerky.
Carla had seen her fair share of magical backlash as well. Her fur had gained a rather fetching metallic sheen, her mane became fashionably curled, and her wings properly preened.
Carla sighed as she trotted up to the starting block which had manifested themselves at the front of a small straight racetrack. I hate this so much… I would do anything to swap effects with Shining.
“That’s everything for the basic magic you’ll need to use in your day to day life for simple tasks!” Fem-Shining praised. “Let’s take a break from magic and learn how to run, jump, and fly. You’ll need to know how to do each of these things to get around Equestria properly.”
Shining drifted into Carla’s field of vision. “I’m so looking forward to you trying out hurdles.”
Carla rolled her eyes. “Why? You’re orbiting me at zero degrees inclination. If I trip, you’ll smack into the ground too.”
Shining extended a hoof to object then closed his mouth. “Carla?”
“Humm?”
“Don’t trip over the hurdles.”
A set of hurdles rose up from the ground. “Are you ready?” Fem-Shining asked. “On your mark, get set, go!”
Carla took a deep breath, let it out slowly and focused her mind. Carla ran forwards and jumped.
Despite her best efforts, Carla tripped over every hurdle. On each of her sixteen first attempts.
Two battered and bruised ponies stood on the edge of a deep canyon. A lake of warm water sat fifty meters below them, sending small wisps of steam into the air. Forty meters ahead of them was another cliff, one slightly taller than their own.
The site had been burned into Carla’s memory over the last forty hours.
Carla folded her wings and sat down, doing her best to ignore her twitching left eye. “We’ve been at this for DAYS!”
Shining waited till his orbit brought him into Carla’s view. “It only feels like days. Time flows at a different rate in here. It’s like the Hyperbolic Time chamber from—” Shining’s orbit carried him out of Carla’s sight. “— Oops! One moment.”
Carla turned her head to follow his orbit. “Dragon Ball. I know. You’ve said. That doesn't help. I didn’t watch anime in the nineties.”
Shining came around for another pass. “Oh, yeah! Uhhh, it’s like those old books about big kitties and clothing storage boxes… You know, there’s a witch involved too?”
Carla huffed.“You’ve already compared this to the Chronicles of Narnia.”
Shining nodded. “Right. So. We’ve really only been in here for maybe ten minutes of real time.”
Carla’s eye-twitch kicked into high gear. “But. I’ve. Still. Experienced. DAYS! Of. This. Bullshit.”
“Only two days so far,” Shining said with a smile. “And once we leave this Space, we’ll be in normal time and it will have seemed like only minutes. Cuz it really is only a few minutes.”
“That doesn't change how I feel NOW, and how I will remember this.”
Shining shrugged and gave Carla his most sympathetic frown. “Yeah well, at least the Princess made this Pocket Space provide meals and snacks. I didn’t include that in the design notes.”
Carla’s jaw dropped. “You didn’t think we would need to eat after being in here for DAYS?!”
Shining tilted his head and frowned, then facehooved. “Right. You're new to magic. No, we don't need to eat, sleep, or drink while in here. Not unless we were in here for so long that enough external time— Uh, Pocket Spaces only alter your perception of space and time. This is all in our heads, so you can configure it anyway you want. This one is set so one day in here is a minute out there.”
Carla’s twitching eye narrowed. “This is virtual reality? Then how does anything we do here matter?”
“Yeah! That’s exactly what this is! Thanks! Oh, but while this place isn’t real, knowledge you gain here is. The few unicorns powerful enough to cast this spell use their Pocket Spaces as laboratories for their more dangerous or lengthy experiments. You can set time to work however you need it to work, dying in here simply ends the spell, and you can conjure up anything you want.”
“Anything? Then why can’t it give me better instructions on how to fly!” Carla growled, slamming her hoof against the ground. “I am so tired of falling straight down into uncomfortably warm water!”
Shining reached out as if he were hugging Carla while he floated by. “So am I. It’s okay. I’m here for you… Exactly two and a half meters away. Moving clockwise. At two-ish meters per second.”
Carla waited for Shining to come around again before giving him an upset-yet-caring glare. “Why did you put canceling a spell after basically everything else?”
Shining took a deep breath. “I kinda told her that human game tutorials felt a bit random and a bit confusing in the order they teach you things.”
Carla nodded and sucked in a breath through clenched teeth. “Ah.”
“Are you having trouble?” Fem-Shining said in overly caring and loving tone of voice. “Remember, to fly, extend your wings away from you, spreading out your feathers as you feed your magic into them, then flap your wings really hard!”
Carla gave Shining another glare. “Why didn’t you get a pegasus to write the instructions for this part?!”
Shining threw his hooves “up” in the air, making their tips scrape the ground. “It’s a classified operation! What do you want me to do?”
Carla’s wings flapped rapidly as she inched towards the cliff. Almost… Almost… Almost…
Her mane was ragged, messy, and unkempt. Her eyes bloodshot. While the Pocket Space provided food, water, and beds, Celestia had forgotten to include showers, let alone a much-needed stiff drink.
Her forehooves reached for the solid ground. Come on! It’s right there!
Her wings burned. You’re not going to fall just before reaching it this time!
Carla’s forehooves touched the cliff. She grabbed on for dear life and pulled herself onto the raised cliff with a manic laugh. “HAHAHA! Fuck you, gravity! I win!”
Shining clapped his hooves together, smiling widely. “Yay! Good—”
“Good job!” Fem-Shining praised.
Shining’s ears drooped back as his eyes widened. “Oh no!”
Carla frowned. “What?”
The tutorial mare’s voice answered her question. “Next, we will teach you another critical component of pegasus flight. Hovering!”
Carla’s eye began to twitch again.
Shining floated into her view, his eyes watery as he looked into Carla’s eyes. “I’m so sorry!”
The cliff side melted away, leaving Carla standing on a tiny platform suspended over the middle of the uncomfortably warm lake. “In thirty seconds, this platform will disappear. Use your wings to hover in place until it comes back one minute later. I know you can do it!”
Carla’s vision went red as she primed the mother of all F-bombs.
“Good job!” Fem-Shining praised yet again. “Just ten more to go!”
A low electronic tone beeped softly in the distance. Carla’s ears swiveled to face the sound. “Fifteen feet away, five feet up.”
The prerecorded voice whimpered adorably. “I’m sorry, this simulation doesn't understand those units of measure.”
Carla rolled her eyes and smirked. “I’m remembering that you can make that sound.”
“The hay I can! That took nineteen takes,” Shining grumbled as he performed some mental arithmetic. “Four point six meters away, one and a half up.”
Carla nodded and showed the distance.
“Good job!” Fem-Shining praised yet again. “Just nine more to go!”
Shining shook his head as he drifted across Carla’s vision. “You’d think you could convert feet and meters, or understand meters. Given your old job.”
“Yeah well, you’d be surprised how much you can forget after years of not using something,” Carla grumbled.
“Well, at least this one is easy.”
“And useful!” Carla said with a smile. “I wish human hearing could do this.”
“And I wish pony eyes could see well in the dark.”
A high-pitched whistle sounded in the extreme distance.
Carla’s ears perked and tracked the noise. “You guys can’t see well in the dark?”
Shining shook his head. “Not compared to you guys. You’ll see in the vision segment.”
“That pun was terrible… Oh, uh, eighty feet out, at ground level.”
The prerecorded voice whimpered adorably. “I’m sorry, this simulation doesn't understand those units of measure.”
Shining silently wished he wasn’t faster at math than Carla. “Twenty-three point four meters.”
Carla cleared her throat. “Twenty-three point four out, at ground level.”
“Good job!” Fem-Shining praised yet again. “Just eight more to go!”
Carla turned her head to look at Shining. “Why metric units?”
Shining cleared his throat and adopted a motherly tone of voice. “What do humans measure things in, Mister Armor?” He changed his voice back to its normal energetic but masculine pitch. “Most use the metric system, but—” Shining changed back to the impression. “But what? Do some use more obscure systems?”
“Yes. But only two nations do. Metric is universally understood by their scientists. But—”
“Then set it up to understand metric. She’s smart and educated. She’ll know a global standard.”
Carla sighed and shook her head. “I used to… I mean, I still know what a liter is. Americans use liters.”
“Hopefully you didn’t forget any of your combat training,” Shining muttered to himself.
Carla rolled her eyes. “Well trained human brains don’t forget useful things like that. But metric? Only useful if you leave the States. Which I haven't in decades and never intended to do again.”
“Fair enough, I guess…”
Carla and Shining slept three times before the Pocket Space at last conjured a small room lined with bookshelves. Shining identified it as a mage’s study. A place to learn magic.
The tutorials' guidance on magic was thankfully more robust than flight.
“Magic is mostly based in willpower. You have a given amount of magical energy in you. It’s just like stamina, alertness, or mental focus. This is a resource you draw on and consume. Your body will produce more energy the more you use magic, just like how you gain more muscle the more you work out. You will also need to eat far more than you normally would if you use your magic frequently during a given time period. Again, just like working out.
“To use your magic you mentally direct your body to use your magic. It’s exactly the same as moving a leg, your head, or your tail. This is an act of willpower and requires focus and clarity. If your concentration is broken during a spell the magic may go wild and cause unintended effects. As an Alicorn, your lowest possible magical reserve far outstrips all but the freakishly powerful unicorns of the world. You must not allow yourself to become distracted mid spell. The consequences would be catastrophic.”
Carla sighed. “This is going to take forever, isn’t it?”
Shining offered her an apologetic shrug and smile. “Well, I am a unicorn. I actually know how to do this. Unlike flying.”
Carla nodded then blinked as she realized the tutorial mare had gone silent as they spoke. “Uh, is she “programmed” to be quiet if we’re talking?”
Shining nodded twice. “Yeah. Would you rather she repeated herself?”
Carla winced. “No! Please continue, Miss Tutorial.”
“Spells are analogous to martial arts for magic,” the voice resumed. “Telekinesis and creating light are the punches and kicks of magic. Anypony, even a foal, can do them but with time and training you can become amazing at them. If telekinesis is a punch, lighting a candle is a karate chop. Learning these spells takes time, understanding, repetition, and building a “thought memory” for the spell so it can be performed without thinking about the specific details.
“You may find performing more complex magic difficult. Some unicorns require the use of words or phrases to help them recall a particular spell. Others find it easier to use an object like a staff or wand and use subtle movements of these implements to remind them of their spells subconsciously.”
Carla blinked. “Are you saying I could remember how to throw a fireball by pointing out my finger and yelling bang?”
Shining snorted. “Well, yeah. If you had fingers. I brought back an airsoft gun and played arround with using it as an implement for casting a wood-polishing spell.”
Carla raised an eyebrow. “Why a gun?”
Shining blushed and looked away. “Cuz… blam, pow… Take that dust! I— Uh… It’s fun. Okay?”
Carla smiled and shook her head as the tutorial mare resumed once more. “Magic is arranged into Schools. Each School groups magic by the similarity of each spells in terms of how it is performed. For the most part, this also groups spells by their effects. There are eight primary schools of magic: Abjuration, Conjuration, Divination, Enchantment, Evocation, Illusion, Necromancy, and Transmutation. Mastering a spell from each of these schools will stabilize your magic, preventing stray thoughts from accidentally creating magical effects. There are other schools which you do not need to learn at this time.
“Once you have learned one simple spell from each school of magic, you may move to the next part of the tutorial.”
Carla shook her head and looked to her left to watch Shining progress through yet another orbit. “I think this should have come right after the telekinesis.”
“Yes. It should have. This is very important for you to know… Don’t worry. The simplest spells from the primary schools are cake. You’ll crack them in an hour. Then you’ll learn how to cancel a spell and this will finally be over!”
Carla nodded and looked around the room, examining each of the bookcases. The dozens of cases were arranged into groups, each of them one for each of the primary schools.
Her eyes glazed over, prompting Carla to sit on the floor and shake her head to clear it. “Why are there so many books for SIMPLE spells?”
“Oh, each book will hold a hundred of them or so. We’re talking about the really simple stuff. Like, sweeping dust off a ledge. Lighting a candle. Flavoring a mouthful of food. That kind of thing. There’s literally millions of these. Princess Celestia insisted you be given access to all unclassified spells. Just pick a book from each set at random, flip to a random page, and learn that spell. It’s not like you’re going to retain your spellcasting after you go home so what you learn isn’t important at all.”
Carla frowned. I’ll lose the ability to cast spells… Huh. You know, it is pretty cool that I am about to learn how to cast a spell. I’ll be the first human to have ever learned magic.
“I guess you have a point.”
Shining nodded twice. “Right, and if you changed your mind, well, these are cake. You could learn a whole school's basic spells in like, a month. Most unicorns who become wizards learn all of them, so they can decide what School to specialize in.”
Carla hummed and looked over at the shelf of Transmutation books. “I guess I’ll start with those. But I think I’ll choose spells I would actually like to know. Just in case...”
Shining’s ears perked. “In case you change your mind?”
Carla shrugged. “Maybe? Or you know, maybe after becoming a human again I’ll retain my magic. Have you ever de-alicorned someone?”
Shining shook his head. “Not that I know of. I am fairly certain you’re the first human to be changed… I didn’t handle the previous candidate. That was before my time.”
Carla nodded, stood up, trotted over to the bookcases, then yelped as Shining’s orbit caused him to smack face-first into one of the book cases.
“Ow…” The stallion whimpered.
Carla’s cheeks burned. “I’m so sorry! I forgot you— I mean you’ve been doing that for days! I didn’t think.”
“Use... your… magic.” Shining groaned into a thick leather bound tome.
Carla nodded. “R— Right.”
She took a few steps back from the cases, allowing Shining to resume his orbit. A moment of focused willpower, pink energy, and random choice later, eight books sat on the floor in front of Carla.
Flipping one open at random, Carla began to read. “Huh… Are all spells just imagining the feeling that comes from the thing you’re trying to do?”
“No. Just the basics. That’s why they are cake.”
Carla nodded and began to study. Her first spell came from the Abjuration school. Idyllic Sleep, a simple charm which let the caster, or a willing person get a good night’s sleep even in horrible conditions.
Next she learned a rather amusing enchantment known as the “Touch of Fascination”. It required the caster physically touch the victim, but would ensure the subject paid attention to anything the caster chose, to the exclusion of all else, for around six seconds. In other words, the spell created the perfect distraction.
What I wouldn’t have done for that little gem of a spell twenty years ago…
For evocation, Carla learned the charm Dancing Lights. Mostly because she giggled at the idea of combining it with her illusion spell Unseen Band to trap an unsuspecting coworker in a disco tech of flashing lights and terrible music.
Much to Carla’s surprise, the book containing Necromancy spells wasn’t exclusively ways to defend against the undead.
“So uh, Shining?”
“Humm?”
Carla frowned as she looked up from the Necromancy book. “Why can just anyone learn how to make a small part of someone's body rot with a thought?”
“First, that’s so simple people would figure it out on their own if they wanted to know how to do it. Second, necromancy has practical uses and many licensed Necromancers help Equestrian police by asking the dead questions. Some will reanimate and reattach severed limbs in hospitals. No tool is evil. There’s only evil people. Third, the more you know of how a school of magic works, the easier it is to defend against.”
Carla nodded, more than satisfied. “Makes sense… Not sure I’m comfortable learning this though.”
Shining waited till his orbit brought him in front of Carla. “You need to. Necromancy is linked to negative emotions. Mastering all spells unless they are based in fear, anger, hatred, and so on is the worst possible thing you could do.”
Carla frowned, then nodded and turned her attention back to her book. “Okay… The least evil of these looks to be Askew Balance. Uh that doesn't give them permanent nerve damage, does it?”
Shining shook his head. “Nah, I use that all the time. It just makes them go limp as you switch their nerves off for a split-second. It’s got a very short range though. Think of it like a tazer.”
Carla let out a deep breath. “Oh! Well, that’s fine then.”
After Askew Balance joined Carla’s arsenal, she felt her magic behave more fluidly and regularly. Learning new spells became so much more easy she picked up the rest of her basic tools with just a few minutes practice each.
Cloth Armor; a transmutation spell to turn normal clothing into a protective garment to rival a quilted gambeson for a few minutes. Not that she had a frame of reference for how protective a gambeson was, or even what one was exactly. Clandestine Conversation; a piece of illusion magic which let two people speak without being overheard. Conjurer’s Toolbelt; a nifty little charm that summoned a single crude tool for a minute or so. The ability to snap her fingers and have a poorly made, uncomfortable to use, but mostly functional screwdriver was yet another power Carla would have once happily killed for.
But of all the spells she saw in those books, one called out to her the loudest. Carla’s eyes sparkled as she held the book in front of her eyes. The pink aura her magic created made the wonderful spell seem to glow and sparkle as if it held a magic of its own simply by existing.
Shining smirked as he took in the manic glee on Carla’s face. “What did you find?”
“Starswirl’s Lesser Form Fill!”
Shining raised an eyebrow. “I’m not familiar with that one.”
Carla rubbed her hooves together to contain a girlish squeal of delight. “It fills out up to twenty pages worth of paperwork for you, with PERFECT accuracy!”
Shining’s eyes widened. “Wait, seriously? Learn it and pass that book up here! I need it!”
Carla nodded, began to read, then bit her lip. “Actually, this is my last spell. If I learn it the tutorial section is over and the book will vanish. Here, you learn it now.”
She gently turned the book upside down and held it out towards Shining, who took it from her with his own blue telekinetic aura. Shining’s eyes flicked over the two-page-long spell for a moment before he closed them tightly, meditating on the instructions.
Shining smiled and passed the book Back to Carla, his eyes fixed on Carla’s own. “If I hadn’t already been madly in love with you, this would have made me fall for you.”
Carla rolled her eyes. “That’s so sappy…”
Shining nodded. “But true.”
Carla’s lips pulled back as she smiled. “Yeah. Slaying the paperwork demon for someone is a pretty erotic thing to do.”
Five minutes later Carla closed the book. “Done! And I am so sad I can’t take this power back to Earth with me. This would solve ninety percent of my job.”
“Good job!” The tutorial mare praised from the aether. “Mastering those spells means you have mastered your emotions, and therefore your magic! I— I uh, know it’s really rude in human cultures to insinuate that a woman is overly emotional. That’s not at all what this means or implies. Remember, in ponies, not learning a spell for each emotion means random acts of magic wherever you go and have an exceptionally strong feeling. Now you can feel any way you want as hard as you want without turning my hooves into potatoes.”
Carla blinked twice and stared at Shining with wide eyes. “That’s an oddly specific example!”
Shining took a deep breath and sighed. “I’ve got a little sister. She’s— It’s complicated. But seriously, not trying to be sexist or anything! Besides, with us the stereotypes flipped. Stallions are considered more emotional.”
Carla raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
Shining nodded. “Mhm! Though uh, the average mare is on par with a VERY expressive human. We’re just more open than you guys in general. Which is why untrained magic being tied to emotion is a problem for ponies.”
“So… You’re normal?” Carla asked with a frown.
Shining blushed and shook his head. “Naaaahh! More emotional doesn't mean that those emotions are not macho ones. I’m weird for my people too.”
Carla snorted. “Good to know you’re a dork on two worlds. Hey… What’s taking the tutorial so long?”
Shining shrugged. “Probably loading the dispelling segment. Pocket Spaces are powerful spells, that means they are really complicated. Sometimes they slow down, mess up, or otherwise behave unexpectedly.”
Carla shook her head slowly. “It really is magic VR.”
“It totally is! I never thought about that… Probably because my human alias couldn’t afford one of those. I still really want to play that one starship game using a headset.”
“Error detected,” Fem-Shining said with more somberness than the situation warranted. “Please wait while the tutorial adjusts.”
Shining blinked. “Hey, I never recorded that line!”
The room shuddered and shook as the bookcases melted backwards into the walls. The floor stretched and warped as a dais took form in the room’s center like a blister rising from pristine skin. A rune circle carved itself into the dais’ outer rim, each sigil glowing with a faint blue light.
“You have placed several enchantments upon yourself. Please step into the circle, it will assist in dispelling your enchantments.”
Carla frowned and walked into the center of the runes. The moment she reached the center the runes flashed white and a prismatic bubble sprang up around her, leaving Shining just barely enough room to continue orbiting her.
The Tutorial mare spoke before Carla could panic. “Do not be alarmed. This ward will contain your magic. Pocket Spaces are not capable of containing an Alicorn’s spells without special precautions including this ward. Dispelling magical effects you created unintentionally is very tricky, and mistakes are likely to occur.”
Shining crossed his forelegs over his chest. “The Princess could have told me she could use voice samples…”
Carla stared blankly at the space in front of her. “Something tells me she’s a bit of a troll.”
“Dispelling is a difficult skill,” Fem-Shining continued. “Active effects end once you stop concentrating upon them. These do not need to be dispelled. Passive effects can persist forever, and need to be dispelled to be removed. It is best for a spell to be dispelled by its caster.
“Should you be required to dispel an effect created by another spellcaster, and they are within a hundred meters of the effect you are dispelling, the caster will be struck with agonizing pain and can be left with mild to major injuries. This feedback is so dangerous it rendered mages useless as warriors until the invention of dispel-proof wards one thousand five hundred years ago.
“Unless you find yourself or others to be in immediate danger, you should never attempt to dispel another caster’s magic.”
Carla nodded slowly. “Ooookay… But how do you actually you know, dispel things?”
“She can’t hear you,” Shining said.
Carla smirked. “I’m not so sure about that anymore.”
The recording continued. “To dispel a magical effect you must perform the spell used to create it in reverse while focusing your will upon the magical effect itself. This is very difficult, but is necessary to learn for your own safety. A simple cleaning spell can produce unintended consequences resulting in the need for immediate disenchantment.
“Dispelling wild magic is much more difficult. Shining Armor is a real entity, existing in both spaces simultaneously. Due to your immense magical power as an Alicorn, and Shining Armor being inside this space with you, the effects you have placed upon Shining Armor exist outside this Pocket Space.”
Shining facehooved and screamed into his hoof. “Bucking… Please don’t let there be anypony in the hallway with us!”
Carla’s lips parted in a grin. She bit her lip to prevent herself from laughing then waited for the voice to continue.
“Due to not knowing the nature of the magical effects with wild magic, dispelling them traditionally is impossible. Instead, you must apply the exact opposite of an existing wild magic effect to counteract it. In most cases this will cause the opposing magic to interact with one another and evaporate. In some cases the effects will persist but cancel out. However, either of these two outcomes will result in normality being restored.
“Due to your insufficient arcane knowledge, dispelling these effects will prove very difficult. This tutorial has constructed a guide. Follow these instructions exactly and do not deviate from them.”
Carla scarcely had time to blink before a most literal wall of text appeared before her. The barrier of glowing blue letters, numbers, and scattered diagrams looked like it belonged on a mathematics professor’s chalkboard. Looking at it all sent shooting pain through Carla’s head as she tried to take everything in at once.
Shining turned his head to look at the text and gulped. “Uh… hon? C— Can I call you hon?”
“I kissed you and we’ve been dating for seven days of relative time, so, yeah,” Carla whispered, her ears flopping over as she tried to process the instructions before her.
Shining bit his lip. “Just… Just take those slowly. One step at a time.”
Carla took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay… Step one. Turn you right side up.”
Fifteen minutes later Shining armor was finally orbiting around Carla upright and was at last able to control his own orientation. Unfortunately he was now soaking wet from the ball of water Carla had transmuted the air around him into. Fortunately that spell didn’t persist any longer than Carla had concentrated on it.
Carla pawed at the ground. “I’m sorry you nearly drowned…”
“Just stop the spinning, please,” Shining sighed.
Stopping the spinning took Carla an hour. An hour and eight attempts. One of which had dried Shining off, another of which had made a random patch of his fur fall out. But in the end his orbit stopped, dropping the stallion to the ground with an audible plop.
Shining’s hooves clicked against the floor as he did his best to hug it. “I missed you, floor!”
Carla trotted over to Shining and wrapped her forelegs around his shoulders to give him a tight hug. “I’m sorry I made you orbit around me for seven days.”
Shining returned her hug. “It’s fine. It’s only really seven minutes. Can you fix my mane now, please?”
Carla nervously tapped her hooves together and winced. “Uhhh, this part is… I can BARELY understand what it’s saying. You can walk away from me now. Why not leave the tutorial, walk a hundred meters away, so I don't get the feedback, and dispel it yourself?”
Shining paused then smiled. “Hon, I love how smart you are. Let’s do that. Space? Emergency Abort!”
Carla’s eye began to twitch yet again. “You… could... abort... this?”
“This tutorial may not be aborted from within.” Fem-Shining chimed.
Shining sighed and let his chin flop onto the floor. “Dang it… And the answer is I didn’t think so. But I had to check.”
Carla rubbed her temples with her hooves. “Sooo we're stuck here until I fix you?”
“Mmmmhmm,” Shining moaned.
“Okay, well… Here goes?” Carla winced, closed her eyes, and focused on her magic.
A bright flash of white light engulfed Shining’s body amid a loud popping sound. Carla opened her eyes, praying she hadn’t blown him to bits. Where the white and pink stallion had been there was now a small lavender furred, sapphire maned unicorn mare staring wide-eyed at her hooves.
Shining yelped, his tail standing straight up in alarm. “You turned me into my sister!”
Carla put a hoof over her mouth as her eyes widened. “I’m-so-sorry!”
Shining took a deep breath. “It’s cool. I can fix this.”
He closed his eyes, and his body vanished with a pop in another flash of white light. When the light cleared, Shining was back in his old body, his blue mane intact. Though the cloud of mist remained.
Carla blinked. “Y-you could have fixed your own mane?”
Shining shrugged. “Maybe? Depends on if that was a physical change or an illusion spell. Your dispel tripped my transformation gem, that’s all… And put my sister’s signature into its memory. I never acquired her. For you know, good reasons!”
Carla coughed into her hoof and nodded. “Yeah, that was… Awkward…”
Shining shook his head. “Noooo! Noooo… Nooo… Twiliy would love it if I turned into her as like, a fun surprise or something. No, nono, see, that was DANGEROUS! Twilight’s only SLIGHTLY less powerful than you! And unstable. Magically speaking. For some unicorns learning a spell for each emotion isn't enough. Twily’s got Obsessive–compulsive personality disorder. Mental conditions like that throw the normal way magic works out a window. I don’t know how she controls herself. Soooo since I gain their instincts and form when I change into other people or creatures... Well, I just became a time bomb!"
Carla raised an eyebrow. "A time bomb? Really? She's that destructive?"
Shining nodded twice. "Yes! She turned our parents into potted plants by accident once!”
While Carla processed Shining’s statement and did her best to come to terms with the horror behind that single sentence he stood up and held a hoof over his heart. “Override: Bacon Pinata.”
Carla’s jaw slowly dropped. “Potted… plants?”
The gem fused to Shining’s heart pulsed green. “Delete signature: Twilight Sparkle.”
The gemstone flashed green twice. Shining sighed in relief. “Thank Celestia… I’d have been tempted to use that at some point and probably turned everypony for a hundred miles into… I don’t know? Sexy spaghetti?”
“Potted plants?”
Shining smiled at Carla. “It’s okay. They got better.”
"From being potted plants?"
"Yes."
Carla pursed her lips. "How?"
Shining smiled. "Princess Celestia is a several thousand year old wizard. She can fix a lot of things, and this happened with her in the room."
Carla shook her head slowly and looked at the mist still clinging to Shining. “Magic can make someone into a potted plant... I’m scared to remove that mist now.”
Shining bit his lip. “Yeah but we have to.”
Carla closed her eyes tightly and nodded. “Please don't turn into a poodle…”
Shining grinned ear to ear as he debated doing exactly that to mess with his mare.
Carla’s horn blazed bright pink as the magic formed within her mind. She pictured the opposite of emitting weird mist as clearly as she could, then turned her full attention to Shining.
Carla smiled. Her heart sped up slightly as she flashed back over the last few days of apparent time. He’s so patient and caring. Anyone else would have screamed at me for making them float for days. I wonder if—
Carla’s concentration lapsed. Her spell slipped. Shining yelped as he felt something pinch at the base of his horn.
Carla’s eyes shot open just in time to see the pink mist disperse. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
Shining rubbed at his horn. “Just a pinch… Let me make sure it still works.”
Shining pushed his magic into his horn, letting it glow. His eyes shrank to pinpricks as instead of the familiar cool blue his horn lit up pink. He turned to Carla, his eyes fixing on her horn, and it’s now blue glow. “Hey! You swapped our magic colors.”
Carla looked up at her long slender horn, taking note of the blue and nodding in satisfaction. “Good! I’m less pink.”
Shining opened his mouth to object then pushed, shook his head and sighed. “Eh… Whatever. Not a big deal. I don’t have a hoodie for you to steal anyways. Ponies don't do mandatory clothing.”
Carla’s cheeks turned bright pink as she realized Shining had been naked for the last week. Naked and orbiting around her. With his bottom end facing upwards. On her eye level.
Carla looked upwards at the ceiling and stroked her mane. “Uhhhh…. You know… I never realized. I mean… Fur… four legs… You’re a person, not an animal and… uhhh—”
Shining rolled his eyes. “You’ve seen my dick. Yeah. So what? Everypony I’ve ever known has too. Human modesty is silly and pants are stupid. I’m not gonna dress on my homeworld to suit your species tastes. Not because I hate you and want to embarrass you. It’s pants I hate. Buck pants!”
Carla’s cheeks continued to burn as the tutorial mare’s voice chimed in.
“Good job! The remaining spell effects are all upon you, and will disappear once you exit this Pocket Space. You may dispel them at your leisure. Resuming normal tutorial functionality…”
Carla shuffled her hooves awkwardly. “S— so uh… When humans date… the naked thing is supposed to come later… and it’s more than you. You’ve been behind me… and all I have on is this jacket.”
Shining nodded and smiled. “Mhm! That’s the magic of orbital mechanics. You’re cute, by the way. Great flanks! Personally I prefer earth tone fur but the pink works for you.”
Carla squirmed. “I uh… It’s okay for YOU to see that, but… uh… y— you know…”
Shining rolled his eyes. “We’re a species of nudists, anyone who saw your bits wouldn’t care. Everypony sees so much T and A and D that it's just not sexual anymore… Unless you love them. Then anything they do is sexy. Especially save me from paperwork.
“Besides, your tail and flanks will hide your bits while standing up. You’ve got bubbly flanks, that’s extra sexy and will hide your lady stuff from the side and diagonals. Tail takes care of the rest. Be happy you're not a stallion if being naked bothers you. Random erections happen to our guys too.”
Carla tapped her hooves together. “I’d still like pants… Or some kind of illusion spell to hide things.”
Shining nodded. “No problem. I’ll illusion you once we’re out.”
“Thank you.”
The dais melted back into the floor as the rest of the room dissolved around Shining and Carla. The two were left in the same flat empty expanse of nothingness they had first arrived in for several long seconds. Then a single podium rose up from the ground.
It was jet black, had a circular face, and four buttons on its top. Each button had a rune etched into it and glowed a different color. Carla’s ears laid back as she recognized the runes in an instant.
The tutorial-mare spoke one last time. “Press X to pony.”
Carla glared at Shining.
Shining offered her a sheepish grin and shrugged. “What?”
Carla rolled her eyes, reached out, and pressed the x button. The white void vanished with a quiet pop, leaving the two standing just outside an open door in a rather lovely looking colonial style hallway.
Carla shivered, her fur stood up on end as an entire week’s worth of memories jammed themselves into her brain in an instant. Her tail raised. Her eyes widened. “I— But—- What?! We were in there for a week! Why does it feel like it was suddenly just five minutes?”
“Because it was only really a few minutes,” Shining reminded with a loving smile. “Now have magic panties.”
Shining closed his eye sand grit his teeth as he cast a quick illusion spell to cover his mare’s groin with a simple formfitting pink thong pantie. With his spell finished, Shining stood up on his tippy-hooves to kiss Carla on her cheek. “Come on, let’s go see the Princess and get you home.”
Carla nodded, bent her neck down and returned Shining’s kiss, even though her gut twisted into a knot. If I go back home, I don’t think the Princess will let Shining Armor come with me.
Shining blushed happily at Carla’s kiss and turned around, trotting down the hall. Carla followed along behind him her mind crunching the numbers on what future would be worth what price.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
5 - Decisions, Decisions.
Carla Arvil - 4/25/2018
Eventide Hall - Canterlot Suburbs, Equestria
Carla had been brought to Eventide Hall for her training for a multitude of reasons. First, the large estate featured a full state-of-the-art Wizard’s Laboratory. Such a facility was necessary for creating time compressed Pocket Spaces and the arcane equipment needed to reach across the void between worlds.
Second, the Hall was well away from anything important. Canterlot lay a full day’s train ride to the south, and it was the closest major city. The only settlement within an hour’s flight of the Hall was Baybridge. While it would be a tragedy if Carla had destroyed the Hall and surrounding countryside in a rage or panic, Equestria would hardly notice the loss of Baybridge.
Third, and most important of all, Eventide Hall was Princess Celestia’s family estate.
The Hall was ancient. Its oldest stones had been laid down a thousand years before Celestia’s birth. As no one in living memory other than the Princess themselves knew their exact ages, the Hall was loosely described as being around five thousand years old.
On Earth, the Hall would have been built before the dawn of recorded history. It would have been among the oldest structures built by humanity one would be comfortable calling a building rather than “an earthen hut”, “a crude pyramid”, or “Stonehenge”. Such an ancient place would surely be crude and simplistic, any decoration at all consisting of crude paints, with perhaps a few small statues placed here and there to liven things up.
Eventide Hall was a wonderful place of marble, gold, and lovingly crafted hardwood. Its many rooms were connected by long hallways, with plenty of round “common chambers” forming public spaces where halls intersected. The common chamber’s stretched from the ground floor up to the third floor, and their domed roofs protruded from the Hall’s roof. When seen from above, the domes formed the shape of the constellation Trichechus, with the hallways linking each “star” together.
The Hall’s floors were decorated black and white marble mosaics. Each tile was a fourth of a hoof across, perfectly square, and collectively formed a geometric pattern which is it could be seen in its entirety perfectly illustrated the arcane signature of a basic light spell. The pillars supporting the hall’s vaulted ceilings were left smooth, but covered in a red marble veneer and capped with gold. Finely woven tapestries covered the perfectly smooth plaster and gold-leaf walls. Each tapestry showed a part of the Sol Invictus family’s history, or other important moments from Equestrian history.
Everywhere one looked there was wealth on display in the form of fine furniture, master-crafted artwork, exotic plant life, and rich perfumes. As Shining led Carla down the halls towards the Princess’s private Chambers, Carla couldn’t help but compare the ancient Hall to the Palace of Versailles in France. They seemed to be on par with one another in almost every way, though Carla’s brief visit had been while she was on duty.
It’s hard to properly judge the quality of architecture of a building you’re having to comb for an assassin. But I think this place is a little better crafted.
Ponykind came about long before humankind. The history of civilization on Equus dwarfs that of civilizations on Earth. An impressive feat, on the surface… But in reality…
Shining Armor looked at the mosaic floor tiles and sighed. “I miss glass lobbies and carpets.”
“I’m certain you can visit the nearest bank as soon as we're done here and get your fix.”
Shining snorted. “Nah. Almost all our buildings look like this. When you live a long time, it’s hard to change things.”
Carla nodded slowly. “Yeah, and immortal leaders definitely wouldn't help that. How old is she again?”
Shining cleared his throat. “Uh, I never said. Look, don’t bring up her age. It's pretty much pointless. She’s so old she doesn't think about age at all anymore anyways. All you need to understand is you need to be very polite because the Princesses have been here since time immemorial and carry about the same cultural importance to us as that Jesus guy does for yours.”
Carla snorted. “That’s a really bizarre way to hear someone mention Jesus.”
Shining bit his lip. “Uh, well, not to be rude, but when you can turn water into wine, heal wounds with a touch, and duplicate small items yourself, he doesn't come across as all that impressive. 'I’m a god because I can do things you learned in Elementary magic class!' It’s just not impressive. Except for that whole “revive the dead” thing. We’re still working on that without bringing them back as a sociopath nigh-unkillable monsters with enhanced intellects. I think we’ll see that happen before I die though.”
Carla frowned. “Huh… That’s a good point. Most human religion’s messiahs and miracle workers would be scientists to you.”
“We call them wizards,” Shining said in a droll voice. “No, but seriously, just remember you’re talking to someone as culturally important as Jesus who's also able to turn you into a houseplant if she gets mad at you and you’ll be fine. The fear switches off your brain’s rudeness centers!”
Carla’s wings twitched, filling the hall was the rustle of feathers on leather. “Uh… Soooo, my chances of surviving telling her no are nill?”
Shining stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to face Carla, looking her dead in her eyes. “Despite that, she’s nice. I know human history is filled with tyrants and your nation in particular associates autocrats with evil oppressors, but Princess Celestia isn’t like that. She’s very old, very wise, and extremely benevolent.”
Carla snorted. “Not to say 'Only Republics are good', but that’s exactly what a citizen in a despotic monarchy would say of their leaders, while in their leader’s house.”
Shining chuckled. “Okay, granted. But the Princess is more like Josip Broz Tito and Lee Kuan Yew than Gaius Caesar or Porfirio Diaz.”
Carla nodded, taking careful mental note. “I’ll take your word on it for now. Just how much human history do you know anyhow?”
Shining puffed out his chest and smiled. “More than any other agent. I like to read and got permission to take a laptop with magical link to the internet home with me.”
Carla politely ignored his boasting. “How much further is it?”
Shining pointed down the hallway to a pair of large gold-leafed doors decorated with a fresco of the rising sun. Carla nodded and couldn’t help but notice the doors across from them were plated in silver and featured a fresco depicting a crescent moon.
“Everything in here is gold except for those doors. Why?”
Shining chuckled. “That’s Princess Luna’s room. She doesn't live here. It’s just for when she visits. We tend to use color and symbols to identify personal property. Usually you’d use custom stickers, wood burning, pen and ink, or otherwise put your cutiemark on something to show others it's yours.”
“But since this is a Royal estate, it’s got to be a big fancy door?”
Shining nodded. “Mhm. The door is in Princess Luna’s colors so everyone knows it is reserved for her at all times. The rest of the Hall is in Princess Celestia’s colors, except for the entryway and visitor’s rooms. Those are for everyone.”
Carla pursed her lips. “Is that why you painted the room I woke up in black and purple?”
Shining nodded. “Yeah, I uh, I thought you would be your favorite colors.”
Shining trotted up to the golden door and cleared his throat before giving Carla a short look. “Let me announce you, please. It’s part of my job.”
“Alright.”
Shining took a deep breath as he anticipated the many months of pending overtime which would come once Carla returned to Earth. After the moment of worry had passed, Shining knocked on the golden door three times.
After a few quiet moments a warm and loving female voice called out from the other side. “You may enter.”
Shining pushed the double doors open with his magic, and struck a formal and rigid pose as they swung open. Shining bowed low before stepping across the threshold and announcing, “Your Highness, I present the current Heir to the Crystal Empire, Miss Carla Avril.”
Carla stood still in the hallway. Uncertain as to what she should do. Shining counted to three in his head then nodded towards the door while giving Carla a slightly anxious look through one eye.
“Mister Armor, I applaud your efforts, but the poor mare has no idea how to follow our customs. Please, Carla, do come in. We have much to discuss.”
Carla took a deep breath and trotted through the doors. The room beyond them was simpler than she had anticipated. The Princess’s chambers began with a medium size living room, one which you might find in a contemporary American home. If its owner disliked electronics.
The floors were still marble, but were covered with plain white carpets. The furniture was far less elaborately decorated, featuring a simple craftsman design with plenty of soft cushions. The walls were painted a cheerful blue, and the pictures hung on the walls were mostly portraits of ponies from what looked to be two time periods, and landscapes of places which had been but were no more.
Just before the room’s sky theme sank in, Carla’s breath was taken away by the Princess.
Princess Celestia lay upon one of her couches, her wings folded elegantly at her sides. The alicorn’s ethereal turquoise, cobalt, and pink mane and tail flowed in a non-existent wind. Her pale, nearly white, warm fur shone with an inner radiance which was only matched by the mischievous yet kind glow in her eyes.
Despite her alien appearance, the Princess commanded an air of dignity, grace, and respect. A feat which Carla would have been impressed by if it were not for the emotion bubbling up in her chest.
I’ve seen her before! Carla’s left eye twitched. “You came to my office!”
Princess Celestia’s telekinetic grip removed the pair of golden reading glasses from her nose with a graceful flourish. She set the glasses down atop a thick leather bound volume resting atop the end table nearest her head then looked into Carla’s eyes with a smile.
“How very astute of you.”
Carla took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m usually more eloquent. It’s just that I’m filled with what I feel is a well justified rage. You came to my office, in human form, to offer me some sort of divinity and my own personal kingdom. You’re an ancient wizard. You HAD to have understood how I would take our offer. I knew I would see your word choice as the eccentricities of a wealthy woman with a shaky grip on reality. You knew I wouldn’t take your offer literally and at face value!”
Celestia nodded once. “Yes, I did. I also knew you would jump on board immediately if I had demonstrated the truth of my claims in your office. I could have quite easily. Your desk would have made a very cute piece for a dollhouse had I chosen to shrink it.”
Carla snorted and rolled her eyes. “So you intended to nearly give me a heart attack as I slowly mutated into this— This— This overly fucking feminine thing you’d see at the bottom of an eight-year-old girls’ toy box?!”
Celestia’s lips pulled inwards slightly. “Mmm… Mister Armor?”
Shining offered the Princess a swift salute. “Yes, Ma’am?”
“Please wait outside. Our guest is owed answers which must only be shared between herself and I.”
Shining nodded, bowed low and quickly left the room, closing the door behind him. As the doors gently closed, Princess Celestia let out a long low sigh and abandoned the dignified posture she had been maintaining, choosing instead to slid down into a far more comfortable position.
Carla’s eyebrows raised as she watched the alicorn slouch down.
“Ah! That’s better,” The Princess winked at Carla. “Get comfortable. We’re behind closed doors, none of our subjects can see or hear us. We can speak as one person to another.”
Carla frowned, but nodded. “I’ll play along for now. But you owe me a real explanation!”
Celestia nodded. “I do. You’ll have it as soon as you sit down.”
Carla looked around the room for a moment before deciding to take a seat on an ottoman a short distance from Celestia.
As the pink Alicorn sat down, Celestia smiled. “Comfortable?”
Carla flicked her wings in the pegasi equivalent of a shrug. “Sort of?”
Celestia looked up at her ceiling, admiring the gold tiles covering it. “I suppose you’re still getting used to your new body. I am sorry to have sprung that on you without warning, even if your reaction was amusing to watch I didn’t wish to traumatize you.”
Carla rolled her eyes. “Bull. You intended to. There were so many ways you could have approached this to avoid me freaking the fuck out.”
Celestia bit her lip for a moment then smiled at Carla. “I know you’re upset. I personally do not swear, but if you feel the need to use profanity I won’t stop you. That being said, it would be much easier for me to take you seriously if you said ‘buck’ instead of ‘fuck’. In Equish the crass word meaning “copulate” is buck, and foals who wish to sound “cooler” but not get in trouble for swearing will say “fuck”. I know that is the proper expletive on Earth, but here it makes you seem like a child.”
Carla’s ears burned. She glared at Celestia through narrowed eyes. “I don’t care! Answer my question.”
Celestia sighed and looked Carla in her eyes. “Miss Arvil, had time allowed me to act by my original plan you would not have been in that situation. However, due to some intelligence another of my Agents brought me, the timetable for this particular mission had to be accelerated or the mission would have failed completely.”
“What do you mean?”
Celestia pointed with a hoof towards one of the portraits on her wall. “Do you see that mare?”
Carla turned her head and looked at the portrait. The painting depicted a light gray mare with a bright turquoise mane and emerald green eyes. She looked eager, alert, energetic, but something about her seemed off. As if she were pretending to be something she was not.
Carla pursed her lips in thought. “Shining mentioned I wasn’t your first choice. I’m guessing she was your first pick for this job.”
Celestia nodded. “That’s absolutely right. Her human name was Jessica Carter, but here she was known by the name Crystallus. The agent who chose her was much less interested in humanity than Mister Armor. He found the sort of person he believed would most readily accumulate to leaving their entire world behind. That was a dire mistake… This is a long story, but an important story. May I tell it?”
Carla squirmed in her seat to find a more comfortable spot. Once satisfied she nodded. “I assume it will explain why you basically transformed me into the world’s most embarrassing tattoo. Go ahead.”
Celestia laughed. “I’m sorry. I genuinely do not have any control over the specifics of your pony form.“ She offered Carla an apologetic smile, leaned back in her seat and began to tell her story. “Jessica was an employee at a large retailer in your United Kingdom. She was alone. No friends nor family. She worked because she had nothing else to live for. Jessica was bitter, suicidal, and left alone by her peers. No one would have missed her, and she knew that fact.
“If that had been all she was, Jessica wouldn’t have been my first choice. Before she fell to where she was, Jessica had been quite popular. Well liked. Her current circumstances were a misfortune. Her parents had died, tanking the family business and sending her into massive debt. Jessica was qualified to run one of the retail stores she was employed by. She could have been a franchise owner. She had the degree… But with her debts and now poor credit, well, stocking shelves was all she would be considered for.”
Carla hummed. “You targeted someone with training in finance who wouldn’t be missed if they vanished… That still doesn't seem like ruler material if you ask me.”
Celestia nodded and looked back at the portrait. “She had political ambitions too. Jessica had served in her local government for a short time before the accident. I believed a young politician with a head for business to be a fitting candidate for rule. She had no combat history, but this was twenty years ago. We had time to train her.
“I approached her personally and upfront. While I used a human form to get close I made no pretense behind my offer. I informed Jessica I was a wizard, turned her stuffed ferret into an orange to prove my claim, then informed her I had a job for her if she was willing.”
Celestia closed her eyes and sighed, leaning forwards in her seat. “She was willing. Too willing. She had gone from the lower rungs of wealthy to impoverished. Jessica had a hunger for power I believed would be sated once she no longer went to bed hungry each night. I was wrong.
“She constantly studied magic, mastering it at an unhealthy rate. At first, I believed this was due to humankind lacking any ability to sense or use magic naturally. It seemed logical that a human exposed to magic would find it “cool” and invest serious time to master it.”
Carla’s mouth pulled to one side. “I know that type… She wanted the power over others magic would give her.”
Celestia smiled and pointed at Carla with a hoof. “Yes! I am glad you understand. Jessica was much younger than you as well. I hoped an older human would have more wisdom. That you would understand the benefits of working together almost always outweigh the benefits of going on one’s own. Jessica did not understand this, and believed she could run the Crystal Empire on her own without my assistance or input.
“Had that been the extent of her ambitions, I would have left her to it. After all I wanted to cut her loose after a few centuries. If I wanted to rule more territory personally, well, I wouldn’t be selling the Crystal Empire. However, I learned she intended to overthrow me and rule both the Empire and Equestria.”
Carla groaned and rubbed her temples with her hooves. “I could have told you that! She was a rich girl into politics who lost everything at a presumably young age. That sticks with a person. She would want total independence and absolute power. She was what, twenty-five?”
“Twenty seven.”
Carla nodded. “Yep. You gave her unlimited power, and she was going to use it to gain as much control over her life as possible. I get it. You had to send her back home because she wasn't working out. So when you approached me instead of giving me the kingdom as a job you presented it as something I would have to choose to buy which would seem like a burden, not a ticket to godhood. I’d have to give up something for a chance to work hard at something.”
Celestia smiled and clapped her forehooves together quietly. “Yes! I am so glad you understand!”
Carla glared into Celestia’s eyes. “But that doesn't explain why you decided to give me three simultaneous heart attacks! You could have waited till I signed the papers, come to my home, then showed me you were a wizard.”
Celestia’s smile faded. “Ah well… There is more to Jessica’s story. I did send her back to Earth. However, after informing her that things were not working out, and she was fired, she insisted she be allowed to transform herself back into her human form. I agreed, and she complied. Or so I thought… I was unaware of this for the last ten years until six weeks ago. This is classified information, even from Shining Armor.”
Carla raised an eyebrow, “But you trust me with it?”
The Princess nodded slowly, her eyes showing fear for one brief moment before her confident mask returned. “Shining Armor has been out of my sight several times. This will make little sense at first but I cannot trust him to be him right now. I have watched you since I met you in person in your office and verified you were in fact a true human.”
Carla’s stomach turned slightly. “Are we dealing with some sort of body snatcher type threat?”
Celestia nodded once, her eyes taking on an extreme seriousness. “We are. Instead of becoming a human, Jessica corrupted her alicorn form into something… Else. I would say she is still an alicorn, but she is an insect now… The transmutation magic she used is unknown to me. I do not study Dark Magic. Jessica gained the power to physically transform into anything she chose. For the purposes of going home, she chose to be human.
“Once I had sent her home and closed the portal behind her, she dismissed that human form and had access to magic on Earth. She also works in much the same fashion as an ant queen, able to spawn an entire hive of insect-like ponies which serve her will. Using these two things to her advantage, Jessica has created a rather large hive of minions and amassed power, intent upon returning to Equestria and seizing power.”
Carla nodded slowly. “Okay, and I factor into this... how?”
“It’s quite simple. Jessica isn’t a fool. She knew about my plans for the Crystal Empire and is now a perfect shapechanger. One she believed couldn’t be detected via magic as anything but legitimate. Indeed, it is most difficult to spot her kind once they are transformed. It took me over three years of effort to create a spell capable of—” Celestia blushed lightly and cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I almost bunny trailed. I enjoy magic too much.”
Carla winced and looked around herself uneasily. “It’s okay… But I think I see where you’re going. Jessica somehow learned I was your next candidate and was going to replace me…”
Celestia offered Carla a sympathetic nod. “Yes. I am told she goes by the name Chrysalis now. A fitting name for an insect queen. I do not have everything relating to Chrysalis’ plan. My spy was captured. Chrysalis knew that I knew she exists and her immediate plans. You were in grave danger.
“I allowed Shining Armor to bring you the jacket you now wear because my study of captured insect-pony drones has shown me they are not affected by transmutation magic of any kind other than their own. If my detection spell failed or was fooled, the jacket would allow me to know for certain you were in fact, you.”
“How would I have been captured?”
“One of your coworkers would have simply hexed you into unconsciousness,” Celestia replied. “Your work had been slowly infiltrated by Chrysalis’ drones. To my spy’s knowledge, none of the people there other than yourself were human. This was all so you could be observed long term and Chrysalis could learn how to imitate you well enough to pass for you until well, until you took the Crystal throne.”
Carla’s eyes narrowed. None of them? They may have been a little weird, and seemingly unaware of the concept of personal space, but I don't buy them being aliens... Except maybe my boss. “You’re joking. Or exaggerating. There's no way there were all actually bug-monsters.”
Celestia shook her head. “I am not joking. I can’t prove this to you now… But if you accompany me to the Canterlot dungeon tomorrow I can show you a drone we captured. You can hear it from the horse's mouth.”
Carla leaned back, pursing her lips uneasily. “Well… You have little reason to lie to me. As far as I know, my only way home is via your magic. If you wanted to force my cooperation, you could withhold it." She nodded to herself, finalizing her decision. "Okay, I’ll trust you, for now. You had to rush things along because you believed shapechanging bug monsters were going to kidnap me. It makes as much sense as being turned into the prettiest pink unicorn ever.”
Carla crossed her forelegs and sighed. “I can’t… I can’t really process this. Everything happening today is so far removed from normal that— Well, fuck me, you know?”
Celestia’s eyes lit up mischievously. “I do not wish to be more than friends, Carla.”
Carla stared at Celestia blankly. “Really?”
Celesta chuckled and adjusted her position on the couch. “When you’re as old as I am, mirth becomes one of the few reasons to keep living. But yes. Now you know why I set the spell to go off once you signed the papers. Shining Armor was on his way to get you to sign them when you did so of your own accord. You are the best candidate we have. I could not afford to lose you.”
Carla closed her eyes tightly. “Fuck… Look, I—”
“I know you don’t want to do this and you want to go home,” Celestia calmly picked up her book with her magic, opened it, and held it out to Carla.
Carla frowned, took the book with her own magic, and glanced at a page. Her eyes widened as she watched a new line of text be written into the book by an invisible pen.
Carla took the book from Celestia and read the current line.
Carla’s tail stood on end for a moment. Then she facehooved, nearly dropping the book. “Oh… Right. You said you were watching me this whole time.”
Celestia nodded once. “The fact you do not want the job is why you are the perfect person for the job. I fully understand you dislike this body and given your circumstances of birth your body image is very important to you. I am not a cruel mare, Carla. “Cadence” is simply a part you will play for your subjects.”
Carla raised an eyebrow. “I don’t follow.”
Celestia frowned. “You don’t? But you understood everything else I had to say.”
“Yes, but this being a “part to play” runs contrary to everything else you’ve been telling me.”
Celestia opened her mouth then nodded slowly. “Oh, yes I can see how my phrasing might cause you difficulty. I meant that there is nothing stopping you from learning how to transform back into a human of your own free will. If you wish to be a human woman in your free time, I will not stop you.
“Should there come a day when humans and ponies know of one another, I will personally inform everyone in both our kingdoms of your true origins and you may rule as a human. But you do need to be a pony as far as the public is concerned for the foreseeable future. My little ponies are too used to Alicorns being in charge. And Shining told you of King Sombra’s imminent return and my intentions for you to serve as my champion in that battle.
“While we are able to use our magic when in a human guise, it's far less powerful than when we are not using illusion and transmutation to appear human.”
Carla groaned and stood up, moving off of the ottoman to pace back and forth in front of Celestia for several long moments. Celestia watched the pink Alicorn carefully, her eyes doing their best to determine what the mare was thinking from her body language.
Carla’s wings hung stiffly at her sides. Her ears flicked up and down. Her brow furrowed. Then, at last, she spoke. “With Chrysalis and her hive after me… Is it even possible for me to go back home?”
Celestia paused for a moment then nodded. “Yes, you could go home. I could easily make a new identity for you. A female one, of course.”
Carla nodded, then closed her eyes tightly again. “Would it be possible for me to go back to Earth and live with Shining?”
Celestia nodded hesitantly. “He would have to retire, forsake his equine form and all magic forever, and promise to never return home. Otherwise, I would not allow a pony to live permanently on the other side. Our worlds are not yet ready to freely intermingle.”
Carla stopped pacing and frowned. “He would hate that.”
“Yes. But he would do it for you… He thinks I do not know how much he loves you, but I do. The entire operation staff knows.” Celestia smiled for a moment.
“If I left… How hard would it be for you to find someone to replace me?”
Celestia’s eyes turned downwards. “It would be most difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. We would likely not have any time to allow your replacement to acclimate to being a pony and that would almost certainly lead to failure… I would have to take the Dark Lord on myself. My sister is not yet ready for magical warfare. She is still recovering her full strength from— Well, an incident between us.”
Carla groaned and closed her eyes tightly. “Fuck me… If I bail on you, a whole land will get fucked over by pony-Sauron. If it’s not invaded by—” Carla paused and looked over to Celestia. “What does a bug-pony look like anyways?”
Celestia's horn shone a pale gold as she conjured an image for Carla to see. The projection was only a few hooves tall and hung in the air in front of the pink Alicorn. It depicted someone much like the gray mare whose portrait hung on the wall, but where there had been fur there was now glossy chitin. Where there had been a bird’s wings there were now ragged gossamer appendages. Where there had been an uneasy feeling that the mare had been pretending to be someone else, there was now an air of malice, cunning, and a terrifying hunger.
Carla’s eyes lit up like a Japanese School girl who had been handed the fluffiest kitten in all the world. “Cooooool! It's like H.R. Giger was told to draw you, and someone took that sketch to someone on DevientArt and told them “Dude, make this thing look sexy.”. They did, and then someone took that drawing to an anime artist and told them to redraw it again “but this time make it badass And sexy.” Why the flying fuck couldn’t I come out looking like that?!”
Celestia looked at Carla with one eyebrow raised and one ear flat against her head. “You… You are an odd woman, Carla.”
Carla snorted and waved a hoof dismissively. “I make perfect sense when you remember I grew up in a boy’s body and had male societal expectations heaped on me my whole life and have only been biologically female for a little while. Thank you, by the way.”
Celestia frowned, resisting the urge to get up and offer the mare a hug. “I’m sorry… My ponies sneak technologies from your world to improve ours. I— I will find a way to start sneaking magic into yours. The fact you cannot help people like yourself until your teenage years at the soonest is… Very distressing to me.”
Carla nodded. “Yeah. It sucks…. Anyways, where was I?” Carla frowned and tapped a hoof to her chin. “Oh, yeah! If I bail on you, a whole land will get fucked over by pony-Sauron. If it’s not invaded by—”
Carla trailed off and frowned. “What were those black shapechanging horses in Irish folklore called?”
Celesta tilted her head. “I— I’m afraid I don’t know.”
“Changelings?” Carla asked with a frown.
Celestia hummed. “I recall the term Changeling belonging to Irish folklore… I studied our worlds myths to see if we had ever been in contact before. Though not in too much detail. But from what I can remember… Yes! I do believe they were called changelings.”
Carla hummed. “I’d like to know that too. But later. For now… One last time.” Carla cleared her throat. “If I bail on you, a whole land will get fucked over by pony-Sauron. If it’s not invaded by evil changelings first. That sort of would be something I really couldn’t live with… I don’t think I could ever be okay with preventing Shining from having his magic either… Nor could I leave him behind. I may still be building my feelings for him, but he definitely loves me a lot.”
Celestia smiled, half with joy, half with relief. “Then you will accept the title of the Crystal Princess?”
Carla frowned and shook her head. “No. I’m froufrou looking enough. I don’t need a girly title. Princess Cadence will do just fine. No extra bullshit.”
Celestia snorted, her cheeks flushing pink.
Carla raised an eyebrow. “What?”
Celestia bit her lip and looked up at the ceilings. “Bullshit is the Zebrican word for dildo.”
Carla blinked, moaned, and held her head in her hooves. “Really?”
Celestia nodded. “I am afraid so, yes.”
Carla sighed and plopped down onto the floor, facing Celestia. “Well, that’s fucked all chances of this being serious, hasn’t it?”
Celestia cleared her throat, attempting to put a serious face on once more. For a moment, her dignified expression returned, just as Carla had seen it as she walked in. Then it shattered as Celestia broke out in a giggle fit. “Hehehe! Almost every one of your humans curse words translates into something silly here! I can’t— We need to help you learn to swear properly as a pony! Hehehe!”
Carla took a deep breath and held it to prevent herself from snapping then waited for Celestia to finish laughing. The pale mare continued to giggle for a long moment then at last cleared her throat and smiled. “A good laugh is most welcome after speaking of dire things… Would you do me the honor of formally accepting your title?”
Carla nodded. “Sure. I, Carla Arvil, hereby accept the title of Princess Cadence and will do my best to rule the Crystal Empire as a fair and just ruler… In exchange for Shining Armor’s immortality.”
Celestia’s ears perked up. “I beg your pardon?”
“Alicorns are eternally young, right?” Carla asked.
Celestia nodded. “We are.”
“He’s a normal unicorn. He’ll age and die. I won’t. That’s not fair.”
Celestia smiled softly. “Very well… I shall extend his life to equal your own. IF he wishes for such a thing.”
“Then we’re agreed,” Carla nodded to seal the deal. “I’ll kill that Dark Lord for you, and we’ll see what we can do about your shapeshifter problem too. If she really was able to replace everyone at work over time she’ll be smart enough to have a backup plan to get the throne. We need to work out what that is… You’re lucky I’m ex-CIA. You mentioned having a prisoner?”
Celestia nodded. “I do. We can interrogate him tomorrow. We will need to go to Canterlot for part two of your transformation anyways.”
Carla’s eyes widened with horror. “P— Part two?”
Celestia smirked. “No more physical changes. I have a unique tool at my disposal which will allow us to give you a cover identity. But that tool is immobile and located in Canterlot.”
Carla cocked her head. “Cover identity? You don’t have one worked out in advance? How do we explain where I came from? Am I your sister’s long-lost daughter?”
Celestia snorted. “That would be much more difficult to explain than you think. We would need to explain to the public how my sister had sex while on the moon.”
Carla blinked. “What?”
“I will be placing upon you a powerful enchantment which will cause a small number of ponies to believe you’ve always been here, as well as giving you the knowledge of who those ponies are and what memories you would share together. To them you will become a real part of their lives. You, myself, and Shining, if he is truly Shining, will be the only ones to know the truth.”
Carla’s eyes widened. “You can just edit memories?!”
“No. Not directly. All I can do is tell ponies they remember someone from somewhere and their own minds create the story. Though the spell does make that story consistent and logical between all parties involved, it is the group who writes your “roll” for you. Do not worry, I would not employ this method if it were not necessary. The nobility must believe you are and have always been related to me and therefore a princess as well. Otherwise, they might revolt since I handed a major piece of territory out to a total stranger.”
Carla’s lips twisted into an o shape. “Ooooh… Yeah. Okay. A lesser evil to prevent a civil war is fine by me.”
“I’m glad you agree,” Celestia said as she stood up from her couch and trotted over to the door. “Recall how I said transformation magic will not affect… What did you call them? Changelings?”
Carla nodded.
Celestia smiled. “I like that name… Let’s use it to refer to the species she created. At any rate, Changelings are not affected by foreign transformation magic. We need to confirm Shining is himself. Would you like to see how he looks as a mare?”
Carla’s eyes narrowed for a moment as she began to object, then her lips pulled upwards into a smirk. “Is “she” as cute as “she” sounds?”
Celestia nodded. “At least.”
Carla sighed and stood up. “Okay, let’s do this… I’ll get ready to grab “Shining” if this doesn't work.”
Princess Celestia turned and walked over to the door, opening it slowly with an elegant arcane tug. Shining Armor had been standing with his back to the door, facing outwards in a pose suggesting he had been standing guard. As the door creaked open he eeped and turned around, his hoof raising in a Salute.
“Yes, Your Majesty?”
Celestia nodded towards one of her couches. “Would you come inside a moment?”
Shining nodded and trotted through the open doors. Celestia closed them behind him and followed Shining to the couch, where the stallion chose to stand next to the seat rather than take it. “What do you need, my Princess?”
Celestia looked up at Carla and smiled. “I was hoping you would be willing to tell me how you and Carla met. She has been talking about you, and I am interested in the full story.”
Shining’s eyes widened as his cheeks burned bright pink. “I uh, well— Yes! I can do that. I first saw Carla when she was out of her girl clothes on the—”
Celestia’s horn flared brightly, casting bright gold light over the living room. The light pooled as it washed over Shining, sinking into him and subtly reshaping his features. When the light cleared the handsome stallion had been transformed into a soft, curvy, fairly plump mare.
Shining eeped, “her” ears drooping back in a mixture of worry and embarrassment.
Carla blinked twice. “Why is he chubby as a girl but toned as a guy?”
Celestia shrugged. “Ask him. I had to transform him the first time so his gemstone could remember this shape for later. He insisted on being as cute as possible when he made up this form.”
“I— Um…” Shining stammered, “her” voice more adorable in person than it had been in the Pocket Space. “May I please opt out of recording more lines for tutorials?”
Carla smirked. Nice attempt at a dodge, but I am remembering that explanation...
Princess Celestia paused for a moment, tapping her chin with her hoof. “No. Your female voice is too beautiful to not use on occasion. I may ask you to record several audio books for me in the future. But we have important business to attend to at the moment. You may change back. I was merely verifying your identity.”
Shining closed his eyes tightly, activated his enchanted gemstone and reverted to his normal form with a loud pop. He cleared his throat and looked over to Carla, his cheeks still bright red. “I— I um…”
Carla rolled her eyes. “Apparently, there’s a shapechanger problem, and that’s how you spot them.”
Shining blinked. “By turning ponies into mares?”
Celestia’s eyes sparkled. “Well, that is one way… More to the point they are immune to all forms of transformation magic save their own. I have been developing a more stealthy means of testing ponies, but it’s not yet completely ready. We can’t go randomly transforming everyone to verify they are not Changelings.”
Shining raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard of that species… At least, not here. I presume they have something to do with Carla’s transformation being performed ahead of schedule?”
Celestia nodded. “They do indeed. It’s a serious threat. I’ll fill you in completely later. For now, I simply needed to know you were not a Changeling.”
Shining raised an eyebrow again. “I really think I’d have heard about any shapechangers that could perfectly impersonate someone.”
Carla shrugged. “Well, I didn’t know there were magical ponies that could impersonate humans until a while ago. They’re a new species for your world, apparently. Celestia and I named them just now. But that’s not the point. The point is they are after me, so I can’t go home.”
Shining’s eyes lit up for a moment before narrowing dangerously. “Let them come. I’d like to see them try to get to you. They’ll have to go through me first!”
Celestia smiled happily. “You two are cute together… Humm, that gives me an idea. We’ll discuss it later. For now, Shining, Carla, I need to bring the two of you up to speed with my plans for integrating Carla into Equestrian society as Princess Cadence.”
Shining tilted his head. “Why am I a factor in the official side of things, Ma’am?”
Celestia inclined her head. “Do you want to leave Carla behind and return to your duties on Earth?”
Shining shook his head. “No, ma’am! I— I didn’t think about how my job would— But no! If it’s an option I would rather remain with her.”
“It is most certainly an option. I require Carla have someone she can trust and someone I can trust, to help her integrate into society. The simplest way to do that… Well, Shining, please kneel.”
Shining frowned, but knelt down as ordered.
Celestia stepped over to Shining and gently tapped his shoulder with her horn. “I dub thee Sir Armor, Knight of Equestria.”
Shining sputtered. “I— But— I’m not qualified for—”
Celestia rolled her eyes and gently put a hoof over Shining’s mouth. “As your Princess, I can knight you any time I like. The qualifications are for people who are not me to be allowed to knight you. Now then, Sir Armor, as a Knight of Equestria, you qualify for the position of Captain of the Guard. I, Princess Celestia, hereby appoint you, Sir Shining Armor, as the Captain of the Crystal Guard, personal escort of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.”
Carla blinked. “Uh, I thought we were going to call me “Cadence”.”
“Cadence is your given name,” Celestia said. “The official name is different, and has been chosen to fit the Crystal Empire’s naming conventions.”
Carla nodded. “Ah. I understand.”
Shining blinked, a realization hitting him like a bolt from the blue. He squirmed in place, doing his best to not hop excitedly for hoof to hoof.
Carla looked at her new boyfriend and raised an eyebrow. “Sorry, but I don’t know where the bathrooms are. Or… how to use them… Now that I think about it. Pony toilets are probably not the same as—”
“They are different yeah,” Shining said with an overly happy nod.
Carla’s ears fall back. Please let him be excited about something other than me using an alien toilet!
Shining beamed Carla a smile. “I’m technically a noble now! You’ll be a princess tomorrow. We wouldn’t have been able to get married before. Now we can! You know, if and when you would like too.”
Carla hummed and tapped a hoof to her chin. “Not to dash our enthusiasm, Shining, but I’d like to date for a few months or even a year before we decide to do anything like that.”
Shining nodded once, his cheerful demeanor remaining intact. “I completely understand! Don’t worry I—”
Princess Celestia cleared her throat. “How do you feel about getting married in three weeks?”
Carla’s ears lay flat. “Excuse me?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking… I found a Changeling here. In Equestria. Chrysalis has a way to get here I do not control. She will come looking for you. If we wait for her to strike, she will pick the field and may very well replace you without anyone knowing. But if we pick the field…”
Carla frowned thoughtfully then nodded. “I like it. A wedding would make a good target. She would know where I would be for certain on one day and time, and could work out where I would be for days ahead of time.”
Celestia nodded firmly. “Exactly. You two could quietly divorce afterwards to date properly, if you wanted. Or who knows? Maybe after a few weeks you’ll be ready for a life together. Either way, it’s a way to draw her into the open for certain.”
Shining winced slightly. “It may be a bit clear we’re baiting her in though. I mean, Carla and I marrying after just three weeks of her existing?”
“I’ll be using the Cover Identity Device for her, Shining,” Celestia said as she sat down on her favorite couch again. “But it would be good if you two were seen on some highly public dates in the next few weeks. Can you handle that assignment, Sir Armor?”
Shining nodded eagerly. “Yes! Uh, I mean, Yes, Ma’am!”
Carla nodded twice. “Yes. I think we can do that.”
Celestia sighed in relief. “Thank goodness! I was worried you might feel too awkward dating a pony to be willing to do that so soon. Now then, we have more details to discuss. Please take a seat. Shining, we need to start teaching Princess Cadence the details of Equestrian culture. We will start with formal greetings. For these exercises, treat me as being of equal social rank…”
So, You Want to be a Princess?
Carla Arvil - 4/26/2018
Royal Palace Dungeon - Canterlot, Equestria
When one pictures a dungeon they almost inevitably picture a damp dark hole in the ground filled with the stench of bodily waste, decay, and mold. The mind conjures images of crude holes chipped into stone walls. A maze of bars, cages, instruments of torture, and misery.
Some people also envision those imprisoned within the cells. Others add whips, chains, and attractive people in revealing leather outfits to the mix. Then there are those whose minds add in an evil wizard, 3d6 gangs of orcs, and treasures lost to the ages. You can tell quite a bit about people through those small additions.
You can tell far more about them by the dungeons they build.
The dungeons beneath the Palace of the Sun and Moon were cold, sterile, white places which demanded the mind believe it was standing in a hospital which just so happened to have an indoor pool. A strong chlorine smell permeated the air, hanging almost uncomfortably thick over the spotless tile floors.
Guards stood across the hallway from one another at regular intervals, ready to close and lock thick metal doors in the event of an escape, but also ready to assist anyone, prisoner or not, who called for help. The cells they guarded were spacious, furnished with a bed, a desk, a chair, and a bookcase.
Rather than bars each cell had thick slabs of clear crystal for the front wall, with some even having curtains for privacy. A fact which made Carla more than a little paranoid.
Carla glanced sidelong at yet another closed off cell, noting the faint traces of light shining between the gap in the curtains. “I don’t like not being able to see into these cells…”
The corners of Princess Celestia’s mouth turned upwards only slightly. Her dignified mask never slipped while at work. “It’s quite alright. The curtains offer them the illusion of privacy. A dignity everyone deserves. In actuality the wizards employed here are fully aware of everything every prisoner does at any time and can pacify any given individual within moments of them attempting any form of tampering or escape.”
Carla raised an eyebrow. “Then why have guards stationed here?”
“Dignity. There are guards here so prisoners see other people and can have conversations. This is a maximum security facility, the prisoners are never allowed out of their cells. If we had no guards, they wouldn’t ever see another living soul for the duration of their sentence. I believe you can agree that is a form of torture.”
Carla hummed. “Your justice system focused on reformation rather than punishment?”
Celestia frowned slightly. “Earth does the opposite, I take it?”
“Most of it, yes. We’re slowly changing over to something more like your system.”
Celestia turned to the left, leading Carla towards the last leg of their journey. “What do you think of that change?”
Carla bit her lip. “This is one of those topics you don’t discuss with people. It ends friendships. Let’s say I think some people deserve a second chance while others deserve a thirty-two caliber hole in the head.”
Celestia hummed and turned her head to look at the soon to be princess. “Given the nature of our relationship, I think I should know where that line lies for you.”
Carla took a deep breath, her ears laying back. “Here we go… Normal people sometimes to bad things. They should get a chance to turn things around. Even the guy who murders his wife when he catches her cheating. But there are others… Mmm, I think it’s really just if they feel sorry or not and if they did significant harm to others.”
“How do you mean?”
“Well, I would say the guy who isn’t sorry he stole a TV should get another shot. Just like the guy who is sorry he stole a TV. But the guy who stole a TV to watch cooking shows on while substituting baby flesh for beef should be shot.”
Celestia nodded. “Then you believe in the concept of evil. Fair enough, many do.”
Carla blinked, frowned and looked over to Celestia. “That’s it?”
The Princess nodded once. “Yes.”
Carla raised an eyebrow. Celestia smiled. “My sister is of the same mind. I do not believe in evil. I believe in darkness. That is why I would seek to find help for whatever mental illness plagued our infanticidal cannibal and provide it to them.”
Carla shrugged her wings. “Sure, you could do that. Maybe it works for that guy. If so, great! But what if it doesn't? What if no amount of therapy, medication, or magic can help that monster? What then? Lock them up forever? I can’t justify that. It’s cruel, evil even. Better to be merciful and kill them then stuff them in a box for decades.”
Celestia shook her head slowly. “Mi Amora—”
Carla’s eyes shrank to pinpricks as she gave Celestia her patented death-glare. “None of that! Shame on you!”
An amused light danced behind Celestia’s eyes. “Sorry, Princess Mi Amore—”
Carla’s glare deepened. “I’m already pink. I refuse to be called ‘the rhythm of my love.’ I will be addressed as Carla or Cadence, and nothing else. Or this deal is off.”
Celestia’s eyes twinkled even more, almost as if they were saying ‘challenge accepted’. “As I was saying, Princess Rhythm of my Love—”
Carla’s left eye began to twitch.
“— I’m not saying one should never kill, nor that killing is even wrong in and of itself. It is merely a tool I prefer not to use without other options being available. I have used it before, and I will use it again. I do not condone killing off of a battlefield, and even on one I would prefer neither side suffer many casualties.
“I find mind control to be more ethical than murder. Both those things are abhorrent, naturally. Though there is of course a time when one must do something abhorrent to prevent greater harm befalling one’s people. If I encounter someone who can't be helped by friendship, medication, or a potion, well, having a mage alter who they are to a small extent seems preferable to me.”
Carla’s cheeks pulled back as she bared her teeth. “You know… You probably shouldn’t have told me that. I get that you have magic and humans don't. Our history and culture would be very different if we had magic. But we value freedom. We value autonomy. Mindcontrol is possibly the worst thing you could do to someone.”
Celestia looked into Carla’s eyes. “You need not worry. I apply that tool only as the second to last resort. I too respect the value of freedom. You also need not utilize it yourself. Your kingdom will be yours to run as you see fit. I was merely sharing my own policies and views on the matter. Especially since without my sister present for the last thousand years, Equestrian culture share’s my values… Or overindulges.”
Carla raised an eyebrow. “Let me tell you a little story. A story about a project called MK Ultra—”
Celestia sighed. “I know of that story. We looked into your intelligence community’s history. It’s a shame you didn’t find a means to make the project work. Again, because it can be a potent tool for good.”
“We did,” Carla corrected. “We found a drug that allowed you to alter a person’s behavior permanently via hypnosis while they were drugged. MK Ultra was a success.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “The official story says you failed.”
Carla’s lips parted in a thin smile. “Of course it does. My father was an agent before me. It’s how I was able to get into the agency myself. I’ve heard the true story from him before. He made me promise to do what he did. MK Ultra wasn’t known to the whole agency. Only the personnel assigned to the project knew what it was. The rest of the agency didn’t ask what they were doing. We’re used to being compartmentalized. You don't ask about another division’s work. It’s a security issue.
“Despite that policy, the rest of the CIA found out what MK Ultra had been doing for years and killed them all. The formula was burned. My father and his compatriots ignored orders to cease and desist, going as far as to assassinate and replace the director. The sole reason we were not imprisoned is the President decided to cover it all up. It was the first mutiny in CIA history. Why? Because testing mind control drugs on your own citizens implies their purpose is to control your citizens, not fight our enemies.”
Celestia’s eye grew cold. “Is that a threat?”
“It is,” Carla nodded. “Once we are done here, I want you to show me a case you would use mind control on. If you can’t justify it, I am out. You will have to find yourself another hero.”
Celestia shook as she laughed slowly. “Oh you silly…” Celestia stopped walking and turned to look Carla in the eyes. “I have never once had to use mind control to reform a normal citizen. Not once. They are most always redeemed by kindness, medication will do for the rest. The last person who was altered with mind control was a sorceress as old and powerful as I am. One who at the time was possessed by a dark power unfathomable to a creature as young as yourself.
“This sorceress had imprisoned me, took my throne, and used her magic to plunge the world into eternal night. That is the kind of person whom I would order to be altered, Carla. A clear and present danger to the entire kingdom, or even the world, who will not be overcome by force of arms. What’s more, all I would take from them is their desire to harm others. In the case of that particular sorceress, my apprentice is the one who performed the operation, and instructed the spell to “make her a nice person.” Which is far more than I would have done.
“Do you understand now?”
Carla’s ears stood up, having gone flat at the words ‘a dark power unfathomable’. “I didn’t know we were talking about using it on Cthulhu. I thought we were talking like, your neighbor down the street.”
Celestia shook her head and smiled once more. “There will be many things in this world which offend your human sensibilities. Do understand we have a reason for all of them. In this case, that reason is ‘sometimes there is no other way’.”
Carla sighed, her wings flicking outwards for a moment. “As long as you understand I’ve got my own cultural values, we’ll be fine.”
“I do, Equestria is but one nation among many on Equus,” Celestia said as she pointed to a cell at the end of the hall. “That is our destination. Let us put on a more… United front.”
Carla nodded. “Of course. Quick question. Why did we teleport to the dungeon entrance instead of say, here?”
“So you know where the entrance is. You’re not a prisoner here, and may leave at any time you want. If I teleported us to the cell itself you would be lost in a prison.”:
“Good point.”
The pair stopped talking and approached the cell. The cell’s curtains were drawn, putting a light blue barrier between them and the prisoner. When they reached the crystal window, Celestia raised her hoof and knocked on the window three times before reaching past the window with her telekinetic grip to gently pull the curtains open.
Carla’s eyes widened as the cell’s occupant was revealed. It looked like a pony, at least, an Equestrian pony. Small body with a fairly large head, enormous eyes, and rather thick legs. It also had blue eyes which glittered like cut gemstones, a glossy black exoskeleton, deep blue elytra resting on its back despite its gossamer wings being visible, and a series of holes randomly punched through the ends of its legs.
The holes made Carla’s stomach turn. Carla had seen many terrible things done to extract information in her career. To her mind the holes couldn’t be natural, the randomly placed and sized holes had to have been made by a cutting tool, most likely a drill.
Carla turned to look Celestia in her eyes. “Did you capture it with those injuries?”
Celestia nodded, but the insectoid pony spoke before the Princess could. “Aww, you’re worried about me in this body too! Now I feel bad.”
Carla blinked, her stomach fluttering as she processed exactly what the Changeling had said. She turned back and looked through the glass. The prisoner had moved from sitting on its bed to standing next to the window. Its eyes looked a little damp and it seemed to be frowning, but Carla had no idea how to read its expressions.
“You… Know me?” Carla asked slowly. “How do you recognize me in this body?”
Celestia looked at her captive critically. “We’ve determined they possess a psychic sense which allows them to feel others emotions. They seem to eat residual energies you create when you experience an emotion.”
The bug-pony nod-nodded. “Mhm! You’re base emotional state tastes like Nacho-Cheese Doritos and steak-sauce, Carter. Very distinct and tasty!”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Why are you this talkative today?”
Carla hummed. “He knows me. Says I care about him. I thought you said they infiltrated my work. I didn’t like any of my coworkers.”
The Changeling’s cheeks began to glow a pale green, the effect being quite identical to a firefly. “Oh, um… Most of the drones shapeshift into people, animals, or plants. Living things. Some of us do minerals, compounds, non-living things. We’re not as useful to our Queen… But we do make for good bugs! Hehehe, bugs.”
Carla couldn’t help but laugh at the pun. A second of laughter escaped her mouth before she stuffed a hoof in it.
Celestia sighed. “I thought you were a CIA operative.”
“I was. They don’t train you to keep your cool when a magic bug-pony makes a pun about itself,” Carla said as she looked at her hooves in embarrassment.
Spending a second to regain her composure Carla took a deep breath and focused her gaze on the Changeling. “Don’t think for a minute that I will go easy on you because you made me laugh. We want information, and we’ll get it.”
The Changeling nodded eagerly. “Sure! You can have it. It won't make a difference now. You’re here and our Queen isn’t. I don’t know the back up plan but I can tell you anything else you'd like to know. I’d be happy to! I owe you for fixing me… It hurts when you’re shapechanged and part of you breaks. Besides, I’d really like to rejoin the rest of me and if I tell you everything I know I’m useless to you.”
Carla tilted her head and leaned closer to the glass. “What makes you think we’ll let you go?”
“Well I did hear Princess Celestia say she won't kill unless she has too,” The changeling said with a wink.
Carla frowned as she took note of how good Changeling hearing was.
Celestia smiled. “True, but we could keep you here as a prisoner of war.”
The Changeling’s ears drooped down, forcing both mares to contain themselves as the insect somehow managed to look more sad-adorable than a pony could ever hope too. “But this isn’t even all of me! You’ve taken no one out of combat and being this far from the rest of me hurts!”
Carla stood up straight, her lips pulling down “Rest of you? What do you mean?”
The Changeling pointed to itself with a hoof. “This is one eighth of me. I am a drone. We are hive minds formed by her highness to manage the many bodies she hatches. She can’t make enough minds for each one, so we all get a hooffull. And it hurts if we’re too far apart. Not bad, but um, have you ever stubbed your hoof on a door? It’s like that, behind your eyes. All the time.”
Celestia hummed and focused her magic, summoning her quill and notepad to her side. The quill and pad floated in her magical grip as she added to her knowledge of changelings. “Drones… hive minds… separation induced headaches…”
Carla looked the drone over from snout to tail. She took careful note of the short, greasy, ragged mane and tail and tattered wings. “Is that why your body is so damaged? They are disposable to you, so you don't care if you trash one?”
The drone shook its head rapidly. “No, no, no, no, no! We only get however many she gives us when we’re hatched. I only have six bodies. And if one dies part of me dies with it. I’ll lose memories, and skills, and intelligence, everything! I— I’ve already lost two parts of myself. That’s why I kept breaking down and jamming all the time… Sorry…”
Carla took a deep breath and closed her eyes, the question which had been echoing in the back of her mind demanding to be asked. “Okay, what the hell were you? How do you know me, and what did I “fix” for you.”
The Changeling smiled. “I was the third floor copy-machine!”
Carla’s pupils dilated. Her wings opened up. Her tail flicked back and forth. Celestia smirked and looked over to Carla while continuing to write. “Something suddenly make more sense?”
“I always swore that thing had a mind of its own!” Carla exclaimed.
“I do!” The Changeling agreed with a nod.
Carla’s left eye twitched as years of minor annoyances came flooding back to her. “That’s why it would always mess up anything more complex than copy this document this many times! Resize margins? Everything is printed out of order. Double sided? Half the pages come out in landscape. You were the WORST copy machine!” Carla gasped, her eyes widening as everything fell into place.
Carla pointed a hoof directly at the Changeling’s nose. “You’re alive! You’re an intelligent— YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!”
The changeling’s ears feel again. Its head tipped down beneath a surprising amount of shame. “N— No… I’m just not very smart… Do you know how complicated a copy-machine is? I had to use four of my bodies to make different parts. We have complexity limits and… Well, I um… I also just kinda suck… I’m sorry…”
Celestia’s brow furrowed with intrigue. “How complex of an object can you become?”
The changeling kicked one hoof against the floor. “Not very… It took four of us to replicate a simple copier. If more than one Mind could work together like that we could be anything! But… We’re not very… I don’t understand really. An animal is infinitely more complex in terms of moving parts. So many trillions of cells, and they can make each body become a different person! But the best mechamorph in our hive can barely be a motorcycle with all eight of him working together…”
Carla waited for Celestia to finish writing then looked back to the Changeling. “Why are you being so cooperative? Is it entirely out of the hope we will let you return to Earth?”
“No. I don’t really think you’ll let me go. That’s why I didn’t tell Celestia much. Also, I kinda hate her? Sorry, no offense. Our Queen hates you and we’re all made from bits of her so I can’t not hate you too. At least a little. But you! Carter! You fixed me. You remember the paper jams too, don’t you?”
Carla felt her blood pressure spike. “Yes. Every. Other. Day…”
“Those really hurt. Bad. Like when you have to poop but the poop has decided to just stay in your lower intestine and stab you. But most important of all was that time you got me more toner! That was super nice. Our Queen wouldn’t let me get more because of how much it cost but every paper I copied needed to be marked and uh, well, bits of me had to be made into toner, you know?” The changeling wiggled its rear left leg to draw attention to the limb. “I used this body for that. Thanks for the leg back!”
Carla and Celestia shared a horrified look for several long moments. Then Celestia sighed. “So much for looking strong for an interrogation.
The Changeling cleared its throat. “It’s okay, you did super good last time! Besides, I know what you’re both feeling inside. You can’t be cold with me unless you’re cold inside too.”
Carla snorted and shook her head. “Fair point. How do you stonewall the empath? You don’t…” Carla trailed off and leaned in close to look the changeling in the eye. “You use the fact that they know exactly how angry you are against them.”
The Changeling whimpered. “I’m sorry! I really can’t do anything right! I was trying my best. Promise!”
Carla nodded once. “Right, well… That doesn't change how aggravating dealing with you was. What else was really one of you?”
“Oh lots of things!” The Changeling exclaimed. “Wall clocks, your intercom, the time-clock, the break room microwave. At least one appliance in any part of the building you frequented.”
Carla hummed. “What else were you? You said you’ve got six bodies and the copier used four. What were the other two?”
“Breakroom microwave and the—”
Carla’s eyes narrowed. “The coffee machine! The one that always made half-brewed coffee water or burnt the fuck out of your grounds!”
The Changeling sat down, eats sagging. “I— I told you I suck…”
Carla closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead with a hoof for a moment. “That explains why it kept getting back on the counter after I would throw it out.”
The Changeling smiled. “Hehe… I’d change back to normal at night, crawl up the wall, open a window, go inside and then change back after climbing on the counter. It was nice! I got to see outside.”
Carla sighed, a long, slow, weary sigh which took with it her last shred of hope for having any kind of normal life. “You got a name?”
The Changeling nodded. “Four of Eight, Tertiary Mechamorph of Subhive Three.”
Carla shook her head. “Copy Machine. Got it.”
Copy Machine tilted its head to one side. “But that’s not my name?”
Carla gave the bug a glare. “It’s your name, Copy.”
“But it’s not?”
“Copy, stop joking around. No one is going to call you by a whole fucking sentence,” Carla said with an eye roll, banking on the fact Copy knew exactly how she felt about his name. “So… The plan. What was your plan?”
Copy shrank back looking remarkably like a hurt puppy. “But… But that’s not my name!”
Celestia saw Carla’s eye twitch and cut off the explosion. “Is there any reason you object to a nickname?”
“Yes! This body is one part of six, formerly eight. Copy Machine does not designate which of me you’re talking too! I don’t know which mouth to use to reply.”
Carla pursed her lips as she stared at Copy through narrowed eyes. “But—- But context! I’m here, looking at this one of you, and I am addressing you. ALL of you. Not just this part.”
Copy blinked. “Uh, but… I have six mouths. And twelve ears. All in different places. It can be very hard to keep track of where I am and who I am doing.”
Carla felt her cheeks burn as she held in a laugh.
Copy coughed as it realized its mistake. “What I am doing.”
“Well, I’m not used to talking to someone with more than one body. I don't think anyone else is either. I am talking to a MIND not a BODY. Therefore, you are Copy Machine. Unless you can provide me with a different nickname. GOT it?”
Copy nodded and sighed. “If I was all here right now you’d understand why numbers are important…”
“Perhaps we would. But you were going to tell us about your Queen’s plan,” Celestia reminded with a polite tip of her head.
Copy shook its head and looked at Celestia. “No. I was going to tell Carter the plan. Not you. I’m not allowed to tell you. She made me promise, and I’m not able to break promises to our Queen.”
Carla’s ears flicked in irritation. She opened her mouth to protest her male name being used, and Copy smiled.
“See? See what it’s like to be called by a name you dislike?”
Carla nodded. “Copy Four. Is that fine?”
Copy nodded. “Mhm! What name do you like? Mister Avril?”
Carla shook her head. “No. I’m Carla. Carter was… He wasn’t me. I wasn’t ever a man inside.”
Copy smiled and clapped his hooves together. “YAY! Primary Organomorph of Subhive One owes me Pringles dust! I knew you were trans! Everyone else insisted you didn’t taste like a woman, but I always called them crazy. Well, everyone except for Primary Mechamorph of Subhive Three. But he knew you better than anyone.”
Carla raised an eyebrow. “Uh, you do remember I hated everyone one of those socially overbearing weird—” Carla trailed off, her eyes slowly widening. “Oh my god! That’s why they all seemed so weird. Especially when talking to each other!”
Copy coughed awkwardly. “I’m so glad I didn’t have to hold a conversation with myself. That looks so hard. Uh, but yeah! I’m happy cuz I was right and I can tell Primary Sub One to give me one of those empty Pringles cans now!”
Celestia’s eyes widened, her ears lay back, and her tail flicked upwards. “You’re still linked to your hive right now?”
Copy nodded. “Mhm! Our Queen’s portal is open. She’s upset. Very upset. Oh, uh, I can be with the rest of me mentally when the portal’s open.”
Carla narrowed her eyes. “Chrysalis knows you’re talking to us, and that we know she’s coming.”
Copy nodded. “Yep! But that changes nothing. She knew you knew about her ever since you were allowed to capture me.”
Celestia frowned. “We lost four agents to get you.”
Copy’s ears drooped again. “I’m sorry they got hurt… No one likes to lose bodies.”
Carla bent down and looked Copy in the eye. “We. Only. Have. One.”
The Changeling’s sapphire-eyes widened. “I— But she said— Oh no! Uh—”
Copy’s wings buzzed anxiously, managing to lift him off the ground a good foot before he dropped back down. “You’re all Queens… We can’t hurt you! There’s just one of you! I’ll tell everyling and then they’ll—”
Copy twisted as if he had been punched, yelping in pain. Celestia and Carla jumped back from the glass as the Changeling reached up to rub its left cheek. “Ow… You didn’t need it hit me… Calling me stupid was more than enough… Uh, so, they know. I guess it was just me? Oh no. Some others didn’t know. She hit me for letting everyling else know— Oh, yeah, I can’t talk about that. I promised. Sorry...”
Celestia blinked and cocked her head. “Did you just react to pain with the wrong body?”
Copy’s cheeks glowed light green yet again. “I— It’s harder than— Yes…”
Carla hummed, taking careful note of that gold nugget. “Can do that intentionally?”
Copy shook its head. “We don’t have time for this! I didn’t know Carla would be killed! That’s not okay! You’re nice and fixed me every time. They were just going to leave me like that. Do you know what happens if I shape shift back to normal with a paper jam inside one of me? That’s why there’s only six of me now!
“Our Queen was going to replace you and live as you for as long as needed to get access to the Crystal Empire. She knows that all of us together could crush Sombra, but—” Copy groaned and rubbed a temple with a hoof. “Aaagh, I can’t tell you I promised! Uh, since you got away she’ll be trying to replace you here. Our Queen is smart, she’ll get rid of you subtly, and she already knows everything about you. No one will know you’ve been switched out once it happens. You’ll have to fight her off when she comes, and see her coming too. But I think you can do it, you normally won when she would play with you at the office.”
Carla hummed. “I’ve met her? Who was she?”
Copy shrank back from the glass, taking several steps, his ears drooping down. “I want to say, but I can’t… She’s listening now. Uh, damn you, and such!”
Copy continued to shrink back from the glass until he bumped into the back of his cell. The two ponies shared a skeptical glance for a few moments after which Celestia nodded to Carla and turned around. “I believe we're done here. Shall we go?”
Carla nodded in agreement. “Yeah. Scotty, two to beam up.”
A slight wrinkle appeared in the corner of Celestia’s eyes before she focused her mind on the colossal pool of magic within the heart of the sun. The mares vanished amid a flash of golden light, reappearing in the palace’s main throne room a kilometer above where they had been before.
The Solar Throne was one of two throne rooms within the palace. The Lunar Throne had fallen into disuse over the last millennium, leaving the Solar Throne as the sole representation of Equestria to other nations. Opulence had therefore been applied in near-excess to everything within.
The room’s walls were crafted from hoof-hewn marble slabs, and had been built with such precision one couldn’t tell where one slab began and the other ended. Not by feel, not by sight, nor by comparing the grain and patterns within the stone. The only interruptions to the stoneworks beauty were alcoves in which large gothic windows had been cut, each holding a stained glass portrait of a moment from Equestrian history, or one of its heroes.
The floor was fashioned from a single slab of obsidian, polished so smooth it acted like a mirror, reflecting the bright white ceiling light to make both the floor and ceiling appear as a glowing pool of magical radiance.
The throne itself sat upon a tall solid-gold dais with several steps leading up to it. A thick, plush, red velvet carpet ran down the steps and across the floor to the grand double doors. The carpet’s path was lined with gold pillars, each one elaborately carved with decorative fluting and vinework.
Carla couldn’t help but wonder why the throne’s design differed from the other chairs she had seen so far in her stay. The chairs and couches in Celestia’s home had looked just like a normal chair. The kind one could buy in any furniture store on Earth, if they sold fancy expensive furniture. The throne on the other hand was clearly designed for a quadruped.
It’s seat was low, permitting a pony to sit upon it like a cat or dog might. It’s back was high and round, meant more for decoration than leaning against. As with everything not made from stone within the Solar Throne, it was fashioned from gold and red velvet.
Carla’s eyes fell upon the chair. “Okay, I’ll bite. Why is that chair shaped like a dog chair, but your personal chairs shaped like human chairs?”
Celestia blinked twice before her mouth pulled back into an amused grin. “Hardly what I expected you to say upon entering my throne room.”
Carla rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen fancy rooms a hundred times. This one is pretty impressive, but it’s nothing compared to what I’ve seen some African warlords set up for themselves. Ever see a guy sitting on a throne made entirely from black rhino ivory? Sure that’s pretty evil, but that chair is definitely worth more than gold, carries a much more imposing and grand presence being made of the bones of powerful animals, and also really made me worry about how much power the guy had. He did secure over a thousand horns from one of the rarest most heavily guarded animals on the planet.”
Celestia’s ears drooped slightly. “Well. I suppose I could make a new throne out of solar fire.”
Carla’s eyes lit up. “Ooo! You can do that? Why haven’t you done that? I don’t think you could out awesome that without making a black hole into your chair.”
Celestia chuckled. “I can, and I have not because this throne is very old. My family captured it in battle six generations before I was born. It’s a historic relic and may have belonged to this world very first king. I have no idea why their chair designs are so different from our own. Fortunately it’s quite comfortable.”
Celestia trotted over to her throne with Carla hot on her hooves. “See, that’s pretty impressive. I remember a Syrian general who had Charlemagne's sword as part of his dress uniform. The real one. The one they had in the Louvre was a fake. It’s such a shame he wasn’t as talented at war as Charlemagne. Maybe have a sign mentioning it’s a historical relic?”
“There’s one in the hall,” Celestia said as she pressed a hidden switch on her throne with a hoof.
The Throne hissed and slid upwards from the dais, revealing a hidden staircase. Celestia nodded to Carla and the two trotted down the short stairwell as the throne slid back into place behind them. The stairway ended at a large steel door, which Celestia opened with a quick flash of arcane light. The thick steel door opened into a large vault.
A large vault filled with the treasures of a hundred civilizations from across the ages.
Bookshelves held hundreds of ancient tomes of arcane and scientific knowledge, secrets believed lost to time as well as those too dangerous to allow into the wrong hooves. The books alone would allow any mage or engineer to purge the world of all life, and make it anew. Several relics within the vault held similar power.
Others did things far more bizarre than merely reboot the planet.
Shining Armor stood stock still in front of the rows of benches and display cases upon which the hoard of arcane treasures were stored. His mane was frazzled, his eyes wide, and his chest heaved rapidly. Before Celestia could ask what he did the Stallion yelped. “I’M SORRY I SNEEZED AND BUMPED A THING!”
Princess Celestia frowned. “You’re not dead, the world is normal… What did you touch?”
“I bumped it! Accidentally, I told you this would happen! We should have warmed up the Identity Matrix after the interrogation, not before, because—”
Celestia stepped over to Shining and gently grasped his shoulders with her forehooves. “What. Did. You. Touch?”
Carla blinked, her fur standing on end. “Did you say “the world is normal”? Why is he even authorized to be in here?!”
“He’s the only pony I trust aside from you and I with shapechangers on the loose. Someone had to ready the artifact. It takes hours to warm up,” Celestia said with barely contained panic. “Shining. What. Did. You. Touch?”
Shining gulped and pointed with one hoof to a small amulet. The left half was gold, and the right half was silver. A large swirled blue and red gemstone sat within its center, and two decorative swirling arrows ran around the medallions' perimeter.
Celestia sighed in relief, closing her eyes for a moment. “Thank goodness. Everything’s fine. Shining, given that you are still here and are yourself, this relic no longer functions.”
Shining bit his lip and nodded twice. “Oh. Good… Is— Uh, what would it have done?”
Celestia bend down and read the words carved into the wood upon which the medallion sat. “This is the Amulet of Rebirth. It would have sent your mind back in time, so you lived out your life again, in a slightly different body, with no memory of having used the amulet.”
Shining nodded slowly. “Okay… Nothing else? No turning everything into sulfur and durians?”
Celestia shook her head. “No. If this had worked, only you would have been changed,” Celestia turned to look at Carla. “This vault is designed to store dangerous items such as this until their magical charge runs dry and they can be safely destroyed. Before you protest Shining being in here, he has full safety training in magical relic handling… Though nothing this dangerous is going to be found in the wild. I’ve made certain of that.”
Carla cleared her throat. “My reason for questioning why he is in here is why would anyone but you ever be in here? Or know this exists. Why can’t you take that identity thing out and we use it in another room?”
“Every item in this vault and the vault itself has been cursed. Once by me, and once by my sister. If anyone, including us, were to attempt to dispel the curses or remove an item from this vault, we would be disintegrated. Keeping the Identity Matrix in here keeps it from being used for anything less than an emergency, as those who it is used upon know about my vault. Do you understand now?”
Carla nodded slowly, wincing as she looked back up. “Yeah… Can someone hold my wings down, or something? Also, … Why are we debriefing in here? Is there any other secure room?”
Celestia shook her head. “No. Nothing else in the palace or even my estate is this clear of all possible magical detection. We could talk in my estate previously, but I believe Chrysalis is on the move now. If she is in Equestria she has the means to scry my location. This vault cannot be seen into remotely.”
Shining shuffled nervously. “Um, yeah… It’s definitely secure. I can feel my magic slightly diminished while standing in here.”
Celestia carefully maneuvered into a position where she could face Carla without touching anything. “This vault is also designed to cut off everything inside from the world’s ambient arcane energies. It’s how these devices are slowly depleted. Do you feel different?”
Carla closed her eyes and did her best to feel her magic. The alien power within her mind felt no different than she remembered it feeling. “Um, no?”
Celestia sighed and sat down. “That’s not good. I had hoped you would attune to your magic enough to learn to fight by now.”
“And with the enemy on the way, fighting is important…” Carla looked off into the distance, weighing her options. “Can I get some kind of ring of protection and a magic sword?”
Shining snorted and rolled his eyes. “Forget the sword. Princess, we brought many of Carla’s personal effects to your palace. Why not enchant them with a variety of battle magic? That way she can use them in a manner akin to wands and will understand the basic idea of what each will do.”
Celestia hummed and tapped her chin with her hoof. “Humm… Yes, I can most certainly do that. It will be crude, but we need a crutch for you to use, Carla. Do not get used to them. We will train you properly as well.”
Carla nodded and did her best to look as serious as a pink pony can. “I understand, but I don’t think you understand just how much I’ll need that crutch. I doubt we will have enough time to train me to fight magically better than someone who has had decades. I will need at least one firearm, preferably two, along with some body armor. I need to use what I know for something a mere three weeks from now.”
Celestia nodded twice. “You’ll have it. Equipment won't make up the entire difference. That’s all I have to say on this matter. Now, what is your assessment of our surprisingly forthcoming prisoner?”
Carla smirked and shook her head slowly. “He’s terrible at being a bullshit artist.”
Shining frowned and tilted his head. “What happened?”
Carla carefully sat down, doing her best to hold her wings tightly against her sides. “We showed up, he spun a sob story about being mistreated and how I was the only one who cared. An obvious ploy to get me to sympathize with his plight and make me believe he thought I was a person he trusted more than anyone else. Clearly that’s not true, if it had been he would have simply told me their plans in detail without me asking. Nor gone on about a dozen bunny tails.”
Celestia smiled proudly. “Good job. I knew someone with intelligence training was the correct choice.”
“There’s more,” Carla continued. “We can assume a few things he said are true. Because again he’s a bad bullshit artist. We can operate under the assumption that Changelings do have more than one body. Intentionally letting an operative be captured with no way of returning intel to base or confirming the operation was a success is not something anyone would be dumb enough to do. It would serve no purpose.
“I believe Copy was telling the truth when he said working as one mind can be confusing. I also believe him when he said some of them can do machines instead of people. That information explains the odd behavior from dozens of appliances at home and at work, especially since when I checked them out they were not broken or damaged, and I know enough to do basic electronic repairs.”
Celestia hummed and looked up for a moment. “A fair assessment. I also believe he was telling the truth when he said he didn’t know we only have one body each. His reaction to learning that was much more robust. I believe he was acting until that moment.
“It’s also possible Chrysalis has less control over her hive than she’d like too. It seems Copy wasn’t the only one told we’re also multi-bodied single-minded creatures.”
Carla frowned, and shrugged her shoulders. “I thought that too, but it’s much weaker. I wouldn’t assume that,” Carla took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “What I would assume is that he didn’t mean to mention the fact that their best mechanical shifter could become a bike. Did you bring my motorcycle over?”
Celestia looked over to Shining. “Was that an item you tagged?”
Shining nodded. “Yes, Ma’am.”
Celestia’s gaze returned to Carla. “Then it is in my estate. Do you think they replaced your motorcycle?”
Carla nodded. “Yes. They were observing me, and knew Shining was my friend. If they only observed my behavior at work they wouldn’t pass muster as me. My bike is what I rode around when I wasn’t trapped being Carter. It went everywhere with me. If they could replace it, they would…”
Carla’s eyes grew dark. “They will pay for that. We need to take my bike and put it in a room by itself. Nothing else. Have someone watch it at all times remotely. If it’s a Changeling Drone at some point it will need to revert to its normal form to find food. Right?”
Celestia sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. “That’s the problem, we don’t know. This species is entirely new to us. If there is any information out there it would be obscure and dismissed as conspiracy theories. I don’t have the ability to hunt it down and confirm fact from fiction in a mere three weeks.”
Shining’s eyes lit up. “Twily could! Can we bring her in on—” Shining stopped mid-sentence. “No. No that’s a bad idea. She cracks under pressure too easily.”
Celestia nodded in agreement. “I thought about that already. We all remember how much of a panic she got into when I simply forgot to tell her that “friendship letters” were in fact not mandatory weekly homework and she missed one.”
Carla raised a hoof. “I don’t.”
Shining coughed. “Oh, yeah… Uhhh, you will after we give you an Identity. I took the liberty of making it look like you and i met when i was in Highschool. To make us being a couple seem less bizarre. You’ll have memories of my family thanks to that.”
Carla shook her head slowly. “It still weirds me out that you can implant memories like this.”
Celestia nodded. “I can see how it would. Don’t worry, you won't lose yourself to this story. You’ll always remain aware of what is true and what is an act. The spell merely gives you a script.”
“I’m more worried about other people,” Carla muttered. “But I get it. We need people to accept that I exist, and so on. We’ve been over this. Since Copy was kind enough to confirm to use that Chrysalis has her own portal and is still after me since she let you capture part of a Drone to give me that little threat, well, we know she’s on her way. If not here now.”
Celestia stood back up, almost stretching out her wings under the force of habit, and bailey restraining them at the last minute. “Then we have no time to waste. Let’s finish bringing Cadence into this world.”
Carla turned her head to look at Shining and gave him a critical look. “Before we do… You better not have scripted in some over the top anime-like love story with a rival in those school day memories.”
Shining reached up to rub the back of his head with a hoof. “Uh… It doesn't work like that? Your mind will create the details. I can just direct things… If you do remember that, it’s your fault. Not mine.”
Carla turned to look at Celestia. “He’ll remember it all too, right?”
“Yes, but only those within this room will know these memories are fake. That said, they can feel very real, and may influence your behavior slightly even when you’re not focusing on the cover identity. Nothing’s perfect after all.”
Carla’s ears flicked back. “You didn’t mention that before… But I’m hardly at a place to back out now. How do we do this?”
Celesta looked into Carla’s eyes as she put on an understanding face. “It’s okay. By “slightly” the worst will be calling your first date your second date because you think you’ve had more than one for a split second. It’s not the magic, it’s you keeping two sets of memories in your head.”
Carla nodded slowly. “Okay. That makes me feel a little better. Let’s do this. Time’s wasting.”
Celestia nodded in agreement and walked over to a small brass plate on the floor. The plate was just big enough for a pony to stand on, and its surface was covered with thousands of tiny tiles meant to be moved. Each tile bore a different inscription, and glowed either pink, purple, or gold.
“Stand on that platform.”
Carla’s ears perked as she frowned. “That’s all?”
Celestia nodded. “That’s all.”
Carla took a deep breath and carefully stepped over to the enchanted plate. She took another deep breath as she reached it, then reached out and touched the plate with her hoof. A bright violet light shot up from the plate along with a wall of wind which sent the dust of ages sailing from atop relics into the air.
Carla vanished for a moment behind a curtain of light, appearing an instant later with her feathers ruffled out of place, her mane a mess, and otherwise looking as if she had stepped out into a hurricane.
Princess Cadence blinked twice to clear the dust from her eyes. She frowned, realizing she now associated herself with the name Cadence rather than Carla. “Why do I—”
A torrent of memories flooded Cadence’s mind. She knew they were just stories, but they still felt very much real, as if they belonged to real people who had really lived, and had also happened to have been a version of herself. She’d gone to school as Cadence, for years and years that was all people had called her. Of course she felt more comfortable using that name.
Just like how she remembered going to highschool prom and taking part in an irritatingly cliched highschool love story fresh out of an anime. Cadence’s eyes narrowed. “Oh god dammit! Something in this universe needs to just turn out to be the most metal thing imaginable to balance out all of the super-feminine—”
Cadence stopped mid-sentence as her new memories informed her that Shining was mind blowingly amazing in bed. Also under the hoofball bleachers after a big game. And in the hot tub. And in sixteen other places which sprang to mind in vivid detail.
Her eyes shrank to pinpricks. “Ohhhhh…. No… Uh, are we all remembering what I’m remembering or, is this private?”
Celestia shook herself, blinking under the effects of the spell on herself. “No. All our memories of you and what you did are unique to those present in your memory.”
Cadence tapped her hooves together nervously. “Then you don’t remember what happened to me on the Fifteenth of Midsummer, at about nine twenty-three P.M., at Canterlot High?”
Celestia shook her head. “No, nothing like that. I remember you being present at public functions, personal dinners. You were a member of my family. My niece. I do remember you attended that school, however.”
Shining coughed politely and raised his hoof. “I remember what happened then, sweetie.”
Cadence blushed and flicked her tail back and forth. “Good! All is as it should be then. Too bad this spell can’t have also taught me what going to school here would have.”
Celestia gave Cadence an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, but every form of magic has its limits. A spell can only do what it was designed for. We do need to work on your general knowledge, but that will come after you acclimate to your new memories.”
Celestia’s magic reached into a bag hidden in her mane and retrieved a small silver talisman on a leather cord. She placed the charm around Cadence’s neck and nodded towards it. “Touch that charm with a hoof and it will transport you and anyone you’re touching to your bedroom at our home. It only has six charges. I want you to relax and sort out your new memories. Tomorrow we will begin building up our public image around the wedding, and teach you what you’ll need to know to stop Chrysalis.”
Cadence nodded once. “Sure thing, Auntie—” Her eyes went wide. “EEP! I uh, mean, Princess!”
Celestia slowly began to grin from ear to ear. “See? That’s the sort of little thing the spell will make you do. Now go, relax, sort out your new life.”
Cadence nodded and reached out to Shining with one of her wings. “He’s coming with me.”
Celestia nodded in approval, and Cadence tapped her charmed necklace with a hoof. She and shining vanished in a flash of blue light, reappearing an instant later in Eventide Hall. The simulacrum of Carla’s bedroom felt familiar and like home to Cadence, after all she now remembered living in it for years and years.
Of course, the quality of those memories had to be verified…
Cadence reached out to her teleportation charm with her own magic and slipped it off, setting it on her nightstand.
Shining trotted over to her and gave her a tight hug. “I’m sorry sweetie, this has to be a very stressful day… I know that I’ve got a bit of a headache from the spell. I can’t imagine how much worse it is for you.”
“It’s kinda bad,” Cadence agreed with a slow nod. “I want to confirm that these memories are accurate to how things really are. Will you help me?”
Shining nodded eagerly and beamed Cadence a loving smile. “Of course! I love you, you silly pony. You don’t have to ask me if I’ll help you.”
Cadence blushed brightly and shuffled her forehooves on the floor. “Well, there’s something I remember us doing together which we could try for real. If it’s as good as I remember it being, then these memories accurate to how things would have been. I'll worry about mistakes less.”
Shining nodded twice. “I see where this is going,” he said with a happy grin before leaning over to Cadence and planting a kiss on her lips. “There you go! How was it?”
Cadence leaned down and nuzzled Shining’s shoulder. “Very nice. Just how I remember… But I meant sex.”
Shining’s eyes widened, his tail stood on end. “Uh, OH! Um— Well— Yeah… Kind of a random time to bring that up! But, I mean— like—”
Cadence rolled her eyes and laughed. “That is NOT how I would have expected any guy to react to a girl saying she wants to screw him,” she shook her head slowly.
Shining blushed and flicked his tail. "Well, even human guys aren't on literally all of the time. And that came out of left field while I wasn't looking!"
“Look, Shiny, I remember you being AMAZING at it. I call bullshit. I think my brain is making me remember that because that’s what I would want it to be like. If you're not good in bed, then these memories can lie. If they can lie, then the cover identity is compromised. We need to check."
"That's the most transparent bullshit excuse I've heard!" Shining paused, his eyes lighting up hopefully. "Wait, do you actually want to--"
Cadence rolled her eyes and sighed. "I never thought it would be this hard to get a guy to have some fun! Yes. I do. I'm currently flooded with over a decade of memories of you know, us. Including the sexy bits. There's a LOT of them! A lot a lot! I think we screwed at least once a day after going out for six months. I know it's all fake but, well, you're cute, I like you, and we're actually dating so-- Ugh! It's hard to think about anything else right now! If you would please just get in--"
Cadence stopped talking as she realized Shining had climbed into her bed four sentences ago.
The white-furred stallion gently patted the bed beside him and gave Cadence a wink. “You make a good point. Besides, if imaginary me is better than real me I need to beat him up!”
Six hours, thirteen bottles of Neightoraid, three sets of sheets, and one very upset maid later, the results were in. Cadence’s memories were entirely accurate.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
7 - Encounters at the Pony End of the World
Princess Cadence - 4/28/2018
Eventide Hall - Canterlot Suburbs, Equestria
The afternoon sun cast long shadows across Eventide’s courtyard. The garden-like courtyard had been specifically built lower than the ground outside, creating the illusion of higher walls, and earlier sunsets. An aesthetic choice on the part of the Hall’s ancient designers which Cadence was most certainly not a fan of.
Cadence looked up at the rooftops and set down the ten plates she had been levitating during her meditations. She turned her head to look over to Shining, who was laying down on her left in the same pose she had taken.
“Shining? Do you think I’ll be able to do anything significant with three weeks of training?”
Shining’s ears perked at the sound of Cadence’s voice. He slowly opened his eyes, revealing he had been napping instead of meditating. “Mmm?”
Carla’s brow and ears drooped down. “Really? You went to sleep? We were supposed to be meditating together!”
Shining yawned, nodded, and stretched exactly like a cat. Cadence’s cheeks bulged as an involuntary smile wiped away her annoyance. “Yaam… Sorry, hon. It’s just that I am so far past this stage it’s excruciatingly boring for me. I haven't done meditative focusing since primary school.”
Cadence snorted and rolled her eyes. “Foal stuff. She has me doing foal stuff. There is no way I’ll master even a single major spell in three weeks doing foal stuff.”
Shining sat on his hindquarters and shrugged. “Maybe you will, maybe you won't. But you have to start somewhere. We showed you how to use your magic, you learned the basic spells needed to control your magic. Now you need to learn how to access your magic and maintain it for extended periods. That takes time. Some unicorns never master it and are limited to basic spells their whole lives. Then there’s my sister, who mastered it in twenty minutes…”
Cadence’s wings opened up as her jaw dropped. “Twenty minutes? Why the buck aren't we having her tutor me?!”
Shining giggled. “Random aside: You’ve switched over to using pony curses. It’s cute.”
Cadence closed her eyes tightly. “Yes. I remember swearing like that for decades. It’s a bit hard to swear properly now… But seriously, I know the cover has me as having foal sat for Twily, but there’s no reason we can’t ask her to tutor me.”
Shining snorted and opened his mouth to speak. He paused, an amused gleam twinkling in his eyes. He closed his eyes, focusing on his shapechanging gem and quickly copied Cadence’s appearance.
Cadence raised an eyebrow as Shining transformed, but before she could ask him why Shining turned stage left and cleared his throat. “Ahem! Tiny purple terror who has known me all her life. Despite me being an alicorn, and decades older than you, I never learned the spellcraft you learned before your parents let you ride a bike more than a block away from home.”
Cadence sighed and rolled her eyes. “I get it, Shining.”
Shining closed his eyes and shape changed again. He assumed the shape of a short, young, lavender unicorn mare and turned stage left. “That sounds highly suspicious. I, Book Horse, have read of every monster on Equus, including the ones that imitate people you know to eat you. I think you’re actually a monster. Adabra-ka-houseplant!”
Shining focused his magic on a nearby decorative rock, and with a massive burst of pink energy transmuted the stone into a small aloe vera plant complete with terracotta jar. Cadence yelped and jumped back from the display of arcane might.
“Aaa! Didn’t you say taking her form was a terrible idea? As in, city-killing?” Cadence said, her eyes wide in terror.
Shining rolled his eyes and transformed back into his normal self. “Relax, hon. I turned into a mare who looked like my sister, not my sister. But seriously, the you know whats are not the only monster here that can be anyone. The problem is they are the only intelligent ones.”
Cadence nodded slowly. The transformed plants began to turn gray, transforming into a rock shaped like a potted aloe plant. Cadence tilted her head as she watched the plant change back to stone. “Huh… Why didn’t it turn back into a disk shape?”
Shining picked the plant-rock up with his magic and held it in front of Cadence for her to inspect. “The nature of magic is… complicated. Magic always takes the shortest path to the goal you give it. I told the spell to change this rock into a plant. I didn’t say to change it forever, or for a certain period of time, or to return to the original shape. The magic followed my instructions exactly while abiding by natural law.. It turned the rock into a plant for a little bit, then back into a rock, because there’s a natural order to things and that rock was meant to be a rock.”
Cadence sputtered and threw up her hooves. “That sounds like something I should have bucking known days ago! Magic has rules it follows. There’s a natural law. You need to instruct spells to go against that law or they won't. Magic uses the shortest path. Why am I not being told these things? Don’t I have god-like power? Seriously, what the actual buck?”
Shining set the plant-rock down and sat next to Cadence, leaning up against her right side lovingly. “Sweetie, you are. These laws are known to ponykind through meditation and reflection. Magic tells you its rules over time. You don't memorize them, you feel them.”
Cadence moaned and folded her wings in before letting herself drop backwards onto the ground. “Again, that’s something you should have told me!”
Shining blinked. “Uh, no? Everypony knows that.”
Cadence slowly turned towards Shining, giving him the best deadpan glare a pink pony could.
Shining's ears dropped down. “Oh. Right… Heh heh… Sorry?” The stallion shrugged and offered his mare an apologetic smile.
Cadence rolled over and stood up, flicking her tail in irritation. “I’m done for now. We can get back to meditating later. I’m going to do literally anything else.”
Shining frowned for a moment, then his eyes twinkled mischievously. “Aaannnything?” He asked, twitching his eyebrows.
Cadence thought about it for a moment then shook her head. “Nah… Still a bit sore from yesterday. Also, I think we’ve driven poor Cherry to drink.”
Shining snickered. “Ah, she’s fine! Ponies haven’t invented any alcohol over three percent. The best we have is hard cider that’s not even that hard. Half-chub cider, if you will.”
Cadence pursed her lips. “Really? How on— Nevermind. That’s beside the point. The point is, I think my bits are bruised and we should hold off until we can hire a maid who's at least okay with cleaning up after us. Or happy to. Preferably happy.”
Shining rolled his eyes. “Heh. Royals. We could just clean it ourselves you know.”
Cadence’s tail swished behind her. “Yeah… But it’s kinkier when someone else does it.”
Shining sputtered, biting his lip to hold back a laugh. “Heh, alright. If that’s one of your things I’m okay with it.”
Cadence’s cheeks flushed. “It wasn’t… But I guess it’s like alcohol. Once you have the good stuff you don’t go back to the cheap stuff.” Cadence’s blushed cleared quickly. Her eyes shrank to pinpricks. “Wait, you have NOTHING over three percent?”
Shining shook his head. “Nope. Frankly how high your drinks are freaked me out a little. I’m not sure how you can drink that and not die. I tried Vodka once, like, as a pony. I thought I did die.”
Cadence paused, a whole sea of health questions plunged through her brain at once. “Okay… But you were fine? Nothing bad happened?”
Shining squirmed in place and shook his head. “W— Well… Uh…”
Cadence’s wings spread in alarm. “Shining, please… I like my drinks. If I have to stick to the percent or less I need a good reason for it.”
Shining coughed into his hoof. “I’ve got a friend who's gay. I flirt with him as a joke. He flirts back. It’s fun because people give us confused looks. He kinda looks like my dad if you squint really hard…”
Cadence snickered, managing to let her laugh out as merely a giggle instead of a chortle. She trotted over to Shining and gave him a quick hug. “Shiny, Vodka is forty percent. How much did you have?”
“Oh…” Shining pursed his lips. “So, it’s not a thing to have a pint of?”
“No. You have a shot. Or mix it with some other drink. That was on YOU not the alcohol,” Cadence hummed as an idea occurred to her. “Hey, do you have homebrewing here? Is it legal?”
Shining nodded. “Yeah, totally. We don’t require a license or anything to make or even sell the stuff. There’s a family in Ponyville that sells a hard cider once a year as like a famous regional treat. Why? Oh! Do you want to make your own so you have stuff like you did on Earth? I think I could talk Celestia into letting us pop over for shopping trips.”
Cadence put her hoof to her chin in thought, then shook her head. “As nice as that sounds, I don’t want to go home. Not right now. I’ve got a job to do here… But I should see the people I’m here to protect and eventually rule over, shouldn’t I? I may be pink and super-ultra-overly-fem, but the kind of people who like to make their own drinks, tinker with their bikes, and go shooting on the weekend are my kind of people. I’d like to see if there are any ponies out there that Id’ fit in with.”
Shining’s ears perked. “Oh totally! We can go to Canterlot and take a walk. Princess Celestia wanted us to make public appearances anyways. We can get whatever you need to brew your paint-thinner, and I can stop by the Equoid’s Dungeon and pick up this week’s comics!”
Cadence blinked in surprise, only for her implanted memories to inform her that Shining had been a regular comic book fan since they had met. Among other things. “That’s where you play Oubliettes and Ogres with your friends, right?”
Shining nodded. “Yeah! It’s a nice place. I don’t think you’ve been there…” Shining closed his eyes as he traced back through all of their fictional history. “Nope. Not even in pretend. Weird! I would have taken you for cert— Wait! You haven't ever met my friends aside from school things! That’s not okay!”
Cadence’s eyes widened, she nodded firmly. “Abso-bucking-lutely not! The wedding’s been announced already. Your friends should have been my friends too a long time ago. Let’s swing by… I think you mentioned one of your friends owned it.”
Shining nodded twice. “Mhm! Gaffer took it over from his dad after High School.”
Cadence rolled her lips thoughtfully. “He’s the one who looks like a jock, right? Orangish-and-cream bi-color fur. Short blond mane. Cutiemark in the shape of a weird die? I don’t remember seeing any of them for the last… eight years. What the hay? I thought you programmed these memories! How could you leave this big of a hole?”
Shining nodded and began to trot for the Courtyard’s exit. “Yep! I sure did vaguely direct them which is all you can do. Come on, we’ve got to patch this hole.”
The two made their way through the estate to the gateway. In addition to being a normal gate with a lovely wrought iron gate for keeping nosy ground-bound ponies out, the gate had been designed to serve as a portal. Not everypony could teleport long-distances and oftentimes foreign dignitaries were offered rooms at the Hall for the duration of their stay in Equestria. These ponies used the portal to reach the Hall from the Palace.
The trip from the Hall to the Palace was interesting for Cadence. Her mind remembered making this trip every day to attend school. By the time she and Shining had left the palace grounds Cadence had finished sulking about not getting to see Canterlot for the first time. Then she saw it for real for the first time.
Gleaming ivory towers. Cobblestone streets made from a shiny-yellow rock to give the illusion of golden roads. Genuine gold roofs. Expensive crystal windows. Hundreds of ponies everywhere dressed in finery to display their wealth or status. Everyone you could look, the Streets of Canterlot showed the might, wealth, and flavor of Equestrian culture. Just as it had been designed to.
Cadence followed along after Shining, silently angry that the city appeared entirely normal and even familiar to her. “It would have been nice to really see this for the first time.”
Shining’s ears drooped back. “Oh… Right… Well, don’t worry. I’m sure the Crystal Empire will put this to shame.”
The two continued traveling, eventually reaching a small two story shop on the outskirts of the city. A carved wooden sign in the shape of a foaming mug hung over the street, advertising “The greatest brewing supplies in all Equestria” rather than bearing the store’s name.
Shining trotted forwards and opened the door for Cadence, bowing playfully. “Your highness.”
Cadence took a step forward. Someone inside the store gasped and hissed. “ACK! It’s the Princess! Hide the commoner stuff!”
Cadence’s eyes narrowed. She sped up, zipping up tho the counter in an instant and looking the oddly frightened extra tall creamy-tan and orange Earth-pony clerk directly in his mauve eyes. “I heard that! You put that stuff right back where it was and give me a bottle!”
The clerk sputtered, backing away from Cadence as far as the narrow space behind him permitted. Bottles clinking as his plot pushed them into wooden shelves. “N— Now, P— Princess! I’m sorry. I— I don’t want to offend your royal palate! We sell products which are nothing like the wines provided to your kitchens and—”
Cadence leaned over the counter and grabbed the nearly-hysterical stallion by his shoulders. “Yes! That’s why I want it. Have you had Château Maregaux? It tastes like the wimpiest grapes in the world peed in your mouth!”
The clerk's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “Y— Your Majesty prefers commoner drinks?”
Cadence nodded and let go of the now thoroughly confused Clerk. “Yes. Now. Do you have any porter?”
The clerk tilted his head. “I’m not familiar with that one. Is it a malt?”
Cadence shook her head. “No, it’s a type of beer. What about stouts? Do you have any of those?”
The Clerk shook his head again and Cadence’s ears drooped sadly. “Aww… Ponyfeathers,” She grumbled to herself. “I’ll have to make some.”
The clerk behind the counter’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “You, a Princess, homebrew?”
A white furred, orange maned pegasus mare who had been unboxing bottles of Cider took to the air to look over the shelves she had been filling. “Princess Cadence, is in our store, to get brewing supplies?!”
Cadence turned her head to look over towards the pegasus. “Yes. I am. I haven't brewed anything in years. I found— Well, there used to be a store that carried what I like. I can’t visit it anymore.”
The clerk cleared his throat. “Um, may I ask why?”
Cadence’s implanted memories supplied her with the perfect answer. She rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. “Politics.”
The Clerk frowned, his eyes looking into Cadence’s with a sympathetic understanding. “I understand… I also don’t believe more, shall we say, traditional nobles would like it if they found your chambers stinking of cooking malt and hopps. It would be my pleasure to brew a batch of your favorite drink for you, your highness. I’ll even have Bootleg deliver it for you… As long as you don’t mind me selling your brew as an exclusive product for my store, and market it as your favorite drink. All of which you can deny, of course.”
Carla raised an eyebrow at the now smiling and calculating clerk. “Three things. First, I wont say okay till you’ve seen the recipe. Second, who in their right mind named a pony after a criminal act? Third, why would I deny it? I’m an adult, I like what I like, and I’ll endorse any drink I like if I like it.”
The pegasus mare flew over to the counter and hovered above it. She cleared her throat. “I’m Bootleg, Ma’am. It’s a nickname, because I do the deliveries and um, most noble look down on anypony who drinks anything other than wine.”
Cadence nodded slowly. “Yeah. They’re dicks. What do you expect them to do? Buck them, I want to drink something that doesn't taste like nearly frozen gnat’s urine. You know, anything that’s not a wine or BudLight Lime.”
Bootleg and the clerk shared a quick look between them. Bootleg looked over to Cadence, then back to her boss and nodded. “Yeah, you ask her, Malt.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow. “Ask me what?”
Malt cleared his throat. “There’s a rumor… That you were born in a remote village, and Princess Celestia adopted you. Is that true?”
Cadence frowned, her mind searching for the correct answer. She couldn’t find one. Fortunately, she knew how to make up her own.
Cadence nodded and offered him a friendly wink. “Something like that. I am closer to you guys than the rest of these high-society jerks. Look, all I want is something good to drink with dinners I’m not forced to spend smiling at politicians. Can you stop panicking?”
The two ponies nodded instantly. “Yes, Ma’am!” Bootleg said, landing atop the counter.
Mault gave her a sidelong look of disapproval. “Boot, she’s still a Princess. Manners.”
Cadence snorted and waved a hoof dismissively as her memories provided her with some basic information about pegasi. “She’s a Pegasus. They perch. It’s fine. Got a pen and paper?”
Cadence did her best to recall the recipe for Gale's Prize Old Ale she had made years and years ago. Her memory was fuzzy in a few places, but Mault’s expertise was able to fill in the gaps when Cadence had to describe a certain flavor or aroma rather than name an ingredient or a quantity.
As the three ponies puzzled out the recipe, Shining stood still in the doorway. He spent the fifteen minutes mostly awestruck, not wanting to interrupt, but quite certain that Princess Celestia wouldn’t approve of his mare’s decisions on how to act as a princess. Although Shining himself certainly approved.
Malt nodded to himself as he read through the recipe one final time. “Yes… This will most certainly be an ale. You described stouts as more rich than an ale, are you certain you want me to brew this for you?”
Cadence nodded. “Yes I am.”
Bootleg hummed and hovered overhead, reading through several times. “I’m not a brewmaster, but this stuff should be pretty strong… Shouldn’t we kill the fermentation after a day or so instead of a week?”
Mault shrugged. “Well, normally yes. But this is her Highness’s recipe. This is a concentrate, right? You mix it at the table with water, as it will lose flavor rapidly at proper hydration levels.”
Cadence giggled and only just barely stopped herself from ruffling the pony’s mane. “No, you drink it straight.”
Mault’s eyes popped out of his head. “At that strength? It’s going to be nearly twelve percent by volume.”
Cadence nodded. “Yes.”
Boot’s jaw dropped. “Where are you from where alcohol is a flavor and not a preservative?”
Cadence couldn't help herself. “New Hampshire. Average person drinks something like fifteen liters of ethanol in a year.”
Bootleg licked her lips. “So… You’re saying there’s a place out there somewhere where the average person drinks stuff like this, and like, once a day? You've got to have so many recipes we don’t! Can you share more sometime? Uh, ones a bit lighter? I like bitter drinks, not burning drinks. Oh! But I’ll try this one for sure!”
Malt gently elbowed Boot in the ribs. “Princess! Manners!”
Cadence rolled her eyes. “I’m off the clock. We’re all ponies here. Which is why I’ll stop in after a week so we can try this together, take notes, work out what to do differently.”
Malt coughed, his eyes widening. “Like, um… Like a Beerfest? But with you?”
Cadence’s ears lay flat. “Yes.”
It was Boot’s turn to elbow Malt in the ribs. “She said treat her like a normal person, Malt.”
Cadence nodded. “Right. At least when I’m not working. I get enough hoof-licking from Parliament… But not enough from Shining over there.” Cadence tipped her head towards Shining. “Hon? Why are you standing over there? The fun is over here.”
Malt nodded. “Oh yes! The wedding. Congratulations!”
Shining cleared his throat. “I— uh, sorry! I’m just a little surprised you like this kind of thing. Not that there’s anything wrong with it.”
Boot raised an eyebrow. “You’re getting married and he doesn't even know what you like to drink?”
Cadence giggled and nodded. “Yeah. Though I don’t know his friends very well either. We’re fixing the gaps in each other’s knowledge today.”
Mault smiled. “Wise decision, that. Well, I suppose I’ll see you in a week. Thank you for stopping by, your highness.”
“Cadence,” Cadence corrected as she turned to leave. “It was nice meeting you two… Oh!”
Cadene turned her head to look over her shoulder. “I need to replace a bike chain soon. I don’t get out to this side of town that often. Is there a good mechanc’s shop in town?”
Malt tilted his head. “Why would you go to a mechanic’s for a bicycle chain?”
Cadence shook her head. “Motorcycle. Not Bicycle.”
Boot pursed her lips. “You ride?”
Cadence nodded. “Mhm.”
“But you don’t know motor vehicles are banned in Canterlot?”
Cadence blinked. “They are? Huh… Well, no one person can be aware of every law on the books.”
Boot shrugged and landed on the counter once more. “Fair enough… But yeah, it’s part of the “Historic Preserve” thing your mom’s got going. You won't find a mechanics in Canterlot. Try Ponyville. It’s a half hour ride on the express— Pff, what am I saying? You can teleport! But yeah, Ponyville should have something.”
Cadence flashed both ponies a smile. “Thanks! Come on, Shining. Let’s go to your comic shop now.”
Cadence and Shining left the Brewer’s shop behind, unaware that within fifteen minutes word would begin to spread among Canterlot’s working class that Princess Cadence was the kind of mare to down extra-hard cider and race bikes. In short, she was one of them.
By the time Cadence and Shining arrived at the Equoid’s Dungeon Comic Shop, the Hay’s Angels biker gang had decided to accept the public invitation to the Princess’s wedding. After all, somepony had to bring party favors the Princess would actually like.
The Equoid’s Dungeon sat on the opposite side of town, right on the edge of the city’s mountainside platform. Such locations were to die for due to how inexpensive they made delivering products to Canterlot. Celestia’s vehicle ban meant ponies had to carry goods to storefronts by cart, and generally early in the morning to avoid hoof traffic. Wallside businesses simply had a few pegasi back up an airship and push crates inside.
As a direct result of their easy access to their product the wallside businesses flourished.
Cadence starred in a mixture of awe and shock at the comic shop’s storefront. The building had been described to her as “small” and yet it had to have at least six hundred square meters of space with each floor taken into consideration. The bottom floor’s front wall was all glass, and showed off costumes, props from popular fiction, advertisements for new comic titles, and even a few older limited edition RPG rulebooks.
Cadence’s wings flicked against her back. “I thought you said this place was small!”
Shining blinked. “It is. It’s a quarter the size you’d see anywhere else. Manehatten, Fillydelphia, Trottingham…”
Shining Trailed off as Cadence’s incredulous look only deepened. He smiled sheepishly and leaned in close to Cadence to whisper at a level the crowd around them wouldn’t hear. “It's a talent thing, okay? More nerds, because more specialized roles in society.”
Cadence nodded slowly, wanting to ask more being very much aware of the dozens of pairs of eyes on her at all times. “Okay, well, let’s just say hi to your friends.”
Shining nodded and trotted up to the door, opening it for Cadence with a hoof. Cadence walked forwards, worrying about how they would get around inside the store once the huge crowd of ponies that had started following her around earlier entered too. Much to Cadence’s surprise, the majority of them stayed outside as Shining walked in behind her.
Cadence nodded to herself happily. Huh. I guess Ponies are more polite groupies than humans. Good!
Shining took the lead this time and trotted between the narrow isles formed by hoof carved wooden shelves towards the counter. Despite doing his best to ignore the newest issues of the best selling stories the selves displayed, it still took Shining almost a full minute’s worth of nerdy gawking to get to the counter.
Cadence followed along, scanning the room as she walked. The news a princess had arrived at the shop seemingly spread at the speed of light and dozens of mares and stallions of all kinds were suddenly peeking out from behind shelves, displays, and out of gamerooms to get a look at Princess Cadence. As well as quietly argue over what she would buy and whether she thought Dragon Wars or Dragon Flight was better.
Odd… The ratio of mares to stallions here is about even. Do ponies lack some of the stigma over girls being nerds? Come to think of it, I see more mares overall than stallions. Is that a work thing where males are expected to work more and are therefore indoors right now, or is it like how Earth horses just have more girls than boys?
Shining at last reached the counter and did his best not to debate buying the limited edition Fausticorn statuette on display in a case behind the counter. After successfully rejecting the urge to spend a week’s pay on nerd merch for a second time this month, Shining reached out with a hoof and tapped the bell to call a worker.
No sooner did the bell ring than a stallion’s voice call out from a curtained off area behind the counter. “Be right with you!”
Shining smiled happily at the sound of his old friend’s voice. “Gaffer! It’s me. I brought my mare to say hello.”
The onlooking nerds collectively moaned. Somepony even calling out “No fair! How come he gets to date somepony that could pass as an elvenmare?”
“Dude, not cool!” Someone chastised. “Besides, she’s clearly at least as attractive as a demi-god.”
Cadence blinked and stared at the two mares as they begun to passionately argue their cases for her level of attractiveness in terms of mythological species. After a few moments Cadence turned to Shining, a puzzled look stamped on her face. “Is that an okay thing for them to say?”
Shining looked over at the two mares and narrowed his eyes. “No. Excuse me.”
Cadence watched as Shining marched towards the arguing mares. Her heart swelled at the thought of someone being willing to defend her honor. Even though Cadence could and would do so herself. She simply had not wished to cause a scene at—
Shining reached the arguing mares and cleared his throat. “Excuse me, but that’s my fiancee you’re talking about!”
Cadence nodded in approval. It’s great that people think I look nice. But arguing over me like that, in public, and in front of me, is just bizarre.
Shining gestured with a leg towards Cadence. “That makes me more qualified to classify her hotness than you, guys! She’s got the tri-color hair. That’s not an elven or a god thing. That’s a sylven trait, thank you very much!”
Cadence fachooved and moaned loudly. “Seriously, Shining?”
Shining looked over his shoulder and nodded firmly. “Yes!”
One of the two mares shook her head. “Not exclusively! Ethereal Step the Powerful had tri-color hair after absorbing the power of the Seven Sacred Stones. Given her pink coat, that makes her closest to an elf mare priestess.”
“Nonsense!” The other protested with a stamp of her hoof. “She’s an Alicorn. You can’t compare them to something like a unicorn that happens to be extra magical!”
Shining nodded in agreement. “Yeah! That’s why you need to go with a pony from the Plane of Beauty.”
“That makes no sense! Her eyes are not gold,” both mare protested.
Shing’s irises shrank until his pupil’s nearly vanished. He spun around, flashing Cadence bambi eyes. “Hon! Quick! Make your eyes glow gold.”
Cadence’s face went slack. “No.”
Shining’s ears fell sadly. He turned back around and sighed. “Fine… You girls win this round. But uh… Well…” He winked. “I get to hug her every night.”
Cadence fachooved again as Shining happily pranced back to her side. “There!” He proclaimed. “That showed them.”
Cadence kept her hoof pressed firmly against her face. “Are you going to get into nerd-wars over me frequently?”
“All of the time,” Shining said with a sage nod.
Cadence groaned and put her hoof down. “Alright… But please, not in front of me. That was embarrassing.”
“Not as embarrassing as him forgetting sylph eyes glow gold!” somepony called as a few ponies laughed.
Shining’s ears drooped sadly. “I can feel my nerdcard getting revoked!”
Cadence shook her head, but wrapped a leg around Shining’s shoulder in a hug anyways.
“Thanks,” Shining said, nuzzling into her side.
“You’re welcome, Shiny.”
The comic shop collectively dawed, making Cadence jump. The curtain behind the countered pulled away right as Cadence’s hooves touched back down. A tall Stallion Cadence somewhat remembered walked up to the counter, his blond mane practically flowing as he turned his walk into an immediate bow upon seeing Cadence.
“Hey, G— WOAH! Uh, Your Highness, welcome! What can I do for you?”
Shining flashed his friend a smile. “I brought her over to hang out for a bit. We realized she hasn’t been around the guys much.”
Cadence nodded and offered Gaffer a smile. “Right! What kind of wife would I be if I didn’t hang out with my stallion’s friends too?”
Gaffer’s jaw dropped. “You, a princess, want to hang out in the backroom of my shop, and play board games?”
Cadence paused for a moment, then nodded. “Well, yes. If you’ve got beer.”
Gaffer stared blankly at Cadence for several seconds then turned to look at Shining. “She likes peasant food?”
Shining nodded. “Yeah. Prefers it even.”
Gaffer shook his head incredulously. “Sheesh! Okay, yeah, Princess, you need to hang out with us more. How do we barely know the pony our Paladin is marrying?”
As Gaffer trotted over to open the door in the counter, Cadence offered him a friendly smile. “I’m off the clock, please, call me Cadence.”
“Sure, if you want,” Gaffer said with a polite smile nodding towards the curtain. “The guys are back there. We were playing some Hocuspocus… Kinda figured Gl— Uh, Shining wouldn’t show tonight. What with the wedding being in a few weeks and all.”
Cadence tilted her head curiously but remained silent until the three entered the backroom.
The small room built behind the counter was very cozy. The floor was covered with a thick dark green carpet so soft it could have been magic. The walls were paneled with dark oak boards from the floor halfway up, with the rest being a cheerful painted blue plaster. Shelves of rulebooks, knickknacks, and fantasy novels lined the walls, and a suit of armor stood in each corner.
The room was dominated by a large oval shaped dark-oak table and chairs. At least eight ponies could comfortably sit at the table, with plenty of room for maps, character sheets, and dice rolling. The noisy sound from the shop was completely negated by the magic curtain, allowing everything to feel very much like a home. Or at the very least, a Cassa de Geek.
Cadence smiled, approving of the decor instantly. The other two stallions in the room yelped, dropping a hoof of cards apiece as she entered.
The scrawny white earthpony on her left Cadence vaguely remembered being named Poindexter. She felt a pang of sorrow for anypony given that name and a small fleck of anger towards his parents.
Cadence was quite certain of the other’s name. The short, but muscular gray and silver earth pony was 8-Bit. The fact half his name was a numeral was what made the name stick for her.
“P— Princess! Hi!” The two stallions stammered in unison.
Gaffer nodded Towards Cadence. “Guys, you know Cadence. She’s here to hang out. As a normal pony. Let’s try not to go too fancolt, okay?”
8-Bit nodded. “Y— Yeah! Okay. Uh, Hi… Cadence? Can I call you that?”
Cadence nodded, trotted over to a chair, pulled it out with her magic and plopped down in it. “Please do. I’m not on the clock, there’s no sense treating me like anypony special. Especially since I’ll probably have to knight you guys or something soon.”
Shining, Gaffer, 8-Bit, and Poindexter starred at Cadence for a long quiet moment.
Cadence smiled. “What? Didn’t you guys realize that once Shining marries me he’ll be royalty? I don’t think they let just anypony walk to the palace to visit.”
Shining frowned. “Well ponyfeathers. I actually didn’t think about that… Good call, sweetie.”
Poindexter raised a hoof slowly. “You mean the title-only-no-real-responsibilities-knight, right?”
Cadence wasn’t sure if there was such a thing, but nodded anyways. “Mhm. I don’t want Shiny to lose friends because of me. That’s why we dropped by. I’d like to hang out too… If this isn’t a colt’s club, I mean.”
8-bit snorted. “Pfff, nah! Not for the last three years.”
Shining’s eyes shrank. “Uh, guys?”
Cadence tilted her head. “You have a mare in your group? Can we get her over here so i can meet everyone?”
Gaffer’s ears perked. His lips pulled into a slow smile. He looked up, sharing a knowing look with 8-Bit and Poindexter. The three stallions turned to look at Shining. “I don’t know…” Gaffer said slowly. “Shining? Can you get her over here?”
Shining tapped his hooves together. “Guys… Like, she’s— I could be fired!”
Cadence’s eyes narrowed. “Shining, what are you not telling me?”
Shining squirmed in place for several minutes before looking down at the floor, head hanging. “I— I’ve been using agency property for personal gain…”
Cadence tilted her head. “Did you bring someone from— You know, there, here to play games with? If so I am genuinely insulted you didn’t invite me!”
Shining cleared his throat and wrung his hooves. “N— No. I uh, my gemstone. I’ve been using it to save money. See, I’ve always liked to be other people. I uh… I got my wizard’s license so I could buy certain potions. I did a LOT of cosplay, and LARP and um… Normally, I would get potions to change myself to better fit with a character.”
Carla tilted her head the other way. “And the oh so wrong fireable offense involved with that is… What?”
Gaffer laughed. “Dude, you think you’d have shown her by now. If only to shake things up in bed.”
Shining rolled his eyes. “She doesn't like mares.”
Cadence’s eyes widened. “Shining! Are you trans?”
Shining shook his head. “No! It’s not that at all. I like being lots of different things. I don’t feel like I’m wrong or anything. I enjoy changing. It’s fun! So uh, well… Poindexter dared me to play a mare when we started out last campaign. So I did. But speaking as a female character with a male's voice felt weird for everyone.”
8-Bit nodded and cracked a grin. “Yeah, so this dork ditches the game to run off to some wizard shop and came back with a potion to swap his sex and finishes the game session as a mare.”
Shining blushed. “I had too! It was awkward, and we established her character already. Silver is awesome! I didn’t want to change her. Not when I could change me for a while.”
Carla snickered. “Wait, so you’ve been showing up here as a mare for years now, just to roleplay better?”
Shining nodded. “Yeah. It’s nothing like, I feel wrong like this. I’m totally happy with myself no matter what I am at the moment… It’s uh, it’s probably some kind of disorder. But at least it makes me good at my job. And roleplaying.. I uh… After I got hired on with you know what, and got my gemstone as per standard issue, I um… Those potions are EXPENSIVE! You know?”
Carla nodded, fully understanding. After all, Shining’s casual transformation around her made that aspect of his personality clear. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Shining’s ears drooped. He stared down at the table. “Because, you know… I could get in trouble. Also I was worried you would think I was weird.”
Cadence rolled her eyes and looked over at the other stallions before nodding towards Shining. “He’s always been weird, right?”
Gaffer nodded. “Yep.”
8-Bit smiled. “The weirdest.”
Poindexter smiled. “He wouldn’t be one of us if he wasn't’ weird.”
Cadence extended a wing and tipped Shining’s head up with the tip. “Hon, I like you because you’re weird. Oh and, did you forget I’m a princess?”
Shining blushed happily and squirmed in his seat. “Thanks… And kinda? I mean, i don’t think of you that way. Why do you—”
Cadence winked at Shining. “Shining Armor, you hereby have permission to use your transformation gemstone at your discretion. Boom! Problem solved! So, what do you normally look like while hanging with these guys?”
Shining coughed into his hoof. “You uh, already know… Princess Celestia thinks I made Gleaming up for work purposes.”
Cadence blinked. “You named that mare-form?”
Gaffer shook his head. “No, we did. He thought a mare sounding like a stallion was immersion breaking, but calling a mare by a stallions name is what was really immersion breaking.”
8-Bit nodded and leaned back in his chair. “Gleaming is Shining’s secret O&O identity.”
Cadence giggled. “I get it, because he’s an intelligence agent.”
The three stallion’s sputtered. Gaffer’s head spun to face Shining. “Is THAT what you do?!”
Shining facedesked. “My job was CLASSIFIED, Cadence!”
Cadence rolled her eyes and sighed. “You're getting married to a a royal, hon. Do you think you’ll get to still be a field agent after that? No. You’ll be a highly public person soon. Transformation or not, you won't be the sort of person who can be risked on assignments anymore. You’re going to get retired. Though uh… I probably should have expected your job to be classified…”
Shining groaned into the table. “Yes you should have… And I know I was going to be retired…” Shining sighed and sat up straight. “So uh, yeah guys. That’s why I’ve got the gemstone. I’m a soon-to-retire spy.”
8-Bit looked awkwardly up to the ceiling. “That uh… That’s better than what I thought…”
Shining’s eyes narrowed. “What did you think?”
Gaffer blushed. “We um… We thought you were an actor. You know, of the kind who gets paid a lot for making certain videos of uh, popular individuals, doing certain things…”
Cadence giggled and broke out into a grin. “I would have had a problem with him being in porn. Trust me, that would have stopped. He’s all mine.”
Poindexter cleared his throat to prevent Shining from exploding by redirecting the conversation. “Annnyways! Gleaming is the one identity Shining’s made that’s taken on a life of her own. “She” has won several O&O tournaments over the last year, has a few friends, and other things like that.”
Shining nodded and rubbed the back of his head while smiling awkwardly. “Y— Yeah… That sort of is a thing that happens if you come to the same place as the same person every week at the same time…”
Cadence hummed. “Wait, you came here as her? Why not just change in the backgroom?”
Shining smiled, his chest puffing out with pride. “That’s actually because of my smartest idea ever! My forms are persistent. If I lost an ear, changing back to that form later would have me still being earless. But my real form wouldn’t be missing an ear. Likewise, if Gleaming gains weight, I don’t gain weight. So I’d change into her after leaving home and get snacks I can eat totally guilt free!”
Cadence smirked, looking at Shining through playfully narrowed eyes. “I’ll bet she hates you for that.”
8-Bit shook her head and laughed. “Hay no! It made her like ten times more adorable. If she were a real mare and not you know, my shape changed best friend I’d have asked her out.”
Shining looked off the the side and cleared his throat. “Uh… dude… I thought we discussed that. And agreed you just.. Wouldn’t.”
8-bits ears fell. He coughed into his hoof. “Oh, yeah. Sorry, dude. Gleaming's just hot is all...”
Gaffer cleared his throat and took his seat at behind the table’s built-in DM’s screen. “Well… Shining, we kinda figured with it being so close to the wedding that Gleaming wouldn't make tonight’s game. But since everyone is here, and Cadence wants to hang out, how about you get changed and we roll Cadence up a fighter?”
Cadence raised an eyebrow and looked Gaffer in the eye. “Why a fighter?”
“Well it’s the easiest class to learn the game with. I uh, wait, have you played before?”
Cadence shook her head. “No. Sorry, I thought you were assuming I’d want to play something because of mechanics without knowing what I like to play.”
Gaffer smiled wide. “You like RPGs?”
Cadence nodded. “Yes. I used to play them a lot in college. But I’ve fallen out of practice.”
Gaffer nodded twice and reached for a Player’s Hoofbook on the shelf behind him. A flash of light lit up the room as Shining shape changed.
Gleaming cleared her throat. “So um, I didn’t think I’d be playing tonight. Is everypony okay if I remember my stats?”
Cadence turned at the voice of “Tutorial Mare”, instinctively worried she would fall off a disappearing platform for entirely too long. She took a few moments to take the mare’s cutely plump appearance in, able to really appreciate the details now that she was not being grilled by an ancient wizard.
“Huh,” Cadence said slowly.
Gleaming blinked and frowned worriedly. “W— what?”
“You are literally the same looking, except for sexually dimorphic traits. How does anyone think you’re not well, you know, you?” Cadence said with a frown.
Poindexter giggled and pointed to the backroom’s entrance. “Most of those guys think Shining has a twin sister.”
8-Bit nodded. “A few think he likes to crosstransmute. Which is true, so we don’t correct it. It’s not like anyone’s a dick to him over it.”
Gaffer nodded. "Yeah, I'd throw them out if they were. I'm sure plenty of others who go here have transformed for costume purposes too."
Gleaming nodded once. “Yeah… Though we should probably make up a term for ponies who like to shapechange into many different people just for fun. There’s quite a few of us. Enough for a print magazine to exist. Anyways, let’s get Cadence rolled up! I want to take a stab at breaking into Ironhoof fortress again.”
The five ponies gamed late into the night. Cadence became engrossed in the game in a way she never had before. This was thanks to Gaffer, and his special talent being running RPGs.
Gaffer’s storytelling made the game come alive in a way she’d never thought possible. The Land of Ilvory was such a real place when Gaffer breathed life into it that suddenly Shining wanting to better play his character made perfect sense.
Cadence left the game desperately wishing she was able to swing a sword around and do more than risk cutting off one of her legs. On the way back to the Palace to take the portal to Eventide’s gates Cadence had decided she would learn how to use a sword properly after the current crisis was over.
It wasn’t until Cadence and Gleaming were walking out of the portal towards the Hall that Cadence realized Shining hadn’t changed back yet.
Cadence cleared her throat politely as possible. “Sweetie?”
Gleaming look up at Cadence with the same adoring expression. “Yes?”
“You’re still a mare,” Cadence said with a wink.
Gleaming eeped and closed her eyes, returning to Shining with a flash of magic. “Sorry!” he apologized with a smile and a blush. “I REALLY like that one. She’s like Jake. Both of them feel natural for me to be.”
Cadence’s ears drooped. A thought occurred to her. One that was especially uncomfortable. “Oh… Uh… Hon?”
Shining hummed and looked back up at Cadence. “Mmm?”
Cadence stopped walking and bent down tot look Shining in the eye. “I um… Telling you to change back like that was very rude of me. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. You loved me as both Carter and Carla, and now as Cadence. It will take some getting used to, and I don't foresee myself wanting to sleep with you as Gleaming, but please be whoever you want to be around me. Okay?”
Shining’s eye slit up as he smile. He reached up and hugged Cadence around her neck as hard as he could. “Thanks sweetie! You have no idea how happy that makes me. Oh! Would you be interested in helping me experiment with new forms sometime?”
Cadence nodded and smiled. “Of course. Cosplay is a fun hobby.”
Shining swished his tail happily. “And you won't be weirded out if I for example, wake up and decide to cook us breakfast as Gleaming?”
Cadence hummed and tapped her chin with a hoof. “Well, a little. But you’re clearly the same person, so i wont wonder who broke in. I’m serious. Go ahead, do what you want to do and be happy. I’ll get used to it.”
Shining leaned up and kissed Cadence on her nose. “Thanks love. I didn’t expect you to be this onboard with me… I uh, I kinda thought I’d have to give up my hobby.”
Cadence shook her head rapidly. “Nononono! I like YOU. I like the fun loving dork in front of me. I don’t want you to change. You’ll never have to give up anything you like for me, not without good reason.”
“Soooo, I can walk home with you as Gleaming?” Shining asked hopefully.
Carla raised an eyebrow. “Are you just fantasizing about me having lesbian sex?”
“Yes.” Shining admitted with a shy shuffle of his hooves. “With me.”
Carla paused for a few long moments then sighed. “Maybe one day when I’m used to people not having one static form I’ll love you too much to care about that, and we can try it. But for now, Gleaming and I are besties, Shining and I are engaged.”
Shining snorted and grinned like a dork. “You know it’s just dressup with extra steps, right?”
Carla frowned. “Well, yes… But when I did dressup it was to change my mental state and self-perception.”
Shining nodded rapidly. “I know. When I do it, it’s because I feel like looking a little different for a while. My mind never changes. Well, much. Jake and Gleaming have their unique quirks and—”
The Hall’s front doors burst open with a thunderous bang. Three gold-armored guards burst out from the hall, hot on the hooves of a black-pony-like creature.
The creature only barely resembled a changeling. Its left eye was the blue compound structure Carla remembered Copy having, but the right eye was very clearly a headlight, complete with chrome light-fixture making up the socket. The creature’s wing-covers with leather instead of chitin, and other random parts of its body were made from bits of black and red painted metal instead of insect-armor.
Whats more Carla swore the thing had a gas cap protruding from its back, and a pair of turn signals were a pony’s cutie marks would be.
The guards caught up with the running creature in a matter of seconds, tackling it to the ground amid shouted orders and worried yelps.
“BUCK! There’s civilians! Don’t let it get away again.”
“Got it! Someone get cuff son this thing!”
“Oh, geez! That’s— Princess! Stay back! This thing is really fast!”
Cadence’s eyes widened, half amazed, half horrified.
The pseudo-changeling looked up at the word princess. It’s eye and headlight fell upon Cadence, and the poor deformed thing began to thrash wildly until it got one hoof free. It held that tire-tread covered hoof out towards Cadence and called out to her.
“Mom! Mom, help! I was hungry! I didn’t hurt anyone!” The creature pleaded, genuine fear, hope, and affection all wrapped up in four short breaths.
Cadence’s jaw dropped. The creature cries to her were genuine, and awakened feeling in Cadence she never believed she would get to experience. The guards wrenched the creature’s leg behind its back once more.
“If this thing hurts the Princess it’s both your plots!” The head guard said.
Cadence ran towards the struggling creature. Shining sprinted alongside her. “What are you doing?”
Cadence ignored Shining’s question and turned her attention to the guards. The alicorn’s eyes hardened, taking on the same expression Carter had worn when executing a warlord in Cambodia. “You three! Unhoof my bike!”
So, You Want to be a Princess?
Princess Cadence - 4/28/2018
Eventide Hall - Canterlot Suburbs, Equestria
“You three! Unhoof my bike!”
Three faces looked up in astonishment upon hearing those words. Each had their own twist on the emotion. The Sergeant's jaw hung lower than his helmet’s cheek guards. The Corporal's eyes dilated to different sizes. The Private raised one eyebrow and lowered the other.
The three shared an uneasy grimace with one another. Decades of service had instilled them with the values, traditions, and morals of Equestria’s Royal Guard. Before them stood an Alicorn, Princess Celestia’s own niece, a nearly divine being whom they knew could atomize them where they stood if she so wished.
They also knew she would suffer little to no consequences for executing soldiers who disobeyed a direct order. While such things had not been done since the Lunar Rebellion a thousand years ago, the laws allowing for it had never been taken off the books. Princess Cadence certainly looked as if she might be that angry.
The Alicorn’s eyes burned with an inner fire. A human fire. Nopony had ever seen an upset mother before, not on the scale of human mothers. Not on the scale of a species whose concern for their families pumped them full of enough adrenaline to flip trucks and tear gunmen apart bare handed.
The changeling had absolutely known exactly how terrifying an angry mother ape can be.
The private looked into Cadence’s eyes and saw his death. He looked down at the changeling struggling beneath his hooves and knee. This unknown person had infiltrated Princess Celestia’s personal estate, possessed some sort of knockoff Transformation Matrix which didn’t quite work right, and had attempted to force themselves upon a member of the cleaning staff.
The private’s mouth twisted into a frown. His eyes narrowed. Courage began to fill him as he summoned the right words.
The sergeant looked at the private, pleading with his eyes to not get them all killed, jailed, or worst of all, doing Cadence and Shining’s laundry.
The private closed the cuffs around the changeling’s legs. “No.”
Cadence narrowed her eyes. The private took a deep breath. “You may live here, Ma’am, but your aunt owns these grounds and her orders regarding intruders are clear. Also your order is nonsensical. This is not a bicycle, it is a living breathing organism, ma’am. You seem to be perceiving its metal bits exclusively.”
The corporal flinched and turned her head to one side to whisper to the private. “Did you just accuse a princess of being under the influence?”
Their sergeant pursed his lips. “I did hear she likes extra hard beer.”
The Changeling squirmed under its captors. “She’s not drunk, you can tell because she’s not flirting with all of you.”
Cadence frowned. The Changeling was right. She did become an extra flirty person when drunk. It’s why she had stopped drinking more than one or two beers at a time. It knew her well, very well, intimately. It would have been trivial for it to know it could pull at her heartstrings with the word mom.
I’m slipping up. I need to refocus myself. This world is weird. I can’t let that distract me from thinking like an Agent. That’s what I was “hired” for.
“I’m not drunk,” Cadence said, closing her eyes to calm herself as much as she could with her adrenaline pumping. “This is part of a classified operation. That individual was supposed to report in tonight. Their codename is ‘My Bike’. If you fetch Princess Celestia she will confirm this for you.”
The Sergeant let out a nervous breath. “That’s plausible enough for me. Corporal, please let her highness know one of her agents has gone berserk and is being held at the entrance.”
The corporal nodded and turned to leave, then looked back over her shoulder. “Should I mention the gem-malfunction?”
Shining Armor cleared his throat. “You should. It looks like he’s using one of the newer prototypes. Let Celestia know there’s a Changeling problem and she’ll handle this immediately, and this poor guy probably won't get in too much trouble. These prototypes can mess with your head.”
The corporal nodded. “Right!” She said before trotting back into the Hall.
Cadence was uncertain how Celestia would want to handle these guards stumbling onto the changeling problem. The best thing to do seemed to be to wait for her, and so the remaining ponies, and changeling, remained huddled near the entrance, waiting for orders.
Shining looked over at Cadence from time to time while they waited. After a few moments he cleared his throat, leaned over to Cadence and quietly whispered. “It really got to you with the whole mom thing, didn’t it?”
Cadence nodded. “Mmmmm… They are empaths. It knows how much I want to be a mom. We’re dealing with some really dangerous enemies, and I’ve been too weirded out by this world to do my job right. That ends tonight.”
Shining nodded and went to say more only to be interrupted by a blinding flash of gold light as Princess Celestia teleported into the doorway. The Alabaster Alicorn spread her wings in alarm upon seeing the bound changeling.
Celestia descended the short staircase and turned her full attention first to the two guards. “You two are to go to my personal chambers and wait inside along with your squadmate. I will be debriefing you personally within the hour.”
The guards immediately snapped salutes. “Yes, ma’am!” The sergeant said as he immediately turned to walk back inside.
The Private gave the changeling one last suspicious look before following his commander indoors. As soon as the two vanished from sight, Celestia closed her eyes, focusing on her magic intently. With a crack and flash of light the Hall’s grounds vanished, replaced by the black and purple interior of Cadence’s bedroom.
Cadence looked around herself with an odd expression. “This doesn't seem like a secure area.”
“It is,” Celestia said as she lifted the changeling off the floor with her magic, holding it at her eye level. “We made certain nopony could spy on you in this room. Luna’s chambers are secure, but occupied this evening, and the guards are waiting in mine. This is what we have to work with.”
The Changeling twisted in Celestia’s grip, clearly very much discontent to be suspended mid air. “Can you put me down, please?”
Celestia looked into the changeling’s multifaceted eye and headlight, her face centimeters inches away from the lightly glowing orb and bulb. “No.”
The Changeling’s ears drooped backwards exactly like a ponies. “Please? I’m afraid of falling.”
Celestia looked at Shining then nodded towards the door. “Guard the door,” she ordered before returning her eyes to the Changeling. “The window is an illusion, you’ll find only stone behind it. If you run, you die. Understood?”
Cadence did her best to bury her emotions, not wanting to changeling to feel she found Celestia’s threat a bit harsh. Especially since the changeling was already bound in such a way as to prevent him from running on all fours or flying.
The changeling nodded and stuck its tongue out in concentration, the small lights embedded in its flanks lit up red. “Yes.”
Cadence narrowed her eyes. “What do those lights mean?”
The changeling blinked in surprise. “They are brake lights… Come on, you know what those are!”
Cadence suddenly found it much more difficult to bury her emotions. Fortunately, the laugh stayed deep within the recesses of her mind.
Celestia set the changeling down, and the bug-motorcycle hybrid immediately twisted and turned until it was sitting comfortably on its hindquarters. The changeling looked between Cadence and Celestia for a few moments before asking. “Are you not going to use a truth spell on me?”
“Why would I? It didn’t work on Copy Four,” Celestia said as she casually turned her back towards the changeling. “Besides, I have Cadence. Cadence, I trust you are experienced enough with interrogation to not need any truth spells.”
Cadence nodded once, firmly. “I am.”
The changeling cleared its throat. “But she doesn't have rope, a board, a cloth, and a bucket of water. Also that wouldn't work on us. We breathe like regular bugs. You’d have to submerge our whole bodies.”
Cadence snorted and trotted towards the bound changeling. “I don’t need Enhanced Interrogation Techniques either, Changeling,” she said as she sat down just out of leg’s reach from the changeling.
Cadence leaned forwards until she knew she was looming over the changeling. “Do you have friends?”
The changeling squirmed, moving its forelegs to pull at the cuffs binding them. “Not many…”
Cadence nodded. “I thought so. You’re a people like any other. You have your own society. Do you miss your home? Hanging out with your friends and doing whatever it is you enjoy doing with them?”
The changeling nodded slowly. “Yeah… But being your bike was better than being in the hive.”
Cadence slowly leaned back, keeping her eyes fixed on the changeling’s. “Is there something I can do for them?”
The changeling blinked. “Huh?”
“Your friends. Is there something I can do for them?” Cadence repeated. “Are you worried about them?”
The changeling frowned. “Well, yeah. I am. There’s going to be a war soon, right?”
Cadence nodded slowly, never breaking eye contact. “Would you like them to get an education? Homes? Jobs? I’ll put them through school if you’d like.”
Shining, Celestia, and the changeling blinked in unison. “What?” the bug asked with a steeper frown.
Cadence leaned forwards again. She removed every ounce of emotion from her face, body language, and mind that she could. The changeling winced, sensing that the mare had shifted into a purely business mindset.
“What do you want?” Cadence asked. “You personally. You have wants, desires, friends, family. You care for them, don’t you?”
The changeling nodded. “Y-yes.”
“Why don’t you tell me how you plan to achieve those goals?” Cadence said as she steepled her hooves. “How does this all go in your mind? How do you remove yourself from this situation you’ve put yourself in? You’re not going back to your hive. Your old life is over. You know that. Make peace with it.”
The changeling shrank back, seemingly reducing the length of its spine to squeeze down into a smaller and smaller ball. “Um, but— I don’t—”
Cadence shifted her weight to one side and and cocked her head only slightly to the left, her eyes still fixed on the center of the changeling’s glowing eyes. “Work with me. Let me help you find a way this ends with you, your friends, and your family alive.”
The changeling’s lip trembled. Cadence felt a small twinge of satisfaction deep in the back of her mind. The subject had been forced to think about the reality of their situation and understood the terrifying truth of their position. The atmosphere was now right for questioning.
We’ll start with what exactly this bug did with Baby, and what it can do to get my bike back for me.
The changeling squeaked in terror. A set of orange lights beneath the break lights on the changeling’s flanks began to blink on and off.
Cadence’s train of thought immediately derailed. “Are— Do— Why do you have hazard lights?”
The changeling squirmed in place on the floor. “C— Cuz you… You installed them.”
Cadence narrowed her eyes to slits. “I installed them on my Baby!”
The changeling nodded. “Y— Yes.”
“So you had to attach real motorcycle parts to yourself to imitate my bike,” Cadence said as she popped her neck. “Do you have any idea how much I love my bike? Why don’t you reach deep into my mind, and see if you can grasp a fraction of how I feel about Baby, and imagine what I might do to you if you don’t tell me where my bike is and how I can get it back.”
The Changeling’s lip trembled again. “You— There’s— I’ve ALWAYS been your bike!”
Cadence frowned. Celestia raised an eyebrow. Shining narrowed his eyes.
“Excuse me?” The three asked in unison.
The changeling sniffled. “I ran away! We’re not one big hivemind. She dosn’t control us. We’re lots of little hive minds and she just leads us. They hate changelings like me because we’re not as useful. Because we do machines instead… and not even like, complicated ones. I’m the best, and I can barely be a motorcycle. We can’t… We can’t like, transport hivemates or anything. We can only spy from one place. As an item… Our Queen thinks we’re almost useless. So they picked on em, so I ran away.
“I couldn't become a person, and humans shot at me like this. So I turned into a motorcycle. I like them. They’re cool. I drove into a store that sold them, I thought, um, well… I thought bikes were people. Because I saw that movie Cars. I didn’t know— I was dumb, okay?”
The changeling took a deep breath. “I thought they hated me too. Then you came in to buy a new bike, and you picked me, and I felt you actually liked me, then we had a test ride, and I made sure that I went extra fast and rode extra smooth, and you loved it, and that was the first full meal I’d ever got to have, and then you bought me, but like, I think of it as an adoption because buying people is not okay, and you took super good care of me, and bought me nice new parts and you’re like my mom!”
Cadence felt a few maternal twinges in her heart, but squashed them down. “That’s a nice story. Why not tell me the truth instead? Or do you want this to end badly for you?”
The Changeling reached up to its headlight-eye with a ear hoof to wipe away a few oil-tears. “I am! I can’ prove it! The first thing you did to me was change my seat. You wrote your name and address on the bottom of the leather. Leather is an animal product. I can’t do it. My original seat was fake-leather instead.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Cadence, is there a chance she’s telling the truth?”
“Yes, Celestia,” Cadence said with a slow sigh. “It’s possible this is true. The first thing I did was replace the fake leather seat. I called the dealer up, informed them the seat wasn’t genuine leather, and got a free replacement. If this changeling has been my bike all along, then presumably we could find my name on the bottom of the leather… wing covers?”
“Elytra,” Shining corrected.
“Elytra,” Cadence nodded. “But they are a bugpony now, not a bike. Removing the leather to check isn’t a few bolts away. We’ll need a knife. I can approximate where the label should be and—”
The Changeling’s eye widened, chitin deforming like clay to allow the expression to take place “EEEP! I— I could just open my wings!”
Cadence nodded once. “Yes, but we would have to take the cuffs off for you to do that.”
The Changeling gulped and rolled back on her plot slightly, reaching up to her headlight-eye with a rear hoof and gripping the edge of the socket. “There's other things! Like the anti-theft device you put in here. Let me unscrew—”
The three ponies tails raised in alarm as they watched the changeling quickly unscrew and remove the lens from her eyesocket, leaving behind a hole leading directly into her head through which a mixture of wires, oil, hemolymph, muscles, and bundles of nerve fibers could be seen. The Changeling set down the headlight, reached into the hole with her other hoof, and pulled a small microchip out from her head until it dangled from her empty eye socket by three wires.
“You can read the number on the chip! It’s the one you put in me three years ago. I promise!” The changeling whimpered.
Cadence cleared her throat to buy herself time to regain the fortitude the grisly display had taken from her. The moment her body was okay with moving again, Cadence reached forward, gently lifted the chip up to read, flicked a few flecks of green changeling goo off the circuit board, and squinted at the tiny print.
Cadence frowned as she read the serial number. It was correct. Even a detailed search of her bike which hadn’t involved entirely disassembling it wouldn’t have revealed the chip in its place within the hollow tube of the handlebars.
Cadence moved the chip back to where it had been dangling, gently let go of the chip so as to not pull on the wires. “Did that hurt?”
The changeling shook her head. “No. But being blind in one eye is scary. Can I put my eye back in now?”
Cadence nodded. The Changeling began to put the chip back into her head. Shining turned away, pretending that nothing happening in the room threatened to make his dinner return to the world from the depths of his stomach.
Celestia hummed. “I take it the numbers checked out?”
Cadence nodded. “They did. But even if this changeling has always been my bike, we only have her word that she can’t also copy organic objects. The seat test is no good now. That chip tells me either you were my bike the whole time, or you completely disassembled my bike and if that’s true someone could have written down my name and address on the underside of your seat for you. You would have found it too.”
The changeling finished pushing the chip back into place and picked up her head-light eye, quickly screwing it back into her head. The Changeling kept screwing until the headlight was tight, which fit it flush against her face. She blinked in surprise as her hoof felt the headlight even with her eye socket instead of protruding.
“Oh! It can be flush. Yay!” She exclaimed with a smile. A smile which instantly evaporated when she remembered where she was and what was happening. “S— Sorry. I don’t not be a bike much… I didn’t need to. You love me and we went for a ride every day so I always had enough to eat.”
Shining’s ears perked as he realized a way he could contribute to the interrogation. “You know, whether she’s been your bike the whole time or not is irrelevant.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow. “It’s not. But do continue.”
“Nonono, I mean for telling whether or not she ran away from her hive,” Shining continued, gesturing towards the changeling with a hoof. “Chrysalis would have had to replace your bike three days before you came here, because we had a few agents watching you, your house, and your bike from then till you came here. Why your bike? Because your car was in the shop and we didn’t know how Chrysalis planned to capture you. I um, I was worried she’d use a vehicle bomb to remove all traces of the real you…
“Anyways, this changeling would have had to have been your bike for four days at least. You ride your bike every day. Meaning you were riding a changeling for at least four days. If this changeling worked for Chrysalis, Chrysalis would have replaced you before we got to you. Because she would have had an agent who not only would have been in your home for days, if not YEARS, but one whom you rode to remote places every day. Places you could have easily been switched out with a Changeling at.”
Cadence hummed, tapping her chin with a hoof. The Changeling’s eye slit up. “Ooo! You’re smart! I didn’t think about that. I really would have been perfect for that if she knew that I was mom’s bike.”
Cadence nodded slowly. “True… Unless her real plan was to let me go, arrive in Equestria, make me trust a changeling who seems to be a defector, and then have someone she could use to spy on Celestia and I with because her real plans don’t involve replacing me at all.”
Celestia hummed, thinking back over several years. “I suppose she could have other motivations than to regain the throne I promised her. Chrysalis may want to assassinate me, but I doubt that she would go about it in this convoluted a way.”
The changeling shook her head. “No. She doesn't want you dead. She wants you captured, disabled, maimed, and used as her slave… I um… It’s one reason I ran away. She’s scarry-mean. And hates almost everything.”
Cadence looked over to Celestia. “Does that reaction to having power taken from her fit?”
“Like a sock,” Celestia said.
Shining’s cheeks burned a bright red as he looked away, doing his best to not imagine his Princess in striped socks, laying invitingly atop a bed, beckoning him to come closer. Shining shivered. No one wants to picture a mother-figure like that…
His cheeks burned brighter as his brain put Cadence into those socks instead.
The changeling moaned and leaned towards Shining, inhaling sharply. Cadence stretched out, grabbing the changeling by her shoulder and pulling her away from the direction she had been leaning. “Hey! What do you think you’re trying to do?”
“Eat,” she whimpered. “It’s been DAYS! I’m starving. He’s thinking about you. It’s not fair! You wouldn’t put a pizza in front of a hungry prisoner, would you?”
Cadence giggled. “Oh, you silly bug. I would and have.”
Shining nodded. “It’s a great way to make someone do what you want. Hungry people want food,” his eyes narrowed to slits. “But you are NOT going to get into my head and eat up all of my love for her!”
The changeling squirmed in Carla’s grip. “I wasn’t gonna! I don’t want to hurt you, mom likes you… I can nibble a little bit and it doesn't hurt anyone,” her headlight-eye suddenly lit up as a memory came to mind. “Oh! Mom! Remember the third week you owned me? We drove to the beach. You had to get a hotel because you got a huge headache and almost crashed me. You weren't able to stand up for two whole days. I almost got stolen because you were in your room the whole time, but a police officer saw them taking me and stopped them. That was my fault, I was extra hungry and tried to eat my fill. I didn’t know it would hurt you. I’m sorry.”
Cadence frowned thoughtfully and let go of the Changeling, but kept her eyes fixed on her. “I can’t think of any way Chrysalis would have known that. Or learned about it. I suppose you have been my bike the entire time.”
Celestia nodded sharply and trotted around behind the changeling. “True, but we can’t be certain she isn’t an enemy agent yet. I believe your name is Primary Mechamorph of Subhive Three. Is that correct?”
The changeling winced and shook her head. “No. That makes no sense for me anymore. I left her hive. It’s also used because we normally have multiple bodies, but all of mine are stuck together in this one now.”
Cadence and Celestia shared a brief suspicious look with one another. “How so?” Celestia asked.
The changeling pointed to Cadence with her horn. “She loved working on me. Why do you think I’ve got body filler and sheet metal filling up my leg holes, and rubber for hooves? Mom would remove pieces of me, and replace them with better parts. Except those parts were not the same as the ones I lost, so they couldn’t replace my bodies’ lost parts when I changed back. After a year of upgrades, I could only be two bodies at once because she cut apart my frame and replaced some of the metal, linking most of me together. After she replaced my fuel tank, I was stuck as one body… Uh, honestly I prefer being like this. Thank you, mom.”
Cadence tilted her head forwards. “Shouldn’t that have killed you?”
The changeling shrugged. “I don’t know? It felt like I was dying the first few times. But the last ten times felt nice instead! I um… Sometimes I think you helped fix me. Like, you know, this me. I don't feel empty or bad or worthless anymore.”
Shining stroked his chin. “Hummm, is there any way we can prove this changeling is single-bodied now? If we can, that would help disprove the working with Chrysalis angle. She wouldn’t put an agent into position who couldn’t extract information.”
Cadence looked over to Celestia. “Got a spell for that?”
Celestia smiled. “One moment,” she said as she cast a quick spell.
The air around Celestia and Cadence shimmered, thickened, and warped, transforming into a miasma resembling a bubble of frosted glass. No sound would exit the barrier, and no one outside could get a clear enough picture to read lips. They could speak privately.
Celestia shook her head very subtly, aware that her general shape and movements could still be seen through the privacy bubble. “I do not have a spell for that, though I am working on one. I do not have high hopes for it… Not until we have a large number of Changelings to test it on.”
Cadence sighed. “Darn… I was hoping we could make this easy. If we can be assured that she’s on our side, then well, we have a very powerful ally. Stick some saddlebags on her, put weapons in them, she can go find me.”
Celestia chuckled. “Speaking of weapons, I have nearly finished yours. I also agree she would be a powerful ally, if only because she could tell us more about her kind, and we would have reliable information.
“Though I feel that even if I did have such a spell, it would be only evidence for you and not proof. At the end of the day, we will need to either trust this changeling or not. I believe the fact she did not capture you or harm you despite being in your home for most of a week is quite telling.”
Cadence nodded twice. “Very true, Princess. Unless as previously mentioned her real purpose is to assassinate you, not replace me. Or to spy on our counter-espionage efforts,” Cadence closed her eyes and took a short breath. “That said… Sending her as a counterspy makes no sense. Convincing as she may be, well, we could always simply put her in a cell. That plan has too many holes, unless Chrysalis is the kind of person to believe the smart approach is to go with plans that seem stupid on the surface to the point where they work due to people expecting the obvious.”
Celestia shook her head, making her mane flow gently behind her. “No. She was more subtle. She prefers to move quietly and push domino's into place. Then revealing she pushed them.”
“Then it’s unlikely she sent a changeling to spy on us, and also unlikely she would believe we would find such an idea so ludicrous we would dismiss it out of hand.”
“Indeed. Which leaves assassination. Are there any weapons with less complexity than a motorcycle which you believe could kill me?”
Cadence nodded solemnly. “Yes.”
“Even though an alicorn natural wards make it difficult for us to be harmed without the use of magic?” Celestia asked with a skeptical raise of her eyebrow.
Cadence hummed in thought. “Would explosives hurt you?”
Celestia frowned for a moment then nodded. “Yes, I’ve seen the charges you use to demolish structures. In close proximity one of those would most likely fatally wound an alicorn. IF medical attention were administered immediately, survival is possible.”
Cadence nodded to herself and turned to look at the changeling on the other side of the privacy wall. “Then one of a few things must be true. Either that changeling can not become explosives, is unwilling to sacrifice a body for her Queen, really is single-bodied and has no body to sacrifice for a suicide bombing, or is telling the truth. There's other possibilities too, but they seem unlikely.”
Celestia tapped her hoof to her chin. “I don’t believe Chrysalis would use a bomb to attack me. She would know such a weapon wouldn’t kill me outright.”
Cadence laughed, throwing back her head. “Tia, democharges are one of many kinds of explosives humans use. They are also a SAFE explosive, one meant to be used in a city with minimal risk of injury. That changeling or changeling body was a motorcycle. That’s a pretty complex machine. More complex than most bombs meant for war, and if I am remembering how they work correctly, it’s also about as complicated as the first atomic bombs. I don’t care how magical alicorns are, a bomb that turns an entire city of seventy thousand to ash and renders the land uninhabitable for decades after the explosion due to flooding the area with deadly radioactive dust would kill us. And again, they are not much more complicated than a motorcycle.”
Celestia grimaced, her eyes narrowing in disgust. “Your species made such a weapon of war?”
“Yeah. We did. Even used two during wartime. They are famous for being the weapons you must never ever use as they genuinely could end all life on the planet in just a few minutes if fired en masse. Chrysalis would know they exist, and it’s not hard to find the schematics for how they work.”
Celestia’s jaw dropped. “You have the plans for a doomsday weapon publicly available?! What the buck is going on between humanity’s ears!” She sputtered, shaking her head back and forth.
Cadence rolled her eyes. “Yeah, see, we’re crazy apes. Besides, Joe the Plumber couldn’t make one even if he wanted to and had the money and tools. You need enriched uranium, and no small time operation will be able to make enough of it to make a bomb. Not without—”
Cadence sighed and turned to look in the changeling’s direction. “Look, this isn’t the point. The point is the weapons are simpler than most think. Besides, she could become a big block of C4 or Semtex and that would work too. Or she could become a bucket of bleach and ammonia. She’s a shapechanger who becomes inanimate things… I have a question for her. Please drop this screen.”
Celestia nodded slowly and canceled her spell with a flash of golden light form her horn. The air shimmered and twisted, the normal world fading back into view.
As soon as the air was clear again, Cadence turned to face the changeling and asked, “Can you shapechange into a bucket full of water?”
The changeling blinked. “What, like, right now?”
Cadence nodded. “Yes. Please do it and then change back.”
The changeling’s ears drooped sadly. “Sorry, mom… I can’t. I’m too hungry. Using the energy to change would kill me. I used my last scraps to change back to normal so I could find food since you haven't ridden me in a long time.”
“Okay, but you could become a bucket of water?”
The changeling nodded. “Uhhuh.”
Cadence crossed her forelegs over her barrel. “Could you become a bucket filled with two different liquids at the same time?”
“Yes. Why?”
Celestia bent down to look the Changeling in her eyes. “We’re trying to understand the extent of your powers. It’s important for our final decision about you.”
The changeling frowned. “Oh, okay… But why is that important?”
Cadence ignored her question. “If you became a liquid, and it reacted to another liquid, turning you into a gas, could you transform back into this form?”
The changeling pursed her lips. “I don’t know if I can, but I did see someling else do that once. He barely survived it. But I’m better than he is. I could probably do it and be okay. I mean, I survived being worked on and stuff… By the way, we need to change my spark plugs.”
Despite the seriousness of her questioning, Cadence couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow and ask “Why?”
The changeling blushed a bright green. “It feels nice… Hug nice! Not sex nice.”
Cadence immediately decided to not ask what routine maintenance might feel “sex nice” to a transformed motorcycle-bug-pony. She cleared her throat, and continued questioning. “Could you transform yourself into a blob of mixed rubbers, nitrates, plastics, and oils?”
The changeling nodded twice. “Yes, if you showed it to me. We need to see something to become it. But once we know that thing we can change and tweak it.”
Cadence’s ears perked up. “I see. So if I brought you a blob of putty, and a small electronic device you could then become a large blob of putty with that electronic device attached?”
“Sure,” the changeling nodded. Then her eye widened. “Ohhhh! You’re wondering if I could be a bomb! Um, yes. I could do that. But… I don’t want to die… I won't go back to the hive and blow it up.”
Shining cleared his throat. “She did say she’s too low on energy to transform.”
The changeling opened her mouth, winced then shut it quickly.
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “What is it, little one?”
“W— well, if I wanted to hurt you… I could rip the love I needed out of Shining Armor really fast and transform, then explode. It would all take place faster than you could react too. He would fall into a coma when my magic ripped out all of his energy at once, and we don't digest love, it’s available as soon as we get it. So um… If I was loyal to her you’d all be dead.”
Celestia hummed and turned to look at Cadence. “I do believe that’s sufficient evidence for me.”
Shining shook his head. “Not for me! If she really could do that then Chrysalis thinks her greatest weapons are useless. That’s insane!”
Cadence shook her head. “No, it adds up. Both changelings we talked to have said she thinks mechamorphs are useless. Celestia has repeatedly said she’s a subtle schemer. Suicide bombers are not subtle, it’s not her MO. I think we can trust…”
Cadence trailed off and looked down to the small changeling. “What’s your name? You said you abandoned the one Chrysalis gave you.”
“You named me Baby,” the changeling said as her cheeks glowed amidst a blush.
“Do you like being called that?” Cadence asked with a wince.
She shrugged. “Kind of? It’s okay for a nickname, but it would be weird if someone else called me that.”
Cadence nodded once and immediately applied her full creative powers to come up with a good name for the changeling. “Okay, so, uh… That will work. I think we can trust Harley. It would be too easy for her to have hurt us. Especially since becoming a bucket that would quickly fill a room full of gas wouldn’t kill her.”
Harley’s ears drooped back. “But I’m an Indian, not a Harley.”
“Calling you Indian would just make it sound like I was amazingly racist,” Cadence replied with a reflexive wince.
Shining shook his head slowly. “I think this will come back to bite us. We shouldn’t trust her completely.”
Cadence smirked. “Oh, we won’t.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “What’s your plan?”
“We have three guards who know about Changelings. We test them, clear them, and assign them to watch Harley twenty-four-seven. Unless one of us is with her. We don’t discuss our plans around her, and give her a chance to prove she’s on our side. If that happens before the attack, she can help if she likes.”
Shining bit his lip then nodded in approval. “That will do.”
Celestia smiled, an agreeable look twinkled in her eyes. “I will arrange additional security measures, but I like this plan as well.”
Harley looked up at Cadence and smiled. “Thanks mom! Um, can I have something to eat now, please?”
Cadence stood up and stretched her wings. She looked down at Harley, reached for her cuffs with her magic, then stopped. “I don’t know how to open these.”
Shining cleared his throat, and with a quick burst of pink light unlocked the cuffs. Harley immediately stood up and opened her wing covers, turning to the side to show Cadence the undersides. A name and address written down in gold sharpie was immediately visible.
Carla Avril.
“I know you said it wasn’t good evidence, but there’s your name mom. Your real one,” Harley said proudly.
“One question,” Shining said, stroking his chin before turning his attention to Harley. “About you and eating. The guards said you jumped a maid. Why? What would you gain from scaring someone? Don’t you eat love?”
“I do!” Harley exclaimed with a grin. “The mare I tried to feed from was having a really intense emotional fit. She was putting on a big air of being upset, disgusted even, about having to wash something. I heard her muttering about dirty sheets. But deep down, not subconscious, but in that part you don’t let others see, she actually loved it. That love tasted a bit like you and mom, and I like mom, so I uh… I glomped the noms.”
Cadence sighed and rested her face in her hoof. “Harley, you can’t just tackle mares.”
“I can too!” Harley protested.
“She means you shouldn’t,” Celestia corrected.
“Oh…” Harley’s ears drooped, her eye moistened slightly. “Ohhh… So even though she liked it deep down I should say sorry?”
Shining nodded, then froze in place. “Uhhh, we need to debrief her too, don’t we?”
Cadence’s ears stood pert. “Yes we do. Like, right now. Harley, um… Since you’ve fed on me in the past, take what you need to be okay for a day. Okay?”
Harley’s ears drooped even more. “I— I can’t. You don’t believe I’m your bike, so there’s no love there.”
Cadence frowned apologetically. “I’m sorry. I can’t help that.”
Celestia nodded to herself, stooped down, and wrapped the little changeling in a tight hug. Harley gasped, her ragged tail swished back and forth in a way which reminded Cadence far too much of an excited puppy.
Celestia let go of Harley and smiled at her. “Did that hit the spot?”
Harley nodded twice. “Yes, ma’am!”
Cadence looked over towards the door. “One of us needs to wait here with Harley until those guards and the maid are debriefed. I’ll do it.”
Shining winced. “How about no? Chrysalis is trying to replace you. Do you want to be alone with an enemy agent?”
“Trust needs to start somewhere,” Cadence said with a shrug of her wings. “Besides, your earlier point about her having had all the time in the world to take me is very convincing that she’s not here to take me.”
Shining tossed his head side to side for a moment then sighed. “Point… I’m just worried is all. Uh, Princess? With your permission, we should go now. The less time that maid has to talk to others, the better.”
Celestia nodded and opened the door with her magic as she walked towards it. “Yes, we need to go.”
The two quickly left the room, closing the door behind them. Neither Cadence nor Harley noticed the small pink sparkling shimmer as Shining cast an alarm spell on the door, just in case.
Cadence waited several seconds after Shining had left. She was worried as well. It would be easy for Harley to hurt her now that they were alone.
If I can’t fight off one changeling drone as I am now, I’m useless for this operation. If she doesn't attack me, she’s on our side… And also basically my daughter. Contextualizing everything I’ve done and how much care I've shown to what could have been a living person this whole time…
Harley cleared her throat to get Cadence’s attention. “Mom? I’m going to be a bike again. Please don't be startled.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow. “Do you have to do it right now?”
She nodded twice. “Uh huh. You know how you like to be a girl? I like to be a motorcycle.”
Cadence giggled. “My god! Somepony actually DOES sexually identify as an attack helicopter!”
Harley giggled. “I WISH I could be a helicopter! But no, um, it’s more comfortable. Especially with all this metal in me. It doesn't hurt but… I think your tinkering made me more of a bike than a changeling. That’s okay! I’m happy like this. Oh! We can speak telepathically while we shapechanged, so we can still talk now that you know I can talk.”
Cadence tilted her head. “You can?”
Harley nodded and closed her eye. Her body immediately vanished in a flash of green fire. Cadence yelped, jumping back from what she thought was an explosion. But the flames didn’t fill the room. They stretched, contorted, and reformed, flowing into a specific silhouette, and then solidified into a very familiar shape indeed. A vintage 1969 Indian Chief with a wine red tank and fenders, a chrome frame with black accents and a black leather seat.
Cadence felt a stirring of affection in her heart, one which quickly faded. “Well, you do look like my bike,” she said quietly.
Harley’s voice exclaimed from within Cadence’s mind.
Cadence took a step forward then hesitated. The mare raised a suspicious eyebrow. “That’s not a sexual thing for you, is it? I mean, you like your spark plugs changed.”
Harley rolled slightly back from where she was resting.
Cadence groaned and shook her head slowly. "Realy? Okay... What routine maintenance things are inappropriate contact?"
Harley said as she rolled over to Cadence's side.
Cadence nodded in agreement, then pointed to Harley’s tires. “You can drive on your own?! Cool! How fast could you go?”
Cadence tilted her head. “What spell is that?”
Cadence nodded, trotted over to Harley, lifted one leg over her back and climbed on. The second she planted herself on the seat, Cadence squirmed awkwardly. “This… feels… weird…”
“Yeah…”
Cadence shrugged. “Sure? What about it?”
The mp3 player Cadence had installed on Harley’s handlebars switched on, seemingly if it’s own accord. A single cymbal began to tap out a mechanical-rhythm. The sound was vaguely familiar to Carla but too far from her recent memory to place.
Harley exclaimed as she cast her only spell. Minor Glamour.
The guitar kicked in. Cadence’s eyes lip up as she recognized the song in a heartbeat. A wave of illusionary fire ripped down the changeling-motorcycle’s body from her front wheel to her back. The fire appeared to change Harley’s colors, leaving behind a blackened chrome paint job, studded with the occasional smouldering or flaming patch, as if she were partially aflame. Unlike her wheels, which appeared to be entirely made of fire.
Cadence sat on the back of a blackened, burning, hellish version of her favorite model of bike while Spiderbait’s cover of Ghostriders in the Sky shook the room around her.
A tear came to Cadence’s eyes. “We can’t go out of the room yet…”
“Don’t worry, Baby. We will as soon as Celestia gets back and we can let her know that a non-optional bike ride is going to happen,” Cadence said as she wiped the tears from her eyes. No one could have known how many times I fantasized about being the Ghost Rider other than my bike itself.
< Are you still weirded out?>
Cadence nodded. “I’ll get over it.”
Cadence smiled. “I’m sure. It’s about time magic did something metal.”
Suddenly, Cadence felt the awkwardness completely disintegrate. “I love you!”
So, You Want to be a Princess?
Princess Cadence - 5/16/2018
Eventide Hall - Canterlot Suburbs, Equestria
The moon glowed brightly near the top of the sky, casting a soft blue light across Eventide Hall and its grounds. Though most ponies within the hall were fast asleep, some yet toiled away at their jobs. Cooks prepared the more time consuming dishes for tomorrow's breakfast. Groundskeepers tended to nocturnal plants and tended to the grass. A certain maid complained to her new changeling friend about a lack of laundry.
Princess Cadence and Shining armor lay together beneath Cadence’s thick blankets. Happily dreaming the night away as they lay alongside one another. Until Shining sat bolt upright with a scream.
Cadence yelped, jumping out of bed and slapping Shining with her wings several times before crashing to the floor.
Before Cadence could ask what was wrong, or even check the room for attacking ninja’s Shining leaned over and grabbed Cadence by her shoulders. Shining stared into Cadence’s wide eyes with a look of pure terror. “Cadie! We forgot to plan the wedding!”
Cadence raised an eyebrow as her lips pursed. “It was a nightmare, Shining. Remember all that stuff we did yesterday? That was wedding stuff. Go back to bed.”
Shining took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “That. Was just. The. Invites.”
Cadence blinked then shook her head slowly while prying Shining's hooves off her shoulders with her magic. “No, sweetie no… We did the—”
Cadence froze. Her eye widened until Shining through they might pop out of her head. “— Sweet Celestia’s cake fetish! That was just invites!”
Shining nodded rapidly and jumped out of bed, lighting the room’s mage-lamps with a pulse of magic. “We have a WEEK to plan a royal motherbucking wedding! No! Not even a week. We have TODAY! It will take a week to get everything together and set up.”
Cadence eeped and sprinted over to her desk, plopping down in her chair and picking up a quill and ink to start taking notes. “You’re right! Okay… Uh, what do we do? It’s got to be huge and fancy, right? Because royal. But what do we want?”
Shining nervously fidgeting with his hooves. “Uhhh… Well it would be cool if we could get the Wonderbolts to do an airshow.”
“Who?”
“The Wonderbolts. Equestrian Air Guard’s stunt fliers. Ringing any bells?”
Cadence shook her head. Shining blinked. “Huh… Weird gap in your memories there. They're famous. We use them for propaganda mostly. Not the bad kind, the “persuade people to enlist” kind.”
Cadence nodded slowly. “Okay, and… Oh! Like the blue angels?”
Shining frowned for a moment then smiled. “Yeah! Exactly like them, even the same colors!”
Cadence nodded and took down a note. “Wonderbolts airshow during… reception… That sounds pretty cool! Too bad you don’t have jets a sonic boom right as we kiss would be awesome.”
Shining gasped. “Oh my gosh it totally would! We’ll need to invite Rainbow Dash. There’s a rumor she broke the sound barrier once.”
Cadence narrowed her eyes. “A pegasus went supersonic?”
“That’s what they say. She was a filly too. It was at a young fliers competition.”
Cadence rolled her eyes. “The top pegasi speed is three-fifty-nine-point-seven-two kph, and that is very well documented as the world record as of last year.”
“Well Twilight told me Rainbow did it again at the young fliers competition a few months ago,” Shining said with a shrug. “Why would she lie?”
Cadence hummed and shrugged. “Invite…OP... min-maxed… pegasi… to break… physics…”
Shining snorted in amusement. “That is one way to put it. What’s something you always wanted at your wedding?”
Cadence’s mind turned to one particular fantasy which she blurted out before thinking. “My dad to walk me down the aisle.”
Shining’s ears dropped down. “Um… Well, if you show me a picture—”
Cadence coughed and shook her head. “No no, it’s fine.”
“No it’s not! You want your family here so they can accept you for you, after reconciling and—”
Cadence smiled kindly and rested a hoof on Shining’ shoulder. “Shiny, they are all dead, remember? That’s why I would like them here.”
Shining nuzzled into Cadence’s neck. “Oh, well, um… Buck it! This is our day. We’ll write down everything and have Celestia approve it!”
Shining picked up another quill with his own magic and took a note of his own. “Have Celestia get the Elements to free Discord and make him reincarnate Cadence’s family so they can attend the wedding.”
Cadence sputtered, her wings flailing. “Are you insane?! That’s the worst idea you’ve ever had!”
Shining nodded. “Sure is! But it’s negotiating room. The Princess won't approve everything, but by having really bad ideas on there we can keep things we really want. Or maybe she’ll be cool with it and Discord will find being freed for that reason so absurd he’ll be cool with it, and your dad can walk you down the aisle.”
Cadence shook her head slowly then smiled. “Well, if we’re going to go full fantasy wedding here…” Cadence turned to the paper. “Vows punctuated by 21 gun salute delivered via M1 Abrams.”
Shining nodded, completely not understanding that his bride-to-be had been joking. “Wedding Officiator, that’s the priest, dresses like Daring Doo, with the wedding arch made to look like the Temple of Moderate Inconvenience’s entrance.”
Cadence blinked as she realized you could in fact make a cool wedding theme out of that idea.
“Hummm, not bad. But if we’re going to go all Contemporary Explorer themed, we might as well go whole hog, right?” Cadence asked as she stuck her tongue out slightly.
Shining frowned and nodded. “Yeah… We could. What are you thinking?”
Cadence scribbled down a new note. “Bridesmaids outfits to look like Laura Croft’s outfits from various games. Groomscolts to dress like Nathan Drake.”
Shining’s eyes lit up “Oh my gosh yessss!” He squealed. “We should totally have the carpet up the aisle be a stone walkway with pressure plate traps, only instead of darts they fire flowers!”
Cadence grinned ear to ear and wrote that one down. “And the seats can be given fake-moss cushions! You know what? This is a good idea. Let’s finish up theming the wedding like this. Oh! We’ll need to plan the reception too. You picked this theme, can I pick the reception’s?”
Shining nodded triumphantly. “Of course!”
Cadence clapped her hooves together. “Sweet!”
She bent down to take another note. “Reception theme: Superheros. Costumes mandatory.”
Three hours later, Celestia set the six inch high stack of papers on the end table next to her and looked at Cadence and Shining through her groggy, bagged eyes. “Absolutely not.”
Cadence nodded slowly. “Yes, we thought you would have a problem with some of it. What are you objecting to? We can make adjustments.”
Celestia’s jaw dropped slightly. Her air of refined grace and dignity only functioned after four or more hours sleep. “All of it.”
Both ponies looked back with the most disheartened looks Celestia had seen in the last five centuries.
Shining’s shoulders slumped as he slid down the couch. “A— All of it?”
Celestia yawned and stretched her wings. “You can’t have a fantasy themed wedding. This is an official state function. The whole world is watching. It needs to be traditional. This will forever be a hallmark of our culture. It needs to be serious… Though, a Sonic Rainboom as a backdrop could work.”
Cadence blinked. Her eyes narrowed into slits. “If that’s the case, then why the buck did you ask us to plan anything at all? We spent three hours on this.”
“I thought you knew what a royal function entails and would only pick out colors for the general theme and personal favorite refreshments,” Celestia said flatly.
Cadence turned to look at Shining. Her aggravated expression conveyed everything Shining needed to know, and he nodded. “Go for it, hon.”
Cadence looked back at Celestia. “Black. Purple. Beer. Steak.”
Celestia stared vacantly at a spot in the air in front of Cadence for several long moments. “You know what? I’ll have Twilight handle this. She’s your wedding planner now. I’m going to bed. She’ll get the memo tomorrow.”
Shining’s eyes widened in horror. “Sweet Celestia, no! We’ll all be scheduled to the tenth of a second!”
“Sweet me, yes,” Celestia mumbled as she stood up with a deep yawn. “I’m going back to bed. It will be fine. Twilight is better now. Because friendship… Night.”
The exhausted Alicorn left her living room via her bedroom door, which she closed with a slight bang. Cadence sighed and closed her eyes for several seconds before standing up to leave. “Well, that was stupid.”
Shining nodded slowly and slumped down deeper onto the couch. “She didn’t have to punish us like that.”
Cadence’s ears slid atop her head, flicking from laying back to laying down. “Uh, you know… You’ve kept saying that she’s super dangerous. That’s all I know about her… She won’t really schedule everything to a tenth of a second, will she?”
Shining nodded and moaned into his hooves. “She will. Normally Twily goes down to a minute, but she ADORES the Princess. She’ll insist that absolutely nothing can go wrong. The only thing on her mind will be perfection, which will make her create the worst wedding possible as everyone will be too stressed by the timetable…”
Cadence cleared her throat. There was something she had been planning to bring up for the last couple of weeks now, but other more important things had gotten in the way.
She had to plan out the observation grid for Canterlot for the entire wedding. She’d had to hoof pick Special Service Agents for each security job. She’d spent a week giving each of them special training after determining their existing security training wouldn’t spot infiltrators who couldn’t be detected with a simple aura reading.
Even now, a week before the wedding day, Cadence’s hoofpicked agents were establishing safe rooms around Canterlot. Creating weapons caches. Ensuring everypony in the palace was who they claimed to be. It was a lot of work. So much work that a small hole in her cover identity hadn’t seemed important to address.
Not when Twilight was simply to be a guest.
“So uh… Shiny?”
Shining looked up. “Yeah?”
“I remember foal-sitting for Twilight. But that’s it.”
Shining blinked. “Huh?”
“I remember what she looks like. I remember going to your house on certain days to watch her for your parents, who I remember perfectly. But I don't remember anything about Twilight which isn’t public knowledge. It’s a hole in the memory implants.”
Shining’s white face grew even more pale. “Oh no! Nononono! You should have said something sooner! Oh, Celestia now there isn’t time we’ll be meeting with her in the morning.”
Cadence rolled her lips. “Mmm, you know what might have caused this. Is it that thing you mentioned to me when I first got here? About how mentally unstable ponies react to magic differently?”
Shining groaned and slumped down so far on the couch his hindquarters was no longer in contact with the seat. “Yes… It is. I should have realized it would cause problems. The odds are pretty good that the spell won't give you memories of her, but gave her memories of you. This is going to cause problems.”
Cadence hummed and stroked her chin. “Oh! Easy solution. You say hello to her first, bring up me, see her reaction. If she likes me, smile in my direction. If she doesn't frown. If she does I can walk over and say hi, act busy with the wedding stuff, do a short conversation, pick up enough to make it through the day. If she doesn't like me, I can avoid her and you can figure out why.”
Shining rolled over to slide off Celestia’s couch and stood up. “It’s a plan. I’m not sure if it’s a good plan, but it is a plan. We’ll… deal with this in the morning.”
Cadence nodded and opened the door to the hall for Shining with her magic. “It’s just your little sister, Shiny. I think you’re too worried. It will be fine.”
Shining walked out the door while slowly shaking his head. “Twily can be a real hooffull, Cadence. She’s a ball of adorable though…” Shining closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “You know what? This is just mission stress. You’re right, it will be fine.”
The next morning came sooner than Cadence or Shining would have liked. Princess Celestia woke them in person and directed them to Canterlot for Shining’s promotion. A humble Agent wasn’t legally fit to marry a Princess, but nothing said Shining Armor couldn’t be appointed to the rank of Captain of the Guard if Celestia willed it.
The promotion ceremony was short, but extremely formal. Long winded recitations of regiments and their accomplishments filled most of the time. The actual promotion took only three seconds, five words, and two taps of Celestia’s horn. Cadence expected the promotion to be followed by a short celebration, perhaps a potluck. She had no such luck.
Directly after the promotion ceremony, Shining was ordered to enact the first stage of Operation Red Herring. At Carla’s recommendation, Celestia had gotten her sister to invent a defense plan which would be both extremely obvious, and very much secure. The idea being Chrysalis would plan to overcome the obvious defense but miss the subtle one lurking beneath it. Luna had done an outstanding job as far as Cadence thought.
Shortly before brunch the Royal Guard issued a city wide alert, reporting an anonymous threat had been made and the wedding was in danger. Some panic overtook the streets, but a quick appearance by Celestia in the skies overhead to deliver a rousing speech soothed their minds. An impressive display to be sure, but it was Shining’s shield spell that put them back into a state of relaxation.
Despite her false memories, magic still brought a smile to Cadence‘s lips. Three days ago she had bought her new favorite thing in the world. A toilet paper holder which would automatically flip rolls around to face the correct way if someone put it on wrong. To her eyes, and in her memories, there hadn’t been any cooler example of magic than that simple mass produced annoyance remover which ponies were selling in the same way humans would sell a desk fan.
Then her stallion erected a force field around a city the size of Brooklyn.
Cadence stood alone within one of the palace’s many waiting rooms. Each of the twelve rooms was large enough to comfortably seat twenty people. More than enough to cover the retinues of almost any normal dignitary. They were also quite fancy and luxurious, but Cadence didn’t have time to pay attention to material finery.
The pink alicorn stared out of the palace window at the shimmering pink-dome in place over Canterlot. Her jaw hung slack as she processed the field’s existence once more.
He just did this. He closed his eyes, grit his teeth, and put the whole city under a forcefield. He wanted to do this, and he did it. With his brain. A brain did this.
The shield had been in place for half an hour. Cadence honestly felt more impressed by it now than she had been when Shining created it.
The waiting room’s door creaked open, snapping Cadence out of her thoughts. She whipped her head around, fully alert now that she was in the target zone. Princess Celestia walked into the waiting room and closed the door behind her.
What can I do to make certain she’s Celestia? Cadence thought before her eyes lit up as an especially good method came to mind.
Cadence frowned worriedly. “You know… I should have learned a transformation spell.”
Celestia smiled. “There wasn’t time to learn one which would effect me. Unfortunately, we will have to work apart from one another. There will be some risk.”
Cadence nodded once. Good she understood I would use it on her. Nopony besides Celestia, Shining, and I knows you can spot changelings that way.
Cadence smiled. “How about a password?”
“Good idea,” Celestia said as she leaned in to whisper into cadence’s ear. “Didactic.”
Cadence frowned, then facehooved. “Oh! For the— Yeah. Sure. We can use that.
Celestia reached into her mane with a hoof and retrieved a small white cloth bag. Cadence tilted her head as the bag was held out to her and she was instructed to, “Tie this into your mane so your mane hides the bag.”
Cadence took the bag and looked at it suspiciously. “Is this how you carry coin purses around? And here I thought everypony was just extra kinky.”
Celestia took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she ignored the rather inappropriate remark. “It’s a Deep Pocket bag. There’s more space on the inside than the outside. It contains your weapons. I made a copy of each one and put them into a Deep Pocket saddlebag I have to Harley. If you lose this bag, you have the others as spares.”
Cadence took the bag with her magic and carefully tied it into her mane near the back of her head. The magic bag fuzzed to her mane once tied in place and changed color to blend in perfectly. Nopony could find the bag without combing through her mane.
“Thanks. Hopefully I won't need to use them. Where is Harley parked, by the way?”
Celestia trotted over to the window and pointed to the Eastern gatehouse. “She’s at the gatehouse parking lot over there. Motor vehicles are banned in Canterlot, exception emergencies, of course.”
Cadence nodded slowly, a frown forming on her face. “Right, I’ve been meaning to ask about that. Why are they banned here? Are they common outside of Canterlot? I've seen your flying trucks but are there many ponies with personal vehicles?”
Celestia sighed. “They are banned because this is a city of nobles, and vehicles are lower class. Earth ponies invented the first engines two hundred years ago. Their tribe has always needed to rely on others when traveling long distances if speed is needed.
“Pegasi can fly more than quickly enough to travel between cities in a reasonable amount of time. Many unicorns can teleport, and some can open portals others may use. Earth ponies had no way of traveling quickly on their own. Until one of them invented the combustion engine and used it to make a cart propel itself.”
Cadence rolled her eyes. “Offense intended, your nobility is full of idiots.”
“It is,” Celestia chuckled. “Vehicles were invented by farmers and first found use in farmwork. Nobles therefore banned them in most cities due to being noisy and lower class. In smaller cities and most any rural village you will find plenty of vehicles, though not even half of my little ponies own one.”
Cadence’s ears drooped. “Harley and I are causing problems for you then… Sorry.”
Celestia sighed and shrugged her wings. “I won't tell anypony to stop doing what they love. Not if it’s harmless to others. I can deal with ponies who believe your hobbies are unbecoming of a princess… Though please don’t associate with other ‘bikers’. A princess who associated with Equestria’s bike gangs as friends would be a political nightmare.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow. Celestia needed no further prompting. “Unlike your bike bangs, ours are not hostile. They won't beat ponies and rob them. No, our bike gangs exist to harass nobles. A mob of thirty to forty ponies, almost exclusively earth ponies with a scattering of pegasi and unicorns, will ride into town on motorcycles and well… Fix it.”
Cadence’s lips formed an o. “Fix it?”
“Yes. They will perform any physical repairs the town requires, complete projects the local government abandoned or scheduled but did not start, and other such things.”
“Why is that a problem for the nobles?”
“Because they do it without filing for permits, without permission, and using the noble’s personal finances. If they steal more money than required for the town’s public works, they will buy up whatever food they can find, donate it to local orphanages, then ride away before the local guards can be persuaded to stop them by whatever noble has incurred their ire.”
Cadence smiled, her teeth flashed in the warm white mage-light. Celestia's ears slowly dropped.
“Please don't do what you’re thinking of doing…” Celestia begged.
“I make no promises,” Cadence promised with a sincere smile.
“Many nobles have legitimate reasons for delaying or abandoning public works,” Celestia warned.
“Yeah, that can be true,” Cadence nodded and looked back out at the shield.
Cadence could tell the sun hung almost directly overhead thanks to the blinding light reflecting off the golden roofs below. “It’s nearly noon. I need to go meet with Shining to say hi to Twilight.”
Celestia smiled and turned to leave. “I must return to my court. Please tell Twilight hello for me. I’d normally welcome her home, but I am unfortunately busy explaining to foreign dignitaries why they are being invited to the wedding on such short notice… Oh! I’m explaining it as your marriage is being performed now to prevent Shining from being sent on a foreign deployment away from you for three years. Just for the record.”
Cadence smirked. “Thanks for the update. I’ll stick to that story. Don't worry… Are the any details?”
“No I am being intentionally vague. The operation is classified. No need for specifics. We’ll see each other again at dinner and have time to solidify the story.”
Cadence nodded politely and smiled. “Don’t worry. I’m very good at being vague.”
Celestia trotted out of the room. Cadence looked over her shoulder, taking another look at Shining’s shield.
If a normal unicorn with a special talent can do that, what can I do?
With her thoughts consumed by her own arcane potential, Cadence made her way to the palace’s inner wall.
The palace had been built long ago, in the days before widespread wizarding schools rendered traditional defenses obsolete. While the main palace building had been remodeled several times, its walls had been maintained and repaired to keep them just as they had been built.
The walls stood today as a memorial to those who feel long ago defending the palace. The outer wall’s gates had never been closed since the day the gate was breached. The space between the outer and inner walls had been turned into a public park and memorial.
To the modern Equestrian, the Palace’s outer courtyard was just a little park before the palace’s real wall. Even the Guards who stood atop the wall only knew the ancient battle as a name and a date. Seven hundred and forty years of peace can cleanse even the most bloodstained soil.
Shining Armor stood atop the inner gate as Cadence arrived. Cadence couldn’t help but notice Shining occasionally closed his eyes as if he had to push back a mild headache. Cadence’s heart went out to the poor stallion, she couldn’t imagine upkeeping such a huge shield could possibly be easy on his head.
Unfortunately, they had a plan and Twilight would be at the palace soon.
Cadence climbed the wall stairs and after waving to get Shining’s attention, stepped inside one of the small archer’s towers to hide until she was given the signal. She didn’t have to wait for long.
“I’ve got something to say to you, mister!” A younger mare’s voice called out after several minutes.
Cadence looked out through one of the arrowloops and winced. That was indeed Twilight. Her implanted memories made it easy to recognize her. The young mare was definitely angry. Narrowed eyes, lashing tail, back turned ears…
What went wrong? Cadence wondered as Shining trotted down the wall stairs to greet his sister.
Cadence’s answer came in the form of a heated conversation. From what she could overhear, it seemed Twilight was upset over not being invited to their wedding in person, as well as worried her brother hated her since she wasn’t learning about his wedding until quite literally the last moment.
Cadence grit her teeth. Twilight was definitely not affected by the cover identity spell in the same way a normal pony would be. So far nopony had questioned their wedding at all. But Twilight did.
A lot of Twilight’s anger seemed to evaporate as Shining spun a white lie about having to maintain Canterlot’s shield. Cadence sighed in relief as the problem seemed to subside and Twilight walked up to the wall top with her brother having a more quiet but friendly looking conversation.
Then…
Twilight turned and put a hoof on Shining’s barrel. “But I’m still kinda ticked you’re marrying somepony I don’t even know! When did you even meet this… Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?”
Cadence’s eyes shot open wide. She doesn't know my legal name. Everypony in the nation should know my legal name. Twilight isn’t affected by the spell at all!
Shining’s face mirrored Cadence’s for a heartbeat, then his espionage training took over. “Twily, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is Cadence. Your old foal sitter.”
Twilight’s face scrunched up in confusion. Her big brother’s words didn’t compute. She didn’t remember having a foal sitt—
The Cover Identity Spell stepped in, attempting to correct the error. The power of an ancient artifact locked horns with the warped yet ironclad and razor sharp mind of a twenty-three year old bookworm. The battle fought between magic and will would have inspired a thousand bards to write a hundred songs each, if only it could have been seen by mortal eyes.
The psychic war brought Twilight’s parietal, occipital, and temporal lobes to their knees after heavy losses. The spell’s onslaught was potent, but without the device active, it had only so much energy to burn.
As the spell slammed against the adamantine walls of Twilight’s frontal lobe, the purple mare’s mind struck back with the fury of a thousand interrupted reading sessions. The spell retreated, falling back to Twilight’s brain stem where it was surrounded and mercilessly pummeled with trashy romance novel quotes until it talked.
And talk it did. In an instant Twilight understood two things.
Everypony in Canterlot was under the influence of a spell which made them believe this Cadence existed, including her big brother. Her big brother had real genuine feelings for the pony who wasn’t here last month.
Twilight’s brain took in this knowledge, cross referenced it with the weekly disaster index, and came to a simple conclusion… She should play along.
For now. Maybe Celestia was doing something sneaky. If so surely her teacher would tell her in private later. That or some evil alien bug queen had brainwashed everypony and wanted to steal her big brother.
In which case, she would squish it.
Twice.
The little purple mare exploded into a joyfilled rant, using her full roleplaying talents to create what she believed was an adequate response to her brother getting to marry somepony who would literally be the best pony ever.
Cadence let out a long slow breath, took a few seconds to compose herself and then walked out of the tower to say hello like they had planned.
Twilight’s idea of “adequate response” overshot and landed in over-the-top territory as she began to prance around her brother and sing “You’re marrying Cadence! You’re marrying Cadence! You’re marrying Cade—”
Cadence held in a giggle at Twilight’s antics, fearing it would turn into a laughing fit and ruin her first impression. Instead she cleared her throat. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
Twilight looked up, her eyes glowing with delight as she saw Cadence. Mostly because she looked appropriately pretty for the mare who would get to be her big brother’s wife. It was now time to determine if she was appropriately fun!
“Cadence!” Twilight exclaimed as she broke out into a little-hoppy-hoofy-dance she made up on the spot. “Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake!”
Twilight’s little dance ended with the young mare waving her plot in Cadence’s face in an overzealous fashion. Cadence stared into the space in front of her for several moments, trying to process what in even the buck she had just seen.
Twilight frowned, doing her best to appear confused as well. Inwardly the mare was relieved. Whatever spell this possible evil-bug-queen had wrought, it couldn’t react to the unexpected.
Twilight said something Cadence couldn’t catch due to trying to forget the sight of her sister-in-law’s vulva being waved in her face.
Why, why, why, WHY do ponies not wear pants?! Cadence begged of reality as she elected to respond to Twilight with a simple, “Uh huh.”
It’s all her confused, slightly grossed out brain could conjure up in the way of a response.
Shining wiped his forehead in relief. Things had gone far smoother than he had feared they would. Cadence trotted over to Shining and hugged him for mental support.
Shining smiled at Twilight. “I’ve got to get back to my station, but Cadence will be checking in with all of you to see how things are going. I think I speak for both of us when I say, we couldn't be more excited to have you here.”
Shining subtly nudged Cadence with his elbow to snap her out of her confused funk. “Right dear?”
Cadence did her best to smile, but failed in her confusion, narrowing her eyes instead. “Absolutely!”
Twilight frowned, recoiling slightly at the gesture. Now there were two tallies in the evil-alien-bug-queen column...
Shining and Cadence turned and walked into the place together, splitting up to attend to their mutual duties. Unaware of the pure chaos they had just set to boil.
Cadence was not having a good day. After leaving Shining and meeting Twilight, Cadence had to make the rounds to inspect the safe houses. There were twelve of them around the city. Each one rigged with special charms to cast a spell on everything that entered to turn them yellow for three seconds.
In theory, that would demorph any changeling which tried to enter, allowing both Cadence and Shining secure places to retreat too, which could also function as command posts for the Guard if the Changelings resorted to open combat.
Unfortunately for Cadence, her Agents did not know she wasn’t a natural pony. They only knew shapechangers had made a threat on her life. Which meant they all expected Cadence to personally inspect their spellcraft in person and actually know if they did good jobs with the wards and charms or not.
Cadence had no idea. She went from room to room smiling, nodding, and doing more complementing on physical security measures her agents had also put in place. Or pointing out to the agents all the ways certain locations were NOT secured and requesting immediate solutions.
She found herself repeating “Magic is not a true replacement for good old fashioned spycraft.” over and over. The Earth ponies loved her for it. The unicorns, not so much. Almost every single unicorn complained that her insisting they use mundane means as well as arcane means was foolish as it would take time away from improving magical defenses.
One even called her racist for it.
That would have been stressful enough on its own. Unfortunately, as the bride to be she had other duties to attend to as well, meaning the poor mare had to constantly run back and forth across the entire city.
After the first half of the safe houses were completed, she had to go check on the kitchen. Some mare named Applejack was working on teaching the palace staff the recipes which would be used for the wedding. It would take several days for them to learn the recipes and another day or so to make all of the food required. That made today the only day to make changes to the recipes.
She entered the kitchen still in a sower mood from being called racist for insisting on having more than one way to squish the proverbial bug, only to immediately be pushed into full socialization mode. The fake smile went on as she pretended everything was fine and inspected the sample dishes.
At the end of the quick overview of all thirty dishes, Applejack quite literally pushed some sort of apple-based baked good into Cadence’s face. Not wanting to be rude, she took a bite and made a generic feminine remark of approval. A remark which was a complete lie.
Cadence had always hated apples which didn’t have the common courtesy to exist in drink form. What’s more, the tart she had bitten into tasted of diabetes. Nothing that sweet could be good for you even if it tasted nice. Which it didn’t. Because apples.
Of course, ponies liked apples, and Cadence was pretending to be a pony. So she smiled, nodded and accepted the bag of tarts Applejack handed her for the road, and did her best to toss the bag onto the counter as she left to make it look as if she had simply forgotten them.
Unfortunately, Cadence’s attempt to spare the mare’s feelings while also looking like a proper pony failed as she missed the counter and the bag dropped straight into a trashcan. Twilight saw the whole thing, and added another mark to the evil-alien-bug-queen column.
With the gross taste of apple still stuck to her tongue, Cadence ran back across town to resume checking the safehouses. Everything went as it had before until the final safehouse which had been entrusted to one Agent Sweetie Drops.
Agent Sweetie Drops had elected to establish the saferoom as the honeymoon suite of a local hotel, and had gone as far as to bring her real-life wife to Canterlot with her and pretend they were using the Royal Wedding as a romantic backdrop for their second honeymoon.
Cadence had found that cover story extra adorable. While she had always been indifferent to human lesbians (due to not finding other’s relationships to be any of her business), Cadence had found herself becoming quite the shipper when it came to ponies. She rather enjoyed it, especially since she could tell that wasn’t something her implanted memories wanted her to do.
Therefore she had given the two cute lesbian ponies permission to use that cover story. Especially since Miss Heartstrings had worked as a freelancer for the Special Services twice before.
Cadence’s problems began upon entering the hotel room for inspection. Cadence opened the door approximately forty-five minutes into the two mares doing their best to really sell the cover story by actually having a second honeymoon.
Cadence had not heard the bed squeaking. She did not need, or want, to know that Agent Sweetie Drops enjoyed utilizing two double sided toys with her special somepony. Now she did know that, as well as the approximate sizes involved. Cadence spent most of the inspection cursing her CIA training which made her unable to forget the details of scenes she observed.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if Miss Heartstrings hadn’t asked extra hopefully if Cadence would like to join them “what with you being the Princess of Love and all?”.
It wouldn’t have made for the worst day ever if she hadn’t then learned that being her bridesmaids had been a prize raffled off for charity. And Miss Heartstrings had entered. And won a spot.
This turn of events meant Cadence had to walk to the dress fitting with an overly enthusiastic and clearly very pervy mare whom Cadence had to pretend she didn’t see mid-marital-coitus so she could at least speak to her normal for appearance’s sake. Miss Heartstrings didn’t share that problem in the slightest. She even said Cadence should drop by with her fiance that evening for a double date.
The worst part is she couldn’t even reprimand them for it. She’d ordered them both to sell the story as best they could. They had only done exactly that.
Immediately upon entering the impromptu dressmaker’s shop Cadence was practically assaulted by an alabaster unicorn mare who grovelled at her hooves, mumbling something sycophantic. Immediately connecting her behavior with the pervy minty mare who was following along behind her, Cadence braced herself for another bad time.
The mare was excited to show off the dress she had made for her (Cadence chose not to ask how her measurements were obtained). Cadence wished she could have been happy with the dress, she really did, but she couldn’t. It was small, elegant, beautiful, but also overly feminine. A traditional wedding dress wouldn’t have bothered Cadence’s tomcolt sensibilities, but this elegant little slip of a dress did.
Cadence did her best to explain herself, asking for a longer train and some bead-work. Her bridesmaids dresses looked fine at first, but then Cadence realized that Miss Heartstrings’ dress colors looked a lot like her mare’s colors. Which brought to mind the image of the minty mare being mounted. Again.
Cadence curtly ordered the dressmaker to make the bridesmaids dresses a different color and left the room. Unfortunately, her sour mood had her ask for both things almost as rudely as she could possibly have. Cadence felt bad immediately after leaving the room and made a mental note to apologize when she wasn’t quite so aggravated.
Twilight, who had gone unnoticed once again, also made a note. Four points in the evil-alien-bug-queen column.
Cadence made her way from the dressmaker’s quarters to the firing range. Not to test her own weapons. On no, those were classified and she wouldn’t get to test them until after dark. Instead, it was time to test her agent’s spells on changelings.
Harley had been recruited for this purpose. Fortunately she hadn’t minded being used as a target for harmless transformation spells. After all every last agent needed to prove they could demorph a changeling, as well as familiarize the way they moved in flight when not shapechanged, which was very un-ponylike.
Cadence spent the entire three hour period worried that her pseudo-daughter would be poorly treated. To her delight, her Agents proved to be much the opposite, and spent their turns apologizing for having to zap her, asking questions about her people with genuine interest, and expressing regret that they were ruled over by a tyrant rather than a benevolent dictator.
It was a refreshing experience, one Cadence desperately needed after the day she had up till then. She even got to spend a little personal time with Harley by riding her back form the firing range to the east gatehouse where she gave her a quick spot-clean with some towelettes to ensure her favorite bug-bike got lunch.
Then, right as Cadence believed herself free to go and spend some time with her stallion, a guard ran up to her and informed her that the party planner had finished planning the reception and wanted her plans approved before going full scale with everything.
A weary Cadence thus ran across town for the tenth time that day while doing her best to holding the manic laughter. In her entire career, she had never spent this much time literally running around to set up an operation. A growing suspicion of Cadence’s was Celestia had assigned her this job without giving her any subordinate command staff as a test of her leadership abilities.
Cadence was pretty certain she had passed it. At the cost of a shard of her sanity. Another shard of her sanity was chipped away by the party planner. Pinkie Pie, as the sentient mass of ADHD and cotton candy introduced herself, was a pony Cadence couldn’t help but feel sorry for.
The grown mare’s exceedingly extreme enthusiasm for everything relating to parties led Cadence to believe she was either on a potent narcotic, genuinely manic, or a mare who never grew up. In any case, she deserved a hug and some coco. She also shouldn’t have been put in charge of planning a wedding reception.
Carla had planned a fun masquerade ball with a superhero theme. Pinkie had literally scaled up a six-year-old pony’s birthday party. The fact Celestia had approved this party, but not her party plan nearly made Cadence burst a blood vessel in her left eye. She left the reception hall, assuming that Pinkie wouldn’t understand that her saying the party was “Perfect! If we were celebrating a six-year-old’s birthday party.” was sarcastic.
Pinkie didn’t. The mare took it seriously, and was clearly flattered. Cadence sighed as she left the hall. The sarcasm hadn't been directed at Pinkie. Celestia was the offender here. Yet something had to be vocalized in the moment or Cadence would have exploded.
Twilight, unseen yet again, understood the remark as sarcastic and meant to offend someone. A fifth tick was added to the evil-alien-bug-queen column.
After an exhausting private dinner with Celestia and Shining Armor (during which everypony was checked for changeling status and the password was exchanged), Cadence finally, finally, finally had some time alone with her stallion. The two cuddled up in bed together, not to sleep but to just relax near each other for a little while.
Cadence couldn’t enjoy it.
Her mind had thought back to the incident with Agent Sweetie Drops and Miss Heartstrings several times. Each one unbidden. Cadence found that even with the awkward situation, she still liked the two.
Miss Heartstrings had later explained she thought Cadence’s alicorn “duty” was physical love and therefore it was okay to invite her in like that. It hadn’t been an apology, just an explanation. Cadence couldn’t help but shake the feeling that she could make a weird but good friend if she could get over how they met.
She also felt like she needed some revenge for being made to turn even more pink than she already was.
Cadence’s eyes lit up with manic glee as the perfect revenge took shape in her mind. She rolled over and nuzzled into Shining’s neck. “Hon? Would you like to step out for a drink? One of my agents invited us on a double date earlier. I think it would be fun to go.”
Shining hummed and rubbed his chin in thought. “Well… I don’t know. I’m a bit tired.”
Cadence grinned evilly. Shining saw the expression out of the corner of his eye. “Uh, why the smile, hon?”
“See. I sort of walked in on them having… fun.”
Shining frowned, not understanding the problem. “And you want to hook up with them? I thought you didn’t like other mares.”
Cadence blinked. “Wait, you would be fine with group sex?”
“Totally fine, as long as we do it together it’s not cheating, and it sounds like fun. Right?”
Cadence frowned. “A bit… But I actually want to troll them a little. So uh, let me rephrase my question. Would Gleaming Shield like to go to a bar with me on a double date and pretend to be Shining’s twin sister?”
Shining grinned evilly. “Oh, my, Celestia, yes!” He rolled out of bed, shapechanging as he went and landing on his hooves as his shorter, plumper, female self. “Let’s do this!”
Cadence smiled and slipped out of bed as well, landing next to Gleaming and giving her a loving kiss. After a week of Shining changing back and forth at will, she’d come to fully accept that her stallion simply liked to play dressup. It was still him, so basic affection isn't weird anymore.
Though sexytimes was still off the table.
Cadence gave Agent Sweetie Drops a call with her messenger gem, letting the mare know that she was accepting her wife’s offer of a double date and asking if they could meet up at “The greatest brewing supplies in all Equestria”. The answer was an enthusiastic yes, and after Cadence gave the two directions, she and Gleaming headed out themselves using the excuse of a “bachelorette party.”
The two chatted about their days as they walked. Nothing classified was discussed, of course. Instead they talked about the other stressful things which had plagued them and offered each other what comfort their words would afford.
As they drew near the brewing shop Cadence spotted a large black trash bag laying in the sidewalk next to an alleyway. She frowned and nodded towards it, and the dumpster not three meters away.
The bag was overflowing with garbage, and smelled like it was mostly full of a foal’s diapers. Flies buzzed around it, never quite landing on the bag, as if they were afraid to touch it.
“What jerk does that?” Cadence said with a disgusted grimace.
Gleaming wrinkled her nose. “Ugh… No idea. That happens a lot here though. Is the dumpster full? I’ve seen a few ponies drop bags next to them if they are full.”
Cadence frowned suspiciously. The situation screamed trap to her. “Can you transmute the smell away?”
Gleaming frowned in confusion, then nodded as she understood Cadence wanted a Changeling Check. “Sure thing.”
Gleaming closed her eyes and zapped the trash bag. The bag warped, twisted, and compressed on itself, transforming into a block of rubber.
“Huh,” Cadence said to herself as she shrugged with her wings. “I didn’t think—”
“That I would make it a rubber cube?” Gleaming said quickly in case they were overheard.
Cadence nodded. “Yeah… I’ll just toss this in the dumpster before your spell wears off.”
Gleaming nodded. “Good plan. And good example. Hopefully whoever dropped the bag is still watching and can LEARN A THING OR TWO!” She glared into the streets and alleyways around herself for a while, hoping to catch any sight of the litterer.
Still fearing a trap, Cadence picked the block of rubber up with her magic and floated it over to the dumpster, keeping her eyes on the shadows around it as she let go of the transformed garbage.
She chose wrong.
A flash of green fire engulfed the swarm of flies. Gleaming almost managed to yell a warning, but the first stunbolt caught her squarely in the barrel. She went down like a sack of potatoes before the changelings had even finished emerging from their disguise.
Cadence spun around at the sound of spellfire. Her head focused on the transforming changelings just in time to see one of the flies transform not into a changeling, but into a copy of Cadence.
Oh, ponyfeathers… Cadence thought as she reached for her hidden weapons with her magic.
Her clone fired a pulsating emerald ray form her horn. Cadence felt pan ripple across her right side as the especially powerful paralyzing ray shattered her natural wards and froze her in place.
Her clone shook her head and clicked her tongue several times as she trotted towards her. “Mister Arvil, that’s the second time I’ve tricked you with garbage this month! I’d call you a slow learner if we had been using the garbage directly.”
Her copy stopped inches in front of Cadence’s face and smiled in a creepily friendly way. “You know, you’re hanging out with a shapechanger who goes by the name Jake while trying to fight “aliens” that impersonate people to take over the world. A nerd like you should have thought to tell your spies to check and make sure that the bugs buzzing around those young mares were not the bugs you were looking for.”
Her copy’s horn began to glow a dull green. “Let’s take the conversation somewhere private.”
Cadence’s vision went black as she lost consciousness.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
10 - Live Free or Neigh Hard
“Hello!”
Cadence’s eyes slowly opened in response to the enthusiastic voice. An alien creature stood over her. Its long, thin, perforated legs were mere inches from her nose. Cadence wanted to lash out, knock the thing off balance and strange it, but her limbs felt as if they were made from lead and encased in concrete.
Cadence squirmed as best she could, twisting until she was able to look up at her captor. The black glossy chitinous legs connected to a rail thin body shaped more like an alicorn’s than a pony’s. A long bright blue mane hid most of the tall changeling’s face, but Cadence could see one of the creature’s green cat-like eyes peeking through the strands of hair.
Cadence could only assume this was Chrysalis.
“The hay did you do to me?”
The tall bug smiled, revealing a pair of long fangs. “Oh, all paralysis spells do that. Don’t worry you’ll be up and about in no time! Not that there’s anywhere to go.”
Cadence glanced around at what little she could see of her surroundings. She seemed to be inside a geode. Large purple crystals grew out of the walls, floor, ceiling, and seemingly formed those structures themselves. The crystal room was lit, but she couldn’t see any light source. Nor could she see any windows, doors, or other means of entry.
Cadence’s eyebrows narrowed. “Why did you trap yourself in here with me? What’s your game?”
Chrysalis giggled. Her visage tinted blue and flickered and out of existence for a few seconds. “Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.”
Cadence sighed. “Right. Magic.”
The changeling queen nodded and sat down. “Wonderful, isn’t it? The very fabric of reality itself is your plaything. A bit of homework and you can solve nearly any problem with a little thought and planning. Problems like ‘Where do I keep prisoners?’ become so trivial.”
Cadence closed her eyes and did her best to slow her breathing. “Normally you want prisoners to stay alive. A sealed chamber in a cave seems like a good idea, but I’ll suffocate after a few hours. A day at most.”
Chrysalis clicked her tongue and shook her head. “Not at all. These are a form of cobalt crystals which absorb and release oxygen. You’re in a pure oxygen environment right now… So I advise you don’t fire off any spellbolts. As for food and drink, well, you’re an alicorn. You can sustain off your magic for at least a month. Not that you’ll be here that long.”
Cadence took a deep breath. The air did taste different from what she was used too. It reminded her vaguely of the few times she’d used SCUBA gear. The air was dry, stale, and lacked any humidity. It was definitely not normal oxygen, whatever it was. “I don’t know if it’s true for ponies but for humans pure oxygen is pretty toxic. You’re still killing me.”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “You’re immune to most if not all poisons. Don’t worry so much. If I wanted you dead you wouldn’t have woken up as a pony. Or woken up here. Honestly what do you think I am? A supervillain?”
“No, a terrorist.”
The bug queen blinked. “Mmm, I suppose I am from our perspective, aren't I?”
“You are trying to take over a kingdom in the most convoluted manner possible. Why not have a changeling turn into a big bucket of chlorine gas after reaching Celestia’s room then just take her throne?”
“For starters, I don’t want to kill her. I only want what was promised me,” Chrysalis’s projection trotted over to one of the walls and pressed her horn against it. The light reflecting in the crystal transformed into a rather scenic image of a winter landscape. “This is where the Crystal Empire sat. It is mine. It was promised to me as a reward for hard work, and I did that work. I will have it, no matter what it takes.”
Cadence turned her head as much as she could. “I don’t get it.”
“What’s not to get? Cakeflanks promised me something in return for something else. She didn’t hold up her end of the deal, so I am taking my payment in full.”
Cadence bit her lip to prevent herself from laughing. The nickname brought to mind the hundreds of times her false memories indicated she had seen Celestia snacking on banana cream cake late at night. “That’s not how she tells it.”
Chrysalis snorted and rolled her eyes. “Of course it isn’t. She’s not opposed to altering memories, making up new ones, and turning you into just the right puzzle piece to fit into her jigsaw.”
Cadence frowned. The bug had a point. “What’s your side of the story?”
Chrysalis gasped and held her chin in her hooves while grinning excitedly. “You’re going to let me do a villain monologue?!”
Cadence blinked twice. Something about the bug queen’s expression seemed to be just the slightest bit absolutely unhinged. “Uh… Yes?”
Chrysalis cleared her throat, muttered to herself for a moment as she did her best to find a tone of voice she liked, then struck a power pose appropriate for a movie poster. “As you know, Princess, I was once a failure of a human being. That part of me died long ago, as did the pony part which was forced upon me,” Chrysalis leaned down to Cadence speaking in a whisper, “I used them to make my first drones. They died because I didn’t know caffeine was an insecticide,” the queen cleared her throat and returned to her dramatic evil pose then trailed off.
Cadence raised an eyebrow as Chrysalis froze. The bug queen suddenly shook as if experiencing a small stroke. Cadence’s eyes widened in terror. If she dies I’ll be trapped here with no way out other than one I can make!
Chrysalis's apparent seizure stopped. She froze. Standing stock still for a long moment before turning to face Cadence with an expression that was at once cold and indifferent while also holding endless malice and hatred.
When she spoke, her voice had two layers to it, one male, deep, and distorted, one female, high, and phrased oddly. Each voice was slightly desynchronized from the other. “The Jessica form is dead, pony. Are you afraid? What is it that you fear? The end of your trivial existence? When the history of my glory is written, your species shall only be a footnote to my magnificence.”
Cadence frowned. “Wait a minute…”
The crystals wall darkened, fading to black as Chrysalis's illusion overtook them to show her own transformation into a dark gray and teal alicorn, followed immediately by that form spinning a cocoon of magic and emerging as the insectoid form before her, minus the holes in her legs. “I am Chrysalis. My analysis of historical data suggests a ninety-seven point thirty-four percent probability that you are aware of my birth on your planet, and my rebirth into beauty in Eventide Hall.”
Cadence groaned and put every last ounce of effort she could into moving her left foreleg so, she could mash her hoof against her forehead. “Oh, my god! Seriously?”
Chrysalis’s ears drooped. She shook again, her voice returning to normal when the spasm stopped. “I thought you said I could do a villain speech," Her eyes suddenly hardened. "Don't make me leave you down here forever..."
Cadence ignored the threat. “Yeah, and you decided to rip off System Shock Two. Seriously? You have the chance to tell me your side of this, which I gave you because you brought up a good point about Celestia’s trustworthiness, and you decide to do it by roleplaying as a villain who helps you, gets friendly, then betrays you at the last minute for no reason other than to be a final boss fight?”
Chrysalis frowned. “Is that how it ends? Well, that’s pretty bullshit. I never beat it,” the bug queen’s eyes burned with the heat of a thousand suns. “That FUCKING biomass level can suck on a septic pipe!”
Cadence sighed. “Just… Tell me the thing as a normal person.”
“Oh alright. If you must know, I took the form which you see me now under the belief that it would make me the perfect ruler. You see, the main problem of governance is the fact it controls thinking, feeling, people by using them to control themselves. Imagine if you will a nation which ran itself. Every last job tended to by a mindless drone that wants nothing at all and needs only minimal resources.
“It would have been perfection. I could spawn an endless number of workers, each an extension of myself who could act under my designs in exactly the way I intended without fail or exception. The citizens wouldn’t ever have had to do a thing they didn’t want to do. My drones would have handled it all, and they could just have fun all day. Or work, if they enjoy working. But not in government or infrastructure. Those would have been mine.
“I had the power to take a capitalist economy and transform it into a post-labor economy. No one would ever be hungry, or cold, or want for any basic goods. I could have ensured that no one would ever have to live as I once did again. Not. A. Single. One. I had the power, which meant I had the moral obligation to make it so.
“I took my plan to Celestia. We were great friends… I personally feel she wanted to be more than friends with me. I’m not sure if she wanted to be like my mother, or by my girlfriend. Either way, I wasn’t having that. She was my friend, and nothing more.”
Chrysalis turned away from Cadence for a few seconds, her eyes looking off into the distance. “Do you know how old she is? How long she’s been ruling for? I find term limits to be silly, even harmful as it prevents one from staying long enough to make real change. Vacations… Well, that’s different. Everyone needs a vacation sometimes.
“I explained my plans to her. Showed her the logistics, my economical plans, the works. I told her that if everything worked out in the Empire after a few decades I would take over for her here. Not forever, just a few thousand years. She’s almost ten thousand years old, you know. She deserves a nice long rest.”
Cadence pursed her lips and scrunched her eyes. “What? That’s it? She kicked you out for offering her a vacation?”
Chrysalis shook her head, her long mane flowing behind her. “No. She did worse. APPARENTLY you can’t use Dark Magic for anything at all unless you’re ‘Old enough to know how dangerous it is’! Bitch, I spent ten years on that plan! I read EVERYTHING, even the Diaries of King Sombra. My spell would have worked just fine and not caused any harm or corrupted me.”
Cadence nodded to herself, understanding what had gone wrong. “Ah, that makes more sense.”
Chrysalis smile and turned to face Cadence, even laying on her belly to look the other mare right in the eye. “I know it would have been fine. Because I did it anyways, and everything was fine.”
Cadence gestured to Chrysalis’s leg holes. “You’re looking pretty corrupted, if you ask me.”
To her surprise, Chrysalis didn’t get angry. She simply sighed. “Yes… Celestia… Dislikes it when things do not go as she wishes. We fought. She hexed me. Hypocritically too, as she used Dark Magic to do it. I’ve never been able to heal from that fight, and my drones share the injuries placed upon me… I also can’t properly make them as I designed. I get… Remixed and spread out when I make them. A little bit of me is lost with each one. That’s not how it was supposed to work.”
Interesting… If true, Cadence mused. “You’re saying what Celestia wants is a trustworthy puppet, and if I go against her wishes, I’ll end up like you?”
The bug queen nodded once then stood up. “That is exactly what I am saying. ”
Cadence snorted and shook her head. “You know if you hadn’t taken me prisoner, and have always planned to take me prisoner, I might have believed you.”
“I had but one avenue to seek revenge, and a cure for my condition. Celestia controls the portal completely, and I do not know how to make one of my own. If I was to return to Equestria after my banishment, it had to be by finding her portal and using it. Preferably as someone she expected to use it. At that stage, it was nothing personal.”
“Mhm… And you’re taking me prisoner now instead of having Hardly tell me all of this and getting me to come to you, why?” Cadence asked with a smirk. “Because it’s all bullshit.”
Chrysalis tilted her head. “Harley?”
“Bike. Your drone who likes to be a motorcycle. Whatever her name is.”
Cadence’s eyes widened as Chrysalis spun about and looked into her eyes. “Do you know where she is?! She ran away from my hive. She’s the only drone I can’t control and I formed her out of my love for— Look, I just… I do not like it when parts of my mind wander off and I lose the ability to feel something. If you can tell me where she is, I’ll let you stay with Shining’s sister so you have company.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow. “Why did you capture Twilight?”
“No, his twin sister.”
Cadence raised her other eyebrow, then quickly softened her face to hide her true emotions. “She should be in my room in Eventide Hall. Probably having sex with my maid. Or lunch as she calls it.”
Chrysalis breathed a sigh of relief and stood back up. “Good. She’s alive and has food. That’s enough for me. Turns out some of me is too independent to be treated like they are still me after I put them in a drone. She was the first to leave me for mistreatment. She wasn’t the last… I won't let it happen again. I can’t. I’ve lost too much.”
Cadence hummed. “Then you literally sustain yourself on love? I thought she was being ‘cute’ so I would let her just molest the staff.”
“Yes. We do. It was part of the plan. The government I made would have sustained itself entirely on its citizens approval and affection towards it. It was bulletproof. If my drones began to starve I would know something was wrong and could fix it.
“It’s a brilliant plan, a bulletproof plan, a plan that will benefit everyone, and I WILL carry it out! The Crystal Empire, Equestria, it will all be mine because only I am willing to do what is needed for the good of all!”
Chrysalis spread her wings for balance as she reared up. “One day everypony will bow to me, grateful, happy, and knowing only prosperity, for I am Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings!”
“Huh,” Cadence said as she managed to slowly stand up on her hooves. “I came up with the same name for you bugs. Irish mythology, right?”
The bug queen blinked and lowered herself back down to all fours. “Uh…no. I got it from… Star Trek.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow. “Star Trek? Where were there changelings in Star Trek?”
Chrysalis stared into Cadence’s eyes with the half hurt half offended glare of a turbonerd who encountered a ‘fake geek’. “Deep Space Nine. The best series.”
Cadence groaned ad facehooved. “Oh, right. How did I forget that? They’re even better shapechangers too!”
“There was also that episode of The Original Series titled 'The Changeling'.”
“But it didn't have anything to do with shapeshifters, it was about a killer robot or something.”
Chrysalis huffed and turned her back to Cadence. “Yeah, well Changelings aren't even shapechangers in Irish folklore. They’re just fairies swapped out for some couple’s kid. You were thinking of Pookas. Shapechangers who take the form of black horses.”
“How do you even know that?” Cadence asked with a snort of laughter.
Chrysalis spun around with a huge dorky grin on her face. “Coz I’m English, ya git!”
Cadence rolled her eyes to mask the fact that she’d been utterly defeated. “Okay, fine. But why hold me prisoner? If I escape it’s game over for you.”
“I don’t want to kill you. That’s why. I plan on ruling the world so everyone can be happy and safe. My soon-to-be-subjects need to trust me. It behooves me to keep casualties to a minimum,” Chrysalis chuckled. “Besides something I never expected happened to you. You became an alicorn.”
Cadence nodded once. “Yeah. Now I have power you could exploit.”
Chrysalis shrugged. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. Everyone exploits everyone else for something. It’s not wrong if it’s not malicious. Honestly you’re exploiting Shining’s love for you to get a companion for yourself.”
Cadence rolled her eyes. “That’s not how love works.”
The bug queen rolled her eyes right back. “It is. We pretend it's more than that, but it’s not. It’s a mutually beneficial selfish arrangement. Honestly, if you really think lovers act as they do expressly because they want their partner to be happy, why do they get mad when their partner is unfaithful? If they really truly ONLY wanted their partner to be happy they wouldn't mind if they slept around. Heck, they might even set their partner up with some dates because sleeping around is clearly what their partner wishes to do for their happiness.
“No. Love is a selfish thing. It's exploiting emotions for one’s own gain. Everything altruistic is. I’m not saying that’s bad, it’s good that being selfish can benefit us all. I’m trying to bring you into a certain point of view. One where you understand that yes, I would be using you for your power, but you would in turn be using me for something you wished to obtain. Say, your freedom?”
Cadence thought about it for a moment then shook her head. “No thanks. I’m sorry, but I can’t trust your word over hers. You’re about as trustworthy as each other, frankly. But—”
Chrysalis sighed loudly. “Don’t blow your chance to be a goddess!” the bug queen popped her neck and stepped closer to Cadence, looking her eyes with a serious, nearly blank, business-like expression. “We’re here because of you, Mister Arvil. Because of YOU. Thanks to you, I am no longer a prisoner in a world I am not meant to be a part of. Because of you I have the opportunity to usher in an age of pace, prosperity, and love, as a new goddess. But right now, I am like you. Apparently free.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow. The bug queen’s monotone spiel sounded familiar. “Apparently?”
“Yes,” Chrysalis nodded slowly. “Appearances can be deceiving, which leads me back to the reason we are here. We're not here because we are free. We’re here because we’re not f—”
Cadence’s tail flagged as she suddenly understood what was going on in full. She raised a hoof and pointed it directly at the bug queen’s nose. “Will you stop doing bits and take this seriously?”
Chrysalis's cheeks burned with a dim green light. “I can’t. The part of me that was able to resist making nerdy references was the part of me which was very good at spell research. I made a drone to do my research for me.”
“That’s a roundabout way of saying you’re a huge nerd.”
“So are you… And your fiance… And his sister. Are you marrying both of them? If so, nice!” Chrysalis transformed one hoof into a hand for exactly long enough to give Cadence a thumbs up.
Cadence took a deep breath. “I’m not joining you. Here’s what’s going to ha—”
Chrysalis smiled at Cadence. The smile was both loving and creepy to the extreme. “You know, Cadence. I was more than your boss.”
Cadence’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “I imagine so.”
“I had to make sure I knew Celestia’s next pick intimately. I knew what type of person she would want after she deemed me evil for my ambition. I found a way to narrow down the targets until I knew which she would choose. I simply had to make the best possible candidate.”
Cadence frowned. “Uh, what?”
“You see, Cadence…” Chrysalis said as she leaned in towards her prisoner. “I am your mother.”
Cadence’s eyes shot open wide. “WHAT?!”
Chrysalis smiled and rocked back on her hooves. “There is no escape. Don’t make me destroy you.”
Cadence’s mind shrank in on itself. With all the insanity which had filled her life in the last few weeks, could it be possible that she had been raised by an alien shapechanger? Was that really all that far out there?
Cadence's eyes widened in horror. Mom was a turbo-nerd too!
“Cadence, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training,” Chrysalis said in a gentle soothing voice before rearing up once more to make a dramatic gesture out of extending one of her hooves to Cadence. “With our COMBINED strength we can end this destructive conflict and—”
Cadence’s face scrunched up into an expression of pure rage as she realized that Chrysalis had been doing yet another bit. “You don’t BUCK with ponies like that, you bitch!”
Chrysalis giggled. “Oh come on, how often do you get to try to bring an enemy over to your side? You’d do the Vader thing too.”
Cadence had to admit there was a small chance she would. If she saw the enemy and battle as something small and trivial. But she didn’t. This was big, this was important.
Cadence narrowed her eyes. If that’s how she wants to play this…
“Alright, bug,” she growled. “If you're looking for an alicorn ally, I can tell you I don't have any magical knowledge but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my Shiny go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.”
Chrysalis smiled and clapped her hooves happily. “I love that movie! Thanks for getting into the spirit of things. You keep that up and then no matter which of us dies at the end the game will have been fun,” she leaned forwards, her eyes hardening into one of the most menacing glares Cadence had ever seen. “And thanks for confirming that little rumor. Now that I know Shining and Gleaming are in fact one and the same… Well…”
Cadence’s pupils shrank in terror. “Let him go.”
“No. I need him,” the bug queen promised. “Enjoy rotting in your cell.”
Cadence grit her teeth and spread her wings intimidatingly. “Let him go, or I will rip your ass out through your mouth.”
Then enraged Alicorn took a step forwards, already planning every possible way she could disassemble the monster threatening her stallion.
Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “Oh, you silly pony. I’m not actually there.”
Her horn flashed with dull green light and the illusion vanished amid a shower of toxic-green sparks leaving Cadence alone.
Alone and in total silence.
Cadence took a deep breath. Half of her anger was at herself. She shouldn’t have let what she knew about Shining slip.
A thought occurred to her. Chrysalis knew everything about Cadence. She’d been studying her to impersonate her for years. She would have known that a nerdy approach would catch her off guard, and that simply quoting things at her would be aggravating. She was almost entirely certain that Chrysalis had just played her for a fool all to get the answer to that one question.
“It’s not your fault, Cadence. You weren't an intelligence agent. You were a field agent. You specialized in wet work. She got under your skin, you’ve been out of your element for weeks. It’s not your fault.”
But it was. It was her fault, and she knew it. Worst of all, as far as she could see there was nothing for her to do.
“Bucking horseapples!” Cadence stamped a hoof against the crystal floor, chipping a tiny piece off the ground.
Her eyes fell on the chipped off piece. The point of her hoof had sheared it off, but also chipped off itself. “It’s brittle…”
Cadence trotted over to the wall on her left and gave one of the crystals a good slap, putt all of her earth-pony magic into the blow. Hoof met crystal with a grisly crunch. Pain radiated out from her hoof. A small chip of crystal went flying into the shadows.
“OW!” Cadence cradled her hoof with her foreleg for a moment then inspected the damage.
Her hoof was okay, but the strike felt like she had nearly split it open. What’s more the crystal had cracked fairly well. Another strike or two like that and it would break in two. Unfortunately, Cadence didn’t think her hoof was up to the challenge.
Cadence sat down on her haunches to puzzle out her escape plan.
First, she took stock of her equipment. Cadence reached with her magic for the pouch hidden in her mane. It wasn’t there. This made taking stock of her equipment easy. Unfortunately it presented a dilemma. “Okay… What’s in here that I can use?”
Cadence looked around the room, her eyes searched the darkness for any sign of broken crystals, rocks, or dropped tools her captors may have accidentally let slip from their hooves.
Nothing. Not one thing. The crystal chamber had been very well cleaned of all stray debris, and as her captors hadn’t provided a bed, or a blanket, or even a bowl to eat with she had nothing.
Nothing that is, except for her magic.
Cadence turned her attention to the damaged crystal and took hold of it as firmly as her blue arcane grasp would allow. Putting all of her willpower into the motion, Cadence pulled on the crystal. The shard creaked, groaned, and crackled, but did not snap.
Unfortunately, despite an alicorn’s power, Cadence simply didn’t have the technique to snap something off with her telekinesis. A more experienced pony would have been able to break the crystal without difficulty. The task was beyond her.
Cadence bit her lip to avoid swearing angrily for many long minutes. There must be something I can do… What spells did I learn? Anything useful here?
She closed her eyes, thinking back to what little magic training she had. The list was short. Idyllic Sleep, Touch of Fascination, Dancing Lights, Unseen Band, Askew Balance, Cloth Armor, Clandestine Conversation, Conjurer’s Toolbelt—
Cadence’s eyes lit up as she remembered that particular spell. Then she winced and slapped a hoof against her forehead. “Oh my god… I can literally just conjure a pickax.”
Cadence relaxed as best she could. She needed to center her mind for what was to come next. The silent crystal chamber helped her immensely. Within but a few seconds she felt calm, tranquil, and focused.
She reached into the back of her mind for her magic and took hold of it. She pulled on the energy, directing it with her hope and will towards the front of her mind. She could feel the energy leaving her body as it pooled in her horn, causing it to glow a light blue.
A crude pickax which looked like it had come from a dollar store run by Ebeneezer Scrooge before the ghosts appeared in front of Cadence with a flash of blue sparks. She reached down and picked up the tool. It somehow felt both heavy and flimsy at once.
Cadence gave the tool an experimental swing. The pointed spike wobbled slightly. Cadence winced, squinted as much as she dared to prevent too many crystal shards getting in her eyes, then swung her pick into the crystal wall. The iron spike bit into the crystal, wedging it apart and cracking pieces off the wall.
Cadence sighed. Even with earth pony strength behind her blows, this would take a while.
Cadence groaned as she struggled to lift her pickax. Days had passed. Actual days. She knew because her spell lasted for ten minutes.
Cadence had summoned her pick five hundred and seventy-six times. She knew this to be true thanks to the tally makes she had started keeping on the floor at the entrance to her tunnel. A little of math, and she knew how long she had been digging down here. Ninty-six hours.
Four days.
Not four days total, for days of just digging and nothing but digging. There was nothing else to do. Her captor hadn’t bothered checking on her. There wasn’t any reading materials. Working out was pointless when alicorns were naturally in the best shape they could be. So she dug.
She dug and slept.
Cadence had come to love the spell Idyllic Sleep. Even though her muscles burned, her brain stung, and her hooves bled a little at the end of each day the charm put her right to sleep, and she woke up completely refreshed. Mentally at least.
Physically, no so much. Alicorns did have a bit of regenerative power but it was just enough to make Cadence merely very sore in the morning when she had gone to bed with every limb in agony.
Despite being completely mentally refreshed each morning, the constant mindless digging of a one-meter by two-meter hole in the wall always drove the poor mare mostly insane by lunchtime, and nearly completely insane by the time she went to bed.
Cadence stood hoof deep in crystal chips at the end of her currently eighty meter long tunnel. She swung her pick with the fury of someone both determined to get the job done as soon as possible, and also so miserable they needed the task to be over as soon as possible. Her pick bit into the crystal to the beat of a song she had accidentally drilled into her brain by deciding to sing it on the first day out of boredom.
I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole. // Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole. // I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole. // Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole!
Cadence sniffled. “Stupid Minecraft players… Playing that super loud at work…” She trailed off for a minute, her brain slowed down by the earworm and monotonous digging. “Wait a minute. They were all changelings. Changelings have multiple bodies… Was— Was the janitor playing Minecraft with himself?”
Desperate for literally any type of break, Cadence dismissed her pickax and sat down to ponder the question.
It certainly seemed likely. At the very least it would let you build things faster. The slow pace of being able to do anything had been Cadence’s primary reason for not getting into the game. That and her sheer age. While a sandbox game based around creation had been very appealing, playing it online with nine-year-old humans was most certainly not.
I wonder if young ponies are less terrible? Cadence mused.
A small twinkle of light caught Cadence’s eye. Green?
Her head perked up. The light twinkled some more. GREEN! NOT BLUE-PURPLE! HAHAHA! COLORS!
Cadence conjured a new pick and took a fresh swing at the wall. The green light had to be a view of trees outside! She had to be close. So close!
Cadence’s eyes watered as she began to chip through what must be the last layer of crystal. Freedom! Air! Colors! Ponies! Shiny!
Cadence’s happy tears mixed with irate eye twitches as she remembered her love was being held captive by Chrysalis. BUGS TO SQUISH!
Cadence’s ax bit into the crystal. She pulled it back for another swing. The green light vanished.
Cadence’s ears drooped. Her lips trembled. “No! No please, come back!”
Purple light twinkled behind the thin layer of crystal. Cadence frowned. “Purple?”
The light bounced, warped and refracted. Cadence’s eyes widened as she realized it was in fact a projectile. And it was heading right for her.
Cadence dropped to her belly just as the spellbolt hit the thinned crystal in front of her. The brittle material shattered into countless shards. The sound of shattering glass and brick echoed deafeningly down Cadence’s tunnel. She threw her hooves over her head, hoping to protect her eyes and nose from the flying shards.
Cadence felt several large shards rip through her fur and skin, drawing blood. She was experienced enough to know she wasn’t really hurt, but the stinging pain made her hiss and recoil anyways.
Twilight Sparkle looked into the hole she had made and saw Cadence laying in the shrapnel. The lavender unicorn grinned ear to ear. “AH HA!”
Cadence opened her eyes at the sound of Twilight’s voice just in time to see the unicorn leap at her. Twilight’s horn blazed with an arcane corona the likes of which Cadence had never seen. As the lavender dove for her, teeth bared and hooves extended, Cadence’s world shrank.
For a moment there was only her and Twilight. All else was blackness. There was Cadence, the void, and her oncoming death.
Cadence sat up and threw her hooves up in front of her to try to absorb some of the meteor's impact. “NO! WAIT!”
It didn’t help. Twilight slammed into Cadence, knocking her to the ground with a sickening crash. The angry mare immediately grabbed Cadence by her shoulders and glared directly into her eyes. Twilight was so close that Cadence could feel the heat of the stored magic in her horn as it burned next to hers.
“What were you saying about hurting my big brother?!” Twilight demanded, her eyes narrowed into slits.
At that moment Cadence discovered the phrase ‘Tartarus has no fury like an angry little sister.’ to be fact, not a colloquialism.
Cadence held her hooves up over her head. “I’m not going to hurt him! I was imprisoned here like you, the Cadence who put you down here is an impostor.”
Twilight snorted and rolled her eyes. “A likely story. Seeing as how there never was any Cadence!”
Cadence’s eyes dilated to pinpricks. “Then… On the wall top—”
“I faked knowing you to see what kind of mare you are,” Twilight’s face was overtaken by her smug grin. “The answer? The evil alien bug-queen kind.”
Cadence blinked in surprise. “Huh. You actually nailed it in one.”
Twilight nodded. “I know I did. Now… Tell me where Shiny is, and if he’s hurt… Oh, you don’t want to know what I’ll do to you if he’s hurt!”
“I don’t know where he is!” Cadence protested. “I’m not her! Look behind me, there’s a hoof dug tunnel going back for bucking ever to another cell. I’ve been trying to escape for days!”
Twilight quickly glanced up. Her eyes briefly tracked over the rough-hewn tunnel and the debris strewn floor. She frowned. “Why didn’t you portal out like you portaled me in?”
“I don't know jack about magic!” Cadence laughed, the sound hollow and bitter. “I’ve been here for three weeks. I’m part of a top secret plan Princess Celestia has for handling the pending return of the Crystal Empire. She recruited me from a parallel world because she felt she couldn’t trust a pony for the job. I’ve been an alicorn for about three weeks. Before that I was a human living on a planet called Earth.”
Twilight blinked. She recognized those words. Shining had brought a strange looking device home with him which had turned out to be a very powerful microcomputer. Twilight had previously only seen the huge reel-to-reel devices and mainframes. The slender notebook had seemed like alien technology.
Heck, she knew it was alien technology. It had internet access. Twilight had spent much more time than she should have messing with it whenever her big brother hadn’t been home. Checking to see if this creature was really a human would be easy.
“We’ll see about that. Where would you find a story told in this kind of format? Be me. Be 17. Be in school. Hot girl in front of me. She drops her pencil. She bends down to pick it up. She’s not wearing panties. Turns around and looks at me. “Like what you see?” Whole class goes “oooooooooooh” Palms are sweaty. Knees weak, arms are heavy. It’s already falling out of my pockets. Mom’s spaghetti.”
Cadence’s jaw slowly dropped. “I— But— that’s a— How the FUCK do you know what 4Chan is?”
Twilight leaned in closer. “I am asking the questions! Okay, next, what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?”
For once Cadence didn’t roll her eyes at that old joke. “It depends, is it an African or European swallow?”
Twilight pursed her lips. “XKCD is a… ?”
Cadence frowned. “Oh crap I used to know that one! Look, I’m old, okay? There’s a lot of stuff in here. You want proof that I’m human and somehow have knowledge of Earth Stuff? Well, ask me anything about Star Trek, old 80s movies, that kind of stuff. I’m not a big internet user.”
Twilight smirked. “But you know what a greentext is.”
“Every lonely person with a job they despise knows what a greentext is,” Cadence replied automatically.
Twilight pursed her lips then nodded slowly. “Okay, that’s fair… How about this one, who is responsible for canceling the best show ever?”
Cadence frowned. “Okay, yeah, I can’t help you without knowing what show you think is the bes—” She stopped mid sentence as an obvious option popped into her head. “— Wait, do you mean Firefly?”
Twilight nodded. “Yes. They need to get several angry letters!”
“Just watch Outlaw Star, it’s the same show. A rugged hero leads a band of outlaws on an adventure using an eponymously-titled spaceship after finding a key in the form of a woman who was hidden in a suitcase who was the subject of experimentation at the hands of a secret government cabal.”
Twilight smiled. “Outlaw Star you say? I’ll look it up!”
Cadence returned her smile. “Thanks. Will you let me up now?”
Twilight shook her head. “Nope. We’ve established you’re from earth, but you could still be an evil alien bug queen who is HURTING MY BROTHER!”
Cadence gulped. “I haven't hurt him.”
Twilight’s horn sparked as she cast a quick lie detection spell. She didn’t know one powerful enough to pierce a big lie, like what she thought Cadence was telling her, but a small one? That was cake. “You’re lying!”
Cadence’s ears lay back as her eyes widened. “Uhhh, okay, this will be TMI, but he likes to be whipped during sex and—”
Twilight put one of her hooves over Cadence’s mouth. “Shhhh…. Shhhh…. Shhhh…. That’s the kind of knowledge that should remain a mystery.” Twilight whispered into Cadence’s ear as a look of disgust spread across her face. “How about you tell me why Princess Celestia wants you here. Maybe then I’ll let you up.”
Cadence closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “The Princess doesn't want to rule the Crystal Empire herself, and doesn't want it to fall into enemy hands. She found a spell that can turn someone into an alicorn, but it won't work on ponies. She didn’t trust anyone of any other species that lives on your world, so she looked for someone from mine.
“Because, you know, she knew about it at the time. I guess. She didn’t tell me that part. What I do know is that right now we’re both prisoners of her FIRST recruit from Earth. Her name’s Chrysalis. She turned herself into a big evil alien jerkface because economics.
“The Princess didn’t agree with her economics plan, they fought, Celestia kicked her out and back to Earth. Now she needed a new alicorn ruler for the Empire. She looked around everywhere, and your brother was one of her agents doing the looking. He found me and took interest in me because I am transgender—”
Twilight blinked. “But humans can fix that. Why didn’t you fix that?”
Cadence took a deep breath. “Long, complex story. Mostly involving work relations, professional environments, and bad parents. Can I continue?”
Twilight nodded. Cadence continued. “Okay, so, to make a long story short, he befriended me and did a LOT of pushing for me to become a woman. But I also happened to be a good candidate for Celestia to recruit. She had him give her a full report on me three weeks ago and after a pretty stupid idea of recruiting me by convincing me that she was trying to sell me a theme park—”
Twilight tilted her head. “Uh, what?”
“Celestia packaged ‘Hey, I want you to turn into a pony and rule a kingdom for me’ as ‘I am selling this horse themed park.’ It was dumb, and she said something about ‘Oh well I needed to make sure you weren't power hungry.’”
Twilight nodded. “Sounds like her. Both the joke and the reason for the joke are very Princess Celestia.”
“My mom died recently, and I had nothing really to live for. I thought a park would be a fun thing to try to run, so I signed the papers after an evening’s thought. That sealed a magical contract or something like that, and I was turned into a pony, transported here, and told ‘by the way there’s an ancient evil warlord sealed away in that kingdom we need you to help us kill before you can have it, oh and also the last person we recruited is back and using her ability to spawn drones that shapeshift to try and take over the kingdom, and I have a picture of her old pony form on my wall for some reason!”
Twilight blinked. “What’s the painting look like?”
Cadence closed her eyes to remember the painting. “It’s a bust of a mare in front of a blue curtain. She’s got light gray fur, a bright turquoise mane and emerald green eyes. She looks eager, alert, energetic, but something seems off. You can tell she’s wearing an emotional mask.”
Twilight hummed. “Then you have been in Princess Celestia’s room at her real home. You couldn’t have gone in unless she wanted you too or you’d be petrified. Okay, that settles it. You are meant to be here. But why is everypony acting like you have ALWAYS been here?”
Cadence winced at the word ‘petrified’. Note to Self: do not barge into Celestia room. Ever.
“We used an artifact called the Identity Matrix to give me a cover identity that everyone who should know me would know. For some reason, it didn’t affect you.”
“Where was this artifact stored?” Twilight asked, her eyes narrowing.
Cadence frowned. “In Celestia’s vault. With her other artifacts. I doubt she wants me telling where it is. Especially since I don’t know if YOU are one of the bugs.”
Twilight nodded once. “That’s a good point. But I know where it is. I’ve been in there several times, what with being Princess Celestia’s personal student and all.”
Cadence smiled hopefully. “Then you know she only brings ponies she trusts in there?”
Twilight nodded. “Yes. Okay. I believe you.”
Cadence sighed in relief and wiped some sweat off her forehead. “Thank goodness! I have no idea how to stop a spellbolt.”
“You use a shield, or a very good mirror,” Twilight answered reflexively.
The lavender mare’s eyes grew distant for a moment. “So… Did they get Shiny too? I can't believe my brother would yell at me like that. He would have beloved me.”
Cadence nodded, filing away the information that Shining had been replaced for later. “Yeah. He was Gleaming at the time. We were walking together, pre-wedding jitters and stress for setting up a trap for Chrysalis made us… Well, dumb.”
Twilight frowned and stepped off of Cadence’s belly. “About that wedding. Is it just a trap for the bug queen?”
Cadence shook her head. “No! We really do love each other. Though we wouldn't get married this early if Celestia hadn't ordered it.”
Twilight hummed, trying to find a way to make this mystery mare prove she loved her big brother for reals. “Well, he trusted you enough to know he likes to be a mare sometimes… But WHY does he do it?”
“He likes to play dress up, and she’s a costume for his gaming group,” Cadence answered. “I thought you trusted me.”
Twilight shrugged. “That you’re on my side? Yes. That my big brother should be with you? No. I don't know if you’re perfect for him… Yet.”
Cadence shivered at the way she said ‘yet’. “How about we escape, rescue him, stop this wedding, and capture an evil bug queen?”
Twilight nodded, her eyes narrowing as she remembered the exact situation they were in. “We have three hours till the wedding starts. Do you have a plan? Because if I can get to my friends we can get the elements of Harmony and— Oh… Oh! They could be replaced too.”
Cadence nodded and sighed. “Anyone could be. But Celestia learned if you zap them with a transformation spell, it won’t work. Changelings are immune to all transformation magic but their own.”
“Changelings?”
“It’s what Celestia and I called them, and what they call themselves by like, a huge coincidence.”
“Okay. Well, then we need to get to my friends and I’ll test them.”
Cadence smiled shakily. “Uhhh, one problem, Twilight. See, I’m clearly me. There's no easy way to disguise me. And I spent the whole day before I was captured setting up a whole series of specially trained agents who are looking for impostors and changelings all across the entire city. All of whom think that she is me right now.”
Twilight frowned. “That’s not good. But I can move freely! I can still find my friends once we are out.”
“Unless someone replaced you,” Cadence shrugged her wings. “It’s best to assume we will need to sneak into the palace and well… Squash a bug. Just the queen if we can help it. Her drones are people, and some are nice.”
Twilight raised a skeptical eyebrow. “How do you know that?”
“Well one of them replaced my motorcycle, and she’s both very friendly and treats me like her mother.”
Twilight smiled the smile of a young mare who had no choice but to daww at the cute thing. “Oh. Okay!”
Cadence’s eyes widened. “Really? That’s your reaction?”
“One time my best friend cloned herself several hundred times. Another time, I stopped a Chaos God from taking over Equestria. Weird things are normal to me. That’s why I assumed this was all the plot of an evil alien bug queen.”
Cadence’ pursed her lips as she remembered this mare had also turned her parents into potted plants once. “Point to you… So uh, we need to go meet up with Harley, so I can get my weapons out of her saddlebags. Chrysalis found the ones hidden on me.”
Twilight looked confused or a moment then nodded. “Oh yeah! You don't know any magic. Wait, how did you dig the tunnel?”
“Shining taught me about six spells. Just enough to stabilize my magic. One lets me summon tools.”
Twilight nodded. “Okay. Well… Give me one minute.”
Twilight closed her eyes and focused on her magic. A sphere of lavender light blasted out from her horn, sliding across everything insight and vanishing into the walls. Twilight listened for the echo from her Bat Pony’s EEEE! Spell. The echo rushed back to her, carrying a map of her immediate surroundings, even the bits behind the walls.
“There’s a tunnel this way!” Twilight announced as she blasted a hole in the wall with a terrifyingly bright ray of purple light.
The wall crumbled in a shower of crystal shards. Cadence slowly stood up, glad to have dodged a bullet. Twilight trotted out into the tunnel and waved a hoof for Cadence to follow. “Come on!”
Cadence trotted a few steps forward then stopped. A little voice in the back of her mind reminded her how Chrysaliss had taunted her with paraphrased villain speeches. She felt compelled to show her how annoying that was. “One moment. I want to leave a mocking message.”
Twilight nodded and stopped in the “doorway” she had made.
Cadence closed her eyes and conjured up her pickax one last time. Taking hold of the tool by its spike she carefully scratched a note into the floor of Twilight’s cell.
Now I’ve got a Sparkle. Ho. Ho. Ho.
Twilight craned her neck to read the writing and giggled. “Oh! I get it. Die Hard.”
Cadence turned and raised an eyebrow at Twilight as she dismissed her pick.
“What? Shiny’s laptop has Netflix. Why wouldn’t I watch the best Hearth's Warming movie ever made?”
Cadence snickered. “I think we can be friends, Twilight.”
Twilight nodded happily. “Mhm! As long as you’re a good fit for my big brother. Come on!”
Twilight trotted down the tunnel to her left. Cadence followed along behind her, deeply worried about not living up to the young mare’s expectations for a sister-in-law.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
Princess Cadence - 5/16/2018
Ferrier Quartz Mine - Mt. Canterlot, Equestria
Abandoned. Isolated. Desolate. These words encapsulated Ferrier Quartz mine. Cadence could hardly believe a national capitol was built over such an empty place.
There was still good crystal to be mined. Colossal shimmering pillars an alicorn wide cut across the unmaintained tunnels, split them cleanly down the middle, and formed walls at random places. Progress through the tunnels was slow, almost agonizingly slow.
If not for Twilight’s repeated concussive blasts the two ponies would have remained trapped in the mines until the mad queen either killed them or set them free. That fate could still come to pass. Twilight was slowing down, the crystal barricades were becoming more and more dense.
“I can’t help but feel we just made our cell bigger,” Cadence remarked as Twilight took a few moments to charge her next shot.
The wall in front of the ponies shattered, revealing a small pocket beyond the broken purple crystal leading up to a dense forest of crisscrossing crystal spikes.
Twilight moaned and rubbed her temples. “Seriously? What the hay happened here? This crystal growth can't be natural!”
Cadence’s eyes narrowed as she inspected the crystal’s patterns. They looked almost like the spears you would see used in a trap meant to impale intruders seeking entry into the heart of an ancient temple.
“You’re right. This could have come right out of Indiana Jones. Or Daring do.”
Twilight frowned and stepped forwards to get a better look at the crystal spears. “Or… a very old Oubliettes and Ogres module.”
Twilight trailed off for a moment and then quickly conjured a quill and scrap of parchment. With her magic nearly depleted Twilight chose to use the lowest level of this spell she knew. Both the quill and parchment would vanish within ten minutes, but she only had to visualize the mines and the crystals they had cut through.
Her quill sketched out the tunnels they had traveled down from memory. Accuracy suffered somewhat as Twilight hadn’t been too focused on memorizing her path, but she knew it would be good enough. Once the twisting and turning path as well as every branch she could remember had been sketched, Twilight changed the color of her ink and drew in every crystal formation they had broken through and then every crystal formation she could remember.
“We have a few minutes before this goes poof,” Twilight said as she pointed to her map to draw Cadence’s attention to it. “What do you make of this?”
Cadence scanned over the map and hummed. The top down view left a rather distinct impression of intentional barricades, and if she understood how magic could be used correctly, offensive geomancy. “Someone tried to hold this place. See these crystals here? We cut through this triple layer of crystals. I remember there were crystals growing off the vertical ones in the direction we were traveling. Like the spikes of a palisade formation.”
Twilight nodded in agreement and tapped the map near where they had started. “Things get less dense here, but if you look at the way the crystal formations block some paths but reveal others, and create new ‘hallways’ by dividing them… Their strategy changed. They were trying to lose pursuers at this point. There was a battle here once.”
Twilight’s face fell as she struggled to remember anything at all about a battle near Canterlot before or after its construction.
Cadence studied the map for a few moments before noticing Twilight’s worried expression. “What is it?”
Twilight continued to stare at the spear-like shards of crystal, searching them for any indication of who might have created them. Every spell left behind small details, traces which could be used to identify what had been used to perform it. If you knew that, you could get an idea of who might have been able to perform the magic.
Twilight’s ears flicked back as she drew a total blank. Genuine anger radiated from the mare as she sighed and began to pace in front of the crystal-spears. “I don’t… I don’t know anything about a fight here. I have access to Celestia's restricted library, the Starswirl the Bearded Wing, the Library of the Two Sisters which includes both Princess Celestia and Luna’s journals, and even some of Clover’s notes.”
Cadence’s face scrunched as she backed away from the slowly boiling kettle of rage. “So, you’ve read entire libraries and still have time to be hanging out on the internet? And become some kind of goddess of magic according to Shining. How?”
Twilight sighed and stopped pacing. “I found reading books to be an inefficient means of extracting the knowledge from them and streamlined the process. I only read if I want to have fun. Your internet inspired me to find a way to download a book into my brain. I absorb nonfiction and read fiction. It’s more relaxing.”
Cadence nodded slowly. “Okay, well, the good news is the density of these crystal defenses suggests were heading for an exit. If we can blast or cut through these spears, we might even be at the last layer of defenses.”
Twilight bit her lip as she examined the crystals. “I— I’ll need a few minutes. I’m running pretty dry. These crystals take way more magic to break than they should…”
The map Twilight had drawn evaporated in a puff of white smoke. Cadence frowned realizing just how much time they were spending below ground and how little was left. The alicorn closed her eyes and summoned her not-quite-trusty pickax into her hoof.
“Take that break. I’ll cut through as many of these as I can in the meantime.”
Queen Chrysalis - 5/16/2018
3rd floor Mage’s Laboratory, The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Oaken timbers creaked as Chrysalis pushed the door to the small mage’s laboratory open. The smell of bubbling chemicals immediately assaulted her nose, wrinkling it as an especially strong smell of sulfur and ammonia wafted through the cramped room.
The Palace had several small laboratories hidden away in its many rooms. They were intended for security to be able to quickly analyze guests magical items before returning them. They also served the needs of other palace security protocols, though nowhere near as often.
The third floor laboratory was rarely used, and while that meant it was furnished with crude timber, equipped with shoddy equipment, and given only a minimal library, it was easy to use for one’s own purposes.
No one had thought twice about one of the younger court mages setting up shop in the third floor lab to do their term-paper. If they had, they might have noticed that same student had vanished for several days before setting up shop last week.
Chrysalis trotted into the cramped room. Even in Cadence’s smaller body, an alicorn took up significant space, leaving barely enough room for her, the plumb and orange unicorn stallion, and Shining Armor to share the room with the door closed.
Shining walked in after Cadence, moving right in on her tail. Outwardly, he looked fine if perhaps a little stressed and in slight pain. No one questioned his apparent condition. In the light of his wedding coming up in a few hours and him having kept a city-shield going all week with only minimal help from other casters, well… anypony else would have looked worse.
Internally, Shining screamed at the prison of his own mind which Chrysalis had built.
Its walls were strong. The Queen spoke and her prisoner obeyed, for the moment. Strong as those walls may be Shining’s will was proving difficult to contend with. Another solution to keeping the shield up had to be found.
Chrysalis closed her eyes and cast the spell Mage’s Private Sanctum. From the inside, the small lab appeared as it always did. From the outside, the lab had just been plunged into darkness, without a single bit of sound escaping. Not even a divination spell directed at the Laboratory itself would be able to see or hear anything occurring in the room.
A risky move, to say the least. That sort of suddenly appearing counter-eavesdropping spells are never cast by people who want to have a quick snog in the broom closet. Unfortunately, it was a risk Chrysalis had to take.
If Shining broke free, as he feared he could, her plans would rapidly crumble. Particularly because the stallion knew Cadence and Twilight had been replaced.
The queen turned her attention to her disguised drone. “Quick Study, for your sake I hope you have a solution.”
Her voice was low, firm, and even. A mask placed over rolling anger and smouldering cruelty.
The drone nodded slowly, fearing how his Queen would take his proposals. “I have found several answers, my queen. None of them are good answers, but most of them should work without too many complications.”
Chrysalis trotted over to the open spellbook on the worktable next to the lab’s window. The book was from Celestia’s restricted collection. “Twilight” had been allowed to take it for personal study after apologizing to everypony for her outburst during the rehearsal. Quick Study had a way with words, at least when his targets wanted to believe those words.
“Is this the Codex Umbral?” Chrysalis said as she gently turned the book to look at its cover.
Indeed it was. The ancient tome written by the Dark Lord of Magic had eluded her while she sought her transformation out so many years ago. She ran a hood over its unicorn skin cover and earth pony ivory lettering and smiled. “So it is… I trust you haven’t fallen behind in our primary mission?”
Quick shook his head. He understood what his Queen meant. She knew he wouldn’t forsake his duties. He did as he had been made to do. No, his Queen had brought his attention to the Dark Magic tome for the purposes of reminding him just what she could do to him if he failed her.
“Not at all, your highness. In fact, I finished designing the spell this morning! If I don’t overstep my bounds by saying so, well, it would be unwise to use it untested. I know you only intend to use it as a last resort, but nonetheless I would suggest using it as a means of solving our Shining problem.”
Shining did his best to focus on the two changeling’s words. A week of fighting for control had exhausted him. He could feel the walls around his mind starting to give, but he had so little energy left the world sounded like it was all under water.
Chrysalis shook her head violently. “Out of the question!”
“You may not like the other options, my Queen.” Quick took a step towards Chrysalis. “They all have… Flaws.”
“Flaws?! ” Chrysalis turned to face her drone and let her eyes return to their normal emerald-green cat-like slits with a flash of fire. “List, them.”
Quick gulped and nodded. “Of course. Option one, we dedicate a significant percentage of the attack force to keep the shield up and hope your domination holds until the critical moment.”
Chrysalis growled. “No. We need to cause as much damage as possible during the attack phase.”
“If we changed to lethal tactics, a death toll would compensate for the lower amount of destruction and—”
The Queen’s eyes narrowed. “I was certain I gave you a brain for the sake of your duties… Have you misplaced it?”
Quick took a step back. “N— No, my Queen.”
Chrysalis leaned down to look Quick in the eyes. “Then why do you think killing ponies enmass is a good idea when we need as many traumatized survivors as possible?”
“I— I’m aware, your highness, but—”
“Next!” Chrysalis snapped.
Quick cleared his throat. “Um, well, we could dominate a number of unicorns and have them take over shield control as a group spell. Then, if he breaks free he would need to overcome their power to take the shield down. At which point we could kill him, and use that as the opening for our attack. Later on, those who were dominated can be mindwiped of the incident, and will be hailed as heroes. You could take the credit for their work by claiming you talked them through the shield’s upkeep and it would only boost your post-invasion image.”
Chrysalis tapped a hoof to her chin, returning her eyes to normal before she forgot. “Mmm, not a bad card to play… A shame Blind Mare’s Bluff is not my game. I don’t know if I can dominate more than one at a time effectively. I never mastered this technique.”
Quick nodded understandingly. “I am aware, My Queen. It’s a shame you were unable to locate King Sombra’s spellbooks sooner.”
The Queen turned her attention back to the book, pondering what secrets might lay in its pages. Perhaps in that volume was something which could have saved her from her current fate. “What are our other options?”
“We could drug Shining heavily, leave him in the mines and a drone could take his place.”
Chrysalis scoffed. “No! Our other prisoners got out of their cells, as I knew they would. If they somehow escaped the mines and found him, it’s just more ammunition for their metaphorical gun.”
Quick’s eyes widened in alarm. “They are loose?! Why wasn’t I told! I’ve been working on a ‘teleport fence’. This is the perfect opportunity to test a containment—”
Chrysalis threw back her head and laughed. “There is no need to waste time setting up your new spell, Quick. Perhaps you've forgotten just who it was who turned those mines into a dungeon? Cadence won't escape in time to stop the ceremony," she turned to give Shining a pseudo-loving pat on the head. “Not unless this one breaks free. There’s a chance he could let her out of that little cursed hole in the ground. But you won't be doing that.”
Quick cleared his throat, a look of concern flashing across his face. "My Queen, while Mister Arvil is not used to using magic yet, and barring an emotional fit will be incapable of advanced spellcraft, Twilight is down there as well. She of all ponies has what it takes to escape."
Chrysalis' eyes narrowed as she smiled. "Perhaps she will find her way to the exit. I've run the numbers. She certainly could blast through dozens and dozens of umbral crystals. She will tire. Her reserves will burn away. Her magic will start eating up her very body before she gets to the final barrier. I've calculated everything to the last degree. If she makes it to the final chamber, Twilight will be in such poor shape practically anyling could handle her."
"And what of our Alicorn? What if they have teamed up?"
"A drained unicorn and an unarmed pony with no real spells to speak of? A danger? Ha!" Chrysalis swept her hoof through the air in front of Quick's face, making the changeling squeak. "They are no match for one of my fighters with a protection charm in their current condition. Even if they do kill this particular guard, they will be ridding me of a nuisance! My plan can survive their escape without much difficulty. I've made sure I will know if those doors are opened. They will be racketed, hunted, and exterminated like the mammals they are!"
Quick sighed. “Very well… If you are certain, My Queen."
Chrysalis nodded slowly, maintaining eye contact with her drone all the while. "I am quite certain," she said turned her head to look at Shining's blank face. "I am also quite certain I am pressed for time. The wedding begins in just over an hour."
Quick sputtered and whirled around to glance at the labratory's clock. "An hour?! Forgive me, My Queen! I was lost in my work. We need to solve your control problem, and fast."
Chrysalis sighed. Normaly she would rebuke a drone for speaking to her in such a manner, but he was correct, and more so, he was agreeing with her. "I can feel my control over this pony slipping quickly, Quick. If I did not have to send orders to the entire hive, maintain this disguise, and preform my own duties for this little operation I would be able to keep him firmly within my hooves. We need a good solution, right, now ."
Quick racked his brain to think of anything plausible which had had not suggested before. The changeling began to pace what little space the lab provided. After a moment he turned to his Queen with a light in his eyes. "We could leave him to his own devices. Mind blank him of this incident, perhaps induce a full amnesia and leave him in the wine cellar while a drone performs his required public performances.”
Chrysalis hummed curiously, craning her neck to look into Shining’s slightly dull eyes. Her stare intensified, moving through the stages of curiosity to contempt. “No… No you wouldn’t be so kind as to let such a thing stick, would you?”
She turned her attention back to Quick with a snappy motion which seemed as if it should have broken her neck. “If he can chip away at my active control, he will be able to crush my passive touch. What else do you have?”
Quick took a deep breath and smiled. It wasn't a happy smile, it was a smile meant to hide his terror. A futile gesture when used on a creature which can sense your emotions, but one doesn't truly control those little social reflexes. “In that case, My Queen, our best option remains testing my latest spell.”
Chrysalis cocked her head to one side. She rolled her eyes and reached for her magic. Her horn blazed with green light as she lifted Quick off the floor via his throat.
“Do you think me a fool, Quick ?" the Queen demanded, practically growling the drone's name. "We are doing research into Dark Magic! All of your work is theoretical, based on experimentation and scraps of butchered mage's notes. What, pray tell, do we do if it kills him? If it mutates his body beyond usability? He is CRITICAL to my plans. Did you even think this through, Quick?”
Quick gurgled and Chrysalis began to twist his neck to the side, debating whether she should snap it. It took her several moments to decide not too. If he died, her ability to study magic would be forevermore lost rather than partitioned away.
Chrysalis pulled the drone closer to her face to gaze into his very soul. “Do you know how difficult it was to get away from them for just fifteen minutes? Have you the slightest idea how little time I have today? Why are you so… masochistic?”
Quick gasped, his hind legs kicking in the air. “We— use it… on you… later… plan… untested! More— c— crit—”
Chrysalis let Quick drop to the floor. The transformed changeling hit the stone ground with a loud thud and spent a moment catching his breath.
Chrysalis turned her back on her drone to look out the window. “Firstly, we're not planning on using your spell. We're planning to threaten to use it in the event everything goes to the pigs. As a Queen, I would be fine if the spell is malformed. I have the same natural wards as an alicorn, after all.”
Quick rubbed his throat with a hoof. “Are you certain, My Queen? Certain beyond any shadow of a doubt? This is Dark Magic we have wrought. Contrary to your accusations, I know the risks we are taking. If I may speak freely, My Queen?"
She debated for several seconds, eventually deciding to let her most valuable drone say his peace. "You may speak, but watch your tongue."
Quick nodded and drew himself up to his full height. "As your intellectual side, I know the risks better than you yourself do, My Queen. Yes, you practiced, and trained, and studied yourself to reach a point where you could utilize my work after my creation, but I too have improved. I am a significantly better wizard than you are, though much less powerful, of course. Insulting my intelligence over matters like this is a waste of your limited time.
"I am an expert in Dark Magic, as you yourself made me to be. I know how insidious it is. I wield it on a daily basis, it is an old friend. It creeps into the tiniest crack and rots it whole… I have our memories of the spell which created us, My Queen. We believed it to be perfect as well, and yet Celestia found a thread to pluck and unravel our once beautiful tapestry.”
Chrysalis narrowed her eyes as a wave of anger washed over her. “You have a certain… truth… in your words.”
Quick smiled. He had her now. She would accept his suggestion, and he would be safe until the end of the next project drew near. “I worry only for the safety of our hive, My Queen. We have risked everything on this operation aside from the drones in the formicary, and the Princess's egg. If we fail, we all die. My spell is the most likely path we have for survival."
Chrysalis rolled her eyes. "It is my understanding that the spell would most likely renew the control link, as I already dominate him."
Quick smirked, only to quickly cover his smirk with a serious expression as the Queen glared into his very being. "N-- No, Your Highness... If I may say something as One of One would, allow me to be your Malcador and take your place upon the Throne to free you from this burden."
Chrysalis slowly turned around, a cruel smile splitting her lips. “Interesting proposal… We did not design it to work on a drone. If the spell dosn't interact well with your hive mind, you will likely die.”
Quick bowed down to his Queen. “I have faith in my service to you, your highness. It will not fail unless you choose it to be so.”
Chrysalis spat on the floor. “And yet, you are so worried about reserving it as an ace in the hole and it failing me when I need it later? Please.”
Quick held up his hooves defensively. “If we did that, it must be used on yourself with no experience casting it. Do you truly wish to cast a spell of that complexity for the first time under the stress of battle? To say nothing of the stress which would come from not knowing you can perform it successfully?”
Chrysalis frowned slowly, she shrugged her wings casualty and lifted a stack of notes from the desk to read them. A quick pulse of light from her horn and the ink on the pages changed from an academic paper on the mana use of flight spells to a how-to guide for a very complex and potent piece Dark Magic sorcery.
Chrysalis continued to read the papers for several moments. Quick held his breath. Shining desperately wished he could get an angle to even try to see what was on those fifty pages.
Chrysalis hummed. “This is fairly complex… More so than our transformation. Well done.”
Quick nodded. The changeling smiled in relief. Finally, his Queen saw things his way. “I’m afraid it cannot be made any simpler, My Qu—”
An aura of black, purple, and green light based around Chrysalis’s horn. Her eyes transformed into deep green pools of light, as if someone had placed a lantern in her hollowed out skull. Quick yelped, Shining felt barbed hooks sink into his mind and rip him away from the Queen's grasp.
Blackness engulfed the young stallion. Blackness and pain. He could feel himself being pulled in three different directions at once. Towards himself, towards the Queen, and towards Quick. He felt himself twist, crumple, and evaporate, only to be balled up and thrown against something harder than anything he had ever felt in his life.
It had been even worse than the last time he'd been mind-slaved.
The chaos cleared. Shining’s picture of the world was even more fragmented than it had been before. He felt exhausted, but so did the walls holding him in place. They felt stretched, thinned, almost breakable… Different even. If he could get a moment’s rest he could—
Quick reached up and rubbed his temples as if suffering from a migraine. Except, Shining hadn’t moved. Quick Study had. The chaotic maelstrom the world had decayed into began to die down, slowly restoring normality.
The Queen's sorcery was no longer clawing at his brain. Instead, Shining felt the drone's mind intruding upon his own.
Quick winced as he felt the input from Shining's senses through the transferred link. Direct control of other bodies was something he was completely used too, but interactions with another mind were still quite alien. “This feels… so limited. Is this what a single body is like? How terrifying!”
Chrysalis turned to face her drones new body. “Can you use his special talent?”
Quick closed his eyes for a moment. The shield outside sparkled, and the changeling nodded. “Of course! It is mine now. I can feel the shield sapping his strength. I can force him maintain it for another six hours at this strength.”
The Queen nodded. "And his resistance?"
Shining collected all of his strength and lashed out at the new barriers locking him in the back of his mind. The walls shook, but held firm. Firm, but not as hard as the Queen's had been. A rather devious through occurred to Shining. If he waited till just the right moment, he could break free and take down his shield right when the bugs needed it the most! He would play along, for now.
Shining relaxed, feigning giving up.
Quick's lips parted as he chuckled. "He seems to have given up. I would submit that a fresh mind, even one weaker than your own, is far more resilient than his weary soul can bare."
Chrysalis smiled cruelly and turned towards Shining. “I'm so glad you're playing nice with my son. You know, he rather happens to fancy stallions. I'm aware of your flirting with your friend at the local comic shop. If you dont' struggle, perhaps I'll let Quick keep you as a plaything.”
Shining did his best to remain calm in spite of her threat. Quick briefly wondered if his Queen were serious, then decided she would never allow him such a gift. No, private livestock were exclusively for her pleasure and feeding.
Chrysalis looked sidelong at Quick.
"Nothing, ma'am. He's given up," the drone reported as the Dark Magic binding Shining to him mutated.
No one sensed the change, it was far too subtle for a wizard to see without dedicated equipment. New information began to flow down the link between their minds. Something aside from the orders the changeling constantly bombarded Shining's body with. Something Shining felt very slightly in the back of the back of his mind.
"Then tap into his senses and make him play his part," Chrysalis turned to leave the lab, getting ready to remove her anti-eavesdropping spell. "And don't buck it up!"
"I wouldn't dream of it, My Queen," Quick pushed himself against Shining's mind, forcing his senses to open up and feed him information.
The mutated spell opened up as well. Shining suddenly felt as if he were in nine places at once. He was in the lab, a library, a kitchen, two bedrooms, a street, this laboratory, and a bathroom all at the same time and all of those bodies were transformed into different people with different perspectives, senses of color, and attention to detail.
Nine pairs of ears heard entirely different things.
”Are you alright, sir? Do you need a doctor?”
”Oh my goodness! Did you have a stroke? Let me take you to a doctor.”
”OI! Get out of the road, you drunk!”
”Twilight? Are you alright?”
It was maddening. Maddening, yet informative. He was learning far more about Changelings than he had ever hoped possible.
Chrysalis cancelled her spell and smiled lovingly at Shining. "Thank you for letting me have that last minute fantasy as a single mare."
Quick spoke through Shining's mouth. "Of course, dear! Why, I wouldn't mind watching you sleep with other stallions after our wedding either."
Shining wished he could laugh. Ironically, he would be fine with it, assuming his love wanted too. Whatever would bring her pleasure is what he wanted for her.
"We should get back to the ballroom now... I hope we're not too late to shake hooves with every last noble in Equestria."
"I'm sure we wont be," Quick said through Shining.
The Queen opened the lab's door and walked into the hall, heading back to her place beside Celestia. Shining followed, against his will, as much a drone as a pony. Shining smiled inside his mind.
Princess Cadence - 5/16/2018
Ferrier Quartz Mine - Mt. Canterlot, Equestria
Cadence’s ax bit into the tenth crystal spear, cracking half-way through the surprisingly tough gemstone. There was no longer any doubt about it, these crystals had been created as weapons. The larger ones were nowhere near as dense, not strong, and nowhere near as sharp.
Cadence’s hooves stung from dozens of little cuts. Every time her ax broke one spear in half little razor shards flew every which way, as if a small grenade had gone off. How a shard hadn’t yet hit her in the eye, Cadence couldn’t say.
“Ow…” she grumbled, reaching out with her magic to pluck a shard out of her lower left foreleg.
Twilight stood up from where she had sat down to nap. “Sorry… I think I can get back to blasting now.”
Cadence turned her head and smiled at Twilight. “I’ve spent the last four days digging. I’m used to this. I can keep going.”
Twilight returned her smile and gently set a hoof on her back. “We don’t have time.”
Cadence closed her eyes and hung her head. “I know… But you’re able to use magic, and I can’t. I’d rather you be fresh for inevitable fights.”
“I’d rather be able to get to those fights,” Twilight countered.
Cadence looked down the short two pony length tunnel she had dug out. There were five more pony-lengths to go. “Point to you… This crystal is extra strong Think you can blast through it?”
Cadence backed out of the tunnel to give Twilight a clear view. Twilight squinted and craned her neck, looking through multiple small gaps in the crystals before whistling. “That’s a LOT of spears. Whoever did this had to be archmage level.”
Cadence grimaced and gestured to the forest of spears. “Then you can’t blast through this?”
Twilight smiled evilly. “I passed archmage level two years ago… But it will take everything I just got back. Give me a minute.”
Cadence watched as Twilight focused her power as only she could. Every last drop of magic heard Twilight’s call, cracked its knuckles and moved into her horn for some real work. No aura blossomed around her horn. Instead, her horn itself glowed a very light, almost imperceptible pink.
Twilight took a deep breath. “Cover your head. Some of the tunnel may collapse.”
Cadence’s tail flagged in alarm. Her eyes went wide. Her heart skipped several beats. “Um, maybe you should use several smaller shots?”
“Can’t. Too little energy. I can do an amp spell and one big blast or three small blasts. It will take four small blasts. Don’t worry, normally all the energy goes one way.”
Cadence took several steps back as little yellow pinpricks of light manifested around Twilight’s horn and slowly fall towards its tip, coalescing into a shimmering ball of light. “Uh, Twi? How about you don’t? Please?”
“Can’t. Already started.”
The ball of yellow light at the tip of Twilight’s horn brightened, becoming a shade of blue which reminded Cadence far too much of the flame from an oxyacetylene torch.
Cadence drew on her own magic and used her tool-making spell to conjure a pair of welding goggles. She had just enough time to slip them on before Twilight’s spell kicked into high gear.
The small blue ball bulged out into a mass of white-hot energy the size of Twilight’s head. Bright blue light poured out of her eyes. Crackling bolts of lighting raced along her horn from her head to the tip. Twilight’s hooves slowly left the ground. The ocean of magic she was able to pull from the magical crystals around her was to blame for her levitation.
Cadence ducked behind some of the larger crystals as the energy ball began to pulse with bright lavender ripples… and an audible dull, techno-like throbbing, beat.
Twilight fired her spell. A shock wave blasted out from her, scattering dirt, dust, pebbles, and crystal shards to the winds. The ball erupted, sending a thick bolt of blue-white plasma blasting down the tunnel. Crystals shattered, melted, and vaporized under the onslaught of energy. The sounds of breaking crystal were drowned out by the odd-choir-like twinkling sound the plasma-beam made.
As suddenly as it started, it stopped. Cadence breathed a sigh of relief as the cave didn't collapse. Twilight smiled proudly before taking two steps and falling on her face, now completely exhausted.
“Ow…” Twilight moaned into the completely clean floor.
“Hey, no fair!” A voice called from the other side of the white-hot glowing tunnel. “I don’t have a wave motion gun!”
Cadence’s eyes narrowed to slits. She recognized that voice. “Chrysalis!”
Cadence sprang out from behind the cover of the crystals. The spear-filled tunnel was now a perfectly circular gap just big enough for her to fly through without scorching her wings off on super heated crystal. At the other end lay a large open chamber which had once served as the mine’s staging area.
Daylight streamed through the cracks between the planks of an ancient timber door on the far side of the huge circular chamber. The line of molten crystal reached halfway into the room, stopping at the hooves of the towering changeling Queen.
Cadence saw the odd u-shaped end of the molten crystal and stone and understood what it meant immediately. The Queen had a force field. It could stop death-lasers-of-terror.
That didn’t matter. Cadence had no ranged weapon. All she had was a spell that could conjure basic forms of tools.
Let’s test this spell’s limits, then her’s. Cadence focused all of her will power, demanding it make the most tool-like weapon appropriate for expressing absolute rage.
The spell balked at her request and refused to budge. Cadence’s eyes burned a hole in Chrysalis's forehead. Rage boiled in her mind as everything the monster before her could have done to her love consumed her. Cadence continued focusing on her spell.
The spell still refused to budge. It made tools, not weapons based on a tool. Heck, it made simple tools and the tool this thing could hardly be called simple. Cadence reached for even more of her magic, hoping she could brute force her spell before the Queen made her move.
Alicorn magic and rage informed Cadence’s spell that they had its back. The spell laughed and pointed out that most of the materials were fictional, and so was the fuel. Cadence’s alicorn magic cracked its knuckles and made several demands of reality itself. If Celestia could move the sun, it could make a new metal.
Half of Cadence’s magic rushed into to back up the spell, barely allowing it to brute force its way into creating her desired weapon. A weaponized tool appeared in her left hoof with a flash of bright blue light. It was crude, unpainted, and barely recognizable as what Cadence had envisioned.
A single edged chainsaw designed expressly for war. A chainsword, the most barbaric/terrifying weapon in all the fiction she had ever read.
Queen Chrysalis's eyes widened in terror. “Oh—”
Whatever had been on the changeling’s lips was lost as Cadence squeezed her weapon’s throttle. Promethium blazed within its micro-motor. Exhaust belched out from hidden vents. The motor roared. Microserrated teeth spun.
Cadence charged, wings snapping open mid-step to carry her across the glowing floor, chainsword held high, ready to strike.
Chrysalis ducked and rolled to the side. The roaring blade sliced the air where her neck had been moments before. Cadence landed in the middle of the room and spun around, flaring her wings for balance. She chopped downwards. Chrysalis’s eyes widened, her horn flashed, a telekinetic shove threw Cadence’s blade to the right. The whirling teeth bit into the stone, carving out a long groove in the stone.
Chrysalis scooted backward on her plot as fast as her hind legs would allow. She held out her forehooves with a look of pure terror on her face. “WAIT! NO! I’M JUST A BODY DOUBLE!”
Cadence snarled and threw a flurry of slices at the retreating changeling. Each slice was deflected with weaker and weaker telekinetic blasts. “Horse— apples! You— blocked— that— laser!”
Chrysalis reached to her neck and pulled at a cord around it, holding the melted remains of a gold amulet out for Cadence to see. “CHARM! IT WAS A CHARM!”
Cadence swung her blade, nearly slicing into the changeling’s throat as she brought it to a stop close enough to shave some chitin off her foe’s exoskeleton. She looked at the amulet, then at the small line her blade had cut into the hardened exoskeleton.
Cadence’s rage simmered down as logic took over her brain. If Chrysalis could stop a plasma-beam that powerful… What am I doing with a melee tool?
She released the chainsword’s throttle, but kept her hoof ready to squeeze it once more. “Okay, if you’re not Chrysalis, who are you?”
The terrified changeling took a deep breath. Her hooves trembled, her eyes dilated.
“I— it is me,” Chrysalis’ form vanished in a flash of emerald fire, leaving behind an ordinary, unremarkable female changeling. “Dio!”
Cadence took a deep breath and revved the chainsword in her hoof. “I have a motherbucking chainsword to your throat and you choose to respond with a meme?”
The terrified Changeling's ears drooped. “I can’t not…”
The wheels in Cadence’s head began to turn. Her eyes narrowed in supposition. “You interrogated me!”
“Y— Yeah… Her Highness was busy,” the changeling whimpered. “I’m supposed to guard you… I was here, she gave me a script. I did my best to follow it but… Uh… I’m the fragment of her that liked stupid geek things. She cut me out of her, so she wouldn’t get distracted by silly things... It’s all I am. I can’t not be me.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow and looked over the changeling from nose to tail. She had no way of knowing if that was true, or if Chrysalis had transformed to lie to her. The sword she had created weighed heavily in her hoof.
If each changeling is a fragment of her mind given independent thought and personality based on what they were… Then they are not responsible for their “mother’s” actions. They’re soldiers following orders. We didn’t execute Nazi conscripts for the Holocaust...
It would be so easy to kill the bug and never question if she had killed their leader or just a soldier. Yet something weighed heavily on Cadence’s sense of compassion. A test was in order.
“Let me get this straight, Chrysalis didn't interrogate me at all. She had you speak for her.”
The bug nodded slowly. “Right.”
Cadence twisted her blade, tickling the changeling’s throat with its teeth. “You, being a changeling formed entirely from her hidden love of geeky things to get rid of them as a distraction. Essentially a big ball of memes and rising dorkness.”
“Yeah, why?”
“And your're here to keep Twilight and I from getting out.”
The changeling nodded. “Y— Yeah, but she didn’t think you could conjure weapons so um… I just had a shield charm, and like, stun spells. She needs you alive.”
Cadence nodded twice. “Did your Queen ever see Holy Grail?”
“Mhm!”
Cadence smiled. “Good. How about I promise you a shrubbery and you let us pass?”
The Changeling’s ears drooped apologetically. “Sorry, she hated the Knights Who Say Ni Skit and I didn’t get to watch it on my own, so I don’t have a different opinion. But, I'll tell you what we can do instead…”
The Changeling kicked Cadence in her stomach with both her rear hooves. All the bug’s might went into her surprise attack. Cadence felt herself fly through the air and land back first on the stone.
The changeling sprang backwards, turning a somersault, and landing on her rear hooves. She flailed her forelegs for balance as she struggled to stand upright. Cadence ignored the throbbing pain in her wings and climbed back to her hooves, revving her chainsword as she prepared for round two.
The changeling’s horn blazed. Cadence ducked down, expecting a spellbolt to slice the air where she had been. Instead, an illusion took shape around the changeling. Finely woven chainmail covered her from head to hoof, a black tapestry bearing the image of a bore in bright red unfurled over her chest. A gray steel bucket-helm popped into existence on her head.
The changeling hefted a greatsword made from solidified magic in her forehooves. “None shall pass!”
Cadence gave her a blank look and revved her blade twice before starting to slowly advance. “Okay then!”
“STOP!” Twilight screamed from the tunnel she’d blasted.
Cadence froze in place. “What is it? Some kind of trap?”
Twilight hobbled her way towards the two. The exhausted mare had to put everything she had into the mere act of walking. Once she’d made her way close enough to be heard at the whisper she could manage right now, Twilight clear her throat and pointed to the changeling. “She’s playing. She doesn't understand that you’ll really kill her. If she’s just a bit of someone's mind, and only that piece, she doesn't understand what seriousness is.”
The Changeling shuffled her hooves. “I do… it’s just anti-me. I can do serious, but it’s hard.”
Twilight’s ears parked as she found a solution. “Okay, let me put it this way then. You’re keeping her from saving her coltfriend from something horrible. She’s willing to go as far as to kill you to get you out of her way. Do you want to stop her knowing it’s the last thing you’ll ever try to do?”
Cadence nodded in agreement. “Yeah, do you want to lose a body?”
Twilight frowned. “A body? Do they regenerate?”
Cadence shook her head. “No. They have multiple bodies. Mini-hiveminds.”
The changeling shuffled her hooves. “I— I don’t have any others. Our Queen wanted me out of her head, she just gave me the one.”
Twilight bit her lip. She didn’t understand everything going on here, but she understood enough of that body language and tone to get what she needed. “Chrysalis doesn't like you, does she?”
The changeling shook her head.
“Do you have to work for her? Are you guys like the zerg, or other fictional hive minds?”
Another head shake followed Twilight’s question. “No. We’re a group of hive-minds that follow a leader. Because she made us. But uh, some ran away back on Earth. Not many though...”
Twilight nodded twice. “But she doesn't like you, and put you by yourself to guard an alicorn and a unicorn who is probably in the top ten most powerful mages of all time, if I might be allowed to brag a little. She could have but a whole army here, or her strongest people, but she put YOU here. What does that tell you?”
The Changeling shrugged. “That she thought I could do the job?”
Cadence frowned. “No. She wanted me to kill you,” she said, her eyes narrowing in anger. “Which means I won’t… If you’ll let us go. You shouldn’t work for someone who wants you dead.”
The Changeling closed her eyes tightly, a worried wince almost cracking her chitin. “If I do that she’ll banish me. I’ll have no one… I’ll be alone. I can’t handle that. We need company. We eat love, for buck’s sake. I— I have to try to stop you, I’m sorry.”
Twilight cleared her throat to get the changeling’s attention then smiled as genuine and friendly of a smile as she could. “Uh, no? You’d have me. I’m too tired to go anywhere, and I love making new friends. We could sit here and talk about anything you want. Including earth-geek stuff. I’ve got internet access and a photographic memory.”
Twilight held out her hoof. “Well? What do you say?”
“Uuuuhhh…” The changeling reached up and scratched the back of her head.
A few strands of her mane fell out. As the least liked member of the hive, she’d always gotten the least amount of food. She was malnourished and knew it, and here was an adorable pony literally holding a big tasty ball of affection out to her on the end of her hoof.
“I— I’d like to… but Our Queen is going to attack the city during the middle of the wedding. When that happens, every changeling is going to become hated by you ponies. It’s part of her plan. She’s Cadence, she makes everypony hate us, she “stops” us, they all love her, she gains more power than she’s ever dreamed, uses it to make her old plan happen.
“So, if I betray them, everypony will hate me forever, and I’ll be sick all the time because we can't eat hate. But if I help with the plan, then everypony will eventually come to like us after someone they super-trust tells them she killed their Queen and the hive serves her now.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow. “Uh, no? They’d only hate you till Chrysalis’s plan works. And then only if we don’t stop her.”
The Changeling’s eyes brightened. “Oh yeah!” She smiled for a moment then frowned once more. “Oh, but… I don’t think you can stop her. S— Sorry, but friendship is nice and all, but it’s too little to risk losing everything for.”
Twilight smiled. “Well, how about a date?”
Cadence and the Changeling both turned to look at Twilight in unison. “A what?!”
“A date,” Twilight took a few exhausted steps forward. “You seem nice, and I like nerds. Especially big ones like my brother.”
“But… I’m a big bug?” the Changeling asked, cocking her head to one side.
Twilight snickered. “Uh, yeah. One who can become anything she wants to. Your appearance and sex don’t matter. Those can be anything we want them to be at any time, right? You seem nice, I like nerds, you literally need to be loved to survive... so, how about it? One date, if we like each other like that we can keep dating. If not, we stay friends. In either case, I’ll make sure Princes Celestia gives you a nice home, protection, and safety.”
The changeling blushed and shuffled her hooves as her wings buzzed. “Y— you don’t even know my name though.”
Twilight shook her head. “You said it was Dio, right?”
“That’s a meme,” Cadence corrected. “It’s not her real name.”
The changeling blushed and nodded slowly. “Yeah… I uh, that’s not my actual name. I’m One of One, Least of the Hive… Chrysalis kept her love of Borg designations to herself. I don’t have a normal name.”
Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin for a moment before proposing, “How about we sit down, stay here and talk about it?” Twilight blushed sheepilsy before adding. “I’m all out of juice. I um… I need to sit this one out. Cadence, if you can find my friends and direct them here with the Elements, we can fix this.”
The changeling eeped, her ears perking up. “Bad idea! Our Queen will come here soon if she needs to do plan b. I don’t know what it is, but it involves Cadence.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow. She didn’t feel like she should trust her apparent helper. “She has orders to let us go… Don’t you?”
The changeling shook her head. “No! Chrysalis needs to keep you somewhere she can get you easily. I know I’m not good at serious, but uh, well, when someone threatens to scoop your hemolymph out with a melon baller, if you buck up… Yeah.”
Cadence took a deep breath, still uncertain. Twilight reached out and set a hoof on Cadence’s shoulder. “Cadence, she’s serving the evil bug queen because that’s all she knows. She deserves a chance at a real life. Just like every other one of her, uh… minions?”
“Drones,” the changeling corrected.
Cadence shook her head. “We can't win with non-lethal tactics and banking on befriending them all.”
Twilight nodded in agreement. “True, but we can minimize casualties. We can save all of our wrath for the head of the snake. Be better than her, but not so much you become too holier-than-thou to win.”
Cadence sighed and reluctantly handed Twilight the chainsword she had conjured into existence. “You have a point. Take this. If she or anyling else tries to hurt you, use it.”
Twilight solemnly accepted the blade. “I accept this burden, for the Emperor and Sanguinius!”
Cadence sputtered and stared at Twilight incredulously.
The changeling gasped and smiled like a total dork. “That’s what I would have said!” The changeling vanished in a flash of green fire, taking on Twilight’s own form, but with the colors all shuffled around. Lavender mane with sapphire stripe, and pink body. “Twinzies?”
Twilight gave her an approving nod. “Sure!”
Cadence continued to stare. “How does a marshmallow colored pony like Warhammer?”
Twilight giggled and beamed a smile up at Cadence. “Hehehe! I love how hilariously violent your species’ entertainment is. ‘I’m a bit upset at my coffee shop raising prices. SOME NAPALM WILL SOLVE THAT!’ You guys crack me up.”
Cadence slowly backed away from the mare who thought 40k was a comedy. “Okay, so uh… You two head to The Greatest Brewing Store in Equestria. Tell them Cadence sent you to hide, it’s an emergency, and her favorite drink is beer. They will help.”
The changeling raised a hoof. “Uh, we know where that is and that you like it. We’ll look for you there.”
Twilight smiled. “We’ll go to the comic shop on the edge of the city. There’s a guard station right across from it. We’ll be safe there.”
Cadence nodded and began to run for the doors. “I know where that is. I’ll get your friends and meet you there if I can’t solve this myself. Good luck!”
We’re all going to need it.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
Princess Cadence - 5/16/2018
Canterlot Streets - Canterlot, Equestria
Cadence stood in the entrance to Ferrier Quartz Mine, enjoying her first breath of fresh air in days. She knew that time was of the essence, but the crisp spring breeze demanded she take a moment to remember how nice properly fresh air was.
Her mane fluttered in the breeze. Her feathers twitched atop her wings. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It’s time.
She opened her eyes. The streets of Canterlot stretched out before her. She didn’t recognize this part of town, but the mountain was on the west side of Canterlot, and she had just existed the mountain.
It was perhaps a little odd for a crystal mine’s entrance to be a part of the city. Its entrance being at the end of a cul-de-sac with the mine’s offices surrounding the street, and the way the street made a hard right turn immediately after the circular section brought to mind escape routes.
Every building in the cul-de-sac was abandoned, slightly run down, with the doors boarded up. The boards had been placed carefully. A bank had put them there, not owners who were abandoning their property. It looked as if the mine had dried up years ago, but nopony had repurposed the old offices, apartments, or store.
A ghost town within a bustling metropolis.
Cadence narrowed her eyes as she tried to puzzle out why the area would be abandoned, and for such an obviously long time.
Perhaps the mine was intended to let the Princess escape in times of danger. Or perhaps it was simply here by necessity. In any case, Cadence was grateful the building surrounding her were abandoned. It would help her blend in.
Cadence began to trot forwards, moving down the golden cobbled street. She had been a field agent. Planning the operations wasn’t her thing. Performing them was.
I’m fairly certain Celestia didn’t understand I didn’t set up security nets for the US. I broke them.
She continued walking down the street, keeping a casual pace and sticking to the sidewalk. She could hear the sounds of ponies hard at work and walking around in the distance. She would be out of the tiny abandoned section of Canterlot soon.
The trick to stealth in an urban area is to simply act like you belong. Most office buildings can be broken into simply by wearing a t-shirt and jeans, then walking around with a laptop and an Ethernet cable while muttering random networking terms under your breath.
Cadence turned a corner and began to enter into a typical section. The first thing she saw was a pair of pegasi hanging up a banner wishing her a happy wedding.
Cadence winced and did her best to simply walk in a straight line down an east-running street. Maintaining a low profile as a Princess on her wedding day will make that much harder.
Cadence had to reach Canterlot’s eastern gate. That’s where her weapon cash was, as well as her ride. The safe rooms she had established were a danger, not a benefit. Each of the agents she had hoof picked would see her run into one, and believe she was the imposter because “Cadence” was elsewhere, and had clearly fooled everypony into thinking she was the real McCoy.
Cadence put on a smile and buried her emotions as she walked past the pegasi hanging the banner. One of them gasped and pointed, prompting the other to look in Cadence’s direction.
“Oh! Uh, h— hi! P— Princess! Hope you have a great day!”
Cadence offered the two a cheerful wave. “Thanks, girls! Just taking a quick walk. Pre-wedding jitters.”
The pegasi who had spoken nodded knowingly. “I had those too. Don’t worry, if I could handle it, so can you!”
Cadence quickly scanned the area as she looked over the banner. There were plenty of places a changeling could hide… Including as one of those two pegasi. Or as both of them.
I need to move on. If they are changelings hopefully they think I’m Chrys— Cadence’s thoughts were cut off as she realized she was a mess.
She had numerous little cuts and bruises. While the blood had dried up, it would still be stuck in her fur. Her mane and tail needed a combing, and her coat was covered in crystal dust. This is NOT how a princess should look.
— Ponyfeathers! They must think something is horribly wrong!
Cadence pursed her lips and made a show of looking up and down the street before turning back to the pegasi. “A— Actually, there was an incident… Nopony told me a certain staircase on the third floor of the palace was being repaired. I fell through it... I wanted to talk a walk to cool down. I’d spent three hours getting ready and, well… that happened. Could I borrow a hairbrush and a washcloth? I probably shouldn’t be walking around Canterlot in this state.”
One of the two pegasi snapped a salute and immediately zipped inside her apartment through an open window. She returned a heartbeat later with a large brush and a wet towel in her hooves. “Here you are, Princess.”
Cadence accepted the offered items with her magic, and quickly brushed her mane while wiping the dust off her fur. The quick bit of grooming was rough, and she looked nowhere near as good as she normally did, but at least she wouldn’t scream ‘just left a hole in the ground’.
"Thank you,” she said as she handed them back. “Have a nice day.”
“You too, princess!” The pair called as they resumed hanging their banner.
Cadence trotted away from the pair, doing her best to remain casual and act like she belonged. She was still rather unkempt, but at least she was not so off as to instantly cause alarm. Unfortunately, she expected she would be stopped several times for little conversations like the one she just had. She had an hour to stop the wedding, according to Twilight’s new friend. That little fact hardly left any time for—
Cadence stopped on a street corner next to a bakery, unable to move thanks to being overwhelmed by a feeling everyone has at least once a month. The feeling of being a total and complete idiot.
Cadence slapped a hoof against her face and groaned. “I’m an idiot! ” she sighed as she opened her wings, gave them a quick stretch, and took off into the sky.
As she began to ascend towards the rooftops, Cadence had one worried thought. I hope Twilight can make it past those two pegasi without causing a panic.
Twilight Sparkle - 5/16/2018
Canterlot Streets - Canterlot, Equestria
Twilight waited five minutes after Cadence left before deciding to leave. She still felt drained, but Cadence was right. They had to move. Unfortunately, walking around with a palate-swap of herself would attract afar too much attention. Something had to be done about One.
Twilight stood up with a tired groan. The changeling’s ears perked. “Oh! I— I didn’t think you were that tired. I can try to carry you, if you need the help.”
Twilight shook her head. “I’ll be okay. It’s not that far. But um, we can’t have you like that out there.”
“Like what?”
“Like a palette swapped version of me. Ponies will notice, and they’ve set up changeling-spotting spy nets, right?”
The changeling frowned. “Oh… Uh, well, what do you suggest? I’ve been told I do a great Pinkie Pie impression!”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. That didn’t line up with what Cadence had told her while they were cutting through crystals. “How do you know who she is?”
“She’s the receptionist planner. Why wouldn’t we have been ordered to practice her form? Most of us were briefed on you guys in case we need to, well, you know. Make alterations to the wedding plans.”
Twilight hummed. “Okay. Well, going with me as one of my friends might be a bad idea. They will be getting ready for the wedding, or helping with the finishing touches. If they see me running down the street, they’ll just think we ran out of something and I’m in a mad dash for it.”
One tilted her head. “Uh, yes… And if it were two of us, they would think I came to help.”
“Yeah, peasants would. But guards are different. The more of “us” they see, the more likely it is they know that one of us is in two places at once. It would be best if you were somepony else.”
One nodded and tapped her chin with a hoof a few times. Her eyes lit up with an inner glow of mirth. “Ooo! Yes! Hold on!”
The changeling was consumed in a flash of green fire, Twilight shielded her eyes from the flash of light, and when she lowered her leg back down she was face to face with… Applejack.
Twilight’s ears drooped down, her face took on a dead expression. “What did I just say?”
One nodded “Ah know, but I’m telling ya, noling ever notices this mare till she says someth’n. It’s like she’s a background character in a TV show.”
Twilight’s deadpan intensified. One scratched the back of her head. “Uh, okay… Somepony original then… Ahm not good at original. At all! That’s why, I wanted to copy someone. You know?”
Twilight sighed and closed her eyes. “Okay, look, just make up a random appearance you think you could see on somepony walking down the street, and then think of a fictional character and act like them while using a different name than theirs. That’s the quickest way to start out on a new character. You fill in their depth and details as you go.”
One nodded and sat down, closing her eyes to think. The first thing that popped into the bug's mind was how angry her Queen would be from the betrayal. Her ears fall, a wince pulled her lips apart. In a desperate bid to think of anything else, the bug’s mind turned from the idea of a Queen to the band Queen.
The Changeling smiled as she remembered several silly movies Queen had done the music for. “Heh heh heh… There can be only one.”
Twilight smiled. “Have something?”
“Yeah! I think so!” One replied with a huge grin. A huge grin that instantly faded as she remembered how terrible the Highlander sequels were. “Uh, never mind… Let me keep thinking. What else did Queen soundtrack? There was A Knight's Tale, Blades of Glory, um…”
Her face scrunched up in thought, then she got an idea. A glorious, stupid, silly idea. Exactly the kind of ideas which she had been created to rid her Queen of.
The changeling spun to face Twilight, smiling the dork of a bug she was. “Quick! What’s a word relating to forts? I need to ponify a human last name.”
Twilight linked. “Uh, okay? Fort would work, you know.”
“Flash Fort sounds bad.”
Twilight winced. “Ew, yeah it does. What name are you trying out? Maybe there’s a direct translation?”
The changeling blushed lightly. “Well, before she made me, our Queen really liked the Flash Gordon movie. Gordon means fort, or something like fort.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Okay, I admittedly haven't seen that movie, but I’ve heard it’s pretty silly. A bit dumb even. Are you sure you want to base yourself on a character for a weird comedy?”
The changeling nodded eagerly. “Yes I do! You said yourself you can grow later, but even better, we’re trying to stop a merciless ruler’s wedding! If we can get a few hundred pegasi and some maces we can reenact the whole “DIVE! ” scene and that would just be the best thing ever!”
Twilight smiled, shook her head, then thought for a moment. I guess that’s okay, since it’s not their fault they think about dumb jokes first. “Well, forts guard things, right? Kind of like a sentry. Flash Sentry doesn't sound bad.”
“I like it! Hold on,” the changeling closed her eyes and transformed once more. When the flash of green flames cleared, Twilight found herself staring at a rather athletic pegasus stallion with light orange fur and a rich blue mane. The changeling gave Twilight a playful bow. “Flash Sentry reporting for duty, my Princess!”
Twilight blushed. “I’m not a princess, but thank you.”
Flash shook his head. “No no no no! You are. Period. End of story!”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Uh, why so insistent?”
Flash tapped his hooves together awkwardly. “Bug instincts… I need to serve a royal, I uh, I’m a traitor now, so I don’t have a queen, and the actual Princess wanted to cut my head off. So um, you’re totally my princess. Okay?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “It doesn't work like that…”
Flash closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath. “I hereby lay claim to an unclaimed planet in the Milky Way galaxy which is outside any and all known jurisdictions of any and all governments, and therefore is land I can claim as my own, which I hereby declare to be the Kingdom of Awesome. As the King of Awesome, I hereby outlaw homeowners associations, multilevel marketing, censorship of free speech, expression, and affection by any government or private body, and wearing socks with sandals. I now abdicate the crown in favor of Twilight Sparkle.”
Flash reached out and tapped his right hoof against Twilight’s shoulders. “King Flash of Awesome is dead, all hail Queen Twilight of Awesome. There, problem solved!”
Twilight felt her brain jumble up as she attempted to follow those mental gymnastics.
Flash bowed again. “Your orders, your majesty?”
Twilight shook her head slowly back and forth. “Let’s go to the comic shop.”
“As you wish,” Flash desperately wished he had chosen a disguise which would let him cast illusion spells.
A black mask/hood combo was needed to make the line really work.
Princess Cadence - 5/16/2018
Canterlot Streets - Canterlot, Equestria
Two conflicting emotions consumed Cadence as she flew over the rooftops of Canterlot. The sensation of freedom made her heart swell with joy. Even with the pink dome overhead, even with the impending fighting, even with her knowing full well she was ill-equipped to fight an army of wizards, flying was wonderful.
I have to do a lot more flying, Cadence thought as she squinted as hard as she could to avoid the glowing sea of death rays below her. When I’m not above a bunch of polished gold at noon!
Her impaired vision had already cost her some time. Cadence had veered south by accident, arriving at the wrong gate. To remedy this she took a route along the city’s wall.
The extra time in the air worried her immensely. Stealth had two components, speed and obscurity. The faster you were, the less time the enemy had to find you. The better hidden or the longer you went without being seen, the fewer chances the enemy had to know you shouldn’t be there.
The air was much faster than the walk, and would mean less eyes would be on her. Unfortunately, of the eyes that would be on her, most of them would belong to ponies who were paid to watch the sky for a living.
Cadence couldn’t scan the ground below her thanks to the glare of the sun on the incredibly ill-advised golden roofs. Why exactly a species composed of one third flying members would use metal for their roof tiles was a mystery.
Maybe they really, really hate pegasi.
Just as she debated flying lower to try to get a better view of windows to make certain she wasn’t flying over any of her safe houses, the eastern gate came into view.
Canterlot’s eastern gatehouse was something of an oddity. One would expect the city’s train station and road to be on the western side so it could be carved out of the mountainside. Instead, there was an obvious tactical advantage in having your road and rails built over thin air, but the engineering challenges would have made such a thing nigh impossible for humans to actually build.
Canterlot was a pony city. It did not need a cantilever system, nor great beams fashioned from special alloys to stay on the side of Mount Canterlot. The city was supported by pegasi-enhanced clouds. She flew, much in the same way Cloudsdale did, only Canterlot was bolted to the mountainside.
The road and rails leading into the city were also supported by clouds. Ones enchanted to lose their ability to hold things at Celestia’s command. A single verbal command and the spells upon those clouds would vanish, and the road and rail lines would fall a thousand meters to the forest below.
Pony engineering greatly enhanced the tactical advantage of putting the city on the side of a cliff. Especially when the gate was flush with the wall.
The eastern gate’s train station and parking lot clung to the side of the city, a miniature version of Canterlot itself, with the city acting as the mountain. Canterlot’s railway ran along the southern side of the city to reach the small platform, while the road ran along the northern side.
The rim of the platform served an additional purpose. A small fleet of airships were moored to the docks built there. Many of them were from foreign nations, which explained the presence small contingent of soldiers in six different uniforms, and of eight different species.
There were perhaps three dozen soldiers in all. Cadence could tell their uniforms were ceremonial, as were their weapons. However, those weapons were being brandished as if they were real.
The parking lot was in a state of pending Chaos. The foreign ceremonial guards had formed ranks to protect their airships from a hoard of leather clad earth ponies on a variety of homemade and store bought vehicles. Cadence could see many motorcycles, Trikes, quad-bikes, and even a few mono-wheels within the small army of Earth Ponies and Pegasi who were doing their best to enter the city.
Unfortunately for the eighty or so ponies and their extremely colorfully decorated rides, their group had gotten jammed up by a small contingent of Royal Guard, who were very much intent on them not entering the city, which had caused the biker gang to accidentally get too close to the airships while parking to figure out what the problem was.
Cadence took one look at the situation and smiled as a plan was gift wrapped and handed to her on a silver platter. The alicorn turned, making certain she had the sun to her back, spread her wings dramatically to cast a shadow on the ground below, then dove.
Air whistled past her head as she sailed towards the hard ground. At the very last minute she flared her wings, pulled up, and sailed over the heads of several bikers to land in front of the guards.
Sergeant Buckler was a very brave unicorn. His bravery was inversely proportional to his size and magical strength. Despite being all bark and no bite, the scrawny tan unicorn was able to be very intimidating when he wanted to be.
Belt Drive was a brick of an earth pony with the stubbornness of ten mules. His brick-like look wasn’t helped by his dull red fur, nor his rust-colored mane. The most surprising thing about the huge stallion was his cutiemark, which depicted an extraordinary delicate looking clockwork mechanism.
Sergeant Buckler had reared up to loom over the biker who couldn’t get it through his thick skull that motor vehicles were banned in city limits. Belt Drive still towered a full decimeter over the pipsqueak, and desperately wished he was the type of stallion to have it in him to backhoof little pissant nuisances off the side of the nearest cliff.
The two stallions were in the middle of their soon-to-escalate shouting match when Cadence landed between the two like a catapult’s stone. The alicorn stood up, and immediately glared at the poor sergeant, even taking a few steps towards him to force him to look up at a steep angle to meet her eyes.
“Excuse me, sergeant, but why are you keeping my guests from attending my wedding? What’s more, why are you forcing them to stop next to those airships? Do you want to cause a fight between foreign soldiers and our citizens? Because you’re about ten seconds from causing a major international incident!”
The tiny unicorn sputtered as his intimidating presence scattered to the wind. “I— I’m— That is—” The sergeant looked around desperately for an out, adjusting his somewhat too large helmet.
His eyes fell upon the sign next to the gate, and he pointed to it with a hoof. “N— No motor vehicles are allowed in the city center, ma’am.”
Cadence’s eyes narrowed, but Belt spoke before she could. “I told you we were invited, and if we were invited, so are our rides! Right, colts?”
Some of the Sargent’s bluster returned. The law was clear, his reason was lawful, and the Princess was right there to reinforce it. He puffed out his chest and leaned around Cadence to glare at Belt. “I highly doubt your invitation says you can bring your machines into the city!”
Cadence decided she had already had enough of this argument. She turned around and looked Belt up and down. “Got your invite?”
Belt reached behind him to the saddlebags on his mud-and-sand camouflage trike and pulled out a scroll. “E’yup. Right here.”
“Got a pen?”
Belt fished around the bag for a moment and produced a small enchanted quill which produced its own ink. “Yeah. Here you go,” he said, holding them out for Cadence to take.
Cadence took the scroll, opened it, verified it was one of the ones she had sent and smiled. “I didn’t know there were this many ponies in your club.”
Belt smiled. “Hey, well, you know how it is. Some unicorns want to keep everything all crystals and magic. Puts us inventor ponies out of business. Gotta express ourselves somehow, am I right?”
Cadence gently levitated Sergeant Buckler up, so he was forced to watch Cadence as she added the line “and their machines” to the invitation. She slowly turned her head to look at the Sergeant and narrowed her eyes. “Any questions, sergeant?”
The Sergeant gulped as Cadence set him down. “Y— Yes! How do you expect the five of us to search all of those vehicles? The city is still under lockdown pending the threat, Princess. We have to search everything that goes in or out!”
Cadence snorted. “I expect you to do it quickly, unobtrusively, and professionally. The ceremony starts in forty minutes and I invited all of these ponies. If they are not in attendance I will take it up with your lieutenant, personally. Understand?”
The sergeant’ collapsed. “Y—yes, Princess. Sorry.” He turned to face his squad and sighed. “Open the shield. Poleaxe, Kite, keep an eye on them. Close the shield if anyone tries to get in before they are searched. Everyone else, pick one and search them.”
Belt smiled and cleared his throat to get Cadence’s attention. Cadence looked up at him and handed his quill and invitation back with her magic.
“That was mighty nice of you, Princess. Honestly, when we got the invite, we thought it was a joke. About half of us were going to come because of the rumor you were happy being around ponies like us. It’s nice to see a politician, and a Princess at that, who isn’t a turd pile.” He held out his hoof for Cadence to shake.
Cadence took it gladly and gave him a firm hoof-shake. “I’m fairly certain that I am the only one, to be honest.”
Belt threw back his head and laughed. “Probably! Probably! So, why do you care about us, eh?”
His question came rather bluntly, and harshly. Cadence could tell by the look in Brick’s eyes that he figured he was being used for something. While she did need his ponies for her plan, she had also genuinely invited them in the first place.
She gave him a genuine smile and turned her head to look for Harley. “Well, you see,” she began.
Unable to spot her changeling-bike due to the dense crowd of bikers, Cadence whistled sharply, and used her telekinesis to flick a pebble to make it look like she cast a spell. “Harley? Come to mommy!”
The unmistakable roar of an 80 cubic inch V-2 engine thundered across the parking lot. Belt turned his head in surprise, just in time to see the riderless bike weave through the loosely packed edge of his gang and pull alongside Cadence. The Alicorn gave her bike a loving pat and slipped into the seat with a grin.
“I’m one of you.”
A quarter of Canterlot turned their head east, wondering what on earth all the cheerful yelling was about. The wedding hadn’t even started yet!
Belt laughed and gave Cadence’s shoulder a playful punch. “About bucking time! Come on, colts and fillies! We’ve got a party to attend!”
Cadence turned and drove her bike through the gate, never breaking eye contact with Sergeant Buckler, mentally daring him to object to her riding into the city.
I think I’ve found a royal perk I like, Cadence thought as she stopped just inside the city to wait for Belt’s bike to finish being searched.
It did not take long for the guards to search the first ten bikes, though Cadence did note they had decided to be extra through with Belt’s trike. As soon as he was free, the huge earth pony drove up alongside Cadence and offered her a happy smile.
Though his eyes did betray he had some nagging doubts about her in the back of his mind.
“Thanks for the help back there, Princess. Name’s Belt Drive.”
Cadence held out her hoof and Belt shook it. “Cadence.”
“So, Princess—”
“Cadence,” she corrected. “With what I have planned, we can be on a first name basis.”
Belt sighed and shook his head. “Yep. I knew it… Okay, what do we have to do in return for you being nicer to us gearheads?”
Cadence snorted and gestured down at Harley’s chrome frame with her left wing. “It’s nothing like that. See my ride? She’s a Sixty-Nine Indian Chief. They don’t make these anymore. I had to refurbish her myself, and I even hoofmade some of her parts. I am a gearhead. It’s you specifically that I’m interested in.”
Belt pursed his lips. “Like I said, what for?”
Cadence could tell by the look in his eye that Belt wouldn’t go along with her without a good reason. She’d run into plenty of people like that before. Leaders who wouldn’t risk a single person until there was just cause to do so.
She liked those kinds of people.
I need their help for a distraction. Without one, there’s no way I’ll get into the palace unseen. I could be honest, trust him to do the right thing… He’s an older guy, not some young hoodlum. Yeah, I think I’ll be honest. Worst thing that happens is I’ll be stuck along against the whole city. Which is what I am doing now...
Cadence took a deep breath. “I think I can trust you. You just got into town… See the dome?”
Belt nodded. “Something about a threat, right?”
“Yeah… The threat is shapechangers. We didn’t do the security right. There’s a Cadence in the palace right now, and she’s not me. I just escaped. You can’t tell another soul this, understood?”
Belt’s lips twisted into a frown. “Okay, I can think of one way I can believe you. If you can do it, you’ll have my help and my silence. I’m a stallion of my word, farmer’s honor!”
“What’s that?”
“You’re the Princess of Love, right?”
Cadence nodded.
“And you can feel the bonds of love between people?”
Cadence nodded again. “If I look for them, yeah.”
Belt turned to Cadence and looked her in the eyes. “Tell me who I love the most. Get it right, and I’ll know you’re really an alicorn. If you are, even if you’re not actually Cadence, you’ll have my hooves at your command.”
Cadence raised an eyebrow. “You’re awfully ready to give your loyalty to company who could be lying to you.”
Belt smiled. “Cadence… I’ve been told my craft is only good for foal’s toys for sixty years. Now I’m looking at somepony who might well be an Alicorn and a gearhead. If you are, my gang’s yours to command. It takes an Alicorn to rule ponies, there’s plenty of unclaimed land out there. With an alicorn in our ranks, we could set up shop some place and build our own little nation.”
Cadence smiled. “You’ll like my plans then. Just a sec…”
She closed her eyes for a moment and let her special talent do its thing. Her magic gently reached out to the stallion beside her, probing, feeling, checking for the threads which bound his heart to another. No, not another...
Cadence’s eyes opened. A shy smile parted her lips as she gently pat Belt’s trike’s handlebars. “He’s a lovely ride. Trust me, I get it.”
Belt blushed lightly. “I’d give my left nut to have him able to come when I called for him… Well, you’re the real deal. So what’s your plan?”
Cadence glanced up at the sun. She had about forty minutes left till the wedding ceremony started, by her best guess. “Harley does more than come when I call… We’ll see what we can do for you later. Right now, can I get a quill and that scroll please?”
Belt fished the items back out of his bag and handed them over once more. Cadence unrolled the invite, flipped it to the blank side, and began to write as she spoke. “I need to break through my own security. The imposter has my stallion. He’s probably mind controlled. I also know they replaced his little sister, because she was in the same hole they stashed me. You’ll help me get into the palace.”
Belt winced. “Sounds a bit risky. Especially since we brought beer and tunes, not chains and pipes.”
“Don’t worry, there’s nothing dangerous I need from you,” Cadence assured as she used the tiny charm Celestia taught her to place her seal on the letter, then handed him back the scroll. “This is a letter to the Royal Bank. It is an authorization slip for party supply purchases in the name of the Crown. The bank will probably think it’s fake because it’s on the back of your invite… In that case, tell shop owners Cadence will cover it and give them IOUs. The ‘check’ is for one million bits. That’s what Celestia has limited my personal expenses at for the month. I think this will be worth it.”
Belt blinked. His brain refused to process what he had been told as anything other than pure horseapples. “What?”
Cadence smiled. “You heard me. I want you to go into the palace grounds, right up to the reception hall, and bucking party!”
Belt raised an eyebrow. “A distraction, eh?”
Cadence shook her head. “No, no no… I don’t think you understand. I want you, and your entire gang, to throw the biggest, loudest, longest, hardest, most epic party to ever rock Equestria! I want this whole city to shake. I want the hangovers to be so widespread and severe so as to cause the stock market to noticeably drop thanks to the sheer amount of workers calling in sick. I want some stuffy noble ten years from now to shudder at the horrors wrought in the palace lawns. I want the guard to get so many calls about this party that they just give up on coming down and just join the party.
“You are going to party so hard, that the history books won't write down today as my wedding day, they will record it as the day the Hay’s Angels partied so hard that no one could remember the previous week. I want the groundskeepers to have to pressure wash the beer, vomit, and spunk off the pathways, the lawn, the walls, and the windows! I want at least eight young noble mares to ride off into the sunset on the back of one of your gang’s bikes, hugging their new lover while their mothers faint in terror!”
Belt chuckled. “Sure thing! A good chunk of my colts would rather ride off with young stallions though.”
Cadence laughed. “I see no problem with that.”
“Good! Lot of city ponies do,” Belt grumbled.
Cadence waved a hoof. “Buck ‘em. Throw that party for me, and when Celestia give me a particular chunk of land as a wedding gift, one she’s promised that I and I alone will rule, well… I’ll need some good people I can trust for a lot of things. How would you like to be a Lord? We could make a new nobility that’s not all jerks.”
Belt’s eyes narrowed. His lips parted in a thin but wide smile. “Oh, buck the hay yes!”
Cadence beamed a genuine smile at Belt. “If it all goes well, we’ll throw an even bigger party each year to celebrate today's’ victory. Go cause some chaos, Belt! Just remember, nothing non-con.”
Belt turned to Cadence with a genuinely hurt look in his eyes. His ears fall flat against his head. “What kind of monster do you take me for, Cadence?”
Cadence held up her hoof. “Easy, big guy! Just checking. That said, think about every weird sex thing parents are afraid their teenagers are doing these days. I want each of them happening in at least five different rooms in this party, not counting the lawn. We are going to invert this high society horseapples into a REAL celebration!”
Belt shook his head and laughed. “Your wish is my command, your highness! I’m going to personally make two young stallions run off with me!”
Cadence’s smile returned. “That’s the spirit! Give them Tartarus.”
Belt turned away to distribute the Princess’s orders to his gang. The manic grin stamped on his face slowly spread across his gang like a plague. Belt only smiled like that when something historically awesome was about to go down.
Belt drove into the middle of the street and held up Cadence’s check. “Colts, fillies, we have been given a Royal Command! The Princess has asked us to show these Canterlot snobs what a real party is! Windigo Squad, you will go to the bank, cash this check, then distribute the bits to Timberwolf Squad and Cragodile Squad.
“Timber, Crag, if Windigo can’t get the bits, the Princess said to use IOUs, have the shops bill her. Timber, you will buy all the beer you can get your hooves on. Crag, go nuts! Get party stuff. Breezie Squad, get all the beer, tunes, and cute ponies we brought, and form up on me! Let’s get this party started!”
Sergeant Buckler raised his hoof timidly. “Uh, P— Princess? Did you actually ask them to do that?”
Cadence put her hooves up to her mouth to yell her answer so everypony would hear it. “Yeah! I asked them to do the reception in the first place. This is me getting back at Celestia for changing my wedding plans. Go ahead and join them if you want!”
Two of Buckler’s squad shared a look, nodded, and began to take off their uniforms.
Cadence turned Harley around and drove down the street, ducking into an alleyway. She gently stroked the back of Harley’s gas tank, remembering that was her shoulder blades. “Hey, sorry about calling you a machine back there.”
Cadence laughed quietly. “That’s right, I forgot.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll handle it. Are my tools still in your bags?”
Cadence sighed in relief. With the palace grounds swarming with Bikers, nopony would notice one happened to be an alicorn amidst the chaos. It would let her get inside, and find the changeling who was impersonating Twilight.
“Good, then as soon as the party starts, we’re going to ride on in and—”
A pair of hooves slammed into Cadence’s back, knocking her off Harley and into the ground. Cadence spun with the impact, managing to land on her back, ready to spring back up. Her eyes hardened, searching for her opponent.
She wasn’t hard to find.
A lime green Pegasus with a Special Services badge on a sash around her barrel sprang back across the alley and unhooked a small crossbow from her sash, leveling it at Cadence. “Freeze, imposter! You’re under arrest!”
Cadence coiled up on herself and sprang up from her back to land on all fours. The pegasi fired her crossbow, its metallic twang echoed through the alley as the bolt split the air, missing Cadence by a hair and embedding itself in the bricks behind her.
Cadence popped her neck to get ready for the inevitable fight. “You sure about that?”
Queen Chrysalis - 5/16/2018
Great Hall, The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Chrysalis’s cheeks hurt. She hadn’t smiled this much in years. Decades even. The amount of fakeness the occasion demanded her to participate in was sickening.
As a changeling, she knew what everyone who said hello to her was thinking. Every last little drop of emotion which lay behind their happy and respectful masks was hers to examine. The nobles? They were all jealous. The stallions much less so than the mares. Yet Chrysalis still knew they were upset she had chosen a nopony like Shining as her groom.
The noblemares ranged from the simple jealousy of a mare who saw somepony being treated in a way she never would be, to barely withheld contempt over how much bigger Cadence’s was or would be.
Foreign dignitaries were hardly any better. They were all bored. They didn’t care. The legions of foreign ambassadors and minor nobles did not want to be here. This wedding mattered as much to them as a jar of mustard. Cadence was not marrying someone from another nation, there was no real political reasons for this union. There was no reason for them to be here instead of at home working on a way to diplomatically complain that the Princess had not chosen to marry one of their nobles for the sake of a stronger alliance.
All of those emotions hidden behind the hollow mask of a smile. I hate you all, Chrysalis growled to herself as she did her best to prevent her eyes from glaring daggers into the very soul of the mare she was shaking hooves with at the moment.
You all deserve to burn. You lack the capacity to be a genuine person, and thereby lack personhood at all. You are all automatons, following the rules of a game you never agreed to play not out of habit, but out of need. Without the sham, you have no purpose, no soul… I will end your suffering before sundown.
Chrysalis smiled wider at the Duchess of Manehattan. “Yes, it is a wonderful day. Thank you so much for attending.”
The duchess curtsied politely, expertly masking the burning hatred and greed in her heart with the gesture. “I am very grateful to have been invited, Princess.”
As the tall earth-pony mare walked away and the next dignitary moved to take her place in line, a short cream-gray colored mare dressed in the simple black two-piece suit and Neighban sunglasses of a Special Services agent approached Chrysalis from the side.
A small frown parted Chrysalis’s lips. If you tell me one of my drones has been captured I will be very... put out.
The agent remained professional, allowing Chrysalis to greet the next three dignitaries as she waited for a lull in the conversation. Just as Chrysalis remembered the agent’s name was Sweetie Drops, the mare cleared her throat for Chrysalis’s attention.
“Code Two-Green,” Sweetie Drops said quietly.
Chrysalis had no idea what that code meant. She turned her head towards the next guest, a minor lordling from Zebrica and smiled politely. “Excuse me, I need to attend to this in private.”
Chrysalis stepped back from the line of guests and found a mostly empty spot next to one of the large flower displays. She waved Sweetie Drops over to her and bent down to get on eye level with the smaller pony. “I don’t remember that code. What’s the problem?”
Sweetie remained stone faced, as all agents did when in ‘uniform’. “We’ve spotted ‘you’ in flight over Canterlot, heading towards the east gate. We’re on it, but you should be on alert, ma’am.”
Chrysalis’s eyes narrowed dangerously. She stood up, taking the opportunity to compose herself. “Good ! Our first catch of the day. I was worrying all the planning had been for nothing. … Destroy it, if you catch it.”
Sweetie Drops nodded and reached up to press the transmit button on her earpiece. The magical radio linked up with every agent in Canterlot. “Authorization granted. Take her down.”
Chrysalis smiled as she returned to the line of guests. This smile was genuine. True, Cadence had escaped capture, but at least watching her die at the hooves of her own men would prove entertaining.
The Queen began greeting the next guest, making a show of adjusting his tie with her magic to hide her horn’s glow as she sent a telepathic message to her hive.
Chrysalis turned her full attention to the Duke of Trottingham. The unicorn was the first pony to have a small level of genuine affection for the pending union. Chrysalis bit her tongue to prevent herself from licking her lips, hiding the painful self-control behind a pair of smiling lips.
“Thank you for coming, Duke Hi—”
“Excuse me! Princess! It’s an emergency!”
Chrysalis’ head spun as she looked for whomever was daring to interrupt the proceedings. It had better not be one of her drones! Her telepathy with them may only have been one way, but they all knew how to secretly pass on information!
The Queen’s eyes fell on a short white furred earth pony mare with a poofy black mane and glasses. Raven, Celestia's personal assistant. A rather important pony they had been unable to replace due to not being able to find out where she slept.
Chrysalis gave Raven a distasteful look. “Yes? What is it?”
The little mare cowed slightly as the aggression in “Cadence’s” eyes burned into her soul. “I— um… D— did you tell the Hay’s Angels they could help with the reception, Ma’am? B— Because—”
The entire reception hall jumped in fright as a chorus of loud mechanical roars shook the palace. A small army of ponies of all kinds began to chant, the words were incomprehensible at first, but slowly grew louder and louder.
“Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga!”
Chrysalis’s eyes blazed with pure hate. “So, THIS is how she’s going to play! So be it!”
She turned around, pushing her way through the reception hall.
Princess Luna - 5/16/2018
Chamber of the Moon, The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Princess Luna moaned and rolled over, shaken from her much-needed sleep by what sounded like extra angry ground based thunder. She rolled out of her bed, smacked her lips a few times to get the post-three-hours of sleep mouth-gunk off her teeth and stumbled over to her window to give those weather pegasi a stern talking to!
The dark alicorn pushed her window open, and a faint chant reached her ears.
“Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga!”
She blinked, entirely certain that the dry political function she was skipping for reasons of it being dry, political, and her having wanted nothing to do with her sister’s plans to turn a second human into her enemy, could not possibly have evolved into anything remotely interesting.
Luna shook the sleepies out of her eyes and peered down at the palace lawn. A hundred or so ponies had driven little land-based vehicles up onto the palace lawn and were setting up kegs of what looked like a nice hearty ale while handing out crude togas.
The chant was suddenly muffled as somepony threw a DJ-Pone3 rock remix of a classic folk song onto a tremendously powerful sound system. An engine roared as a trike pulled in a trailer full of snacks.
Roast apples. Thick cut hay fries. Deep fried daisy heads. Quesadillas. Enchiladas. The intoxicating bouquet of smells was more than potent to ascend into the lofty heights at which Luna’s chamber sat and give her a proper nose full.
Luna blinked several times to be certain she could believe her eyes. The actually interesting party remained where it was.
When she had returned from her exile, Luna had been very distraught to learn that official state functions had ceased being the enjoyable feasts and festivals she knew, and became the tedious, boring, high-society rubbish she despised today.
The brewing party below her tower looked an awful lot like those old feasts. Especially since it looked like things were about to get rowdy.
Well Ponyfeathers! Looks like she knows how to plan a proper feast! I guess I should have at least given Cadence a chance. Maybe she won't turn out like that other human Tia tried the same plan with… Come to think of it, I should have been checking on her character this whole time. Remaining unattached, so I won't have any issued with putting her down if she turns traitor may in fact cause that problem, now that I think about… it… and my own history… Hmm...
Luna facehooved. “I’m a bit dumb, it would seem.”
Princess Luna shook her head, turned around, opened her door, and trotted out to join the party.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
Princess Cadence - 5/16/2018
Canterlot Streets - Canterlot, Equestria
The lime-green mare before Cadence stood on her hind legs, wings flared to keep her balance, spent crossbow held ready to reload. Silver eyes stared into purple eyes with a fury Cadence recognized all too well. The look of a patriot who was happy to kill for their country. A look she had given hundreds of people in the past.
Cadence knew the agent couldn’t have the crossbow as her only weapon. At the very least she would have another quarrel. The pegasus had a small satchel over one shoulder. Her weapons would be in there.
The mare’s eyes narrowed as she probed Cadence’s stance, seeking out a weakness. Cadence smiled coldly. A little warning tingled in the back of her mind. Something simple, something basic, even foundational.
I have absolutely no idea how to fight in this body and human martial arts do not work when you don't have hands to shape into fists, blades, or spears… BUCK!
Cadence’s eyes flicked over to Harley’s bags. Her weapons were stored away in them. The straps were buckled. Obtaining one wouldn't be a quick process.
Screw it, I’ll improvise!
Cadence ducked down, bunching her legs beneath her and jumped, seemingly aiming for the pegasus’s hips. The pegasus pivoted on one hoof, flaring her wings to keep her balance as she spun ninety degrees. Her hoof sliced down in a chopping motion, ready to deflect a blow that wasn't there.
Cadence plowed chest first into the ground, intentionally sliding into the pegasi’s hind legs. The mare yelped as Cadence bowled her over, flapping her wings rapidly. Cadence rolled, swinging her foreleg like a club to smash into the mare. Her hoof hit the cobblestones with a sharp crash.
The mare hovered overhead, having turned her fall into an impromptu takeoff. Cadence rolled over onto her hooves and stood up, looking around for her opponent. The pegasus dropped, landing hoof first on Cadence’s back.
Stars flashed in Cadence’s eyes as her head slammed into the pavement. The pegasus mare reached back into her satchel. “I said, you’re under arrest!”
Cadence wrenched her hips to the left, throwing the mare off her. The Pegasus slid across the pavement, a small crystal-radio, a pair of hoofcuffs, and an odd silver bracelet slid out of her bag, skittering along the cobblestones.
Cadence stood back up and threw a short jab at the air, a quick experiment to see how well this body could punch. The answer was something just a bit shy of a human capabilities, but still good enough.
The pegasus rolled onto her side just in time to see Cadence’s quick test of her abilities, and raised an eyebrow. “So, shapechanging bugs think an alicorn would fight with punches. You’re a special kind of stupid, aren't you?”
Cadence frowned, then internalized all of her anger. Rather than facehoofing, all of her anger came out in one growled sentence. “Oh, yeah. Magic!”
Cadence focused herself, and cast the first spell which came to mind. Her horn pulsed once and Cadence felt a rush of magic race through her body to her hooves. The pegasus smiled and charged, thinking Cadence’s spell had flopped.
Cadence swept her hoof in front of her with a savage swing, catching the mare’s right side. Sparks of blue magic exploded out from the point of contact, and the mare came to a dead-stop as the spell took hold.
The pegasus’ irises began to glow a light blue, and so did a random cobblestone. The pegasus turned her head, staring at the stone as if it were a lump of gold. As weak a spell as touch of fascination was, her training had not included ‘How to resist mental compulsions from an alicorn-tier caster’.
“It’s… so… pretty…” The lime colored mare whispered to herself.
Cadence turned around and kicked out with her rear left leg. Her hoof smashed into the pegasus' left shoulder, sending her tumbling down the street next to her pile of dropped items. The blow shook her out of her trance and the glow vanished from her eyes.
Realizing she’d been compelled, the mare reached out and snatched the bracelet from the ground, slipping it onto her right hoof just as Cadence cast her next spell.
A tightly focused ray of blue light with a green core lanced from Cadence’s horn and struck the pegasus on her cutie mark. The mare went limp as Askew Balance switched her nerves off for a split-second.
Cadence stepped over the mare and raised her hoof to smash it down against the back of her head, seeking to knock her out. The mare regained control of her body and rolled onto her back. Cadence’s hoof met stone with a sharp crack.
“Think you’re cute?” The mare growled as she raised her foreleg towards Cadence.
“Sadly, yes,” Cadence deadpanned.
The pegasus invoked her bracelet’s enchantment. The plain silver band shimmered slightly as a small, fluffy, white cloud formed around her hoof. Cadence raised an eyebrow, shrugged her wings, then ran forward to land a punch on the mare’s nose.
The pegasus flexed her hoof, sending a pulse of her own magic into the cloud. The cloud transformed in the blink of an eye. A bolt of purple-tinged lightning sizzled past Cadence’s head, singing her mane before blasting several bricks out of the wall of a shop.
Cadence’s eyes widened in horror as she finally remembered what pegasi could do.
The mare as she began to throw bolt after bolt of lightning down the hallway, convinced the only way to avoid the surprisingly powerful “changeling’s” spells was to give her no chance to concentrate.
A bolt detonated the cobblestone beneath Cadence. She jumped to the left, her wing striking the wall as she flapped instinctively. “Ponyfea—”
A bolt slammed into Cadence’s barrel. Her natural wards sparked and sizzled, sending showers of orange sparks flying every which way. The burning-hot bolt of plasma pierced her outer wards, managing to scorch a hoof sized patch of skin over her heart clean off. “OW! Bucking—”
Another bolt blasted the wall next to her head. Shards of stone pinged off the alleyway like shrapnel from a grenade. “Horseapp—”
The pegasus smiled grimly. “Yeah! How do you like—” the mare stopped mid sentence as Harley popped a wheelie to force her bags to slide off her frame. “What?”
Cadence took the chance and charged. The mare flexed her hoof. A bolt of lightning blasted Cadence across the alley into the wall. A sharp crack echoed through the streets as her back popped a few bricks free form the wall. Cadence moaned and slid down the wall, landing in a heap.
The pegasus spared one more glance at the bike. It wasn’t moving. Clearly the changeling had tried to throw it at her with telekinesis. She turned back to her dazed opponent.
Green fire blazed behind the lime mare, and Harley’s metallic form twisted beneath the flames. Cadence’s eyes focused on the emerald light and the alicorn snapped back to reality. Her opponent was standing over her, leg extended, her thundercloud crackling, ready to kill.
Cadence gathered her hind legs beneath her and kicked out, catching the mare in her barrel and throwing her across the alley. Pegasus magic lashed out chaotic as the mare struck the cobblestones hips first, sending smaller bolts of lightning flying every which way.
Harley, now in changeling form, ripped the saddlebags open and grabbed the first weapon she could find. Sliding it out of the bag she turned around and whistled. “Mom! Catch!”
Cadence caught a flash of gray and white out of the corner of her eye. She turned, hooves extended to grab whatever had been thrown her way. Plastic clicked against her hooves, their magical grip latched onto the weapon, and Cadence found herself holding a Mark IV Phaser rifle.
The lime pegasus hopped up, ready to continue the fight, only to see not just one, but two changelings, as well as the barrel of what was clearly a weapon. Her ears drooped. “You guys can do objects too? Buck! Game over…”
Cadence nodded. “They can. Shame you won't believe me when I say I’m the original and this changeling is a defector. Have a nice nap.”
She pulled the trigger. The former prop weapon reached out to its users magic, took a deep swig, and spat a violently-yellow ray with a loud shriek. The Lime mare collapsed in a heap as the proper-alicorn level stun spell burned through her body.
Cadence set her weapon down and groaned. Firing the phaser rifle had drained way more of her energy than she thought it would. “Crap… I need a moment. Harley, is she alive?”
The changeling trotted over to the downed mare and gently pressed a hoof against her neck to check her pulse. “Yes,” she said with an uncaring, almost bored expression, which inverted into one of maximum worry as she turned towards her adopted mother. “Are you okay? How is your chest? Do you want me to take you to a hospital?”
Cadence shook her head and took a deep breath. “No. There’s more to do… Go back to bike form, we don't want someone to see you.”
Harley nodded once and transformed back with the usual blaze of green light.
Cadence gently patted Harley on her front fender. “I’m not mad at you. Thank you, sweetie.”
Cadence trotted over to the unconscious mare and dragged her behind a nearby group of trash cans. By her logic, if the sound of their fight hadn't brought ponies running yet, they somehow hadn't been discovered. Nor did this mare have any backup.
I expressly ordered everyone to work in teams… Either the impostor countered my orders or this agent is an idiot and let their partner wander off.
Cadence looked across the alley and picked the mare’s dropped hoofcuffs up with her magic and pulled them toward her. The dropped crystal radio caught her eye, and it joined the hoof cuffs in floating over to Cadence.
As soon as they were in her hooves grasp, Cadence cuffed the pegasus with her forelegs behind her back, then emptied the trash can over her. With her opponent's unconscious body disguised as a pile of garbage, Cadence turned her attention to the radio.
The device looked much like a banana shaped chunk of purple crystal attached to a brass speaker-grill with a small bowl filled with intricately carved glowing runes inside. A small clip on the back would allow a pony to attach it to clothing, saddlebags, or a strap, and the front was clearly also a button as it could be pushed down slightly, which made the crystal glow blue.
Cadence nodded to herself and pulled Harley’s saddlebags over to her, looking through them for a weapon which wouldn’t drain a noticeable amount of her energy per shot.
Inside the bags she found some of her old replica weapons. Her old replica M-60, Armat M41A Pulse Rifle, and M-79 Grenade Launcher lay atop the motorcycle jacket Shining had gotten her, with a small scroll stamped with Celestia’s seal laying almost on top of them.
Cadence reached in and fished out the scroll, popped the seal and quickly read it.
Dear Cadence,
I have enchanted these as well as I am able. Given the short amount of time available to me, I could not make the weapons “select fire”. They have been calibrated for use by an alicorn against an alicorn. Their draw on our magic will be quite substantial, as is necessary for ending a threat of Chrysalis’ size. Please be exceedingly careful with them, the potential for collateral damage is immense and I will not tolerate any more harm to my little ponies than necessary.
The M60 will fire a rapid spray of disruper bolts. This is useful for wearing down an opponent's shields, or keeping them from casting a spell. It will not kill, do not rely on it alone.
The Phaser Rifle will stun your targets, please attempt to bring Chrysalis down with it. I would prefer her to serve jail time. If this is not possible, I understand.
The Armat M41A will fire bursts of spellbolts, your basic attack spell. Only it will fire them at your strength. This weapon will be more than capable of putting holes in armor and flesh alike. Please be careful when using it. A normal pony struck by one of these bolts will lose a limb in the best case scenario.
At Shining’s insistence, I included the grenade launcher. It works as you would expect. Please use it with all due caution and restraint.
I have included your jacket in the bag for several purposes. Firstly, it’s slightly enchanted with a protection charm already. The jacket is not a substitute for armor, but it should help a little against glancing hits from spells as well as shrapnel. More importantly, there is only one of these jackets. It is unique, as all most all Equestrian clothing is made to order.
Only I knew it was in your bag, and only Shining and I know you own such a jacket. Therefore, the jacket can be used to identify the real you. This will help me avoid a “Which one do I shoot?” scenario in the event of that particular emergency. A scenario which is highly likely since you have had to access this stash.
Good luck.
Yours Truly,
Cadence’s ears drooped as she read the overview of her arcane weapons. Looks like I am out of luck… I won't have the right tools for this job.
She turned and glanced at the trash pile hiding the unconscious mare. It’s best if I assume every pony can be that dangerous. Worse than that, Changelings will be indistinguishable from ponies. This is the real terror of shifters. I have no idea if I’d be killing my own side or not… I will need to strike first and use surprise with non-lethal tactics when possible.
Cadence closed her eyes, focused herself, and put her jacket on with her magic. As soon as she zipped it up, the radio caught her eye again. Her biker caused distraction wasn’t in effect yet, but once it was, she could use this radio to sow a little extra chaos. Maybe even bring ponies back to her side.
She clipped the radio onto her jacket’s collar, then went to put the saddlebags on her back only to pause. She knew the bags were magic, they were much smaller on the outside than the inside after all. The real question was if that enchantment was standard on all pony-made pockets.
Cadence picked up her phaser rifle with her magic and experimental pushed the barrel into her jacket’s bottom right pocket. The weapon slipped inside without difficulty, though it did click against something plastic.
Cadence frowned and reached into the pocket, fishing out a pair of squarish sunglasses. They were the kind she liked, and she knew Shining knew she preferred to wear sunglasses while biking. The bonus gift her stallion had gotten her brought a flutter of joy to her heart. A flutter of joy which was immediately squashed when she noticed the brand name written on the arm in small silver letters.
“Neigh-Bans? Seriously?” Cadence groaned.
Harley agreed, her suspension creaking as the bike-bug couldn’t help but wince.
The simple fact that Harley could tell the name was a pun meant she could see the sunglasses. This prompted a very important question. “How… How can you see things right now?”
Harley’s frame cracked in response to her discomfort.
Cadence shook her head. “Whatever…” She slipped the glasses on, a small part of her excited to see if they possessed any sort of magical abilities.
They did not.
Slightly disappointed in this revelation, Cadence silently slipped the rest of her weapons into her jacket’s various pockets. Cadence ran out of pockets by the time she reached her grenade launcher, and decided to simply sling the weapon over her shoulder via the strap. As she was fiddling with a way to get the weapon to lay comfortably on her back in a way which wouldn’t mess with her wings, the party started.
Cadence yelped and raced for Harley, vaulting onto the bike in one fluid motion. Harley started herself and moved in the general direction of the palace.
Harley asked as she pulled out of the ally and onto the main road.
“Find Shining, get him out, squash a bug.”
Cadence frowned and turned Harley’s handlebars to steer towards a side street which would take them to one of the palace’s secondary gates. “After I get into the palace itself, I want you to blend in with the Hay’s Angels bikes and hide. Stick with them. I may need an escape route. If they somehow get pushed out of the city, go back to the Hall and wait for me there.”
The side gate seemed to rush towards the pair as Cadence spoke. The gate seemed to be open, but Cadence could see guards working to close it. She frowned, wondering if they could make it before the heavy timber door closed.
Cadence bit her lip. In truth, she didn’t have much of a plan. Field agents didn’t come up with the plan, they came up with the way to make the plan work once they were the boots on the ground.
“I need to find Twilight. Not the real one, but the one in the palace. I know that’s a changeling. I’ll make it talk. If it cant tell me where Shining is, it will lead me up the chain to someone who does. I’ll secure him, then…” Cadence reached up with her magic to adjust her grenade launcher. “Then I’ll make it rain bug bits.”
Harley was silent for a few seconds, allowing the gate to get closer.
Cadence squinted at the gate. She could tell it was most definitely being closed now. “No time! We need to get into that gate.”
Harley kicked herself into high gear, nearly launching Cadence off her seat as she popped a wheelie and shot forward like a rocket. There wasn’t much time, the gate was nearly closed, and judging by the loud music, cheers, chanting, and splintering wood, Cadence’s distraction was in full swing.
The palace’s south-east gate was notorious amongst the palace guard. For the last seven hundred years the ancient gate had remained open. Over the centuries its hinges had rusted terribly, and the wood had warped. The gate had been thought to be well and truly stuck open for as long as anypony could remember.
Maintenance was supposed to have fixed the gate hundreds of times, but no pony had ever actually come out to work on it. There was always something much more important to repair than the gate. Ambassadors needed hot water in their rooms. The Princesses’s bedchamber floors need to be squeak free. The palace’s sculptures and frescoes needed upkeep.
There had been a million and one better things to do than ensure a public pathway could be closed when it hadn’t been closed for centuries.
Then Princess Cadence had ordered the palace ground sealed to round up the Biker gang that invaded her wedding.
Private Kiwi was the poor bastard stuck with the task of closing the south-east gate.
Kiwi was an earth pony. A short, slightly round, decently strong earth pony who was neither green, nor had any ancestors who had ever so much as eaten a kiwi. The young guard was currently sitting in the path outside the palace, nursing his recently dislocated and relocated shoulder.
Fortunately for Private Kiwi, Kettlebelle, Canterlot’s champion strongmare, had been en route to the wedding to admire her third cousin’s dressmaking skills. The huge, well muscled, white furred mare had been planning only on attending the reception, but had been attracted to the rather unusual sounding festivities.
Much to Kiwi’s luck, she felt more than up to the task of closing the gate.
Their task turned into a proper challenge after it proved impossible to accomplish by pulling from the inside. The two ponies were currently seeing if the door could be pushed shut from the outside when the loud roar of an approaching engine managed to pierce the wall of chaotic sounds blasting out form the palace.
Kettlebelle looked up at the sound of an approaching engine and spotted a large pink unicorn mare on a red and black bike gunning it for the gate. For a brief second she swore she was looking at Princess Cadence, but shook that off. She’s seen Cadence inside in her wedding dress a mere five minutes ago.
Kettlebelle narrowed her eyes as she realized the mare wasn’t going to stop. At last, a challenge!
She put her back against the ancient door and pushed with all her might! The door creaked, groaned, and slid millimeter by millimeter under the strength of the mare who had once bench pressed a fully grown dragon.
Her powerful muscles bulged and stretched. Sinue popped. Tendons creaked along with timber creaked. Kettlebelle growled under the strain of the herculean task before her.
Harley’s engine roared as Cadence shot past the gate into the palace grounds, kicking up a ploom of earth as she rode into the palace grounds.
The strongmare’s ears drooped as she slumped do the ground. “Awww, butts! Sorry, Kiwi.”
Kiwi sighed and trotted around to the other side of the door. “We can make sure no others get in. Come on if you push and I pull we can maybe get this thing closed be...fore… Oh…”
The young soldiers eyes had spotted a small rut carved into the earth at the base of the gate, locating its source.
Kettle looked up in alarm. “What is it? Are the bikers gonna try and take the gate?”
Kiwi pushed the gate towards Kettle, it swung open easily, with but a single creak of protest. He reached down to where the gate had been resting and pulled an ancient door stop out from the ground it had been embedded into.
It was a simple, ordinary wedge made from iron. With a single rune carved into the back which glowed in a dim shade of peach.
Kettle’s ears flicked back. “Is that a magic doorstop?”
Kiwi sighed and looked at the ground in total embarrassment. “Y— Yeah…”
Kettle gently picked the stallion up, tucked him beneath her left foreleg, stepped inside the palace grounds, and closed the gate behind her. “We’re going to confiscate some of their beer.”
“I’m okay with this.”
Kettle shook her head and threw the doorstop over her shoulder. Nopony noticed as it flew clean back under the gate as if guided by magic.
The first thing Cadence saw as she drove into the palace grounds was a beer keg flying through a second floor window. It emerged from the reception hall trailing glass behind it like the smoke from a canon. For a brief glorious moment she remembered her old college fraternity.
Cadence smiled. The guys would have loved this one.
Her reminiscing was smashed aside as a pair of guards came flying through the air, nearly smashing her off her bike.
“Sod off! This party is her highness’s will!” Somepony big and gruff bellowed.
Bellowed loudly enough to be heard over the blaring music and everpresenent shouts of jubilation and terror.
The palace grounds had been flooded by pure chaos. The edges of the party were a war zone. The Hay’s Angels number included a fair number of retired veterans, who were able to hold the line against the soft ceremonial troops stations at the place. There was even an actual line to hold.
Royal guard halberds clashed against improvised shields. Steel clanged against hubcaps, thudded into wood, and sparked off magical barriers. Knives, shovels, pipes, and other gardening implements parried, blocked, and deflected what the shields didn’t stop.
The guards did their best, but the Royal Guard wasn’t anywhere near well as trained as the collection of former Rangers, Pathfinders, and Special Air Service members they faced. Golden armor gleamed in the hot sun, shimmering as sweat rolled down the smooth metal. Unicorns threw spells, struggling to overcome the biker gang’s counterspells.
War cries flew back and forth almost like arrows. Cadence couldn’t help but smile at some of them.
“SUN AND MOON!”
“FOR EQUESTRIA!”
“HAIL BIKE PRINCESS!”
"PRAISE THE SUN!"
“I’M ALSO YELLING!”
“BY THE SUN’S FIRE!”
“MOONLIGHT FALLS UPON YOU!”
“FOR CADENCE!”
“LOUD NOISES!”
The glorious battle would be memorialized in the form of a stained-glass window in Luna’s study. Even though it couldn’t truly be called a battle as not one of the Angels counter attacked.
They held the line, and nothing else. A purely defensive action. One which let the party burn like the fire in the heart of a foundry a mere meter behind them.
The party itself was indescribable as a whole. It could only be understood as a series of moments. Cadence wove through the ever shifting clouds of ponies. They danced, they sang, drank, made out, and brawled all across the gardens.
DJ Pon-3 and Doctor Wubs clashed with Iron Mare and Wyld Stallyns as multiple bands had a musical battle atop the reception hall. The ancient building visibly shook as the two bands struggled for dominance. Dust fell from crevices the wind hadn’t been able to penetrate in centuries and fell over the party below like confetti.
Giggling mares followed stallions into the palace’s bushes for private moments. Cadence swore she saw Belt snuggled up with Shining's friend Gaffer on top of a snack table. Bike engines revved for no apparent reason. A group of crowd surfing pegasus held an intense match of beer-pong as they rode across the party. Rolls of toilet paper flew everywhere, creating streamers which covered everything in sight.
A river of beer frothed and foamed as it flowed down the palace steps towards the main gate. Several ponies were riding down it in inner tubes they got from Luna knows where. Somewhere within the dense crowd the crack and splintering of wood betrayed the presence of either a jousting match or a lance breaking contest.
Cadence stopped driving across the lawn, her jaw hanging slack as she looked around at the absolute chaos which had been unleashed by her command. Her left ear drooped while her right ear perked up. Her wings twitched behind her as she attempted to process how exactly this madness had unfolded so quickly.
“But… But it hasn’t even been ten whole minutes!”
A flash of pink blurred across Cadence’s vision as a ball of hyperactivity and sugar jumped onto Harley’s handlebars and hugged her. Cadence almost screamed until she recognized the smell of baked goods and breakfast cereals as belonging to her reception’s planner, Pinkie Pie.
The Pink and even more pink mare had wrapped herself in a white bedsheet to make a crude toga, and was grinning ear to ear. Just like the last time Cadence had seen her. Only, an even more manic gleam twinkled in her eyes.
Pinkie hopped off Harley and laughed. “Silly, Cadie! You should have told me this is the kind of party you like! Twilight said to just get balloons and stuff. If I had known you wanted something like this I wouldn't have had to improvise the last ten minutes! Don’t worry, I’ve got a whole truck full of pies expressly for throwing at ponies on the way!”
Cadence’s jaw dropped even more. Harley rolled a tire-’s length back in shock. Cadence’s face went pale. “Y— You mean you pulled all of this out of your ass?!”
Pinkie blinked. “No? Is it supposed to be a sexy party too? No problem! I’ll be back in a sec!”
Cadence yelped and reached out, grabbing Pinkie by the shoulder before she vanished. “Wait! Where’s Twilight?”
Pinkie tilted her head. “Which one? Twilight Twilight, or Bug Twilight?”
Cadence’s ears lay back in a mixture of fear and anger. They have Pinkie too!
“How do you know—”
Pinkie giggled. “That evil shapechangers are trying to take over Equestria and replaced you and Twilight? Just my Pinkie sense. I know things! Bug Twilight is in the library, if you hurry you can catch her!”
Cadence gripped Pinkie’s shoulder harder and narrowed her eyes. “If you’re on our side, and you know this, why didn’t you tell anypony?”
Pinkie frowned. “I did… But this isn’t Ponyville. Nopony believes me when I tell them I know what’s going to happen. Don’t worry! I’m sure it will be okay in the end. It always is!” Pinkie’s face transformed in an instant from hyperactive and bubbly to deadly serious. “I can’t keep this distraction going forever. Even my talent has limits. You should go.”
Pinkie’s face popped back to normal as if it hadn’t even changed at all. “I’ll be right back and get that sexy part of the party started!”
Pinkie squirmed free of Cadence’s grip and vanished into the crowd. Cadence stared after her wide-eyed. In that split-second Pinkie had shown her serious side, Cadence had learned all she ever needed to know about the party mare. You did not buck with the party mare.
Harley revved her engine.
“Yeah. Let’s go before…” Cadence’s eyes widened in horror as she realized what might happen in the next ten minutes given Pinkie Pie’s new ‘Instructions’. “AAA! DRIVE, HARLEY, DRIVE!”
“What the buck are you doing?!” Cadence screamed.
The wall flew towards them. Cadence’s heart stopped, she bunched her hind legs, getting ready to jump off before the changeling killed them both. Harley popped a wheelie just before Cadence jumped. Her tire hit the wall and pulled against it, producing just enough traction for her to climb up the wall a few meters.
Cadence froze, confused by her bike’s actions. Harley twisted, sweeping herself around, using her handlebars as a pivot. Cadence flew off Harley like a ball thrown by a foal. The transformed Changeling’s headlight glowed with green arcane light as Harley readied a spell and cast it before plummeting to the ground.
Cadence flew into a second story window, crashing through it with the unmistakable sound of shattering glass. Harley’s spell hit her as she went through the window, wrapping Cadence in an illusion, making her appear to be an ordinary pink unicorn at first glance.
Cadence hit the floor of the second story reading room with a thud and immediately scrambled up onto her hooves. Harley’s voice called out to her as she stood up.
Cadence smiled. “That is amazingly helpful, thank you, Harley. I love you too. Be safe.”
Cadence dusted a few shards of glass off her jacket, adjusted her grenade launcher and fast-walked out of the room, knowing somepony would be along to investigate the sound of breaking glass soon.
The library was on the other side of the palace. Quite the walk. Cadence frowned as she began to trot down the gilded corridor. Even with the chaos outside and the still quite loud thumping music which permeated the palace, Chrysalis changelings would still be swarming the palace looking for her. The queen had to know that the party was a distraction.
I need a distraction for my distraction. Cadence reached up to the radio pinned to her collar and pressed down on the button. “Hey, ‘New Cadence’ . How’s it going? It’s me. Cadence Classic. I just want you to know that I really don’t appreciate you trying to steal my throne out from under me.”
Cadence quickly reached into her jacket pocket to retrieve her pulse rifle. She levitated the rifle’s underslung shotgun as close to the radio as she could and pumped the action to rack a shell into the barrel. The sharp metallic sound echoed through the hallway, even with the dull thumping music. “My friends Smith and Wesson don’t appreciate it either. Yipikayay, motherbucker.”
Cadence let go of the radio, put her pulse rifle away, and began to jog wards the library. I’m coming Shiny! It will all be okay soon.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
15 - Rampone: First Blood
Princess Cadence - 5/16/2018
The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Cadence’s heart burned. Her eyes saw only the Changeling before her, and her fiance behind it. She knew it was her Shining, she could feel it. The bond of love between them was there, burning as bright as it ever had.
Cadence did not know how she knew the bond could not be faked, but she did. She knew it as surely as she knew the sun would rise tomorrow and that dropped objects fall. A self-evident truth made manifest by her special talent.
Cadence stepped towards Quick and leveled her M-79 squarely at the changeling’s nose. Quick could feel the blind rage oozing from every fiber of the alicorn’s being. Her gaze was hard, her eyes were like purple lasers, marking a target for immediate annihilation from a missile the target would never even perceive before it reduced them to nothing like a bolt from the blue.
Quick froze. He had no other choice. He had seen hatred before, he had served Queen Chrysalis. Quick had never seen anything like this.
Days of imprisonment. Endless digging. Constantly receiving small cuts and scrapes. Ever present fear and worry about the sake of her loved one. The cocktail of negative emotions Cadence projected overwhelmed the changeling like a cloud of paralytic gas.
All he could do was stare back into Cadence’s eyes, his own locked wide in terror as he looked into the eyes of a predator. At that moment he knew why Celestia had chosen to recruit a human.
Many species were predators. Many species hunted for their food. Quick could not think of another species which would slaughter absolutely everything they saw because of love.
Cadence sneered and made a show of pulling slightly on her weapon’s trigger. “I said get away !”
Quick’s eyes locked on the weapon. He took a step back, his ears plastering down against his head as his body was finally able to move. He racked his mind, searching for any words which might defuse the situation.
None came to mind. Perhaps if he wasn’t terrified he could have come up with something better than a phrase which would damn him to his fate.
Quick gulped and licked his lips to buy himself more time. “I— I’m— I’m not—”
Cadence fired. Her enchanted weapon pulled a measure of her magic from her body, shaped it into an alicorn-strength fireball spell, and spat it out the barrel towards Quick’s shield. A burning ball of arcane fire streaked across the three meters between Cadence and Quick, leaving an orange trail through the air. Everypony had milliseconds to appreciate the strangely beautiful sight before the fireball detonated against Quick’s hard light shield.
Purple hexagons flickered, crumpled, and died, vanishing in puffs of sparks as they left behind the pungent smell of ozone. The fireball smashed aside layer after lay of shield as it expanded, tearing through the magical barrier almost as easily as it ripped through the air.
For a heartbeat the hallway was filled with orange flames. Tapestries charred. Carpets smoked, blackened, and ignited. Stone floor tiles cracked under the heat and pressure. Shining’s panicked scream as he and Quick were thrown down the hallways by the blast was lost in the echoing THUD of the detonation.
Cadence glowed white as her natural wards sheltered her from the worst of the blast. Her mane whipped back and tangled, losing its curl and becoming slightly singed. Her feathers fluttered and squirmed on her wings, some even pulling free under the force of the blast…
Yet, there she stood.
Cadence snapped her weapon’s breach open, ejecting the spent shell with a clatter of steel and brass. The enchanted weapon conjured another shell in her left hoof, which Cadence slammed into the breach just as the ejected shell vanished. The weapon had received its user’s instructions to be ready to fire again, and prepared to drain more of her magic as soon as the pink alicorn pulled the trigger.
Cadence grit her teeth and leveled her weapon at the limp Changeling form. Years of training came back to her instantaneously, exactly like riding a bicycle. Her eyes flicked over Shining’s captor’s limp form, searching for the tell-tale signs of life.
Quick’s chest was still, but his nostrils flexed. He was still breathing.
Cadence suddenly realized she had fired a grenade at close quarters to the person she was trying to rescue. Despite her training, she took her eyes off the target to check on Shining. The white unicorn was climbing onto his hooves, groaning loudly, clearly dazed and missing a large patch of fur on his right shoulder, but otherwise unharmed.
Cadence nodded to herself and lowered her M-79. Then she raised her pulse rifle and fired a burst into Quick’s side.
The pulse rifle pulled a much smaller amount of mana from Cadence’s reserves, but she still felt the energy each of the blue-white bottle of light took from her the moment they sped from the barrel. The five bolts ripped through Quick’s side like paper mache, and dug into the stone below him, leaving pits of molten marble in their wake.
Quick yelped and jumped to his hooves. Adrenaline deadening the pain from each of the wounds. Wounds which by some miracle had missed anything vital. Quick began to limp down the hallway, looking frantically around himself for any kind of cover, forgetting his spell craft entirely as every last neuron in his brain screamed at him to survive.
Shining looked into Cadence’s eyes and gasped. He knew her well, very well. The Equestrian Special Service had gotten their hooves on one of the few recordings of Mister Arvil’s missions. He knew that look in Cadence’s eyes. She would not listen to reason. She would not back down. She would eliminate her target, no matter what.
Shining took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Quick held him as a thrall for a week. Quick had made him say and do things he wouldn’t have for the sake of Chrysalis’s plans. But Quick was a soldier following orders. One who took the first out he had. There was only one thing Shining could do.
The stallion jumped in front of Quick, rearing up and spreading out his forelegs to block as much space as possible. “Run!”
Quick needed no further prompting. The ex-changeling galloped full tilt down the hallway, making his way towards an open door he could see just a few dozen meters down the hall.
Cadence’s eyes narrowed even further. In her mind there could only be one reason for him helping his captors. Mind control. Nothing else made sense. Not one thing.
Cadence let go of her M-79, the weapon swung on its strap, clattering against her jacket’s studs as it fell against her side. Her newly free attention sized hold of Shining with her magic and yanked him to her side where she held him off the ground by his chest.
Shining yelped in fright as he flew towards her. Cadence spared a second to glance at him, enough to make sure she hadn't injured him in any way.
He seemed fine. “I’ll break you free as soon as he’s dead, Shining.”
Cadence turned her attention back to the hallway, her eyes quickly scanning the hallway for her target.
Shining thrashed in Cadence’s telekinetic grip, futilely trying to break free, so he could try to stop the alicorn before she made a terrible mistake. “I’m not— He let me go! He’s defecting!” Shining shouted.
Cadence’s eyes caught a glimpse of a purple tail behind a bronze statue of a pegasus. A Commander Hurricane, if the plaque was correct. Cadence fired two bursts into the statue, which shattered under the force of her spellbolts. Shards of hollow brass statue flew every which way, clattering off the walls, floor, and sticking into Quick’s skin.
Quick didn’t even notice the additional pain as shrapnel peppered his hindquarters. The spellbolts blasting chunks out of the wall above his head blocked out such trivialities. His horn flashed green as he cast a quick spell. A gust of wind blasted down the hall as one of the many massive tapestries lining the walls ripped free from its hooks and fell across the hallway.
Cadence swore under her breath as the thick carpet-like picture twisted midair to form an angular barricade between her and her target.
Quick took off at a sprint, knowing Cadence wouldn’t be delayed by the cloth, it would only provide him with cover.
Cadence opened her wings and took to the air with a single powerful flap, yanking Shining along with her for the ride.
Shining took a deep breath, doing his best to hold in an angry yell as he knew that would only further convince Cadence he was under changeling control. “Cadence! Stop! He’s defecting. Hear him out!”
Cadence ignored Shining’s plea and flew up and over the cloth as it fell in slow motion. She crested the barrier and growled angrily. Quick had taken full advantage of his distraction and was gone.
Or was he?
The alicorn swept her eyes across the hall, searching for any place he might have gone.
Shining waved his hooves, desperate to get even a sliver of Cadence’s attention. “Let him go Cadence, he’s not going to hurt anyone!”
Cadence snapped her head around to look into Shining’s eyes. “I’m not listening, bug ! You had your chance to avoid consequences and you chose to throw it away.”
“Cadie, please! I’m not controlled anymore!” Shining pleaded.
Cadence smiled as she spotted an almost but not quite closed door a short ways down the hallway. “Found you,” Cadence warned before swooping down towards the open entrance.
The moment Cadence’s hooves touched the floor she spun around and kicked the door with both rear hooves, putting all of her earth pony strength into the blow. The old wooden door splintered, flying off the hinges and slamming into one of the palace kitchen ovens with the single loudest crunch Shining had heard in his life.
Over a dozen ponies panicked as Cadence spun around and flicked her head across the crowded space. A dozen ovens, counters, and cabinets filled the kitchen halfway, with a mini-herd of ponies filling another quarter as they desperately sought to tend to their duties despite the chaos occurring outside and now at their very door.
Cadence grit her teeth as no sign of Quick could be seen. Buck! Time for some diplomacy.
The alicorn cleared her throat and addressed the mildly panicked chefs. “Shapechangers are attacking the wedding! The Twilight Sparkle who ran in here is NOT Twilight. Turn them over immediately.”
A short brown furred mare with her mane up in a bun turned away from her presently aflame stove to point with one hoof towards a closed door leading to a servant's passage. “She went that way!”
Cadence smiled grimly and began to push her way through the kitchen towards the door. “Thanks!”
Shining cast a quick spell as Cadence rushed past the burning oven, conjuring a ball of flame-retardant foam above the oven which fell onto the flames, extinguishing them. If he couldn’t stop Cadence, he could at least handle damage control.
Cadence shouldered the servant’s passage door open and rushed into the bland, featureless, white-stone hallway. She could hear frantic hoofsteps ahead of her, just around the corner to her left. There was no right hoof turn she could see.
But there was one she could feel. It made no sense for the passage to only go to the left when the kitchen was in the middle of this wing of the palace. It had to also go right.
Cadence galloped down the hallway and turned right, running at what appeared to be a wall. Her hunch proved to be correct as she ran through Quick’s hastily cast illusion spell. Green sparks trailed behind Cadence as she rushed through the magical image accompanied by an odd twinkling, crystalline sound.
Quick winced. The pain of his injuries was starting to catch up to him, but the sound of his illusion being pierced was more painful. The hallways were empty. No protrusions. No cover. No doors to duck into. He had run into a clear line of fire.
A clear line of fire Cadence took immediate advantage of. She squeezed her pulse rifle’s trigger, five deep, near simultaneous, thuds rang out as the weapon blasted spellbolts down the hall. Quick cast a spell by reflex, covering his body in a pale, shimmering green shield.
Quick gulped worriedly, knowing his magic was nearly depleted. In desperation, he put every last ounce of speed into his legs. The Changeling’s gallop increased to a frothing mad dash. Each step carried him more than a meter forwards. In a mere twenty seconds he would be at the end of the passage and—
Quick was not faster than spellbolts.
Cadence squeezed her trigger again and a second volley of blue-white bolts blasted through the air, slammed into the changeling's shield, shattered it in a flash of fire, and shredded his back.
Quick gurgled and fell to the floor, his hindquarters limp and unresponsive. Cadence took a minute to regain her focus, the shots she had taken in the last minute had added up, and she felt just a little tired. That was unacceptable, there was a mission to do.
Quick dragged himself several leg lengths down the hall. As he reached out to drag himself further away he froze. A horrible realization flooded every fiber of his being.
There was nowhere for him to run. Nowhere for him to hide. With the weapons at Cadence’s disposal, he couldn’t fight. There was only one thing to do.
Quick turned around, dipped his horn to the ground, and put his hooves behind his trembling head. “I surrender! Don't shoot, I surrender!”
Cadence narrowed her eyes, her tail flicked uncertainty. This stank of a trap. She quickly scanned the surrounding hallway.
Shining snapped. His ears stood up, his eyes narrowed, his lips pulled back. “Celestia, damn it, CADENCE! HE’S SURRENDERING! HE’S NOT A THREAT! STAND THE BUCK DOWN!”
Cadence lowered her weapon’s barrel slightly. Very slightly. Cadence began to walk forward, ejecting the magazine from her rifle as she went to present the illusion she wasn’t firing merely due to a lack of ammo. The weapon conjured a fresh magazine for Cadence, which she began to seat in her weapon while advancing.
“Then let Shining go.”
Quick gulped nervously. “I can’t. I don’t have him under my control! I let him go! Well, I mean, he broke free, but I was going to let him go. I swear!”
Cadence scanned her eyes across the changeling’s body. A large amount of blood was pooling beneath him. The two spellbolts which had pierced his shield and hit something important, of course his earlier injures had of course been bleeding the entire time he had been running too.
Whether the changeling was telling the truth or not was irrelevant. He would bleed to death soon.
Cadence stopped advancing. “Prove it.”
Quick frowned sharply, then hissed as his adrenaline wore off and the pain began to kick in in full. “Ah! I— I can’t… There’s nothing you’d take as evidence. You don’t know magic.”
Cadence nodded. “Exactly,” her eyes narrowed again. “In the storybooks, the mind control usually goes away when the wizard dies.”
She aimed her rifle at the Changeling’s head. Her magic tightened around the trigger.
Quick held up his hooves. “Wait!” he yelped. “I can tell you her plan! That proves I'm on your side!”
Cadence raised an eyebrow. It would definitely indicate he was changing sides. A pity he hadn’t chosen to do that in the hallway. “Make it quick, bug.”
Quick git his teeth for a moment against the pain burning up his spine. As soon as the spike of agony stopped plunging into his back he opened his eyes, looked up at Cadence, and began to speak.
“I am her highnesses’ chief wizard. I know all of her plans details. She runs everything by me. The original plan was not broken by your successfully arriving here. It simply meant we had to snatch you from Equestria. I was able to transport myself, Chrysalis, and seventeen thousand total drones controlled by approximately two thousand changelings to Equestria via my… sorcery. Most of the army is outside the shield. Waiting for the signal.”
Quick grunted as he felt one of his kidneys shut down. Realizing how badly he was hurt he took a moment to breath. “I… If you heal me, you’ll have a way back… I can open Celestia’s portal. It’s never off, only shut. Like a door. I… picked the lock.”
Cadence shook her head slowly, her guts tie into a knot. The combat high was dissipating, and she could feel she may have been doing something wrong.. “I don't know healing magic, Shining can you—”
Shining nodded twice, then closed his eyes to concentrate. His training as a spy had included basic trauma care, unfortunately had hadn’t had any reason to use it over the course of his career, adn the stallion was quite rusty as a healer. “I can slow your bleeding, and try to patch up the holes, but I’m not sure I can save you… I promise I’ll try.”
Light blue flecks of magic began to dart around Quick’s body, sinking into the holes and punctures to try to slow the crimson rivers oozing from his limp form. Quick gunted in a mixture of pain and gratitude, squeezing his eyes shut tightly as Shining’s magic went to work.
“Thank you,” Quick said. “The plan was always to arrive here. Create a public event the kingdom would watch en mass, then stage an attack. Chrysalis would take the place of the new Alicorn, and we would stage her saving Canterlot singlehoofidly… We have real battle plans to ensure the guard, Celestia, and Luna will not make an impact. M— My queen, she… She didn’t know about the Elements of Harmony.”
Cadence’s eyes lit up, her crash course in Equestrian history had included the Elements, and their nearly instantaneous defeat of Nightmare Moon.. “Excellent! We have an easy means of victory! Shining, can we get ahold of the—”
Quick shook his head rapidly, then moaned in distress as one of the hole sin his back closed up. “ “No! You don’t.”
Shining smiled at his success and renewed his efforts. “Come on Shining, you got this…”
Cadence gently tipped Quick’s head back as it slumped down. “Why can’t we use the elements?”
“We have plans for them. Hasty plans, but plans. Each of them are being watched by a changeling. I— AH!” Quick shivered violently for a moment as Shining’s concentration slipped, and the healing magic briefly did more harm than good. “There are eight snipers, covering each one. I… I could have… made them stand down. Good news, a quarter of our infiltrators are on that… detail. You need to stop Chrysalis. If she can finish her plan to… Stop Celestia, then—”
Quick’s horn sizzled and popped. The dark magic he had mastered over the year sensed its masters impending death and kicked in without his consent, feeding on his anger and despair to try to spare its master’s life. Shining grit his teeth and began to fight against the sudden influx of dark magic. The chaotic, courupting waves of energy pushed back, refusing to budge.
Cadence’s eyes softened. No one revealed intelligence as their dying words unless they had truly changed their hearts. Her softened gaze turned hard again as she realized exactly what she had done and why. If I hadn’t been so angry, maybe he could have said something earlier. Maybe I would have believed him… I need to let go of my anger.
“Then what?” Cadence asked as she knelt down closer to Quick.
Quick gasped for air as the light and dark magic struggle within him made one of has lungs seize. Cadence whipped her head around to glare at Shining. “I thought you said you were helping him!”
“I am!” Shining yelped, his ears drooping. “He’s flooded with Dark magic and—”
Quick snorted under his breath. “Stop fighting my magic, fool! Work with it.”
Shining paused for a moment, then fachooved. “Oh, Luna you’re trying to help me…”
“Yes!” Quick snapped. “Stop undoing my help, simpleton!”
Shining stopped pushing his magic, letting the Dark magic run its course ot see what it was doing. The dark energy did seem to serve it’s masters best interests as it pulled tissue together and held them in place. The unicorn changed tactics, applying a simple spell ment to heal cuts to each individual tissue the changeling’s magic worked its way into. One by one, the wounds begna to close.
Though he was still bleeding profusely.
Quick took a deep breath to turn his attention to answering Cadence’s question.. “She’s going to the armory. For the key. The spare key. The one Celestia thinks only she knows about… Key is a little lantern. Looks… Like it’s there for light at night. Brass. Orange glass. Little. Key opens Celestia’s throne room vault. Where she keeps—”
Shining and Cadence’s eyes widened in horror. “The artifact vault?!” they gasped in unison.
Quick nodded and reached back with a hoof to hold one of his larger wounds shut.. “Y— Yes… Once inside, Chrysalis needs only two things. The first… First…” the changeling’s eyes dimmed visibly as he stared off into nothing. “She’ll use the Chalice of Shadows to cripple Celestia. Then, she’ll use the Identity Matrix to make everyone think she is really Princess Cadence. Her false heroics will earn the love of the people. An entire kingdom’s worth of love… Will be hers. She’ll be more powerful than any alicorn, and can take her rightful place as the Queen of the Crystal Empire… without… resist… It’s cold…”
Cadence reached out with a hoof and gently lifted Quick’s head. “I’m sorry. I’m an assassin, you were my target. I didn’t know you— I couldn’t trust— If hadn't been so angry—”
Shining blinked. “Assassin?”
A small dark pit developed in his gut as Shining realized that he had just seen Cadence’s normal response to extreme anger. He resolved to help her recover from the ‘training’ she had been given.
Quick smiled. “You had… every right to be… No reason to trust me. I understand…”
The Changeling shivered and closed his eyes tightly. “Promise… Many others. A third maybe… They hate her too. Promise you won’t… Let them live. Please.”
Cadence paused for a second then nodded. It would be the least she could do, especially for someone she may have killed while they were changing sides. “Anyling who surrenders will be treated fairly. I promise.”
Quick whimpered as his vision began to dim. While his wounds were healing through his and Shining’s magic, he was still dangerously close to the brink.. The world was dark, cold, and closing in on him. Cadence’s voice was there, but faint, echoey, even ghostly. “Surrender? I— I surrendered…”
Cadence nodded, closing her eyes to keep herself from crying. “Yes. I am sorry. I won't— I won't kill anyling else who doesn't shoot first. I promise.”
Shining frowned, his brow furrowing as he looked into Cadence’s eyes. “That’s a bit unwise when there’s a war on.”
Cadence nodded twice and sighed. “Yes, but if a third of the enemy is effectively a slave army… I’ll let them know they can surrender.”
Shining nodded slowly, satisfied by her answer. He turned to look at the dying changeling. “This is his last body… I— I’m not going to let you die, Quick. You may not deserve, but I’m going to give you a second chance, damnit!”
Shining’ shorn blazed like the sun as he channeled everything he had into his healing. He closed wounds. Redirected blood. Regulated breathing…
Quick gasped, his eyes snapped open as Shining’s efforts allowed him to climb a few rungs back towards consciousness. “No! No I don’t want to go! I refuse!”
He pushed the very last of his energy into his horn, desperately clawing for any scrap of magic he could lay a thought on. Dark magic crackled around his horn, building up into a ball of purple and green light at his horn tip. “K— Kla— Klaatu... Varata Ni—”
Quick’s chant was lost in a coughing fit as blood filled his mouth. The last of his strength left him, and the changeling fell limp to the floor, unconscious, but stable. He would survive.
His magic, on the other hand, was quite unstable. The dark magic he had gathered around his horn exploded in a flash of sickly-green and deathly-purple light.
“Buck!” Cadence cried as she dove for Shining, tackling him to the ground and curling around him.
The dark magic maelstrom ripped through the hallway, blasting Shining and Cadence with its umbral energies. Cadence disappeared into a cloud of sparks as her wards fought against the magical discharge. Shining had no such protections.
Though Cadence’s body shielded him from the bulk of the blast, dark magic sank into his exposed hooves, tail, and ear, sliding through his body as it sought to alter, corrupt, and mutate. The magic needed to fill its victim entirely before proceeding and so it flowed into the stallion through every exposed nook and cranny.
It oozed into each and every part of Shining’s being, seeking to perform the task its master had set to it. To grant the target’s fondest wish. A pity Quick had not successfully tamed the spell, leaving it free to do its job in the most vicious and amusing manner possible.
Firs the magic found Shining’s desire to change, to be new things and to live as several personas he loved to be. It worked with that desire, prodding, poking, and altering the Stallion. Subtly at first, bigger changes could come later, once it had entirely occupied its victim.
The dark magic found shining’s transformation gem, took it offline, and performed a little rewiring. Then it found the bond of love between Shining and Cadence. The Dark magic raced to the bond, delighted to find something so pure to corrupt. It hit their bond full force and began to slide along it, seeking out a second target to dissociate into. The magic tipped Cadence’s wards.
Alicorn magic raced back down the link, smashing dark magic aside as best it could. The invisible battle between dark and alicorn magic raged as the waves of green light radiated from the unconscious Changeling’s horn. But then, a second later, the dark magic’s source depleted. Quick’s horn stopped glowing. The magic had no more reinforcement, and Cadence’s magic snuffed it out.
Shining moaned, squirmed free from Cadence’s grasp, took four steps, then vomited. Sparks of dark magic trailed along from his mouth, following the sick as it splashed along the ground. Shining wiped his lips with the back of his hoof then squeaked in panic as he saw the fleck of purple mana dissipate.
“Oh buck! Cadie! I got hit!” Shining spun around to face Cadence, his eyes metaphorically weeping horror. “Am I okay? Do I look normal? Am I melting into, uh, I don’t know, slime?!”
Cadence’s ears peaked in alarm. “Is— is that a thing that could—”
Shining nodded rapidly. “Yes! We got blasted with uncontrolled dark magic! It likes to mutat—”
Shining paused, made a strange face, then sneezed hard as his transformation gem came back online and its altered magic took hold of him. A rippling wave of white light washed across his body, wiping away all traces of Shining Armor, and leaving behind Gleaming Shield.
Gleaming blinked as she noticed her hooves suddenly become more dainty, quickly felt her face, smiled awkwardly and looked up at Cadence. “Uh… heh… Stress,” the mare flashed Cadence a sheepish grin, her cheeks burning bright. “I um, I be Gleaming to relax a lot… So yeah. Stress. Sorry... Let me just change back.”
She closed her eyes, reached for her dark magic damaged gemstone with her mind, and in a flash changed back into Shining Armor. Shining cleared his throat. “There we go… Okay! We need to come up with a plan.”
Cadence started to nod in agreement, but blinked as another rippling white wave of magic brought Gleaming out for a second time. The Dark Magic hadn’t been able to finish its work, but Shining had wished in his heart-to-hearts to be other ponies. Now he would have to be. At least, one particular other pony.
“Um… Hon? I think we know what the dark magic did.”
Gleaming frowned. “What?” The sound of her voice made her jump. The transformed pony looked down at herself and squeaked. “Oh no! Nonononono! I can’t have a broken gem now! I need to be recognizable! There’s a bucking shapechanger attack and—”
Gleaming’s eyes dilated into tiny pools of terror. “Aaaaa!” she ran forward and buried her nose into Cadence’s barrel. “I’m bucked! As soon as the guards hear about transforming attackers if my gem keeps randomly changing my shape I’ll be shot!”
Cadence’s eyes narrowed angrily. “The buck you will. You’ll stay with me. Remember, if they fire first, I’ll fire back.”
Cadence lifted her pulse rifle and inspected it for a moment before storing it in her pocket and taking out her M-60. “Preferably with something less lethal. Celestia said this was for taking out shields.”
Gleaming sniffled, wiped a panicked tear from her eye and nodded slowly. “O— Okay. S— So. What do we do?”
Cadence pursed her lips in thought. “First, check Quick. Is he alive?”
Gleaming nodded slowly then trotted over to Quick and placed a hoof on his neck to check his pulse. She spent a few moments, pursing her lips and focusing then nodded slowly while sighing in relief. “He’s stable… I think he’ll make it. He’s going to need a transfusion if we want him up and around any time soon, but he should be okay. Maybe we can get him to the infirmary?”
Cadence hummed as she debated with herself. “Well, if we can get the Elements of Harmony, maybe we can get their bearers to safety in time to use them. If we do that, we might have the time to make the detour. It may be best to tell somepony he’s here and to pick him up. Or rather pick ‘Twilight’ up.”
Gleaming paused and reached into the saddlebags on her back with her magic and took out the element’s box. “I uh... I have them, actually.”
Cadence did a triple take, her jaw dropping. “Wait, what?! That is poorly written fan fiction levels of contrivance.”
Gleaming shook his head. “No! Princess Celestia gave them to Quick thinking he was Twilight and ordered him to gather the Elements and I made him give them to me to carry as a sign of trust.”
Cadence nodded, her incredulity subdued by Gleaming’s explanation. “Oh… Well, what are the odds we can get five mares out from under the eyes of eight snipers?”
Gleaming bit her lip. “Eight snipers each… He said each.”
Cadence groaned and facehooved. “I forgot! We would need to be able to prevent forty changelings from taking a shot in a row, and do it fast, because there’s no way Chrysalis isn’t headed to the armory right now.”
Gleaming’s ears drooped as she looked at the floor. “Yeah so, we need to leave him here and go stop her. If she gets into the vault…”
Cadence’s wings flared. “Buck! You’re right!” She reached out with her magic and picked Gleaming up, placing the mare on her back between her wings. “Stay on, I’m faster than you.”
Gleaming eeped as she was lifted, and clung to Cadence back with her legs as tightly as she could. “Uh, okay. So, we’re going to charge the Armory?”
Cadence nodded as she rifled through her jacket pockets and took out her phaser rifle and passed it to Gleaming. “Here, use this. It will stun them. I’ll use this—” Cadence floated her M-60 into view. “— to wear down shields. Absolutely nopony gets to stop us. Full speed, no stopping, no questioning. Try not to shoot too much, I think that gun will still draw on my strength even if you’re holding it.
Gleaming blinked and looked at the weapon held in her pink grip. “Um… If it does, then Princess Celestia is really bad at magic. It will probably take a quarter of my power to fire this once. You do know I can cast my own stun rays, right?”
Cadence blushed a bright pink and sheepishly took the weapon back, sliding it into her jacket pocket. “Oh… right… Heh heh!”
Gleaming blushed as well, but for a different reason. “So um, are you sure you don’t want me to just run behind or beside you?”
Cadence nodded and turned her neck to look at Gleaming. “I am going to fly in the hallways. It will be faster.”
Gleaming decided for the sake of expediency to just not mention how riding on someone's back was a sex thing. “Okay! I uh… I’ll do... this. In public... for the public good. So, a— armory. Turn around, left, first door.”
Cadence decided to not poke at Gleaming’s obvious embarrassment, deciding that riding on a pony’s back must be how pony mothers transport young foals. She nodded and wheeled around as quickly as she could. “On it!”
The two ran down the hall as fast as Cadence could manage to go in her current state. Celestia’s warning about using her weapons had been crystal clear, but only in the basic facts. Using her weapons would tire her. Cadence had understood that completely. What she hadn’t expected is just how much they would tire her.
The few shots she had fired made the alicorn feel as if she had run three miles. While she didn’t feel like she was exhausted, or even close to exhausted, she still felt a good amount of fatigue.
How many total shots do I have?
The question weighed heavily on Cadence’s mind as Gleaming guided her back to the main hallways. After all, it would be a simple matter for Chrysalis to organize the palace’s guards to defend the Armory, which would mean Cadence would need to fight through a few dozen ponies at the least before facing the changeling queen.
Will I have enough?
Cadence turned right, following Gleaming’s directions while still deep in thought. Cadence could see the end of the hallway a few meters ahead, and moved her M-60 to cover the door in preparation to open it.
Gleaming’s ears peaked as she realized something extremely unsettling. “C— Cadie?”
Cadence slid to a stop, her head whipped around, searching for an impending attack. There wasn’t one to be seen.
“What is it?”
Gleaming nervously licked her lips. “I uh… Quick said that the signal for the attack was when the shield went down, right?”
Cadence thought back to the changeling’s dying words for a few moments then nodded. “Yes! That means we can postpone her attack by having you keep it up for as long as we need. Good thinking, hon!”
Cadence’s lips stretched into a relieved smile as she sighed her tension away.
Gleaming’s tail and ears drooped. “Uh, a— actually… I uh… I just realized I haven't felt my shield spell since we got hit by the dark magic.”
Cadence inhaled her tension back in as she took in a deep breath. “BUCK!” She turned and punched the wall in anger. “Then the attack is happening right now!”
Gleaming nodded slowly. “Yeah… These passages are soundproof, but uh, just be ready when we open that door. Okay?”
Cadence nodded and adjusted her sunglasses, believing they would come in handy to help prevent her from being blinded by the endless sea of pulsing magical lights she expected would be flying back and forth on the other side of the door. “I’m ready.”
Cadence took three steps and reached the door. Gleaming closed her eyes and drew on her magic, wrapping the two of them in a simple pink shield. It was basic strength. Gleaming knew that an Alicorn could shrug off a lot of punishment, and wanted to save what little magic she had left for offense.
Cadence turned the doorknob with a hoof and pulled it open. The sounds of chaos immediately filled the servant’s passage.
The palace had been one of the first targets when the shield fell. Chrysalis knew Cadence was somewhere in the palace, and the rogue element of her plan had to be removed. The bulk of Changeling forces had descended on the palace exactly like a swarm of locusts. The moment the shield had failed they abandoned their position in the rocky craigs above Canterlot and swarmed down in a thick black cloud.
The EUP and Royal Guard did their best to defend against the attack, but Shining’s shield spell had been their primary means of aerial defense. The place and city’s mage towers had fired bolt after bolt into the swarm as it descended on Canterlot. Red, green, blue, pink, yellow, and orange bolts punched and bit into the swarm in endless streams. Changeling bodies had fallen from the sky like rain.
There were simply too many. For every changeling that fell, another ten made it to the ground. The moment the Changelings landed, the ponies had lost the sky. The mage towers fell first. The swarm sent squadrons directly to the towers to take care of the pony mages. With the enemy’s air defense gone, the battle became a ground game.
Ponies hold up in buildings, desperately defending each door, window, chimney, and air vent they could find. Changelings poured through the streets, flying high and low as they sought priority targets and enacted their Queen’s orders to the letter.
Destroy everything possible. Induce panic and chaos. Do not kill civilians.
Kill Princess Cadence.
The door creaked open, the sound of its unoiled hinges immediately lost in the sea of screams, thrumming changeling wings, sizzling spells, clashing blades, shattering glass, and cracking stone. The open doorway revealed a wall of changeling soldiers. They stood in their natural forms, glossy black exoskeletons and gleaming blue eyes, bared fangs, and stinger-like horns on full display to use terror as a weapon.
Cadence opened fire.
White hot disruptor bolts tore into the changeling line, stripping away wards, shields and enchantments like acetone wiping away nail polish. The line of EUP soldiers who had been trying to secure the hallway immediately fired a barrage of more lethal munitions. Arrows, spellbolts, and spears ripped into the line, cracking exoskeletons and gouging eyes.
Taking advantage of the break in the changeling line, Cadence burst from the doorway and hosed the hallway down with more disruptor shots, doing her best to ignore the staggering amount of energy her M-60 drained from her with each sustained burst.
The hallway in front of her suddenly tinted peach as an EUP mage placed a shield spell across the hallway to protect her suddenly appearing princess.
“Princess!” A unicorn in an EUP sergeant's uniform called. “Get behind us!”
Cadence turned towards the soldier and shook her head. “The enemy is after a relic in the armory! I need to secure it.”
The sergeant saluted and threw a hex into the changeling line, dropping several bugs with the crackling electro-net he had conjured.
Cadence flinched and looked the sergeant dead in his visor covered eyes. “Intelligence indicates a significant number of the enemy are slave-soldiers. Unconditional surrender is to be accepted, and demanded. Understood?”
The sergeant raised his hoof in a salute. “Yes, ma’am! River Bend, spread the word to the other squads.”
Cadence pointed to the door she had just come from. “Twilight’s unconscious in the hallway. We had to leave her behind. She is to be taken to an infirmary and given a transfusion immediately… Well, as soon as Gleaming and I are on our way. We’ll need covering fire.”
The squad’s messenger saluted. “Yes, sir!”
Cadence fired another volley of disruptor rounds at the changelings who had regrouped and began advancing towards the shield spell. Her rounds ripped a hole in the shield, making the pony wizard cry out in pain as their shields began to slowly unravel.
Cadence's ears stood up in alarm. “Oh! Oops! Uh… Sorry, my shields are directional!”
The mage waved her hoof, completely buying the alicorn’s excuse.. “I— it’s okay. Just go!”
Cadence nodded and turned to run down the hallway before turning her head to Gleaming. “Which way?”
Gleaming grinned sheepishly. “Through the bugs.”
Cadence blinked and groaned. “Through the bugs…”
“Yes.”
“Okay then…”
Cadence reached down with her magic and grabbed her M-79. She looked at the weapon as seriously as she could and prayed her plan would work. Alright gun. I love you, and you love me. You run on my magic, so it stands to reason you’ll work how I need you to work. Do me this one favor and I’ll make sure you get a full cleaning and oiling after this is over.
Cadence aimed her grenade launcher at the advancing knot of changelings and fired.
The blazing orange bolt of magic sizzled through the air, passed through the disintegrating shield spell, entered the changeling squad, and exploded in a flash of orange light. Stone shattered with a thunderclap. The palace shook as the floor beneath the changelings shattered, caving in on the empty room below.
A dozen surprised cries rose above the rumbling explosion as the changelings on the ground fell through the new hole in the floor and those in the air were blasted aside by the pressure wave. All without a single changeling getting more than a bruised exoskeleton.
Cadence sprinted forwards, snapped open her wings and took off, jumping over the new hole in the floor and flying down the corridor. Gleaming eeped and squeezed her hind legs tightly, struggling to stay on. Changelings began to fly up out of the hole as the two crossed. Gleaming grit her teeth and fired as many stun rays as she could.
Pink energy beams sizzled through the air, slamming into the occasional changeling, though most dodged around the beams. Spellbolts and spears flew as the EUP squad laid down covering fire, nearly hitting Cadence as she landed on the other side of the hole.
“I thought you were going to fly?” Gleaming asked as she stunned one of the three changeling in front of them.
Cadence squeezed her weapons trigger and stripped the wards from an adorably tiny changeling who had been using an energy-shield to cover one of her larger friends.
“Too many things in the air! I clip a wing on a bug we die.”
“Good point!”
The two began to advance down the hallway as quickly as they could. The going was slow, forcing Cadence to retrieve her phaser rifle and assist in stunning the endless tide of changelings.
The bugs poured out from every doorway. They burrowed up through the floor. They came from behind the tapestries. Windows shattered, letting more and more in as the second ticked by.
After thirty seconds, it was clear no real progress would be made. Gleaming looked through one of the many broken windows as a brief moment of clear skies let a ray of sunlight into the war torn palace. The Northern tower gleamed in the light, appearing strangely bug-free.
Gleaming frowned, her brow furrowed, she turned towards Cadence and yelled, so she could be heard over the sounds of phaser fire and buzzing wings. “We have five hundred meters to go! We won't make it in time. We need another way.”
Cadence nodded in agreement and punched a Changeling in the face to save on energy. “Agreed!” She yelled back before bellowing at the top of her lungs. “Anyling who surrenders will be treated fairly. Continue attacking and I will be forced to kill you!”
Her threat went unheeded. Gleaming laughed bitterly. “I guess these are all from a different third, huh?”
Cadence smirked and nodded. “Guess so.”
The two continued to shoot and blast, managing to take the occasional step forward through the chaos. The bugs constantly moved, coming at them from a dozen angles at once. Gleaming’s shield had thus far kept them safe, but nowhere near as safe as her acting as a turret for her fiance.
Cadence swung her rifle, hitting a changeling in the face with the stock. Her blow threw the bug back, knocking several of his allies over and revealing the beautiful tapestry behind the changeling line.
Cadence smiled as she saw the ancient depiction of the lighting of the Fires of Friendship. Quick, thanks for the idea.
Cadence whipped her phaser up and fired three quick shots. The energy ripped from her reserves left her feeling like she just outran Usain Bolt in the hundred-meter dash, but her three golden rays flew straight and true… Thought they didn’t hit a single changeling.
Gleaming winced as she saw the shots ‘miss’. “Ow, bad luck there.”
The changelings laughed, seemingly amused.
Cadence just smiled. “I wasn’t aiming for them.”
She turned and fired another shot. The blast hit the last hook holding the tapestry up, partially melting it as the others had. The hooks creaked and groaned, their damaged metal now too flimsy to hold up several hundred kilograms of woven fabric. The tapestry ripped free of the wall, tilted outwards and fell, taking the changelings down like a giant flyswatter.
A few pained groans from beneath the tapestry told Cadence they didn’t have much time to escape.
Gleaming’s jaw dropped. “Luna’s teats, hon!”
Cadence sprinted forwards, panting from exhaustion. “You’re my coltfriend. You should swear by my boobs. Not hers!”
“Yours are too small to swear by,” Gleaming babbled as they ran.
The transformed mare’s head was too busy spinning for her to be logical. No normal unicorn could sustain a spell for a week then go right into battle without problems…
Cadence laughed. “Excuse me?”
“Luna’s like… She’s got them! All the time. A cups. Hehe! You’re flat, because you know, no foal.”
The pink alicorn was far too disturbed by her sudden realization about her lacking an element of femininity she’d always wanted to make a good comeback. Fortunately for her sake, as well as Gleaming’s, an engine roared to life down the hallway in front of them, providing the perfect distraction.
Cadence smiled between her desperate gasps as the tired mare pushed herself closer and closer to hyperventilating. “Thank god! Hay’s Angels. They’ll loan me a bike.”
Gleaming frowned. “Who?”
“A biker gang I promised titles too for helping me break into the palace.”
“Oh…” Gleaming nodded in satisfaction, then frowned. “Wait, what?”
Cadence laughed and ran forward as fast as her tiring body would allow. Gotta conserve some energy for fighting the Queen! Can’t burn it all now!
Cadence followed the engine sounds down the temporarily clear hallway and turned right around the corner, running directly into the back of a thick knot of Changeling soldiers.
Cadence whipped her M-60 up and fired a volley of disruptor rounds into the back of the line. “Surrender or die, changelings!”
To Cadence’s surprise, three of the changelings tried to pull away from the rest of the group, only for their squadmates to immediately fire on them. Taking advantage of the confusion, Cadence waded into melee, using the butt of her rifle indiscriminately to conserve her magic for later.
Gleaming fired a few stun rays before swaying and nearly falling off Cadence’s back. She moaned and grabbed into Cadence’s wings with her forelegs to study herself, her eyes fluttering with exhaustion and mana burn.
A changeling watched Gleaming sway and with a quick hex sent a fireball streaking through the air towards her. Cadence saw the fireball out of the corner of her eye and dropped to her belly. The flaming projectile sizzled through the air and hit the carpet, which immediately began to burn.
A deafening roar met Cadence’s ears as something huge rushed past her, slamming into the changelings like a tool chest falling down a flight of stairs. Cadence whipped her head around to see what in even the buck could possibly use a thirty changeling strong squad like bowling pins, and yelled in fright, squirming back as fast as she could.
Cadence's eyes widened in terror. Where the flying buck did a Celestia-damned Grizzly Bear come from!?
“Are you okay, Princess?” A soft mare’s voice asked in a way which was appropriate to a library or a tea party, but not a war zone.
Cadence turned to see who was speaking to her, and more importantly not worried about the 3-meter tall bear. The answer was a small buttery yellow and pink pegasus mare. Fluttershy.
Fluttershy, along with Belt Drive, Gaffer, and Harley, who was in her changeling form. The four were wielding improvised melee weapons and were just a little beaten up, but looked almost exactly how Cadence had always imagined an adventuring group would look when out performing heroics.
“Y— yeah…” Cadence said slowly before pointing behind her with a wing. “Um, bear?”
Belt grinned ear to ear. “This little missy said the best way I could help her help you was to get her a ride to the zoo. She should have told me ‘By the way, I can talk to animals and make them do what I want. Let's go recruit a squad of bear cavalry!’.”
Fluttershy blush faintly and rustled her wings. “S— Sorry…”
Gaffer raised an eyebrow as he saw Gleaming. The stallion tilted his head and pointed to her. “So uh, why is Gleaming here? Wouldn’t Shining be the better choice?”
Gleaming giggled. “Dark magic happened… Fix later… Anypony have a mana potion? I’m seeing things.”
Harley’s ears perked up. “I do!” she reached into the saddlebag fused to her right flank and handed Gleaming a suspiciously purple potion. “Drink up.”
Gleaming took the potion, popped the top and slugged it down like a fratcolt with a cheap beer.
Gaffer smiled and shook his head. “And everypony called me weird for having her hold onto my potions. Told you we would need potions!”
Belt hummed and stroked his chin. “Dark magic?”
Cadence nodded twice. “Yeah, we encountered the Queen’s archmage. This transformation seems to be the extent of it. He passed out before the spell finished... I hope he makes it.” Cadence turned to see how well the bear was doing.
The answer was well. Very well. Changeling spells hit the massive beast, dug in, scorched fur, and drew blood, but only ever seemed to make the bear even angrier.
Cadence shivered and turned back to the adventurers. “I need to get to the Armory. The Queen is going there to get something to hurt Celestia with.”
Harley shivered and transformed back into her motorcycle form with flash of emerald fire.
Belt shook his head and gave the bike-bug a gentle pat on her rear fender. “You’re lucky she decided to ask me to help you more. You’d never make it there in less than ten minutes without a ride… Pritty most of her people are evil. I’d love a living bike of my own.”
Cadence frowned and looked Belt in the eyes as seriously as a pretty pink pony could. “Actually, I have it on good authority that about a third of them are slave-soldiers and would happily change sides if given a chance. See how many you can round up and uh… Actually, they won't look there! Have them gather in the Ferrier Quartz Mine. The entrance is in that suspiciously abandoned section of the city.”
Gaffer frowned and looked down at the chair leg club he was wielding. “Not sure how we could get more than one or two out of this mess.”
Belt snorted. “Please! We have an actual druid. Use your gamer head. She has Mister Growly fight the bad ones off, we get the good ones to come with us, and our numbers just keep getting bigger and bigger until we’re our own army and can make a dent in this battlefield.”
Gaffer’s face twisted into a smile. “Hey, good idea! Alright, let’s do this… I wonder if I’ll level up during or after this battle.”
The huge earth pony saluted Cadence. “You can count on me Princess. One good bug refuge coming right up!”
Much to Cadence’s surprise, Fluttershy offered a salute as well. “We’ll help every goodbuggy get out. I promise.”
Cadence smiled and swung her legs over Harley’s seat. “I’m glad I can count on you. You’ll make for one hay of a Knight-Captain after this. Come on, hon. Let’s go save the kingdom, so I can get busy training to save my own kingdom.”
Gleaming snorted and hopped onto Harley’s seat behind Cadence. “You know, it’s a really bad deal when you put it like that.”
Cadence rolled her eyes. Then, on a whim, she pressed down on the radio pinned to her jacket. “Hey, New Cadence. It’s Cadence Classic again. Guess what I found?”
Cadence counted to three then Twisted Harley’s throttle, making the bike bug’s engine roar.
“You’re in the armory, right? We’ll be there in a bit. Why don’t you wait up for us? The vault isn't going anywhere.”
Cadence let go of the radio’s transmit button, revved Harley one more time, then sped off down the hallway, burning rubber as she drove through the small fire to avoid accidentally hitting the already angry bear.
It’s almost over. Cut off the head, the body dies.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
16 - Rampone: First Blood Part II
Princess Cadence - 5/16/2018
The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Cadence, Gleaming, and Harley roared down the palace hallway as fast as Cadence dared go. The hallways were quite wide, more than wide enough for a motorcycle to travel down, and even make corners. Nor was it the first time Cadence had driven indoors.
That being said, it was the first time she had driven anything other than a dirt bike indoors. It was also the first time she had driven a bike indoors during a major battle.
Changelings clogged the hall. They swarmed across the floor, walls, and even ceiling, suspended by their hooves arcane grip and exceptionally light bodies. Gleaming blasted away with a mix of stun bolts and concussion beams, doing his best to clear a path for them to drive down. It was much harder work than she had anticipated, and he could feel what little energy the mana potion had restored draining away even after the short five minutes she had been blasting.
Cadence swerved left and right, dodging as many changelings as she could, yet constantly sideswiping some while running down others. There simply wasn’t ever any truly clear path. The endless tide of glossy black exoskeleton covered “monsters” was too dense to thin out. Each and every pocket vanished almost as quickly as Gleaming made it.
Cadence grit her teeth and swerved to the left, slipping between a large changeling clad in blue plate armor, and a tiny one she swore to god had to be a child. It’s like that scene from aliens, except we're driving down the elevator shaft at them.
A changeling’s horn flashed green as it fired a spellbolt at Cadence. She ducked, and the crackling energy bolt sizzled over her head, scorching her left ear tip. Shining spun and fired a ray in the direction the bolt had come from, frowning as she realized he had no way to tell who had shot at them, or even if he hit someone in the dense ever shifting mass.
Cadence did her best to ignore the stinging pain in her ear. And they are wizards… BUCK! “Shiny? Did I just lose an ear?”
Shining spared half a second to glance at Cadence’s head. “No. The tip is burnt, but still there.”
“Good.”
Cadence turned left into the hallway which led to the Armory. The hallway which was now even more chaotic than any other part of the palace. A battle took place at the end of the hall, just in front of the armory doors.
The battle within a battle was separated from the chaos of the hall around it by a thin line of folding metal barricades and mages.
The ponies were not trying to get into the armory, but rather keep the changelings out. The shapechanging insects streamed in through the broken windows in the right hoof wall, and split where they entered. Two thirds turned and rushed down the hall towards the rest of the palace, the other third provided constant reinforcements to the changelings trying to break the pony held line.
Cadence winced and squinted through the changelings trying to spy a way in.
Gleaming leaned around Cadence’s back to try to see as well, but had to stop and immediately return to firing into the endless tide around them. “Why did you stop?!”
Cadence grit her teeth. “Fortifications. Ponies blocked off the armory.”
Their fortifications don’t seem to be improvised, Cadence noted as she inspected the line of pony soldiers.
Indeed, the fortifications were portable walls which had come from the armory. A score of Lunar Guards had managed to get to the Armory before anyone else, and set them up. Each portable wall stood two ponies high, was made from thick slabs of magically enhanced steel, and could be stood up much like a five panel room divider. Only, these also had folding legs to brace against enemy attack.
The walls were painted with Celestia’s personal seal, which made the Lunar Guards silver and navy blue armor stand out all the more as they fought from atop the folding wall battlements.
Cadence could see a total of ten thestrils in the group. The bat-winged nocturnal pegasi looked exhausted, not from combat, but from a lack of sleep. Cadence recognized the manic yet cloudy gleam in their eyes. She saw it in every sleep deprived soldier who had ever escorted her behind enemy lines.
Each thestril was using a different weapon from the armory to do their part. Bolts, arrows, and even a few sling stones flew in organized volleys. The haggard lines rounds would explode, burst into scintillating rays, coat targets in ice, or erupt into noxious smelling green slime which hardened almost instantly into clay.
The pony forces had an additional three normal pegasi, who were busy hurtling lighting bolt after lightning bolt from their ever diminishing supply of clouds into the changeling swarm. The remaining seven Lunar Guard were unicorn mages, all of whom had combined their sorcery to create a powerful one way shield to supplement the wall. The crackling silver barrier keep changelings from entering via the walls and ceiling, but looked to be just barely holding together as small bolts of energy crackled along its surface.
As far as Cadence could tell, the only thing preventing their position from being overrun was their consistent and high volume of enchanted weapon fire. The Changelings had to constantly drag their wounded, unconscious, or dead comrades from the hallway, otherwise they would form a ‘natural’ wall of casualties and corpses.
Cadence's ears lay back in annoyance. “Great! We don’t know if she’s in there, and if we look, those ponies will be overrun.”
Gleaming bit her lip and deeply regretted not asking the huge biker from earlier if he had a crossbow she could barrow. “What about your grenade trick? Clear the bugs out, get let in.”
Cadence slowly shook her head. “I can make it not kill, I don’t think I can make it stop where I want it too.”
“Then what do we do?”
Harley over pressured her pistons to make her engine sputter for a moment. The motorcycle equivalent to a polite ‘Ahem’.
Cadence nodded once, then frowned, her wings twitching. “What if Chrysalis is already in there?”
Gleaming swore under her breath. “If I was still stallion-me I could get them to believe us via rank and—”
And we don’t have a better option. Wait! We do! Cadence gunned Harley’s throttle. “Hold onto me, Shiny.”
Gleaming eeped and tightened her forelegs grip around Cadence’s middle. The Pink alicorn gunned Harley’s throttle and the three shot towards the wall. I hope you know what you’re doing, Harley, because I don’t know how to make a vertical ninety degree turn.
They raced along, weaving through the changeling swarm as best they could. Harley’s engine roared loudly enough to pierce the madding drone of Changeling wings. The wall raced towards them. They would plow into it at any moment.
Gleaming yelped in fright and squeezed Cadence’s waist with all her might. Cadence winced, forcing herself to keep her eyes open through her fear and pain. Harley directed her natural magic to her tires and simply popped a wheelie.
She’d done this before. When no humans had been looking. Except for a few homeless people who still raved in the streets about the “ghost bike”.
Her front tire hit the wall with a sound much akin to an anvil falling onto a rubber mat. Pale green magic flicked between her treads, just as it did a changeling’s hoof, and secured her to the wall. With a spine-tingling jolt, and a whole lot more slowdown than Cadence was comfortable with, the three drove up the wall, plaster and tile cracking under their combined weight.
They moved up in a long arc, plowing through any changelings unfortunate enough to be in their way. Gleaming clung to Cadence’s back, far too terrified to clear the way with her spells. Cadence couldn’t do anything either. It took all of her magically enhanced strength to keep a hold of Harley’s handlebars thanks to the forty kilogram pony clinging to her back who gravity seemed to really have it out for.
The floor came flying towards them as their cross-wall ark came to an end. Harley popped a second wheelie and righted themselves as a lightning bolt streaked past her headlight. The bolt didn't ark to her, by some small miracle. Apparently, changeling exoskeletons were even more conductive than steel.
Harley filed that knowledge away for later. Unfortunately, her riders entirely missed that particular changeling weakness.
Cadence squeezed Harley’s brakes, skidding to a halt parallel to the Lunar Guard’s fortifications. She reached down to her side wither magic and levitated her grenade launcher into position, took aim at the mass of changelings, then elbowed Gleaming in her ribs. “Shield, in front of their line, NOW!”
Gleaming yelped as Cadence’s elbow dug into her, but understood what Cadence needed. She closed her eyes and began to concentrate, her horn glowing as the shield spell began to take form.
Cadence counted to two, focused on her attack as she had before, then fired a modified concussion-shot into the middle of the advancing swarm. The grenade went off with a thunderclap, it’s shock wave barely visible as a pale blue sphere which outran the fireball. The shock wave smashed into changelings, sending them flying in all directions.
Gleaming’s shield spell sprang to life, forming a solid barrier across the hallway just in time to keep changelings from flying into the pony’s line. Pink sparks flew with each of the dozens of impacts, showering the changeling’s below, and even igniting sections of carpet and tapestries which littered the floor as debris.
“Good work, hon!” Cadence turned towards the line and looked up at the first pony she saw.
He was an older thestril stallion who was brown, darker brown, and really dark brown. If Cadence didn’t know better, she’s swear he was actually made from various kinds of chocolate, held together by grit, determination, and a military bearing.
Cadence pointed to the armory’s open door with her left hoof. “These things are shapechangers, am I already in there?”
The thestril took one look at the shield blocking the hall, glanced down at Gleaming, then frowned. If the enemy was capable of shapechanging, then there would be a very big problem. Unfortunately, there was no way to tell what he should do at a glance.
The thestril cleared his throat, and in a rather hoarse voice shouted, “Sir, this is a very bad time to go mare. Finish this sequence: Alpha, Bravo, Tango, Charlie, Three, Niner, Seven… ?”
Gleaming’s ears perked immediately. She hadn’t expected they would run into anypony with time in the Special Service. After all, very few guards and Agents chose to transfer between those departments.
Gleaming looked up at the Lunar Guard and finished the agent-made pass code to enter the break room. “Charlie, Echo, Lima, Echo, Sierra, Tango, India, Alpha, Six, Hotel, Alpha, Sierra, Eight, Alpha, Two, Bravo, India, Golf, One, Papa, Lima, Oscar, Tango, Three!”
The Thestrals eyes went wide with terror, narrowed with grim determination, then settled on burning with indignation. “Well...” he began.
His soldiers winced, expecting a tirade of top-tier cursing to be unleashed.
“...we screwed the pooch there, didn’t we? Let them in!”
“S-sir?” One of the unicorns stammered from behind the wall. “If that’s the real Princess, uh, we keep enough spell power in there to level the city, sir.”
“That’s WHY we’re letting them in,” the thestrial groaned. “Princess, that bug is alicorn strong, it’s why we let her in… She really does seem to be you. We have to stay here and hold the line. Good luck.”
The Thestril waved a hoof and the unicorns let a small hole open in front of one of the panels just before two pegasi shoved the heavy steel barricade panel out of the way. The gape they made was just big enough to let Cadence, Harley, and Gleaming through.
Cadence pushed off the ground, rolling Harley inside to prevent engine noise. Chrysalis may have known they were coming, but it would be best if she didn’t know when until it was too late.
As she pushed them inside, Gleaming turned her attention towards the Thestril again. “I’m keeping my shield up. It’s one-way, feel free to fire through it.”
The brown bat-pony sighed. “Thank, Luna!” immediately used one of his wings to flip a canteen of water up to his lips and take a drink. “Men! Two minute rest. Mages, take your shield down and recharge. Use mana bars or pots if you have them.”
Cadence gently pat Harley on her gas tank as she climbed off. “Stay here,” she whispered. “If she gets away we’ll need to chase her.”
Cadence nodded once and fished her pulse rifle and M60 out of her jacket pockets, levitating them at either side of her barrel, just under wing height. While they were not in firing position, they could easily be aimed and Cadence was well aware of the immense stupidity of shooting blindly into an armory.
It stood to reason that blind firing into a magical armory would be worse. Especially when the door was open during an attack on the facility which housed it.
Cadence turned her head to look at one of the unicorn mages. The light peach mare was busily cramming several bright purple granola bar-like mana replenishing snacks into her mouth.
“Why is the door open?”
The mare said something through her mouthful of snack, but it came out unintelligibly. The stallion to her left answered for her. “Maintenance bucked up, Ma’am. The door seals when there’s an emergency. It decided to open then lock in place instead.”
Cadence facehooved. “Buck! Even in magical kingdoms the brass is horseapples!”
“Aren't you the brass?” The snacking mare managed to say, before immediately eeping and trying to hide behind her comrade in arms.
Cadence smirked. “More like the tin… Gleaming, she won't know you’re no longer mind controlled. Get in there and distract her.”
Gleaming sighed and shook her head. “It won't work. My gem’s friend. I can’t be normal-me. If I go in changed, she’ll know something’s up.”
Cadence hummed and tapped a hoof to her chin. “Can you be other mares? Is it just stallions?”
Gleaming opened her mouth to warn against that idea, and everything went to hell.
A brilliant ray of prismatic light blasted out from the open armory and sliced a clean line through the air, floor, portable wall, and slammed into Gleaming’s shield, sending cracks racing across its bright pink surface.
Cadence barely managed to roll out of the way, losing her left wing tip and grenade launcher to the disintegration beam before she managed to dive to the floor and roll out of the open. God, bucking, damn it! That was the time to charge, not plan. Get your head in the game!
Chrysalis’ mocking laughter echoed through the terrified silence. “Did you think attacking me while I am surrounded by the most powerful weapons in Equestria is a good idea? Perhaps you should go back to the academy.”
Gleaming moved into cover beside the door. “She has a point, hon.”
Cadence sighed. “She does. We did a dumb. Let’s fix that.”
Cadence took a deep breath, winced, then floated her M60 into the doorway and blindly sprayed disruptor bolt sin a wide fanning pattern. “Gleaming! Shield! Now!”
Gleaming nodded and cast a shield spell in the doorway. The pink energy field popped into existence with a flash of white, pink, and blue, rippling as it grew to fill the large vault’s doorway.
Cadence nodded and stepped into the doorway, taking care to keep firing her weapon. The blue-white bolts zipped through the shield, making it ripple like a pond in the rain as the spell-disrupting bolts messed with the shield in spite of it being a one-way barrier.
Cadence moved right up to the shield and began scanning the room with her eyes for any sign of the bug queen. “Push this shield in! We advance behind it.”
Gleaming gulped nervously. “Uh, you do know I’m low on mana, and this won't take more than two shots?”
A short emerald and sapphire colored unicorn stood up from where he had dropped to the ground for cover and held out three mana potions to Gleaming. “Here, chug-em!”
Gleaming winced. She’d already had one and the drinks were toxic in large quantities. “I’d rather not—”
“Just do it!” Cadence shouted as she continued to provide covering fire, and her magic continued to run more and more dry with each bolt.
Gleaming gulped nervously, took the bottles, and began to uncork them.
Deep within the armory, from somewhere in the rear-left corner, hidden from sight by several racks of enchanted spears, halberds, and swords, Chrysalis snorted. “Please. A disruptor wand and a shield? Did you know a certain sentimental old fool kept my old armor in here? Would you like a demonstration of real arcane power?”
Cadence bit her lip. If the queen really did have some sort of magic boosting armor on her, she wasn't sure how she could be expected to beat her given absolutely no knowledge of magic at all.
Gleaming, on the other hoof, hoped reverse psychology would work on the presumably mad-mare. “That would be cool, actually!”
She tipped her head back and downed all three bottles at once.
Cadence’s ears lay back, her wings flared as wide as they could. “Why the buck did you say that?” she hissed.
“Reverse psy—”
An eerie green light flooded the armory. It oozed across the floor like vines growing through a stone path, or perhaps more like mold growing through meat. White marble tiles cracked, chipped, and popped as the dark energy bled through it. The process was slow, but unyielding, and with ever more branches oozing away from the four main lines, it was ever increasing.
Cadence wasn’t about to stick around and find out what the Queen was up too. She waved a wingtip at Gleaming and took a step towards the shield. “Come on! Before she finishes her spell!”
Gleaming nodded and closed her eyes tight. Her shield spell ballooned outwards, flowing over the floor, and keeping a solid hold on the doorway. Whatever was going on in there, she didn’t like it.
Cadence frowned slightly. “Why the balloon?”
“Chemical attacks. Air can’t pass through from that side to you.”
Cadence nodded and stepped into the shield bubble and began to spray the nearest oozing dark-magic line with disruptor fire. The magic hissed and crackled, steam bleeding from the crack as it withered and died.
Gleaming stepped into the bubble behind Cadence, horn blazing, sending wisps of mana into the air as she worked overtime to keep her spell growing and moving. The goal was obviously to lock Chrysalis down into one small area. Gleaming could do it, but only just barely.
The shards began to move of their own accord.
Cadence’s eyes widened in horror as every one of the thousands of marble chips raced towards the center of each of the three remaining ‘roots’. She shifted her point of aim to the roots of the next closest cluster and put bolt after bolt into the enchanted maelstrom the shards had begun swirling around.
“Oh, buck me,” Gleaming moaned as she recognized the spell.
Cadence grit her teeth, expecting the shards to explode outwards like a claymore mine. The root she was attacking smouldered and died, releasing a thick cloud of steam into the air.
A dull green light pulsed at the heart of the remaining roots, and the stone shards slowly pulled themselves into their final places, like a 3d puzzle assembling itself. The shards took the shape of Chrysalis herself, tall, insectoid, legs filled with holes, a clear corruption of the pony form. A dark green light shone from within the many thousands of small gaps in the marble golem’s bodies, a clear sign of dark magic.
Gleaming grabbed Cadence’s M60 with her hooves and pointed it at one of the marble-golems. “FIRE! FIRE NOW!”
Cadence needed no further prompting. She squeezed the trigger with her magic and blasted the animated marble with fifty bolts. The blue-white bolts splattered against the marble fizzling out as the marble itself wasn’t enchanted. It was merely armor for the living spell within.
Chrysalis laughed. “Fool! What an utter fool you are, Celestia. You recruited someone expressly for their tactical abilities, which deal only with their own kind, and who has never even seen true magic before. Honestly, there are foals who would know how to use your power better than you do. Shardlings, slay them! Painfully.”
The golems hissed and leapt forward, their wings thrumming and propelling them into the air despite their weight. They slammed against Gleaming’s shield, denting it inwards under their weight before backing off to savagely claw and smash the shield with their hooves.
Gleaming yelped in pain and took a step back, her tail raising in alarm as her head started to throb. Cadence shifted her point of aim and sent another volley of bolts into one of the monster’s faces. Half of her volley bounced off the creature's marble plates but some found their way into its glowing green eyes.
The arcane abomination screeched as Cadence’s shots blinded it. It stepped back from the shield then charged, ramming into the barrier horn-first in anger. The shield dented inwards, wrapping around its horn like cling wrap, and didn’t snap back into place when the creature stepped back for another charge.
Chrysalis stood up, appearing from behind a stack of ancient steel-bound chests. The Changeling Queen had abandoned her Cadence disguise.
After all, her plan depended on a Cadence being visible during the battle, and accomplishing great things in front of the eyes of many. She could afford to let the real one serve that role for now. Especially if it meant she could use an old toy to make the battle of Canterlot just a little more terrifying.
Cadence winced as she saw the Queen’s true appearance. Her body double had not done a good job imitating his queen. Flash’s imitation had been regal, alien, powerful, and with just a hint of beauty.
The real Chrysalis was battered, her chitin covered in scrapes, scars, pits, and even a few cracks. Her mane was a mess, as if she hadn't cared for it in years. Her tail was in much the same shape. It was as if the mare had been single mindedly focused on one thing, and one thing only for years and years.
Cadence felt her stomach churn slightly as she noticed the holes running through Chrysalis’s legs. Ew! How can she live like that? If we take her alive I am making Celestia let me go home and buy her some bondo and some fiberglass patches to fix those holes! Just, ew!
The second thing Cadence noticed was the Queen was clad in a suit of ice-blue half plate. The elegantly sculpted and engraved armor completely clashed with every part of her body, save for her mane. Despite, this, one could tell the chamfron, pauldrant, croupiere, and sabatons had been forged expressly for her thanks to their perfect fit.
Her pauldrant was studded with four pieces of carved amber, each of which had come from the Everfree Forest, and were the sources of her armor’s unique properties. Two of the four stones glowed with the same dull green light which shone within the marble monstrosities which continued to smash Gleaming’s shield as the Queen walked towards Cadence.
“Some mages enjoy their armor to host legions of defensive wards,” Chrysalis remarked.
Cadence snapped her pulse rifle up and fired. The weapon belched flames as it spat lethal bolts at the Queen’s chest. Her horn pulsed once, and a dull green shield enveloped her body just in time to make the bolts vanish in a shower of dark sparks.
“I have no need of crutches,” Chrysalis continued. “Some enjoy turning their armor into a weapon.”
Cadence flinched as a small prismatic gemstone which hung on a simple leather cord around Chrysalis’s neck pulsed with multi-hued light. She hadn't noticed the enchanted amulet before, a nearly fatal error.
The amulet, shimmered, twinkled, then erupted. An another primsatic beam of pure devastation as wide as a pony blazed through the air and struck Gleaming’ shield. Shards of solid light fell like bits of a broken mirror before vanishing in puffs of smoke. Gleaming screeched, clasped her hooves to her head and fell over limp, knocked out cold by the sheer stain of enduring the arcane feedback from the awesome blow her shield had been dealt.
Cadence took a step back and then jumped to the side to avoid a shardling’s razor-sharp horn as it tried to gore her. The horn missed most of her body, instead cutting a deep wound into her left flank.
Cadence hissed in pain. Chrysalis chuckled and held up her disintegration amulet with her magic while looking Cadence in the eye. “I carry enough weapons… Do you like this little toy? I made it. It’s an unsuccessful attempt to replicate an Element of Harmony. I believed it to be a total failure before I realized the beam disintegrates anything it touches.”
Cadence swung her pulse rifle like a club and smashed the face of the shardling which had gored her. The marble shards flew away from the living spell beneath, freezing in midair as the magic called them back. Cadence turned, ramming her M60 into the opening on the creature and fired, sending a two-second burst of disruptor bolts into the creature’s core.
The abomination shrieked, spasmed, and collapsed into a pile of rubble which leaked hot steam. One of the glowing gems on Chrysalis’s armor dimmed. Cadence flinched as she felt a fatigue headache immediately spring to life behind her eyes. Buck! This must be what low mana feels like...
The Queen shook her head and let her amulet drop back around her neck. “By all means, destroy them. I’ll make more. I’ll always make more. You see, there’s an old saying. Friendship is magic. I prefer the reverse, magic is friends. I have no need of more magic, so I make friends out of magic.”
Cadence jumped, snapping her wings open to hover over the other shardling as it charged her. As the monstrosity passed underneath her, Cadence had an idea. “I feel you, on that friends thing. I prefer cheesy sci-fi gimmicks.”
Chrysalis hadn’t been expecting her monologue to be interrupted, much less by such a geek statement. She raised an eyebrow and began drawing on her magic to feed to her amulet once more. “Oh? And why is that?”
Cadence hovered in the air for a moment, keeping an eye on the Shardling. It turned, buzzed its wings, and took off, performing an aerial charge. Cadence dropped at the last moment, closing her wings and landing on her hooves as the abomination soared overhead.
The marble creature slammed horn-first into a large wooden crate, and knocked over a pile of storage boxes, becoming very briefly entangled.
Cadence hadn’t even considered that could happen, and jumped on her good fortune right away.
The moment her hooves touched the ground, Cadence smiled. “Say I’m fighting a giant enemy crab,” Cadence stealthily pumped the under barrel grenade launcher. “Sure, friends would help. But they could get hurt. So you know what I’d rather do?”
The Shardling thrashed under the crates, beginning to throw them off. Chrysalis faked a yawn mockingly, then inspected her left hoof as if checking her hoof polish. “What’s that?”
Cadence adjusted both her weapons barrels, and fired. White-hot disruptor bolts screamed through the air and burst against Chrysalis shield. The Queen’s eyes dilated in anger and surprise as her shield crumbled before Cadence’s point-blank fire. She pushed her magic to her amulet, demanding it fire immediately. Cadence pulled the trigger on her pulse rifle first.
The under barrel grenade launcher fired with a dull wumph. Without any programming by Celestia, who had been wholly ignorant of the fictional weapon’s function, the prop gun fired what Cadence believed it would. An M38 HEAP shell.
The magically created 30mm High Explosive Armor Penetrating grenade flew out of the barrel, shot across the space between her and the Queen, smashed squarely into the center of the Queen’s chest, and exploded.
A fireball erupted as the round hit and scorched a hole through Chrysalis’s armor. The tungsten penetrator core continued through the hole it’s explosive component had made, and plunged into and through Chrysalis's exoskeleton, slicing a path through her body and out the other side. Half an instant later, her stressed breastplate exploded in a flash of dark magic, throwing her across the armory where she hit the wall with a dull crunch.
Cadence smiled woozily. Her mana was gone. The pink alicorn was bone dry.
“I attack its weak point, for massive damage,” Cadence mumbled, laughed, then fell face first into the floor, unconscious.
Queen Chrysalis - 5/16/2018
Armory, The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Chrysalis’s eyes slowly pealed open as she felt someling shaking her shoulder gently. A voice spoke to her, faint, echoey, and rather remarkably like it were coming to her from down about 80 feet of hose.
“My Queen? We need you. Please get up.”
Chrysalis looked down and winced. Her barrel was a mess. Shards of exoskeleton and steel mixed together in the massive green wound which had taken out one of her hearts and three of her air bladders.
Thank goodness I gave myself redundant organs. Chrysalis thought as she turned towards the sound, just in time for her ears to pop and sound to return to a normal level.
No sooner did she turn her head than a burning, near-blinding, horrible, rotten, soul-dick-punching pain burn along the wound channel the HEAP round had cut through her body.
“Aaarrrghhh!” Chrysalis screeched, making the changeling nymph who had been attending to her wounds jump in fright.
Chrysalis’s eyes fell on the young changeling. She looked like any other changeling, only much smaller, a bit shinier, and with a few glints of hope, happiness and independence left in her multifaceted eyes. And of course, she also had her messenger saddlebags on.
Chrysalis had laid her clutch approximately thirty six hours ago, last minute reinforcements and replacements for scouts, messengers, and pathfinders. “You, what are you doing here?”
The nymph gulped. “I was sent to give you a message, My Queen! I uh, I picked most of the metal out of your barrel.”
Chrysalis looked down, and spotted a small pile of shrapnel laying on the floor next to her. The Queen groaned and as deftly as she could, pulled the rest of the fragments out of her wound and added them to the pile.
“You! Drone,” Chrysalis painted. “Do you have any healing potions?”
The nymph shook her head. “No. I just have a human first aid kit.”
Chrysalis sighed, winced, and stood up, ignoring the screaming pain her body was in. “Then your care will have to do… What was the message? How long was I out?”
“I— I don’t know, your majesty. But the battle is still going on. We’re starting to loose. It’s not because of our numbers, we have plenty, it’s because we cant fight Luna and the bears at once.”
Chrysalis triple blinked. “Bears?”
The nymph nodded slowly. “Y— Yeah… The Element of Kindness can command animals. She got some bears from the zoo and asked them to fight for the ponies, so they did.”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes then facehooved, groaning into her frog. “Of course a few bears are a problem for you without my guidance!”
The nymph laughed nervously. “It’s… It’s not a few. We think some of the bears left the city and went up the mountain, because there's at least five hundred very angry mountain bears that started attacking the southern side of the city about uh… ten minutes ago?
“Princess Luna is able to keep the south side safe with their help, and the pony soldiers are now free to start securing the western side as well.”
Chrysalis blinked as she pictured hundreds of bears running down Mount Canterlot in a glorious war-charge. The Queen slowly shook her head. “I had plans for so many eventualities, but not bear cavalry. Why did it have to be bear cavalry?”
Chrysalis thought for a few moments then slipped her disintegration amulet off her neck and handed it to the nymph. “This is a powerful disintegration charm. Get it to Quick Study and have him engage Luna.”
The Nymph nervously shuffled her hooves. “Um, Quick is missing, My Queen. We think he is dead, we found one of his bodies.”
Chrysalis grit her teeth. “Great! I’ll have to do his part then… Okay, in that case take it to Blazing Glory and tell him to make like his namesake,” Chrysalis ordered, then suddenly leaned down to look the nymph in her eyes. “But you warn him that this amulet is cursed. If he tries to use it against me, it will hit him instead, understood?”
The nymph nodded twice and buzzed her wings to take to the air. “Understood, my queen. What will you do?”
Chrysalis searched around the ruined remains of her armor for the small bag she had tucked behind her left shoulder. The HEAP round had cut the strap cleanly and dropped the bag to the floor. The Queen winced and picked the bag up, slowly opened it, then sighed in relief as the delicate decorative lantern inside was still intact. “I still have the vault key. I’m going to proceed as planned…”
Chrysalis’s eyes fell upon the unconscious and limp form of Cadence. The Queen smirked and shook her head. “Silly, silly, Carter… Nopony told you what happens when you run out of mana, did they?”
The Queen took several agonizing steps towards her fallen foe, each hoofstep sending a fresh surge of agony through her entire body. After her fifth step, Chrysalis realized there was no battle taking place outside the doorway. The sound of battle could be heard in the distance, but not in her immediate vicinity.
She looked up, hoping the doorway wasn’t full of horrified Lunar guard who were ready to fire upon her. It wasn’t. Instead, several platoons of changelings simply stood atop the slain remnants of the pony battle line, watching their Queen get up.
Chrysalis narrowed her eyes and bared her fangs. “You!” She took several more steps forward, letting magic flood her horn so it crackled intimidatingly.
The changelings moved back as one, and Chrysalis snarled at them. “You see your Queen laying wounded and leave her to bleed to death like a commoner? Fools! I know your faces. If you do not prove your loyalty immediately, I will force feed you all coffee once this battle is over. Do I make myself clear?!”
The changeling shuddered almost in unison. One towards the front snapped a salute. “Yes, your majesty! Come, we’ll reinforce the western garrison.”
Few ponies would have understood that threat. To them, too much coffee simply meant the runs. Hardly a punishment. Changelings on the other hoof knew full well that caffeine is an insecticide.
Chrysalis watched as the swarm turned and flew out of the palace through the broken windows. She could feel herself growing weaker by the second. Her natural body was dying, and she couldn’t spare the magic to heal herself now. Not when she would almost certainly have to fight Celestia in the next ten minutes.
I must change… But into what?
The Queen’s eyes glazed over briefly as she weighed her options. If she hadn’t been wounded, or perhaps is she hadn't fragmented her mind into hundreds if not thousands of pieces to give her drones personalities, she might have come up with something better than what entered her head in that moment.
Chrysalis smiled and turned around slowly, trotting over to a rack of spears which had been overturned when her armor exploded. The Queen pealed the remaining scraps of her armor off her body as she walked.
“You know, Cadence… I think I underestimated her plan. I would never have thought about using that weapon as it was intended. I would have used it as a wand, and only a wand.”
Chrysalis reached the rack and began looking down at the spears, running her hoof across them slowly, searching for exactly the right one.
“I’ve been… De-humaned, so to speak. If she taught you magic, the same would happen to you. Celestia is… Well, a pacifist. In the worst way. Her sister was the one who forged this nation through war, she only ever had the guts to rule it in peace. I don’t know how she managed to keep her kingdom safe for the thousand years Luna was absent… At least, not for sure.”
Chrysalis’s hoof found a spear she liked the feel of. She picked it up, not with her magic, but with her hoof, and let the haft slide through her grip to test the balance.
“If she’d not tried to train away the aggression our species is infamous to her for… Well, things would have been different. The funny thing is I have a feel if she got the chance, she would make you into another me. Not intentionally, but simply by failing to understand you can’t teach a human like she teaches ponies without breaking us.”
Chrysalis flicked the spear, idly experimenting with the sharpness. She nodded in satisfaction at this hissing sound it made as the sharp blade whistled through the air.
“If I had chosen to recruit you instead of replace you, I think we could have been friends. At the very least, we could have been well matches allies. My knowledge of the mystic arts with our intact human spirit and the power of two alicorns at our disposal… This plan wouldn’t have been necessary. I wouldn't have had to fight you, and you wouldn't have to have spent all your magic, thereby removing your natural protections. Ah well, such is life…”
Chrysalis turned and trotted over to Cadence. Her dark green magic took hold of the alicorn’s jacket and unzipped it while Chrysalis used the spear’s haft to push Cadence’s legs out to her sides so she could slip it off her.
The Queen closed her eyes, focused through her pain, and took Cadence’s form once again, taking care to match every injury she could see on the young mare’s body as precisely as she could. When the arcane flames cleared, Chrysalis drew a deep breath and smiled, speaking once more in Cadence's voice.
“Ah! Much better. I forgot how nice it was to have an intact chest cavity,” Chrysalis said as she slipped into Cadence’s jacket and collected her two weapons from the floor. “There, the plan is back on schedule. The Cadence they saw fighting was wearing this and using these, and now I have them…”
Chrysalis took a moment to enjoy breathing with all of her lungs working at once. It was nice.
The Queen opened her eyes and looked down at Cadence’s still limp form. “You were remarkably close to killing me. It’s only polite to show you how to properly kill your opponent.”
Chrysalis flipped the spear around, gripped the haft with both forehooves, and plunged it into Cadence’s chest. The queen let go of the spear, leaving it where it was, then walked out of the armory without a word.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
Princess Luna - 5/16/2018
Canterlot — Equestria
Princess Luna was in heaven. She had returned to her duties as the Princess-General of Equestria and discovered her sister’s diplomacy had ended all conflicts, substituting trade deals and sanctions for honorable combat, and economic might for conquest and the integration of former foreigners into one harmonious collective.
In short, her job had been eliminated. Her role in the Kingdom reduced to ceremonial in nature, with the occasional bit of monster hunting should Celestia’s personal brute squad be unable to handle it. The mighty general, relegated to the B-Team.
Luna longed for the three weeks she had naively believed her punishment had ended with her return from the moon. Which is why the genuine greatest festival she had attended in three thousand years being interrupted by a genuine military invasion gave her the warm fuzzies.
When the shield had failed and changelings began to pour from the sky, Luna hadn’t noticed. The chaos caused by the party had blocked it all out. The moment the invaders touched down that Luna noticed, smiled, and charged headlong into the first line of bugs she saw.
A fact which the Royal Guard defending the castle simply could not believe.
Luna laughed as she telekinetically beat a changeling unconscious with a different already unconscious changeling. The alicorn was high in the air, hovering over the reception hall in single hooved defiance of the swarm. Defiance which the changelings simply couldn’t overcome.
“Come, fools! Strike me down if you dare!” Luna demanded with a grin on her lips.
The Swarm responded as they had been for the entire battle, with a never ending stream of spellbolts, hexes, and curses (magical and verbal). Luna nimbly dodged every one of them she could, relying on her telekinesis to direct a collection of disabled and deceased changelings orbiting her into the paths of attacks she couldn’t avoid otherwise.
Luna focused for a split-second, drawing on her magic to super-heat a large chunk of the air above her. Changelings screeched as the heat dried up their wings, and they fell to the ground below like bricks.
Luna rolled in the air, flying as if she were in a stunt show to mock the changelings attacking her. Their tactics are crude, predictable… I don’t need my precognition charms to know where their shots are going. It’s as if their entire strategy is their numerical advantage. What foal taught them to fight?
A glint of blue caught Luna’s eye. A changeling with some armor, sitting behind a small wall of changelings her wing-frying spell had revealed. An officer!
Luna reached out with her magic, allowing herself the extra energy expense to take hold of such a distant object, and pulled the changeling officer to her, forcing
“Which kindergarten playground did you attend for your commission, sir?”
The changeling gurgled as Luna crushed his exoskeleton slightly with her shimmering aura, then added his limp form to her ‘orbital meat shield array’.
While fun, this defense is a bit grisly, isn’t it? Luna thought to herself as she juked right to avoid a rather powerful bolt of crackling emerald fire. Perhaps I should use a conventional shield? Then again, this is less mana intensive, and their numbers are a real problem… Where in Faust’s name is Celestia? We need more spell power.
Luna spared a moment to glance at the reception hall below her. The palace grounds around the reception hall had become the Guard’s field HQ. The rest of the palace was inaccessible, filled with pockets of guards, EUP troops, and civilians doing their best to hold out against the endless tides.
Luna’s efforts had kept it clear enough, and for long enough to allow the guard to move in and set up a command post, which had freed her up to try to secure a city gate to let more EUP troopers into Canterlot. Unfortunately, basic military training had slid quite far down the mountainside while her sister had been in charge, and Luna had to rush back to the HQ to protect it almost immediately after leaving.
The princess glared down at the Royal Guards who were performing crude field enchantments on their weapons and armor, desperately seeking more combat effectiveness. Especially in our soldiers. Sister, we will be having very serious words after—
A brilliant ray of prismatic light blasted through the swarm, cutting a visible hole through changeling ranks as it raced for Luna. The Princess spotted the spell out of the corner of her eye and froze. The pulsing, shimmering, rainbow-like ray bore more than a passing resemblance to the elements of harmony.
Luna dropped out of the sky like a rock, frozen in terror. The beam sliced through the air where she had been a moment before, taking a large chunk of her “shield” with it to oblivion.
Luna shook herself out of her terrified stupor just in time to spread her wings and soften her landing. Her head snapped up as she scanned the sky. “Sister! I have nothing to do with this!”
A second prismatic blast flew from the heavens. Luna jumped out of the way, knowing full well that's shield would do nothing against the elements. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw the beam bight into the earth and boil it away into nothingness, carving a ten pony deep pit into Canterlot’s foundations.
Faust’s Blood! They can be used to kill?! Luna tucked her wings tightly against her sides and began scanning the skies, desperate to find the next shot before it was fired. “CELESTIA! I AM ON YOUR SIDE!”
A twinkling white light from within the swarm warned Luna of her attacker’s location. High, above, and to the left. Luna frowned, that wasn’t how her sister would engage you in combat if she had to fight. Celestia would approach from the front.
Of course! Celestia’s use of the elements against family broke the principles of Harmony. The elements rejected her. They are being used by— OH BUCK ME!
“TWILIGHT! STOP! ” Luna screamed into the heavens. “I AM ON YOUR SIDE! ”
A group of changelings suddenly rushed away from one of their comrades. They had seen what happened to their comrades during the last two shots and wouldn’t suffer the same fate. Luna’s eyes narrowed in rage as she saw her attacker.
A changeling, larger than most, with a glowing amulet around his neck. An amulet which erupted with prismatic light as another of the pony-side beams of annihilation plunged down towards Luna like a sadist’s knife.
Luna’s lips peeled back as she growled. A deep-blue shield spell shimmered into existence in front of her, intercepting the beam with a flash of black-purple lighting as the beam washed over the shield, chipping away at it, but ultimately finding no way through. Luna’s left eye twitched as she felt the attack burn through a noticeable percentage of her energy.
“So, some of thee can fight,” Luna growled as her aura blossomed around her horn. “Two can play at that.”
Luna’s spell reached across the world, up through the palace, into the tower, and beneath her mattress. There it found her halberd, Lightdrinker, and teleported it to its mistress’ side. The moment Lightdrinker was secure in Luna’s arcane grip, she whipped the blade up in front of her into a classic guard position, spread her wings, and charged.
The changeling fired another disintegration blast. The prismatic light of vengeance raced through the sky and slammed into Luna’s shield, shattering it as the shield just barely stopped the magical energy in its tracks.
The changeling seemed dot grow larger and larger as Luna charged towards it. He’s nearly my size… No, bigger! Perhaps as large as Celestia.
The changeling began to move up and to the right, calculating the best way to avoid Luna’s charge. Luna flashed her opponent a cheeky smile and moved her halberd as if she were going to strike him from below.
The Changeling reached for a large meat cleaver held onto the back of his armor by a magnet and ripped it free, chopping down to intercept Luna’s slashing blade.
One… Luna struck the Changeling in the face with the butt of her halberd. Chitin cracked, the changeling swore in a language Luna didn’t recognize.
Two… The alicorn smashed the changeling across his barrel with her weapon’s haft, using it like a staff to throw him away from her, while also smashing the amulet using the changeling’s breastplate as the anvil to her halberd’s hammer.
Three… Luna’s horn pulsed, the air around the changeling shimmered and rippled as it reached six hundred degrees in an instant. The changeling screeched, his wings failing to keep him aloft as the hotter air both cooked them, and became much less dense.
Luna let the changeling fall for a few seconds, then rolled herself over to dive towards her plummeting foe, halberd’s spear blade aimed straight for him. And…
Luna folded her wings and let herself drop. The air whistled past Luna’s head as she plunged down, through the ranks of changelings, past the palace roof, blade gleaming in the light. The ground rushed towards Luna like the inevitable end of a mortal’s life. The falling Changeling slammed into the ground with an audible crunch, denting the topsoil inwards by a noticeable amount. Luna didn’t even blink.
FOUR! Luna plunged blade first into the Changeling’s chest. She felt her blade break the hard exoskeleton, slide through softer tissues, then break through the other side and embed itself in the ground.
The very second her weapon hit the earth, Luna opened her wings, killing her momentum with a single mighty flap, allowing her to pull her weapon free and somersault a safe distance away, ready to block a counter attack.
A counter attack which didn’t come. The changeling lay still, silently languishing in the small crater he had made on impact. Luna frowned, she hadn’t expected a wizard powerful enough to use an arcane weapon of that caliber to be killed so easily. She took a few steps forward, blade aimed at the changeling, ready to plunge home if he moved. I can’t turn my back on an opponent I do not know isn’t out of the fight.
The large changeling moaned as consciousness returned to him. Luna stabbed him twice in the side.
The changeling coughed, and turned his head to look Luna in the eye. “Think you’ve won?”
“Nope,” Luna said as she calmly stabbed him again.
“I am twelve. All our bodies are in this one form… You have—”
Luna stabbed the changeling again, her eyes narrowing in irritation. “To stab you twelve times? Can do.”
The Changeling coughed and growled at Luna as her blade plunged into him again, doing seemingly buck-all. “You have no idea—”
“Six,” Luna said as she thrust her blade home once more, and then again and again. “Seven! ... Eight !”
Luna's eye began to twitch.
“You have no idea what I can become if I— OW! Stop that!” The Changeling yelped as Luna stabbed him six times in rapid succession.
Luna's head snapped downwards to glare into the Changeling's eyes. “Why won’t you die?!”
"Magic! Duh!" The changeling proclaimed as he erupted into a ball of green fire as he called upon his shapechanging powers. Luna, who had never seen a changeling transform before jumped back, worried she had punctured something volatile inside the bug as she tried to finish him off.
The emerald flames raged, growing larger and larger with each passing moment. Realizing her opponent was assuming a large creature’s form, Luna trotted backward and begun to fire bolt after bolt into the burning mass. It didn’t help. Her dark blue magic was simply devoured by the flames, adding yet more energy to the changeling’s transfiguring form.
Luna watched, wings flared, eyes weary, as the twisting flames built up and up upon themselves, forming a large mass of arcane fire the size of a fully grown dragon. Dragon, eh? Well, that will be a problem, if a little boring.
The flames cleared. Luna was not looking at a dragon.
The reptilian monster stood on two massive, muscular, taloned legs, much like a Diamond Dog. Unlike a diamond dog, it was hunched over, with its body almost at a right angle to its legs. As if a quadruped had evolved away its forelegs into small grasping claws, but the beast never chose to learn to stand up properly.
The monster balanced itself with a long tail which easily allowed it to move its square shaped head and powerful jaws filled with saber like teeth. The monster the changeling had become looked down at Luna and roared. The roar managed o pierce the clash of sword and spell all around the city.
Windows shook. Ponies dove for cover in fright. The Bears Fluttershy had gotten to assist the ponies flinched.
The changeling was not able to speak in this body, but he didn’t need to. His earth-shaking roar said everything Luna needed to know. Without a doubt in her, nor anypony’s mind, the roar had said, “I am a motherbucking T-Rex!”
Luna smiled. I wish I didn’t have to kill you… You’d make for an interesting sparring partner.
Queen Chrysalis - 5/16/2018
The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Chrysalis ran down the halls towards the throne room, broadcasting her identity to her drones with each step she took. The plan was half in action now, her drones had to ensure every pony who saw her making her way to the throne room survived the battle, but was injured enough to put the idea they were allowed to go beyond question.
Chrysalis’ drones swarmed around her, firing spells, but intentionally missing, or under powering their shots, so they would harmlessly plink off the mare’s sleek blue shield, and fizzle away to nothing.
Chrysalis, on the other hoof, cast more lethal spells.
The weapons she had taken from Cadence were stored in the jacket the moment she realized they drained much more magic than she could afford to expend with each shot. Her hon would have to be her main weapon, even though she knew Cadence couldn’t perform any magic of note she knew the ponies thought she could.
To the dozens of Guards and Troopers she saved along the way to the throne room, the alicorn Princess’s extra bright spellbolts, intense ray spells, and awe inspiring hexes were simply what an Alicorn was supposed to use.
The only one I need to fool is Celestia, and not for long.
Chrysalis fired another spell with each step she took, her swam dropping to the ground around her. Her drones were willing to die for the cause, after all, she had made them long for nothing more in life but this singular purpose. All of her older drones, the ones she cared about, were out securing the city, or preforming specific jobs.
The bodies she strode over were replaceable. Given life via specific minor thoughts she’d almost forgotten about before giving them to her last three clutches of eggs. There were plenty more where these disposable props had come from.
Chrysalis praised as she split a drone’s head open with a bust of spellbolts.
Chrysalis telekinetically wiped the hemolymph off her shield to clear her view of the battlefield. She was nearly to the throne room. The hallway she stood in now had been fully occupied by her swarm. She could even see her changelings pretending to try to break down the throne room door in distance.
No ponies in sight. Celestia will be scrying the door, and I know how limited her remote vision is. I can ask for a field report here. I need to know how much time I have to take Celestia down.
Chrysalis turned and plucked a changeling at random from the air, pulling it close to her and slamming it to the floor with her magic, before placing her hooves on its chest. After all, somepony she couldn't’ see might be watching.
“Alright, bug,” Cadence growled in what she believed a passable impression of Cadence’s tone of voice. “You’re going to tell me how the rest of your swarm is doing outside, or I’ll feed you your horn!”
The Changeling squeaked, genuine fear running through her for a moment before she understood what was truly happening. “I’ll talk, I swear!”
“Then do it!”
The changeling gulped. “Uh— Our greatest warrior, Blazing Glory, has engaged your Princess Luna! He was disarmed, but he can take the form of any monster every imagined in your darkest nightmares! Even now he has her cornered, fighting the dark alicorn in the form of a Tyrannosaurus!”
Chrysalis’ left eye twitched, nearly popping a blood vessel. He LOST my amulet?! If Luna doesn't kill him, I will lay eggs in his belly and let the larvae eat their way out!
“I see,” Chrysalis said with deadly calm in her voice to contrast the psychotic twitch in her eye. “What else?”
The changeling quickly conferred with her other bodies eyes to do a check of every part of the battlefield she could see. “Our numbers are endless, we will overwhelm your bears soon, and even if your Wonderbolts discover our mountaintop hideout, you will not have the ponies to clear us out of our next, fool!”
The changeling smiled as she called her Queen a fool. That felt especially good, and made her impending death just a bit more bearable.
Chrysalis’s eyes narrowed at the insult. Her horn flashed with sickly-blue light as her hex burned into the changeling’s mind. The spell ate through the drone’s brain, racing down the links between her bodies until the last of her five bodies dropped to the ground in limp heaps.
“Fool, huh?” Chrysalis mused. “I suppose it takes one to know one.”
Chrysalis stood up and flared her wings for dramatic effect before taking off into the air. She flew towards the windows, landing next to them and sticking her head out just long enough to get a look at the sky and the top of Mount Canterlot. She could see the tiniest flash of blue and gold among her swarm’s upper layers.
The Wonderbolts really are trying to see where we are coming from. If they discover our mountaintop lair, Celestia may abandon the throne room to try to seal us in. I can’t have that. I need her to be where she is now.
Chrysalis scanned the skies, looking for anything which could be of use to her. Her eyes settled on the thick blanket of clouds. TO tell the truth, she couldn’t see through them, which meant she couldn’t see the very top of the mountain, where her hive’s entrance lay.
The mare’s eyes lip up as a sudden flash of inspiration managed to claw itself out from the tiny fragments left over from expunging her geeky side. That may work.
The Queen closed her eyes and directed her mind towards several of her more powerful mages, sending them a specific mental picture.
She gave her mages a few moments to begin charging up for such a large illusion spell, then issued Swarm Wide orders to help sell the deception.
Chrysalis closed her eyes, and counted to twenty, then opened them and looked up. As if on cue, six large, silver hulled flying saucers slowly descended through the clouds. Changelings poured from their open hatches while massive pony sized spellbolts rained down from small weapons blisters, blasting chunks of Canterlot to dust.
The Wonderbolts dove down the second the illusions began to drop from the clouds. Chrysalis watched them go, five blue and gold streaks of light, fleeing from the exact swarm they had been comfortable flying through moments ago simply because of some magically arranged light.
Multiple rays of light scorched the sky as every pony mage who was free to fire at the attacking “ships” cast their best spells up into the sky. Chrysalis couldn’t see the result of nearly half the unicorns in Canterlot no longer stemming the tide of changelings, but she knew what those beams meant, and what it would mean for the number of her soldiers who could make it to the ground.
Chrysalis smiled, resisting the urge to throw her head back and laugh. Fools! You’ve never seen or heard of human mythology. If humans saw this, they would know it couldn't be real because it’s exactly what their fiction looks like. But to you ponies, this is all real!
The Queen allowed herself a short moment of laughter. Her plans had been disrupted, nearly broken, but now…
Everything is back on track.
Chrysalis turned away from the window and began to run for the throne room doors, firing a barrage of spellbolts as she ran, cutting down changeling after changeling. “Die, monsters!”
Princess Celestia - 5/16/2018
The Solar Throne Room, The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Princess Celestia stood alone in her throne room, facing the doors and listening to the repeated dull thud of changeling hooves and spells trying to break it down. She hadn’t intended to make her stand on her own. Forty EUP troopers and twenty Royal Guards had accompanied her to the throne as the attack began.
All of them had fallen along the way. The Swarm had proved to be far more dangerous than anypony had anticipated. None of them were particularly strong, but everypony knew that a swarm of ants could pick apart a careless jungle explorer in seconds. Changelings worked on much the same principal, only they were larger and also wizards.
Celestia’s guards had dropped like flies as the Swarm almost literally eroded her protection away, each of them hoping to bring their Queen Celestia's head and earn her love.
Celestia wasn’t in good shape after the three-minute fight through the swarm herself. The Princess was bleeding from three half-healed wounds, a gash along her left side, a deep puncture in her left foreleg, and a hex-produced burn along her left cheek that oozed blood.
Celestia had taken many more while making her way to the throne room. Fortunately, her rapidly diminishing soldiers had carried healing potions and mana potions in their saddlebags.
It had been a very, very long time since Celestia had needed such potions. It had been longer still since she’d fought an army. Of all the things to not be like making a salad, why battle?
Ancient sayings regarding the impossibility of forgetting how to prepare basic meals were not the only thing weighing down Celestia's mind. She had come to her throne room for it’s single entrance. When Chrysalis came after her, she would have but one way into a room that you could not teleport into, nor out of. A choke point.
A choke point which Celestia couldn’t flee from. Not unless she wanted to open her vault in the middle of an attack. Celestia frowned as she debated that potentiality.
Once sealed, they would never get in. The vault is genuinely magic proof. They could keep me in there for years… But I might be able to find a tool in there to reverse all of this. Not all of those artifacts are Dark. Perhaps one holds the solution?
Celestia sighed and closed her eyes. Her armor creaked as she rustled her wings. Clearly, Twilight had failed. The lavender mare would have used the Elements by now if she could have. Twenty minutes was more than enough time for that mare to do nearly anything. At least, as far as Celestia’s experience indicated.
Celestia’s thought were interrupted by the sound of intense spellbolts detonating on the other side of the door. She hefted her sword with her magic, it’s blade shimmered, flashed, then ignited, transforming into a column of solar fire. This is it…
The thuds continued, growing more and more urgent. Almost as if somepony were trying to defend the gate from the outside. Celestia frowned, debating the use of her mana to check the doors remotely. If that’s a new spell the changelings are using, I’ll have wasted a good bit of mana. If somepony is trying to push the swarm back from the throne room, I should bring them inside…
Celestia sighed, closed her eyes, and focused her magic. She didn't see the glow of her horn as her spell completed. Instead, Celestia’s eyes seemed to fly away from her, through the door, stopping on the other side and turning around. Her astral vision focused on the door, looking through the swarm to check on the noise… And saw Cadence.
It had to be Cadence. She had the jacket shining had given her, and was screaming obscenities while firing complete overkill spellbolts into the changelings near the door. Changeling after Changeling dropped from the air, forming a barricade of corpses around the pink Alicorn as she kicked the door to knock on it.
“Celestia! Open up!” Cadence shouted, kicking the throne room doors with a rear hoof.
Celestia canceled her spell. When did she learn to use battle magic?
She knew full well Cadence hadn’t learned to cast even a basic spellbolt. A nagging suspicion that this was an impostor began to burn in her mind. I know there was an impostor. Somepony told me there was an impostor Cadence. If only I could remember who… No, that’s not important right now. What is important is determining which one this is.
Celestia thought through every scenario she could, trying her best to figure out how and why an impostor would know about Cadence’s jacket. If she were wearing it when she was replaced… No, that can’t be. Whoever reported to me said there were two Cadences at once.
Chrysalis wouldn’t allow any changeling to impersonate Cadence other than herself. I can rule out two impostors. Which means the real cadence would have her jacket if she had gone to get her weapons from Harley instead of from the Armory.
Celestia took a deep breath as she realized the one way she could quickly check. I can open the door and fire a transformation spell at her. Something simple. If it works, she’s not a changeling. If it doesn't the battle you’ve been waiting for has begun, and in the place you wished for it to happen.
Celestia turned her head and looked up at the door, beginning to walk towards it. “It’s time…” She said out loud.
Celestia walked to within ten steps of the gold-plated doors, then, with a mighty heave of her telekinesis, pulled the doors open wide. The hallways was revealed in an instant. Cadence, still clad in her jacket, firing bolt after bolt into the Swarm, barely holding them back.
Celestia quickly focused her magic into a shield breaker charm and blasted Cadence full force. The white hot ball of light, effectively a huge disruptor bolt, slammed into her, almost knocking her off her hooves as her shield exploded in a flash of blinding light.
Cadence yelped in surprise, spinning around, her horn glowing as magic flooded it in preparation to defend herself.
Her spell went uncast as Celestia fired the first transformation spell that came to her mind. The spell leapt from her horn as a golden ray of light and struck “Cadence” in her left flank, sinking in and going to work immediately.
Chrysalis, being a changeling born on Equestria and not Earth, like Quick Study before her, was warped by the spell as it successfully molded her into a new form.
Cadence, but with much jigglier flanks and a bouncier plot. To the point where she now made other mares look as uncurvy as a stallion.
Celestia managed to hide her blush as she pulled Cadence inside
Why did Luna’s favorite transformation spell for pranking stallions come to my mind before anything else? Celestia wondered as she tried to prevent herself from laughing at the absurdity of her rushed choice of spell.
Chrysalis bit her lip as she was pulled inside and the doors slammed behind her. She let her magic dissipate into the either, realizing she hadn’t been found out thanks to Shining’s revelation of Celestia’s “Changeling Test”.
She cleared her throat as Celestia set her down on the red carpet leading to the throne. “Did you have to give me brood mother flanks?”
Celestia cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I chose the transformation at random. Why are you here? Am I needed outside? I was hoping to lure Chrysalis into a trap.”
Chrysalis nodded and feigned a tired smile. “No, you’re right where you have to be. Before the attack I found a Changeling and made her talk. Chrysalis is trying to get her hooves on something in your vault. She’ll be here any minute. I was worried I was too late when I saw changelings trying to break in. I thought you were fighting her and managed to lock her backup out.”
Celestia shook her head. “No, she’s not here yet. But now that you’re here, and we know she’s coming, we can devise a better strategy!” Celestia frowned for a moment. “How did you learn to cast spellbolts? Did you gain any instinctive master over your magic? If so, there might be an artifact or two we can use against her.”
Chrysalis nodded, swishing her tail eagerly behind her. “I didn’t want to drain my mana firing the guns, Shining gave me a quick tip and I worked out a few simple things. The battlefield is an excellent school, as it turns out.”
Celestia turned and looked at her throne, or more accurately, the vault hidden behind it. “Where is he?”
“He’s injured… I had EUP troopers escort him out with other casualties.”
“Any word on Twilight?”
Chrysalis faked a sigh and hung her head. “None. I ran into Rainbow Dash and told her to find her and the rest of the Elements. But that was three minutes ago. I think they are too separated to use the Elements anytime soon. It’s up to us. If we stop Chrysalis, her drones will likely surrender.”
Celestia nodded firmly. “My plans exactly! Unfortunately… I expended far more power than I expected getting here. I am at half strength, what about you?”
Chrysalis bit her lip and with a shrug of her wings, lied. “Running pretty low.”
Celestia frowned, something about Cadence’s tone was off. That was a lie. “You're nearly dry, aren't you?”
Chrysalis smiled slowly and shrugged her wings. “Probably… I’m not entirely sure how to tell.”
Celestia sighed and turned towards her throne, beginning to walk towards it. “Then we have no choice. The swarm is too dangerous, normal ponies will not be able to reinforce us, and she will enter this room at full strength. We must arm ourselves better.”
Chrysalis trotted forward, coming alongside Celestia and looking at her out of the corner of her eye. “Didn’t you say there were artifacts in there that could end the world if misused? Why not erase the swarm from existence? We could end this right now, with one blow.”
Celestia paused and bit her lip in thought. “It’s tempting… But I do not collect these to use them. The risk even with someone as skilled as I as the wielder of the more serious artifacts is to grate. Luna attempted to conquer the dragons with one. We spent two decades years putting everything back to normal.”
Chrysalis blinked. She’d never heard that story before. “You mean you were collecting these before you built Canterlot?”
Celestia nodded and reached the base of her throne. “Yes.”
“What happened?”
“We accidentally made everypony alive into sexless creatures. Like dolls. Including us.”
Chrysalis snorted, then clamped a hoof over her mouth to keep herself from laughing more. “That seems a small price to pay for ending this war, to be honest.”
Celestia shook her head and turned to look Chrysalis in the eye with an expression so serious the Queen honestly felt frightened. “No! You don’t understand. The spell removed everypony’s sex. It did not remove their sex drive. Do you know how much damage upset stallions with no release for their needs can do in two decades? Then how much more damage will be done when they finally get their equipment back after twenty years? I will not put the world through that again.”
Celestia turned and pressed the throne’s hidden switch. The golden throne hummed and slid away to reveal the staircase. Celestia descended it in an instant, Chrysalis following along behind her, almost directly on her tail.
Celestia reached the vault door and with a quick thought cast the key charm that turned the lock. As the vault door hissed and slid open Celestia stepped aside and waved Chrysalis towards the vault. “Step in. I’m sealing the throne entrance, so she doesn't sneak up on us while we look.”
Chrysalis nodded and waked inside, smiling wickedly the moment she knew she was out of Celestia's sight. The Queen’s eyes probed the vault, everything appeared to be in the same places since she had last been inside.
Celestia pulled a small lever down and the throne slid back in place over the entrance. She knew that Chrysalis knew about her vault and how to get in, but the moving throne was loud enough where they would have the split-second warning of the enemy's approach. Or at least, they would have if she weren't in the vault with her.
Celestia sighed, her wings rustling nervously. The thought of giving any of these artifacts to a novice caster was not remotely appealing, but she had little choice. “Cadence, give me a while to find something you can use without, say, making every blue stallion into a werewolf.”
Chrysalis triple blinked. “Is— is there something here that could do that?”
Celestia nodded. “Yes. Do NOT touch the statue of a green mare turning into a house cat.”
Chrysalis’s ears lay back against her head as she decided to find whoever made a statuette with a green mare turning into a cat turn blue stallions into wolves and beat them till they soiled themselves.
Chrysalis trotted over to the left side of the vault, and stood next to a large onyx chalice with a single large red ruby set in a silver bezel on its front. The chalice rested atop a wooden shelf which seemed unnaturaly dark thanks to shadows which oozed and slid from the open chalice like mist. “Okay. I’ll just stand here by this… Cup, thing.”
Celestia spared a glance at the cup, her heart fluttering nervously. She smiled in relief. “Oh! The Chalice of Shadows. That’s perfectly fine. You won't do anything that could activate it. Trust me.”
Celestia turned around to begin examining the low level danger shelf, pondering which if any item she should give Cadence from the shelf.
Chrysalis turned around, faced the Chalice, slid a small knife out of Cadence’s jacket, pricked the frog of her left hoof, and let her blood fall into the chalice…
So, You Want to be a Princess?
Princess Cadence - 5/16/2018
The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Cadence’s chest burned. It was like someone had cut deep into her sternum and was filling the cavity with boiling hot coffee.
Her eyes flew open, a bloodcurling shriek on her lips as she sat bolt upright, wings flaring, legs flailing, every part of her body twisting to avoid the pain. Or throw her attacker away from her.
Her left hoof smacked into something metallic, throwing it away from her and to the marble floor with a loud thud.
The something groaned. “Ow…”
Cadence rolled onto her belly and pushed herself up on her hooves. Her chest still burned, but whatever Chrysalis was doing, she would stop it momentarily. The pink alicorn turned towards where the thing had landed and lowered her head, instinctively leveling her horn at—
“Harley?!” Cadence said as she watched the changeling climb back onto her hooves.
The changeling was in her natural form and looked more than a little distressed. She looked Cadence in her eye with a serious expression and pointed to the alicorn’s barrel. “Look at your chest.”
Cadence looked down. Her eyes fall upon deep gash with a small amount of scar tissue at each end. Blood oozed from the wound, which seemed to be slowly pulling back open.
Cadence’s tail raised in alarm. “Oh… How, how am I breathing?”
Harley pointed to the floor. “Mom, lay down. Now. Please don't throw me off again.”
Cadence winced and gingerly lowered herself to the ground and rolled over. Each and every movement brought a fresh spike of agony.
Harley looked around herself, searching for the potion bottle she had been holding. The small round glass bottle was laying three meters away from here, having rolled away as she was tossed. She fetched the bottle with a quick spell, making it float to her side as she returned to Cadence’s. “You’re so lucky this didn’t break. It’s the last one.”
Cadence tilted her head slightly, hissing as her moving neck pulled on her chest.
“I looted the corpses of the Lunar Guard my hivemates left behind. They didn’t touch the bodies… for some reason. Her Highness didn’t either when she left. They also ignored me. I guess they don’t care. ”
Cadence bit her lip as Harley put a hoof on her chest. “Please, don’t struggle. I know this hurts bad, but potions work faster when poured into a wound. Says so on the bottle.”
Cadence didn’t even have time to say ‘wait what?’ before Harley tipped the remaining liquid out of the bottle and into the gaping wound in her chest.
The fire became a pit of lava. Cadence’s legs flailed, her back arched, a soundless scream contorted her lips. The gaping wound in her chest shrank, slowly forming a thick scar.
Cadence went limp for several long seconds as the pain receded. She couldn’t think straight. There was only the burning. Then dull throbbing. Then nothing.
Cadence closed her eyes and rolled over slowly. “Buck me… How can that hurt so much?”
Harley shrugged and reached into her saddlebags, pulling out a small cylindrical bottle half full of a violently pink liquid. “I don’t know. Here, finish this. It’s some mana-potions dad concentrated.”
Cadence took the bottle and frowned. “Dad?”
“Yeah. Shining.”
Cadence tipped the bottle back and swallowed, doing her best to ignore the flavor. Ew! It’s that stuff they call grape flavor in medicine that never tastes like grapes!
“Is he back to normal?” Cadence said as she set the bottle down and looked around the armory. “Also where is—”
Cadence winced as the potion kicked in, sending a cold chill down every last part of her body as her mana reserves went from next to nothing to a quarter full.
“A— Ack! That… Why… ugh,” Cadence shivered and turned to Harley, expecting answers.
The changeling shook her head. “No, he’s still Gleaming. He should be back soon, he slipped out to try and find more potions, because the hallway is clear here.”
Cadence turned and looked out the door. The hallway was indeed free of enemies for as far as she could see. Piles of changeling bodies lay in heaps, almost like a carpet, preventing Cadence from calling it “clear”.
Cadence winced and closed her eyes, turning her ears this way and that to try and hear anything. She could hear the sounds of battle from deeper in the palace, and from outside, but nothing nearby.
“So… I guess they are winning,” Cadence murmured.
Harley nodded once, her ears drooping. “Y— yeah.”
Cadence took a few steps forward and then frowned. “Where’s my jacket?”
“Chrysalis took it.”
Cadence grit her teeth. “Great! Celestia will probably let her right into the throne room. That jacket was intended to be a password.”
Cadence closed her eyes for a moment and focused on the situation at hoof. “You know… This whole plan was terrible. Celestia’s plan, I mean. Yeah, sure, I did wetwork for the CIA. In a totally different body, with entirely different equipment. If I had the right kit, I would get to the throne room, blow the door, and follow the breaching charge with some gas grenades.”
Harley shuffled her hooves. “Sooo, there’s nothing you can do about this?”
Cadence took a deep breath. “I wasn’t the planning person, that’s the real problem. I was the person who made the plan happen. I took the shot. I detonated the bomb. I planted the poisoned cigarettes. Celestia thought she got the planning person.
“Instead, she got me. I don’t have any tools to work with. The right tool for this job is magic, I know jack about it. I don’t even have a weapon anymore.”
Harley raised an eyebrow and swept her hoof across the room. “Uh, hello? We’re in an armory.”
Cadence nodded and picked up a spear which had been laying on the floor suspiciously close to her. “Yep! All of which are probably magic, which I can't use. Then there’s the mundane weapons, which I can’t tell from magic weapons, and am not trained in using because humans haven’t used spears and swords for about ten generations now.
“What’s more, a spear wont stop Queenie! She’ll use her horn-mounted-phaser and blast my plot to dust while I try to get into ‘poke with a sharp rock’ range.”
Harley trotted forwards with an irritated look on her face and tapped Cadence’s chest. “A spear stopped you for a while. If I hadn’t jumpstarted your magic with that potion and a bit of my own mana, you’d be dead, mom. I didn’t think it woudl work, but I tried anyways because you have to!”
Cadence laughed and shook her head. “I’m not giving up. I’m pointing out that we have no assets, no plan, and are down a man. We’re going to die… So…” Cadence sighed and dipped her head down to look Harley in the eye. “Go. Go anywhere. I don’t care where. Just…” Cadence stopped and smiled. “Heh, just transform and roll out.”
Harley shook her head. “Nope! All we have left is each other. I’m not going to run.”
The rustle of hoof on chitin made Cadence’s ears twitch hand her head rotate. Her wings flared in alarm, only to return to her sides as she saw Gleaming pull herself over a mound of changelings and slide to the base.
“I didn’t find anything,” Gleaming called loudly. “No more squads were in the clear zone!”
Cadence rushed towards Gleaming and pulled her into a tight hug. “I almost died. We have no assets. I’m going to so my best to stop her anyways. I want you to take Harley and get out of here.”
Gleaming blinked, returned her hug, then pushed away from Cadence and shook her head. “No. I swore an oath. I’m helping. Harley, you can go if you want to.”
“I’m staying,” the changeling informed with a stamp of her hoof. “Listen to the battle outside. It’s getting further away from the palace. The Queen is winning. You need me because without me you’re on hoof and it could be over any minute!”
Cadence bit her lip. Harley’s words rang true. Far more true than she’d prefer. The pink alicorn sighed and closed her eyes. “Okay… Gleaming, grab anything that looks dangerous. Harley, be yourself. We move out once Gleaming has—”
Gleaming’s horn glowed with a bright pink light as she snatched up a belt of spell rods and strapped them over her barrel. Harley’s body vanished in green flames as she elongated and twisted into her motorcycle form.
“Let’s go, this is about all I am qualified to use,” Gleaming said.
Cadence and Gleaming frowned in unison. “You run on gas ?”
Harley revved her engine.
Queen Chrysalis - 5/16/2018
The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Chrysalis held back a mad cackle as she watched her blood fall into the chalice. Soon it would all be over. She had but to cast the spell which would activate its dark magics.
The changeling queen turned her head and looked over her shoulder. Celestia hadn’t noticed. She was still looking intently at the shelves in front of her, her wings twitching from time to time.
Chrysalis could tell that the Alicorn was exhausted. The way she stood slightly slumped over. Her mane’s less than energetic twitches. The way her feathers seemed to sag.
Chrysalis turned her attention back to the unholy artifact in front of her. Fool! When I learned you were not only never the military head of your nation, but had not practiced any form of combat in the last five hundred years I knew you would be a pushover.
If I had simply thrown a few hundred more changelings at you, you would have fallen to them, wouldn’t you?
Celestia sighed and stepped back from the shelf for a moment. “She’ll have numbers… I never did well with numbers, you know.”
Chrysalis hummed, feigning interest with a slight tilt of her head. She pushed as little mana as possible into her horn to suppress her glow and focused on the chalase’s activation spell. “Why not? Aren't you an ancient wizard? Shouldn't you have been in all kinds of battles?”
“Oh yes, I was. But that was a different age, and even then I was but support for Luna. Shields, charms, artillery, that sort of thing.”
“Well, if I knew magic, I could probably take Luna’s old roll for this,” Chrysalis said flatly.
Celestia turned to look at Chrysalis, but the transformed queen didn’t notice. Celestia's eyes widened as she saw the bug queen’s quiet spellcasting. Then a slim smile parted her lips.
Celestia calmly returned her attention to her collection of ancient and dangerous relics. “You have your weapons. If you make use of them, I promise I can provide support. My magic is… Well, more devious than anything else.”
Chrysalis frowned. Something about the way Celestia had leaned on the word didn't sit right with her. How much longer do I need to keep this spell up? … It cant be long now. It feels almost ready to activate.
“So what? I make her focus on me while you turn her to jelly?” Chrysalis asked with a huff. “Or is fetishistic transformations more of your thing? Can you undo these stupid flanks? I think they’ll hinder me in the fight.“
Celestia ran a hoof over a small jade amulet in front of her simply to kill time. “I really am sorry about that. Today is a very stressful day, and I did just have to take over a thousand lives… That’s never set well with me. Killing… Luna had no problems ending a life. It’s why I am certain she’s out there right now making a sizable dent in the swarm. She’s probably having a good time too.
“You know the barbarism of those ages long past suited her well. She’s blunt. Right to the point. She’ll take the direct approach every time. No matter if that means violence or peace. With her, the only correct path is the one which brings her goal closest. It’s why she never told me her problems before becoming the Nightmare. She’d rather confront a problem head on.”
Chrysalis frowned as her tail twitched nervously. She knows! She has to know . Or does she? Come on you stupid thing! Finish up!
Flecks of shadow began to boil within the chalice as its magics awoke. Chrysalis smiled and picked the ancient relic up with her left hoof and turned around. “Why mention her? Wishing she were by your side? It won't save you…”
Celestia nodded once and flicked her tail. “No. It won’t. Especially since I forgot I gave her a password. I assume you’ve activated whatever weapon you wanted to subject me too?”
The Queen nodded solemnly. “I have. It’s a bit odd that you’re not trying to stop me.”
Celestia turned around and sighed. “You have her jacket, which means she is dead. Nopony has come to reinforce the throne room, which means your forces are holding the palace at best and winning at worst. I am nearly drained. I will be of little to no help should I best you, and despite the warrior my sister is, the endless tides will turn even the greatest rock to sand given time.”
Celestia looked wearily into Chrysalis eyes. “I’ve lost. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my thousands of years, well… Why struggle? Fate will have its way in the end.”
Chrysalis smirked and tipped her head back while gently swirling the boiling shadows around in her glass. “How uncharacteristically submissive of you. Where’s the Celestia who locked me in the dungeons when I simply read one little primer on Dark Magic? Where’s the mare whose enchanted tongue can make even the most reluctant ear listen to her, if not obey?”
Chrysalis held up the chalice and moved as if to tip it over. Celestia winced, her wings opening in fear. The Queen laughed.
“You know what this is, don’t you?” She asked.
Celestia nodded once. “Of course I do.”
The Queen swirled the contents of the magical cup once more. Flecks of green and purple light emerged from the shadows, fragments dark magic seeking to be made whole. “Then you know I won the moment the shadows began to boil. I am invulnerable until I make my wish. That’s why you’re not fighting me… As for why you’re not trying to talk me down, well… I think I’ll discover that mystery later. After all, in a moment, you’ll have no choice but to be honest with me.”
Celestia smiled and shook her head. “You know, it would be funny if I had simply activated that old thing and left it on the shelf, never making a wish. I’d still be invulnerable to this very day. It doesn't expire until the wish is made, you know.”
Chrysalis chuckled and tipped her head to smirk in Celesita’s face. “Oh, is that why you’re not afraid? Well, I assure you, I wont hurt you in the slightest. Why would I do that?”
Chrysalis inhaled and tipped the chalice over, letting the shadows spill out onto the ground. “Grogar! Hear me and obey!”
Somewhere in the distance thunder rumbled. Celestia yawned and ruffled her wings. “You do know you don’t need to speak his name, don’t you?”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes and focused on the pool of spilt shadows. “Make Celestia Sol Invictus my ever loyal and adoring slave!”
The pool of shadows flared, transforming into a sea of black fire. Chrysalis yelped as she felt a large chunk of her magic slide out of her body into the flames before they burst, plunging the vault into blackness and a foul stench like rotting meat and decaying timber for what seemed to be an eternity.
Then, the world returned to normal. The Queen and the Princess stood facing one another, Chrysalis with a victorious smile on her face, Celestia with a seemingly tired yawn.
Chrysalis took three steps forward and looked around the vault, searching for the Identity Matrix. Where is that stupid thing? … Why am I looking for it, she knows.
“Celestia, set the Identity Matrix up so everypony will believe I am Cadence,” the queen ordered.
Celestia smirked. “No.”
Chrysalis’ eyes shrank to pin pricks, her wings flared in alarm. She spun, glaring daggers into Celestia’s eyes. “It didn’t work?!”
Celestia nodded. “Accurate.”
“What did you do?!”
Celestia smiled thinly. “Did you really think I would keep a whole vault full of dangerous weapons under my throne if they could hurt me?”
Chrysalis blinked. “Well, yes…”
The mare flared her wings and charged her horn with magic, making it shimmer with sunlight as she wrapped herself in a shell of protective solar fire. “I cursed every single item in this vault. Using one on me will… Well…” Celestia smirked. “Look at your left hoof.”
Chrysalis spared a second to glance down at her forehooves. Her right hoof looked normal. The left hoof was covered in hair thin lines of marble which were slowly creeping up her leg.
Chrysalis narrowed her eyes and slowly began to back up towards the vault door. “You should have made the petrification instant. I can stop this, and you!”
The Queen jumped backwards through the vault door and slammed it shut with a pulse of magic. As the massive door slammed shut with a clang of metal on metal, she spun the handle, locking Celestia inside.
Chrysalis turned around, flicking the lever to move the throne with her magic, and bolted up the steps. The second Chrysalis was on the solar dais she skidded to a stop and held up her hoof to examine it. Her eyes narrowed and brow furrowed as she watched the slowly growing stone engulf her hoof.
The Queen experimentally flexed her hoof, relieved that it still moved. I won't be immobilized till the stone completely overtakes me. At this rate, it will be ten minutes. Plenty of time to negate her curse. I’ll start with Iron Aura’s Dis—
A flash of gold light blinded Chrysalis as Celestia appeared three meters in front of her and blasted her squarely in the chest with a sunlight infused spellbolt.
The Queen screeched as she was flung to the floor under the force of the bolt. She jumped to her hooves, the fur on her chest smouldering and sizzling as she cast a shield charm on herself.
Celestia smiled softly. “I’m also the one exception to the ‘no teleporting’ wards.”
Chrysalis popped her neck. “I didn’t want to kill you. I wanted to show you I was right. Now I have to kill you, and you know that I can.”
Celestia nodded solemnly. “There is a good chance you will. Even with the power I leached from you, you’re still in much better shape than I am,” Celestia flared her wings, creating a burning aura on the floor around her in the shape of the sun. “Come, this is for fate to decide.”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes. Fate? Please. This is for the ace in my sleeve to decide.
Chrysalis dismissed her equine form with a flash emerald flames, using the distraction to send a dozen black and purple crackling hexes flying Celestia’s way. “My pleasure !”
The throne room descended into chaos as the two demigods began to fight in earnest. The duel wasn’t flashy. It was ugly. It was not elegant. It was brutal.
Spells were cast and countered on the fly so fast the very air itself began to spark and glow with magic. Bits of the throne room twisted and mutated, becoming ash, ooze, or bursts of elemental energy as hexes missed their targets.
Solar fire ripped dark magic constructs asunder. Dark magic chipped away at Celestia’s shields, peeling them away layer by layer while making cracks run deeper and deeper. The stone grew at a steady pace, covering more and more of Chrysalis’ body. First her leg, then her shoulder, head, and upper body were consumed by the curse.
Despite her slow petrification, Chrysalis was not loosing. Celestia’s spells hit with less and less force. Her shields crumbled more and more quickly. Even worse, Chrysalis knew this.
The Queen launched a flurry of spellbolts at her nemesis and smiled. “Fool! My changelings will break through the doors any second now. You have no hope against them! I could start dispelling your little curse right now, if I didn’t want to kill you myself.”
Celestia smiled defiantly, her chest heaving as she struggled to breathe. It had been millennia since she had been this active. “Do you really think, after what you’ve seen of my vault, that the doors to my throne room are not just as secure? You may beat me, but we will have a draw a moment later.”
Chrysalis frowned and bared her teeth in a fit of rage. She’s right! There’s no way the doors are not enchanted to put up a shield of broken down, at the very least. “Then I’ll make my own door!”
Chrysalis focused all of her magic into a single massive beam of destruction and let it fly directly at Celestia.
The alicorn mare jumped to the side, snapping her wings open to extend her jump enough to dodge the beam which ripped into the wall, blasting a truly massive hole into the open air beyond the tower wall.
Celestia’s ears drooped back as she realized the ancient enchantments protecting the palace walls had clearly been drained away by the extended battle. “... Well… I underestimated a few things there…”
Chrysalis smirked. “Underestimated? Ha! You didn’t think of this possibility at all, did you?”
The sound of a thousand changeling wings buzzing grew louder and louder as the swarm raced to obey their queen.
Princess Cadence - 5/16/2018
The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Cadence raced down the palace hall, her ears plastered back not only by the wind, but by fear. The roar of Harley’s engine would most definitely attract changelings to them, and the throne room was still quite far.
Not physically. The tower it sat in was a mere twenty meters to her left. But the route to reach it was surprisingly long.
Gleaming looked out through the broken windows to their left and shook her head at the burning section of palace she could see.
“I wish I could see what’s happening below us.”
Cadence nodded. “Yeah… it sounds like there’s a dragon or something!”
Gleaming sighed. “I hope so. I know a few live in Canterlot.”
Cadence pressed her hoof against Harley’s throttle even harder, as if that would help. “Hon? Can you speed up any more? It’s been two minutes and we don’t know how much time we have.”
Harley answered, her telepathic voice sounding quite labored.
Cadence sighed, wishing she could close her eyes, but not daring too while riding. “It’s okay. Either we make it, or—”
A blazing pillar of emerald light blasted out from the throne room at an upwards angle, slicing into the wall, floor, and ceiling just ahead of the speeding motorcycle. Cadence yelped, twisted the handlebars, and pulled on the breaks, forcing Harley to turn sideways sand skid to a halt with a screech of rubber.
The three stopped next to the fresh pit in the floor, teetering for a moment as momentum threatened to carry them over the edge and into the flames of the burning floor below.
Cadence took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Very slowly. Unfurling her wings, she flapped as hard as she could, steadying the three of them as best she could. “Harley… drive us away from the edge, please.”
The bike rumbled and rolled forward, pulling a tight turn to get some distance between them and the hole.
Gleaming let out a nervous breath she didn’t remember holding. “I can’t believe nopony swore during that…” she chuckled, hoping the humor would let her heart calm down a little.
It didn’t.
Cadence turned and looked at the hole in the floor. The entire hallway had caved in, crashing down on the floor below. A six by twelve meter pit stretched in front of them, making the trip quite impossible.
“Well, buck…” Cadence grumbled.
Gleaming turned and looked out the newly created hole in the wall, her eyes drawn to the hole blasted in the throne room’s tower… Which lead into the throne room itself. “Cadie! You can still get in there. That hole goes right into the throne room. Fly in!”
Cadence’s ears perked up. She spread her wings and flapped them once. Yeah! I can fly. I can just get right in there and… and… Ummm…
“Then what? I don't have a plan,” Cadence grumbled to herself. “You’re the one with the weapons. I was going to just let her hit me.”
The pink alicorn turned her head and squinted at the hole. She could see Celestia standing close to it. The white mare looked exhausted. A shield spell covered her, but even from this distance Cadence could see the cracks and dents in her magic. It wouldn’t last much longer.
And a column of changelings was heading right for the hole.
If she’s in that bad of shape, Chrysalis is probably almost done too… And those bugs will turn the tide. Maybe I can stop them? Well, yeah. If I were at the hole with Shining on my back.
Cadence turned to look Gleaming in her eyes and tell her to climb onto her back when another thought occurred to her.
Harley has magic too. She can help too… Can I carry them both?
That’s when Cadence noticed the ceiling beam that had fallen in such a way as to angle up from the floor after falling out of the ceiling, and realized the throne room was a floor below them.
Cadence smiled as she recalled steadying the three of them a moment ago. Is it just me, or did we lift off the ground just the tiniest bit?
A plan took form in her mind. It was suicidal, but so was trying to stop the evil queen armed with her hooves, a motorcycle-bug, and an angry fiancee.
Cadence gunned Harley’s throttle and raced down the hall back the way they had come.
“What are you doing?” Gleaming asked with a worried frown. “The servants tunnels will be in chaos! We need to go up a floor.”
Cadence shook her head and turned Harley around with a sharp u turn. “We’re going in the hole!” She informed.
“What?”
Cadence gently pat Harley’s gas tank. “See that beam? We;re going to use it as a jump. I’ll flap as hard as I can, and we are going to glide right into that hole, then run the bitch over. Got it?”
Gleaming eked and squeezed Cadence’s waist tightly. “Can I talk you out of—”
“No. Look at the bugs inbound.”
Gleaming turned her head, looked out the window for half a second then nodded once. “Okay… Let’s go.”
Harley’s engine rumbled worriedly.
Cadence nodded. Nope. “Yeah.”
It’s not like we have a better option though…
Cadence gunned the Harley’s throttle twice, revving her engine while she drew upon her inner confidence. She took a deep breath,then smiled to reassure everyone else. “Okay, let’s do this!”
The mare twisted Harley’s throttle. The three surged forward, Harley’s engine roaring like a dragon as she crossed the remaining hallway, hopped up onto the beam, raced across it, and out into open space.
Cadence spread her wings and beat them as quickly as she can, closing her eyes under the strain of slowing their fall. Then, worried she might miss their target, she opened them, taking in the insanity of the battle below.
The small courtyard between the palace’s main hall and the tower had descended into pure chaos.
The flames from the burning palace surged beneath her like a living wall.
A dark blue alicorn was falling towards a roaring Tyrannosaurus, her right for leg bent to deliver a pile-driver right to the beast’s temple.
A squad of EUP special forces, clad in their black gi, clashed with a group of changelings who had fortified a small swimming pool by becoming a school of sharks, while their mech-shifting member became shark-accessible laser cannons.
Cadence scarcely had time to take any more of the madness in before movement near the open hole in the side of the tower drew her attention. Celestia filled the broken entryway, her head turned back to see what in Equus was roaring through the air at her. Her eyes widened in a mixture of shock and hope. The alicorn’s knees bent lowering her to the ground as she dove forwards out of view.
Cadence felt a wave of relief pass through her as Celestia got clear of her bike’s landing zone. Then a blur of white and black filled the entryway as the white alicorn pulled Chrysalis into the opening, her hooves tight around the insect queen’s neck and hips as the two grappled on the floor.
The two struggled, pushing each other back and forth on the stone tiles. Chrysalis struggled to break free, her eyes fixed on her opponent, entirely unaware of the danger gliding towards her at his speed… Until Celestia pushed her away from herself and laughed.
Chrysalis turned her head and saw the bike flying wards her. Cadence had just enough time to smile before she plowed straight into Chrysalis with a thunderous crunch that shook the tower.
Only to then flop over in a daze as the blunt force trauma of the impact beat her adrenaline into submission.
Cadence scrambled away from Harley, trying to get to her hooves before Chrysalis could retaliate.
Celestia took advantage of the distraction to look Cadence in the eye, and ask what she should have asked the last Cadence. “Password?”
Fortunately, Cadence hadn’t forgotten. The mare angrily gestured towards the stunned changeling “DIDACTIC. NOW SHOOT HER!”
Celestia flared her wings for dramatic effect and stepped closer to glare at the moaning, petrifying, slightly dazed queen. “Surrender.”
Chrysalis nodded slowly. “Yeah… Yeah, okay…”
Celestia smiled. “Good. Tell your forces to stand down, and—”
Chrysalis reached down to her left pocket. Cadence growled and stamped down on the queen’s leg with her right forehoof. “Oh, no you don’t!”
Unfortunately, she didn’t see the Queen’s other hoof reaching for her right pocket. Cadence’s phaser rifle was withdrawn from the magic pocket in one fluid motion, and sent a brilliant yellow stun beam directly into Celestia’s throat.
Golden sparks flew as the spell burned most of its energy bleeding through the cracked, brittle shield. For a moment it seemed as if the shot would be absorbed by the solar fire, then, the blast pierced the alicorn’s weakened shield, and Celestia dropped to the floor unconscious.
Cadence grit her teeth and drew back her hoof to begin beating the queen unconscious, but the but of a phaser rifle smashed into her teeth, sending her tumbling backward then across the floor. Chrysalis focused her magic, shapechanging into a copy of Gleaming Shield as she dropped Cadence’s coat and weapon to the floor the second Cadence’s eyes were no longer upon her.
A quick illusion spell to hide her petrifying body and dash later and the Queen stood next to Gleaming.
Cadence staggered to her hooves and looked up, her left eye twitching with rage, only to find two Gleamings staring back at her, their backs to the open hole in the wall.
The Gleaming on the left pointed to the one on the right. “Cadie, that’s Chrysalis! Get her!”
The Gleaming on the right went pale. “Celestia, no! She’s Chrysalis!”
Cadence took a deep breath and looked between the two. Bucking… This cliche? Really? Well buck this noise.
Cadence reached into her discarded jacket’s pocket with her magic and removed her pulse rifle, and charged the firing handle. “Harley, did she swap the bandoleer of rods or is Gleaming still wearing them?”
Cadence smiled. “Thanks.”
Chrysalis winced.
She pointed the rifle at Chrysalis and paused only for a second. “Shiny, I’ll help shampoo your fur clean after this, okay?”
Chrysalis shook her head. “No, no! You have the wrong one. It’s her! Don’t shoot me, Cadie!”
Cadence snorted. “Yeah, no. Bye!”
Cadence’s magic pulled at the grenade launcher’s trigger. Chrysalis dove to her left and grabbed onto Gleaming, pulling her tight against her chest. “Fire and I’ll make sure you kill us both!”
Cadence’s left eye began to twitch again as something deep within her snapped. She’d had enough of this. Enough of being the weapon for others without having the proper equipment or training. Enough of seeing people she loved in danger. Enough of being in danger. Enough of killing.
I’m going to find a way to end this right now!
Chrysalis’ horn glowed green as she charged her magic, working on an anti-curse spell while tightening her grip around Gleaming and transitioning it into a sleeper hold. “You know you’ll need the explosive round from that to kill me! You can't pull a marksman and take out only me while leaving him alive!”
Cadence’s other eye began to twitch. Her blood began to boil.
“You have no magical training. Nothing you do can stop me without hurting him too. Put your gun down and surrender.”
Cadence grit her teeth. Her wings flared open. Chrysalis squeaked as she felt every last little restraint holding back the alcorn's rage snap. “You’re wrong!”
Chrysalis slid backwards, dragging the gurgling Gleaming with her. “If you lose control, you’ll kill everyone here except for you. That includes Shining!”
The very deepest part of Cadence’s being called out to her. Reminding her of the god-like though uncontrolled power which lay within her. It reminded her of how she warped her weapons to her will before, and how she could do it now.
The pink alicorn wanted nothing more than to get Chrysalis away from Shining. Nothing that is aside from all changelings to be far, far away from Shining. She pushed her desire into her weapon, followed by nearly all of her magic and pointed the weapon at the floor just in front of her.
She frowned. An Alicorn’s worth of hatred didn’t seem like enough energy to properly squash the bugs. There had to be another source nearby. Cadence closed her eyes and did her best to feel for anything else in her body she could use.
Chrysalis smiled sinisterly. “Good pony,” she said as she dropped her illusion spell, revealing her nearly fully petrified form. “Now, put the weapon down.”
Cadence smiled as she felt the bond between her and Shining. It was still there, despite her anger. A bright gleaming line of love connecting two souls as if they were one.
Cadence’s smiled and gently pulled at the bond.
Cadence gently pulled at the bond, and a tiny bit of energy trickled down it, mixing with her own magic and flowing into her weapon.
Cadence looked Gleaming in her eyes. “Hon, I’m going to barrow your magic for a second.”
Chrysalis frowned. “You can’t do that.”
Gleaming smiled, she’d felt the energy leave her and flow to Cadence. “Take anything you need, Cadie. I trust you.”
Chrysalis narrowed her eyes. “If you try anything, I’ll put a spellbolt in the back of his head so fast tha—”
Cadence pulled the pulse rifle trigger. An Alicorn’s worth of power blasted from the barrel in the form of a bright pink light. Rage, love, trust, and desperation mixed together in the blast, shaped only by Cadence’s sole desire. Make the changelings go away.
The blast hit the ground as Shining’s magic mixed in with Cadence’s. The budding spell latched onto Shining’s talent and blossomed into a massive shield bubble, exploding outwards like a shock wave. The shield grew and grew, swelling with the power of an alicorn behind it as it passed harmlessly through everything… except for changelings, and Gleaming.
The small sparks of dark magic which Quick had cast in desperation had embdued Shining’s implanted transformation gem with part of a changeling’s essence, and so the shield hit him, throwing him out the hole in the wall.
Cadence’s eyes widened with horror as she saw him fly away from her. “NO!”
The shield slammed into Chrysalis as well. The Queen shrieked in rage as she began to be flung backwards. Seething hatred burned in her mind as she realized she wouldn’t be able to cure her petrification in time. She would fail. She would be good as dead before she even hit the ground, and the one responsible for her fate would go unpunished.
Unless…
The Queen pushed all of the magic stored in her horn for her first curse breaking attempt into a new spell. A Dark Magic spell. Her eyes locked onto Cadence’s as rather than scream, the Changeling Queen repeated an incantation she’d overheard her archmage use many times.
“Klaatu Varata Nikto!”
Cadence felt dark magic dig hooks into her mind. She screeched in pain as everything went black for a split second, only for the world to return. Only now she wasn’t standing in the tower watching Shining fly into the distance. Now Cadence was flying away from the tower, watching as her own body dropped to the ground, covered by marking ribbons of dark magic.
Wait, what just—
Then the curse placed upon Chrysalis’s body overtook it, not caring in the slightest that the mind in that body had been switched, and world went black once more.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
Princess Cadence - 11/03/2018
The Nest - Badlands, Equestria
“Can you hear me, Cadie?”
Cadence groaned. The voice sounded so far away.
What’s going on?
She opened her eyes, but nothing changed. The world remained black and distant. Cadence gasped, her body felt numb and distant but also strange. Something fundamental was off and she couldn't quite tell what.
Cadence's heart skipped a beat as panic flooded through her body. For a moment she swore she felt a second heart keeping her blood flowing while the other stopped. Her panic deepened, becoming and ocean of terror.
The mare's ears drooped, making both stone and chitin creak as she tried to turn her head to find the source of the voice. “Who are you? Where am I? Why is everything dark?”
“It’s me, Cadie. Shining,” Shining said as he placed a hoof on Cadence’s side.
Cadence felt his touch and smiled as she felt their love along with his hoof. Then she frowned, her lips pulling across her teeth, making her acutely aware of a pair of fang-like canine teeth. “Good… Why can’t I see? What happened to my teeth? What's going on?”
A voice Cadence didn’t recognize cleared its throat. “You’re only half de-petrified. What’s the last thing you remember?”
Cadence groaned. Her head hurt fairly bad. “Flying away from the tower. Who are you?”
“That’s Quick Study. He works for us now,” Shining explained. “Soo… You remember Chrysalis swapping your bodies?”
Every part of Cadence's body that could move twitched as a bolt of anger raced through her. The sound of creaking and cracking stone, groaning chitin, and thrumming gossamer from a single wing “Yes! So that’s what she did! Buck! We need to get back to the palace and—”
Cadence frowned and twitched her one mobile wing again, listening to the faint buzzing sound it made. That's not feathery rustling... Oh... Oh, god no... That's right. The sudden perspective change. Did she swap our—
“I’m sorry, my Queen. We cannot,” Quick sighed, his voice carrying genuine distress. “It’s been almost half a year since the invasion. With you petrified, Chrysalis was able to convince everypony she was the real deal. Celestia did check with magic, but she has your real body, and some of her few remaining agents were able to alter records of your soul’s aura-signature. She got away with it.”
Cadence felt the mother of all curses brewing in her gut and ready to explode out of her lips. Her left eye twitched as the sightless draconic emerald orb contracted. “Mother… bucking… daughter of a—”
Shining gently placed a hoof on Cadence’s lips. “Quick! We agreed to break that to her slowly!”
“I’m sorry, Princess. But she needs to know the truth.”
Cadence pushed Shining’s hoof away from her mouth with her tongue. “Excuse me! I need to finish swearing angrily!”
“Cadie, it’s not as bad as you think!” Shining promised, his fur rustling as he moved around to her front side.
“HOW?!” Cadence demanded, bearing her fangs as her pointed ears perked, looking almost like horns as they jut forward with her rage.
“For starters, Celestia is now extremely paranoid. Security all across Equestria is stupid-tight, to the point where dispelling charms are stripping all active spells from anypony who enters any government building. Walk through the door, poof! All your magic is gone. She even found a way to make them force changelings to demorph.”
Cadence felt the air move as Quick nodded in agreement. “Chrysalis can do nothing via her normal means of subterfuge… And doesn't seem to want to. As far as we can tell, she’s decided to take on your roll entirely. I believe nearly losing everything has made her decide to… Not turn over a new leaf, but play things very slow and close to her chest. She can get the throne she wanted simply by being you after all. That was her original plan. She won, technically.”
Cadence frowned, expecting a knot to form in her stomach as anger built in her, but she had no stomach to be knotted up. Instead, a deep tingling in the back of her throat burned away as her emotions raged. “Oh yeah… She was going to pretend to be me for however long it took before this mess started, didn’t she?”
Shining nodded twice and gave Cadence a gentle kiss on the cheek. Cadence's ears twitched as she felt his affection as if it were a real tangible thing she could touch, and also something she could smell. Another layer of the strange sensation whispered in her ear, telling her that the stallion found her now smooth body quite sexy.
“That’s right," Shining said. "Her plan B doesn't work because nobody saw you doing amazing things during the invasion, and she’s no longer a changeling. She wouldn’t get the power boost. So she’s just being you. We have till she is given the Crystal Throne to sort all of this out.”
Cadence sighed. “More problems… life is always more problems… What are our assets?”
Cadence could hear the smile in Quick's voice as he spoke. “We have a decent force, my Queen. Myself, and sixty other changelings, Twilight Sparkle, the entirety of the Hay’s Angels biker gang, the nest we dug under an old castle in the badlands, and of course the Princess.”
Cadence frowned, her un-petrified wing slid down along her exoskeleton, making a sad creaking noise almost like a violin. “Which one?”
Shining paused as he tried not to laugh at his birde's wing-emote. “He means me. Changelings are weirded out by male leaders, so they started calling me Princess.”
“Also you’re still a mare most of the time,” Quick reminded with a smirk.
“Oh, buck off!” Shining grumbled. “It’s not my fault I can only be a stallion for about ten—”
Shining’s voice changed from masculine to feminine mid sentence as he reverted to Gleaming Shield once more. “— minutes. … Dang it! Once she's on her hooves again you are so fixing this!”
Quick giggled. "I thought you liked being a mare."
"I do! For short piriods, for fun. I want to be me again too."
Cadence smiled, a giggle escaping her lips before she frowned. Someone was missing from this reunion. “Where’s Harley?”
If we lost my little girl-bike I will bucking—
Cadence felt a rush of happyness come from Quick as he smiled and her synaisthima glands fully depetrified. She could feel Quick's pride, the wizard most differently took extreme joy in his arcane accomplishments. “She’s playing with some of the other sapient motorcycles I made for the Hay’s Angels as a reward for helping you, my Queen. They enjoy racing in the dunes above us.”
Cadence sighed in relief and wished she could see exactly where she was and what it was like. Knowing who we have to work with is one thing, but I realy wish I coudl see what we have. I have the feeling we have a cave. This sounds like a cave.
"Above us? Are we underground?"
Quick tapped the rock under his hooves. "Of course we are, your highness. We dug a proper nest for you. We're working on installing mana-lines to power lighting at present. Don't worry, this will all be state of the art. Far better than our nest on Earth... Just without Netflix."
Gleaming snickered. "No, we'll have Netflix. I got Twilight to smuggle the 'laptop' Princess Celestia souped up for me to the next. It's more than able to serve as a network hub."
Cadence blinked in surprise. "We will have power, and internet, in a cave?"
"Nest," Quick corrected. "We have floors, halls, rooms, furniture, we even have some carpeting! This is a planned structure made from carving out rock. It's not a cave!"
Cadence could feel the changeling's indignation. Okay, don't call it a cave. He's proud of this. It's probably nice “Okay… What’s our plan to unbuck this situation?”
Gleaming cleared her throat, prompting Cadence's ears to swivel to face her. “Our plan is to depetrify you. Once your back to normal, Quick and I are going to do what Celestia didn’t. Properly educate you as a wizard. While doing that, we make sure Chrysalis can’t do anything sneaky, and when the time's right, we get your body back and make her pay!”
Cadence’s lips pulled into a steeper smile, making some of the thin stone covering her cheeks crack and flake away. “I like that plan. It should have been the plan from day one. This whole mess would have been avoided if we just… i don’t know, left me in that pocket dimension till I learned everything.”
Cadence squirmed as small spikes of mild pain began to tingle all over her body in seemingly random spots.
Gleaming nodded. “Yeah… I said you could handle that, but Celestia was worried you’d go insane.”
“Don’t worry,” Quick said. “I can also create such dimensions and will be much less foolish in their application… Princess, we need to put her back to sleep. The pain killing spell is about to wear off.”
Cadence gulped. “Pain killing spell?”
Gleaming nodded and rubbed the back of her head with her hoof. “Y— Yeah… You’re half stone. That would hurt really bad. But Quick said he could wake you up for a little bit and I missed you a lot.”
“How soon will I be okay?”
Quick thought for a moment, tapping his hoof idly as he thought. “Another two weeks, maybe a month. Don’t worry, you’ll be up and about soon and we can begin your training for your return.”
Cadence frowned. “I— I’m still worried about her being in my body. Can somepony keep a close eye on her while I’m out?”
Gleaming gently squeezed Cadence’s left hoof, and she felt a nearly endless ocean of love, affection, and adoration flood from her special somepony. Her eyes widened in awe. "Holy-- Is this ... I'm literally feeling emotions. This is crazy!"
Quick laughed. "It's not crazy, your highness. He just loves you a lot."
Cadence felt Gleaming's embarrassment as she blushed. "It's... a little weird living with emotovores... But I'll bet dating one will have perks!"
Cadence's hearts beat faster
“Don't worry, Twilight’s become her “best friend” we know almost everything she does. It will be okay. I love you, Cadence.”
Cadence smiled, content in the knowledge that one day soon she would be able to retake what was hers. We will have plenty of time this time. We can make a real plan. I’ll have real assets, and proper tools too!
“I love you too, Shiny.”
Cadence smiled and hummed contently as she drifted off into a normal and restful sleep. Her last thought not of revenge, but of snuggling up alongside Shining, or Gleaming, whichever her love was at the time, and spending the night together.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
1 - Hey kid, wanna buy a magical kingdom?
Carter Arvil - 4/25/2018
Crosstown Realty - Long Island City, Queens
“She says she’s here to sell you a Magical Kingdom, sir,” Ms. Agusta said.
The intercom’s crackle mangled Carter’s secretary's southern accent. Its electronic hiss twisting her voice into something almost inhuman.
That’s odd, Carter thought, frowning at the new intercom. The warranty is for five years. It shouldn’t be breaking down already.
Wait a moment…
Carter pressed the intercom’s switch down to speak. “A 'Magical Kingdom'? I assume the client is talking about a theme park of some kind?”
“If you ask me, yes,” Ms. Agusta said, her reply chipper and bright. “She’s well-dressed and has extensive documentation with her in a briefcase, sir. She also seems quite serious. I don’t believe someone would go this far for a prank.”
“There’s nothing unusual about her aside from the way she’s worded her offer?”
“Well, her hair is dyed three... Let's say exotic colors. But theme park’s tend to have lax or odd requirements for their employees' appearances. It may be part of her uniform.”
Carter released the intercom’s switch and relined in his office chair. The leather creaked as he steepled his hands in his lap to think.
It’s not the first time someone has tried to sell a theme park to this company. Her offer could be legitimate. But unless she is selling a nearby Disney park I’ve somehow overlooked... Well, calling it a “Magical Kingdom” is a little suspicious.
He turned his chair to look out his office window. Sunlight streamed into the office, making the blinds glow. Carter had dimmed his office’s lights for lunch after his previous client had left over an hour ago. He hadn’t brought anything to eat for lunch, not that he had much of an appetite recently.
My next client’s pitch isn’t scheduled for another hour. We do accept walk-ins, but they shouldn’t have sent her to me. I specifically requested a light workload this week. Did Janice think hearing some prankster’s fake pitch would help cheer me up? It’s possible. She spent the entire month after her father died watching stand-up comedy on company time.
Carter turned his chair so it faced the wall behind his desk. He fidgeted with his narrow black tie in thought, uncertain of what exactly he should do. His eyes passed over his framed diploma as he turned.
You'd think a business administration degree would have gotten me a better job. Dealing with clients for a commercial real estate agency... It's not how I pictured my civilian life going.
Ah well. It’s not like I’m actually eating lunch. Besides, maybe Janis is right. If this is an elaborate practical joke, I’ll smell it a mile away. Or at least once she starts talking.
Carter spun his chair back around to face his desk and pressed the intercom switch down once more. “Lucie, please send her in.”
“Yes, sir.”
Carter released the switch, stood up, and walked to his office door to brighten the office lights. As he turned the dimmer switch, the door swung open, missing Carter’s nose by mere millimeters.
“Woah!” Carter said, stepping back from the door.
A remarkably tall woman in a white business suit stood in the doorway, her eyes wide with alarm.
She had light tan skin and a warm glow to her face despite not wearing any makeup as far as Carter could tell. Her true eye color hid behind a pair of magenta colored contacts. The lenses made her eyes sparkle under the office’s fluorescent lights.
The woman had an air of grace and dignity about her of the kind found only in the most respected leaders. Her back-length turquoise, cobalt, and pink hair did nothing to disrupt this impression. Somehow it reinforced it.
“Oh goodness!” She exclaimed as she stepped into the room. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t hit you, did I?”
Carter shook his head and took a moment to look his unexpected client over from head to toe.
She’s easily six and a half feet tall, Carter thought as he took note of her unusual height. Lucie wasn’t kidding about her hair either. Definitely exotic. She’s at least in her forties, making that hair color unlikely to be a personal choice. Especially not with how long her hair is.
We’re talking weekly touch-ups to keep it looking nice, each lasting one or two hours. It’s got to be for her job.
“No, I’m alright. I had dimmed the lights while I was eating lunch. I wasn’t expecting a client right now. That is not to say your unexpected visit is unwelcome. I’m happy to do business with you,” Carter answered as he held out his hand for her to shake. “I’m Carter Avril, and you are?”
The woman took Carter’s hand and shook it gently. “Miss Sol Invictus,” she greeted while looking Carter over in return.
Carter was almost the opposite of Miss Invictus. He was a little shorter than average, with a thin almost lithe build which made him appear wiry at best. His hair was black and cut short. Carter's blue-grey eyes sat behind a pair of somewhat feminine looking black-rimmed glasses.
Carter was quite average in appearance. The only unusual thing about Carter lay beneath his simple black business suit. Carter had no body or facial hair, a trait he had paid good money for.
Of course, there were other less average things about him, but none of them existed outside of his mind. As far as anyone could see he was an average man with an average name.
Carter raised an eyebrow at the sound of Sol’s unusual name. Was that Latin? No, wait. There are some Indonesian families with similar names. Is Sol her given name? Hippie parents with Indonesian ancestry? Maybe… Or, this is a joke.
“That’s a rather uncommon surname… Is your family from Indonesia?” Carter asked as he let go of her hand and returned to his desk.
Sol smiled and shook her head. “Not as far as I know.”
“Have a seat,” Carter instructed as he sat behind his desk and gestured to the two chairs on the opposite side.
Sol sat in one of the simple modern chairs and set her briefcase down beside her before folding her hands in her lap.
“I understand you’re trying to sell a theme park? There’s quite a lot of them in the Tri-State area, plenty of competition. It’s company policy for me to lead with a certain question for any properties which are likely to be in a lot of debt. Is this a bankruptcy sale?” Carter asked as politely as he could phrase such a blunt question.
Sol shook her head. “No. I’m not sellling for any financial reason. I’m selling the property because it’s vacant, rundown, and in need of proper management. I don’t have the free time to tend to a second kingdom personally. One is more than enough.”
Aha! She’s the owner of a park, bought another location, and realized she can’t manage both. Now things make some sense .
“I see. We can help you set up a franchise. That’s one of our more common services. Or are you looking to completely transfer the property to someone else?”
“I’m a bit of both,” Sol said after a moment’s thought. “I’m looking for someone who is willing to work with me, yes. However, I don’t intend on imposing any control over how they intend to rule their kingdom. It will be theirs.
“I am looking for the right person to sell to because I want the kingdom to flourish. No more, no less.”
Carter raised an eyebrow again. “We are not like a home realty company. We don’t act as a middleman between you and an interested party. We buy assets from you directly and sell them to whomever we choose.
“If you’re looking for a specific kind of person, you’re better off selling it yourself. Especially if you are seeking a non-competition agreement.”
Sol smiled and looked Carter in his eyes. “I like you, Mister Avril. You’re a very honest man. I’m not here to sell to your company, I am making this offer to you as an individual.”
Carter frowned and tilted his head to one side. “Excuse me?”
“I am here to offer you a magical kingdom, not Crosstown Realty. I had hoped your secretary would make that more clear,” Sol said with a small frown.
Okay. Someone is playing a joke on me. Carter decided with a long weary sigh. I don’t have time for this. I should be planning mom’s funeral.
“Is this a joke?” Carter asked leaning forwards in a failed attempt to loom over the woman who was a head taller than him.
“Not at all,” Sol said, shaking her head as she picked up her briefcase, set it in her lap and opened it.
Carter’s eyes widened in surprise as the lid opened. Inside her briefcase was a collection of legal documents, several maps, and a pile of folders. Carter had seen enough property transfer papers to know that hers were the correct forms.
Well, this got interesting real fast. Is this a legitimate attempt to sell?
Sol reached into the case, took a folder labeled with Carter’s name on it from the case and opened it.
“Carter Arvil, born August 21, 1969, in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Graduated the top of your class in High School. Almost achieved the same feat at Columbia University. You were once again the top of your class when you graduated from Camp Peary.
“While in the CIA you spearheaded fifteen successful operations, earning many awards. You were on track to a very nice high-ranking position, only to be fired for... Well, it says you violated a federal policy. It's okay, small technicalities hurt everyone eventually.
“Your record is very impressive. You’re a well-learned individual. Few people with a business degree choose to go to work in the Intelligence field.”
Oh great, Carter thought as he listened to her recite his service record. Another group of fifteen-year-old “Hacktivists” leaked CIA documents again. At least I don't have to deal with it this time. And at least she doesn't have the real reason I was discharged.
Carter sighed and held up a hand to stop Sol. “Ma’am, you shouldn’t have access to CIA records. Those are classified documents. You should shred that file at the next opportunity. I also suggest you report the source of your intelligence to the CIA or local law enforcement.”
Sol smiled and winked at Carter. “I can promise you they would find my source to be a little too unbelievable to take my report seriously. That’s a topic for another day. Right now I want to talk about you.
“I am looking for someone who knows how to manage a kingdom. The people living there deserve a leader who knows what they are doing. I’ve already exhausted all my personal contacts. The only suitable person for the job I know personally is too young and inexperienced. But you?
“You have a degree in business administration. You know how to manage finances, establish supply lines, and set successful policies. Based on your time as an agent you know how to properly delegate tasks to make a group work efficiently.
“Most importantly, you know how the underworld works. You can sniff out corruption. I expect you also know what under-the-table-operations shouldn’t be disturbed. And of course, you can establish an information gathering network with ease.
“What's more, you have some combat experience. That is more useful in non-combat roles than many will admit.
“You’re the third highest on my list of people here who I find qualified to run the kingdom in question. The number one and number two choices turned me down. I hope you won't do the same.”
Sol closed the folder and returned it to her briefcase. She exchanged the folder for a large stack of papers, which she set on Carter's desk. The papers were separated into ten book-like segments via document clamps.
“This is the Crystal Empire,” Sol said as she spread the first few pages out over Carter’s desk. “An ancient place built long ago, in the far-off northern lands. A wondrous oasis of warmth and springtime surrounded by perpetual winter.”
Carter hid his suspicious frown by looking down at the paperwork in front of him while keeping his eyes on Sol. If this is some sort of trick, now would be the best time to strike.
Unfortunately, the task became harder as he studied the documents she had laid out in front of him. After a few moments, Carter couldn't pay attention to anything but the paper he was reading.
Houses made of crystal. Long ceremonies about love and friendship. Detailed instructions on how regimental guard armor for cartoon-pony costume characters should look. Bold text warnings to not let a “unicorn pony” named “Twilight Sparkle” into the library unsupervised.
This could be the most elaborate practical joke since the Dreadnought Hoax. Or she’s a very eccentric woman looking for a business partner. One who is not only highly competent but just as kooky as she is.
Unfortunately for her, I’m not kooky. I’m a weirdo, pervert, or nut-job depending on whom you ask.
Carter turned his attention to one of the pages at random and hummed to himself.
Eternal spring, eh? It must be an indoor park. I know that’s possible. There’s the Tropical Island Resort in Germany that’s inside an old Airship hangar. Before world war one there was some airship trade between the US and Germany. New York was a stop on that route… There should be some old hangers here as well.
“The park is fully climate controlled?” Carter asked cocking his head to one side.
Wait, why am I entertaining this? She’s asking if I will PERSONALLY buy a theme park! Or in other words, a bottomless money pit. Unless you have an excellent brand or gimmick. Which I don't.
Sol nodded her eyes and nose wrinkling with joy as she saw the interest in Carter's face. “Yes, it is always springtime in the Crystal Empire. So long as the Crystal Heart remains at the base of the Crystal Spire, that is.”
“Okay,” Carter sighed. “You want me to purchase a climate controlled park. With how much you know about me, it’s clear you believe I can pay your asking price. But here’s the thing. Theme parks are not profitable unless you have one hell of a good gimmick, or are completely unique.
“They are expensive to run. If you add in the cost of climate control for a park sized area they are ludicrously expensive to run. I can’t buy property which will bankrupt me in a month. What guarantee would I have that people would go to this Crystal Empire?”
Sol frowned, hope seemed to flee from her face. “It’s not a park, it’s a magical kingdom.”
Carter bit his lip. He could see the paperwork inside Sol’s case. He recognized the seal of a local notary on the paperwork.
This woman is dead serious about selling this place. She's also a little crazy. Well, so am I. The least I can do is play along.
“Sorry,” Carter said, dipping his head. “What guarantee do I have that people would come to my magical kingdom if I bought it from you?”
“Many would come to see the Crystal Ponies alone,” Sol informed as she leaned towards the desk.
Sol reached into the stack of papers and put a single page on top.
“Have a look. There are many other reasons of course. It’s an exotic place. I know many people from my own kingdom would love to see the auroras the Spire creates.”
Carter picked up the page Sol had indicated and quickly read through it.
The entire thing is written in character. Talk about a full commitment to the bit.
His eyes scanned the page, each new line giving his mind something fresh to think about.
Crystal Ponies. Sentient talking crystal statues shaped like little ponies. They are already there. What’s this? Cultural information? What is this for? Why is it—
Oh! I get it. The ponies are likely a mixture of costumes and animatronics. Is that a photograph? Yes. Yes, it is.
Carter squinted at the small photograph at the top of the page. As best he could tell, it was a picture of a pink and white translucent cartoonish-looking pony.
I can’t see anything inside. It must be a statue. I guess this is the theme? Some kind of… Magical kingdom of talking horses. That’s actually a pretty unique theme for a park.
Lots of little girls would love it. I know I would have loved to visit a park like this as a kid. Assuming everything is to theme with— What am I saying? Look at the current owner. It is.
“These… Crystal Ponies are already there?” Carter asked. “I don't need to hire anyone? This point of attraction is all good to go?”
Sol nodded and smiled, glad to see she had renewed Carter's interest. “Yes, they are all there. Their homes too.”
Carter raised an eyebrow. “Employees live on site?”
“Yes. There’s extensive housing available in the Crystal Empire. Unfortunately, much of it will need to be remodeled to meet basic safety standards.”
“So the Crystal Empire is something like Epcot?” Carter asked, stroking his chin. “That is to say, what Walt planned for Epcot. Not the park which was actually built.”
The woman leaned back in her chair for a few moments. “I suppose it is. At least a little.”
That confirms the main attraction is roleplaying by live-in staff. Combine that with a few other interesting attractions... You might be able to make some good money with this!
Carter leaned back in his chair for a moment, then nodded to himself.
“Ma'am, you have piqued my interest. I may be interested in buying this kingdom now. But I want to know if there's an easy way for guests to visit the kingdom. Is it near a highway or a major road? Perhaps there is a waterway people could use?” Carter asked, steepled his fingers on his desk.
“Tourism is an important thing to focus on with the Crystal Empire. I am glad you’re thinking about it first,” Sol said, offering Carter a genuine smile. “I plan on constructing a railroad to the Empire from my own kingdom as soon as possible. If you built a spa or a resort style hotel that would be sure to attract some of my citizens.”
Carter paused, taking in what she had said before offering her a smile of his own.
So that’s her game, eh? Find a highly qualified partner. Then, ensure they are not working for you on paper. Last but not least, sell them a park property you bought. They do the heavy lifting to fix it up while you link the two parks with an express rail line.
Have one park focus on stuff for the whole family, and have another park dedicated to girl stuff like horses. Heck, buy a third park and have one for boy stuff. Offer things for the adults at the boy and girl parks like spas and luxury hotels. Then you can bounce guests from park to park.
They come to one, go to another to stay the night, maybe hit up a third the next day. Or they move from park to park and each park in the chain makes a little money off them.
Guests feel like they are spending their money wisely by getting to visit multiple parks. In reality, they are staying in the park system longer than they otherwise would. Therefore, they buy more expensive merchandise and food.
It’s a way to do the Disneyland experience for people using smaller parks. All while keeping it unique by having each park in the chain distinctly themed. Everything is made to attract a specific demographic.
The best part is the park owners wouldn’t pay as much tax and insurance as they would with one big park. Ooohhh! Accidents at one park wouldn’t reflect too much on the other parks because the chain can always cut a link out. That’s… Brilliant! It’s not even illegal. It is a bit shady in terms of customer manipulation, but then again what business isn’t?
Carter nodded to himself and began to sort the papers Sol had spread out back into one stack.
“Miss Invictus, you have my interest,” Carter admitted as he handed the papers back to her. “I would like to go over our offer in detail. Do you have a verbal pitch, or is everything written down?”
Sol frowned, her eyes widening as if Carter’s question had not been one she had expected.
“I’m sorry, are you unable to hear it now?” She asked.
Carter frowned and nodded. “I’m afraid not. I am interested in learning more about this opportunity. In fact, I may purchase your kingdom from you, now that I understand what you’re trying to sell me.
“Unfortunately, I have a scheduled client in—” Carter looked up to check the time on his office wall clock. “— thirty-three minutes. That’s not enough time for you to give me what I would consider a satisfactory oral presentation.
“After all, a Magical Kingdom is a big purchase which shouldn’t be made lightly. If you have everything written down, I would like to take your proposal home and read it. At any rate, you don’t expect me to make a decision immediately, do you? This is a large commitment of time and money.
“Further complicating the issue… My mother died recently. I’m not in the state of mind to make a large financial purchase. Not without thinking it through even more than I normally would.”
Sol took the papers and placed them in her briefcase, giving Carter an understanding nod.
“Yes, I heard she passed on. I’m very sorry. Losing a parent is hard. Do you have any other family? It’s always important to have support in times like these.” she asked, pairing her question with a sympathetic frown and hopeful expression.
Carter wasn’t normally one to talk about his personal life while at work. She seems nice… And genuinely concerned. Alright, just this once.
Carter shook his head. “No. I’m afraid I don’t have any family left. I do have a good friend. He’s no substitute for a mother, but he is more than capable of helping me through hard times.”
Sol closed her briefcase and set it on Carter’s desk.
“I’m glad you have someone. Please take all the time you need. As long as it’s less than four weeks,” she said as she stood up. “There is contact information for me in the briefcase. I intended to leave it with you, but after I gave an oral presentation. While I am here, do you have any questions from what you’ve already learned?”
Carter’s lips pursed in thought. “Yes… A magical land of ponies seems more like something a woman should be managing. Wouldn’t you agree? Oh! Not to be sexist or anything. I mean strictly in terms of a public image and relations since. I won't turn down the offer over this, but I’m curious about why you chose a man over any woman with my qualifications.”
Sol’s eyes twinkled. “You being a man will not be a problem. Though I do agree a woman is more suited to the role of a pony princess,” she said with a somewhat sinister smile.
Carter couldn’t help but snicker. “Is that really what the kingdom’s owner, I mean ruler, is called?” He asked, slowly shaking his head.
If she wants me to wear a pony costume and pretend to be a woman… I’d be okay with one of those two things. Carter thought, a light blush forming on his cheeks.
Sol nodded. “Don’t worry, magic can work wonders. You’ll do just fine!”
Carter smirked and shook his head. “We’ll see. I’ll be in touch shortly,” he said with a polite nod as he stood up and opened the door for Sol. “Have a nice day.”
“You too,” Sol said, smiling as she took her leave of Carter’s office.
Carter turned around to return to his desk. His office door began to swing shut.
“Whoops! Excuse me, miss,” an excited male voice said from the hallway.
Carter groaned at the voice and covered his face with his palms. Not now, Jake…
“It’s alright, young man,” Sol said as she stepped past the newcomer.
Carter reached out and grabbed the doorknob before the door fell shut.
“Come on in, Jake,” He said with a weary smile.
Please just be here to drop off a sandwich. Last time you came over you almost blew my cover. Carter moaned inwardly.
Jake was also an average man: youngish, blonde hair, green eyes, pale skin, athletic build, six foot one. He was dressed in his usual manner, blue jeans, and a white t-shirt. Today he also had on a red Nike backpack.
Jake walked into the office with a smile on his face. A smile which only became wider as he met Carter’s gaze. The young man was always happy to see Carter, or rather, the person he knew Carter was on the inside.
Making a friend online as the real me seemed like such a great idea at the time. Carter sighed to himself as he shut the door. I wouldn’t have chatted with him so much if I knew we both lived in Queens.
Carter looked up at his wall clock. “I’ve got… twenty-six minutes left for lunch, Jake. Unless you bought a sandwich— “
Jake shook his head. “Nah, I wanted to make sure you are getting better. I know you won't be okay for a while, but I wanted to help cheer you up,” he said as he slipped off his backpack and opened it.
“I appreciate that,” Carter said, his eyes softening.
I’ve never met anyone who cared so much. Sometimes I swear Jake wants to be more than my friend.
“You’ll appreciate this more,” Jake said, looking up at Carter with a dorky grin.
Jake hummed happily as he pulled a plastic shopping bag with the kiwi clothing line’s logo on it from his backpack. “Tadah!”
Carter squeaked and rushed over to his office window, lowering the blinds as fast as he could. He spun around to face Jake, his eyes narrowed and teeth grit.
“Are you crazy?! You could get me fired!” Carter hissed.
Jake snorted and waved a hand in dismissal. “No, I can’t. You were fired from a FEDERAL job in the don’t-ask-don’t-tell days. Come on, you know what year it is! There’s a woman like you serving in the Senate now.”
Carter opened his mouth to object, only to stop, jaw wide open for a moment. “There is?”
“Yeah. Danica Roem. She beat some stuffy old dude who had the job forever last year. She’s open. No one cares. It’s not a problem anymore. You can be you. Especially since you’ve got the money for all the surgery,” Jake said happily as he opened the bag.
“I… No. Too risky,” Carter stammered as he stared down at the floor.
“At least look at what I got you. I know you’ll like it!” He said, beaming his friend the biggest smile he could.
Carter relented with a sigh and took the bag from Jake’s hands. He opened it, peaked inside, and frowned. “It’s pink.”
“Yeah, you like pink.”
“But this is leather.” Carter deadpanned, giving Jake his best stink eye.
Jake’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. “Oh-my-gosh! Uh, I didn’t get you sexy clothing! Please, actually look at it!” he squeaked.
Carter smirked and took the article from the bag. A hot pink leather biker’s jacket with purple and yellow trim unfolded in his hands.
The jacket was high quality. Carter could tell just by looking at it that it would not only fit him but also the padding he used when he was Carla.
“Why do you remember both my male and female clothing sizes, Jake?” Carter asked, rolling his eyes playfully.
Jake blushed and clasped for a long, shy moment. “Well, um… I think you’re cute when you’re all dressed up… Besides. You get me stuff you know I like.”
Carter’s cheeks flushed bright red as he quickly folded the jacket and stuffed it back into the bag.
“Thanks. I’ll wear it tonight,” he promised.
“You could try it on now,” Jake pleaded, flashing Carter the brightest Bambi eyes in the city.
Carter shook his head. “You know I can’t. I’ll get in trouble.”
“Oh, my, god! No, you won’t!” Jake said, closing his eyes tightly for a moment. “Worst case scenario: someone is rude to you and then I punch them.”
Carter laughed and shook his head. “First, that’s not the worst case. Second, please quit trying to be my knight in shining armor. It will get me fired.”
Jake frowned, his lips almost puckering as he pouted. “But I LIKE being your knight in shining armor…”
Deciding to change the subject before Jake talked him into doing something he wanted to do anyway, Carter nodded at the door. “Anyways, did you notice that woman’s hair?”
“Yeah I did,” Jake said, nodding. “I’m jelly. I’ve always wanted blue hair. But my job doesn't let male employees dye their hair.”
Carter raised an eyebrow. “That’s a sexist policy right there. You should take it up with management.”
“Eh... Management only helps you if you make more than minimum wage,” Jake muttered bitterly before perking back up. “What was she here for anyway?”
“Oh, um, well that's actually an interesting story,” Carter began, moving the shopping bag into the desk drawer he kept his motorcycle helmet in. “Miss Invictus was here to make me a personal offer on some property.”
“You’re looking to move?” Jake asked, tilting his head to the side. “I thought you loved your place.”
“Not a home,” Carter corrected, popping open the briefcase. “She’s selling an indoor theme park. It’s a money-making scheme. Nothing illegal, the idea is to make one big park using several smaller independently owned parks. Get the Disney parks without paying the Disney tax. I’m actually interested in it.”
Jake raised an eyebrow. “You’re interested in buying a rundown theme park?”
“Yes.”
“Let me guess; it’s because the whole place is pony themed and it appeals to the inner child you never got to express,” Jake said, giving Carter a wink.
“N— Uh, maybe…” Carter replied, blushing and shuffling one foot against the carpet.
Jake’s eyebrows rose in unison. “Wait it is? I was joking.”
Carter reached into the briefcase and passed Jake the topmost set of papers. “Well… It’s a unique idea. She has everything written down in character and on theme. Miss Invictus is something of an eccentric.”
Jake took the papers and began to flip through them. Slowly at first, but then with growing speed until he had thumbed through the entire document.
“This reads like it's supposed to be fan fiction of something,” Jake said distantly before looking Carter in the eye. “And that file in the case has your name on it. This is weird, girl. I want to check this out for you. You’re former CIA. You’ve got enemies. What if this is some kind of elaborate revenge scheme?”
Carter rolled his eyes. “It’s not,” he dismissed.
Real life isn’t like movies. If someone from back in the heyday wanted me dead, they would have my home address in minutes and I simply wouldn’t wake up the next day.
“Maybe not. But it’s still weird. It could be a scam. Did she leave her contact info?” Jake asked peering into the case and then quickly snapping a picture of the contact page with his phone.
Jesus! I didn’t even see him reach for his phone. I’m getting rusty.
“Okay, good point. It could be a scam,” Carter admitted. “I haven’t looked into things myself yet. Only the surface layers.”
“Well, I think I’ll swing by her office today and let Carla know this evening if things are legit,” Jake said with a decisive nod.
Carter smirked. “What makes you so sure I won't be Carter tonight?”
“Because you hate him,” Jake sighed, giving his friend a sad look. “Which is why I’m going to keep bugging you to fix that…”
Carter rolled his eyes and gave Jake a gentle nudge towards the door. “No shining armor! Not at work, at least. Especially not when I have a client coming in a few minutes. I’ll see you this evening.”
Jake nodded and stepped over to the door, grabbing the knob and starting to turn it only to freeze. Jake turned and looked over his shoulder, a light blush on his cheeks.
“Hey, I just realized I’m doing spy stuff for you. C— could you do the thing?” Jake asked.
Carter smiled and sat down in his office chair. “Sure…” he said before relaxing his throat, changing his voice to a deeper pitch.
It’s the opposite direction I normally change it, but if it makes that silly boy smile…
“Your mission, should you choose to accept it,” Carter intoned, “is to investigate Miss Sol Invictus and her theme park. As always, should you or any of your IM Force be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds.”
Jake beamed Carter the largest grin anyone had ever seen. “Yes! Thanks! We’ve gotta get that on a real exploding tape sometime!”
Carter cleared his throat, returning his voice to its normal natural sound.
“We never actually used anything like those,” Carter said for the thousandth time.
“Yeah, but we could make one!” Jake said, opening the door and stepping outside. “Later, Carl— ter!”
Nice save, kid… Carter sighed, shaking his head. He’s really sweet… If I were twenty years younger, and not so afraid to be myself— No! Not at work. Never at work. Don’t think like that here. Just focus on the next client.
So, You Want to be a Princess?
Queen Chrysalis - 5/16/2018
Great Hall, The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Chrysalis was not a happy bug. The chaos outside had the nobility in a panic. The screaming, shouting, and constant rush of guards moving back and forth as they attempted to comply with conflicting panicked orders had forced her to retreat into one of the small panic rooms hidden in the great hall walls.
The situation would have been optimal if the four agents who had escorted her into the panic room, three had not been ponies. She could easily overpower the ponies, but it would be best to not kill them just yet, especially since one of them might live long enough to sound the alarm.
Chrysalis grit her teeth angrily and glared at “Agent Bark”. If you weren't part of my best tactical officer I could melt these pathetic ponies and get on with my plans!
Agent Sweetie Drop’s radio hissed and crackled. The mare cupped a hoof over her earpiece, to listen over the sounds of chaos outside.
Chrysalis raised an eyebrow. “I thought we were on radio silence till the impostor was captured.”
“We are,” Sweetie replied. “Please Ma’am, this must be impor—”
The agent’s lips twisted downwards as the person on the other end of the radio spoke. “It’s the impostor, trying psych games. We’re down an agent.”
Chrysalis grit her teeth. While she knew Carter had been a CIA agent, and a field agent, she had not in truth been able to access much more than public records about him. Her infiltrators hadn’t made it very far into the agency, and she knew full well how close they kept their records to their chests.
“Was she taunting us?”
“No. Threatening,” Agent Drops corrected before turning to look at her fellow agent, a pony whose talent was being so nondescript no pony could describe him (possibly her, nopony was certain).
Drops couldn’t remember her comrade’s name, it made her feel horrible, but everything about them was entirely forgettable. “So uh, what are the odds they could know which safe room we are in?”
The agent cleared their throat to speak, but were interrupted by a tall pegasus stallion with pale silver fur. Agent Bark. “Fairly good. We were able to clear the guests, guard, and agency, but the palace staff was only able to be partially screened.”
Agent Drops raised an eyebrow. “Why? That’s a huge security hole.”
The unremarkable pony spoke in a nearly featureless voice. “Our Princess dismissed and rehired several groups on the belief they had been infiltrated.”
Drops nodded slowly. “Right… But the Transformation check is quick. Why couldn’t we finish it?”
Chrysalis frowned. The rather simple way the ponies had discovered to detect drones was a major wrench in her larger plans. Fortunately, the immunity to transformation magic only seemed to effect Earth-born changelings.
The nondescript pony sighed. “The agents assigned that duty were novices, who spent too much time on each individual. You know how young ponies are. They wanted to be noticed for a good job.”
Agent Drops facehooved. “Oh come on!”
Chrysalis grit her teeth in mock anger. “Then one of the bugs could know we're in here. The runes I saw on the doorframe won't last against sustained spellcraft. I don’t want to use my magic in close quarters, you would all be gravely injured. I recommend we change locations.”
Agent Drops smiled. Chrysalis could sense it wasn't fully sincere but the mare was far too adept in masking her emotions for even the Queen to read clearly. “I see you’re a quick study, Ma’am.”
Chrysalis nodded. “I’ve always been a quick learner.”
The nondescript agent spared a quick look at Sweetie Drops, one the Queen did not catch. “Even with the wedding going? I seem to recall you knowing nothing about magical security systems.”
Chrysalis’s eyes burned for a split-second. I would have thought Celestia would have given Cadence a crash course on sorcery. What’s her excuse? Run out of pocket realities to exploit?
She turned towards her faceless ally and returned their nod. Their suspicions were most likely correct.
“It was hard to find a few hours each night, but I managed,” Chrysalis said with a toss of her mane. “I did have Shining to tutor me. Don’t get me wrong, I am no expert, but those runes seemed quite low powered to me.”
Agent Lemon, a violently yellow pegasus, cleared her throat. “Girls, we’re in a crisis situation. Do we move the VIP, yes or no?”
Bark shook his head. “No. The party is a clear distraction, the taunt is a trap to draw us out, they don’t know where she is.”
The unremarkable agent cleared their throat to regain everyone’s attention. Agent Drops and Bark jumped slightly, having nearly forgotten the pony was even there.
Drops grit her teeth. She’d worked with whats-their-name before. She knew she had to actively focus on their presence, or she would forget all about them. She needed a moment to remember their plan.
Drops smiled shakily. “Hey, uh, I’m sorry but what’s your name again?”
The Queens eyes narrowed as she looked at Spook, unable to work out even so much as what their eyes looked like. What kind of illusion is this? Is it an illusion? Special talents can do weird things… What if this is Celestia? I need to slip these four as soon as possible. I’m not in position.
“If I can speak,” Spook said while activating a pair of disruptor bracelets beneath their suit’s sleeves. “As soon as the chaos began the bugs could have snuck a full strike team into the palace. Even worse, the partially screened palace staff means they could potentially have a team in here already who merely needed the chaos to strike.
“They have two distractions. This party and the impostor. Our attention is split between them, we were not watching the hall well enough when the party began due to focusing on the impostor. This position is therefore already compromised. It doesn't matter if they know where her highness is exactly, they will know the panic rooms in the hall opened, and will break into each one. We must move.”
Chrysalis nodded twice. “I agree with Agent… I’m sorry, what’s your name?” How did I forget it? I know he said it a few seconds ago. What is this nonsense?! Who are you?
The Agent smiled sadly. “It’s Spook, your majesty. Don't worry, you’ll forget it again in a minute. Everypony always does.”
Agent Drops raised an eyebrow, despite remembering the plan they had improvised ten minutes ago, she’d entirely forgotten their name. Again. “You have a name?”
Agent Spook nodded. “Sure do.”
Agent Bark facehooved. “Right, you’re the guy whose special talent is being extremely forgettable. How… How do they remember to pay you?”
Agent Spook smiled. “They don’t.”
Agent Lemon sighed. “We’re on the clock, girls!”
Chrysalis closed her eyes and sent a message to her drones.
Chrysalis shook her head to disguise her telepathic message as a quick moment of consideration. “We’re going to the armory.”
Agent Drops paused. “Ma’am, you mean to tell me you didn’t collect your weapons?”
Chrysalis almost frowned, but managed to retain a blank look. “I didn’t buckle on a sword for my wedding, no.”
“I heard Princess Celestia enchanted a selection of concealed weapons for you.”
“She did, but I thought it might be bad form to have them on for the wedding. Call me an idiot but if by chance some foreign dignitary noticed I was armed there would be trouble.”
Agent Drops nodded. She couldn’t argue with that. “Fair enough… Okay, Princess. You want to fight. Fine. Where do we hold out after you’re armed?”
Agent Lemon reached into her suit’s inner pocket and retrieved her spare shield-charm. “Princess, I have a spare shield. That’s what you wanted, right?”
Chrysalis had in fact wanted to get her hooves on some particular wands, but a shield was at least something. “Yes, that was one thing. I also want to pick up my weapons. Thank you.”
Chrysalis plucked the charm from her agent’s grasp and stuck it onto her fur. A shimmering white magical barrier sprang to life millimeters above her fur. It was clear enough to see through, but still obvious enough to see.
Agent Drops looked towards the door. “That takes care of defense. I imagine you have offense down just fine for unicorn strength opponents... Where do you want to hold up?”
Chrysalis put on her best determined face. “The Solar Throne Room has one entrance, and the stained-glass windows lead to light boxes, not outside. It’s also large enough for me to fight in without injuring you. I want to hold up there, after retrieving my equipment.”
Agent Spook reached up with a hoof for the door release. “I assume that’s an order, your highness?”
“It is.”
Spook looked to his fellow agents. “Then there is no room for debate. Be ready to cover her.”
Chrysalis focused her telepathy on the drone accompanying her.
Agent Bark stepped back from the door. “I’ll bring up the rear. Drops, Lemon, take point,” the Agent’s lips pulled down in a frown as he looked towards the pony whose name he had suddenly forgotten. “You flank. Right side.”
Drops and Lemon stepped in front of the door while Agent Spook nodded and drew a folding crossbow from a suit pocket. “Sure thing.”
Spook reached up and pressed the door release. The safe room’s door slid open with a hiss of magic and metal on stone. A wall of sound blasted through the doorway. Screams both terrified and joyous, loud pulsing music, shattering glass, splintering wood, and cracking stone melded together into a chaotic sea.
Chrysalis caught a glimpse of various wedding guests running around the hall, trying to find cover from what they saw as a rioting mob. Royal Guards kept removing that cover, doing their best to barricade the ground level windows, of which two had been broken.
Chrysalis shook her head. I have to admit, you can certainly cause a distraction… But so can I.
Agent Drops flexed her hooves, activating shock-bracelets hidden beneath her suit’s sleeves. “Let’s go! Keep tight.”
Drops and Lemon trotted out the door, each keeping an eye on half the hall. Chrysalis waited for a second, debating blasting them from the safe room, but decided against it. She needed to maintain Cadence’s image a little longer.
Chrysalis stepped forward and exited the safe room with the nondescript pony at her side and her drone at her rear. A group of Royal Guards noticed the safe room open, and spotted “Cadence” as she started to slip out of the hall. The squad immediately formed a line to keep nobles from running towards the princess. After all if she needed to be extracted, the party outside had indeed become a full fledged riot.
Chrysalis, the Agents, and her drone quickly made their way through the shambles of the reception hall. Chrysalis couldn’t help but spare the occasional glance out the windows at the party outside. There had to be at least a thousand ponies out there, not counting the guards trying to break up the party.
A flash of blue and black within the party drew Chrysalis’s attention. She turned her head focusing on the spot. Princess Luna had entered the party, a lance in hoof, to personally break it up and was failing to do much of anything from what Chrysalis could see.
The Queen’s eyes widened. No! No, no, no, no! We dosed her with a sleeping potion strong enough to keep a dragon down for a week! She can’t be awake, she’ll steal all the affection.
Agent Spook raised an eyebrow as he saw the worried look on Chrysalis’s face. “Something wrong, Princess?”
Chrysalis nodded. “Yes, Luna’s trying to break up the party and failing… I don't like that. There has to be something magical about it.”
Agent Drops shivered. “Celestia… Pinkie Pie is here. Maybe she decided it looked like fun.”
Chrysalis racked her brain to place the name, it sounded familiar. Her eyes sparkled in recognition. “Humm, maybe, but I don’t think the Element of Laughter works that way.”
Spook snorted. “No, but Pinkie does. She’s the only mare who remembers my name.”
Agent Lemon tilted her head to one side. “Wait, you have a name?”
Bark cleared his throat. “You should wear a name tag or something.”
Spook sighed, “I am.”
Chrysalis was tempted to stop walking out of the hall and give the pony’s suit a thorough inspection for any name tag at all, but the sooner they were out of everyone’s sight the better.
Chrysalis turned her telepathic attention to her drone.
Agent Bark turned to stare at Spook’s chest. “Hey! You are wearing a name tag. How did I not notice— Wait, you’re a mare? I could have sworn you’re a stallion.”
“Yep,” Spook confirmed with a shake of her head. “Don’t worry. You’ll forget in a minute. The tag has my eye color, mane color, and fur color on it too, if you’re interested.”
Bark frowned. “What tag?”
Spook just sighed. Even though her special talent had made her one of the best spies in Equestria, life sucked extremely hard after she got her cutie mark and became even more forgettable.
The group passed through the halls’ entrance and into the palace’s main entry. The large room was home to no less than three grand staircases, covered in gold leafed everything, featured brightly polished marble floors, and was presently occupied by a platoon of EUP Guardsponies.
Unlike the Royal Guard, the EUP’s armor covered almost all of their bodies. The plates still held an old world flair to their design, but were colored light brown, tan, and white to provide camouflage in urban environments. The sixty pony platoon bristled with heavy crossbows, thunderlances, cloud-makers, spell-amps, and elemental gauntlets of all kinds.
The platoon’s Lieutenant was in the middle of addressing his stallions as Chrysalis and her agents entered the room.
“— our secondary goal is to push them back from the palace wall. The gates have been sealed, they can only advanced into the palace itself. That situation is unacceptable! Not one of those party goers is to—”
The Lieutenant trailed off as he saw Cadence enter the room and immediately snapped into a salute. “Your Majesty! We’re nearly ready to engage as per your orders.”
Chrysalis winced again. Her plans had factored in the EUP of course, but they had hinged on Equestria’s proper military deploying after her first strike. The royal Guard forded my orders onto the EUP… Cadence, oh my sweet Cadence, I’m going to gut you like a fish.
Chrysalis wiped the manic rage from her face as quickly as she could. “How many platoons have been mobilized, Lieutenant?”
“Six, Ma’am. We’re covering each of the city gates with other platoons. Don’t worry, we’ll get them all.”
“Good! Don't let me keep you.”
The Lieutenant snapped another salute. “Yes, Ma’am. You lot heard her highness! No diddle-dallying.”
Chrysalis and her Agents began to climb the hall’s leftmost staircase. The Royal Armory was on the second floor, near the library. It would be a long trot for certain, but the route should be clear enough to ditch her escorts. They would definitely know something was up with what she was after.
The group made it up the stairs and entered a servant's passage which would let them bypass the main hallway. While narrow and undercoated, the servants passage was at least big enough for three ponies to walk side by side. Chrysalis listened to the sound of their hooves clicking against the tile floor and echoing off the plaster-covered walls, waiting for the right opportunity to strike.
She did need to be relatively certain the passage was witness free, after all.
Agent Drops turned to give Spook a sidelong glance. Spook nodded as subtly as a pony could. It was time...
Drops faked a nervous cough. “Times like this… Makes me wish I had somepony to go home to when it was all over.”
Chrysalis twitched her ears, straining to listen for the sound of any other hoofsteps in the passageway. “I’m certain you will one day.”
Agent Drops held her expression as naturally as she could. There was no way Cadence would have forgotten how they had met. “Yeah, they say there’s someone for everypo—” She froze mid step, pearking her ears as if hearing something. “B9! B9!”
Chrysalis’s head snapped upwards as she looked for whatever Drops head heard. Spook dropped her shoulder, twisted, and slammed her left hoof into Chrysalis’s gut.
Blue-white sparks blasted outwards from the impact as the disruptor gauntlet’s enchantment ripped away the shield charm Chrysalis was wearing, then stripped away a good chunk of the Queen’s not-actually-alicorn-strength wards.
Lemon took half a second to remember B9 meant they were guarding an impostor and spun to help take the changeling down. Bark dipped his horn and put a spellbolt between her eyes. The mare’s head snapped backwards under the impact with a sickening crack.
Lemon tumbled head over plot to the floor.
Agent Drops swore under her breath, it hadn't’ even entered her brain that one of them could be a changeling, even though it should have. She ducked down, slid beneath “Cadence’s” legs and punched up with her left foreleg using all her Earthpony strength. The blow caught Chrysalis just as she had begun to counter-attack.
Bolts of lightning scorched fur and floor tiles as earth-pony strength smashed Chrysalis spine-first into the ceiling. As ceiling tiles cracked and crumbled from the impact, Drops sprang up onto her hind legs and threw a right hook into Bark’s jaw.
Bone shattered, ball lightning thundered, Bark’s neck snapped under the blow, killing him before the lightning even had a chance.
Spook spread her leathery wings, jumping upwards to try to use her second disruptor gauntlet to destroy any wards the other changeling possessed.
The drone’s dead body slammed into the ground. Chrysalis’s horn blazed green, a spell crackling along her horn for the half-second it needed before going off. A wave of sickly green miasma blasted down the hallway, washing over both ponies and ripping the air from their lungs and the consciousness from their minds.
The two ponies dropped to the ground, twitching violently as their bodies tried to draw breath, failed, and tried again.
Chrysalis pried herself out of the ceiling and dropped to the floor with a wet thud. Blood oozed from her back, shoulder, and head. Drop’s punch hadn't done much more than burn off a chunk of belly fat. The ceiling, however, had proven much more deadly.
The wounded Queen spent several minutes pulling the shattered pieces of her splintered mind together. Stars swam in her eyes. An eerie humm hissed in her ears. As soon as her head cleared, Chrysalis stood up, slightly shaken, and turned to look at the unconscious Earth pony mare behind her.
Her horn burned green as she ripped the mare’s suit jacket and shirt off to see what gauntlet she had been wearing. Her eyes narrowed as she saw only the two silver bracelets with their shock runes.
“I was hit with a disruptor spell… Who did that?”
She turned around and looked to Lemon’s crumpled body. Another blast of telekinesis ripped her suit and shirt off. The Queen’s eyes found no bracelets.
Chrysalis looked up and down the hall, her eyes passed over the rubble from the ceiling, the corpses, and Drops’ limp form with extreme suspicion. “There were three of them… I am certain of it.”
Chrysalis closed her eyes and tried desperately to remember what had happened. I was about to strike, then Drops said something about wanting a lover, screamed a code, something hit me in the side with a disruptor, I was rammed into the ceiling… But before that—
Chrysalis narrowed her eyes. There had been a small batpony too. She was certain of it. "Where in the world is that carmine-eyed bat? Where did she go?"
Chrysalis growled, nearly breaking her teeth as she clenched her jaw. “Arrrgh! Vanish and spoil my plans, will you? I’ll show you— You— Whatever you were!”
She spun around, her horn blazing with light as the Queen charged a spellbolt to blast Drops’ head to ash. She narrowed her eyes, hate guiding her actions, the bolt sparked as it became fully charged. “No…”
Chrysalis let the magic drain back into her body. “No, you live. This works.”
She closed her eyes tightly and reached for her transformation magic. Green flames washed over Chrysalis as she knit her wounds shut, leaving behind scars and scabbed over pockets of flesh.
The imperfections were intentional. Her mane frazzled, loosing it’s groomed shape. Dozens of small cuts split her skin as Chrysalis added them on. The missing chunk of belly fat regenerated, but fur did not return.
The flames subsided. Chrysalis smiled. With the fake wounds in place, she now looked like a Cadence who had been held captive and tortured. And when this fool wakes up and reports in, her story will make everyone believe I am the real Cadence once again.
Chrysalis reached out with her telekinesis and ripped the radio and earpiece from Lemon’s corpse. It was but the work of a moment for her to slip the earpiece on her ear and pin the radio to her collar.
As soon as the device was in place, Chrysalis pressed down on the button. “Hello, Cadence. You had a nice little run, didn’t you? It’s over now. They know the me in the Palace for the last week wasn’t really me. Everypony, I, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, authorize you to shoot the impostor on sight. I can take a spellbolt or two. A bug can’t.”
Chrysalis began to jog for the armory, limping along on her intentionally injured left foreleg. The plan’s not in shambles yet. I can salvage this. I just need to get the spare key…
Princess Celestia - 5/16/2018
The Royal Library, The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Princess Celestia had run out of the hall the minute the party started. It was such a clear and obvious distraction that she knew deep down in her heart that at least one other major operation must be going down.
In her mind, the Changelings must have fully or partially breached Shining’s shield. A strike team was on the way. She knew Chrysalis would have two goals. First, capture her. Second, replace her.
Celestia had spent millennia transforming Equestria from a nation of many tribes to a singular unified people who would happily die so their neighbor could live. She had accomplished this by turning herself into an object of such adoration her little ponies couldn’t help but use her as their first and foremost role model.
She had carefully tailored her image to that of somepony who was almost but not quite a goddess. The pinnacle of mortal existence. Something anypony who tried incredibly hard could be.
Of course that was a lie. Not everypony could reach the heights she had. It was a good lie though, the relative peace and prosperity her nation knew as a result of her lie was proof of that.
Celestia’s hooves thudded against the palace halls as she galloped through the stone corridors. Normally she could have teleported anywhere she pleased. The wards she had erected over the place prevented that. Nopony with less power than herself would be teleporting anywhere in Canterlot till she lifted the wards.
Celestia had just come from the armory. She knew Chrysalis wasn’t stupid enough to attack before having a way to take her out of the picture. Since Luna hadn’t answered her calls, Tia knew that her sister had likely been disposed of already.
Celestia also had a vague feeling that Cadence had already been replaced, but since she couldn’t remember who told her or when, she chalked the notion up to paranoia.
If Celestia was replaced, the adoration of an entire nation would feed Chrysalis, making her far too strong for any conventional weapon to defeat. Worse still, it could potentially make her truly immortal.
Ancient armor clinked and clattered as Celestia ran down the hall. She had donned the suit hastily, and without fresh experience. The golden full plate armor was nearly as magically elaborate as it was physically beautiful. As far as Celestia knew, Chrysalis had never seen it. Or at least, what the alabaster alicorn was capable of when in the skin-tight magical armor.
Celestia grit her teeth, resisting the burning feeling in her legs. It had been years since she ran anywhere. Flight and teleportation had replaced her running almost entirely. I need to get to the library...
The Library had two things Celestia needed before holding up in her throne room. First, her sword. The solar blade could cut through any ward, burn through any armor, and had not once failed her. Second, Twilight was in the library.
Celestia’s horn shimmered as she telekinetically carried the Elements of Harmony in their box. Merely making a stand to save herself wasn’t enough. Somepony had to protect the city.
The carved oak double doors leading to the library at last came into Celestia’s view. She turned, her hooves skidding on the floor in her haste. A heartbeat later, Celestia barged through the library doors. The great slabs of oak boomed as they struck the walls, sending a wave of dust up from the more ancient books and shelves which filled the massive room.
Celestia turned her head, looking this way and that. The spell which allowed her to find people she knew when they were in the palace had never been too precise. It said Twilight was in the library. The library was a four story room with three levels and six shelves. Finding Twilight could take an hour.
Celestia had five minutes.
“Twilight!” Celestia yelled, nearly raising her voice to Royal levels.
The older, graying stallion behind the desk turned and glared at Celestia. “This is a lib —” He stopped mid word as he recognized his Princess. “Sorry-your-highness-I’m-certain-it’s-important.”
Celestia turned to ask where Twilight was, but the lavender mare suddenly appeared on the second level loft, near the ladder used to access it.
“Um, y— yes?” She asked with a worried frown stamped on her face.
Celestia spread her wings and with a mere three flaps ascended to the small reading area Twilight was in. To her surprise, Shining was standing next to Twilight. Celestia frowned. “This is a horrible time to make up, Shining. We’re under attack. You need to be at your station.
Shining cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, your majesty. I was trying to Talk Twilight into getting somewhere safe.”
Twilight smiled sheepishly. “Is it bad out there? I’ve never seen you in armor before.”
Celestia nodded. “It’s extremely bad. There is an enemy invading us right now.”
Twilight nodded twice. “So you want me to take the elements and stop it. I can do that!”
Twilight reached for the box floating next to Celestia with her telekinesis, but Celestia's golden aura held the box firmly in place. “I need to test something first, Twilight.”
Celestia briefly pictured Twilight standing as tall as she did. She charged her spell, making her horn pulse with warm-sunny-light. “Don’t worry, this won't hurt you. It’s a simple transformation spell. A test.”
Twilight nodded, her lips twisting into a frown. “Alright.”
Celestia released her sell. The magic washed over “Twilight”, and poured into her. Or rather, it poured into Quick Study.
Quick Study had not been hatched on Earth. He had been hatched here, in Equestria. In this very Library, on this very balcony. As his queen had discovered, Quick lacked his earthborn broodmates immunity to transformation magic.
“Twilight” doubled in size as the spell took hold. Celestia sighed in relief. “Thank the Sun…”
She held the Elements out to Twilight, and this time let go as they were taken from her.
“Thank you, Princess,” Twilight said with a reverent bow.
Quick Study - 5/16/2018
The Royal Library, The Palace - Canterlot, Equestria
Quick’s face twitched and warped as he took the elements from Celestia. Shining Armor’s mind had gone from passive to á͉̣̤̩̮͇͕b̗͠ s͍̼͈͔͔͉o̺͕͜l̯̦͙̖̣̫̜u̸̪̳̥̭̖t͔̮̠̥̗̥e̷͎̰͈̣̣̺l͚̣̮͙͓̲͖ y҉̙͈ ̬l̫̹̥͍̳̦̪͞i̱͚̞̱̭̭̹v̗̼͔͈͓̬͡ i̙̟̤̼d̛ the very second he had taken the box from Celestia. Quick understood why, and was immensely grateful he could offload the mental strain onto every other one of his bodies, allowing Twilight to act normally as she took the box from her mentor.
“I’ll get everypony together as soon as possible!” Quick promised as he tucked the Elements of Harmony into Twilight’s saddlebags.
Shining demanded, his mental attacks intensifying further.
Quick felt one of his bodies collapse as Shining overtaxed it. Two floors below, in the servant's kitchen, six cooks began to panic as a young mare fell face-first into a lit oven.
Quick mentally growled.
“Excellent! The six of you must stand between the city and anything seeking to harm it. I do mean anything. We are dealing with shapechangers.”
Twilight nodded twice. “I understand… Um, will you put me back to normal, please?”
Celestia frowned. “I can’t afford to waste any more magic. Don’t you know how to shrink a pony?”
Quick as a matter of fact, did not. He grinned sheepishly. “I uh… I only learned how to make somepony bigger. I completely forgot to learn a shrinking spell while studying growth magic.”
Shining punched at the walls around his mind.
Celestia nodded. “I understand… I’ll restore your height after Canterlot is safe. Good luck, Twilight.”
Celestia turned with a flutter of her wings, banking to the left towards the mini-museum where her sword was kept.
Quick begged, putting all of his mental might into silencing Shining’s pending warning.
Several more “ponies” collapsed around the palace. Quick felt each one of his bodies aside from Twilight drop. My Queen, how did you endure this? How much power do you have? Is it truly insurmountable, even with these?
Shining roared in silent fury as Celestia vanished and Quick held him still. He continued to lash out at the Changeling's diminished hold. Quick could feel minor blood vessels in his eyes begin to pop under the strain.
Shining pressed even harder. Quick staggered, unused to walking in an alicorn-sized body he stumbled dizzily towards the ladder, and the thirty-meter drop to the floor. “Please, stop… I'm not going to give them… Please… stop… you saw what she’s… like…”
Shining eased up only slightly.
Quick lay down on his belly, so he wouldn’t lose balance and fall over the railing. “She… almost… killed me… you fool!” He gasped. “Wasn’t the first time. Many of us… follow… fear… The hive as one couldn’t… couldn’t… stop her… She kills us… Sometimes… Disobedience. Mistakes. She’s… she’s… Elements… Twilight. As Twilight, I can… Escape.”
Shining mentally rolled his eyes.
“Don’t trust her… Can’t trust her… you don’t know what happened… back then…” Quick took a deep breath. “I’m also… Chrysalis's first drone. I’m a Dark Wizard. I specialize in Dark Magic. I love it. It’s a challenge I was made for. Celestia would kill me for that alone.”
Shining paused.
“Couldn’t… She was going to win. I want to be free, but I want to live too. I was behind my Queen’s plans until just now, Shining. Her plans are in disarray, but she’ll come up with something. But now… Now I have the Elements of Harmony. I have them. Not Celestia, not Chrysalis, not Twilight, me. Quick Study. I can give them to the Elements in exchange for amnesty, and save the day.”
Shining mulled that over for a while. The idea was fairly solid, and Quick certainly sounded sincere. However…
Quick’s ears drooped. “Because of the mind control?”
“I could stop it, if you promise not to sound the alarm. My chief goal is to live.”
Quick smiled faintly. “Ahh, an excellent observation, Shining. I have more goals than mere survival. Living is my immediate goal. I wish to survive this battle, after that… I do not know. Perhaps I will find a small pony community and make a life for myself there.
“I am not the only changeling who has plotted to escape, Shining. Roughly an eighth of the swarm would leave if they could. I would have jointed their conspiracy, but as my Queen’s chief researcher I am too close to her. Under too much observation. I would have doomed their efforts. Now… Now I have a chance. Please, Shining. Do not doom me to more servitude!”
Shining could feel sincerity in the Changeling’s words, but he couldn’t say he knew Quick well enough to tell if he were a poor liar or an excellent liar. There was also another bigger concern.
Quick shook his head firmly. “Nonsense! I know many secretes others do not. When it comes to Dark Magic, I know things even King Sombra himself never discovered. For instance, I can harness its power with total control and safety.”
Shining broke free of Quick’s control long enough to roll his eyes, though the rest of his body remain beyond his control.
“I can,” Quick insisted.
Quick chuckled, Shining’s naive attitude twards the backstabbing side of politics painted the stallion as a colt in the changeling’s eyes. “To have an ace in the hole. I was created from her love of studying magic. She’s no longer able to be as passionate about magic as I am, and so she merely rebuilt her old skill. She has not grown further, regardless of what she thinks and what I have said.
“I, on the other hoof, learned new things on Earth. It has magic, Shining.”
Shining snorted. An audible snort. Quick knew his time was running out. He had to convince the stallion he was telling the truth before Shining broke free and put a plasma bolt between his eyes.
Quick relaxed as much as he could without freeing his enemy. His lightened mental state allowed him to send a few of his memories down the control link to the pony. Shining froze as the images hit him. Humans, not in the public eye, but in the remote places of the world. The occasional spark of golden light. Small things working when they shouldn’t.
Anomalies occurring deep in the heart of cities, not in homes but in alleyways. Homeless people living when they should have frozen to death. Never knowing a spark of magic had preserved their wretched lives another day.
A Navajo skinwalker who had seen Quick for what he was. Whom he had traded a few equestrian spells for a book on her magic.
“Do you see, Shining? Their magic comes not from within, their magic comes from the arcane field which permeates the universe. They have no magic, but sometimes, almost never, they can take just a little magic from the world around them and accomplish something small. Then, there are those extremely rare humans with power approaching a crippled unicorn foal. Most of them never learn to harness their power, and merely go through life being extremely fortunate.
“Now, that skinwalker, she knew something real. Something no pony had ever even imagined. Her people were on the path to discovering true sorcery before they were the subject of genocide, and the trick she gave me came from the shaman who lived in those times. That knowledge has allowed me to fully control the darkness. Stop fighting me, promise not to call a warning, and I will show you.
“I will show you, and by showing you, I shall prove my allegiance to ponies. After which, I will release you.”
Shining’s mind burned with a thousand suspicions and a million questions. In the end, he chose one.
“You can feel my bodies through our link, yes?”
Shining forced himself to nod. The exertion squeezed sweat out of his brow.
Quick nodded and closed his eyes. “Please… relax a minute. If you keep stressing my mind the technique will fail and I will most likely destroy a significant chunk of the palace.”
Shining debated for a moment then stopped struggling, choosing to gather his strength for one last push. His stomach churned as the Changeling’s horn began to glow with purple and green light. Quick still wore his sister’s form, and seeing his sister as a giant wielding Dark Magic was unnerving enough as is.
The fact that behind those eyes was a Changeling who had been puppeting his body for a week made the issue only slightly less terrifying.
Quick finished charging his spell. Shining began to flinch as he believed the Changeling was about to cast it. That didn’t happen. Instead, the Changeling paused, his eyes glowing bright green, wisps of eldritch smoke leaked from his tear ducts as purple and green lightning danced around his horn.
Quick began to chant softly. The words were mere whispers, Shining couldn’t hear them, but Quick knew them by heart.
“Klaatu Varata Nikto.”
The eldritch lighting around the changeling’s horn jumped at the words. Shining’s eyes widened in shock as he saw the magic for just an instant flicker into a stable aura before returning to chaos.
“Klaatu Varata Nikto,” Quick repeated, louder and more clearly, calling out to the void.
The void called back. The eldritch energy around the changeling’s horn flickered again, blinking like the fluttering flames of a candle in the wind.
Klaatu Varata Nikto!” Quick called, as if trying to get a friend's attention from across a crowded room.
The Dark Magic around his horn stabilized. A simple green glow emanating from his horn with streaks of purple light wrapping around it. The glow in his eyes vanished, through the smoke remained.
Quick held onto his spell. “See? I am in full control. Each time I perform this chant, it takes less repetition. One day I shall cast the Dark as easily as I cast the Light.”
Shining admitted as Quick’s focus on his spell allowed Shining to regain near-full control. “But how does that prove your loyalty?”
“Well, for starters, you know the words. You simply yell them, and the universe listens. I do not fully understand why this works, but it does work… I believe there is a power beyond my understanding which wishes for the Dark to be used in this stable form. Perhaps I called its name. Regardless, I can prove myself to you now.”
“Better do it. There’s one thread left,” Shining warned.
Quick nodded and released his spell. Shining jumped in alarm as he felt Quick die many times over. The fragments of his mind slid along invisible threads, pulling themselves into the body standing before Shining.
The Dark Magic glow around Quick intensified. “I̼̫͙ ̯͇̙r̯̟͚̩̹͎͉͞e͚̘̬͉̯̖̬n̪͟o̕ṳ̘n͍͢ͅc̤̻̪͕͓͠e̫͈͔͚͠ ͖̗̰͠m̤̘y͇̙ ҉̯̪h̕e͕̜͍̭͟ŕ͇̗̺i̷͖͚̠ț̙͕̮a̶̙̜̦g̶e̯͖͡ͅ!̟̗” The changeling declared, his voice garbled by the dark power as it burned away the traces of Changeling magic left in his body.
The balcony shook as the spell concluded. Quick smiled softly. “There we are… I’m a pony now. How’s that for a loyalty demonstration?”
Shining blinked. “You locked yourself in that body and killed the other ones?”
Quick nodded. “Correct.”
“In that body.”
“Yes,” Quick nodded. “Why do you—”
The exchangeling’s eyes went wide with fright. “OH, BUCK!”
Shining facehooved. “I’d have let you shapechange into something else if you told me what you were going to do, you idiot!”
Quick stood up and bit his lip. “I— I’ll fix this! I can use transformation magic on myself like a normal pony wuo— No, that won't work, I just used Dark magic to lock my form permanently.”
Shining smirked as schadenfreude filled him to the brim. “Sooo, you’re stuck as a tall version of my sister. Forever. And you’re a guy. Who hates purple.”
Quick slammed his head against the banister, nearly cracking his horn. “SON OF A BLUE WAFFLE INFECTED WHORE!”
The Librarian’s voice called faintly from the desk below. “Did someone use a piece of ham as a bookmark again, Twilight?”
Quick took a deep breath. The ex-changeling genuinely hated breaking the library rules. “No. Sorry. It’s a personal problem.”
Shining shook his head, trying not to laugh. “Okay, so, you’ve paid a bit of a price… I’ll trust you a little. We know that Twilight won't be in the palace. We know she escaped… I can think of four places she could be. I’ll help you find her, but I hold onto the Elements.”
Quick bit his lip in thought then reluctantly nodded and took off his saddlebags and set them on Shining’s back. “You will return them, so I may present them, or I swear to you with my last breath I will lock you in your sister’s form too!”
Shining winced. “Deal… That’s a scary one to be in.”
The two quickly left the library, ignoring the confused stares of the Librarian, who had to believe Twilight accidentally made herself a meter taller. Once in the hallway, Shining took the lead. They turned south, moving towards the reception hall.
Shining knew that the party he could hear from here would be total chaos, and nopony would notice a few ponies slipping out over the wall if they used a wall near to the party, but not adjacent to it.
Shining took them down some of the lesser used hallways, knowing full well that Special Agents would be monitoring the main through ways to the palace’s critical areas, but the back routes and servant passages should be mostly clear. Clear enough for him to be able to use his face and non-changling status to talk his way past any guards.
“We’re almost there,” Shining said to Quick as the two walked past a slightly ajar door. “Once in the atrium, we can go out the window and slip over the wall.”
Quick smiled gratefully. “Thank you for your help. I wouldn’t have thought to take this ro—”
The wooden door exploded in a flash of fire and cloud of splinters. Shining and Quick were flung forward, landing flat on their bellies amid rubble and shrapnel. Smoke filled the hallway as the two staggered back to their hooves, choking for air.
Shining turned around, wishing he could create more than one shield at a time while simultaneously releasing his magic was running pretty dry and the shield over Canterlot couldn’t last much longer even if he wanted it too.
Quick turned around and charged his horn with light magic, casting an extraordinarily complex shield spell which surrounding Shining along with himself in a series of overlapping purple hexagons.
“Show yourself!” Quick demanded as he tried to glare through the smoke.
Something metallic clicked, and a large, heavy, brass object clattered to the floor. Quick frowned, glancing down in time to see a 40mm shell casing roll out of the smoke.
Hooves clicked against stone. Metal scraped on metal. A tube snapped close with a clip and a ‘thoop’. The smoke parted as Cadence stepped out from the demolished doorway.
Sunlight from the new gaping hole in the palace wall made the alicorn’s pink fur glow with divine light as she strode forward, wings flared, magic burning as she held her pulse rifle and grenade launcher at the ready. Hate burned behind her sunglasses, her leather jacket creaking as she moved, her weapons gleaming in the sunlight.
“Get away from him, you bitch!”
At that moment Shining knew two things. First, now was the worst possible time for a literal nerd boner over his wife being absurdly hot in Terminatrix cosplay while making scfi-quips during a serious situation. Second, Quick was bucked.
Quick also knew two things. First, he was bucked. Second, he deeply regretted telling Chrysalis that Carter Arvil had been a Recovery Specialist Field Agent. If he had told the truth, she may have given him something to protect himself from the former CIA assassin.
